#like i’m pretty happy with the general direction they’re going can they have me come on and guestwrite all of jay bc i’m having Ideas

[irisintheafterglow]

move like an odd sight, come out at night

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺ now playing: hozier - "movement"

summary: you escape to hell's kitchen, but your reputation follows you no matter where you run. the vigilante on your roof, however, believes you're more than just a weapon.

wc: 2.9k

cw/tags: black widow!reader, canon-typical violence and blood, minor injury, explicit language, pre-ddba bc i put bullseye and fisk in this as antagonists, angst with happy ending, iris loves matt murdock's ass

note: *cautiously approaches 'marvel x reader' writing tag, sets this on the doorstep like a cat with a bird, and runs away*

likes, reblogs, and replies are appreciated <3

Truthfully, neither of you were very skilled at working with other people. It’s why you were vigilantes, not superheroes; heroes worked on teams and played nice on the playground. You preferred more direct forms of getting the job done, of swinging your pink plastic shovel and beating away kids threatening to invade your square of sandbox territory. Or at least, you did in the past. As of late, you only donned your tactical gear again because unfortunately, the best hiding place you could find was truly a shithole. 

“Got anything yet?”

“No. Whoever’s talking about you, they’re making a point to do it quietly,” he replies, his expression blank as his ears sort through the noises of Hell’s Kitchen trying to find a needle in a city-sized haystack. He’s crouched on the brick ledge your legs dangle off of, looming over the street below like a gargoyle guarding a cathedral. “What was your plan the other night?”

“The night where you crashed my surveillance spot, you mean,” you quip. “And the same night I made the Devil jump out of his skin.” He sends a heatless glare in your general direction.

“What I’m hearing is, you didn’t have a plan and you’re avoiding the question.” Smart-ass.

“My plan was to listen in on police comms and get some extra energy out, but there was a trespasser on my roof.” He hums, satisfied with your answer. To your unwelcome surprise, you ran into both of his identities within twelve hours of moving into your crummy little apartment–Matt at the deli down the street and Daredevil on top of your building. Both times, you also caught him off guard to the point where he nearly threw the nearest cylindrical object at you. The first time it was a sandwich, and the second time it was a baton, but you only had Foggy to save you in the shop. 

You can’t go throwing sandwiches at pretty ballerinas that come into the shop, Matt, you heard Foggy say when he thought you were out of earshot. 

They’re a ballerina? Foggy snorts, assuming that Matt already knew you were jaw-droppingly stunning. In fact, he was waiting for the day his best friend came out as not actually being blind and only using it to reel in women.

Yeah. You would know they were a new teacher at the studio down the street if you weren’t busy trying to assault them with pastrami. 

They caught me off guard, Matt dodges. What’d you want me to do?

Not scaring them off would be a good start. Jeez, I thought you were the charming one in this duo. 

“I can’t say I’m a fan of a spy who can slow their heartbeat,” he admits, finally cracking the smallest of a smile. “It’s a cool trick, but pretty unfortunate for a guy who relies on hearing the bad guys.”

“Good thing I’m not an opponent, Murdock.” Like you, he’s not used to people knowing both his vigilante and his civilian faces interchangeably. You pieced together each other’s alternate identities the moment you interacted on the roof for the first time; your mind clocked his gait, his height, and his voice while he sensed the faintest scent of perfume he smelled earlier in the deli. Because of the accidental encounter, a severe lack of information regarding your new home, and a few other reasons you were purposefully hiding until the need arose, you begrudgingly asked Matt if you could run surveillance with him. He agreed, shrugging and asking if there would be people trying to come after you. 

A buzzing in your pocket grabs your attention and you scowl when you see the dollar sign notification with a hefty amount of zeroes. “Problem,” you huff. 

“What is it?”

“He put a bounty on my head.” The muscle in Matt’s jaw clenches. “Said to bring me in alive, thankfully, but I guess he doesn’t like I’ve been ghosting him. He also didn’t verify how alive I had to be.” 

“He’s used to getting what he wants,” Matt explains with severe distaste. “Fisk isn’t a kind of guy you say ‘no’ to. Last guy who tried to tell him something he didn’t like–”

“Got well acquainted with a car door,” you finish unexpectedly. “Intelligence community, remember? We hear everything, including the brutal executions. It’s why he wants me in the first place.”

“A Widow in his pocket’s like having the Winter Soldier for a genie.”

“Ex-Widow,” you correct. “You know, I met the guy once. Big metal arm. Scary blue eyes. Not my type, especially the greasy hair.”

“Oh?” Matt allows amusement seep into his tone, despite the fact that your freedom just had a price tag put on it. “And what is your type?” You loose the first thought in your head like an arrow straight into his heart. 

“A blind vigilante with a ton of Catholic guilt really get me going,” you answer casually and bite back a smile when he tries to hide his speechlessness. “I figure it’s easier to explain my history to him than Martin the accountant living a few doors down. Plus, the vigilante’s got a nicer ass.”

“I’ll bet,” Matt remarks and you allow yourself to feel the flutter in your stomach at his softer tone. You weren’t used to having a friend, let alone a friend who would help make sure you weren’t used as a weapon again. It didn’t hurt to flirt with him, just a little bit. 

His head suddenly jerks to the side, concentrating. “Found ‘em.”

“Where?”

“Warehouse six blocks down. Fisk’s best prepping for a hunt.” A chill runs through your body and you exhale slowly through your nose to center yourself. It’d been months since you were freed from Dreykov’s mind control, weeks since you first arrived in the Kitchen, but the need to fight for your life was something that would never disappear. It constricted your throat, blurred your vision, and made your palms too clammy to hold a knife. Without the one-track-mind of a Red Room assassin, you found yourself able to feel fear…and it terrified you. “You alright?”

“Peachy,” you deadpan, your voice no longer melodically carefree. 

“You’re not telling the truth,” he says and you swallow thickly. “It’s the one time I hear your heartrate go up, when you’re afraid.” Up until now you would work exclusively solo and you’re unfamiliar with someone who would call you out when you were scared. Your defenses raise immediately.

“Yeah. What about it?” He takes your standoffish nature in stride, rising from his crouched position and holding out his gloved hand to help you from yours. You take it with only a moment’s hesitation and let him give it a comforting squeeze. 

“You’re not fighting alone anymore, you know. As long as you don’t shoot me, I’ll have your back if you have mine.” You nod and even if he can’t see it, it’s mostly for yourself anyway. “Unless, of course,” he continues with a shit-eating smirk, “you’ve got another blind vigilante in mind you’d rather–”

“Alright, Murdock. You’re done,” you chuckle, feeling more at ease. “Let’s get this done quickly; I’ve got class tomorrow.”

—

The confrontation could barely be considered a fight, and you easily would handle them on your own had Matt not been with you. Though, it was much faster having four fists throwing punches instead of two. 

“You didn’t use the guns at all,” he notes once you’re both done knocking out and disarming the three dozen enemies in the warehouse. Catching your breath, you stick your batons in the sheaths on your back and shrug.

“You’re the one who said not to shoot you,” you point out.

“I appreciate the thoughtfulness.” His head tilts and you watch him listen to the labored breathing of a nearby thug. “One’s still conscious. I’ll get him.”

“He’s all yours.”

He stalks toward a guy who you would’ve assumed was unconscious and grabs him by the collar to reveal him very much awake. “Why’s Fisk after them so badly? Answer,” he hisses, “and I won’t break your hands.”

“I’ve found they talk if you dislocate their shoulder,” you suggest nonchalantly, your voice muffled under your mask. The guy’s eyes dart over to you, wide and bloodshot with fright. “Then, relocate it but slightly misaligned. Makes a weird kind of friction if you swing it back and forth.” Matt visibly pauses, considering your stomach-churning advice for a good ten seconds. He wasn’t used to working with others, let alone someone with your skillset; it was like having a slightly more stable Elektra, and that wasn’t much of an improvement. He doesn’t have time to act on your words, though, because suddenly the dam of information in the guy breaks.

“He’s scared of you!” The man exclaims and your eyes narrow. 

“Scared of who?”

“Both of you,” he squeaks and looks back at you. “You were supposed to kill the Daredevil, not team up with him, you deceitful bitch!” Shit. Matt’s body goes deathly still. 

“Fisk hired a Widow to kill me?” He asks lowly. Shit!

“He tried. That’s why he’s pissed.” The scene feels frozen, like a snowglobe on a high shelf. You didn’t necessarily feed Matt a lie; you rejected Kingpin’s offer the same night you went up to your roof, looking for a way to punch out your anger. “And you weren’t supposed to get involved,” he spits on the cowl and it’s the last thing he says before Matt knocks him out cold. 

You stare at his back while he stands, your muscles tensed and ready to retreat or fight, however he reacts. 

“You can take your hand off your gun,” he says without looking at you and your attention flicks down to your hands. You hadn’t realized your fingers found the cool metal on pure instinct. They feel naked without access to any immediate weapon.

“Are you upset?”

“Why would I be?” He turns to face you squarely. Every nerve in your body wants you to run, but you root yourself into the floor because your mind can’t understand how this so-called ‘friend’ could ever hurt you. 

“Because I was supposed to kill you. Your archnemesis wants me to kill you.”

“And you didn’t,” he states patiently. “Your heart is racing.”

“I’m waiting for you to attack me, so I’m not sure what you expect,” you reply carefully. Puzzlingly, his posture remains relaxed, and it’s impossible to read what he’s thinking. “I lied to you. Aren’t you angry?” 

“Why would I be angry for actions you didn’t take?” You blink and look down, suppressing your reflex to bolt when he approaches you until his boots are in front of yours. He murmurs your name, so quietly that only you can hear it. “I’m not Dreykov. You don’t need to plan an escape if you do something I don’t agree with. You’re your own person now.” 

“Am I?” You whisper. “I get out, and yet I still feel like I’m nothing but a weapon.”

“I don’t think you’re a weapon.” Your body is still stiff as a board, waiting for a berating or a beating that won’t come.

“Then what am I?”

“A friend.” 

Your mouth opens to reply, but a flash of movement catches your eye in the doorway you used to enter the warehouse. Acting on its own, your body shoves Matt to the side as an object goes flying past you and a stinging sensation blooms on your upper arm. You duck behind a storage container and find that your self-proclaimed ‘partner’ has disappeared into the shadows. Warmth drips down your arm and you remove your gun from its holster for the first time that night, steadying yourself. 

“Alright, Widow. The boss is mad, so let’s not keep him waiting,” your assailant announces, his voice echoing off rusted metal walls. You hear him make a noise of disgust and kick something solid. “You left a shitshow to mop up, too. I thought you people were supposed to be clean killers. Quick with your target, just like me.” You fight through the adrenaline and finally piece together his identity with one word: target.

“Fuck off, Poindexter. I’m not going,” you snarl and immediately change positions to avoid a small knife that moved with the precision of a homing missile. The blade lodges itself in the metal where your head used to be and you don’t bother trying to yank it out. “Missed.”

“That was a warning, darling.” Creeping carefully from container to container, you catch the reflection of his nearly-identical Daredevil suit in the broken glass on the floor. It crunches beneath his feet as he paces leisurely, waiting for you to reveal yourself. “Let’s go, Widow. Don’t make this harder than it has to be. It’s just you and me here.” He thinks it’s just you.

He doesn’t know that Matt is here. 

“How do I know you’re not gonna kill me when I step out?” Another phrase, another quick change of positions. 

“If I wanted you dead, you wouldn’t be alive to mouth off.”

“You say that with such confidence.” 

“This confidence is turning to impatience, so let’s go. Don’t make me take you in struggling,” he warns.

“Fine, but don’t throw anything at me, asshole,” you say with as normal of a voice as you can muster, reholstering your gun and stepping into the exposing moonlight. “Entrance in the front’s too exposed. There’s an alley out back we can go through unseen.” Without another word, he follows you to the rear doors and, for once, you’re relieved for your heart to be beating out of your chest. You figure it’s easier for Matt to track your movement.

“Fisk is pissed about your little tantrum the other night, but enough groveling will get you back in good graces.” 

“Like I care about that,” you retort. 

“You should. He won’t stop hunting you.”

“If he does, I’ll come after him myself.” You step out of the warehouse and the top half of your face is hit with frigid air. He was lurking somewhere, you could sense it. A small rectangle of paper crinkles under the toe of your boot and you peer down at it, smiling when you recognize the familiar font of Nelson, Murdock, & Page. “I’m not an asset anymore, Poindexter,” you declare once you’re both shrouded in the dark alley. “And I don’t fight alone anymore.” 

Your stealth training takes over, slowing your heartrate and disappearing from his senses, if only for a moment. Before Poindexter can attempt to find you, there’s a whoosh of air in front of you and the sound of gravel beneath another pair of boots. Matt doesn’t give his enemy a chance to grab any projectiles, bruised knuckles striking in the darkness while you slip behind and knock out his legs. 

When your enemy regains consciousness while slumped on the wet asphalt, there is no trace of the Daredevil or the Widow to be found.

—

Your students catch wind of your fondness of the ‘hot lawyer down the street’ a few weeks after you move into his apartment, and Matt doesn’t do much to keep your relationship a secret.

“Let’s, uh,” your voice trails off when you see him enter the studio for the first time, his mere presence making your cheeks outrageously hot. “Let’s run that combo one more time and call it a day, yes?” Your students follow your eyeline to the man waiting for you by the door and they all perk up at the same time, dancing with near perfection that makes you wonder if Matt should show up at the end of all your classes. 

“Hope it’s alright I came to walk you home,” he greets with that easy smile that sends all sense of reason into the atmosphere. 

“You were a definitely a distraction, but considering that we call the same place ‘home,’ I’ll let it slide,” you reply. His hands pull you by your hips and you press a kiss to the corner of his mouth, your forearms resting on his shoulders.

“Can we go out tonight?” 

“Don’t we always?” You ask, confused. “We’re out so much where I think our collective sleep hours are in the negatives.”

“Not on patrol,” he corrects. “Let me take you to that place you’ve been wanting to try. The one with the rotating pie stand.” Your mouth gapes. If there was someone who had a worse work-life balance than you, it was your boyfriend. Yet here he was, recommending you both skip patrol. “I wanna give you a proper date. Please?”

“Since when are we allowed to take nights off, Murdock?” You tease.

“Since I made a deal with Spiderman to swing through the Kitchen once a month,” he drawls, attempting to kiss you and frowning when you gently pull back like you’ve offended him. “Sweetheart.”

“You can’t kiss me until you tell me how you managed to pull off a deal with Spiderman.” His forehead creases above his red-lensed glasses.

“I called in a favor.” You know he can hear the skepticism on your face. He exhales before continuing, “I told the kid I’d proofread his friend’s job application. Some opening as a photographer for the Bugle.”

“You tell him you were a lawyer?”

“I told him I’m a very good lawyer.” The last of your students wave goodbye, their eyebrows waggling as they leave the studio.

“Well, counselor, if it is your professional opinion that we should go on a date tonight, I’d be happy to oblige.” 

“God, I love you as a partner,” he breathes.

“For romance or vigilantism?”

“Both.”

if you enjoy my writing and would like to support me, you can buy me a coffee on my ko-fi! you can also check out my full masterlist here :)

[cinnbar-bun]

Could I request some poly Shanks X Mihawk X Gn! Reader headcanons please? (Sfw and NSFW if that's okay) and more importantly... Happy Holidays/Early New Years! I hope you have a wonderful time!

A/n: I'm literally exposing how long this has been in my inbox, I'm so sorry darling, please forgive me with these headcanons.

Shanks and Mihawk Poly!Gen HCs

Rating: SFW + NSFW (more under cut)

Notes: GN!Reader, no specific genitalia or pronouns used for Reader.

You can read this on my AO3 here!

SFW

Congratulations Shanks, now you have TWO babysitters! 

It really is like that sometimes, Shanks is quite the energetic and spirited guy, while you and Mihawk are more “restrained”. 

By “restrained”, I mean you are probably the only truly sane one there since Mihawk will also suggest something in the total opposite direction of Shanks’s suggestion that they both circle back to agreeing. 

“We should get wasted” Shank says. “We should not,” Mihawk shakes his head. “Oh, thank you, Mihawk, I was thinking-” “We should fight some marines.” “Now you’re talking, Mihawk!” 

It’s honestly a toss up on whose ideas will be the one to come out on top because lord these two men can make your head spin so fast. 

Generally, though, Mihawk tends to have your back while you two placate and reel Shanks back in. On occasion Shanks has been known to take your side, but lord, if these two men team up against you, it’s gonna take a lot to get your way. 

Thankfully, these two are helpless to you. Shanks is very enthusiastic to be with you so he is most likely to baby you and spoil you rotten with his affections. 

Not to say that Mihawk never does, Mihawk is just more subtle and expensive with his gestures. 

Shanks’s gestures: Lots of snuggling, hugs, and kisses. Silly nicknames reserved just for you, and nicknames only you/Mihawk are allowed to call him. Lots of whiny and teasing ‘baaaaaabbe’ here and there. An increasing amount of pouts and a tendency to have his arm on you at almost all times. Lots of shopping ventures and has a habit of pretty much blowing his money on alcohol and gifts for you two.

Mihawk’s gestures: Cooking you your favorite meals, making sure your cups are never empty, tailored outfits, custom gifts for the two of you, matching jewelry. Tender and gentle touches in order to remain polite. Guard dog (hawk?) privileges. 

Most of their gestures overlap in many aspects, they’re both passionate men, but just in their own ways when it comes to romance. Shanks is very go with the flow and freeform, but Mihawk retains a sense of traditionalism and elegance to his behavior towards you two. 

Mihawk is such house husband material and takes pride in you and Shanks’s enjoyment of his home cooked meals and house cleaning. 

Shanks meanwhile loves discussing his adventures and impressing the two of you with his feats and bounties. As well as random gifts he finds on his travels or shops he stopped at. 

While Shanks is more likely to suggest partying or going in the city for a night out, Mihawk suggests staying in and doing activities together. So a rotation and voting was implemented to make sure everyone was comfortable and having fun. 

At the end of the day, Shanks is gonna be sleeping like an old, drunk man and snore everyone’s ears off while Mihawk sleeps on his back, still as a statue. You get to stay in the middle so as to avoid getting pushed off the bed thanks to Shanks. 

NSFW

You thought they were competitive and crazy outside the bedroom, imagine inside the bedroom!

Let’s just say you got two absolute freaks on your hands. 

Shanks is pretty much down to fuck at any given point of the day (like, what do you think he’s gonna say, no????). He has fuckboy energy, sorry. You or Mihawk will say “I’m going to shower” and Mr. Red-Hair will be all “without me hehe??” 

Honestly, it’s insane how horny Shanks can and will be with you and Mihawk. He will even try to get you two riled up in public (Mihawk had nearly strangled him for those stunts). Date nights can get wild when Shanks is around and wants to have a go at you two.

Mihawk, again, is more subtle than Shanks. There’s some slight changes to his behavior when the mood strikes him. Shanks is very perceptive and will tease the shit out of Mihawk for it, before Mihawk threatens him. 

Both men are very vocal when it comes to sex. Especially Shanks. You and Mihawk have to gag him sometimes because he will not shut the hell up and wants to comment about everything. 

Shanks’s words tend to be more praise and comments about how good you and Mihawk are feeling/doing. 

That mouth can do more than just talk, though. He’s amazing at giving oral, both to you and Mihawk. And he’s got such a shit-eating grin on his face whenever you two fall apart from his lips alone. (And the stubble, too, can you imagine?)

Mihawk also tends to praise you, but sometimes he gives commands or likes to degrade your current position and behavior. 

Tells you your behavior is “unbecoming” of you while you’re (be)coming on his dick (I’ll see myself out). 

Like I said though, these two are pretty much freaks. I think very little would ever be a hard “no” from them, and both are enthusiastic to try anything and everything at least once. 

Mihawk likes to set strict boundaries and often is the one who makes the safe words and nonverbal cues for everyone to follow for the night. 

These two also just have some insane stamina. You’re probably puckered out after one or two rounds and the two will still be raring to go. 

Just my little headcanon, I think they are big on scents. Mihawk loves giving you expensive cologne/perfume for you to wear, and Shanks will often compliment it. 

Wearing their clothes also tends to get them riled, but I’d mostly say wear Mihawk’s so you can at least ensure they were washed (also Mihawk’s shirts having such a big boob opening you can be happy knowing the men will tease there lots). 

Immaculate aftercare with fun bubble baths, massages, and cuddles. And Shanks snoring loudly again, that’s never changing.

[the-100-days-of-junkan]

Day 97

Smile by Kayleen756894

Same as when we covered Burning Lungs, check the tags for this fic before ya jump in cause it gets pretty dark even within the first chapter. 

It’s a big day for the project people, I mentioned back on Day 60 that there were three fics that I consider directly responsible for this entire thing since they’re what set me on this path of a comically large amount of Junkan. And today we FINALLY talk about another one of them, even if I admittedly did cover a little bit of my history with this specific story during Day 60 for the sake of context. Apologies if I repeat myself a few times!

The previous few days I’ve been covering fic first, then the art. For this day however I’m going to cover the art first, along with any other bonus facts I have, and THEN i will do my best to adequately sing the praises of today’s stories.

Also let it be known that the music I put on while I read through the whole fic in preparation for today’s ramble was “LEASE” by Takeshi Abo. 10 hour loop too. Someone will find that funny probably, maybe even you!

(This is another long one, get ready)

Before I address the art I might as well have a little fun and discuss the order I decided to do these in, interesting I know.

Days 91-92 were easy, the first Soft Fic and the first fic to use the Non-Abusive Tag, they had to be the opener. Day 93 was one of the longer stories so I did that one first, since I did read each story before working on the art. From there it’s a pretty simple pattern of “Short Fic followed by a longer, more serious fic that I gotta psyche myself up for.” And it was done pretty much with todays subject in mind, but we’ll get for it. 

You’ll notice I have two different art pieces today, the reason is simple. I wasn’t very happy with the initial art, so I made a much more direct adaptation of a scene from the first chapter to go with it. And in a rare instance I can also bring you some early versions of the initial piece!

From the initial sketch you can see that this was supposed to be a proper cover for the story, as I wanted to feature scenes from each of the three chapters, that middle shot is one I’ve had in my mind since the first time I read the story. Those who have read the fic can probably recognize each one. The second image was almost the final version of this. I scrapped the lower portion of the art for a few reasons. The flames of burnout were miniscule but still present, though rest assured these would not come into play until after the point of when the fanfic art is all finished. Secondly, when I was supposed to work on this art, a power outage hit my house. This also meant that in terms of making the art I only had the first chapter read, anything else was purely memory (Like I said though, I read the full fic for todays ramble, rest assured). And thirdly, I kinda, just thought it didn’t look good? And as you can see this version had details cut despite how far into the process it was, fully removing the expressions outside of the two smiling. Cause y’know . . . “Smile.” Plus in retrospect the eyes, while striking compared to the rest of the art, look kinda fucking silly?

Why didn’t I like the end result? Honestly I think I was just in a bad headspace at the time due to the combination of the power out stressing me out, and just generally speaking my mental health has never been the most structurally sound aspect of myself. I’m good at drawing, not so much being well put together. Looking at it now, while I think the piece is a bit esoteric and might not be what I’d make today for a piece based on this fic, I like it a lot.

And at the end of the dead even if I didn’t like how the first one turned out, I’m pretty happy with it! Even with perfectionist brain bitching at me that I could have done Junko’s hair a bit better at the given angle. Just a straight adaptation of Junko and Mikan’s first kiss from Chapter 1. The most interesting note on it’s creation is that I had to make last minute changes to Mikan because I realized her hair needed to be a lot shorter and more well put together, as earlier in the fic Junko does fix it up a bit. 

Oh! I did also send the second pic to the author herself as a way of introducing myself and showing appreciation, so that’s a bit of added sentimental value! Kayleen’s an absolute treat by the way, super fun to talk too, great insight on writing, you should absolutely check out the rest of her writing! I’m not in most of the fandoms featured say for RWBY, but based on the quality of her writing on the Danganronpa side of things, I feel confident recommending anything she’s published in the past, present, and future!~ 

Speaking of writing, I should probably like. Talk about the god damn fic, huh? Well. Nope! I still have more fun facts!

I almost didn’t adapt Smile! I knew for certain that Kayleen needed a spot on this list, it would have felt wrong otherwise. And there were two fics in mind for adaptation.

“Smile”, obviously, and “Soft (But only for Her).” My earliest plan was going to be to just do both. However I only had 8 days to work with, and spoilers, Day 98 is in fact a returning author, so I didn’t want to take up half of my slots on two authors, I wanted to show my appreciation to as many as I could during this string of the event before going back to my own stuff for the last two days. So I thought it over, and decided that Smile was too important to pass up on this project, leaving Soft (But only for Her) for later.

I did have a full plan for it though, unlike Smile where I didn’t really have an idea going into it. I’ll tell you what the plan was gonna be.

Most people would be curious which of the around 30 wonderful one shots I could have chosen to adapt, I’ve already done one of them with the very first chapter in that collection! However you my audience, are not most people. There’s a good chance you’re reading this paragraph, rubbing your temples and resigning yourself to the fact that I was very much going to draw art based on every single piece of that collection. Because yes I was just gonna adapt all of it. Was gonna make a big collage out of all of em, even the chapters that have so much angst I struggle to even read them cause they make me too sad! I’d still do it too. I probably will. When you least expect it. 

For now though I really wanna draw something based on Chapter 25 when I have the time. I wanna draw art based on a lot of other fanfics actually, I’ve just been pretty swamped. But rest assured, to those of you who’ve written a Junkan fic and weren’t featured. Rest assured, I have my eyes open, I’m always looking that tag over, and there were definitely some stories omitted that I really wish I could have included IN the project. Give it time. My self control grows weaker by the day!~

Okay, okay. NOW, I should be able to talk about the fic. Probably.

So I’ve told this story before, but now you’ll get to hear it in a bit more detail compared to before. Will hopefully not be too repetitive for ya’ll!

So once again we jump back a few years during say, 2020, MAYBE early 2021. I find a fic that includes Junkan when I was simply trying to find Ikuzono. It ends up being pretty cute and makes me curious, “I thought this ship was super toxic? How is this one so cute?”

So, I look around the tag, still not sure how to Navigate AO3 even after gaining a lot of experience through the power of many late night tokomaru binges. And as you already knew or could guess, I came across Smile.

At the time it only had 2 chapters, which normally might have turned me away at the time, I wasn’t a desperate animal like I am today. However I guess I either ignored that, or just didn’t care, too curious to see what else this ship could entail.

So here I am, sitting in my bed, writing this ramble, trying to figure out once again how to talk about one of the fics that set me off on this obsession with Junko and Mikan as a softer, loving couple. That and also a fic that is much more serious in terms of its tone and content, as this fic, like Drowning, is one of the only fics in this stretch of the project that is definitely set in the main canon of DR. Serving as essentially a new origin for Junkan as a couple prior to the tragedy. 

I’m sure I’ve said before that when it comes to how I view Junko and Mikan’s relationship, that Val’s work is basically the primary blueprint for how I interpret and portray them. However that’s for the Non-Despair AUs, while there is some bleed over in how I handle Canon portrayals (And I admittedly haven’t done a lot with a serious interpretation of that), in my brain this story, Smile, is the blueprint of how I view a canon timeline version of Junkan. That might just be bias from it being the first fic I read that like, but it does kind of help that this is just one of the most excellently written interpretation of these characters I’ve ever bared witness to.

The first chapter was originally supposed to be a Standalone according to the Author’s Notes, and it really works as one! It’s a very complete story that’s super well put together, and ends very satisfyingly if you just stop after finishing it. I’m extremely glad it continued, as I don’t think my obsession would have come to fruition when it did if not for those following two chapters. But maybe I’m wrong cause this fic certainly knows how to hook you on a ship!

I was god damn mesmerized reading the first chapter. This has to be one of the saddest takes on Mikan’s character that I’ve ever read. Burning Lungs comes close however we never get to actually see things from her perspective, that’s all from Junko’s outsider point of view. Here we get to see it all from Mikan’s perspective, all of it, the sad stuff, the extra sad stuff, the stuff I don’t really know how to talk about because I’m inadequate with this kind of subject matter. And some gay panic, because it’s not Junkan without at least a little gay panic somewhere in the mix.

Junko is really god damn good in this first chapter, she’s god damn good in the whole fic but we’re talking about chapter one right now so i’m specifying. She has such a mysterious aura around her the entire time, and not just the obvious “Oh she’s planning the tragedy behind the scenes,” but also the mystery of how she feels about Mikan! It’s something left up to viewer interpretation in the first chapter, and to a much lesser extent the following chapters (I say lesser extent cause it does eventually lean into her having real feelings for Mikan, just being super confused by them. At least that’s how I look at it). Everytime I read one of these stories that serve as an origin point for these two’s relationship, it’s always really interesting to see how things initiate. It’s pretty much always Junko initiating of course, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a fic where it was Mikan who made the first move? If there is I’m having a severe lapse in memory it seems, or I’ve misinterpreted! The point of course being I really like the way Junko handles things here, saving Mikan from her darkest point, all that good shit! 

And the kiss? I drew it for a reason, it’s amazing. From the buildup to the way Mikan has a rare instance of boldness and grabs Junko’s tie? The grabbing the tie part makes my brain explode, the fact that Junko herself was surprised by it is even better. I love it whenever Mikan can actually get Junko surprised or flustered. It’s great!

I feel like I should be more detailed, more meticulous, but it really is a struggle trying to be in depth when discussing something this good, I wouldn’t consider it my strong suit? 

So let’s try moving onto chapter 2! I do at least have a story with this one but that can be for when I finish desperately trying to talk about the chapter itself. 

It’s lovely! Big shock! We get to see the two of them just acting like a normal couple for a bit, and even better we get to see the two partaking in some sleepy cuddles. That scene also does one of those Junkan things I fuckin love where Junko just, fucking reads Mikan’s mind. I know that’s not what she’s doing but also it’s funnier to put it that way. I just like Junko putting her analytical ability to use by reading Mikan and understanding her finer details. It can be used in all kinds of ways, cute ways, funny ways, saucy ways, but this might just be my favorite way? Her being able to tell when Mikan’s about to spiral and snapping her out of it quick. 

Their date is lovely by the way, love the drive there, the conversation is just a treat. And I really like the reference to the grenade scene from the DR3 anime, I might not have fond memories with that series like, at all, but that one clip of Junko tossing the grenade and Mukuro (We’ll get to her) catching it is just a really fun bit of energy. It’s also just fucking funny because it reads like they practiced that shit for like 2 fuckin weeks- Sorry, distracted. Anyway I think the scene is both a fun reference, and another good way to kinda remind of us the darker parts of this storyline underlying the softer surface. Junko is in fact trying to burn the world down, she just also happens to have a tooth rotting-ly sweet relationship with a very sad nurse. The moments where Mikan unintentionally peers into that world, whether hearing an explosion or seeing the red roots of Junko’s true haircolor, I love it all!

Great moment with Mikan helping that kid from bullies, always love to see Mikan flourishing in these stories (foreshadowing)! I think it is very funny that the small child just immediately clocked that Mikan and Junko were dating, the kid either has a crazy gaydar or Mikan and Junko are the least subtle people alive . . . okay yeah it’s that second one.

The following scene is great too, fuck those parents, and fuck yeah to Junko coming in for the clutch as she is one to do in this fic. The kiss to follow? Fantastic. Junko’s joke about exhibitionism? Also fantastic. The part where Mikan says she’s gonna go see her parents- Fuck.

Okay so, I’mma make the assumption that if you’re this deep into my ramble you’ve probably read the fic already. And if you skipped out on the fic due to the subject matter noted in the tags, you can probably already tell by my apprehension that everything in this fic from here on out is like, the opposite end of the spectrum from all the sweet (albeit ominous) stuff we’ve had up till now. And you’d be correct, and I quite frankly don’t know how to talk about it, like, at all. There are parts of this that I do wanna talk about from this and the following chapter, but also I feel neither confident nor comfortable explicitly discussing what happens to Mikan here. Even if you can probably already tell.

Still, I must show my respects to the literature and it’s author, so I will do my best. Apologies if I fumble here.

I’m still not gonna talk in depth about Mukuro here, but I do like the conversation leading up to this scene, before Mikan shows up. It’s something that was going to inevitably come up, because yeah, Junko can make Mikan fall deeply in love with her, but that won’t exactly prepare her for being complicit in the apocalypse. There’s a part of me that’s curious what her gameplan was before the end of this chapter happens, how was she going to try and turn Mikan over to her side 100% and make sure she’s ready. The world will never know.

Junko’s great at the end of this chapter, not just the comfort she provides. But the way she, in the words of the story, Snaps. That line? That stuck with me when I first read this. I think it’s the moment that confirmed for me personally, that yeah, Junko does love Mikan even if she doesn’t understand it. And it wasn’t just that moment that stuck with me, it was the whole fic by this point.

That’s right, it's story time. So when I found this fic, there were only two chapters. And I wanna remind ya’ll that before this fic I read a fic so silly, soft, and fluffy that it made me question what this ship could be. Jumping from that, to this was definitely . . . Whiplash?

What happened after that is fun, because I don’t fucking remember. I think unironically the amount of stress that ending put me under just from the shock of it, made me fuckin black out?? Which by the way, huge kudos, it takes some really fucking good writing to get me so invested that I get real life stressed as shit because of bad things happening to the characters. But anyway, I didn’t actually just, black out from stress. But everything after that is so blurred that it’s borderline incomprehensible, I try to remember past that point, and it’s like looking at memories put through a paper shredder before being put back together by a toddler doing a handstand. 

All I can say for sure is that starting from the morning after, I was obsessed. I woke up, and kept fucking checking to see if Chapter 3 was out yet. I hadn’t checked the time of the latest update, I still barely fucking understood how AO3 actually worked. I’m pretty sure it was through this fic that I learned that when a fic updates it moves to the top of the page for a given tag. This was also way before I had an AO3 account, so I couldn’t just subscribe or bookmark it. I’m sure I read other fics at this point, probably including Kayleen’s other works? But the timespan between Chapter 2 and 3 feel like white noise, whatever I read didn’t exist in my memories by the time that story ended. And god damn did it end.

When Chapter 3 popped up, it was late I’m pretty sure. I don’t know what I was doing at the time, maybe looking at manga online, talking with friends over discord dms, failing homework over online school, maybe even doing some of my own writing since i’m pretty sure this was back before my passion for it died out. Whatever it was, I dropped it fucking IMMEDIATELY. I needed to see this ending, I needed that catharsis.

So I layed in my bed, in a house I was still new to, and read the god damn chapter.

It was perfect. One of the first times to my knowledge where I’ve had the satisfaction of reading an unfinished fic and getting to actually see it end.

Where do I start, what do I even say? Anything I say just kind of boils down to “Junko and Mikan are perfectly written and I love their interactions and also god dammit I feel so bad for Mikan.”

The scene on the rooftop is great, I remember in one of Kayleen’s other fics Mikan shows concern for Junko’s eating habits, so getting to this scene and seeing the reverse was nice. And like, god, Junko’s so good in this. I get she’s trying to start the end of the world but she’s doing such a fucking good job here. Sure, she asks Mikan to kill her parents right after this, which might not be the most normal way of helping your girlfriend through a severely traumatic experience, but that’s just Junko y’know? 

Should I talk about Mukuro now? I should probably talk about Mukuro now, I really wanted to wait like one more scene but fuck it we’re talking about Mukuro now. 

Have I ever really talked about Mukuro in the context of Junkan? I know I’ve definitely made note of her, and I’ve obviously included her in these pieces with varying degrees of prominence. But I don’t think I’ve ever noted how I think she’s is one of the most interesting and amazing assets of Junkan as a ship. Calling Mukuro an asset feels like a disservice, but I lack the words to adequately describe what I mean here. 

The Despair Sisters are already one of the most interesting dynamics in Danganronpa, and a pretty versatile one at that based on the various interpretations I’ve seen of these two. And I think adding Junkan into the mix is just lovely, because it adds an outsider perspective, but not just that, it’s the outsider perspective of someone who’s closer than anyone else due to Mikan dating Junko. Bonus for the contrast of Junko pampering Mikan and shit talking Mukuro, even if I believe that shit talking is just a very layered way for Junko to express that she does care about Mukuro as a sister. 

And I think Mukuro and Mikan is a really fun dynamic too! I love the idea of Mikan finding love through Junko, and then in turn getting a second person in her life that cares about her. Mukuro being Mikan’s bodyguard bare minimum is great, protect that sweet little nurse you desaturated girliepop you. But I think the way their dynamic can evolve overtime as Mikan continues to date Junko is great. 

Mukuro getting to see firsthand how Mikan is changing Junko for the better, even if it’s in a canon timeline where Junko’s still like, very locked in on the apocalypse. She’s getting to be happier in a more genuine way, which I’m sure Mukuro would be grateful for, and that just makes her caring about Mikan’s wellbeing all the better.

Plus like, something I don’t think about often, at least not until very recently, but if Junko and Mikan are dating, and inevitably get married. That does just kinda mean Mikan and Mukuro are sisters in law. And, I fuckin love that? Mikan not only gets an amazing relationship with Junko, but she also just gets to have a sibling, something that to my knowledge she doesn’t have in canon. It’s that found family stuff that I love, even if the found family in this case is a bit more literal rather than just being a metaphor. And Mukuro gets a new sister, one who cares about her just as much as Junko, but is just significantly better at expressing that by comparison. I think Mukuro would really appreciate having a sister who like, hugs her without slinging an insult, or just getting any kind of open, visceral appreciation without having to read between the lines. 

I love to see Mikan with plenty of friends, she has a bunch of dynamics that I appreciate. But I also have a lot of appreciation for the idea of Junko and Mukuro being the only people she cares about, the only people she needs to survive. 

Where was I- Oh right.

Kayleen’s depiction of Mukuro and her dynamic with our other two primary characters is amazing. Spectacular even. Fucking perfect perhaps. It does everything I love about the Despair Sister’s dynamic without bordering into uncomfortable territory like some facets of the main canon does. But what I especially love is her dynamic with Mikan in the few moments we get to see them interact. A protector, a friend, and eventually a sister to her, it’s amazing. The scene when Mikan wakes up to Mukuro watching over her while Junko is away is phenomenal, and I love Mikan’s concern for her given the way Junko treats her, which does look pretty bad without the deeper context. The moment at the very end of Chapter 2 where Mukuro just heads off to (I assume) kidnap Mikan’s parents after just sharing a look with Junko, it’s another one of my favorite bits in that scene.

And of course, the scene that lead me to start yapping about Mukuro like that out of fucking nowhere, her talking to Mikan about Junko’s test. It’s great how she tries to help Mikan come to a decision without forcing anything. But also finally giving some more confirmation that Junko definitely feels something for Mikan, expressing how many changes in her demeanor she’s noted. And the reveal that Junko routinely struggles with Nightmares whenever Mikan isn’t around?? Fuck I love that. God dammit. 

I feel like I should talk more about this scene, but I feel like I kinda did? To an extent? A lot of what I just said about Mukuro’s place in this dynamic kinda sums up a lot of the great things about this scene. So I suppose we move on.

The buildup to the big scene of this chapter is wonderful of course, not much to say there. And I admittedly just really want to talk about the scene that follows.

Because god it’s everything I was hoping for when I finished that second chapter and had no idea whether I’d see this scene or not. 

The reveal is great, and as grotesque as I anticipated. I do cringe a little reading some of the details, not the modern dickhead definition of cringe either I mean the “Oh god fuck that’s brutal” kind of cringe. And it is so perfectly contrasted by Junko being Junko, love the idea that Junko and Mukuro just nabbed up these people and didn’t explain a goddamn thing until this very moment where they finally figure out that this crazy bitch is dating their daughter. Mukuro punching Mikan’s dad in the face was fucking great too. 

And the buildup to what comes next, is so god damn good. It feels weird out of context celebrating it, but the scene where Mikan breaks? Fucking spectacular. The distortion on the word Red hits like a fucking truck, and also speaks to my childhood of being a creepypasta kid because i’m like, half sure that’s the zalgo text filter, correct me if I’m wrong of course. Point is it was an out of nowhere detail that perfectly emphasized the tensity of what’s about to happen.

And I can go on another tangent now, because this is something I have had no opportunity to talk about during the entire duration of this project. At least not to my memory or knowledge.

I love Angry Mikan. I love the Mikan that snaps and is fully over the edge, not willing to deal with anyones bullshit. I of course have criticisms of Chapter 3 in DR2, but Mikan’s reveal of her true self, or I suppose the herself prior to the NWP, I love that moment. 

I’ve never depicted Angry Mikan before, but someday I really want to. So until then I take great enjoyment in seeing such a rare side of Mikan, which itself is even rarer in these fics. I think counting this one there are only 3, maybe 4 other fics off the top of my head where we get to see Mikan fully lose her temper. Now of course, I could be suffering another lapse in memory, or I just haven’t read the other stories that feature it. I only think I’ve read like, 90% of the Soft Junkan out there, I can’t confidently claim I actually have for certain, so maybe I missed it! 

Point is, seeing Angry Mikan is a treat. And here especially is fucking amazing, the verbal teardown, the havoc of it all. It’s great. And Junko just adds to it with her sheer excitement (which is putting it lightly given some of the dialogue), getting to see Mikan finally become, from her perspective, the best version of herself. Someone who can survive alongside her. 

When things start moving, it’s amazing. A small moment I really love, and the moment I was originally gonna wait for to talk about Mukuro with. Her offering up an assortment of firearms from “Her personal collection.” is just, weirdly wholesome? The things I get to say talking about this ship I swear. I dunno, it feels like such a small, personal moment and offer that only Mukuro could provide, and feels like the perfect cap to Mikan and Mukuro’s dynamic throughout this fic.

Also, fucking enamored with the the presence of a Rocket Launcher. Funniest alternate timeline sitting right there, imagining Mikan with a fucking rpg over her shoulder is hilarious.

Junko offering the reverse side of the weaponry coin is lovely too of course, but it’s the wonderful stuff I’d already expect with Junko, so much less of a pleasant surprise like Mukuro. I do appreciate her keeping a knife used on Mikan’s father as a trophy though, imagine that over the fireplace.

Anyway I don’t know how I could really explain to you why the torture scene is nice. It’s catharsis, it’s just catharsis. I don’t even remember how fucking long I waited to read this moment but it was so worth it, Junko and Mukuro joining in to help setup equipment was also really cute . . . i feel like i shouldn’t be calling segments from a torture scene cute. Hm. Well anyway, I can say that while I appreciate its existence, I’m also glad Kayleen chose not to drag it out for too long. Ironic coming from the most excessive bitch around here, but it probably would have been a bit much if it took up the grander majority of this chapter.

Which means we say goodbye to Mukuro and return to our regularly scheduled Junko and Mikan moments. 

And yeah what do you want me to fucking say, it’s amazing? Because it’s amazing as fuck, yeah. I’m running out of ways to just say how fuckin much i love this, but i’ll persevere best I can. 

I mentioned way earlier that I love it when Mikan catches Junko by surprise, and we get more of that here. Though in this instance I think it’s better to describe that this is the first time Mikan just gets the upper hand on Junko, who’s struggling to fight back in the conversation because she’s already struggling to figure out her feelings. And it’s really lovely to see Mikan fighting past Junko’s own insecurities, especially when she regards herself as a bad girlfriend. It’s great, and it’s more of that role reversal I love. 

The book analogy near the end of this conversation is so good, it’s sappy as fuck but that’s why it’s good. And Junko leaning into it despite how lame it is makes it all the better, and I only noticed on this recent reread that there’s even a cheeky V3 reference as well, clever!~ 

The kiss is of course great, and I think i’ve just fully fucking run out of ways to talk about how much I love Junko and Mikan kisses in these stories. Thank god there isn’t one in tomorrows fic- getting ahead of myself. 

Rip to Scissorhands, thanks for the gay but you will not be missed.

God damn amazing fic, so well written. It’s one where I have to be in a very specific mindset in order to read it, as that middle chapter really does stress me out enough to be a bit of a roadblock. But admittedly this most recent reread wasn’t the worst compared to the previous few times. That said the fic definitely had it’s effect on me like usual, my body felt all kinds of wild ways, my heartbeat was a lot more intense, breathing a bit wacked out, my nerves up. The whole shebang, so good fucking writing. Equally bittersweet considering that, at least I assume, the normal events of DR are going to follow this story, even if not immediately. So Mukuro’s gonna die, Junko’s gonna die, and then Mikan’s going to have her brain undespaired and probably lose all her feelings towards Junko (Though I will admit, the idea of Mikan after the actual events of canon still having feelings for Junko while not being a remnant is pretty interesting). 

However, I can live with that. It’s still an amazing story even with main canon in consideration, and I think I’ve run out of things to say here. 

Tomorrow is the last fic based art in the event, Days 99 and 100 are all on me. And by process of elimination you probably have an idea of what Day 98 is, you may even know the exact fic. 

I said there were three fics that were vital to me reaching this point in my life, being this obsessed with Junkan as a ship.

The Third Fic, Everything You’ve Ever Dreamed, is the fic that sent me spiraling into brainrot to the point of snapping and drawing art of it behind closed doors, eventually snapping me into drawing more Junkan than I imagine most if not anybody ever has.

The Second Fic, Smile, is what got me obsessed with the ship in the first place, of course only enough to enjoy reading it in secret, which would lead me to EYED.

All that’s left is The First Fic, which you’ll see tomorrow. The fic that made me bother to even give this ship a chance in the first place. Hilariously, I will probably not yap about it nearly as much as the previous two, even if I love it. 

As always, Reblogs, Comments, and Little Notes in the Tags are appreciated!~ They always make my day!~

[hongcherry]

pretty please (stay with me) || c.sc | 2

“After being assigned a fashion show for your big senior project, you set off to find volunteers to make it successful. However, when you meet Choi Seungcheol and his unfriendly clique through your volunteers, you realize they’re an unwanted package deal you can’t escape from. Can you handle Seungcheol’s obnoxious friends, and can he handle your brash behavior?”

🍒 Pairing: businessMajor!Seungcheol x fashionMajor!Reader (f)

🍒 Rating/Genres/AUs: M(18+); Slice of life (!!!), slow burn, drama, fluff, angst; Unrequited enemies to lovers, strangers to lovers, college au

🍒 Warnings: General tws + none? regular drama, cursing... lmk if i missed something tho!

🍒 WC: 12.4k

🍒 Betas: Sarah, Indi, Kelly, Freya 💙

🍒 Author’s Note: Thank you for the support so far! This chapter is a little more chill compared to what's to come ^-^

also read here: AO3 | Wattpad

seventeen masterlist | main masterlist

previous chapter \\ series masterpost // next chapter

Coming home to find your mother in the living room a few days later was not something you could have foreseen.

Her suitcases are by the front door, and her shoes are tossed in different directions. She and your father are in a heated argument; your sister is nowhere in sight.

“Oh, hi, dear,” your mother greets when she hears the door open. Her voice turns sweet, contrasting how it was a few seconds ago. She turns away from your dad, spreading her arms with a smile as if she wasn’t just yelling. Your father grabs one of her outstretched arms and pulls her back.

“You don’t get to hug her,” he hisses before looking at you. “To your room, Yn.”

“Where’s Seoah?” you wonder, ignoring his order.

“At a friend’s. Now, go to your room.”

“Don’t talk to her like that,” your mother chimes in. Despite sounding defiant, she retracts her arms from you before she can even touch you. “How are you, sweetie?”

Your brain is whirling with confusion. You aren’t sure if you’re happy or annoyed she’s back. Her trips usually last for several months, maybe a year or two at most, but she always comes back. Sometimes you wish she didn’t. Her attendance never brings comfort, even if you want it to.

“I-I’m fine,” you answer. “What are you doing here?”

“She’s leaving,” your father says, pointing to the door as he looks at your mother. “Now.”

“Just let me stay for one night,” your mother pleads with her eyes on your dad. “I can find somewhere else tomorrow.”

Your dad glowers at her. “I’m tired of you treating this place like a hotel. If you wanted to stay, you shouldn’t have left.”

This conversation again.

Your parents are still married, perhaps because of the divorce cost or custody decisions, but it feels like it is an open marriage. Your mother never tells you if she has another partner, but some of her pictures from her trips are questionable at times. Additionally, your dad has never brought home anyone, but you won’t be surprised if he has gone out to find one. 

Well, you wouldn’t have been surprised in the past. However, the present is different. He is nose-deep in his work. He claims it’s because he is trying to provide for you and your sister, which you’re sure has some factor in it, but he’s also probably trying to distract himself from his own personal demons. You were never that close with him to begin with, and your relationship only worsened when your mother left. You know he cares, but not as much as you wish he does.

Their argument fades out as you stand staring at them. You doubt anything will get resolved. Taking in a sorrowful breath, you turn around and leave the house.

The café you usually visit is nearby. It’s the perfect place to study or hang out with friends, as the atmosphere is peaceful. The food is reasonably priced and not too bad as well.

You find a spot in the corner and settle down.

The sketches for your outfits are coming together. You planned to go to a fabric store later this week to pick out a few yards of fabric. Luckily, your college has collaborated with several stores around to provide the students participating in the show discounts. Most are generous discounts too.

Once you are done going over your sketches, you double-check your to-do list. Jeonghan and Minghao are making good progress with the promotional items. Music, on the other hand, is a little more difficult. You haven’t found the right sound yet, but you’ve scheduled a meeting with Jihoon soon.

You sit your iPad on the table and rest your head in your hands. This project is challenging you in ways you didn’t expect. You simply want to create clothes, not deal with all the tiny other details of a runway show. Thinking back to the start of it has you remembering what you’ve been through these past few months. 

You hate how much you think of Seungcheol at this moment. He has been the biggest surprise of them all.

He isn’t even helping you with your project, yet you have seen him so many times, he might as well be. You’re not sure when you started to tolerate his presence, but somewhere along the way, he grew to be one of the few people you wanted to see more.

And that corny nickname he gave you… Why does part of you like it? Damn, you wish you weren't thinking of him. Your thoughts of him are getting so bad. You can hear his voice—could hear that ridiculous laugh that makes you want to join in with him.

The contagious laugh is so prominent in your mind that you swear it’s right next to you.

Goodness. Even when he has no reason to be in your thoughts, he finds a way to squirm in. Or maybe you just find excuses to bring him in. Nevertheless, the latter is something you don’t want to admit to.

You regain focus on your iPad with the aim of distracting yourself. You’re about two minutes into sketching another outfit when he who should not be mentioned's voice sounds in your head again.

It’s so clear and getting louder. It’s repeating your name, spreading an odd warmth through your chest.

“Are you ignoring me?”

A hand touches your forearm, causing you to loosen your grip on your stylus. It rolls off the edge of the table into a person’s hand. Your gaze follows up the arm until it rests on their face.

Seungcheol chuckles at your startled expression.

“You okay, Cherry?” he asks with mirth.

Have you thought of him so much that you somehow manifested his presence? Irritated at the lack of control over your thoughts, you snatch the pen from his grasp. If only you could rein in your thoughts as well.

“What are you doing here?” you question, glancing behind his shoulder. For once, you don’t see his business clique. Your shoulders ease at this, not ever wanting to see them after what happened. The only person you see is a tall man with stunning features. He’s watching Seungcheol, so you guess they’re together.

Since your show project is never far from your mind, you take a mental note to ask him to be one of your models before he leaves.

“Just passing by,” he shrugs, then glances at your iPad. “That looks nice so far.”

Your gaze cast down at your sketch again. There is just a figure with a long, flowy skirt. Nothing extravagant.

“Thanks,” you reply slowly, but it sounds more like a question.

This time it’s his turn to ask, “What are you doing here?”

“Needed a different environment to work in,” you answer. It isn’t a lie, but you aren’t going to disclose why you need a different environment in the first place. Family drama is never a conversation you enjoy having. And you definitely aren’t going to have it with him. Even if you two are getting closer, he isn’t on Dae’s level of friendship.

“Ah,” he pauses and before he can say anything else, you speak up.

“Who’s your friend?”

Seungcheol peers over his shoulder as if he needs a reminder of who he’s with. “Mingyu.”

“You think you can bring him over?”

He snaps his eyes back to you; they’re slightly wide, briefly before narrowing. “Why? You’re going to try to seduce him?”

Are you just imagining the bitterness hidden behind his teasing tone?

“He is handsome,” you observe. You drift your attention to Mingyu. His dark hair is pushed behind his ears, a few strands hanging in front of his face. He wears a short-sleeved shirt that exposes his muscles. You hope he wasn’t asked to be someone else’s model already.

Seungcheol doesn’t seem amused by your response.

“Yeah? Get in line, Cherry. He gets a lot of people batting their eyelashes at him.”

“Is that why you hang out with him? You’re trying to get his leftovers?” A smirk grows on your face as you look back at him.

Seungcheol stares down at you with an unreadable expression. “I don’t need his leftovers.”

“Then where’s your line of people batting their eyelashes?” you challenge.

“Right here,” he taunts, eyes sparkling with vain as he leans over your table to get closer.

You scoff at his answer and move away from him. You need space to think clearly. “I am not batting my eyelashes at you, Seungcheol.”

“Maybe not,” he says, “but you have your own ways of showing your affection.”

“Like?” you raise an eyebrow. The only thing you feel like you’re showing him is an annoyed look.

“Like not telling me to go away when you first saw me.”

“That’s affection to you?” you laugh in disbelief.

Seungcheol shakes his head. “I’m telling you that’s how you show affection. I think I’m growing on you, Cherry.”

You resist the urge to roll your eyes and instead give him a scowl. You move farther away from him to show you definitely aren’t growing a liking for him—even if your heart hints otherwise.

“You will never grow on me. Not with those ‘friends’ of yours,” you reply.

“Hey, they’re doing you a favor,” he says, bemused at your sudden hostility toward them.

“Not those friends,” you sigh. Does he really need to be told which group of people you are talking about? Surely, he doesn’t think his business friends are such saints to not consider them.

“They just aren’t used to your people,” he reasons before sitting down across from you.

You give him a pointed look. “My people?”

“You know, the flashy fashion and such,” he says and gestures at your outfit as if to make a point; it’s another fit that “normal” people won’t wear for everyday attire.

“So that gives them the green light to insult me constantly?” you question, a little astonished at how he’s defending them. You understand they’re his friends, but is he so far up their asses he can’t see just how ugly their personalities are?

“You know you’re not all sunshine and rainbows, too, right?” he retorts.

You have to force your jaw not to drop. “Oh, I’m sorry. Next time I’ll let them say all the shit they want to and not defend myself since, evidently, no one else will.”

The indirect jab at Seungcheol doesn’t go unnoticed by him.

“I told them to stop,” he frowns, thinking back to the lounge.

“Ah right, how could I forget? How silly of me,” you answer sarcastically. Although he did try to stop them, you feel he could’ve done more—maybe been more assertive. You feel he isn’t one hundred percent on your side, and that hurts you more than it should.

You make sure your iPad is locked before you stuff it in your bag along with your stylus. This isn’t how you wanted, nor imagined, your conversation with Seungcheol to go.

“You just gave them a bad first impression. You weren’t very friendly when we first met.”

You pause in your movements as your mind whirls back to seeing him at Jeonghan’s door instead of Minghao.

“Neither were your friends,” you recall.

“They would’ve been nicer if you—”

“I really can’t believe you’re defending them right now.”

“I’m just saying you all have some issues that need to be solved, and not everyone has been on their best behavior,” he sighs.

Your eyes scan his face, sensing the trouble he’s going through at being in the middle of two sides. It’s then you realize he will never have your back completely due to his conflict of interests. 

This shouldn’t bother you.

You had planned to never talk to him again once you were done working with his friends on your project, yet there is a tightening feeling in your chest that doesn’t make you smile. Some part of you is starting to oppose that original idea.

“I doubt these ‘issues’ will ever be resolved,” you reply, tossing your bag’s strap over your shoulder.

“Why not? We can all talk it through,” he says quickly, so you can’t leave. The look of hope on his face has you considering it for a split second, but you know that won’t go the way he’s imagining.

“I’ll make it easy for you, Seungcheol,” you begin and ignore his offer. “Don’t talk to me ever again.”

You should’ve known he isn’t going to let you go that easily. He grabs your wrist gently when you walk past him to leave.

“Where did that come from?” he wonders, tone teetering with confusion and annoyance.

“Don’t message me either,” you simply answer and pull your arm from his grasp. He looks baffled at your response, sitting still as you move away.

Before leaving, you stop at Mingyu. You give him the quick project explanation you’ve given to others before handing him your card. He tells you he’ll consider it, which isn’t what you want to hear, but at least he isn’t taken by anyone yet. You don’t want to linger around him any longer because Seungcheol is bound to come over since they came here together.

You leave just in time as you spot Hana, Hajun, and Soonyoung walking over to the café. You see through the café’s window as they greet Seungcheol and Mingyu. Some things will never change.

As you climb into your car, you feel a pair of eyes on you. The urge to turn back to confirm your suspicion of who it is is strong, but you keep your gaze forward. You didn’t stay at the café as long as you anticipated and hope your parents are done fighting when you get home.

You sit on Dae’s apartment floor as you pencil your clothes patterns on your fabric. With your mom back in town, you and your sister have been spending time at other people’s residences. You at Dae’s, and her at her own friend’s. You two have never been that close, so being separated from her doesn’t bother you as much as it would bother other siblings. Nevertheless, you’re still the big sister and worry about her occasionally—often sending text messages to check up.

You and Dae have music playing as you work on separate pieces. Even though you’re fine working alone, it’s comforting being with a friend right now. There’s a lot on your mind, and you just need something to distract yourself. Keeping your hands moving is a big help for that.

Your father has allowed your mother to stay while she finds another place to go. Her being at home means lots of fighting. At least for once, it isn’t silent in the house. You and your sister spend most of the time in your own rooms, only coming out for dinner. This isn’t new, but it feels more like a prison than before. The good side of Mom staying is she cooks dinner, which allows you to focus on your project. You have fulfilled all your helper positions—thankfully, Mingyu came around in the end and said yes—so you are focusing on bringing your sketches to life.

“My hands are cramping,” Dae whines, bringing your attention to her. You finish the line you are drawing and sit back on your heels.

“Take a rest,” you suggest. Dae shakes her head.

“I’ve got a quota to meet. If I can finish it now, I can have the rest of the day off,” she explains and goes back to her work.

“If you say so,” you mumble before finishing your work. 

Ten minutes pass until she speaks again.

“I ran into Seungcheol today on campus,” Dae says casually. You pause your movements at her sentence.

“And that matters to me how?” you wonder, keeping your gaze locked on your task at hand. Just his name has your heart racing. Though, you conclude it to be from anger.

“He asked about you,” she replies and stands up, a cut piece of fabric in her hand.

“I hope you told him I moved across the globe,” you mumble and grab the scissors you had brought. However, you can��t really focus on anything, so you simply mess around with the crystals you have to hold down the fabric.

Dae laughs a little and shakes her head. “I told him you are moping without him.”

You flicker your gaze to hers quickly, mouth open at her disloyalty.

“I am not moping, and if I was, it wouldn’t be because of him,” you argue fiercely, unknowingly moving your hands as you speak. 

Dae’s gaze glances at the scissors still in your grasp. “Let’s put that down when we’re talking about Seungcheol, okay?”

You peer at the object and scoff. “It’s comforting me right now, so no.”

“How exactly is it comforting you?”

“I’m imagining sticking it where the sun doesn’t shin—”

“Yn,” Dae scolds.

“You asked,” you say, then set them down reluctantly.

Dae eyes your movements carefully before speaking, “He just wanted to know how you were doing.”

“I’m doing fabulous,” you snap, hoping that is what she had told him. Your tone is a little harsher than you mean.

“I told him you were doing fine,” she answers your silent question.

You sigh. “Both start with ‘f’, so you were close enough, I guess.”

“You know what else starts with ‘f’?” she asks.

“Fudge? Which we should go get, by the way.”

“Forlorn,” she answers, dismissing your attempt for sweets. “You’re forlorn.”

“I am not sad and lonely,” you huff. Sure, your family drama is at a high right now, and you just dumped your not-so-friend-who-you-were-starting-to-like-being-with.

You are not sad. You are not lonely.

“You’re also in fenial,” Dae adds.

“I’m in what?”

“Fenial.”

“You mean denial?”

“Yes, you are.”

“Huh?!”

You stare at her, puzzlement written all over your face. She smiles at that, pinning her fabric to her dress form and then turning to you.

“You’re in denial that you miss him.”

“What is fenial?” you ask, disregarding her statement about how you feel about Seungcheol. You are not missing him. He has chosen his side—alright, not really, but his actions say otherwise. He is not on Team Yn.

Dae groans. “We were on f-words, and I had to improvise. I just wanted to tell you you’re in denial.”

“And you’re felusional.”

“How about we just change to d-words?” she asks when she notices what word you mean.

“Or change the subject entirely.”

You stand up, stretching your arms over your head and twisting your body to ease your back as you’ve been hunched over for a while. Dae stays silent as she lets the topic rest momentarily. You leave to grab a glass of water before sitting on her couch. Just as you think she’s letting it go, she speaks.

“Do you think he’s a bad person?”

“Dae,” you sigh in a warning. You came here in hopes of getting away from your problems, not facing them.

“It’s a yes or no question,” Dae states sternly.

Instead of responding right away, you take a drink from your cup. The cold liquid feels refreshing, and you relish in the feeling before her question echoes in your head.

Finally, you say, “No.”

Dae slows her movements on her dress form and peers at you. She doesn’t look at you playfully or pitifully, which you appreciate, but you still don’t want to talk about it. She seems to want otherwise.

“So, why did you stop talking to him?”

“I told you before,” you answer. “I don’t want to be around someone who won’t stand up for me. They’re his friends, and I’m not going to force him to choose.”

“You want him to, though,” she observes. Even though you want to deny that, you know she is right.

“Well, I didn’t want to force him to. I thought he would just do that upon seeing how rude his friends are.” Your thumbs play with the condensation on your glass.

“You’re not innocent either, Yn,” Dae answers softly so as to not hurt your feelings. It doesn’t help.

“Great, so you’re siding with them now as well?” you exhale, exhausted.

“No,” she replies seriously. “I’m trying to show you that he could have picked them over you.”

“Explain,” you say as you try not to lose your temper for a change.

“You’re saying his friends are rude—”

“They are,” you interject.

“I’m not saying they aren’t. Just listen to me,” she continues when you nod. “You’re saying his friends are rude, and he should ditch them, but if you’re being mean, then shouldn’t he leave you too?”

There is an argument on the tip of your tongue that never forms. Her words sink into your mind, processing what she means.

“What his friends are saying to you is not right, and I get why you’re fighting against them, but I wouldn’t hate Seungcheol for not unfriending them.”

“He still doesn’t always have my back,” you counter.

“Hm,” she concurs. “That he could do better on.”

You sit still as you muse about what she told you. She has a valid point, and part of you is grateful he didn’t leave you despite you always giving off the impression of wanting him to.

“And I don’t hate him,” you murmur, lower than your normal volume, but Dae hears you.

She exhales slowly, glancing at you sincerely. She gives you a reassuring smile. “I know.”

“Can you play that one more time?” you ask as you lean over Jihoon’s shoulder.

“Sure,” he answers and clicks a button. The sound plays from his speakers once more. You move away and begin to pace in his room. Your eyes stare down at your feet while you carefully listen. Having four elements seemed good at first, but now you are having trouble finding a beat that fits all four. You like some of the pieces Jihoon created, but they often fit more with one element.

“Something just isn’t,” you trail off once the song fades out.

“Can’t you just make four separate tracks?” Chan, who you met through Soonyoung a week ago, pipes in from Jihoon’s bed. He claims he has nothing to do and wants to help as well. At first, you’re unsure. His major is dance, like Soonyoung’s, so what knowledge does he have about music production? Despite your original disposition, he turns out to be more helpful than you initially thought.

“I don’t have enough time on stage for that,” you explain. In order for the show to not run for an entire day, each student is given a limited amount of time for their section of the show.

You all sit in silence as you think about what to do.

“Hey Jihoon, Chan—Oh,” a familiar voice rings out in the room. All heads turn to the door to see Seungcheol standing there.

It’s been nearly two weeks since you saw him, and during said weeks, you had been avoiding him. You didn’t let yourself be alone with him, let alone let him speak a word to you. 

The fight you had with him is still prominent in your mind, but what’s more evident is the way your body reacts when he gives you any attention. You feel betrayed by your own body when you feel a pang in your chest or a lingering desire to be close to him again. It’s as if you lost something you could’ve had if it weren’t for his wishful thinking. He wants his two worlds to coexist, but that isn’t going to happen. Maybe you would’ve given him an ultimatum, but you aren’t sure if he would even pick you. Hell, why would he when he’s known them longer? No reason to put yourself in that position.

“I didn’t know you’d be here,” he says, taken aback. Before you can question what he is doing here, Chan speaks.

“Hey, Cheol,” Chan greets. “Can you give us some help real quick?”

Chan’s question pulls you from your sappy thoughts and look at Chan as if he grew two heads. Seungcheol? Helping with music?

“We can figure it out ourselves, we don’t need—”

“Is this the music for your project?” he interrupts and walks inside the small room.

Sighing, you move away when he nears. “Yeah, but I don’t see how you could help.”

“Play it, please,” Seungcheol directs to Jihoon, ignoring your comment. Jihoon obliges before you can stop him. For the nth time, the music sounds in the room.

You stay silent as Seungcheol stares at the screen. His brows are drawn together, and his lips are in a slight pout. You realize you have never seen him so serious before. You don’t know why he’s so focused on a project he has nothing to do with.

As the song ends, another voice comes from the doorway.

“Cheollie, we’re leav—What are you doing here?”

To your disappointment, Hajun is standing at the door. Though what you really get a kick out of is her outfit. For the first time, she isn’t in pants. Her skirt stops a few inches above her knee, and her blouse is form-fitting rather than loose—like she normally wears.

Instinctively, your eyes drift to Seungcheol. You didn’t realize his attire until now. Despite it not being a suit, he wears slacks and a patterned top. A simple and clean look but is still nice. Were they on…?

Even though her question is most likely directed at you based on her tone, Seungcheol answers, “Give us a moment, Hajun. I’ll be out in a second.”

“But the—”

“Wait in the car then,” he replies sternly, eyes not leaving the computer screen. She fumes, gives you one final glare, then leaves.

“You have other files?” Seungcheol questions.

“Yes, but they’re either missing an element or don't fit any of them,” Jihoon explains.

You can’t recall ever telling Seungcheol about the theme of your project, so why is he acting as if this isn’t news to him? Maybe he put it together upon seeing your designs, or maybe his friends told him about it. Does that mean they talk about you in private? Probably. Still, you can’t help but want to ask.

“How did—” you begin, but Seungcheol stops you.

“Have you done one file with all four?”

“It was too long for her project,” Chan explains.

Suddenly, you feel you are being pushed out of your project. They’re talking about you as if you aren’t standing a few feet from them.

“This is my show, remember?” you huff. However, no one reacts to your question. 

Your patience drastically decreases. It doesn’t help that the bane of your existence is the cause of being overthrown.

“So, just cut each element file to make them shorter and create transitions,” Seungcheol suggests. “She’ll just have to organize her lineup to match.”

“That’s a stup—” you began.

“That may work,” Jihoon mumbles, then says to himself. “Such an obvious solution, too.”

You open your mouth to speak, only to be interrupted again.

“It may sound choppy if not done correctly, but that won’t be a problem since you’re making the track,” Chan adds with a supporting smile.

“Will you buffoons stop interrupting me?!” you exclaim, stomping a foot like you are a child.

They all turn toward you. Seungcheol chuckles softly at your scowl.

“Shouldn’t we be getting a ‘thank you,’ Cherry?” Seungcheol asks cockily.

Chan and Jihoon look at him, confused, never having heard that name before. To be fair, no one has.

��No, because you all just decided things without me,” you argue and gesture to the screen to prove your point.

“We were helping you,” Seungcheol rephrases.

“You were taking ove—”

“Come here,” he says, holding out his hand. You look at it as if he has just stuck it in sewer water.

“Like hell I will. You can leave. Hajun is waiting for you anyway. I need to finish working with Jihoon,” you scoff and angle your body to the screen to dismiss him.

“I don’t know why I offered my hand,” he mumbles under his breath, but it’s so quiet you can still hear it.

“Great question,” you say. “I don’t know why either, because I’m never going anywh—”

“I should’ve just taken yours.”

Seungcheol suddenly grabs your wrist, firm enough so you can’t escape but not so rough to where he’s hurting you. He starts walking toward the door with you in tow. Unless you want him to clean the floor with your body, you have no choice but to follow.

He pulls you into the empty bedroom next door, shutting it before he releases you. He presses his back against the door to make sure you can’t make a run for it.

“That’s your tenth time interrupting me,” you hiss, a finger pointing at him accusingly. It’s bad enough he waltzed in and made decisions for your project without consulting you. Now he wants to, what? Force you to talk to him? Force you to forgive him?

“It was probably like three times, and Jihoon interrupted you as well,” Seungcheol says.

“He’s not an ass like you,” you reply.

“Oh, I’m an ass?”

You move closer to him, finger now pressing into his chest. Your unwanted yearning for him is transforming into anger. It’s a way to divert the denial you’re feeling at how much you missed being near him. Even if he has pissed you off before, you didn’t realize how much he has wormed his way into your life. To suddenly cut him off made it harder not to think of him. Now that he is here in front of you, you don't know what else to do but to default to how you initially felt around him—annoyed.

Surely, the increased heart rate is due to being irate, not because you are nearly toe-to-toe with Seungcheol.

“A big ass. Huge! One that I—No!”

You quickly stop your sentence when he opens his mouth. The finger on his chest is now pressing against his mouth to quiet him.

“Let me finish, dammit. You’re rude and insufferable. You’re the biggest ass I’ve ever met. One that I wouldn’t mind kicking—with my heels on, mind you.”

Seungcheol looks at you, pleased, which only intensifies the fire in you. Once he starts speaking, you quickly retract your finger. The feel of his mouth moving against your finger feels like fire against your skin—burning and making you feel warm.

“You sure you can balance on one leg long enough to do that?” he taunts.

After letting out a big exhale while stepping away, you ask, “What are you even doing here?”

“I promised I would help Joshua with something,” he explains. Hearing his name, it dawns on you that you are probably in his room. He and Jihoon have been roommates for a few months now, so you see him frequently.

“Why are you dressed like that?” you question next, eyes going up and down his body swiftly. 

“I went out to dinner,” he shrugs, not finding a big deal in what he’s wearing.

You aren’t going to bring her up. You really aren’t. So, why can’t you stop your damn mouth from running?

“With Hajun?”

Something in your tone must have gotten Seungcheol’s attention more. A stupid smirk forms on his stupid face.

“Something on your mind, Cherry?” he quips. You hate when he has that mischievous grin of his.

“Besides wanting to kick you? No.”

Rather than Seungcheol being offended by your answer, his smile only grows. “I’ve missed your sassy mouth.”

There’s a tug in your chest at his words, something akin to a siren's call—luring you to someone dangerous. At least, dangerous to your heart. 

It feels good to be missed by him, but you still can’t let go of the words he said to you in that café.

“I’m sure your friends are ecstatic to not have seen me lately,” you huff. Even though you are tired of thinking of them when you’re around him, you still bring them up. It’s just easier to latch onto a reason to be mad at him.

“I’m not talking about them right now,” he says firmly.

Seungcheol pushes off the door to stand closer to you. You take one step back, but one of his hands presses against the small of your back to bring you to him. The close proximity has you trying to lean away, but he doesn’t let that happen.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he encourages, voice softer.

Your heart is hammering in your chest. You’re still worked up from all the irritation you feel. You’re probably overreacting, but being alone with him stirs up feelings you’ve locked away.

“Let go of me,” you reply in lieu and wiggle in his hold. It’s fruitless.

“Yn,” he says lowly. Hearing your name from his lips has your breathing stop. It’s odd to hear it when he normally uses the nickname he gave you. “I’m sorry.”

You don’t need him to tell you what he’s apologizing for.

“Don’t,” you warn and press a hand against his chest. “You don’t mean that.”

His body feels soft, yet firm under your touch. While you would focus on his build, the feeling of his racing heart catches your attention more. Your eyes snap to meet his, not noticing you are staring at your hand on him. Is he nervous?

“I do. I’m sorry you felt I wasn’t on your side,” he says, mouth tugging down. “I want to be there for you.”

There is that feeling in your chest again—one you have been trying to force down for days. You try to hold onto the fizzing anger in you, but Dae’s words resurface in your mind. He could have left you. After all, he is right. You were rude when you first met him.

Seungcheol’s gaze darts between your eyes and then to your lips. You say nothing as he does so, your own eyes sweeping across his features.

As if in a daze, he starts to slowly lean forward.

You press the hand against his chest harder to stop him. “Cheol, you can’t. I—”

“What is it, baby?” he murmurs, thumb rubbing against the small of your back. The pet name wraps you in a blanket of illusion where you’re really his. One where there isn’t constant drama looming around you. You like the way it sounds from him.

“I have lipstick on,” you reply quietly.

Seungcheol flickers his gaze to your eyes, his own forming small crescents as he chuckles. “Is that your excuse to stop me?”

“No,” you answer with a slight shake of your head.

“Then stop talking,” he laughs softly and leans in again. Your hand on his chest relaxes as you let his body come nearer.

His lips gently brush against yours, almost experimentally. The simple feel of his mouth on yours has your body tingle. Your chest feels tight the longer you hold your breath in anticipation. As soon as he starts to press his lips on yours more, there is a loud noise from the other side.

“Shua, wait! I think Seungcheol and Yn are in ther—”

You both quickly separate from each other, eyes wide as saucers when the door opens. Joshua stands with a hand on his doorknob; his lips are in a deep frown at seeing you two.

“Not in my room,” he whines, body sagging when he sees both of your expressions.

“Huh? What do you mean? What’s going on—Oh,” Chan calls out as he comes behind him. 

You’re sure neither one of you is untidy in terms of clothes and hair, but the look on your faces is a flashing neon sign indicating what was occurring or about to occur.

“Nothing happened,” Seungcheol says and pushes a hand through his hair.

“Hopefully not. You have your own place for that,” Joshua replies. The thought of doing something intimate with Seungcheol has your cheeks feeling hot.

Not wanting to think of that, you glance at Chan. “Did Jihoon get the music sorted?”

Chan, still a little startled, nods. “He’s ready whenever you are.”

“Great, I’m coming.”

Chan says okay before heading back to the other room. Joshua makes his way into the room while you and Seungcheol start toward the exit. However, before you can completely leave, Seungcheol grabs your upper arm gently to stop you.

He leans toward your ear to whisper, “It was an end-of-the-year dinner with my whole class. My friends are probably wondering where I am.”

Without another word, he presses a chaste kiss to your forehead before sending you a smile and rounding the corner at the end of the hall that leads to the front door.

Your brain hasn’t caught up to anything that has happened in the last few minutes. From being frustrated with Seungcheol to nearly kissing him. You don’t even like him, so why is your heart soaring at thinking of possibly being in a relationship with him? Why does knowing he didn’t go to dinner alone with Hajun make you feel relieved? Hell, you don’t even find him attractive… Right? Yeah. He isn’t your type. His smile isn’t pretty. His eyes definitely don’t shine. His dimples are unflattering. His laugh is cute—obnoxious! His laugh is obnoxious.

Your shoulders deflate.

Oh, fuck.

Seeing Seungcheol on campus stirs a torrent of emotions through you.

The sight of him has your lips tingle as if you can feel the ghost of his mouth on yours. You ponder on what would have happened if Joshua hadn’t barged into the room. Would the kiss have been short and sweet? Long and passionate? Quick and desperate? Would he have said something that would’ve changed the trajectory of your relationship? Did you want that?

You have been snuffing out any thoughts about Seungcheol that crosses the line of friendship. There isn’t a reason why you can’t be more than friends—besides the disapproval from his business friends. You chalk it up to being too busy to put much effort into a partner. Plus, is Seungcheol even the person you want?

“You know you’ve been staring at the man for the past three minutes, right?”

Dae’s voice knocks on your mind’s door. Your gaze tears from Seungcheol’s back, who is ahead of you in the line ordering, to peer at your friend. She wears a small smile and is watching you closely.

“Not on purpose,” you argue. “I was just staring off into the distance. He just happened to be there.”

“You’ve been hanging out with him a lot,” she observes.

With the conversation about Seungcheol, you can’t help but drift your eyes back to him. 

He must sense your stare because out of the blue, he’s looking over his shoulder at you. The cashier follows his gaze, then says something to Seungcheol to which he nods in reply. Although the cashier turns back to the screen in front of them, Seungcheol’s eyes linger on you. He gives you a quick wink, mouth raising in a lopsided smile before finally averting his gaze.

“I haven’t,” you answer late and glance away.

“Uh huh,” Dae says, unbelieving.

“He’s just somehow always around when I’m working on my project with his friends. I’m not hanging out with him,” you explain.

“Maybe not directly, but he’s still there,” she shrugs.

“Trust me. I wish he wouldn’t be,” you sigh, shuffling forward when the line moves. “He’s distracting when I’m trying to get work done.”

Dae giggles. “Oh, I’m sure he is.”

“Not in that way,” you scold with a light arm slap. “I mean, his friends are easily susceptible to topic changes. What should be a thirty-minute meeting turns into an hour.”

Dae hums but doesn’t say anything else when you both are near the cashier finally. After ordering for yourself, you take out your card ready to pay.

“Actually, it’s already been paid for,” the worker says.

You cock your head to the side in confusion. “What?”

The cashier turns to Dae, who is ordering next to you. “And your friend’s.”

Suddenly, Dae is giggling. Though they aren’t quiet chuckles, they are loud and obnoxious. So much so, you feel it could be heard throughout the whole building.

“How kind of him, Yn,” she teases you, gladly accepting the free meal. You don’t need to specify the “he”. Since the deed is already done, you have no choice but to grab your food and move along.

“You should thank him,” Dae suggests as you walk to an empty table.

You scan the area and spot him with his back to you again. He sits with Vernon, Doyun, Joshua, and Mingyu. None of them notice you, and you turn around before that changes.

“I don’t want to, not in front of his friends,” you say, taking a bite of your meal.

“Why not?”

“I just feel it’ll be awkward,” you mumble.

Dae smiles. “It wouldn’t be, but fine. Let’s write him a note instead.”

You glance at her questionably. “Or I could just text him.”

“That’s so boring,” she scoffs, reaching inside your purse.

“Hey!” you try to protest but that doesn’t stop her from rummaging through your bag. She pulls out your sticky notes that have a cute design on them.

“Don’t you have yours?” you grumble as she starts to scribble on it.

“Yours are nicer,” she answers simply. She slides the pad over to you and her pen. “Now, write a thank you.”

Reluctantly, you do as you’re told. While you do so, Dae digs into your purse again. This time she pulls out your travel-sized perfume. You figure she wants to freshen up, but rather, she tears off the sticky note and spritzes the paper with the scent.

“That is so old school,” you groan, cringing at the cheesy act.

Dae smirks and folds the note. She pushes it in your hand and then covers her barely-eaten food.

“Let’s go give it to him as we’re leaving,” she instructs.

“But I barely started eating,” you complain, glancing down at your food.

“Do you really want to stay in this stuffy area? We can eat somewhere else.”

You watch as she stands up. Sensing she isn’t going to take no for an answer, and you don’t like eating in here anyway, you oblige and grab your meal.

“Any slower and we’ll have to eat during the lecture,” she says.

“We should’ve just left without sitting down,” you reply and started walking in the direction of Seungcheol’s table.

You don’t get the chance to back out of Dae’s plan since she taps his shoulder to get his attention as soon as she’s in arm's reach.

He jumps, turning as his eyes raise to flicker between the two of you. You bite back the giggle that almost escapes upon seeing his stuffed cheeks. He reminds you of a cute chipmunk, and there is a tingle in your fingertips that makes you want to poke his face.

Seungcheol seems embarrassed at having been caught like that, quickly covering his mouth and turning away. Once he swallows his food, he looks at you both again.

“Yn has something to give you,” Dae says.

You suddenly feel like her kid who has been forced to do something because “Mommy said to do it.” His friends are watching inquisitively.

“Oh?” he wonders, eyes glinting with curiosity.

You push out your hand, the folded note sticking out. He takes it slowly. His fingers brush yours as he did so, and you feel like such a love-sick teenager at the subtle giddy feeling bubbling from his graze.

You don’t want to be there when he opens it, so you clutch Dae’s arm and beeline to the exit without a word. You refuse to turn back to see his expression, only focusing on Dae’s endless giggles on the way out.

Your mom has finally found a hotel nearby to stay at. Even though you haven’t seen her in a long time, part of you is glad she is going. However, the little girl in you wants her to stay. To try to fix what is so broken in this fucking house, but that is a wish that will never be granted. You just want the fighting to stop, for you and for your sister. For that to happen, it’s best that she left. She’s been gone for three days; it’s been quiet since. Your father hasn’t said anything, just asked if you and your sister were okay before returning to his office.

Spring break came and went in a blink of an eye. You had no plans besides continuing to work on your project. After your mom left, you transferred all the items you had worked on from Dae’s place back to yours. You hung out with her occasionally, which wasn’t shocking to do, but what you didn’t expect was to talk to Seungcheol throughout the week. 

Seungcheol was out of town with his family, so he was pretty busy. Despite this, he still managed to find time to talk to you when he could. Conversations were dragged out due to the delayed responses, but that didn’t matter to you. It was nice to learn more about him and think about something other than your project—even if it were just for a few minutes at a time. 

Now your floor is covered in fabric scraps, cut-out fabric pieces, and sewing pattern sketches. Although it’s a mess, seeing your progress feels good.

Outside your door, you hear hurried shuffling. You ignore it as your sister is probably playing around.

“Yn! Your boyfriend is here!” Seoah calls out. You pause in pinning a piece of fabric to your dress form and sigh. You stick the pin in the pin cushion you have on your wrist, then leave your room.

As you are turning the corner, you ask in exasperation, “What are you talking about, Seoah? I don’t have a—Seungcheol?”

You stop in your tracks when you see him standing in the doorway, his name coming out as a gasp. His hair is wavy, which is different from how you normally see it. His dark hoodie and pants combo is nothing spectacular, but it has you wanting to wrap your arms around him to see if he feels as comfortable as he looks. 

You quickly blink a few times, gathering yourself again and trying hard not to ponder on your thoughts. You veer toward your sister. “Go to your room.”

“What? You’re not even going to introduce me?” she scoffs, ignoring your demand and turning to Seungcheol. She outreaches a hand to him and bows slightly.

“Hi! I’m Seoah, the better sister.”

Seungcheol chuckles and reciprocates the handshake, bowing slightly as well. “Nice to meet you, Seoah. I’m Seungcheol.”

“I’ve heard about you!” she exclaims. “Yn has talked about you.”

That is a partial lie. You have talked about him, but not with her. She must have heard you talk about him while you spoke to Dae on the phone. Curse your thin walls.

Seungcheol glances past her to you, who stands, annoyed, a little away from the door. He takes in your casual attire, and you realize he’s not used to seeing you like this. You suddenly feel self-conscious. Instead of that making you cower in shyness, you just get irritated.

“Good things, I hope,” he answers your sister with a laugh.

Seoah winces. “Actually, not really—”

“Room! Now!” you huff and point to the hallway. Seoah rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah,” she says. She gives Seungcheol a wave before skipping past you, making sure to “accidentally” bump into you on her way.

Once you hear her door shut, you walk closer to Seungcheol.

“What are you doing here?” you ask in a quiet voice, knowing Seoah probably has an ear pressed up against her wall.

Rather than giving you the answer you’re looking for, he chaffs, “You’ve said bad things about me? I’m hurt.”

“Yeah, well, I’m about to have more bad things to say if you don’t answer my question.”

Seungcheol smiles, seemingly unfazed by your brazen response. “At least you would be talking about me.”

Unamused by his playful tone, you take a step back and push the door closed. Seungcheol presses his palm against the object before it can fully shut. His push on the door is strong enough that you have no choice but to stop your actions.

“Must you always be so snappy?” he questions blithely.

“Must you always be so annoying?” you retort. 

“Annoying is subjective.”

“Seungcheol,” you exhale. “I’m busy, so unless it’s something dire, get off my porch.”

“I haven't seen you for a week and suddenly you’ve turned into an old lady.”

Your eyes narrow. The pin cushion comes into view, and you reach to pluck a needle from it.

“This old lady has a weapon, so don’t even start,” you threaten.

Seungcheol takes a step back when he sees the small object. He bites his lower lip as he stares at it. You can tell he’s trying not to laugh. It makes you jab the air toward him, causing him to take another step back.

“Alright, alright, Cherry, put that tiny sword away,” he laughs, hands rising to show mercy.

You oblige, eyes scrutinizing him in case he decides to do something. Though, he simply lowers his arms.

“What do you want?” you ask.

“It’s always ‘what do you want’ and never ‘how are you’,” he sighs teasingly.

Your reply almost leaves your lips until you hear the sound of a door opening from inside.

“Yn? Is there someone at the door?” your father’s voice comes from somewhere behind you. In a panic, you shut the door—so unexpectedly and fast, Seungcheol doesn’t have time to stop you this time.

You turn around to him. “Yeah. I forgot I left something at Dae’s. She’s just brought it back. I need to go meet her.”

Lying to your Dad isn’t something you probably need to do. It’s not like you are banned from having friends or being in a relationship, but you try not to mix too much of your personal life with people you know.

“Ah, alright,” he says. He lingers around for a moment and then leaves the room.

You open the door as soon as he is out of sight. You step out this time. Seungcheol gives you a concerned look, but you pretend not to notice.

“Can we talk in your car?” you ask. It’s better to talk where Seoah isn’t eavesdropping, and your Dad can’t spot you.

Seungcheol doesn’t question you and gestures for you to lead the way.

“You’re not wearing shoes,” he observes as you go down the stairs.

“Good to know you can see,” you reply, not caring about the fact. You’re just going to figure out what he wants then go back inside.

“And you called me insufferable,” he groans.

Suddenly, your feet aren’t touching the floor.

Seungcheol has his arms under your knees and around your back. You instinctively wrap your arms around his neck tightly.

“This is unnecessary!” you shriek at the abrupt change.

“You could get hurt,” he simply says, walking the short distance from your porch steps to his car parked out front.

“It’s concrete, not glass. I would’ve been fine,” you argue.

“You never know.”

Seungcheol’s grip doesn’t loosen, and you know he isn’t going to let you down until he reaches his vehicle. With this knowledge, you decide to let yourself think about the way he holds you so tightly. His hair is tickling your arm, and his cold touch on your bare legs warms your skin the longer it presses against you. For a moment, you dive back into that illusion of being more than friends. It’s a dangerous thought.

Instead of setting you down on the ground when he arrives at his car, he gently rests you on top of his shoes—still not letting your feet touch the rough concrete. It’s a small gesture, but the impact it has on you is big. You warmly stare at him, hoping he doesn’t see it as you wait for him to open the door. The click of the door cues you to climb inside.

“All that work for what?” you laugh lightly when he climbs inside, trying not to seep deeper into the warmth that begins spreading in your chest. He turns on the car to get the AC running.

“For your safety,” he replies as if what he did isn’t anything special. While you hate the part of your brain that wonders if he has done this for anyone else before, you hate another part that wants him to only do these things for you more.

“Should I carry you if you are barefooted next time?” you tease.

The grin on his face is wide enough to accentuate his dimples. “As much as I would love for that to happen, I doubt you can carry me.”

“We can try it now,” you offer, gesturing out the window.

“I would rather not break my tailbone when you drop me,” he laughs.

It’s getting harder to deny that you miss him and his contagious giggles. You laugh along with him briefly.

“So, will you please tell me why you’re here?” you ask when the laughter dies down.

“Another ‘please’? I ought to be around you more if I remind you of that word,” he replies.

“You do, constantly,” you start. “Please go away. Please get to the point. Please shut up. Please—”

“I got it,” he chuckles, and you stop to give him a triumphant smirk. 

“I wanted to invite you to dinner with my friends,” he finally reveals.

Hearing the term “my friends” coming from Seungcheol has your smirk slowly evaporating. Upon seeing your change of expression, he quickly elaborates.

“Our friends. Would you like to go to dinner with our friends? Not my… other ones.”

You feel better at knowing it isn’t the group you are avidly evading. “Why would they want me there? Did you not ask about me coming again?”

“Actually,” he pauses, “they asked me to invite you.”

“They did?” you wonder out loud, startled.

“You and Dae.”

“This couldn’t have been asked in a text message?” you ask. 

“I wanted to see you,” he shrugs as though there is nothing wrong with that. Which, there isn’t, except it stirs unwanted emotions that make you feel warmer. 

You move your gaze from him as you consider the invitation. Your first outing with people other than Dae went horribly, and even though this will be with people you are more fond of, you’re still nervous. Maybe if Dae agrees, you’ll be more inclined.

“Can I get back to you?” you ask.

Seungcheol’s small frown quickly turns upside down when you look at him again. “Yeah, of course,” he forces out.

“Sorry, I just…”

Seungcheol reaches out to you, placing a hand on your thigh lightly to reassure you. “I get it. Don’t feel pressured. We just wanted to get to know you both without talking about your projects.”

You nod slowly, eyes staring down at his hand on your skin. Heat is spreading from his touch to across your body. His other hand comes up and guides your face upward, causing your gaze to tear from his hand to his face. He’s closer than you remember. He smiles at you, those devilish dimples appearing and making your heart melt involuntarily.

“Just let me know,” he speaks lowly, slowly so you hear him clearly. Your mind isn’t sure if he is referring to letting him know about the dinner invitation or letting him know if you want him to kiss you.

Yes to both.

You nod, eyes trailing down to his lips. You watch as they stretch into a bigger grin.

“Good,” he murmurs.

You wonder if he can hear how fast your heart is thumping in his quiet car. Though that is a fleeting thought as he nears your face. Your eyes flutter shut as you meet him halfway.

Like before, his lips graze yours tenderly. It’s so gentle that you have to suppress the shiver your body wants to emit. One of your hands slowly rises to rest against his cheek to bring him closer. His head tilts into your touch. 

Seungcheol’s hand that’s on your thigh glides up your side until it rests on your waist. Your lips are pressed against his more than they were at Jihoon’s, but not fully. Despite the slow pace, it’s thrilling to be able to focus on his every touch.

“Not your boyfriend, huh?”

The voice outside has you both springing from each other. You move so fast that your head accidentally hits the passenger window. The thud catches Seungcheol’s attention and before you can glare daggers at your sister, his hands come up to cup the back of your head where you had hit it.

“Are you okay?” he quickly asks. Although you want to indulge in his caring nature, you move his hands so you can turn to face the window. The throbbing is already fading. 

Seoah stands with her arms crossed, hips shifted to one side, and a not-so-intimidating stare.

“Well?” she prompts. Her voice is slightly muffled from being outside, but you hear it nonetheless.

You open the door so she can hear you clearly. “You say anything and I’ll—”

“You’re really going to threaten me with your boyfriend here?” she questions, a knowing smile on her annoying face.

“You’re right. Let’s go inside first,” you say before turning to Seungcheol. His face is flushed, and he still seems a little startled by everything that happened. You’ve never seen him so bashful before. He looks rather… cute.

“I’ll get back to you, okay?” you say, starting to slowly leave his car.

That has him swimming out of his thoughts. “Do you need me to—”

You smile at him. “No, Cheol, I don’t need a ‘ride’ back to the door.”

“Watch your step,” he warns softly.

“I will. Drive safe,” you say, fully out of his car and leaning in through his now rolled-down window to see him. You peer over your shoulder to see Seoah waiting a few feet away.

“Also,” he says quickly. “I’ll drive you and Dae and pay for your dinners. If that’s any incentive to come.”

“Tempting,” you playfully reply. “I’ll let you know soon.”

“Okay,” he slowly says. “Oh, and thank you for that note.”

Your body stills at remembering that silly, scented sticky note Dae made you give him days ago.

“Don’t mention it. Seriously,” you reply with a hint of sternness.

“Bye, Cherry,” he smiles. He seems like he wants to say more but decides against it.

“Bye, Seungcheol,” you say.

Per his request, you’re careful with your steps as you retreat back to your door. Before you go back inside, you turn to Seoah.

“What were you doing outside?” you question. You can hear the sound of car tires as she answers.

“Dad sent me out to get you.”

Your eyes widen. “Did he see who I was with?”

“No,” she says. “Just said he didn’t hear you come back in.”

Of course, the one time he decides to be attentive is when Seungcheol comes.

“Don’t tell him about this, alright?” you sigh.

Seoah nods. She may be annoying, but at least she isn’t traitorous. “Are you dating him?”

“No,” you reply sternly. You aren’t. You are just… testing the waters? About to have a friend with benefits? Friends with make-out-sessions? You are nearing an unhealthy spiral from how much you are fretting over the man.

“Do you want to be?” she wonders.

“Enough, Seoah. Just promise me you won’t say anything.”

Seoah stays silent for a moment. You fear you’ll have to plead more, but she ends up sticking out her pinkie finger. You sigh in relief, wrapping your pinkie around hers.

“I promise,” she says.

“Thanks,” you mumble. “Let’s get inside,” you instruct, voice softer than before.

“Please turn in your progress reports. I’ll see you all next week,” Dr. Lim says and motions to the spot on the table in front of him.

You wait as the majority of your peers place their papers in a pile. You’re still on your iPad and editing a few designs. You just can’t get one of them right. Something is off, but you aren’t quite sure of the reason.

Maybe if you hadn’t stayed up last night, your mind wouldn’t be so sluggish. 

Seungcheol wasn’t quite ready to end the conversation once he left. Countless texts transpired before he eventually called. The conversations were easygoing enough for you to continue working on your designs while you talked to him. You learned he had an older brother and parents who all lived a few cities over. He hasn’t visited as many times as he wished due to being busy with classes. Though, he tries to go when he can.

You don’t disclose much about your family, keeping it simple by saying you have a sister, whom he met, and parents. He doesn’t pester too much on the topic, and you’re glad. Instead, you talk about what you’ve both been up to and your hobbies (he likes to play games and drink with friends). 

You stayed up later than normal and are now paying the price for it. Though even through your haze, you don’t regret it.

“Come on, Yn,” Dae says when the line to leave shortens.

“One second,” you reply as you focus back on your sketch.

Dae sighs but leaves you alone, going to turn in her own report. 

Maybe the coloring? But if you adjust the shade, it will be too close to another design. Is the one slit in the skirt too common? Maybe if you add two… Better, but it still isn’t clicking. Perhaps it is the top. 

Your hand dances across the screen, drawing and erasing, then redrawing until you finally have something that itches that artistic scratch you are trying to satisfy. The other issue is you need more fabric to make this piece. You’ll have to note that down in your to-do list.

Once you are finally packed, you leave your table and set your paper on top of everyone else’s.

Dr. Lim glances up at seeing you walk past. “Thanks, Yn. I look forward to seeing what you have so far.”

“I am as well. Let me know if there are any changes that could make my designs better,” you reply, pushing your bag strap higher on your shoulder.

He smiles at you; it’s not the first time you’ve asked this. “Of course. See you next week.”

You say your goodbye and then exit to find Dae. She’s outside the classroom, leaning against the wall as she speaks to someone. He looks familiar and you recall his name to be Yejun. He was with Jeonghan when you first met him.

“You get everything sorted?” Dae asks when she sees you. You nod. “Do you remember Yejun?”

Another nod.

“It’s good to see you again,” he greets with a warm smile.

The first response you have is it probably isn’t good to see you since most people don’t find pleasure in your presence. You’re sure he just said that out of courtesy.

Alternatively, you opt for, “You as well.”

“Oh, did Seungcheol ask you about that dinner with the guys?” Dae wonders to you.

Ah, that’s right. You were going to ask her about that today but got distracted with revising your design.

“He did, but I wanted to see if you are going first,” you answer.

“Yeah, me and Yejun are planning to go.”

You glance at Yejun in surprise. Seungcheol didn’t mention his name.

Upon seeing your expression, Yejun explains, “Jeonghan invited me since I’m helping Dae with her project.”

“Hm,” you hum in affirmation. It makes sense.

“So, are you coming?” Dae questions.

You’re conflicted about what you want. What if this dinner ends like how the lounge night went? You planned to stick with Dae if she goes, but now that Yejun is going, will she leave you? What if something happens and you need her?

“Stop overthinking and just say yes. It’ll be fine,” Dae interrupts your mental questions and gives you a friendly push.

Exhaling deeply, you agree to go.

“Great,” she smiles. “Yejun offered to give us a ride.”

The mention of a ride makes you recall Seungcheol’s offer. “Oh, Ch-Seungcheol actually said he’ll drive us and pay for our dinner.”

You peer at Yejun, recalling he didn’t mention he’ll do the same for Yejun, but you figure Seungcheol won’t mind. At least the ride part. You don’t know if he’ll pay for Yejun too.

Yejun gets the hint at your look and chuckles. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll catch a ride with Jeonghan.”

“I’ll go with Yejun and Jeonghan,” Dae offers.

Your heart starts to race at the idea of being left alone with Seungcheol again. It wouldn’t be the worst thing, and you rather enjoyed his company, but lately, you’ve been treading on an indivisible balance beam—teetering on feelings you aren’t ready to come to terms with. Maybe you are, but you’re too nervous that Seungcheol doesn't feel the same. Yeah, he tried to kiss you—twice—but that doesn’t mean he likes you. You can kiss people you don’t like. He could be looking for something noncommittal and somehow sees that in you. 

Great, now you’re concerned if that’s how he sees you. Someone who isn’t dedicated to one specific person. Does he think that of you in general or in terms of relationships? You just added another reason why you shouldn’t be left alone with him. Way to go, brain. Seriously.

“Actually, I’m sure he won’t mind you both. Let me just ask real quick,” you respond hastily and pull out your phone.

“It’s okay,” Dae says, but you ignore her. You send a message to Seungcheol. You know he’s in class, according to previous conversations, but you hope he sees the text soon.

“It’ll probably be more fun in Jeonghan’s anywa—”

Your eyes shoot down when your phone vibrates.

“He said yes! It’s all good. He even offered to pay for you, Yejun,” you say, a little happier than you should’ve been. Dae eyes you suspiciously.

“Really? Oh, wow. Alright. I can’t turn down a free ride and meal,” he laughs and looks at Dae. “That alright with you, Dae?”

She slowly tears her sight from you and gives Yejun a small smile. “Yeah, it sounds perfect.”

“Awesome. I’ll tell him to pick you guys up first,” you say.

“We can just meet at yours?” Dae offers, but you shake your head.

“I need the extra time to get ready,” you lie. She says nothing at the little fib. She should know you don’t want a lot of people at your house.

“Right,” she says slowly. “Then Yejun, can you meet me at mine? I don’t want Seungcheol driving all through the city since he’s doing us a favor.”

“Okay,” he agrees.

“Yejun!” a familiar, light voice calls. You look around and see Jeonghan a few feet away.

“Class calls,” Yejun sighs and starts to walk toward Jeonghan.

Jeonghan directs a kind smile and waves in your direction. You wave back—one that isn’t as enthusiastic as his, but it doesn’t matter. He should be grateful he got a wave at all. 

“You ladies coming to dinner this weekend?” he calls from where he is. He could have easily walked over, but he decides to yell across the room instead. People are starting to glance at you all, and you sigh at his antics.

“Yup! We’re even getting a free meal from your friend!” Dae answers, having no problem with the long-distance chat.

Jeonghan laughs, loud enough for you to hear it and for your mouth to dip down at the sound. Better yet, it isn’t even a laugh. It’s a maniacal giggle. That giggly little bitch.

“Oh? Are you now?” he questions, obviously not needing a hint at who the aforementioned friend is. “Well if he’s offering, I’m going to see if he’ll pay for mine too.”

“Pay for your own, and go to class,” you finally join the discussion. You place a hand on Dae’s arm, ready to drag her away from the angelic devil.

“Trying to keep him all to yourself? That’s not fair,” he replies with an over-exaggerated pout.

“That’s not the reason,” you growl, eyes narrowing in a sneer.

“Well, regardless, he’s got money to spare,” Jeonghan chuckles and slips an arm around Yejun’s shoulder when he gets close enough. “Have a nice day!”

You both watch as they ascend the stairs, their laughter fading off the farther they get.

“Seungcheol’s loaded?” Dae asks, surprised.

It takes you a moment to realize what spurs that question. You’re about to say no, but his car and his luxury clothes say otherwise. Hell, even his cologne shouts “expensive”. Though he could’ve gotten all those as gifts, or even got help paying for some. It doesn’t matter if he has lots of money or not, but you didn’t expect him to. No one you really know is that wealthy.

“I’m not sure. Plus, paying for five meals doesn’t mean he’s rich,” you reply honestly. “It doesn’t matter. We need to go get some fabric.”

“Who’s ‘we’?” she teasingly questions, letting you pull her out of the building and to the parking lot.

“You said you needed to go to the store anyway,” you argue.

Dae smiles. “Yeah, but I never said I wanted to go with you.”

“Shut up,” you roll your eyes playfully. Dae giggles and holds onto your arm tighter.

“You can just tell me you want to hang out with me,” she says.

“I’d rather swallow my pin cushion.”

“Ouch. For a moment, I really thought we had something,” Dae sighs dramatically, clutching her chest in faux pain.

“Alright, enough playing around. Let’s get going.”

Just your luck.

You and Dae visit almost every fabric store that your college is sponsored by. Every single one you have gone to so far has the fabric you want out of stock. Dae offers some that are “close to what you want,” but you don’t want them. The fabric you saw online is what you have envisioned for your piece, and you don’t want to settle for less. 

There is one more store on the list, and as soon as you walk in, you make your way to where it should be.

There it is!

The navy blue sheer fabric is calling to you.

You’re about eight steps from it when two girls come into view. You hurry to the fabric, but unfortunately, they are standing in front of it. One girl has her hand hovering over the bolts of fabric in that section, seemingly unsure of what she wants. That’s good for you as it means she doesn’t have her eye on the fabric you want. You just need to sneak in and grab it before she makes up her mind.

“Excuse me,” you say to them. When they turn to you, you recognize their faces. They’re in your class and are participating in the runway project. Tori and Siwon, if you remember correctly. 

“Oh, Yn,” Tori says. “Need something?”

Though her voice is sweet, you know her intention is not. You’re aware of the way she speaks about you. Always something about how unoriginal you are because you “stole designs.” That or you pay for people to do your work for you. What pathetic lies. They’re common rumors amongst several fashion students. Although you don’t know if all of them are false for others, you know the allegations about you are.

Your gaze on the blue fabric catches her attention, and she turns toward it. “Oh, here’s what I came for.”

Your heart drops when she grabs it, tucking it under her arm and then looking at you again. Her overly innocent smile has your hands clutching at your sides. You know she did this just to spite you. If she really wanted it, she would’ve grabbed it sooner.

“The area is yours,” Tori says, bowing as if you are royalty. It’s a mocking action, which has you nearly stomping your heel onto her exposed foot in her open-toed shoes.

You take a deep breath and eye the fabric in her hold. There isn’t much of it left, which means there won’t be enough for what you need. Part of you doesn’t even want it if she’s going to use it in her designs.

Rolling your shoulders back and lifting your chin, you say, “No wonder you’re one of the least creative students in class. All you do is take others’ ideas. I doubt you even know what to do with that fabric, but good luck.”

The girls scoff before leaving for the cutting station. You stare after them, fire rolling inside.

“Hey, did you find it?” Dae asks when she stops next to you. She has items in her hands that you don’t pay attention to.

“Yeah,” you reply through clenched teeth. “Then Tori took it.”

“Tori from class?”

You gesture to where she is, smiling at the lady who is cutting the fabric for her.

“I’m sorry she beat you to it,” Dae says.

You shake your head. “She didn’t even want it. She took it because she knew I wanted it.”

Dae glances back to her across the store, mouth set in a firm line.

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll lure her and her friend outside and you can snatch the fabric from the counter.”

As much as you like the idea, and appreciate Dae’s support, you shake your head. “I’d probably get kicked out for sabotaging her project.”

“You’re just playing fair,” Dae argues.

“Whatever,” you reply, looking at her arms. “Let’s go check out.”

Dae follows you silently to the registers.

“We can go to another store,” she offers as you wait in line.

“This was the last store that would give it at a discount. I can’t afford it at the regular price,” you explain.

Dae nods grimly. She gently takes the red thread that you’ve been toying with in your hands. “I’ll pay this for you.”

“I’m not that poor,” you sigh and take it back.

She laughs lightly. “I didn’t mean to imply that. I just wanted to make you happy.”

“Thanks. I’ll just find something else,” you conclude, giving her a forced smile.

“And it’ll be better than that cliché navy blue,” Dae says.

“It was a little cliché, huh?” you question. You're grateful for Dae trying to lift your mood.

“Absolutely!”

previous chapter \\ series masterpost // next chapter

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[gaycrittercentral]

Hopefully this will brain running  and give you enough energy until the end of the shift 



Instead of the seven sins for Max  how about the seven heavenly virtues for Sam?

( optional  what do you think they do if the seven sins of max meet the heavenly virtues of Sam )

Oh shit dude that’s SO GOOD FJKDLFJKSLJDSKFJS I gotta get out the laptop for this one >:D ok so the seven heavenly virtues (as defined by Wikipedia, anyhow) are sort of opposites of the seven deadly sins, or at least you can interpret them that way. In no particular order they are Kindness, Diligence, Patience, Temperance, Charity, Humility, and Chastity. And HOOOOOO BOY do I have ideas for them I been thinkin about this all night!!

This is gonna get long, obviously, so the rest is under the cut.

First off I just want to discuss how I interpret this concept in general, as well as some potential circumstances that could lead to it happening. As far as I see it, the seven deadly sins are really just normal behaviors taken to the extreme, which can be healthy in moderation; therefore, the heavenly virtues are the same thing but in the opposite direction. They’re values that are good and helpful until you start placing too much emphasis on them and overdoing it, and then they’re harmful to you. Separated from all other aspects of Sam’s personality, many of them are honestly pretty unhealthy despite being so-called virtues.

As for how they could’ve come into existence, either we’re looking at some kind of bizarre dark version of Hugh Bliss who wants to eat all the bad emotions people experience (lol wonder what he'd be like) or, as I feel is easier to implement, he decided to pluck out all Sam’s virtues so they could go spread his bliss in the world and what’s left of Sam won’t want to help Max defeat Bliss anymore. I’m gonna call the remaining part of him sinful Sam I guess \_:p_/ for that matter, let’s talk about him first!

Sinful Sam (or just sin Sam bc that sounds funny to me)

Without any of his usual kindness, patience and good humor, Sam is kind of like his noir self on steroids. At first Max is like “oh shit Sam with no limits!! Ooooooh this is gonna be fun!” but then sin Sam immediately starts insulting him and growling at him and demonstrating a total lack of care and concern and Max is like “oh. actually you suck like this let’s go get those stupid virtues >:/” Sin Sam is quick to anger, quick to violence, all too happy to steal things in plain view of people, pretty egotistical, impatient, and just plain rude. He’s like if you took all of Sam’s usual personality and then sucked the humor out of it so he really just means every awful thing he says. He might even get to curse for real ooooh but maybe Hugh Bliss bleeps all of it so every other sentence is just furious beeping and Max gasping in mock offense. He also has lost his affection for pretty much everyone and everything, including Max, so he’s annoyed with him the whole time they’re getting his virtues back. Although, since he’s basically every deadly sin at once, he did get to keep lust and he might flirt with Max just a little. Max is reeeeally hoping they get enough of a break at some point to have a really violent hate-fueled makeout sesh lmao (they probably won’t and he is going to be so heartbroken over it).

Now, as for the virtues themselves…

Temperance (liver)

Temperance is basically the concept of moderation and self-restraint, so if we’re doing comparisons to the sins, it’s probably closest to being the opposite of gluttony. I think he’s on board with the idea of reclaiming all Sam’s virtues from the get go, because what’s more moderate than reuniting all parts of your soul? But maybe you have to collect a few of the others before he’ll rejoin the party since sinful Sam is just so unpleasant. He doesn’t want to be the only one stuck with all those vices, y’know? He’s also probably the closest to Sam’s real personality, although a little bland and very indecisive. Since he agrees with the concept of putting them all back together, Max tries to recruit him to help, but he’s just like “Hmm. Well, part of me wants to help you…and part of me doesn’t. Let me think about it for a while…” and basically he never decides one way or another and keeps flinging Max away whenever he tries to brute force it. Maybe you just get him a coin to flip in the end and once it lands on heads he concedes and allows Max to take whatever part of Sam he’s got. Honestly I’m not sure what part that would be—maybe his liver lmao, since it’s responsible for alcohol management and all that. That’s kind of temperance, right?

Patience (tail)

Probably closest to the opposite of wrath? I feel like Patience is just meditating in a quiet room somewhere looking peaceful and cannot be moved or bothered in any way. Max can attack him and chew on him and insult him all he wants but nothing gets a proper response, even if you ask sinful Sam to yell at him or punch him (he yelps and shakes his hand out like “god DAMN that hurt >:’(”). The guy's as stoic as a stone. Maybe he gets Sam’s tail, which makes it a problem that he’s sitting cross-legged and can’t be persuaded to get up. All he says to Max is maddeningly calm stuff like “Not yet, Max,” or “All in good time, good buddy.” I think he’s the last one to be collected because he just waits until you have all the others and then gets up like “:) ok it’s time now.”

Charity (left ear)

Opposite of greed, obviously. Charity is HYSTERICAL to me oh my god ok here’s my concept for him; the minute he pops into existence, he hands Max a random item from Sam’s inventory delightedly and then runs off to give away every single item they’ve collected so far and even all their case memorabilia from the office. You find him by following the trail of people he’s ‘donated’ things to and reclaiming your items, until you finally track him down and Max asks for his ear back, to which he’s just like “oh sure! Here you go!” and pulls it right off his head, looking sort of surprised when he abruptly pops out of existence. Afterwards, sin Sam is like “Oh that’s good to have back I guess. I feel less stingy now…I’m still keeping this stuff, though.”

Diligence (right hand)

Diligence is sort of the opposite of sloth; it’s the concept of working hard, constantly. It’s like the main thing that led to capitalism lmao. I think he gets Sam’s right hand. He instantly takes off to go to work arresting as many criminals as possible, and by the time you track him down he claims to have taken all the muggers and whatnot in the area into custody and is just filling out a huge stack of paperwork for their arrests. To me he’s like if you took all the angst out of Noir Sam and left him as a workaholic shell of his former self jfkdljfhdfsd. He’s so focused on doing his job that Max just can’t get to him. He probably has to commit a crime to get Diligence's attention so he can fight him and get the hand back lmao. Once Sam gets him back he comments, “That’s funny. I suddenly feel like I have the will to power through that paperwork we’ve been putting off for three weeks.” And Max is just like “Oh, good! Somebody has to and it’s not gonna be me lmao”

Chastity (left hand)

Opposite of lust! I know it’d made sense to give him Sam’s heart, but instead I'm giving him Sam's left hand so we can make a joke about asking for his hand in marriage lmao. And I’m gonna be so honest right now, I love a shy Sam so I’m just dumping all of that onto him shkfljdlfshfs. He’s probably just sitting quietly and reading a book or something, and he hides behind it with a little squeak when he sees Max. He’s all blushy and shit lmaoooo, sinful Sam hates his ass. If Max tries to get near him to grab Sam's hand back he gets all flustered and insists they wait til marriage or something ridiculous (reminding him that they're already married does no good, he insists they have to do it again. ok gayass). Maybe they have to put on a quick wedding so he’ll let Max near him lmao. Maybe he’s hanging out at Sybil’s and they can recruit her to marry them since she’s queen of Canada and probably has that kind of power, right? When she says to kiss the groom, Chastity gives Max the lamest, most timid little cheek smooch ever (sinful Sam gags lol). Max takes the opportunity to shock him with a dip and a proper kiss before yanking his hand off lmao. Afterwards, Max goes, “Wait, are you gonna be a prude now? Did I just miss my window for crazy, kinky hate sex?” and sin Sam’s like “well…that does seem a bit much. Maybe something a little more vanilla?” “oh god DAMNIT”

Humility (right eye)

Opposite of pride, and honestly, kind of an embodiment of Sam’s lack of self worth. Pride is healthy until it turns into a braggy, ego kind of thing, and on the flip side, humility is helpful until it turns into negative self-talk, doubting yourself, and downplaying your own value. Max finds Humility locked in Bosco’s restrooms, having taken shelter there to read self-help books and try to ‘fix’ himself. When Max asks why he didn’t pick someplace less gross, he mumbles something like “It’s where somebody like me deserves to be.” Sinful Sam just shoots back, “Yeah, well, would you either get better already or find a gutter to wallow in instead? Some of us need to take a leak.” Max laughs instinctively and then scolds sin Sam when they hear Humility sniffle a little. You can try a couple different dialogue options to get him to come out of the bathroom, like an emotional appeal: “C’mon, Sam, you’re not all that bad! And honestly, I like when you are bad! I mean, this guy out here might be getting on my nerves but he’s also a real heartthrob.” Sin Sam eyes him and goes, “…Noted.” But Humility just insists that he’s imperfect and full of sin and needs to keep working on himself before he deserves to be around Max. You can also try the practical approach. “Seriously, though, ya can’t stay in there all day. I mean, what if I need to pee?” “You deserve a cleaner bathroom anyway :(“

Maybe you end up getting him back by just giving sinful Sam a bunch of cups of coffee until eventually he’s like “Ok that’s it, I’ve had it” and kicks down the bathroom door, throws Humility out, and props the door back up so he can piss lmao. Max wastes no time in cornering Humility, although he might take a second to be like “Sam, get this through your dense, bizarrely-shaped skull—I like you, and I think you’re a pretty good guy, and you don’t have to be perfect. That’ll probably be easier to believe once you get back with the more reasonable parts of you, but just trust me for now, ok?” Humility just kinda sniffles and goes “ok :’(“ and lets Max reunite him with the rest of himself. Sam comes back out of the bathroom with his other ear intact and goes “Yikes. I feel like I need a couple dozen therapy sessions.” “Yay! Attaboy, Sammy!”

And lastly, maaaaaybe my favorite—Kindness! (heart)

I guess kindness is kind of the opposite of envy?? Idk these comparisons get a little blurry after a while. Anyway, kindness and the ways in which it can be harmful is a topic near and dear to my soul because it’s something I struggle with a lot (along with every other people pleaser on the planet, I imagine). I feel obligated to try to be as friendly and helpful as I possibly can 24/7 and really guilty when I feel like I haven’t given my all, and obviously that’s not healthy. Sooo that’s the cliff notes for this poor boy lmao.

Max finds Kindness volunteering at a charity place or something, all cheerful and happy-go-lucky. The minute he sees Max he gasps delightedly and rushes over to greet him all excited, immediately swooping him up in a hug and licking his cheek. Max responds with the usual performative disgust and demands to be released, but instead of teasing him like Sam normally would, Kindness just goes “Ok! Sorry, buddy :)” and sets him back down. Weird, but whatever. Max tells him to hand over the heart, but Kindness insists that he can be much more helpful without all those other vices and virtues weighing him down, and he’s got a lot more good to do before he can rest. Asking sin Sam to restrain him doesn’t help because Kindness tries to hug anybody who gets near him and sin Sam is just like “oh HELL no I’m not touching that guy.” Through talking with him as he keeps handing out lunches or whatever, it becomes clear that Kindness has been helping everyone in sight with everything he can, giving away all his time and energy and completely neglecting himself; he gave his lunch away to someone who he thought needed it more and now he feels lightheaded, he’s been listening to people’s problems and probably taking on more stress than he’s really able to handle, and he’s so focused on making Max comfortable and taking care of him that he doesn’t argue when Max or sin Sam do anything that would normally bother him. Like Max could bite him and he’d be like “Ow! Oh, I’m sorry, do you need a chew toy, buddy? You can keep using my arm if you like!” even though he’s clearly in pain. Maybe sin Sam accuses him of being a masochist and he just chirps, “Oh, I’m not :)” which is honestly more worrisome because if you don’t like pain, why do you keep allowing people to hurt you?

Eventually Max gets fed up with him ignoring his own needs and hatches a plan, saying he needs help with something back at the office. Kindness comes along happily, obviously. Max tells him to sit on the couch and relax while he grabs some snacks and coffee. The whole time, he has to keep insisting that Kindness stay seated instead of jumping back up to help. Eventually he grabs Kindness by the shoulders to explain that having his partner as, essentially, a self-offered indentured servant is funny and all, but it’s making him uncomfortable. They work so well together because they’ve always been equal, and as high and mighty as Max likes to act sometimes, it feels bad to just keep taking everything from his best friend and to be unable to give anything back. In a dreadfully ironic twist, preventing Max (and others, by extension) from doing anything for him is sort of unkind in and of itself. “So just keep your ass seated and let me do what I need to do, okay? You’re stressing me out. Eat your donut and calm down already.” And Kindness, maybe a little starry-eyed, finally concedes and allows Max to grab a blanket and finish making them some coffee. Once that’s done they sit on the couch together under the blanket for a minute and watch some junk TV while they eat a much-needed snack (by the way, sin Sam has long since escaped this mushiness and is probably staring longingly at Flint Paper’s door or something. Ah, Flint Paper...). After a few minutes of that, Max ventures, “Sooo…can I get that heart now, or…?” “Aw, buddy. You know you already have it.” And with a final little side hug, which Max finally returns with only a little grumbling about how sappy it is, he poofs out of existence. Sin Sam pops back in after a second like “Max, I need to apologize. I feel like I yelled at you a lot today and I really don’t know where that came from. You ok, little pal?” “lol yeah it was funny” “oh! ok then. You gonna eat the rest of that donut?”

I don’t know if there’s a particular order they get taken care of in, besides Patience going last. I figure in the spirit of the games you could really get them in whatever order you like. And I don’t have colors for everybody yet, but I feel like Chastity matches well with a soft pastel pink and Kindness is kind of a warm dandelion yellow. As for interactions with Max’s vices, oof, I should probably make that a different post since this one got so long ^^; But hoooooo boy I’m def gonna write it up!! These things are super fun to think about and I feel honored to be the first person I’ve seen put out some thoughts about them. Thanks so much for the prompt dude!! And ummm if anybody would like to ask anything else about this funky little concept I would be all too happy to answer teehee

(Oh also I’m definitely gonna draw them! But that’s gonna take a second so I figured I’d just post this while I’ve got it and put up some sketches of ‘em later, especially since they don’t come across that well without color and that’s gonna take even longer. I’m SO excited though hfjkldshfkdlsjfhsk)

[nervousspacerobot]

I loved TFOne and thought the designs were nice, imo it’d be fun to see a show or maybe even shorts focusing on the characters used in the backgrounds. I just want to see more of them! A sequel would be amazing… I love when VAs enjoy the character they play. Skybound Jazz is fun, and Skybound is fun but some of these later issues are kinda … mid? (Not bad just average) They’re fine and the art is nice but I’m not such a big fan of the direction they’ve taken and preferred it more in the beginning.

Being a fan of obscure characters can sure be rough a?

I adore the Earthspark characters and would love to see them reappear sometime because I believe they have lots of charm. Twitch and Nightshade are maybe my favorites.

I know some female characters reappear more in IDW 2005 comics, but especially when it comes to mainstream stories I would like to see them (´ｰ｀) I think they have been a lot better recently in their incorporation of female characters.

Seeing a price of life Ratchet and Megatron figure would be so amazing haah

Have you seen the Earthspark new season/part 2 trailer yet?

:) #gl

Exactly! I really like to see that most of the cast is excited about this movie and I do feel like the people who worked on it were really passionate about Transformers in general (except for the marketing team, hah)

I do like Skybound Jazz, but I don't see enough of him imo. I agree, it feels like the comic is slumping a bit (I'm going to be honest, Starscream's sad backstory did not make me care about him more.) (But Starscream is complicated for me because I see him in canon works and I'm like YES! THE BITCH! But the more fandom takes I see on him and the more sympathetic they try to make him, the less I care about him? I mean, I sympathize with him enough, but the more I see from the fandom, the more I'm tired of him idk. Love him in canon though most of the time.)

Being a fan of obscure characters can be rough, but hey, at least the writers don't remember them enough to kill them instantly.

I do really love the Terrans! It's really cool to see Nightshade be like WRITTEN as nonbinary in this show. Like it's there, you can't remove it. I wonder if the chaos Terrans are like... Like are they just... y'know?

Haven't read THAT much of IDW, I have to because I want to, but I've heard the really good and really bad of it.

Have seen the Earthspark trailer! I am excited. I hope the episodes turn out alright and this series ends in a bang. Bit worried about how it'll all work out though! Happy to see Prowl! I hope he's just a normal guy in this one. (Bit tired of IDW Prowl sullying the names of every other Prowl ever), but I'm pretty excited!

(Also I'm almost done with the response to that strawpage gimmick. I wanted to do I screenshot redraw and I'm doing that but I got in too deep with the effort haha)

Nice to hear from you as always!

[huntunderironskies]

Any tips for expanding on a Hunt by the different Pure Tribes? I’ve been thinking about how the Predator Kings would be direct hunters, in that you know they’re coming after encountering/escaping them once, although it’ll mean little if you’re not prepared since they’re the that’ll hunt unless you or they are dead, but I’m not sure how the Ivory Claws or Fire-Touched would hunt aside from some similarities to the Iron Masters & Bone Shadows

So one thing that's always fascinated me about Forsaken is the concept of bloodless hunts. I'd be remiss to not say that the Fire-Touched are probably the most okay with the concept. They've always been comparatively less violent than the Pure Tribes, which isn't saying much. It's not that they're less vicious, it's just they prefer to be subtle until they really aren't. Faith is the virus that must spread, and you can't infect a corpse. Going on a hunt to recruit people or steal territory isn't unheard of.

Fire-Touched talk. A lot. They're happy to do it, in fact, and they will give you a chance for diplomacy. It's not your fault you're ignorant, after all. You will know they're coming. The thing is, they're not happy with your death. Actually, they'd like to avoid it, but if you can't bend to what they want—to what Rabid Wolf wants—you might just need to. If you won't bend the knee, that's when things start getting scary.

It's your loved ones turning against you, and that plague of hatred suddenly spreading across your entire social safety net. It's not just you and the people around you getting physically sick, they're also becoming metaphorically sick, and this can extend to your territory itself if a Fire-Touched ritemaster figures out how to target spirits.

That's not to say that Fire-Touched can't hunt more directly, but they are less likely to do it and more likely to leave (badly injured whether psychologically or physically) survivors of a hunt. Mechanically they don't have as much staying power as the other Pure Tribes do and a lot of their Gifts run towards the indirect and socially manipulative.

Genuinely I think that Fire-Touched are the meanest as well. A lot of Pure Tribes are pretty cavalier about forcing humans to become Claimed but the Fire-Touched are probably the worst about it. They'll still try to ensure it's the right kind of spirits because they're pretty serious about respecting the Shadow but that doesn't really make things any better. For whatever reason within some groups I've been in they've gotten a reputation as the "nicest" or most sympathetic of the Pure Tribes when they are...not. Not saying they're unilaterally evil in the slightest because Forsaken has wayyyyy more nuance than that but, you know.

Side note, I think it helps here that their Tribal Oath is the only one that upholds a tenant that human morality generally values? Like, you're usually told as a kid lying is always bad (even though most ethicists are going to agree that the issue is complicated) and theirs is all about not permitting lies while some of the Forsaken Tribal Oaths can kind of be...a lot. That's neither here nor there though.

Okay, Ivory Claws next. Disclaimer, they're the Pure Tribe I tend to use the least, though when I ran a campaign set in Ohio they had a presence because one of my players was really interested in incorporating them into the character's backstory.

I'll say outright they're probably the hardest to pin down in terms of a style. Ivory Claws get compared to Storm Lords a lot but I think in a weird way it's almost more interesting to contrast them against the Hunters in Darkness while using Predator Kings as the foils to the Storm Lords.

I think Ivory Claws do best when it's emphasized that they're the ones who control the world. Just in general, but especially on the hunt. A Hunter in Darkness is very focused on their one little bit of territory and usually a specific place they've cultivated and may not even want to share much with their packmates (depending on their own personality and local traditions) but Ivory Claws get everything. They have money, social resources, spirit court allies, the entire world is at their claws. And that's without getting into the fact they pretty frequently experiment on themselves to perfect the werewolf condition. They exemplify werewolves as gods of the hunt.

You know what happens to the people who defy gods, right? Silver Wolf is also hurt, angry, and very, very vengeful, significantly more than the other two (plus Sky Hunter if you want to count in one of Chris Allen's Tribes) and because IMO Ivory Claws tend to skew towards the Flesh in a lot of regards, Ivory Claws are probably prone to calling a Hunt over seemingly minor offenses especially since their Sacred Prey is a bit floaty in terms of what it can encompass. It helps keep them balanced.

Predator Kings...yeah, they hunt like wolves. There's something comparatively very uncomplicated about them. They're not predictable, they are very good at what they do and hunting like wolves means hunting, not treating it like a military operation the way Blood Talons do. Once they get to the actual killing part, it's over pretty fast, but the lead-in takes place over a few days. I do think one really interesting angle that 2e incorporates is that they're also the most obsessive over Pangaea and have both rites and Merits that can make the world closer to what Pangaea was. This strongly suggests that, more than any other werewolf, Taga Dam is now a huge part of their spiritual life and identity. I actually quite like this angle, it gives them more of a thing than just "grrr civilization bad." I've always had a certain soft spot for them (inasmuch as you can for a Pure Tribe) and felt like they get misused a lot, so I can appreciate it.

[bonesandthebees]

New rose chapter!!!!! Oh my gosh!!! I can’t express how excited I was to see that! I had just finished rereading glass yesterday and remembered how you told me I could subscribe to your ao3 to get notified— I very much did not expect to get an email notification the day after I subscribed (especially since it’s the first time I subscribe to an author and I wasn’t sure what the supposed notification email would look like)

I loved it a lot though, I’m so excited to be reading as the chapters come out for the first time even though I’m not used to not being able to read everything at once. I reread your big fics so so often that with your writing atp I’m used to doing my best to forget as many details and scenes so I can reread them time and time again and enjoy them a million times over but I always already know the direction it’s going in and what will be revealed and what the ending will be. But with this it’s the first time in a while again that I get to enjoy one of your big fics and I really don’t know anything about what’s going to happen, let alone the fact everyone else reading as well also doesn’t know what’s going to happen. It’s super fun and I’ve really been enjoying it so far!

I am always in awe as to how distinct you make each of your characters in every fic while still keeping the core of them consistently feel like *them*. It’s amazing to me seeing just how powerful the dynamics are that they are rewritten in so many different ways yet it’s still them, and I’ll always be impressed with how you manage to make each of them unique to each fic. I remember a whiiile ago when I was first reading your other long fics apart from clinic a friend asked me if I was doing it to pretend I was reading more of the characters in clinic and I was so surprised because it never even crossed my mind due to how vastly unique and separate they are from eachother. Like yeah, I’m still reading crimeboys— but even within world forgetting and clinic where they’re the same genre of au (and on top of that, both from Tommy’s pov) they’re so different and I’ll never get tired of it.

Anyways, I feel bad for how much I’ve rambled on now so I’ll end this here— in conclusion: love your writing and it was a great treat to get to read a new rose chapter :) !! Hope you have an incredible time next month :D

XIMA!!! omg that's so perfect I updated the day after you subbed to me. well now you know what the email looks like! you'll get one of those anytime I post anything to my ao3 now :)

I'm so glad you're enjoying reading along this time around!! though of course it makes me so happy to hear you reread my other big fics all the time and still enjoy them. I do also think there's something fun about reading along as an author posts. it's kind of like following a weekly tv show except instead of getting a new chapter every week right now my schedule is looking more like... once a month. oops. but it keeps you in suspense!

god that makes me so happy to hear. I always try very hard to make sure the characters feel distinct while still feeling like the same characters. I'm sure some bits feel repetitive after a while (like my routine for crimeboys bonding is pretty straightforward at this point I feel) but I try my best to make them as new and interesting as I can while still staying true to the core of the characters. like my different au characters all feel incredibly different from one another while still being the same characters in general. like I guess the closest two are stars!wilbur and rose!wilbur but even then they still have pretty distinct differences. but like clinic!wilbur is vastly different from like, most of my other fic!wilburs imo so while your friend is incredibly valid for wondering that it also makes zero sense to me lol

never feel bad for rambling in my inbox xima this made me so happy to see tysm. I'm so happy you're enjoying rose so far!!! and ty I'm very excited for my trip :D

[pinkarachnia]

Lesbian Anime Review #8 - Yuri Kuma Arashi

Shrek voice: “Dykes are… like bears”

When I started watching this show, I didn’t know the name Kunihiko Ikuhara. I watched the first few episodes with my partner and commented to them that this show reminds me a lot of Mawaru Penguindrum. I don’t know whether I feel very smart or very dumb but I guess I got that vibe for a reason.

Man, I really like Ikuhara shows. I was looking at his credits on MyAnimeList and he directed the opening sequence for Aoi Hana, which I praised in my review. I watched the first of the two Penguindrum recap movies and I still love that show. I hadn’t seen the full lyrics to Nornir translated before, and it goes harder than I remember from 2011. I can only imagine that YuriKuma sprung forth from his mind when he learned that despite the release of Revolutionary Girl Utena, homophobia still exists. Keep fighting the good fight, Ikuhara!

First, non-plot elements. The animation is good but it’s not Eizouken, you won’t be blown away constantly. I like the art in this show a lot. I never stopped thinking the bears were adorable. It has a classic Ikuhara extended transformation sequence but it doesn’t appear in full after the third episode. I don’t mind this really, I felt like after I saw the bear girls lick honey off naked Kureha the third time I had seen it enough.

Oh yeah this show is horny as fuck. They loaded this with classic yuri yearning, but what if they could touch each other while they yearn? All the yearning appears to be kiss related, but other activities are fair game here. More on that in the spoiler section later.

I like the opening and endings to this. The opening theme to this makes me understand why people like ASMR. The ending has a cute dancing bear and I’m always happy to see that little guy bounce around.

Every episode someone stands before a court of three bear men called Life Sexy (judge) Life Cool (prosecutor) and Life Beauty (defence) and they judge whether they have the right to transform from bears into humans. I didn’t want to put this in the plot discussion section. Fuck you.

It’s going to be very hard to talk about the plot of this show without spoiling it, but to give you a very general idea, Yuri Kuma Arashi is about a world that is split into two halves; one where the humans live and one where the bears live. They’re separated by a huge literal barrier called the Species Divide. They have always hated each other, but they have always loved each other. The main character, Kureha Tsubaki, is a human girl. Bears have started infiltrating her high school in disguise as human girls because they want to eat her. She seems to be a prime target for bear attack. Humans in this world are always vigilant for bear attack and a lot of them seem to have firearms. Kureha herself practices with a rifle in case of a bear encounter because her mother was killed by a bear when she was younger. The plot kicks off when two bears disguised as humans infiltrate the school, Ginko Yurishiro and Lulu Yurigasaki. All the bears put Yuri in their human names so you can always see it coming. What could this mean? I know the answer to that. Let’s go on an adventure into the least subtle subtext I’ve ever seen.

Spoilers from here. That is sexy. Shabadadoo.

I don’t really want to talk about the plot to this show, I just want to talk about what the plot means. Just like Penguindrum before it, this show is very heavy on the symbolism, but unlike Penguindrum I found it really easy to decipher what it all means here.

This is a show about gay persecution. The bears are gay people and the humans are straight people. There are a couple of exceptions where you see a human character partake in a gay activity but that appears to be the overarching theme here. It’s pretty on the nose from the point where you clock that every bear has Yuri in their name, but the most prominent examples of this are with the main character and her deal and with her mother and her friend, the school principal.

The principal, Yurika, is a bear. She was close friends with Kureha’s mother, Reia. Yurika goes through a terrible grief when Kureha is born because she realises that Reia never loved her the way she loved Reia. Sorry you fell for a straight girl, Yurika.

As the plot progresses it quickly starts revolving around the relationship between Ginko and Kureha. They were friends as kids because Kureha crossed the Species Divide to find Ginko and brought her over to the human side of the world, where they lived together for a time. She has no memories of their friendship, which we’re lead to believe is because in order to gain the power to turn into a human girl, Ginko forfeited Kureha’s memories of their friendship. At the end, they reveal that this wasn’t quite accurate, it was actually Kureha who asked the court to allow Ginko to become human. The court tells her that this is an arrogant wish, that it’s presumptuous to assume that Ginko would want to become human to stay with her in a world that hates bears. Kureha is a child at the time so she doesn’t understand that conversion therapy is wrong, so she does it anyway, forfeiting her own memories as the price. At the climax of the show, Kureha stands before the court again and makes a new request, that she be turned into a bear. They’re happy she finally gets it and she goes bear mode. Then she and Ginko get to kiss and it’s the end.

There’s a great subtitle in episode 12 and I don’t know if it’s a line from the dub, but there’s a firing squad of human girls aiming at bear Kureha and Ginko and the leader is saying, “shoot her! She’s a bear! She’s disgusting!”, but the subtitle for “she’s a bear” was “she’s gay” just in case you didn’t get it. I really like this. Why not drop all pretences in the final episode? This show was always about this.

There’s a recurring sequence where a league of school girls called the Phantom Wuthering (Toumei na Arashi) get out their phones and vote for who amongst their peers is the evil one to be eliminated and it’s always Kureha. Since she was a kid she’s been branded a bear sympathiser so she’s the obvious pick to all these girls who have been trained to eliminate gay people (bears). But also, they’re constantly manipulated by a leader figure who either is a bear who wants to eat Kureha or is being manipulated by a bear. Some bears are just evil, but I guess some gay people are evil too so whatever.

I will happily fly the banner for Ikuhara’s brand of surreal storytelling, but I would like very much to know if the girls survived at the end or if they died to the straight girl firing squad. Just this once I’d like it if we could be slightly less vague about it. Literally every other gay gets buried in this show, and they did leave it ambiguous; the straights are pleased with themselves because the gays have been removed, and neither Kureha or Ginko were in the bear afterlife scene with Lulu at the end, but they just say, “no one knows where they went” and to be honest I am a little dissatisfied with that. I just don’t think those straight girls would be celebrating if there weren’t cadavers.

But I digress, this was a lesbian ass anime. Genuine props for making it about homosexuality and the fear of being outed in a group where you would be hated by your peers. I can’t wait for Ikuhara to learn about trans people.

Final thoughts:

I’m going get some honey and pour it directly into my mouth.

I’m giving this one an 8/10.

[turbulentscrawl]

Hi hi! Can I get a matchup please? 🩷

You can call me Mae :) I’m Agender and use any pronouns. My sexual orientation is bisexual, and I tend to lean towards guys more recently, but generally don’t have much of a preference.

In terms of personality; I’m really blunt (almost painfully so) and hate sugarcoating ANYTHING- I value honesty most. I’m an INTJ, way more on the introverted side of that, I’m perfectly happy not speaking to anybody for a few days at a time if I need to rest after a long week of talking. I have a strong fear of abandonment and can act pretty immature when expressing these feelings, along with just having childish fears in general

I’m a multi sport athlete and I’m really good at music - things like singing, composing, ect! My other interests are photography (I’m awful at it though lol), drawing and baking. I just got into weightlifting and that is quickly becoming a hobby as well.

One thing I’m the most interested in is what makes a person act the way they are- what differentiates the brains and genetic codes of ordinary people and criminals, geniuses, ect. I plan to go into a medical research type field in order to work on it more.

I think that’s about it, sorry for writing so much! Have a good day/night :)

Thanks for requesting, Mae! I hope you like it <3

I ship you with William Ellis!

-William is a simple guy who can go with the flow and likes direct communication. He enjoys spending Quality Time with his partners, but would be equally happy to entertain himself when you need more space to decompress. Basically, he doesn’t require a ton of special accommodation and is perfectly fine with adapting to your changing needs and social levels.

-You two would likely meet at some sporting event or in the gym. He’s both friendly and competitive, so he could approach you for any number of reasons and strike up a conversation. You can just straight up tell him you’re fed up with talking and he’s like “alright, cool, here’s my number, text me when you wanna talk again ‘k?”

-On that note, he really appreciates your bluntness. It’s hot, actually. He’s pretty blunt himself, and he appreciates not having to keep track of things like subtext or implications. Life is much easier when people just say what’s on their mind and deal with whatever may come from it.

-You two bond over physical activities. He’s down for literally anything, but he especially likes the weight lifting and would love to talk to you about rugby. Did I mention he’s the best hype-man to have at the gym? …unless you hate the attention it brings, then it’s awful and he’ll do his best to whisper-yell instead. He slips occasionally though, sorry.

-He’s not the most romantic guy around, but he is very loyal and supportive. Anything you want to do, you can do. Anything you DO do, you’re great at. No arguments. Does he know anything at all about drawing or photography? No. But that’s not gonna stop him from picking his favorites that you do and demanding for a copy to keep. Some of them are even framed in his apartment.

-There may be some arguments regarding how you express your fear of abandonment—William isn’t the most insightful guy and isn’t likely to see your insecurities bubbling up until they’re bubbling over—but rest assured he doesn’t take those kinds of arguments to heart. He’s a forgiving guy and really only has lasting issues with people being intentionally malicious. You argued? The next day he’s texting you what you want for dinner like it never happened. All is well.

Runner Up: Aesop Carl

[malikson]

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CqQKS1_jAwE/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Ughh the other pics/vid i could handle, but I hate that there is more. This video looks more real and I hate it. Im soo sad for Harry that he has to do this to stay in the closet.

(Also not gonna lie, always makes me a bit anxious about my Larry believes)

Kinda makes me miss Olivia and Eleanor cause Louis and Harry didnt have to stunt like this. How do you deal with the saddness you feel for Harry & Louis in this situation (assuming you do)?

hi anon!!! personally looking at the video i can see how stiff harry looks, and how she’s putting in more work than him. whenever harry kisses, he cradles people’s faces, we’ve seen it multiple times. here though, his hands are placed on her sides and i’m pretty sure he pats her sides (which??? lol)

see the thing about larry is that we live in limbo. i would love to come here and reassure you that they’re still very much together with 100% proof, but we don’t really know, do we? however i do believe they’re together because of things that keep happening (schedules alighting, going mia at the same time, running around the same circles, their friends, family and colleagues interacting with one another, their music and lyrics). my belief in them being still together is strong, and, as of now, that won’t change no matter what

how do i deal with the sadness? first recognizing that whatever i feel and do will not change the circumstances. it’s their lives, their closets, their pr decisions, etc etc. i can turn off my phone and keep living my life like nothing, whereas they can’t, and there is nothing i can do about it, and even if it pains me, it’s something i have to come to terms with. also analyze how i feel about a certain situation. does it bother me? if so, ignore it. block or unfollow people. filter tags. take a break. talk to my friends about it. distract myself with my real life hobbies/work

this is not directed at you anon, but in general. think about the reasons why you’re here in the first place. what drives you to harry and louis? if you realize you’re no longer happy and just feel negative towards them, disengage. move on to something that makes you happy. i believe it’s not worth it if it’s affecting you or your mental health so much

[the-sisters-madrigal]

Oooh! Can I request a drabble about Isabela talking to her plants?

A/N: Thank you so, so much for the request!

Whoo.... It's been a few since I've written for this fandom, lol. Honestly, it's been a few since I've written anything 😅💖 I've been super busy lately, but I'm trying to get back into this fandom.

I hope you enjoy! 💞

Word Count: 3.1k+

   Mirabel had successfully managed to sneak through the house that the Guzmán’s had so generously allowed them to stay in since the fall and beginning of the rebuild of Casita, leaving her room as she made her way to Isabela’s with her nightgown flowing behind her.

   She was hoping that her sister would be up for a bit of late-night discussion that evening. They had done that a few times so far, the two of them trying to get closer despite the thick tension that had been between them just a few weeks ago, and Isabela had always assured her that it was fine to just come over to talk anytime. So, Mirabel had finally gotten the courage to take her up on it, and she was on her way over.

   As she sneaked past several rooms, she finally reached Isabela’s. She opened the door softly, deciding she would peek in to see if Isabela was still awake. To her happiness, there was candlelight coming from the room, and Mirabel smiled as she found renewed courage to go in.

   Mirabel came through Isabela’s door, but as soon as she was about to softly call her, she spotted her on the bed. Quickly after that, she realized that Isabela was carrying on a conversation with someone.

   “I know I haven’t talked to you about this in a while, and I truly just can’t talk to anybody else about it,” Isabela confessed, and Mirabel’s interest was instantly piqued as she wondered what in the world that Isabela could be discussing that was this delicate of a matter.

   And so, despite the fact that she knew it was probably not the politest thing to do, Mirabel quieted, softly shutting the door behind her after hurrying over to hide behind the room divider nearby and figure out what Isabela was talking about.

   “I know it’s selfish. I can’t bring myself to talk to the two people that this has to do with because I’m scared of what they’re going to say to me when it’s probably things that I deserve to hear,” Isabela groaned tiredly and sadly.

   Isabela’s back was currently turned toward Mirabel, and Mirabel adjusted her glasses a bit as she tried to spot who exactly that Isabela was talking to.

   She quickly realized that Isabela’s bed was lifted off the ground just a little, the bedsheets hanging over just barely to cover the crack between the floor and the bottom of the bed. Mirabel leaned down, figuring that she would try to see if she could see the feet of whoever was on the other side of the bed.

   To her surprise, there were no feet besides Isabela’s where her legs were hanging over the side of the bed, and there were only several cactuses and other plants sitting near the bed in pots.

   Mirabel quickly came to the conclusion that Isabela must be talking to her plants that she had gathered for herself since she lost her gift. Granted, that was not the strangest thing she had ever heard of since apparently talking to plants was supposed to make them grow better or something like that, but it was still a little odd to picture Isabela talking to things that could not talk back to her. Isabela always seemed like the sort of person to keep her conversations among people, but Mirabel could not deny that she found it strangely endearing and hilarious for her big sister to talk to her botanical pets.

   “So like usual, it’s pretty much the same thing. Soul-crushing guilt that I deserve to have to feel all the time,” Isabela admitted, a certain exhaustion in her voice.

   The lighthearted feelings that Mirabel had just experienced at the discovery of Isabela’s habit of talking to the plants completely dissipated as she blinked in surprise at the harsh words that Isabela directed toward herself.

   Granted, as Mirabel had come to know her sister just a little better, she had realized that Isabela seemed to have a good dose of self-hatred that was utterly opposite of the way that Mirabel had originally perceived her to feel about herself in the past.

   Mirabel always thought that Isabela was full of herself, and while it always had a tendency to come out that way, it was not actually the truth of what was going on. She had truly been insecure and terribly worried about being perfect all of the time, the pressure of it all had gotten to her and drove her to be a person that was oftentimes less than perfectly pleasant.

   “I’ve been so awful to Mirabel. She was the person that I took all the frustration out on, and it wasn’t fair to her at all, and I know that I’ve talked about this a hundred times, but it’s something that I think about every single day that I look at her. I just can’t get all of those times out of my head,” Isabela acknowledged with a deep sigh.

   Mirabel instantly felt her heart aching with the admission. While she had not really gotten a direct apology from Isabela, they were trying to look forward, or at least Mirabel had been trying to.

   She supposed that Isabela just was not quite there yet.

   There were a few moments of silence before Isabela spoke up again.

   “Well, yeah, but… I’ve been an absolute jerk to her, and I just,” Isabela trailed off, seeming to be searching for the right words. Isabela was carrying on a full-on one-sided conversation with the plants at this point, and while the strangeness of it all did not escape Mirabel, she was completely unfocused on that fact in favor of listening to what Isabela had to say about her.

   “Honestly sometimes I don’t know how to fix things between us. I feel like I’ve been the worst sister in the world and even though she says things are okay between us now, I think I’ll always feel that way,” Isabela said, her back still facing Mirabel.

   Mirabel furrowed her brow as she remained hidden.

   Isabela shook her head, rubbing at her face as she turned sideways on the bed so her feet were at the base of it and she laid down.

   “Yeah, I know, don’t even get me started on Luisa. We used to be so close when we were kids, but after that whole thing with Mirabel’s ceremony and when Abuela really started cracking down on us, we grew apart and I practically abandoned her for years,” Isabela woefully admitted.

   Mirabel felt her heart hurting even more, and she could not help the bit of guilt that swelled within her at the fact that it had been her failure of a ceremony that had caused all the misery. Nevertheless, Mirabel remained silent, almost afraid to interrupt Isabela’s one-sided discussion.

   “The point to it all? Well, I guess I’m just really, really sorry. For all of the time we lost where we could’ve been true hermanas to one another and for the fact that it’s my fault it all happened that way,” Isabela confessed.

   “Abuela wanted me to be perfect in every way, focusing on my studies and on all the proper etiquette. But in the middle of all that, I forgot about being the perfect sister,” Isabela explained, and Mirabel felt her heart sinking as she listened to her sister speak.

   “And I don’t think I’m ever going to forgive myself for that,” Isabela confessed, and Mirabel could see something shining glistening down Isabela’s cheek from where the candlelight was shining near the bed.

   Mirabel instantly resolved to speak up and reveal herself. Seeing her big sister cry hurt her too much to simply sit by and continue to listen.

   “Isa?” Mirabel called hesitantly. Instantly, Isabela shot up in bed, her eyes wide as she looked in Mirabel’s direction. As she spotted her, she quickly turned her head away, subtly wiping at her eyes before looking back at her with a definitively fake smile.

   “Hey, Mirabel, come in,” Isabela softly welcomed her, and Mirabel came over to her. She was unable to hold back the absolute sadness radiating within her on behalf of her older sister, and it evidently showed on her face because Isabela’s smile quickly faltered.

   “How long have you been here?” Isabela asked, seeming terribly hesitant to even utter the words. Mirabel smiled in a manner that was somewhere between nervousness and sheepishness.

   “Just for a few… Who were you talking to?” Mirabel questioned, trying to redirect her older sister from the fact that she had been there eavesdropping for most of the conversation. Isabela offered her a glance that was slightly suspicious, but she ultimately just sighed and allowed Mirabel her distraction.

   Mirabel was honestly surprised at the fact that she had allowed the slight change of course. Isabela was usually one to call Mirabel on the carpet about things like that and ordinarily, if she suspected eavesdropping, she would have said something for sure.

   “I was just talking to my plants,” Isabela confessed, gesturing to the potted plants on the other side of the bed.

   Mirabel stepped a bit closer, craning her neck to get a better look. Sure enough, it was just as she had spotted earlier.

   Trying her best to remain as merciful as possible, Mirabel refrained from picking on her about it for the time being. After all, she had to focus on Isabela and all of the pent-up feelings that she had.

   “I call it floratherapy,” Isabela somewhat wryly stated, a bit of embarrassment showing itself in her cheeks as she kept her eyes largely focused on the bed instead of on Mirabel’s own gaze.

   Mirabel swallowed, trying to muster the courage to make a joke despite Isabela’s seeming misery and humiliation.

   “Is that in the same neighborhood as aromatherapy?” Mirabel questioned jokingly, hoping to earn at least a bit of something happy from her big sister.

   Isabela chuckled just a little despite the definitive sadness in her gaze. Mirabel just barely came closer to the bed, hesitating as she remained reluctant to up and jump onto it with Isabela.

   Isabela, seeming to realize what Mirabel was subtly asking, patted the bed quickly without hesitation. Mirabel moved onto the bed, and she quickly noticed the flash of guilt in Isabela’s gaze. She could only imagine what was going through her sister’s head at the moment, so she did not push for any sort of an insight on her thoughts.

   “Were you listening?” Isabela finally questioned.

   There it was. That inevitable calling out that Mirabel had been waiting for earlier.

   Mirabel nodded, an apology instantly on her tongue.

   “Lo siento… I promise I didn’t mean to. I wanted to come in here and talk to you and when I came in, I kind of just walked in when you were in the middle of it, so I sort of got caught up listening,” Mirabel rambled, the end of her explanation finishing off with the lilt of a question as she trailed off.

   Isabela sighed softly, and to Mirabel’s surprise, she did not even seem to be aggravated at the admission. She instead simply looked defeated and forlorn, and Mirabel found that she would almost rather Isabela to be aggravated because this was so unnatural for her.

   There was dead silence for a few moments, and there were no words in the space between the both of them. Mirabel was torn about whether she should interrupt the silence or not, but just as she was about to speak, Isabela filled the silence with the gentlest of words.

   “I’ve been awful to you for all of our lives… And even though everything’s supposed to be okay now, I still hate myself for what I did to you,” Isabela told her, and Mirabel shook her head, trying to slow Isabela down a little in the midst of this raging storm of guilt.

   “Isa, you don’t have to be—”

   “I do. I do have to be,” Isabela spoke up, her voice just a little louder than the low tone she had a moment ago. Desperation was showing itself in the sound of her voice as she looked at Mirabel pleadingly, her eyes searching Mirabel’s.

   “I wasn’t a perfect sister to you. I wasn’t even a good one. And I look back at all the things I said out of frustration and anger and jealousy,” Isabela stopped abruptly as she seemed to be somewhere between trying to think of what to say next and reveling a little in the feelings that she just admitted to.

   Mirabel stared at her, surprised at the mention of Isabela being jealous. Isabela was a lot of things, but to think of her being jealous was an extremely odd thought.

   “You were jealous?” Mirabel could not help but ask, and Isabela quickly shut her mouth, clenching her jaw a bit as she looked away for a brief moment. She then looked down at the bed underneath them.

   “I was,” Isabela whispered, her voice painfully quiet as she looked as if she were going to melt into a puddle. Mirabel could see the clear embarrassment in her eyes, and she knew that it must have been taking a lot for Isabela to admit to all of these less than perfect emotions.

   For Isabela to talk about her emotions at all was something odd and new to them. However, Isabela had been trying to do better with that since they had started to reconnect and since they had been having these talks at night, and it was something that Mirabel greatly appreciated. Any insight she could gain regarding her oldest sister was always extremely helpful to her. Plus, it was just nice to understand Isabela and grow closer with her as a result of that.

   However, at the moment, Mirabel was positively reeling from Isabela’s words. Jealousy was the furthest thing from her mind when she pictured Isabela. Isabela was self-confident and graceful, and Mirabel was only just recently starting to figure out the real Isabela underneath the shining veneer of perfection.

   “Why?” Mirabel asked, complete shock still running through her. Isabela closed her eyes before reopening them and tentatively trying to raise her gaze to at least look at the bottom half of Mirabel’s face. She did not seem to quite have the courage to look into her eyes.

   “Because you were free. Freer than I ever could be and ever was. I was jealous because you didn’t have to constantly worry about whether or not you were doing things right. Everybody expected you to make mistakes so you were free to make them whenever,” Isabela explained. Mirabel could not help the slight sting she felt at the last statement.

   To her surprise, Isabela seemed to instantly read her emotions as she stiffened and dropped her face into her hands.

   “Lo siento, I didn’t mean it like that,” Isabela’s muffled voice came from between her fingers after a few moments. Mirabel nodded despite the fact that Isabela was not looking at her and could not see her from where she had hidden her face.

   “I know,” Mirabel replied, trying to move the conversation past the slight hurt she felt and instead on the bigger problem at hand. Isabela woefully let her hands fall away from her face.

   “I just meant you didn’t have to worry about one screw-up causing the family’s legacy to come crashing down because you didn’t have all of that pressure to be perfect all the time,” Isabela clarified tiredly.

   Recovering from the slight injury from earlier, Mirabel simply looked at her carefully, wordlessly trying to bring her oldest sister’s gaze to her own.

   When Isabela still would not look at her, Mirabel softly touched her shoulder. Isabela instantly glanced in the direction of the touch, but Mirabel did not remove her hand, figuring that Isabela would shrug it off if she did not want her to touch her right now.

   However, Isabela made no such move.

   “You shouldn’t have had to worry about it either,” Mirabel acknowledged, and Isabela made a faced something close to a grimace as she looked at Mirabel just momentarily.

   “I did, though. Abuela made me feel like it all depended on me so often, and I know that sounds selfish, but,” Isabela paused with a sigh, seemingly attempting to think through how to say the words in her mind, “I felt that way because she put so much faith in me and what I was going to bring to the family because of the marriage.”

   Mirabel just watched her, and Isabela looked at Mirabel once more.

   “Lo siento, mariposa. Lo siento mucho,” Isabela emphasized, the apology soft yet fervent in its tone.

   Mirabel was utterly shocked at the words, and she was instantly taken aback. Mirabel blinked, her mouth going dry as she completely found herself at a loss for words.

   The last thing that Mirabel had expected Isabela to do was apologize. Isabela was not an apologetic sort of person, and her pride was one of her primary characteristics. Mirabel had honestly been prepared to accept Isabela’s attempts at being more friendly and sisterly as an apology in itself, but to hear the actual words brought some amount of closure and relief to her that she had not fully realized that she needed.

   Once Mirabel got past a little of the shock, she realized that there was utter terror in Isabela’s eyes, and she was now especially stiff. Mirabel instantly knew that she thought Mirabel was not going to accept the apology, and the youngest sister instantly spoke up.

   “Isa… That’s… Gracias,” Mirabel expressed, not sure what to say but trying to come up with something to bring some amount of reassurance to her. Isabela’s eyes shifted to meet Mirabel’s gaze. There was surprise, hope, and guilt rolled all into one as she eyed the girl.

   Mirabel swallowed, really wanting to hug Isabela but not exactly sure how to ask for it. She was not entirely sure if Isabela would be up for it, but she figured she might try. She needed to do something to make Isabela feel better and to express Mirabel’s own relief and love.

   Isabela did not seem to catch on to Mirabel’s intent despite her ability to read people, her eyes simply remaining slightly widened and staring at Mirabel. Therefore, Mirabel finally squeezed her shoulder a little, taking in a breath before going for it.

   Isabela froze as Mirabel hugged her. For several moments, Mirabel’s arms were around Isabela and Isabela was not doing anything. Fearing that she had overstepped a little, Mirabel started to pull back.

   However, before she could move away, Isabela latched on, her arms warmly coming around Mirabel as she hugged her tightly. Mirabel stopped before sinking into her a little more heavily. She shut her eyes tightly, reveling in the feel of her oldest sister’s arms around her.

   “Te quiero,” Mirabel told her.

   “Yo… Yo también te quiero,” Isabela hesitantly whispered in reply.

   They were moving forward. Or at least Mirabel was.

   And now maybe Isabela finally could, too.

[curufiin]

Just found Calantar and I wanna know more about the baby🥺

OMGGG i’m so happy you like him 😭😭 okay let me try to explain his deal in an actually coherent way bc apparently i am bad at doing this

SO. He’s part of my curufin au, aptly named Ringmaker Curvo (fic coming never), where Annatar instead seduces Curufin while he’s still in Nargothrond to make the rings of power.

Basically after Luthien kicks his ass, and before Curufin gets thrown out of Nargothrond, Sauron decides he can’t go back to Morgoth like this and embarrass himself because Morgoth would kill him. So he ends up flying in the direction of Nargothrond, crashlands somewhere nearby from exhaustion, and is found by hunters from Nargothrond who take him there.

Once inside he snoops around, and finds out about the general chaos inside going on including the two C’s. Annatar proceeds to pretend ro have some super important request, is granted a meeting with Curufin, and they bond over their love of smithing. They end up going out pretending to go rescue Finrod, Curufin discovers Annatar is Sauron (he doesn’t really care and is immediately planning to use him and betray him later), they run into Carcharoth and murder him, and get the Silmaril somehow. Shoutout to @maironsbigboobs for helping me with this mwa

So anyway more unspecified things happen and honestly idk the plot of the AU. Onto Calantar. Celebrimbor disowns Curufin early and leaves Nargothrond by himself. Curufin is absolutely devastated, and by this point his sanity is at some questionable level, and he’s also kinda in love with Sauron (sauron x curufin ftw yay). So he approaches him, and is like “hey. My son fucking abandoned me. Give me another son.”

Obviously they can’t just procreate since they’re both guys and Sauron doesn’t feel like getting pregnant, so they decide to actually create a baby. Like, literally craft a baby. Curufin gives up a part of his soul for this (and almost dies), but they still need the flesh to bind the soul with. Sauron uses his flesh, probably cuts off a forearm <- that got changed! Here is the new post :) but TLDR it's the same except now Sauron splits off some of his soul and Curufin cuts off an arm. and after a long ritual involving necromancy and grave robbing and whatever, Calantar is made! He’s born as a toddler so no need to deal with an actual infant.

Originally, he was just named Laurinquar (golden fist) Curufinwe/ion because Curufin is awful with names. However, since he was made of Maia flesh, Calantar is *very* attuned with the Song, and his light powers eventually show up, hence the name Calantar (lord of light/bringer of light). He also inherited Sauron’s shapeshifting, but he can only shapeshift into elven forms, not animals.

Eventually Curufin is kicked out of Nargothrond anyway, plot happens, and he dies. I haven’t decided if Curufin should be taken to Angband as a “prisoner” or if he should die in the second kinslaying, but either way, he’s dead, Sauron’s got a ring, and Calantar is in Angband now.

The deal with Calantar is that he’s basically a mash up of every bad thing about Sauron, and every bad thing about Curufin. He’s arrogant, snide, extremely haughty, he’s a perfectionist, he thinks he’s better than everyone, and he is extremely loyal to his parents. He truly believes that Sauron is bettering the world, and he gets very aggressive when he thinks someone is insulting his family. He was also raised partly by Morgoth (who definitely also wanted to use this demon elf child for his own purposes) sooooooo

All of that means he functions as a very efficient attack dog for Sauron once he does grow up and get his powers under control. He isn’t really involved in the War of Wrath because he was still pretty young, but in the second age he does do a lot of dirty work for Sauron, including commanding his own battalion to attack Eregion. Ofc he has either no idea or only a vague idea Celebrimbor is his brother, and Celebrimbor has no idea who he is. When Sauron gets “imprisoned” by Ar Pharazon, Calantar is in Middle Earth managing Sauron’s henchmen and property (yay property manager!) and generally laying low. He fights in the Final Alliance, almost dies, and goes into hiding for many years.

Since he’s made of Sauron’s flesh, this means he’s also sort of bound to the ring in the sense he can feel its presence and can feel it calling to him. Eventually, he’s sent out to find the ring and return it, and this is where his elven disguises become useful. While Calantar is a huge asshole, he is perfectly capable of playing the role of a wise elven guardian and get people to trust him, only to turn on them at the last second. Watch out frodo

[thisaintascenereviews]

Vinyl Obscura, Episode II: Briar - Crown Of Thorns / daKrash - S/T

The 1980s were such a prosperous decade for music, and it’s easy to forget that a lot of things were happening at once in different scenes. Whether it was new wave, post-punk, hip-hop, death metal, hardcore, or tons more stuff, things were happening everywhere. Music was going into a ton of new and exciting directions, but the issue with that is a lot of these genres ended up becoming over saturated. Take both hard-rock/ heavy metal (I’m lumping them both together here for a reason), and R&B for example. By the late 80s, there were tons of hard-rock and heavy metal bands, especially of the hair / glam variety, as well as tons of R&B acts, and with every genre, a lot of those acts fall through the cracks.

For this episode of Vinyl Obscura, I wanted to briefly talk about two albums for the price of one, mainly because I have the same thoughts on both albums, which I’ll get to later. Those albums would be Briar’s third album, 1988’s Crown Of Thorns, and daKrash’s 1988 self-titled debut. Both of these came out in the same year, which is weird, but they’re from totally different genres in completely parts of the world. I had never heard of either of these bands, as is the idea of this series, but I was curious by the album covers. I will say that the album cover for Crown Of Thorns on my vinyl copy is a lot better than the cover on streaming services, but the album intrigued me, nonetheless.

Upon doing some slight research, I found out a couple of things, namely that Briar is a British heavy metal / hard rock band that formed in the early 80s but broke up in the early 90s, whereas daKrash is an R&B / funk band that only put out one album, and they disappeared as quickly as they formed. I couldn’t find much information about them, despite the band being signed to Capitol, but I’m not surprised. The thing with both of these albums is that they’re kind of forgettable, despite not being that bad. Sure, they’re generic and nothing you haven’t heard before, but there are some solid tracks and nothing on these albums is outright bad.

With that said, though, it’s clear why these bands never took off. Both hard rock and R&B were saturated at the time, and unless you were Motley Crue, Guns N Roses, Def Leppard, or Bon Jovi at that same time, no one really cared about you, and the same can be said for R&B. If you weren’t Prince or Michael Jackson, along with a few others, you got left behind. These albums don’t do anything that makes them stick out, at least enough to say they should have been bigger. One thing I’ve found with this series and diving into obscure stuff that never got any popularity, or mainstream exposure to a large extent, is that not everything is going to be a hidden gem.

Some of the things that I’ve come across have just been “pretty good” or “okay,” but there’s nothing wrong with that. These albums are good, but I’d only recommend these if you enjoy their respective styles of music. You won’t get anything out of these albums that you couldn’t get from better acts in their genres, but they’re good for what they are. I can see why they never caught on, though, which I hate to say, but not everything is destined to be super popular. Sometimes things are better off to be obscure pieces of art that someone like myself may stumble upon, but I’m still happy that I heard these.

[nisaadventures]

“It’s your outlook on life that counts. If you take yourself lightly and don’t take yourself too seriously, pretty soon you can find the humor in our everyday lives. And sometimes it can be a lifesaver.” - Betty White

Before the day begins I just want to start on a good note. This is not to say each day doesn’t because they generally 100% do.

Today is my 33rd birthday. *Wide eyes & raised eyebrows* I still feel hella young (lol sincerely and jokingly said).

I’ve learned so much this year, about life, myself, leaning into self-love, leaning away from comparison.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I’d love to say, just don’t do it… but we are human and there will always be moments where we either do compare or are tempted in that direction. I have found that if I focus on my life, there are endless opportunities for joy.

The dogs seemingly enjoy their meals because they’re still licking the bowl after its empty, joy.

Jay playing music and cooking dinner/meal prep in the kitchen, joy. All the gratitude when the kitchen is even clean when he’s done (Thank you, hunny!).

Walking to Kuya’s house to workout and hangout, always joy. It’s always an added bonus that Nina has kept coming, despite my crazy programmed core workouts (lol ok they’re not crazy. You might like them if you tried *wink*).

When I bought a new salad spinner, fixed the AC, installed the new doorbell (lol) all the things people deem ‘adulting.’ Yup, those are joy too. Me being a list person, whenever I can cross something off or get something done, so much joy.

And that may sound silly, but if we can find joy in the day to day, the things some would call mundane, then not a day will go by that you don’t find it. Perspective is important here. We obviously can’t control life and things get thrown our way all the time: the shitty driver who almost hit us on the way to work, your dog chewing the corner of your couch, the weather, a crazy day at work because who knows (was it a full moon again?), etc. etc. etc. Now lets not go into this with that toxic positivity. I’m not saying your perspective will magically make everything better and its sunshine and rainbows… but when we practice self-awareness and mindfulness we learn to process.

Take today for instance… or this time of year for that matter. I know its a hard time of year for me. As my motivation decreases, distractibility increases, and I easily cry, I know its because the associations, its triggering. I wish my birthday wasn’t such a trigger… I definitely find reasons to be thankful. I think by thinking that I have to be happy or excited around this time, I set myself up. Isn’t it just an expectation that society has placed on us that our birthday should be an exciting time of year? Because as kids our birthdays meant parties, family, fun, and gifts. Not to say those aren’t all good things.

Anyway, my train of thought it like woooo… happens a lot.

I think its important to understand that associations can change, feelings evolve, and our perspective and self-awareness can help shape a lot of that. I know this is a hard time and I also know that happiness in this time is also a thing. The duality of adulthood and if you haven’t seen Inside Out… I mean simply said. The duality of emotion is a beautiful and complicated thing. So though I may be sad, I’ve learned to lean into the joy.

If you’re struggling with grief, comparison, growing up, accepting change, whatever it may be, just know you’re not alone. Thank you to all my loved ones and those of you who still pop in to read my now very occasional posts and external processing. I am very thankful for all the people in my life and even for those who aren’t.

“Each day comes bearing its gifts. Untie the ribbon.” - Ann Rush Schabacker

[sweetdeansaremadeofthese]

Hi there! You don't know me, but I finished watching Community a while ago, and I was really happy to find your blog! Craig was by far my favourite character and I love looking at your art / reading all the stuff you write about him. I was wondering, why do you dislike season 5? It was my least favourite season as well, but I can't really put my finger on why.

oh hey another super old ask i never got to that i’m going to answer now, because i can do literally whatever i want and nobody can stop me

HMM! season 5! i feel like my dislike for it has softened with every rewatch, but it definitely feels like a departure. after talking about it with my partner, i think i can put some of the vibes into words: 

for one--and this is such a weird thing to consider--is that the color grading is pretty different from the first four seasons! it feels like it’s attempting to be more grounded in reality, but without abandoning the decidedly-not-grounded-in-reality plotlines of seasons 3-4. season 6 also has very different color grading, but because the plots feel way more grounded in reality (albeit sitcom reality), it makes s6 feel cozy, well-worn, and a little melancholy for it. which fits perfectly with THAT season’s tonal shift!

s5, on the other hand, has a degree of...i dunno what to call it. magical realism? they’re traveling underground and discovering secrets beneath greendale and jeff is having coma dreams where everyone’s a cartoon character. the entire logan’s run episode. it come off like it’s trying to be more #real, but it’s still leaning on s3 (a mostly bright, cheery, unabashedly silly season!) logic.

(and this is where i also make the disclaimer that i don’t actually love s3 nearly as much as the general fandom does! i know! unpopular opinion! i actually prefer seasons 1+6, where the tone is a lot more grounded in reality!)

anyway, back to tone--s5′s tone just feels dissonant to me! they’re juxtaposing issues like jeff failing at his career, accidentally overdosing, wanting to kill himself, his confusing feelings for annie, troy leaving, pierce dying, etc, with all the aforementioned Weirdness of previous seasons. the Weirdness, IMO, is not nearly as good a framing device as it was in earlier seasons, where the stakes were overall lower!

(i would even argue that the end of s3 struggles with this as well, just in a different direction. but at least it’s still color graded like a silly sitcom, so it’s less weird when abed has stress-induced psychotic episodes and chang literally kidnaps a person and holds him against his will in a filthy basement for three months.)

(...actually, the more i think about it, i also really dislike a lot about s3. the stakes are too high for the medium! tonal issues! ugh!)

but yeah! i think i finally figured out why s5 is my least favorite season. only took me like 8 years lmao