#like seriously this thing was STUFFED with pecans and I was like that’s gonna ruin the flavor! Pecan��. that’s a really weird word you know

[onpie]

Noodles and Tea’s work inspired me fr

[glowyjellyfish]

I had a little pre-Thanksgiving drama, and to get my mind off it I started thinking about what Thanksgiving Drama would look like in the 2017 McDuck household. And it started out just as little fun script scenes but somehow morphed into an entire fanfic that I can picture as an episode in my head. I considered making an attempt at fleshing it out into a full prose story, but... I lack both the time and the wherewithal for such things, and anyway it wouldn’t be done before Thanksgiving so what would be the point? I think the ending comes a little abruptly, but the ideas were drying up, so...

Donald: (trying really hard) Um, I know it’s been a while, but… Thanksgiving’s coming up, and… what do you usually do?

Scrooge: Oh, I don’t usually celebrate, really. I don’t see the point. Actually, now that I think about it, I do always ask Mrs. Beakley to make a few of my favorite Scottish dishes. For old times’ sake, you know. Shepherd’s pie, haggis--

Donald: WHAT??

---

Webby: I’m so excited! A real Thanksgiving dinner! I’ve never had one before! What kinds of special traditions do you guys have? Can I help?

The nephews look at each other.

Louie: You mean the tradition where we all fight over the remote, or the one where Uncle Donald gets super stressed out because he has to do everything but also won’t let anyone help with anything?

Huey: He let me set the table last year!

Louie: Only because he went outside to cool off and you set the table while he couldn’t stop you!

Huey: Maybe, but maybe this year he’ll remember how helpful that was and let me do it again!

Dewey: Look, you just forgot the golden rule of Thanksgiving: stay out of Uncle Donald’s way, let him do what he wants, and food will magically appear. Oh, and always wash your hands thoroughly. That one got us into trouble a couple years ago.

Louie: (laughing) Oh yeah, but it was worth it! We actually made him think he was dead! That was amazing!

Dewey joins in laughing, fondly reminiscing. Webby looks at Huey uncertainly.

Webby: Is that a… normal Thanksgiving tradition?

Huey shakes his head, stonefaced.

---

Launchpad: Wow, a real Thanksgiving dinner! That sounds great for you guys! It’s been a long time since I had one.

Webby: What do you mean? Don’t you go home to your family over the holidays?

Launchpad: No, no, I was pretty young when I left and, you know, I can’t really face my parents and I can never go back. So… no.

Webby: Oh. Well, why don’t you join us? I’m sure there’s room!

Launchpad: (tears in eyes) Really???

Webby: Sure! It’s Thanksgiving! The more the merrier!

Launchpad: Yes!! Oh, this is gonna be so great, I gotta hit up the stores before they run out of pie!

---

Dewey: Wait, you didn’t invite Launchpad, did you?

Webby: Yeah-- was that wrong?

Louie: Uhh, we’re never allowed to bring friends to Thanksgiving. It’s strictly a family thing.

Webby: But it’s Launchpad, he’s... practically family?

The boys are skeptical.

Webby: Come on, he didn’t have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving dinner, and he was so excited about coming! I’m sure it will be fine.

Dewey: Okay, but you invited him, you’re the one who has to tell Uncle Donald, got it?

Webby: Oh, because of the amount of food, right? I’m sure it won’t be a problem, he said he was going to buy pie!

The boys look horrified.

Huey: ...storebought pie??

---

Donald: GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!

Beakley: It’s MY kitchen, Donald! We had an agreement!

Donald: And you’re not holding up your end!

Beakley: I KNOW how to make mashed potatoes, Donald! It’s hardly rocket science.

Donald: YOU’RE MAKING THEM WRONG!! Louie won’t eat the skins and Huey hates lumps!

Beakley: We don’t need two kinds of potatoes any more than we need two whole turkeys! Is this what you always do?

Donald: You try telling the boys that one of them has to go without a drumstick!

Beakley: One turkey is more than enough, even for eight people!

Donald freezes for a moment.

Donald: ...EIGHT people??

---

Launchpad bursts in the front door, super excited, with six pies and a giant bag of stuffing. The boys are there to see him and are horrified.

Louie: Six… six store bought pies? Why would anyone--

Huey plasters on a grin and steps forward.

Huey: (loudly and brightly) Hi, Launchpad! So glad you could make it! Wh--what what kinds of pies you got there?

Launchpad: I was only going to buy two, but they all looked so good! I got… two pumpkin pies, chocolate mousse, chocolate pecan, blackberry, and apple! Hope you guys are hungry!

The boys continue to be horrified.

Dewey: (quietly) but uncle donald’s pumpkin pie is perfect, who eats store bought pie?

Huey: (loudly) Sounds great! And… the stuffing?

Launchpad: I’ve never had stuffing before and I got kinda stoked.

Huey: Okay, cool! We already have stuffing, I mean our turkeys are already stuffed, but we can probably pop that in the oven and make it nice and crunchy, at least--

Launchpad: Awesome! I’m gonna go put these babies in the kitchen where they belong!

Huey: Wait!

Launchpad blithely marches into the kitchen with his armload of goodies, and things go terribly quiet in there. The boys watch in horrified anticipation. A moment later, Donald storms out of the kitchen, furious and barely containing himself. He throws his apron on the floor and stomps off to the front door.

Donald: I’M GOING OUT FOR SOME AIR.

Huey: Wait, Uncle Donald!

Donald: NO.

He goes outside and slams the door behind him, leaving Huey torn between wanting to fix everything RIGHT NOW and knowing that the best method is to leave him alone for a while AND knowing dinner will probably be ruined if left alone. Dewey and Louie look at each other and race into the kitchen, with Huey a little bit behind.

---

The kitchen is chaos, but that’s fairly normal when Donald cooks. Mrs. Beakley is frantically hunting down enough clean pans for Launchpad’s stuffing, pots on the stove are starting to boil over, and the oven’s alarm is beeping. Launchpad is standing just barely out of the way, looking distraught.

Launchpad: What did I do wrong?

Beakley: It wasn’t your fault, Launchpad. Boys! See to the potatoes, will you?

Huey and Louie rush over to the stove; Huey turns down the burners while Louie grabs a spoon and takes the opportunity to drool over the food, but he picked the wrong pot.

Louie: Uh, I think you guys forgot to peel the potatoes--

Beakley: Those are smashed potatoes. You leave the skin on. They’re much easier to make, but the plain kind are in the other pot. Your uncle insisted on making them.

Louie checks the other pot and is relieved.

Louie: Whew! Got worried for a minute there!

Dewey: Hey, what about my baked potato? Cause--

Beakley: Seriously? Is this what you do every year?

Dewey: Uh, yeah! That way, everyone gets what they want!

Louie: Yeah, you get to make your weird potatoes, don’t judge us.

Beakley: I’m not judging--I was only trying to show Donald--oh, never mind, the vegetables will be done roasting in a moment, we need to have the stuffing ready to go--

On cue, Huey pulls the slightly singed roasted vegetables out of the oven and puts them on the counter.

Huey: Vegetables are ready! Although I noticed we are way behind schedule on prepping the salad, we are three cans of whipped cream short, and I don’t see any cranberry sauce anywhere! Someone’s going to have to go to the store.

Beakley: It’s too late, we’ll just have to--

Launchpad: Cranberry sauce and whipped cream! I’m on it! Anything to help!

He charges out of the room before Beakley can stop him.

Beakley: Launchpad, don’t bother--ugh. ...So why do we need a salad in addition to the vegetables?

Louie: Huey hates the texture of cooked vegetables.

Beakley: You boys do realize that you’ve been making your uncle prepare enough Thanksgiving for a dozen people all these years, don’t you?

Huey: Oh…

Louie: Yeah, but that just means more leftovers!

Beakley sighs and pinches the bridge of her beak.

Beakley: Alright, here’s what we’re going to do.

---

Webby peeks her head in the kitchen tentatively.

Webby: What’s going on? I just washed my hands again to be safe, and when I got back I couldn’t find anyone. I thought no one was allowed in the kitchen? Where’s Donald?

Dewey races past the door with a pan of stuffing held above his head.

Dewey: Outside! Getting air!

Huey is washing dishes, with his eyes glued to a hastily-written schedule he taped above the sink.

Huey: We’re making sure everything will be running smoothly when he gets back! Dewey, make sure to turn the oven down when you put the pies in!

Dewey: Got it!

Louie is very carefully arranging a basket of rolls.

Louie: He’s totally gonna still be mad, but at least dinner will be ready and not, like, burned and gross.

Huey: No, Louie, it’s going to be PERFECT and he will be DELIGHTED, okay? We all agreed this would fix everything!

Webby: (slightly skeptical) Wow, okay um, sounds like a good plan! How can I help?

Beakley looks up from where she is tossing the salad.

Beakley: You can set the table, darling. Go fetch the formal dining set from the china hutch in the parlor.

Webby gets determined.

Webby: I’m on it!

---

Outside the front gate of McDuck Manor, Launchpad screeches to a halt in the limo, parking perpendicular to the road, and leaps out of the car with three bags of whipped cream and cranberry sauce, nearly barreling over Donald.

Donald: Watch it!

Launchpad: (out of breath) Sorry didn’t see you there! Had to go all the way to St. Canard before I found any cranberry sauce! Why are you outside?

Donald: (frustrated) I went for a walk to clear my head and I got locked out! This is a disaster!

Launchpad helpfully pushes the intercom button; no one answers.

Donald: No one’s answering, I’ve been pushing that for twenty minutes! Dinner’s going to be ruined and it’s my fault!

Launchpad: I thought it was my fault?

Donald: ...yeah, sorry. Thanksgiving is a very stressful day for me, and… look, it took years to find a recipe for pumpkin pie that we all like. We don’t need any backup pies. I can handle it.

Launchpad: Okay, but you can never have too much pie.

Donald wearily pushes the button again. This time, it crackles!

Scrooge: Where is everyone--yes, what do you want?

Donald: Uncle Scrooge, it’s me! We got locked out!

Launchpad: I got cranberry sauce!

Scrooge: why is Launchpad--oh, whatever.

He buzzes them in; Donald and Launchpad both race frantically for the kitchen. Scrooge suspiciously follows at a more leisurely pace.

---

The kitchen and dining room are a choreographed whirlwind of activity, with Webby and the boys placing dishes rapidly and barely avoiding ramming into each other. There are two turkeys, three kinds of potatoes, five pans of stuffing, a small mountain of roasted vegetables AND a salad, two baskets of rolls, a sweet potato casserole, haggis, and the whole kitchen smells like pie. Mrs. Beakley is stirring up the gravy when Launchpad bursts in with his groceries.

Launchpad: CRANBERRY SAUCE!

Beakley: Well done, Launchpad. Why don’t you grab a bowl and a can opener and get that ready quickly? No, the can opener’s over there--over there, third drawer on the left. Left, I said.

Donald: What’s going on?

Dewey: We finished making dinner for you. Because we’re awesome.

Donald: But--

Huey: I never realized just how much work you put into this! But you really don’t have to do it all yourself anymore.

Donald: I just try to make everything perfect for you boys!

Louie: And we appreciate that… now. But you can ask for help, you know, we might complain about it but it’s actually kinda fun? And nobody wants you to have to do all the work. Besides, you got Team Thanksgiving now!

Webby and the boys: TEAM THANKSGIVING!

Donald: Well… I don’t know what to say. It looks like you did a wonderful job.

Beakley sets the gravy on the table, and invitingly pulls out a chair for him.

Beakley: You might consider saying “thank you”.

Donald: Thank you, everyone. Happy thanksgiving!

Scrooge: …happy what now?

...because nobody actually consulted him about this Thanksgiving dinner in all the chaos. It’s fine though. Scrooge enjoys his haggis and convinces Dewey to try a bite (no one else will, though); Launchpad discovers that he loves stuffing and eats two pans all by himself, Louie accidentally takes a scoop of the wrong kind of potatoes and is disgruntled to learn that they are delicious. Each of the boys and Webby get a drumstick, and they mock-swordfight a little bit; Launchpad eats all four wings. Everybody tries every different kind of pie, with varied results, but they all agree that Donald’s homemade pumpkin pie is the best pie; there are no surviving pieces for anyone to eat later.