#like im willing to argue about the points later i'm willing to get in faces about this

[liferetainsitssparkle]

SOMEBODY used my SICK TIME to cover my last two FAMILY EMERGENCIES without my asking them to do that and NOW i don't have sick time so i GUESS i'm just eating my absence points

[rosegoldenatlas]

its sleep time!

good news:

today marks exactly 1 year since i came out!

(ALMOST) everybody used my correct name and pronouns the whole day

thats about it

bad news:

my mother deadnamed me and misgendered me the whole day (and was the only person to do so)

afterwards she went on her usual spiel about how "horribly hard it is for her and dificult to use my proper name" and how "its something so difficult that everybody in the family is struggling with immensly!" (no it isnt) (literaly everybody else got it right the whole time) (including my 90 year old grandma with memory loss) (also everybody else found out about my prefered name TODAY and instantly started using it and actualy thanked me for telling them) (my mother is the only one who knew about my name before)

also thanksgiving so i ate too much and am now hating myself for it

ended up going on a slight cutting spree on my shoulder (it was kinda funny because i didnt check how much gauze we had before hand and it turned out we were OUT and i had to scramble to make a makeshift bandage) (dont worry the final result was very hygenic and nothing to worry about, i dont fuck around with first aid) (i dont even know why. i dont care about my life i just NEED to do it right) (although it was unfortunant because i was in such a frenzy when i was cutting myself that all the cuts were really surface level and barely enough to draw blood, and nowhere near as deep as i deserve) (im usualy much better at hurting myself this just passively stings if i had done it right it would be SO MUCH more painful)

anyways that was my day hope yours wasnt too bad?

goin to sleep

hope you have a good night

stay awesome

oooh GOOD NEWS YAY

• Oh wow you're doing better than me! I am genuinely scared to tell my family except my brother and older sister BC they've also got some genderfuckery going on.

• YOOOOO THATS SICK I'm happy 4 u

Bad news is longer.. nooooo.

• what a bitch. Honestly. But hay at least it was just her she's the outlier in this situation.

• write it on your arm in sharpie and wave it aggressively in her face whenever she misgenders u. Or even better if your willing to risk her wrath, misgender her back. Call her a he. Call her their birth name but slightly to the left (so if her name is like Becky call her Bucky). And if she tries to correct you about the name just say that's how you remember learning it and that its hard to change it up after so long. And for the misuse of pronouns just ignore all complaints about them by changing the subject r smthn.

And hey wait why isnt the stuff in parentheses in the good news section!!!??? This is an outrage.

• the point of thanksgiving is to hate yourself afterwards I think. I dunno I don't eat at all really during thanksgiving BC all of the foods are things I really don't like- some to the point of throwing it up later. And we have thanksgiving leftovers for a few nights afterwards so I just have to sneak snacks or I don't eat (we can only eat leftovers until all the thanksgiving food is gone or else its a waste)

• fuckkk girliepop, Red, rule 2 of cutting is always having the stuff to clean up near you o you're gonna do it. (Rule 1 is getting a support system and talking to ppl u trust about it, which you're doing wonderfully.) At least the cuts were shallow and you may think 'but Atlas! That's bad. Now they don't hurt as much' and I say good if they get too deep you might get nerve damage and then it won't hurt at all and it would make everything worse trust me. 'But Atlas! I deserve pain and semi to fully permanent nerve damage!! I'm a bad person! :((' and to that I say where is your proof? Where is the proof of these alleged bad things because right now I haven't seen any and you are not the judge in this court of law you are both the prosecuted and the defendant. Both of whom have shown no evidence to the jury.

Wow that was a weird analogy but it works

My day yesterday was.. Ehh.

GOOD STUFF

• was able to sneak off before the political argument happened

• a YouTuber I like posted a video after a year of silence

• I wrote three paragraphs of fanfiction!!

• was able to sneak some soda my cousin brought when my mom wasnt looking (im not allowed soda)

BAD STUFF

• Didn't eat a lot cause of stuff already said

• had to misgender my bother and sister in front of family (all of us are out to everyone but the family)

• was having a masc day and got misgendered all day but eh comes with being gender fluid ig lol.

• nearly threw up the food I did eat bc its food I have a hard time eating, not a pleasant sensation I'll tell you.

• had to deep clean the entire house twice (abt 6 hrs of work total, once before everyone arrived (4hrs) and once after (2hrs) I can be lazier after BC my mom is drunk

• mom was being a clingy drunk and hugged me and I want to rip off my skin and clean the meat under it with bleach and vinegar before getting new skin.

That's all!!! It was pretty much a normal day in terms of bad stuff except the eating thing which is only sometimes but now its a lot more intense. In terms of good day it was more than usual!!! Yes!!!

Hope you slept well.

Love you Queen!

[devinescribe]

Drives With Them

Alice In Borderland

Only doing Chishiya and Niragi because they're the only two who have access to cars hahahahahaha-

This song makes my brain go 'brr'

Chishiya

Warnings: Swearing, arguing

- He hates driving

- Learns it's the only way he can get alone time

- With you

- Can talk about stuff with you, and there's no one else to interrupt

-  He usually asks you by spinning the keys around on his finger and saying "Wanna go?"

- He drives pretty nice, honestly

- Hasn't crashed, doesn't make you pray for your life before you get into a car with him.

- Enjoys taking the longest way possible home

- Gives zero fucks if a group need the car for the games

- Usually ends the drive somewhere scenic to watch the sunset or if it's raining, he just parks the car and talks to you

"Wanna go?" Chishiya asked, spinning the keys on his finger, interrupting the conversation you were having with Arisu. "Sure! Sorry Arisu-Kun, gotta go," you said, excusing yourself from the conversation. "No problem. Have fun," Arisu smiled, leaving. You chased after Chishiya, grabbing his hand. He pulled it away and you scoffed. "Jerk," you muttered. "You know who is watching," he whispered back, nodding to Hatter. "And?" You asked as you left the building, heading over to the cars. "He could use it against us. I don't want you in danger because of me," he said, opening the door on the passenger side for you. "What a gentleman," you said rolling your eyes, getting in the car. He shut the door after you, getting in himself on the drivers side.

    "I'm sorry," he said into the quiet atmosphere after you two had been driving around the empty streets of Tokyo for a couple minutes. You only huffed, looking out your window. "I'm get that you don't want to make our relationship out there and shit, but I... I have feelings too Chishiya. I want to be able to hold your hand around the Beach, or just show you love in front of other people," you answered, he kept his eyes on the road, listening to your words. "I can understand that. But... you have to understand that I don't want you getting caught in the middle because you're with me," he said after a few seconds. You felt bad about being mad at him, especially when you knew he had good intentions. "I know... I'm sorry Chishiya," you apologized, looking at him. "It's ok. It's upsetting, I get it," he said, slowing down a bit as you got closer to the inner city.

"Sucks there's no radio," you said, holding his left hand on the glove compartment as you two drove around, the argument you had earlier having been talked through. "It's better, in my opinion. We can talk," he said. The sun was setting, the sky painted in an array of pastels, golden sunlight fading from view. You smiled at his response. "You know, when I first met you, I thought you were going to be a bitchy, antisocial, I hate people kind of guy, who would've pushed me off the roof for talking to him, but I'm glad only half of that is true," you giggled. "Oh? Which half is true?" He asked, as you noticed the car slowing down. "The 'I hate people' part. You just have no empathy towards them," you said, leaning on his shoulder. The car had stopped on a bluff that overlooked the ocean. Chishiya got out of the car, telling you to do the same. He climbed up on the hood of the car, making his way to the roof of it. You did the same, sitting besides him. You stared out into the ocean, watching the sunset as he sat besides you. "Beautiful..." he whispered. You looked at him. "It is," you said. "I'm not talking about the sunset. I'm talking about you you know," he said, cupping your face in his hands. You blushed, looking to the side. "I thought you said no PDA?" You asked, looking back at him. "I think... I think I'm willing to protect you if worse comes to worse. Hold my hand around the Beach. Kiss me around the Beach. Do what you want," he said, resting his forehead on yours. You smiled. "If they use us against eachother?" You asked. "If we go down, then we go down together," he said.  You laughed, kissing his lips quickly. You kept doing that before he said, "If you're going to kiss me, kiss me." Before kissing you passionately.

Niragi

Warning: Mentions abuse, bullying, swearing, weapons

- I'd personally pray to the gods before I get in a car with him

- Honestly pretty fun

- He goes fast, reckless, but somehow hasn't crashed

- He loves driving with you because it makes you both forget everything

- Asks you by going "Im going for a drive. You coming with me doll?"

- Late night drives after games that were especially hard on either one of you

- You had CDS and got the radio to work somehow. (Yes he helped)

- I feel like he's a car guy for some reason?

- Like, he knows his way around cars. But would rather drive them

- You know those cars that don't have a roof? It's just open? Yeah, those are his favorite.

- Ends drives with driving around slowly while you two talk about anything and everything

You sat anxiously awaiting the arrival of Niragi's group for the games. Your leg bounced up and down, scanning the groups that walked in. You swallowed thickly, trying to rid your head of the dark thoughts. You two hadn't been put in the same group for tonight, as the militals all got split up.

    You heard a couple girls whispering and laughing. You glanced at them out of the corner of your eye, and listened in to what the were saying. "She's so heartless when others loose people, but there she is anxiously awaiting her boyfriend's return," one of them laughed. "I hope Niragi dies so she can feel how others feel," the other responded with a giggle. You growled, grabbing your riffle, walking towards both of them. "Oi, if I were both of you I'd stop talking," you threatened, pointing your gun at them. They tensed up. "W-we didn't do anything!" One of them stuttered. "I fucking heard you. Bitch, I'm not deaf, you want me to feel pain as if I haven't before," you said darkly, glaring at them. "I lost my best friend when I first came into the games, I don't have family here, he's all I have left. You two think I haven't felt the pain of losing someone important to me because you don't know me, so shut the hell up," you said angrily, putting the barrel of your gun facing towards the floor. You gathered yourself again, walking back to where you were sitting. "I still hope he dies though... he's such a dick, I don't know why she stays with him," you hear one of them say. "Okay, that's it," you shouted, turning back to them. "You think I won't fucking shoot either one of you?! I'm not fucking scared to do so! And if Niragi doesn't come back then I'll just kill one of your boy toys and see how you like it! He's not... he's not a bad person. So shut up about people you don't know!" You yelled, getting angrier by the minute. "Well I bet he's already dead anyways! It's what both of you deserve for using so many of us as pawns in the games! You need to feel pain, and he deserves to die!" The other girl yelled. "He's not dead! He doesn't deserve to die!" You shouted back. You took your gun, firing a shot in between both girls. "That's a fucking warning shot, next time, the warning shot goes through your damn skull," you threatened, walking out of the hotel lobby, out to where the game players come back. You sat on the sidewalk, watching cars coming back, none containing your boyfriend. You saw Chishiya, and ran up to him. "I'm going to seem pathetic asking, but have you seen Niragi?" You asked, him swallowing back the tears of worry. Chishiya noted this want a time to joke about him being dead. He was a dick sometimes, but he also knew when it was enough. "No, I haven't. His game was on the other side of the city though. Maybe it was a longer game?" Chishiya answered. A soft 'oh' left your lips, and you nodded, thanking him. You went to a corner, sitting down facing the entrance. You brought your knees up to your face. "Please be ok... please... I need you here," you whimpered.

About an hour later, you heard the engine of a car come into the beach. You looked around, counting how many cars were already there. Only one was missing, which meant this car was the last one. You ran over quickly.

   To your relief, you saw Niragi standing by the car, talking to Aguni about something. You ran to him, hugging him as soon as you got there. "Woah, hey there princess," he said, hugging you back. "You stupid jerk, I thought you died!" You cried into him. You weren't one for crying, but it had been a night. Aguni looked at you strangely as he had never seen you cry. Aguni excused himself, giving you time to be alone. Niragi looked down at you, feeling a tinge of guilt. "I- I thought i-i was- I was gonna b-be alone again!" You cried, snuggling your face into his chest. "Never. You'll never be alone again, ok? I'm not going to let some measly game take me out," he said, giving you a kiss to the top of your head. "Im going for a drive. You coming with me doll?" He asked, holding the keys in his hands. You nodded, drying your tears.

The drive wasn't like most others that started fast and reckless. It was slow. The kinds of drives you two had on the late nights. "What game did you have tonight?" You asked, trying to break the silence. "It was weird. A 5 of  hearts. To win we had to kill the past in a way," he said, looking out. "That doesn't sound like a normal hearts game," you observed. "That's what I thought. Games of betrayal. The rules were simple. If you failed to kill the past, you failed. You had to say what part of your past you were killing too, or else you died... There were items all around the building, each from different people's past. There were films of people's memories, toys, pictures, audios, books, glasses... If everyone didn't manage to kill their past, the buildings boiler would explode," he explained. "What we're your items?" You asked, looking at him. "Glasses, notes, there was a video, a baseball, a pack of cigars and an empty beer bottle," he said. You pieced together the items. "The glasses you wore in highschool, the baseball that broke your nose more times than you can count, the notes kids used to pass you in class that said horrible things on them, the cigars your father burned you with, and the bottle you used to silence your sorrows," you said. ''Clever girl," he chuckled. "Your game?" He asked. "4 of spades. We had to diffuse a bomb in the that was at the top of this building, the elevator was out, and there was 20 flights of stairs. Oh, and a shooter. God was it fun shooting that motherfucker after he pulled my hair," you aaid. Niragi laughed slightly. The cool night breeze passed by you, and you closed your eyes. "When we go back to the old world, we should do this," you muttered, reaching for his hand. He grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours on the glove compartment. "I agree."

    He had stopped the car on a bridge, although there was no water under, just gravel. "I used to come to this place, look down, and think it would be a quiet place. So I started going there after school, hiding. Until they found it. Then you found me there. I don't know why you talked to me in high school anyways," he said, looking over the railing, down to the gravel covered ground. "Because I knew you didn't deserve what people said or did to you. And I also thought it was a nice quiet place," you said as he put an arm around your waist. "What did you run away from? Something or someone in your past that scared you?" He asked. "My family, my feelings. The monsters that lived in my head," you said, leaning your head on his shoulder. "I really love you, you know?" He asked, looking up at the stars. "I know. I love you too. Love you more than there's stars in the sky," you responded.

I'm brain rot, helpppp-

Also, this is just like if you are in an established relationship with them. I feel like they open up a bit more to you, so that's why they might be OOC.