#like it was so much better with us all just imagining luke and lorelai got married and had another kid and rory went on to be a journalist

[frazzledsoul]

I'm thinking of the parallels between Jess and Lorelai throwing their last ditch Hail Mary pleas to cling onto Luke and Rory two years apart, in seasons four and six, and how they are both catalysts for destruction, in diverging directions, and also for positive change, again in diverging directions.

Rory rejects Jess's plea to run away, because it's impractical and wrong and she doesn't want what he does: she wants to forget him, to go back to the person she imagined she was before all these dangerous, confusing feelings entered her life. Maybe before all of that she wants an explanation, an apology, a reason to trust Jess, not an assumption that all of her unanswered questions can be ignored by his sheer will to override them. She is not wrong, but she is perhaps crueler than she needs to be. She seeks refuge in Dean, because she was always safe with him and he won't hurt her and even as he's lying to her and manipulating her into doing his bidding and being too passive aggressive to actual leave his deteriorating marriage, she seems more eaten up by the shame and guilt of it than by losing any opportunity to be with him. She does the damaging, and ignores the gravity if the situation until it's over.

One could easily forgive her this, even though many fans don't. She's nineteen, practically still a child, who didn't realize she was messing with grown-up things, who realized too late she had outgrown Dean a long, long time ago. She got drunk on nostalgia and it didn't last.

And as for Jess? It seems he needed to get shut down like that to realize Rory wasn't going to save him. He gets his life together, comes to her again when she's unhappy, inspires her to get her shit together, makes a space for her if she wants to have a place within his life. In order for him to be good for her, he had to be good without her. She's forgiven him by then (we don't know why or how, that's for us to imagine) and when she hurts him again, the door doesn't completely close. He's not a force of destruction, he's someone who deserves an apology when he's hurt. She's not the beacon he rushes towards when all he sees is darkness, she's just a confused girl he can ask for an apology from when she hurts him.

Can they be friends after this, can he be someone she turns to the next time she needs help. Yeah. And until then, he's not exactly destroyed by what she does or doesn't do.

Lorelai is different, and I cannot talk about it unemotionally, or really forgive what she does. She feels she's losing the life she wanted and doesn't see a practical way out, so she rages, she issues demands, she threatens him, she proclaims that unless he loves her more than his daughter and does exactly what she wants she's giving up. Luke, to his credit, does not give in: he can't make major life decisions on a whim, and he has other people to think about besides her. A large part of the fandom will consider him irredeemably evil because of this, and insist that an elopement would have solved all of their problems.

Lorelai punishes Luke in the most savage, malicious way possible, and does the one thing she knows he'll never be able to forgive: she runs to Christopher for comfort, knowing that he's weak and he wants her and if she comes asking for sex, he won't turn her down. She wants to be safe, and she doesn't care who it hurts: Christopher, Luke, Rory, her relationship with the town, Rory's relationship with her two father figures.

Or maybe she does care, and the intention is to hurt Luke as much as possible. She stood by his side two years before and told him "you don't deserve to be cheated on", and then went and inflicted the same wound on him. She knew how much it would hurt and she still went and did it. It's difficult to believe it wasn't intentional. Shippers do not care. I have been told over and over that Luke deserved to be hurt this way, and if that's what Lorelai needed to feel better, that's all that matters. He got in the way of her perfect wedding. An unforgivable crime. Lorelai deserved to do the damaging afterwards if she didn't get what she wanted.

Luke rages for a day, realizes he's got a pregnant sister, a business to run, and a child to care for, and decides to rationalize to himself that the whole relationship with Lorelai was a bad idea and he has to move on. He tells Lorelai he'll be civil and moves on with his life. His entire world doesn't revolve around her and by the time they're ready to reconcile, both he and Lorelai can offer the apologies they both deserve.

It's not a change that fans appreciate, but I do. I find it interesting, decades after the story is over. The girls turn into destructive forces as a means of finding their way out of the chaos, and hurt innocent people through finding a means to dull their pain. The boys are hurt, but take their pain and use it to become forces of good for the girls in the future, paving a path that makes forgiveness easier the next time around. In order for them to find a space for the girls within their lives again, they have to reorient their worlds to allow other people in. Not everything is about Lorelai or Rory, or the hurt that they caused.

[daydreamreality]

Thinking about actor availability, and how that affects my perception of Jess and how strongly I feel about shipping Literati.

Really thought this would only be a few paragraphs going over the points where Jess could have disappeared never to be seen again, but it turned into a freaking essay so LONG POST warning if you decide to click ahead. 

If the last we saw of Jess was hanging up the phone in the season 3 finale: "Well, it was fun ride while it lasted. That's about how I thought this would end." Still have a lot empathy for this kid and wish him well, but you screwed with Rory's heart like I knew would happen. Was that intentional? No. But he was so immature, out of control with his emotions, zero communication skills, not trusting in others...the list of reasons why he wasn't ready for a serious relationship, even if the feelings were serious, goes on. There was no way Rory wasn't going to end up as collateral damage in his personal breakdown that I could feel was going to happen. And this is the thought I had as a teenager with no dating experience watching this show for the first time. Did I want to date him? Hell no! I could see that trainwreck from a mile away. Rory was naïve to put her heart in his trust but that's part of her good qualities - she's sees the best in people and champions for them. I could go on a tangent about why exactly Jess was such an important character to me when I first watched the show (and probably why he stuck around unconsciously until I decided on a whim to rewatch GG in lockdown) but...I don't know, maybe some other time.

In the context of the entire show, I would look back at the relationship as my favorite one to watch of Rory's in the series (The build-up! The connection! Their deep belief in and respect for each other! The angst!) and Jess being a really fun character to root for (and yell at) but endgame? It was a short lived but important relationship. It’s fun to think about what ifs and how circumstances could have changed to make it work, but we can move on.

The ill-fated spin-off: I have no idea what this show would have been about except focusing on Jess and Jimmy and I’m not about to theorize. I still like Jess at this point so it would probably make me like him more since we’re getting a deeper dive into his character, but in regard to shipping him with Rory, this opinion would not change unless he all of sudden showed some great maturity. But I doubt this show would have even gotten a whole season so that probably wouldn’t happen. And then he’s living in California…this is too much, moving on.

If the last we see of Jess is in season 4: About the same feeling as above. Life, as expected, has not been treating Jess well. At all. His jadedness and hostility is at an all-time high when he shows up to get his car. Do I see the reasons informing his behavior and have empathy (once again, for a KID)? Yes, but he's also being a jerk. "The years don't seem to have hardened you." Well this year sure has!

I love the "I love you" scene but too little too late, buddy. That's probably why I love it, it's all a bit hopeless. Just keep shoveling the angst at me. I do like fics where this scene is reimagined with Rory running after him to give him a piece of her mind or Jess finding some other words to say (I really feel like he had more to say there but got overwhelmed), and coming to a tentative reconciliation: exchanging numbers, "don't fall off the face of the earth," but getting back together? No. You hurt her and you're feeling the consequences. Rory is not obligated or responsible to reciprocate those feelings, nor is she in a place to do that right now. 

But season 4 does cement that Luke and Jess's relationship is one of my favorites in the entire show. There's probably a whole other post in me regarding that so I'll keep it brief. Because of his respect for Luke, Jess makes tentative steps towards maturing in interpersonal relationships. He shows some vulnerability and honesty with a veil of sarcasm and awkwardness because, well, it's JESS.

But then of course this all goes to hell when applied to Rory. Sometimes I like to think how this dorm scene would have gone down if Rory stepped back for a second and went, "Hold on. You're not making any sense, chill out," and they could have talked a bit and had a similar reconciliation like I said above because I really think that’s all he was going for - to talk to her, apologize, and make an attempt at reciprocation like he did with Luke. But getting back together here? Canonically, he hasn't made enough progress. He set aside his personal feelings to be in his mother's wedding and used the knowledge from the self-help book to apologize to Luke, but I don't think the book's message has sunk in all the way yet and he’s still got a massive chip on his shoulder preventing him from making a good life for himself. Getting rejected by Rory here is an important moment and I really like it. It's fun to think about the AU if Rory had said yes (hello road trip!), but it's very in-character for her to not be able to handle Jess's crisis and just shouting "NO, make it stop." This is one of my proudest of Rory moments: Protect your heart girl, he ain't ready. The seeds have been planted that Jess will continue to grow and I wish him well on his journey. Endgame material? Nah. Goodbye forever, take care my friend...

Even though this scene doesn't feel like closure at all, I really thought this was the end of Jess Mariano. So imagine my surprise when -

SEASON 6: HE'S BACK. Coming out of the shadows, [literally] it's Jess Marianoooo *air horns* *confetti* *jazz hands* *Jess rolls his eyes at the fanfare*

Alright, that's out of my system. But for real that's what my mind did at this point. For context, the way I watched this show for the first time was getting the DVDs from the library while a couple of seasons were still on the air; when a new season was available to borrow, I would rewatch all the seasons up to the current point so my memories and favorite parts of the show are seasons 1-4. Because I was not bingeing the show all the way through, seeing Jess here seemingly so different didn’t feel out of place. A shock, yes! A happy surprise. But nothing about him seemed OOC. A year had gone by, we’d seen some signs of maturity in him, and getting rejected by Rory was a big kick in the ass for him to start making bigger changes in his life. I really cannot emphasize how satisfying and sensical his positive character development felt to me. 

The slight maturity we see in season 4 in its full potential. Jess is still Jess: guarded, self-deprecating, and a bit prickly but he shows a sense of calm and feeling more comfortable in his skin. This is really satisfying to see as someone who always "knew" there was a kind and capable heart underneath the exterior just like Rory did, and that tough guy, must protect myself at all costs posturing has melted away. But that side of him isn't gone, it's not like the writing did a complete 180 on his character. I love this. He's just...more at peace with himself but he's not a different person, and he's found something to direct his focus and intellect on. He's made his peace with Luke, and now he has something of worth to show Rory to try to mend that hurt as well.

Yes, it would have been nice to see how and why he decided to write a book and work in publishing but this course of events is not out of left field, nor is Jess enough of a main character at this point for scenes like this to be necessary to the show unless they were tied to Luke and showing another side of him. Jess has shown in the past that he has a good work ethic if he feels it is worth it. The problem wasn't him being lazy, just poor decision making and focusing on RIGHT NOW, "I need to get out of Stars Hollow and live my life," and not considering the consequences of his actions. Which as an immature kid whose life had told him he can only depend on himself...not out of the ordinary. The dude’s life passion is literature and has probably read every book he can get his hands on, it’s not crazy that he had his own story in him. 

Here is where Literati becomes endgame material for me. Prior to the revival it was always my feeling that post-series they would reconnect while Rory was on the campaign or afterwards. It would be low drama (except for Lorelai criticism), slowly gaining trust in each other again, and eventually starting a committed relationship within a year or two of being friends with sexual tension (lol). They made their adolescent mistakes, hurt each other, but learned from it and started over on infinitely better footing.

The match just makes sense to me at this point for many reasons; I don't feel like I need to list them all out because you can go to any pro-Literati post and I'll probably agree with the majority of the points. The biggest issue they had was timing: “Right heart, wrong time.” I like especially how they even out each other's more extreme personality traits. For example, Rory learning from Jess to consider her own feelings instead of sacrificing herself for others, and Jess considering others before himself all the time. Or professionally, I can see Jess encouraging her to step away from her ultra-organized, “everything has to be just so” ways when it benefits her to seize an opportunity right now, don’t worry about the details, you got this. Maybe Jess has another book in him, but his self-deprecation and disorganization prevent him from getting it done but Rory helps him be more objective and focused. There’s this…synergistic energy I feel with the two of them: they’re great by themselves, but form something better together.

Judging from Rory's reactions towards him in this season, I don't think it's OOC for her to have romantic feelings for him again. She's extremely proud of his accomplishments and not unhappy to see him (not holding a grudge). They fall back into their comfortable dynamic even if it makes them both a bit nervous. Now some could argue that this means that Rory only wants to be friends with him but...when have Jess and Rory ever been just friends? If "Another Year in the Life" comes out (I've got serious doubts but would love to be proved wrong) and Rory rejects him or he's not even a part of it, fine! But I just don't see anything in canon that says explicitly she'll never feel romantic towards him again.

Now the kiss...there's a lot of ways to read that scene. Do I think Jess was in the right to assume "everything is fixed" as a go ahead? No. But that's part of why he is such an engaging character: he's impulsive and acts in accordance to his feelings, and yes, this gets himself and others in trouble. 

Do I think Rory purposefully went to the open house to "use" Jess to get back at Logan? No. I think she genuinely wanted to support him, and Logan being out of town meant she wouldn't have to explain why it was important for her to go. I see the kiss paralleling the one in 2x22 but instead of Rory not being able to hold her feelings in any longer, Jess initiates. The way I see it is she was unaware she still had lingering feelings towards him (not out of nowhere, I mean their relationship has "unfinished business" written all over it) and that scared the crap out of her, just like at the end of season 2. So she runs away to the "safe space" that is being with Logan. Because she's in love with Logan, she has a sense of obligation towards him, and Rory has shown many times that she does not react well to change and highly emotional situations.

Is this scene a deal breaker for a future relationship between them? I don't think so. Jess says that he isn't sorry she came, which I take as "I'll never be sorry to see you no matter the context." Yes, this hurt him and made him pretty mad, but I don't think he's holding a grudge against her for this; even in the moment he's more concerned that someone cheated on her and her safety getting to her car. He sets a boundary that he doesn't deserve his feelings to be pushed around like this and Rory agrees. Not that I condone this sort of tit-for-tat hurting of each other (which I don't think Rory was going for in the first place) but it's almost like...that cycle is now broken. The whole scene is so open ended, it doesn't feel like a "good bye forever" to Jess.

"But Rory is so in love with Logan!" I don't know about you, but that "I'm in love with him despite all the bad he's done..." sounds so defeated and sad. It's almost like she's resigned herself to being in love with Logan. The first time I watched this, I thought this was foreshadowing that the relationship was on its last legs. To keep them together, Logan almost dies so Rory will bury her hurt out of guilt for holding a grudge against him. She is completely entitled to feeling hurt by Logan's actions, and I hate that she feels like she has to do this. But it happened, moving on.

"But Rory is a cheater!" When I think about Rory's characteristics, "cheater" doesn't make the list. She feels entitled to the men that she's loved and this isn’t super great behavior, but I don't view her as inherently unfaithful or okay with cheating. I give her leeway on the season 2 Jess kiss because she was a teenager with a lot of conflicting emotions and everything around her was pushing her to stay with Dean. The season 4 Dean debacle...she was still very young and naïve. I put most of the blame on Dean for manipulating her; I say most because if Rory really wanted to be with him, she should have been more sure of the status of his marriage, but I repeat: he manipulated her and she was very young and naïve. I dare to say she has been conditioned to view Dean as nothing but safe and trustworthy so why wouldn't she believe him... Season 4 was all about her being out of sorts when away from the Stars Hollow bubble and trying to reclaim some normalcy. Narratively, I see why this makes sense and I don't think the intention was to say “Rory is okay with cheating,” but to show very explicitly that Rory isn't perfect. This show goes to extremes, at this point I kind of just accept it and don't jump to "this person/character is terrible!" Certain characteristics and behaviors I have less patience for (mild) or will make me lose all respect for a character (extreme - honestly very few GG characters fall into this category for me); you may feel differently and that's fine. When other plot points in this series are much more bizarre and OOC, while this turn of events makes me uncomfortable and angry, at least it makes sense to me.

The 6x18 kiss I've already said that I don't think Rory had premeditated intent to cheat on Logan judging from the fact that Jess initiated it; yes, she went with it nor was it a complete surprise, I get this. The "I couldn't even cheat on him..." line I think is an outburst of guilt and regret, not her saying she had a plan in mind. Maybe I'm being too soft on her, I don't know...she did stay there late but maybe she just got lost in the book while waiting to say bye. We've seen her not know how to deal with conflicting emotions and change to her status quo, and attempt to distract herself when life isn't panning out the way she wants and not think about the consequences in the moment, so I don't find this scene OOC or intentionally cruel. The revival...I don’t think I can even go there right now because it would just be me screaming incoherently about how much I hate "full circle" and how bizarre the entire thing was. Maybe something of value would eventually come out with a lot of editing. XD

This isn’t to say I’m 100% on Rory’s side all the time. Pretty much every character in this show has at some point made me smile, made me laugh (generally with them, but some characters it’s more like at), made me want to give them a hug, made me roll my eyes, and made me want to throw something at them. That’s why I love it so much! Even if the drama is turned up to 1000, I still get the sense that these characters are human. My favs end up on my “will protect at all costs” and “shit” lists throughout the series, no one is immune. Except Lane. She really is the best person in this entire show. #JusticeForLaneKim

If ASP had written season 7: (Remember there being some sort of theme to this post? Only two episodes in s6, but Jess sure does make an impact.) I bet Jess would show up at some point. MV is loyal to the creators and not the show, if it was important for Jess to be there I’m sure his shooting schedule would have been accounted for. Storyline would have been similar to the revival because AYITL is ASPs season she didn’t get to do without considering how time passing affects the characters (I’M STILL SALTY) except Rory is at Yale and I think the book was a new idea. Shipping as endgame doesn’t change, and I bet there wouldn’t be a nice little Literati ending because we’ve got to end it the same way, right? I don't even need them to be together at the end because Rory has greater plans to focus on, but just a moment! One moment is all I asked for... I don’t know if this makes me mad because I felt like the narrative had been pushing us along this path for so long even if actual "endgame" was going to be offscreen or if I kind of like just having it in my imagination. Little bit of column A, little bit of column B. In any case, it could have been cool to see Jess present for the birth of his half-sister and giving Luke some support. 

Like I said, I'm not touching AYITL right now. The whole starting point of this was, "huh, if MV never came back to the show, how would I feel about Jess and Literati?" And he was in it so it doesn't really fit into this even though we've gone on a meandering journey as pieces of discourse that have never sat right with me but didn't quite know how to express that disagreement until now popped in my mind. So there you go. If you’ve made it to end, claps to you, what a champ.

At the end of the day, Literati is the ship that makes me feel the most things, it's kind of just a gut thing. This really isn't any sort of argument just an outpouring of love for the show and these characters. I don't know how well that's communicated, but hey, I try. I’ve got a lot of nostalgia for the pairing and I always viewed Jess as being Rory’s, and only Rory’s, choice.

[anxiouspotatorants]

HOLD UP!!! You immediately had me at the "Twilight AU but Rory is the vampire" here 👀👀👀👀. Color me intrigued AND inspired.

Ok so first off, the 'reveal' conversation. The COMEDY potential!! Just Jess being overall nervous but also pretty curious to know about what Rory as a vampire is like, whereas Rory is trying pretty hard to make him be more afraid and to hopefully get him to run away screaming so she can have some reason to tackle him, but this guy just isn't budging!

The shiny skin reveal! Like first off, THIS CAN'T BE THE SAME WITH EDWARD BECAUSE RORY'S NOT PLANNING ON STRIPPING IN FRONT OF JESS HERE (no matter how much she might like him despite her better judgement). Imagine the complete lack of suspense when she just uncovers her arm and shows Jess how it sparkles into the sunlight.

Rory: This is the skin of a killer, Jess!!

Jess: Wow, didn't know murderers had a continuous discount at Claire's for silvery glitter.

Rory: 😒

JESS WITH THE ICONIC GOOGLE SEARCH. THE DREAMS ABOUT RORY COMING IN WITH THE FULL DRACULA GETUP, MENACINGLY LEANING IN TO BITE HIM AS HE TAKES HIS "Paint me like one of your french girls" pose. Jess waking up from it not knowing whether he's scared or has just figured out a new kink for himself.

Jess dodging all of Rory's attempts to get him to stop wanting to see her by just coming in and asking her all of these questions while they're in the middle of the recess crowd in school. Rory giving up after the fourth attempt and answering all of his questions in a hushed tone.

Jess: So you can read people's minds?

Rory: Yes, except for yours. I still haven't figured out why though.

Jess: Huh, maybe Liz's all-round smoking diet during her pregnancy had its benefits after all.

Rory: Jess!!

I'm not sure whether I'd want Rory to be an older vampire like Edward or a more newly-made one, and in this case Lorelai is potentially still human but knows about Rory's condition despite Rory trying to keep her in the dark about it when she first turned. They still haven't found a way to break it to Richard and Emily though, despite their various brainstorming sessions over it.

Lorelai: We could get them drunk and just announce it to them!

Rory: Wonderful, and they'll accept their formerly estranged granddaughter as an undead creature.

Lorelai: Hey, you only asked how we should tell them, you never asked about how they'd handle it.

Jess just straight-up asking if she would eat the bullies in the high-school. Rory vehemently replying that no, she doesn't eat people, she just drinks the blood, but if he must know,......yes she drank from Chuck Presby once because she was angry and hungry and his blood almost tasted like Gatorade, so she's refrained from trying out the other bullies' blood. No, Chuck doesn't know what happened, he just thinks some girl went a bit too far with her hickey.

Jess and Rory talking to each other late at night and organizing a "studying" session where they just end up watching various B-movies, and sometimes Jess ends up falling asleep on the other side of the couch while Rory looks on at him and look, she's not being creepy here, she's just sitting on her side admiring this insane boy who still hasn't woken up one morning and decided that being friends with a vampire girl isn't in fact one of the smartest choices he could make in his life, and she can't help but like him because of that, ok? Also she really needs to hear more of his thoughts on some of the other American classics, it's imperative.

Rory ending up protecting Jess from an ongoing car that almost hits him instead of the whole "other vampire craves his blood" storyline but Jess ends up spraining his arm when he fell to the ground and Rory just feels guilty that she couldn't have saved him in a better way and tries to avoid him after that. Unfortunately she can't because this dumbass is walking along her trail in the nearby woods with his arm in a sling and goddamn it Jess, you're scaring away the deer!!

Yes. A thousand times yes. To all of this. The comedy. The pining. The Google search idea and elder Gilmore announcement. Yes to it all. But may I raise you some alternatives/more ideas:

In the books the sparkling looks more like the vampires are on fire. So when Rory reveals some skin in the sunlight, Jess is like «Shit, stop doing that do you have a death wish?!» and Rory just gives him a shit eating grin and waves her arm in and out of the sunlight. Also what if she doesn’t strip but takes of her sweater to reveal a t-shirt and Jess has a momentary heart attack thinking a vampire was about to flash him? All this being said the Claire’s silvery glitter scene is too good to replace ;-;

There just has to be a point while they’re close friends that Rory tries to impress/scare Jess by pulling him over her shoulders and carrying him while she speed runs. But when she tries to say something badass or seductive she has a brain fart and the only thing that comes out is: «Hold on tight... spidermonkey.» Jess doesn’t get to react before she runs, and when she’s finished the first thing he does is puke (apparently it’s hard to get used to that running according to SMeyer). Rory: «Oh no I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have done it, it was stupid and now you’re hurt and-»

Jess: «Spidermonkey???»

Rory: «oh, you’re fine.»

Jess: «SPIDERMONKEY????»

Rory: «I’ll just leave you here for the bears,» and walks away.

I’m not sure what her vampire origin story should be. It could be all the Gilmores are vampires and they bite each other at a certain age after procreating (and the eldest Lorelai decided to be an asshole and bite Rory early) or it could just be Rory like you said. In that case maybe Christopher became one and bit Rory because he wants her and Lorelai and him to be one big happy family of the night? But Lorelai refused and Rory protected her? Or maybe it was a stranger who passed by Stars Hollow?

Jess questions Rory’s humanity not after being saved by a car crash (pre friendship that is, I still think your idea should come in afterwards) but because he consistently skips school and on a sunny day («How can I lock myself in a stuffy dusty dark room on a day like this, uncle Luke?») he comes upon Rory hunting and eating a dear. That and/or she saves him from the swan. And because it’s Rory and she’s a clumsy new-born she saves him by speeding over and suckerpunching the swan so hard it does an action movie sweep miles into the forest.

Rory’s cover for sunny days in Stars Hollow is that she’s staying at Chilton longer for an assignment, or in the case of her still going to ST High it’s visiting their library for resources. Because she hates missing school, that cover is usually true, and she just refuses to go into any spot with sunlight:

Rory: «I have this skin condition, I have sun allergy»

Madeleine or Louise: «That’s not a thing is it»

Paris: «It is [starts infodumping]»

She usually locks herself in the darkest corner of the library and speeding away in a flash at closing time before anyone can spot her.

Rory has lost count of the amount of times Jess has dared her to drink from him. She refuses because she’s scared if hurting a friend:«What if I taste your blood and it’s so good I can’t stop? Like it tastes like heroin or ecstasy or coffee?» Jess usually counters with either «If you could resist Chuck Presby you can resist me» or «What makes you think I’d taste so good, huh?» Rory always ends up thinking she would have a blush right now if she was still human.

Jess wants to be a vampire too because hey what else does he have a chance at doing in life? But Rory refuses because she sees the potential in him and what he can be, and doesn’t want to take his chance at a good and normal life away from him. But at some point they get into a dangerous situation where Jess’ only options are death or vampyrism and Rory finally gives in. Also this is our AU and we get to decide which Twilight vampire-rules apply and in this AU vampires age mentally (it’s a bullshit excuse SMeyer and you know it).

This one depends on the origin but hey it’s an idea: While Rory was still a new new-born, her and Lorelai locked themselves up in the crap shack for a full week watching all the vampire movies they could in search of information that could help them. Rory decided to do empirical experiments too, and had garlic food, got a cross close to her, wore silver and stabbed her arm a wooden stake. The garlic food (like all food now sadly) tasted crap but didn’t kill her, nor did any of the rest. The wooden stake hurt but it healed fast.

Rory gets both Lorelai and Jess to order insane amounts of food just to watch them eat it because she misses the taste and needs to live vicariously through their tastebuds. In the AU where both Gilmore girls are vampires, they order so much food because they have no idea what the normal amount is (chaotic vampire Gilmores for the win).

Also I did not realize how well Bella and Edward’s powers fit Rory and Jess? Like of course Rory would be a mind reader and of course Jess’ thing would be an all-encompassing shield. Sometime when he’s still human and «bugging» Rory she poses the theory that maybe his head is just empty and doesn’t have any interesting ideas. Jess pretends to be hurt (okay he’s a little hurt but he’d never tell her that) and Rory immediately falls into apologetic mode.

Rory wants to go to prom because it’s a human teenage activity she refuses to miss before starts figuring out what to make out of her vampire life. Jess isn’t hyped for it but promises to get tickets. They end up both going as vampires because that altercation happens a week or so before. Jess struggles with not eating everyone in sight but he sticks close to Rory and they leave without a single drop of blood on their hands.

Also Luke as Charlie! Paying attention to the beat attacks and being the only one who noticed that Rory doesn’t actually eat the food on her plate anymore (her mom eats her own plate then switches it with Rory’s) and when Rory and Jess reveal the secret he momentarily closes down and has to take a fishing trip to process everything. But he comes back a ride or die wanting to protect the poor kids.

I also feel like there should be multiple moments where one is insanely attracted to the other and questions this attraction strongly. Like Rory crushing on Jess and wondering if it’s bloodthirst or just the last remains of her human teenage hormones. And Jess being full on into Rory while still acknowledging the fact that it could be some vampire seduction powers, but what the hell does he care? There’s a cute undead bookworm right there and if he has to go he doesn’t mind dying to be a pretty girl’s lunch meal.

[athingthatwantsvirginia]

Not Joyce or Monet

PART THIRTY-NINE OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: major discussions of parent death/death in general, smoking, drinking, plentiful pop culture references

Word Count: 6.3K

Summary: Jess publishes his second book and Ella receives a troubling call from Stars Hollow.

Flopping face-first down onto the bed, Ella breathed a sigh of relief. It would have felt strange not to have a little champagne at Jess’s book launch party. But, she was a lightweight. She was floating somewhere between tipsy, buzzed, and drunk. At least she was still capable of slipping off her shoes before making her way to the bedroom. She’d even managed to change into pajamas, brush her teeth, and wash her face. A far cry from the screwdriver incident at Liz’s baby shower. A heavy winter snow fell outside the windows and a touch of cold air seeped into the draughty apartment. Goosebumps rose lightly on her skin. In her state, they felt nice instead of uncomfortable. She was already dozing when Jess came in, having taken a quick shower. His hair was still damp as he climbed into bed next to her, the movement shaking her from her haze.

“Did you like your party?” she murmured, watching as he shut off the lamp and rolled over to face her.

His face was aglow with the bluish light of the snowy Saturday evening. “Mhm.”

She snickered a bit at his nonchalance. “I know you hate parties, but Chris insisted it was the best way to drum up business. And you do like surprises, Mr. Spontaneity. Matthew and I made it as lowkey as we could.”

“It wasn’t so bad, Eleanor. Really,” he said, shrugging. “You’re remembering that you whispered lines from Catch-22 in my ear all night, right?”

“I figured you’d need some Joseph Heller to make it through,” she explained, slightly sheepish.

Jess smiled. “Of course. And watching Chris and Leo get so drunk they do their acapella version of ‘Under Pressure’ could never be bad.”

“Leo does do a damn good Freddie Mercury,” Ella agreed, chuckling. “I didn’t realize the publishing agents would all go blackout level, too.”

“Oh, yeah. You should’ve seen what Chris did for the Subsect launch. It was like that scene where E.T. gets drunk. But if there were fifty aliens in the movie instead of just one,” Jess said flatly, begrudgingly.

“You must be a little drunk if you’re letting a cheesy eighties movie slip. Or have I finally converted you?” she teased, snuggling deeper into the pillow.

Jess smirked. “Not yet. Chris made me try his Manhattans to see if they ‘tasted too much like gasoline.’”

“I have a sneaking suspicion that they did,” Ella said.

“Someone give the lady a prize,” Jess shot back tiredly. “Good thing we walked there.”

“Yeah. And good thing I got to watch you catch a snowflake with your tongue on the way back.”

“Shut up.”

“Hey, don’t be embarrassed, cutie,” she said, forcing her laughter down. “I’ll be eating my words when you watch me fall on my ass while we’re ice-skating with April.”

She knew if he’d been entirely sober, he wouldn’t have gotten so caught up in his wonderment at the storm. But Ella had also seen him sticking out his tongue awaiting a snowflake in an old, yellowing photo album Liz had shown off during her baby shower. In it, Jess had been no more than three. Dressed in a raggedy winter jacket on some grimy corner of New York City. He and Liz were sticking their tongues out together. Seeing the photo had given Ella’s mouth a bittersweet taste. It was hard to imagine Jess ever feeling so relaxed around his mother. She saw the same rare awe from him on the walk home. Most of the time, he was so weighed down by the world he could barely come up for air. She thought she had never seen him look so young at heart before.

“Can’t wait,” Jess hummed, mocking. It was nearly time for April’s winter break, and Anna had somehow agreed to let her spend it with Luke, Lorelai, and Rory. Ella and Jess had opted to return to Stars Hollow for Christmas, after the bumps in the road on Thanksgiving. Two more days, and they’d be braving the icy roads on their way up to Connecticut. April had already called them to schedule a time for ice-skating. The proper, analytical way the little girl spoke never failed to amuse Ella.

“Me neither,” Ella quipped as her eyelids began to droop again. She could smell the minty scent of Jess’s shampoo.

As he watched her begin to drift off, he leaned in to press a kiss to her forehead. From what Matthew had said, Ella had essentially been put in charge of the party when Chris’s trademark irresponsibility made an appearance. Matthew had jury duty and couldn’t assume his usual role of organizer in the wake of Chris’s chaotic decision-making. What she’d managed to throw together, though, was one of the better parties Jess had ever been to. The publishers they knew usually sent younger employees to the underground press launches, and Chris had ended up making friends with most of the usual suspects at the launch for Jess’s first book. Ella had made sure the guest list only included familiar faces. If they just had to throw him a surprise party, which Chris demanded (normally, she wouldn’t have listened, but if it was a matter of getting his book better exposure, she was willing to risk it), she’d try to make it as comfortable for him as possible. Or, at the very least, bearable.

And she’d just gotten done with finals two days earlier. He could see how tired she was. Her nerves over the possibility of seeing her father during the winter holidays hadn’t helped her sleeping recently either. Though Jess wasn’t sure how it would actually pan out, she claimed she wanted an attempt at apologizing for what she’d said at Adam’s graduation. She was sick of family nonsense, she said. Maybe if she levelled the playing field, they could begin to understand each other again. Ella herself wasn’t sure exactly what had sparked her desire to try again with her family, but suspected it might have been Thanksgiving. Jess, simply put, was someone she admired. Seeing him trying to mend his relationships (even though he didn’t have to, even though it was difficult), made her feel just a little more confident. Maybe not everything turned out bad, after all.

Shutting his own eyes, Jess slipped his hand beneath Ella’s shirt, his fingertips ghosting over her back. She smiled softly at his touch, feather-light. A pleasant shiver rolled through her.

“Thank you for the party,” he said, barely above a whisper.

“Well, thanks for writing my new favorite book,” she answered instantly, sleepy and sincere. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

.   .   .

There were still a couple hours left until lunchtime when Ella slipped through the door at Truncheon, but it wasn’t entirely uncommon for her to show up and work a little. Especially when she was on break from school and got antsy. Jess had debated giving her the easel he’d bought her for Christmas early, so she would have something new to focus on while he tied up the odds and ends at the book press. But, ultimately, he wanted to wait until the morning after they returned to Philadelphia. It would be far more surprising to wake up and find a Christmas present wrapped up in the living room on the morning of New Year’s Day than on the actual gift-giving holiday.

When he’d left for his last day of work prior to their trip to Connecticut, she’d still been half asleep. Her sketchbook was open on her bedside table, a pencil drawing of a child with hollow eyes having yet to be shaded. She’d been up late working on it the night before, on a roll. He hadn’t even shut the door to the apartment before she was out cold again. He’d been anxious to get back home, to pack and prepare for the trip. In his opinion, there was no use in only opening for a Monday and then closing for the holidays the rest of the week, but Matthew’s stickler spirit won out. Jess wasn’t going to be skipping around the store in merriment as the rest of the world took a vacation, but he also wasn’t moping around like Chris. He was in the midst of diffusing an argument between his two coworkers when Ella arrived.

He wanted to smile when he saw her, and almost did. But then he got a good look at her hazel eyes, and immediately he could tell something was wrong. It wasn’t that she was sleepy, though she looked a bit haggard in with her peacoat tied around her haphazardly and her hair wild, dotted with the snowflakes falling steadily outside. Instead, she looked almost unreachable. His Eleanor who was always so present and vivid and alive, even in the midst of drudgery. And she wasn’t daydreaming, either. She wasn’t off in her own thoughts, thinking of Emily Dickinson or James Joyce or Claude Monet. No; she was simply not there. Not really.

“Hey, honey. You’re early,” he began as she approached him, where he stood in between Matthew and Chris. The two of them didn’t even notice she’d come in until Jess addressed her, still too caught up in their argument over where to place the new books of free-form poetry.

Swallowing harshly, Ella gave a weak smile and raked her fingers through her hair. She walked up to them, wringing her hands together. Jess didn’t need to see her hands to know she had already bitten her nails down to the quick. At the interruption, Chris gave a frustrated huff and turned to Ella.

“Ella, please tell Matthew it makes zero sense to put the free-form poetry anywhere near the sonnets! They should be on opposite ends of the store, as far as I’m concerned,” he exclaimed in exasperation.

Matthew rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest as his jaw clenched. “I’m glad you’re here, Ella. Please tell Chris that we don’t only sell poetry, and free-form or not, it has no business anywhere near science fiction!”

Furrowing her brows, distracted, Ella shook her head. “Um...I don’t know...but I….”

“What?” Jess asked as she gestured slightly with her hands. Her face was pale, and she almost seemed confused, at a loss for words. It didn’t happen to her often, to say the least.

Blowing out a breath, she tried again, jerking her thumb back over her shoulder. “Back at the apartment...I just got a call from my brother. My dad’s dead.”

Jess’s heart dropped into his stomach. “What?”

“Yeah,” Ella said, nodding. As she continued, she took a hair elastic from her wrist and began pulling her locks into a ponytail. “Adam said he was in a car accident this morning. Driving home from some bar in Maryland. If I had to guess, he was still a little drunk from last night. No one else got hurt, which is good. He hit a patch of black ice, and he was going too fast, and I guess he just went right off the road. Into a tree. And he wasn’t wearing his seatbelt.”

Her speech became more urgent with every word, as they heard it sink in for her in real time. But she was never frantic, only determined and stern. The spacey fog was fading from her demeanor, though it remained in her eyes. Only in her eyes. She didn’t give them time to respond, just kept thinking out loud.

“Noah’s already on a plane from Oregon, but I don’t think he’s gonna be any help. And Adam said Fiona’s freaking out, so I’m almost definitely going to have to make the arrangements. I know you guys have work and stuff, but we need to pack up and get there before the rest of the family does, or everything will probably just explode on principle. Fuck! This is just like him. To die a week before Christmas!”

“Whoa, hey, Eleanor, just slow down for a second, okay?” Jess began, taking a hesitant step towards her and grabbing her hand. He squeezed once, hard, hoping to calm her down at least a little.

“Jesus, Ella-” Chris began.

“I’m so sorry,” Matthew said.

Ella shook her head, her face stoic. “Don’t, okay? Don’t be sorry. No one needs to be sorry. He was a fucking drunk, and it finally caught up with him. I just need to get back to Stars Hollow to take care of this, and then maybe Christmas won’t be completely ruined. Sound good?”

“Elle, just hold on. You should sit down and-” Jess said, but she cut him off.

“No, Jess. Seriously, I’m fine. Let’s just go and get it over with, and then it’ll be done,” she said, her hand never leaving his though she didn’t squeeze back. Her tone was tight, clipped, but she didn’t sound angry. He recognized it from the night on the bridge when she’d told him about the days following her mother’s death. The way she held it all together, and blocked it all out. Numb and headstrong.

“Do you want us to come with?” Matthew asked, watching with uncertainty as Ella began to tug Jess towards the door, grabbing his bag for him and handing him his coat.

“What? Of course not,” Ella said, insistent, as though it were obvious. “All I need to do is steal Jess for a few days. You need to do whatever it is you’re gonna do with Mabel. And Chris needs to do whatever it is he’s gonna do with Leo, and you need to tell me about it when we get back. I can pretty much guarantee your stories will be more fun than mine.”

“Are you sure?” Chris chimed in, brow heavy with worry. Her iciness surprised him. He had never heard someone react to a parent’s death quite so flippantly before.

“Yes. Jesus, Chris, keep up,” she replied, in a way which would have spurred a playful argument on a normal day. Again, her nonchalance unnerved all three of them.

Jess interlocked their fingers again instantly once he had his bag and his coat, almost heading out the door already. She was moving too fast for him to process much of anything, only reacting. He hadn’t seen her in such a frenzy in a very long time. “Eleanor, wait. Stop.”

“I can’t stop, Jess. I told you, we’ve gotta get there before my uncle has time to hit on Fiona and before Noah has time to piss off Adam. It’s fine. I promise. I’m fine.”

He opened his mouth to respond, but she pulled him out the front door instead. As they went, she shouted over her shoulder to Matthew and Chris: “Happy holidays! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

And then, she and Jess were gone. Chris and Matthew exchanged concerned, flabbergasted glances.

.   .   .

Flashback was the word that came to the forefront of her mind, as she stared up at the ceiling in the Gilmore living room. Luke and Lorelai were trying, and she appreciated it. They could both tell she didn’t want to talk about it, only wanted a bit of normalcy after the long day. And they’d obliged. After all, they’d had practice. Lorelai knew exactly what to do. She’d had Luke bring dinner home from the diner: turkey sandwiches and sodas. She’d suggested they watch a movie after dinner, something campy horror. Finally, they had settled on The Lost Boys. Ella knew how much Jess hated the movie, especially Kiefer Sutherland’s mullet, but he never complained once. A large part of her wished he would. She wanted it to be the way it was supposed to be. She wanted to have Christmas in Stars Hollow with the people who felt more like her family than her father did. Adam celebrating with one of his school friends in Boston, Fiona with her sister, Noah with his finacée in Oregon. But, of course, things never went as planned. Not in Ella’s experience at least.

At some point during the movie, she’d fallen asleep on the couch. No matter how much she wanted to stay awake until the end, she couldn’t keep her eyes open. Dealing with Fiona’s blubbering and Adam’s silence and Noah’s anger had pretty well exhausted her. Not to mention the business setting up the funeral at the church. She’d spent nearly two hours with the pastor, but the service was only halfway planned. She wished Aunt Julie could arrive sooner, but the girls were in school until Tuesday. Erin had some big recital she was pitching a fit about missing. Ella couldn’t blame her. She wouldn’t want to be there if she didn’t have to be. No, they would arrive on Wednesday morning. Two hours before the funeral, set for noon. At some point before then, Ella would have to sort out the flower arrangements and the music and the programs. At least Luke was providing the food. She assumed he would before he even offered. And she would have to write the eulogy. But she wasn’t even thinking about it yet. Every time the idea of writing it entered her mind, she would start humming a Stevie Nicks song and pointedly ignore it.

It was all too familiar. The planning, the writing, the consoling. Since they’d arrived in Stars Hollow that afternoon, it had been a non stop barrage of tasks and tears. None of it was surprising. And it almost made her want to laugh. The minute she heard that her mother was dead, she had burst out laughing, a nervous reaction she couldn’t control. Granted, the laughter came from deep inside her, and probably resembled a pained shriek more than an actual giggle. But it was laughter nonetheless, and her father had recognized it as such. He’d yelled at her until his voice became hoarse. She knew it wouldn’t happen again. He was the dead one now, after all. But still, she didn’t let the anxious laughter escape. She didn’t let anything escape. After the punishment she’d received for letting go last time, she knew not to do it again. No one was there to smack her, to scream, but she just couldn’t bring herself to forget how it had felt. Like she couldn’t even grieve right. And the best way to grieve became to not grieve at all.

She laid with one hand on her stomach and the other behind her head, analyzing the popcorn ceiling. She’d awoken with the room dim and the TV shut off. A quilt which she hadn’t fallen asleep under was draped over her, and there were hushed whispers in the direction of the kitchen. She hadn’t planned to wake up until morning, but she hadn’t planned to fall asleep there either. They were supposed to be sleeping in the apartment above the diner for the vacation, while Rory and April took the spare beds in the Gilmore house. But neither girl had yet to arrive, and Lorelai insisted Ella and Jess stay over after dinner. It was no use driving over in the snow, even if Luke’s was only about a minute away. Ella couldn’t believe how similar it all was to before. Sleeping alone on the Gilmore couch as others worried over her a few feet away.

She listened, in spite of herself. It was too tempting not to eavesdrop when she’d already heard her name so many times. Luke was concerned about her forgetting to eat. Lorelai was concerned about her shutting everyone out and being overwhelmed by the funeral preparations. And both of them were concerned about her coming to blows with Fiona at some point in the next few days.

Sighing, Ella ran her tongue over her teeth and remembered she hadn’t brushed them. She debated not doing so, but decided to just bite the bullet. With everything else on her mind, she thought it best to eliminate all the outward elements which might impede her from getting back to sleep. She rolled over on her side, preparing to sit up, when she saw Jess. She thought he’d be in the kitchen, talking with Luke and Lorelai. Instead, he sat on the floor with his back against the sofa. His head was near hers, leaned back. His eyes were closed, but he wasn’t snoring. She doubted he was fully asleep, but nonetheless attempted to get past him and rummage through the bag on the armchair to find her toothbrush. Her stealth proved lacking, however, when he began to stir as soon as she reached the bag.

“Hey,” he said quietly, rubbing at his eyes with the heels of his hands and doing his best to seem lively. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she replied, fishing her toothbrush out from the sea of clothes she’d thrown into the duffel before they sped away from the apartment in Philadelphia. “I just forgot to brush my teeth.”

“Oh,” he said, nodding and hoisting himself up. His neck was already sore from the position he’d dozed off in, unwilling to follow Luke and Lorelai into the kitchen with Ella asleep on the couch. “Me too. I’ll come with.”

She nodded back, grabbing his toothbrush as well. The whispers didn’t cease until they made their way into the kitchen, Luke and Lorelai looking up at their entrance. Ella debated using the upstairs bathroom, not disturbing the two of them. But she didn’t have the energy to climb the stairs, and it would be the first time she could get a good look at the new half-bathroom they added next to Rory’s room. The smell of the diner food lingered, and it made Ella’s chest feel just a touch less tight. Lorelai broke out into a small smile at the sight of the two of them.

“You need anything, sweetie?” she asked, speaking only to Ella.

Though she felt a bit uncomfortable under everyone’s gaze, Ella smiled back. There was a warmth in her stomach at Lorelai’s voice. She focused on that feeling, and only that feeling. “No, we’re fine. Just brushing our teeth. The dentist would be pissed at me if I broke the pattern after over twenty years.”

“That’s true. Always best to avoid the Sweeney Todd dentistry possibility,” Lorelai agreed, nodding. Then, she yawned theatrically and looked at Luke, who only rolled his eyes at the dramatics. “I think we’re gonna head upstairs. It’s past our bedtime.”

“Still got those four o’clock deliveries, huh?” Jess asked sullenly, eyeing Luke. Many a morning when he was a teenager, he’d been awoken at half past three by the sound of Luke’s alarm.

Luke sighed. “For the business that housed and fed you for two years? Yeah, I do.”

Ella snorted a laugh, and nudged Jess playfully in the ribs. “Like you’re not always up before the sun, even on Saturday.”

“Where do you think that started?” Jess shot back, pointing an accusatory finger at Luke. “He screwed with my internal clock for life!”

“I think that’s enough fuel for future therapy sessions for tonight,” Lorelai announced, rising from the table, Luke following.

“Agreed,” Luke grumbled.

As they exchanged goodnights, Lorelai gave Ella a kiss on the cheek. Immediately after, she scrunched up her nose and smudged the lipstick from Ella’s freckled skin with her thumb. To Ella’s shock, Lorelai also gave Jess a short hug before making for the stairs. Luke hugged Jess,  too. The two of them still had trouble showing physical affection for each other, as they probably always would. Ella had to stifle a laugh at the awkwardness between them.

When Luke hugged Ella, though, she felt tears prick at her eyes for the first time all day. She recognized his familiar smell, the soft feeling of his flannel, his strong arms around her. Somewhere in her mind, it occurred to her that the way it felt for Luke to hug her was what she had always wanted it to feel like when her own father hugged her. And she knew for sure she would never get it from him. She could finally be certain there was nothing left to do to repair her relationship with him. There was no time left for Jake to make her feel as safe as Luke made her feel. As he never had, even in her childhood. But by the time she and Luke broke apart, she had gathered herself enough. She cleared her throat and blinked away the glassy sheen in her eyes.

Luke ruffled her hair as he stepped back from her. If he saw that she was upset, he didn’t acknowledge it. “Don’t worry, kid. We’ll get everything figured out tomorrow.”

“I know, boss,” she replied.

.   .   .

The cigarette smoke made her a bit nauseous, but it was also comforting in a way she was slightly ashamed of. The winter air was crisp and biting, and her cheeks were frosted roses. Embers glowed orange in the darkness as she took a long drag, burning her lungs. She was already regretting it, but she simply felt too tired to think out the actual consequences of what she was doing. She had tried. She really had. But falling asleep, with Jess snoring softly beneath her as they lay on the couch, was absolutely impossible. Fatigue was weighing down her bones, and there was a perpetual ache throbbing behind her eyes. But each time she got close to sleep, the thought of her father would flash across her mind, and she would be wide awake once more.

Once she gave up, she had managed to sneak outside unnoticed. The wind whispered past her, hollow and haunting. But maybe everything was feeling spookier because death was at the forefront of her mind. Then again, when wasn’t it? Though the shock had certainly hit her with full force when she heard the news, she couldn’t bring herself to be surprised. The other shoe had dropped. She knew it would, just when she let her guard down. The moment she forgot to worry, the universe had knocked her down again. She flicked her cigarette and watched the excess ash melt a small spot in the snow below the steps.

At the sound of the front door creaking open, she startled only a little. For a wild moment, she wanted to put her cigarette out and hide it behind her back, pretending to be innocent. Especially if it was Luke. But she had to remember she was a grown up. And the feeling disappeared entirely when she saw only a disheveled Jess wrapping himself up in his jacket as he came out onto the porch and sat down next to her.

“You’re gonna catch a cold out here,” he remarked, holding her peacoat out to her.

She took it with a trembling hand.

“Thank you,” she said solemnly, breathing out a long stream of smoke as she spoke. The coat was old and cheap, and did little to help a Connecticut winter, but she shrugged it on anyway.

He nodded, chewing on his bottom lip. “Don’t mention it.”

They sat in silence, an owl hooting somewhere in the trees beyond the house. Ella didn’t put the cigarette out until it got so small it began to burn her fingers. After she’d discarded it, her breath still puffed out, along with Jess’s, in frigid white clouds. Flurries of snow fell in scattered sprays, but the night was mostly quiet and overcast. Jess crossed his arms over his chest, waiting.

She spoke, as he knew she eventually would, after a few more minutes. Gesturing down to the crushed cigarette, her tired eyes met his. “Do you want one?”

“No, thanks,” he said, shaking his head. “Where’d you get those in the middle of the night in Stars Hollow, anyway?”

A thin smirk ghosted over her lips. “Snatched ‘em off Bootsy’s newsstand.”

“Really?” he asked, laughing slightly, with eyebrows raised.

She snorted and rolled her eyes. “Don’t act so surprised, Mariano. I was sneaking out of my bedroom window long before you got here.”

“Touché.” His eyes lingered on her, hair glistening golden in the soft light and eyes still far off somewhere miles away. He hesitated before he continued. “Did you walk all the way to Bootsy’s without a coat?”

She shrugged, glancing down at the Doc Martens on her feet. “I’m fine. I had my good shoes on. Besides, it’s only like a minute away.”

“Alright.”

“Seriously, Jess. I’m fine,” she snapped after a moment.

“Okay. I get it,” he said instantly. “You’re fine. You’re not cold.”

Ella ran her hands through her hair. Her body shook as she yawned.

“You wanna go back to bed?” he asked.

“No,” she said with a heavy sigh.

“Are you sure?”

“Jesus, Jess! Stop trying to take care of me! Stop asking me questions! Just let me fucking sit here!” Ella exclaimed, huffing in frustration.

Jess recoiled slightly, and he nodded at her again. He ran a hand over his mouth and swallowed down the million other questions which were rising in his throat. The ones she’d refused to ask on the drive up, and the ones she apparently still wanted to avoid. “Sorry.”

She rolled her eyes, mostly at herself. “No, I’m...I’m sorry. I’m just tired. I couldn’t fall asleep.”

“We don’t have to sleep if you don’t want to. We could watch one of Lorelai’s cassettes in there,” Jess suggested, fighting hard to keep his tone light, bracing for whatever reaction she was going to have.

“I love that she still has cassettes,” Ella said wistfully, though not smiling. Her voice was low and raspy as she stared out ahead of her into the darkness and the lightly falling snow.

He nodded a little. “I know you do.”

Ella’s hands were itching to hold another cigarette, but she fought the urge. The pack which sat on the porch steps next to her would almost certainly be crumpled up and thrown in the trash the moment she reentered the house. Along with the lighter. But it was nice to have them there. If she wanted. They sat wordlessly, listening to the rustle of the wind in the evergreen trees. Jess didn’t make a sound. He was just far away enough not to touch her, almost in silent askance of whether she wanted space. She did. And she didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to talk almost as much as she didn’t want to write the eulogy. She wanted to be able to push down the sorrow and the rage until they just dissolved and she was as happy as she had been just a day earlier. Yesterday, she may have even been hopeful. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt hopeful about her family. But, now, she had to stop herself from reaching for a cigarette yet again. And she felt herself wanting a drink. A drink stronger than champagne at a book launch. And then the words started flowing before she could overthink them, before she could lock them away in her heart forever.

She swallowed thickly, looking down into her lap at her nail-bitten hands. “This is just like it was the last time.”

“Oh yeah?” he whispered, shifting a bit closer to her.

“Yeah,” she echoed, so quiet he almost couldn’t hear. She sniffed. “I mean, last time my dad was the devastated one instead of Fiona. But Adam still got pissed at Noah, and Noah only got more pissed because Adam was mad at him.”

Noah had only made it to town an hour before Ella left to go back to the Gilmore residence for the night, but he and Adam were at each other’s throats pretty much as soon as they saw each other. Upset that his Christmas vacation was being disrupted, Noah had insisted on staying at a motel instead of at the little blue house in which they had grown up. Adam wasn’t happy about it, accusing Noah of acting as though he was too good for them. In turn, Noah asked Adam why he wasn’t mad at Ella for staying with Lorelai. Adam had shot back immediately, saying Noah had abandoned the entire family the minute he could, while Ella stayed behind. At that point, Ella knew there was no way to diffuse the situation. She’d only offered to walk back with Noah to the motel, leaving Adam to sleep in his old room. Luckily, Fiona’s sister was already in town for the holiday. So, it didn’t wholly fall to any of the three of them to console her.

Jess and Luke had both offered to go over to the house with her after helping with the arrangements, but she’d insisted on meeting her brothers there alone. The surreality of the moment didn’t dawn on her until she saw Adam’s teary eyes and Noah’s flushed face. It was like she had stepped into the past. She’d come back to the Gilmore house to find Jess sitting in the living room, halfway through the Russian novel he’d brought with. In the face of his questions, she’d only given him the liner notes and then fallen mostly silent for the rest of the evening.

“And Lorelai and Luke won’t let me brush my teeth without asking me if I need anything,” Ella continued, with a scoff in her words. “And, I love them. I do. And I’m so fucking grateful that it hurts. But, I’m fine. I’m totally fucking fine.”

“So I’ve heard,” he quipped.

“You’re hilarious.”

“I’ve heard that, too,” he said.

She laughed breathily, lifting her head to look up at the sky. “Shut up.”

“Will do.”

Then, after a moment: “I just wish...I wish it wasn’t like this. I mean, he was a shitty dad. But he was still my dad.”

He watched as she chose her words, carefully. Her voice had more emotion than he’d heard all day. Bringing his arm around her shoulders, he hoped to lessen the trembling of her hands just a little. She leaned into him, letting herself feel his warmth but fighting the wateriness in her voice. Of all the things she didn’t want to do, crying was at the top of the list.

“And now...I don’t have parents. I don’t even have a dad who hates me and never calls,” she continued.

“He didn’t hate you,” Jess interjected.

She shook her head. “Yeah, he did, Jess. He fucking hated me. Because I looked like my mom and I didn’t like Fiona and I wouldn’t quit talking back at the dinner table. But it doesn’t bother me. I hated him most of the time, too.”

He hummed in response, listening.

Her face crumpled for only a moment. But, again, she regained her composure. A couple silent tears threatened to slip over. “But at least I had someone to hate, y’know? Now, it’s just...no one.”

She took in a shaky breath, and Jess began to rub circles over her back. He recognized that her shivering was no longer due to the cold but from the sobs she wouldn’t let loose. Ella’s stomach did a flip, as she clenched her hands into fists. But she just couldn’t hold it in any longer. She let a single wimper pass her lips. And then, the levee broke. She put her head in her hands and finally began to weep, cries from deep within her escaping at last.

“I just...I don’t have p-parents anymore,” she spoke through sobs, trying to get her voice under control but failing miserably. “I’m not anyone’s daughter anymore. I don’t belong to anyone anymore.”

Jess shut his eyes for a moment, feeling a crack in his heart as he heard her anguish. But a part of him was relieved she was finally letting it out. He knew not all of her tears were for her father, but for her mother as well. He’d never seen her cry so hard before, so hard she couldn’t catch her breath and she was beginning to feel sick to her stomach. She stopped being able to talk after a while, only crying, folding in on herself.

“I...I don’t...belong to anyone anymore,” she repeated.

Gnawing on his bottom lip again, Jess smoothed an affectionate hand over her hair. He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. Though he couldn’t see her face, Ella felt her cheeks heat up at his seeing her sob so openly. Jess spoke in a clear, strong tone.

“Listen, Eleanor, I know it feels like you’re alone without them, but that’s not true, okay?” he said.

She let out a tearful scoff.

“Hey, hey, hey, I’m serious,” Jess continued, placing a hand on her damp cheek and turning her face gently so she would look at him.

She wanted to avoid his eyes, embarrassed, but simply couldn’t bring herself to look anywhere else. The sight of him almost made her physically relax.

An earnest crease stood out between his eyebrows when he spoke again. “You belong to me, and I belong to you. That’s how it’s always been, hasn’t it?”

She stared at him for a moment, stunned at his words, as tears kept rolling steadily down her cheeks. But then, her lip began to quiver and she closed her eyes. Jess was worried she was about to get angry again. But instead, she slumped weakly against him. He could feel her tears begin to wet the neckline of his t-shirt as she rested her head on his chest. Breathing out long and slow, Jess wrapped his arms around her. He didn’t know whether his words had helped, but he was doubtful. No amount of talking was going to make her feel any better. He couldn’t crack a joke or start a playful argument or do a magic trick. He could only be there. He simply sat and held her against the wind.

[welcometotheocverse]

What do your Gilmore Girls oc’s think of Christopher/what is their relationships with him like?

Okay so I had like over four paragraphs typed up for this and then my computer misclicked and I lost it all lmao.

But in a word: Bad. In multiple: Really Freaking Bad.

Noah ( Doose), Tino ( La Costa) and Lily ( St. James) all love Rory so so much. So even though their interactions with Christopher are limited compared to some of my other ocs they still hate him. They know better than others how much it hurts Rory when he isn’t there for her since two of them ( Tino and Lily) have known her since childhood. Lily and Tino see themselves as Rory’s honorary siblings ( Tino goes on record calling himself Rory’s unofficial twin) so the whole “He actually came to Stars Hollow this time!” and all the times he does things that hurt her have them more or less feral.

For Noah he’s dating Rory from s2 or s3 I haven’t decided  yet so he gets a bigger picture of Christipher and is unimpressed because as far as he’s concerned, Rory is the best girl and deserves a lot better. Also Christopher might or might not be a POS when he finds out about Logan, Noah, and Rory.

Tbh Noah at some point might go “I have crippling anxiety and depression but I also have a hockey stick and knife shoes ( skates ) and I’m willing to fight both your dads because holy shit” to both Logan and Rory.

Hope is both more civil and more openly disliking of Christopher. She knows full well what a number  their parent’s controlling and critiquing everything they do does a number on Lorelai. So she tends to be very “You call all the shots in your life. I support you as long as you’re happy.” to be the opposite of Emily and Richard and at one point, when Lorelai is nervous about telling her something says “I’m not mom and dad Lore. I won’t belittle your choices. I’m always on your corner” ( which ;A;)

So Hope bites her tongue a bit and utilizes the skills she learned in therapy to manage her own emotional responses when it comes to The Whole Christopher Deal

This does not mean Hope does not have opinions about The Whole Christopher Deal. 

Like basically she thinks he’s a weak man who can’t even speak up when Lorelai is being belittled by her own parents while singing him praises. She is very unimpressed by how little part Christopher has taken in Rory’s life when Lorelai has always had the door open. ( though  she also feels like since she ended up losing touch with them as well she’s no better even tho Hope bby nooo you were protecting yourself from abuse its so not the same) 

That’s not even the worse of it tho since, due to being Lorelai’s older sibling Hope is more aware than my other ocs of how much hurt Lorelai deals with from her relationship with her parents and what the abuse/ neglect does to her ( having suffered it herself as well) and how exactly that plays  with her and her relationship with Christopher. 

She hates HATES that he messes with her head. She hates that Lorelai seeks out affection in men like him and that they hurt her, that he hurts her. She understand them in a very Big Picture way and hates Christopher all the more for it. Like it starts off at Unimpressed in s1 and only gets worse the more pieces she understands.  After the wedding vow fiasco she loses whatever scraps of respect she had for him and thinks that the fact that he was willing to break up a relationship Lorelai was happy in is a huge ass red flag about him and openly dislikes him and hates him. She keeps it civil when Lore gets back with him for Rory and Lorelai’s and Gigi’s sake but there’s a pretty open dislike between the two that has been there from the start ( because you can only imagine how Christopher reacted to Hope being unimpressed with him and with her telling Lorelai she deserves better he p much hates her too)

Amelia Hates him with a seething unbridled fury that has less to do with Christopher being sorta passive aggressive  and shitty around her ( he wouldn’t Dare do it in front of Lorelai and Rory bc he knows they’d kick him to the curve and Luke would End him and Amelia doesn’t spend any time around him without them so it's  vague/passive sorta shittiness.)  and so much more to do with the fact that this girl is fiercely  Fiercely protective  of her family and loved ones ( see for example her willing to fight the entire town meeting for Jess and ranting for an hour and then some afterwards) and Rory is her Big Sister and Lorelai is Her Mother and she has seen them be hurt by him so much already. ( think of that speech Lorelai gives Jess of “Rory is one of the best girls and she  deserves to be treated well” but instead it’s “My mother and sister are two of the best people I know and they deserve the world as far as I’m concerned. Not some asshole who leaves them hurt and sad” like she thinks the fact that he doesn’t think they’re worth his  time and hurts them is unforgivable and so is how sad he makes them and she’d gladly punch him in the face if she had the chance. And that’s before the vow renewal fiasco where she actually punches him in the face. 

Sophia mistrusts him just on account that her parents like him. Lorelai hides from her how much Christopher has hurt her ( she canonically goes out of her way to make sure Rory doesn’t feel like she has to take care of her and has a good relationship with her dad no matter what and she sees Sophia as a kid as well specially as she realizes how badly living with her parents has affected her.) and Rory canonically not only does not talk about her dad to many people but describes herself as “A great compartmentalize.” so it takes a while before she gets the full picture  but she’s thoroughly unimpressed even before she does. Also she picks up on the frail hope on Rory’s “He’s never come to town before maybe he’ll stick around.” and it...hits a bit personal for her. 

She also would kill for Lorelai and has absolutely given Christopher a shovel talk  ( Lore: you’re my baby sister hon, not my babysitter) when he tries to come back into the Gilmore Girl’s lives and as the seasons go she only dislikes him more.

Kit and El are of course Christopher’s sons and boy oh boy there’s just so much resentment there. Like both of them are also “my sister and mom are the best and your hurting them makes me feral.” but on top of that they  have their own resentment for him. 

With El, Christopher always lumps him with Rory as “the smart kid who reads a lot.” when in truth the twins are their own people and their interests, diverge widely. He gets them the same book whenever he sends anything  and it hurts El so much like it makes him feel like he’s some after thought, someone not even worth learning the interests of and he carries that for a long time. It hurts him deeply for a long time.

He absolutely loses it when he finds out that he and Lore got married without any thought not even about him and Rory but about Gigi  (“so what you’re gonna have  her get used to having a family and then mess her up when you fall short because what? Me and Rory’? We weren’t enough kids to disappoint for you? ) Gigi’s pretty much the only reason he keeps things civil with Christopher bc El’s pretty sure that between Sherry and Christopher she needs someone looking out for her, or the poor kid won’t have a chance and also he loves her so so much. It only makes it  worse that Christopher is not above using that to make him be civil.

Kit while a lot less developed so I have less for him is also on the same beats. He’s a smack happy idiot  who doesn’t spend time on bad emotions and lets things roll off his back ( and a very big foil to Rory’s catastrophizing and spiraling into anxiety when things go awry) but Christopher may  be one of his only sore spots. He struggles a lot with sharing a name with the guy and also with not having a set path career wise or being academically inclined like Rory ( more because it would make him Different than Christopher if it did) one of his biggest fears is that he’s more like his dad than his mom, or that he has too many things in common with his dad.  He’s also of course very  hurt by how little Christopher drops by in his life and was very aware growing up that other kids’ dads were a lot more present. He skips school on father’s day  as sort of his own dark day and usually hangs with Zack and Brian ( who he met before Hep Alien formed) or with Lindsay Lister ( who is actually one of her  best friends.) though he does check in on Rory and tries to be there for her because she may be a good compartmentalizer but he’s her twin; he knows when she needs hugs. 

I have an idea for a Danes sister and while I know nothing of her I know she’d hate Christopher too. So does the Hayden sister plot bunny who’s nothing more than a concept

Basically fuck Christopher all my OCs hate Christopher lol

[dodgergilmore]

1: Omg I LOVE 'Balalaikas' as a literati episode!! I know that others have their favorites, but GOD the way their first scenes evolve after such a long time of not seeing each other....Rory's subtle but obvious surprise and pleasant feeling of seeing Jess again (and in significantly better circumstances than before), Jess's subtle nervousness, OLDER!RORY AND JESS.... not to mention Rory immediately bringing her 'pom poms' back when she heard about him writing a book...

Jess being bashful about writing it and joking about her 'reading it first so that she can discourage people from buying it' when Rory would never dare to dislike something he made (even if it's not anyone else's cup of tea). I hate that we only get so little time with them, but THAT ONE SCENE is, strangely enough, exactly what I need to just imagine them being older and together. The chemistry is just so good and I love how Jess is still Jess in this episode but he's also very different? He's more relaxed and more calm, and he's just SO thankful to Rory for believing in him even if their last meeting didn't end well at all. Just.....ugh, I know that we got so little with older!Jess and Rory, but at the same time I'm somewhat glad they weren't screwed over when they were older and together the same way Luke and Lorelai were in season 6

This episode really has it all! It’s probably the episode that fully cements my investment in R/J because it really highlights how their dynamic has the capacity to grow and mature – if we didn’t get this, I just don’t think it would be as satisfying of a story for me? Now that I’m thinking about it, I have a few ships where it’s the interactions after the break-up that really sell me on them because those interactions reaffirm the general appreciation the characters have for one another and also the ~connection that remains after quietly accepting the importance they’ve had on each other’s lives.

Alexis and Milo play that whole reunion scene in the driveway and then Rory’s room so well; they’re happy to see each other and catch up on one another’s lives but are also holding back just a bit because there’s this hesitancy and awkwardness of not knowing how to navigate this new dynamic between them, especially considering the last time they saw each other. But then Jess brings out the book and that awkwardness falls away, their tense history forgotten for just a moment as Rory gets out the pom poms because she is genuinely proud and happy to see Jess reach the potential she knew he had: “Jess, you've got such a great brain. I knew that if you could just sit down and stop shaking it around, you could do something like this. I knew it. I knew it.” He tries to downplay his accomplishments and excitement – in his more relaxed, no longer an angsty teen way – and to that Rory is like ‘no ma’am I wont let you!!!’ Speaking of Jess still being Jess: the little detail of him throwing stones at Rory’s window is excellent.

That one scene really is just so........warm and you are so right that it’s enough to give us a glimpse into what they would look like being older and together 😌

And then L*gan shows up and it gets so awkward, whew. Rory’s face when he invites himself says it all lol big yikes

I get the criticisms of the “I know you better than anyone.” line to some degree because at this point, they hadn’t even been in contact since 4x21. So the validity of the line can be debated but I do think it’s worth mentioning that Rory doesn’t challenge all that he is saying – and she has clearly shown herself to be capable of calling Jess out when she disagrees with him/his choices. Going back to that scene in Rory’s room, we see glimpses of the Rory we ‘knew’ when she gets defensive saying that the room isn’t her taste, Jess asking if the dress on her door is for Halloween, Rory claiming everything is ‘temporary’ and that the DAR isn’t a career, Jess vaguely knowing about the rift between Rory and her mother... To me, those moments are there to remind the audience as well as Jess that Rory is not enthused with her life at the moment, and very obviously not on the path she wants to be on. Following the whole ‘what’s going on?!’ scene with Jess, Rory immediately questions what she’s doing with her life after that whole conversation outside and then in the next episode, we see her as a woman on a mission, actively taking those steps to get back to school because it’s what she wants. People get stuck on how short-lived their romance was, consequently dismissing their whole relationship and making it seem like they didn’t spend much of season 2 building a bond and getting to know each other; the fact that they end up being able to speak comfortably with each other in 6x08 speaks to that bond, I think. All of this to say, it makes sense why Jess’ appearance is able to have the impact it does on Rory in 6x08 because he’s a reminder to Rory of a time where she was confident in what she wanted to do, equipped with the drive and ambition to do anything. And now she’s drifting and Jess is here, attributing the success he’s found in life to Rory and how she once believed in him; he’s living proof that you can move forward even after having some major stumbles. I think it’s fair to say that they could also be riding that wave of nostalgia back to those times where they did know each other better than anyone. (The fact that he remembers her birthday is also very pointed!) Also, realistically... going a year without seeing someone isn’t that long, so seeing someone you were once close to in a situation that completely contradicts what they once stood for after only a year.......I’d say the cause for concern is pretty fair to have there.

Oh my goodness, yes!! I do not trust ASP at all to give me R/J without drama that ranges from annoying to messy lmao I am confident that her version of adult!Literati in a hypothetical second revival would involve Rory being unaware of her feelings until Jess is in a serious relationship because, well, it has to be said that the only romantic conflict this show knows is jealousy and infidelity. And I suppose miscommunication but that is hardly reserved for the romantic relationships.

Sorry it took me so long to respond!

[theonethatwatchesalotofshows]

The wedding was perfect and nothing like Rory had imagined for her mother. The first wedding that she had planned was supposed to take place in late August, the second on June 3rd, but sadly both weddings got called off. Lorelai's mother had said that she had always imagined a Russian winter themed wedding for Lorelai which Lorelai said was really out of her character, but Emily and Rory couldn't disagree more. Lorelai was infamous for her love of snow. When Lorelai did finally tie a knot with Rory's father it was in Paris and none of their family members were there. The marriage didn't last very long.

The date of this wedding- the one where Lorelai finally ties a knot with the love of her life and Rory's stepfather Luke- was November 5th. Rory had never imagined Lorelai getting married in fall. Granted, this wasn't their official wedding with their extended families and the entire town there to witness it. This was a small, intimate, impromtu wedding, which made it even more perfect. Lorelai wasn't wearing her wedding dress, she chose a dark blue lace dress instead. And Rory was still in her PJs since they literally dragged her out of bed late at night saying: "We're getting married now." Michel was there by Rory's side as Lorelai's bridesmaid, well-groomed and wearing a suit as always and Luke's best men were Rory's best friend Lane and Luke's nephew Jess.

Of course they had woken up Jess. Jess had to be at Luke's wedding. Luke was pretty much his only family while he was growing up. He took him under his roof and gave him the guidance and structure he didn't know he needed. They had their ups and downs while Jess was still a brooding angsty teenager, but now that he had grown up, they were best friends, just like Lorelai and Rory. It came as no surprise that Luke had called Jess up in a middle of the night, saying he's getting married and wants him there and Jess had put on a tux he had saved for his actual wedding the next day and went to the gazebo.

"You may kissed the bride," the reverrend said and the four of them cheered. Jess and Rory's eyes suddenly met. He still had that James Dean spark in them, the spark that had drawn her to him when they were young. Jess's lips curled into a smile. He was just as charming as fifteen years ago. Rory looked away, hoping that the dim lighting would mask her blush. Luckily, nobody was paying attention to her. This was her mother's big day. All eyes were in her.

It was a beautiful night. Even Michel looked happy, which was very uncharacteristic of him. Reflecting Light, by Sam Philips was the song Luke and Lorelai chose for their first dance. It was an unusual pick but it had significance for them. They both remember that this was the song that was playing when they first danced together at another wedding.

Everyone was having fun for the rest of the night. Lane was a DJ, Michel was making everyone laugh with his weird dance moves and Lorelai and Luke were dancing like there's no tomorrow. Despite all this, Rory couldn't help but feel kind of wistful. Of course she was happy for her mom and Luke, but seeing them together also made her feel alone. She looked around and realized everyone there had someone. Her mom had Luke. Lane had Zach. Michel also had a husband. Who did she have?

"Hi."

She turned around. It was Jess.

"Hey."

"Shall we dance?"

Rory was surprised by this question. She didn't know Jess could dance. They had never danced together.

"Come on, Rory. I want to make up for the prom."

He offered her his hand and this time, she took it.

The song that was playing was Girl from Mars by Ash, except it was some kind of slow version that was good for slow dancing. Jess put his hand around her waist and lead her to the dance floor. Rory put her left hand on his sturdy and muscular arm. They danced. Kind of awkwardly at first, but it got better as the song went on.

"I never imagined going to prom in my PJs," Rory joked.

"Life is full of surprises. I never imagined your mom and Luke being at our prom, but here we are."

"I kind of did. It wouldn't have surprised me if they had decided that we needed a chapperone."

They both laughed and blushed at the same time. Jess knew exactly what she was talking about. They really couldn't be left alone for more than ten minutes when they were young.

"So, on scale Carrie to My Fat Greek Wedding 2, how do you rate this prom?" asked Jess.

"Mean Girls," said Rory with a shy smile.

"That wasn't a prom, that was a Spring fling dance," argued Jess.

"Wow, someone seems to know a lot about chick flicks," teased Rory.

"What do you think I was doing when Luke called me here? Watching Almost Famous, what else."

"Again?"

"Well, I can't help it, I'm addicted!"

"I thought you had grown out of that by now."

"Well, old habits die hard."

The song ended. Another song, something by Yoko Ono, which Jess definitely wasn't a fan of, played.

"Hey, wanna get out of here?"

"What? Why would I want to get out of here? This is my mom's big day."

That brought a painful memory back. Jess suddenly remembered his mother's big day (there were several, actually, but this was the last one and therefore the biggest one) and how he had snuck away from her wedding to go see Rory at Yale and ask her to run away with him. It wasn't exactly his proudest moment.

He supressed the painful memory and shrugged with a devil-may-care smile.

"It's Yoko Ono. I mean, come on, who wants to listen to Yoko Ono?"

"Lane does and if she does, then I want too. She's my music guru."

"You do know she broke the Beatles up right?"

"Beatles are overrated and they would've broken up anyway at some point."

"You're kidding."

"No, that's what Lane says."

"Okay, well if you change your mind, I'll be at the gas station."

Rory stood in the middle of the dance floor and watched him walk away. She felt stupid dancing by herself, so she walked off the dance floor and wandered around the bushes with little twinkle lights in them for a while. Kirk did a really good job decorating. But while it was all really pretty, there wasn't much to do, so she chose to follow Jess to the gas station.

While she was walking there the song changed to Then She Appeared by XTC, one of Lane's favorite bands.

She found him there, fiddling with a cigarette in his hands.

"I can't believe you still smoke," she said.

"I'm telling ya, old habits die hard."

"Don't you find it a little irresponsible to light this right next to a gasoline?"

"Maybe I'm not going to light it."

"Oh, so you're just going to put it in your mouth unlit because: 'It's a metaphor?'"

Jess laughed: "Maybe, I'm not going to smoke it at all."

"Oh. And what is that decision depending on?"

"What's gonna happen."

"When?"

"Now."

Suddenly, Rory had a déjà vu. Fourteen years ago, after her interview with a Yale dean she and her mom had stopped by at Luke's. She and Jess had just started dating and her mom and Luke werent very supportive, so they used their lame kid code to sneak away to the gas station and made out. It was kind of their first date. Who knew a date at a gas station could be so romantic?

His dark brown eyes locked with her bright blue ones. He put his hands around her slim waist and she placed hers on his shoulders. They locked lips in the most passionate kiss Rory has had for a very long time. Just a few months before Rory asked Jess in the middle of a rant about everything that went wrong in her life: "Passion? Is that really a thing?" Now she knew it is. And this was it.

"Wow," she gasped after they pulled away, "you were right, old habits really do die hard."

"Yeah. You're glad I didn't smoke that, aren't you?"

"Yeah," she laughed.

Jess put his cigarette back into his pocket and kissed her again. They made out for a while in the dim light of twinkle lights in the background with Then She Appeared playing in the background. Then Jess broke the kiss and said: "Well, that part still works."

"After everything that's happened between us," she added, with a smile.

[iwatchedyougoinghomeeveryday]

i’m at the halfway point in season 7 of gilmore girls (just finished 7x10!) so here are my rambling thoughts that no one asked for!

1. i don’t care that my ship is broken up and i have to endure lorelai and christopher being MARRIED... i like season 7 more than season 6.  i was so relieved to be done with season 6... there was so much tension between EVERYONE.  there were some good moments (the scene of the gilmores fighting at the end of 6x13 is one of the best moments in the entire show), but i felt so stressed watching the entire season. 2. speaking of lorelai and christopher... why the marriage, WHY?!  honestly i always thought they’d get back together at some point, and i thought a good time would be when lorelai and luke were broken up.  mostly just because i view christopher as the perfect representation of lorelai’s past and luke as her present and, symbolically, lorelai learning and accepting that her and christopher are not a good fit would mean she is finally leaving that part of her life behind.  however... that could have been done without the complication of marriage.  you mean to tell me that the show has been building to lorelai getting married since s1 and it finally happens spontaneously like this? off-camera? with CHRISTOPHER?!  nope nope nope 3. i’ve really over-analyzed lorelai’s love life... but i actually like all three of the guys she is paired with - max, christopher, and luke.  however, again, i view them all as three distinct representations: max is the kind of guy lorelai would have imagined herself with (but their love is built on fantasy); christopher is the guy from her past that she has to finally let go of (love built on nostalgia); and luke is the guy that fits perfectly with the life she has built for herself and the person she grew into (love built on reality - they feel like true partners).   4. okay, actually, i USED to like christopher, but around the third time he came back (s4? s5? who knows), i got really annoyed with him.  because all he did was just dance back into lorelai and rory’s lives whenever it was convenient for him and he kept getting their hopes up.  it was wrong and i loved when lorelai told him off for it (s3? idk anymore).  that could’ve been the conclusion to their relationship.  but nahhh, he had to come back in s5 (in peak jerk form), then s6, and now s7... i am so tired of this man. 5. i’m not as invested in rory’s love life as everyone else, but i like logan.  i do think he and rory have become kinda boring in s6 & s7, but i still think their pairing makes the most sense and i really like them together.  ultimately i just want rory and logan to become a kick-butt journalist team. (or to both be uber successful and travel the world together) 6. luke has made all the difference this season, tbh.  luke in s6 felt annoyingly out-of-character at times... he feels much more like himself here.  man has he gone through it though.  first lorelai ends their engagement, then kirk destroys his diner, then lorelai marries christopher, then he finally gets to bond with april only for her to move across the country... ouch.  i haven’t seen how the custody battle plays out, but i hope it doesn’t end too devastatingly.  it’s a good storyline, though - far better use of luke & april than s6.  i’m really hurting for luke. 7. i really need lorelai and christopher to end things soon though. i don’t think i could stand it if lorelai and luke just got back together at the very end (though that’s how these things typically go...).  the last scene i saw was emily coming to lorelai’s to tell her that marriage is more than just the ring... i’d LOVE if emily influenced her decision, especially after her parents have been so blindly pro-christopher. 8. characters i desperately need to see more of: lane, paris, and emily. (more friday night dinners!) 9. what the writers did with lane though... PREGNANT?!  i always thought the show should fittingly end with someone pregnant, but LANE?!  no words.  and with ZACK?!  their relationship makes 0 sense.  i just wanted to see lane living her best life as a successful drummer... and instead this.  though i keep imagining what it would’ve been like if dave was able to stay on the show... replace zack with dave and it probably would’ve been a cute storyline.  maybe not the pregnancy, but their progressing relationship. 10. i have been a huge paris stan since her very first episode.  right away i knew she was gonna be my special character.  i don’t know how everyone else feels about her, but i just want her to succeed at everything and have the world.  plus she is so freakin hilarious.  i loved her more in the chilton days - her storylines at yale have been meh.  but hopefully she gets one decent storyline (or episode!) before the season is over. 11. rory, lane, and paris needed more scenes together.  actually lane and paris becoming a power duo would’ve been fantastic. 12. i need lorelai and emily to have a very strong bonding moment before the season is over!!!  my top demand (besides lorelai and luke)

[loverfms-old]

*** TAPS MIC *** is this thing on ??? 

name  /  alias :  shiloh  /  love , lilo , lo , shi , etc. i wish i was a tvd heretic.  gender  /  pronouns :  demigirl  /  she/they where  ya  from  ? :  new jork titty  the  current  time :  9:12pm  height :  5′4  job  or  major :  i just graduated !! i have a degree in web development  pet  (  s  ) :  one dog , one cat. love them both sm. my puppy hasn’t been doing so great health wise , but i think her neck is starting to get better.  favorite  thing  (  s  )  about  yourself :  myyyyyyyyy fat ASS ! and idk i’m very empathetic 

meaning  behind  url :  i just like the word lover and fm seems to be the trend these days sdhfjsdk 

last  thing  you  googled :  i got curious about how fetuses feel while in the womb so i started googling fetal movement in the second trimester . i don’t have an excuse fhsdjkfjks 

birthday  /  zodiac :  valentine’s day  /  aquarius  in  your  opinion  ,  does  your  sign  suit  you  ? :  uhhhhhh sometimes. aquarius seems to have the reputation of being heartless or desensitized and i’m like. the most sensitive person in the world lmao  myers  -  briggs :  infp moral  alignment :  chaotic stupid  hogwarts  house : hufflepuff 

three  fictional  character  (  s  )  you  see  yourself  in  +  why :  i think i’d rather list the parts of my muse list that resonate with me ..... like for example , i see my loyalty , urge to lead ,  tendency to isolate in hope mikaelson  ;  i see my devotion , sensitivity , and mental illness in chloe price  ;  i see my ‘on the outside’ feeling + loneliness in eleven  ;  i see my passion for change , anger for racial inequality , and strong desire to feel safe as a black woman in the world in mj ; i see my smartass mouth , dramatic flair , and chaotic tendences in sirius black. just little pieces of me in each of my idiots.

as far as characters i don’t play ..................... jake peralta & nymphadora tonks just about sum me up 

i  started  roleplaying : i was like. thirteen.  types  of  rps  i  enjoy :  all kinds ! however , i don’t prefer novella groups. i like groups where i can explore family dynamics , as i’m a sucker for those.

fondest  roleplay  memory :  uhhh idk about fondest of like all time but rn i have a 1x1 where they’re having a baby even tho they’re broken up , and they just got back together. emo. soulmate tings. mayhaps i’m obsessed with them , which is weird , since i don’t usually get into set ships. u didn’t hear that from me tho

canon  ships  you  can’t  help  but  love :  broooo luke x lorelai of gilmore girls was my first otp and i’ll die obsessed with them. emma swan x killian jones , chloe price x max caulfield , m.j. x peter parker , hope mikaelson x landon kirby .... yes , i’ll die on my stefan salvatore x caroline forbes boat  trope  (  s  )  you  tend  to  be  guilty  of : cute bruiser is probably my most used trope HJFKSFDS

i  prefer  .  .  . angst  ,  smut  ,  or  fluff :  fluff & smut are tired for first long  or  short  replies :  ngl , i like when things start off short. if they gradually or naturally lengthen , that’s totally cool pre  plotting  or  chemistry : i love both. a lot. but i won’t commit to a ship without chemistry sentence  starters  or  headcanon  memes : sentence starters single  muse  or  multimuse  blogs :  i used to be VERY anti mumu blogs ... now i can’t imagine not using them. my god. so much easier.  gif  icons  ,  medium  gifs  ,  or  static  icons : gif icons.

grab  the  book  nearest  to  you  and  pull  a  quote  from  it : my bookshelf is too tightly packed for me to pull anything off casually fshfkshfds

what’s  a  quote  or  song  lyric  that  speaks  to  your  soul ? : until the lion tells his side of the story , the tale of the hunt will always glorify the hunter.

last  movie  you  watched :  the princess and the frog did  you  like  it  ? :  OF COURSE  favorite  movie  (  s  )   of  all  time :  catch me if you can , gone girl , wolf of wall street , and ofc all of the disney movies ever.  favorite  tv  show  (  s  )  of  all  time :  stranger things , the originals , gilmore girls , sabrina the teenage witch , living single , etc.  favorite  tv  show  that  hasn’t  ended : at the moment ? the 100 favorite  series  of  books : harry potter + the lunar chronicles  sports  team  (  s  )  you  rep : what is a sport. favorite  video  game  (  s  ) : the last of us + life is strange. animal crossing , the sims , beyond: two souls are up there , too. favorite  youtube  channels : bailey sarian , plumbella , cherry wallis , drew gooden , and the take

put  your  music  on  shuffle.  what  six  songs  pop  up  ? : 1. no more bad days by this wild life 2. seventeen by marina & the diamonds 3. undrunk by fletcher 4. affluenza by conan gray 5. psycho by mia rodriguez

personal  aesthetic : i really don’t know. i feel like i’m all over the place. is organized chaos an aesthetic ? or just a lifestyle .  dream  vacation  ? : the maldives  dream  job  ? :  i do not dream of labor . dream  car  ? :  a volkswagen thing if  i  could  live  anywhere  ,  it’d  be : manhattan favorite  musical : HADESTOOOOWNNNNNN . anastasia comes in at a second favorite  food  (  s  ) :  rn i’m eating a churro so it’s a churro coffee  order :  2 large cold brews , creme brulee style unwatched  stuff  in  your  netflix  /  hulu  /  etc :  grey’s anatomy harasses me every fuckin dayyyyy. i started watching hollywood tho

i know wayyyyy tooo much about true crime. i can talk about it until i die. 

[c-sand]

A Gilmore game to make quarantine more enjoyable! Five favorite episodes, five favorite characters (in order if you can!), five least favorite characters, three favorite romantic relationships, three least favorite romantic relationships, three favorite platonic relationships, three unpopular opinions that none of us are allowed to mock ;) I'm sending this to three Gilmore Girls fans and hope you'll send it to a few GG fans you know as well! (You can send it to me too, lol)

(after actively making sure i don’t just pick jess episodes, because i swear i don’t just love gg for him, i swear) five favorite episodes:

[1.13] concert interruptus

[2.21] lorelai’s graduation day

[3.07] they shoot gilmores, don’t they?

[4.02] the lorelai’s first day at yale

[4.07] the festival of living art

*somehow in trying not to pick all of seasons two and three, i have two from four. and none from seven, what. a. shock. 

five favorite characters (in order if you can):

jess mariano (my boy. my love.)

sookie st. james (remember when they thought a revival would work without you? what laughs. what memories.)

paris geller (an icon.)

emily gilmore (the goat.)

michel gerard (michel deserved actual story on this show, okay? kirk got story. kirk got to be two different characters. michel was iconic when he got nothing to do, so imagine if he had done.)

five least favorite characters:

logan huntzberger (y’all already knooow.)

dean forester (y’all already knooooow.)

christopher hayden (y’all already knooooooooooow.)

mitchum huntzberger (basically get this family away from me.)

marty just sprang to mind jdshfkjdh

*special mention to our main characters lorelai and rory gilmore, who belong in both the favorite and least favorite categories, respectively. how do they do it? a true miracle. the power they have.*

three favorite romantic relationships:

rory and jess (i will never forgive this show for doing the classic “now that they’re together, we’ll stop showing their relationship, completely, so that we can warp it however we need to in order to end it”) (”jess never calls rory”) (get out of here with that noise)

emily and richard gilmore (”i demand to go first”) (catch me weeping)

lane kim and dave rygalski (i’ve never gotten through a single episode of the oc, so i’m fuming lol)

three least favorite romantic relationships:

rory and logan (excruciating in every way) (i stand by the cereal and the valentines trip with luke and lorelai being the only two acceptable moments between these two and everything else was trash.)

rory and dean (we stan emotional abuse, the best, totally not bad.)

lorelai and christopher (i don’t even need to say anything.)

three favorite platonic relationships:

rory and paris (one of the best showings of enemies to bffl’s in television history)

luke danes and jess (remember when jess wasn’t at luke’s wedding? hahahahahah wasn’t that just...............................hilarious.)

lane and mrs. kim (what a journey, when they were managing to be given screen time)

three unpopular opinions that none of us are allowed to mock:

(this is difficult, because [at least among what i’ve seen] i don’t think my opinions are that crazy)

ummmm luke and lorelai are a terrible together?

gilmore girls: a year in the life, was a masterpiece?

just kidding.

it was horrible.

it ruined the whole show for me, for a long time.

ummmmm liz danes is not a funny cooky awesome woman, she’s the drunk who abandoned her child and then showed up as the funny cooky awesome woman. if we’d actually seen growth, it might’ve been okay. but, she just shows up and they expected us to just pretend she’d done nothing wrong. you don’t just call your mom by her first name for no reason. and it was exhausting that people looked at jess, after she showed up, even more like he was being ungrateful. she didn’t even want to see him on christmas. but, hey, she’s got some earrings and a wacky fiance, so how fun!

Lindsay Lister was lovely and, even before Dean and Rory auditioned for Cheaters, she deserved so much better than everything she got.

[opheliakeeauthor]

The Complete Volume!

Draoithe: Midnight Magic the complete miniseries Volume 17 is now available as an ebook and is coming soon in paperback. This is a monster 12 part miniseries that encompassed nearly 110,000 words. I write long, but I edit short. Compiling the parts to create the novel is arduous, tedious and requires the use of two computers to get it published. It's a crazy affair, but I got it done. I hope you enjoy Julian's Story. It's a bit entwined with a couple of dragons, a wizard and his wisdom, and as always there are cameo appearances from other characters in the saga.

The Blurb

Julian Gypsun used to be a young man on his way to becoming a contractor. Everything changed when he died and was resurrected as a wizard’s familiar. He was immortal and far better off physically than he had been as a human. Still, he was trapped with his life chained to a giant of a wizard who had no problem abusing him in every way imaginable.  Julian was powerless to stop it without ending his own existence. That is until he was yanked bodily through his own portal, transported to Draoithe, and assigned to babysit the visiting dignitary, Amazon Warrior Princess Zephyra, and try to convince her that her people should ally themselves with Luke and Draoithe.  That sounded easy, but it wasn’t. He liked her. He had no clue how to act on that. Best to avoid that altogether. Keeping her safe just might equal his death. (Please see her warrior princess title.) She was old and so far out of his league.  Worse, she liked him and was determined to have him. He can’t even consider that. She has no idea how broken he really is. 

The Excerpt

This story is heartrending, funny, steamy, and just lovely at the end. It has become one of my favorites. If you side with the underdog, then this is the paranormal love story you need to read from the saga. This was also just the perfect image for this excerpt. Drake is midnight green. Lorelai is midnight blue. I am Super in love with Pixabay free images.  Now that it's finished and all published, I'm kind of sad that this story is done. I had a lot of fun writing this one. As you all know, I never pay for reviews so I will humbly ask that if you read any of my works or any other indie author stories that you please be kind and leave your review. It's okay if you read and don't like it. Just be kind and state why. What turns one reader away from a story is often the exact reason that someone else will choose to read it. All reviews are good reviews if they are honest  and kind. 

Shameless Self Promotion

Part one Draoithe: The Council has been revised and is FREE from Oct 22- Oct 26. Grab your copy and step into the dream. Meet Fox and Artie. Duncan O’Sullivan has been a lone fox with just his mate for four hundred years. The sly old fox knows that Luke Mendez is a man worthy of fealty. Fox is willing to gift his knowledge of Druid magic to Luke in order to aid his new pack if Luke will agree to grant himself, his mate, and a friend sanctuary and admittance to the pack. Fox has a secret. He turned his mate without consent centuries ago and only a strange magical bond stops her from the suicidal depression that should have destroyed her. His love for Artie is old and deep. When her friend falls afoul of the same menace that Luke already defended his small pack from, Fox knows he can no longer survive as a lone Fox. Fox needs sanctuary to buy the time he needs to find a cure for Artie and save her friend from the fade. His only hope is to join the Druid pack and become the king he was born to be once more or lose everything.

My Author Walk

I want to try something. I make money from Kindle and the Amazon platform. It is not more than gas money and sometimes not even that much. (Full disclosure, I have never earned more than $75 in a single month. At this point, I am a hobby indie author who would love to be a full time author, but the day job is a must. At my age, it will likely be that way until I retire if I ever can. LOL) But I have never enrolled The Thread in the exclusive program. I mean I give that title away as a pdf from my website so... I think I am going to publish it wide and see what happens over the holidays. It is only $.99 to buy as a short read e-book. It's the prologue to A Pack Forms. I am just curious about the level of response I might get on say Google Play as they have recently made quite a few changes to their platform. I am still not willing to run Google ads nor do I run Amazon ads. Facebook at a dollar a day is all I can afford to risk. If I am going to publish it there, I might as well post it to Kobo and Barnes and Noble. Let's see what happens. I am still working on video books and podcasts. I will definitely make some noise if I ever get it released. If I ever get merch figured out, I still want to do that too. If I only had more time, money and less day job. LOL.

Gotta run. The housework still must be done on the weekends! If you read, please be kind and leave your reviews. I catch up with you next weekend. Be Careful! Happy reading, ​Ophelia Kee

[doverstar]

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD A TUMBLR. This isn't really the ask thing, but I was wondering if I could have some advice? I love how you fit dialogue, action, and keep the point of view of the character. I can write pages of basically script but when I try to turn it into paragraphs... I stutter, falter, and quit.

I DO HAVE A TUMBLR. I WASTE SO MUCH TIME HERE.SO MUCH TIME.

This is gonna be so much reading, be brave.

I’ll try! I’m not used to giving advice, but for you, Jell-O Square, anything. I’m self-taught when it comes to creative writing, remember, so my advice won’t sound like a seasoned scholar’s would on the subject. And I might be doing it wrong? I’ll just tell you my thoughts, okay?

Dialogue is really really fun and really really easy for most people. All you have to do is imagine the character’s reaction to things and pow, you can hear them. (If you know the character. If it’s an original character of yours, take the Myers-Briggs test AS your character and read your results. If you’re like YUP, THAT’S THEM, then you know you know your character. That’s just one test. Not the be all, end all, but it’s an idea.) The hard thing about dialogue (I think) is weaving it in between exposition and thoughts, so that you don’t have pages and pages of just script. Pages and pages of script are fun to read, but only for like two seconds, and then people get bored. And that’s confusing; most people don’t think they want to read ages and ages of non-dialogue, but you’d be surprised how much it’s needed.

I was thinking about this the other day when I was making a sandwich

it was PB&JSo when you sit down to eat a meal you really love (for me it’s pizza, quesadillas, pad thai, burritos, Lucky Charms), and you’re so ready to be satisfied by this food that’s already one of your favorites, you have a drink with it. Let’s say it’s a beverage you also really love–soda, iced tea, blah blah blah. You eat and eat your food and it’s so darn good, but if you’re like me, you wait a significant amount of time before you wash it down with the drink you like. You’re so enjoying the food that you have to wait until you’re nice and thirsty before you drink that drink, and when you do, it’s the best drink ever, following the best food ever. Because it’s so satisfying and feels great to eat the food you love and drink the drink you love. You make it last by weaving it all in together to get the best experience.Stay with me, maybe this isn’t the best analogy? I’m not hungry right now, I swear–

Pretend the dialogue is your drink. And the paragraphs–exposition, the setting of the scene (like the room they’re in, or the trees outside, or the way it smells/how bright it is) and the characters’ thoughts during the scene–the paragraphs are your food. There’s a lot more of your food overall than there is of your drink when you go to have lunch (yes, you can get refills, but there’s still a whole plate/bowl of food and like 12 ounces of liquid). It’s the same with dialogue [drink] and paragraphs [food] for me.You need enough exposition, setting, and character perspective to help the reader feel the scene. They know what the kitchen smells like while the characters argue in it. And they know why Character A just yelled that at Character B because you’re inside her head right before or right after she yells it–that makes the reader understand the characters in the scene and feel connected to the emotions in the room. (At the same time, you don’t wanna tell them everything the character is thinking. Leave some stuff open to the readers’ imagination–that’s where headcanons and fan theories come from–and if you’re not telling them in a paragraph, show them with the dialogue. I struggle with this a lot.) The paragraphs, describing things, whether it’s thoughts, actions, or the setting, are the big plate of food. That’s what the reader needs to make the drink valid. I’m drinking this soda and it hits the spot, but I now I feel like I could go for a nice bag of chips, or a sandwich. Having one without the other is fine, but it’s so much better with both. And the paragraphs are what’s going to sustain the reader, keep them grounded, make them full in the end. Satisfied. If it’s all just soda, just tea, just water, that’s good but it’s only gonna last so long. It’ll only satisfy the reader for so long. You have to keep them interested, and this 2-liter of Sprite ain’t gonna cut it when their stomachs start growling.Okay, I am getting hungry.Dialogue is the drink. (Beat that dead horse, Doverstar. BEAT IT.) It’s fun and sometimes it’s heavy [and if you’re Steven Moffat, it’s ridiculously poetic and people don’t really talk like that, but oh so pretty to hear–]. There’s not a ton of it in comparison to all the paragraphs, and it has to happen sprinkled throughout, or there’s too much drink and nothing really sustainable, nothing to chew on. Dialogue is usually easier to write. If it’s not, that’s another crumbly lesson for another time.Dialogue can be several lines and then a few paragraphs in between, or one line between actions, like body language. Or a line or two between thoughts (or a line or two between LOTS of thoughts, dramatic thoughts, if you’re me). But it should never fill the whole page. That’s too much drink. Now I have to pee and I’m HUNGRY. Not as satisfying!You’re writing dialogue to keep the reader engaged, but for different reasons than paragraphs do. Dialogue brings the characters to life. They each have voices, and they each have reactions to everything. The key (for me) to weaving (for me) dialogue in between paragraphs (FOR ME, MAYBE NOT FOR YOU) is to make sure you’ve got their voices down, so you know when they’ll react and what they’ll say when they do. What would make them suddenly burst out angry? What about this thing that another character did would make them cry? What do they say to explain an unexpected hug? How to they justify this rash action they just carried out? Dialogue also has a lot to do with drama. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s carrying the plot forward or dishing out information, but most of the time it’s drama. The show Gilmore Girls thrives on dialogue. Everyone talks all the time. Fast, loud, witty, they talk and talk and talk. It’s one of the show’s creators’ trademarks. Each character has their own distinct voice, from Lorelai Gilmore to Taylor Doose to Emily Gilmore to Jess Mariano. They’re all different, and you start to predict their general reaction to things before those things happen. Maybe you don’t know Jess is about to spit out a “Whatever!” exactly, but you know the feeling behind what he’s going to say to Luke is similar to one of his “Whatever!”s. It’s helping you get to know the characters in a relatable, personal way. Because we all communicate. I can’t read paragraphs of your thoughts while we’re having a conversation, but I can get to know you by listening to you and watching what you say to different scenarios in our lives. I can ask you questions. And you’ll answer. And then I’ll know you better, little by little. It’s the same with dialogue in a story. You’re getting to know the characters, and the characters are getting to know each other. A drink of something after eating a lot is always welcome. Reading a conversation between Sam and Frodo during their journey in LOTR is heavenly after so much freaking traveling. I know all about the area they just walked through and the worries they’ve got. I don’t need anymore of that, someone please, SAY SOMETHING! My brain is full!Action and POV are tailor-made for paragraphs. Unless you’re my beloved Spider-Man, you don’t need to talk a lot while you’re fighting someone. And unless you’re Doc Brown (great Scott) or the Doctor, you don’t need to think out loud all the time. Writing is one of those easier ways to convey thoughts, especially. Movies and television and comic books can all do action. That’s a lot of what they’re comprised of; it’s what they were made for–motion, or the illusion of motion–to get a story and emotion and adventure across to its audience. Writing is the perfect medium for thoughts. You can use analogies and the 5 senses and the character’s unique voice in a paragraph, helping the reader understand the character in a different way than dialogue would, in your own writing style. In a way that movies can only do through dialogue or the actor’s incredible facial expressions (here’s lookin’ at you, RDJ). You just have to know when to put action and POV in there. Yes, they need to know what the room looks like, what it smells like outside, what kind of year it is. But they also want to know what that character is thinking at this point, how they’re moving, what their faces look like. Dialogue can only show so much. That’s not to say you should be writing miles of paragraphs. Don’t be like me, kids. I need to work on that. But if there’s more dialogue in your story than paragraph, that’s just not a good balance. You need more chicken and less iced tea. Your body isn’t thirsty anymore, it needs something to sustain it for a while! It’s the same with a reader’s brain.Hopefully that helps. I know it was long, don’t kill me! If you read all of that–wow–I don’t–I’m so impressed. I am applauding you. You can’t hear it, but I applaud.And remember, everyone writes differently. Everyone. What works for me may not work at all for you, and you won’t know until you try new things! Everyone says that “what works for some mightn’t work for others” thing, but they say it a lot because it’s true. It’s vague, sometimes it’s unhelpful, but it’s facts. OKAY, STOP TALKING, DOVERSTAR.Love you, Jell-O Square! Let me know if this helps. Remember, practice makes perfect. You’re gonna develop your own style and your own flow the longer you write. The key to any of this is writing. A LOT. Fail a lot so you can get the big fails out of the way and start improving. The better you are, the less doubts you’ll have, and the more freedom you’ll feel like you have. (Really, the freedom was there all along, but the doubts like to hide that from you.)Thanks, J-Square! Gosh, I need to stop typing–

[frazzledsoul]

observations on rory gilmore’s (un)broke ass in AYITL, part two

(if I think any more about that horrible “therapy” session in partings or my real life circumstances, i’m going to cry. so i am continuing this)

so we all know AYITL era jess mariano. gorgeous, giving, takes care of his family, tries to make his uncle feel better about his romantic problems, has the right amount of manly scruff of his face without giving into tragic jack pearson esque facial hair, still a voracious reader.

but more to the point, he is a stable and accomplished individual who runs his own business.

flashback to 2003 when luke kicked jess out of stars hollow because jess could not manage to abide by his simple request to finish high school on time and stay out of trouble.  jess got his shizz together, reconciled with luke, authored at least one book, and worked his way up to pretty much running the book press he was employed at by the age of 22 (all without assistance from others). thirteen years later, he remains stable, accomplished, and mature. he’s basically the perfect man.

so, anyhoo. while jess was being an annoying punk back in 2003, rory was working her way up to being the valedictorian of her elite private school. she went on to graduate from yale and had a successful career for a while and did all the things she wanted to do in life. however, eventually it fell apart and she ended up moving back in with her parents because she is supposedly too broke to do anything else.

rory, why are you getting into a conversation with your ex boyfriend about underwear? but oookay. moving on

jess offers to lend her money.

we will come back to this. he then gives her the idea to write a book about her and lorelai.

so some time later, rory shows up in the cemetery in that mysterious car she doesn’t possess and isn’t legally allowed to drive with some concrete plans for her life.

(record scratches) Hold on, guys. Here is a current snapshot of what a two bedroom apartment in queens costs.

as we all know, lorelai does not take well to rory writing about their early years in poverty (and they didn’t get into the love triangle with luke and christopher! seriously, can you imagine. talk about stuff you don’t want the world to know about). rory won’t bother to consider her perspective, and angrily reminds lorelai of her only other options in life.

(record scratch again) Let’s not consider the option that Rory might have to get a job she doesn’t want, le horror! But let’s consider the price tag if Rory did want to go to grad school and become a teacher.

yes, theoretically rory could go to grad school anywhere to get her degree. but my point in that grad school isn’t cheap.

so how does rory, who is supposedly so broke she has to live with luke and lorelai, can’t afford to buy underwear, and is considering letting jess loan her money, pay for all of this stuff?

apartments that are two grand a month cost money. grad school costs money. we do not see rory doing anything that actually earns her a paycheck over the course of the revival, and those upper-class privileges we saw her enjoying with logan? provided by him, courtesy of his wealthy family and his hard work.

where would you get the money, rory? could it be that you have inheritance money from your grandfather, a trust fund from your grandparents, and likely money from your biological father as well and you don’t really need to work for a living?

the revival wants to have it both ways. it wants us to accept rory as a broke millennial with few options in life who is forced to move home, and yet it also wants us to accept that she has enough resources at her disposal that she can afford things like cushy nyc apartments and graduate school if she wants them.

(and why did the queens option go away after she started fighting with lorelai? she returns to crashing on lane’s sofa and then spends some time at her grandmother’s empty mansion before returning home once again. several months appear to pass during that time period. if she had the resources to set up that kind of life, why didn’t she move forward in doing so instead of coasting on the generosity of others?)

the other option is that she is lying to jess about her circumstances. after all, jess worked his way up to a comfortable position in life on his own, despite not having the money and (as far as we know) the education that rory had. it’s possible that rory feels guilty for having access to these resources she didn’t earn completely on her own, and is intentionally hiding them. but it just pisses me off that she lets him contemplate giving her the money that he earned when she doesn’t need it.

but that doesn’t even make sense, either. jess and rory effectively belong to the same family, because of luke and lorelai. jess has been to her grandparents’s house at least once (and over the years, possibly more than once). he has known her way too long not to know of her background, and to the money she has access to if she wants it.

so, essentially, rory is not broke, was never broke, and indeed has a flexible relationship with the concept of working for a living. it would have been nice if the revival had been honest about this.

(the possible class differences between jess and rory are interesting in themselves, but despite all of this, at the end of the revival i think she is more of a fit lifestyle wise for jess than for ayitl era logan, even if logan weren’t attached to someone else. but that is a topic for another day).

[andromeda3116]

so, @thereigning-lorelai requested this, and i didn’t realize until, oh, thirty seconds ago, that i am not the only person who took it and ran with it and tbh, i don’t know if i should apologize? i feel bad, i don’t wanna step on any toes. but um. “jyn is in hardcore denial” is kinda my jam, so i got excited and wrote almost four thousand words about this. 

eta: ao3 link! (now with a poor title because i am poor at titles)

.

.

In spite of the knowing looks they got from most of the flagship and at least half of high command, Jyn and Cassian were not involved. They were soldiers, and professionals, and far too focused on missions, and at any rate, were friends, and entirely platonic. Jyn felt about Cassian the same way she felt about Bodhi, or maybe Han (except without the usual desire to smack him upside the head).

Everyone seemed to treat them as a unit, but they were partners. They worked together. Of course they spent a lot of time together, but it wasn’t like they shared a room — although her own roommates, three world-weary women who Jyn had thought were above such nonsense, seemed continually surprised by her presence in her own damn bed, every single night cycle that she was on base.

But it seemed like, with little else for much of the flagship to do at the moment, gossip was everyone’s favorite pastime, and there was only so much to say about Han Solo and the princess before things drifted back around to the “heroes of Rogue One”.

At first, when it had still been amusing, she had conscripted Bodhi into spreading fake rumors about them, but they had both quickly discovered that there was essentially nothing that the stir-crazy base wouldn’t accept about Jyn and Cassian’s relationship, including but not limited to:

They had gotten it on in the shuttle on the way to Scarif

They had gotten it on at Yavin IV before leaving for Scarif

They had gotten it on at Scarif, in the citadel

Jyn was secretly pregnant with his child (she had thought that one would taper off, but it instead morphed into “well, she clearly wasn’t before, but I bet she is now”)

They had shared a bed in the medical frigate after Scarif (okay, that one actually was true, but it had just been because the beds were limited and the nightmares were awful, and nothing had happened but sleep)

They were secretly married

Some of it, she felt, was at least reasonable, but mostly it seemed like the Rebellion had, collectively, decided to live out their favorite holodramas vicariously through Jyn and Cassian. It wouldn’t have been so bad, if it had at least been spread around some — but no, nobody shared the same stories about Han and Leia, or Luke and Leia, or Han and Luke, or Baze and Chirrut —

(Okay, fair enough, Chirrut would gleefully answer yes to literally any question asked about his and Baze’s relationship, up to and including whether or not the two of them had formally adopted Jyn. Baze never, ever either confirmed or denied Chirrut’s answers, which was as good as admitting that he found them amusing.)

Nobody ever just accepted the truth, which was simply that they were partners who had a totally platonic relationship.

Entirely platonic relationship. No feelings of attraction or sexual tension on either side.

Which was good, because their current situation would be embarrassing as hell otherwise.

This stupid little moon didn’t even have a name, but it did have an Imperial presence, which had struck everyone as odd — it was barely more than a stop-off with some refueling stations, the sort of place where people end up when they’re just barely not hitting rock bottom, not a place any sane sentient would bother going to. So why had the Empire built a factory here?

Jyn’s theory, which Cassian had agreed was plausible, was that they’d put a refinery here because nobody ever came here of their own volition, and the only inhabitants were people who had to keep their heads down. Nobody was likely to stumble across it by accident, and there were no rebel or Partisan cells to muck up the works. It had made sense, but it had also meant that whatever they were making or refining here was probably something important that the Alliance needed to know about.

As it happened, in parts of the moon that were entirely uninhabited for reasons that had become very suddenly clear, there was a chemical compound in the dust that could be used as a caustic agent, when collected and purified, and there were any number of reasons that the Empire would want a chemical that would strip hydrogen off of pure water.

The downside to this was that if any of the dust got on any part of a human’s (and, presumably, most other sentients’) exposed skin, it would… be very bad, and very gross. It also tended to eat through clothing, but — in a design choice that now made total sense — not the stone from which all of the structures on the moon had been built.

(It had struck Jyn as odd that, even on a featureless rock orbiting a dull-gray gas giant, there were no windows on anything, and everything was made from the same rust-colored stone, except the durasteel refinery and ships.)

Naturally, they had gotten caught by a dust storm.

Naturally, their outerwear had been contaminated, meaning that their underwear would, very rapidly if left alone, also become contaminated, and Jyn didn’t even want to think about that scenario. They’d been thankfully close to an old refueling station that had been abandoned, and so hadn’t spent very long in the dust, but getting rid of their outermost layers had been immediately necessary.

At first, it hadn’t bothered her — because the both of them had been so focused on get it off get it off get it off that it had not occurred to Jyn, at least, and probably Cassian as well, that they would be stuck in this little stone building until the dust storm passed, with no or very few clothes.

Ultimately, they’d managed to get to safety quickly enough, and get the contaminated clothing off quickly enough, that they were left in underwear and undershirts, very carefully not looking at each other.

At least, she told herself, it wasn’t cold, and they weren’t anything more than sensible friends and partners acting pragmatically in a situation that had taken both of them off-guard.

(He wore boxer-briefs. Jyn had not, as such, needed this information, but now that she had it, it wouldn’t leave her brain. She had also made the mistake of looking at him, and catching a glimpse of… well, nothing, exactly, except a… well, a bulge, and that also would not leave her brain.)

“So, we’re leaving this out of the mission report, right?” she said in a low voice, and he made a noise of agreement. She glanced at him — he was sitting, (bare) elbows on his (bare) knees, with his forehead resting in one hand — and then quickly back away, determinedly ignoring the heat rising up the back of her neck.

In the back of her mind, she considered what would this be like if they had been a little slower, and he’d had to take off his shirt and maybe —

She coughed, and ran a hand over her face.

Even though he probably didn’t know anything more about it than she did, she still asked, “How long do these storms last?” with some desperation, and her voice came out at an embarrassingly-high pitch. She was glad he wasn’t looking at her, and couldn’t see her cringe at herself.

“The storm came on quickly,” he replied, and she told herself that she was imagining the strain in his voice. “The atmosphere is… thick, and cycles rapidly. It shouldn’t last too long.”

That was… a comfort.

(He was wearing an athletic undershirt, not a tee like she’d sort of expected, and so part of his chest was exposed, and —)

She stifled another cough.

“Good,” she choked, and vaguely wished for the ground to swallow her whole.

He probably wasn’t having the same trouble she was. He was more professional than she was, and he’d kept his eyes respectfully down the whole time. He was probably just embarrassed at being caught by the storm in the first place.

Jyn, on the other hand, was struggling.

It didn’t help that there was nothing to do in this Force-forsaken little hut except dwell on the fact that her (totally platonic) partner was half-naked ten feet away from her. She didn’t even have a pack of cards with which to play sab-- solitaire, not sabacc, just… something alone and engrossing that she could look at and occupy her mind with.

(The only thing worse than the awkward silence would have been to be playing a game opposite him and his… well, opposite him.)

She closed her eyes, and tried to summon any of Chirrut’s lessons on meditation. They’d been intended to help her center herself and channel her energy more efficiently (whatever that meant), but her concern right now was dousing the heat that rose in her belly every time her brain offered up that stupid image of his —

(It had just… been a while. That was all this was. Just… plain old sexual frustration, and hey, Cassian was a good-looking guy, there was nothing wrong with finding his half-naked body easy on the eyes. It didn’t mean anything. It didn’t.)

There were few things she could think of that would better dampen her stupid imagination than the memory of Chirrut’s guided meditation, but it wasn’t really helping.

Right, okay. 

Time to get drastic.

Jabba the Hutt. Picture the gummy eyes, and the slug-shape, and the tongue, and the rubbery texture of his flesh, and the slime, and the…

It worked, right up until she opened her eyes again and saw that Cassian had been running his hand through his hair, and now it was all mussed and messy like he’d been in bed, and —

Shit.

Dammit.

Okay.

That weird noise Jabba made when he moved, the guttural grunting — ugh, gross, just picture that happening in a bedroom, she wanted to vomit — the unwashed and vaguely-cheesy smell he gave off, that indulgent laugh like the worst slimy uncle imaginable. The casual cruelty, the greed. The way he kept attractive female slaves, forced them to dance for his amusement.

She let out a long, slow breath, and decided not to open her eyes again.

.

(Cassian could not stop seeing her legs. Even with his eyes closed and his head bowed, trying to mentally catalogue every single weapon he’d ever heard of just to spare his dignity, all he could see were long legs and the shape of her body in a skintight undershirt.

He wanted to die.)

.

It took three hours of horrid silence and even more horrid mental images, but finally, the dust storm passed, and shortly after, the locals’ droids — apparently programmed for immediate response in this situation, which made sense in retrospect — had swept the ground clean of the dust, so it was safe to walk outside again, even in sock-feet like Jyn and Cassian were.

Once back on their ship, they were able to put on spare sets of clothing — although at this point, Jyn would have made a toga out of a blanket, anything would do, just to not see this much of him anymore — and, still uncomfortably silent, get out of atmo.

The entire trip back was spent in the same awkward silence, carefully avoiding each other’s eyes and watching hyperspace pass by as though it was deeply fascinating. Luckily, they arrived back on the flagship halfway through the night cycle, and were able to return to their respective rooms without having to be seen, a) wearing different clothes than they’d left in, or b) desperately keeping a ten-foot space between them.

(Also, the showers were empty, which was good for Jyn to, ahem, work some things out.)

Cassian wrote and submitted the report, and Jyn signed off on it — no mention of the agonizing three hours spent in a stone hell-room, thank the Force — and between the report being finished and the, ah, showers, she figured that that was that.

Until the rumor mill started up again.

Someone — she wasn’t sure who, but was, on principle, going to blame Han Solo — had read between the lines of the mission report, and started asking, so, like, did they actually get caught in one of these dust storms? Or else the imagination-zeitgeist of the Rebellion had just decided that it would be great if that was the case.

And Jyn could not quite play it off like she had all the other rumors. Usually, she would roll her eyes and stalk off, but she found herself desperately denying them this time, even as every cell in her brain was screaming shut up shut up shut up!

As such, she had not… exactly… convinced anyone, even herself.

They were friends, good friends, the sort that she’d never really had before, and she wasn’t supposed to be feeling this… attraction to him. Wasn’t supposed to be imagining running her hands through his hair or his hips bucking against hers or waking up cradled in his arms or —

The snickers were almost as bad as the knowing glances, but not half as bad as the clawing discomfort that rose in her every time they were in the same room. She tried to tell herself that it wasn’t obvious to anyone else, that it was just her own heightened awareness, but Chirrut disabused her of that happy notion a few days after they got back:

“If your intention is to convince everyone that you and the Captain are not together,” he said lightly, voice carefully plucked clean of amusement, “you are not succeeding.”

“We aren’t,” she snapped, and his expression didn’t change.

“Of course not,” he replied. She watched him carefully, waiting for the other shoe to drop, which it did only moments later. “Yet.”

“We are friends,” she said through clenched teeth, and he smiled.

“Ah, I recall that tone of voice,” he sighed fondly. “Baze said the same words, in the same tone, many times in our youth.”

She had no adequate response to that, so she’d settled for stalking off, telling herself that she wasn’t skulking away like a dog with its tail between its legs, that she was a dignified adult who was walking away for good reasons, to do a better thing somewhere else.

Still, she could avoid him, more or less — or at least keep to only interacting with him in public — until the next mission they were sent on, which was only a week after returning from the one she was now thinking of as the hell-mission.

And they had not actually spoken to each other since the… situation.

Which, in retrospect, was a huge mistake.

None of it had been dealt with, it had only been given time to fester and linger in (at least) Jyn’s brain, and the more she thought of it — and the more she heard and remembered the rumors — the more tangled up her stomach got at the thought of being alone with him again, even as she really wanted to be alone with him again.

She was a big enough person to admit to herself that she was attracted to him. That was… not strange, even for platonic comrades in a time of war; in fact, she had it on good authority that no less than the princess herself had a crush on him, which she very definitely found amusing and which did not in any way inspire any kind of possessive or jealous feelings in her, because it didn’t.

Jyn had decided that avoidance was the solution, which she was now regretting, but committed to nonetheless. If she just... focused on the mission at hand, got through it, eventually things would just sort of... stop being this way, right? Her general philosophy with interpersonal issues was to ignore them until they went away, and this was no different.

It worked beautifully until they were all alone in hyperspace again and her thoughts… drifted.

He seemed agitated, eyes locked on the controls even though there was nothing new or unexpected there; even when he looked up, he wouldn’t look at her. He also seemed tense, shoulders slightly hunched, jaw clenched. The air between them was thick and heavy like cotton, almost unbreathable, and — Force be with her — they would be in hyperspace for eighteen standard hours.

There was no way they could do this. It had been bad enough when she had other things to do and focus on, but eighteen hours alone in hyperspace like this was going to drive her absolutely insane.

“All right, something has to give,” she snapped finally, and he half-glanced at her, as though afraid to actually look her in the face.

“Oh?” he replied, in a hoarsely-neutral tone, and didn’t elaborate. Of course, the bloody spy wasn’t going to give any ground on this. Half of what he did to get information was let other people fill in the blanks, he never offered up anything unless he had to (or, she recalled, very angry).

“Yeah,” she said, standing up and stalking away from the cockpit, to put some space between them so maybe she could breathe. It didn’t help. His presence still filled the room. “This is all… we’re being stupid, aren’t we?”

By the time she turned back to face him, he was standing, leaning against the armrest of the pilot’s chair, expression neutral. “Define stupid,” he said finally, and she growled in frustration.

“We’re partners,” she snapped. “We have to work together, we can’t be sitting here, all…” no adequate word would come to her, so she finished, a bit lamely, and with a shrug, “stupid. About this.”

Cassian blinked, opened his mouth to says something, then closed it again and ran a hand over his face. “That… did not answer my question,” he said, in a strained voice.

“You know good and damn well what I mean,” she snarled, the tension and rising embarrassment making her angry. He seemed to be biting his tongue, now looking away.

“This is about the last mission,” he said, with no question. “The dust storm.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, the dust storm,” she replied, annoyed. “You know, when we had to get almost naked and sit with each other for hours. And everybody’s talking about it back on the flagship. I bet that’s why Mothma sent us on this mission,” she added, and although she hadn’t thought of it before the words had been coming out of her mouth, they suddenly made a disturbing amount of sense. It didn’t have to be them, and they didn’t have to do it alone. But, oh, for whatever reason, Command thought it was best to send Jyn and Cassian, and only Jyn and Cassian, and (like the eager idiot she was) she had not questioned it.

Finally, there was a crack in his armor — rising color in his face, eyes now directed upward.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” he admitted, after a long and uncomfortable moment.

If she was being honest, she wasn’t sure of that, herself. That she wasn’t the only one about to burn up from the inside-out with sexual frustration? That he’d been checking her out the same way she’d been checking him out? That she was being stupid and they were just platonic partners, obviously?

No — if that had been the case, if they were really both just platonic friends, he would have been genuinely confused by this conversation, not hedging his bets and holding back and refusing to show any emotion.

If he hadn’t been at least sort of thinking about it, he would have been a totally different kind of uncomfortable, squirming and trying to escape the situation, embarrassed and uneasy. It wouldn’t be the same kind of tension.

Maybe it was just her whimpering libido that was telling her that, but it made sense.

“I want the truth,” she said slowly, taking a step closer. He didn’t look at her.

“What do you want the truth to be?” he countered, still dangerously neutral, still watching the ceiling like it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen. Of course he still wouldn’t give any information.

Cassian had survived all his years in Intelligence by not giving. Jyn was gonna have to take this jump, and hope that he’d meet her halfway once he saw for sure where she was going.

It took a moment to steel up her resolve, which she spent by walking up to him with every ounce of purpose and anger she could muster. He still wouldn’t look at her, eyes fixed on the ceiling, jaw clenched, whole body vibrating with tension.

She took a deep breath, and the words she had rehearsed — something self-assured, like I want to at least give them something real to gossip about, I want to touch you, I want you to touch me — died on her lips.

Instead, what came out was a slightly-wavering, much-quieter-than-intended, “That you want me.”

Abruptly, his eyes were locked on hers, neutral expression becoming calculating, guarded. Searching for a lie, maybe, or any indication that she was joking.

He didn’t respond, or at least not in the amount of time that she was willing to wait (which was… not much).

Closing her eyes (so she didn’t have to see anything in his face she might not want to), she leaned up and pressed her lips to his.

It was… not exactly the romantic moment she had hoped for. He was still frozen, all that tension stretched thin between them, rigid and unmoving, and -- shit. Shit.

Fuck.

She started to pull back, but then the tension snapped and he responded, moving in, hand catching the back of her neck and pulling her back to him; she was taken a little off-guard, and had to catch herself against his chest, whole body pressed against his as her arms snaked around his neck and his other arm wrapped around her waist.

Cassian stumbled against the pilot’s seat, but didn’t break the kiss until she pushed him down into it and, in the same motion, straddled his hips. He looked… a little dazed, pupils dilated, face flushed. She doubted she looked any better (or, since he actually looked pretty fucking good like this, from this angle, any worse).

“Like I said,” she breathed, with more composure than she felt, “we’re being stupid.”

His lips curved into a smile, and he murmured, “I guess so,” before pulling her back into another searing kiss.

.

.

(coda—

“So,” Han said, drawing out the syllable suggestively, “what I’m hearing is, the trick is to go to an awful moon with murderous dust-storms.”

“I think Leia would just let you die,” Jyn replied blandly, without looking up from the datapad where she was trying to write a coherent report that left out all the details nobody else actually needed to know, and Han appeared to think about it for a moment, then scowled.

“Who said anything about Leia?” he grumbled. “I could’ve been talking about… Amilyn. Or, hell, Luke. Or —”

Jyn sorted and walked away, leaving him still spluttering and coming up with increasingly-ridiculous names.)

[athingthatwantsvirginia]

A Patti Smith Envelope

PART THIRTY-FOUR OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: anxiety about future, plentiful pop culture references

Word Count: 4.1K

Summary: Ella and Jess move into their new apartment.

A newspaper ad circled in red ink had led them to the cozy one-bedroom four blocks over from Truncheon and six blocks from campus. It was only late April, earlier than Ella was expecting for them to find something. But she had finished finals, had booked gigs working at the art camps at the college over the summer. She had a few weeks off to make art, and hopefully help out in Truncheon. After touring the place, it felt right. An excited tightness in her stomach. Jess, too, had squeezed her hand in elation as soon as they walked through the door. The place had built-in bookshelves on the far wall, the bedroom on the other side. Ella didn’t believe in signs, but even she could agree it was as close to perfect as they were going to get.

Luke had offered to help without even being asked. Chris, Matthew, Leo, and Mabel were all participants to different degrees of willingness, and they hardly needed any more bodies. But Luke insisted the minute Jess had told him the moving date over the phone. It was likely he needed some sort of distraction since April had moved to New Mexico anyway. She wasn’t going to be back until the summer. And it seemed neither Luke nor Lorelai had come to their senses about each other yet.

He rolled up to Philadelphia in his truck two hours before they expected him. He claimed moving wasn’t moving if there wasn’t a truck to help out. Packing up all the stuff in the apartment was easier than Ella expected, just as it had been when she moved out of her childhood home. Jess could be cluttered sometimes, but nowhere near the level of Chris, and most of Jess’s belongings consisted of old band t-shirts and marked up books anyway. Ella, likewise, had most of her records stuffed in the back of her car. The dresser fit in Chris’s SUV after a fair amount of squeezing stuff in. The bed was the real challenge. It turned out Luke’s truck wasn’t such a frivolous vehicle, after all.

A drizzle was just beginning to fall from the gray, cloudy sky as they finished moving all the boxes inside. The apartment, on the second floor of some ancient building, was not exactly up to twenty-first century standards. The pipes were old and cobwebs gathered in the corners. A splinter or two jutted out from the worn down wood floors, golden brown under the dim lights. But the bohemian rug and many lamps they’d scouted out from the thrift shop a week earlier were already proving helpful. Boxes, labeled with mostly Jess’s scrawled, cramped handwriting, were stacked high in the corner of the living room, others gathered on the cracked tile of the kitchen counter.

Ella blew the stray hairs away from her eyes, otherwise pulled back in her black bandana. Her bangs were growing longer, and she was just becoming able to fully tuck them behind her ears. Roses of flushed color bloomed on her cheeks, her skin hot and sticky. Chris had already sprawled out on the dark gray couch, Leo on the arm. The couch, too, was secondhand, bought for ten bucks at the ReStore off the interstate.

“You really should be paying us,” Chris huffed, throwing his arm across his eyes.

Ella scoffed from where she was helping Matthew and Mabel unpack the kitchen. There was actually not much to be done, as Jess and Ella were planning on getting most of their supplies in the following days. There were a few mugs, bowls, spoons. “Consider it payback for the amount of times I’ve made you pie.”

“I was under the impression those were ‘no strings attached’ pies,” Matthew chimed in.

“Or, at most, ‘friends with benefits’ pies,” Mabel added.

Ella rolled her eyes. “Fine. I’m taking advantage of all of you. I’m eternally in your debt. But I think we got everything, if you guys wanna get outta here.”

The four of them exchanged glances, eventually coming to a consensus they were exhausted enough to leave and retire to the cold pizza in the fridge at Truncheon. Ella suspected they were excited to have their own rooms for the first night in forever, as Chris had already made work of moving his stuff into Jess and Ella’s old room, before they had even finished moving out. She gave them sweaty hugs and salutes goodbye, finishing with unloading the meager contents of the new fridge.

“Hey, Jess, we’re outta here!” Leo called.

Jess’s head appeared from the doorway to the bedroom. “Good. Better to save yourselves now before World War III breaks out in here.”

From beyond the bedroom door, Luke could be heard grumbling obscenities and fighting with the new bed frame he was struggling to put together.

“See you on the other side, then,” Matthew said, smiling. “Also known as Monday.”

“We’ll see if I make it until then,” Jess shrugged, offering them a small wave. “Thanks, guys.”

“You are not welcome,” Chris grunted, trudging out the door.

Mabel gave Ella one last hug before exiting the apartment, shutting the door softly behind her. A grin broke out on Ella’s face. She and Mabel had gone on more than one lunch together, had even gone shopping once. It was new and Ella was still a bit worried the timid woman would be scared away from a friendship with her, but they were slowly getting to know each other.

As Jess continued grappling with Luke, who went on grappling with the bed frame, Ella finished with their groceries. The kitchenware was more or less unpacked to a decent level. The books were next on her list, followed by the records. Rounding the corner of the counter into the living room, she stopped short of the book boxes.

She put her hands to the hips of her jeans. There were a few water spots on the popcorn ceiling, reminding her of Truncheon. The air smelled cozy, but more of lemon Pledge than anything else. Someone had dusted the built-in bookshelves in the initial flurry of unpacking. During the walk-through of the place, Jess had pointed out the corner next to the couch as the perfect spot for an easel. Looking over it, with familiar furniture moved in, the place seemed more real. Less like a dream for the two of them. The terrace past the small sliding glass door was empty, but she thought maybe they could fit a few chairs. It wasn’t as though the view was spectacular, just a vision of the city street below and the other apartment building opposite. But it was more than enough for two people who had both lived out of their cars for extended periods of time.

An odd sense came over her, one of total novelty. Never before had she had a real say in her home. Her parents lived in the blue house in Stars Hollow before she was born, Lane had moved into her house with Zach and Bryan long before Ella started sleeping on the couch, the apartment above Truncheon had been a simple convenience to everyone involved. But she and Jess had chosen the apartment together. They had admired the cheap price, the proximity to work, the odd seashell tiles in the bathroom. The place seemed to have been built before the contemporary requirements of architectural uniformity. It had a mind of its own inside: a leaky sink and a brick exterior and shag carpet in the bedroom. Not altogether a surprise, considering it was in the artsy housing district near the campus.

“Dammit!” she heard once more from the bedroom.

Heaving a tired but cheerful sigh, she crossed her arms over her Clash t-shirt (borrowed from Jess) and entered the bedroom, to the left of the living room and kitchen, opposite from the tiny bathroom. Luke and Jess were both hunched over the metal frame, trying to hold both the headboard and the footboard up and attach the middle section. Their faces were angry and red, frustration radiating off of them.

“Hey, so, it’s past seven,” she announced, eyebrows raised at their trouble.

Jess jumped slightly, his back to her, at the sound of his voice. The footboard slipped out of his grip.

“Oh, for the love of-” Luke began.

“It’s fine,” Ella interjected calmly, going over and placing a hand on Jess’s upper back. He panted but said nothing as his uncle continued fussing.

“Where did you even get this? There’s no damn instructions!” Luke said, readjusting the hat on his head.

“The discount store,” Jess answered, glaring down at the frame and over at the mattress, which stood leaning against the wall near the dresser. “Not all of us have diner money to fall back on.”

“Anyway,” Ella continued, “I bet we could all use some food. Jess, maybe you could drive Luke down to that place on Birch and get some sandwiches? I can finish with the bed.”

Luke shook his head. “Ella, I don’t think-”

“She probably can,” Jess interrupted dejectedly. “I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s those sculpture classes. But she can fix anything. Not just showerheads and cash registers.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Luke said, raising his hands in surrender and leaving the room. He went to grab his coat from the messy pile by the front door.

Ella stifled a laugh. “My god, he’ll never change.”

“Why is he coming with me to get the food?” Jess asked under his breath.

“Because I think he’ll have a stroke if he doesn’t stop with this bed. And he doesn’t know where the place on Birch is. You do,” she explained, giving him a peck on the cheek before going to try her hand at the bed.

Shoulders sagging with fatigue, Jess gave a begrudging nod, then glanced back over his shoulder. “Fine. Hopefully he’ll be less Vesuvius and more Mauna Loa by the time we get back.”

“Not everyday you hear a good volcano metaphor,” she quipped, assessing the middle section of the bedframe and deciding to take it apart altogether.

“I know. Imagine how dull your life would be without me,” Jess shot back, a small smirk tugging at his lips despite his frazzled state. “Turkey?”

She nodded. “You know me too well, James Dean.”

“Agreed,” he said with a teasing laugh.

“Fuck off,” she replied through a chuckle.

Jess’s smirk grew as he turned on his heel to leave. “Love you back, Stevens.”

.   .   .

The windshield wipers of Jess’s rust bucket screeched against the glass as he rolled down Birch Street, away from the sandwich shop. A white paper bag full of subs sat in the passenger seat atop Luke’s lap. In one hand, Luke held a bouquet of deep red tulips. Jess hadn’t remembered the florist shop where Ella had worked the previous summer was right down the road from the sandwich place. He’d stopped in for the bunch of blooms as they waited for their order to be filled. The plastic wrapper around the bouquet crinkled in Luke’s fist as he braced himself, Jess rounding a damp corner.

“I told you we should’ve taken my truck,” Luke grumbled.

Sighing, Jess fought to keep his jaw untensed. “My car’s fine. It’s driven us across the country more than once.”

“Before or after it broke down on the highway and Coop had to have it towed back to Stars Hollow?” Luke asked, his voice tired and strained.

“Not sure. I know for a fact it was after you stole my car, though,” Jess retorted, eyes on the slick roads. He wished the radio was on, but the memories of Luke whining about his album choices were still too recent in his mind.

Heaving a large sigh, Luke gave a shake of his head. “Fine. I give up.”

“Thank you,” Jess muttered.

“You’re welcome,” Luke shot back irritably.

But then he looked over at Jess. His hair was no longer greased, his clothes fit better, his eyes were clearer. Most of the time, his brow was no longer drawn in anger or his face a scowl. Even his posture was different; straighter, brighter, more self-assured. And then he thought of Ella. She looked much the same as she had during her last few weeks at work, with her wide smile and loud laugh. The smiles were more frequent, though, and she seemed so relaxed around her friends. Even around Rory she had sometimes seemed a bit nervous to Luke, as though she were worried over a misstep.

Luke couldn’t contain the small grin on his grizzled face. “I’m really proud of you, Jess.”

Snorting a laugh, Jess spared Luke a quick glance before turning back to the road. They were only a few minutes away from the new home, but Philly traffic was never reliable, even on a Saturday. “Let’s put away the pom-poms for now.”

“I’m just sayin,’” Luke began with a shrug, “got your own company, your own apartment with Ella. You really seem to be doin’ great.”

Jess gave a short, humble nod, but took a long pause before he spoke another word. “Lorelai proposed to you, right?”

Luke’s brow crinkled. “Yeah?”

“But you proposed to Nicole?”

“Yeah.”

Humming under his breath, Jess gave another nod. Red brake lights glowed in the rainy evening darkness. “When did you know...how you wanted to propose?”

“Jess, are you gonna propose to Ella?” Luke asked, eyes going wide and smile growing.

“Never said that,” Jess answered nonchalantly, shaking his head. “Just never really delved into that part of your personal history. Figured I’d ask. Maybe I wanna get to know you better, uncle dearest.”

Rolling his eyes at Jess’s old patterns of behavior, Luke didn’t let his smile waver. He looked down at the bouquet in his hand. “Well, considering it was an impulse cruise ship marriage, not a lot of thought went into it. It just sort of happened. If you’re asking me how to propose to Ella-”

“Which I’m not.”

“-then I’d say she loves you and she’ll say ‘yes’ no matter what. And I’d say that you know her better than anyone in the world, and you shouldn’t...second-guess yourself. Do what feels right.”

“And did an Elvis impersonator marry you two on that cruise?” Jess continued.

Luke bit back another sigh. “No, wiseass. It was a regular minister.”

“Huh,” Jess chirped wryly. “You learn something new everyday.”

.   .   .

Patti Smith spun on the record player as the rain grew stronger outside. Though it was a pain in the ass to unpack the record player, Ella decided it just wouldn’t truly be home without the grace of music on the first night. Luke had left about an hour earlier, though they insisted he could stay over. He said he was nervous enough leaving Lane and Caesar in charge of the diner for one day, and he didn’t want to be late for the morning shift the next day. It made Ella roll her eyes, but eventually she gave up trying to convince him. It wasn’t as though she expected Luke to change his ways. The tulips sat in a mug of water on the kitchen counter, to be placed in something fancier and on something fancier once they actually had a makeshift dining area. For the moment, only the big pieces from the old place and the bed were filling up the small apartment. Ella had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at Luke’s face when he saw she had put the bed together all by herself, finished before they got back with the sandwiches. An expression of extreme frustration had slowly melted into pride. Both were memorable.

Between Jess and Ella, who sat cross-legged on the floor on either side of the coffee table in the living room, was a half-eaten pie. One of the few leftovers from Truncheon they had lugged over to put in the fridge before an actual grocery run. The apple crust was a bit soggy, but the filling was surprisingly good cold. She found herself so wholly content as they sat together: eating pie, listening to records, in the dim lamplight of the first place which was solely theirs. It all struck her with a force she wasn’t expecting. She chuckled to herself as she grabbed another forkful, eating away at the half they had not even bothered to cut but just dug into instead.

“What?” Jess asked through a sweet mouthful, furrowing his brows at her.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Doesn’t this all seem a little...surreal to you?”

“Does what seem surreal?”

“Just...we have an apartment together. And you own a business. And I only have a year left of grad school. I just...sometimes I can’t believe it’s happening. I can’t believe it turned out the way it did. You don’t feel that?” she asked, lowering her eyes sheepishly.

He cracked a small, crooked smirk. “I don’t know. I always just sort of thought I’d end up where I’d end up. And here I am. With you. Not a bad place to be.”

She rolled her eyes, a blush coloring her cheeks. “I know about your Kerouac philosophy. But just...when you first met me, did you ever think in a million years this is where we’d be now?”

“I didn’t know exactly where we’d be. But, I knew I’d land somewhere. I didn’t know if I’d land with you, but I wanted to. Maybe it’s a little surreal, but it doesn’t surprise me,” he explained, leaning his elbows onto the scratched wooden surface of the table with arms crossed.

Snorting a laugh at his insouciance, Ella finally locked eyes with him again. “It just feels a little too good to be true, I guess. I mean, you go to school your whole life, you work towards something your whole life. Once it happens, once you’re near the end...I just never thought it would actually happen. I don’t know what’s next.”

She tugged at her earring with her right hand. Jess noticed the chipped blue polish on her nails, though they weren’t bitten down. He couldn’t quite decipher her mood. Not that she seemed sad or distant, but he could tell she was having a hard time articulating herself. And he could tell she was letting an old worry creep up on her; she was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He allowed his smirk to grow into a full smile and dropped his fork into the pie tin. “C’mon, you’re gonna figure it out. You know you are. I’m the directionless one. You’ve always been able to do anything. You’re plan girl.”

Ella gave a mirthful scoff. “You’re not directionless, Jess. And I’m not plan girl. Rory was always plan girl. I was try-to-make-it-to-the-finish-line-without-tripping girl.”

Jess hummed thoughtfully, about to reply. But she spoke again before he had a chance to.

“I thought you had a thing for her, y’know,” she said, taking another bite of pie.

“Who?”

“Rory.”

“Really?” Jess asked, and he couldn’t hide the bewildered amusement in his tone. “When was this?”

She shrugged and narrowed her eyes for a moment in memory. “Just when you first got to Stars Hollow. I mean, you hated Dean, and you like a lot of the same things, and you seemed to get along with her.”

“No. It was pretty much always just you,” Jess said, shaking his head slightly. “Maybe we liked a lot of the same stuff, but...I didn’t ever feel like she...got me like you do.”

“Oh, she didn’t, Kurt Cobain?” she teased, raising her eyebrows. She put her fork down in the tin next to his, her stomach full. Her eyes were beginning to get tired, her body starting to ache from the day of moving. She was glad the bed was put together.

He raised his hands in joking defense. “Hey, I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s true. Remember that night she was tutoring me?”

“The night you crashed her car? Yeah, it rings a bell,” she replied.

“Yes, that one,” Jess continued, smiling sardonically at her. “We were talking about the future. And she kept getting on me about how I had to do better and I had to go to college, just like she did, or else I would have no life.”

The smile which tugged at Ella’s lips was slightly bitter but mostly fond. “Sounds like Rory.”

“Everyone in Stars Hollow thought I was the antichrist. Maybe Rory didn’t, and maybe we were friends, but she definitely wasn’t okay with who I was then. Maybe she thought, with enough Schoolhouse Rock videos, she could get me to shape up,” Jess continued, taking small glances out the sliding glass door as he spoke. He could see a sliver of the city lights past another building on the right side. It was better than the bland brick wall and the dumpster which served as his view from the room in Truncheon.

“Hey, she is an amazing tutor. If there was anyone who could’ve converted you to the Ivy League conveyor belt, it was her,” Ella said.

“Yeah, but you and I both know school was never the way I was supposed to go. It was the way you were supposed to go, but you didn’t try to get me to be anything other than what I was,” he told her, voice light but eyes sincere.

Ella felt her heart skip a beat, but shrugged again. “I don’t know. I definitely tried to get you to ditch those CDs.”

“The exception that proves the rule,” he replied.

“Speaking of, I figured out how I’m gonna organize the books,” she said, tossing a look past his shoulder at the empty shelves.

“How is that a ‘speaking of’?” he asked, a confused smirk coming over his face.

“I’m doing genre, then alphabetical order by author. The way you used to do your CDs when we were in high school,” she explained.

“Oh.” Jess had his eyes trained on her, watching as she undid her bandana and ran her fingers through her mess of blonde hair. He chewed on his bottom lip. Then, after a pause filled only with Patti Smith’s poetry, he blurted out: “Y’know, you were the first person I ever said ‘I love you’ to. The only person.”

Her gaze softened and she nodded. “Me too.”

“No, Stevens, I mean anyone. Not just Nora Ephron kind of love. Not family either,” he said, most insistent, though he did his best to keep his tone nonchalant. As though it were just a run-of-the-mill fact about his past.

She stopped for a moment, brow crinkling. “Your mom never said it to you? Not even hippie dippie Liz?”

“No. We weren’t that kind of family. She wasn’t that kind of mom.”

A crease of concern deepened between her brows. Every time it had come up before, she assumed both of them meant romantic love. Familial was a different beast. But she had to remind herself never to assume with Liz, no matter how she seemed. Jess had arrived when Liz was a binge-drinking nineteen-year-old.

Before her brief interlude in the ‘love doesn’t exist’ frame of mind, before her mother’s death, Ella’s world had been filled with ‘I love you’s. Mostly from her mother, in her soft voice, with her delicate perfume. Some from her grandmother, and even from her father. And after, Lorelai had sometimes said them in passing. Rory, too. The three words, no matter how commonplace they could sound, were important, she knew. Especially when they weren’t uttered, or stopped being uttered.

She opened her mouth to say something, then bit the inside of her cheek and hesitated. Rising from her place, she rounded the corner of the coffee table and went over to him. Jess tilted his head at her in askance, but she only answered him by sitting down in his lap, straddling him as their noses drew only inches apart. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and simply hugged him. For a moment, he sat motionless, his muscles tense. It wasn’t the reaction he’d been expecting, if he’d been expecting one at all. But then, he circled his own arms around her waist. They sat there, breathing slow and clinging to each other, for a long time. Patti Smith droned on around them, enveloping them.

Eventually, she pulled away and ran her fingers affectionately through his hair. He looked up at her, unsure of what to say. Fortunately, she took the lead, gaze unwavering as she spoke in her quiet, husky voice.

“Jess, you’re the fucking best. You’re my favorite person. And you’re gonna be hearing ‘I love you’ every day for the rest of our life,” she assured him, matter-of-fact. “So, I suggest you get used to it.”

“Right back at ya,” he replied after an awestruck pause, just before their lips met.

In spite of the fuss over the bed frame, Jess and Ella ended up spending the night on the worn rug in the living room, nearly naked underneath the first throw blanket they could find in the boxes around them.

[hiddenwritingsintheworld]

Let’s Meet At Lukes Part 4

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 

SEND FEEDBACK PLEASE!! 

           You wanted to say that you were shocked when Jensen texted you, but you were even more shocked when your doorbell sounded at 8 am and it was Jensen standing there staring at you. “Jay? What are you doing here?” you asked in disbelief as he walked in. “I’m serious about this. About what all we talked about on the phone last week. I want this. I want you back,” he said holding his hands out a little. “I love you,” he smiled sadly.

               You sighed, running your hands through your hair as you shook your head. “I can’t deal with this right now, Jay. I’ve got to get ready for work and take Matthew to daycare,” you said. “We are going to have to talk about this eventually, Y/N,” he called out as you headed towards the stairs. You stopped and turned looking at him. “Tonight, I’ll have some friends of mine watch Matthew,” you said before going up the stairs. You grabbed your phone and headed for the bathroom as you checked the new text message.

              ‘You know, I was just thinking maybe tomorrow night you’d like to meet for dinner with me?’ Dean texted you about 5 minutes ago. You grinned widely and instantly replied ‘I’d love to, where shall we meet?’ You set your phone down and got in the shower to get ready for the longest day of your life. You let the hot water relax your back and shoulders as you stood there. You really just wanted to go back to bed and sleep for a few more hours. The more you thought about it during your shower, the more you decided to just call in and sleep. That is until you needed to feed or change Matthew; he couldn’t just sleep the day away, or he wouldn’t sleep all night.

              ‘Let’s meet at Luke’s dinner’ he’d texted back while you were in the shower. You smiled softly sending an instant ‘Yes that sounds perfect. Say around 7pm?’ As you dressed and got ready, a ding sounded on the phone. When you looked, Dean had sent you a smiley face. ‘7pm works perfect. I’ll be in a red flannel with dark jeans.’ You grinned to yourself, ‘I’ll be looking for you.’ The thought alone of another man out there excited to meet you was nerve wracking. But, you didn’t feel nervous; you felt excited. Dean's name popping up on your phone brought a smile to your face and even though Jensen was downstairs, you couldn’t help but wonder what the mystery man texting you looked like.

                After telling Jensen you’d go with him that night, you felt your mind drifting throughout the day. What did he suddenly want? Why was he here? Did he think that you’d just let him walk back in with open arms? You gave him three years of your life and when you needed him the most, he couldn’t be there for you. You sighed shaking your head; it was stupid to get angry over something like him just showing up, but you couldn’t help it. He didn’t just walk out on you, he walked out on Matthew as well. You called Lorelai as you left work and asked her if she could babysit for you that night.

                “Totally last minute I know, but…..I’m going out to discuss some things with this guy-,” you were instantly interrupted by her excited voice. “Oh, a guy! Is it Dean?!” She grinned into her phone as you smiled. “Uh no, it's not Dean. I’m meeting him over at Luke’s place tomorrow night at 7pm,” you blushed softly. “Well, then who are you meeting up with tonight?” Lorelai asked as you sighed. “Jensen is in town.”

               Dean was angry; he couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid and naïve. “Dean, please stop! Wait!” Rory ran after him out of the house, pulling her robe tighter around herself. “Rory, I don’t think you realize this but we’re friends. You cheated on me and you think I want anything more than a friendship with you? We will always have a feeling of first love between us…but that’s it. You've got to move on.” He shook his head and got in his truck driving off. Rory watched him go, glaring slightly. “No, I don’t,” she mumbled.

               You wore a nice pair of jeans and a plain black t-shirt with a jacket over it. You had agreed to meet Jensen in the middle of town, inside the gazebo. You were sitting there with a cup of hot chocolate waiting for him to show up. “Sitting alone at night is dangerous you know,” his voice called out from behind you. You turned and looked as he grinned. He was wearing his favorite grey football shirt with his dark washed jeans. He walked over to you and sat down beside you quietly. After a few minutes of silence, he finally spoke.

               “How are you?” he whispered softly. You shrugged still playing with your cup, what were you going to say? ‘Oh, I’m just dandy! I lost my brother, became a mother and lost the man I’d been with for three years all in the span of a month! I’m great!’  It was no lie that you often cried. The thought of Matthew growing up without his father broke your heart. You knew his mother was no good and didn’t want him. It worried you to no end what would happen if she ever straightened up her act and tried to come after you and him.

              “I’ve been……. existing…. having Matthew has helped a lot more. Moving here helped. But……I’m still trying to get used to the fact that it’s just me and him,” you shrugged again as you looked at him. Jensen nodded, sighing softly. “I’m so sorry I hurt you and I’m sorry I hurt Matthew. I need you in my life. You always made everything better and without you, it’s hell. I still love you so much,” he said staring at you. “You were my world, my everything; and sure, having Matthew around will be different, but I can learn to be a father and I can learn to be a family man. But, I can’t learn to live without you.” He grabbed your hand, squeezing it gently. “Take me back, please, but not as your boyfriend…take me back as your fiancé.” Jensen reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box.

             You stared at him in disbelief. There was no way he was purposing to you. “Y/F/N Y/L/N, you mean the world to me and I never want to experience life without you again. Kids weren’t something we ever talked about, but if having to take on the responsibility and helping raise Matthew is what it takes for you to come back to me, then I’ll do it, but I don’t want to lose you.” He opened the box and smiled, “Y/F/N Y/L/N, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife by marrying me?”

             Had he asked you four months ago, your answer, without a shadow of doubt, would have been yes. But, now, you couldn’t get your brain to work properly. “Jay….” you whispered softly.

            Dean walked to the small coffee shop/bakery and got a cup of coffee and a donut before walking out. He walked around trying to clear his mind. He watched as a dark-haired man purposed to a beautiful young lady. She seemed shocked and taken back by the gesture. “Jay…” she whispered as the man sighed. Dean knew exactly how he felt; he’d lost everything at one point because of Rory and here she was trying to do it again. He was genuinely interested in you and wanted to get to know you. He wanted the date tomorrow night to go perfectly because this was something new for him too. He didn’t date a lot and subconsciously he blamed that on Rory. He wondered what his life would have been like had he married her. Would they even still live in Stars Hollow? He glanced back at the couple, she seemed scared.

              Dean watched as she got up and swiftly jogged away from the man who stood there holding a ring box in his left hand. “You okay, man?” Dean asked him. The guy looked at him and sighed, “I don’t know, man. I think I lost the best thing to ever happen to me.”

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