#like sorry disco elysium i respect what you're doing but i am never going to play you

[thehardkandy]

i want a new game to play sooooo bad but i am sooooo picky it is making it impossible

[allonsyisabelli]

This is... Basically the thing that attracts me to Disco Elysium.

I am in a really bad place right now, no job, no education, it's mostly due to where I come from and what I want to do with my life, which is to be a doctor, and that unfortunately includes a lot of waiting, and waiting, and waiting... I keep trying everyday, because I want to get to the point where I can finally get a good education, go to a nice college, get a good job, set my life on track. But I don't live in a place where this stuff comes easy, you know? So you gotta keep trying your best every single day, and it's tiring, especially when the people you grew up with have it so much better than you do. I was never suicidal before, but one day I woke up and realized "wow, I really wouldn't care if I died right now", and this fucks me up to this day.

And that was basically when I got to Disco Elysium. So you have this fucked up guy in a fucked up world and the longer you play the more you think "wow, I feel sorry for this guy" and "God, I love Kim!". Which is all well-known, Harry is a guy past his prime who screwed everything up with alcohol and suicidal thoughts. But then you learn that his partner, who you so much respect, is also kind of screwed up. He spent forever working in Juvie until they sucked him dry, he is so deeply repressed that he doesn't even allow himself to have opinions most of the time, he is a victim of racism and war, he (most likely) lost a partner, and he wants to be seen as a Revacholian so badly while most people deny that to him. And nevermind that they work for one of the worst jobs in their universe, moneywise and stresswise.

But even though everything is so grim they can find each other, right? Even a suicidal Harry can dance, sing and talk to the city, even a repressed Kim can wear a Pissf****t jacket and play boardgames with you. And then all of a sudden they have this great miracle that happens right in front of them, something that shouldn't even exist. And by the time you meet your precinct everything is so new of opportunities, even though you messed everything up before. It's not perfect, because you are still a lackey of capital and all that, but you have the Esprit de Corps check with Captain Price, and then you have the Shivers check with the Square Bullet Hole Murderer, the city calls you to save her, and if you're lucky enough you can bring Kim or Cuno with you!

So in the last few months, whenever I am feeling down and thinking that I wasted my life over nothing, I think about Harry, if he managed to turn his life around at 44, if he's worth living, then what does that say about me, you know?

That's also what attracts me to the ship Kimharry, even though I am not the type of person who ships characters. I don't get a lot of opportunities to get to know people, and as an asexual person, I guess I don't really miss that. But at the end of the day I do want a partner in life, and sometimes I wonder if maybe the people that fit that role are already taken and I was too late, maybe now I am left to deal with the crumbs. But if two guys managed to find each other at 43 and 44, after everything they went through, maybe I still have a chance? In a few months or years, maybe I can manage to find that to myself?

The thing about disco elysium is that, you have the most pathetic miserable disgraceful human at your hand to play as and you play and try to piece him back together and you start to love him so dearly and you start to care so so much about him that it hurts every time he is humiliated or heartbroken. Because no matter how bad he has fucked up, despite all his mistakes and flaws, you want him to LIVE, you want him to live even if he is ready to die any second, and you want him to be loved. You want him to experience big tenderness. And then it gets you thinking, this man is far worse than you could ever be and you still want him to keep on living, it's only fair that you'd want that for yourself too you know? And you know the pain he is in, his heartache is soulcrushing and yet, yet you don't let him just lay down and die because you believe he can move on and find happiness. You think that's what he deserves. And if you believe Harry can do that, you have no choice but to believe the same for yourself too you know?