#like not all radfems will agree with other radical ideologies fully either but then getting mad when rad aligned people don't is

[femmesandhoney]

some of yall come into radical feminist spaces where many are just rad-aligned or feminists in general and then weirdly assume every woman you speak to must all subscribe to every radical ideology ever made just because they agree with radical feminism as if people on radblr aren't all at various stages of agreement and disagreement with radical feminism and label themselves many things besides radfem. if you come for women on here for not being "radical" enough for you despite knowing this i think you're just looking to stir up problems for no reason tbh

[rosalesbeausderholle]

how do you cope with suicidality over not being straight? both conservative and new age 'queer' homophobia have absolutely destroyed me and i'm tired of being here in the planet. I don't think i should have been born and i hate beyond words how there's no cure.

I'm sorry anon, it's completely understandable, but all I can say is that a) there's people out there in the world from all walks of life who will accept you just as you are and that helps and that b) I'm available to talk through DMs if you want.

Other than that, my way to cope with suicidal feelings on my day to day life, when I had them, was to grab anything that could fully distract me from them at the moment until I calmed down, there's no shame in grabbing into the one thing that keeps you afloat for dear life. For me this was videogames btw, but for the overall suicidal feelings, I don't think there's a proven method, though I did go to a therapist and talked to her about my experiences with queer homophobia, and it was very important to me for her to reaffirm that I wasn't crazy, that my feelings were real but that also it didn't do any good to me to think that every single person in the world thought what I thought they did about me being a monster, that there were people who would accept me anyway. And tbh, this depends on the person, but I've even talked to people in queer groups or my own trans friends about this, and they've agreed with me. It takes someone who is really truly incredibly fringe and disassociated from the world that the statement 'you can't say no to have this type of sex' is something they support. The problem is that not enough people speak up abt it, either because they don't see it or because it doesn't affect them directly, so they don't think it's a problem. There's also many people who will say this shit outwardly for acceptance 'trans women are women so ofc!' but then when pressed they don't actually think anyone is obligated to have unwanted sex and think it's normal if someone is turned off by specific genitalia, what they don't like is discussing the ontological implications of it, which to me is fine, I don't always have to do it, because I give the empathy that I receive, even for things that I don't fully understand.

Also, I think that what also helped me was getting out of a very black and white worldview re: RF/GCs vs trans. There's a lot of unseen radicalization and dehumanizing in those circles which goes both ways (and yes, I very much also mean from radfems and GCs towards trans people) and talking to real people regardless of ideological camps does help both of you fully understand each other's perspectives (though yes, there's some terminally online idiots who are very homophobic and annoying about this particular topic. I simply interact with them as little as possible). And in general, what helped me most I think was to just start to live my life trying to get away from participating in most of these inflammatory debates, which are at the end, just very extreme things that won't affect most people in everyday life. There's homophobes out there, both progressive and conservative, but I stray clear from them and surround myself with people who I can talk about my issues with, even if at first it can be hard (and I'm aware that this is a privileged position and that I'm not surrounded by living with homophobes in my house and I'm lucky to live in places which protect LGBT rights. Of course, not everyone has that luck). And little by little, I realize that my life can be livable, that many people aren't as evil as I thought, that we can understand each other's problems and perspectives and that I can exist in this world and be happy.

For conservative homophobia, I have less experience of it affecting my day to day life other than me debating the hell out of bigots in my hs class but my family has always been pretty cool about this, and even the ones who are more conservative, they're not the kind to say shit to my face. I don't have the specific tools that other people have re: religious homophobia in your own home. So if other people have advice for anon in that regard, I'd be happy to reblog with additions!

I don't know if any of this is useful to you, these are mostly just my experiences and perspectives and I'm not going to deny that it gets hard sometimes still, but less each time. Regardless, if you want to talk in private my DMs are open.

[rf-times]

Radfems should also point out that you can be a liberal feminist and disagree with the trans movement. We need more liberal feminists who are gender critical. Too many women are going into and all-or-nothing side right away. You can agree with radfems ideas and not be one. I'm pretty sure liberal feminists and Radical feminists aren't even inherently opposed to each other and have different solutions.

Some radfems do. I've spoken about it before but it comes from the tendency to view radical feminism as a checklist of beliefs rather than a cohesive unit. I think there's definitely a desire to get women who, having questioned gender ideology, might be ready to challenge other, deeper patriarchal norms and explore radical feminism. Basically saying "Hey, you probably have been conditioned to think radical feminism is evil but already you're sharing some of our beliefs, do you want to look at what else we're actually saying and believe in?" Which I think is a good thing, it's how I got into radical feminism. The issue is when women consider themselves to be radical feminists out of default instead of a genuine belief in dismantling male supremacy at the root, don't want to do the work to desocialise or think criticically, are condescending and hostile to radical feminists who actually hold radical feminist views.

As to liberal vs radical feminism, there are similarities and there are issues where we can agree and fight together. I do also think there are worthy and meaningful core disagreements. Liberal and radical feminism aren't necessarily sliding scales of extremity either though, they are both concrete ideologies of feminism, patriarchy and what our approach should be to both (though many women may first be drawn to legal and economic reform over more radical analysis and means, this doesn't mean liberal feminism is "beginner's feminism" or anything like that). Personally I think people should research and reflect/think critically on ideologies they're interested in, any ideology, before declaring themselves to be a fully fledged member.

[challahbread]

(please try to imagine this in a normal tone. i am trying my autistic damnedest to not accidentally sound like a rabid insane anon but i may have failed.)

i don't know if you consider yourself a radical feminist, or a terf, or some unlabeled type of feminist who has some similarities, but i do know you have a number of trans followers and mutuals.

you don't need to espouse every part of your ideology for the world to see, but i don't know why you would want to interact with people who seem to go against things you believe.

perhaps this request is entitled, but it can be really upsetting to realize someone i had been in contact with for Some Time might fundamentally disagree with me on the terms of my existence as a trans person.

if you're still sorting out what feminist vision is right for you, please just keep in mind that trans women aren’t a monolith. just like you don’t deserve to be cheated, hurt, used as a political pawn, then demonized and abandoned when it’s convenient, they don’t either.

i saw you had posted about feeling like nobody cared after you detransitioned. i can’t imagine how much that sucks. in activist circles of all stripes there’s a sense with which oppression can be treated like a contest or a prerequisite to connecting with others. you deserve better than that.

a last invitation: i am willing to come off anon and talk with you. i do want to listen to your experiences, because i’ve got my problems with how trans politics go too. we have been mutuals for a while but it feels weird to go off anon if you have no interest.

anyways. if you do fully trust what you believe in, you don't need to hide it in benefit-of-the-doubt reblogs and deleted asks. Just come out and say it.

take care, thanks for reading.

all the “political” post i’ve shared have been about the effects of sex based oppression, i have never and will never share anything hateful. if you believe that sex based oppression doesn’t exist anymore, you’re deluding yourself. and of course i agree that trans people deserve safety, housing, respect and compassion, if that’s what you’re wondering about?

also, as for the interacting with people with different or conflicting beliefs, i don’t have a problem with it. it helps you see and learn from multiple perspectives, challenges what you know, and makes you think critically and develop your own beliefs through analyzing evidence instead of blindly following a labelled popular idiology. i really recommend it, but i’m also not forcing you to follow me? if you don’t like this answer, please feel free to block me.

also, even though i don’t appreciate getting labels stuck on me, it’s worth noting i have seen self-identified radfems that are also trans, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯?

[werevulvi]

Has radical feninism improved your life at all? What do you get out of it that other subbranches of feminism or trans activism don't give or offer?

You know what? Sometimes I ask myself the same question, lmao. It's a harsh branch, and I find myself unhappy with it as I have with any other ideology. But despite that, I still hold onto radfem, at least half-assedly. Because despite the greviances I may have with some of it, it is the only branch of feminism that is based on reality. The harsh, painful reality that tries to break me down. And I guess keeping my chin up in that sorta weather makes me feel stronger and more powerful.

Radfem helped me forgive myself for being female, and to dig into my internalised misogyny, which helped me find self-love. That is invaluable. Although that's not saying I think I owe radfem in any way. It also made me more angry at the world and feeling more trapped and hopeless. Because if I can't escape my female sex, then wtf can I even do? And can I even cry "misogyny" when I'm being rejected things I always thought I could take for granted as a woman/girl, perhaps even discriminated against, based on my masculine appearance? Or is it all my fault?

I felt my internalised misogyny get better after tons of self-therapy and healing, only to feel it again plummet to the bottom again, when I noticed that I'm being treated on some kind of a mass scale just for the way I look. Can feminism help me? Is that selfish of me to even utter? Who knows. I am not a collective of common women's issues to bring to the table. I am just me. Me and my stupidly unique issues.

But what I need to remember is that my suffering is none of radfem's fault. It only opened my eyes. I knew I might likely hate what I'd see if I did. Yet, I still chose to open my eyes. What depresses me is patriarchy, and frankly trans activism and it's near constant putting sticks in my wheels.

It might be petty, but to me, understanding that biological sex is immutable is not only the scientifically correct understanding of biology, but also the most logical one, but perhaps most of all... it's the only thing I can base my womanhood on. Trans activism is incredibly quick to discredit me as a woman because I transitioned and don't like "looking like a woman" (I dunno what that looks like, but I know it's not how I look) because they deem it transphobic to base womanhood (or manhood) on biological sex. Even when I do not even discredit trans women as women. (I mean I kinda do, but not like publically. I tread around that topic like a sleeping wolf.)

Honestly, I'm way too much of a nihilist (realist/pessimist) to even be able to hope that patriarchy can be torn down, within my lifetime or ever, so in regards to making real life changes... feminism is kinda pointless. The world is just too rotten. But I guess I see it as that I'd rather die trying, you know.

Although my allegiance to radfem specifically is waning. I don't like the collectivism part of it, nor do I like most suggested solutions like the Nordic model for solving the issue of prostitution (I'm a Swede, we have it here, it's awful, I'd rather vote for the Australian model.) As a starch centrist and libertarian, I also strongly disagree with the heavy socialist (not rarely even communist) thread that runs through radfem. Although I really don't care to fight others for being socialists, I just can't fully agree with that.

So with my string of rather small, but still, perpetual disagreements with probably most radfems... I'm straying all the more from the ideology as a whole. I'd say I more consider myself just a gender critical feminist nowadays. Which yeah, is probably "practically the same" for an outsider, but for someone's who's been digging around in it for a while... there's whole lotta difference between, for example Andrea Dworkin (radical feminist) and Posie Parker (gender critical feminist) and not just because the latter wears more makeup than the former did, lol. But that's not saying I'm 100% onboard with Posie's opinions either. They're both just examples.

With that all said, I think it's important for me now to take what I agree with about radfem and leave the rest behind me. Take what I like about trans activism, and leave the rest behind me. Think for myself, form my own opinions and walk my own road, come what may. I've never been much of the type that flocks or relate to whole communities.

But has radfem improved my life at all?

Yes, definitely. It taught me there's nothing wrong with being female. It taught me that womanhood has nothing to do with outward appearance or what sex stereotype you wish look like. It made me aware of my internalised misogyny, and helped me understand my sexual traumas better as well. All of that and more... helped me heal tremenduously. It made me realise that it's in being female I find all the gender comfort and stability I'll ever need... without even trying. That was groundbreaking for me, and it still is. Radfem gave me the view of womanhood that I sorely needed, which trans activism never could. And I am forever grateful for that. I said those same words 2 years ago shortly after I first detransitioned, and I will keep saying it.

I may casually call myself a "cis" woman, but it's just political and it's fun because the TRA's hate it. Someone like me openly identifying as a cis woman is exactly what the world needs... I think. Because that might actually change things. And that is... I think, probably the most impactful thing I can offer for feminism. My refusal to "look like a woman" (again, unsure what that means), yet being proudly a woman based solely on my biology. But I digress.

But point is I'm a "cis" woman by my own standards. I could never even possibly touch that label with a ten inch pole by TRA definition of it. This matters, because to them it's only trans and cis, and vast majority of people do not fit that model. No matter how much I listened to TRA's, they only ever had me spinning in circles, and radfem finally broke me free from that seemingly endless sphere. But I digress. Again. Fuck, it's 2am and I'm spiritually already asleep in bed. Was just gonna write a few sentences for a reply, I said. It will go quick, I said. Well, oh well... I think it's been an hour, and I need a smoke. So I won't proof-read this mess.

Sometimes I wonder if that's the only true "female liberation" there can be: to finally understand your trauma, and starting to defend/trand up for yourself and other women.

What radfem gave me was kind of a chance to turn my life all around, and finally transition from victim to survivor. And I think that's not a small gift. It's about the greatest thing I've ever gotten.

But please do keep in mind that I am a very multi-layered person. And most of the time I'm not even fully aware of what most of my brain is doing. Even when it’s not 2am. I'm not nearly as self-aware as I think I am, literally. I'm a bit fragmented still. Who knows what my billion different aspects and opinions are doing, but they’re surely not communicating, lmao. Alright I'mma go to sleep now. Sorry this response became so disorganised. It was a good vent though, and gave me a lot to think about, so I hope you like it.

[rosalesbeausderholle]

Honestly i agree with that post of yours. tbh i think most people who are getting mad over it are the ones who think radical feminism is making fun of genderists on tumblr. like obviously radical feminism is fully against gender ideology but it’s not some sort of movement whose sole and only purpose is to go against it on the internet. Some People on here are getting much too comfortable calling themselves radfems after sharing a few memes about TiMs and insulting a 14 year old who says she’s nonbinary. Even if there Weren’t any trans people, radical feminism would still exist and there would still be a need for it. framing radical feminism as only being anti-trans is basically playing into the misinformation people spread about it and detracts from our ability to have useful conversations. I’d much rather have a constructive discussion on, let’s say the porn industry, with a woman who has a gender identity, than call her an insult, further cementing her belief that radical feminism is out to get her.

(anon's language is obviously not the language I would use to talk about trans people but i can't control what words other people put in my inbox and also i know her intentions aren't bad)

Radical feminism as it is now lacks very basic empathy for trans people. In a way that makes sense as an immediate reaction because many trans people and people who are activists for trans rights lack empathy with us (see how easy everyone talks about killing and choking terfs etc) and will say and do incredibly misogynistic things but it making sense as a human emotional reaction does not make it good or justifiable (neither is misogyny in the supposed name of trans rights, obviously, anyone who cannot conceive of advocating for the rights of trans people without falling back on incredibly misogynistic ideas and who won't listen to criticism of that is nothing but a run of the mill self-serving misogynist).

For years both groups have been isolating one another each getting more and more extreme in their thinking and language and actions to the point that now they can't even communicate with each other properly (see how each of you use different buzzwords to mean the same thing and will keep stubbornly doing so even when it prevents effective communication within the well-intentioned people within each side).

This leads to a mindset that's basically tribal, but feminism is a political movement for women's liberation, that means everyone affected by misogyny. A political movement for the liberation of half the human race from the oppressive institutions set up and the violence done by the other half can't be tribal.

Some people seem to wield the "well, so and so who does this and that can't BE a radical feminism" like attaining 'radical feminist' status is some kind of prize or badge of honour. BUT 'radical feminist' isn't a chosen identity you have to perform or a club one belongs to, it's a set of principles and ideas (that so many people who call themselves radfems now don't even follow themselves) You either agree with them or not, you either act in accordance with them or not and you can even agree with one of them and not the others. I'm a lot less interested in who "is" a radical feminist in an identitarian way, than in who agrees with this or that radical feminist idea, and who incorporates that in their actions and feminist activist. Ie: what are your actual politics are much more important to any political movement than what political label you use. What do you believe? What do you do?

There have always been different branches of feminism, but people are allowed not to subscribe to any one of them and people are allowed to take one idea of radical feminism they agree with, and another one of marxist feminism they also agree with and so on and so forth and all of those different ideas end up forming their own personal political beliefs. And the people with different political beliefs are still allowed to participate in radical feminist actions, or socialist organizing, or even liberal feminists organizing even if they don't neatly fit perfectly any of those labels. We conceptualize these different currents because we need to categorize and organize different concepts in our own head to make sense of them, but that doesn't mean they constitute some kind of exclusive club.

People are allowed to participate in politics with groups they agree with even if they don't agree with everything they say. A trans man may have his own reasons to criticize and be against the sex industry, a thought that would usually fall under radfem ideas, but he may not agree with radfem conceptions of sex and gender due to being trans. He is still allowed to participate/attend events and seminars and read theory about the harms of the sex industry even if he's not a Pure Radical Feminist because of his ideas on gender. He'd be then actively participating in radical feminist thought and action, are you going to tell me that he can't because of his gender identity? Even when his beliefs about the harms of the sex industry and sex trafficking and the violence against women in it are in earnest?

And this is a sorta extreme example. The one that my post was referring to was people who believe in basically everything radical feminist teaches but they continue to identify as trans/nb despite that. It's even more bonkers to me to say that they can't be radical feminists when they're people who believe in gender abolition and recognize that sex matters (their sex also, their bodies! Their own lived experiences that they're talking about!) in the way one is treated by the patriarchy and in who suffers from misogyny! But they're dysphoric and use other pronouns oh no! Out of the VIP club!

People have to analyze whether they care more about the label or about trying to build bridges with other female/afab people also affected by misogyny. They also have to analyze whether the discomfort with trans people getting involved with radfem activism and ideas has more to do with their discomfort with trans people as a whole period. Surprise, despite the violent misogyny of a lot of queer activists in the name of trans rights it turns out that trans people are not a monolith and they also have different opinions about gender and sex!