#like paladin's innate and very absurd amount of conviction and self righteousness means that when she is low she is SO very low like she's

[swordmaid]

also man... post oathbreaking when the delusion essentially crashes and she realizes everything she has done was for nothing... she killed her own mother for nothing... she killed and ruined people's lives for nothing... she sold herself for nothing and allowed that woman to do those things to her--for nothing..!!! and that she'll never get to go back home, never will have a place she can call hers, and she has no place in this world, and now everything is uncertain and terrifying and her fear and paranoia ramps up 10x bc she is nothing now..!!!!! depression, babes. and she could also turn illithid any fucking second because there's a worm in her head and some hot elf lady in her dreams telling her to consume more of that power and turning illithid feels more tempting by the second bc at least there will be something to guide her but she doesn't ofc she doesn't loathe herself that much. but she is lost. and now very scared bc she lied to these people and she doesn't know how they'll treat her now and she is very used to how drow treat each other so is she expecting that they'll jump her the moment she turns her back on them ofc...! honestly awful time for her not to mention the mental and spiritual fatigue that comes with oath breaking and how it feels like there is a gaping hole in her chest. absolute, rancid of a time for shri'iia 0/10.

but when she does her first valiant deed(!!!) of saving the gnome slaves from the cultists, when she realizes hey.... maybe i can do this... and this isn't so bad.... and they thank her for saving them she's like 📈📈📈 we are SO fucking back