#like literally me and sports stopped seeing each other in the early 2000s

[hopelessdelusional]

.・。.・゜✭・.✫・゜・。.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

labyrinth

EDIT: i fucked up and forgot to add a pic and it won’t let me so. yeah. also i fixed the out of order mistake i’m so sorry😭

ONCE AGAIN THE OC JORDAN IS NOT MINE‼️‼️‼️ it’s the dearest @kotoprincesa !!

hey…life…am i right?

yeah hopefully you saw the post LMFAO ya boy has had a weird week

i’m sorry this is a short one but like i said shit is crazy

i rlly hope i’ll have time to write tomorrow 😭

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

AND SINCE THIS IS LATE IM GONNA FINALLY TELL U HOW EVERYONE GOT THEIR NICKNAMES FROM BKG MWAHAHA YES:

Sero-tape arms/soy sauce:

1. tape arms is from when it was their freshmen year of high school, and sero once got RLLY drunk at some senior’s party….anyways he got tied up by a bunch of girls. with tape. (yes he did cry as the gang ripped off the tape) fun fact!! Jordan was actually at that party (their cousin was the hostess) and was the one who told the bakusquad abt him getting taped up!

2. soy sauce is from the very first prank Kaminari did on the channel where he gave sero a glass of soy sauce but told him it was coke (sero didn’t speak to him for three days afterwards)

Mina-pinky/raccoon eyes:

pinky is like rlly obvious she has pink hair, BUT raccoon eyes is a much more funny story! you see, just like her lover; kirishima, she too had a sort of…alt-y phase. in her case, she experimented with black clothing but more importantly, black eyeshadow. like. a LOT. kirishima thought it was the CUTEST thing ever and was low key upset when she stopped doing it💀

Kirishima-weird hair/shitty hair/spiky:

he just had a rlly bad haircut when they came back to school for their sophomore year, it was legit like how teen guys had it in the early 2000s-gelled up into spikes 🫥

Kaminari-Sparky:

he tried rewiring their broken fan in college. got electrocuted. went to the hospital. yeah.

Hitoshi-eyebags:

he may not get sleep now, but it was RLLY bad their jr year of high school dear GOD. everyone would have to FIGHT him to get him to go to sleep, even putting that powder melatonin in his drinks 😭😭 (it was actually kats’ idea :(( such a sweetie)

Shoto-IcyHot:

shoto had this…phase…half way thru sophomore year of high school where he would over work himself with sports/work that he would literally put on icyhot every. single. day. (it drove EVERYONE crazy but no one dared to say anything)

Jirou-headphones:

ALL throughout high school jirou always had her headphones in. there wasn’t one time where she wasn’t listening to music and bkg being the old man he is thought it was “incredibly rude” and “disrespectful” (karma is a bitch tho bc after this HIS nickname was old man)

Momo-ponytail:

yeah the gang wasn’t kidding when momo went thru an INTENSE ponytail phase like she would gel it and everything😭😭😭the girls would be begging for momo just to keep it down or else she’ll keep getting called jojo siwa by the freshmen

Iida-four eyes/glasses:

….uh it’s kinda obvious LMFAO

Ochako-pink cheeks:

so bkg and ochako were actually #besties after they put their differences aside (after bkg apologized to izuku) and she would ALWAYS go to him and rant abt her crush on Iida. so, as “revenge” he would call her pink cheeks whenever she was talking to Iida. HOWEVER that so backfired on him bc the nickname made iida think bkg liked ochako (he also noticed their newest infatuation w/each other) and iida one day went to bkg to tell him HE liked ochako and was like “i see that you and ochako have made a new relationship, but i just need to tell you i have feelings for ochako.” anyways. bkg was going thru new anger management stuff and he had to take VERY deep breaths in order not to lose his shit LMFAO

Izuku-Nerd:

….do i really need to say anything? 🤨🤨

hope you enjoyed that! thank you for the wait i love u guys 🫶🫶🫶

.・。.・゜✭・.✫・゜・。.

fun facts! ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

- you know it’s bad when kats is up at 1AM

- ain’t i a genius for that thomas the train gossip account? huh? hm?

- Jordan keeps their man in CHECK (they love each other) and Sero is half scared, and the other half find it very sexy

- also when i wrote that part all i could think of is that one song “walk him like a dog sis” because toshi and Jordan got that covered

- do u like mina and kiri’s users😇😇 idk if i do but whatever

- that gc has…some stuff in it. mainly just all the things of bakugou’s the gang has taken, broken, or lost LMFAO

- toshi and kam are just so cute i’m throwing up sobbing rn

- kiri always scowls at “unnecessary” language but then cusses too… double standards (he has never once called out mina tho HA)

- i feel like i’ve said this before but i need to say it again; i just KNOW in my SOUL kiri uses the laughing emoji

- sero and kam are mina’s ultimate hype men

- kacchan and deku-bed friends forever!

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·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ TAGLIST IS OPEN just message or comment: @lovelytayy @0anodite0 @bakugouswh0r3 @amethyst123 @nijirosz @dabis-vigilnate-girl @allnamesredacted @ch3rryhaze @ectoplasmictoast @cathwritestragediesnotsins @tati-the-fangirl @autumnfay @call-me-prodigy @chuugarettes @sammyam @kotoprincesa @bubblewordsofsodapop @biggestbeequeen @tqnk @el-hart @i-simp-for-mha-men

[textsfrombeybladers]

Kai’s first plot line in V-Force absolutely fascinates me and I feel like no one ever talks about it.

Here me out: Kai’s plot primarily involves his relationship with Wyatt and the grief he feels after losing him, but why? Sure, he believes himself at fault for his death, but have you ever noticed how strange Kai behaves during this period? The season goes out of its way to acknowledge that Kai has a tendency to just leave while his team is talking, never giving us a clear answer as to why. It’s literally never even brought up, even though the time is taken to show the audience that it’s happening. Kai is also the only one to genuinely appear affected by what happened during Wyatt’s battle with Dunga, enough where he not only begins to hallucinate, but also seems to have a rather genuine PTSD episode. If Tyson hadn’t yelled at him, he literally would have walked right off of the ledge of the beydish. If Wyatt died in Kai’s arms that day, why is he the only one having such a strong emotional reaction? Realistically, all of them would have some sort of trauma regarding seeing someone die and yet the rest of them never seem to even slow down afterward, let alone take time to mourn. It isn’t until Kai opens up during the tie match that Tyson seems to understand what sort of pain he’s in and yet, even as a typically emotional character, Tyson’s response is to smirk at him and accuse him of going soft, taking a minute to tease him instead of immediately acknowledging his pain. Tyson is one of the most emotional characters in the show, regularly allowing himself to cry in front of his friends and shown in seasons 2 and 3 to have anger issues. He should completely see where Kai is coming from, not tease him for it so why does he?

Because Wyatt was not originally supposed to die in Kai’s arms, he was supposed to be an implied love interest.

Let’s begin by discussing some tropes that were rather common during the early 2000s that Kai and Wyatt as a whole, or in some cases just Wyatt or just Kai, seem to fit into. The main one I want to discuss is known as the secondary love confession. This trope tends to involve a secondary character, usually of the same sex, essentially doing all but confess their love to a main character. In order to avoid the controversy of the relationship being canonically depicted as gay, this trope tends to be played in a way that instead depicts a budding friendship that before the confession, did not exist. Characters can either be depicted as enemies who suddenly need to confess they don’t hate each other, or a more cold character suddenly allowing their guard down in order for the person they’ve been originally pushing away to come into their life. Kai spends most of the scenes he has with Wyatt avoiding him. He does not want to talk to him, does not want to be his friend, and does not want him following him around. Yet when Wyatt comes back to him, Kai seems to have an oddly content relationship with him. He doesn’t say anything when Wyatt introduces himself as his friend, he does not appear annoyed at seeing him again and in fact, the way that it’s portrayed (primarily in the Japanese dub) it seems as though Kai does not want Wyatt to actually stop trying to become someone he views as worth his time in battle. He wants Wyatt to continue training, he wants him to come find him again someday, but it’s done in a very ‘Kai’ way. Furthermore, every other character on their team is also given a version of this trope! The only difference is that the remainder of the team is given this trope with a member of the opposite sex. Ray has a similar confrontation with Salima when he learns she does not want to continue working with Team PsyKick, Tyson has one while coming to terms with Hillary being a part of the team and being useful despite her lack of understanding regarding the sport as a whole and Max is given one while trapped with Miriam, proving to both her and himself that she is not their enemy. So is it a coincidence that Kai’s person who he needs to open up to in order to develop his character also happens to be a member of the same sex? Gay characters, especially before the 2010’s, have typically had to remain hidden, their sexuality merely implied instead of outright stated.

This brings me to my next trope, the one we all know as ‘bury your gays’. This is where is gets more complicated as I stated that I don’t believe Wyatt was intended to die in Kai’s arms, but I also don’t necessarily believe he was meant to live. This is a very well known trope in regards to gay characters and I won’t go into as much detail with it, but I do want to explain why I think it was thrown in at the last minute. As I explained before, Kai is regularly shown leaving during scenes where we see the team as a whole, not only that but the way the animation pans makes this very clear and obvious to the audience. Kai leaves, we’re directly shown this, yet it’s never acknowledged. So why does the show go out of the way to make this known to the viewer? Because Wyatt is not dead. At least not yet. During Kai’s final battle with Goki we are shown what’s believed to be Wyatt’s spirit guiding him, causing Kai to have hallucinations and flashbacks. Originally this hallucination is depicted as Wyatt in the Team Psykick uniform in a state of psychosis before changing to the Wyatt we know as an audience who insists to Kai that what happened to him is not his fault. This is our first instance of believing that Wyatt might no longer be alive. The one thing that strikes me as odd, though… if Wyatt died in Kai’s arms, why is he depicted in what seem to be either pajamas or hospital clothes? Not only that, but why do we suddenly get a flashback of Wyatt falling from something and holding out for Kai’s hand in an outfit we have never seen him in before? I know this may get me mocked, but I firmly believe that there was a plot line for an episode that was not made, and I believe that episode involves Kai visiting Wyatt in the hospital and something happening which causes Wyatt’s death. What this something is I can’t be sure, but one thing I do believe is that Kai is the only one who was there when Wyatt died and that his teammates do not know this. (Personally I’m still hoping for a more legit love confession but I understand that Beyblade avoids romantic relationships with the characters and instead only implies relationships or crushes, similar to how no one seems to know for sure if Ray and Mariah are dating or not). Had Tyson not known of Wyatt’s fate, his reaction to Kai makes more sense. He isn’t viewing Kai’s reaction as him mourning, he’s acknowledging that his emotionally constipated friend has developed his first crush.

This brings me to my last point, Kai leaving. This is the main reason that I believe Kai was visiting Wyatt in the hospital. Even if we didn’t necessarily have an entire episode showing a blossoming relationship between them, what if it was supposed to play out in smaller scenes where we followed Kai as he went to see him? Thus making it necessary to show the audience that he is walking away from his friends and going to do something on his own. There’s only one time we are ever given an explanation to where Kai goes when he wanders off and that’s during the scene where he’s laying on his back in the middle of the woods like the little weirdo we all know and love. This paragraph is going to be shorter than my other two because I’ve already explained this belief in a less drawn out way in a different paragraph and because I’m not being graded on this essay. Also I’ve been writing this for over an hour and I’m tired but can’t sleep until I get it out of my head and on paper (digital paper, that is).

In conclusion, it is my belief that Kai was intended to be portrayed as an early 2000s version of an openly queer character. Not only does he fit more than one trope from that time period but he also has several scenes that we are not offered explanation to, has what seems to be a PTSD episode that his teammates never acknowledge, but it also seems that his relationship with Wyatt was meant to play a larger roll in his overall character arch of that season. Ya boi is gay as hell and in love with a posh little brunette and ya essay author is tired and doesn’t actually wanna make this sound like an essay I would have written in school anymore. I will ship these two until the day I die and really hate that they’re of such little interest in the shipping fandom.

Kyatt 4ever

Peace out

[pettyprocrastination]

i would love to know your very specific eddie thoughts!!

HEHEHEHEH >:D

partial inspiration credits goes to @ofstarsandvibranium for THIS lovely post talking about cute dates with Eddie, one of which being roller skating. But also ever since I started playing derby I've been looking to do roller derby aus for literally every character under the sun so!

Eddie dating a derby girl!

You play banked track roller derby for the local league: The Hawkin's Derby Dolls!

Now realistically: banked-track derby had died out in the late 70′s and wasn't truly revived until the early 2000's in Austin, Texas, but for now we will pretend that roller derby was still a bustling sport in the eighties for my own little heart

Eddie thinks it’s the coolest thing in the fucking world

You’re slamming into other girls on a floor with an incline while roller skating? It’s the most badass thing he’s ever seen. 

You guys met because you were always skating in town. On the sidewalk, the road, even in the mall, cackling away while some fucking mall security chased after you but you would always leave them in the dust. He was fucking obsessed with you.

You’re walking home from practice, when his van drives by and slows down to match your pace. He stick his head out of the window and smiles. 

“Hey speedracer, you need a ride?” 

During the drive you talk to him about roller derby, and he talks to you about music, turns out you guys like a lot of the same artists!

mans is literally on cloud nine: as if you could be any more perfect. 

Drops you off and calls out to you “Maybe I’ll come by some time, watch you do your thing, yeah?” 

“I’ll be looking for you, Munson.” 

and he was done for. 

Supportive boyfriend supreme right there, nobody can top him. 

Has cancelled postponed hellfire so he can go see you play. 

Never gives them a set reason though. He likes to make them wonder because he’s a dramatic son of a bitch. 

“Sorry boys, but the oh-so mysterious dungeon master has more important plans for the evening. You go find somebody else to squawk at tonight.” 

Cheering your derby name (Spawn of Skatan) so loud you would think he was performing a song. 

“That’s my fucking girl! You got this!” 

Gets the team shirt and everything. 

At half time he’s jogging up to the team bench and pressing a kiss to the top of your helmet and “you’re kicking ass, babe. Just one half left and you ladies take home the win, alright?” 

Definitely moments of anxiety watching you up there because holy shit do you get bruised up and the risk of injury is for real. 

If you ever get knocked down and don’t get back up? He’s sprinting and jumping onto the track before anybody can say a work and taking you into his arms. Let them fucking try and stop him and he’ll swing. 

When the bout is over though? Oh he’s cheering loud as hell. Win or Lose.  

“That’s fucking right! That’s my girl right there!! fuck yeah!!” 

running over and cupping your sweaty face in his hands and kissing you while your teammates hoot and holler. 

“you're fucking amazing, baby-” “Eddie! I’m all sweaty and gross-” “Never stopped me before >:)” “eddie NO” 

After you both sit down in a boot at your favorite diner, eating greasy burgers and dipping your fries in a strawberry shake as you remark on what went well and what didn’t, with some feedback from Eddie of course. 

“It was hot as fuck when you slammed that one chick down, babes.” 

he tries his best.

Afterwards you take a hot shower at his trailer and slip into bed where he holds you with gentle hands as he presses kisses to the bruises and scrapes that lines your body, soft praise being whispered between each one. 

You're sore as can be the next day, but waking up in his arms makes it feel a big sweeter. 

[jwood719]

Thurmond, West Virginia: a Rail Road Town that the World Passed By, Then Found Again (sorta’) - Updated.

As I explained recently over a dinner with friends in town (for the first time in how long?!), Thurmond, West Virginia was south and west of Pittsburgh, so it seemed like a good option for a kind-of side trip on the way home from Pennsylvania.  Little did I know how long the trip south would be, but glad I was to have done it.

A CSX coal car drag passing the Thurmond Depot, as seen through the window of the yardmaster’s office. [1]

The town was founded by one Capt. W.D. Thurmond in 1873, the same year the Chesapeake & Ohio Railway completed main line track building through the New River Valley.  The New River Valley was scene to intensive coal mining in the latter half of the 1800s and first half of the 1900s, and Thurmond was literally and figuratively at the heart of it all.

I believe the tall structure visible through the coal smoke and vented steam is the coaling tower. [2]

Thurmond in 1988.  Conspicuously absent now are all the structures on the left side of the tracks -- as well as the tracks to the left. [3]

The New River Valley was also the scene of some of the worst of the “coal field wars:” the operators paid by weight, ran company towns and stores, and lured unsuspecting laborers into the valley with promises of good wages -- promises that never materialized.  Instead, coal weight was shorted, company rents and store fees were exorbitant, and rules were enforced with extra-judicial posses, bought-off law enforcement officers, and state militia at times.  Miners were repeatedly denied recognition of their unionizing efforts, scabs were thrown in between the simmering, or boiling, antagonists, and strikes devolved into shooting matches.

Thurmond in 1988. [3]  Two generations of water towers (near center) holding hundreds of thousands of gallons of water for the thirsty steam-powered engines, and the post office building (at right)  CSX removed the water towers in the 1990s.

Concrete footings for the water towers seen in the 1988 photo above.  The post office building still stands (at far right), and is still U.S.P.S. property, though it is no longer in operation. [1]

Thurmond was the vital hub for the C&O and for all the various people who moved through the Valley throughout the coal mining years; in 1910, Thurmond  moved more freight and passengers than any other town the rail road serviced.  It’s hard to imagine today, but from its founding until the early 1920s, Thurmond could only be reached by rail, and thousands of people moved through or lived in the town, going to work in a mine, working for the C&O, or providing goods and services.

The Marilyn Brown house, with the roofline of the Fatty Lipscomb house beyond. [1]

At one time, Thurmond boasted many commercial structures, scores of houses (like those above), and was also a service hub for the C&O’s engines and rolling stock.  Steam-powered rail road engines require daily maintenance, work that was effected in a large engine house that was perched above the river.

Thurmond in 1988. [3] The engine house is right of center in the mid-ground, behind the trees.  Some of the remaining private houses can be seen uphill behind the commercial buildings, as well as the one “street” that wound across the face of the hill.

Like so many towns built around 19th century industries, Thurmond’s importance declined dramatically as the 20th century proceeded.  The use of diesel rail road engines left steam engine mechanics unemployed; many of the mines played out, and those that remained (and remain still) employed far fewer miners to pull the coal from the seams -- or blast it from hill tops; and people who would have been passengers on the trains began driving automobiles.  The world, if you will, moved on, and Thurmond dried up.

Two views of the Fatty Lipscomb house. [1]

As coal mining declined, though, tourism increased, and in the 1960s and 1970s, enthusiasts of outdoor sports found the U.S. Congress receptive to the idea of setting aside some of West Virginia’s landscapes for boating, hiking and camping.  In 1978, a substantial swath of West Virginia was designated as the New River Gorge National River, and later, lands along the Gauley and Bluestone Rivers were conserved, designated as National Recreation Areas in 1988.

Another house, here perched on the hillside above the commercial district, and a stretch of the local roadway, looking downhill. [1]

Once the land along the rivers became national reserves, Thurmond basically passed into federal control, though up until the early 1990s, up to 50 people still resided there.  The Chesapeake & Ohio had also declined, and became a foundational holding of today’s CSX Transportation rail road company.  CSX still moves coal through Thurmond in long drags of hopper cars, either full and destined for power plants, or empty and heading back to the mines.

In 1988 (above) [3] and in 2021 (below). [1]  The view below is perhaps the best known angle of the old commercial buildings.  From right, these are: the Mankin-Cox Building, the oldest of the three, which housed a druggist and a bank; the Goodman-Kincaid Building, which housed a dry goods store as well as offices and apartments; and the National Bank of Thurmond Building; all held a variety of business concerns before business fled.  To the upper right is the Erskine Pugh house.  The track in the foreground has been removed.

Circa 1900 [2]  The engine house is right of center, with the commercial buildings to the left.  The large building at far left was a hotel, but it burned down and was replaced by an Armour meat company building -- which also burned, in 1963 . The depot (seen following photo) is at the far right, with the rail road trestle just in view.

The 1904 passenger depot, now the NPS visitors center (as of 1995), and yes, Amtrak does have Thurmond as a stop! [1]

The NPS owns most of the remaining buildings, and efforts began in the early 2000s to keep them from deteriorating further, with roof repairs and seals to keep out the weather. There are still 5 residents in Thurmond, all are on the town council, and in addition to being active within the park, they are also seeking ways to keep the town alive.  

The red house at left is new construction, but on an old foundation, and where possible, older building materials have been recycled in its build-out.  A project of Thurmond’s residents, the hope is to have it available for seasonal leases; my guess is it’ll wind up with a long wait-list -- and my name will be on it! [1]

Old rail road ties in the dirt: now an access road, the C&O service track that led to the coaling tower were once mounted here; the engine house would have been to the extreme right and partially out of view; the depot is dead ahead, and my road-weary car is parked near the trees. [1]

Maybe I was taken-in by the town because of the setting, nestled as it is among the hills and above the river; maybe it’s because the old buildings have that “certain something” that makes history buffs like me snap more photos than is reasonable; maybe it’s the potential that I can see in them (provided anyone ever coughed up the money to really rehabilitate them); if I was to get metaphysical about it, maybe it’s because of all the lives and history that occurred in the area and the energy left behind calls out still (y’know if I got metaphysical about it -- past lives anyone?); perhaps it’s all of those.  What-ever the reason, I’ve been thinking of making a trip back in mid-Autumn, take a long weekend as the leaves are turning and it’s got chilly -- and shoot yet more photos than is reasonable.

The 1922 coaling tower (above), built by Fairbanks Morse (as noted on the sign below). [1]

The reason for the coaling tower: a pair of the last steam engines in Thurmond: 1953. [2]

I briefly stopped at the New River Gorge visitors center where I got directions, and figured I could at least find out where I was going before getting off the highway for the night.  I arrived in Thurmond just before 5 PM, but even that later afternoon hour left plenty of daylight to walk about and take photos.  My thought had been to simply find Thurmond, then make my stop-over somewhere nearby (Beckley, WV is less than 10 miles away) then return in the morning.  That thinking quickly became “Oh! I can come back for more in the morning!” 

Up the hill: the old church. [1]  The church grounds now host the local triathlon and reunion events for those who once lived in Thurmond.

What I realized as I strolled around in the afternoon, was that the light would be dramatically different if I arrived early the next day (yeah: a “well duh!�� moment if ever there was one), an effect of the changed daylight hours mixed with the topography that proved itself quite wonderfully -- and is why the images here show both the golden glow of evening and the cool white of morning.

Amtrak’s Cardinal route-train, on-time (or nearly) on a Friday morning. [1]

Standing by my car, having a sip of coffee, looking around as other visitors arrived or departed, I just, well -- “sighed with contentment” is an apt description. 

A view of the ticket agent’s office. [1]

For more information on Thurmond:

The National Park Service’s web page for Thurmond, WV.

Thurmond, WV on Clio, a history and culture website.

Both of these share some of the same information, and each has additional images, both historical and contemporary.  

A view of the New River Valley from the west side, across from Thurmond (note the houses and rail road cars on the far bank below the hill). [4]

The historical narrative written here was gleaned from the NPS hand-out for Thurmond, as well as from the Summer 2021 issue of National Parks magazine, published by the National Parks Conservation Association (“Miner’s Angel” concerning Mother Jones and the coal field wars of West Virginia, by Nicolas Brulliard).  Identification of the Marilyn Brown house made possible by access to a PDF of the NPS’ structural assessment report of buildings in Thurmond, revised edition, published in 2002.

A view of the yardmaster’s office [1]

Atlas Obscura’s “22 of America’s Best Preserved Ghost Towns”  Sorry, Mental Floss, you were forgot.

Looking south toward the depot past the three old commercial blocks. [1]

[1] Photographs by R. Jake Wood, 2021.

[2] Historic photographs displayed on-site by National Park Service, photographed on-site and edited for this posting by Jake Wood. 

[3] Photographs by Jet Lowe, 1988, for the Library of Congress’ Historic American Building Survey/Historic American Engineering Record; retrieved from the Library of Congress’ Prints & Photographs Online Catalog, with minor editing by Jake Wood.

[4] Photograph by the Detroit Publishing Co., circa 1910; from the Library of Congress’ Prints & Photographs Online Catalog, with minor editing by Jake Wood.

The depot, alongside CSX trackage. [1]

CSX coal drag outbound with hoppers full of coal.  The post office building is visible just beyond the engine. [1]

[softgrungeprophet]

i liked agent venom when i read it, partially because it actually had a discernible plot and a story that wasn’t just half finished and abandoned from constant cancellations, but at the same time i hate it. i hate it so much.

i hate that flash became venom and suddenly, all of his relationships were completely erased except for like, betty and sometimes peter and that was it. mj and harry who? childhood friendship with liz? no she’s just going to... blackmail him for some reason even though they’ve known each other for literally like 15 years

i hate the agent venom origin slott wrote, i hate flash being pissy about peter confiding in MJ, who they are both friends with, because if you’re dan slott you can’t talk to girls unless you plan on fucking them, i hate how gung ho slott is about the military propaganda and the fucking american flag behind flash in superior spider-man, even though superior (a comic i don’t ever plan to read in full) actually had a good moment with flash and “peter” and flash’s tenseness in a domestic argument situation

(i also hate that that one pre-agent venom web of spidey comic could have been good, actually had good assistive devices, but then... the entire villain plot is about some Mysterious Terrorist or whatever who nonetheless congratulates flash for “constructively” letting out his anger on faceless middle-eastern soldiers, and this is played straight--disgusting)

i hate all of it even the things i like because they took a character who actually was fairly complex and flattened him into a football-loving, gun-toting, all-american patriot who loves god and his country, at odds with the previous 30 years of character development, at odds with the flash who when asked if he liked being in the army (after being DRAFTED into fucking vietnam) said that there is no liking the army, only dealing with it, and i hate every bro who thinks agent venom was the coming of the great whatever and acts like flash was completely nothing before then and that only in agent venom did he have any character when the opposite is true and agent venom trampled out every bit of nuance he had to focus on alcohol and football and nothing else (at least bunn finally put him back into a school again, had him working with youth again (andi in this case))

i hate, unrelated to agent venom, the fact that flash the complex character has been further and further stretched and distorted to have been a horribly violent schoolwide bully as a teenager rather than what he actually was--an obnoxious kid with a fucked up home life trying to fuck with one specific kid--to the point that even in the college stuff, even AFTER having “become good,” he’s the only one who gets repeatedly and purposefully excluded from official works and fan works alike because everyone thinks of him as nothing more than a bully, that every movie appearance of flash sucks except TASM (which is still barely a flutter but you can tell thought was actually put into his character by the actor himself), the fact that he’s the only living member of the friend group (because i assume gwen is dead) who doesn’t get more than a single-line mention in the ps4 game (but at least it’s positive, and i like to pretend that MJ was checking on him when she went to the veteran’s center since we know he works with veterans in the game, even if we never see him) (i still want to be able to go to coffee with mj, flash and harry all together)

i don’t like the bullying flashback in the bunn AV run (even though i liked the comic as a whole, especially with andi, and how bunn and shalvey moved away from the military stuff more toward neighborhood protector stuff), i don’t like bunn’s take on high school flash (he also wrote a different spider-man comic with high school flash a little bit before then)

i hate that flash’s growth wrt his disability, which he came to accept as a part of him that he didn’t need to find some miracle cure for, was completely thrown down the toilet so they could do their stupid supersoldier agent venom shit, which flies directly against the SPECIFIC endpoint of the stages of grief comic, which SPECIFICALLY used superserums and bionic military limb testing as the thing he did not need in his life--and then dan slott runs over like teehee here’s some bionic supersoldier military testing shit :3c

hate that he was killed for the stupidest reason by norman fucking osborn, hate that the disabled abuse survivor was killed by the man who killed one of his best friends, who abused another, who manipulated HIM, who drove him into a fucking building after force-feeding him hard alcohol, hate that norman got to “win” against flash one last time, hate that norman is now being treated as this fucking “couldn’t help it” case while harry is Actually Bad, and still, flash is what? a dream symbiote dragon? fucking stupid and i hate it, i don’t want any of it

every new thing i see about new spider-man and venom comics wrt flash makes me wish he would stay dead lmfao

but it’s not like there weren’t already a ton of bad comics about him but at the very least... i would like something that isn’t just about the Patriotic Soldier Boy who never actually fucking existed

the football thing is a really fun one--and i love that the TASM movie made flash play basketball in that movie because if you look at comics from the 60s through to the early-mid 2000s, preceding agent venom... flash stopped playing football after high school and started playing basketball instead. started doing other sports, probably stopped football because, gee i can guess who told him to play football in the first place, but somehow agent venom happened and decided that his entire life was just Football and Guns? when he hadn’t touched a football in literally like... 10 years in-universe

(TASM best live-action spidey adaptation)

there is not purpose to this rant i just needed to get all this shit out of my head

i am very On Edge the past few weeks and idk why, just ADHD brain shit I guess but everything makes me tense lately (probably why i played through 77% of the spidey game in literally four days by virtue of doing absolutely nothing else in my free time) (i’m taking a break for the sake of my hands but maybe i should go keep playing lol)

i know some people like the dragon and i’ve added it to my “flash trans” list but in the context of stories about flash over the past ten years i really am not interested, and this coming from someone who read eragon 9 times in middle school and grew up reading mostly high fantasy and dragon books. i just. don’t want it. not by the writers currently going at least. maybe if it was someone else or if i knew it would be anything more than a future of soldier boy alcohol football crap lmfao

[purplesurveys]

713

Have you ever read the Hunger Games series? Nah, that was put out when I started to not read anymore. I did see the first movie though since it was always being aired on TV. When was the last time you ran into something? Haven’t been doing a lot of running these days being stuck at home... but uh probably my dog? He’s always scattered in the most random spaces around the house, it’s so easy to literally stumble upon him. Do you enjoy dressing up? I don’t get to do it a lot but yeah sure. Do you live in the city or a rural area? I live in an urban area. Rizal is technically a province but it has some urban, more city-like parts – I live in one of them. The way provinces are in the country is generally nice for staycations but I can’t see myself living in them for good; there’s hardly any phone signal, they have none of the stuff I’m used to having in the city like malls and coffee shops, and there’s much less coverage for internet connection. Would you say you have a sense of style? Pretty much. I think it’s distinguishable enough that people can pick clothes they think I’d like off a rack.

What's your biggest fear? Cockroaches, failing, being publicly humiliated. Have you ever been bitten by a wild animal? Nope. Add that into one of my biggest fears. Are you close to any of your cousins? I’m closest to my Kuya, the eldest cousin on my mom’s side. I used to be close with my cousins on my dad’s side but since we’ve always lived far from each other we ended up getting awkward when we were teenagers and we haven’t moved past from that ever since. All my other cousins are too young for me to be close to. Have you ever been lost in the woods? Nope. Where did you last travel? I think my last out-of-town trip was when I went to Nasugbu with my friends as a last hurrah before the semester started last August. Do you enjoy driving? I would enjoy it more if traffic wasn’t so congested all the time, but generally I prefer knowing how to drive than not at all. I find it really convenient and I like being able to move at my own time, at my own pace. What song did you last listen to? Hahahaha don’t even be surprised anymore – it’s lofi city up in here, dude. If you have a job, how often do you work? What time do you normally go to sleep at night? These days, very late; my body clock has been beaten up bad (by me, lmao) in the last month. I’d normally turn in from 2-4 AM. Do you watch a lot of movies? I used to. Watching new movies was all I ever did circa 2014-2016, but life got a bit more hectic and my time for watching movies waned until I was never able to get back to my old routine and I just stopped watching altogether. These days I’m only able to watch new films if Gab asks me to tag along with her, like what happened with Midsommar, Knives Out, and Portrait of a Lady on Fire. Do you like Tom Petty? I only know him by name. I don’t have an opinion. Would you rather have snow or rain? I mean I’m just stuck with one of the choices anyway, so rain it is. Do you own a lot of sweaters? Nah I own zero. The only one I have belongs to my girlfriend. Have you ever tried rock-climbing? I’ve tried mini rock-climbing walls, but nothing too high or that required me to put on a helmet and harness. Ever ridden in a police car? Nope. Favorite decade of music? Idk I’ll have to go with the most recent one, 2010s. It was a period when I got old enough to 1) connect with the music coming out and 2) discern what to me sounds good and what doesn’t, and it was also a time where I got to establish what my general music tastes are. The 2000s to me mostly offers nostalgia but nothing outstanding, and I feel too detached from the other past decades for them to be my favorite. Have any of your best friends been your best friend longer than a year? I’ve had best friends I’ve kept for 15 years and 8 years. Ever witnessed a murder? No, but I came so close. One of our first news assignments was to cover a crime story, so on the first night a friend and I spent the night over at a local police station to wait for leads. There wasn’t any and on the second night, another pair of groupmates were tasked to wait at the same station to wait for reports – they were the pair that got a tip and they got to see a fresh crime scene :( which I know should be nothing to be envious of sksksk but still. If I remember correctly it was a stabbing incident and someone did die from it. Do you care what people think of you? I try not to but some opinions that reach me will still get to me, especially on rougher days. Does your room have a ceiling fan? No, just a standing electric fan. Would you consider yourself poised? Eh, it’s not the first word I’d use to describe me. If I’m feeling antsy you’d know it, because I would show it. Have you ever tried blogging? I have tried blogging, as early as when I was 10. I mainly used Blogspot as a diary, but it didn’t last long because 10 year old me just couldn’t keep the blog up and running. I discovered Tumblr when I was 11 and since then it’s been my main website for if I wanna blog (or in this case, microblog) about my interests. Favorite television channel? I haven’t watched TV in a looooooooong while. Have you ever lied under oath? I’ve never had to be under oath. What are your religious views? None. Are you a romantic person? Yeah but mostly in secret; I don’t like being too public when it comes to being expressive. Like I’d swat my girlfriend’s face away if she tries to kiss me in public lmaooooo but when it’s just the two of us I’ve gotten her love language down to a T and I know exactly what to do to make her feel loved. When did you last change your bed sheets? A few weeks ago. My eye started getting irritated whenever I was anywhere near my bed, so I chalked it up to having sheets that needed to be changed. Would you consider yourself a flirt? That would be the literal last thing to describe me. At what age do you plan to be married? Somewhere between 27-29. Do you eat a lot of junk food? Meh not really these days. I’m old enough to start feeling how unhealthy they are whenever I eat them and they no longer feel filling to the stomach either. When did you last go on vacation? Half a year ago. We haven’t been able to go on vacations this year because of coronavirus obviously, so our last trips have been on my dad’s last break at home. Are you resilient? I’d like to think so. I’ve been through so much shit and of varying degrees all my life but I’m still stubbornly here. Have you ever failed a subject before? I’ve never failed an entire class but I’ve failed exams, mostly math-related ones. If so, what was the class? My first failed class was math in Grade 4 (which was when we started learning super super super basic algebra), then I failed a number of algebra exams in 1st year, and then advanced algebra and geometry, and I think even chemistry and calculus, as the years went on. Do you wear more bright or dull colors? I used to wear duller colors, but I’ve recently been so bored with how my wardrobe has been mostly black and white throughout my stay in college that I started to make an effort to buy more colorful stuff so I can look livelier. Do you know anyone who has attempted suicide? I know a number of people. What's your favorite quote? I don’t really have one but one of my favorite movie lines is “How you like them apples?” from Good Will Hunting, if that counts. Would you consider yourself mature? Sure. I like taking on a motherly role in all my friend groups. How many clocks are in your house? I only regularly encounter the one in our dining area but I dunno if any of the bedrooms have clocks as well. Do you play any sports? Table tennis. What is your biggest life regret? Eh I say this a lot but only because it’s my one big regret – I wish I didn’t have such a hard time adjusting and spend so much time wallowing in self-pity in my first year (and part of my second year) of college. I spent all my days crying in my car because I had nowhere to hang and no one to talk to, and I was feeling worse by the fact that everyone else seemed to settle in with ease. I wish I had just said ‘fuck it’ earlier and just joined orgs and talked to people. Now I don’t really get to say that my entire college experience had been one of a kind, because I was mostly only trying to keep myself alive for nearly the first half of it. Have you ever been injured in a car accident? Nah not injured, but I’ve been caught in a couple of accidents. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? I would love to be in a Tim Hortons right now, studying while having their coffee and one of their wraps. Have you ever had highlights in your hair? Never. I’m not allowed to, which is fine because I stopped wanting to dye my hair. Favorite fast food restaurant? KFC has the best fast food but not the best restaurant. I don’t think I enjoy eating at any of the fast food restaurants we have because they all smell like a bunch of people have come and gone in the place D: In what country were you born? Philippines. Born and raised. Are your eyes more than one color? Nope. Have you ever caught something on fire? No but I’ve seen someone else get something on fire – back in Grade 4, my science teacher was showing us how a Bunsen burner works and a classmate (and tbh the class troublemaker) named Kressel tipped it over while the teacher wasn’t looking. We were too young to know what to do about it – and we were also all panicking on the inside and none of us could move ��� so we just watched part of the table getting burned away. What would you consider your biggest flaw? I’m very sensitive and I take a lot of things personally. What do you think your best quality is? Kinda conneected to that. I can read people quite well and can tell when they’re feeling too sensitive, if a joke has gotten too far for them, or if they’re starting to feel uncomfortable in a group setting. Do you enjoy listening to others' problems? *Enjoy* might not be the right word for it – I don’t derive pleasure out of hearing the things making my friends stressed out. I do like being the person they turn to; I like knowing they trust me.

Do you keep any plants in your house? My parents do. Sometimes they’ll ask me to water them, but I don’t claim any of the plants as mine. What is your mother's occupation? She’s confidential secretary to one of the higher-ups in her workplace. Do any of your friends like your musical style? I’m not the first person they’d go to to ask for song recommendations. My taste is admittedly a bit blah and basic, so I don’t blame them haha. What are you most looking forward to? I wanna say this quarantine ending, but I know resuming life in the real world would also be making me anxious when the time comes. I guess I’m most excited for seeing Gabie again, because I haven’t seen March 7th. What was your favorite television show as a child? My first favorite show ever that I was also super attached to was Hi-5 with the original cast – this was for kindergarten days. When I got a bit older I loved Spongebob, then when I got even a bit older than that I started liking Drake and Josh, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, That’s So Raven, and Hannah Montana. My first favorite that didn’t come from a kids’ channel was probs Breaking Bad. Are you afraid of insects? Yeah, most of them. Are you cold-natured? Idk if this wants to ask me if I’m snobbish or if I get cold too quickly, but I’m gonna go right ahead and say I can be a bit of both. How old were you when you got your first pet? I was 5 or 6 when I got my first few goldfish. Our house back then was very crowded and wouldn’t have been conducive to pets that would walk around, plus I had never owned pets before, so my parents thought it would be best for me to start off with fish. Did you / do you enjoy high school? It was okay for the latter half. What would you say was your favorite age? 16, which also happened to be the start of the second half of high school. There wasn’t a single low point that year and I had great friends, great grades, and an overall great time in junior year. What annoys you most about social networking? Ehh there are different annoying things for each of the big social media sites. Twitter sucks for its cancel/public shaming culture; Facebook suffers from fake news and troll armies, and conservative relatives are often there to gossip about your posts or your stances (at least for us Asians, idk if family in other cultures can be just as nosey); and Instagram is just unbelievably fake to me that I’ve never even tried joining there to socialize.

Are you the center of attention most of the time? No. Whenever I feel like I am I always shift the spotlight to someone else. What are you currently reading? I’m not reading anything at the moment. When did you last go to the library? At the start of the year, when I had to borrow a book for my Rizal class. Are you ill at the moment? Nope, and remaining not ill would be the best situation for now given the current circumstances. Do people tease you about anything? My friends know I’m a little sensitive so they’re careful about making me the butt of their jokes for too long, but I do get teased for my lack of street smarts which I’m fine with because it’s true hahahahahaha. How late did you stay up last night and why? Not too late considering how late I stay up these days – just around midnight. My left eye acted up again, was tearing up like crazy, and I could barely open it without starting to feel pain so I just went ahead and got some sleep. Have you ever written poetry? Only when we had to in English classes or if we had to submit entries for my org’s literary folio. I’ve never voluntarily written poems. Curtains or shades? Shades. How many people have you spoken to in the last hour? Six, I think? - my dad, sister, cousin, Gab, Andrew, and Angela. Do you tend to text a lot? These days no because I haven’t had (and needed) cellphone load in the last month lmao. Normally though I do. Ever lost a great best friend? Yeah. Sofie and I drifted apart when we started college and the time apart made me realize that we simply had two entirely different personalities and there was no way we would have kept up the friendship considering how far we would be from each other once college started. But it was a nice couple of years that we had being best friends and I don’t regret the antics we got into together. What is your favorite kind of flower? Peonieeeeees my god his question is everywhere. Do you own any guns? No, and I can tell you people where I’m from generally find America’s gun fixation really weird. What would you say is your favorite book of all-time? I think it’d be unfair to tag something as all-time favorite when I haven’t read enough books... but I remember really enjoying Without Seeing the Dawn by Stevan Javellana. Never mind the fact that it was required reading for school; I genuinely loved the whole book and ate it up pretty quickly.   Do you think you're living a good life? I guess, but I’d much rather call it ‘fortunate.’ What's your least favorite part of the day? On a normal schedule that would be once my alarm hits and I know I have to get out of bed and anticipate the traffic I’ll be stuck in.

Are you an over-achiever? Not in the sense that I like joining competitions and winning every single one of them, but I like calling dibs on a lot of tasks no matter how booked I am, and even doing the tasks of others if I sense that they’re not moving. Have you ever won an award for a speech? I haven’t, but I’ve been in a public speaking competition. I let my anxiety get the best of me that day and I ended up rambling midway into my speech, so now thinking about it is something that makes me wince these days because I know I could have done a lot better. Do you tend to curse a lot? Not as much as when I was a teenager but I’ll still slip some shits and fucks in my sentences every now and then. Have you ever played on the Ouija board? No. And I think that if it does happen, as much as I love the concept of Ouija boards, I’ll be too scared to join the session haha. Do you sleepwalk? Nope. Have you ever slept on the floor before? I’ve never slept on the FLOOR floor. I’ve slept on floors but there was always a mattress to lie on to feel comfortable, ya feel. Are you a fan of public displays of affection? It’s easy not to mind simple acts like holding hands or forehead kisses, but it can get uncomfortable if a couple is clearly in the moment and is like literally making out on the escalator or talking like babies to one another but loud enough for others to hear. Either way though I wouldn’t call myself an active fan. When did you last attend a yard sale? Idk dude, 12 years ago I’d say. Do you wish your life were simpler or more interesting? More interesting. What goals do you wish to accomplish tomorrow? None. I just want to care for myself these days dude. And remind myself that it’s okay to not feel like being productive. When is your birthday? Exactly a week from now – April 21st. Which is worse: going blind or deaf? Blind for me. There’s a lot of stuff and places I have yet to see and new experiences that I wanna be able to digest by seeing them, like getting to the top of a mountain or seeing my future kid.   What was the best part of today? Eh, today’s been uneventful at best. Do you attempt to stay away from drama? I don’t want to be the subject of drama but if there’s drama involving other people and my friends got a hold of it, I would honestly find it hard to ignore it. What liquid did you last drink? Water. Do you ever prefer to be alone? I have moods where I’d want to be alone, but it doesn’t happen all the time. I still like being around people because it keeps me from being alone with my thoughts. Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? No. Favorite Disney movie? Toy Story. Tangled comes at a verrrrrrrrrry close second. Have you ever been to the beach? Yes. I think since 2009 we’ve been going to the beach at least once a year. If you have, how many times have you been? ^ Considering that estimation I’ve been to the beach a minimum 11 times, but it’s definitely a lot more than that since there’ve been times where we went to beaches multiple times in a single year. What was your dream occupation at age ten? I wanted to be an author then. Are you terrified at the idea of weight-gain? No. I’m a little underweight so I'm okay with welcoming a few extra pounds. Do you drink a lot of water? I don’t take eight glasses a day but I still drink relatively more than my friends and relatives do, who seem to like iced tea and soda more. Does your room have carpet or hard-wood floors? Hardwood, as with most (maybe even all) Filipino houses. Do you take naps daily? No, not daily. I probably take 3-4 afternoon naps every week.

Who were you named after? My parents say I was named after the Swedish singer Robyn, but they also tell me a conflicting story in that they just liked how the name sounds and went with it. Do you plan on traveling this spring or summer? In the current state of the world? No can do chief. I wanna be able to travel once this shitstorm is over though. Do you know anyone who is colorblind? I don’t think so. Have you ever been a teacher's pet? For some classes, but they’ve been very few and far between. I don’t consciously make myself the teacher’s pet in all my classes. What is your absolute favorite hobby? Eating out/trying new food! How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once or twice. Ever been to a tanning bed before? I have not. I don’t need to. Are you satisfied with your financial stability? I don’t even have finances sksksksksksksks Who is your favorite actor / actress? Kate Winslet. Are your nails painted? Nope. What's the meanest thing you've ever said to someone? I make it a point not to say mean things to anyone because words stick. I learned that from a young age which, aside from how fucked up that is, is still a good thing, because it taught me early on to be careful with my anger. Do you ever accidentally talk to inanimate objects? I don’t do it accidentally lmao I just apologize to most of the objects I bump into. What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Cookies and cream. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? Regularly. Do you receive any hate mail? No but that’s because I actively avoid having outlets for that. Anonymous hate would only make me paranoid and will probs drive me madly insecure in the wrong run. Have you ever sent a letter in the mail? Nope. If you could, would you have a pen pal? Meh, I’ll pass. I find instant messaging a lot more convenient and I doubt I’d have the patience for keeping a pen pal. What color are the pants you're wearing? I have brown shorts, not pants. Have you ever had a stalker? Nope. What is your life philosophy? You don’t have to be blood to be family. Who last sent you a goodnight text message? Gabie. Do you own any clothes that are your favorite color? Very few, because pink actually doesn’t suit me. Have you ever been in a hot tub before? Sure. What's your favorite comedy movie? White Chicks. In which year were you born? 1998.

[its-exy-bitch]

ok but imagine this with me: exy trading cards! on the card they have 2 pictures of each fox (one candid mid-game, the other their team photo), basic team info, & short stats. the foxes all receive a complimentary card of themselves, but that doesn't stop some of them from going to buy packs to collect them all. Most of the foxes collect at least one of each team member. Nicky keeps extras of himself to send to erik & his family, matt has the most neil cards (5 total), neil & kevin collect (1/?)

(2/?) collect other exy players besides the foxes because it’s exy, kevin will not trade his jeremy or jean cards for anything. Also neil keeps extra andrew cards & puts them Everywhere - used as a bookmark, one in his wallet, one in his locker, tapes one to the bathroom mirror (for the days he needs to focus on something other than his own reflection), and andrew finds one in his glove box. Andrew just has one of himself, aaron, nicky, kevin, renee, & neil at 1st. Andrew quietly keeps every(3/?) neil card that he gets. Andrew puts one in his wallet too, but the rest he says are “for when people ask me what my problem is”. Aaron has one of every fox, but keeps his nicky & andrew ones tucked in his binder. Allison hoards ones of herself that she passes out like business cards when people try to tell her what to do - “do you know who you’re talking to? *hands card* now you do.” (she also sometimes writes “fuck you” on them). Dan proudly frames her team (so does wymack). Renee gives(4/?) (renee gives-) away any extra cards she has if you ask nicely. This is how katelyn gets one of aaron’s cards (who didn’t think/know if she would want one). During one team movie night the foxes end up trading cards and somehow they create a game using the cards. Alcohol was involved and the words: “i’ll give you a matt card for your renee one” - “no way, a renee card beats a matt card” - “…wait what are the card rankings?” This is how there is much heated, drunken debate about the rules(5/?) of this newly made up game. This leads to even more card collecting, but they rarely include actual exy stats in their ranking system - which drives kevin insane. Side note, any r*ko/raven card is instantly thrown out or passed to andrew, who puts his cigarettes out on them. (Kevin is the only one who has a r*ko card, kept tucked into the back of his desk drawer because some things are not east to get rid of.) There is a special edition Kayleigh card that kevin buys multiple packs to get,(6/?) Kevin keeps the first Kayleigh card he gets, but he gives the second one to Wymack. Wymack keeps an extra Kevin card in his wallet. One day, at his weekly therapy session Andrew shows Bee the cards his teammates have been trading (& playing their increasingly complicated card game with). At the end of his session andrew leaves his card placed carefully in front of Bee’s contact cards she keeps on her desk. The next session he sees it framed on her desk. (i think i’m out of ideas, the end!)

I’m supposed to be studying for finals but instead I’m smiling like an IDIOT in the library. This is the cutest goddamn thing I’ve ever read. If you haven’t noticed, I know approximately nothing about 99% of sports, but I feel like trading cards for children must be a thing. Because are parents going to want to buy something super expensive that their child will loose? Absolutely not. Hence cards with ‘facts’ such as - the players favorite foods, favorite movies, ect (the majority of them are made up by the companies because pro athletes choosing ‘vodka’ and ‘not a movie, but just a compilation of Neil roasting the fuck out of Riko for 3 hours straight’ isn’t exactly role model material for children) are sold. Mayhaps Allison has words with some higher-ups about the photo of her they selected, but more importantly she offers forth a photo of Nicky drunk off his ass as a replacement for his team photo. Both requests are denied. A small kid informs Matt at some point that he traded his Andrew card for Matts’ and Matt dies a little on the inside. Everything you wrote about the foxes keeping their cards (plus Bee and Wymack) is so sweet and accurate it hurts. Perhaps it is my perpetually sappy personality, but I would like to believe that the foxes (Dan) make their own cards of Bee, Abby, and Wymack to give to them. Dan is prepared to give them the cards she made on printer paper, but Andrew insists ‘if you’re gonna make the effort, at least do it correctly’. A trip to Michael’s craft store is made, and card stock is purchased. (Andrew and Renee’s occasional hangout for armband embellishments and such). Also this is the early 2000’s is it not? Pokemon is still very much a thing, ergo somehow during the drunken madness, Pokemon cards are incorporated into the exy trading cards. An Aaron card is traded for a jigglypuff because ‘its so much cuter than Aaron’. The madness rapidly increases. (Haaaahaha this Charzard is taller than andre-“

This is literally the best thing i’ve ever heard. You are a god among men for bringing me this blessed concept. I can guarantee you that I will be thinking of this for the next 100 years.

[johnsonofbrian]

IndyWrestlingLife Interview: Jumping John Myers

How long have you been a referee? I’ve been a referee since 2003 (I wrestled in 2000).

Where did you learn how to become a referee? I attended the Prof. Tütree’s Umpire School for Gifted Children at a young age, where you spend 7 years studying all aspects of officiating. Lessons would include proper hand signals, general fitness and learning the proper technique for a sweet knee slide.

Why did you become a referee? Like most referee’s it wasn’t so much a passion for wrestling, but a calling. This calling can manifest itself in a searing vision, an out of body experience where you are visited by one of the great referees of old…or (like myself) a striking birthmark of thick black lines on the torso (similar to the referee shirt that you are present with at the end of your training).

What is the referee’s role in the match? It’s been said that wrestling is an “Art Form” – and if that is the case then it is the referee’s duty to ensure that the combatants stay inside the lines.

What are the various ways of communicating with the talent during the match? I find yelling to be the best way. Occasionally I have had to resort to being more physical – a stiff finger-poke to the chest or a vicious ear twist tends to drive the message home.

Tell us about the first time that you refereed a match. Well I didn’t get to step foot into a ring to referee a match until I had left Professor Tütree’s School, so I was very excited for my first match/show. I have no big memories from it however, I’m sure if I could find the match on VHS tape though I would have a good cringe.

What was the most memorable match ever refereed? Genuinely I would say it wasn’t a match with any “big stars” in it, or even in a big venue (probably lucky if there was 100 people there)…but it was a match (fairly early on in my career) I was refereeing with a guy I had trained with who was wrestling in the main event for the big title in that promotion. I’d known the guy for a lot of years, we’d been to (real) school together, and he managed to win that night – and I’ll probably never forget handing him the belt, his first belt, and raising his hand.

Have you ever been injured during a match? If so what happened? I’ve legit dislocated my shoulder during a match (my counting arm no less!), and it was a show with no back-up ref so I did the only thing I could do which was force the shoulder back into the socket and finish the match/show. The couple of days I was pretty sore.

How many matches have you refereed in your career? I know a lot of referees who have kept records of this, and it’ll probably be one of my big regrets in wrestling that I haven’t kept a track of the exact number – but I think it’s somewhere around the 1100/1200 mark.

How do wrestlers communicate to you when they’ve been seriously injured? Screaming does the trick…or they’ll grab hold of you to make sure you understand. Really it’s one of the main duties to make sure everyone involved with the match is okay at all times.

How do you handle that a wrestler is injured so badly that the wrestler can no longer continue? Professor Tütree always said that the well-being of the competitor’s is paramount. If these guys are hurt, they may well have families, this may be how they make a living and pay their bills…stopping a contest due to one of the wrestlers being unable to continue is a totally legitimate finish to a match (and does happen on occasion) and it would be that way in any other sport.

What do you wish the public would know about your role as a referee? On occasion…a referee may…miss something. One of the wrestlers may…get an unfair advantage, due to the referee…missing a call. The public need to understand that yes, when people talk about “the record books” in wrestling, they’re a real thing – the record books. The second the bell rings at the end of a contest, that match is logged and the winners name added. To reverse a decision after something has come to light at the end of a match…the amount of paperwork associated with reversing said decision is quite frankly ridiculous. You can spend hours filling in forms, giving evidence on video tape, showing a lawyer what exactly happened (through the use of very official cuddly toys). It’s a nightmare – and something I, myself, have had to do when necessity obligated it.

What advice would you give someone who would be interested in becoming a referee? Finding a good school really is the best way (I’m not saying that you could get into Prof. Tütree’s Umpire School for Gifted Children like I did…the exams are proper hard). Really you need to get online and have a look around what is in your area. When I started out it was adverts in the paper, or in the back of wrestling magazines. Finding a school with a good track record of turning out good wrestlers, and that have good trainers will be the most beneficial way for someone with a desire to learn the proper way.

What are your family and friends think of you being a pro wrestling referee? I don’t know if “proud” is the right word…but I can tell by the misty eyed, almost vacant (glassy?) look on my wife’s face whenever I arrive home from a show and proceed to explain (in detail) the blow-by-blow account of each match that she must be holding back the tears of adoration that she feels towards me.

What would you like the wrestlers to know about your role as a referee? Things would go a lot smoother if everyone involved in the match would abide by the rules and listen to my instructions. There are serious ramification to be had if I am ignored (please see above reference to the ear-twisting).

Have you ever been in a confrontation with an overzealous fan who doesn’t realize that the whole thing is scripted? I real I will say this I’ve had my fair share of grandma’s hit me with their handbags at shows. They were soon laughing the other side of their false teeth when I had security throw them out believe me.

Is there anything else you’d like to share about what you do? I think wrestlers are amazing, the amount of time they spend on the road and away from their families, and the punishment they endure on a regular basis is a remarkable thing…that being said, referees need love to – and I have merchandise for sale: Check out: https://www.tshirtstudio.com/marketplace/-refclub

Where are you located? The North East of England.

What promotions have you worked for? What Culture Pro Wrestling, NGW, Absolute Wrestling, NORTH Wrestling, Tidal Championship Wrestling , First Class Wrestling , RISE Wrestling, Three Count Wrestling , Hybrid Pro, Allstar Wrestling , LDN Wrestling, North East Wrestling Society, Wrestle-Zone Wrestling, All-Action Wrestling, Independent Wrestling Federation, Main Event Wrestling…so far.

Have there been any instances during the match with the wrestlers turned it into a shoot, and what did you do? Not too long ago I was refereeing a match between Primate (an amazing UK Wrestler) and Chris “Dirty Daddy” Dickinson (a wrestler over from the states). It didn’t get to the point where I needed to step in…but literally I was about 1 second away from having to get between these two giant men. I’m not sure what I would have done if I had got between them with the punches and kicks that were flying about…maybe break out the patented ear twist again.

[dariarblac]

13 Reasons Why I Didn’t Regret Watching #RealityHigh [SPOILERS]

see what i did there

Let me start by saying, we’ve all seen this movie. We’ve all read this book. So much that someone called it every story on Wattpad after watching the overly indulgent trailer (no seriously, who edited that trailer? you basically put the whole movie in there). However, even with the used up nerd gets the cool guy/girl storyline, there were a few devices that stuck out that aren’t usually a part of this trope. That’s what I'm going to discuss. There are a few spoilers but because it’s so predictable I’m not sure if it’ll make a difference; you make the call. The film does have a few plot twists though, which I will keep out. 

I must be honest and say I only watched this because I saw that Keith Powers was in it and I needed something to do while I adjusted this weave. But I was surprised to find things I liked outside of the beautiful cinematography and beautiful, beautiful man.

1. Racial Diversity 

Diversity is super important to me. Everything from schools to make-up to media should be diverse and a good representation of all people. Not only are the A and B characters racially diverse, but the school seems to be populated with a little bit of everyone. You can tell the casting call for extras didn’t say “all races welcome but if you’re blonde with blue eyes that would be preferred”. I’m not sure how realistic said diversity is for that particular part of California, but it’s no matter as this type of diversity needs to be pushed regardless. And even though Cameron is the “token” of his particular friend group, he is front and center of the story. 

It’s refreshing to see people of color at the forefront of an innocent corny little loves story. We are rarely allowed those. 

2. Annoying Younger Sibling Was Actually Funny

And she was a great actress. 

When it comes to kids and acting we tend to give them passes because they’re adorable and, well, they’re kids. But this particular child was kind of phenomenal. She was smart, witty, sociable, and her shade delivery was A1. She was like Louise Belcher in live action. I found out her name is Leah Rose and she is freaking amazing. Her punchlines are arguably the most entertaining part of this movie. 

3. Healthy, Supportive Male Friends

Usually, The Popular Kids make fun of the Nerd and even play a huge part in the bullying. But in this movie, Cameron’s (Keith Powers) friends are very supportive and even prefer her over his ex, Alexa (Cool Mean Girl). So much that Shannon gave him some advice and let him know that he was going to have to work hard because Dani (Nerd) was a woman of deeper substance. They, in fact, called him out for dating Alexa for her status and looks. What makes this even better is that they warm up to Dani immediately. There is no protest at all against her hanging out with them.  

Maybe I don’t watch enough TV but, I seldom see young men/boys with good friends like this. 

4. “No, Dad, This Is Your Dream!”

We’ve all seen the thing where the kid wants one thing but the parent wants another because they’re grossly and vicariously living through their children because they were a loser in their youth. There’s some of that in here.

However, Cameron actually likes swimming (yes, issa black boy that swims) but he wants to college instead of the Olympics (let it simmer).

I love my black men. But I’m going to be honest and say I can’t think of one black male friend who wouldn’t jump right over the college hurdle and right into the big time. I don’t blame them either. College is a scam. 

But for those of you black children who are out there who’d rather learn stuff than do sports (because they do exist), that’s still chill. Black men have more to offer than their bodies and athleticism and Cameron is a great representation of that. 

5. Cool Mean Girl Takes Several Ls

Normally there’s this huge embarrassing thing that takes place in public at the end of the movie right before Nerd and The Cool Guy kiss. Because Cool Mean Girl, much like our government, is usually way too powerful to take down no matter how awful she is. But Alexa takes several hits throughout the movie that makes me wonder why she didn't just give up. I also love how her friends didn’t put up with her shit. Miguel dabbled and humored her. But for the most part, her friends, like Cameron, were all #TeamDani. Which is cool because this movie sort of steered away from the “popular people are mean” story. There’s literally just one bitch here. 

6. Dani Kept Her Curly Hair

In these movies, the Nerd always has gorgeous, unruly curly hair. Then when it comes time to “evolve” they straighten it and are seen as “more beautiful”.

Shitty message Hollywood. 

Though Dani does rock some straight styles, she goes back and forth and does not completely ditch her curls. This one sort of segways into the next point. 

7. There’s No Huge, Dramatic Make Over Scene

You will not find a shopping, plucking, and tucking montage accompanied by a early 2000s punk-pop classic in this movie. Thank God.

In fact, she does all her beautifying herself in preparation for a college interview. Her intentions were not for the attention of Cameron or the male gaze at all. In hindsight, she really just began taking better care of her appearance and stopped wearing “foot gloves”.

8. Realistic Teen Drinking

A lot of us did it, okay. 

I’m in no way endorsing that and it was definitely wrong. But we did it. It’s not uncommon for a group of teenagers to raid the liquor cabinet at a sleepover while the parents slept. It was all in good fun and it usually involved dancing and the oversharing of thoughts... very much like what we did in college dorms. 

This probably makes me seem like a dick: but I’m glad there was no message here. It was just kids having fun, getting messed up and taking an uber home.

9. Multiple GBFs

They didn’t just throw one gay boy in here and ever so contently say “yup we’ve met our lgbt quota we are #inclusive”

There’s a tambourine player in just about every subgroup, each serving a different purpose and I am here for it. 

10. Multiple Climaxes...... :) 

Typically in storytelling, there’s this one big climax. In this particular story, it’s usually said Cool Guy dumping his girlfriend and jerk posse for the Nerd who miraculously turned back into a loser. Nerd and Cool Guy live happily ever after. 

But in this, Girl gets Boy pretty damn early. Like, first 30 minutes of the movie early. Also, though Dani did revert back to her nerd attire she bounced right back after she got out of a slump. Almost as if what she wore was a reflection of how she felt about herself rather than the clothes wearing her and giving her a new attitude. She has the power not the other way around (if that makes sense). 

The part where Alexa’s friends dumped her was also a kicker.

11.  The Actor Plays Awkward Well

Nesta Cooper (who looks very much like Youtuber AndreasChoice) really nailed Dani. Usually, the actor who has to play this role weirdly overcompensates the awkward and it does not read well on the other side of the screen. It becomes the bad kind of awkward instead of funny and relatable. Also, there's no huge exaggerated falling in the middle of the hall or knocking over a whole bookshelf. She was realistically awkward and I loved it. 

12. Wealthy Black Parents

It was great to see black families who were well off without it being a part of the actual storyline. Dani’s parents and Cameron’s dad are clearly blessed but they are so without being the typical Black Bourgeoisie. I’m happy that Alexa (latina) was wealthy as well but that played a part of her character so it’s not really worth me mentioning in deep detail.

13. The “Good Guy���/”Gazing Best Friend” Doesn’t Win A Grand Prize Of “The Girl” As Reward For Being A Good Friend

This is probably my favorite part of this movie. Freddie, the best friend, who is in love with Dani, doesn't get her. I just knew that was where the story was going. Especially after Dani and Cameron broke up. If that had happened, I would have been upset for many reasons. One being, Cameron was a good guy who wanted Dani, Dani was a good girl who wanted Cameron. They were attracted to each other, they liked each other. Girls are allowed to entertain guys they are attracted to. Just because you’ve been there her whole life and listened to all her problems doesn’t mean you get to “have” her. That’s literally being a freaking friend. If girls screwed every guy that was nice to them because that’s all that was required, there’d be a new strain of hepatitis floating around.

Overall I was pleasantly surprised. Definitely something you should watch if you have the time because there’s a little something for everyone in it. However, a part of me wonders if I had been expecting something spectacular would I be disappointed right now. 

♡

[t1dlikeme]

Sofie's Story

“When you recognize that failing doesn’t make you a failure, you give yourself permission to try all sorts of things.” ~ Lauren Fleshman, is one of my favorite quotes, and something to remind myself in terms of diabetes management, training, and life! 

Diagnosis 

As a shy high school multi-sport athlete (track, soccer, and skiing) in Albuquerque, NM, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at age 16. I went from 2nd in state in the 800 my Sophomore year, to struggling to staying awake in class as a 4.0 student and barely making it through practices and workouts. With no history or knowledge of T1D in my family, we didn’t recognize the symptoms—I had a head-to-toe rash after swimming in waterfalls in Hawaii (may have triggered it) followed by months of losing weight despite eating jars of peanut butter and food each week just to keep energy—which my doctor at first thought “she’s a growing athlete” but we got bloodwork anyways. A week later, after yet another frustrating track meet, I was in the hospital with a blood sugar of 586, and was pumped to finally figure it out (until about 3 hours later when I remember eating a pear and seeing my blood sugar skyrocket, I burst into tears realizing how much of a change it would be!) 

Fast Forward…A Few Years 

After basically wanting to forget about high school (hiding in the bathroom to take shots, self-conscious and developed anxiety about weight gain post-diagnosis and just wanting to fit in), I needed something different. Although being a perfectionist and being shy / hiding from others gave me time to master my A1C early, it wasn’t sustainable and I internalized it all—until I got to college. 2000 miles from home, I chose Marquette 1) for the biomedical engineering program, and 2) for receiving a D1 Soccer Scholarship as a goalkeeper, but what I didn’t realize, is it would teach me to open up about my diagnosis and become a better athlete and advocate. I confided in my athletic trainer, who helped me with check-ins during practice (which could sometimes go 1-2 hours over the scheduled time!), and realizing we needed about ½ cup of gatorade + water every hour, supplemented with pedialyte during preseason. It was nice having my trainer, since I could get around going straight to the coaches (at first I didn’t want it to be seen as a weakness!) and she could carry around my gear for me, if needed.  

While goalkeeping allowed for easier access to management during games, practices, etc. I continued to find myself gravitating towards running, strength, and conditioning. My senior year, I began to go for runs while we were on away trips and started to become hooked—I found new ways to manage my BG’s and low intensity running basically was ‘insulin in my back pocket.! After finishing my collegiate soccer career, I joined the ‘Run with the President’ running group at Marquette with Dr. Michael Lovell (our MU President). It was around this time that another faculty member, John Klika, took me to coffee and was fascinated by my thesis research of designing a lifestyle computer algorithm and model to predict glucose and hormonal levels based on activity, stress, diet, etc. It turns out he was Type 1 himself—and a multi-ironman athlete.  

With a newfound confidence and support group, I gradually built my mileage and learned so many things from John about management, who also joined the running group and convinced me to run my first half marathon. It went really well—until, the group said next step: “the marathon.” I was like absolutely no way, I came from sprints up and down the field and have Type 1 Diabetes—I'm not sure I’m ready for that!  But, I’m not one to step down from the challenge, and I had the group helping me through the whole way. I remember my first 18-miler—5 miles from the end, I couldn’t run more than 5 steps as I couldn’t keep my blood sugar up, even with having the proper supplies, and I was just defeated. My body wasn’t used to this, having to rely primarily on glucose as fuel, instead of an intensity and fuel mix. But, I kept going—my track workouts got faster, and my next long run, 20 miles, no stopping! (It’s also important to note that I was also doing some triathlon training too, which helped keep a balance).  

I was ready and excited. Dexcom in my shorts pocket, 3 gels and gummy bears (of course), and friends cheering every step of the way! It couldn’t have been more perfect—flat line BG’s, fuel every 45 min to steady, the adrenaline rush at the 22-mile mark (the furthest I’d ever run in my life!), all propelling me to a 3rd place finish in 2:52. That was one of the best beers, post-race, I’d ever had in my life. This finish created numerous opportunities for me, including becoming a founding member of Diabetes Sports Project, JDRF Keynote talks, and more training—I wanted to try and qualify for Olympic Marathon Trials (2:45).  Unfortunately, along with these positives, came a very long string (~2-3 years) of off and on injuries—I walked 13 miles of the Boston Marathon in 2017 with a tibial stress fracture, the first of a few, and just could not catch a break. These times had a lot of lows, but taught me the resilience of having other outlets, support communities, and managing my diabetes without the ability to exercise all the time (I had started to rely on this as a form of natural ‘insulin’ all through college and into running).  

Looking back, these years of ups-and-downs were crucial to my development of outreach and community, my career, and finding the right balance of strength and running to stay healthy (turns out, soccer weight training had a lot to do with my injury free 25 years of my life!). I like to call this time falling not failing, something my therapist came up with (yes, I was seeing one, for anxiety and some low grade depression, which is something I will talk about now, since I think it is incredibly important that if you have any of these feelings, especially as a T1D, you are not alone!).  I took a job as a medical device engineer at Dexcom and moved to San Diego, CA, acting as a liaison between clinical, regulatory, quality, design and systems engineers, which was the perfect place for me as a T1D! I started the Dexcom Running Club, and from that, have some of the fondest memories. San Diego is also where I joined Prado Racing Team (PRT), and found my coach, Paul Wellman, who I still work with today.  PRT helped me find the love of running again, and I PR’d in every distance while training with them, and having a lot of fun doing so!  

My time in San Diego culminated with making an attempt at running an Olympic Trials qualifying time at CIM 2019, which I just missed in 2:49. It was such an incredible experience, however, even with missing my goal—3-minute PR, running with teammates, HEALTHY and injury-free for an entire training period, and friendships. I did have a diabetes learning experience, though, which I will take forward with future races—not all nuun is ‘carb-free’! It was on the course, and I assumed it was the zero-carbs flavor, so I took it at almost every aide station, causing me to sharply rise at about Mile 11 (especially coupled with adrenaline), which unfortunately caused some cramping around Mile 15 and slowed me off my 2:43 pace. Luckily, I was able to power through, and I will be more prepared next time.  

Current:  

I have recently moved back to Albuquerque, NM, where I grew up.  After looking for an opportunity to grow my career and move into management, this was the right move for me, and is now allowing me to explore altitude training and new heights, literally and figuratively! My family is still here, and with COVID, it has been nice to be close (and living with my boyfriend, Steve). While I am not training for any races in particular, I’m making attempts at a sub 5:00 mile (currently at 5:05 at altitude) as a ‘mini’ goal, and just trying to enjoy the simplicities of running! I am getting back into the volunteering scene, particularly with my non-profit, Diabetes Sports Project, and of course, JDRF.  

Some Tips, Tricks, and Life Lessons! 

Always be prepared—gummy bears in my sports bra are my favorite! I’ve learned many lessons along the way, including one of my first solo long run experiences with a low blood sugar and having to ask gas stations for a Gatorade that I would come back and pay for later (not my finest moment, but turns out, people can be very helpful!). Always carry a card or cash and know your numbers. Plus, some great times of having snacks on hand: my running buddies favorite line is “Hey Sof! How’s your BG?” “Great!! Why?” “Can I have some of your snacks….).” They need it too, and are thankful for it when they bonk! 

Train with people who know you at your best and at your worst, and your symptoms—those are the ones that can push you through tough workouts to the end when you don’t think you can run one more rep or mile, or can more importantly, tell you when you need a break and to take a step back. It’s often trial and error in knowing what intensities affect your blood sugar the most, but with a community, you can’t fail—you learn. As unpredictable as it is sometimes, Type 1 actually can give you an athletic edge. You have to know what your blood sugar is at all times, and how your body is feeling. No one else has to do that! 

Sofie Schunk

[junker-town]

24 great books for quarantined sports fans

From ‘Ball Four’ to ‘Out of Sight’, here are a few books you can come back to over and over again

I love my books. They have traveled with me across the country and back again, prominently displayed in cheap bookcases throughout dozens of apartments around the Northeast. Currently, they are stretched out behind me in my home office where they will stay until the time comes to move off the grid. They will follow me there, as well.

I have read all of them at least once and several of them dozens of times. During periods of my life when I was without human companionship they were literally my only friends. That’s not said for sympathy. The life of a newspaper sportswriter in the 90s and early 2000s involved shitty hours and weekends, which pretty much negated any hopes of having a social life.

Through it all, my books were there for me. They demanded nothing but my time and gave me hours of entertainment.

I’m not particularly proud of my collection. There is very little literature to be found and only a handful of what one might refer to as great works. It mainly comprises sports books, rock star biographies, and a nearly complete set of Elmore Leonard novels.

Most of them are several decades old because I had to stop buying books at some point when I began to run out of room. I’m not linking to them because you can hopefully find an independent bookstore near you that would be thrilled for the business. Do them and humanity a favor.

Here are some of my favorites.

BASKETBALL

The Breaks of the Game: David Halberstam

This is the monster of all sports books, the one against which every basketball book is competing with in one way or another. If you know nothing of the NBA pre-LeBron James, this is where you should start. It’s a window into what feels like another universe, when pro basketball was a cult sport struggling for survival.

Loose Balls: Terry Pluto

I wrote about this one at length and won’t belabor the points I made back before the world came to a screeching halt. If you can’t get into the stories contained within these pages, I frankly don’t want to know you.

The Macrophenomenal Pro Basketball Almanac: The FreeDarko collective

It’s an exaggeration to say every person who heard the first Velvet Underground album went out and formed a band, just as it is to suggest that every writer who consumed FreeDarko wound up writing about basketball on the internet. But almost everyone who did was influenced by them.

The Miracle of St. Anthony: Adrian Wojnarowski

Long before he was the great and powerful Woj, the author spent an entire season with Bob Hurley’s St. Anthony Friars. It’s a masterful bit of storytelling that for my money is the absolute best of the surprisingly robust sub-genre of books about high school basketball.

Other contenders include The Last Shot by Darcy Frey, Fall River Dreams by Bill Reynolds and In These Girls, Hope is a Muscle by Madeleine Blais.

The Jordan Rules: Sam Smith

Judging from the early reactions to the gigantic Bulls documentary, it’s quite clear a lot of you should get familiar with the source material. Smith’s book was shocking upon its release because it dared show Michael Jordan as he really was, without the buffed out Nike shine. It holds up, clearly.

Halbertsam’s Playing for Keeps picks up the story in 1998 and provided much of the narrative structure of the first two episodes.

Heaven is a Playground: Rick Telander

An all-time classic set on the courts of mid-1970s Harlem during a long, hot summer. There are a lot of books that tried to get at the soul of basketball, but this is the standard bearer. I’d really like to know whatever became of Sgt. Rock.

Others in this vein include The City Game by Pete Axthelm, Pacific Rims by Rafe Bartholomew and Big Game, Small World by Alexander Wolff.

Second Wind: Bill Russell

The best athlete autobiography of all time.

BASEBALL

Lords of the Realm: John Heylar

The inside story of how baseball owners conspired for almost a century to suppress salaries while refusing to integrate. It’s shocking how buffoonish management acted during the glory days of the national pastime. Required reading.

Marvin Miller’s A Whole New Ballgame is a worthy companion piece, as is Bill Veeck’s delightful, Veeck as in Wreck.

Ball Four: Jim Bouton

Scandalous upon its release in 1970, Ball Four contains the best line ever written in any sport book: “You see, you spend a good piece of your life gripping a baseball and in the end it turns out that it was the other way around all the time.”

I read Ball Four for the first time in fifth grade and immediately taught my classmates the words to “Proud to be an Astro”:

Now, Harry Walker is the one who manages this crew

He doesn’t like it when we drink and fight and smoke and screw

But when we win our game each day,

Then what the fuck can Harry say?

It makes a fellow proud to be an Astro

Seasons in Hell: Mike Shropshire

There is nothing more soul-crushing than spending an entire season with a bad team. Shropshire covers three hilariously inept campaigns with the Texas Rangers, who as then-manager Whitey Herzog noted: “Defensively, these guys are really sub-standard, but with our pitching it really doesn’t matter.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Bronx is Burning: Jonathan Mahler

An underrated late addition to the pantheon that tells the story of the 1977 Yankees amid the backdrop of a city gone to hell.

You will notice there are few books in my collection about modern baseball. There’s a reason for that. The vast majority of them are peans to the wonders of middle management and therefore boring as hell.

FOOTBALL

Playing For Keeps: Chris Mortsensen

The incredibly bizarre — and largely forgotten — story of how the mob tried to gain influence in pro football via a pair of shady agents named Norby Walters and Lloyd Bloom. Good luck finding it.

Bringing the Heat: Mark Bowden

You may recognize Bowden from such masterworks as Black Hawk Down and Killing Pablo. You probably don’t remember that he spent a year with the Eagles after the death of Jerome Brown. As honest and unflinching a look at pro football as you will ever find.

North Dallas Forty: Peter Gent

The only piece of sports fiction on my list is not so fictional at all. Gent’s thinly-veiled account of his own life as a receiver for Tom Landry’s Cowboys is shocking and brutal and sad and poignant. I make time to read it every year.

I used to have more football books, back when I cared about the sport.

MEDIA

Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail: Hunter S. Thompson

The Vegas one is more popular and Hell’s Angels is a stronger work of reportage, but for a dose of pure Gonzo insanity, this is the book I come back to more often than not.

The Boys on the Bus: Timothy Crouse

The companion piece to Thompson’s lurid account, Crouse plays it straight and lays bare the bullshit facade of campaign reporting. Almost 50 years later, we have still learned nothing.

The Franchise: Michael McCambridge

Details the glory days of Sports Illustrated, reading it now feels like an obituary. It was fun once, this business of writing about sports.

MUSIC

Heads, a Biography of Psychedelic America: Jesse Jarnow

My favorite book of the last few years, Jarnow takes us on a bizarre trip through the byzantine world of psychedelic drug networks connecting it through the career of the Grateful Dead and into modern-day Silicon Valley. I’m waiting for the followup on Dealer McDope.

Not music, but as a companion piece, Nicholas Schou’s Orange Sunshine tells the even-crazier tale of The Brotherhood of Eternal Love, who took over the LSD trade and invented hash smuggling by stuffing surfboards with primo Afghani hash and shipping them back to California.

The True Adventures of the Rolling Stones: Stanley Booth

Reported while on tour with the Stones at the height of their powers circa Let it Bleed, Booth took 15 years to write the damn thing. By then the Stones were already an anachronism. It’s all there, though. Sex, drugs, more drugs, and unbelievable access to the biggest rock ‘n roll band in the world.

This Wheel’s on Fire: Levon Helm with Stephen Davis

In which Brother Levon disembowels Robbie Robertson and exposes the lie at the heart of The Band. Robbie took the songwriting credit and all the money.

Satan is Real: Charlie Louvin

Astonishingly good read that is best consumed with Charlie and his brother Ira playing low in the background.

Mainlines, Blood Feasts, and Bad Taste: A Lester Bangs Reader

Lester is an acquired taste and not all of his ramblings hold up. I will always love him for despising Jim Morrison and completely nailing what made Black Sabbath important. Spoiler: They were moralists like William S. Burroughs.

Please Kill Me: Legs McNeil and Gillian Welch

The definitive oral history of punk rock, an essential document of a scene that launched a thousand mediocre bands and the Ramones, who ruled.

Shakey: Jimmy McDonough

A tour-de-force biography of Neil Young that loses steam toward the end when McDonough makes himself the subject. The stuff about Neil’s bizarre 80s period and his relationship with his son is heartbreaking.

Our Band Could Be Your Life: Michael Azerrad

Pretty much everything you need to know about bands like Mudhoney, Black Flag and Mission of Burma who wove together the musical underground through a patchwork collection of local scenes back when something like that was still possible.

ELMORE LEONARD

You can’t go wrong with anything Leonard writes, but Out of Sight is as good a place to start as any.

[redorblue]

4 3 2 1, by Paul Auster

Can you hear me ripping out the last few pages of this book in the distance? If so, you’re witnessing me trying to keep on loving it. I really liked this book for the longest time, even loved it occasionally, but the ending is, at least to me, a huge disappointment. The good thing is, that part is the easiest one to ignore, especially if it comes in the form of a sort-of epilogue (I didn’t literally rip out the pages, I’d never do that to a book, but, you know, metaphorically, that’s the part where you could do it without missing much of the story). To me, it just felt incredibly superfluous, and destroyed much of its appeal and mystery by trying to explain itself. But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s start with why there’s mystery in the first place.

The setup, the basic premise, is what first drew me to this book, and what had me coming back to see it in the bookstore for months before finally buying it. The book starts with a short exploration of the lives of the protagonist’s parents up until the point where the protagonist himself (Archie Ferguson) is born. From that point on, it splits into four versions of Ferguson’s life story that progress in a more or less parallel fashion and allow the reader glimpses into his life: Ferguson at six, Ferguson at nine, Ferguson at twelve and so on. It’s the same main character with the same basic personality traits, but different family situations, different economic backgrounds, places lived, people in his life etc. There’s some crossovers between the different versions of one boy’s life, like how one way or another another main character named Amy Schneiderman enters and shapes every version of Ferguson’s life, but in general the stories are autonomous and could stand alone as books in their own right (they’re definitely long enough, my paperback version has 1070 pages). All this plays out before the background of America in the 1950s and 60s, with the war in Vietnam and the Civil Rights Movement at home as major influences on the young (white, Jewish, I might add) Ferguson.

So basically, this book is about some of the Big Questions: Is it nature or nurture that decides who we are, and who we become? Is there such a thing as fate, or can we exercise what is euphemistically called “free will”, with all its social, political, economic, mental, physical etc. restrictions? If you’re looking for a definite answer to these questions, this is not the book you need, because it doesn’t give them. As I read it, and this is purely personal interpretation, it takes a position in the middle. Nature definitely is important as is obvious when looking at the four Fergusons who all share certain traits. They are all rather introverted, tend to immerse themselves fully into one project and then develop a bit of an obsession with it, they all love stories and art (be it movies, books, poetry, and be it by watching/reading, translating, or writing), they all have a tendency towards weltschmerz (what an amazing word that is. It means something like world-weariness; withdrawal and hopelessness because of the state of the world)... You see what I mean. But there’s also traits that distinguish them, like how one of the Fergusons is bisexual. Just as a disclaimer, I don’t mean to imply that bisexuality is a “lifestyle” or something that’s instilled at a young age, and I don’t think Paul Auster implies that kind of BS either. But it seems to me that here bisexuality is part of nature that needs to be uncovered by nurture. As I mentioned, one of the Fergusons is openly bisexual (he calls it “being a two-way person” because he's not familiar with the concept) and from my admittedly biased view, I dare say that another one at least displays biromantic tendencies, although it’s not clearly stated. But for the other two, I really don’t think so. One of them dies pretty early, so it’s hard to tell, but among the remaining three there’s one bisexual, one unclear, and one who’s thoroughly straight, which leads me to the conclusion that it’s something to be uncovered, and recognized as such, by circumstance, nurture.

As I read the book, it doesn’t give a clear either-or answer to the question of fate vs. free will either. It seems to have an approach that’s similar to Doctor Who: some fixed points have to happen, and the interchangeable rest freely arranges itself around those fixed points. Fixed points in Ferguson’s personal life are things like a close relationship with his mother, no close blood relatives, meeting Amy and falling for her, reading and sports, a career in writing, and a trip to Paris at one point. Then there’s the historic events that shape his life, like Kennedy’s assassination, the conflict between black and white Americans, the Vietnam war and the constant threat of being drafted... Honestly there’s not much space for Ferguson’s lives to go in an entirely different direction between those two factors, and even those influences that differ between the different versions of his life don’t entirely change its course. So I guess the book leans more toward fate than free will, and even in those cases when Ferguson exercises free will, this free will is so heavily qualified by external factors outside his control that it’s hardly free. At the same time though the story doesn’t assume the existence of a god who directs people’s lives. There’s mentions of several gods every time one of the Fergusons dies (they all die, except for one), but to me it feels very metaphorical, and even if it’s supposed to be taken literally, it’s explicitly stated that they don’t care. So, no divine providence, no destiny, but a more or less clear-cut path that is largely pre-determined by historic events and other people crossing one’s path.

And those other people make the story just as fascinating as these philosophical musings. Much as I like Ferguson, after having spent more than 1000 pages in his head, he can’t be my favourite character anymore. That spot’s been taken since the beginning anyway, namely by Rose Adler, Ferguson’s mother (I love Amy too, I totally understand that each Ferguson fell for her, but this is too long already, so let’s stick with the amazing Rose). On the one hand, she’s everything one could ever wish for in a mother, doting, understanding, fierce when she needs to be, and the relationship between the Fergusons and Rose are in my opinion the most beautiful aspect of this book. It’s rare to see such a close mother-son bond in literature that on the one hand feels very natural, but on the other hand embodies everything the relationship between a parent and a child should be. What’s especially great about it is that not only does Rose love Ferguson, he also loves her back openly and unashamedly no matter his age. It would have been easy for the author to stop there and only show this side of her, especially since the story is told from Ferguson’s perspective, but no: apart from her role as a mother, she has a life of her own. In two versions of the story she builds a new relationship with another man, and in every version she’s a gifted photographer who builds herself a career in photography in one way or another and is admired and recognized for it. This is exactly the kind of character that could, and should, be put on the pedestal of a feminist icon: a woman who’s a recognized professional on the one hand, but isn’t expected to sacrifice her private life and loves for it; a woman who is strong and knows how to get what she wants, but isn’t portrayed as a stonehearted robot with no personal relationships. In short, I love Rose, and I’d read another 2000 pages with her life’s versions.

So you see, I really did like this book, even loved it sometimes, although it’s really long and has remarkably little tension, or suspense. It really just flows along most of the time, but for some reason it worked for me anyway. Until the very end. Because in the end it is revealed that this book about Ferguson, the writer, is written by Ferguson, the writer, who imagines how his life would have been had event X and Y not happened. I don’t know, I just found this so incredibly... lame? And pointless? I didn’t need an explanation for this intriguing setup, and definitely not such a flat one. A fictional author character who writes a piece of fiction on himself... what an uncreative ending for such a creative story. I read somewhere that Paul Auster used some autobiographical elements in the plot, so I guess one could say that it’s really the author who writes about different versions of his life, but that’s still not remotely satisfying for me. This assessment is obviously very subjective, but I was hugely disappointed when I read that there’s a logical explanation to this setup because it robs the story of its mystery, and quite frankly of its relevance concerning the above-mentioned questions. If he had just left out this reveal, I’d have understood it as a parallel-universe-thing where each version was equally possible and split off the main path because of slight variations, only to result in huge differences between this version of the story and the others. But this kind of reasoning doesn’t work with the author’s explanation. It limits the paths to the ones that Ferguson/Auster can imagine, and it makes it clear that every version but the last one were nothing but a figment of the author’s imagination anyway - instead of a different, but equally possible biography. Honestly, I feel robbed. But as I said, it’s one the last four pages. 4 pages out of 1070 - I can ignore that. And I will, because no matter how stupid and unsatisfying I find the ending, I intend to love the rest of the book anyway.

[epiloguebxy-blog]

BEST FRIEND! YOONGI

(word count is like 2000+ oops)

- First things first, let’s be real,, best friend yoongi would roll his eyes at you a LOT n0 doubt

-   your friendship is probably built on insulting each other, in like an affectionate way lmao

- also music,, that would definitely be a major factor of your friendship

-   he’d have such good song recs aaaaa

-   i’m still screaming about his playlist on Spotify !!!!!!

-  ok but like imagine trying to wake him up

-   He’d probably hit u over the head with a pillow n prolly swear at u to get lost

- The most effective way to wake him up was to tip water on his face,,, which he hATes lmao

- But it works s0,,,

-  Sometimes when he’d go a night without sleeping and was feelin kinda cheeky,, he’d pour water on u at 4:30am and justify it as payback

-   loWKEY Cuddles

-   like you’d just be sitting on the couch watching a movie n he’s just flop down and use your lap as a pillow and you’d be all like “yoongi wyd” and he’d be “shh ur comfy”

-   OR he’d be working on his music really late at night and you’d try to stay up with him but eventually you’d just rest your head on his shoulder bc you’re So Tired

-   he’d complain your head was too heavy before realising u had fallen asleep lol

-   He’s become a lot more relaxed after you’d fallen asleep,, he’d probably wrap a blanket around you fjdfsjk hes a real sweetheart okay

-   Okay but him teaching you piano awe

-   so like at one point you’d really want to learn the piano but wHy pay for lessons when a Master Pianist was your best friend ??

-   “hey yoongi can u teach me piano?”

-   “no”

-   “teach me piano or i’ll steal your kumamon plushie”

-   “you wouldn’t dAre”

-   “wATch mE”

-   you’re over at his house and he’s complaining about how bored he is so your like “hEY you should teach me how to play that song u always hum in your sleep”

-   “I’m not thAT bored”

-   but he gives in and you’re sitting next to each other and he’s getting frustrated because you keep pressing two keys at once like “y/N ITS NOt thAT HARD”

-   practice makes perfect J

-   When u guys are sitting on his bedroom floor sharing earphones and he’s sitting cross legged working on his computer and you’re lying on your stomach tapping mindless rhythms onto his leg while watching him type

-   More than once you guys have fallen asleep on the floor together

-   You guys would spend most of your time at each other’s houses

-   But when u did go out and catch a train or bus to the nearby shopping mall, you’d always share earbuds and he’d stare out the window and you’d always wonder what he thought about but whenever you’d ask he’d always just shrug and ignore you

-   I feel like yoongi is one of those people that high key hates small talk like No I Don’t Care how the weather is, talk about your first pet or how u would pray to the stars bc u thought they would grant every wish

-   and you guys would stay awake until the really early hours of the morning sitting on his bed and talking about all things that made u scared of the dark

-   during the day I feel like your friendship wouldn’t be so much about talking, more about just spending time together at a local coffee shop sipping on scorching hot chocolates and just watching the snow fall outside and observing the people who came into the shop

-   I think people watching would be something u guys did often, and you’d make up lil stories using all the information u could gather from a person

-   like a lady is walking past wearing a business outfit n she is carrying a child and yoongi would guess that she was Smart And Successful and then start to rant about how Sometimes Success Is Not What Matters and the lady wanted a child to love n you’d nod b4 pointing out the lady wasn’t wearing a ring and suggested the child wasn’t hers n she was just babysitting or something

-   Observation 101 ;D

-   sometime when you’d force him to come clothes shopping w you and you’d try something on and asked if it suited you and he’s sarcastically cringe and be all like “don’t wear that when you’re with me”

-   and you’d pout a lil before rolling your eyes with a lil “whatever” n he’d feel bad and be all “kidding, kidding, you look nice I guess”

-   tho like tbh he’d give u fashion advice all the time like “geez y/n you’re wearing /that/ scarf with that shirt?” and you’d roll your eyes and be all like “ha yeah like you can talk you’re literally wearing pajamas”

-   you’d go to every one of his basketball games and you’d always be the one cheering the loudest and he’d be low key embarrassed by it,,

-   tbh he high key loved it but gosh no he’d never tell u that

-   You were his personal cheer squad partly because you were proud him,,, mostly because you knew it embarrassed him lmao

-   after every game you’d go this ice cream shop a few blocks down from the courts and you’d share a large sundae and he’d eat all the strawberries but you didn’t mind despite always complaining to him about it

-   if u play a sport he’d absolutely be at all your games,, though he’d just sit in the corner and watch with a small smile that grew every time u looked over and waved at him

-   sometimes,, by accident,, he’s get really into the game and if your team was winning or scored a goal he’d jump and with a huge grin before realising and slowly sitting back down lmao

-   okay but you’d absolutely love when yoongi was in a really good mood because he’d always laugh and joke w you and he’d be grinning at you with his adorable gummy smile and it just made you really happy to see him like that

-   sometimes yoongi would be feeling really down and just get all quiet(er) and reserved and just ignore you and u could always tell when he was upset but you also knew he wouldn’t want to talk about it

-   and despite how much he insists he just wants to be alone, you knew deep down he appreciates your presence when he’s like this

-   so you would always go get some take out and hand him a bowl of chicken katsu and rice but he’d just push it away but you’d just smile and pick up a book and read, leaning your back against him

-   and he’d eventually reach for the food u brought him and you couldn’t help but grin, making sure your hair hid your pleased expression

-   you always knew silence was best but if it was more casual you’d probably start ranting about how you’re beSt friends so you should tell each other stuff that’s getting u down ?? Buts he’d probably just have his headphones on and not even hear you

-   You’d sigh and go over to him and start lazily massaging his neck n shoulders while clenching your jaw because you’re still low key annoyed he won’t talk to u

-   But he’d tilt his head and accidentally moan really softly bUt it’s nOt his fAULT you’re really good at giving massages

-   when you���re upset yoongi doesn’t really know how to properly respond

-   I feel like he’d leave u alone for a bit first bc he just wouldn’t know what to say or do but then he’d remember all the times u were just there for him and he’d feel really guilty and uGH he better go check on you

-   But like if it was something really bad like you were crying your eyes out I think he’d be REALLY concerned, especially if you weren’t telling him what was wrong

-   like he’d demand to know if someone hurt you and silently swear that he’ll give it to whoever made you cry like this,, honestly he’d be so pissed

-   but you’d just shake your head n grip onto his shirt while soaking his shoulder with your tears

-   and he’d sigh and hold you close and gently stroke your hair

-   he would feel really weird saying anything, even just a simple “it’d gonna be alright”, so I think he’d just try to let his really awkward affection speak for itself and hope you would pick up on it

-   the next day tho after you assured him you were all better, he’d go back to his usual self and probably joke about how you made a mess of his shirt and you better not do that again

-   tho this is his way of expressing,, not that he won’t be there for you,, but that he just prays there won’t be a next time because honestly he cannot stand seeing you that upset

-   you know he’ll always care about and always be there for you when you needed him

-   if you were feeling insecure about yourself and you even slightly expressed these thoughts to yoongi, first he’d definitely roll his eyes at you and second, he’d tell you appearance is pointless anyways and that you should instead fix your terrible sense of humor

-   “stop worrying about that stuff y/n it doesn’t matter”

-   “who cares what others think you look fine anyways”

-   “stop saying that y/n I’d still be your friend no matter what u looked like”

-   tbh on your birthday yoongi probably wouldn’t get you a gift because “materialistic items are such a waste honestly y/n do u want to kill the planet?” and you’d just roll ur eyes and he’d say something like “besides isn’t our friendship enough? it takes a lot to put up with you, you know?”

-   okay but for one birthday,, he’d give u a song he wrote for you and he’d been working on for the past eight months and it was all about how grateful he was and he just put all his emotions and things he never could express to you all in this one beautiful song

-   like just imagine him, it’d be a huge deal, this wasn’t something he’d do for just anyone and the song was really personal and to trust it with someone was a HUGe deal okay

-   and he’d be low key blushing and you guys would just be sitting on his couch watching a movie like every year and he wasn’t really focused bc he was really nervous ??

-   but then he’d just play it cool and be all like “oh yeah that’s right I got u something”

-   and you’d be really!!?? bc wOW min yoongi actually got you a birthday present this year ??

-   and he’d just toss the box to you, like not even pass gently even tho you were sitting like 3.2 cm away from him like thanks ?? he was just really nervous and trying to get over his nerves

-   and you’d be smiling so much as you unwrap it and you’d see it was a cd and be like oh??

-   he’d shrug like “I got bored the other night and just wrote it idk” and you’d have no idea he’d literally spent almost a year making the song PERfect

- and you’d grin bc you could tell how much this meant to him and you throw yourself at him, pulling him into a bear hug and he’d awkwardly pat your back n mutter a lil “happy birthday”

- honestly though, yoongi would be the best bestfriend like he’d always be there for you and he’d be so reliable

- okay okay I have a part two for this so !!!!! anticipate it ???? 

- I just got a lil carried away wow I just

- Love

- Best friend yoongi  

- My precious honey boy

- Also yeah idK THIS IS MY FIRST TIME PUBLISHING SOMETHING LIKE THIS IDK GO EASY ON ME PLS ILY

[bettysnooze]

i can't remember if i asked or not so!! 6, 7, 12, 13, and 28!! long ones im soz

6. which one of your muses have you been playing the longest?

answered here !!

7. which one of your muses has the most ships?

HELEN RIGHT NOW OH MAN, i never realised how flirty she is wow, and the chemistry is off the charts for so many ppl i don’t even know how to begin, half of this might just be in my head so um pls lets talk about sHIPS WITH HELEN

12. what is something everyone should know about your muses before interacting?

betty: she’s made a name for herself among students, i feel like it’d be pretty common knowledge that auradon prep and arcadia uni has its own sandman. they might not know its specifically betty?? but definitely once they’re around her, you’d just know. so if you need a good night’s sleep or some help with nightmares, betty is your girl. 

veronika: she’s a tour guide for auradon prep students! so she’s good for characters that come in for the first time ever. she always has some sort of bag with her and it’s basically a survival kit (water, umbrella, maps, auradon keychains). 

makaria: she always looks amazing. girl with the awesome fashion sense, great nails, great hair. always put together. she had a good relationship with her father, so on the isle they were basically this strong unit. if hades was walking, you’d know mak wasn’t too far behind. 

hershey: he comes from a playable game! the arcade’s on the west coast somewhere, but yeah sugar rush is 100% playable so if it’s relevant for your character to have went there and played sugar rush by any chance, then they probably would remember hershey from there. 

cestrum: he’s tall. like…6 foot more. i think i said he was 6 foot 2. in a crowd he’s one of the tall ones. when he’s sitting down in a low chair, his knees are really knobby it’s like watching a giraffe sit down. 

aiwei: he’s got visible frankenstein’s-monster type scars. recently, he’d had to stitch himself up a lot (without a good access to magic) so along his arms and fingers especially. his skin isn’t warm, it’s a little pale actually but honestly the life comes from his eyes and his smile.

otto: he’s handsome af. literally classic prince charming. comes from snow white’s family, so very posh, very rich boy trope. sits with the cool kids, acts like a cool kid, lives like a cool kid. will only be seen associating with other royals (or those close to royals) or sitting alone. but he always looks busy too. 

illyria: she’s a bit ‘mona lisa painting’ in that her eyes will literally follow you even if she doesn’t move. once you catch her attention, she won’t look away until she’s had her fill of analysing you. also she speaks a lot in class (more in recent months) and if she’s curious about you, you’ll know. she bothers a lot of people in class too lmao.

kirsa: she’s a cheerleader! super team spirit all the way. she’s got makeup on her all the time, has her own version of a survival kit. need lip balm? she’s got new ones you can just take. need pads or tampons? she’s got light, heavy, and super. need a snack? she’s got a brownie in a tin. need alcohol or smokes? she’s got them too. omg she runs high school contraband.

dignan: LITERALLY SO BUSY WITH CLUBS. you will literally always see him hanging out with someone from a sports team, usually the baseball team. he’s literally a jock. since he joined the team he’s taken to wearing some sort of sports fashion – a cap, or shoes, or a jersey or jacket. BUT ALSO he’s in mathletes!! if he’s not in any of his other extracurriculars or studying or hanging with friends, then he’s at the gym or training. 

helen: also a jock. but she’s more known for having aurelius hanging around her all the time. he knows he can’t go into any buildings, so he’s always waiting outside. sometimes he hangs out by the classroom window and watches lessons LMAO. 

penelope: if you look poor, she’ll scoff at you, if you look rich, she’ll wink at you. she may also try to steal your shit, rich or poor. her luck with stealing comes and goes, sometimes it’s a smooth steal, most of the time she gets caught. she always tries tho.

13. what’s a weird headcanon you have for each of your muses?

betty: idk if this is weird but betty has the ability to literally sleep anywhere. once she decides she’s comfortable and wants to sleep, she’s done. betty’s been found sleeping in a closet, under a desk in a student’s lounge, IN CLASS…

veronika: she knows like every word to a handful of like early 2000s songs. outkast’s “hey ya”, eminem’s “without me”, coolio’s “gangsta’s paradise”, black eyed peas “where is the love”. a lot of avril lavigne. she won’t sing it (unless you’re noelle) but she can recite and mouth along to the song

makaria: she had a cooking phase. but only she eats the food bc she doesn’t want to accidentally poison anybody or make them puke. she likes cooking food. considers herself a good food critic.

hershey: hated ice-cream for the longest time bc, as a kid, he couldn’t get through the ice-cream catapult range on the sugar rush track. full-on boycotted ice-cream from like ages 6-10. it was a sad time for hershey.

cestrum: i’ve talked about it before but his tapdancing! started when he found a pair of dancing shoes in wonderland. then he found an old gramophone and some records. he basically taught himself how to tap dance. he doesn’t do it so often now because there’s every chance someone’s going to catch him doing it.

aiwei: secretly tried all sorts of things to make himself taller. he’d do stretches. he’d hang upside down. the last straw was when he would hang by his arms off a tall beam, with weight attached to his feet. he can’t feel pain so he just added as many weights as possible, and one foot literally popped off the socket. there’s a scar there too.

otto: scared of open water. doesn’t like the idea of drowning. he frantically trained himself to be able to swim well (in a pool) but he’s still wary of going to the beach. doesn’t like flying on a plane over large bodies of water. just……..no open water.

illyria: she’s really really bad with makeup. all she had to go on for years was tia dalma’s intense eyeliner, smokey-eye look LMAO. she tried makeup for a while but got too lazy and is just bare-faced now (she loves moisturising though and buys all sorts of sea-themed facewashes and things).

kirsa: she’s really picky about food. she’s a little self-conscious about it so when u eat with her for the first time she just goes with whatever but once she’s comfortable it’s just gonna be so specific. “hi so i’d like the apple pie for dessert with the ice-cream on the side, and if it’s home-baked pie then i’d like it heated but if it’s not then leave the ice-cream and i’ll have whipped cream instead. otherwise, i’d still like the ice-cream on the side – and for the salad, can i also have the dressing on the side please?” this is shamelessly taken from ‘when harry met sally’ but EVERYTHING IS ON THE SIDE

dignan: he’s superstitious especially about competitions. the first baseball game he won, he ate ice-cream beforehand so like now every time he has to eat ice-cream before a game. different rule for mathletes though, whenever they have a competition, he has to do like ten sit-ups. he will do those sit-ups anywhere, but he has to get them done. doesn’t walk under ladders. doesn’t open umbrellas indoors.

helen: she’s really not looking to love anyone right now, but she ends up liking so many people and she kinda loves that physical side of the relationship a lot ??? she also loves showing off and that’s not really a quirky headcanon but like she loves showing off

penelope: idk yet but i think maybe she once tried singing to the birds on the isle (back when her grandmother was still like ‘yes penny sing!!’) and honestly like the birds either died or tried to attack her, she probably has a fear of birds now because of that. 

28. can you sort your muses from weakest to strongest?

PHYSICAL STRENGTH-ABILITY WISE

aiwei: is a pacifist but also just like no upper-arm strength and literally you could rip his arms off with the right amount of force so no

cestrum: could literally knock him over with a strong wind but at least he’s a little more solid than aiwei. also a pacifist. also has a little trauma when it comes to physical harm so he just freezes and let’s things happen to him.

kirsa: has no idea how to defend herself and literally just runs or something and she’s not even a fast runner. she can scream tho and she panic-fights so she has every chance to scratch someone’s eyes out.

hershey: also panic-fights. would rather run (or drive away) than fight. if he had a car in his disposal he would still choose to just drive away with as little injury to anyone as possible. not very powerful in terms of physical fights; he gets beat up a lot.

veronika: knows how to avoid fights. calm in a brawl. uses her environment to her advantage (ie. broken glass, distractions). looks to leave fights rather than end them.

dignan: only more powerful than veronika physically but strategically he’s a mess. impulsive fighter. will throw himself into anything. upper-arm strength because of recent training and exercise; good aim, has amazing aim. 

illyria: calm, strategic, trained fighter. but only good with weapons, not very good with hand-to-hand combat (would rather not touch anyone at all). different scenario if she was in the water, but by herself she’s at this stage of the scale.

otto: brute strength. brawls. boxing. clenched fists and can take a hit and doesn’t stop hitting until the other person gives up. also swordsmanship. 

helen: the most powerful out of all my non-powered people. she’s got the strength, the strategy, the experience and the training. actual warrior princess helen rider. can also do everything in heels and on horseback. can probably do motorcycle stunts.

betty: she has so much untapped potential; the ursula event was only like a small dose of what she could do if she decided to use her powers that way. could end a fight before it even started.

makaria: ofc a goddess of death would be like the most powerful. fire (hellfire) powers, and shadow manipulation and basic magic and teleportation and also she doesn’t know it yet/hasn’t had a chance but she can manipulate the dead that are devoted to hades. also she’s gonna get her immortality one of these days so Full God Mak Aidoneus™

[00sdisney-blog]

Lizzie McGuire Ranked! S2 Ep 32 “First Kiss”

We're starting off the ranking with Season 1 Episode 32 "First Kiss". This has always been my least favorite episode of Lizzie McGuire, mainly because I have never understood the attraction of the basic blonde hair blue eyed pretty boy, they always end up being jerks in the end. I prefer the bad boy types who actually have a heart of gold, but that's just me.

The episode starts with Gordo complaining about not getting an A on a project involving a bridge he built out of toothpicks. Lizzie & Miranda have absolutely no interest in this conversation, but can you blame them? Also I gotta point out Miranda's camo pants & purple New York Times t-shirt combination which screams early 2000s.  Honestly, this show gave me so many fashion goals. I wish I had been that stylish & on point when I was in middle school instead of looking like the crypt keeper. Oh yeah and Lizzie is wearing those infamous 90s/early 2000s butterfly hair clips. Since Hilary Duff always makes jokes about the butterfly hair clips she wore on the show in her honor we're going to keep a countdown of how many we can spot in each episode. Current Total: 1

The girls begin to notice that literally everyone around them seems to be paired off...well everyone except Lizzie, Miranda & Gordo that is. Let's be honest here, middle school dating is the most embarrassing thing like I'm so glad I never endured it. I watched friends go through it & thinking you're madly in love at 13 years old is beyond cringe worthy.

Our next scene flashes to Matt who is desperately looking for a Paul O’Neill baseball card. (I cannot believe people actually collect these things) When he strikes out (haha baseball pun) he tries to weasel his parents into giving him a raise on his allowance which instantly results in a big fat NO. Sam McGuire being a sucker for sports sneaks Matt some money for more baseball cards unannounced to Jo.

Moving on to Lizzie who is wearing an adorable cat shirt & on the phone with Miranda discussing the fact that everyone in middle school has apparently paired off. Miranda suggests this strange occurrence has happened because there might might be a full moon stating that her Mom believes full moons cause weird stuff to happen. This is great to me because my Mom has actually said something similar about full moons. Lizzie points out that it's probably because Valentine's Day is soon and God forbid a person not have a significant other on February 14th.

Then it begins...the doorbell rings, Lizzie goes to answer it & who do we find? Ronnie the paper boy! First off, who freaking has paper boys anymore? Don't you just go to the store & buy a paper? I don't have any memory of having a paper boy at any point in my life, you always went to one of your local stores to buy the paper. Where do the McGuires live? Ronnie is the stereotypical pretty boy of the 2000s...blonde spiky hair, one of those surfer necklaces and big blue eyes. I'm sure at the time every girl that watched the show instantly found him dreamy...except for me. (I was too busy being in love with Phil Diffy)

Ronnie overhears Lizzie telling Miranda that something must be wrong with her because she doesn't have a boyfriend. Lizzie notices the eavesdropping & gripes Ronnie out about it in which Ronnie replies "I'm sorry I forgot to turn my ears off" (w a t). Sam pays Ronnie & he leaves but Lizzie chases after him so she can continue to gripe him out for listening in on her convo. Ronnie tells her he thinks it's equally as rude to ignore someone when they're in your doorway. Lizzie doesn't think so because Ronnie wasn't there to see her but Ronnie smoothly replies "well how do you know I wasn't there to see you?" Ronnie & Lizzie continue to walk and banter. Ronnie then has to make another stop on his paper route and tells Lizzie that there's "definitely nothing wrong with her" referencing to her convo with Miranda about not having a boyfriend. You can pretty much instantly feel the butterflies that just happened in Lizzie's stomach. *CUT TO THEME SONG WITH BOUNCY BALLS & LIZZIE'S NON MATCHING OUTFIT*

AND WE'RE BACK.....Miranda is asking Lizzie why she hung up on her & never called her back last night. Lizzie tells Miranda she will tell but only in a cone of silence. (meaning it's a secret) Lizzie confesses she might like someone, Miranda tells Lizzie that not one soul on the Earth is unaware of her crush on Ethan Craft to which Lizzie responds "it's not Ethan!" Miranda gets excited & wants details which leads us to learn Ronnie's last name is Jacobs, he goes to a different middle school & does bunch of other stuff that makes him attractive. Gordo walks up & Miranda proceeds to tell him "Lizzie is in love with her paper boy" breaking the cone of silence she was sworn to.

Now going back to Matt, we see him & a group of friends going through their baseball card collections. Melina walks up to them bragging about having the "O'Neill" card. Matt pleads with Melina for the O'Neill card offering to trade her 50 cards for it or do her homework for a week to which Melina of course declines. Matt asks her to name her price & Melina tells him she'll get back to him on that.

Back to Lizzie's life,  it's apparently a bright & early morning in the McGuire house as Lizzie rushes downstairs to get the paper because as we see in the next scene Ronnie has hidden a note in it. Cartoon Lizzie gushes over how she has a "cooly cooly cool boyfriend" (wow that happened fast) Down in the kitchen Matt is working on a batch of brownies for Melina while also doing her laundry in the sink. Matt explains to his parents in order to get his baseball card he has to meet all of Melina’s demands. Jo finds Melina’s idea actually brilliant (which it is, women have to power to make men do anything let's be honest)

At the ole Hillridge Junior High we find Lizzie hanging up a picture of her boyfriend of 1 or 2 days in her locker, it's getting serious now guys. Miranda gives Lizzie her approval while Lizzie shows Miranda that she has Ronnie's shoelaces laced into her boots. (w a t) Lizzie continues to gush about Ronnie and Miranda's face in this picture says it all.

By lunch Lizzie is still babbling on about Ronnie while Miranda and Gordo look like they're ready to stab her with a cafeteria spork. Miranda & Gordo excuse themselves from the table to go get some pudding (as you do) which inspires Lizzie to start calling Ronnie "pudding" as a pet name.

Miranda tells Gordo that Lizzie is basically possessed by the love spirit of Ronnie and points out that she's even wearing his dirty shoelaces. (for real tho W A T) Gordo says he's known Lizzie his entire life but never thought about what it would be like if she had a boyfriend. For whatever reason Miranda reads that as Gordo being jealous to which he instantly denies even tho we all know he probably is.

In elementary school we find Melina giving Matt a list of things she wants him to do for her. His friends tell him the baseball card is not worth it but Matt ignores them & continues to meet Melina’s many demands.

Now we are at that roller skating montage set to Michelle Branch's "Everywhere". Because of this scene I always think of Lizzie McGuire when I hear that song. ALSO isn't that street the same street that random unexplained picture of Hilary Duff with the orange peels was taken?

(I mean for real it looks like the same street!! & SHE’S GOT ROLLER BLADES ON! oh & will we ever get an explanation for this picture??) Lizzie & Ronnie are taking pics of each other with those outdated long cameras because back then kiddos we didn't have the leisure of iphones. After frolicking on the street in roller blades Lizzie & Ronnie sit down & chat. Ronnie asks Lizzie if she considers them to be "boyfriend & girlfriend" (no...she just wears your filthy shoelaces, hangs your picture in her locker & rambles about your nonstop because you're a great friend) I also have to point out that Lizzie is literal hair goals in this scene, so freaking cute! Anyhow, Ronnie confesses that he told all his friends that Lizzie was his girlfriend which causes cartoon Lizzie to break into a chorus of hallelujah.

Ronnie then gives Lizzie a ring which more than likely came out of one of those gumball machines at the dollar store. THEN THE BIG MOMENT HAPPENS.....Ronnie & Lizzie look into each other's eyes, lean in & kiss. (I'm shocked considering the episode is called "First Kiss") You then see Gordo creeping in the background witnessing the whole thing...seriously tho....how long was he back there?

Lizzie returns home walking on cloud 9, she talks about how amazing of a time she had with Ronnie. Sam goes all papa bear declaring he "did not like the sound of that". Jo tells Sam that Lizzie & Ronnie are just friends while Lizzie awkwardly looks away. Jo questions her and Lizzie shows her parents the ring Ronnie gave her citing it was a "friendship ring". Jo almost chokes on air and tells Sam not to panic. Lizzie tells her parents every girl in her grade has a boyfriend so she doesn't understand what the big deal is. Sam & Jo are still uncomfortable with the situation as any parent would be.

Flash to a new day, Lizzie is on the phone with Ronnie while Miranda sits there annoyed. Ronnie & Lizzie start that ridiculous "no you hang up first" crap and Miranda hits the button to end the call (don't you miss those days? can't do that on someone's cellphone!) Miranda tells Lizzie that she's basically turned into a crazy love slave. Lizzie denies it so Miranda pulls out the receipts which is Lizzie's history notebook full of pages with Ronnie's name written on it. Lizzie tells Miranda that she's just mad because she has a boyfriend while Miranda does not. Lizzie instantly regrets what she just said. A shocked & clearly hurt Miranda tells Lizzie that she "no she doesn't have a bf at the moment and she also doesn't have much of a best friend either".

*Cut to a montage of Matt doing chores for Melina*

Melina at last minute decides she has one more demand to be met before she can give Matt his beloved O'Neill card. The final demand was that Matt give Melina every one of his Dad's baseball cards, which Sam does not take well.

OHH HERE COME THE DRAMA YA'LL~

The doorbell rings & Lizzie rushes to answer it because of course it's Ronnie. Except this time he tells Lizzie that they "need to talk" which every person on the planet knows means "I wanna breakup".  Jo knows what's up & tells Sam that their daughter is fixing to get her heart broken. Lizzie & Ronnie walk outside & he tells her that "something happened" but he doesn't know if it's bad or not. (um well it's clearly bad for Lizzie dude) Ronnie tells Lizzie that there's a girl at his school that he has a crush on & that he's not sure now is the time for him to have a girlfriend. He then tells a teary eyed Lizzie that she can still keep the ring tho if she wants but she tells him no (you go girl!!) Ronnie pulls the ole "we can still be friends" bit & Lizzie runs away crying.

The next day at school Lizzie is in the library ripping out all the pages of Ronnie's name in her notebook, Gordo walks up tells Lizzie they missed her at lunch & brought her a chocolate chip cookie. Now that's a good & true friend right there! Lizzie tells Gordo that Ronnie broke up with her & Gordo replies "he's a loser!" Lizzie says that she's the loser & that the girl Ronnie likes is probably prettier, smarter & more fun than her. Gordo tells Lizzie that there's nobody prettier or more fun to be with than her. (He left out smarter because he was also including himself in that equation) He continues to comfort Lizzie & she tells him that he's a good friend. Gordo then gives the audience a subtle hint he may like Lizzie as more than a friend but plays it off. (even tho everyone knows)

They begin to walk out of the library & Miranda joins them so she's clearly forgiven Lizzie's blunder. The episode ends & all is restored in Lizzie's world once again.

Well folks, that's it! I completed my first ranking! FUN FACT! Hilary Duff has said in a few interviews that this is her favorite episode of Lizzie McGuire. This was a lot of fun & I'm definitely  looking forward to doing another one sometime this week. I hope ya'll liked it! Sorry if it was long, I like my writing very detailed. BUT if you actually read all of that you're pretty awesome! Sorry the screencaps are crappy but I'm also not because it makes it funnier.

Which one do you think I'll pick next!? Leave a comment & see if you get it right! I'll be back later this week for more ranking fun!

Butterfly Clip Count: 1

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Tesla Design X vs. Porsche Cayenne: Images, functions, specs, review

The champ: Porsche’s fantastic Cayenne.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

The Tesla Design Xs were what’s now called the Performance trim, currently priced at $105,000

These are two of the best high-end SUVs on the market, the respective peaks of gas-powered and all-electric propulsion.

I favor the Cayenne for now, however the Model X is something special.

In this corner, we have the champ: the amazing Porsche Cayenne, lord of the gas-burning high-end SUVs.

And in this corner, we have the Tesla Model X, the Cayenne of all-electric utes– our opposition.

It’s a reasonable fight. Fully equipped variations of each SUV can be had for around $100,000 Each offers stunning performance for a high end hauler of people and stuff. The Design X can even cram in a third row, making it a seven-passenger energy.

The opposition: Tesla’s magnificent Design X.

Matthew DeBord/BI.

The Model X is the newbie, but only reasonably. While the Cayenne has been with us since the early 2000 s, the Design X didn’t show up until 2015– but that implies we have actually had about 5 years to appreciate the X, in all its falcon-winged glory.

I drove the Design X not long after it debuted, and then a few years back when I took it on a 700- mile family road trip.

Both cars are great. Read on to see which SUV wins this contrast:

Up first is the Model X, most likely the most flamboyantly state-of-the-art SUV ever made. It debuted in 2015 with dramatic, upswinging “falcon-wing” doors.

Tesla Model X.

Tesla.

I’ve driven it numerous times. The rates has actually moved around for many years, however at the moment, you can select from 2 trim levels, prior to including bonus: the $85,000 Long Range Plus and the $105,000 Efficiency.

Tesla Model X.

Matthew DeBord/BI.

Both current trim levels have a dual-motor, all-wheel-drive system.

Tesla Design X.

Benjamin Zhang/Business Expert.

About those doors: They have actually been a one-off for Teslas. The engineering postponed the Design X’s market arrival. They’re rather cool, they’re also tricky to build.

Tesla Design X.

Benjamin Zhang/Business Insider.

But they make getting into and out of the rear seats really simple. Still, Tesla isn’t preparing any new falcon-winged cars.

Tesla Design X.

Justin Sullivan/Getty Images.

The Model X’s style follows the company’s view that an electric lorry look smooth, striking, and futuristic– however not too insane. The Model X’s aesthetic has actually held up perfectly for five years, however it’s most likely Tesla’s least appealing platform.

Tesla Model X.

Benjamin Zhang/Business Insider.

On the outdoors, anyway. The interior is simply amazing, particularly if you select the white simulated leather treatment.

Tesla Design X.

Matthew DeBord/BI.

After some problems with the original rear seats, Tesla decided to make them itself.

Tesla Model X.

Benjamin Zhang/Business Insider.

A 3rd row is readily available, but due to the fact that the Design X is basically a midsize SUV, these seats are exceptionally confined.

Tesla Model X.

Matthew DeBord/BI.

Even my youngest kid grumbled about having to ride back there on a long road trip.

Matthew DeBord/BI.

The Design X’s cargo capacity is outstanding.

Tesla Design X.

Matthew DeBord/BI.

The big front trunk, or “frunk,” looked after the overflow.

Tesla Design X.

Matthew DeBord/BI.

The Long Range Model X gives up some performance to deliver 351 miles of variety; but the quick trim still provides you 305 miles.

Tesla Model X.

Benjamin Zhang/Business Expert.

The Tesla infotainment system, which runs on an enormous main touchscreen, can use its GPS navigation to outline a course, “island hopping” from Supercharger to Supercharger– that’s Tesla’s nationwide fast-charging network– so that you don’t have to charge to full at every stop.

The center touchscreen in the Tesla Design X.

Matthew DeBord/BI.

The Design X, of course, also comes with Tesla’s Auto-pilot semi-self-driving system. It’s far better than the driver-assist system in the Porsche Cayenne. It has greater goals. In my screening, Auto-pilot has actually served as really sophisticated cruise control– and in some methods, its a difficulty to use, because it needs a high level of driver attention.

I also delight in driving the Model X so much that I wound up turning Autopilot off quite often. Ditto the Cayenne– these are high-performance SUVs that are implied to deliver delights behind the wheel. I do not want thee computer systems to have all the enjoyable!

On one of my trips, I pulled into a Sheetz to fill up on electrons.

Matthew DeBord/BI.

Design X ownership needs persistence. Level 2 charging at 240 volts is much slower, and drip charging using the Design X’s own cable television gets you about a mile per hour.

Matthew DeBord/BI.

The Model X I was driving at the time had a large, 100- kilowatt-hour battery. Now, you can get a 0-60 miles per hour time of 4.4 seconds from the Long Variety Plus, and 2.6 from the Performance.

Tesla Model X.

Matthew DeBord/BI.

Interior storage for the Design X is wonderful. You have cubbies, reconfigurable cupholders, and thanks to the lack of a gas powertrain, all kinds of legroom.

Tesla Design X.

Matthew DeBord/BI.

The infotainment system is spectacular. Numerous lorry functions are managed through it, so you need to rise a learning curve. However it covers all the bases and them some, including the usual Bluetooth device-pairing and USB connectivity, but also a stellar, Tesla-designed audio system.

Tesla Model X.

Matthew DeBord/BI.

The Tesla mobile app is likewise exceptional. It’s useful for everything from pre-cooling or -warming the interior to monitoring charging.

A screenshot of the Tesla mobile app.

Matthew DeBord/BI.

… The stunning Porsche Cayenne! shows here as a 2020 Coupé, Porsche’s most recent style– a fastback– for the best SUV ever constructed by human hands on world Earth.

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

Check out the review of the Porsche Cayenne Coupé.

While the Coupé takes the type of a stylish, sporty fastback, with a sloping roofline.

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

Coupés are all the rage in high-end SUV land. And technically, the Design X is a fastback.

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

Have I ever been a fan of the Cayenne’s design?

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

My tester included a set of 21- inch “Spyder” wheels, a $2,700 additional. Front and back, this base-level Cayenne had cast-iron brake rotors and black calipers. No regenerative braking, as with the Design X.

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

The Cayenne Coupe has actually a 3.0-liter turbocharged V6, making 335 horse power with 332 pound-feet of torque.

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

The 4.0-liter, twin-turbocharged V8 makes 541 horsepower with 568 pound-feet of torque. This Porsche can tow almost 8,000 pounds, which is staggering. Fuel economy isn’t: 15 mpg city/19 highway/17 integrated, and that’s on premium gas.

Porsche Cayenne.

Matt DeBord/BI.

For both Cayennes, power is sent to the all-wheel-drive system through an eight-speed automatic with a manual-shifting option.

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

For the Coupé, there’s 22 cubic feet of cargo area, expandable to 54 with the rear seats dropped. For the Turbo, it’s 26 cubic feet, increasing to 59.

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

That’s sufficient to handle daily life, however the Design X is definitely the remarkable hauler.

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

Rear legroom for the Cayenne …

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

… is excellent. However there’s not a third-row alternative.

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

The Cayenne Coupé has a stunning panoramic glass roof. However the Design X has a windscreen that extends well up into the roofline.

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

Porsches are supposed to be about driving, and the Cayenne has always distinguished itself on this score.

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

The thick, topstitched, multifunction steering wheel is heated, as are the front seats. The tachometer is front and center in the instrument cluster, and the drive-mode selector is located on the lower. You have Typical, Sport, Sport-Plus, and an Individual mode to select from.

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

The undergirdings of the Cayenne are complex.

Off-roading?

Not for nothing, however the key fob is Porsche-shaped.

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

The dash-center stop-watch is oh-so-Porsche.

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

The infotainment system runs on a 12.3- inch center touchscreen, with an adjunct screen on the right side of the instrument cluster. The system is great, handling GPS navigation, Bluetooth-pairing, and USB connectivity, dishing out the interface in crisp high-def.

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

I need to provide the edge to the Cayenne. However simply hardly!

Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

Matthew DeBord/Insider.

The Porsche Cayenne is the greatest SUV ever made by human hands on world Earth. That verdict has just been enhanced for me the last two times I’ve driven the vehicle, in Cayenne Turbo and Coupé trims.

The Model X, on the other hand, is now the most offbeat automobile that Tesla presently produces. As an SUV, it’s something special. Although it’s 100%electric, I concluded back in 2015 when it released that it was the most substantial ute since the Cayenne, which made its own jaw-dropping launching over a years earlier.

The X is constantly fun, and it rarely fails to draw a crowd of admirers. And while the Model S sedan was a crucial vehicle for Tesla– its first clean-sheet style– the Model X was the company’s successful effort to integrate a great deal of technology with considerable high-end and outstanding EV performance. I’m unsure the business might ever produce such a content-crammed device again, although I’m eager to see what the Cybertruck offers.

Price-wise, the Model X has an advantage: the leading trim level begins at about $105,000, while the most stonking Cayennes are over $150,000 You’re gon na get all the Model X you can handle prior to you even climb midway up the mountain that is the Cayenne Turbo. (Still, the Turbo delivers a 0-60 mph time of 3.9 seconds, while the Model X Performance makes the run in 2.6.)

The Design X is also the way to go if you do not wish to invest the college fund on gas: it takes in zero gas and discharges nothing from a tailpipe, which it does not have. The Cayenne, nevertheless, get only about 20 mpg integrated (less, if you really take pleasure in the V8 versions) and makes a great deal of noise as it spews fumes from its several exhaust ports. (There is a monumentally effective hybrid version of the Cayenne, the Turbo S E-Hybrid, and there’s a hybrid version of both the base Cayenne and the Cayenne Coupé.)

That said, the Cayenne remains the requirement by which all other luxury utes are determined. The concern is actually whether you get what you pay for, and with the Porsche, there’s no doubt. You might recoil when the payments are due, however you won’t ever live in disappointment.

You likewise won’t need to wrangle with the Design X’s neurotic intricacy. This SUV has depths that even the most enthusiastic and dedicated owners have not plumbed. The Cayenne has a somewhat difficult infotainment system and some ornate driving-mode options, but otherwise you’re handling a quick SUV that plies its asphalt sorcery behind the scenes. How can something this big and heavy manage so magnificently? Cue the positive chuckles of grinning German engineers.

So there you have it. The Model X is excellent. The Cayenne is a little higher. Wow! A close race.

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Functions BITranspo Tesla Tesla Model X

Chevron icon It suggests an expandable section or menu, or often previous/ next navigation options.

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