#like idk not mad in that stupid 'OUGHJG IM RELIANT ON MEDICATION I NEED PILLS TO GRT THROUGH THE DAY' way
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#makes me so mad actually tht i need meds to like feel norm#like idk not mad in that stupid 'OUGHJG IM RELIANT ON MEDICATION I NEED PILLS TO GRT THROUGH THE DAY' way#but like . i dont even know how to explain it. awesome !! if i want to feel emotions other than nothingness or anger#even if i learn to cope better and live with the Horrors im literally physically incapable of feeling things like joy or sadness on the reg#if my meds ever stop working or im unable to take them then ill be back to feeling nothing at all anymore 80% of the time#and its so. ;__;#anyway they finally kicked in hard again today after that stint of not being able to get em during portfolio messed me up#feels a strong emotion for the first time in forever and sits awake crying after they knocked me out hard#insomnia on top of it all sucks why do i have to take meds to be able to even feel tired in a bodily way#like genuinely i hardly ever feel tired where its like i cant get out of bed or im so sleepy i just need to lay there. i never feel that#and its so hard for me to sleep bc the only way im ever tired is mentally. it makes me so mad i love being insane#the gamer speaks uwu
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