#like ill be in a good mood talking to her fucking driving her wherever the hell she wants and she'll stop me and be like 'im going to scream

[werebutch]

my sister is like having anger issues lately she tells me she tries sooo hard not to lash out at me and she phrases it in a way where it seems like she thinks shes jesus. like not lashing out at someone is somehow super gracious or whatever. she still does lash out at me for like nothing btw . and when i respond back no matter if i yell back or if im calm she will tell me im an abuser . lol. okayyyy

[bloodredfirework]

“The universe works in mysterious ways.” Shiloh had been hearing that since before she could even remember. Her parents had used it often when they’d tried to talk her out of her many depressive episodes during her numerous stays at the hospital, as though blaming the universe would somehow make her feel better by giving her an excuse as to why she was so fucked up. Why didn’t the other kids hear voices? Why didn’t they see monsters all of the time? Just blame the universe and its mysterious ways. After Shiloh had reached the age of thirteen or so, she’d finally come to realize that the things that she was hearing and seeing weren’t the symptoms of schizophrenia or any of the other mental illnesses that her psychiatrists had tried to diagnose her with and medicate her for, but in fact, they were real ghosts and spirits. She’d thought at first that finding out what was wrong with her would be a step in the right direction and that she would be able to find the cure to her problems, but as it turned out, it only made things worse. Not shocking, since the stars had just been aligned against her from birth. She’d been born under the worst of signs. Still, despite her strange and unique obstacles, she’d tried to overcome them and chase her dreams of becoming a star. That only ended up in failure and tragedy too, however, as her rebellious attitude and endeavours only ended winding her up into getting disowned and becoming a high school dropout, who’s biggest accomplishment was keeping the same job at one of the downtown record shops for the last seven years. She didn’t really consider that to be an accomplishment though, and if anything, it was more harmful to her reputation than it was beneficial. It had been nearly a year since Shiloh had finally made the split from Hunter, her dysfunctional boyfriend of nearly six years. Spending such a lengthy amount of time with him had left her with a deep-rooted attachment to him and a lot of love, but when things continued to always spiral out of control without any signs of ever getting better, she’d finally made the decision to leave. The thought of her no longer being there to take care of him was difficult for her to grapple with, but then again, it wasn't as though her life would ever truly be void of his presence. This week in particular, for example, he’d needed to borrow her car. He hadn’t mentioned what it was for, but because he’d sounded pretty desperate, she’d caved and dropped it off along with her keys. Three days later, however, she was dealing with the problem of having all of her phone-calls and texts going unanswered, and she was growing increasingly frustrated. After some digging, she’d found out that he was going to be down at the local hangout spot at the beach for a late-night bonfire, and although the people there weren’t exactly her crowd, she’d decided to drop by to pay him a visit and inquire about getting her car back. She had an important appointment the next morning, and having her property returned to her was non-negotiable. After an hour-long walk from her home, Shiloh had made it to the beach, the glow of the fire in the distance like a beacon in the dark of the night. She followed it, and as she approached, she was quickly able to point Hunter out of the crowd. He’d only recently begun hanging out with all of them, and she wasn’t surprised. They were exactly the type of rough crowd that he was normally drawn to, and probably the exact crowd to cause him to spiral further into the clutches of his dangerous addictions. Almost instantly, Hunter spotted her. He knew that he was going to be in trouble, but he guessed that running away wouldn't do him any good now. He had to face the music sometime. Might as well be now. "Hey, Shy!" He greeted her, holding his arm out and pulling her in for a hug against his side when she'd gotten close enough to get ahold of. It was clear that he was trying to keep the mood light, but even as Shiloh looped an arm around his shoulders to give him a half-assed embrace, she didn't seem willing to cooperate with the tone that he'd tried to set. "Hunter. Can I talk to you?" Shiloh asked, taking a step back to get out of the British male's hold. "You know what it's about." Her tone was anything but pleased or impressed, but she was avoiding making a scene by keeping her voice hushed. Everyone was already looking at her, but she didn't want to give them an excuse to keep staring. "Yeah, I know, I know," Hunter sighed, shaking his head and running the palm of his hand over his face. Rather than getting up and moving to a more private area like he'd been asked to though, he'd decided to stay exactly where he was. This way, if his ex-girlfriend got really upset with him for the news that he was about to give to her, she wouldn't start yelling. "It's about your car, right? I know you're probably pissed because I didn't answer any of your calls or texts, but I've got a good reason, I swear. I just didn't want to worry you. You see, something kind of happened and..." He trailed off, scratching his head as he worked up the nerve to tell her what he'd done. "What do you mean? What happened? This is a joke, right?” Shiloh asked, a very temporary smile on her face.

She paused when all she got was silence. “Did you wreck my fucking car!? Hunter, I have to move tomorrow morning! I need my god damn car!" Shiloh hissed in a quiet but very angry panic, interrupting him before he'd even had the chance to finish his sentence. Wherever his thoughts had been going on the topic didn't matter anyways, because she'd already heard more than she wanted to. Much to her dismay though, he continued and she soon found out that it wasn't that he'd wrecked it, but rather that he'd gotten it impounded because he'd been driving alone again while drunk. "Oh, for fuck's sake."

@narcotlcs​

[daddy-daichis]

Yesterday the very beautiful and talented @fuwari-s tagged me in this game and since that post is already really long i figured id make a new one lol  (Also thank you for tagging me, it made me so happy)

The Game: Tag your 2D lovers + the other trend I saw yesterday and wanted to do which is Would you actually date them IRL. So ill put that under the cut because it is a lot.

HQ: Atsumu, Daichi, Issei, Bokuto, Hinata, and Kyoutani

BNHA: Bakugou, Denki, and Hawks

JJK: Sukuna and Mei Mei

Others: Kagami from KNB, Levi and Jean from AOT, and Mikoto Suoh from K

So if you want to know if i would date them irl that is below the cut lol

As for tagging... if you want to do it :) @eijirosriot @bokutosnumberonefan @hinosreis @tetsus-kitten @sugawarakoushihoe @mynameisjackattack and anyone else who wants to do one or both of these challenges.

Alright so would i date these men (+ mei mei) in real life. Short answer is yes lmao. Long answer, with some headcanons that may or may not  venture into 18+ category but only slightly. all aged up to be my age which is 26.

Atsumu - PLEASE, YES

we would be so chaotic together but he would also be really loving. As long as he can still prioritize me in a relationship, not over volleyball, just as much, then we will be golden. We would have such a good time and i feel like we would have a lot of fun bickering, which i really enjoy. Play fighting as a form of foreplay, if you will lmao. We’d probs be friends in HS and then get together after he starts playing for MSBY and he is secured in his position (and himself tbh). I just love this cocky bastard. he also gives me switch vibes and as a switch, i love that for me.

Daichi - YES

All i need is to be wrapped in his arms on the daily and i would be happy. Man would know how to take care of me and that is all. Love of my life, too good for this world. Wholesome husband. He would be able to manage my crazy side and chill me out when i get to anxious. I would want to be bratty just to get him to drop his good guy routine sometimes and I feel like he would like that.

Issei - YES

Funeral home employee can get it. Matsukawa Horse cock Issei can whisk me off my feet and straight into bed. we would have a lot of fun picking on oikawa together (out of love of course) but we would balance each other out a lot. His darker humor would go well against my lighter humor. Also I feel like our level of hotness is pretty comparable... like we aren't the prettiest in the friend group but still good (if that makes sense)

Bokuto - YES

Big ball of sunshine to light up my day, he would literally fuck the sad out of me every day I just know it. Like atsumu, as long as I am a priority to him itll work out. We also kind of have the same sad moods so I feel like we could either both just curl up on the couch together and watch a movie or bring the other out of a funk easily. I love this giant himbo so much.

Hinata - most likely yes

Pretty much the same reasons as bokuto but I feel like I would get drained of his energy faster, so he would def have to cuddle me more. For everyone else so far I can imagine being high school sweethearts, but with hinata i think he wouldnt settle down until later, or even start dating so it would probably be a lot of pining and watching him from the side lines for a while, which would be really hard tbh. but the way he would smile at me after a match would make it worth it so...

 Kyoutani - Hard YES

I love a boy with anger issues, what can i say... (cough couch my irl husband with anger issues couch couch) I would love to be his weak spot and the one person he would go to to help him not feel angry anymore. I think that my fun personality would help him to unbox himself a bit. I just want to give him cuddles and a place to feel accepted. id also i KNOW hes a monster in bed... 

Bakugou - FUCKING HARD YES, PLEASE

if he was real the things i would do to and for him... A lot like kyoutani i would want to give him a place where hes accepted, and a place where he is unconditionally loved. I would be able to handle his misguided anger and calm him down and give him space. I headcanon that hes very cuddly in private to just his S/O which is something that i love. I love his lil smirk and would do anything to get him to smirk at me. As long as he is able to set me as a priority it would work out, but that would be what he struggles with so it would be a thing we would have to talk about. But I also feel that once you say something about it he would check in with you because of course he has to be the best bf/husband. I feel like I could talk for hours about him so Ill just wrap it up by saying that I love me a passionate man who would probs be a lil possessive, and I would use that to my advantage. 

Denki - GOD YES

I really do think that denki and I are soulmates. we are both the perfect blend of funny, pervy, while still being soft. I feel like there would be a lot of mutual pining at first but he would end up the golden retriever gamer boy to my alt bisexual and thats just the perfect pairing. We would pull so much shit and then get away with it because thats just us being us. I see us being scolded by bakugou a lot for the stupid shit we would pull. Also late night drives in his shitty tuned car to taco bell while we sing alt rock songs from the 2010s. also the switch vibes are immaculate.

 Hawks - Probably

So it would honestly depend a lot on what version of hawks.. him in the hero commission is a no, because he wouldnt be able to be honest with me about a lot of stuff. Like his name, or when i can see him again, and that would give me too much anxiety. When hes free of them and is actually allowed to be himself I think it could work then. I know that he of course wants to still be the best hero, so he would have the same problems as bakugou with finding a balance, but if he wants to i think he could. He would also have a lot of trauma from his relationship with his parents and the commission so I dont know if he would be able to give his love away as freely as he wants so we could get therapy together. I love that for us. But i would happily wake up next to this beautiful birb man if he would have me.  

Sukuna - A hesitant yes

so.. the anger issues that ive mentioned before.. yes. I would like sukuna. I would be his lil bride and sit on his lap on his throne as long as he didnt kill my loved ones or my cats lmao. I would also be ok with being his and itadoris gf while hes living in itadoris head. being with him is just asking for an unhappy ending tho, whether its a life always on the run, or someones trying to kill me, or someones trying to kill him, or hes trying to kill someone. But yes i would like to be with him but that would mean sacrificing a lot. 

Mei Mei - god yessssss..

Please Mei Mei step on me and make me ur lil house wife. I see us living in a pent house apartment with the most breathtaking view of the Tokyo skyline. I would want for nothing and she could take me where ever she wanted and i would just follow her around with heart eyes.

 Kagami - YES

my basketball husband! i love him and would love to be loved by him. Id follow him wherever. He would take care of me and is just so dreamy.. also i guess the mild anger issues.. but hes really not that bad. He would just be such a good s/o. He would cook us nice dinners, wed have a few cats, and he would carry me around a lot because hes so strong. While were on the topic of strong... his stamina... everyone on this list probably has good if not great stamina... but kagami just hits different..... have you seen him in the zone? have you seen his thighs? his sex zone has got to be incredible. 

 Levi - Yes

I was going to say it depends, but really it doesn't... if were in the aot universe and hes my captain and I fall in love with him u can bet ur ass im gonna try and get with him because i could die at anytime. if its some au where he is here in our universe and somehow we meet... like of course im gonna be in love with him. our height difference isnt too bad, im only like an inch or 2 taller than him. I think we would both have a great time together. I would make him laugh, and he would help me clean, because lord knows I hate cleaning. BUT i hate cleaning because its something that I always have to do alone, and I feel like levi would have us be cleaning together like he makes the scouts do. and hes just so sexy... 

Jean - big yes

This beautiful handsome man... idk what to even say about him. Hes strong, funny, handsome, cocky, but very much full of love. would love to run away from the world with him. I feel like if he was in love with me before *tries not to give away spoilers* the marco incident (?) that after he would become very clingy and attached and im ok with that. There would have to be lots of cuddles and reassurances and i just want to see him happy and not at war, with both real life people and himself... id give him the best kisses and he would become addicted to them. 

Mikoto - No? But maybe...

I feel like we could be.. but if you watched the show then you know.. But i would love to be Homra’s princess TBH. No one would mess with me or they would have to face the wrath of my big fire boyfriend and his whole ass gang. But on the other hand I feel like Mikoto wouldnt allow himself to fall in love, so it would probably be a hush hush topic. everyone knows the boss and I are in an entanglement, but they cant talk about it. Then Anna starts asking questions to Mikoto and he has to come clean to her, which would be so cute. He tells her is a secret but she doesn't care lmao. in conclusion, I would want to, but I dont think he would let me.... Maybe friends with benefits tho....

............................................................................................

ok if you read all this im officially in love with you. Please take my heart. 

This took me like 2 hours to do because I love thinking about it so much. if you have any thoughts about any of this hop into my dms or comment on this because id love to hear them (especially if you think i belong with one more than the others lmao). 

[alloftheimagines]

billy hargrove | heaven-sent | part eight

masterlist | series | part seven

words: 1.2k

warnings: supernatural, mentions of illness and death, panic attack, angst, swearing, alcohol, smoking

summary:  she’s an angel. he may as well be the devil. one would not exist without the other.

Any hope that Hopper is in the trailer is lost as soon as Frances and Billy reach the drive. It's empty, the way Frances had left it this morning. For a moment, she's glad: her anger and confusion has turned to a jagged hurt that rips through her stomach and chest each time she breathes.

She's adopted. From a lab. Everything she thought she knew is gone.

Billy is sober enough to walk himself up the steps onto the porch, though he grabs the wooden railing for support as he waits for her to unlock the door. She does, holding it open for him before she follows him in silently.

She places the keys down on the counter, sighing and scraping her hand through her hair. She has no idea what to do now. She just hopes to God that wherever he is, El is there, too.

She runs the tap to busy her hands, filling a glass with water and handing it to Billy. "Here. Drink this."

Billy must be able to sense her foul mood because he doesn't argue, taking a few big gulps before putting it down and looking at her.

"You didn't have to do all this for me."

"It's nothing," she replies, biting her nails distractedly. "You can sleep it off in my room. Come on."

He follows her into her bedroom, a tiny box room with a single bed. The walls are covered in pictures she's taken over the years, starting with a toothless, five-year-old Will Byers and ending with a sunset over the ravine. Her clothes are scattered around the floor, and she rushes to pick them up, trying not to blush at the fact that her bra is among the pile.

When she turns around, she realises that Billy isn't even looking. His attention is on an old photo of she and Sarah, the one she keeps on her desk. It's one of the last ones they took together — her last real good day, just after her diagnosis, when their parents took them to Coney Island. Sarah's hair hasn't yet fallen out from the chemo, and nobody who didn't already know her would be able to tell she was sick. She had fun that day. So did Frances.

"This you?" Billy questions, his thumb running over Frances's eleven-year-old face.

"Yeah," Frances whispers, pulling the photo from his hands and putting it back quickly. It's too late, though: he asks a moment later.

"Who's the kid?"

Frances inhales shakily, unable to meet his gaze. "My sister." She wonders as she says it if she even has a right to call her that now: all those years spent believing they were 50% of one another, and it was a lie.

"Where is she now? With your mom?"

"Gone," Frances says, shoulders burning and eyes stinging with more tears. She is sick of crying. "She's gone."

Suddenly, she can hear a thumping, constant pulse. Another one joins in a moment later, the sound consuming her so that she has to grip onto her dresser for support.

"Fran?" Billy asks, concern in his voice. He's talking too loud and it hurts her ears. His hands find her shoulders, and a pain shoots through her in protest so that she has to move away.

Her chest is constricting, her breathing laboured as she tries to ground her feet on the carpeted floor again. Her head is throbbing, and even though she can't see them, she is sure it's happening again, this time worse: her eyes are changing.

"Fran? You okay?" Billy asks again. "Fran? Shit. Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't know—"

"Just shut up," she demands through gritted teeth, glancing at him for only a second.

A second is all he needs to see. He stumbles backwards until the back of his knees hit the bed. "Fuck, Fran. Your eyes."

She squeezed them shut, collapsing to the floor and gripping onto her dresser as though it's the only thing keeping her from falling through the ground and soil beneath. "I don't know what's wrong with me." Her voice doesn't sound like her own, distorted, echoing.

"Do I call an ambulance?" Billy asks desperately.

"No!" Frances shouts. Her entire body is trembling.

Billy is knelt in front of her now, his eyes wide in fear. She can't look at him, can't open her eyes at all. She's scared of what will happen if she lets him see again.

"Tell me what to do," he begs. "Tell me how to help."

She shakes her head, tears rolling down her cheeks. The two pulses have sped up frantically and she can't help but wince at his deep voice in her sensitive ears.

"Fran," he whispers. "Frances, listen to me. You're okay. You're gonna be okay."

His hand finds her knee, and this time she doesn't pull away as he traces soft lines across the bones jutting out. His voice is quietening again, and so are the heartbeats.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." The sob falls out of her without permission, forcing her eyes open.

"It's okay. Your eyes—They're back to normal, see?"

The pain is easing in her shoulders and chest. She bites down on her lip to stop it from trembling, her fingernails clawing the carpet when she no longer as the strength to grip the dresser. When she finally has the courage to look at Billy, he shuffles closer, leaning over to tuck her hair behind her ears.

"You're okay."

"No," she says. "No, I'm fucking not. Look at me. I'm— I don't even know. I don't know, Billy."

He knows there's nothing he can say to this. She sees it in the way he sighs in defeat and pulls himself against the dresser so that they're sitting side by side. He puts his arm over her shoulder cautiously, pulling her into his chest when she doesn't pull away. The smell of cigarettes and whiskey stings her nostrils, and yet still it calms her as her tears soak into his shirt.

"You a werewolf or somethin', angel?" he mumbles into her hair, only half-joking.

She closes her eyes, knowing that if she moves from his arms now she'll have to look at him again and figure this out. "When's the next full moon?"

His low chuckle hums through him and into her bones. "You gonna tell me what's going on?"

"I don't know how," she whispers, her voice hoarse. "I ... I found adoption papers this morning with my name on them. Hopper isn't my real dad and I had no idea. He never thought to tell me."

"Jesus."

"I don't know who I am. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do?"

"Shit," he says, just like he did when she told him about Barb. Only this time, he didn't feel unreachable, out of touch. Now he was holding her, his fingers running through her hair, her hands in his lap. Now they are tangled up together and she never wants to untangle. "Shit, Fran, I'm sorry."

For the first time, she pulls away to look up at him. "Aren't you afraid of me?"

His expression softens as his rough hand cups her damp cheek. "No, I'm not afraid of you."

"But what you saw ... What I did to you last night."

"I've seen monsters, Fran," he mutters. "Hell, I live with one. You're not one of them. Trust me."

"What if you're wrong?"

He smirks, but not in his usual, arrogant way. This is gentle, caring, warm. "I pride myself on always being right."

She sinks back into him. It is hours before she resurfaces again.

part nine

[kawaii-puncher]

Character Chart

Character’s full name: Vera Ward/Draoskithe

Reason or meaning of name: Ward because she's an orphan and thats the last name they get, Draoskithe is her family name but she doesnt know that

Character’s nickname: Sparkles

Reason for nickname: She likes sparkles

Birth date: Nov. 9th

Physical appearance

Age: 23

How old does he/she appear: 23 but she probably looks 18

Weight: 156

Height: 5'7"

Body build: Fierce

Shape of face: I don't know enough about human anatomy

Eye color: Light Blue

Glasses or contacts: Nah she can see it all, 20/20

Skin tone: Pasety Sour Cream Child

Distinguishing marks: Birthmarks on her back that look like scars

Predominant features: Beautiful

Hair color: Pink

Type of hair: Soft, Long, and wavey

Hairstyle: That half up hairstyle but mostly down

Voice: uuuuuuhhhhhhhh

Overall attractiveness: 10/10, professional at the smolder

Physical disabilities: Super Clutzy and a Bad Ankle

Usual fashion of dress: Fancy

Favorite outfit: A turtle neck, cute skirt, leggings and cute shoes

Jewelry or accessories: Always wears a pair of black cross earrings

Personality

Good personality traits: Super kind and wnats to help everyone

Bad personality traits: Stubborn af

Mood character is most often in: Idk how to explain the mood, basically when youre in the whiney "whhhhhhhy" mood

Sense of humor: Cheesey Jokes

Character’s greatest joy in life: Dazzling the Room

Character’s greatest fear: Silence and complete darkness

Why?

Its creepy and unsettling

What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil?

Death Probably

Character is most at ease when: Spa Days or playing video games

Most ill at ease when: Someone is belittling her or treating her like she's an idiot

Enraged when: She thinks she did something great and is really proud and someone is like "well its not that great"

Depressed or sad when: Toy Story 3

Priorities: School/Education are at the top

Life philosophy: "Fuck it"

If granted one wish, it would be: To see a real life unicorn

Why?

Have you seen unicorns???

Character’s soft spot: She almost cried when looking at some kittens once

Is this soft spot obvious to others? No because shes allergic to a lot of animals (not all) so she stays away from them

Greatest strength: Thumb War and great at Lying

Greatest vulnerability or weakness: Parent Issues cause orphan

Biggest regret: Letting someone get close enough to her to break her heart and hurt her that badly, only she's allowed to put herself through that much pain

Minor regret: Saying yes to paying extra for rum in her milkshake on her 21st birthday

Biggest accomplishment: Not punching someone she really wanted to punch and just walking away. Also getting on the deans list

Minor accomplishment: Submitted art to a competition and heard some little old ladies talk about how much they loved her piece

Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: Didn't know Reindeer were real until Highschool. Always thought they were made up like Santa. Also didn't know that you weren't supposed to eat mango skin the first time she had a mango, got weird looks

Why? Not street smart

Character’s darkest secret: She wishes she could just act out and destroy and break a bunch of stuff but she always feels like she needs to be on her best behavior

Does anyone else know?

No, its a secret

Goals

Drives and motivations: To be successful in life

Immediate goals: Good grades in school

Long term goals: Have a private lake and drink wine all day, relaxed

How the character plans to accomplish these goals: Work Hard

How other characters will be affected: she doesnt hang out all the time and puts school above everything

Past

Hometown: Seattle

Type of childhood: Grew up in a catholic orphanage

Pets: None

First memory: Crying because she tripped and a nun gave her candy and told her to keep it a secret between them

Most important childhood memory: Being told that she was still in the orphange not because no families wanted her but because the lord knew she was already with the family that would love her the most (it was nuns that told her that)

Why: Made her feel wanted

Childhood hero: She-ra

Dream job: To be a Journalist

Education: Highschool Grad, working on a bachelor's in college

Religion: Catholic but super chill about it

Finances: Not even enough for a chicken nugget

Present

Current location: Devildom

Currently living with: The Brothers

Pets: Does Mammon count?

Religion: Still catholic but now with a lot of Jesus puns

Occupation: Student

Finances: Still not enough for a chicken nugget

Family

Mother: Unknown to her but the name is Alice Draoskithe

Relationship with her: none

Father: Unknown to her but his name is Quincy Jameson

Relationship with him: None

Siblings: Half Brother on fathers side named Quincy Jr.

Relationship with them: None/ Jealousy later on

Spouse: None

Relationship with him/her: it would probably be good

Children: She accidentally killed a bamboo plants she cant be trusted with kids

Other important family members: Not family family but she grew up with 4 other orphans that were her best friends and Sister Helen was her favorite nun

Favorites

Color: Baby Blue and Gold

Least favorite color: Orange

Music: Legit all kinds but mostly a fan or Alternative Rock

Food: Mini Cupcakes are her favorite

Literature: Tess of the d'Urbervilles is her favorite novel, she wears a red bow from time to time because of it

Form of entertainment: Video Games or Drawing

Expressions: Happy? Honestly dont know about this one

Mode of transportation: Walking

Most prized possession: Her cross earrings

Habits

Hobbies: Drawing, reading, games, or gardening but shes really bad at it

Plays a musical instrument? No but she can play twinkle twinkle little star on an organ

Plays a sport? Please no

How he/she would spend a rainy day: Watching the rain and day dreaming

Spending habits: Clothes and Hair brushes

Smokes: nerds in games

Drinks: Wine. A Lot.

Other drugs: Edibles are cool

What does he/she do too much of?

Drinking

What does he/she do too little of?

Relaxing

Extremely skilled at: Organization

Extremely unskilled at: Gardening

Nervous tics: Nervously curls hair around finger or hums

Usual body posture: Confident

Mannerisms: Very Polite

Peculiarities: Always moving her hands and can't sit still, bites her lip a lot

Traits

Optimist or pessimist? Optimist

Introvert or extrovert? Introvert

Daredevil or cautious? Cautious when sober

Logical or emotional? She acts like she's more logical but 100% more emotional

Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? Neat freak

Prefers working or relaxing? Working

Confident or unsure of himself/herself? Confident af

Animal lover? Yes

Self-perception

How he/she feels about himself/herself: Doesn't belong wherever she goes but she can act like she does, but deep down she knows she doesn't

One word the character would use to describe self: Hopeful

One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: I'm invited because I'm fun to be around but thats just an act and it's not really me... or is it? I don't know anymore

What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? Second Chances are always accepted

What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? She allows second chances to everyone

What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? Really pretty hair

What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? Dry skin

How does the character think others perceive him/her: they exist

What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: their personality to fit what they think is right

Relationships with others

Opinion of other people in general: Theyre pretty cool

Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? When sober

Person character most hates: Elliot (an ex) and Henry ( the little shit that stole her cookies all the time in the orphange and lied about it but she knows it was him)

Best friend(s): Asmo and Mammon

Love interest(s): Lucifer and Solomon

Person character goes to for advice: Literally anyone, all opinions help her because she has no idea

Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: Herself

Person character feels shy or awkward around: Lucifer

Person character openly admires: Lucifer

Person character secretly admires: Solomon

Most important person in character’s life before story starts: No one

After story starts:

I HAVE NO CLUE

Got this from here

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BNHA AU [self insert]

Nani the heck is this? read here!

Chapter 1: *plays Joji’s Yeah Right*

“...and heres your living quarters, fully furnished and with groceries that’ll last a while” said my case worker as I meekly followed next to them.

“thank you! its really nice.” I said, trying to not sound sad.

“I know its tough being young and by yourself, but I believe in you Miss Palma! Don’t hesitate to give us a call if you have questions or need other arrangments.”

“thank you for your kind words, I’ll keep that in mind” I said as politely as I could because I knew I wasn’t going to call them for shit. “Ill get my luggage out of my car, its not much so I’ll be fine if you need to leave”

“oh alright, Ill leave you to settling in and remember that a UA staff will be coming by with your uniforms tomorrow in the afternoon.”

oh jeez I forgot about that, not looking forward to get fat shamed in this country, let alone by a school staff. “oh right! it almost slipped my mind that here you wear uniforms in high school! hehe thank you for the reminder!”

“no problem! Bye bye”

oof! I was getting tired of pretending to be polite to that case worker. The past 3 months has been tough with the whole being sent away from my family and finding a school with nearby housing. At least I can sleep well without thinking where I’ll end up next. I unpack my 3 suitcases of clothes, personal belongings, cosmetics and other nessities. I take out my framed photo of my family and place it on my bed stand, I miss them and the doggos. I try not to cry and continue to put my things away. I made myself dinner, took a bath and laid in bed; and I’m thinking if I should call my parents to tell them I got settled. I checked the time, it was 4am their time, I sent a text instead. 

[Hola mama y papa! ya estoy en mi apartamento, es muy lindo. Llama me cuando puedas, te extrano mucho y tambien a los doggos!]

I haven’t talked to my parents in a week because of the whole phone arrangement and being too busy with the entrance exam. Now I guess I’ll sleep and do some school supply shopping after meeting with the staff member.

-the next day-

Its saturday and its gloomy out and I wake up thinking, great! even the sky knows its going to be a rough day today! I get dressed, eat and gluzzle down my daily 2 cups of coffee. I scroll through my private social media handles to check on my friends, looks like they’re having fun, without me. I suck in the tears because I know DAMN well they’re sad I’m gone too. I distract myself with memes and I think maybe I should make some tea? and some cookies too? do i even have tea? I go through the cupboads and pantry, the case worker wasn’t kidding when they said that I had groceries that’ll last a while! I had 2 different types of tea, dry pastas, canned goods, snacks and some traditional ingredients for japanese and mexican cusine. I go searching for a kettle or teapot and I find a juicer in the way back of the top cupboard. There was a note on the juicer that said ‘to the next tenant, my wife didn’t want to take this big, messy thing to our next place, hope you find use out of this!’ I laugh at the idea that there was probably a lovers quarral over the juicer. I make tea and some green juice, just so I can get rid of the bundle of kale in the fridge, I hate kale. I make some cookies too but its just so I can get my mind off things since I was so nervous on meeting this staff member. Right on the dot, at 3pm, theres a knock at my door. I look through the peep hole and I see this woman with blue eyes and dark purple-ish, black hair in busniess causal attire. I open the door and put on my best ‘everything is ok’ face.

“hello! are you Miss Palma?”

“yes I am! are you the UA staff member with the uniforms?”

“I am! its so nice to meet you, I am Kayama sensei or better know as Midnight”

“Midnight? Ok um, would you like to come inside?”

“oh yes, thank you! Now I understand that you live alone?” she said as she walked in to the apartment.

“yes thats correct, I got here yesterday and settled in”

“oh wow, and at such a young age! Well If you need anything or need to talk about anything thats bothering you, please let me know! This whole you being separated from family and home worries me” She said in the most sincer tone that I almost started crying. I haven’t heard single person talk to me so genuinely since I left America and I need a trusted adult to help me, I heavily considered her offer.

“oh thank you for your offer, I might need some help in a few weeks BUT for now, may I offer you some tea? coffee? green juice? maybe some cookies?”

“green? juice? whats in it? I’ve never heard of green juice before”

“oh right! its a California health culture thing. Its the juice of pinapple, apple, kale, lemon and cucumber. The combination of the fruits and vegetables is for a healthy disgestive system and energy for before or after exersize”

“that sounds tasty! Ill have green juice please”

I serve her the juice and sit across from her in the living room. I see the clothing bags and think that thats alot of clothing bags just to give me 3 sets of uniforms. She drinks the juice and wanted to say something about my expression when I saw the bags but her eyes widened and she looked at the cup of juice.

“OH MY GOODNESS! this is the best and freshest juice I’ve ever had NO JOKE! You said this is a thing where you’re from? I need to invest in a juicer to make this at home!” she said so shocked and I was surprised to recieve the praise like I invented the juice.

“I’m glad you like it! Its like a little slice of my hometown to me to you” 

“oh? ok back to business! I see you eyeing the uniforms, you want to try them on? I brought some sizes up and down from the given mesurements.”

“um ok sure! Let me take these to try on in my room, ill be right out”

I take the bags to my room and I zip them open and I see the white collared shirts, gray blazer looking thing and skirts. I think oh jeez my ass is definately not gonna fit in these bitches. I put on the shirt and blazer that best fit and lastly the skirt, SUPRIZE! you can see my ass cheeks hanging out from the bottom. I walk out of the room to Midnight.

“ok so I found a shirt and top that fits well on me BUT the skirt...” and I turn around and show her my exposed ass cheeks peeking underneath.

“oh dear, thats definately not in regulation! Ok so you need a longer skirt? like... another 6 inches?” she said as she takes out a measuring tape from her purse.

“um yea, if thats doable”

“it is but we won’t have that ready until the 1st day of classes, so I guess for now, try on the pants and see if any of those fit”

Great. I’m going into a new school, misgendered and foreign passing. 2 of the pants in the clothes bag fit well....too well. We said our good byes and I had at least 2 sets of uniforms ready until I get a proper pair. No matter, at least my ass won’t be hanging out at school. I go school supply shopping and came upon the holy grail of stationary, SCENTED PAPER AND GLITTER PENS. Of course in the pastel rainbow colors and matching lead pencils. I get a whole matching set along with a backpack, water bottle and coffee tumbler. I was going to soon regret that matching set (more on that later) but I was just SO happy that I was pink, pretty and sparkly. 

-Fast forward to the 1st day-

I was in a much better mood because the sun was out, the coffee smelled particularly good, I made myself look cute but toned down for a good 1st day impression. I grab my keys and think I think I’m forgeting one detail? What could it be? and I thought Oh! I need to text my parents that I’m happy and I’m going to school now! I am noticably happy that the nice front desk lady of my housing noticed and wished me luck on my 1st day. I get in my car and I have 1 hour to get to school but its only a 8 minute drive and I wanted to circle to find parking and see where the entrance is so I can teleport from wherever I parked. I pass the gates before seeing the parking and I think oh cool its just right there! but Ill still teleport in the front. I park and I don’t even get out of my car, I just hug my backpack and teleport in front of the gates. I start walking toward the gates and try to not smile like an idiot but I start to notice all the looks and stares. And I think oh they just don’t recongize me because I look foreign or didn’t see me at the entrance exams. As a enter the 1st year doors I hear 

‘yo you see that guy? he looks as pretty as a girl! Guess his favorite color is baby pink? Are they wearing eyeliner? I wonder how long is his hair? That bun is tastful, no homo tho!’

I FORGOT THAT PANTS ARE THE BOY’S UNIFORM AND MY SKIRTS ARE STILL BEING TAILORED! I socially already fucked up, guess I won’t be making friends anytime soon. But I guess I’m glad they think I’m a pretty girl in the boy’s uniform? I walk up to the table at the furthest hall on the right that says International Student Check In thats me. I get greeted by a man with a boombox looking thing on their neck, black pants and jacket, small triangle sunnies and yellow hair. 

“HEEYYY welcome to UA!”

“oh thank you! I am Itati Palma, American student”

“okay lets see, palma palma paruma AH found you! OH YOURE THAT JAZZY SAX GIRL THAT TURNED HERO!”

oh jeez who put that on my record?! “hehehe yea thats me”

“coolio jazzy girl! Heres your schedule, pins and a note from Midnight”

“pins?”

“yeeeaahh! pins to put on your uniform to let other students and staff where youre from and get to know you better!”

I open the small manila pouch into my hand and two pins fall into my palm, the American and Mexican flag. I look at them and tried not to cry, I missed my home and chill life in Cali.

“hey hey! your classes are on the 3 hall on the right, door all the way down.”

“oh right!” that snapped me out of my sentiment, “thank you again! Mr?”

“they call me Mic sensei”

“Mic? ok thanks!”

I walk quickly to my classroom, I get to the outside of the door and think welp, heres to 3 years of being called pretty boy and other dumb shit. I open the door and I see 9 desks and 5 people already there. Oh jeez, what a small class size but at least nobody is staring at me. I sit in the middle seat, though I prefer the front desk but they were already claimed! Guess classroom culture is different here too. In front of me was a boy to what I thought was a Japanese native until they turned and I caught a glimpse of their pin, they’re Korean! They noticed my pins too and had a confused look as they gave me a once over.

“You’re an...american? and mexican? You traveled quite a ways”

“um yeah hehe, I am Itati Palma by the way!”

“hmm, nice to meet you Palma-san, I’m Jin Matsui”

“nice to meet you too!”

Before I could ask them where in Korea are they from, the door slammed open. A tall and muscular white-blonde girl walked in, I tried so hard not to stare at them but they looked so tough and wondered if that’s part of their quirk. She sat behind me and Jin and I turned around to get a better look at them. I saw their pins, the Russian and Japanese flag, shes also a foreign student. She looked up with a death stare at me and Jin but then her eyes widened and she smiled. 

“ah! fellow foreigners! Hello!” she spoke in a predominate Russian accent that matches so well with her image.

“um yeah! Hello, I’m Itati Palma”

“Hi, and I’m Jin Matsui”

“Palma-san and Matsui-san?Milana Mikhalia Oleshin, very nice to meet you!”

Oh my! A long and hard to pronounce name, I guess we aren’t at nickname or first name basis yet for everything to go smoother. I turn to my bag because I got a text, its my parents!

[Hola mija! Que bien que estas feliz hoy! Te amo y ponde bien en tus studias, dios te bendiga.]

Oh mom, you have no idea how bad I had it earlier. I look around and see everyone has nice, canvas school bags and I have my baby pink one with a puppy on it. And everyone had normal stationary and you can smell and see mine from across the hall. Oof, what I’d give to redo today. I look at my schedule and see that I have a short school day this semester.

Palma, Itati (F) (International)                             Intelligence Core Program [1-A]

Homeroom......9a-10am..........................................Intelligence Wing, room 1-A

Weaponery.......10:15am-11:50am.........................................Gym

Hero Course [Ethics and Laws].....12p-1:15p...........Hero Wing, room 1-A

Free Period.........2:50p-3:30p.......................................TBA

Intelligence Course[Statistics&Strategy]3:45p-4:40p..Intelligence Wing,room 3-A

Seems like a reasonable schedule, better than America. I didn’t know that Oleshin-san was peeking over my shoulder to read my schedule.

“YOURE THE GIRL THAT TESTED OUT OF GENERAL STUDIES?!”

I jumped in my seat “um yea?”

“I heard about you! The staff and school district are boasting that they got the potentially genius level international students. They said that theres 2 of them here at UA and they are jumping straight into course work! One has placed college level English and 3rd year Level Strategtic Thinking! And thats you!”

Jin turns around, looking bootytickled “erm, what? Let me see your schedule.”

He scans and compares it to his “well theres proof that you are one of those students, but then again, so am I”

I take a look at his, almost identical except they’re not taking the hero course, but second year english. What a weird turn of events that I’d be in the same class as other international students in the same school arrangments? I guess they’re my friends now.

A clean cut man in a blue jumpsuit with multiple patches on the arms opens the door. I just knew they were our teacher, it shows that he’s been through it all and has wisdom to bestow upon us. 

“Hello, good morning students, if you could all take your seats so I can get things started”

Everyone fell into place and was attentive.

“Welcome to the Intelligence Program, You can call me Diya sensei, I’m a retired secret service of Japan better known as Agent 99 code name ‘Space Cowboy’”

I tried so hard not to laugh at that code name, I wondered why he was called that. Maybe his quirk?

“Now to take roll, say present when I say your name”

He finished roll and said “huh, 3 international students? I expect impeccable work from you three. I won’t slow down for you”

I somehow wasn’t scared of that statement. Before moving on to explaining the coursework and lessons, a lizard bolted from the window and to Diya sensei. He let out one of the most high pitched yelps and retreated to the corner. How can a man so sharp and decorated, be reduced to a crying mess over a lizard? Matsui-san captures the fast lizard and wraps it in his gym towel to take outside after homeroom. Sensei regains his composure and continues class like nothing happened. After homeroom, we all had weaponery but we didn’t get to use any gear or weapons yet. Instead we got measured for our jumpsuits and PE clothes plus got settled in the locker rooms. To my surprise it was co-ed locker rooms since it was a small class size and only 3 girls. Everyone was respectful of eachother’s bodies and privacy. Next I was supposed to go to the ethics class but in Midnight’s note, she said that I start that class on Wednesday so for the time being, I have to report to the staff room to meet with them. I go to the staff room and on the way I see a class doing drills with quirks outside, it looked fun and everyone looked so focused. I get to the staff room and Midnight hands me my tailored skirts and 3rd set of uniform. I also got to know the other teachers and staff including the principal, a big ass fuckin rat. I was about to punt that bitch when they opened the door if they didn’t start talking. Other than that, it was a nice time and then there was lunch. I walked in the cafeteria and saw the long ass lines and said ‘fuck that’, so I teleported to my car and ate my packed food in there. Next was my free period, Midnight said that it was alright for me to wander around campus so I can get to know the place better so I can teleport from class to class. I wander around without my bag, just my phone and schedule with school map folded in my pocket. I go to the hero wing to find the 1-A room, nobody was in there, maybe its gym time for them? I pass by a group of 3 upper classmen, A boy with black hair and pointy ears, a taller boy with lemon colored hair and a girl with long sky blue hair. They all looked at me as I passed by and I felt intimidated because they have a strong presence to them but I didn’t know why or how. I hid behind the corner and heard them talking about me,

“did you see that? I made accidental eye contact and I think I’m going to be sick”

“hmm, do you think thats the international student Mirio? They had an american flag pin”

“Maybe? Theres no description of them other than they’re American and a 1st year in the Intelligence program”

“wait, sceret service? I thought they saved their school from a gang by disabling the leader? Why are we interested in her again Mirio?”

“She’s a true hero Amajiki! We could learn alot from her and maybe change their mind to be a hero, like they were meant to be”

What the heck was that Lemon boy going off about? A hero? Change my mind? Learn from me? I turned the corner to tell them off but they were gone and I wasn’t about to go looking for them. I wander some more and the bell rings and a swarm of students come out of their classrooms, I couldn’t naviagate around and I think, guess Ill teleport, BUT THEN I COULDN’T! Like when I was acting up back home and my mom would use her erasure quirk on me to prevent me from escaping. But my mom couldn’t be here!? Then what the fuck is going on? Then a man’s voice from behind me spoke,

“are you lost young lady?”

I turn around and I’m shaking in fear before I even see this mystery man. I see him and he’s a tall, dark long haired with eye bags. I knew right away he was the one who erased my quirk, his eyes glowed the same way my mom did when she activated her quirk. Mom i thought and how much I missed her and I couldn’t hold back my tears this time. I cried in front of this man I just met. He arched his brow then gazed his eyes on my flag pins. He gasped and deactivated his quirk.

“oh no I’m sorry Miss! I didn’t mean to scare you to tears, are you alright?”

I stammered “um uhhhh -sniff- I’m, I’m ok! um I’ll just leave” 

“no please, let me escort you to your next class, I feel terrible for making you cry. Especially on the 1st day”

I felt sort of better when he offered, I let him walk with me.

“you didn’t scare me, I cried because you and my mother have the same quirk and looking at your glowing eyes reminded me of her and how much I miss her”

“oh! same quirk you say? Were you a trouble maker?”

“nah, I would try to teleport away when it was time to do housework when I was younger and she’d disable my quirks so I couldn’t escape and HAD to do chores”

He laughed “what a woman! Say, your not from around here huh?”

“nope, I’m from America with hispanic roots”

“OH! you’re an ethnic American! That’s why you have two flags.”

“yup, I got here about a week ago and settled about 3 days ago”

“yeah, Midnight told me about you. You’re a very unique indivdual, how are your classes so far?”

“nothing interesting yet”

“well hopefully things pickup soon, oh i think this is your wing”

“um oh yea it is, thank you for walking me over, Mr?”

“Mr Aizawa, or better known as Eraserhead”

“Eraserhead? um ok thanks again!”

“no problem, see you wednesday”

“wednesday?”

“yea, I’m the Hero Course ethics teacher. See you then!”

Then this man deadass walks away after dropping that bomb on me? What a legend, can’t wait to sit in his class. My last class was more up my alley and the upperclassmen were so nice that I didn’t feel any different from them. I walked to my car to reflect on all the shit that happened today and what I am going to do to make school bearable. The drive to my place was pleasant but I saw a bunch of students walking together like they just became friends and wanted to spend more time together. I felt a little lonely when I got home, I remembered when I was in america and I would talk to my friends after school and how they’d wait for me after band practice to hang out. I took off my uniform and hanged up my new ones and had one really good cry. I haven’t cried that hard in months and it was much needed for my mental health. I washed up and ate and tried to just forget all the dumb shit of the day when I laid down to sleep.

-fast foward to Wednesday-

“hey Palma-san! did you do the online homework for stats and strats?”

“yee, did you?” I said knowing damn well what Matsui-san was going to say.

“psh! course I did, I was just making sure you did it so you might have something to do during free period”

“HEY! T-posing through the halls IS a viable thing to do! I was studying where everthing is on campus for future use”

“IS NOT WHEN YOU LEVITATE AND SCREECH IN THE BOYS BATHROOM WHILE I’M IN THERE!”

Before I could retort back, Oleshin-san butted in,

“aye Palma-san, you excited for your hero course class?”

“oof yee, the teacher is kinda hot”

“I SAW and I’m jealous! You have to tell me if the boys in that class are hot too!”

“ugh, don’t you two have better things to talk about than butts and boys?”

“I’m so excited tho! To meet anybody thats outside our program and learning new things?! I just hope they like me, I even made them cookies”

“Palma-san nani the heck!? I want a cookie”

“You guys can get a cookie during lunch if theres any leftovers”

I quickly change after weapons class and bolt to the hero wing. I walk down the hall and I’m really feeling nervous! I look at my coffee tumbler and felt calmer as I took a sip. Ok Ita, you can do this, no chickening out now I psych myself up as I stand in front of the door. I open the door, expecting everyone to be strewn about and talking...nope. I walk in and everyone is in their seats and sensei was standing up in the front and I disrupted them. Everyone was staring and I instantly get flushed and I check to make sure I was in the right classroom and said,

“did I fuck up?”

“no actually I was just talking about you, perfect timing!” said Aizawa with a smile. “why don’t you come up and introduce yourself?”

“um ok” I said as I scanned the room. I got up to the front, chugged down my coffee for dominance, did a quick spin for drama and put on my ‘I swear I slept a normal amount of sleep last night’ face. 

“Hi hello~ My name is Itati Palma and I’m from America! The reason I don’t look like one is because my ethnic background is hispanic, or in other words, both of my parents are from Mexico but I was born in America. My quirk isn’t the strongest or the most useful BUT I can be of better help in other parts of combat, so please, we don’t have to be friends but lets all work hard together” I bow respectfully and turn to sensei.

“nice speech kid, you can take the seat on the third row”

“um ok thanks”

As I’m walking toward my seat, sensei walks out saying he’ll be right back with more handouts. I sit and I feel all eyes on me, giving me the once over. The person in front of me has a bird head but normal human body from the neck down, the person behind me has half their face covered with multiple limbs and the person on my left has red spiky hair and was staring REALLY hard at me. I almost didn’t want to look at them until sensei came back, I just sat there blushing really hard.

“Kirishima! stop staring at her! Can’t you see you’re making her uncomfortable?!” said the boy with glasses making chopping motions.

“Oh sorry! Its just that I’ve never seen curly hair of that type in person, you have really nice hair and your backpack is cute”

“um thank you, I feel sorta out of place with it tho, everyone else has normal bags”

“tch, makes you look like a little girl” muttered the boy with the blonde hair.

“Kacchan thats so rude! I think their choice of bag is cute and different in a good way” said some broccoil looking ass.

“well um, not to change the subject, but I made you guys cookies! I got up extra early to bake them”

“Cookies?! oh how sweet of you!” joked the pink girl.

“Oh here, let me help you with that” said the boy with glasses as he stood up.

“oh no I got this” I take out a package of colorful napkins and the box of cookies and I toss the napkins up and activate my quirk to pass out the napkins. Then I opened the box and gave everyone a cookie and gave sensei 3.

“so cool! you passed out the treat without getting up!” squealed what I assume to be the invisible girl.

“THESE COOKIES ARE SOOO YUMMY TOO!” proclaimed the boy with a black streak in their yellow hair.

Everyone was in a better mood and I got compliments for my cookies, I was in my happy place. After class, as I was packing my bag, the boy with the glasses came up to my desk

“thank you for the cookie, Palma-san, you really know how to bring a crowd together”

“oh thank you, uhhhhh”

“hm? OH my name is Tenya Iida, sorry I forgot to introduce myself earlier”

“Iida-san? oh its alright, its nice to meet you” 

“I haven’t seen you around halls, sensei tells us your in a different program? Is it true?”

“Yes its true, also the school is kinda big and I can be easy to miss in a crowd because I’m so short”

“I see, well its lunch time! May I walk you to the lunch room?”

“oh thank you but I usually eat in the parking lot” I soon regreted my words because this square faced, glasses wearing ass gasped and grabbed me by the wrist followed by dragging me down the hall.

“You’ve been by yourself during such social time?! Now I have a better reason to bring you to the lunch group!”

“eating by yourself isn’t a huge deal” I say but looking back, thats all I’ve been doing.

“A true hero never lets a fellow classmate eat alone!”

I get aggitated and retort “well what if they want to be alone!” as I teleport out of his grip and 3 feet behind him. He sees the whole thing and stopped on the dime, he was shocked.

“you, you used your quirk to escape my grip? What is your quirk exactly?”

“Heck, um its Mid-range Telekinesis, I can levitate, levitate others and objects and teleport about 2 miles at a time.”

“thats incredible power! what do you mean your quirk isn’t strong or useful?! You’re gifted in so many ways!”

I wasn’t having fun anymore, he wasn’t letting me talk or left me alone when I said I wanted to. 

“please stop”

“hmm? stop what”

“stop, talking about my quirk like I’m some sort of show horse” 

“Show horse? no no no! I didn’t mean to-”

“STOP!” I didn’t want to hear it, I just wanted to hide. Tears were welling up in my eyes.

“what is going on here? Tenya, what are doing to that poor girl?” it was Midnight. “oh no, are you ok Itati?” and I start to cry when she made eye contact with me. 

“its ok, you’re ok! please don’t feel sad” she comforted me as she held me, “why don’t you go to lunch Tenya, I’ll take care of things here”

“but I- I mean-”

“please, she’s been through too much already”

He walked away, looking back every few steps. Midnight escorted me to the staff room so I can calm down a bit and talk about what happened.

“You want to talk about it?” she asked me softly.

“yea, the school culture is too much for me”

“how so? Are you not making friends? Are the classes too hard?”

“its mostly the students outside of my program, they’re too into their hero agenda to be the best that they aren’t considering other’s personal feelings or perfernces”

I then tell her about the 3 upper classmen that talked about me and what Iida told me as they dragged me down the hall.

“oh I see now, it almost feels like you’re being targeted and pressured.”

“yeah, I want to learn about this hero culture more but this is too much at once. It’s strange because back home, I was so used to be part of the crowd and stand out when I wanted to. And here it feels like I breathe a little too loud and I’m suddenly getting looks”

“ok, I’m glad you aren’t giving up. But if they start getting physical and racist, please let any of the staff know.”

“alright, Thank you Midnight! I don’t know what I’d do without you”

I go about my day and tell Matsui and Oleshin what happened after school. They weren’t too keen about it,

“That glasses wearing asshole!”

“yea not good on a future hero if you tell me”

“We got your back Palma-san”

“YEAH! we international students have to stick together, its scary being alone”

“yea Matusi-san is right. If any of those hero asses try any of us, I’ll flex on them and toss them in the trash!” Oleshin-san said as she flexed her strong arms.

“And I can portal us to safety or anywhere really” Matsui-san said as he jumped.

“oh guys! I’m gonna cry again!” I said because I was so touched by their words.

“and I’ll T-pose, screech and rise on them. Maybe levitate them in the trash too”

We all laugh as we flex and T-pose together in the school parking lot. They walked me to my car. We were about to part ways to head home when I said

“hey, um you guys can call me Ita, if you want”

“Ita? then you can call me Jin”

“oh we doing short hand! then you can call me Mimi”

“Jin and Mimi huh? ok! see you guys tomorrow”

“bye!”

“until tomorrow”

As I drove home, I thought Holy shit I just made friends.

-End Chapter 1-

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[gaeidthesnake-blog]

I’mma do this. This is me as a character, not me as a DID system member.

Character Chart Character’s full name: ga’Eid Kemerre Reason or meaning of name: It’s a name I... kinda improvised, actually. After I found myself suddenly in the outskirts of a city with no knowledge of who or where I was, I kinda lurked around a bit. I realized some people seemed to not be from around there, so after encountering enough of them, I made up a name that sounded kinda like it might have been from wherever they were from. Character’s nickname: “The Snake” Reason for nickname: Because I sneak around in the shadows and use poison. Birth date: So... turns out I was created, not born. Not sure what day that was, either. It was a long time ago. Physical appearance Age: Almost 300 (Spoiler - actually almost 800, but at the beginning of the story, I don’t know that) How old does he/she appear: Mid 20′s Weight: A little over 80 lbs Height: 4′4″ Body build: Lean and slender Shape of face: Uh... rat face-shaped? Eye color: Amber Glasses or contacts: I got an eyepatch. Does that count?  Skin tone: Kinda ashen,with either tan fur or green scales over it Distinguishing marks: I’m missing my left eye and right arm. Predominant features: My mane? Hair color: Olive Type of hair: Stiff and starchy Hairstyle: Wild, with a lot of it sticking up and leaning back, and some extra length in the rear Voice: Really scratchy. If you’ve played Fallout 4... I basically sound like Hancock. Overall attractiveness: Conventionally unattractive. Physical disabilities: See “distinguishing marks” Usual fashion of dress: I dress like a hobo. Favorite outfit: Pants, sash, bandoliers, and a cloak Jewelry or accessories: I usually have a band around a lock of my mane, on the right side. Personality Good personality traits: I guess... I care about others? I want to do the right thing? Bad personality traits: Hoo boy... I’m an emotional wreck living with depression and sometimes paranoia. I’m overwhelmed with pain, I wanna die, but I don’t wanna leave the world without *someone* filling my role, so... well, let’s just say, I’m not the best father. I’m also obsessed over the fact that I was artificially created and worried about the existential questions that brings up about who I really am and whether or not there’s a real “me” or if I’m just an extension of someone else’s will. Mood character is most often in: Anxious Sense of humor: Sarcastic and often self-deprecating Character’s greatest joy in life: Iunno... I feel like I’d actually have something I enjoyed, if I ever got a chance to just relax and enjoy the simple things in life. Character’s greatest fear: Something bad happening to people I care about when I’m not around to stop it. That, or finding out none of my thoughts are really my own because I don’t really exist as an individual. Why? Because a lot of my friends died in situations like that, and because *someone* created me, and did so for a reason. What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? My life’s already *in* turmoil! Character is most at ease when: Never. Most ill at ease when: There’s a lull in activity, and nothing to distract me, and I can hear the voices of my dead friends from long ago, and see their dead faces, asking me why I let them die... Enraged when: Someone withholds something needed from someone I care about Depressed or sad when: Always Priorities: Raise my adopted son to be good at what I do so he can replace me and I can die; help people while I’m still alive Life philosophy: If granted one wish, it would be: To start over fresh, on my own terms Why? Character’s soft spot: The vulnerable Is this soft spot obvious to others? ... Yeah, sometimes. Greatest strength: Stealth, agility, poison use and resistance Greatest vulnerability or weakness: I’m not really that physicall strong or durable Biggest regret: Letting my friends die... Minor regret: Being an emotionally neglectful dad to my adopted son. Biggest accomplishment: Being the top spy of the Milandrian Revolution Minor accomplishment: Hiding my real age and origin Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about:I wouldn’t be embarrassed about anything in my past... Just deeply ashamed... Why? See above? Character’s darkest secret: I got lotsa secrets. I guess “dark” depends on your perspective. Does anyone else know? I think Ro might - and I’d like to find her, to learn how and why. Goals Drives and motivations: Individuality, freedom, protection of others Immediate goals: Help protect Ufera from these devils that just showed up Long term goals: Find the truth about my origins, make sure the world’s safe, end my life with as few regrets as possible How the character plans to accomplish these goals: Find Ro, defeat the devils, make sure the world’s not gonna get wrecked without me How other characters will be affected: People in general’d be safer and... well... I hope Madün turns out okay... Past Hometown: No hometown, but I spent a lot of time in the Erresse forest after settling down there with a group of fleeing rebels. Type of childhood: No childhood Pets: None First memory: Showing up in the outskirts of a city that no longer exists Most important childhood memory: None Why: Never had a childhood Childhood hero: None Dream job: Spy for life, yo. Either that, or adventurer or investigator. Education: Self-taught Religion: None Finances: We didn’t use money that much back then. We either bartered or offered services. Present Current location: Libar, slums Currently living with: A gang of street vigilantes and the downtrodden Pets: None Religion: None Occupation: Rogue Finances:  I can get money when I need it, but I tend not to need it that much, since I prefer the humble life. Family Mother: None Relationship with her: None Father: I suspect I was created by Ro’s mysterious “boss.” Relationship with him: I want to find him and get answers. Siblings: I suspect Ro was also created, just like me, so... her? Maybe? Relationship with them: I want to find her and get answers. Spouse: No spouse... I was in love, once... Relationship with him/her: He’s dead now. Children: I have an adopted son named Madün. Relationship with them: Well... not the best... and it’s kinda my fault. Other important family members: None Favorites Color: Forest green Least favorite color: Iunno?  Music: Anything that sounds haunting, with nice string usage. Food: Bugs. Literature: Documents? Form of entertainment: Hanging out at the tavern Expressions: “Eh.” “Meh.” Mode of transportation: Walking, running, jumping, flipping, tumbling, crawling, sneaking... Most prized possession: None. Habits Hobbies: Info-gathering Plays a musical instrument? Nope. Plays a sport? Nope. How he/she would spend a rainy day: Looking for worms Spending habits: Frugal Smokes: Nope. Drinks: A lot - but I don’t get drunk. I’m naturally poison-resistant, and I’ve developed that resistance even further to be practically immune. Other drugs: I was on hallucinogenic toads for a long time. I don’t do that now, though. What does he/she do too much of? ... Iunno? Regretting things? What does he/she do too little of? Relaxing. Not like I can, though. Extremely skilled at: Spying. Extremely unskilled at: Resolving inner conflicts? Nervous tics: Sometimes, my ears and nose twitch in weird ways. Usual body posture: Leaning forward, kinda crouching Mannerisms: I just talk really informally. Peculiarities: ... I like eating bugs? I don’t even try to hide it. Honestly, I’m not sure what the fuss is. They’re nutritious, they taste good... Why’s everyone so afraid? Traits Optimist or pessimist? Pessimist. Introvert or extrovert? Introvert. Daredevil or cautious? A mix of both. I have a dangerous job, what can I say? Logical or emotional? Logical when I’m on the job, emotional when I’m not. Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? Messy, but not necessarily disorderly. Methodical, but *definitely* not neat. Prefers working or relaxing? I never relax. I prolly need to, but the moment I do, something bad’s bound to happen, I just know it... Confident or unsure of himself/herself? Unsure. Animal lover? Eh... Iunno. I wouldn’t go outta my way to hurt them, but I also don’t really care for them too much. Self-perception How he/she feels about himself/herself: Total shit. One word the character would use to describe self: Wreck. One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: “I’m a weird emotional wreck living with depression and sometimes paranoia. I’m overwhelmed with pain, I wanna die, but I don’t wanna leave the world without *someone* filling my role, so of course I ended up adopting a kid and trying to force him into being a spy like a fucking father-of-the-year. I also got other personal problems to deal with. You prolly heard a lot of stuff about me, about how I’m a *big fuckin’ hero* or *intriguing mystery man* or some shit, and you were prolly expecting someone a lot better than, well, *this*, so... sorry ‘bout that, but I ain’t who you think I am.” What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? Iunno? What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? The tendency to leave my friends behind when they need me. What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? My slender physique? What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? The teeth. They’re actually pretty average for a dendago, but... not a lot of non-dendago find them attractive. How does the character think others perceive him/her: Better than they should, and with too many grandiose preconceptions. What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: My entire life. Relationships with others Opinion of other people in general: They need protecting. Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? Hell yes. Person character most hates: Myself. Best friend(s): I guess... Gavion? Iunno, I’m not really close to anyone. Love interest(s): Listen, I got a lot of FWB’s, but nothing more than that. I’m not really one to fall in love. Can’t really commit to that with everything else going on. Person character goes to for advice: Maybe Gavion, but rarely. Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: I feel responsible for EVERYONE... Person character feels shy or awkward around: No one specific, but... anyone who reminds me of Albren. Person character openly admires: No one. Person character secretly admires: Everyone but me. Most important person in character’s life before story starts: Madün... kinda. After story starts: Madün. [Just a reminder: All of this is for me as a character, not me as an introject. Some of it still applies, but a lot of it’s old info that doesn’t really apply to me now that I’m here.]

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #46

honestly too lazy to muse over song lyrics so hey let’s get into it.

has anyone ever called you sexy? jason did the first time he saw me in a bikini and i blushed like a bitch. do you like raisins? NO what is your favorite bug? butterflies what is your opinion on abortion? lmao do you REALLY want me to get into that one? what is your opinion on gay marriage? it's fine. what is your opinion on gay adoption? also fine, so long as you don't raise said child to think being gay is "normal," like A LOT of people seem to think. now before i get blown up with notes about how "i'm calling being gay bad," NO. normal and bad are two very different things. being gay is a mutation, thus is not normal. but is it bad? no. it irks me when people think that being gay is normal, bc it's not, and a gullible child should not be told differently. do you take pictures of yourself on a daily basis? absolutely not. would you rather freeze or burn to death?  burn, only because freezing would be agonizingly slow you've just died, and you're given the choice of reincarnation, being a spirit, or going to heaven/hell, wherever you belong.  i wanna go to heaven. have peace. you're in prison. would you think about trying to escape and running away?  no. i'd get caught.  they always do in the end. you're getting married! where’s your honeymoon? idk tbh. aside from any current relationships, what was your closest relationship ever? me and jason do you give good massages?  well. jason has a terrible back so i used to give him massages a lot and they always ended with us making out so lol. when’s the last time you went against your eating habits or religion (ex. eating beef when you’re muslim)?  never even if you are not christian or never celebrated christmas, do you think you will raise your (possible future) children to believe in santa clause? why or why not? absolutely!! it's all in good fun and it stimulates the imagination. jason never believed in santa and when i found out, i remember i felt really sad for him. when you have nightmares, do they normally have the same theme (ex. always being killed) or do they just relate to something going on in your life at the moment/random? sigh. they're always about jason rejecting me in one way or another. what type of clothing do you hate to see on (other) women? what type of clothing do you hate to see on (other) men?  i do NOT like skanky clothes, ex. shorts that literally show off your ass or shirts with an immense amount of cleavage. i can't stand baggy pants on men. do you believe america should legalize drugs? if you think they should legalize only some drugs, which drugs do you think they should legalize?  ... no??? what the fuck's next, legalizing murder bc it would deter murderers??? would you vote a homosexual president into office? why or why not? yes, because why not? what's your most embarrassing sex (or sexual) story? if you haven't had sex, talk about an embarrassing sex story you heard. i've told this before in an old survey: that time i'm pretty damn sure i was about to orgasm but instead i had a panic attack because i didn't understand what i was feeling lmao besides pornography, what is a website you frequent and don't want anyone to know? first let it be known that i don't watch porn. it's disgusting. two, the meerkat role-play site i take part in because i find rp embarrassing to the public eye. would you support marijuana legalization if it were taxed and distributed in a way similar to alcohol? nope what do you most want to improve upon in yourself? not allow my happiness to be dependent on others if you were throwing your significant other / best friend a themed party, what would the theme be? elephants! she loves them! how often do you get fountain drinks from a gas station? like, once a month? who is your favorite character in your favorite movie? hmmm... i'm honestly tied between the mad hatter and the cheshire cat! what'​​s your curre​nt boy situa​tion?​​ i'm single, but i just joined a dating site like... yesterday so i guess you could say i'm looking. it's honestly embarrassing to me personally to be on a dating site, but after a month's worth of thought, i decided i think that's what's best for me. gave you ever donat​ed blood​?​​ yes. have you ever been to seawo​rld? yep. what video game should everybody play at least once?  "silent hill 2." NO, not because it's my favorite game, but that damn message. it shows that you cannot run from your past and regrets; you instead have to face up to them. what is impossible to understand until it happens to you? mental illnesses what’s a weird thing you are scared of? WHALE SHARKS what is the most enjoyable exercise? biking how much time do you spend putting on makeup daily? i usually don't wear makeup. but if i do, gimme like five minutes have you ever worn faux eyelashes? nope what color is your flash-drive? pink when’s the next time you’ll change your hairstyle and will you color it? hairstyle will remain the same, gotta get the layers trimmed tho. i'm getting galaxy hair after my red fades!! has anyone ever called you fake and do you agree with them? no. do you make an effort to talk to all of your facebook friends, or are there certain people that you talk to the most? nope. i mean i'll "like" some of their statuses and whatnot, but i don't talk to most of them anymore. do you hate your weight? very much so. what kind of mood are you in atm? is someone else responsible for that mood? i'm anxious to do something, and no. who was the last person that asked to hang out with you? tell me the story of how you met that person, everything you remember. colleen asked to hang out a couple days back, spent the night two days. :D i met her in girl scouts, but i barely remember back then. we really bonded in middle school. if you knew that one of your friends was considering suicide, what would you say to them? it really depends on their situation.0 have you ever worn colored mascara? if not, would you ever think about trying it? and if you have, what is / was your favorite color to wear? ohhh, i haven't, but that'd be cool! who was the last person to pay you a compliment? my dentist. she liked my hair. what color is your purse/wallet? my purse is maroon and black. my wallet is red, black, and white. it's got a harley quinn design on it. before facebook became popular, did you use any other social networking site, like bebo or myspace? i had myspace. which disney princess do you think is the most beautiful? why? uhhh... aesthetically... i guess belle, maybe? or jasmine? if i’m going to buy you a box of chocolates, which kind should I definitely NOT get? DO NOT GET ME THE KINDS WITH FILLING OTHER THAN CHOCOLATE ITSELF OMG if you met the celebrity that you most admire, what would be the first thing you’d say to him/her? "thank you for saving my life" when you’re going to be at home all day, do you bother to get out of your pajamas? nope. given the choice, would you rather drink juice or soda? soda. i'm aware that's terrible, lol. how many piercings do you have? are there any more that you want? i have two in each earlobe, my tragus, my cartilage, and my nose done. i want a labret lip piercing and the snake eyes tongue piercing, as well as more on my ears. do you play angry birds? no. i recently watched the movie with friends tho, and it's so cute! do you tend to get hungry late at night? YEAH has anyone ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend with you? yeah. we didn't actually date, but it was serious flirting, and i consider that cheating. do you blow dry your hair? NO NO NO YOU NEVER WANT TO BLOW DRY MY HAIR. it's thick af and will literally take you 10+ minutes to get completely dry. if you’ve ever had and quit a job, did you actually call in and quit or put in your two weeks notice or did you just stop showing up? at my first job, i talked face-to-face with the manager and didn't show up after i quit. at my second job, i texted my boss and didn't show up after that. do you tend to baby or take care of the people you date, or do you tend to date alpha types that take care of you? ehhh, both? like i think it's in MOST females' nature to be motherly, and i was like that with my ex, but my ex definitely cared for me, too. how would you feel if the person you were interested in refused to perform oral sex on you? i wouldn't mind. i find oral gross, anyway. when you get upset do you have any physical reactions, like prickles in your spine or your knees going weak? my head gets this weird tingling sensation. do you ever “facebook stalk” or go through facebook albums of attractive boys/girls that you have mutual friends with (but haven’t met in person)? do you ever add them? nope. hypothetically speaking, if you ever give birth to a son, would you have him circumcised? yes, in interest of his health. which of your facebook friends posts the most annoying/irritating/enraging facebook posts? what do they post? oh my GOSH, a friend i met at the hospital, whom i won't name for her privacy. she's BEYOND pro-choice, bashes EVERYONE who disagrees with her, posts a billion rants a day, and is just... very shallow in what she shares. is there something that a person can do and watching them do it makes you quite a bit attracted to them for it (e.g., watching someone play guitar, watching a someone work on a car, etc.)? many things, yeah, like the two you listed, but more. what accent do you find most difficult to understand? southern, but only when it's VERY heavy. what movie never fails to make you cry? "the notebook" do you like 3d movies? sure have you ever practiced kissing on a stuffed animal? nope do you let music move your body, or do you hold back? i always hold back why is your favorite store your favorite? i find their clothes aesthetically pleasing can you handle the stress of working in food/customer service? NONONONONO what kind of place would you want to raise your children? idk, the same state i was raised in, i guess. would you let your child have a pet? depends on their age, really. if i think they're mature enough to care for it themselves, yes. do you enjoy talking to people over webcam? NO CAN YOU SAY AWKWARD would you rather die or eat another human being? die. how would you react if a doctor told you that you were infertile? i'd be... pretty devastated. i want kids, but at the same time, i'm so scared to have another life under my supervision. idk. do you like meatball subs? sure. have you been baptized in any religious tradition? yep. what is your favorite meal of the day? breakfast what season were you born in? winter what’s your favorite breed of dog? idk, i like akita inus, chow-chows, beagles... do you use twitter? nope are you a good babysitter?   not particularly.  i'm awkward with kids. how old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?   sigh.  he'll be 23 in two days. what’s the relationship with you and the last person you kissed?   we're nothing but strangers now. has anyone ever told you they were in love with you?   he was apparently full of shit.

[pens-spill-emotion-blog]

Writing While Under The Influence of Marijuana

In my experience, life is ever-changing. Yes, that is cliche to say but it’s true.

I’m high right now and since ive been thinking about writing lately i decided i should practice and exercise that writing muscle.

Writing scares me because theres a very thin line between writing your heart and soul into a paper and writing something to share with others.

Its hard to seperate pieces of writing that are about emotions from pieces of writing that are about logic because to me, all art writing is an emotion expression at all times.

Not just a form of communication but an act of making thoughts and sometimes feelings into tangible, seen things.

You can take any moment and turn it into a piece of paper with words on it

Writing is the ability to capture moments, emotions, thoughts and turn them into materialistic reality.

Reading one sentence can change someone's perspective of life and everything that they do on a daily basis.

Isnt that crazy

Just reading a text (a form of writing) can change your entire mood for the day

Im really high right now.

Sometimes i think that being really high isnt good for me

Or not as good for me as i think it may be when i decide to do it

Sometimes im scared that ill always regret my life and my decisions

And sometimes i think ill be alone in the end

Because i push people away so much

I hate being alone

Its the scariest thing when you have no one else to trust

When you never let anyone help you with anything for fear that they might find an invulnerability of yours and use it against you

You may have family but parents and brothers and sisters never have the connection with you that youd have with your partner.

I talk about alot of sad stuff when i start typing lol

Maybe thats how i am in real life and i just dont see it

I should learn how to be more positive

Vibe with people

Stop complaining

I remember when i lived in tennessee

It was a sunny warm day

It was summer i think

No school

I woke up and immediately took neo to the field by our house

This field was once filled by a house, until it burned down

There was this one tree over to the corner of the field close to the neighbors fence

I used to climb it when i got tired of being alone

But when neo and i went we just played ball and chased each other around in circles

I fucking love that dog

Hes such a loving well behaved chill dog

He loves playing and cuddling with the fan on

He loves chasing me around and play fighting with my hands

He loves running after the ball. Hes amazing

Anyway

It was a sunny day on this field, i remember the grass was the greenest of greens.

Neo was a spoiled dog whose leash was retractable so he basically dragged me there knowing thats where we were headed. As soon as we got there i took the leash off of him. He usually behaved with just me talking to him.

We just sat in the grass and cuddled and wrestled

I took photos of him in the grass smiling at me.

My hair was a coke can red and i had the brightest blue eyes

I feel like my eyes are brighter when that dog is around.

If humans and dogs had soul mate bonds i bet neo would be mine

It makes me sad because he wont be around for such a long time.

Thinking about it makes me want to cry

I think when his day comes i want him to have lived to an old age

Probably 14 atleast

I want him to not look any older than he did when he was 5

I want him to know that we loved him and i loved him the best that i ever could

I want him to have a big chocolate cake if we put him down

And i want him to have a warm comfy bed to lay in with my arms around him if he dies in his sleep

I want him to know that his soul can move on to wherever it goes and i want him to know that he was the best dog a girl could ever have gotten. I just want him to feel loved

Because he was

He is

Damn he aint dead yet girl chill

Im like lowkey boutta cry

Ima take another hit

Okay i took another hit

I hope that writing is my talent

Like i feel like i write pretty bad i mean look at all this shit

I jump from topic to topic like no other.

But nothing else seems to fit for me so i really hope that this is the one

I enjoy it i feel like its relaxing as hell.

The other day i had this idea about a book

Cranberries

Weird right? Well ill sell whoevers reading this on it

Im not sure about the setting yet but short explanation is

A little girl and her grandpa wake up every morning around 5 am and drink a glass of cranberry juice

Its their tradition, and when stuff is bad for them both they continue to do that throughout the little girls life. Until her grandpa dies. And it would be all dramatic like she would wake up one morning when shes like 15 and he wouldnt be there to drink cranberry juice but her mom would be there and shed tell her like your grandfathers in the hospital. For whatever reason i havent decided. And so she would get her learners permit so she could drive to the hospital with her mom every morning to get there by 5 and drink a glass with him until he dies. Bam and thats my thought so far but like so theres a male and a female perspective in like two different parts of the globe and each of their stories has to do with cranberries and then they both have big aspirations to be a writer and a choreographer in New York city, and they meet through their friend who is a director of movies and knows the writer from editing scripts and knows the choreographer from filming a scene in a big movie about dancing.so they meet up and they hang out at this party that the director hosts and im getting tired now

So good night

[fanfiction-mania]

Risk it All (Chapter 3)

p.o.v Ellington

 Rydel had just told me what was up with Rocky sort of and i know it shouldnt really make me upset by what she said but i have a feeling whatever it is Rocky was going to tell Rydel isnt good. i can imagine it hasnt really sunk in yet for her that he said what he was planning to tell her could ruin our career. now i have two things to do. i have to get rydel to realize that what she told me could end badly and then i have to go find Rocky so i can try to find out what it is that may potentially ruin our career. i went back over to rydel considering i had walked away from her in frustration just moments earlier. "hey Rydel can i talk to you alone for a sec?" i said sounding concerned. "yeah whats up?" she said clearly not noticing the concern in my voice at all what so ever. "you are aware of what Rocky said right?" she gave me a confused stare. "i dont think its sunk in quite yet for you, you told me that what your brother was going to tell you could potentially ruin our career." i said in a clear tone hoping that she would understand better. all of a sudden her face lit up but then it filled with worry in under a single second. "well im going to leave you with your thoughts now." I said before walking away to go find Rocky. Once I found rocky I grabbed him by the shoulder and spoke. "So what exactly was it that you planned to tell Rydel." I left out the fact that Rydel had said that whatever it was could potentially ruin our career. All of a sudden he looked like a deer in headlights. "You know you can tell me anything, Rocky you are my best friend, you know you can trust me." I said even though I know I will more than likely not like whatever it is that he's going to say. He didn't even bother to speak. Instead he just walked away most likely going to find Rydel, All of a sudden about three minutes later I heard yelling from another room.

P.o.v Rocky

I walked away from Ellington so I could go talk to Rydel and finally tell her what was on my mind which I was feeling completely confident about until I saw her. As she looked over at me I panicked and walked into the nearest room which was the bathroom. Perfect! I can now give myself a pep talk. I stood in front of the mirror for a minute or so weighing the pro's and con's of the situation until I was finally able to convince myself to just get it done and over with. I walked out of the bathroom with much more confidence then I had before although I am still slightly nervous. I walked up to Rydel and I spoke. "If you are still willing to hear what I was going to tell you I think I'm ready to tell you" I said sounding as confident as I possibly could which still wasn't all that confident due to my nerves driving me up a god damn wall. "Okay do you wanna talk in private?" She asked with worry in her eyes. It is almost as if she knows what is coming. "Yeah that might be a good idea" I said now nervous as ever but in the back of my mind I know damn well if I don't tell her now I probably never will and it will just eat me alive. She lead me into her room and she patted the spot beside her after she sat down on her bed. I sat down next to her and exhaled loudly. "Okay so what I was going to say before was that I have been having some thoughts lately and they aren't particularly good ones..." She all of a sudden cut me off "wait... Hold up... You aren't having suicidal thoughts... Are you?" She looked at me with more worry in her eyes than I have ever seen in my whole life. I looked at her like she was crazy for a second "oh god no! I would never!" I said kind of giggling while speaking in attempt to lighten up the mood a bit. After that she sighed heavily which then triggered an awkward silence. Finally after a minute or so the mood of conversation was back to serious. "So what exactly was it that you were planning to tell me?" She asked with a serious but still worried tone in her voice. "Well what I was going to say was that I have had some thoughts that aren't particularly good ones but not suicidal ones. Its just lately I've had this feeling towards someone that I know aren't right in any means and I'm just trying to cope with it and I'm debating on telling that person how i feel but im scared that if i say something it will ruin everything" i said basically rambling. "Rocky! its okay, i think i might know who it is but i could be wrong but either way you should tell whoever it is how you feel instead of letting your feelings stay hidden until they eat you alive... sorry, that must have been really vivid but you get my point." she said giggling after the last bit and oh my god her giggle is the greatest sound i have ever heard. "okay, but one more thing..." i said nervously. after that i couldnt think of any way to tell her how i felt so i just decided to go for it and i began to lean in. i closed my eyes in the process. as i leaned in further and further i was expecting to eventually feel her lips on mine but the feeling never came. all of a sudden i opened my eyes and thats when she began yelling at me. "WHAT THE FUCK ROCKY! THAT'S INCEST! I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD THINK OF ME THAT WAY EVEN FOR A SECOND! I FUCKING HATE YOU!" right after she said that i could see that her eyes were full of regret but that doesnt excuse how she just reacted after being so patient and kind about the whole thing. thats it its too much! i need to leave! i have no idea where im going or how long ill be gone but i just need to leave so i can clear my head. with that i went to my room, quickly packed my bags, my guitar and anything else i would need to stay wherever i plan to go for as long as possible.