#like last night I���m sorry but you let Michigan state get fucked so another willie the wildcat could win??? fuck Kansas state

[racingtoaredlight]

The degenerate’s guide to college football TV watch ‘em ups, 2019 season, week 7

As you read this for the first time in what seems like ages Steven Montez is not throwing an interception. Enough about that, it’s Red River Shootout Rivalry week! Kind of sucks that they stopped calling it a shootout right when every game in the Big XII became a shootout.

This isn’t the best version of “Red River Valley” much like this year’s game isn’t the best version of the Red River Shootout but we have to love the ones we’re with.

Why am I putting so much of this post into a game I don’t give a shit about? Because Miami already played (and won!) and I haven’t actually looked at the rest of the schedule yet. We’ll find out together what’s going on this week! Schedule copied from FBSchedules, gambles copied from Vegas Insider, thoughts are intended to be original. I’m sorry.

Saturday, October 12

Matchup                                                       Time (ET)                  TV/Mobile

6 Oklahoma vs. 11 Texas (in Dallas, TX)    12:00pm                       FOX

Wait, get the fuck out of here. This is the first game listed to top it all off? Bookmakers are fucking with us to have the o/u at 75.5 but Sooners -10.5 seems smart to me. Note to theoretical new readers: nobody who writes on this site about gambling is right more than 15% of the time.

Maryland at Purdue                                     12:00pm                       BTN

B1G action! It sucks!

23 Memphis at Temple                                12:00pm                     ESPN2

The race for the group of five BCS bid (is that what we’re still calling it?) is a madcap so far and Temple is still in it. Wild, right? Manny Diaz might have chosen the less talented team this year when he decided to leave Temple at the altar. Memphis is the favorite for this game and the AAC championship and probably #2 in line for the big bowl money among the sisters of the poor but this is an interesting game for a whole host of reasons. Go Tigers.

Miami (Ohio) at Western Michigan             12:00pm                    ESPNU

I think I’m doing the italics wrong for this post. I won’t go back to fix it, though.

16 Michigan at Illinois                                  12:00pm                      ABC

Michigan is pure entertainment to me but only in theory. I don’t watch their shitty games but every outcome fills me with glee. Nobody likes them, especially Michigan fans. Keep it going, Captain Clutch.

Mississippi State at Tennessee                   12:00pm                     SECN

Miss State isn’t total trash, are they? I feel like no but I can’t tell you why. And, yet, they are only favored by 6.5 over Tennessee. I can’t believe there’s a reason beyond gambling to care about this game.

Rutgers at Indiana                                         12:00pm                     BTN

If you find yourself interested in this game for any reason whatsoever please call 800-522-4700.

South Carolina at 3 Georgia                          12:00pm                   ESPN

Is Coach Boom on the hot seat? I really don’t know what’s expected of him. Can he say that his shitty QB that got hurt would have made a difference in this season? Will school officials believe him? Georgia -22 seems like great value to me.

Toledo at Bowling Green                                12:00pm                  CBSSN

Bowling Green is very bad. Are they +26.5 at home against Toledo bad? Absolutely they are.

Georgia Tech at Duke                                      12:30pm                   RSN

Georgia Tech football makes me sad. Let’s not dwell too long on them.

Ball State at Eastern Michigan                        2:00pm                  ESPN+

Ball State is not baller at all. One of life’s great quandaries.

Old Dominion at Marshall                                2:30pm               Stadium

This must be the first game of the year on Stadium unless I’ve just completely stopped paying attention. What a debut!

New Mexico State at Central Michigan           3:00pm                ESPN3

Washington State at 18 Arizona State              3:30pm            Pac-12N

Holy hell, what a shit year this is. Arizona State crept up to #18 and there is nothing interesting about their team on the field. They aren’t even undefeated. It’s just Herm Edwards yelling inspiration to some kids you’ve never heard of and it’s mostly worked out so far. This game is a pick ‘em which is probably what every Washington State game should be until Mike Leach rides off into the sunset.

Florida State at 2 Clemson                                 3:30pm              ABC

When Cabbage exposed Jameis Winston’s pay-for-play thing a few years ago Jameis was probably taking money for point shaving, too. I kind of feel like Trevor Lawrence is doing the same thing this year but it’s more dangerous for him because he still has to play in college for another year. How off has Clemson looked so far? I’m entertaining thoughts of FSU pulling the upset here. Technically they can do that just by staying closer than 26. That’s the best kind of upset, really.

NIU at Ohio                                                           3:30pm            ESPN+

Even in the lowered expectations world of MACtion 2019 this is a sad affair.

Kent State at Akron                                             3:30pm             ESPN3

Maybe all MAC games are particularly sad this year.

Michigan State at 8 Wisconsin                           3:30pm               BTN

The pain isn’t close to over for Sparty but a nice moral victory here would only mean keeping Jonathan Taylor under 200 yards and 5 TDs. Or even scoring. One out of two seems possible.

25 Cincinnati at Houston                                     3:30pm            ESPN2

Holgo to Houston seemed so natural but things haven’t really clicked yet. Fickell at Cincinnati, on the other hand, has been perfect and immediate. Vegas has some faith in the Cougars still, though, so maybe I just haven’t caught up to the now. The Bearcats are favored by 7 but that seems low to me, even on the road. Maybe stay the fuck away from this one.

1 Alabama at 24 Texas A&M                                3:30pm              CBS

aTm is going to lose by 40 and somehow rank #15 on Sunday.

BYU at USF                                                            3:30pm            CBSSN

BYU is starting a black QB for the first time in school history. That’s kind of a jarring headline in 2019 for any school, isn’t it? 

UConn at Tulane                                                    3:45pm            ESPNU

Let’s run away from all the uncomfortable thoughts that go with BYU and gather together to laugh at UConn. It is wild that Tulane is favored by 34 over anybody. Willie Fritz is going to get offered a lot of money to go somewhere else for 2020 and I hope he stays put. Having a good coach and the occasionally best uniforms in the country is a cool combo.

Rhode Island at Virginia Tech                               4:00pm            ACCN

Virginia Tech won one of the most cursed games of all time last week and it would surprise basically nobody if they turned around and lost to the Fightin’ Lamar Odoms this week. Before you ask, yes, Rhode Island is bad even for a AA team.

Texas Tech at 22 Baylor                                         4:00pm             FS1

Baylor is ranked. Gross.

San Jose State at Nevada                                      4:00pm          ATTSN

If you’re a fan of Last Chance U, tune in to see Malik Henry take over as Nevada’s QB. The offense has been a shambles so far this year but the Wolfpack are still 3-2 and alive in the MWC so maybe the formerly big name recruit can provide a nice jolt.

UNLV at Vanderbilt                                                  4:00pm          SECN

People like to make jokes about the SEC not playing any good non-conference games and never going on the road to play out of conference.

Middle Tennessee at Florida Atlantic                    4:00pm          ESPN+

FAU is going to sneak into a bowl game this year and Lane Kiffin is going to get hired by like Florida State or some dumb shit. Looking forward to it all.

Iowa State at West Virginia                                     4:00pm          ESPN

The line opened at -7.5 for Iowa State and it’s moved up to -10. Both these teams are kind of messy and it’s being played in Morgantown. Somebody please enlighten us all in the comments.

Georgia State at Coastal Carolina                          5:00pm          ESPN+

This afternoon stretch is mostly pretty bleak for watchin’ ‘em up.

UAB at UTSA                                                             6:00pm          ESPN+

This game doesn’t change things much for the better. UAB should rock UTSA but this is on ESPN+ anyway, so it’s not like anybody will be watching it.

UMass at Louisiana Tech                                          7:00pm         ESPN3

Peeking down the page a bit, the night schedule actually looks pretty good. This one won’t be in the rotation. La Tech is good this year but UMass is pure trash. The 31.5-point line is a warning sign to stay away unless the game gets way the fuck out of hand really early.

Mississippi, Oxford at Missouri                               7:00pm          ESPN2

Kelly Bryant is, at long last, looking pretty good. Missouri’s offense is theoretically a good training ground for the NFL, so I’m happy for Bryant on that level, but I really just want to see extra misery (npi) poured on Mississippi.

North Texas at Southern Miss                                  7:00pm         Facebook

I swear to you the good games are on their way.

Fresno State at Air Force                                         7:00pm          CBSSN

We aren’t quite there yet but this is at least a cool looking game. The stadium, the uniforms, the offensive schemes. This is degenerate football.

Charlotte at FIU                                                         7:00pm            ESPN+

Butch Davis’s kids finally showed some signs of life last week but it’s still for the best that this one is on ESPN+ and out of sight.

Army at WKU                                                             7:00pm           Stadium

I don’t think you’ll need it but this is some pretty nice alternative program if the brand name stuff goes sideways.

10 Penn State at 17 Iowa                                          7:30pm             ABC

Two programs with very different histories dealing with disadvantaged kids clash in primetime. Here’s to another few years of contract for Kirk Ferentz following a minor but important upset victory.

USC at 9 Notre Dame                                                7:30pm             NBC

USC is great because they actually have a similar amount of talent to Notre Dame but they haven’t had a coach for the last few years. Nice to see one of college football’s storied rivalries played on the first weekend of October. I’m trying to believe the Trojans can win but honestly it would feel like a miracle if they keep things within spitting distance of the 10.5-point line.

Arkansas at Kentucky                                               7:30pm           SECN

Both of these teams are 2-3 and going nowhere but Kentucky -6.5 seems like a steal. Somebody talk Beer out of this one.

Louisville at 19 Wake Forest                                     7:30pm           ACCN

Wake Forest is the weird secret hope that at least one ACC team can stay in the top 25 all year long to make Clemson’s schedule just good enough to make the playoffs. If I know my ACC, Louisville is going to run all over them.

Navy at Tulsa                                                               7:30pm          ESPNU

I’m still not sold on this edition of Midshipmen football but maybe I’ve been too harsh on Malcolm Perry. We’re getting into the “pound the over” part of the year for Navy and I, possibly stupidly, feel pretty good about them winning this one. Which would make them 4-1 against the spread with three straight overs.

Nebraska at Minnesota                                               7:30pm            FS1

Undefeated and unranked Minnesota might be catching Nebraska at a bad time. The Huskers aren’t good but they have a little bit of fight in them. Which is what they hired Scott Frost for in the first place. Leaning Nebraska +7.5. Make of that what you will.

7 Florida at 5 LSU                                                        8:00pm           ESPN

What upside down version of the world are we in where Florida’s vicious defense is pitted against LSU’s unstoppable offense? This is the kind of place where the U.S. president would lay down the project of empire to let some pissant remnant of Alexander the Great’s conquests bomb American troops for the sake of... building some hotels somewhere, I think? This game is guaranteed to end well past midnight East Coast time.

15 Utah at Oregon State                                              8:00pm         Pac-12N

Well, Herman Munster, the Utes are people of the Great Basin whose ancestral homes covered most of present day Colorado and Utah. And the Utah Utes are gonna fuck Oregon State shit all up. Utah -14.5, under 59.5. Beware, all Pac-12 After Dark prognostication is functionally useless.

Hawaii at 14 Boise State                                            10:15pm        ESPN2

God do I want to sex this particular game. Hawaii vs. Boise on the blue turf, kicking off well after most of the country has gone to bed? This is what West Coast football is all about. Boise is the much better team but Hawaii still has the wild offense, so keep an eye on this even if the score looks one-sided at halftime.

Wyoming at San Diego State                                     10:30pm         CBSSN

In recent years this matchup has been the key to the MWC season but for some reason it got scheduled mid-season for 2019. Both are still in contention for the conference title and one of them is likely to get serious top 25 consideration tomorrow. SDSU has my heart but an o/u of 38 makes this one sound painful.

Washington at Arizona                                                11:00pm           FS1

Pac-12 scheduling baby! Why is it designed to make people not see their best teams and most dynamic players? Who knows but it’s a tradition now. UDub has sort of fallen apart after their preseason top 10 ranking but nobody is going to look to Arizona for consistency. The line has moved down, which suggests people are betting in decent numbers, but you have to got serious problems if you think this is a good ride to take.