#like i really just wish i could fast foward to like. 15 years from now

[drella]

hayley williams i WOULD die for YOU

[bi-lullaby]

I loved your last rankings so much that I'm sending you another fun (?!) challenge! How would you rate all these male GA characters from your favorite to least favorite, no ties allowed? :) Alex, Derek, Richard, Mark, Owen, Jackson, Burke, George, Andrew, Linc and Ben? Good luck, and as always, feel free to include your reasons why because I love your answers!

Ohhh boy you give me life with those asks! Here we go:

1 - As no surprise to anyone: Alex. My baby had the best character development I’ve ever seen, really, brcaus ewhile it was huge, it was also paced and believable and stabilished and non-linear. He was a huge asshole with a concealed heart of gold in season one. In season 15, he’s a golden boy with a concealed asshole side, and the growth/diminishment of those sides weren’t always inversely proportionate, but adjusted to what each characteristic was brought out more by his surroundings/worked more on by himself. Also, he’s the person that has stuck with mer for the longest and through the most, which would put him in a high place in this list even if he wasn’t my favorite on his own. I also adore how, thematically, he’s so moved by the women in his life (bot just the romantic i terests while we are at it) for the betterment of himself and hsi ways. It’s not like Owen’s “I’ll need her to take care of me emptionally and shape herself to my desires so I can be in a good place, it’s recognizing those positive influences in his life and trying to emulate them/work with them/learn from them. Also about his theme, itms less the worn-out “guy is validated in being an asshole bc he had a tough life” and more “guy learns that his tough life doesn’t mean he gotta act like an asshole”. I love this character so much, ugh.

2 - Ben. A freaking Disney prince would be a sleeazy douche in comparison. I was so weirded out when Shobda decided to give so much focus to this random-ass character, then I was really turned off by his storyline with the cutting people open and all that (not necessarily because I thought he was wrong, I just felt the storyline was handled awkwardly and made him sound pelutant and irresponsible instead of a promissing, if stubborn, future surgeon. I’ve yet to watch Station 19, but this angel with a scalpel and a fire hose for wings deserves his own goddamn spin-off, for sure.

3 - My baby Andrew. Yeah, he is not that developed, has been inconsistent, his change from “freaking out over Maggie being his boss” to “marvellung at Meredith’s every movie even though she’s kinda even more his boss because she owns the hospital” was... A B R U P T. But I really enjoy this new Andrew - as a side note: I could not care less for him during the whole Sam storyline, he seemed like a toned down Jonhy Bravo - He’s smart and sweet and funny and worships Mer like the Wonder Woman she is. His relationships with Arizona, Amelia, Jo, Carina and now Alex need more screentime because they’re great (or have the potential to be so). He’s competent and brilliant and selfless (dropping the charges on Alex even if he was completely in the right, taking the blame for mer now) and so tender (his absolute gentleness in peds, taking care of Amy after the operation, being a moody, emotive boy because he lost his love instead of a macho men...). The future holds great things for him, and I’m excited to watch them unfold!

4 - Not on your list but I love: Tom. Boy is he nice. As I was figuring out this order, I realized he reminds me a lot of my favorite character (Dean Winchester) - or at least what I think Dean would be if he was older, richer and lived without the Supernatural World and so many traumas. His talk to April was so moving and I felt it really helped. He doesn’t stand on a moral high horse: He does what he thinks is right and damned be judgment. He’s empathetic, he’s romantic, he treats Teddy RIGHT. He deserves to have his own storyline and be more developed and show us kore of his awesomeness.

5 - Jackson. As I said in my ships rating answer, I’ve only started to care for him recently, but I really do care. He’s not a character I’d, like, write fic about, or long rants and meta, but I love his sibling-esque relationship with Mer and his relationship with Maggie and the way he connects with his mom and how this spoiled, immature transfer with something to prove became a respected, innovative surgeon and father who’s secure of himself and ready to explore different paths and ways and worldviews. I just wish him, and the Grey’s fandom, would be less defensive about the callout of his privileged life. Like. I’ve seen people write paragraphs upon paragraphs about how Maggie was a bitch for calling him privileged. And he is (for his hoards upon hoards of money growing up). That’s not too hard a concept to grasp. Plus, it’d be nice if he could treat Maggie as less of a consolation prize/second chance. Just because faith (or lack thereof) was a source of tension in his previous marriage, and he feels like changing that would have made everything better, doesn’t mean the same applies to his current relationship, or that Maggie is the one who should change -he learned, learned, and is back in square one seeing only his side of it - I really hope this season treats him more kindly and gives him happiness and peace!

6 - Richard. I love him for his parental-and-ish relationships, specially to Maggie, Mer and Jackson, but to Bailey and Callie too. That’s my favorite aspect of him, watching those gives me a nice, warm feeling in my tummy and puts a smile on my face. There’s some aspects of him I find either boring or unpleasant, and I think it’s kinda annoying how him retiring has been a theme/conflict since, like, season one, and fast-foward ten years and he’s basically an entity at the hospital. Like? What? Was the point? You’ve waisted my time? For nothing? But he’s a solid, reliable character you can’t really hate and who brings more good than bad to the show by far. As a side note: one day I will yell at him for his treatment of Maggie after she talked about HER OWN HISTORY and he basically called her a mistake (although he apologized pretty soon and she forgave him so so will I).

7 - Mark. He was great and all that, but never sparked that love some characters did. I was sad when he died, I loved his scenes and relationships, I just am not invested in him. Plus the immaturity in his relationship with Lexie pisses me off a bit, as does his “man whore” personality.

8 - Link. Genuinely love him, he’s been nothing but sweet and kind and fun and helpful this entire time! I cheered for Merlink sooooo much imat first, and I really wish their friendship will be developed! Him and Jo are everything I never knew I needed. He has no arguable flaws besides being so sculped it freaks me out a little bit, but he isn’t higher up in my rank because there isn’t much material for that yet, but expect a climb as he becomes more and more regular.

9 - Burke. He was kinda sweet and did a good thing for Cristina (the hospital). He was also manipulative and arrogant and voundary-crossing in their relationship. I might like him better if it was bot for Burktina, but we will never know.

10 - Owen. Toxic as fuck, annoying, controlling, disgusting. Those are all things that very much apply to Owen in a lot of situations. Screaming at Cristina for “murdering their baby”? YIKES. Big no no. He was not suited for romantic relationships at all and I wish the show would realize that and allow him that space and breathing time without being stuck in a complicated relationship with loads of baggage or a love triangle. Because that’s my whole thing about him: I believe he has room for growth. His relationship with April is pretty amazing, he was always so considerate and gentle with her, all the time, and I want to see more of that bond. He loves kids and can be really good with them, he has a lot of things to work out with the traumas of his father’s death + war + his sister’s story. Why not focus on that? Why not show him growing and processing and bettering himself and living up to the potential he has? I feel like they gave the all the wrong romantic storylines to the character who’s otherwise really good and that’s such a shame because I really enjoyed him at first. Lets see what happens from now on, and if he gets a dose of tv’s “heterosexual love and a nuclear biological family solve everything!” medicine or if this is a turning point for him.

11 - Derek. He never really had any appeal to me. Not his face, not his personality, not his storylines or plot points pr the actor. That’s reason enough for him to rank low, but I also think he had some really bad traits. He was arrogant and condescending and had a God complex and was sexist and pushy and just not great for the people around him. Exploiting Amy’s addiction being outed to steal surgeries? Refusing to give Mer credit on their clinic trial? Putting ultimatums on his girlfriend that she either has to be ready for a full, committed relationship or end things, then call her a slut when she sleeps with other guys after they broke up? Cheating on Addison after deciding to work things out? Stringing mer and addie along? Not saying he was married in the first place? Pushing Mer’s boundaries after she was clearly uncomfortable with having slept with her boss? Refusing to have an inch of empathy for Mer’s action regarding the trial despite her complicated history with the people she was trying to help (who were her friends, actually?)? Telling his depressed girlfriend that she should be concerned the happiest part of his day was flirting with another girl from the bar? Ratting out on Richard to the board because he wanted the spot? Not acknowledging Mer’s trauma after the shooting? Kissing nurse Rose while building the dream house? Kissing his student while being married in NY? Pushing his wife to move and saying his career was more important than his after he had compromised on letting her shine? All things that, isolated, can even be understood on context and “everyone makes mistakes”, but that when put together, make it pretty clear it’s a pattern of someone with very little regard to the people around him. Was he a good surgeon? Yeah. Great father as well. He also had some interesting relationships and iconic scenes, truly, I can recognize that. I hurt for the people he loved and left behind (and I genuinely think he loved them and meant well), but he himself I don’t miss at all.

12 - I think George is the clearest contrast between how old greys handled matters of sexism and gender and sexuality and how it does now. He was such a sleazy nice guy at times, it is unbearable to me. And he ranks lower than Derek because A) His relationships also bored me while Derek’s could pique my interest at times, B) There’s no talk about his mistakes. Remember when he (in his own words) took advantage of Meredith being on a terrible, delicate, vulnerable place (still hiding her mother’s Alzheimer’s and seeing a person be blown to pieces and being dumped by who she thought was the one and being rejected by her father for the second time after seeing him for the first time in tweenty years) and, knowing that she was not interested in him, pursued her, then after she started crying because of the literal pile of shit she was having to carry around (and still trying to preserve his feelings), got mad at her and everyone sided with him? It baffled younger me to bits that what Mer had “done” was so terrible, it has not stoped bafflinn me in the years that have passed since. Can you imagine any of the girls crying during sex because they’re so overwhelmed and feel like that’s a mistake, and the guy freaks out on them and they’re instantly ostracized by the narrative and characters? That’s essentially criticizing her for the right of saying no, of stopping when she doesn’t want to continue, of not giving away her time and feels just because a goofy guy who is her friend feels entitled to them. That’s the word: entitled. He literally says he “saw her first”. How’s that not Nice Guy 101? I would understand his ego being bruised, but the guilt tripping and the bitching and the fact none of that is treated as a fucking creepy thing? Yikes. Also how he treated Callie, who deserved so, so much better. And even Olivia who was perfectly lovely and did nothing wrong besides having sex with more than one guy without breaking either of their trusts because she wasn’t in a relationship with any of them. Did he do some good things? Sure did! Joey’s surgery costs being cut, helping Bailey give birth, some of his interactions with patients were really sweet, and he died giving his life for someone else. It’s just that consequence-less sexism and entitlement that never gets adressed and gets treated as not only valid, but right, that makes him go rom unappealing to downright hated for me. Better left in the past where people can misplacedly idolize him!

Thank you so much for asking, I love those thought-inspiring asks! <3

[nowhereboundd]

Auchwitz Adventure

Hi again! Firstly, I apologize for my lack of posting. I promise you that I have a million good ideas running through my head, but I’ve learned that its easier said than done putting those ideas into actual words. In my last blog post I said that I’d write all about my UK visa, BUT thats pretty boring. I might get around to doing that at some point, but for today I wanted to do something a little different.

In this post I wanted to tell a story - a series of rather unfortunate events - about the time I went to (or attempted to go to) Auschwitz, in Poland. Now before you decide not to read further, no this is not a story about the actual camp -per sey- it is more a story about the trials and errors I went through attempting to get to the camp.

*disclaimer: although this story is pretty funny, I don’t want us to forget how unfortunate and upsetting the events that took place at Auschwitz were. This has been a subject that has interested me since I was younger (I was OBSESSED with Anne Frank) so visiting the camp for me, although extremely sad, was such an incredible learning experience*

So, it all began a few months ago, when we booked a tour to visit Auschwitz. *side note: the camp itself was about 1.5/ 2 hours from the hotel we were staying at* so this tour included transportation to and from the camp, and the entry ticket. Now just to give you an idea, an uber from our hotel to the camp would have cost $180 (one way) and the entry tickets were $30. So for 3 tickets, and a ride there and back, it would has cost $450 total, or $150 each. This tour we found was $32 each and included both transportation and the entrance ticket.

A couple days before the tour (which was supposed to start at 10am) I got an email saying the time has been changed to 8:45am, which was no issue for us. The morning of our tour, we took an uber from our hotel to the meeting place. We knew we were running late, as the email had advised us to arrive 15 minutes before our departure time, but we figured the bus wouldn’t leave without us. Don’t get me wrong- we weren’t THAT late. We ended up arriving at the meeting place at 8:38am, 7 minutes before our bus was supposed to leave.

When we got to the meeting place, there were no people there- which is strange because normally these tours have a few people waiting around. There was also no bus. Weird. We weren’t late? There was no way the bus could have left without us...right? I spent the next 15 minutes calling the tour company, and emailing the person who advised me on the new time. I also called the third party company which I booked these tickets through. I’ve used this site before (getyourguide.com) and I’ve never had any issues. Although the issue here is that our tour was booked for “10am” so we were just “early.” A rep from Getyourguide was now trying to contact the tour company with no success.

THEN, I got this text:

*note the time stamps are all an hour behind, because Poland is an hour ahead of where I am now*

So pretty much after recieving this text we called getyourguide and requested a refund, then started the search for another tour. After standing outside in the freezing cold for nearly an hour, we ended up finding another tour for $50 each which was still significantly less than we’d pay if we went on our own. This tour was leaving in 15 minutes and we were a 7 minute uber away. Cutting it close but at this point we were desperate.

WHO KNEW how much traffic there is in Krakow at 9am.... that uber ride was probably the most stressful uber ride I had ever taken.. the minutes were just going by and we were NOT moving. When we started getting closer, we decided it would be faster to RUN (yes RUN) to the meeting point rather than staying in the uber. So, here are 3 Canadians BOOKING it through the streets of Poland at 9am.

In the near distance, WE SEE A BUS!!! Our tour still hasn’t left! We were right on time!!

Or so we thought.

Here is where the story gets complicated, so try your best to follow and I’ll try my best to explain properly what happened next.

So we meet the tour guide outside the bus, tell him our names, show him our order confirmation, but he says we aren’t part of his tour. I tried explaining that we only booked the tour 15 minutes ago so maybe his system isnt updated? I called the tour company and asked if our bus had left yet. He said yes, we missed our bus by 3 minutes and our tour group was already on route. The tour guide, who was around our age, possibly a few years older, felt bad for all our mishaps of the day and offered to let us hop on his bus to go the camp, for 20zł which is around $6/$7. Of course we accepted the ride, because transportation was our main obstacle. If we got to the camp we could buy our own tickets, and go from there.

Fast foward 2 hours, (Strangest bus ride ever by the way. Words alone can’t explain how WEIRD this tour guide was. We learned his name was Peter, and of course English was not his first language so nothing he said made much sense. And he paused A LOT while he talked. “ummmmmmmm” was essentially the only thing we heard for the whole 2 hours)

We finally arrived at the camp. Peter said that he wasn’t allowed to drive us back or he’d lose his job, so this is where we said our goodbyes and thank yous. He jokingly whispered in Alex’s ear to “give him some muthafuckin money” if we wanted a ride back. Like I said, weird guy.

When we got to the camp, I texted the second tour that we booked (the one that the guy said we missed our bus by 3 minutes) and asked if we could meet up with our tour group and pick up our tickets. He didn’t answer my text, and wasn’t picking up his phone. Screw that. I again, called the third party company I booked through, explained everything, and got a refund.

LUCKILY at the first camp (where the ticket booth was) there were 3 English tickets left. I don’t know HOW we managed to pull it off, but we did! We were finally going to get to see Auschwitz!

Wrong, again.

After buying our tickets we had “secretly” hopped back in Peter’s bus, bus #19, to get a ride over to the second camp, because this camp was outside and it was suggested to do it first so we weren’t visiting in the dark as there was no outdoor lighting. As soon as we arrived at the second camp, we realized there was a certain time on the tickets that we had to enter the first camp, SO we had to take the free shuttle all the way back from the second camp to the first camp.

Now we start freaking out again because we are trying to “sneak” into the camp with expired tickets. We get past security then get pulled aside and have to wait for a manager to print us some valid tickets. After what feels like the longest wait, WE’RE FINALLLY IN!!!

About half an hour into our visit, I start to realize that we don’t have a way home. There is no public transportation, and as I said, ubers were SO expensive. All of a sudden, I got a text!

Feeling hopeful that we could meet up with our tour and get a ride home, I messaged “Piotr”. (I had since spoken with the manager on the phone, who knew we got a refund so he offered us a ride back with our tour, if we paid 20zł each. Fine by us. STILL cheaper than an uber.)

Bus 19. Piotr. PI-TOR.

Yup. Just let that sink in.

The bus that we saw in the distance that morning while running for our lives.. that was our bus ALL ALONG. The one that we paid 20zł for a ride to the camp. The one that the “manager” told me the bus had already left, WHILE WE WERE STANDING RIGHT BESIDE IT!! THAT WAS OUR BUS.

So after this unfortunate discovery, we met back up with Piotr/Peter at the first camp. He felt SO BAD for everything that had happened, and we couldn’t decide whether to be mad or just laugh. Its so unfortunate that its almost hilarious. Piotr took our ~muthafuckin~ money, we hopped on the bus, and got back safely. Another very STRANGE 2 hour ride though. Piotr was telling the group that he used to live on the streets so he knows places that are open late to party. The last thing we heard from Piotr was his wishes for us to have a relaxful evening. Relaxful.

So friends, that wraps up the very stressful story of the time we went to.. or.. tried to go to Auschwitz. We did end up seeing both camps, and in total we spent $30 on the entry ticket, and $15 ish on travel. So in the end we paid less than everyone else on Piotr’s tour.

If you read this far, THANK YOU!! Its super difficult to put a story with so many details and side notes into words. I tried my best to make a funny story out of it rather than a “you had to be there” moment. ALL OF THESE EVENTS ARE ACTUALLY TRUE GUYS. THIS REALLY HAPPENED TO US!

Thanks for reading :) I will talk to you all in my next post, whatever and whenever that may be!

xxoo chels