#like maybe it's dramatic but i genuinely feel bitter when I see concert videos and most times listen to his songs
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#can i be completely honest without anyone getting mad or unfollowing#i know it was a long time ago but I still haven't recovered from my bad hslot experience in 2022#like maybe it's dramatic but i genuinely feel bitter when I see concert videos and most times listen to his songs#pictures are ok but i just 😐 can't connect anymore#and it's so shitty!!!!#i don't want to not be a fan because it was so enjoyable before that happened#and I'll keep engaging with his content and when he releases new music I'll listen it with the best energy#and when he tours I'll buy tickets to try and replace the memories#but I lowkey hate that 1. I fell out of love w him and 2. that I'm treating it so srsly and not letting it go 😭#like probably ppl here will relate but him and 1d are part my identity I can't just. not be a fan#(I know i can and I do have an actual identity and life outside of fandom 🙄 im exaggerating for dramatic effect)#(mostly it's abt how boring not being a fan is) (I don't like when ppl say ''x saved me'' but he has brought light to my life many times)#I feel like we need to go to couple's therapy 😭😭😭 I'm aware this sounds extremely parasocial bc it is#I just can't help it#anyway im glad i didn't have the same experience at louis' show bc I genuinely GENUINELY wouldn't have survived going thru this w him
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