#like if you just imagine yourself in someone else's shoes for 5 seconds i feel you can usually know what would be polite and what wouldnt
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
13eyond13 · 10 months ago
Text
Is it actually THAT hard to be polite and considerate to other people online... Like is it just the Canadian in me having unreasonable expectations or what
20 notes · View notes
cherryredstars · 7 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x fem!reader
Warnings: 18+, NSFW, Oral Sex, Mentions of Male Masturbation
Summary: Just some good old student appreciation
A/N: Requested by cat anon!! I missed you cat anon!!!
Word Count: 520 (Unedited)
Tumblr media
You know who each other… technically. 
You’ve heard of each other. You’ve seen each other’s faces. Just, never in person. But that still counts as knowing someone. You don’t have to know someone to know someone. You’ve got each other marked to the T.
Miguel’s some too hot to handle delinquent punk that is the main subject in many of your anonymous complaints, and you’re that pretty little goody two-shoes who is probably wondering where her nobel peace prize is. At least, that’s what the two of you have chalked up based on random name drops you’ve heard around the school. Which has to be 100% accurate because… because. But of course, Miguel can’t just take anyone’s word for it. He doesn't like half of the people in this damn school, so why would he listen to them? So naturally, he has to do his own little investigation. 
And he won’t admit it to anyone so god help him, but it’s hot. Not you, because you’re well, you, but the way you take command has his cock hardening in a second. And it’s totally just that and not the way your hips move when you walk or the way your eyelashes bat when you’re exasperated or the way you bite your bottom lip to stop yourself from letting your true emotions take control. Nope, it’s simply the dominance. Nothing else. I mean you’re just a stranger and the bloody VP and not someone he fists his cock to in the bathroom when he’s skipping class…
Which is why when he got the anonymous letter from you- it’s not his fault that he memorized how you write your a’s and y’s-  he didn’t stalk the janitor closet that was to be the designated secret meeting spot. And he totally didn’t make sure to wait 7 minutes (because 5 is too punctual) after the destined time to walk inside. And he totally didn’t feel his cock stir when he got a hint of your perfume as you turned around hastily to look at him. Don’t quiz him, but he was 100% listening to every word you were saying and not just staring at your lips and imagining sliding the tip of his dick through them. Because he's a good and attentive boy. Obviously. Haven’t you heard?
And good boys show their thanks. 
Which is why his tongue is very attentive to your pretty little clit. Twirling and sucking it into his mouth until tiny clicking sounds resonate in the cramp space. It isn’t very hard, the sweet juices you keep gushing on his face makes it very convincing to pay attention. And even when his mind strays, the pretty little mewls you let out and the grip you have on his hair pulls him back into the moment. It just makes him slightly delirious: the way your eyes roll, the mixed scent of your sex and perfume, the intoxicating taste rushing down his throat. It’s just so good he doesn’t even realize he’s coming in his pants the same time you come into his mouth. 
Guess Miss VP tastes as good as she acts. 
Tumblr media
416 notes · View notes
maemelany · 4 years ago
Text
Fixing the Broken (Part 3)
Summary: People say that time heals all wounds. In your case, time made it worse.
You’ve been married to Chris for five years, but his absence spoke louder than his words. After 5 years of trying, you’ve decided that you’ve had enough, and you left him. But Chris doesn’t want to let you go; he doesn’t want to give up on your marriage.
Would he be able to fix what you consider irretrievably broken?
Warnings: Angst, tiny tiny mentions of sex
Word Count: 2.6 k
Pairing : Chris Evans x Reader
A/N: I hope you like this one. I can’t wait for your reactions about this one. I can only imagine what @fallenoutofrose will have to say about Chris’s behavior in this part 😂
Enjoy and let me know if you want me to add you to the tag list
Love x  Mae ❤️
Masterlist 
Prologue , Part 1 , Part 2 Part 4 
Tumblr media
“It is better to hope than despair.”
-Lailah Gifty Akita,
You finally knocked. After standing in front of that door for what felt like an eternity now, you finally knocked. Your legs felt like jelly, and your heart was pounding in your chest. You were feeling more anxious than the day of your wedding, and the irony of the situation made you almost laugh. Almost, but not quite. You were about to when Lisa opened the door.
She was as radiant as ever, a big, warm smile on her face. Honestly, it surprised you. You knew that she knew. Now that Chris was back, there was no way Lisa wouldn’t know what was going on. That man told everything to his mother.
Lisa let you in, and you followed her into the living room. The house felt like a second home to you. Actually, it felt more like home than your place with Chris sometimes. There was always something happening here. When you left your house, you almost came here. But you felt like it was unfair to Chris. Lisa was his mom, and her house was his safe place, not yours.
“Chris told me everything. How are you holding up honey, are you okay?” Lisa asked you
Her kindness broke your last defence. Her genuine, motherly concern about you made you feel guilty that you didn’t come to her sooner. Lisa had always been so kind to you, taking you in as her own daughter from the moment Chris introduced you as his girlfriend. Your lips started to shiver as you were trying your best to hold the tears back.
“Oh, honey��� please don’t cry.”
She took you in her arms, and you broke into tears. It may have lasted five minutes or an hour; you weren’t sure. These days you were crying so much it was just the new normal.
Your best friend had been a great support to you, but she had to. She was your best friend. Chris’s mom was supposed to be on his side, defending her son’s best interest. Not yours.
“Why didn’t you tell me things were that bad, Y/N?” Lisa asked you
You looked away. Somehow ashamed that you thought Lisa would reject you.
“I … I don’t know. Chris is your son, and…”
“And you’re my daughter. Y/N, you’re family. We all love you!” Lisa said, taking your hands into hers. “Plus, I bet some even love you more than Chris,” Lisa joked.
You laughed, feeling a little bit more at ease now. “I’m sorry…” you whispered.
“Don’t be. I am sorry we didn’t see anything,” Lisa said
You shook your head. It wasn’t their fault. They weren’t responsible, Chris and you were. It was your marriage, after all.
Lisa asked for your version of the story, and you could tell she was trying to be as partial as possible. You hated that you had to put her in that situation. She cringed when you told her Chris didn’t notice you were gone until he went to Carly’s place.
“That boy…” she said, shaking her head. “I’m so sorry, honey,” she said, a sad expression on her face.
“It’s not your fault Lisa. Actually, it’s not even Chris’s fault. I can’t force him to stay married to me,” You said
“You think he feels… forced to be with you?”
You shrugged. “I mean… why else would he be as far away from me as he possibly could?”
Lisa watched you closely. You could tell she wanted to say something but was refraining herself.
“You two should talk. Maybe you could solve this…” Lisa said
“I don’t think us talking would do any good. We tried that yesterday; you should have seen how shi… messy it was”
Lisa tried to hide her smile when you stopped yourself from swearing. “If talking to each other doesn’t work, maybe you should try talking to someone else…” Lisa suggested
You frowned. You didn’t see how Chris and you talking to Lisa would help. Yes, Lisa was a wise woman, but as she said herself, she was your mother both. Knowing Chris, he would take it personally if his mother called his shit out about his marriage. You still remembered what happened the last time Lisa agreed with you instead of Chris. He was salty for days.
“I love you, Lisa, but I don’t think talking to you would fix this,” you gently said
Lisa laughed. “I wasn’t talking about me, honey. I meant a therapist.”
“A therapist? Like couples therapy, you want us to go to couples therapy?” you asked.
Lisa nodded. You never thought about that.
“I thought couples therapy was supposed to happen before couples decide they want a divorce.”
“Not necessarily. It could help you express your feelings in a safe place. And, you decided you wanted a divorce, honey. I don’t think Chris agrees with you.”
You frowned. If Lisa thought the warm smile would help you accept the subtle criticism easier, she was wrong. You were even worse than Chris when it came to being right. 
You loved being right and hated being told that you could have done something wrong, especially in that very particular situation. You were right. You had to be right. It would kill you to realize you were wrong and left the man you loved for nothing.
“Do you think I went too far…” You said, the tears resurfacing
“Oh no,” Lisa immediately told you. “You did what was right for you, and that’s the most important. I can’t even imagine how you must have felt, alone in that big house.”
A huge weight lifted off your shoulders. Secretly you thought people didn’t understand you. You were married to Chris Evans, living what they thought should be a fairy tale. 
Even though you and Chris were what people called a private couple, he would sometimes tell things about you or express his love for you when he was being interviewed. When those things happened, your friends would always send you messages, reminding you how lucky you were. 
They didn’t know how far they were from the truth. Most of the time, you were alone in your bed when you were reading their messages. Alone and lonely. 
People think they know things about your life, your marriage, but they don’t. They would have to walk in your shoes, feel what you daily felt to actually understand.
When you left Lisa’s house, she had convinced you. She made you realize that even though things between You and Chris were pretty bad, your relationship was worth saving, or at least you owed it to Chis and yourself to try. Even if therapy didn’t work, you still owed it to yourself and Chris to end things the most peacefully possible. Before being your husband, he was your friend. You needed at least that friendship to be saved.
Instead of going back to your best friend’s place, you went home. It wasn’t even a conscious decision. You started driving and found yourself taking the way home. Instead of turning back, you continued. You realized waiting wouldn’t help. You’d waited so much already, now was the time to act.
As you opened your front door, you felt submerged with that particular sent. You were home. Despite what you told Chris yesterday, this house was your home. You chose almost every piece of furniture.
 Chris was more than happy to leave it to you; he didn’t understand why you needed so many pillows on the bed or a particular shade of beige for the dining chairs. Instead of explaining everything, you would just ask for his opinion when it was absolutely necessary. Plus, it was hard to decorate a house via FaceTime. 
Thinking of it now, decorating this house helped you manage your loneliness for some time. You were proud of every single room, from your bedroom to the laundry room.
You found Chris and Dodger sleeping on the sofa. You weren’t surprised. The couch was probably Chris’ favorite spot in the whole house. You had your office, and he had this sofa. 
You were tempted to lay next to them. They felt like home. But you didn’t want to wake Chris up. If there was one thing Chris was lacking, it was sleep. You also noticed the dark circles under his eyes yesterday, and the current situation was not helping his sleep deprivation.
When you noticed a few takeout boxes in the room, you knew exactly how to occupy yourself. Chris used to love your cooking. Your skills were definitely better than his, but as your husband liked to say, one cannot be good at everything. You smiled when you remembered how you would tease him about his horrible cooking skills, and he would remind you how messy you were.
Even now, after thirty minutes of cooking, the countertop looked more like a war zone than a kitchen island.
“It smells good.”
You jumped. You didn’t see Chris coming, and now you had tomato sauce all over your blouse.
“Chris! You scared me!” you said, looking at him.
He was leaning against the opposite wall, observing you. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”
You looked at him with more attention. He looked less tired. You wanted to say something, but Dodger was all over you before you could open your mouth.
“Hey, baby. I missed you so much,” you said to your dog.
Dodger started to bark. The high pitch he usually reserved to Chris when he was coming back home after long periods of absence.
It broke your heart.
“He missed you,” Chris finally said
You didn’t know what to reply. You didn’t want to say something that would create a hostile environment for the rest of the evening.
“I need to change myself,” you said, showing your now stained blouse.
You were gone before Chris could even blink. Once in your bedroom, you found everything exactly as you left it. You rolled your eyes, mentally asking yourself how Chris could be so organized. And then you realized he wasn’t that organized. It wasn’t just the bedroom that was exactly as you left it. The walking closet and the bathroom were too.
Chris wasn’t sleeping in your room, and you wondered why.
When you went downstairs, you found him making the table.
“I thought I’d made myself useful,” Chris said when he saw you.
You smiled. That was the kind of evening you used to dream about. You and your husband casually sharing dinner together.
Chris was very attentive, serving you wine, asking you if you needed anything. You wished you could be so relaxed. You wished you weren’t about to drop a massive bomb on him.
“Why aren’t you sleeping in our bedroom?”
Your question surprised you both.
“I… I don’t know. It doesn’t seem… right.”
You looked at each other, your eyes saying more than a thousand words. Again, you were reminded how easy it would be to just give in, to just come back. But it would be a temporary relief, one you would only enjoy until he’d decide to leave again.  
It took you the whole dinner, and filling the dishwasher, and watching the first part of a show to gather enough courage and tell Chris you two needed to see a therapist.
It happened before he was about to kiss you. You could feel it in his eyes, the way they became darker, and the way his body leaned closer to yours. You could feel your heart beating faster and the room suddenly feeling hotter than before.
You wanted to give in, you missed his touch, you missed his kisses. You missed sex with your husband. But you knew it would make things more difficult. Sex had never been a problem in your relationship. Actually, it made you forget about the problems. You couldn’t remember how many times you were on the verge of telling Chris you weren’t happy with the situation and totally forgot about it the minute his hands were on you.
“No,” you said, standing up.
You started walking around the room, trying to compose yourself. It was frustrating how all your perfect, well-prepared plans got ruined the second you were around Chris.
“Y/N,” Chris whispered.
“No, we are not having sex!” you half screamed.
You needed to convince not only Chris but yourself that you were not having sex tonight. But looking at him, looking at him, looking at you made things very hard, literally and figuratively speaking.
“We’re going to therapy,” you quickly said
Chris blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”
You cleared your throat. “I said, we are going to therapy.”
You could tell he was surprised. You didn’t know if it was good or bad.
“Y/N… I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
It was your turn to be surprised. You opened your mouth but closed it immediately after. You wanted Chris to explain himself before jumping to conclusions.
“With how public we are and…”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you said, anger quickly possessing your whole body.
“Y/N…”
“You’re worried about your reputation? Do you even want us to be together, Chris?” you asked him.
“I’m not worried about my reputation. I’m worried about… our privacy.”
“Chris, therapists have a duty of confidentiality,” You said, raising your voice.
“Well, you won’t believe how many people would break it given the right sum,” he screamed back.
You wanted to scream, anything that would release the frustration you were feeling inside.
“Do you even want to fix this?” you ask, as calmly as you were able to
Chris huffed. “I was begging you to come home with me yesterday. Of course, I want to fix this.”
You crossed your arms. “me coming home right now would not fix things; it would bring us back to this,” you said, throwing your hands up.
“And this is so bad, right?” Chris asked, bitterness in his voice.
“No, this is perfect. This is what I want permanently. It will kill me to come back to this if this is not forever.”
The room went silent. So many emotions went through Chris’s eyes, and you were trying to decode them all.
Chris finally drew a long breath. “I am not going to couples therapy.”
His words stung more than you could have imagined. They also unleashed the silent anger that was rising inside of you since the beginning of that conversation.
But instead of screaming and crying and pleading with Chris, you reached for your handbag. You were done trying to negotiate with him. You were done trying to spare his feelings.
You removed the divorce papers that had been sitting in your bag for days now. You threw them on the coffee table near Chris and waited for him to look at them.
You could see him become very pale, and if you weren’t that angry, you would be worried.
“Are they…” He started
“Yes. Divorce papers. We go to therapy, or you sign them. It’s your choice.”
Chris was startled. “You can’t be serious.”
“Oh, I’m more than serious. I have a pen if you want to sign now.”
You looked serene, but inside, your heart was dropping lower with every second Chris wasn’t doing anything. You knew you were forcing his hand, but he left you no other choice.
“So, what is it going to be, Chris?”
Chris took the divorce agreement into his hands, and you held your breath. Your heart started beating again when he tore them in half.
He gave you a deadly stare, but at this point, you didn’t care anymore. He could be angry, scream at you, even hate you, as long as it meant you were doing something to try to fix things, you could take it all.
“Text me when you find a therapist you can trust,” you said before taking your bag to leave.
If he thought you’d be the only one sweating for this, he couldn’t be more wrong. It takes two to tango. It was about damn time for Chris to act. Because you were sure that this time feeling sorry or even good sex wouldn’t fix things.
Tag List (tell me in the comments if you want to be tagged)
@90girlgolden @jennamarieee623 @spookyparadise69 @coffeebooksandfandom @calirindo @jessyballet @janeyboo @killerstvles @patzammit @inlovewith3 @katelyneann @evatia @breezykpop @n3ssm0nique @mary-on08 @anthonyjanthony666​  @dangerouslovefanfic @positionsfyou​ @killerstvles​ @ragamuffin285​ @sohoseb​ 
699 notes · View notes
behindyourbarrette · 3 years ago
Text
Tumblr media
Star Light, Star Bright
summary: The team goes camping on a long weekend. Turns out, it’s really easy to tell someone how you feel when you’re under a starry night sky. 
pairing: spencer reid/reader
category: fluff, start to finish
warnings/includes: mention of food, a mild burn
work count: 4.1k
a/n: this is my fav thing i’ve written in a HOT SECOND. enjoy! pls reblog if you feel inclined, it helps me out a ton!
check it out on ao3
---
You’ve never found chicken pox to be more of a miracle.
In truth, you are a little saddened that Jack’s Boy Scout troop all got sick and their camping trip had to be postponed. This does not change the fact that you’re elated at the opportunity to nab Hotch’s campsite reservation. The team jumped at the chance for a vacation, the promised long weekend only truly promised in places without cell service.
You pick Spencer up early, the first of many people you’ve offered to drive out to the mountains. After tossing a very heavy-sounding duffel bag into your trunk, he clambers into the passenger seat. He strikes you as a little nervous—he won’t quite look at you as you wind your way out of D.C and towards the countryside.
“I’ve never been camping before, actually.” He says it quietly, mid-conversation about Boy Scouts and the safety of camping with children. There’s a 5-mile radius around Quantico where work is the only thing you can really think about. As you turn onto the highway, hands flexing against the wheel, you’re glad to be free of the office.
“Really? Never?”
It makes sense, the longer his sentence sits on your tongue. Vegas isn’t the most hospitable environment to camp in. You make a mental note to thank your parents for raising you on the East Coast, where the forests are frequent and the soil is actually fertile.
“Yeah. I’m not sure, I’m, uh, really suited for it.” You look at him now, the slight sadness in his eyes, and there are a thousand things you’d like to say. Instead, you reach across the center console, squeezing his hand in yours. Before he can say anything, you’ve returned your hand to the wheel, eyes fixed on the horizon. 
---
You’ve lived in Virginia for a few years, but somehow you’ve never found it this breathtaking. You have no idea how you got roped into driving, given that Derek and Emily usually take the wheel, but you’re far from complaining. As you wind through the forest, the canopy of leaves casting a filter of sunshine over the ground, you’re left speechless. The trees part in favor of the dirt road, and you find yourself absorbed in the surplus of green and foliage as you drive.
“There’s over 15,000 acres of this. It’s the largest protected land preserve in the tri-state area.”
You turn your head to watch Spencer murmur, still absorbed in a book. For the first time, you notice that he’s wearing a polo shirt and a beanie that Penelope knit him for Christmas. The whole sight is so...un-Spencer like that you’re torn between finding it endearing and concerning. You gulp down everything you want to tell him, swallowing all of the unidentifiable feelings in your throat.
“I’m excited. I love camping. My dad used to take me here all the time.” He perks up at this, and closes his book. You nod, pursing your lips into a smile. You steal a quick glance at the backseat, where Penelope and Derek have fallen asleep.
“Can you keep a secret?”
You have Spencer’s attention now. He nods so vehemently you laugh, tearing your eyes away from his in favor of focusing on the road.
“I wanted to be a park ranger when I was younger.” You’re only a little embarrassed of this; the jump from environmentalist to federal agent is just laughable enough to warm your cheeks. Spencer’s eyes widen.
“Really? How did you—I mean, when did you decide to be a—actually, I take it back. Hugging trees is beneficial for your health, after all.” He smirks, and you reach out to punch him on the arm. He rubs the spot absently, a grin forming on his face as your blush deepens. You try to portray yourself to the team as someone who’s a little tougher than the little girl who cried when she found out that people litter in National Parks. With Spencer, it’s different. Still, you can’t bank on what he will or won’t tell Derek.
“If you tell anyone, I will kick your ass. Forget it.” You get the sense that you are not going to live this down. To your advantage, it’s Spencer who blushes this time, his cheeks warming a delicate pink.
“I can’t forget it, actually. I have an eidetic—ow!”
---
The campsite is glorious.
Or, as Penelope would put it, rustic. It’s the perfect happy medium between the forest and the lake nearby, with a trail leading to the beach just a few feet from the site. The trees filter out just enough sun so that it’s pleasantly warm out. There’s ample space for a few tents, and a bear locker. You’re seated at a picnic bench with the girls, unloading the food and cooking supplies as the boys attempt to put together tents. From what you can see and hear, it sounds like Derek is muscling his way through it, much to Spencer and Hotch’s chagrin.
“You’re glowing. What’s got you in such a good mood?” Emily nudges you in the side, a sly smile on her face as she screws the propane line into the campstove. You flush, and shrug your shoulders.
“I love camping. I’m just excited to be here with you guys.”
Penelope reaches across the table to hug you. She’s dressed perfectly for the occasion: you don’t think you’ve ever seen bedazzled hiking boots before, but there’s a first time for everything.
“You know, I’m surprised Spence came. He normally skips out on these kinds of things.” JJ looks back at you from the bear locker, where she’s stacking cans of soup and Hotch’s cooler. Her gaze lingers on you for a moment, but you look towards Spencer before she can say anything else. He’s managing to put up his tent surprisingly well; he’s only struggling with the final few posts as he stumbles around the uneven ground. You turn back to JJ, shrugging.
“I mean, I think he can appreciate the outdoors. He’s probably read Walden.”
Emily laughs, and you feel as though the conversation has finally let up. JJ has a point, but as soon as you had asked Spencer if he was coming, he had agreed. He doesn’t look particularly out of place, either. Over the course of the past hour, he’s somehow inherited a pair of sunglasses and a red flannel. You look away, pursing your lips.
“Okay, I think we’re done.” Derek calls, waving his arm to catch your attention. There are now five small tents, only a little crinkled and trampled over. Emily nods in approval, nudging one of them with the tip of her boot. It only shakes a little.
“Good job, guys. They look...structurally sound.” Hands on your hips, you bend to inspect the guys�� handiwork. Spencer winces as you tug on a tent’s zipper, and it whines in protest. You shrug, smiling as you straighten.
“We should check out the lake.” Derek gestures to the blue expanse of water in the distance, and Penelope squeals. You hear the sound of metal clinking together, and turn.
It’s Hotch, holding what you assume to be a fishing pole. While this should be very surprising, you can’t come up with anything funny to say. Emily makes a joke about the catch of the day, and Hotch doesn’t laugh.
“Are there canoes involved? I didn’t bring a suit.” JJ asks, arms crossed over her chest. You nod, pointing to the rental shack on the eastern side of the lake.
“You guys ready to get some sun?”
---
“You look cute in hiking boots, princess.” You should not find this as funny as you do. Maybe it’s the fact that Derek definitely had Penelope apply some sort of oil to his biceps while they were in a tent; there’s no way that he just naturally glistens like that. You squint up at him, shrugging your shoulders. While your outfit is a little unorthodox—you remembered to bring a bikini, but forgot water shoes—it’ll work just fine. Spencer enters your peripheral vision, wrinkling his nose in Derek’s direction. You resist the urge to smile at this.
“Spence.”
You get his attention, catching up to him in just a few steps. The beach is pretty, lacking in sand but perfectly cool and sunny. He’s wearing too-big sunglasses and, surprisingly, Bermuda shorts. You trudge along the rocky path, handing him a bottle of sunscreen.
“Come on, I need your help. Sunscreen me.”
He seems shocked, fiddling with the bottle. You turn your back to him, raising your arms as you walk backwards, waiting to hit him before you stop.
“Is sunscreen a verb?” His voice is a little hoarse, and you smirk.
“Would you prefer lotion? Massage?” You tease, and you can practically feel him tense up.
“N-no, I wouldn’t. Hold your hair up.”
You oblige, and it takes everything in you not to sigh as he rubs the cool sunscreen into your back. He has really, really big hands and nimble fingers. Biting your lip, you conjure a mental image of them. You feel a little silly for imagining his hands when he’s right there, but you don’t want him to stop touching you. He coats your skin, movements deft and purposeful. You turn, reaching for the bottle.
“Take off your glasses. Your turn.” You like being a little bossy; he flushes as you reach up to spread the lotion across his cheeks, dabbing gently. He exhales slowly, relaxing into your touch.
“Let’s go. You’re my canoe buddy.”
His mouth falls open in surprise, and an evil part of your brain wonders how it would feel to kiss it. The thought is gone before you can act on it, though, and you wave him towards the shore. He stands still, lingering by the campsite.
“I was going to read on the beach, actually—”
“Nope. Come on! I need a partner.”
—-
The lake is cool, and you make yourself busy by being a very unhelpful canoeing partner. Spencer is rowing surprisingly well, scooping water from below and propelling the boat forward. You, on the other hand, are focused on stretching out in the boat. The sun is deliciously warm on your skin, and the occasional splash of water is heaven to the touch.
“You know, there are two sets of oars. We’d get the most momentum if you rowed, too.”
“Okay, fine, I’ll row. I’m not any good at it, though. That’s why I needed a partner.” You pat him on the shoulder affectionately, reaching for the other oar. The motion tips the canoe forward a little, and panic flashes across Spencer’s face.
“Don’t do that again. I do not want to end up in this lake. Do you know how many bacteria are in most man made lakes? You don’t want to know.”
You are many things, but you are not a quitter. Testing the waters, you lean forward again as you row, a little out of sync with Spencer’s strokes.
“Please don’t capsize,”
Hotch calls out from the shore, and Spencer shoots you a look as if to say listen. You shrug, continuing to row and occasionally shifting your weight. The look on his face is worth it.
“You know how to swim, right?”
You ask, voice low and as inconspicuous as you can manage. This backfires—Spencer turns around to shake his head, unbalancing the boat. He lets go of his oar, tightening the strap on his life vest. You cling to the sides, laughing as you try to steady the canoe.
“Not funny. You know, boating related accidents are incredibly common.”
His voice drifts off as Derek and Emily’s boat passes by. Their sportsmanship is admirable; they’re working as a perfect unit, quickly propelling their canoe forward with quick rowing and a lot of effort.
Spencer is scolding you half-heartedly when you get caught in their wake. You couldn’t have steadied the boat if you tried; and before you can react the canoe is upside down and you’re cast into the cool blue.
“I’m going to contract a brain-eating amoeba.”
Spencer coughs, bobbing to the surface. You emerge a few moments later, laughing, and reach for him.
“Worth it. You have plenty of brains to be eaten, genius.”
You watch him try to contain his smile the entire way to the shore.
---
You’re drying off as the sun sets, splashes of pink and purple coating the sky. It’s incredible; over the lake you can see the entire expanse of fields and forest, laid out like a painting.
“You guys brought food, right?”
Emily calls out from the picnic bench. She’s toweling off, sunglasses in her hair as she jokes with Morgan. You nod, turning back to Spencer.
He’s thoroughly drenched. You feel a little guilty for tipping the boat over; he’s spent a decent amount of time wringing out his clothes, and as night falls a chill builds in the air. After pulling a jacket on, you toss him a towel.
“That was fun.”
Your eyes widen a little, genuine surprise lodging itself in your throat. He takes in the look on your face, smiling lightly.
“Better than reading on the beach?” You offer, but this is too good to be true.
“Marginally.”
You frown, suppressing a smirk as you catch the scent of propane drifting through the air. You both head in the direction of the camp stove, where Hotch is fiddling with the gas tank.
“That looks...unsafe.” Spencer mutters, brow furrowed.
Hotch shoots him a look, and you both back off in favor of finding Morgan and Garcia, who are attempting to start a bonfire.
You don’t expect this to happen.
Spencer is arguably your best friend. He’s been there for you through thick and thin. For better or for worse, you’ve had each other. This trip was supposed to be unifying, and a small part of you had even hoped that maybe, just maybe, it’d give you the bravery to say what you’ve been thinking for a while.
“I cannot believe you intentionally burn your marshmallows.”
Spencer is looking at you like you’ve committed a crime; you are very familiar with this expression, but being on the receiving end of it is new. Thankfully, you’re ready to defend your stance to near-death. A somewhat maniacal grin on your face, you stab another marshmallow onto a skewer and shove it directly into the fire.
“I’m with Pretty Boy on this one. That’s just cruel. It doesn’t even heat it all the way through.” You scowl in Derek’s direction, turning back to your now on-fire marshmallow. You pull it out of the flame, watching it sear as the group murmurs in distaste. It only took three hours to start a fire, and by that time Emily had managed to heat a can of soup on the campstove. Spirits were relatively high, all things considered.
You watch in wonder as the marshmallow curves, melting just how you like it. Before you can stop it, it falls straight down onto your leg.
“Shit. That’s like, on fire.”
You say, your voice rising in pitch and volume as it becomes increasingly clear that not only is the marshmallow very, very hot but it is not coming off. The group springs into unsure action, voices loud and panicked as you push away from both your chair and the fire. The physics of melting sugar be damned, Derek manages to scrape it off with his skewer, and you’re left with a very attractive hole in your pants and a patch of tender skin.
“How do you love camping?” JJ asks, eyes wide as she watches you brush yourself off. Stabbing another marshmallow onto your skewer, you shrug.
“It’s all part of the fun.”
This time, you don’t set your marshmallow on fire. You mimic Spencer, who is carefully rotating his marshmallow. There has to be a system for what he’s doing; he’s laser-focused on the fire, his entire face lit up by the flickering red and orange light. You lean in, and before long you fall into a rhythm of roasting a marshmallow to golden-brown perfection, then pressing it into a graham cracker. Emily is incredible at assembling s’mores, and by time the fire is just a few crackling embers everyone has a little chocolate smeared over their faces.
“I’m really glad we did this.” JJ’s voice is just above a whisper. She’s leaning against Emily, the two of them sharing a blanket as the fire slowly fades. Hotch nods sagely, a rare smile on his face.
“It’s nice. A break. Some fresh air. Trees.” You gesture to the forest around you, unable to contain a sheepish grin. When you look to your right, Spencer’s smiling too. Penelope squeezes your hand. As you watch the last log burn into ash, you wonder how you got so lucky.
---
Later, everyone is too tired to stargaze.
This fact wounds you deeply. Stargazing is your favorite part of camping; there is absolutely nothing that parallels the experience of driving away from the city and looking up into the constellations. To your dismay, everyone is in their tents by the time it’s dark enough to see the winks of light overhead.
You begrudgingly get ready for bed; stepping around the campsite, it’s clear to see that everyone has mostly turned in for the night. Derek and Penelope’s tent is dark. Emily, Hotch, and JJ are all snoring at varying volumes. Spencer’s light is on; you can see his shadow, leaning over to peer at a book. You brush your teeth, swatting bugs away as you stumble towards your tent.
You manage to spend thirty minutes in your tent before you lose your patience. This entire camping trip has been a dream; no work, no cell service, and the people you care about. You’ll be damned if you let it pass you by without checking absolutely everything off your list. You step, a little wobbly, towards the front of your tent. You tug the zipper open, trying to stay as quiet as possible.
On shaking legs, you tug your hiking boots on, the evening cold nipping at your ankles. Despite your attempts to lessen the noise, you watch Spencer’s shadow waver.
“Spence!” You stage-whisper, praying to every deity you can think of that he’s awake and the rest of the team isn’t. To your immediate relief, you watch him tug the zipper of his tent down and emerge, swatting at a few lingering mosquitoes. He looks a little cold; his cheeks are pink and he’s rubbing at his arms. The sight of him in a hoodie and flannel pajama pants is more endearing than you’d expect, and you exhale to clear your head.
“What’s going on?”
He rubs the sleep out of his eyes, and you point to the sky. He takes a cursory glance up, and you watch his jaw fall slack as he takes in the starry skies.
“Come on. We can see better from over there.”
You wave him towards the beach. You know exactly where you’re headed; while you’ve never camped in this specific spot, you know how to reach your favorite place to stargaze. Spencer looks at you with something between curiosity and admiration as you lead the way with a flashlight. The forest is still awake and responsive at this hour, crickets chirping and leaves rustling as you step through the greenery.
You find it quickly; the boardwalk is unmistakable. It’s a field, like the ones you’ve been surrounded by all day. Spencer identifies the leaves as rhubarb plants as you step onto the wooden pathway. While any field would work, this one is ideal; the sky opens up as far as the eye can see, the trees parting to admire the world above.
“Here.” You turn off your flashlight, allowing your eyes to adjust to the low, blue moonlight. Spencer follows you as you crouch, laying with your back to the boardwalk. This is what you came for.
“Oh my God.” Your face splits into a grin once you hear Spencer’s voice, low and gravelly against your ear. The sky above is endless; all you can see is the expanse of the stratosphere, stars bright and darkness vast over your heads. You tear up a little; you always do. It feels like the universe is leaning down to meet you in the middle, pressing its face to yours.
“Tell me what you see. I know that you know what we’re looking at.”
You scoot a little closer, trying to absorb a little of his warmth. Eyes still fixed on the sky, Spencer begins.
“There’s so little light pollution. I...I’ve never seen this many stars at once.” His eyes narrow a little, and you watch as he absorbs the world above him.
“That’s Orion.” He points to a collection of stars to your left, a few brighter than the others.
“Those three in a row, that’s his belt. You might be able to see his bow, too, to the right.
The brightest one is six hundred and forty light years away. Betelgeuse.” His voice has dropped to a whisper, and you follow his every word. You can see the warrior above you, the stars winking at you as Spencer describes them.
You fall quiet after a few minutes, and the only sound is that of your slow, synced breaths. You feel as though Spencer has peeled the sky open and revealed it to you; with him, you can see another world entirely.
“We’re looking into the past right now.”
You turn to look at him, a laugh ready to bubble past your lips. You look back up at the sky, where he’s pointed to the Big Dipper.
“That’s Dubhe. We’re seeing light from before we were born.”
You nod, a tear sliding down your cheek and cooling before it reaches your nose. There is so much you would like to tell him before you are both light, visible in this moment from somewhere far away.
As you stare up into the starscape, you gasp. There’s a shooting star, dragging across the Pleiades and heading towards the western skies.
“Make a wish,” You breathe. Before you lose your nerve, you reach out to Spencer, lacing your fingers together. Turning your head, you watch as he grins up at the sky. His features are softer when drenched in moonlight; the slope of his nose, the arch of his cheekbones, the line of his jaw all bathed in a dreamy quality.
After the shooting star winks out, trailing across the dark and blinking into nothing, the silence feels heavier.
“What did you wish for?”
You’re sure that he can hear your heartbeat. The steady thrum of your heart against your ribcage is a drum, urging you forward. You watch his brow knit in consideration, before his gaze finally meets yours. His eyes are more hazel than you’ve ever noticed, each fleck of gold striking you as a star.
“If I tell you, it won’t come true.”
His voice is soft, laced with something solemn beneath the surface. You nod, stealing a glance at the sky before you swallow your fear.
"I wished for you." You say quietly.
You don’t know who moves first, only that there’s a brief shuffle before you’re holding each other. He reaches to cradle your face in his hands, pressing a kiss to your forehead, then your nose, before finally reaching your lips. Your hands ghost over his jaw, trailing down his neck as he laces his fingers into your hair. You can’t quite breathe, nor think, only repeat a simple refrain over and over, a prayer passing over your lips and into the dark.
Spencer.
---
The sun rises lazily, pink and orange brushstrokes against a blue sky. You’re awake early—to put it lightly, Spencer’s tent is cramped—and it feels good to breathe in the morning air. The team is still asleep, a few yards away as you stretch and take in the cool dawn.
You think maybe, this is all a dream. You’re not sure how else this would exist, so perfectly and wholly true. The universe is a benevolent thing, after all. There is no other explanation for Spencer Reid, the man the world got right.
“You have pancake batter in your hair,” You say, a little mournfully but still laughing. Still layered in jackets and hats, you feel as though you’re being warmed from the inside out. Spencer’s eyes widen, and he reaches up with a batter-covered hand to feel his hair. You laugh again, a little too loudly this time, and he shushes you between chuckles.
The campstove is quiet, the gas running blue as Spencer flips a pancake over. You neglected to tell him that folding the pancake mix in slowly would prevent...explosions. If you had warned him, you wouldn’t have the chance to kiss the flour off of his face, smiling against his cheeks. With a mittened hand, you brush the powder off of his eyelashes.
“Chocolate chips, right?”
You smile, nodding. He remembers how you like your pancakes. Turning away from him, you rifle through a storage bin for something you packed.
“Are you looking for syrup? It’s over here.” He calls, his voice soft against the hushed sounds of morning. The birds have begun to chirp, calling to each other in alternating duets. You shake your head, and present him with a contraption.
His eyes light up, and he looks at you with something a little wild and entirely resembling devotion. You reveal with your other hand a bag of coffee grounds from the coffee shop near your house, grinning up at him.
“I can’t believe you brought me a French press.”
You grin, turning your face as your cheeks burn. Maybe you had hoped this would happen, in slightly different words. After you both tuck into your pancakes, leaning over a plate on the same side of a picnic bench, you watch the sunrise. A bundle of puffy jackets and intertwined hands, you press your back into Spencer’s embrace.
As you watch the moon recede into the horizon, you hope that your past is standing hand and hand, gazing at you fondly.
286 notes · View notes
prettynxsty · 3 years ago
Text
Stirring the Hooch 🍷
Tumblr media
Domme!Reader x Sub!Jin
Warnings: Morning sex, jin has a pussy, consumption of booze and drunkenness, graphic mentions of vomiting, appearance of ot7, dirty talk, jin is a little bossy, y/n has a big ass dick, use of noona/hyung in a non sexual way, a little bit of cum play, creampie, partially clothed sex.
A/N: Vacation sex with just a liiiiittle bit of plot lmfao. There’s no facefucking because i was worried that it was getting too long. Anyway, enjoy.
You all but crashed out of bed this morning, landing on your hands and knees with a muted thump. You would’ve patted yourself on the back for even managing to strip and change your clothes for bed last night, but you felt like you were still drunk.
You should have regretted everything that happened, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. You plant your palms on the floor, rocking yourself forward and will yourself to start crawling. You knock your yoga mat away from your bags, watching the little purple tube bounce until it goes still.
You slap your hand over it, messily swatting it open. You crawl over it with a sigh and position yourself over the mat. It should have been a bad memory.
_
The table was 3 rounds of shots in before the waitress kindly reminded you that bottomless mimosas were only 5 dollars. Eyebrows rose around in a wave, sharing a devilish look of agreement. It was vacation, wasn’t it?
Something crazy began to leak out of your ears when you decided to cash in.
Namjoon was the first to throw himself to his feet, climb on the booth and begin dancing. Jimin whoops to the beat in encouragement, clumsily scrambling up on his chair to join his hyung.
Yoongi gets this strange look in his eye, dumping himself over Hoseok’s shoulder. They howled in laughter until Yoongi was crying. Actually crying.
What pleasantly surprised you the most is when Yoongi kneeled on the booth, facing away from the other side of the table, and began to shake his ass in a way that you wouldn’t have expected from him.
Jungkook’s faith was tested today, usually as the one who finishes everyone else's food, he decided to polish off the rest of everyone’s glasses.
Your sight of the world is stilted, moving in colored frames. You hear the noise of a bit of crashing and chair shifting, turning to see Jin. His sandals slap noisily against the floor as he barrels onto the dance floor, into the middle of the crowd.
Taehyung is bouncing up and down in his seat, shouting adlibs to the sound, pumping his hand in the air. You allow your head to fall forward, shoulders bouncing with a slow bout of laughter that makes your whole body bounce.
_
You slide your hands backward until they reach your knees, flipping your palms. You take a slow breath in, resting your forehead against the floor. You feel a dancing in your spine, your body so desperately wants to sway to sound that is not heard. The spirits must dance amongst themselves, you must return to yourself, to the terran world.
_
The same translucent lasso wraps around your arms and squeezes them to your sides. A burning call. You’re apt to rise when you’re full of this feeling, the pull is something indescribable. It crawls from the soles of your feet, causing them to tap. It races through you, your shoulders are swaying like a pendulum.
Deny yourself, you will not. You flew, tripping over the flat of the ground and blitz into the crowd to dance.
_
You breathe out slowly, flipping your palms and walking them forward. Your torso follows until your hips carefully nestle on the mat. Like sizzling wisps of smoke, the tightness knotted in you began to dissipate. You stretch your shoulders backward, gentle snaps and pops bursting in the air due to the tension knotted into your limbs like loops pulled too tight.
_
You’re screaming to every second beat, the world below is more than a reach away. Your legs are swinging through the gap between Namjoon and Jungkook’s shoulders. It feels as if the whole building is bouncing with you, your sanity went back to the home to rest.
_
You tilt your hips forward, leaning your weight onto the balls of your feet before rising into downward dog. Your lower back clicks, a rattling groan of relief shivers its way out of your mouth. You were finally beginning to feel your clothes against your body.
Your cock hangs limply out of one of the leg holes of your tiny shorts, scrunched up to your inner thighs. Your breasts sway gently, peering their way through the large holes of your oversized tank top. There was no reason that you wore that thing to bed, you usually woke up with a breast hanging out somehow.
_
It was a wonder you weren’t kicked out. You had no idea who paid for dinner, the amount would feel exorbitant. Nonetheless, a vacation should be indulgent.
Despite everyone being so ridiculously inebriated, you managed to concur that taking a taxi would be more trouble than it was worth since nobody was sober enough.
The villa was only a few blocks away anyway.
You hardly made it two block away from the place before everything seemed to fall into itself. Jimin dumped himself on the curb to take off his shoes even though he was only wearing sandals. Jungkook tripped his way over to the trash can on the corner as quickly as he could for someone who was plastered.
He grips handfuls of his shirt to hold it out of the way, even when drunk he was still meticulous. He retches weakly.
Risotto wasn’t nearly was beautiful or decadent when it came back out. Twenty-plus dollars directly into the bin on the city street. He gags so forcefully that he misses for a split second, a bit of cream colored mush dripping over the side before wetly splashing over the rest of the discarded garbage inside.
“Oh gawd- let’s go get him something.” Hoseok misses at patting your shoulder, but grabs your hand to drag you across the empty street to the convenience store on the other side.
You tried to straighten up when the cooler air washes over you, but your eyes were still very bleary. You stop by the baked goods and grab him a delicious yeasty smelling twisted donut and a ginger ale.
Hoseok stumbles up to the counter beside you, plopping a few bags of chips on it. “The salt will settle his tummy,” he explains quickly.
You give him a goofy smile, shaking your head and hand the cashier a little over exact change in cash. You gently push their hand away when they offer back the remaining coins, scooping up your items and head on your way.
You return across the street to Jimin struggling to stay awake from where he sat on the curb, Yoongi and Taehyung quietly hugging, Jin staring into the void of stars, and Namjoon showering kisses over Jungkook’s forehead.
“My poor Googoo,” he wails dramatically. Jungkook puckers his lips, prompting a raspy shriek from the older as he stumbles away. Jungkook chuckles, spreading his arms wide in request of an embrace.
You cringe, holding out the donut and drink with an awkward smile. It wasn’t as if he reeked of vomit, you just preferred for him to settle his stomach first.
“Googieeee~!” Hoseok shrieks, nearly tripping over the curb before hugging the younger man.
“Thank you Noona.” Jungkook pouts from over Hoseok’s shoulder, clumsily taking the items from your hand.
_
You turn your torso to the side, shifting your left foot forward into a lunge. You raise your arm with a slow breath inward, shifting your weight accordingly.
Jin was beautiful even when he snored all night, he was propped against the pillows like Snow White in her glass case. He’d opened his eyes quite a bit ago, silently watching you stretch yourself out.
“You look really tempting when you do that, babe.” He rasps.
Your impenetrable focus is shattered, causing you to cover your face with an incredulous laugh. “Before breakfast?”
“Hell yeah before breakfast, I don’t just wanna look, I wanna touch. Come here.”
“You’re still drunk too, huh?”
“There are a lot of times that I’m insatiable, but I want it right now.”
His assertiveness always sends a funny little churn through your belly.
You slowly shift the weight of your body onto your feet and stand. Not as heavy or dizzy as before, but a different tingling began to set inside of you. Your glance down, reaching to unfurl your shorts.
“Uh-uh, leave them like that.” He gives you a smile that’s absolutely devilish, shoving the sheets away from his lap. “Come to mama.”
It dawns on you as you approach the bed that he must’ve snatched up your shirt to sleep. It rode up his belly just a little, leading way to his light blue slip.
You plant your hands on the mattress, crawling in between his thighs. He leans forward, placing his hands on your hips and gently rubbing your sides. You cup his face, gently combing through his messy black tufts with your fingers.
His eyes scrunch up with a giddy chuckle, his neck was still flushed. Not quite as much as dark juice that leaks from berries gnashed between teeth. But rather the breath of age that colored ripened flesh of fruit from taught and pale shells surrounding infant seeds.
You imagined him as your first cabernet.
You were home alone. There was never any alcohol in the cabinets, not within your reach. However there was one bottle that sat on the highest shelf that’d begun to haunt your mind.
You thought about him day and night, wondering if you should be so daring as to wrap your fingers around the cork and pluck it out.
The bottle was dark, not so much as black, but an impenetrable brown of iodine or creamless coffee.
You stood in the pantry, door closed behind you as if there would be a soul to see. You rise with the aid of a little black stool, carefully grabbing the ruby red scarf wrapped around the bottle’s neck.
The pop of the remaining forth of the cork causes your breathing to break away. Dare it be said this noise was foreign, not yet attributed to merriment and celebration for you.
You raise the bottle to your lips and pour it in. The mouth feel is heavier than water, nothing unsettling.
Your tongue begins to glitter in a way you cannot determine if it’s unpleasant or lovely. Effervescence. Armoracia assaults your tongue, strangling with a fruitiness.
Your brows furrow, trampled all is with acridity. Your throat seems to close, denying entry to such drink, warming the back of your nostrils. With a thick noise, you manage to swallow it. A strange trail of fire roasts a trail over the back of your esophagus before heating the pool of your stomach.
Your adolescent tongue was unable to accord with this experience. Turned away, you squeeze the cork back in the bottle and return it to where it rest before and exit the pantry.
He, before you, a taste of wine that prompted you to have another sip. You couldn’t help but polish him off over and over again. His well never ran dry.
You kiss him with a soft hum. You imagine the taste of mature grapes. His lips push against yours hungrily, flexing and relaxing like the yielding of fruit under your teeth.
From the spring, you made him feel refreshed and clear. God himself ran your droplets from the glacier and straight into his cup.
He drank from many places, many streams. You were of the first, the only to cleanse and wash his palate.
Your depth, your minerals, mellowed his harshness, his sting. No longer rousing spirits, he bestows joy amongst all.
Your hand slips from his hair, landing gently on his shoulder. Your fingertips roll into the thick of his shoulder, squeezing it as he slips his tongue through your lips.
He reaches up the leg of your shorts, wrapping his hand around your warm shaft. He’s priming you to fuck him, to use him like some breeding buck.
He jerks his hand slowly but firmly. You groan into his mouth, nearly squirming at the sensation of your foreskin rolling and stretching over the tip of your cock.
Your hand drops from his shoulder, fingers dipping their way under his panties. His croon tingles the seam of your mouth as you slip your fingers in between his outer lips and spread them apart.
It was as if he shocked you, you pull from his lips with a wet smack to catch your breath. He always made you feel so crazy. Jin smiles, slowly thumbing at your tip.
The tip of your tongue heavily slips from your gums to sweep away the deeper notes on your bottom lip.
He hesitates not to drink of your spring, leaning in and draws your tongue between his mouth with a greedy swallow. Flushing and blooming, your belly burns just as your first taste did.
His lengthy fingers slip under your night shirt, curling around the heft of your breast. He releases your mouth with a full sigh of satisfaction.
You lift your fingers to your mouth, sweeping away his pussy juice with your tongue. You hum from the pit of your gut, you could taste the fruit of the land already. The musky aroma of papaya and melon, added tang of pineapple, the earthy, milkiness of coconut.
“I wanna do it raw,” he breathes as his knuckles gently close around and twist your nipple. You glance up at him, slipping your slick fingers out of your mouth and dig them back under the hem of his undergarments.
You never did it with condoms anyway, but he never failed to grasp his chance to set your blood asunder. You drag the tips of your fingers over his inner lips, stretching and spreading them. You drag your middle finger along the seam of his petals, swirling it around his hole and gently digging it against his clit.
He hisses, rolling his hips in hopes you’d give him more.
“Did you hear me?”
He releases his grip on your breast, cupping your chin and guiding you to meet his eyes.
“I want you to fuck me raw, that means I want you to cum inside of me.” His following moan is a beautiful titter as he drags the thick of his tongue over your lips, kissing you noisily. He releases the grip of your cock, wiggling forward to lay back against the bed.
He was only ever so demanding when he was itching for you to make a mess of him. As he moves to make simple work of his panties, you take note to do the same and rid yourself of your own bottoms.
You wiggle off of the bed, wiggling your shorts down to your ankles.
“You’re so bossy today. You’re gonna need to slobber on it first, Jinnie.”
His heart seizes, bursting into a shower of pretty pink butterflies. His cunt flutters immediately at the sonority that coats your voice in viscous amber.
He quickly walks his hands forward, shifting toward the end of the bed and rolling onto his tummy. He needlessly pretties himself for you, combing his hair away from his forehead. His eyes are positively twinkling as he rests his chin on the mattress.
“It’d be quite the inconvenience if one of the others were to come in and see me cramming my dick into your mouth,” you click your tongue. You place your hand on his head, lovingly stroking his cheek with your thumb. “Maybe I should use this mouth more often, it’s much quieter.”
He furrows his brows, inhaling quickly to fix you with a response.
Your resolve crumbles with your face scrunching up in amusement. “Okay! Okay! Don’t say anything, open your mouth.”
He makes a face, cutting his eyes at you as you grab ahold of your shaft and position it at his mouth.
_
“Fuck, fuck.. Turn around, let me see your pussy.” You step backward to free yourself from his mouth, trying to catch your breath.
He licks his swollen, slobbery lips with a smile and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. Jin turns slowly, propping himself up on his knees. You took an unsteady breath inward to ask about his well being, but when he presented himself, you understood immediately.
His cunt was fully in bloom between his thighs, fatter, puffier. Healthily flushed and glistening, you clap your hand over his ass.
He whines, couldn’t you see the syrupy drips and trails clinging to his inner thighs?
You push his ass up with your palm, admiring how his pussy stretched and trembled. You decidedly slip your thumb just barely in between his lips and swirl your finger through his arousal.
You grip the base of your cock with your other hand and press it up against his hole. The upper half of his body relaxes instantly, slumping against the bed with a croon that sends chills spidering over your heated flesh.
You rock forward gently, pushing your way inside of him. Jin takes to you without hesitation, pulsing and squeezing around you.
“This fucking-” you clap your hand over his ass with more force “-cunt is always so good to me,” you growl.
He mewls when you bottom out, rolling your hips forward to push deeper into him.
You rear back, easily building your pace inside of him. You move your grip to taking tight handfuls of the shirt that rolled up his back, yanking him back against you with each thrust inward.
Each moan of his began long and drawn out like the soft calls of the loon under nightfall. You prop your foot up on the bed frame, planting yourself more firmly to set a stronger pace.
The noise of your skin clapping together began to bounce off of the walls, rocking to bed to which he gripped so dearly.
You allow yourself to fall astray of control, pounding into him with deep, sharp strikes. His moans quickly evolve into frantic wails, his voice catches in his throat each time you drag him away from squirming into the escape.
You cease only for a moment to allow him to catch his breath, to which his forehead drops against the sheets with a muted rustle.
A second was efficient enough, you shift your foot and plant it more firmly before you continue your assault on his poor pussy.
He whines something at you, muffled.
“What was that?” You purr, continuing to jerk your hips shamelessly. Your moans rise and flow from your lips like a steady spring.
He manages to lift his head, thrashing it with a keen when you plunge in just a bit harder than before. It was so hard to speak when you kept knocking the breath out of his lungs. “You’re too deep inside,” he whines, unable to control the moans squeezing through his noisy panting.
“It’s too deep?” You coo, feeling your lips curl in a slight smile when you watch his messy head of black hair bob up and down.
“Roll over so I can play with your pussy,” you slow your relentless thrusts and gently move back until your cock flops wetly out of his hole.
He slumps almost completely when you pull out of him, weakly propping his palms up and laying down. Use of his legs was reasonably impossible as of now, which you quickly noted. “Move back a little,” he scoots himself backward almost pitifully.
If you weren’t almost painfully hard, you’d be more willing to let him take a break. You climb onto the bed and straddle his right thigh, propping the left over your shoulder.
You nudge yourself in between his lips, guiding your shaft until it catches against his sloppy hole. He whimpers, dropping his head back when you push your way in. His pussy accommodates you with an indecent squish.
You wrap your arm around the leg thrown over your shoulder, rocking into him. You peer down at him, his eyes were still glassy from your abuse of his throat. Your breath hitches in your throat as you jerk your hips forward, the clap of your balls against the back of his ass echoes louder.
“I wish you knew what you do to me,” you sigh hotly through teeth clenched. Your molars grind together as you return to pistoning inside of him, mashing your pelvis into his.
He was foolish enough to tilt his hips forward, the entire bed rocks pitifully as a testament to its modern craftsmanship.
Jin was flushed down to his chest, puckered lips flapping with each noisy gasp. He felt so light, he couldn’t tell if he were near fainting.
“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” he yelps. He is barely able to lift his hands and shove his shirt around to play with his nipples.
You gently stretch his mound toward him, stroking your thumb around the spongy flesh near his clit. His shriek catches on the back of his tongue, you feel yourself begin to burn and melt.
Ruby red drips of wax cooling against a marble counter.
You nearly pull out of him on instinct, gripping the base of your dick with an ugly whimper. Your body seizes, rigid as you begin to cum.
You can hardly hear his breath in your ears over the sound of your heartbeat, your own moans are high and shaking.
You pull away from him with a rattling breath, unleashing a few final weak spurts against his folds.
You struggle to regulate your own rhythm, clumsily slipping your fingers in his sloppy cunt to spread your cum around. He whines, swatting at your hand.
“Heh,” your chest bounces weakly, “we were probably so loud.”
“I’m too tired to nag you, but I could’ve died.”
“Oh hush, we need to get ready soon.”
He gives you a crazy look before dropping his head back down and motioning you toward the door. “It’s not like you broke my legs or anything.”
_
“When do we get our turn?” Jimin calls from the dining room with a telling smile.
You stop cold in the entryway of the hall, turning to see the table full of your friends. They erupt in whooping laughter that causes you to continue hurrying on your way to run the bath. None of them should have even been alive at that hour, not with how they were last night.
“Nah, come back! I didn’t know Seokjin-Hyung could hit those kinds of notes!” Namjoon calls after you, cackling.
182 notes · View notes
may-fanfic · 4 years ago
Text
Tumblr media
A Debt 
summary: nat is the leader of one of the most deadly mobs in town but when she takes you to be her next victim, she has second thoughts.
warnings: kidnapping, mob, mentions of murder and death, mob!nat
pairing: mob!natasha x reader
rating: 18+
word count: 1,838
a/n : sorry im a whore for cliffhangers, hope you enjoy and please do tell me if you want a part 2 
((feel free to send in any request you may have))
masterlist
-------------
all you could see was black when the cloth had been tugged over your face and it muffled your screams. you could hear as the deep voices talked but you couldn’t decipher where they had been coming from. you knew that the person behind you was strong enough to keep you in place but that didn’t stop you from trying your hardest to escape but of course to no avail and quickly you had been shoved into the car, heading god knows where.
all the questions you had glowing floating around in your head had been quickly answered when you were ushered into somewhere before someone had guided you to a chair and quickly shoved you down and in a second the cloth that was covering your eyes was ripped off.
“tie her hands.” and in seconds your hands had been zip-tied to the chair. before you could even adjust your eyes to the bright lights, a girl stood in your view. it had all happened so fast, you had just wanted to go home and sleep off the day but instead you had been in some random house and had no idea what you had done wrong.
your lip quivered lightly but you tried your hardest to straighten out your expressions. “she’s a pretty one, isn’t she?” a man’s voice spoke up from behind the woman and she was quick to roll her eyes.
your eyes wandered around the neat house, there had been nothing insight for you to break free, and honestly, you hadn’t even known how you could escape this so instead you met the woman’s gaze. “hello dear.” her voice was raspy and her accent deep, despite the circumstances, it sent spines down your spine. you couldn’t find your words as tears clouded your eyes, you tried your hardest to stop them but they rolled down your cheeks freely and the woman had pouted down at you.
“darling this is nothing personal, strictly business.” you sniffled lightly, your gaze snapping down to the ground. “does she not speak?” a man’s voice snapped causing you to jump lightly. the woman sucked her teeth before yelling at him in a different language.
“why me?” your voice had come out shaky and hoarse but they were just been glad that you were talking. the woman pulled out a chair so she could sit directly in front of you, her gaze never looking hers. “your father is one of that most wealthy men out there...” she paused for a moment, trying to word her reasoning properly. “and we figured, if we had his precious daughter, he would quickly cut us a nice check.” your eyebrows knitted together, feeling yourself begin to shake. “what happens if he doesn’t?” your question had sat in the air for a while before a man from behind the woman spoke up. “you die.”
the call to your father had been short as expected and it seemed to leave everyone in shock. you hadn’t expected much from the man, he had always been selfish and when they mentioned their price. he was quick to tell them that he didn’t have that kind of money to spare and hung up the call. so now Natasha had sat in silence, her gaze fixed on the phone that was in her hand.
“so how are you gonna kill me?” your voice had come off much colder this time and it left Natasha speechless for a moment. “he has 48 hours.” the woman uttered and you let out a gentle breath, already accepting your fate.
——- ——- Natasha was the one in charge of keeping an eye on you after all she was the leader and if she was honest, she never trusted her gang much especially when it came to looking after you. she watched as you shifted uncomfortably in the wooden chair, trying to lean your head back to get any form of rest but to no avail. Natasha had never really had to wait out an entire 48 hours with one of her victims, their families had always come through and the transaction would be over 5 hours tops but now she was forced to stare at you, feeling a sense of pain for you.
she had never been as heartless as she seemed, of course, she was trained well enough not to get her feelings involved but even her chest burned at the coldness of your father. how could anyone treat their child like that? “I don’t know how you expect me to sleep here all day.” your voice had come off much more confident than before and it made the woman perked up quickly.
she pushed herself up moving to stand directly in front of you, fishing a pocket knife, you could flinch away causing Natasha to suck her teeth. “relax.” she muttered, quickly cutting the zip tie and letting your hands go free. “don’t you dare try anything,” she uttered before gripping your forearms and tugging you through the large house with her before you were pushed into a room.
the bed looked neatly made and the pillows were fresh, the room was painted white and the room reeked of fresh paint. you wondered how many other times the woman did this exact thing with other people. Natasha gave you a gentle shove towards the bed and you didn’t hesitate to take a seat, feeling the soft mattress under you.
“Thanks,” you whispered, toying with your fingers as the girl took a seat on a chair in front of the bed. she nodded quickly, the woman had not taken a proper look at you since she had met you and she secretly wished she had met you under different conditions. “are you gonna kill me?” you asked the woman lightly causing her frown to deepen. “you’ll know when we cross that bridge.”
“I’m not afraid to die,” you uttered out to the woman causing her eyes to meet yours for a moment. “I just thought it’d end differently.” you rambled watching as she cocked her head to the side. “why are you so sure you’ll die?”
“you don’t know my father.” she hadn’t known how to reply to that. there had been some sort of awkwardness in the air and Natasha wished she could just run away from it cause it made her cringe so deeply.
“no one coming to help me.” her heart burned from your statement, she needed you to stop talking before she found herself comforting you. she felt choked up, she knew if anyone knew how was feeling, she’d lose all her respect but dear god did she pity you right now and it was all her fault that you had even been put in this situation. why couldn’t she had just targeted someone else?
you took her silence as a sign that she had enough of your talking so you kicked off your shoes and settled into the soft bed, wrapping yourself in the fresh blanket.
Natasha watched as you drifted off to sleep, her thoughts had been running miles per minute. if Natasha had to kill you because of your selfish father then she would never be able to live with herself. that had been the bottom line and Natasha knew she could never do that.
Natasha felt foolish, she had never thought twice about having to kill someone so why had it been so hard for her to even imagine having to hurt you? Natasha rose from the chair, leaving you to sleep. she had been quick to make a call, feeling her heart pounding with anticipation. she knew tony would know what to do, he had always been wise. “Natasha, hey,” he spoke softly causing the girl to let out a gentle sigh.
“I need your help, tony.”
fear settled at the bottom of your heart when men rushed into the room. you had jumped awake, trying your hardest to fight off the men that had been trying to grab you but everything had seemed to die down when the man stuck a needle into your arm and in seconds your eyes fluttered closed and your body had grown leap. “just take her home.” tony let out a soft sigh before nodding slowly. “I got you, kid.”
the next time your eyes had fluttered open, you had been in the safely of your own home and your bed. it had always felt like a fever dream, you had been confused but overall you were just be relieved that it was over.
—— as much as Natasha wanted to forget that you even existed, her mind had often  raced back to you. she had wondered what you had been up to if you were okay. she found herself outside your apartment almost every night making sure you got in alright. she wanted to run up to you each time she saw you but instead, she would grip her steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles would turn white.
it had taken her a couple of weeks to musks up the courage to let herself into your apartment, it had been unlocked much to her surprise and she took a seat on one of the love seats. she knew your schedule and she knew that you should be home any minute but she still felt her heart pounding when she heard the doorknob turn and when you entered, her breath had became caught in her throat.
you hadn’t seemed shocked that she was there, it was almost as if you had been expecting her. she watched carefully as you set down your purse and keys. “your door was unlocked.” Natasha finally spoke up, gripping at the seat arms. “I know.” you muttered with a gentle laugh. “why have you been watching me?” you asked softly, crossing your arms and staring down the woman.
she couldn’t help the warm blush that appeared on her cheeks before she grinned lightly. she hadn’t even known what she could say in this situation but she had quickly gotten up from the couch, inching her way over to you. “why was your door unlocked?” she questioned, tilting her head to the side. you hummed lightly, shaking your head “I asked you first.”
“I wanted to see you.” her boldness made your cheeks turn a bright pink and Natasha quickly took notice. “and I wanted to make sure you were okay,” a sweet smile formed on her plump lips before she continued.
“why was your door unlocked?” she asked again, feeling a sense of accomplishment when you stumbled over your words, leaning against the wall  as she stepped even closer to you. “I wanted to see you too.” she hummed lightly, bringing her hand up to your cheek, caressing your cheekbone softly. Natasha leaned down to meet your lips but you quickly turned your face.
“I need you to do something for me.”
497 notes · View notes
oreoambitions · 4 years ago
Text
Parts 1-3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 5.5 // Part 6 // Part 7 // Part 8 // Part 9 // Part 10 // Ao3 Kara has been away for too long. This is what she thinks to herself as she hovers over the edge of National City's furthest flung suburb, her eyes on the horizon, her hands doing a rather unsuperherolike fidget of their own accord. She was only supposed to be gone for a couple of hours. A couple of days maybe. Long enough to cool down, to get her anger under control, to make sure that Lena would never have to see her like... that. Only a couple of days has become a couple of weeks and now Kara doesn't know how to come home. "Rao," she whispers. Immediately she feels foolish - as if Rao has answered her these past weeks - but in her solitude she's grown used to speaking in prayer, and so she finishes the thought anyway. "Where am I supposed to be right now? What am I supposed to be doing?" Probably her life is in shambles. Probably she's been fired from CatCo and there are a stack of unpaid bills cluttering up the mailbox of an apartment that probably doesn't belong to her anymore. That's going to be a mess to sort out and there's no getting around it. And then there are the personal relationships she's abruptly abandoned for a month and a half without explanation. Alex will be worried sick, and angry, and rightfully so. What will J'onn say? Nia? Clark? And then there's Lena. Kara's hand moves to the thin red thread would tightly around her wrist. Ever so gently, careful not to wear it thinner still, she brushes her fingers over it. She'll have to talk to Lena. Soon. Today. The thought makes her stomach twist and seize and roil with feelings she has hardly begun to name, let alone master, but Rao, if she stays away until she's mastered them all she's starting to think she might stay away for a lifetime. But at least the anger is under control. That's the most important thing, because the truth is there is no returning to National City, no returning to Lena, without facing Sam. It's doubly true now that Sam has taken up the cape to protect the city that Kara has come to think of as her own. She has to admit, however begrudgingly, that Sam has done a good job. The city below is peaceful in that loud, chaotic way that cities have about them in the late afternoon: a dog shouts out on 4th street; someone's car won't start on Tulare; highschool students pour out of a bus downtown full of the laughter and the posturing of youth. All is well. Certainly things are better than Kara has any right to expect them to be, and that's on Sam. Sam, who made headlines when she stepped in to make it clear that Supergirl's absence would not be taken advantage of. Sam, who said she'd never wear the cape because she was afraid of what it would mean for Ruby. Sam, who should have rightly been on Argo right now claiming her birthright and her heritage. Sam, who had an obligation to protect Lena and chose to bind her irrevocably to Kara in a marriage of obligation instead. Perhaps the anger is not so under control after all, but up here there's no one to see Kara's eyes flash or her fist clench, no one to hear her heartrate pick up or the sharp breath she forces out between her teeth. Up here it's okay. It's only down there she has to worry about control. But first before control, before the appearance of reconciliation, before Kara figures out how to get Sam on board with the plan she's hatched for finding Lena a way out of this mess, first before anything, Kara is going to have to talk to Alex. Hell hath no fury like an older sister abruptly abandoned and left to fret and worry for nothing, and the longer Kara puts this off the worse it's going to be. She takes a deep breath and wishes, not for the first time, that life came with a rewind.
There isn't really any such thing as taking the long way when you're a Kryptonian under Earth's yellow sun, but Kara makes an effort. She loops around the city twice, trying not to think about how uncomfortable it will be if she runs into Sam out here doing a similar patrol. She hovers over the L-Corp building long enough to determine that Lena is, in fact, not at work on a Saturday — probably Jess's doing, for which she’s grateful. Then she drifts gently to Alex's neighborhood, to her street, to the fire escape, to the back window always unlatched when Kara is on patrol just in case Supergirl should need to stop by unseen. Kara, of course, is not so much on patrol as officially missing, so she hesitates there on the fire escape before reaching out to tug gently gently gently on the window. It's almost a surprise when it slides open. Alex is home but the shower is running and Kara, feeling an odd sort of nervousness wash over her, slips through the window quietly. Maybe it would have been better to come through the front door, or to call ahead, or maybe it would be better to announce herself now, but now she's here trembling in Alex's kitchen and she's let herself in this way a hundred times and it's always been okay. Only this time it's different, and all Kara can think about is how angry Alex is going to be when she sees her and- The bathroom door flies open and Alex comes barreling out into the kitchen in a towel, dripping wet, the shower still running behind her. They stand there for a moment, Kara rubbing the edge of her cape between her fingers, Alex stock still as though she's seen a ghost. "Kara," she breaths. And then, "Shit, I'm sorry. Let me-" She reaches for the cupboard, then the fridge, then steps back. "Are you okay?" "Yeah," Kara says. She draws in a deep breath to spit out the explanation she's rehearsed a hundred times: I'm sorry but I was losing control and you have to understand that Sam and Lena were together the whole time and I was jealous, so jealous, but I was mostly so angry that Lena trusted her and then she put her into this awful position with the vows, and it put me in an awful position too, and I just couldn't stay and I- But Alex is nodding. "Let me just put a shirt on, okay? Don't- Just don't go anywhere. Help yourself to anything in the fridge. Two seconds." She starts down the hall and then turns back, her fingers up for emphasis. "Two seconds." It's more like forty seconds and the shower is still running and Kara is too uncomfortable to fetch anything from the fridge. All her rehearsed words have died in her throat and she's left standing there teasing a thread out of the edge of the cape and feeling like somehow this is all wrong. Kara’s imagined this encounter a thousand times but never like this, and to compound it all, something in this place has shifted. Maybe it's just the time Kara's been away but something here feels... different. Forty seconds isn't long enough to put a finger on it and Alex is back in the kitchen in a t-shirt and boxers and demanding a hug before Kara can quite track what's changed. There's an almost physical relief when Alex collides with her and for a few seconds all else is forgotten. "Are you mad at me?" she whispers into Alex's hair. "Yeah," Alex whispers back. "But it can wait." And then, as she pulls away, "Cocoa?" Alex doesn't wait for an answer. She's busy at the stove in an instant, milk out on the counter, hot chocolate mix out of a glass bottle measured by the heaping quarter cup, and Kara's offers of assistance are shooed away with a gesture so reminiscent of Eliza that she might have giggled if she hadn't been feeling slightly sick. She settles into a chair at the kitchen table instead. The cape has found its way between her fingers again; that loose thread is becoming more prominent by the minute. Then the shower shuts off and Kara glances up at Alex. "Is someone else here? I'm so sorry, am I interrupting? I can go if-" Alex silences her with a hand. "It's fine. You're not interrupting. It's just... it's my girlfriend." "Girlfriend?" The guilt sickens Kara a little further. She's been gone too long. She's missed too much. "Actually," Alex says, stirring the hot chocolate mix into the milk on the stove, "I was meaning to talk to you about it before everything happened with the wedding. It wasn't official but we'd been intimate - sorry, TMI, I know - and I thought it might be going some place. But then with everything happening it never felt like the right time, and now..." "Well who is she?" This explains, at least, what feels different about the apartment. And it seems obvious now that Kara knows what she's looking for: an extra pair of shoes by the front door, a jacket over the back of the couch that doesn't belong to Alex. But it's familiar. A jacket Kara's seen before, now that she's thinking about it. "Do I know her?" "Yeah. Actually, we should probably talk about-" Sam steps into the kitchen slowly, so softly that human ears might not have picked up her approach. She's wearing one of Alex's long sleeved tees pulled down too far over her hands, an anxious gesture Kara has seen mirrored in Lena a thousand times, and it sends an instant flash of something awful through her chest. "Hi Kara," Sam says softly. The rage hits Kara before her mind can catch up. Alex and Sam were intimate before the wedding. Alex and Sam were intimate before the wedding. Alex and Sam were- Which means- The kitchen table cracks under Kara's fingers but the words don't come. What is she supposed to say? Hi Alex, I really missed you, by the way your girlfriend is possibly cheating on you with my wife who, funny story, is only actually married to me because your girlfriend manipulated her into a binding religious marriage, potentially in order to free herself up so that she could be official with you. Any chance she's mentioned any of that? No? What comes out of her mouth is: "How dare you." Sam crosses her arms, those sleeves still pulled down around her fingers, takes another step into the kitchen. "I think I know what this looks like," she says. "And it's not. It's not what you think." Kara doesn't know what she thinks. Something about Sam's anxiety and the confusion on Alex's face is sounding an alarm, and it’s an alarm that sounds an awful lot like doubt, but the anger is louder. Anger, in Kara's recent experience, is always louder. And now it's building behind her eyes, and she knows it shows because Sam starts to move between her and Alex and somehow that makes it all worse because now it's the shame that's louder and Kara can hardly hear her own thoughts over all that noise. "I have to go," she chokes out. "I'm sorry. Alex, I-" I'll call, she wants to say. "I'm sorry," she says instead. She can smell the milk burning on the stove as she leaves, can hear Alex calling after her, demanding Sam go after her, demanding she come back. "Let her go," Sam murmurs. Kara passes out of earshot. Well, not really. But she's got enough distance that she can put it out of her head. Enough distance that she can, if she chooses, listen to nothing but the wind, and her shame, and the hammering of her own heart.
255 notes · View notes
bigskydreaming · 3 years ago
Text
I’m a big believer that Dick’s independence and self-reliance isn’t in any way rooted in him just being stubborn, prideful or self-destructive. I view it as being in his eyes a necessity….because on a deep, fundamental level….Dick doesn’t trust anything to be permanent. 
I’ll always go back to the fact that his character archetype isn’t that of the everyman, because he was of lower class origins compared to Bruce’s extreme upper class background.....but rather that given that Dick Grayson was allegedly exceptional from his debut, a child prodigy capable of feats of acrobatics few in the world could match....he could never actually be classified as an everyman. Rather, his core archetype is that of the fish out of water. The individual taken from the comforts of his original pond and thrust into a limelight of an entirely different nature from the one he grew up in, with the two not at all being interchangeable, and necessitating he change and adapt in dramatic and often unanticipated ways just to keep his footing in his new environs.
Its not incidental that his initial tragedy wasn’t JUST the loss of his parents, but rather the loss of his old routines, extended family, environment, way of life, expectations for the way his future would play out....it ALL vanished on the same night, never to return again. The loss of his parents was tragedy enough all on its own, but its really only one part of what Dick lost that night. He lost his entire footing. His frames of reference. Everything his life had previously prepared him for and everything he could have used as a familiar comfort or source of stability to lean on, if it had been ‘just’ his parents that he lost.
And I fundamentally don’t believe you ever get over THAT loss, no matter what peace you make with the loss of your loved ones or specific elements of that. Once you’ve experienced a shake-up of that size, once you have a bone-deep, visceral awareness of how completely your life can change in the blink of an eye, how you can effectively be set back to zero as though nothing you’ve previously accomplished matters (remember, he went from a kid whose name drew crowds on its OWN merits, based on what HE was capable of due to his own work and skills, the youngest of the Flying Graysons, capable of an acrobatic feat barely anyone else in the world could master......to being a kid who was only ever identified as in the context of Bruce Wayne having taken him in, as though his existence and worth were defined by someone else’s act of compassion rather than based on anything he’d ever done on his own, when the fact of the matter is even by age eight, he’d already accomplished a LOT)....
Like, the point is, you can’t go through a shake-up like that and ever fully FORGET how complete and total a change it was, how big a rewrite of your entire life story. 
That’s a trauma all its own, one that goes largely unacknowledged, and one that I don’t think Bruce and Alfred or anyone else fully realized was even there TO need addressing in the first place. So of course how could they ever fully address it, without realizing a need?
And I think Dick’s constant moves and self-reliance are actually born of that primal awareness that there are no guarantees, that nothing is truly permanent, that anything can be taken away in an instant.
He’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for everything to be taken away again - as people have pointed out in other posts, Dick can never seem to have nice things. Even the apartment building he lived in while in Bludhaven….that wasn’t some height of luxury by ANY stretch of the imagination…was lost to him, along with all the friends and neighbors and community he’d built among them, something evidenced by how highly they all spoke of him, even to a total stranger. And that’s not even getting into how even the CITY he sought to establish himself as a guardian over, like, he lost the city itself. The CITY!
Dick, I believe, insists on holding down 9-5 jobs and paying his own way and only touching money that comes from Bruce originally, when like…he has no other option or its to help someone else….just like he’s resistant to ever fully putting down roots, at least none so deep that he can’t uproot himself and quickly relocate without ripping off a piece of himself and leaving it still buried in the ground behind him. 
Because deep down, he’s always bracing for the next seismic event that’ll rip everything away from him, and he wants to be prepared. He WANTS to make sure he never takes anything for granted. That if he loses it all - hell, if he and Bruce fight again and Bruce decides once and for all to take it all away from Dick, cut their ties, something that would very much be a deep-rooted insecurity for a kid with as massive of abandonment issues as Dick must have given his childhood and a number of events after that…
Dick I think needs to trust that he’ll be capable of surviving, of standing on his own two feet, if the worst should ever happen again and he’s left on his own again. His self-reliance and obsessive need for independence aren’t a REJECTION of anyone else or anything Bruce or others have ever done for him.
They’re simply the defense mechanisms of a boy who was once upon a time torn away from everything he knew and in certain origins was then on top of that plunged into hellish circumstances before finding a refuge with Bruce….
And the man that boy grew up to be, who is determined to never be caught in a situation like that again, where his very survival might otherwise require the kindness of a stranger….with Dick knowing better than to count on lightning striking twice there, and him getting lucky a second time.
So in a lot of ways, my core perception of Dick having spent more time growing up in the luxury of Wayne Manor than any of the other kids is that its largely irrelevant to who he grew up to be. Because he was still more than old enough by the time he arrived that he had formative experiences all his own that no amount of time was sufficient to overwrite and exchange for new ones.
His experiences are so extreme in terms of the loss of all forms of stability, that the SHAPE that stability takes in the periods where his life IS stable, is largely unimportant. Because its the absence of stability that’s the defining recurrence in his life. Even the stability offered by his childhood in Wayne Manor eventually gave way to canon where he left the Manor before he was even eighteen, as well as canon where no matter how it was ultimately reversed, he was for a time affected by having the ability to call the Manor his home STRIPPED AWAY FROM HIM. Thus even when Bruce did ultimately welcome him back, there still retained an awareness that even the fact that this had happened in the first place was a reminder that even THIS was something Dick could lose, that no matter how stable his childhood there had been at times, it couldn’t in and of itself be COUNTED as a source of stability due to the simple fact that his ability to call it his home HADN’T turned out to be an irrevocable constant. 
And so this is another of those areas where I think its fundamentally an oversight to have members of the family commenting on Dick’s self-reliance or tendencies to relocate himself, let alone in any kind of critical capacity......
If there’s not going to be an acknowledgment within the family or by the people raising these criticisms like, what kind of a role the family themselves have played in Dick feeling a NEED to have these tendencies in the first place.
If someone doesn’t trust in any place he lives in to ever truly be a constant in his life, truly permanent, that anything can be taken away in the right circumstances....and you yourself have done something that has made him feel or given him reason TO leave a place he’s found stability in at some point in the past....you kiiiiiinda forsake your right to be critical of his inability to see any place as permanent or constant, y’know?
Like, insert Miranda Whatshername gif or Meryl Streep peering down her glasses and going oh I see, you think this has nothing to do with you.
So I’d argue that Dick’s insistence on simulating the average person’s reality of livelihood, even when he has other means and funds available to him….just as his insistence on being as solely responsible for the well-being of the place or people he sees as his responsibilities, being single-minded about relying only on himself for tasks that he sees as ultimately having nothing to do with someone other than himself, etc....
All that is in my opinion BECAUSE he’s so firmly attached to the reality that anything and everything can be taken away, at ANY given moment. That he can be reduced to having nothing and no one he can depend on BEYOND just his own innate skills and experiences, the only things he trusts to be truly unable to be stripped from him by others.
If you ask me, one of the core aspects of Dick’s characterization throughout his adulthood in canon is SPECIFICALLY his fear that everything he cares about, or trusts, or relies on…can be taken away from him or lost. 
And his determination to make sure that he’ll be able to survive even if that should ever happen again.
110 notes · View notes
tsuzuruteeth · 4 years ago
Text
Vil Rant: Why His Overblot was Valid
So I’ve seen a lot of not so hot takes on Vil’s overblot. Some people believe that his reason for overblot wasn’t good enough in comparison to the others. Most of the others overblotted due to some trauma from their childhood that never really got resolved to sum it up very vaguely. Vil on the other hand, it seemingly wasn’t like that. Vil’s overblot was due to envy. Pure envy. 
Or was it?
It wasn’t. So as the resident Vil stan, I am going to take my time to explain why Vil’s overblot made sense and it isn’t as petty as some people think it is. 
Vil himself is a very mischaracterized character, so it’s no surprise that people are not seeing the full picture. 
Vil’s whole character is based on hard work. Most people would assume it’s beauty but it isn’t, at least not fully. For Vil, beauty isn’t his end goal but a tool to achieve his end goal, this is made clear in his overblot flashback. Now some people might not be convinced, but this isn’t a character analysis, so I’m not going to delve too deep into his values and why they’re his values for now. 
So the reason he overblotted, for the people who take Vil at face value anyway instead of learning his motives, is because he was jealous Neige was more beautiful than him. He overblotted out of envy because he couldn’t stand being second best. 
Now this isn’t wrong, but it isn’t the full picture. Too see the full thing playout I’m gonna run through a little Vil timeline with you. And “because I am so kind” and I know not everyone out there is a fan of Vil, so probably wouldn’t take the time to read his personal stories, I will stick to things mentioned in chapter 5. 
So starting from Vil’s childhood. We see this part in his overblot flashback but even as a child Vil would always get villain roles and because of this he is ostracized by the other children, apart from Jack (Just as a reference this is also mentioned in his robes sr personal story).  This didn’t really bother Vil much from what we saw, but it showed us that Vil was a bit more mature for his age, as being in the industry he probably had to be. 
Next thing we see is how Neige always gets the main parts while Vil is always the villain. So this is where Vil’s envy of Neige starts. However, at this stage in his life it’s not about his beauty, it’s because he gets the roles Vil wants. Vil then goes on to talk about how all he wants is to be the heroine for once, yet he knows this will never happen. He is mature enough to realise that life doesn't work that way, no matter how hard you work something can never be achieved, hence his frustration begins.
So throughout Chapter 5 we can see Neige be mentioned and Vil’s vows to defeat him. He constantly asks Mira about the beauty rankings only to see Neige be number one. Which doesn’t seem such a big deal at first, until you think about how much hard work Vil puts in. Although, if you think about it, it’s still a bit petty at this stage, which is why it doesn’t cause overblot just yet. However, it does make his previous childhood frustration towards Neige grow. 
Another thing that I feel I should mention quickly, is that Vil personally doesn’t really have anything against Neige himself per say, if it was someone else in Neige’s place he would be salty towards them. He really just hates the situation and circumstances, not Neige as a person. 
Anyway back to the timeline. This is where it starts to go wrong. The VDC rehearsal. Vil put effort into the performance. We saw how strict he was, how dedicated he was to make sure everything was perfect. He put his all into it. He even made the song and dance himself, and played a key role in the actual performance. He made that performance to perfection. He even was number one on the search results for the word “beauty”! Only for everyone to fuss over Neige. Neige did a remix of a nursery rhyme and it is mentioned that the choreo wasn’t in sync.When Vil checked Mira again, Neige was back to number one. This is what tipped Vil over the edge. 
I have seen some people claim that his actions were uncalled for and petty, because music isn’t just about being perfect, it’s for having fun and making everyone else enjoy your performance too! You don’t need to be perfect to perform well and make the audience love you! Vil should hold himself to lesser standards and realise it’s not a competition, everyone is beautiful and talented in their own way!
I see your point. I really do. But, I think you need to change your perspective a little to see what really is going on. 
Put yourself in Vil’s shoes for example. Imagine you worked really hard on something, like an art project. You slaved weeks over it, making sure it was the best quality it can be. Finally you put it into a competition. Only to be beat out with a drawing that is half complete and was finished the night before. Could you manage to tell yourself to just let it go? There’s value in all art right? So shouldn’t you just be happy for the winner? It might be the right thing to do, but can you honestly say that you wouldn’t be absolutely seething inside? After all you went through? All that effort? I know for a fact I would be fuming with rage. Maybe I’m just a bad, selfish person but it's true. Although I think most people would at least be a little upset at this outcome. And Vil was.
Now you may agree with my point above, but how does that justify Vil trying to KILL Neige? That’s the beauty of it. It doesn’t. Just like Riddle, all of Vil’s views came crashing down before him the moment people started to fawn over Neige. 
He always thought that hard work would get you to where you need to be, but he worked as hard as he could yet he still failed. Instead someone who hasn’t worked hard, someone who didn’t take the VDC seriously, someone who was only there for fun, beat him out. It didn’t help that he was given hope by being number one, only to have that hope snatched from him right after Neige performed. What is he supposed to do now? If he can’t beat Neige with talent, if he can’t beat Neige with hard work, how will he beat Neige? Easy. All he has to do is get rid of Neige. 
So yes, trying to kill Neige was extreme, but to Vil, that was the only way he thought he could beat him. 
You might be wondering why is it a competition in the first place? Simply because that’s the type of person Vil is. He doesn’t want to be second best, he’s a perfectionist so the only number that matters is being number one. 
But this doesn’t cause his overblot. This isn’t the snapping point for Vil. The snapping point was him realising what he had done, what he was about to do. He was about to do something ugly. He even mentions that it doesn’t matter if everyone forgives him, he can’t forgive himself. Then, he overblots. 
So, Vil’s overblot was a combination of frustration, high expectations and just all together feeling like he isn’t good enough. It’s probably the most relatable overblot so far, as I’m sure we’ve all been in a position where we’ve snapped because something seems hopeless no matter how hard we try. It’s easy to tell someone to stop holding themselves to such high standards, but as the saying goes, it’s easier said than done.
In terms of his after overblot, I don’t see Vil lessinging his normal standards, he will still try his best and make sure everyone around him does the same. He just maybe won’t compare himself to others as much. 
In conclusion, Vil’s overblot wasn’t uncalled for or petty, it actually made perfect sense. Thanks for listening or should I say reading my Ted Talk.
429 notes · View notes
wienerbarnes · 3 years ago
Text
A Certain Romance (5/6)
Tumblr media
Pairing: Bucky x Reader 
Word Count: 2,039
Warnings: bit of angst
A/N: 👀👀👀 lol
MAIN MASTERLIST | A CERTAIN ROMANCE MASTERLIST
While he’s strapped into the same suit he keeps finding himself stuck in, the night doesn’t seem to be going as bad as he imagined.
He’s waiting for you to finish getting ready, you did your hair and makeup already, you just need to put on your shoes and jewelry, you’d told him.
He remembers how you weren’t one for fancy, over-the-top restaurants; you made it clear that very first date. It comforts him that while you’re always happy to see friends, you’re not exactly thrilled and he can rely on you if he wants to leave earlier rather than later.
He hears clicks down the hall get closer and closer and he glances over to look at you, a pocket of air catching in his throat that he holds back.
You’re wearing white and Bucky thinks you look like an angel. The sleeves are long and poofy at the shoulders, a tight neckline highlighting your cleavage, and a cinched waist that makes the dress look a little shorter than it is above your knees. Your skin is glowy from moisturizing after the shower you took earlier and images of what Bucky imagines you look like rubbing lotion on your smooth legs flash in his mind.
He hopes he’s not drooling.
“Take a picture, it’ll last longer, stud.” You adjust a small strap at your ankle and he’s still trying to find something to respond, anything to stop him from gaping like a fish.
“You look beautiful.” Is all that comes out, and he knows it doesn’t do nearly enough justice to describe how you look.
“Thanks, Buck.” You tell him, visibly taken back at the lack of snark. You were expecting a little teasing, a bit of flirting to dip your toes into what the rest of the night will consist of. While Bucky’s never not complimented you, he does it often, as he does to all of his friends, but this was very… sincere. More sincere than usual.
He finally clears his throat to compose himself a little, “Are you ready to head out?”
You give him a nod and a gentle smile, walking with him to the door to exit. The walk to his car a block down isn’t far, and you laugh when Bucky offers you a piggyback ride, not knowing how you can walk in those - referring to your heels.
You can sense Bucky get a bit nervous in the car when the restaurant enters both of your lines of sight. You wrap an arm through the loop his own arm creates with his forearm resting on the middle console, your hand sliding up to gently squeeze his thick bicep, your other arm resting on top of the curve of his elbow.
“Don’t worry, if the place is too lame, I’ll say my heel’s busted and we can try and leave early.”
“Yeah, you’ll cut through that little stick on the bottom of your shoe with the butter knife?”
“Mhm,” You hum, “And leave Sam with the bill.”
He laughs at that, and laughs more when you follow up with, “I forgot my wallet by the way.”
It’s sooner rather than later that the car is parked and you two arrive outside the Italian restaurant Sam picked. He made sure to look it up this time beforehand, with your help, of course, and sees that while the restaurant is still a bit too fancy for his taste, it’s not nearly as bad as the last one he went to where he met you.
“I know you can’t get drunk, but I’m going to play a little game where I drink every time someone in here does something embarrassingly snooty.” You whisper to him, still holding onto his arm, as the waiter leads you two to the table where Sam and his date are waiting.
“You’ll blackout before the appetizer, I wouldn’t try it.” Bucky begins, but after a second thought, “Actually, maybe if you’re drunk we can leave sooner, drinks for you will be on me.”
You giggle quietly into his arm and shut yourself up as you finally arrive at the table, Sam and his date standing to greet you both.
Kisses are planted on everyone's cheeks and introductions are given out as everyone takes their seat. You sit across from Sam on Bucky’s right, his hand holding yours on your thigh. He’s not sure if he’s holding it for show, if Sam and his date can even see them holding hands, or if he’s holding your hand because he likes the feeling of your skin under his hand.
He knows the answer.
The calamari and salads are Bucky’s friend as it makes less time for talking, everyone enjoying the food. While waiting on the main dishes, though, Sam’s date, a very kind and beautiful woman, asks him the question he’s been dreading.
“So, how are you guys? Sam tells me you guys are a new couple, I love all the gushy details.”
The gushy details, she’s perfect for Sam.
“We met on one of Sam’s set-up dates, actually, and just hit it off pretty well. Nothing more to tell.” You answer, thankfully, and keep it short and sweet, hopefully enough information to change the subject.
“Oh, c’mon, y’all can do better than that.” Sam teases, a sly smile on his face.
To him, he’s teasing his friends about finally finding love after swearing against it. But, to you and Bucky, you’re being forced to tell a story you don’t know. You and Bucky should’ve hashed out some details before this, you think.
Bucky’s not the greatest liar, so he just decides to be honest.
“Well, when we met, neither of us were really looking to date anybody. We were both in a place where we didn’t feel ready for a relationship yet, but we gave it a try with each other anyway. And…” He pauses, putting his thoughts together.
“I was surprised. By her kindness, by her humor, by the way she comforts me, by the way she understands me. I expected another failed relationship, another person that either got tired of me or got fed up with who I am and the baggage I come with. But the failure never came.
“Instead I got this amazing girl, who has just as much baggage as I do and I get to accept it with open arms. I got someone who’s healed me a lot more than she knows.”
He’s sweating, and he reaches for the glass of wine at his side, fixing to do something with his hands and his mouth. Your hand is still in his on your lap, grip a bit looser now, though, and he feels your eyes on him. He’s too scared to look.
“See? That’s the kinda lovey-dovey shit I’m talking about.” Sam jokes, a bright smile on his face at the sight of his two friends, raising his glass towards the middle of the table, everyone else’s joining in a second after.
“That’s real sweet,” His date chirps, “You guys really do look in love. I’m happy for y’all.”
The entrees arrive but Bucky’s no longer hungry.
The drive home has been silent. You’ve been quiet since leaving the restaurant and bidding goodbye to Sam and his date, only holding onto his arm until the two of you were out of their sight. Unlike the walk to the restaurant, where you were whispering in his ear, clutching onto his arm, you didn’t even glance his way.
He feels like he’s about to suffocate in the car.
“Are you okay?” His voice breaks the silence.
You’re quiet for a moment before answering his question with one of your own, “What… what was that back there?”
“It was eggplant ravioli, that’s why it looked a little -”
“Bucky.”
He realizes playing dumb isn’t going to work in this situation. Of course it wouldn’t, you’re way too smart for that.
“What you said… seemed a little too... real.” You finally get out.
His mouth opens and closes again when he realizes he doesn’t have a response. It seemed real because it was real. His face appears to give away his thoughts because the second you look over at him, he’s caught. You sigh and raise your hands to cover your face in frustration.
“Bucky, the whole reason we did this in the first place was because we didn’t want a relationship! That was the whole point!” You say, your voice rising.
“I know that was the whole point,” He says, voice calmer than yours, but his resolve quickly fading as embarrassment floods his body.
“Then?!”
“Then, I didn’t do it on purpose! I didn’t mean to catch feelings, but I did!” He yells.
“Bucky, I -”
“Yeah, I know you don’t want a relationship and don’t feel the same. Don’t worry, I’ll get over it.” He snaps, voice harsh, harsher than he’s ever used on you before.
More silence.
He wants to cry. He feels so embarrassed, and so angry at himself. Why did he say that at dinner? He could’ve lied, he could’ve downplayed it a little more, he could’ve not said anything at all and let you take the reins. Instead he all but confessed his feelings for you in front of your friends.
And if that’s not enough, the argument in the car only makes him feel more embarrassed, the conversation playing over and over in his head as a reminder of much you don’t want him; of how much nobody wants him.
His jaw clenches as he swallows the lump in his throat and he sees you in his peripheries sneak a glance at him.
He couldn’t have pulled up outside your apartment building sooner.
“I’m sorry,” He says after clearing his throat. He uses the last bit of dignity he has left to try and mend at least a few of the pieces.
“Can - can we just forget about it? Please?” He asks, his heart begging for you to agree. He can deal with the unrequited feelings as long as you stick around.
“Bucky, I… I just need some time. To think. About all of this. I just - I can’t be around you knowing you’re in love with me. I’m sorry.” You step out of the car before he can respond, and his eyes close as the door shuts, leaving him alone in the car.
He hears the beeps of the buttons at your door and then a distant click, and he doesn’t have to look up from his hands in his lap to know you made it inside.
He doesn’t drive away yet, though. He looks up at the roof of his car to try and stop the watering of his eyes and lets out a harsh sigh.
He eventually puts the car in drive again and roughly grabs the wheel, taking himself home, unaware that you watched him from the apartment building lobby.
The first thing he sees when he steps into his own apartment is a small plant that you brought him a few days ago. It sits on a small table he has by the door next to a dish for both sets of his keys.
In a moment of anger he grabs the potted plant and throws it as hard as he can across the room, shattering against a cabinet door in his kitchen in front of him.
“Shit,” He curses, going quickly to the kitchen to begin picking up the broken ceramic.
He separates the pieces of ceramic and cups his hands around the dirt to try and put it into a pile for him to transfer into another cup of some kind. A tear hits the side of his palm and he scoffs, annoyed at himself.
“Why the fuck are you crying, it’s just a fucking stupid plant,” He mumbles, voice cracking.
He sees the roots untangled from one another and ripped in some places. The plant is going to die, regardless if he puts it in another pot or gives it all the water in the world. No amount of care will save it.
He sniffs and drops the plant back on the ground, slumping back and leaning against the bottom cabinet under his sink.
“Fuck.” He says to himself, hand coming up to his face to wipe away stray tears.
160 notes · View notes
jjkpls · 4 years ago
Text
the wishlist (m) - 5
Tumblr media
“She broke up with me.”
> genre : Angst, fluff
> pairing : jeon jungkook x reader (f)
> words : 4k
> content/warnings : back at it again w/ the bff2l; one sided love, lot of pining; explicit language; ambiguous infidelity; jjk heartbroken & crying; some wholesome flashbacks to make you swoon
previous - next
Tumblr media
The next box arrives about a month or so later. You haven’t seen Jungkook in a while. He had been out of town, hopping from shop to shop, completing a series of long-awaited guest positions. 
He’s kept you up with his days and his appointments as much as he could, sending you dorky selfies, little videos of city landscapes you’ve never seen before, and exhausted late vocal notes made in tiny, with dragged on, mumbled words, to wish you luck and send you some courage for work. 
You did not expect that the day you’ll meet again, he’d be so different from the Jungkook you prefer and left a month ago.
It takes you a few seconds to realize. At first, you’re preoccupied with the sudden set of needles stinging your insides when you hear the peculiar sound of your front door being unlocked. There’s a very finite amount of probability that it’s not him, he's the rudest of your tiny group of friends and the only one that feels comfortable enough in your home to invite himself without any prior warning.
It’s him, your best friend and subject of too many of your both daily and nightly thoughts and preoccupations.
Once he appears in the door frame, with his heavy coat on his heavy XXL sweatshirt, in his heavy military pants, face turned down hidden by his hair, the magic thing, that grows so mysteriously quick. There’s the little explosion of warmth in your chest. The one that makes you smile tenderly without meaning to. He’s allowed to see how happy he makes you, as a friend anyway. Everybody smiles this way when he walks into a room.
Your eyes catch sight of a box, all white, that fits in his hand. Your eyes roll on reflex. You’re about to curse again. It’s not nice, you don’t want to, to attack him as soon as he returns to you but he’s asking for it, isn't he?
He’s still in the hallway, slowly slipping his shoes off, focus fixed on the present in his hand. The time he takes doing it and the seemingly seriousness you feel irradiating from his aura, confuse you.
Jungkook shakes his head twice, the way he does, kind of like a wet puppy would, before setting the box on the counter of your open kitchen.
It’s only when he starts walking towards you, that his head raises up, just a bit, enough for his eyes to meet yours through his hair. He has a tiny smile as a greeting. He looks really upset. 
He should be bouncing on the balls of his feet, he should be doing some TikTok cringe dance moves to make you laugh or yell some greetings in a dialect. He has a lot of peculiar, very Jungkook ways to celebrate meeting you again after a while. Even if neither of you has ever said the words, you do miss each other a lot when you can’t see each other, and the excitement that blooms during your reunions translates that. 
But he’s sad today. It’s obvious. 
When he takes a seat beside you on the couch, he avoids your gaze. You’re agape, watching him with probably too much insistence, a hand holding a spoon half-filled with yoghurt in the air.
These few moments are decisive. They’ll determine rather he’ll talk or not. Jungkook, for someone who cries easily, is not good with feelings and sharing them aloud. Sometimes he can, often he can’t. He’s told you not to worry about it before, that it was fine because sometimes he just didn’t need to, he just wanted a shoulder to lay his head-on. 
“You okay, Guk?”
He shrugs. You just have the time to catch his upper lip sucked in, a twinkle in his eye before he’s switching position, bumping into you and hitting his own shin against the coffee table like a giant dog, unaware of his own growth, would. Only to settle for an impressively tiny huddle against your side, cheek pressed to your shoulder. 
So that’s how it’ll be. 
It’s heartbreaking, torturesome. You always feel miserable when you know he’s sad but not knowing the reason makes it a thousand times worse. You might be the same vengeful kid you used to be. The one who’ll inquire straight away who made him cry and immediately went on her way to beat that reason up -it being another child or the troll of a tree that made him trip. 
Except you are grown-ups now. He knows he can deal with his problems on his own and he would probably not let you go and try to beat up everyone -he probably doesn’t believe you can too, even though he’d be wrong about that. 
Jungkook tears his hand out of his pocket only to mime you to turn up the volume of the television. You do so and the pretty hand is gone and if it wasn’t for his quiet sniffling and the heavy press on your side, you wouldn’t know he’s really here with you at all. 
Your heart hurts the whole duration of the shitty afternoon movie, even if having his warmth next to you helps a little. He leaves later the way he entered, mostly silently, only smiling a bit when you smooch the side of his head and squeeze his forearm in a wordless comforting effort.
Guk
Sorry for earlier
Guk
It was nice seeing you though
You
Don’t be sorry. Can you call?
Guk
Yes, in 5
The five minutes turn out to be twenty. You wonder, hoping to be wrong, how numerous those tears were that he needed twenty minutes to dry them. 
When he finally calls, voice quiet and throat dry, whispering through the phone straight in your ear, uneasiness settles deep and heavy in your stomach as you know, you were right. 
“What happened, Jungkook?”
He must not have heard you this soft and gentle for a while because you can hear a humourless chuckle you recognize as incredulity. He clears his throat a first time, inhales deep and has to clear it a second time before he can start, still choking out on a syllable or two. 
“She broke up with me.”
The gasp that escapes you, loud and obnoxious, could not have been faked. This news is hardly believable to you. First of all, because, to your greatest guilty despair, Jungkook and his girlfriend, who’ve been dating for almost a year, are probably the embodiment of The Power Couple. There’s no doubt, in all the people that know them, that they are meant to be. They look good together. They are on the same page, always, it seems. They’re beautiful and enviable, an example of a match from Heaven, healthy and aesthetic if that's even a mentionable point.
You can’t, even in your deepest, darkest fantasies, have imagined them to break up. 
But the thing that makes it all the harder to comprehend is that she is the one who did it. The girl is great. She’s beautiful, she’s smart and funny, so you heard. She has that glamour to her, with her dainty pretty milky hands and long thin milky neck, with her silky, shiny black locks wondrously floating over her shoulders. She is great, matches him well.
She is not that far behind him but she's still not Jeon-Jungkook-great.
How could she have broken up with him? Someone dumping him makes no sense to you. 
“That’s-“ You catch yourself before the words slip out clumsily. You’ve never really been talented at comforting people with words, especially a crying Jungkook which is the equivalent of your very own kryptonite. “I’m so sorry, Jungkook.” And you mean it. Even more so when you hear him snivel hard. You’ve never allowed yourself to, even just for yourself, in the quiet and discreet comfort of your own head, wish for that to happen. Because if there’s one thing that you want more than anything else, more than having him for yourself, more than your own fulfilment, it’s his happiness. And he was happy with Jiyeun. He’s got the girl he had a crush on for months and they went so well together. “But why? Did she give you a reason?”
You hate how eager you sound asking. The question is so pressing though. You wish to know so bad why, in what circumstances, Jeon Jungkook gets dumped. 
“She-“ There’s a sob he swallows back. “I know what you’ll say,” Your eyebrows dip low on reflex. You couldn’t imagine the reason. He must have really fucked up but Jungkook is not the kind to fuck up. Even when he’s annoying, even when his mindset on something turns a bit auto-centric, he’s too compassionate, he’s too considerate and loving, to suddenly stop wondering how the person facing him is feeling and act without care, hurt them, in any way. It’s just not his kind. So what did he do that even you’ll have a word to say about it. “Spare me because she’s done enough.” 
It takes another set of minutes for him to gather himself, find most of his voice back clear enough for you to decipher. You show yourself patient, not saying anything and leaving him all the time that he needs. In all honesty, in the darkness of your curtain closed bedroom, tucked comfortably in your mountain of pillows and blankets, with your phone stuck to your ear and just the quiet sound of his breathing and humming to himself to break the silence, but rock it rather than disturb it, it’s easy to be patient. Feels like an ASMR. A class A type of ASMR, his breathing to your ear could so easily lead you to sleep. 
“Yesterday, she came to welcome me back and-“ Rather than hurt, his tone sounds weakened by shame now. What the hell did he do? “She found the- the thing I brought for you today.”
The fucking idiot.
“Oh my God.” You feel instant nausea. It's not like you never thought about it. You wondered, multiple times, if she was aware that her boyfriend was buying you these. You never allowed dipping far in the questioning because what would be the point? Ultimately, it's his relationship. And it's his way of shaping your friendship. If she kept smiling pleasantly, asking politely, as she always would, how you're doing whenever you happened to cross her path, leaving his apartment, or visiting his shop, it was fine by you. It must have been fine by her. She might have known about it, or she might not, didn't really matter. Jeon Jungkook is a grown-ass man, who's allowed to make his own decisions, no matter if they make sense to you, or her, or whoever.
But he's a fucking idiot.
If she didn't know, if he didn't warn her, and now she's mad after learning about it, and he's surprised and he's sad then he's a fucking idiot.
“She asked if it was for her, I wasn’t gonna lie!” Fantastic. He's passed the shock, soaked in wrath now. That was quick.
"For fuck's sake, Jungkook!"
"What?" He sounds a bit hysterical on the phone, voice rough and angry, incredulous, even mad that you might suggest he's wrong. Obviously, he already knew you'd react this way, hence the primary warning. "You're my best friend. I get to gift you whatever the fuck I want." He whisper-yells, suddenly very much aware again of the late time and the quiet calmness he'd perturbed. "She-"
"I don't think that's the issue, is it? Did she- Did you tell her that- Like, nothing was up?" You don't know how to articulate what you mean to ask. It sounds so bizarre, so irrealistic, the idea of something romantic or sexual going on between you two. It sounds so ludicrous you can't even say it. And again, you're scared to say the words. You don't know how they'll sound leaving your mouth. Suspicious, maybe revealing.
You owe to ask the question though. Because the cause of the sudden nausea comes from one surprisingly major reason, you would hate for her to hate you. To think of you as the bad guy, the massive bitch who stole her boyfriend. It shouldn't matter but it does.
"What do you mean?"
"That it was just friendly. Did you say that to her?" You stutter, largely on edge.
"Of course, I did." He doesn't seem to notice. Or to pay attention to the, evident to your ear, change in your tone. "She said that it didn't matter." You bite your tongue, along with the couple of words threatening to slide off it. Quite frankly, Jungkook is a weirdo with his own intake on the world surrounding him, she chose to date that special, in a lot of different ways, one, however, you can fairly understand that she wouldn't accept any explanation, of any kind, for this situation. "Do you get that? If she thought I was cheating, I'd understand that she'd be mad but- it's not even the case!"
You try to focus on the essence of the conversation, annihilate the faint words you can read in between the lines. The ones that say that even his girlfriend, in those strange circumstances, couldn't imagine the two of you as more than friends. Just as he couldn't. Just as you can't either.
"She knows and she's still mad. But- I do- I was just curious about it."
"About what?"
"The toys." He pouts, barely articulate like the kid he really is.
"Why didn't you get them for her, then? She's your girlfriend."
There's a pause after your words coming from him.
"She hates those." The pout sounds so thick now, in between the sniffs, you wonder if his mouth won't stay stuck in this position, like a cute permanent raspberry on his cute little dumb face. "I did once and she- threw it in my face and called me a freak."
"Jungkook." You sigh. "That explains a lot, by the way." This comment might be mainly for yourself. He doesn't need an explanation, as it seems. He doesn't seem that troubled about the whole deal, about that new hobby he's picked for himself. But you did. It's hard to simply content yourself with a "well, it is what it is" and nothing more.
He's been curious about them, couldn't buy them for Jiyeun because she wouldn't use them and make him feel guilty about his interest. He's sort of living it by procuration this way.
Now you feel guilty. He can't have found much satisfaction from your reviews if you ever have given him any. And she called him a freak. What a bitch. You wouldn't have imagined that coming from her.
Your mind is a mess.
"And it makes you happy. I see the way-" You hear the friction of tissues, the squeaking of his bed, and the deep sigh that follows when, as you picture, he finds a comfortable position on his back. "You seem much better. Less stressed and-" You cannot deny that. Even though it's partially frustrating, to think that he has this very unpleasant picture of you, of the version of you preceding the very first orgasm brought by him - sort of. You are feeling considerably better. Even if you have to force yourself not to abuse the masturbatory habits, not wishing to turn into a jerk off crazed teen like you once was when your hormones were fucking you up, it helps a lot. Sometimes it's a late-night quickie, other times a longer seance to celebrate the start of the weekend, or find force for the beginning of a new week.
"What was that again? Youthful?" You wonder aloud, an annoyingly amused smile on your face.
"Rejuvenated." He's laughing a bit. And for that, all the turmoil he's been putting you through feels fine and worth it. When you think about the heartbreaking tone of his voice when you first heard it through the phone, it eases an incredibly heavyweight to your heart, enchants you to know that he can still laugh, and you can still be the one reminding him how to. Unfortunately, his heart's just recalled how to hurt and the ache is back as quick as it pretended to leave an instant ago. "She said to never call her again." He confides with a hearable sorrow.
"She didn't mean it." It's surprisingly easy to be a good friend to him. The words you know he needs to hear not even hurting that bad.
"I don't know. We never fought like that before."
"Of course, you didn't. But it's been a year, it ought to happen at some point."
"But if she won't even let me talk to her, how am I supposed to make it better?"
"Be patient and leave her time to cool down." He sighs, already defeated. "Maybe send her a vocal note, she'll listen when she's ready.” They're awfully nice when he sends some to you. “It'll be fine." You're made to be together, probably, you should add. You could add, it might help him immensely, to dry the tears you can picture filling up his eyes. It's a little too much though. You're not that strong of a masochist to force this on you.
"How do you know that?"
"I just do. Don't worry too much." He can't. His heavy silence precisely screams that. "Do you wanna come to my island? I'll let you run in my flowers if you want."
It makes him laugh once again. The lovely, most satisfying sound to your ear.
"That's sweet of you." And it is, extremely sweet of you. If there's one thing that you despise is him sprinting through the mindfully planted flower beds of your Animal Crossing island. It pisses you off. Even more so when he does it by accident than on purpose, because this shit happens way too often. And now, you're allowing him to do so. You're definitely too good at being his friend. "It's fine though. Turnips sell at 138 on mine if you're interested."
It's your turn to be laughing now. You love how even with his heartbroken, upset and crying, he still picks up his Switch to check where's the turnips' stock at.
"Jungkook." I adore you.
You have for seemingly ever. Since the very first time you met.
You'd never forget it. How you almost passed out from laughing because of the street sign that nearly knocked him unconscious. His forehead was already bruising dark, eyes unfocused and shiny with tears. You didn't mean to laugh but he was adorable and funny, and even if you felt guilty for enjoying it, people don't run their faces into street signs every day. You called it in your own head a miracle.
He had to sit for a little while from how dizzy he felt. His ears were burning with embarrassment too, your uncontrollable giggling not helping. He just sat there, on a bench you had dragged him to, hands tucked in the pocket of his sweatshirt, waiting for you to allow him to leave.
The kid stood unbalanced the four times he tried to walk and even if at eleven, you had nothing close to a doctoral degree, you still felt like it was wrong to just let him stumble his way back home straight away. You had to hold him hostage for a little while. You had shared your homemade cookies with him, the ones you hid deep in your bag for you didn't want anyone to ask for a bite at school. You made him drink the whole content of your water bottle because drinking water is never an unhealthy thing to do, therefore, it felt like a good idea.
He was so shy that your own timidness quieted down enough to allow you to make conversation to him. Or more accurately talk over the silence and distract him. He giggled a lot and smiled with cute bunny teeth. Kept saying thank you for every bit of cookies you'd given him and once you had walked him home and he arrived safe and sound, he bowed very low, apologized and thanked you again.
You thought it'd be the end of it. He pretended to be going to the same school as you but you had never seen him also he was a few years younger.
The next day, and every single day after that, at recess, he would appear out of nowhere. Wearing his adorable smile, and a tint of red on his ears, a bunch of homemade cookies of his own filling up his pockets. As a puppy would, he'd follow you around with a certain distance until you waved him over, rolling your eyes, because if he was going to stick by your side, he might as well actually play with you.
The most precious friendship you have ever experienced bloomed from this seed. A friendship, at the start, mainly based on a shared interest for very sugary treats, marbles, and that common memory of him eating shit in this street sign. You didn't mean to remind him, it made him flush furiously each time and you were not that cruel, but you couldn't help bursting out in laughter whenever you'd walk home -with him or alone- and pass that sign. It's your favourite spot in your home town. You never miss an occasion to take a selfie for him whenever you go to visit your parents.
It's hard to define the moment your feelings, once purely platonic, changed. But there's a memory that feels notably significant.
A guy made you fall. A useless asshole, who in retrospect was not even worth a single crumble of your time. You were confused. As you often get, without really knowing why. Maybe it's just you, maybe it's for everyone the same. People start by being too good in your eyes, too good for you not to give them your all, and maybe build pyramides upon pyramides of expectations.
Until they're not anymore.
Suddenly, they hurt your feelings. They suck ass and you felt so invested emotionally, way too invested for it to be any kind of healthy, and their very human selves harm you straight in the heart, where it is the most painful.
It didn't feel like a mistake this time. Like any of the other times, at the beginning, of course, otherwise, it wouldn't catch you again and again.
You fell hard and it's Jungkook who picked you up. He had cooked for you, one of his mother's infamous recipes because he knew you wouldn't even bother eating otherwise. He had held you close. He had kissed the top of your head, your cheeks and your eyelids when a diehard tear had slipped. He had called you baby and sunshine and his little kitten. Had showered you in an unfamiliar type of loving. Something so soft, so tender and warm. Hands firm when they'd wrapped around you and pulled you in. Fingers gentle when they'd brush the hair out of your face. He took care of you, made you feel good in ways no one has ever had. You had not known him to be like that. Suddenly, he really felt like a man when he touched you, when he talked to you. He wasn't only a dorky little overgrown baby anymore. He was a man, shaped like one but also able to act like one. Able to take care of a woman, please one you were sure of it. And suddenly, you wanted, so desperately, to be that woman. To have the same free access you had on his usual candid-self, on this newly met man.
Of course, it's too ludicrous for you to ever act on it. But deep down, a naive tiny voice kept claiming, in the back of your mind, that you could spoil him. Very few people in this world know him the way you do, surely, no one can please him the way you could.
Guk
She listened to my note!!!
Guk
She said she'll make me miss her a bit more and then she'll call
It took less than a day for her to give him a sign. You're not surprised. It's hard not to miss him. You're not surprised but somehow, still, disappointed.
Tumblr media
A/N: tadam!! i needed to include some flashbacks because i know my fellow f2l addicts just adore these, also, i just can’t get over writing kookie as a cute kid.
Guess what guys? there is only one chapter to go *sweats profusely* I- am worried. I hope you keep enjoying it and will enjoy the rest. :] For now, let me know your thoughts. I hope you have a sweet, lazy Sunday and wish you a lovely, peacful week! bises!
As always please ask to be tagged for the final chapter on this post
228 notes · View notes
pure-kirarin · 3 years ago
Text
Slow & Steady [P6] [Sabo x f!reader] (+18)
Tumblr media
A/N : Hello ! I wanted to start by thanking you guys for the AMAZING responses on chapter 5. This makes me want to continue investing in this story !! I read all of your messages and I cherish them, they make me want to continue. I'd also like to thank my beta reader for her hard work. I hope that you will enjoy this chapter as much as the others.
Please always tell me your opinion as it’s my kryptonite ! Also feel free to ask to get tagged.
Synopsis : Isn’t love a matter of timing after all ?  That’s what Sabo has always thought. It was about finding the right tempo, making the right moves and hitting the right spot. Patience is a virtue after all, and he had a lot of it. It all started when your ex cheated on you. You were heartbroken, you needed someone and he was there. Was he always that hot ? You didn’t know. But after that night you have never seen him in the same way. Chapter Warning : Smoking (cigarettes) - mention of ex relationships AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/31877203/chapters/81748033
P I - P2 - P3 - P4 - P5 - P6
I made a playlist for this chapter but I suggest you listen to it after ! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3posJHlUg1XFJzQbPkjF0J
------
The crimson-haired man ceased to look at you, as if it hurt to do so. Your lack of response discouraged him. How could it be otherwise? You had created a narrative where he was a cheater, believed in it, ended the relationship - all of this without him knowing; without him even doubting it. It was ironic enough that he who saw so clearly in the future, he who knew how to read people’s moves so easily was totally blind when it came to love. Or maybe had he tried to blind himself? To overlook the fact that you weren’t answering your phone anymore? To find excuses upon excuses for you? He had always been that type of person after all. As a big brother, as a “responsible” person, it was second nature to him to bottle up his feelings and to never lose composure. And even in this moment, he couldn’t tell you how much your actions hurt him.
But for once, he accepted the fact that he saw a future that you weren’t a part of. Deep down, he knew that by overlooking the signs and hints, he has also played a role in the downfall of your relationship.
He saw it too clearly: you weren’t his anymore. Just like when you excluded him from the decision making, choosing to put an end to your relationship on your own - you didn’t even have the courage to tell him that yourself. He had to do the same: fill in the gaps and read between the lines. He remained silent for a moment. He got up from his seat when he gave up on you saying anything.
He moved towards the door, ready to leave all your shared memories behind his back.
People don’t always get the closure they need in order to move on, he knew that too well.
“Katakuri,” you called for his name weakly. He didn’t know if it was his imagination or if you had really pronounced his name. He turned his head towards you, unimpressed.
Your heart was pounding hard in your chest. You knew that if you let him go now you would regret it forever. You knew that you had to tell him about everything. He deserved it, after all. It was hard to be the bad guy of the story. But you had been a bitch and you had to face the consequences of your behavior. Wasn’t that what being an adult meant?
“There is something else that I think you need to know,” He seemed interested now. He was listening to you without turning your way.
“I apologize for everything that I have done and I know that you will probably not forgive me and honestly, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't either.” You took a deep breath before going on. “What I am going to say might be hard to hear, but I feel like you need to know it.”
You don’t know exactly how the rest followed, nor how you found the courage to tell him about everything. You didn’t get to any details, it would have been too cruel, but you told him what he needed to know.
“I am really sorry, but I think that it’s best for us to split up. My feelings have changed, I have caused enough damage as it is. I think that it’s better for both of us. I am really sorry I hurt you.”
You looked down and from this angle you couldn’t see his smile. It was bitter, the smile of someone that had seen all of this coming. And yet, he was relieved that you confided in him. It was the closure he needed after all. At least now, he could move on.
* * *
The cigarette trembled between your index and middle finger. Your head was clouded. It took too much effort to try and empty your head, to try not to think of what was going to happen. You had lost so much already and what you were going to lose was beyond repair. With every breath you took, you felt your stomach contract and your legs get weaker. It was one of those days when you wished you hadn't woken up. Despite all of this, a feeling of peace submerged you. Peace? Maybe because you had been honest to your ex, maybe because you were trying to be honest to yourself. What got you into this situation was your indecision after all. You didn’t want to hide anymore.
If you can’t see it, then it doesn’t exist. This mentality of yours had to change and you were going to change it tonight. It was the best opportunity, it had to happen, you had to grow. Maybe to some extent, your “romantic” failures weren’t all to blame on others, maybe you also played a role, maybe you weren’t ready yet. Didn’t Sabo say the same thing?
“I thought that you stopped a long time ago.”
A firm voice broke your trance. His hand snitched the cigarette from your lips before putting it out with the sole of his shoe.
“Hey!” You whined in protest, features softening when you were met with his dark eyes.
“I did quit. But I was stressed,” you tried to justify yourself. “I needed it.” You mumbled.
“Bullshit. You always have the choice.” He shrugged and took place next to you on the sidewalk.
Choices, decisions, you were already done with all of this. An awkward silence swallowed the atmosphere, but it seemed as if it was only awkward for you.
Now that you had nothing to do with your fingers and mouth, you started scratching at your wrist slightly - a nervous tic.
The ambience of the park offered you, however, a feeling of safety. The darkness hid your embarrassment. He was now sitting next to you and it was as if words deserted your mind. He didn’t want to pressure you, he didn’t say anything. Under the moonlight, his blond hair took on a silvery shade. He kept looking in front of him, hands in his pockets. Silence didn’t bother him, he knew that something was wrong, otherwise you wouldn’t have texted him to come to the park at around midnight.
Truth is, you couldn’t calm down, you felt like you had to come clear about this whole situation, you felt like you had to make a decision. You felt that if you let today pass, then you would find one hundred excuses and hide again.
It was now or never.
“Sabo,” you started.
“Y/N,” he mirrored your answer.
“I’m going to tell you something... But please don’t judge me, alright?”
“Have I ever judged you?” He arched an eyebrow, his eyes meeting yours, making you switch your gaze almost instantly.
“Well... You have... Like that time I used the microwave at your place…”
“Y/N, you microwaved a fork…” You fake pouted as you playfully punched his arm.
“Well, the fork was in the bowl and Ace was there and he didn’t say anything! Not my fault.”
“And you trusted Ace?” he smiled and held your wrist to stop you. “He’s a living disaster. You guys can’t do anything without me, huh?”
“Yeah, yeah. What would I do without my Mr. know-it-all of a best friend?” you laughed it off.
Best friend. That word reminded you of the reason why you contacted him so late. You coughed two times, trying to switch his attention to you. Laughing things off helped ease the atmosphere. You twirled a hair strand around your finger then started as if you were going to give a speech.
“Hey, I’m gonna try to... be decisive…”
“That’s some character development.”
“Sabo!”
“Sorry, couldn’t help myself,” he said with a sweet smile. You sighed and started bouncing your leg nervously.
“So If I called you tonight it’s not to have the pleasure of your company… and it’s not to rip you off your precious hours of sleep... It’s also not to... ”
Noticing that you were starting to diverge from the topic, he held your hand in his softly and gave you an encouraging look. Honestly speaking, he didn’t have much patience around others but he had loads of it with you.
“I called you for something else. And don’t you dare hang up on me next time! I want to have a serious conversation about…everything, about us, and most importantly about…” you sighed before continuing “About my ex situation.”
He took his hand off yours now that you seemed calmer. He was surprised by your willingness to talk about such matters. It was a pleasant surprise to him, it meant that you wanted to take things in hand, that you were growing.
“I’m listening to you.”
“I thought that it was only fair for you to know as well... that I fucked up pretty badly. I assumed that my ex cheated on me and as it turns out, he didn’t. I just learned it this evening so I feel very confused and bad. It’s a long story. It was just me, assuming things because I was scared and because I feared confrontation. Then everything happened so fast between you and me... I shouldn’t have... I feel very ashamed. For him, for you, for acting so immature.”
Your voice cracked and you couldn’t hold your tears any more. You looked down and started wiping your tears with both hands on your face. You didn’t want to cry in front of him because you had caused him pain as well. Sometimes not taking action is also an action and it has consequences.
You didn’t dare look at him, did he look disappointed? Did he stop loving you? After all, you didn’t even know the reason behind his love. Maybe he was “playing games” too as that anon suggested on Reddit. No, you couldn’t afford to assume things again now. You had to be honest, raw, vulnerable. You couldn’t see his reaction through your tears, but you felt his hand on the top of your head, gently bringing you towards him, resting your head on his shoulder.
“Wow, this really sucks.” You were surprised by his reaction, but the fact that it wasn’t one of disappointment as well as his easy-going demeanour released your stress. You started sobbing, shoulders shaking. He didn’t know how to react at first, but one thing he knew for sure: you came first, and he hated to see you cry.
“Shh... Here, here... It’s okay to cry... Let it all out...” He then continued “It’s going to turn out just fine. You can count on me, okay?”
“I was a really bad person. I should’ve acted differently. I should’ve at least told you... or Nami or someone... but I just... assumed things... I was so scared that you’d stop... that you’d stop being my... friend... And stop loving me…”
His grip tightened around your shoulder as he pressed you a bit closer to him. He offered you a warm smile as he spoke in the same light note.
“Well, whatever happened, happened. I don’t think that you are a bad person. You’re human and you made a mistake that you’re now aware of. I know that you had no ill intentions. At least you learned something, hm? And about me... Aren’t you underestimating me a bit?” He smiled in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Did you forget that I’m Luffy and Ace’s brother? I’m tough, you know.”
You were overwhelmed by his kindness, and this just made you realize that it wasn’t only about your feelings, you couldn’t count on everyone else to put up with you and clear up your mess.
“Sabo, you’re so kind.” Despite your mascara running under your eyes and you looking like a total mess, he found you incredibly beautiful. He felt proud, he knew how hard it was for you to go through all of this. He felt like it was worth it that he had loved you for this long, you were honest and strong, even if you weren’t aware of that strength, you had proven it in this moment.
“I’m not being kind.” He meant it; after all, his intentions weren’t all that innocent towards you, he had wanted you from the start. “I’m just being truthful, as your best friend.”
Maybe he wanted more, but he was content being your friend as well. Since for him everything needed time, he had no right to rush you.
Love is a matter of timing after all. Too fast and all of his subtle efforts would go to waste.
“About that... I mean... The “best friends” part...” He could easily see your chest heaving with your breath. Your heartbeat raising little by little until it was unbearable, your lower lip slightly trembling as you dreaded the weight of the words you were going to pronounce. He looked at you with genuine interest and curiosity; he laid off a bit, turning your way.
“I don’t think that we could act this way anymore...” You dug your nails into the palm of your hand nervously.
“I... told Katakuri about everything. I told him that I couldn’t be with him anymore because of how things have changed. I can’t be here and pretend that nothing happened when so much did…”
“Nothing has changed for me.” He said in a stable voice, trying to anticipate your reaction. Despite being sure of himself, of every step he had taken till now, he felt a hint of uncertainty, for this was a variable that he hadn’t taken into consideration.
“But everything changed for me, and I can’t ignore it. I can’t continue to play pretend... Of course it was convenient for me... And I didn’t wanna lose... Whatever it is that we have. But I didn’t realize that it had already changed. I can’t be your friend anymore, Sabo. Not like this. Not with these thoughts in mind. Not after…” Y our eyes flicked from his lips to his eyes and back. “After... everything we did.”
You didn’t give more reasons, but your eyes gave one hundred more.
We can’t be friends because I touched myself to the thought of you. Because I can’t help but think about being with you. Because I don’t stand the thought of you being with someone else. Because I love the way your arms fit around me. Because I love everything about you, from the way you say my name to these stupid blond eyelashes that reflect the light everytime you blink. And most importantly... because I love your way of loving me unconditionally.
As much as I want you...
As much as you want me back...
I can’t be with you, not now, because it would hurt me and hurt you even more, because I have to make a decision, because I can’t draw the line between love and lust and because I am afraid to wrong you in the way I was wronged.
But just for a moment, just for this time, you wanted to kiss him just one last time. You wanted to get intoxicated by that mint smell that you have grown addicted to. He looked at you as he drank your words, eyes reflecting the darkness of the sky. His piercing gaze seemed to understand your dilemma. Suddenly, the emptiness of the park felt too weighty and the air too heavy.
“Say something,” you pleaded, almost begging him to break the silence.
To words, he preferred actions. Before you even realized, he captured your lips into the kiss you were longing for. His hand was fast to encircle your back, pressing your upper body against his. Your fingers instinctively reached for the fabric of his shirt, tugging on it as to pull him closer. For him to kiss you so passionately, it only made you realize his burning desire for you. The more you kissed in an attempt to ease your craving, the hungrier you got for his lips, for his stupid minty taste. But it wasn’t nearly enough for you, the growing warmth and tingles created a desire that you were unable to appease yet. You pressed your legs together when his free hand gently rubbed your thigh. He kissed you deeply, almost willing you into giving up on your decision to give in to his embrace. He was indeed that good of a kisser, making you want to shift into his lap and have him inside of you. You whined at this thought growing more eager, tongue chasing his, teeth nibbling on his lips. But you eventually had to break the kiss, even when you prayed for the seconds to last for hours, it was bound to end. You took a moment to collect your breath again. His eyes were demanding, pupils dilated and greedy, yours were more modest, shifty.
“Looked like you were dying for it.”
He broke the silence, finger tracing your neck before lifting up your chin, making you lose composure as you looked into his deep gaze. It was too late to deny it, you were indeed dying for it. But instead of satiating you, that kiss felt like the promise of something forbidden. You only groaned meekly as an answer, feeling too weak to actively protest. You indulged in his embrace, resting your head in the crease of his neck. You breathed in his scent, even his hair smelled fresh like mint. As you took in a bigger gulp of air, you could inhale the subtleties of a thyme or violet underlying smell. What shampoo did he use? Another diverging thought that you discarded.
You closed your eyes. “Can we stay like this for a little longer?” you asked, and who was he to deny you so little? He revelled in your desperate need for his touch. He felt needed, wanted, but he knew that he shouldn’t get carried away, he knew that it wasn’t the right timing yet. So he just let you sink into his warmth. For now.
You peeled yourself off of him reluctantly. Your eyes avoided his. Nice progress ,he thought, but there was still need for improvement.
“I can’t be selfish, not anymore. I have to make a decision. I am sorry I can’t make up my mind yet.” Your voice cut through the silence, firm, yet not devoid of sensitivity.
You needed time, it was clear, but he was nothing if not patient with you. He was ready to settle for your friendship for now while he worked for your love, but he liked your idea more. He wasn’t one to push his emotions onto you, he was there to lead the dance, to toss a bottle into the sea. If good news came then good for him, if nothing came out then he had gambled and lost. But he wasn’t as detached and passive as things might have seemed, as he took multiple variables into consideration to place his best bet.
“Take all the time you need.” Not an ounce of annoyance was to be detected in his voice. It was steady, a rock that couldn’t be moved. He had what it took, he knew what he wanted and he was ready to wait for it because he had the deep belief that you were worth the wait.
“Why are you so patient? Don’t you think you’re too confident? Aren’t you scared? ” It was genuine curiosity, but you bit your tongue realizing that your words might’ve seemed cocky or doubting. His lips stretched into a roguish smile, making him devastatingly handsome. And here he was, a Sabo that you had encountered a few times between two eyelash beats. It was so destabilizing, the way he morphed into a totally different person from one second to another, giving you a strange feeling. It was something that you couldn’t fully place yet. He kept escaping from your grip while being totally still. He was like sand between your fingers and you were fascinated by the prospect of catching him.
“I thought that it was obvious, doll.” Here he goes again, calling you sweet names and raising the rhythm of your heartbeats. How did he make everything sound good? You would’ve scoffed at anyone else calling you ‘doll’, but that voice of his made it sound oh so appealing. Or maybe it was the seed of desire that he had planted in your core, that was now growing and blossoming, vines intertwining with your lungs.
He got closer again, black eyes scrutinizing yours.
“You can have all the time you need. What I want is simple, non-negotiable, immutable.”
At first he was startled; your ex appearing out of nowhere seemed like an inconvenience, but after giving it some thought, he realized that he was in luck. He didn’t have to make you choose, the choice was there for you to make.
“And what is it that you want?”
“You. But all of you.” He looked you up and down as he said this then got up. He wasn’t the type to settle for less. He wanted no compromises, no half-open doors, no half assed answers. If he wanted something then it was all of it, out of respect for you and for himself. Another reason was probably that he knew: the longer the chase, the bigger the prize.
He got up since he considered that the conversation was over now and it was also getting late. You looked at him, eyes wide open, cheeks aflame. His voice trailed off, cutting through the silence.
“No rush, I think that it’s better for you to focus on your exams for now. Will you manage without my help?” Another charming smile, shifting back to that playful Sabo you have always known. The mood felt less serious now.
“I think I’ll do just fine this time…” you smiled gently, following his lead.
“Good, then. Good night.” He put his hand on your head, softly ruffling your hair before turning back. He seemed a bit more distant now, like he was plunged into some deep reverie. You instinctively got up, looking intensely at his back slowly fading into the darkness. Before his silhouette got completely enveloped, you shouted.
“Sabo!”
He turned back instantly and you threw something in the air towards him. He was quick to catch it.
“I don’t think I need these anymore. Take them!”
He opened his hands, looking at the packet of menthol cigarettes and a blue lighter. He put it into his back pocket prior to giving you a proud smile. He then continued his way back home, leaving you behind. You felt both relieved because things had gotten a bit clearer, yet apprehensive since your feelings were still very much unclear. But maybe what you felt above all was exhaustion. You looked for a moment at your empty hands. Did you make the right choice? Whether it was good or bad, you couldn’t care less. At least you had acted true to yourself.
tag list : @chloenanami @mwls-garden @soanywaysistartedsimping @portgaslari @lofi-coffee @donvampiro @fishandfuck @vemuabhi @gabrielasalazar18 @kiriechanx
138 notes · View notes
vad-hander · 4 years ago
Text
I’M YOURS
Pairing: Y/N, Johnny, Jaehyun, Doyoung
Genre: Series | Smut | Angst | Fluff | College AU
Warnings: language, angsty, smutty scenario, love triangle
Words: 8.1k
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14
***
Waking up you felt Jaehyun’s body next to you, making you feel at ease. ‘Good, at least he didn’t run away.’ you sighed, turning to face him. He had his face on one of his hands, making his cheeks look chubbier than usual. You smiled at him, expanding one of your hands to caress his face. You were trying to not move your hand too quickly to not wake him up, and it looked like you were successful.
“You hate when I stare, but you do the same.” You heard Jaehyun’s sleepy voice getting startled.
“I’m sorry…” Jaehyun opened his eyes, and you moved a little closer. “I didn’t realize I’ve missed watching you sleep until I saw you sleeping.” You pecked the corner of his lips, and Jaeyun got his hands around you, pulling you away to stop. “What are you doing?” you laughed, and he tried to make you believe he was still sleeping.
Jaehyun laid on his back with his eyes closed, you moved back closer to him, and his hand held your waist. You were laying on your stomach, leaning on your elbows to get better view of his face. Your fingers were drawing weird lines over his lips.
“Does this mean we’re back to normal?” you caressed his forearm laying your chin on his shoulder. Jaehyun moved under you, sitting up, he turned his back at you, making you move back and sit up holding onto duvet he had on his bed.
“I’m not sure... I don’t think so...” your heart dropped. Was he trying to joke with you?
“Why?” you were trying your best to not sound so upset but it didn’t work out, so you bit your trembling lower lip to prevent yourself from crying.
“I just don’t feel...I don’t know. I can’t take you in my arms as before.”
“But you fucking did last night!” you exclaimed loudly holding sheets closer to your chest with your hand. You didn’t want to react this way but you got flashbacks of last night and you felt disgusted. “You fucked me saying you loved me. You said you missed me. How is that not us being normal? Were you just saying shit to get your dick deeper?”
“No, it’s not this. I was a little drunk and was in my feels.”
“Are you fucking kidding me Jaehyun? Is this your sick way of getting revenge?”
“God, no. I told you how it is.”
“What was it exactly? You saying you need space and I fucking give you space, I totally understand it. Then one day you kiss me and then the other day you act like I don’t exist. Then you tell me all those sweet things and fuck me and, in the morning, you just say ‘I don’t know’? What the fuck do you know? You’re being ridiculous and disgusting. If you don’t want to be with me you should’ve not even approached me yesterday. You didn’t have to use me as someone who could get your dick sucked.”
“I didn’t do that.”
“This is exactly what you did to me.” you paused, trying to think. “I know, I fucking know I fucked up. But I do have feelings too, and you’re just playing with me. Just quit us, quit everything and do whatever the fuck you want to. I’ll be okay, you don’t have to worry, if you ever did anyway.” you grabbed onto the sheets tighter, getting up and walking to the joined bathroom. “Just so you know, I feel…I don’t even know what I feel. You ripped my heart from my chest and played with it and threw it on the ground. I can’t even imagine you made me choke on your fucking dick thinking how you can’t be with me anymore. I can’t fucking believe I did it without asking you about our relationship status first.” you shouted into his back, because he didn’t even have it in him to look into your eyes.
You turned your back, finally getting to the bathroom. You heard Jaehyun move behind you, and you assumed he’s leaving the room, but you locked the door, just in case, washing up your face and brushing your hair with fingers. You hated everything about this place now, and the only thing you wanted to do is leave his house as quickly as possible.
Finishing freshening up your appearance, you opened the door, getting startled by Jaehyun that was sitting on the floor next to the door, with his back leaned on the wardrobe. You stepped back, almost loosing cloth around your body. Jaehyun quickly stood up, wearing his boxers only, and grabbed your wrist, pulling you out of the bathroom, closing the door behind you and pushing you back, causing you to hit the door with your back.
You didn’t see where his aggression was coming from and you didn’t tell him anything, staring into his eyes. He leaned closer to you, leaning on the door with his elbow.
“Tell me Johnny is a fucking liar.” he whispered through his teeth.
“I...I don’t know what you’re talking about.” your thoughts were running all over the place. Did Johnny tell him anything...? Did Johnny tell him EVERYTHING?
“You fucking do, don’t be a fucking liar.” Jaehyun’s cold fingers suddenly stroked your neck and you jumped under his touch. “He told me yesterday, when he was fucking wasted, how my girl think of him when I fuck her.” your heart stopped, there were millions of options how he could’ve said it but he chose the ugliest one. Fucking Johnny Suh. He could’ve told him anything, but he chose the worst thing to say.
But you weren’t blaming him only, you blamed your fucking long tongue that wasn’t able to hold back from talking as well. It was only a question of time for Johnny to spill everything to Jaehyun and you knew it, but still was hoping he wouldn’t. You weren’t expecting them to even talk long enough to share any type of secrets.
“So, I fucked her, just to ask afterwards, did she imagine Johnny well? Or should I’ve just invited him over, to give your imagination some rest?” you held back to not throw up on Jaehyun because it’s the only thing you wanted to do now. You felt so sick and was ready to puke at any given second. “And I don’t know what actually hurts me more, the fact that you fucking told Johnny about our personal life or the fact that instead of telling me that I don’t satisfy you sexually, you decided to tell it a complete stranger. Who else did you tell it except for him? The whole wide world?” he chuckled annoyed. You pressed your palm into your mouth, squeezing your eyes. You screamed into your hand, but no sound came out, and you couldn’t breathe in. Your body wasn’t functioning properly under Jaehyun’s stare. His eyes weren’t just full of aggression, they were full of pain. He was hurting as much as you were now, so you just tried to talk, even though it felt like someone ripped your throat from you with bare hands.
“Jaehyun, no, he put it the wrong way. It’s not like this. I never said anything like that.”
“Oh, right. You definitely told this to Doyoung? Am I right?” he wasn’t listening to what you were saying, being in his own world, laughing quietly when he thought of Doyoung.
“Jaehyun, please don’t listen to fucking Johnny. I wasn’t imagining him, I only think of you when I sleep with you, no, all the time. You’re always on my mind. I never thought of him because you didn’t satisfy me. Johnny is a fucking liar.” you cried for his mercy. You tried to touch his face, but his hand slapped you away, and you began to bend, because you weren’t able to hold your body straight with all the pain that was inside of you. His head moved closer, forcing you to straighten back up. When you felt his hot breath on your ear you froze.
“Did you tell Doyoung or no?” his cold whisper made you shiver.
“No.” you said quietly because you didn’t want him to think you were going around talking shit behind his back. He hit his hand on the door loudly, making you scream and jump. His fist landed centimeters away from your head.
“You fucking did. You tell him everything, did the two of you laugh about it?”
“Jaehyun, no, shut up. Don’t say this, don’t.” you shouted loudly, making him finally pay attention to you.
“Okay, then maybe you have something to say? Maybe you want to share, what you actually felt towards me this whole time? I knew I shouldn’t have believed you when you told me you loved me. I knew it was a fucking lie, but I still did because I needed it for my own sanity. I thought I beat Johnny here, but turns out I didn’t win this so-called battle. He was always here even though I couldn’t fucking see him. He was always on your fucking mind.” his finger touched your head, pointing to where Johnny was.
“No, please. Stop, I can’t.”
“You can’t what?”
“I can’t…” you laid your hand on his chest to find support, because you were genuinely unable to breath in. He probably saw you weren’t faking it, so he let you hold on to him, not pushing away. “I can’t breathe in properly, please, stop…”
“If you can’t breathe, then fucking leave.” you lifted your head to see his eyes. “Leave, better just leave, before I say too much or do something.” he moved back, and you almost fell losing support.
This was probably not a bad idea to go outside, fresh air would help you breathe. You quickly ran to his bed, picking up from the floor your clothes, quickly pulling everything on, you felt his stare burn your back, grabbing your bag from the chair, you didn’t look back, running towards the door. Getting out to the living room, you stopped for a few seconds trying to breath in, and the air in this room was fresher, so you made three small breaths, when you heard Jaehyun walk. You sprinted to the front door, quickly putting your shoes on, you opened the door, turning right before it was closed. You’ve noticed Jaehyun being squatted in the middle of the room with his face buried in his palms.
You ran down the stairs quickly, barely being able to see from the tears that were falling down your face. Finally opening the door that was leading outside, you felt cold fresh air in your lungs. You’ve remembered there was a bench right next to the house, so you ran there, falling on it lifelessly. You ran your fingers through your hair, pulling them harshly, making yourself scream in pain, inner pain. You closed your eyes, trying your best to focus on your breathing, because you still were struggling. Outside was quiet cold, and your clothes weren’t appropriate to sit and cry there for hours, so you just tried to get yourself together to walk. You wiped your face with your palms, to at least see which way to walk. Walking to your place from Jaehyun’s would normally take around 20 minutes, but you took every possible road to make it longer. You wanted to walk, even though you didn’t even see where you were going, you felt like it’s better to walk than lay in bed and cry all day long. The weather, though, wasn’t on your side, and you had to walk home, when you realized you can barely feel your legs, and hands too.
Entering your building, you tried to make the brightest expression, to not worry the security guard you had on the first floor. Walking up to the elevator though, you broke down completely. When you pressed the digit of your floor, you thought about Doyoung and you felt the urge to call him. You were doing it again, you were being selfish and thought of him only because you needed him and felt horrible, but you couldn’t stop yourself anyway, getting your phone out of your bag for the first time in at least twelve hours. You were scrolling through all the notifications you received, almost walking into the flower pot that was standing in the corner of the hall’s turn. There were 20 missed calls from Doyoung. He texted you too, you stopped, to read everything he messaged you. Your heart ached even from the first one you read.
from: D to the Y
“please don’t do anything dumb.”
“baby”
Your heart stopped beating. You imagined how it would sound, to hear Doyoung call you baby, and you cried even harder.
from: D to the Y
“I beg you”
“please reply”
from: D to the Y
“I can’t think about anything except you right now”
“please don’t fuck Jaehyun”
“I have so much to tell you”
from: D to the Y
“please tell me where jaehyun’s house is”
“I’ll come and take you from there”
from: D to the Y
“fuck Jaehyun knows”
“baby”
“Y/N”
“please, see this”
“Johnny is going crazy because he realized what he did”
“he sobered up and found me and told me he told jaehyun”
from: D to the Y
“please give me a sign you’re alive”
“I’m going crazy”
“please reply as soon as you’ll see it.”
“I can’t sleep without hearing from you.”
Your hands were shaking, you didn’t know what to text him back, you didn’t know what would be better to tell him, your hands were shaking and you didn’t find anything better than type ‘hi, I’m alive’, but you didn’t hit send, because you just felt like hearing his voice would be much better, so you dialed his number. You almost got a heart attack when you heard a phone ring down the hall. Turning to where the corridor was going, you’ve noticed someone on the chair that was standing few doors from yours. The someone in the chair moved, waking up and you realized what was going on. You stared into your phone, hanging up, and the ringing stopped. Walking quickly to the chair in the hall, you stopped in front of it. Doyoung was rubbing his eyes and it seemed like he didn’t realize yet you were in front of him.
“Oh, god, what happened?” he jumped from the chair, running his eyes around you, his hand landed on your cheek quickly, trying to wipe away the tears, but they were falling back quickly.
“What are you doing here?” you asked him, before beginning to cry bitterly. Your arms hugged his shoulders, and your face fell onto his shoulder, and you couldn’t stop crying. “Why did you come?”
“I texted you, but I guess you didn’t see. I was way too worried, and don’t know where Jaehyun live, so I figured you’ll come back home at some point, so I came to wait for you here, but I guess I fell asleep at one point.” His hands were rubbing your back, and you felt better, but still couldn’t stop crying. “Are you crying this hard just because I came to check on you?” he laughed, taking your head in his arms, to make you look at him. You were nibbling on your lower lip, trying to stop yourself from crying.
“What about Jisoo?” you didn’t know what else to ask.
“Why are you so obsessed with Jisoo?”
“I saw you two kiss, I thought you would be with her.” Doyound suddenly chuckled, smiling at you like you were a small dumb child.
“We kissed? I didn’t kiss anyone last night.” he licked his lips, and you moved a little back.
“What do you mean?” you were confused, because you thought you saw them kiss. Now you weren’t so sure. You did see Jisoo with Doyoung, but was the kiss just something you imagined…?
“I mean I didn’t kiss her. I only told her I don’t feel anything towards her in any other way than being friends, because there is someone else… that I like.” He smiled, squeezing your cheeks.
“I need to tell you a lot of things.” you whispered, hugging him again.
“Okay, but can we finally go to your apartment, the security guard is probably watching us like a soap opera right now.” Doyoung patted your back, and you smiled at him, nodding in agreement.
He helped you open the door, holding your hand when you led him to your bedroom. You tried to not touch anything with your hands because you felt dirty and was dying to shower away Jaehyun from your body.
“Doyoung” you turned to him, letting go of his hand. You stepped closer to him, holding on to his shirt, you fisted it under your fingers.
“Yes?”
“Jaehyun and I are over. For good.”
“Okay…?”
“I will tell you everything a little bit later…” you bit your lip “Can we please take a shower together? Like we used to? I touched you and now you have Jaehyun’s smell on you too, we need to wash that off our bodies, please.” you cried hysterically. “You can leave on all of your clothes, please, just be with me.”
“Okay, okay, we can do that if you want to. Can I at least put on my clothes that I have at yours? I need these to go back home.”
“No…you don’t understand, Jaehyun touched my clothes and I touched you, this means we have to wash our clothes as well.” you spoke quickly.
“Okay, I see, I get it. Let’s just put them in the washing machine, okay? We don’t have to shower with them on. Wait, let me take fresh clothes and we can go, okay?” he asked softly and you nodded yes. “Come here.” he expanded his hands and you walked quickly to him, entering your bathroom.
When you were inside, you turned on the water, fixing the temperature. Quickly you took everything off, leaving only your underwear on. Doyoung looked away, handing you blindly the shirt he brought, and you quickly put it on, noticing it was actually his shirt, when you felt material fall on your thighs. He changed his jeans to sweatpants and took off his shirt to put on the one from your wardrobe. You stared at his torso for too long without blinking, only realizing what you did when white material fell onto his stomach. He took both of your clothes in his hands to put them into the washing machine.
“Wait, I’ll come back quickly.” You nodded, and watched him leave you alone. You turned to the tub, touching the water that was falling from the shower head, you touched it mindlessly, sitting down on your knees and laying your head on the tub. You turned around when you heard Doyoung is back. “Get in” he commanded, and you stood up looking at him.
“I don’t want to sound weird…but these are the only pants that you have at my place…and if you’ll wet them, you will have to be in your underwear until they dry…”
“Yeah, you’re right.” he chuckled “I guess I have to take them off…if you’re okay with it.” You nodded yes and he took his pants off, and you turned, to finally get in the shower.
This felt more awkward than it usually did when you showered together, you were wondering if it only felt this way to you.
You got your head under the water jet, closing your eyes, trying to disappear in the water. Suddenly you felt the phantom of Jaehyun’s hands on your body, you felt his lips on your neck, and you began hysterically rubbing your body through the shirt, trying to get the feeling off. You opened your eyes, noticing how Doyoung’s shirt was almost dry, and he was just staring at you worriedly.
“Can I please take the shirt off? Please?” you were panicking and sounded like you were about to burst in tears again. Doyoung nodded his head yes in fear, and you quickly took it off, beginning to wash your body with your hands. When you could still feel Jaehyun, you began scratching your arms, stomach, and chest with your nails, leaving red marks all over your body. You opened your mouth, rinsing it.
“Wow, Y/N, calm down.” Doyoung said when he noticed what you were doing, but you didn’t react to his words “Do you hear me? Please, stop doing this. There’s nothing on your skin.”
“No, I can feel Jaehyun’s hands all over me.” you were crying again, and Doyoung’s hands grabbed yours, not letting you to continue scratching.
“Listen to me.” he stepped closer, and now he got fully wet, white soaked shirt outlining his abs. Even though this looked hot and you thought about it in the back of your head, this wasn’t something you actually were focused on right now. He let go of your hands, holding your face with his fingers. “Jaehyun is not here, he won’t touch you again, I will do anything you’ll ask me for you to stop feeling his fingers on your skin. I will kiss every centimeter of your body if you’ll let me, just for you to forget what Jaehyun’s fingers felt like.” your heart didn’t beat at all because of his words. You were hoping he’d do something, but he just stared you in the eyes, and you couldn’t just jump on him and ask him to kiss you when you were laying with Jaehyun less than 12 hours ago. You’d feel even more wrong than you did now, leaving behind the fact you still didn’t know if the someone Doyoung liked was you.
“Doyoung, I hate myself so much, can you just let me drawn in this bathtub? I hate everything about myself.”
“No, baby, I won’t let go of you.” He whispered softly and you died inside again, because hearing him call you baby was beautiful. It was exactly the same to what you imagined and you couldn’t get enough of the warmness it brought to your body.
“Say it again.” you said quietly, closing your eyes.
“I won’t let go of you.”
“No, not this.”
“My baby.” He said it almost with his lips only, but it was enough for you to hear it. You crushed your weight on him because it was impossible for you to hold on any longer. He almost fell because it was unexpected, but then he made you two sit, and with his back leaning on the tub, he pulled you on his chest, caressing your bare skin with his fingers.
***
Doyoung have basically moved to your house. You would spend every given chance together and it wasn’t in any way different to how you were hanging out a year ago, or 5 years ago. He was giving you emotional support, and you appreciated that more than anything else. You two would just lay down together for hours looking at the ceiling, discussing things that were bothering you the most. He’d bare with you jumping and singing for hours while he was trying to cook for you two. You would hang on his back like a monkey, while he was trying to brush his teeth in the evening, annoying him with your clinging.
You abandoned the whole world, skipping college. You didn’t want to go there, you weren’t ready to be in the same room, or even the same building with Jaehyun. Even though you did tell Doyoung multiple times to leave you, he wouldn’t.
He’d pretend he don’t like it, hate you sing, hate you hug him and hate you talking nonsense to him all the time, but you would glimpse him look at you with his caring eyes, he would purposely sit closer to you for you to give him attention, or lay your head on his shoulder. He would stand still for as long as it’s possible, brushing his teeth for ten minutes, just for you to not let go of him. He secretly loved it and you loved it about him even more.
None of you pushed anything. You knew he didn’t do it because he wouldn’t want to hit on you when you just broke up with Jaehyun. You didn’t want to pursue anything because you were still scared of the thought. You wouldn’t believe it’s even possible, that you liked Doyoung. You couldn’t believe your heart was longing for him in a different way now. It was weird for you when you caught yourself staring at his lips when he was sleeping. You felt weird when you’d just stare at his face when you were watching tv, getting lost in the shape of his eyes. This was weird, but it wasn’t wrong. You knew it because of the butterflies that lived inside of you rent free. When you wouldn’t feel Doyoung’s even random touch on your skin for an hour, you’d cling onto him, getting his disgusted face expression. Feeling the warmth of his skin on yours would make your heart tremble, waking up those little butterflies inside of you.
You were sitting on your bed, skipping through songs in your shuffle play. When BoA’s ‘Better’ played you left it on, getting back to your laptop to read an email from your professor.
“No, turn this off, I can’t listen to this song anymore. You have it on repeat 20 hours a day.” Doyoung sighed tiredly, making a tortured face expression. You lifted your head, shaking it no. He walked towards you and your phone, and you knew he’d try to skip the song, so you closed your laptop laying it on the floor. You grabbed your phone one second before he reached it, lifting your arm.
“Give it to me.” he expanded his arm, and you crawled back from the edge of your bed.
“No, I like this song.” he reached to you, placing his knee on the bed.
“Let me just play something else.” he tried to make a deal with you, making his ‘business’ face.
“No.”
“I want to listen to other songs too.”
“Then go home and listen to whatever song you want.” you squeezed your eyes making a sassy face expression and he suddenly got back, standing up. When he turned around and began walking you panicked being scared for him to actually leave.
You jumped from the bed, reaching for his hand but got scared and jumped back when he suddenly turned back around, looking at you with a smirk. Quickly getting next to you, he made you startled with his stare, causing you to sit down.
“Got scared I will leave?” he smirked.
“No, wanted to make sure you did actually leave.”
“Did you?”
“Huh? You can tell I didn’t make sure, you’re still here.”
“Ha-ha.” he laughed sarcastically “I mean, did you actually want me to leave?” he stared at you and you bit your lip looking at him.
You crawled back a little, crossing your legs to sit, because it was difficult to look him in the eyes from your position, but Doyoung moved closer to you again, putting his knees on the bed. You wanted to crawl back again, but his fingers grabbed your ankles, making you stretch your legs and almost lie down. He leaned on the bed with his arms, making your faces close to each other. You felt scared and excited at the same time. What was going on inside his head, did he want to do anything? You were so nervous you almost didn’t breathe.
Doyoungs hand pushed you by your shoulder, signalling for you two lay down, and you did, letting Doyoung to completely crawl over you, laying between your legs. You felt excitement in your core when he moved his face closer to yours. The tension between you two was on the maximum level, and you couldn’t keep staring at him when he was so close and about to do something you didn’t know what. You closed your eyes, letting him decide what he’ll do next, not being able to bare with him being this close.
You felt how he moved a little, and you felt his hot breath on your ear, twitching under him.
“There are so many things I want to do right now, I’m getting lost in the ocean of options.” he left a peck at the base of your jaw, sending shivers down your spine. You felt how he just fell beside you, leaving you lonely. Opening your eyes you clenched your teeth.
‘Go ahead play along and beat around the bush for another decade, maybe he’ll kiss you on your 30th birthday.’ the voice in your head laughed at you, making you jump up and stare at him lie down with his face hid in his palms. You bit your lip doubting your decision at first, but then you just realised it’s one in a million chance you don’t want to skip.
You crawled over Doyoung, sitting on his stomach. He opened his eyes quickly, laying his hands on your thighs, sending shivers to your core, but moving them away quickly, laying on the mattress. You leaned lower, keeping probably 3 centimetres between your faces. Your hair fell over you two, making you sit up to put it in a bun. You leaned back, licking your lips.
“Are you a 3rd grader?” you asked mockingly.
“What? Why?” he truly didn’t understand.
“If I was a guy sleeping in the bed everyday with the girl that likes him and I would like her, I would fuck her on the second day, now, that everything is clear and obvious.”
“What is clear and obvious?”
“You know what is, don’t act dumb.”
“I actually don’t.”
“Use your brain then.” you furrowed your eyebrows. Doyoung was staring at you intensely, and when you felt how his hands stroked your thighs getting higher than they ever did in your life you felt a pool in your panties the next second.
“I reckon...” he began slowly biting on his lip, leading his hands up to your butt, stopping before getting to it, and leading the way down with his nails. “I reckon someone wants to be fucked.” you closed your eyes because you’ve never heard Doyoung saying things like that and you felt your heart sink because it sounded ecstatic to your ears. “But this someone is not getting it.” you opened your eyes quickly.
“Why is that?”
“Use your brain.” he played with his brows.
“Oh...” you paused “I guess I know why.”
“Yeah...?” he asked and you leaned closer to his ear, feeling how his hands held onto your legs tighter.
“You’re a little sneaky liar, lying to me you fuck girls, but I guess you’re a virgin, since you can’t even fuck me when I’m already on your lap.” you leaned back to see his reaction, but there wasn’t pretty much any. He smiled at you with the ‘I caught you’ smile and you knew he understood you wanted to test him.
“Yeah, you’re right.” he shook his head yes, licking his lips slowly, showing you his tongue.
“You don’t want to prove me wrong?” you said quietly leaning on your elbows now, which made both of your faces closer to each other.
“No, why?”
“Don’t know...” you sighed “you’re right tho, you can’t even kiss me... and I’m asking about THIS much.” you chuckled “Maybe I should just dry hump you to give your hand some time to rest?” you bit onto your cheek to prevent yourself from laughing but Doyoung didn’t give you any reaction. He just kept on looking at you with the smile saying ‘go on, go on, I’m listening.’ but this wasn’t the plan you had in your head. You tried to move you body lower, to get closer to his dick, trying to tease him more, but he suddenly grabbed onto your thighs, switching your positions. One of his hands landed on your cheek and you lost your ability to breath in anticipation.
“I’ll give you time to apologise for your words after the day I’ll make you cry my name out all night long.” he whispered into your lips, leaving not more than half a centimetre between you. You opened your mouth slightly expecting to finally feel his lips on yours. He drove you crazy and you were ready to cry for his kiss. You closed your eyes again, when you felt him move a millimetre closer. When you almost felt his lips on yours, the room got stunned with the ringing of your phone, making you jump under Doyoung, and more importantly, making him let go of you.
“Go on, pick this one.” he said calmly, and you were ready to kill whoever was calling you. You groaned, getting up to reach your phone on the night stand.
“Yes Johnny.” you were disappointed he called for other reasons, not even having a second to think about what he did.
“Wow, you picked up, I’m surprised.” he sighed nervously.
“Ugh...yeah...I did. What do you want?”
“Can we please talk?”
“We are.”
“I know we are talking right now, but I have to explain myself.”
“Yeah, you kinda are.” you turned your head to the sound of Doyoung leaving your room.
“Look, I have no idea why I did that. I honestly didn’t want you and Jaehyun to...” hearing his name made you uncomfortable, you didn’t hear anything he said afterwards.
“Wait.”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t want to talk this over the phone.”
“Okay, do you want to meet in the park...?”
“No, it’s too cold, let’s go to the diner?”
“Yeah, cool, when?”
“Uhm... don’t know...in an hour?”
“Yeah, deal.”
“Cool, see you.” you almost hang up when you heard Johnny speak again.
“Y/N?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m really sorry.”
“See you, Johnny.”
“See you.” you locked your phone throwing it on the bed.
You ran your eyes across the room, hearing quiet noises of the tv from the living room, signalling that Doyoung is there. You felt like you haven’t been outside for years, so you felt like putting a little bit of effort to it. You sat in front of your mirror with a make up bag, putting foundation, blusher, mascara and eyeliner on. Finishing with your brows you felt human again, brushing half of your hair in a high ponytail. You put everything away, standing up to pick out what you’ll wear, when you heard how Doyoung got back into the room. You glared at him through the mirror, still deciding on what to wear. He sat on your bed, watching you.
“Where you’re going?” he asked curiously
“On a date.” you said carelessly getting your v-neck tee out.
“What?” he raised his eyebrows more in a sarcastic than jealous expression.
“I have a date.” you furrowed your brows trying to seem you don’t know why he’s bothered with it.
“What?” he sounded like someone put him on repeat.
“You stuck?” you turned to look at him properly.
“Why?”
“Oh, good, you’re not.” you turned back, getting a shirt out.
“With who?”
“One and the only, Johnny Suh.” you chuckled closing the door and turning to lay your clothes on the bed. Doyoung stood up going your way.
“You’re serious right now?” he stopped you from walking with his body. Taking clothes from your hands he threw them onto your bed. You tried to protest but Doyoung’s hands landed on your forearms forcing you to put down your hands.
“Why not? I’m a single girl and I can’t be single forever. I need to take my opportunities.” you stared him in the eyes.
“No.” he took a few steps further.
“Hm?” you felt how your back touched the wall.
“You’re mine, didn’t you understand this yet?” you felt like someone punched the air out of your lungs. You wanted to say something but didn’t know what to say so you just stared back at him. When he leaned closer, touching your waist with his fingers, your hand automatically landed on his neck, gripping.
“I am, but you won’t claim what’s yours.” you sighed in his ear.
“You’re not an object.” he moved his head back.
“Doyoung...one kiss won’t change anything for you and will change everything for me.” you sighed, stroking his cheek, trying to pull him closer.
“No, I’ve dreamt of you wanting me for way too many years to give you what you want this quickly.” he wanted you all these years...?
“What if I’ll force-kiss you now?”
“Then you’ll ruin our first kiss.” you bit onto your cheek debating. “Go on.”
“I have to go, Johnny’s going to wait.” you tried to walk past him and he let you, watching you change clothes from the back. He stood there quietly watching you and when you were ready, you walked back to him, intertwining your fingers with his.
“Don’t worry, baby, I’ll let Johnny know I’m yours when he’ll begin undressing me.” you chuckled, leaving a peck on his cheek.
You let go of him, walking towards the door to get your shoes on. Doyoung was walking behind you not saying anything.
“I’ll go home.” he let you know quietly.
“Will you come back?”
“Don’t know, if you’ll call me.”
“Of course I will.” you smiled at him, hugging his neck. “Or maybe I’ll come uninvited so be ready.”
“Okay, let’s go.”
***
You’ve met Johnny at the diner, startling him with how loudly you sat in front of him.
“Hi.” he said nervously not knowing if he should try to greet you with a hug or keep sitting.
“Hi.”
“Wanna order first?”
“Yeah, I’m actually hungry.”
You two ordered food, and Johnny began talking while you were waiting. He said so many things, he seemed sincere. You didn’t have any other options than believe him, when he was ready to fall onto his knees right on the dirty floor of this cafe.
“Johnny, come on.” you stopped him quickly with your hand, making him sit back on the couch “You don’t have to do it to this extent. I didn’t even think about blaming you, at the end of the day, it was me who said it to you in the first place. What’s more important is that I actually think it’s for the better, that Jaehyun is aware of what I told you. This probably worked out better than it could’ve. You made my job easier, John, so, yeah, kinda thank you.” you chuckled, squeezing his palm that was laying on the table.
“What do you mean?” he smiled at you confused.
“The book I told you about, I made that up. It was about me.” he giggled and you laughed with him.
“I reckoned that.”
“I guessed it, but it’s not important anymore since everything is kinda turning out the way it’s post to be. Me and Jaehyun were never meant to be, it was nice, but I guess it wasn’t meant to last long.” you let go of Johnny’s hand when you felt like you held onto it for too long.
“Yeah...” Johnny looked at you biting on his lip.
“This is actually ridiculous.” you chuckled.
“What?”
“That I fell for my friend again.”
“You did?”
“Yes. At least I know now for sure that he likes me back.” you laughed sipping on your drink.
“Good.” Johnny smiled too, and the both of you finished your food chatting like you usually would.
Eventually you decided to go home, texting Doyoung. You really wanted to see him, feeling like you actually missed him when you haven’t seen him for 2 hours only.
You & Johnny walked outside, with Johnny being a gentleman and holding a door for you. Exiting the diner, you turned to face him. You wanted to walk alone, meaning to say goodbye to Johnny now.
“Thanks for hanging out.” you smiled “It was really nice to see you, and clear everything between us.” you hugged Johnny.
“Yeah, no problem.” he smiled “I’m not sure everything is clear though. After what you said, I’m even more confused now.” you moved your head back trying to see his face still hugging him.
“What do you mean?” you asked furrowing your brows.
“This.” Johnny leaned and kissed you. He just went for it, boldly pressing his lips into you. You gripped onto his shoulder tighter trying to get him off you, but Johnny was holding you in his arms too strongly to even notice. You hit his shoulder again, trying to tell him to stop, and he finally noticed.
“No, Johnny, I told you I don’t like you...what the hell?” You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand.
“You said you liked a friend that likes you back. Who else could it be? There’s literally no one...the one that is not taken is Doyoung.” he paused looking confused at you furrowing his eyebrows. “Wait, did you actually mean Doyoung?” his eyes were genuinely shocked.“Oh fuck...I misunderstood you...oh god, I’m so sor...” he didn’t finish his sentence, because someone grabbed him by the collar.
“Jaehyun, what the hell?!?” you exclaimed, trying to grab onto his arm. “Let go of him.” he shook your hand off his shoulder.
“I can’t fucking believe you actually fucked Johnny this whole time.” he turned his head at you, his eyes were furious.
“Yo, dude, chill.” Johnny was calm and laughed at the end of his sentence, which, genuinely, was a fatal mistake.
Jaehyun took it as an offence, and his fist landed on Johnny’s jaw. Your scream deafened the whole street. Johnny didn’t fall, he grabbed Jaehyun back, because he wasn’t going to lose when someone blamed him over nothing.
“Johnny, please, don’t fight with him, his not himself.” you pleaded the taller guy, but he wasn’t going to lose staring Jaehyun in the eyes.
“You want to fucking fight? You’ll regret it though, on so many levels, so think twice before your face meet with my fist.” Johnny shouted at him vigorously.
“You think I’m scared?” Jaehyun laughed him in the face.
“Johnny, please, I beg you, let go of him. This is a fight over nothing. Jaehyun, you’re wrong. I never slept with Johnny stop this and let’s talk. Please, Jaehyun, please.” you pleaded with tears in your eyes.
Jaehyun pushed Johnny, and then, you were taken aback, because Johnny punched Jaehyun in his teeth, making him fall. You ran to Johnny, trying to stop him from continuing.
“Please, just go. You don’t have to witness this.”
“Let’s go together.” you asked him feeling tears fall down your cheeks.
“Yeah, run like a little bitch that you are, with your little whore. You two are a great couple. A rat and a whore, I like that.” you turned noticing Jaehyun sitting up, wiping the blood off his face.
“What are you saying, Jaehyun? I’ve never slept with Johnny, I never even kissed him. I never knew you were this much of a disgusting person.”
“Me? A disgusting person? I’ve never done anything but loved you.”
“Yes, until the day you forced me to do things.”
“What things?” Johnny chimed in.
“You want to know what things she did with me in my bed?”
“Dude, calm down.”
“Oh, right, yall talk about it on the daily. I guess you already know what I did to her, or maybe you want to get more detail?”
“Jaehyun, shut up. Johnny is not even my fucking boyfriend, I don’t even like him. What the fuck are you trying to do?” you shouted at him when he stood up.
“Go away.”
“No, don’t start this stupid fight over nothing.”
“I already began it so just fucking move.” you shook your head no and Jaehyun grabbed you harshly moving away, causing Johnny to groan and hit Jaehyun again. The next second, after you were able to stand up from Jaehyun’s push, you noticed how they were a mess. They were punching each other, Johnny sat on top of Jaehyun, beating the shit out of him. People ran out of the diner, calling police and breaking them from each other.
You were standing next to all the by-watchers, when police arrived. You tried to tell them it was your fault, but Jaehyun kept his mouth shut, and Johnny kept on saying the fight was based off of them accidentally bumping into each other while walking. So they listened to him, taking both of them to the police station.
You didn’t know what to do, so you went to Doyoung. He would let you just sit in quietness and get yourself together.
“What happened?” he opened the door noticing your face expression.
“Can we just sit quietly and watch tv?”
“Yeah, sure.” Doyoung helped you take your jacket off, and led you to the couch, making you sit. “Do you want to drink something warm?”
“No, I want to hug you.”
“Okay.” he sat next to you, and you moved closer to him, placing your head on his shoulder, hugging Doyoung’s waist. “May I ask just one question?” you lifted your head.
“Yeah.”
“Did Johnny do anything to you?”
“No, it’s not about Johnny.”
“Okay…”
“You’re not going to ask, just because you’ve asked for one question only?” Doyoung nodded making you smile. And this smile was a genuine one, you could feel your entire being be happy just looking at Doyoung. “You are so cute.” you mumbled lifting your head from his shoulder. You stared him in the eyes, moving the blanket that was laying on both of your legs to the side. You crawled over Doyoung, sitting on his lap. You felt way too nervous, your palms were sweating and you felt like your heart can jump out of your chest if you’ll make a sharp move. Doyoung placed his hands on your knees, moving them gently up your thighs to your back, holding lightly your waist. Your hands found their place on his neck, and you hugged him, laying your palms on your own shoulders, leaving your faces a couple of centimeters away from each other. “You are so caring, and you’re smart, and gentle, and always there for the people you care about, and your kindness is enough to make this whole world better.” Doyoung smiled trying to look away, but your hands were forcing him to face you, so he just focused his eyes behind your back. “And you’re always there even for selfish friends that come to you to cry about their boyfriends, even though you love them, but you’re still ready to help them because you’re the greatest person in the whole wide world. I always thought and told you that I’m so lucky to have you to myself, but I never imagined and never even thought I do actually own you all to myself.” He was looking at you now. “I wish you told me earlier but then at the same time I’m glad you never did, because this way I came to it naturally. I didn’t even realize that you felt anything towards me, it’s ridiculous how blind I am, and I’m genuinely impressed with you being able to hold back for so many years, because the only thing I wanted to do for these past weeks was to kiss you, and I understand why you’re making me wait, but I have something to tell you.” You paused and Doyoung nodded barely noticeable. “I’m sorry I took so long, but I want you to know that I love you.” He opened his mouth to talk but you stopped him. “Not in the way I always loved you. I love you so much it makes me feel miserable because my tiny heart can’t take all the love I feel for you, so I want you to know. I love you, Doyoung and if you’ll take me as your girlfriend you’ll make me the happiest human being on earth.” You stopped and stared him in the eyes. He kept the room quite not replying to you, and you felt like you would pass out if he’d reject you, or will tell you he meant something different with his actions.
Doyoung’s hands moved from your waist to your face, and he stroked your cheek gently getting your face even closer to his.
“I love you.” he said almost with his lips only.
“I’m yours.” you whispered in his lips and he finally touched your lips with his, gently holding your face in place.
__ okaaaay, this story is finally done
This ending felt like the least forced one? I don’t know how to name it correctly, but it felt natural and right to me.
I hope you’re not too upset with the way JohnJae love triangle story turned into DoJae love triangle and then ended with this.
please let me know what you think of this last chapter <3
Thank you so much for reading this and I will post a new story very-very soon <3
125 notes · View notes
miyaniacs · 3 years ago
Text
The One Night Stand pt. 6
Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader / Satoru Gojo x fem!reader
Part 1 ; Pt. 2 ; Pt. 3; Pt. 4 ; Pt. 5
Tumblr media
A/n: anddd angst is hereeeeeee - feedback is always welcome :) it act hurt to write this lol can you tell I had a small mental breakdown yesterday haha but at least it helped to write this chapter here :)
Warnings: angst; not proof read; nsfw ( minors do not read this), usage of the word whore, rough / angry sex
Characters: Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader , Satoru Gojo x fem!reader
Form: oneshot / short story
Tumblr media
The whole ride home you stayed quiet. The image of Toji and the other women kissing, just wouldn’t leave your mind. And it did not stop there.
Your mind is creating all those scenarios. Scenarios that tell you that whenever he was on the phone, when you were with him, he was texting her, telling her about how badly he wants to see her again, telling her when you’d leave so she can come over. Him telling her about how bad you are and annoyed, her laying in his arms, naked with her perfect body, laughing about how pathetic you sound. How pathetic you ARE. Crushing on your best friend, fucking with another that is way out of your league, who’s probably just doing it for laughs. Who are you kidding? He definitely did it just for laughs. Saying all those things to you, to get a reaction out of you, just so he can make fun of it later on with her - or even during it, texting her how stupid you are. How fun it is to mess with you, how you started to look at him differently. How he waits at the door when you left, just to wrap his arms around her small frame, just seconds after you left. His hands on her thighs, lifter her up, placing his lips on hers while carrying her inside, laying her down on the bed, you were in just minutes ago.
Hell he was probably seeing her whenever he was away for missions.
Have they all been missions? Or was it just a weekend he wanted to spent with her and get away from you?
But... how are you to judge? You used him... to get over your best friend... And ended up falling for him instead. You never even questioned if he has someone else. You’ve been totally egoistic the whole time, he could have been in an open relationship with her. Toji isn’t one to tell you things by himself, but you never even thought of asking him?
All you did was use him, complain to him and in the end just leave.
Are you really in the position to cry now?
You feel a soft hand touching your arm.
“Hey, were back home.” You look into the blue eyes of your... boyfriend? Can you really consider him as your boyfriend, knowing that you stopped loving him weeks ago? Even before he officially became your boyfriend?
“Satoru.. I - “ His hand cups your cheek and you stopped talking.
“Let’s get inside... I feel like we both need to confess things.” He smiles sadly.
So here you are now. Sitting on the couch in his apartment starring at his inhumanly blue eyes, waiting for him to start talking.
“So... I’m not blind. Even tho most of the time I look like I am..” he jokes, but quickly stopped the second he sees your emotionale expression, “ Well... I know you like him.” He licks his lips and avoids your gaze.
“Satoru... look I’m sorry, I did not plan on playing you... I - I really thought that I still love you.” You whisper and fiddles with your fingers, “ I’m sorry for hurting you.”
“You did not... I- I’m actually relived.” He sighs and looks down. You’re eyes shoot up and you stare at his face.
“What?” Your body begins to shiver as you watch his lips open, the words leaving them seem unreal. Your brain refuses to accept that this is the truth, but the way he looks directly at you, his eyes showing nothing but honesty, you start to shake.
“How long did you plan to keep this act up?” You whisper.
“I hoped that it wouldn’t be an act the whole time... and that I learn to love you ... the way you do.. or did.” His eyes study your face, looking for any sign of emotion. Your eyes get glassy. Your body shakes. Your mouth is slightly open, but no words leave your lips. The tears now run freely down your face.
“Hey... Y/n..” He tries to pull you into a hug, to give you the hold and safety his hugs always provide you, but you quickly jump up and step away from him.
“Don’t touch me.” you’re voice shakes and is barely over a whisper, yet he heard your words and sees the hurt in your eyes. “Just.... don’t - don’t talk to me again... I - just leave me alone.” You walk backwards, your hands grab your hair, your brain can’t fully understand everything that is happening right now.
Gojo on the other hand knows exactly what is happening.
And he feels his heart break.
He is loosing his best friend.
The one person that always stayed at his side, since school you where with him and you stayed. You stayed during the whole mess his life used to be, or is.
You were the only person the felt comfortable with to truly open up to.
“Y/n... please. Don’t leave. Don’t leave me.” He whispers and stands up, still keeping his distance from you.
“DO YOU FEEL LIKE I WANT TO STAY WITH YOU NOW?” You scream, all your emotions crushing down on you all at once.
“No - no... just - it’s late, just stay here and I leave... I’ll stay away for how long I need to ... I don’t want anything to happen to you...” he looks at you with pleading eyes.
“HOW DO YOU THINK I CAN STAY HERE - IN YOUR HOUSE...where ... where everything reminds me of you...” you whisper the last part. Your hands grab the handle of the door, taking a deep breath you open it and look over your shoulder.
“Goodbye Gojo.”
“How long?” He whispers, his voice shakes.
“I - I don’t know.” You say and look at his eyes, tears running down on both of your faces.
Then you close the door and hurry out of the apartment complex.
On the other side of the door, Gojo collapse.
All of his muscles gave up working, he simply lays on the floor, not really able to breath, thanks to the knot in his throat.
He lost you.
He lost his best friend.
The person he saw himself still joking around when you are both old and your hair colors would finally match.
But he failed. He wanted to give you everything, make you happy, he would have done everything for you, not caring about his own feelings, he just wanted you to be happy.
You - the person he cares the most about.
But at the end, he hurt you and he lost you.
Lost you like he always looses everyone close to him.
With all the strength he has left, he takes out his phone and calls the only person he trust with all of this mess.
“Gojo. It’s 2am. And I just came back home.What do you want.” Nanami sighs.
“Please, find Y/n.” He whispers.
“What? Shouldn’t she be with you?”
“I- I told her...” his voice breaks.
“I’ll save the whole ‘ I’ve told you this would happen’ speech.” Nanami sighs. Why does he have to be involved in this mess.
“Nanami please, I don’t want anything to happen to her.”
“I’m on my way.” Nanami hangs up and puts on his shoes.
___
Why did you left him.
Yes what he did was wrong... but his intention wasn’t... you should not have been so hard to him. Not after all he had to go though... and after all he did for you.
He was okay with giving up his ‘hoe’ life just for your happiness.
Also... are you really okay with loosing your best friend?
You need him. And you know he needs you too. You two have always been there for each other, he trusts you and you trust him. You’re actually questing if you‘ve ever really loved him the way you felt you did. The feelings you felt for him and the ones you feel for Toji are … different. Maybe you never really loved before … and truth to be told, you longed for that feeling of someone loving you. Of someone holding you at night, kissing you, of not being alone when you make dinner… of not feeling unloved.
Maybe … your brain really just made you imagine those feelings for Gojo … yes you love him. And he loves you … but at this point … you realize that it’s the same way you love an family member… because that’s what he is for you… family.
Should you just walk back and talk things out with him.
Yes. Yes that would be the most mature thing to do.
But - no . You decided to be childish and let him suffer.
You don’t want to be the one who apologizes, yet you know that he will also not come and beg on for your forgiveness. Not because of his ego... but because he knows how much he hurt you and he doesn’t want to cause you more pain. So at the end you’ll have to go back to him.
Talking about going back... where are you going right now?
Looking around yourself, you groan.
No.
No .
NO.
Why the actual fuck did your feet walk you over to his.
But... but maybe it was meant to be?
Looking up you see light shining through his window.
Should you just... walk up... and knock in his door?
But what if she is still there, what if she opens the door, in one of his shirts, looking flawless, while you stand there, red puffy eyes, your make-up smudged... No. No you will not be that desperate.
Looking around you spot a bench and sit down.
Your eyes are fixed on the window and your mind starts creating scenarios again.
What is he doing right now? You really want to believe that he’s alone - nether the less your mind won’t let you.
In your head he’s laying in his bed. The women straddling him, running her hands up and down his tones body. Her lips leaving marks on his neck, his eyes are closed, yet the smug smirk is still visible on his face.
His hands grabbing her hips, grinding her against him, a deep growl escapes his lips, as she sits up, bouncing up and down on him- the sound of your phone gets your back to reality.
Without looking at the ID you answer your phone, hoping you’ll be able to hear Tojis deep voice.
“Y/n.”
“Nanami?” You blink a few times, not expecting him to call you at this time of the day.
“Where are you?”
“Home.” You lie.
“No you’re not. I’m at your home and you’re not there.” He sighs, “I know what happened. So where are you?”
“Did Gojo ask you to find me?” You roll your eyes.
“Yes. He’s worried about you.” He says in a calm voice.
“Wow isn’t he a wonderful person.” You roll your eyes.
“I am too. I just want to be sure you’re save.” He says sincerely.
“I am. I just need some time alone.” You sigh. The light in the window went off.
“... I don’t feel good with leaving you alone at night in this city.”
“I promise I’ll call you when I don’t feel save.” You smile.
“... I can’t convince you to let me pick you up?” He sighs again.
“No.”
“... well... just don’t go to inside.” He hangs up.
You look around confused and see the silhouette of a men walking away.
He knew exactly where you where.
Why are you not surprised.
Then you see something moving in the corner of your eyes.
There’s a person walking - more like storming out of the building.
The clicking of her heels echoes though the street.
Her long dark hair, flows in the wind, even now her hips sway perfectly even with her aggressive walking.
Was this the women from the bar?
Does this mean he’s alone now?
‘Don’t go inside.’ You repeat the words Nanami told you over and over - as you make your way towards the entrance.
From the distance Nanami watches you. He knew you wouldn’t listen. Looking up he shakes his head, again why is he involved in this. Or better - why did he let himself getting involved in all of this.
“Gojo.”
Another man steps out of the shadows.
“How long have you been here?” Nanami asks.
“I followed her.” He admits.
“And why did you call me up then?” He looks at him annoyed.
“In case she needed someone to talk …” Gojo stares at her figure entering the building.
“Do you think it will end well?” He looks at Nanami.
“Depends on how stubborn Fushiguro will be.”
“So I’ll better stay in case she ends up crying again.”
“You think she’ll want to see you then?” Nanami raises an eyebrow.
“No… but at least I can teach him a lesson for hurting her.” He says and his lips form a tight line.
“… I don’t think you’re in any position to judge.” Nanami shakes his head, “Go now. I’ll stay a bit longer.”
“But -“
“No. Go.” Gojo sighs and turns around.
“Gojo - I know you think you’ve lost her as your best friend … but I don’t think that’s the case. At least not for too long.” Gojo stops for a seconds, his eyes lightning up behind his glasses.
“I hope you’re right.” He says and leaves.
- some time before -
This doesn’t feel right.
His hips slam against her ass, one of his hands grab her waist, the other her hair.
Whenever she moans, he feels like throwing up.
Her voice sounds so wrong.
His hands release her body and grab her face from the back, shoving his fingers in her mouth, trying to muffle what ever she’s saying. Closing his eyes he tries to ignore who is fucking, one of his hands moves down and wraps around her throat. Pulling her towards him, her head falls over his shoulder, while he mercilessly continues fucking her. Some inhuman sounds leave her body, while Toji let’s all of his anger out on her.
He knows it’s not you, but with his eyes closed he can project all of the imagines of you, which he saved in his mind, on this girl and hopefully be able to reach his climax soon. Your beautiful face, the way your lips part whenever he touches you at this one spot, how beautiful his name sounds whenever you moan it…
“Omg Tojiii - I missed this so much.” She moans. Opening his eyes he grits his teeth.
“Shut the fuck up you stupid whore.” He says and the hand around her throat tightens.
He really tries to imagine it being you that’s being with him right now, but he can’t.
She doesn’t look like you, doesn’t sound like you, doesn’t feel like you - she’s simply isn’t you.
He let’s go of her face and throat and pulls out of her.
Trying to catch her breath she looks at him confused.
“Toji? Babe?”
Not even sparing her a glance he gets up and puts on some sweatpants.
“Not in the mood.” He huffs.
“Let me help you get into it thennnn.” She crawls over the bad and her hands reach to the hem of his sweatpants.
“No.” He steps back and grabs her clothes throwing them at her.
“Leave.”
“What?”
“I said leave.”
“But - but daddy we always had so much fun together …” she smirks and looks up at him.
“I said. Get. The fuck. Out. Of. My. Home.” He growls.
“Is it because of that slut?!” She angrily pulls on her dress, glaring at Toji who pulls out one of his cigarettes.
“Wow. Haven’t you told me at first that you’re just messing with her to annoy this guy with the white hair ?! And that I’m way better in bed than her?!” She huffs.
“I lied.” He says and blows the smoke in her face.
“Oh so some ugly fucking slut stole your he-“
Tojis grabs her face, squishing her cheeks inwards.
“I dare you, Max, call her a slut one more time.” His green eyes glow as he pushes her away, making her fall back on the bed.
“You bastard.” Max says and slips in her heals storming towards the door.
“Don’t call me again - like ever.”
“Never did - you were the one blowing up my phone ” He laughs as she slams the door.
Turning off the lights, he sighs and falls down on his sofa. His head rolls back and he stares at the ceiling.
He shouldn’t have left with her.
Deep down he knew that this would help him getting over you.
He looks at his phone.
Should he just call you?
No. You’re probably busy with Gojo right now.
His heart stings at the thought of it.
One of his hands massages his temples. He can’t stop thinking about you.
Oh how he wished that you were here with him right now.
In his arms, telling him about anything and everything.
Every second he spends with you seemed so easy and peaceful. He never felt that way since he lost Megumis mother.
A knock on the door interrupts him from fully embracing this depressed episode.
“I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE MAX!” He screams angrily.
“Toji… ?” A soft broken voice calls out his name and his eyes shoot open.
Tumblr media
Taglist: @laceymorganwrites @ereeeeehhh @gojoscumslut @channieboii @alltimeluw ( I’ll tag you since you binged the first chapters) I hope it’s okay 🥺👉🏼👈🏼 ) : @cocotaku420 , @angelofthorr , @sukunas-cult-leader
80 notes · View notes
headinthestaticsky · 3 years ago
Text
Sanctuary with the Enthralling Moon: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 4
Tumblr media
Authors notes: I think this is my least favorite chapter I have wrote... but, I hope you guys like it anyway.
All rights go to Stephanie Meyer, none of the characters in Twilight are mine.
“Stay afloat When it feels like it's all going nowhere And you wanna know But the tide keeps trying to pull you under Let it go You can't fight the waves, boy, it's no wonder If you wanna grow Don't fight what's natural.”
Rush by, Kali Uchis
POV: Back to Fleurs.
Today I had woken up on my own and according to my alarm clock, it was already the afternoon. I stumbled down the stairs, almost running into a wall before making my way to the kitchen. I put my head on the table, trying wake myself up. It was crazy how fast the months had gone by. November and December came by in a flash and Leah and I had been hanging out more. I had almost dosed off in the kitchen when I heard my dad speak.
 “Hey Petal, Sam called... he wanted to see you today.”
“Sam? I didn’t except him to want to see me.”
“He was asking for you.”
“Okay, I’ll head down there now.”
I felt nervous on my way down there, I wondered why Sam was wanting to see me, why Bella was all of the sudden going down there. I stopped the car and sat there for a moment, collecting my nerves and unanswered questions and putting them in the back of my mind. When I got out I saw Sam, he looked pretty different from last year. His hair was cut short, he was way more buff, and he had a tattoo.
“Hey Fleur.”
“Sam.”
I sighed and then started walking toward the beach, Sam was trailing behind me.
“So... Jacob and Bella huh?” Sam started.
“What do you mean?”
“You haven’t heard anything about it?”
“No, Bella hasn’t had a civil conversation with me for a solid 5 months.”
“Oh... they’re apparently building dirt bikes down at Billy’s.”
“... She’s trying to kill herself... she won’t make it 5 inches without getting into some kind of accident.”
“Yeah...”
“Look... why did you call me? We haven’t talked for an entire year.”
“ I know you saw Leah yesterday, what did she say to you?.”
“We caught up, and then she told me what happened between you two. Why would you do that to her?”
“Do what?”
“Uh, break up with her after 3 years to then date and get engaged to her cousin? Someone who she was extremely close to mind you.”
“I wish I could tell you Fleur, but it’s complicated.”
“It seems to be all you do lately... You never explained to me why you didn’t want me to date Jasper so bad.”
“Because he’s a...”
“A what? Besides, I’m still dating him... I lived.”
“Of course you’re still with him. Your brain must’ve gotten fried back in Arizona.”
“Hey, don’t you dare insult my intelligence! What is with you? Why are you such a DICK all the time! Besides this isn’t about my relationship, this is about yours!”
“Don’t call me that Fleur.”
“Don’t insult me.”
“Hey, what’s going on down here?”
“Paul, stay out of this!”
“I’ll tell you whats going on, your friend here is being a complete dick!”
“Aww, did he hurt your feelings?” Paul said mockingly.
“Calling someone stupid tends to piss them off.”
“Well you don’t exactly look the intelligent type.”
I whipped my hand back and smacked him, He turned his head back around and started panting heavily. His face was red with anger and rage.
“Fleur... get back. Paul calm down.” Sam said
I slowly took a few steps back. All of the sudden Paul morphed into a wolf, I was frozen in my spot. Paul then took off, away from the beach.
“Sam... saying you turn into a wolf is not complicated... it’s pretty freaking clear. “hey Fleur... I turn into a giant ass werewolf.
“Come on, let’s head back to the house.”
“I would go with you... but I can’t move.”
Sam sighed before picking me up, he started running back down to the house.
“So... I’m going to assume being a werewolf has something to do with what happened Leah huh?”
“Yeah, it does...you see us werewolves have the ability to imprint on someone. This person could be a lover or just have a brother/sister relationship. We’re a protector to that person we imprint on.”
“So you imprinted on Emily...”
“Yeah, the second I locked eyes with her... I couldn’t stop myself from imprinting, it was as if someone else had over taken my body.”
“I get it now, you don’t really have a choice as to who it is, it chooses you.”
“Exactly.”
“Now that I got that part of the context clues it makes you seem way less of a dick...I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“So... if your tribes legend is right, you know that the Cullens are vampires.”
“Yeah we do.”
“Listen, the Cullens are not bad people, they don’t even go after humans.”
“They’re still a bunch of leeches.”
“You need to have some faith in me here Sam. Jasper’s amazing, he would do anything for me. I would do anything for him... we protect each other. Even though, he does a lot more of the protecting than me.”
He sighed
“Okay, okay... I’ll trust him...  but that’s about as far as I will go on that.”
“It’s progress...”
Timeskip: A week later
It seems I was always going down to the reservation anymore after meeting Emily and having the whole imprinting thing cleaned up I was hanging around Sam a lot more. Today I was going to visit Billy and Jacob. I wanted to see if those rumors on the dirt bikes were true. Bella still wasn’t talking to me so... I would have to figure it out myself. When I got there I started walking toward an old red shed, I knocked on it, waiting for someone to answer.
“Come in!”
“Hey Jake, it’s been a while!”
“Fleur!” He ran toward me and spun me around in a hug.
“So are the rumors true? Where are the dirt bikes?”
“Yeah...what are you doing here Fleur.” Bellas voice had jumped in, venom leaked out of it.
“You haven’t talked to me in 3 months Bella. When I hear that you’re somewhere I have to investigate it... Me seeing you is a rare phenomena, it’s like it happens every 100 years.”
“Well you saw me, you can leave now.”
“Make me leave.”
“Okay you two, cool it. You can come with us if you want  We plan on riding the bikes down by the beach.”
“Oh...”
“No... she will not come with us.” Bella interrupted
“No don’t worry about it... I was going down to Sam’s I thought I would stop by on the way.”
Bella scoffed.
“Of course you’d hang out with Sam, Jake has told me about him, I heard he tries to influence people too.”
“Are you trying to insinuate that I made the Cullens leave, again?”
“Glad to know your brain still works.”
“I’m not starting this with you Bella, you’re not worth it I need to go, Emily is excepting me soon. It was nice to see you again Jake.” 
“Yeah, I’ll see you around.” Jake looked between us... he looked trapped, caught in the middle of our childish fight.
POV Change: Bella’s
“Can you believe her Jake? I know she’s just trying to get me in trouble with those bikes... she’s probably on her way home telling Dad right now.”
“What’s up with you and Fleur? I really don’t think she came here to find proof of you doing this just to tell your dad.”
“You don’t know her like I do, she’s a manipulator...”
“I’ve just never known Fleur to be like that...”
“You haven’t been around her long enough to know her like I do... Can we talk about something else please?”
“Sure... we need to go anyway.”
Timeskip: To Sam and Emily’s AND a POV Change: Back to Fleur
Emily was making food in the kitchen, she was excepting the rest of the pack to come over today so she had her hands full. I was peeling potatoes and carrots while talking to Emily. It was nice, it was like talking to an older sister.
“So you Bella aren’t doing so well?”
“No... it was so weird, we had been getting along a lot last year... Then all of sudden we got into a fight in Arizona and we haven’t been the same ever since...”
“I understand how you feel, It’s the same way with Leah and I. Ever since Sam and I got together... it just hasn’t been the same.”
“I might be able to help you out with this one... Let’s say that the situation with Sam was flipped. He was with you, vanished for a week, and then imprinted on Leah when he came back. It would be a lot to take in for someone... I don’t mean to make you sound like the bad guy but... if you put yourself in her shoes, you might understand her a bit better.”
“Yeah, you’re right... I couldn’t imagine how that must feel. But, what do I do?”
“Just give her sometime. I’m positive she’ll come around, the way she talks about you to me seems full of love. She just needs some time apart right now.”
‘Okay, that’s fair... I’ll give her some space... thanks Fleur.”
“No probl...”
“Fleur come quick! Bella hit her head she’s bleeding.” Jacob said, he was panting as he if he ran down here. His shirt was missing too.
“Damn it... I knew she shouldn’t of gotten on those bikes... She trips walking on a flat service with nothing in front of her.” 
I ran out of the house, Jake was running quickly behind me, I could see Bella leaning against her truck, holding Jake’s shirt on her head. 
“Do you need me to drive you to the hospital?” I asked.
Bella didn’t even look at me, her head was turned to the side.
“Look, you can still hold a grudge against me... we don’t have to talk the entire way. But you literally bleeding out of your head... you need patched up.”
Bella groaned in annoyance, before throwing me her keys. She opened the truck door and then slammed it shut.
“Thanks for tell me Jake, I better go,”
“No problem.”
We didn’t say one word to each other the entire trip to the hospital, nor did we talk the entire ride home. I of course, had to explain to dad why she had a patch on her head.
“She and Jake were walking on the beach, the sand was a bit too slippery and she fell and hit her head on a rock.”
A week had gone by, Bella was even more tense than usual. Jacob had stopped talking to her after an incident at the movie theater with her and Mike. At least, that’s what dad had told me. My dreams with Jasper were getting more real and intense. The last phone call I had with him seemed like the dreams were starting to get to them. 
Flashback to phone call.
“I saw you again, you were following me where ever I went, but you disappear before I can talk to you.”
“That’s so strange...”
“One day I’m going to call out for you, and you’re actually going to be there.”
“I hope so, I miss you so much.”
“I miss you too.”
Flashback over
“Petal, Harry and I are going on a fishing trip. Watch out for Bella, if she goes anywhere, follow her. I don’t know how she’s doing right now since Jake is talking to her... We don’t need another woods incident.”
“Sure, no problem.”
It seemed as soon as dad had left, Bella planned on leaving, I caught her before she could reach the door.
“Where are you going?”
“Does it matter?”
“No, I was just planning on going for a walk...I thought I would invite you to go with me.”
“Really? Where did you plan on walking then?”
“To the woods.” I lied on the spot
“Fine... I’ll go with you.”
We walked in the woods for a bit, the only sound I could hear was crunching underneath my feet.
“Do you know why Jake hasn’t talked to me?”
“No.” I half lied, I thought I knew what was happening...Billy had said Jacob had mono and he couldn’t even go outside. But, I thought he was changing, that he would become a werewolf soon. 
“Oh come on Fleur, I saw you two talking outside before you went to drive me to the hospital... You want me to be completely isolated from everyone.”
“Are... are you insane? Did that hit you took from the bike accident damage your brain somehow? All I did was thank him for bringing you back.”
“Whatever... this is all your fault!” Bella said, she then sprinted out in the woods, trying to lose me.”
“BELLA!” I yelled and began to chase after her. I found her quickly though, and I saw her hunched on the ground, picking at dead bits of grass. I heard rustling on the other side of the field. Bella heard it too and looked up, she then gasped.
“Laurent?” 
36 notes · View notes
camslightstories · 4 years ago
Text
Tolerate it - Part 4
Tumblr media
Notes: Here is the part everyone waited for. I have been receiving so much love from you guys, and I don't know how to thank you. You guys are completely utterly amazing, and I cant wait to give you guys more of this story. I think i can write part 5 in a day, idk, but I will try my best for you guys. 
Thank you so much for your love, it means the world to me. I receive any type of feedback, comments or request, I posted a prompt list so you guys can have a little idea for your request but if it is your own then I have no problem writing it.
Thank you again for reading, I hope you like it.
Lena Luthor x reader, Kara Danvers x reader, Alex Danvers x reader. Baby Danvers.
24 hours before
The raindrops overwhelmed the streets of National City. The overwhelming sound of the rain falling was heard all around the city. The way the cold breeze moved the trees. The light of the posts illuminating the city during the cold and rainy night.
You were happily cleaning the decoration table, as you hummed to the melody that has been in your head the whole day. JJ, your boss came walking laughing when she saw your mood. “Why is my favorite pastry chef so happy may I ask” 
“First of all, I'm your only chef, and well like you know I finally cracked it. The lemon pie cake recipe, Lena loves so much. It was a success boss I made four cakes and they are all gone, third I got Lena's favorite flowers and favorite pastry, fourth I don't know, I think that is it” You stopped cleaning before showing her the flowers you had gotten earlier that day, and then the other box with the cake while smiling widely.
The blonde looked at you before sighing, you had worked with her for 5 years now, and she had seen you in the past with Barry and now Lena. She cared about you in her own way, you were her principal chef and somehow you became her friend. The blonde said as she closed the register walking to get her things.“Never change, Danvers.”.
You nodded and kept cleaning and organizing your workspace. Lena never leaves your mind, you knew you had to talk to your sisters and your girlfriend soon because it had been two weeks since the school decided to fire you since they found a better fitting music teacher.
The fact that you worked your ass off in the school, so the children could have the best of you, wasn't enough for them, and it hurt you. What other things have you done, are doing, or will do that are not going to be enough?
Like the time you worked on a project for 6 months straight, not taking care of yourself, working in three jobs, going out of line to make sure the movie sample was perfect. Trying to achieve your dreams, only for the executive director to call you one morning to tell you, they had found some else, someone better. 
It scared you to think about the fact that Lena may find someone else, you knew she deserved everything she wanted and needed it, she deserves someone who was smart, stable, powerful, someone strong who can give her anything, someone without trust or abandonment issues, someone perfect for her, and you had a long way to be that person for her. 
But every time she had seen your insecurities, she had come and reassured you every single thing, she had made your insecurities go away. She had made you feel worthy and perfect for her. But your insecurities had always been a part of you and somehow Lena worked in every step of the way with you.
Your boos whistle pulling out of your thoughts, before making you look up as she threw the store keys for you to close before she concluded “You are way too deep kid”
You murmured as you looked at the raindrops. “How could I not? she is my everything”
The rain covered you completely as you rode your bicycle, the coat on your basket covering the pastries boxes and the flowers. The way your cold shirt cling to you, and your socks getting wetter every time you passed through a puddle. Your soaked hair taking over parts of your face, as you felt the cold breeze hit your face, your breathing became stronger when you started to feel the freezing temperature.
Before entering the lobby of the large building, you tried to get rid of the extra water from your clothing, but it seems impossible. Grabbing the things you entered and smiled when you felt the warm temperature. You watched the clock and noticed the time it was 8:35 PM, meaning it took you over 10minutes to get there. 
Mr. Simmons, the doorkeeper of the penthouse chuckled at you, you were too stubborn to take a taxi or let Lena’s driver, Mr. Smith, to drive you even when it is dangerous outside, you had always preferred to ride your bike. 
After Jeremiah, your dad died, and you felt your world crashing down, you didn't want help. You kept quiet about your feelings, trying to comfort your loved ones, every time you felt you need space to open up alone, you rode your bicycle to the beach and sat for hours thinking, and crying. After a time your bike was the only way you went to places alone, it was the way you remember it was okay to be alone and to be hurting as long as the ones you love are okay and happy.
“Ms. Danvers, good evening,” The man said as he called the elevator for you.
You rolled your eyes at your name, before speaking “Good evening Simmons, we have talked about this call me Y/N, we have known each other for 3 years” 
The old man responded as he chuckled, maintaining the elevator open for you.“Yes miss-...Y/N, I hope you don't get sick”
You mention as you walked inside, giving him boxes with various types of cheesecakes smiling.“I hope so too, Simmons. Here this is for you ” 
“Thank you Y/N, have a great night,” The man said waving at you.
You yelled when the door began to close, the old man nodded and smiled at you. “You are welcome! good night and say hi to your family for me”
Each floor of the building was elegant, classy, and minimalist. The soft LED lights on the top and bottom corners of the corridors, the way the blue and gray color made pop up the white vintage doors. 
You took the key chain out of your pocket, putting the security code in, waiting for the green light meaning you could put the key card in. The keychain was simple, it had the keycard and a polaroid photo of you and Lena, the day you moved in. Lena was laughing at something and you were looking at her as if she had brought down the moon for you. 
You entered with difficulty at the apartment trying to not let anything fall as you spoke before you stopped completely when you saw your girlfriend in one of the bar stools drinking wine.“Baby, I'm home! Sorry it took me a while but it was raining and I tried my best on the bicycle, nut that is not important, what is important in that I have something for you, you are not going to believe me when I tell you that after 3 years of dating you and knowing your favorite cake, I cracked the recipe- ”
You didn't even think about anything else, you immediately turned to her side, putting all of the things on the kitchen aisle, as you asked worriedly while checking her for any types of injuries.“Lee? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did something happen? Do you want me to take you to the hospital? Do you want anything?-”
“I need to tell you something” Your girlfriend interrupted with a tone, you swear you have never heard from her. It was cold but at the same time vulnerable. She glances at the wine glass, not looking at you.
Pain and worries flashed through your eyes when you felt the sudden change of attitude. You felt the wall she had put between you guys when you entered the apartment, no greeting, kiss, or hug. It felt like you were nobody. That morning everything was perfect. Why is this happening now? Why the sudden change?.
You started to say before stopping, taking her in. She was not okay and she needs you now. It didn't matter if you would wake up tomorrow sick, what matter was that Lena was okay.“Lee do you mind if i- you know what that doesn't matter, you are first.”
You quickly went to one of the bar stools and sat down facing Lena. You went to grab her hands, and she quickly put them away from you. There was the moment you knew the hurt in your eyes could be seen by everyone.
You cleared your throat, shaking away the tears that were overwhelming your eyes before speaking, as carefully and softly as possible.“What's up? What did you want to tell me, Lena?”
“Kara told me she loves me” After a few seconds of silence, she took another sip of her glass before admitting.
Your stomach drops. Your throat was caught. You stopped breathing. You felt the world fall down on you. You saw how every piece of the future you had imagined left in the late nights. You knew what was going to happen, just because you studied film doesn't mean you can't solve a simple riddle. You knew the other shoe was going to drop.
You whispered incoherently, still not being able to think or speak “Ohh- i...I didn't- Ummm”
When Lena cleared her throat and her glance and yours connected waiting for an answer. You whispered softly not figuring out what to say “I didn't know”
The silence overwhelmed you. You felt your chest tighten. Your sense of cold and wet clothes in yourself became uncomfortable. The smell of the wine made you nauseous. The way you felt your mouth to go dry. Your eyes blinked away the tears, but the hurt in them couldn't go away. Your hands closing tingly almost cutting blood with your nails. You knew you had lost her, but did you lose her if you never really had her.
“Can you say something?” Lena said with anxiety in her voice, you could see her walls slowly coming down. 
You pulled away from her glance, painfully looking around the apartment not wanting for her to see the pain in your eyes. As your eyes ranked around the apartment memories of the two of you came running through your head as you responded quietly, pained and hesitant of the answer ”Do you...?”
You went, you heard her sigh again, you knew everything was over. You closed your eyes hoping it was all a nightmare, that this wasn't happening, that Lena loved you, and that she wanted to be with you, not someone else, someone better.“Somehow, deep down I felt the same, and that came crashing down”
When the words finally fell out of her lips, all you felt was pain and emptiness. There wasn't anything else but it. You knew you had lost everything, your light, your heart, your world. Right there you had empathized with Kara’s feelings after leaving Krypton. 
You kept your eyes closed, putting yourself together knowing that if you did or said the wrong thing, Kara and Lena would not be happy. And how selfish of you could be, to make two of your favorite people in the world to hurt. You wouldn't do that, to anyone less to your sister and the love of your life.
You knew Kara was better for her, Kara had a stable job, a great personality, a status that can be compared to Lena’s, She had superpowers, she is Supergirl, She was out of this world literally. For Rao’s sake how could she not want her instead of you, she was perfect.
You who was only a 24-year-old woman. You who studied film school but weren't good enough to get a job in your field. You who played soccer and basketball in high school but weren't good enough to make it to college. You who could barely survive in National City with two jobs. You who the school fired because you weren't a good enough music teacher. You who worked at a bakery as the pastry chef. You with trust and abandonment issues. You who had some much baggage because of your past relationships. You who were scared of the dark as a grown woman. You with self-esteem issues.You who were broken. 
You wouldn't be good enough for anything and less Lena Luthor, the good Luthor, a genius, the CEO of one of the most important companies in the world. How could you ever be enough for her?
You took a deep breath before opening your eyes, to see the two eyes you felt more in love with every day staring at you, waiting for your reaction. Lena had thought she was subtle but you saw the fear in her eyes, as tears overwhelmed them. There was the border, you would never want Lena to cry, or Lena to be other than happy and okay. 
You whispered as you slowly got up from the stool putting it back, taking her in, one last time. The weight of the world in your shoulders as you did. “Okay” 
Your eyes examined her hair, as you remember how many times you had comfortably run your hand through her hair after a long day. You saw her nose and remembered how many times you had softly leaned in, sharing an Eskimo kiss. You looked at her eyebrows as you remembered every time she had raised them, when you did something childish funny, before laughing with you. Her cheeks made you remember every time you would make her laugh as the dimples came out. Her lips remained you of every kiss, every time she would ground you with only one breath when you were panicking.
“You know, you two deserve the whole universe, and I know Kara will give it to you, as you will do with her. I know she will give you everything I couldn't, and that she is the better option. I mean we are talking about Kara, she is perfect. What isn't it to love?”Lena was perfect for you, but you knew you had to let go, for her and Kara to be happy. You concluded before walking to the door not bothering to take any of your belongings.
Lena watched you as you walked away in silence, her glance burning in the back of your neck. It was a second before grabbing the doorknob, with tears threatening to come out and a hitched breath you spoke with a sad smile.“You deserved all the happiness in the world, I will come for my things tomorrow morning, I wish you the very best Miss. Luthor”
The moment you closed the door, the world came down on you. Everything was gone. You didn't know what was going to happen to you, you knew you wouldn't go to Alex and any less Kara. You couldn't blame your sister, it was Lena you were talking about. She was perfect, she was the person you fell in love with after 3 months of dating. And you couldn't blame Lena for not wanting Kara. She was royalty, she was perfect, she was the sun, and you were not.
You just knew you had to be okay...for them.
220 notes · View notes