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manicpixiedreamjew · 6 years

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ok i rewrote and revised my letter! let me know what you think

2/9/19

Rabbi Randy,

As our Into class comes to an end, a lot has been on my mind. My spirituality, my values; how my perception of the world has changed as I solidify my Jewish identity, especially as a young woman. I spent a few hours poring over journal entries dating back all the way to 2016 this Shabbat, and a consistent theme stood out in all of them: an overwhelming, genuine urge to live an authentic Jewish life. I read, thrown back into the innocent curiosity, the puppy love, the childlike fascination with Jews and Judaism that began with a book. The Chosen, the very first Jewish book I read, and I’m sure I’ve told you this story before; I’ll spare the details.

Anyway, those first inklings of interest, say, early 2016, were academic. I was a vehement atheist born to a family of atheists. Then again, who has a nuanced understanding of religion and people-hood at sixteen? My atheism was an obstinate, cynical world view triggered by traumatic experiences with Christianity. When I picked up The Chosen, though...I was slapped right across the face. Judaism was the first thing that challenged my philosophies; it forced me into an entirely foreign universe I never thought I’d know, need or understand. It taught me empathy foremost, in those early days...studying Judaism exhorted me to bear the burden of others, to feed the hungry (a MAZON seminar comes to mind), comfort the weary. Looking at my journal, an entry dated 3/3/17 elaborates on the effects of antisemitism in America, and next to that a newspaper cut out of a Magen David. It wasn’t quite personal then, but it was something I wouldn’t have looked twice at a few years earlier. It disturbed me deeply.

Then, mid-late 2017. The journal entries shifted, as you’d expect; I’d been exhaustively involved in reading and researching by then. I see a lovingly inscribed entry detailing, religiously, my first Kabbalat Shabbat at CRC. 7/1/17. The smells, the melodies, my friends, the birthday celebration of two elderly men who loved baseball. “A deep, riveting admiration for something ancient and pulsing with life.” That puppy-love stage was in full effect, my love of Judaism and its personal implications blossomed over the springtime, although its fragrance wasn’t entirely sweet: I was forced to confront my identity and ask myself that looming question. Do I want to become a Jew?

That question threw me for a loop. It was an emotionally intense time. I confided to my closest friend that, although it may sound absurd, converting to Judaism was something I was interested in. I remember crying myself to sleep some nights because the decision was so massive, so heavy, so entirely suffocating for someone with no background in religion, no sense of community or family. Eventually, though, my fate did not seem so dire, and I came to my senses: I loved Judaism. I loved it, I love it. One of the first things that stood out to me and comforted me was the Jewish emphasis on family, something I never experienced. I clung to it: how someone’s always there for you; how you’re adopted into world-wide support network called the Tribe. How no matter where you travel, anywhere in the world, someone will enthusiastically invite you over for Shabbat lunch. How, because you are Jewish, you will never suffer alone.

That, then, began my serious resolve to be Jewish, do Jewish and live Jewish.

Ever since I met with you on 11/21/17 (I have an entry for that, too!), my life has been a foray into Jewishness. You told me to start observing Shabbat and Yom Tov, and I did so with vigor: I bought a chanukiah, acquired the shiniest candlesticks I could, and read every book the local library had regarding proper observances. I look back on my first few holidays and laugh now, playfully admonishing myself for my mistakes and mishaps. But that’s the fun, right? If I learned anything from this week’s Parsha (Terumah), it’s that the means are more much important than the end, the intention more meaningful than the actualization. Late 2017 to early 2018 was all that: learning, doing, experiencing, interacting, existing with a fat dose of humility. Organizing a basic Jewish vocabulary, and through Shabbat services and working with the community, pinning down what it means to live a Jewish life.

Enter 2018! This was, perhaps, the most frustrated and chaotic year on my Journey to Jewish. To start, it was my last semester of high-school. Everything, and I mean Everything, was dependent on my graduation—most saliently my own happiness and sanity. My synagogue attendance was dwindling, my ambition and motivation was all but absent. I’ve always suffered from depression and severe anxiety, but its clutch tightened horribly those first few months. I managed to attend a Kol Nidre service in early September—and, it remains one of my most beautiful and cherished memories to date. December, I know, was the hardest. Between my Catholic father making crusade jokes and my Jesus-obsessed mother spewing casual antisemitism, between unending loads of coursework and no free time, I felt my spirit literally withering. This never weakened my resolve to live Jewishly, but some days I just couldn’t bring myself to enact the values I knew I held in my heart. Some days Judaism felt like a beloved friend, and others Judaism felt like a stranger. Nevertheless I continued to live as Jewish a life I could, but even kindling the Chanukah candles felt joyless. I was like Tevye standing in the middle of the woods, anguished, as his horse refused to budge. Through all of it, though—the sadness, numbness, friction—I was never, ever, once deterred. That’s how life is sometimes. But to be a Jew, as our own Reb Tevye zealously insisted, you must have hope.

And I did. This is when Judaism became real to me, when I realized it was a part of my life and etched into my very being. If I could live Jewishly, study, be a part of my community and find solace while also dealing with these hardships, this was clearly meant to be. I’ve been using “us” and “we” pronouns for a few months now, referring to myself as Jewish even though I’ve yet to immerse in a mikveh. When our class visited the Holocaust museum, the loss and heartache I felt was profoundly intimate...a personal loss, the loss of family I never had the opportunity to know and love. I had never experienced anything like that before, and it continues to haunt me. I’ve been the target of hateful and ignorant remarks. People have glowered at my Magen David; they’ve called me names and insulted me. “Christ killer, money hoarder, dirty Jew.”

But, and I’m a bit weepy remembering this, living Jewishly (and loudly at that) is a blessing. Maybe two summers ago I catered to an older family for their son’s graduation party. An uncle approached me, blinked at my Magen David and muttered “bless you.” I was visibly shaken; I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Later in the evening the grandmother touched my shoulder and asked, “are you Jewish?” I told her I was a conversion student. She embraced me, dug out dreidels from her kitchen drawer, and told me that she was separated from her Judaism during childhood. That it was too dangerous for her to practice, that she wanted to go back to synagogue now that she was safe. I encouraged her daughter to finally have her bar mitzvah. My heart was full. Another memory I’m fond of: wishing a stranger chag Pesach sameach and Shabbat Shalom on the street. He was wearing a kippah. The smile on that man’s face was unforgettable.

Those moments, to me, were godly. Actions are a conduit of holiness; I’ve learned that over the years. To act with intent and sanctify the mundane is second nature to us. A bracha, a kind word, charity, song...everything is a vessel for godliness.

Fast forward a bit: 2019. As I grew into my adult identity, so did I into my Jewish identity. I had my 18th birthday, graduated, passed my driving test. I began to wrap my hair on Shabbat, meditate on the Sh’ma swathed in a tallit, give tzedakah. Often times I sat in the little CRC classroom and pondered on the application of my learning: how it translated into my everyday life, how it reconciled with my values as a progressive woman in today’s society...but mostly, I think, I thought about how at home I felt. I walk into CRC and immediately feel at peace; a part of a family, the member of a loving household. I walk into the sanctuary and about a dozen people are ready to greet me with big, heartfelt smiles. It melts me every single time.

Alright, I’ll quit boring you with all this schmaltz.

I’m not sure that there was one definite moment when I knew, for sure, that being Jewish was the right choice for me. In fact, to assume all that soul searching could fit into one tiny, fleeting, ephemeral moment is ridiculous...as you know from the absurd length of this letter, which is only a minute fraction of my story. Seriously, I could go on, and on, and on; but I digress. Sitting at our Sukkot celebration and dancing with all the other people, looking up through the sukkah and marveling at the hanging plants and leaves. Baking challah on Friday morning and realizing that somewhere, other Jewish women are doing the exact same thing. Feeling warm summer wind on my face, seeing fireflies flicker through the bushes and knowing that HaShem is there. Touching my siddur to the Torah for the first time and bristling, feeling as though something breathed new life into me. Group Aliyah, a guiding hand on my shoulder as we chant the brachot in clumsy unison…

Each moment (and many more, and yet more to come) reaffirmed the fact that Judaism is my home. Ruth said it more succinctly and eloquently than I ever could: Your people shall be my people, and your God shall be my God.

Randy, I never thought I’d be doing this. Ever. Looking back at the learning and growing I’ve done, reading those journals and reminiscing on my journey, I can firmly say, if you agree, I’m ready to enter this Covenant officially.

Thank you for everything, as always,

Zoë

#oops its 5 pages #save

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mikhalsarah · 4 years

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We could easily re-title this as, “6 Things Entitled Black Activists Need to Do to Completely Discredit Their Own Movements and Drive Even Other Black People Away From Them”

Afterward can just throw this on the general pile marked “Things Entitled Leftists Have Done since the Civil Rights Era to Completely Discredit Their Own Movements and Drive Even Other Leftists and Liberals Away From Them”

But with a two year hiatus to consider it, let’s unpack this, cause unfortunately covid hasn’t shut the stupid down, and now we’re trying to make Jesus black instead of Levantine, and all kinds of crazy....

1. Well, the thing about white privilege is…

Yeah, the thing about it is that most white people don’t actually get it. To them a “privilege” is something you get that nobody else gets AND nobody else is entitled to. It’s an extra, not something everyone should be getting. So mostly this whole notion and change in the meaning of the word confuses the fuck out of them.

When blacks get their human and civil rights violated just for being black, the fact that white people aren’t experiencing that (except on college campuses) is not a privilege, it’s a BASIC FUCKING HUMAN/CIVIL RIGHT which is being violated. When blacks get held to an unfair double standard, the fact that whites aren’t being held to that standard is not a privilege. It is a basic ideology (though not well-lived) of all modern western liberal thought that people should be treated with the same dignity, respect and rules, and black people are still not being uniformly afforded that. When you call that shit “privileges” you sound like a kid who’s mad cause their sibling gets to stay up and watch tv and they don’t. You completely belittle it with that word.

I happen to get the concept of Privilege just fine. I studied it way back when it was part of the Cultural Backback Theory, before a bunch of cultural Marxists subjected it to their half-baked Sokal-esque hermaneutics. My objections to what’s been done with it lately have nothing to do with “not caring” (about black people being the subtext there) but about really fucking caring about the integrity and relevance of the original theory and how it’s being denigrated by extremism and stupidity.

2. As a white woman, Rebecca, you have to understand that…

No I don’t, you’re right. I don’t need to understand anything “as a white women”.I simply need to understand it. If I understand the concept, then I will inherently understand my place or part in it. But that presumes that the concept at hand is logical, sensible, and works in practice, not just in theoretical cultural Marxist hermeneutics.

We already know that enjoying entertainments created by black people has SFA to do with whether a person is racist or not. We also know that a white person having sex with a black person does not mean they are not a racist. We’ve known this since the slavery period, so we have an area of agreement. Marrying them though? Historically we don’t find many people who marry people they think are inferior and beneath them. Strictly speaking you can have racialism and racism without the supremacy and denigration (Asians are all good at math!) but we don’t normally bother to run around decrying them as racist.

Could dear Rebecca have stray beliefs about black people that are incorrect? Yes. Everyone has incorrect ideas about other groups of people. Know what else, they even have incorrect beliefs about their own people and culture. I just had a liberal Jew tell me all the ultra-Orthodox Jews are married to their cousins and was very annoyed when I showed them the demographic data on which Jews actually do marry their cousins at high rates, cause really they just wanted to hate on the ultra-Orthodox and not be informed. Things like truth and respect only matter to most people when it’s their own group and interests they’re protecting, not when it’s somebody else’s. Since I’m self-evidently not ultra-Orthodox with all the swearing, and some of those u-O people would whip bottles and dirty diapers at my head in Israel, you can clearly see that I value the truth even about someone who views me as a dangerous moral pollutant to be expunged violently. I got the suspicion though that you’re not in that category with me

Could some of Rebecca’s incorrect beliefs have filtered down from the racist and eugenicist beliefs of yore? You betcha! She probably doesn’t know, for the same reason my best friend called herself “Hymie” in front of me because she didn’t want to spend money on something. It was something picked up from her parents, who picked it up from their parents, who picked it up from...well somewhere along the line they picked that up from when dyed-in-the-wool antisemites said shit like that. When I politely told her it comes from the Jewish name “Chaim” and was meant as an insult about being cheap like a Jew, she was horrified, as were her parents when she told them.

And why the fuck are white women being singled out here like they’re the only people still holding wrong beliefs about black people? Asian people have some of the most openly horrible racist beliefs about black people and I have yet to hear, “As an Asian woman, Wei-yi (or Sundeep, or Aisha), you have to understand...” (or change all that to man and male names). Why don’t I hear that? Because A) Some of them really don’t give a shit, and you know it, and B) Most of the Asian people immigrated relatively recently so they don’t feel guilty about slavery, and C) many came from the middle and upper classes back home and they will not put up with that illogical racist crap toward them, and have not yet been brainwashed that they should. Most white women who are liberal are so concerned with not being perceived as racist that they will tie themselves into any ridiculous intellectual knot and bend over willingly to be fucked up the ass rather than be called a racist. They are an easy target for your kind of victimized-entitlement bullying. I’m not, because your “radical” kind have so watered down the word racist now that it basically means “existing while white.” If everyone is racist, as you claim, then being called “racist” is about as meaningful as being called “human’. There’s a law of diminishing returns at work here.

Way too many ignorant “liberals”, who don’t even understand the principle’s of liberalism, think that the most radical voice is the most correct now, and bow down before the most abusive little bullies. That’s an example of, how did you put it? Ah yes, “the nuances of privilege and how Black people and other oppressed groups can wield it as well”. In any part of North America and Europe where these pernicious ideologies have been allowed to take root there are pockets of society, where white people, especially women, are now scuttling about with their tails between their legs terrified of being called a racist,outed as a “Karen”, twitter-mobbed and fired, while everyone else is engaged in a pissing-contest over who is less privileged than whom. Liberal people of other races, again especially women, are not far behind them. Why? Because in the world of cultural Marxism that has filtered down into everyday liberal thought, the least privileged person is the person who gets to define reality and no one else gets to contradict them. Victimhood = Power, and the power to define everyone else’s reality is absolute power.

The problem with ultimate power is it corrupts absolutely. Take it from a Jew. Don’t want to? Well according to your worldview, you’ve been oppressed for 400 odd years by colonialism and slavery and their legacies. Jews have been oppressed for nearly 2000 years in the West (and that’s not including all the pre-Christian invaders and mass population transfers) and someone tried to wipe us off the face of the Earth to the tune of 6 million dead within living memory. I’m also not straight, so that’s like 3000 years of oppression and death. I’m also disabled, wow, don’t even know how long for that. I win the oppression olympics, ergo what I say is reality. Don’t like the sound of that? I wonder why....

We Jews have currently got the market cornered on entitled victimhood. So much so that we’ve convinced entire governments to make criticism of Israel a form of anti-semitism. Guess who that will silence? The entire Palestinian Rights Movement and all its supporters including BLM. WHAAAAT? Yeah, black people who want to support Palestinians could get kicked out of schools, BLM chapters could get kicked off campuses, fined or sanctioned. Finding that situation a little unfair, are we? Well too bad. According to cultural Marxism, black non-Jews need to sit down and shut up with the rest of the non-Jews because you’re all part of the problem.

As a non-Jew, what you really need to understand is that you were raised in an antisemitic system and your entire thinking is tainted by it. Even if you are not a Farrakhan, and don’t support anyone like him, and would never dream of erasing Jewish identity by calling them Khazars. Even if you liked Mad Magazine and Seinfeld, even if you were to remove yourselves from all organizations influenced by antisemitism (like BLM)...you are still an antisemite and complicit in the system that continues to oppress me by making me work on Shabbat. Why just last year someone tried to erase me by telling me that Jews should “integrate” into Canada by giving up Judaism and Jewishness. Even though they were white, you’re complicit in that just because you’re a non-Jew, living in an antisemitic system. Also you appropriate our culture by putting “mazel tov” in your pop songs about sucking dick, which religious Jews find offensive. And as you know, if ANY member of a minority, not matter how crack--potted, tells you your use of something is appropriation, not appreciation, then it’s appropriation. End of story.

So, it only took us 70 years of “anti-colonialist liberation movement” to become some of the most right-wing, racist, violent assholes on the planet. How long ‘til you go from “not moving out of the way on the sidewalk”, to “pushing people off it into traffic”, hmmm? Cause you already had a Yusra Khogali...a young woman who has NO connection to American slavery or the Civil Rights struggles, and in fact arrived fairly recently in Canada from Somalia, screaming that white people are recessive genetic defectives who should be killed. God forbid reading the comments on that because out comes every dumb-ass white racist to prove that they’re better than black people at everything, including making as ass of themselves. The difference being that liberal white people don’t celebrate those people and make them the leaders of our movements. (Instead we celebrate racist white people who hate other white people, which is not really better).

You have black geneticists trying to tell everyone to stop mis-using genetic discoveries to make broad sweeping statements about race, and do you celebrate those people, your best and brightest? No. You call them Oreos. Instead you celebrate an idiot girl barely out of her teens who has as much understanding of genetics as Mendel’s pea plants. Red hair is recessive (having two of the same mutation at the same locus, that would otherwise be eclipsed by a more dominant mutation). Blue eyes are also recessive. Skin colour is NOT recessive, it’s the cumulative outcome of differences at 378 different loci...most of which happened before humans left Africa and are also present in African populations. Congratulations. You’re genetically defective, too. Welcome to the club.

3. There’s a great article out by…

How about all the great articles out on Malcolm X, particularly his disillusionment with NOI, his Hajj, his change of heart on the ability of whites and blacks to interact as equals, his embrace of working with mainline civil rights groups, and about how some of y’all are wearing his face on t-shirts one day, but fawning all over the organization that killed him and people who said he deserved to die the next?

Yeah, some of us do read articles by black authors pretty routinely. Whole books and histories even. If I’m not reading the “great article” you want me to read it’s probably because I’ve read the kind of bullshit you write and that has turned me off before I could turn the page.

4. No, you can’t even sing the word because the history…

Once upon a time “the Word” just meant “black”. You can see the etymological relationship to less “Wordy” words like negro, negra, nigra (as in substantia nigra), and vinegar. But you’re right, at some point the word was totally ruined by association.

So why hasn’t it fallen out of use? Because YOU are now the people keeping it from being consigned to the rubbish heap of history, with all that bullshit about reclaiming it. If the word is so god-damned awful and painful that white people can’t even sing a song that black people wrote that contains it, then maybe you should stop writing songs that fucking contain it. I guarantee you, if you do that, you will not hear it come out the mouth of any white person who isn’t on David Duke’s mailing list.

Jewish people don’t walk around calling ourselves “Kikes” (which by the way started as an inter-Jewish slur against Eastern European Jews). Pakistani people don’t call themselves “Pakis” The only people who’ve managed to “reclaim a word” successfully are the GLBT+ community with “Queer”, because they don’t scream at people who use the regular word queer (odd) in context (unlike Wendy Malik who nearly got fired for using the title of an unfortunately named 1970s book on Quebec Sovereignty while discussing the actual Quebec Sovereignty movement) and don’t even get mad when straight people refer to things as “Queer Rights” or “Queer support groups” or any other clearly non-derogatory use of Queer.

Maybe it’s time for a decision...is the word so bad it should be banished, or should it be reclaimed totally, like Queer, even though you’d have to listen to some off-key white people singing it on TikTok? Because trying to eat your cake and keep it too doesn’t seem to be working out IRL.

5. Excuse me.

So I guess I don’t have to be polite to you anymore either, because some of you are fascist, black supremacist, antisemitic, homophobic scum?

Oh, and my 6 foot 180 lb trans daughter will now be blocking your use of sidewalks you transphobic cisscum. We’ve already taken Tai Chi (as a martial art) and Kung Fu but we were delayed in starting Krav Maga by covid. Future looks bright doesn’t it?

Got to get our reparations for 3000 years of Queerphobia and 2000 years of Jew-hatred/antisemitsm somehow, right?

Yeah, that’s right sad that you didn’t actually personally commit the queer hatred and antisemitism, but that’s how Identity Politics work: Even if you didn’t do the crime, if you fit in the same box you do the time. You’re guilty by association.

Up ‘til I read your piece I was broadly in favour of slavery reparations, because even though the people who did it are gone, the nations and governments who did it still exist, and it’s fair game to try to sue them. But now that you’re trying to take it out of my hide personally, I don’t feel so disposed to make a fuss on your behalf. See how this works yet? You want my support, that’s why you’re mad when you don’t get it, but you’re also saying, “Fuck you and your support, and I’m going to be a complete cunt to you even if I get it.” Not much incentive for me there.

Holding people individually responsible for things their country, culture, religion, or even direct ancestors did doesn’t make much sense. If you tell me your ancestor was raped by a white slaveowner and you descend from that, should you be placed on the Sexual Offender Registry?

And oh, isn’t that precious. You have direct ancestors who were slaveowners and, so far as I know, I don’t. The Norman side might have some somewhere, but yeah, my family didn’t get here until 1965. We get demerits for having been part of the British Empire, even though most of us didn’t want to be. But if you are going to blame a new immigrant from one of the more than 28 European countries that never had a colony, or any of the countries that never participated in the slave trade, save a finger to point back at yourself for having actual slaveholding ancestry. And wait, let’s go back to Miss Yusra Khogali, a Muslim Somali....unless there’s relatively recent reversion there, some of Miss Khogali’s ancestors were probably part of the Arab culture in Somalia that was trading in sub-Saharan Africans while Denis the Peasant was still wallowing in the English mud. Oh the joys of Arab slavery. Sure, you could eventually rise to great power, especially if you “reverted”, that is if you managed to survive having your genitals cut off. (2/3 eight year old boys tested didn’t). You’re very quiet on that, as you are on the plight of actual Africans actually being enslaved right around the time you wrote this in Libya....beaten, branded, auctioned for $400. What, you’ll raise 50 000 dollars for a dancing prostitute but you still can’t even mention Libyan slavery in 2020? Clearly not ALL black lives matter.

I suppose it’s just too much cognitive dissonance. The Libyans are Berber and Arab-Berber mix. They’d totally be identified as black in America. Blacks enslaving blacker blacks in this day and age? And you can’t even blame that black on black violence on American racism. Take a stab at blaming colonialism if you like, but we’ve already established that Arabs and other Africans were enslaving Africans long before Europe got back in the game (most of us enjoyed a nice long hiatus from slavery after Christianity arrived - not that serfdom was such a much but still). I imagine it’s all just too hard to look at head on, isn’t it pet? Getting a wee feel now for what it’s like to be confronted with every sin people who look like you have ever made for the last millenium? But I’m not the one saying you are to blame, or should be held responsible. You’re being indicted by your own belief system. I’m just pointing it out, sweetie.

6. I forgive you.

.And I’m not forgiving you for 2000 years of Christian Jew-hatred, 1400 odd years of Islamic Jew-hatred, 3000 years of Queer hatred, forever of sexism, etc.

I can’t “forgive you” for something you didn’t personally do.

I will sleep fine at night, knowing I, also, did not do any of the shit you don’t want to forgive me for.

#race relations #blm #radicalism #identity politics #sjws ruin everything #cultural marxism #a war of all against all #oppression olympics

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terrifyingrenegadelibrary · 7 years

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Chapter 5

Do Hoarders Dream of Eclectic Heaps?

-reactions to the news from the previous chapter are fairly immediate-

Liz: Well. That’s bad news.

Iggy: You don’t think that’s a bit of an understatement?

Liz: Not really.

-pan to Laura-

Laura: A Dragon? No. No way. You can’t be serious. Please say you’re not serious.

Liz: Laura, have you ever heard Zaresi make a joke?

Laura: …No?

Liz: The last time she tried was 30 years ago. It wasn’t very funny.

-to Evan, who is toying with his knife-

Evan: Maybe if I…

-to Morgan-

Morgan: …We have dragons? That’s awesome.

-everyone turns around-

Liz: …I’ll talk to her.

-she drags Morgan aside-

Morgan: I can’t believe we have dragons! Why hasn’t anyone ever told me about them?

Liz: …Do you, in fact, know anything about Dragons?

Morgan: They’re giant flying lizards that burn everything to the ground with their fiery breath!

Liz: Nothing, then?

-beat-

Morgan: Guess not.

Liz: A Dragon, so named because what else would you call it, is a Spirit of Fire, Darkness, and Wealth.

Morgan: Wait. You can do that?

Liz: Like everything to do with magic, Spirits aren’t exactly cut-and-dry. From time to time, a random accident with magic will merge two or more Spirits into a single unified entity, and eventually the two personalities will bleed into each other enough that it gains self-awareness.

Iggy: Alternatively—

-Liz glares at Iggy, who shuts up-

Liz: There are other ways for a Spirit to have access to more than one Domain, yes. But they’re banned under the Convocation, and we won’t go into them here. Iggy.

Iggy: (weakly) Sorry.

Morgan: Wait, what’s so bad about a Spirit having more than one Domain?

Liz: Magic of multiple Domains has multiplicative effects. A Spirit of two Domains is significantly greater than the sum of its parts. A Spirit of three? Even without outside interference, it’s probably on par with a good-size god.

Morgan: Which brings me back to the giant flying lizards that burn everything to the ground with their fiery breath.

Liz: Do you see any of those things happening right now?

Morgan: Dragons are smart, right? It’s probably biding its time.

Liz: Dragons are smart, yes. They’re smart enough not to do any of the things you just described.

Morgan: That’s kind of disappointing.

Liz: A Dragon’s usual MO, as demonstrated here, is using Wealth magic to steal things without detection. They’ll ramp up the thefts over time, using their abilities with Wealth and Darkness to eat the energies from the stolen objects as fuel for their spells.

Morgan: What? How?

Liz: What stores magic?

Morgan: Things people care about, right?

-she stops-

Morgan: Oh.

Liz: Sure, in the grand scheme of things, your keys aren’t so important to you, but what about every single person’s keys in the town? Or favorite book? Wealth magic is good for taking things, and Darkness, like Death or Love, is good at influencing other magic. Normally, the magic hidden in an object just sort of lies around uselessly, but between Wealth and Darkness, it can be drained out and absorbed.

Morgan: So…yikes?

Liz: Dragons raise this particular trick to an art form. They can steal and take in almost anything. Dormant magic, unfriendly spells…they could eat a Spirit and keep it alive inside themselves as a servant if they felt like. They are the perfect self-perpetuating consumers and thieves. They make sharks, Lupin, and Wall Street bankers look like infants, and they only get stronger as they amass their hordes.

Morgan: I’m definitely hearing a yikes.

Liz: That’s why we have to stop this one now, before it drains the town dry. Now, let’s get back to the others.

-they return-

Zaresi: Liz. Morgan. Good of you to rejoin us. Liz has tracked the Dragon to the library, so get ready.

Morgan: Wait, now?

Laura: Why not?

Morgan: (somewhat lamely) It’s Friday evening?

Evan: What, you think the bad guys only attack at discreet times?

Morgan: It’s just—

-her phone rings-

Zaresi: Please silence all devices before—

-Morgan answers it. Zaresi sighs-

Holly: Morgan, where are you? I just got home, and I couldn’t find my keys, so I ended up having to pick the lock. It’s almost Shabbat.

Morgan: …Is it?

Holly: Yes?

Morgan: I must have lost track of time. I’ll be home in…uh…

-she flails a hand-

Laura: Give it an hour. Either we’ll drive it off or we’ll be dead by then.

Morgan: An hour?

Holly: What are you doing that’s so important?

Morgan: …Studying with Laura?

Holly: While I’m not generally one to suggest someone stop studying, that can’t wait until tomorrow?

Morgan: We’re right in the middle of, uh…Riemann sums. I’m really close to getting it; I just need a bit more time.

Holly: I’ll explain them to you. They aren’t that complicated.

Morgan: I’m in the zone, Holly. Just say I won’t be home for a bit.

Holly: If you insist.

-she hangs up-

-Morgan stares at the phone apprehensively-

Evan: Are you done lying to your family? We’ve got a Dragon to kill.

Morgan: Do we have to pants you again? It seems to make you nicer.

-Evan narrows his eyes. Laura intercedes-

Laura: Come on, everyone’s moving.

-cut to Zaresi and Liz leading a parade of Spirits, with Morgan, Laura, and Evan bringing up the rear-

Morgan: Wait, so we’re just going to walk up and kill it?

Laura: Well, we’re probably going to tell it to leave first, but if it doesn’t, then yeah, we fight it until it does.

Morgan: And you’re not scared? I mean, Liz said Dragons were powerful.

Laura: They are. But you know what?

-she grins, placing a hand on Morgan’s shoulder-

Laura: We are too. It’s going to be fine.

Morgan: But—

Laura: You killed a Reaper before ever learning about formal magic, and you fought Janice to a standstill in your first real battle. Just because you’re used to not doing anything more than party tricks, doesn’t mean you can’t.

Morgan: I—

Laura: This is pre-battle jitters. It’s just some neurotransmitters acting up, and you’re better than that. Besides, everyone has them.

Morgan: You don’t.

Laura: Sure I do. You think I’m not scared?

Morgan: Is this the part where you talk about being strong for your friends?

Laura: Don’t be silly. I just know that I have backup.

-she pulls Morgan a little closer-

Laura: And so do you.

Morgan: …Thanks.

-Evan falls into step-

Evan: Besides, I’ve been thinking about that ritual. And it should work this time.

Morgan: Yeah, that’s slightly less reassuring.

Evan: I am saddened and hurt.

Laura: Just don’t screw up.

Morgan: You know, again. Or leave the two of us to be killed by a monster.

Laura: You know. Again.

Evan: This is character assassination and I will not stand for it.

-he walks off while Morgan and Laura hi-five-

-cut to near the library, where Zaresi’s forces have gathered-

Morgan: So, I hate to be the one to say this, but I am noticing a distinct lack of giant fire-breathing lizards. Where’s the Dragon?

Laura: Right there.

-she gestures at a man wearing very nice clothing, who is sitting on a bench and staring up at the sky. Despite the presence of Zaresi’s forces, he looks entirely unbothered-

Morgan: What? That’s not a dragon. What’s he cosplaying, anyway?

Laura: Look closer.

-she does. It becomes clear that there are sparks drifting from the man-

Morgan: …What?

Laura: Spirits don’t really have a defined form, so they can shift their appearance for convenience.

Morgan: What’s so convenient about that?

Laura: …Being a giant monstrous lizard is not exactly inconspicuous?

-Morgan frowns-

Morgan: You know what, no.

Laura: No what?

Morgan: This is bull.

-and she marches forward-

Laura: Wait, don’t—

-past Liz and Zaresi, who both turn in astonishment-

Morgan: Hey! If you’re going to call yourself a dragon, you need to at least look the part!

-the man turns to look at her-

Laura: …Mierda.

Man: Is that so?

-he blinks-

-and a wall of fire explodes into life between him and Morgan-

Dragon: How’s that?

-Morgan backpedals, staring at the flames-

Morgan: …A start.

Zaresi: Alright, please put that out before you alert anybody.

Dragon: Who’s going to make me?

Zaresi: Ideally, you will do it of your own accord. If not…

-she leaves the threat hanging-

Dragon: That’s cute.

-he lazily examines Team Zaresi-

Dragon: Not really seeing anything that’s going to stop me, though.

-he starts pointing out the members of the team-

Dragon: Let me see here. Small-time goddess, smaller-time Magicians, and a few ragtag Spirits. Tell me what I’m supposed to be afraid of?

Morgan: How about this?

-she generates a scythe, spinning it in a circle. Laura looks alarmed-

Dragon: Put that away, little Magician.

Morgan: Not seeing a good reason to do that.

-the Dragon turns his head towards Morgan, fire building up around his eyes-

Liz: Alright, let’s bring it off.

Zaresi: Morgan, I admire your zeal, but please step aside while Liz and I conduct negotiations.

Morgan: …This is still a sucky dragon.

-she still steps back, and Zaresi replaces her-

Zaresi: Dragon.

-the Dragon breathes out a puff of air, and the fire dissipates-

Dragon: Please. Call me Eneril.

Zaresi: Objects have gone missing. Not to put too fine a point on it, but it is clearly your doing.

Eneril: And?

Zaresi: This town is not yours to plunder. You will surrender what you have taken and move to somewhere where you are welcome.

Eneril: Which brings us back to the issue of how exactly you’re planning to make me.

-he gets to his feet, and cracks his neck, small flames springing up-

Eneril: You can’t stop me. The other gods of this town can’t stop me. I go where I want, I take what I please, and I destroy who gets in my way.

-he waves a hand, and streams of gold light twirl away into the distance. Suddenly, socks begin to rain down around him, light streaming from them back into him-

Eneril: Wasn’t that entertaining?

Morgan: …Is that where my left socks always go?

Laura: No. Washing machines are just weird.

Zaresi: Magicians, advance please.

-Laura and Morgan both step forwards. Evan, meanwhile, skips up, straight towards Eneril-

Evan: Hey, Dragon. Who’s got two thumbs and is about to do something with magic that makes your head explode?

Eneril: Pardon?

Evan: This guy! Take two, here we go!

-he stabs Eneril in the chest-

Evan: Necrosyrtes!

-there’s a massive explosion of black light-

-and then nothing-

Evan: …Um.

Eneril: Should I be expecting something?

Evan: …Give me a moment, maybe? This is kind of new.

Eneril: Pity.

-he slams a hand into Evan’s chest, a sphere of flame blossoming between them and sending Evan flying. The Dragon steps forward, flames swirling up around him-

Liz: So much for the diplomatic option.

Zaresi: Attack.

Liz: Are you sure that’s the best option here?

Zaresi: Evan has not left us with much choice.

Liz: I suppose you have a point.

-Laura steps up next to Morgan, who has reformed her scythe-

Morgan: Do we have to help out Evan?

Laura: Focus on the big picture here.

-the two attack. Morgan’s scythe extends, the handle turning into a wire as she slashes at Eneril. Laura generates spheres, sending them flying in helices towards the Dragon-

Eneril: Points for effort, I guess.

-he waves a hand, and a wall of flame blocks off the incoming attack. He waves the other hand, and a whip of purple energy knocks Morgan and Laura away-

Eneril: This is bordering on the absurd. After your next attack fails, I think I’ll just eat you.

Liz: Hold up! Hold up!

Zaresi: Liz, what are you doing?

Liz: Ideally, trying to make sure nobody ends up dead today.

Eneril: Hmm, bit late on that one. I’ve already made up my mind to annihilate you all and drink the life that flows out of your broken corpses. So…you know. I think our goals here conflict a little.

-the flames twirl up around him-

Liz: Wait!

Eneril: Why?

Liz: Because if you do that, who are you going to bet against?

-Eneril pauses-

-for a long time-

Zaresi: …Liz?

Liz: I’m working here.

Eneril: …Bet?

Liz: Fun of the hunt, right? I mean, come on. It has to get boring just using some ritual to take what you want, doesn’t it? Where’s the thrill of the chase? Seeing defeat in your enemies’ eyes as you crush them mercilessly under your heel?

Eneril: I could do that now if I really put my mind to it.

Liz: Sure, you could. But you’re clearly so powerful; we’d all be wiped out before you could really get into it. You need something that’ll pose a challenge! Then you can really feel alive! Feel the blood pump through your veins!

Eneril: Blood doesn’t pump through my veins.

Liz: Mine neither. It’s a figure of…look, do you see my point or not? You can’t tell me you don’t want a proper challenge!

Eneril: You want me…to bet against you…for the exact same thing I intend to, and certainly can, take anyway?

Liz: Yeah, exactly.

Eneril: ...Look, am I the only one hearing this?

-he looks between everyone else-

-they are all completely silent-

Eneril: …You know, I’m almost tempted to say yes, just to prolong the death of someone with that sort of audacity.

-Liz just watches-

Eneril: …You’re playing me.

Liz: Well, yeah, obviously. I wouldn’t do something if I didn’t think I could win it. Isn’t that the point? And isn’t the point of being a great predator to outplay the other hunters?

-Eneril glares at Liz for a solid 30 seconds, and then bursts out laughing-

Eneril: You know what? You’ve piqued my interest, and after that speech, it would be a shame to kill you know. What do you propose?

-Liz breathes out a long sigh of relief-

Liz: Chess.

-Eneril blinks-

Eneril: Chess?

Liz: Chess! You know, game of kings?

Morgan: Isn’t it game of thrones?

Laura: You’re thinking of something else.

Eneril: Very well. Next evening, we will play chess.

Liz: Excellent.

Eneril: I’m not finished.

Liz: …Yes?

Eneril: Your pieces will be those of you willing to actually fight me. Mine, meanwhile, will be Spirits I’ve sealed into the trinkets I’ve picked up in my travels.

-Liz makes a face-

Liz: If we win, you return what you’ve stolen and leave town.

Eneril: Once I win, I won’t just kill you. I’ll absorb you into myself, and you and the rest of your town can entertain me on my travels.

Morgan: (aside) Wait, what?

Liz: …Sounds good.

Eneril: Ta.

-there’s a burst of fire, and he’s gone-

-everyone stares in shocked silence-

Morgan: That happened.

Liz: So!

-she rubs her palms together-

Liz: Who knows how to play chess?

Morgan: Wait, what?

Laura: Liz, you can’t play chess?

Liz: I feel like I used to remember. Funny how things slide after 100 years or so.

Laura: Then why would you suggest it?!

Liz: It was the first thing that came to mind! Dragons are well-known for a tendency to take wagers, so excuse me if I didn’t want you to be eaten!

Zaresi: Liz’s improvisational skills aside, we have a meeting with the Dragon next evening. So, who among us can play chess?

Evan: You can’t, madam?

Zaresi: I’ve always preferred to occupy myself with legitimate conquest.

Liz: She likes Risk.

Zaresi: How about you, Magicians?

Morgan: I’m more of a checkers girl.

Laura: Never been a fan of the whole black and white dichotomy.

Morgan: Hey!

Laura: Figuratively, I mean. No offense.

Evan: Video games all day every day.

Zaresi: Reapers?

-the Reapers make low hissing noises-

Iggy: I’ve played a little shogi.

Liz: Did we ask?

Iggy: Oh, okay then.

-it drifts away-

-Zaresi thinks about this for a moment, and nods resignedly-

Zaresi: So. It appears that we have signed ourselves up for an exceptionally high-stakes game which none of us have any knowledge of how to play.

Laura: I think Janice might know?

Evan: They’re out of town right now. They do that a lot.

Morgan: …Well, they make chess rulebooks, right?

Zaresi: …I suppose we have a day to learn. I expect you back here tomorrow at your earliest convenience.

Morgan: …So much for Shabbat shalom.

-everyone begins to drift apart. Laura nudges Morgan-

Laura: Just keep what I said in mind. It’ll be okay.

Morgan: …Right.

-everyone goes home-

Holly: There you are. We were just about to light candles without you.

Morgan: You wouldn’t.

Holly: What happened to you? You look like you went three rounds with a tree.

Morgan: Well… you should see the tree.

Holly: …Morgan, did you fight a tree?

Morgan: (quickly) I did not fight a tree.

Holly: (equally quickly) Did you fight someone in a tree?

Morgan: (even more quickly) I did not fight someone in a tree.

-Holly gives Morgan a sideways glance-

Holly: Well, wash up before you come to dinner.

Morgan: Whatever you say, mom.

-cut to Morgan, having restored herself to order, eating dinner. The scene in general is fairly serene. Morgan, less so, as images of Eneril occupy her head. There’s a slight flicker of Death magic, but it disappears quickly-

Holly: Es, Morgan.

Morgan: Oh. Right.

-she does-

Holly: (quietly) Is something wrong?

Morgan: No?

Holly: Yes there is.

Morgan: I’m glad you told me. I hadn’t noticed.

Holly: Well, I don’t have any plans Saturday, so we can spend it together and you can talk about it.

Morgan: …Oh.

Holly: Is that a problem?

Morgan: I said I’d hang out with Quinn.

Holly: Oh, that’s fine. I like Quinn.

Morgan: Right…

-the next day, the two are picking up Quinn-

Quinn: Holly!

-she hugs Holly-

Holly: Good morning to you too, Quinn.

Quinn: I feel so honored. What brings the other Stein twin out of her lair?

Holly: It’s been a while since I really spent any time with my sister, after the accident.

-Morgan becomes noticeably more pensive-

Holly: So for today, we’re a double act.

Quinn: Sounds good to me. Want to come over and watch a movie?

Morgan: Actually, I was hoping we could go over to the graveyard, take a walk in the forest?

-there is a long, awkward, silence-

Quinn: You know we’ve failed as a support system in her life, right?

Holly: I sometimes have concerns.

-cut to the graveyard, where Team Zaresi has gathered. Morgan crosses her fingers and approaches-

Morgan: Hey, Laura! Evan!

-the two turn around to wave, when they see Holly and Quinn. Laura’s jaw drops. Evan grins, and Morgan runs ahead a bit-

Laura: You…brought Holly and Quinn.

Morgan: They won’t see Zaresi or the Reapers, right?

Laura: That’s true, but—

Morgan: Holly wanted to spend the day with me, and I promised Quinn I’d hang out with her.

Laura: …Okay.

-meanwhile, Evan has wandered over to the two-

Evan: Morning, Morgan’s friend, other Morgan!

Holly: Other Morgan? Really?

Evan: I’m not really a names guy. Nice hair.

-Holly casually takes a step back. Quinn, meanwhile, brushes past Evan to go talk to Laura and Morgan-

Quinn: Morgan, why do so many of your friends hang out in graveyards?

Morgan: I wouldn’t call Evan a friend so much as a friend of a friend?

-she glances at Laura-

Laura: Yeah, I wouldn’t call him that either.

Quinn: Why do you even hang out with him?

Laura: Necessity, mostly. He’s a…uh, family friend.

Quinn: Shame.

Liz: Okay, what’s going on here?

-she walks over-

Morgan: Oh, uh…

Liz: You brought non-Magicians? Really? Don’t worry, I’ll do all the talking.

-she waves a hand in front of Quinn’s face. Quinn doesn’t notice-

Liz: Never gets old. Hey, Morgan, either of your friends know how to play chess?

Morgan: Um.

Quinn: Morgan? Talking to someone?

Morgan: Oh! No, just thinking.

Laura: Hey, Quinn, do you play chess?

Quinn: I’m not that into board games. Why?

Laura: Well—

Morgan: Actually, Holly does. Why don’t we ask her?

Laura: …That could work.

Quinn: Should probably rescue her from Evan anyway.

-the three girls wander over to Holly, who is ignoring Evan in favor of her phone. Evan seems nonplussed-

Laura: Hi, Holly! You’re Morgan’s sister, right?

Holly: Actually, we only just met.

Laura: Wait, but—oh. Got it.

-she laughs-

Laura: Morgan said you know how to play chess?

Holly: I’ve dabbled.

Laura: How fast do you think you could teach me?

-beat-

Holly: Odd request.

Laura: I’m an odd person.

Evan: You don’t know the half of it. She color-codes her socks.

-Laura blushes-

Morgan: Don’t feel weird. I do that too. I mean, they’re all black, so there’s not much point, but…

-everyone laughs-

Laura: Seriously though, can you teach me? I always wanted to learn.

Holly: Uh…okay?

-cut to Laura and Holly sitting across from each other-

Holly: Okay, so setup looks like this.

Laura: Right. The pawns go in front. That makes sense. And the horses—

Holly: Knights.

Laura: What?

Holly: The horse pieces. They’re called knights.

Laura: Why?

Holly: Because.

Liz: Laura, let it lie and keep going.

Iggy: You know, shogi has knights, but I think they’re a little more sensible. They can’t—

Morgan: Ssh.

Quinn: I didn’t say anything.

Morgan: Oh, I meant Evan.

Evan: …I didn’t say anything.

Morgan: Preemptive strike.

Evan: Classy.

-cut again. Liz has wandered away-

Quinn: So, Laura, how’d you and Morgan meet, anyway?

Zaresi: Laura. Ask her how promotion works.

Laura: Uh, not now.

Quinn: Oh, sorry.

Laura: No, not you. Evan.

Evan: What did I do?

Laura: I’ll think of something. Sorry, Quinn, I don’t mean to ignore you, making fun of Evan is a full-time job. Anyway, Evan spies on people during Calc, and he knows I like helping people out when they’re struggling.

Evan: Correction: You like helping cute girls out.

-everyone turns to Evan in shock-

Evan: What? Turnabout’s fair play.

-he wanders off-

Laura: That is—

Quinn: I mean, you’re not wrong.

-Morgan blushes. Quinn shoots her a wink. Laura laughs-

-an awkward silence occurs-

Holly: …So, anyway, the next thing you need to know about chess—

Zaresi: Laura. Promotion.

Laura: No, I get it, don’t worry.

Holly: Oh, I’ll just skip castling then.

Laura: Wai—

-cut again. Evan and Liz are talking in the background-

Holly: And that’s called checkmate.

Zaresi: I do not understand. How can a pawn threaten the king?

Laura: Um...wait. Holly. This is only a pawn. Why can it take the king?

Holly: That’s just how chess works. At the end of the game, everything goes back in the same box, right?

Laura: Oh. That makes sense.

Zaresi: It does not.

-one of the Reapers accidentally bumps into Holly-

Holly: Ow! What was that?

Morgan: Uh…Evan.

-Holly turns to see Evan about ten feet away, talking with Liz. She picks up a nut off the ground and pegs him in the head with it-

Evan: Ow! What the hell?

-Morgan gives the universal “sorry” face, though sticks her tongue out at him when he turns his back-

Quinn: Can I throw something at him too?

-cut-

Holly: And that’s chess. Any questions?

Laura: No, I…think I get it. Everyone good?

Holly: Who’s everyone?

Laura: …Evan. I said Evan.

Holly: I don’t understand your friendship with him.

Laura: Neither do I.

Zaresi: I think I understand chess now.

Laura: Alright then.

-she coughs, and covers her mouth, looking startled-

Laura: Glad that’s dealt with.

Holly: Are you going to explain why you wanted to learn chess so urgently?

Laura: Oh, well…

-she looks around for clues-

Laura: I made a bet with a dragon to play chess with him, and if I lose he’ll eat my soul.

-there is a long pause. Liz quietly facepalms. Quinn tilts her head-

-Holly laughs-

Holly: Well, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want.

-Laura breathes out a sigh of relief. Quinn looks a little downcast-

Quinn: Well, as fascinating as this is, I should be getting home. I’ll see you around, Morgan, Holly. Laura.

Evan: Evan?

Quinn: Nah.

-and she’s off, leaving everyone else laughing-

Evan: I don’t understand why people are so rude to me.

Morgan: It’s because you’re an awful person and you’re terrible to everyone.

Evan: Well, sure, but aside from that.

Holly: You’re also generally uninteresting to talk to.

Evan: That’s just slander.

Liz: Attention Magicians!

-everyone turns to Liz sharply, except of course Holly-

Holly: Huh?

Liz: It’s that time of day.

-Morgan pales-

Holly: Is something wrong?

Morgan: No, nothing, but…is it okay if I go with Laura now? I’ll be home soon, I promise.

Holly: Actually, I was hoping we could spend some time as sisters, but I suppose.

Morgan: Well, you know how it is.

Holly: How…what is?

-Laura casually loops an arm around Morgan’s and pulls the other girl in close-

Holly: …Oh. I see.

-she nods sagely, while Morgan turns a bright red. Laura winks. It comes out a little better than last time-

Holly: I’ll just…head home, then. Have fun, you two! Be safe!

-she gives Morgan a (not very) covert thumbs-up, and strolls away, whistling-

Morgan: Holly!

Holly: Hmm?

Morgan: I love you!

Holly: …Alright. Thank you.

-and she’s gone-

Laura: What was that?

Morgan: In case we…well, in case.

Laura: …Ah.

-the two are still linked, though they don’t seem to notice-

Liz: …Well, that was an inventive cover.

-Laura and Morgan immediately separate-

Laura: I’m sorry I didn’t mean to do that I just couldn’t think of anything else and—

Morgan: Don’t worry about it I wasn’t exactly coming up with anything it’s fi—

-the two cut off and make faces at each other-

Liz: I always found that that excuse caused more problems than it solved. But I’m sure you’ll work things out.

-Liz goes to talk with Zaresi, leaving Morgan and Laura alone-

Morgan: …Want to go fight a Dragon?

Laura: Really badly, for some reason.

-the two sprint away to join the Reapers. Liz glances over at them and sighs-

-cut to the Night Parade again, arriving at the library. Eneril is waiting there, surrounded by odds and ends-

Zaresi: Eneril.

Morgan: (to Laura) He’s still pretty cut-price. And he looks like a hoarder now.

Laura: Ssh!

Eneril: Wow, you actually made it? I’m almost impressed.

-he yawns-

Eneril: I mean, I’m still going to annihilate you and drink your essence, but I guess you’ll make a nice diary entry.

Zaresi: Arrange your side.

Eneril: Gladly. Just let me slip into something more comfortable.

-and now he’s a dragon-

-like, full-blown dragon-

-a brought-ruin-to-Erebor, throw-down-your-weapons-and-run, Seto-Kaiba-wet-dream dragon-

Morgan: …Oh.

Laura: …Yeah.

Morgan: …Now that’s what I’m talking about.

Laura: We’re going to die.

Morgan: We’re going to die complete.

-Eneril expands his wings, and shapes flicker into life across the ground in front of him. They form a chessboard pattern and then populate it with vague humanoid shapes-

Eneril: Your turn!

Zaresi: Assemble.

-they do. The Reapers organize in front as pawns, Zaresi takes the King space, Liz the Queen, Evan the King-side Rook, and Morgan and Laura the Queen-side Knight and Bishop respectively-

-there is a pause-

Eneril: …Anyone else? I’d heard this town was a little dry on Magicians, but this is just sad.

-he licks his lips-

Eneril: At least you smell powerful. I’ll enjoy devouring you.

-he lazily hunches over, letting out a low growl as a puff of smoke rolls out over the board, and flicks his tongue in Iggy’s direction. The Reaper gulps and takes a step back-

Eneril: You know, Liz, you said this would be a challenge, but I can’t say I’m seeing any good reason not to just go ahead and take a bite…

-Zaresi steps forwards, forming a scythe, and slams it into the ground. An explosion of Death magic wells up, burning the tip of Eneril’s tongue. He withdraws, and Zaresi forms a second scythe, glaring up at the Dragon-

Zaresi: We will make do. Adhere to your terms.

Eneril: A little fight to you. I appreciate it.

Zaresi: And I would appreciate it if you refrained from threatening my Reapers.

-Eneril gives a toothy grin-

Eneril: Whatever you say.

-meanwhile, Laura is hyperventilating, and Morgan is attempting to comfort her-

Laura: I don’t believe it that’s actually a dragon and we’re trying to play a game of chess against it and we don’t even have all the pieces we need and—

Morgan: Hey! Hey!

-she places her hands on Laura’s shoulders-

Morgan: Weren’t you the one telling me not to worry?

Laura: Okay but that’s a giant snake and a giant bat and it flies and breathes fire a-and it could kill us all pretty much whenever and—

Morgan: Oh, it’s just an oversized lizard. A really cool oversized lizard, but still. And I’m not going to let it hurt you.

Laura: What?

Morgan: It’s a knight’s job to keep the bishop safe, right?

Laura: …Is it?

Morgan: Eh. I’m gonna do it anyway.

-she helps Laura up-

Morgan: We’re going to win this, just like you said, okay?

Laura: …We’re still down three pieces.

Morgan: It can’t make that much of a difference, right?

Laura: Honestly? No clue.

-she half laughs, half sobs-

Liz: Morgan, Laura. The game is beginning.

Eneril: Okay, if you’re all done moping and making peace with your imminent demise…it’s my move.

-e4-

Zaresi: Morgan. The book said that knights can move over other pieces, so intercept the pawn.

-Morgan takes a deep breath, looks at Laura, and grins-

Morgan: On it.

-Nc6-

Eneril: …Just to clarify, do any of you actually know the rules of chess?

Zaresi: Technically? Yes.

Liz: …Very technically.

Eneril: Got it. Well, have fun dying.

-he examines the board, and lets out a low chuckle-

Eneril: May as well have fun with this.

-Qg5-

Zaresi: I do not get it.

Liz: It makes sense to me. You want to bring your most powerful piece onto the board as quickly as possible.

Zaresi: Was there not something about bringing out knights first?

Liz: Sure, but…

-Morgan, meanwhile, has been looking at the board, and her eyes widen-

Morgan: Zaresi, if you don’t castle now, we lose a Reaper and Evan.

Zaresi: Pardon me?

Morgan: Look! His queen can just come down, take that pawn, and then Evan’s a sitting duck, no matter where he goes!

-Zaresi examines the position. A cloud of darkness swirls up around her-

Zaresi: …There will be time to work on your tone later. Thank you for noticing.

Evan: Uh, as Evan, I’m not really okay with this.

Reaper: As the Reaper, I am also not.

Evan: Yeah, but nobody cares.

Zaresi: Very well. A clever attempt, Eneril, to aim for blood so early in the game.

Eneril: Uh, yeah.

Zaresi: Now. Liz. How do I castle?

Liz: Um.

Morgan: I think you have to go around Evan?

Zaresi: Well. Obviously, I will have to move the pawn first.

-g6-

-Eneril stares-

Eneril: …Congratulations. You completely misunderstood the entire concept of castling.

-he narrows his eyes-

Eneril: Unfortunately, you somehow also stopped me from attacking. I’ll have to remedy that.

-Bb5. Morgan gulps-

Laura: Be safe…

Zaresi: You aren’t the only one who can attack. Reaper, forward. Laura, be ready.

-d5-

Eneril: …You’re joking. Right? You have to be joking. That’s your move? You lock all your pieces into a useless quagmire, you fail utterly to comprehend the strategy of the game you’ve staked your life on, and you have the audacity to threaten my queen? Well, fine. If you’re so eager to see a little violence, I will happily oblige.

-exd5-

D5 Reaper: Uh-oh.

-a gold shimmer appears around the Reaper, and Eneril’s tongue flicks out, wraps around the unfortunate Spirit, and reels him in. It’s instant and horrifying. Everyone stares-

Eneril: Mmm. Chocolate-y and smooth, but just a slight kick. I can’t wait to find out what the rest of you taste like.

Morgan: Okay, so that was horrifying.

Eneril: And you’re next. Isn’t that nice?

-Morgan eyes the two pieces threatening her, and starts to generate a scythe-

Eneril: I wouldn’t do that if I were you. If you break the rules, I might feel tempted myself.

-he flicks his tongue out lightly-

Eneril: Take my queen. I dare you, Zaresi.

-Morgan looks at the board again-

Morgan: Wait, you have to.

Laura: What? Why?

Eneril: Because if she doesn’t, then my queen will take you.

Laura: …Oh.

Eneril: Of course, if you do, I’ll have my pawn take your knight. You’ll be able to continue playing, but either way, you lose someone. It’s awfully difficult playing chess when you have an emotional attachment to the pieces, isn’t it? So, Zaresi, crunch time.

-he punctuates this by snapping his jaws together-

Morgan: Zaresi, you have to let Laura take the queen! I’m pinned down anyways, so—

Laura: I…Morgan…

Zaresi: …Right. Liz.

Liz: On it.

-Qxd5. Liz slashes the pawn in half with a wing, and Eneril bursts out laughing-

Morgan: No!

Eneril: Congratulations. You lose. Get her.

Morgan: NO!

-the queen rushes Laura, who purses her lips-

-and the queen explodes. Qxx-

Eneril: …What?

Zaresi: Seems like your control spell failed and your queen escaped. Do not worry, it happens to everyone from time to time.

Eneril: …No matter. I’ll create a new one.

Zaresi: That seems to me like it would be cheating.

-Eneril stares at Zaresi-

Liz: You can’t manage minus one piece? That would be embarrassing, considering we’re facing you missing a knight, bishop, and rook.

-Eneril snarls, flames licking up the edge of the board…but he regains his composure-

Eneril: …Very well. We continue.

Zaresi: Our move, I believe. Liz, clean up.

-Qxb5-

Eneril: You are rapidly beginning to get on my nerves.

Zaresi: Are you sure you play chess yourself?

Eneril: Once I absorb your soul, I’m going to turn you into my personal toenail clipper. Not that I need one, but I’m going to have you do it anyway.

-Nc3-

Zaresi: Liz.

-Qe5 check-

-Ne2-

Zaresi: Laura. Your turn.

Laura: Right.

-Bg4-

-as Laura passes Morgan, she takes a deep breath. Morgan gives her a wave and a thumbs-up-

-Eneril growls-

-00-

Zaresi: Oh, is that how you do it? Evan, did you see that?

Evan: Yes, madam.

-00. Eneril snorts-

-d4. Liz eyes the pawn impassively. Qd6-

Eneril: Now for the fun bit.

-Bf4-

-Qf6-

Eneril: Time for another little appetizer.

-Bxc7. Chomp-

Iggy: Not exactly heartening…

-Zaresi hisses-

Zaresi: Liz.

-Qf5-

Eneril: You aren’t as clever as you think you are, you know.

-QRc1-

Zaresi: Evan. Put the fear of me into that bishop.

Evan: Got it!

-Rc8-

Eneril: Ugh, you don’t give up, do you?

-Be5-

Zaresi: Now, Morgan, please capture the bishop.

Morgan: Wait, what?

Zaresi: Please capture the bishop.

Morgan: I heard you, but…what?

Zaresi: Please capture the bishop.

Morgan: But the pawn’s there!

Zaresi: That is an acceptable sacrifice. After the pawn takes you, Liz can take the pawn, and Eneril’s offensive force will be all but shattered. I apologize for the necessity, but I will not ask again.

Morgan: …But…

Zaresi: Now, Morgan.

-she hesitates-

Laura: Morgan!

-Morgan turns to Laura, who seems fairly upset-

Laura: Zaresi has given all of us lives. She asked for our service in return. If she…

-she breaks off-

Laura: If this is what she wants to do with it, then I’m sorry, but…

-she can’t keep talking. Morgan watches her, clenching her fists-

Evan: Oh, get it over with. Morgan, do your job.

Eneril: You could always break the rules. Provoke me. Give me a reason to go right ahead and slaughter everyone here.

-he licks his lips-

Morgan: …No. I’ve got this.

-she steps forward, conjures a scythe, and slashes the bishop in half. Nxe5-

Eneril: A true soldier. Stand up straight so I can eat you.

-and the pawn explodes (d4xx)-

Morgan: …What.

Zaresi: Pity, that.

Eneril: …But…how…

Zaresi: You really need to keep your rituals under better control.

Eneril: …Something’s at work here.

Zaresi: Prove it.

Eneril: …Make your move.

Zaresi: Gladly. Liz.

-Qe6-

Eneril: You won’t escape me!

-Nf4-

-Qc4-

-QNe2-

-Qxa2-

Eneril: I—I…

-Rb1-

-Rxc2-

Evan: Hiya, Eneril!

-Nd4-

-Rc4-

-Nf3-

-Nc6-

-h3-

-Bf5-

-g4-

-Be4-

-Rc1-

Eneril: Now. Once again, you’ll just have to make a choice. Rook, or knight? Go on, Zaresi. I’m getting hungry.

Zaresi: Mm-hmm. Laura, take the knight.

Laura: You’re sure?

Zaresi: Always.

-Bxf3-

Eneril: Well, rook, I suppose you’re not that highly valued.

Evan: Do what you need to.

Zaresi: Just make sure you do not have another little accident on the way.

Eneril: Pardon?

Zaresi: I am just saying. Seems to happen every time you try and capture a piece.

Eneril: It won’t.

Zaresi: If you insist.

-Eneril growls, narrowing his eyes-

-Rb1-

Zaresi: Whoops.

-Rxf4-

-Eneril breathes out smoke-

-KRc1-

-Nd4-

-Ra1-

Zaresi: Reaching…

-Qxb2-

Eneril: Ready to lose another Reaper?

Zaresi: At which point you would have lost the game, of course.

Eneril: …Fine by me. Die.

-Iggy gulps-

-and the rook explodes (QRxx)-

Eneril: No!

Zaresi: So very tragic. You are just falling apart at the seams here. Liz?

-Qxc1 check-

-Kh2-

-Ne2-

Eneril: …You won’t win.

Zaresi: We already have.

-indeed, looking at the board, it’s now checkmate in one-

Eneril: No.

Zaresi: Most definitely.

Eneril: None of you even know how to play chess!

Zaresi: And yet here you are. Defeated. As per the terms?

Eneril: …You cheated! You did something!

Zaresi: Nonsense. You merely could not control your rituals.

Eneril: …Control this!

-the chessboard explodes into light. Eneril rears back, sucking in air for a blast of fire-

-Zaresi and Liz step forward. Zaresi conjures a scythe, Liz spreads her wings, and both deliver vicious strikes to the Dragon, who crashes back, his form flickering-

Liz: Thought so.

Zaresi: Your spell to conjure the chessboard must have been exhausting for you, Eneril. Let alone controlling all those Spirits at once. It’s a wonder we did not watch you gutter out on the spot. But then, to challenge us directly after?

-she generates a second scythe-

Zaresi: It was hopeless from the beginning.

-Eneril growls-

Zaresi: When you leave, send out word to your friends. Conquerors are not welcome here.

-Eneril flickers with fire…and then abruptly returns to the form of a human-

Eneril: I honor my wagers. Unlike some.

-he snarls-

Eneril: I’m sure I’ll be seeing you again, Zaresi. I can assure you, the next time I pay a visit, I won’t be put off by a chess game.

Zaresi: Then I look forward to defeating you again.

-she curtsies. Eneril snorts-

-and he disappears in a puff of flame-

Zaresi: And that is that. Thank you, Liz, for the opportunity.

Liz: No problem.

Morgan: That was the most terrifying experience of my life, though also probably the coolest.

Laura: Agreed.

Evan: Absolutely.

Liz: Take it…as a lesson. Do whatever you need to in the heat of battle. Lie, cheat, bluff, appeal to pride, and claw every advantage you can out of every opening you’re given.

Morgan: So you do know how to play chess! I knew it!

Liz: …No. That was blind chance.

Morgan: Well, good to know that you set all of us up as bait and we only lived because our scaly friend couldn’t handle his rituals.

-Laura claps a hand to her mouth. Liz seems amused though-

Liz: There you may have had a little help.

Laura: …You didn’t.

Liz: You may have noticed that the disintegrating pieces had previously been next to me?

Laura: …You did.

Evan: Remember how I saved your life back in the alleyway, Morgan?

Morgan: …No.

Evan: Of all the ungrateful…

Liz: Evan and I prepared a handful of uses of a ritual that disrupts and releases the magic stored in an object. Excellent for destroying a ritual or slow-acting spell, and apparently handy for freeing Spirits trapped inside Eneril. Some good acting on the part of the rest of you sold the show.

Evan: The explosions were not necessarily part of the plan, but they were remarkably amusing.

Liz: By which he means they’re a side effect he can’t control.

Evan: Gotta have the last word, don’t you?

Liz: You make it easy.

Morgan: Wait, you were never near that rook.

Evan: Yeah, when did you use the ritual then?

Liz: Oh. That was a bluff.

-Evan stares-

-Liz grins, and strolls away-

Evan: I get no respect.

Laura: As it should be.

Zaresi: You should all get some rest. It has been a long couple days.

-people start to split up, some of them scooping up keys as they go. Morgan and Laura head off together-

Morgan: You know, for all that Zaresi has bossed everyone around, she’s…surprisingly personable.

Laura: I did tell you. It’s not all bad. At the very least, you’ll always have a community.

Morgan: You’re not wrong.

Laura: Now let’s get ourselves home. I don’t know about you, but I hurt in places I didn’t even know I had.

Morgan: …You’re not wrong.

-the two walk along-

Morgan: …What you said back there, Laura? When I was taking the bishop?

Laura: …I thought that might come back to haunt me.

Morgan: I mean, I could have died. You could have died. Doesn’t that bother you?

Laura: Of course it bothers me. You think I want to die?

Morgan: I don’t know, but I know you don’t seem to put a very high value on your life.

-Laura is silent for a while, and then starts to talk-

Laura: I live alone with my brother. My parents were both sick, and…they died a few years ago. I wasn’t sure what to do, and I went to pray…and Zaresi answered. She takes care of us, she helps out with jobs and money, and she got Liz to set up a few rituals that make sure people leave the house alone. When I say I owe her, I’m really not exaggerating.

-Morgan stares-

Morgan: I’m sorry.

Laura: You didn’t know. I’m sorry I told you to…

Morgan: No. It’s…it worked out.

Laura: I just…I have to trust that she knows what she’s doing, right? Even if she asks me to sacrifice myself, if I don’t believe that she’s doing the right thing…how can I let her keep taking care of my life?

Morgan: I…

-the two sigh-

Laura: …You should get home. Your sister must be worried sick.

Morgan: Right.

-she doesn’t turn around, though, instead gazing at Laura-

Laura: …Good night?

Morgan: …Night.

-they go their separate ways-

-and Morgan arrives home-

Holly: Evening, Morgan. How’s life?

-she grins-

Morgan: It’s…it’s good.

Holly: It doesn’t sound good. Is something wrong?

Morgan: …Nope.

Holly: Really?

Morgan: Cross my heart.

Holly: Alright, then. Just keep yourself safe. We both know you can’t do that that without me around.

-Morgan laughs hollowly as Holly walks away, and takes out her phone, looking at a picture of the angel statue-

Morgan: …Uh, so, I almost died today.

#This Show Sponsored by Death!#writing

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onewheelneil · 7 years

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Israel day 7

This morning during Shabbat we are not required to be up for anything until 11 am so everyone was able to sleep in and catch some much needed sleep. I ended up getting up pretty early so I just surfed the internet on my phone. Then I got hungry so I got up did my morning routine and strolled down to breakfast. They had this really good bread pudding and pastry as well as lemon poppy seed pound cake. I filled up a plate and stacked a small plate of cottage cheese on top and when I went to sit down the top plate of cottage cheese slipped and flipped all onto my seat. The two people I was with laughed at me and said I should just sit in it. I was a little embarrassed but nothing major and quickly cleaned up so I could enjoy my breakfast. It was scrumptious except for a potato eggplant quiche that was like eating a tablespoon of salt and a bland piece of dough that looked like it was going to be sweet but wasn’t. Other than that the hard-boiled egg and other stuff I mentioned before was really good. Apparently I look Israeli because several times this week I have either come up to a person to ask for help and they immediately start talking Hebrew or I am sitting somewhere alone using my phone and someone comes up and asks if I’m Israeli. When we all were ready to start our activity the other birthright group had taken our room so we had to move to another. It ended up being the hotels bomb shelter so that was interesting. We ate snacks after a wine prayer and hung out while we found another room because the bomb shelter was too hot. We got to the dining room from the “fancy” Shabbat dinner and started our activities with a Q/A session with our tour guide about any questions we had about Judaism. We talked about the thoughts about homosexuality and mental health and what the people generally think. A lot more questions were asked including what Israelis think of muslims and what Judaism is to us. I asked what Judaism has to say about leaving earth if they believe it’s a holy planet but the guide said that god and nature are one not particular to earths nature. After much discussion we were allowed to go to lunch where we ate potatoes and beef and rice that was a little over cooked. They also tried to serve an apple crisp but they failed at making that. After lunch we had 2 hours to ourselves but they wanted us to stay in the hotel. Me and 5 other peeps decided to be rebels and go to a very nearby park to chill. I brought my unicycle and another brought his guitar. We walked/unicycled over and I noticed there were barely any cars or people outside. Since it is still Shabbat people are usually inside with their families. You can’t drive a car if you are keeping Shabbat. So the traffic drops dramatically. The park was really pretty with a big field and trees that gave shade. I explored around and actually found some sport courts and some skate parks with rails and ramps to do tricks on. I didn’t want to get hurt so I didn’t try any (as my guide said “no paperwork”). So we just hung out in the shade while the guy in our group played guitar. At one point a girl who dabbled in classical/flamenco guitar wanted to try it out and she was amazing. She used this weird strumming technique that made it sound really cool and percussive. Once the time to meet was arriving we started our short stroll back and I gotta say unicycling with no straight route was really nice and peaceful. Everyone loves the unicycling and their most popular question is “do you bring that thing everywhere?” I always answer yes it’s my baby and I bring it EVERYWHERE. They never fail to say wow afterwards. What’s so nice about this group of people is their curiosity of my unicycling and their unanimous appreciation of my hobby. When we got back to the hotel (we made sure we would be back before they found out we were gone) people were just chatting around the halls of our rooms in the hotel. One of the guys in the group wanted to try unicycling and he could get up easily using the walls of the hallway but still found it hard to feel in control when going forwards. Once it was time we headed down to do a presentation with Israeli soldiers that joined our group. They set up a little competition. They split us into 3 groups and we played did a little one person race, jeopardy round, and a guessing a famous Israeli person from a picture round. The race involved a girl in my team putting on an Israeli military uniform correctly then eating a plate of skittles with no hands. It was fun to see the three people struggle with the uniform. I observed the uniform when the Israelis first joined the group so I knew where the beret and where the ribbon went on the uniform. Then they all had to eat the skittles. The other two contestants decided to inhale all the skittles and try to chew em all at the same time. Our teammate decided to go slow and steady and actually beat out the others. Then during the jeopardy round every team answered their chosen question correctly. We actually got a question about when Jews eat fish heads. None of us knew the answer do I guessed Rosh Hashanah because when translated to English it means head of the year. It was surprisingly correct so everyone on my team was relieved. The next round each team picked a picture from a pile and tried to guess what the occupation of the person in the picture. We actually guessed all of our picture correctly. Two of the harder pictures was a model and a politician. After all the games were over my team ended up winning but we all learned more about Israel and Judaism. The next activity involved is splitting into 7 groups each with an Israeli. Then we talked about what makes us identify as a Jew. One of the main topics that was debated was supporting the IDF or marrying Jewish as something that really identifies with being Jewish. One topic that I thought resonated with being Jewish was keeping kosher/Shabbat but others did not, only because we didn’t keep kosher, but I felt like if I did keep kosher or celebrate Shabbat I would feel more Jewish. The Israeli in my group agreed with us on two things except on marrying Jewish. He felt that marrying Jewish would make it so our children would more likely to be raised Jewish. I understood so we decided tzedakah was one of the bottoms of the list of things that made us identify as Jewish. My group debated and recognized that contributing to your community was a personal trait rather than a Jewish trait. Other groups had their opinions and had debates between groups and it was all healthy debate no yelling or saying you are wrong. It was interesting to hear people’s deep feelings about this topic and give another perspective. As we all shared we all listened too which was cool. No interrupting or trying to overpower someone else with their opinion. Afterwards we had a little break to get ready for our night out and then met back in the same place in order to learn more about the holocaust. It was a very emotional discussion about how the Jews were a defenseless people and were carted off to auschwitz for extermination. Then we watched a video of how Israel got a chance to do a flyover with 3 f-15 fighter jets over auschwitz. It was very informative on what Israel means to the Jewish people. Then we were able to go out. E walked through Jerusalem to an awesome pedestrian area where it is popular to celebrate the end of Shabbat. I started walking around with two other buddies searching for a nice quiet place to drink. We roamed around looking at different crowded places until we found a nice quiet bar with a few people. These people were stoked about my unicycle. They immediately got up and tried to ride it. I told them the basics you should use a wall or railing to get on it the try to ride forward. They struggled to get on it but one guy had ridden one before and another never rode one but was super muscular and had done other balancing sports. They both got on a got a good amount of revolutions before falling. The guy who did balancing sports wanted to get one and also gave me a free shot of tequila. I definitely agreed to that a sucked it down. It wasn’t that bad no lime or anything. Then a female bartender came out and tried and struggled but had fun and offered me a free beer. It was awesome to say the least I saved about 50 sheckels so that was nice. Also I was happily buzzed after all the drinks. Then another group member came by and told us about a jazz bar we had been looking for but didn’t know exactly where it was. They headed there while I said goodbye to my new friends when I was ready to go I lost them so I started off in a direction I thought they went in. While going in a direction, two different groups of people stopped me to try the unicycle. One guy had done it for years so he hoped on and the other guy struggled immensely. After the second guy tried it out I actually asked them where the jazz bar was and they pointed it out for me where I met up with my friends. It was really relaxing music that just made the beers taste so much better. We also met the staff of the trip that sat with us (totally did not buy us shots cause that’s against the rules) and we just chatted and enjoyed the ambiance of the place. The jazz band had saxophones, a piano, drums, guitar and sometimes a singer. Eventually it was time to go so we regrettably got our things together and met everyone back at the meeting spot then we went back to the hotel and talked about tomorrow’s trip to see the holocaust museum and ride camels. After we got back I immediately passed out on my bed. Thanks for reading!

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