#like there's a good chunk of my behavior that can be explained by adhd and autism

[raccoon-queer]

the bpd urge to rant about all of your problems vs. the avpd urge to never tell anyone anything ever

[toonytoodles]

Here's another round of "these would be head canons except it's canon" or "random ideas I had and wrote down and I'm posting them to keep track of all my thoughts"

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Sofia always gets a little nervous when walking up or down stairs, she's terrified to fall, unfortunately her room is upstairs, and no one knows of this fear

Pond has submechanaphobia (the fear of underwater objects)

Ponds younger sibling Brook has "nicknames" for her and her friends.

"Pon," "Avey," "Memma," "Fia," "Cememine," and the calls both the twins "Anby-n-Anby"

Pond can size shift in a way, being able to be small enough to fit in a glass, or be as big as a lake, she can change her size shape and form under the right conditions, but prefers not to

Andie doesn't swim- it's not that she doesn't know how, she just doesn't like getting wet, and she doesn't like swimsuits

Avery gets bored and thinks about random stuff a lot

The twins have done that cat nose boop to their friends, they were all touched by the sentiment, except for Avery who had to have it explained to her, then she happy-cried about it

Andie and Andy snuggle like actual cats do, often purring as they sleep

Andie is the older and more assertive twin

Every time Andie gets deadnamed Emma looms over the person with an angry look and just says "Her name is Andie." In a dead serious tone. It doesn't happen as often anymore, but I like to think after they run in terror, Emma checks to see if Andie is okay, then needs to be reassured that she's not actually that scary

Sometimes the others can't understand Avery due to her accent, to everyone else it's kinda funny, (though Emma does try REALLY hard to understand), but Avery gets kinda mad, especially if it's important or if she's already upset. Shes especially hard to understand if she's upset/panicking, it kind of sounds like gibberish at that point. That's usually when she gets pancaked by Em.

When Emma first met Sofia she PANICKED cause she had no idea what a dullahan was. Emma just started screaming and panicking, until Clementine and Avery calmed her down and slowly explained that she was fine, that she's supposed to have her head off. Emma didn't completely get it at first, but she's slowly adjusted to it and she understands it now, but then she was so scared. She's really really embarrassed by it, and feels bad about it, and Sofia was scared of her too, so it was just really awkward at first. They're cool now, but at first they wanted to run away from each other upon seeing the other

Avery doesn't like jewelry- it's too much sensory wise, she doesn't like the feel of rings, bracelets, or necklaces, and she can't wear earrings, they won't pierce through her scales

Avery absent mindedly lays on her stomach and is always wearing something that covers her stomach- she doesn't realize it, but it's a survival instinct, as her stomach is one of her biggest weak points. She's almost physically incapable of lying on her back, she can only do it when she's in a safe calm environment where she feels she can't be hurt. But again, this all happens subconsciously, she doesn't notice that she's doing it. Her other huge weak point is her tail, it's important to her balance, and it's directly connected to her spine, so should anything happen to her tail, it could be life or death. This one she is aware of, but there are other reasons she doesn't like people touching her tail in addition to the danger it puts her in. It's uncomfortable for her, it's hers and it's weird to her if you touch it. It's uncomfortable on a couple of levels, it feels uncomfortable and is literally uncomfortable, leave her tail alone. The only exception to this is Emma, and only because it can't always be helped, she might touch her tail some when she sits on her hand. But Emma tries to touch is as little as possible, as she knows how bad it bothers her. (also Avery can lay on her back in Emma's pocket)

Sapphire has a Scottish accent- that's where Avery got it from

Emma and Avery do eventually become a couple, they're just anxious and beat around the bush about it for a while. They're too nervous to tell each other, they're worried about rejection, ruining their friendship, and being good enough for the other. Once they're dating it doesn't change much, except they do call hanging out with each other dates and occasionally do couple things (and Avery does kiss her at one point, which Emma gets all flustered about)

Andie and Andy are identical twins

Andies enchanted flute can implant suggestions into people's minds, and she has the ability to talk to/understand feral animals, this is all she can do because she doesn't want to put in the effort to learning more, and 90% of the time she forgets she can do either

They all have a favorite ice cream flavor!

Avery - Moon berry ice cream with chunks of hot pepper and hot fudge on top

Emma - Chocolate with fudge chunks and chocolate syrup on top

Sofia - Vanilla

Clementine - Coffee flavored ice cream with chocolate syrup and marshmallows

Andie - Neapolitan, preferably in a sundae

Andy - Strawberry with strawberry syrup and when possible, strawberries on top

Andie is secretly scared of balloons

Emma's shoes are slip ons

Andie gets vocal training to sound more feminine, Andy pays for the classes out of his allowance

Emma's house has small platforms and walkways for beans. One of these elevated walk ways leads into Emma's room, where there's a small cubby hole that's a make shift room for beans. Emma set it up for Avery to give her some space when she comes over, she has a big family, and everyone in the family is big, and they all want Averys attention- it can be a bit much. When Avery is in the small room she's officially off limits, with Emma being close by to ward off her siblings. Emma worries about her small friends safety, and sanity, and tries to make accommodations for her, both with her size and her needs.

Averys stims/ticks are: Hand flapping, tail wagging, she has a pressure stim that helps her calm down, her feet claws dig at the ground absent mindedly, her leg bounces when she sits, she pulls on her hair, ocassionally grunts and/or whines, will scream at the top of her lungs when she's pushed past her limit, and rarely, but sometimes she randomly twitches/flinches, and hates when people point it out, like, she's not spasming on purpose, you don't have to be a jerk about it... Emma doesn't stand for it either, so people will shut up about it quickly. Avery doesn't have anything diagnosed, but it's very possible that she has adhd, a sensory processing disorder, an anxiety disorder, and/or is somewhere on the spectrum. I'm not going to officially diagnose her with anything, most of these things are based off myself, and I feel that they also apply to her. These seem very in character, Avery is impulsive, can't sit still, does things without thinking/ not realizing she's doing it, she can't stand certain feelings/sensations/ textures/ tastes, etc., she panics kind of easily, and it escalates quickly, she has several stims/ticks that she uses for basically every emotion, she likes to enclose herself in comfortable small spaces, she has certain people she goes to for comfort, this is all canon already, I've discussed most of it before, I just thought I'd try to list it all out for my own reference

In Averys particular subspecies, there's no way to tell what the sex of the draconic is before it hatches. Her parents debated on a while about various male/female names, but they didn't want to keep referring to the egg as "the egg," or "the baby," as they didn't just think of the egg as an object, so they decided wanted on a gender neutral name for the egg so it could work for either, eventually deciding on Avery

Emma has anxiety about accidentally hurting her small friends, sometimes causing nightmares and makes her want to distance herself from them

Emma doesn't like being upside down (she learned this when she accidentally shrunk herself down to borrower size and Avery accidentally picked her up upside down in a panic)

After buying new clothes, Sofia often sets her head on her bed then does a small fashion show to see how it looks on her- she finds it's one of the few benefits of being a dullahan

Clementine LOVES mind puzzles and being able to problem solve, anything that poses a challenge excites her

Sofia often carries her pet snake on her shoulders, wearing her ball python as a boa

Avery loves sour candy, Emma prefers chocolate, Clementine likes m&ms and small candies that can be eaten while studying, also she considers grass and raisins a candy, something that is a debate amongst her friends, Sofia likes gummies, Andie likes candy bars, and Andy likes hard candies, Pond doesn't eat, so she can't eat candy, but would absolutely love chocolate covered almonds if she could taste them

Pond can do impressions- she often likes to mimic Avery and Andie because she finds accents funny, for some reason? She doesn't really know what it is about them, she just finds them hilarious

Emma is determined to find a way to hug Pond, she will hug water, she'll figure it out someday...

Out of all their friends, Emma only trusts herself to help Avery when she really needs it. It's not that she doesn't trust anyone else, it's just that, well, she doesn't think her friends can handle it. Emma's little brother Aaron has a lot of the same struggles as Avery, so Emma's a little more knowledgeable and understanding than the others. Not to say that the others aren't understanding, but they're often confused or flustered or even scared of Averys behavior sometimes, whereas Emma sees her struggling and attempts to help. The others can't do much most of the time, whereas Emma can help her out by giving her a small squish to help her decompress, put her in her pocket when she needs to be alone, she's scared, upset, tired, etc.,and knows how to talk to her to help her calm down, and she's good at figuring out what it is that she needs/wants when she gets too elevated and is panicking and/or shutting down

[thedapperrabbit]

She-Ra Rewatch: season 3 and onwards through season 4, and boatloads of Introspection time!

So Ive been rewatching She-Ra with my partner, because sharing Entrapdak is caring. I could probably squee on about that for a century or more (because eeee, sharing things i love with people i love AND THEY EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO THE THINGS AND REMEMBER THEM!)...but ill spare you, kind internet strangers who for some reason find my thoughts mildly interesting enough to be reading this. This is going to be a lot. Like, a LOT. A lot especially from a stranger that youve probably only seen a notification from due to me sticking a heart on your content or for reblogging something lovely youve made in pictures or words. I dont think anything is going to be violently trigger-y because im not always great at judging that stuff and also ive yet to feel quite comfy enough to be  fully open-posting specifics about my own past trauma, other than a vague allusion to self-harm and distant-ish unspecified abuse aaaand the usual childhood garbage truck of assholes....but i suppose you could possibly draw some darker potential conclusions from the content im focused on. Also, my ADHD makes it incredibly hard to keep to a straight and non-branching narrative so...ramble-y bits and expressions of brain frustration ahoy. Either way...you are forewarned, just in case. Sorry in advance, this is going to be a small booklet by the time Im done explaining, and thinking, and then attempting to stick words to abstract feels which sometimes im great at, and then others i fucking suck at...but at least this is all written and not me trying to say this to any of your faces! Thats....a mercy all of its own. Haa...  Anyway, while rewatching with my partner, I realized just how much more painful parts of it are to sit through now...they were the first time, and each time since, but NOW having spent a while mulling over the series as a whole a bunch, and reading a lot of other peoples writings on here and finding myself largely in agreement with most Entrapdak fan’s assessment of things, I just....feel like all the air is ripped out of me during some moments, watching  with keener insight. And despite thinking i had myself reasonably well figured out by my age, its all also made me further consider a few things about myself as well. Particularly my notable internalized fury response to chunks of it which have been consistent through all my viewings of SPOP. With Hordak at least, its way easier to understand my reactions. For me at least. Maybe not so much for the people around me. And, shittier due to intensity and subject matter, but still easier in the long run because...the broken bits in me that he resonates with are fresher and sharper and still more recent, like within the last ten years, and thus more towards the front shelves in my head, compared to things that resonate with Entrapta, which are all old, lifelong dull aches at this point. I feel like nothing i can point to is fully sufficient to fully express my feels involving Hordak. But, maybe the best representative moment is with the crying i do every damn time I see his face looking up at Prime just after he glimmer and catra were beamed up...because ive seen that face in the mirror. I HAVE MADE THAT FACE. That same. Goddamn. Face. I may not have gotten a jab to the back of the neck directly from the person I made it at...but they often seemed to silently goad me to harm myself in an attempt to jolt my brain out of getting stuck in re-looping through what theyd just done/said to me. Likewise, much of his interactions with Entrapta are very...very weirdly familiar in feeling, but in a good way. Watching the stuff with Hordak hurts because fuck me if it isnt frequently like watching myself back in 2008ish to 2013, which was the duration of the worst parts of that particular circle of hell i parked my ass in. So...that makes sense. Hes so well written in those moments, it occasionally gave me PTSD flashbacks (still does a little, but now im prepared and braced for it and can shrug it back off....thanks, lifetime of therapy and years of studying abnormal psychology! Still totally not an expert, just very passionate...just, as a disclaimer).  Entrapta though...Entrapta is a different story. Mostly, I see Entrapta and in her free expressions of delight and joy and her bouncy enthusiasm I am reminded of a younger, less discouraged me in some ways, and in others, a “me” I could have been, but...well, extremely early-onset anxiety and depression made me insanely self-conscious super-super early on...not that i was great at hiding or...i guess the term people seem comfy with is “masking”? Which was a huge problem, or so it was in the 80s when far less was understood of such things. Id do so for a bit and then would forget to, in a way (because id forget long enough to go and trust again reflexively) and would get badly bullied and would squish everything down until id feel a crumb of safety again, and then almost instantly ADHD would pop that mask right the rest of the way off aaand it would start all over again. Ad nauseam until my teen years, where the depression sort of “fixed” that, and made it much easier to destroy my desire to share much of myself freely at all, save for with one or two people, and to a less deep extent a broader circle of nerd friends. Course, then i hit 30 and ran out of the majority of fucks I used to give. Or I became so damaged and salted with anger that parts of me dont grow any fucks anymore? Either way, plowshares to swords, WHEEEE!) And, maybe thats where this time while watching, I started to really think back to all that, and to how i see Entrapta treated by the other princesses, or really just in general except by Hordak...and why it burns my biscuits so badly. Every time I see someone roll their eyes at Entrapta’s beautiful unbridled enthusiasm or try to make it seem distasteful or at least weird and unwanted and uncomfortable for them but then dont even bother to try coming to terms with why they feel that way... or how they seem to feel free to grab and manhandle her without her consent, or the way they try to lessen her contributions because shes non-normative? Like its the fucking least she can do to make up for being weird in their space (...okay, that might just be the anger kicking in..but i dont feel like its an entirely innacurate assessment, is it?)  All of that...seeing it inflicted upon someone, It feels like someones punched me right in the damn sternum, but because its a hurt that im so desensitized to, it seems to have a much different effect than the sharp, violent crushing pain that i feel when I relate to Hordak a little too well for comfort. Again, i could go on, but its nothing more eloquent people on here havent already spoken volumes on. And my first gut reaction is always “I dont understand! why is that their reaction to her?! it doesnt seem logical at all, i dont seem to be able to parse it correctly, how is this acceptable? I HOPE SHE IMMOLATES YOU ALL.”. Which...I suppose isnt entirely usual for me (the silent wishing that people be immolated, I mean...i blame my past years of working in retail. And devouring too much Warhammer 40k contentl).  (oh gods...and this is going to be the most clusterfucky part cause i can feel my meds kicking in and thats gonna be hard to keep coherence on but i gotta get this all out of my head or ill forget it or get too scared of you fucking BRILLIANT insightful smart people on here and then ill continue to live scared and regretful that i never said..anything, and just sat here like “noticeme, entrapdak sempais!”  Ehhn...which is to say, if this is a garbage dump from here down, dont worry, when i wake up ill fix it...but hopefully itll at least make a tiny bit of sense ) But I realized something...something I hadnt ever rememberd much about due to the shitty neuronormative (apology if thats wrong term) behaviors continuing over years and years but in less and less directly aggressive ways as i grew older and was more prone to losing my shit in , (and likely because I got excessively lucky and managed through...uhhh...agonizing determination? Sheer stubbornness? Alleviatory rebalancing of universal karma? fuck if i know --to  curate a surprisingly supportive circle of other castoffs and misanthropes.) That was exactly how people used to treat me.  OKAY THISLL BE EDITED LATER to add in the rest of what i was gonna say...im...too full of Ambien sleep meds and damn write it anymore...and im aing trouble separating realigty and dream...an i k apawing at the kybord...not safe Lov yous for reading this far. Il fix it later, swears.