#like i have post notifs on for johnnie and it rarely tells me when he's posted on there

[afraid-of-detriment]

i love that even though i have notifications turned on for johnnie's tiktok, tiktok never gives me notifications for his livestreams on there ever, i have like triple checked that i have notifications for his lives specifically turned on and i have not once ever gotten a single notification that he's streaming on there :(

[mediocre-daydreams]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐮𝐲 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐧: ask me any question/let's play some common tumblr games!

cym as different holidays! 💗

11 holidays for 11 mutuals!

christmas (dec 25) is @sw34terw34ther : i always see you chatting with your mutuals! you seem like the person who hosts the best holiday parties and can make their own seasonal drinks. plus with that voice of yours, i could totally see you going carolling. getting tagged in your posts is like a little christmas present.

new year's day (jan 1) is @sub-text : bro is my fucking favorite. i would clean up bottles with you on new year's day. you're so nice it makes me want to cry. i always get sentimental on new years and your writing makes me so sappy and soft bro. you write with such dedication to detail and i can't get enough of it. when i tell you my entire world reset after reading "the bet," i'm sirius serious.

valentine's day (feb 14) is @fairydxll : thanks for this ask btw! imma be honest i tried to urban dictionary what cym was but i'm hoping i got it right and it's "cast your mutuals." (UD was no help i used tumblr.) anyway, you're pink, sparkly, and precious, and you quite literally sent me a heart. i envison you as just the sweetest person ever.

johnny appleseed day (march 11) is @emmaev : i love this johnny dude. tbh no clue if he's real, but as a kid i read a book about him and it was great plus you make me just as happy as i feel when i'm apple picking. you're so insanely supportive and kind and seem down-to-earth and i think johnny would admire your thoughtfulness.

april fool's day (april 1) is @yourallihave : my tumblr wife, obviously. i appreciate you so much. your blog is bright pink and spunky, seeing your name in my notifs always makes me smile, and you have the rare ability to actually make me laugh from something i read online. not just one of those huffs or snorts, yknow?

may day (may 1) is @prettylestrange : colorful hair, colorful blog, and glowing personality. you're like the epitome of spring. i've only ever seen american may day, but it's always full of floral skirts, flower crowns, and the pole with the ribbons and stuff and if midsommar weren't a horror movie, you'd be the may queen.

national apple strudel day (june 17) is @forourmoons : (*said like timothee chalamet in don't look up*) i fucking love apple struedel just likei fucking love you. i'm your biggest fan. you're so talented and you're so interactive with everyone that it feels like you're the perfect flaky pastry crust gordon ramsey would approve of.

national bagelfest day (july 26) is @vendettaparker : if i have extra time in the morning, i'll sit down and grab a bagel before school. your writing is so indulgent and part of the reason i started writing so thank you very much i love you very much. it actually took me a long time to start liking bagels, but when i tried soft bagels for the first time dear god i ascended discovering your blog literally awakened a new jenny.

world plant milk day (aug 22) is @munsonsreputation : hear me out. i'm very passionate about soymilk, but my adoration for your blog comes close second. the way you write with such a balance of artistry, fourth-wall-defying humor, and an understanding of characters makes you as cool as plant milk imo.

dear diary day (sep 22) is @masivechaos : nobody pulls off dark academia like you do. you remind me of hand-me-down sweaters, scrapbook journals, and chocolate covered coffee beans. you're friendly and courteous and i think anyone would feel comfortable talking to you.

halloween (oct 31) is @omenhel : the whole black and white theme fits the vibe and all, but most importantly you seem like someone bold, lighthearted, and who values trying to stay true to themselves. plus you send me asks and it's like getting trick-or-treaters at my door.

(no th*nksg*v*ng on this blog boooo colonization boooo)

[nugnthopkns]

i’ll tell you i was wrong if you dance with me

word count: 3.3k

warnings: explicit fem!reader, slightly unhealthy relationship moment (lack of communication), mention of infidelity, cursing, alcohol consumption, a fair bit of angst

recommended listening: fred astaire | adam brock

a/n: communicate with your partners!!! also yeah this is the song from lady bird. it’s a banger

This seriously isn’t happening. 

You never fight with Travis. Communication comes easy between the two of you, but you also make it a priority to talk about your feelings. It keeps things from boiling over; both of you are known to unleash wicked tempers on occasion and have found being direct stops issues from occuring. Arguments still occasionally happen, but they’re typically over trivial things like what movie to watch or where you’re spending the holidays. Travis apparently forgot about the fact you talk to each other about things. 

He’d been upset when he came home from practice, but you were pretty sure he was fine after he woke up from his pre-game nap. Knowing he’s a superstitious person and has a lot of pressure on him to put up points, you had made the choice not to ask about what was bothering him. Throwing off his routine could have detrimental consequences. Tonight's game is tighter than it should have been, but the Flyers come out on top. Travis spends a bit more time in the penalty box than you would have liked, but everyone was getting chippy by the start of the third period. Claude tries to talk to him on the bench but he gets shut down. Whatever Travis was upset about before is still clearly bothering him, and it’s affecting his game. 

You’re following Travis home from the game, and can tell he’s uptight from the way he’s gripping the steering wheel. As you wind through downtown Philadelphia you try and prepare yourself for any bomb that could drop. Chances are that when you reach your apartment things will explode. Maybe it’s nothing; Travis is fine and just wants to be a responsible driver for once. You pull into the free spot beside his car and see him walking towards the elevator, suit jacket balled up and tucked under his arm. This won’t be good. Trying to buy yourself some time, you take the stairs. Seven flights later you arrive outside your door; he left it unlocked, which gives you a sliver of hope things will be fine. 

“Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?” you call into the darkness of the apartment. Your sneakers are left at the door and to retreat towards the bedroom, looking for a sign of life. You find one in the bathroom: the light is on. A gentle push on the door reveals your boyfriend is in the shower and ignoring you. 

“Trav?”

“Yeah,” he huffs, words muffled by him tossing his head back to rinse the shampoo of his hair. Apparently the shower isn’t as relaxing as he had hoped. 

You don’t bother to tread lightly, upset that he’s acting like a child. “You’re being an asshole. I get that you had a bad day, but you can’t take it out on me. I just want to help.”

Travis turns the water off suddenly. “Can’t help if you’re the problem,” he scoffs. 

His statement doesn’t make sense. You’ve done nothing out of the ordinary the past couple of days; nothing that would warrant the behaviour you’re receiving. “What do you mean?”

Shouldering passed you to exit the room, Travis doesn’t bother to respond. You’re beyond frustrated: partners in healthy relationships communicate, not show emotions like grade schoolers. “You’re not giving me the fucking silent treatment Travis. You gotta talk to me.” The bedroom is dark when you enter and you flick the overhead light on to see better.

“You really don’t know?”

“Of course I don’t know,” you seethe. “If I did know we wouldn’t be in this predicament because we’d be solving the issue.”

The glare you receive is sharp enough to cut stone. He pulls on a t-shirt, anger clear in the aggression he does it with. “Why did I have to find out from Carter that you’ve been getting coffee with your TA?”

You’re shocked. In no way is it what he thinks it is. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you sigh, upset that Travis would take someone else’s words at face value and not talk to you about it. 

“I’m dead fucking serious Y/N. You preach communication, but it looks as though you’re the one who hasn’t been doing enough talking.”

The room around you starts to spin. You can’t comprehend what he’s insinuating. “Wait, you think I’m cheating on you?” you ask. There has been a gross miscommunication error somewhere; never in a million years would you think of having an affair.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Well what the fuck did you say?”

Travis tugs at the roots of his hair in frustration. He doesn’t answer immediately, pacing the length of the bed a few times. “I just–” he struggles to articulate his words. “I just said that you’re being a bit hypocritical, don’t you think? You’re standing here yelling at me because I didn’t voice my concerns, but you haven’t been talking to me about what’s going on in your life.” Travis’ tone is sharp, and it stings. 

It’s your turn to show how upset you are. Your hands curl into fists at your side, and you squeeze your nails into your palms before releasing them. “I do tell you what goes on in my life Travis,” your breathing ragged as you try to not lose your cool. “I ran into my TA at the coffee shop yesterday, and he paid for my drink because my card wouldn’t work. Didn’t think it was breaking news, sorry I don’t send you every single fucking life update that happens. What’s gotten into you?”

“You could have been cheating!” 

“But I wasn’t!” you scream, no longing caring about keeping up appearances. You can’t believe Travis would think that. It hurts. “And I never would! You know this”

He turns his back to you, like it pains him to look at you, but you don’t understand why. You're not the one suggesting infidelity. “That’s it? That’s all you’ve got to say?” he seethes. 

“That’s all there is to say! There’s nothing to explain, no secret to uncover. I’m not in the wrong here.”

“And you think I am?”

You look at Travis like he has three heads. “Are you serious? You’re the one who’s so fucking upset over a situation that could have happened to literally anyone.” Your tone suggests that you’re exhausted with the conversation, and Travis gets the hint. 

He slinks towards the door, still visibly angry. “I’ll take the couch tonight,” he grits out before tightly gripping the doorknob and shutting the door with more force than needed. 

The bed doesn’t look appealing, full of much happier memories, but fighting with Travis has knocked any and all energy out of you. You gingerly pull back the covers and slip underneath. Tears trickle down your cheek as you toss and turn, trying to fall into some sort of slumber. However, your mind has other ideas, replaying the blowout. You can’t begin to understand why Travis is so bothered by the instance, and more importantly why it caused him to disregard a fundamental part of your relationship. There’s little movement from beyond the door, but you can hear the faint noise of a Johnny Cash record playing from the speakers in the living room. After hours of staring at the ceiling your eyes close and a fitful sleep follows. 

You might have gotten nine hours of sleep, but you wake up feeling exhausted. Fighting with anyone drains you, but fighting with Travis is especially terrible because it rarely happens. There doesn’t seem to be any movement from the other side of the door; maybe he’s still asleep. You refrain from heading into the kitchen, unsure of what will happen if you see him. After nearly twenty minutes you can’t wait any longer to start your day and pad into the main living space. It’s empty: no sign that Travis has been there for many hours. Guess you don’t have to immediately deal with the fallout of last night. 

A post-it note is tacked onto the fridge handle and your heart skips a beat. In Travis’ chicken scratch it reads I’ll see you at the gala tonight. We’ve got media all day and I won’t be back in time for us to go together. There’s no mention of the fight, and you can’t judge from a two sentence note whether or not he’s still pissed off. 

“Fuck,” you groan. “The gala.” Tonight’s the annual Flyers Give Back gala, and you’re expected to be in attendance. It’s not even a charity event; the organization is offering a chance for business men to chat up the players in hopes they continue to donate. You find things like these unbearable and tedious, but Travis does his best to make them enjoyable. Not knowing what page you’re on with him is going to be terrible. There’s a pretty good chance he’ll ignore you if he’s still upset. 

As if someone is reading your mind, the better halves group chat starts to explode. Everyone is chattering excitedly about tonight, and under normal circumstances you’d be excited to see them in such a relaxed setting. It’s been a while you’ve all hung out, but you can’t find yourself to contribute to the conversation. You mute the notifications and do your best to move on with your day. The rest of the morning is spent working on your thesis; mind numbing work that almost makes you forget about everything that happened in the past twenty-four hours. Once you’ve hit an acceptable word count for the day you shutdown your computer and make lunch. 

The grilled cheese sandwich you eat while watching a John Mulaney comedy special fulfills your appetite but doesn’t curb your dread. You decide to call your sister, hoping she can be a welcome distraction. Dialling her number you sink further into the couch cushions, wrapping yourself tightly with a blanket so that only your head is poking out. “What’s up?” she asks, and you hear her shuffle in the background, presumably to move somewhere more private. It isn’t normal for you to call her unannounced. 

You hold it together for approximately two seconds. The tears start and they don’t stop. Every emotion you’ve felt since getting home last night comes to the surface, and before you know it you’re sobbing into the receiver. 

“Woah, slow down,” she says. “Y/N, take some deep breaths.” When your breathing returns to a somewhat regular level she continues speaking. “What happened?”

It takes you nearly twenty minutes to tell the whole story because you’re so distraught. No detail is spared, and you go back much farther than is probably needed. You recount what happened after yesterday’s practice, pretty much the entire game, and the fight that followed. “I just don’t know what brought this on,” you sniffle. “We don’t fight, we talk about things. I’m not sure if I’m more upset at what he insinuated or at the fact he broke a cardinal rule.”

Your sister sighs, and you hear her breath fan in slight annoyance. You’re worked up about something kinda stupid, you know, but you can’t let it slide. “It’s probably a bit of both. So, what are you going to do?”

“What can I do? I know that we need to talk about what happened, but a public event is not the best place to do that. I also can’t not show up or ask Trav to ditch in order to figure this out. We have to be there.”

“Sounds like you’ve got it figured out then.”

You really don’t. “What happens if he ignores me the entire night?”

She laughs and tells you to not to anything stupid, and to take your mind off of things tells you a story about your nephew eating dirt. It does the trick; you’re momentarily distracted and forget about Travis. You talk for a while longer before she has to go. “Miles is crying, will you be okay if I let you go?”

It’s your turn to laugh. “I’ll be fine,” you insist. A glance at the clock tells you it’s time to start getting ready. “I’ve gotta shower and start the process. Beauty is time consuming you know.”

Against your better judgement you open your text messages to see if there’s anything from Travis. His text thread is the same as it was yesterday and you’re disappointed. You had hoped that maybe he’d get bored between interviews and check in. With no new notifications you exit out of the application and pull up a playlist you hope will brighten your mood. The steam from the shower relaxes your tense muscles and warms you up. It’s comforting in the way a cocoon is; you practically have to drag yourself out of the bathtub. 

Your bedroom is cold and doesn’t offer the same respite as the bathroom. The music continues to float in from the hallway, and you allow yourself to get lost in it. It’s been a while since you danced around your room; it worked to cure sadness when you were a teenager. Hopefully the magic hasn’t worn off. You flail your arms, not caring how silly you look since no one is here to see you anyways, and scream along at the top of your lungs. After a few songs you feel better and return to the task at hand. The dress code is labelled as ‘black tie’ on the invitation, but that isn’t what you’re worried about. You own a million dresses for situations like this after being with Travis for so long. You don’t know what he packed to wear, and there’s a decent chance you’ll be pushed together for photos. Clashing colours will look terrible.

A quick glance through his side of the closest leaves you no clues, so you decide to be as literal as possible. Black is a flattering colour and works well with every colour combination. There’s a jumpsuit hanging in the back that catches your eye and you think it’s the perfect choice. After pulling it on you move back into the bathroom to do your hair and makeup. Everything is natural and relaxed; once again for the sake of potential photos. The clock strikes on the hour and you realize it’s time to leave. A pair of heels are slipped on and you order an Uber before locking the apartment and heading to the lobby. You had thought about driving yourself, but on the occasion that things don’t end well with Travis you’ll probably have more than a couple of drinks. 

The entire way to the venue your leg bounces up and down. It’s been years since you’ve been this nervous about being around the team. You’ve been with Travis for a few seasons now, and the organization has become a second family to you. No one is going to know about the fight and you worry they’re going to talk about your solo arrival. The outside of the convention centre is sharply decorated, and your driver lets out a low whistle at the extravagance of it all. “Thank you so much,” you gush, and exit the car. Thankfully no photographers are set up outside, and you dart inside without being seen. 

Once in the main event space, you scan for the bar. There’s no sign of Travis, which should make you more relaxed but doesn’t. What if there was an accident on the way to the venue? You have no idea where he was all or who he came with. Overthinking distracts you from your original goal, leaving you standing aimlessly in the middle of the room. 

“You look like you might need one of these,” Ryanne chuckles, handing you a champagne flute. You gladly accept and down it in two gulps. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah,” you sigh, eyes scanning to see if your boyfriend has made an appearance. 

She sees right through your facade of calm and wraps you in a tight hug. “What’s going on?”

For a second time today you explain what happened last night. There’s no judgement from Ryanne as there might have been from your sister because she understands. Dating a professional athlete isn’t easy; things like this happen much more frequently than you’d expect. Perhaps it’s all the time spent apart that makes the occasional lapse in communication so apparent. She listens quietly, full attention on you. To your credit you don’t cry this time, slightly more numb to the situation to due more time passing. It still hurts a tremendous amount. 

“He’ll come around,” Ryanne insists. “TK is a little moronic sometimes, but he’d never jeopardize his relationship with you. You’re quite literally the most important thing in his life.”

 “I know. I’m just upset because the whole thing could have been avoided.”

She offers you a sympathetic smile. “I know.” Ryanne links her arm through yours. “Let’s go find something to snack on.”

You spend most of the night with Ryanne, and occasionally Claude when he can get away from the hot-shot businessmen. Travis eventually came in, flanked by Nolan, but was immediately pulled into the politics of the night. The two of you occasionally sneak glances at each other and you tell he’s uncomfortable. You can only hope it isn’t because of your presence. It’s nearing eleven; the party has become a much more relaxed affair, and the DJ is playing sappy love songs in an attempt to get the media team some good photo ops. An intern asks the Giroux’s if they’ll dance for an instagram story and they both look hesitant. “Go on guys, I’ll be fine,” you reassure. It’s the subtle push they need to enjoy a quiet moment together. 

As if he can sense you’re lonely and feel out of place, Travis approaches you. It’s tentative, like he’s petrified you’ll turn him away, but he comes regardless. Drinks are in each of his hands and he extends one to you. When you don’t take it he sets it on the table behind you. “Hi,” he says sheepishly, fiddling with something in his pocket. 

“Hi Travis.” You’re determined not to let his presence crack your resolve; last night illuminated a big issue and it needed to be dealt with. It’s proving to be difficult because he bumps a shoulder against yours and all you can think of is kissing him senseless. 

The song changes to a Bruce Springsteen ballad, and you recognize it instantly. It played at the coffee shop on your first date with Travis all those years ago. One look at him tells you this isn’t an accident, that he had requested it specifically for the two of you. “Dance with me?”

You sigh deeply, looking him in the eyes. “Trav, this isn’t going to magically fix things.”

“I know, baby, I know,” he pleads. “I fucked up so bad last night because I was being an idiot. I wrote down everything I would do differently if I had a time machine, look.” A hand reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a piece of paper filled with his nearly illegible print. “Just one dance, and then we can go home and talk about it like I should have suggested in the first place. Let me know we’re still okay.”

If you hadn’t been in public you’re sure Travis would have been in tears. It’s not necessarily a good look to cry in front of hundreds of sponsors. He has a reputation as the goofy boy who takes no shit to uphold. “You have a lot of talking ahead of you,” you say, and let him drag you onto the dance floor. Swaying in his arms you realize things are going to be just fine. Travis loves you and you love him; there’s nothing the two of you can’t work through. 

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

taglist: @jamiedrysdales​ @kiedhara​ @tortito​ if you want to be added shoot me an ask :)

[moondustaeil]

monologue , Jung Jaehyun

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ ⋅ monologue

⠀  ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

⠀ about  

⋅  genre : song fic : angst (more like sad)

⋅  characters : Jaehyun x fem!reader

⋅  word count : 3.1k

⋅  note : Inspiration from Monologue (Kim Jongkook x Lee Taeil i’m addicted to taeil) , time skips + announced flashbacks.

⠀ ⠀

⠀ summary

⋅ Jaehyun had never been able to confess his feelings towards you, when someone else came into the picture he can see that you’re in love with the other guy. Jaehyun never told you about his feelings, and had to let you go. 

⠀ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ? ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ꜱᴏ ⠀ ɪ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ʜᴇ ɪꜱ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴ

Jaehyun heard some laughter in the grocery store that he was walking in, the cart that he was pushing was left where Doyoung was searching for ingredients. His feet dragged him out of the aisle to look for the familiar sound: a sound that he could recognize everywhere, and a sound that once sounded like music to his ears. The sound that he hadn’t heard for a month because that was how long it had been since he had last seen you. And the laughter wasn’t something that was heard over the occasional text you sent each other.

The laughter got louder as he got closer to the right aisle. Slowly he peeked around the corner from where he had heard the sound, his eyes meeting a couple that was playfully fighting over a packet of cookies. Soon, it wasn’t that what he was focusing on: it was you that he had his eyes on. 

You looked so happy and the cute laughing that fell from your lips was something that confirmed those feelings even more. Even though he felt as if he had never been able to make you this happy, he didn’t feel any hate towards the guy who you were with. Clearly, he could make you smile, he could make you happy. Jaehyun could only watch when you retrieved the packet of cookies after you had given the other guy a small kiss on his lips. 

His feet slumped back to where he left Doyoung and Taeil standing with the cart, only to see Doyoung with those scolding and yet sympathetic eyes. “It was her, right?” Doyoung asked as he got closer to his younger friend, Jaehyun could only nod and raise his head so that tears couldn’t fall down his cheeks. He licked over his dry lips as if that would make it easier for him to speak about what he had seen, yet only one thing managed to slip out. 

“She looks happy” 

⠀ ʏᴏᴜ, ɪɴᴛʀᴏᴅᴜᴄɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ᴀꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ

{fb.}You smiled as you stood in the coffee place together with two men, which was a strange occasion and you were sure people would give you some looks for that. But somehow, while being outside with Jaehyun, you ran into the person that you had a crush on for a little while now.

And the three of you decided to go for coffee, just because you thought it was a nice occasion for the two men to get to know each other better. If you would ever get further with your crush then maybe he and Jaehyun could be something like friends, or you could still be like a mini squad. 

“Tell me about yourself” Your crush had said to Jaehyun and Jaehyun was about to tell his name and just some basic information. Nothing special as he wasn’t even going to mention the connection he had with you. But, before he could even properly part his lips, you spoke up and decided to do it for him instead. “This is my best friend, Jaehyun. We’ve been friends for so long” you said as a proud smile displayed on your lips. 

Jaehyun couldn’t speak anymore even though his lips were still slightly parted from the speaking he was supposed to do less than a minute ago. But there was nothing he could do, no protests he could make when you said those words. Even though to him, you were more than just his best friend. To you, he was not more than just your best friend. He swallowed away the words he had wanted to say and watched you and your crush talking more: sometimes he tried to involve himself, only to grow quieter as time passed on. {fb end.}

⠀ ʏᴇꜱ, ɪ ɢᴜᴇꜱꜱ ɪ ꜱʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏʟᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ⠀ ʜᴏᴡ ɪ ᴄᴀʀᴇ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴍʏꜱᴇʟꜰ ⠀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪꜱ ʜᴏᴡ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ

“Goodnight”

Everyone went to their rooms as they had gotten themselves ready for the night. But then there was Jaehyun who had already been in bed since the early afternoon, still wearing the same sweatpants that he was wearing two days ago. His hair hadn’t been brushed or washed for an entire week: leaving it greasy and somewhat untamed. The members had no idea when they had last seen him well and healthy in the living room: he only came out for food and even that was something he ignored after one bite. It was quiet in the dorm at a late hour like this, even in Jaehyun’s room since the man rarely uttered out words these days.

Jaehyun continued to write lyrics through the early part of the night, droplets of tears rolled down his cheeks and fell to the sheet of paper that he was holding. A tear landed right on your name that he had scribbled down in the corner of the paper, turning your name unrecognizable under the wetness. Anger overtook him when he thought about you being in bed with your boyfriend at this moment: while he was here, the lyrics on his paper were so sad that they seemed to be written with the blood of his broken heart.

He looked down at the written words but an angry line now covered them, or just made them even more eye-catching. The piece of paper was crumbled into a deformed ball as the lyrics he wrote, were rather things he would write poetically in his diary. His voice no longer was made for singing, not talking. His eyes looked upon the paper once again, even though the crumbled paper made the words less recognizable, the eye-catching words still remained. ‘I love you’

Abruptly, the door of his bedroom was opened and the bright light turned on instead of the gloomy-colored moodlight. “Leave me alone!” Jaehyun said before anyone had the chance to touch him, but no one listened to the one thing he requested. Taeyong and Taeil were already sitting on the edge of the bed: Taeyong tried to wrap his arms around Jaehyun for a hug while Taeil just began to whisper comforting words. “Just leave me! She did so too” Jaehyun said and broke himself free from the light embrace that he was held in, even if it took him a lot of effort.

Jaehyun laid on his bed, curling up his body to make himself as small as possible. Tears fell down rapidly and they were unstoppable at this point. The loud sobs echoed through the room and he could almost hear how his heart’s last full piece broke as well. He hadn’t seen you in another month now and all of the members were sure that the breaking point was no point, but an entire road instead. 

Taeyong’s arms once again wrapped around Jaehyun’s body, while Taeil moved Jaehyun’s head carefully so that it was resting on the oldest boy’s thigh. It was a weird sight but it was one of the only ways to get Jaehyun to sleep, even though even then Jaehyun cried himself to sleep. “I guess I should have told her” Jaehyun mumbled before his exhausted eyes closed. 

That night, the tears lulled him to sleep.

⠀ ʟᴏᴏᴋɪɴɢ ᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴇxᴛ ᴛᴏ ʜɪᴍ, ⠀ ɪ ᴛʀʏ ᴛᴏ ʜɪᴅᴇ ᴍʏ ꜰᴇᴇʟɪɴɢꜱ

Jaehyun’s eyes were on the bright resolution of his phone screen, ignoring the wallpaper of you as he unlocked the device. The notification of you posting a picture to your Instagram was immediately clicked on by him. As soon as the App opened itself, the picture started to load underneath your username.

The caption was romantic enough for Jaehyun to know what was going on, but he didn’t back away because he just didn’t have the mind and strength to do so. Once the picture loaded, he saw you but also saw your boyfriend next to you: both of you sat on the bench in the park, looking at each other with the imaginary heart eyes that the fitting emoji in the captions had too.

When he looked away from the picture, it was only because a dm from you had settled itself down in his Instagram inbox. He stared at the text for a little while, going over towards his dm’s but didn’t open them at all, he just stared at the messages for a little while, even though the only thing he could see was the one that you had sent him. 

Against the advice of the other members, he still opened the dm and stared at the full text that you had sent towards him. It took another few seconds before he put the letters together and started to read them: his eyes scanning over them slowly as if it took him much effort to read. 

‘hiiii Jae, wanna go to the cinema tomorrow. bf/n isn’t home, so I thought we could hang out together. I miss you :( ‘

Jaehyun looked at the small text and wished he was able to focus on the latter part of the text. But the only thing he could see was that you were just doing this before your boyfriend wasn’t home, in his eyes meaning that you wouldn’t have texted him if your boyfriend actually was home to keep you entertained. 

He wondered if he was supposed to reply to he text but wasn’t sure, the members would tell him to delete the dm and forget about you, but his heart wanted to say yes so bad. He was supposed to be strong, but in reality, he was weak. 

‘I can’t. Sorry, maybe next time’

The words were typed in his strongest moment and yet he wasn’t strong enough to press the blue send button. He closed his eyes and just pressed his fingers onto his screen a couple of times, and when he opened them again, he noticed how the message was sent. 

His feelings were out in the open but kept locked up behind the vague reply over social media. Something he was grateful for, as he wanted to hide his feelings. 

⠀ ɪ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ʟɪᴋᴇ ɪᴛ'ꜱ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴏᴡ ⠀ ᴍʏ ʟᴏɴɢ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴡᴏɴ'ᴛ ʙᴇ ᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴛʀᴜᴇ

“It will make you feel a lot better,” Johnny said as he sat next to Jaehyun on the edge of the bed. Jaehyun’s phone clutched tightly into his hands as he tried to listen to Johnny’s advice. His eyes went up to Doyoung who was standing in front of him and seeing Doyoung nod made him know that all of the guys had the same advice for him. 

Jaehyun didn’t unlock his phone to do what the others had adviced him to do, he just couldn’t do it yet. It was too hard to suddenly get rid of every little thing that reminded him of you, or that gave him the memories of you. 

“I’ll do it for you,” Johnny said and was about to take the phone out of Jaehyun’s tight grip, but Jaehyun only moved his hands away from Johnny’s reach and shook his head. If anyone could delete you from his life, then it was he who had to do it and not the others. “I’ll do it myself” He mumbled towards the older guys in the room.

Slowly, he unlocked his phone with his fingerprint, shielding the others from seeing his lockscreen of you and him together in happy times. He went to his contacts and rapidly deleted your contact from the device, his instinct had taken over at that moment as he himself would have hesitated for another few hours before actually doing so. “It’s gone” He claimed but didn’t give an eye towards the people that lured him into doing this.

“Jaehyun, we all know that it’s not gone. You follow her on social media, and your gallery is filled with pictures of her.” Doyoung said instead of Johnny, Johnny was slightly more aware that his friend needed time to delete everything. While Doyoung thought it was better if everything was deleted from Jaehyun’s life immediately. Jaehyun swallowed as soon as he heard the words: of course it was obvious that he had dedicated a part of his life to you, and couldn’t just get rid of the memories and evidence of that.

His eyes went to Johnny and then to Jaehyun, filling with tears for the third time that day as he continued looking at his friends. His lips were parted as he wanted to speak while his fingers blindly went towards his gallery already: the place where more than eighty percent of the memories were stored. One glance down at a picture of the two of you having happy and silly times together and his words were on the tip of his tongue.

“my love story won’t come true, right?”

He asked the words towards his friends but also partly to himself, a question that was answered by his mind but his mind often dared to tell him lies at these moments, which was why he was also in need of his friends to help. Even if their help, was more hurtful than soothing. 

“it’s time for you to leave her now”

⠀ ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ɪᴛ ᴍɪɢʜᴛ ʙᴇ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ꜰᴏʀ ᴍᴇ ⠀ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴀʏ ʜᴏᴡ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ

For the first time in three long months, Jaehyun had left the familiar dorm and went outside again. It was as if he had never been outside before: the colors were so vivid and bright, the sounds around him were so loud, and the people around him carried on with their lives even though his life had been standing still.

“Let’s go, we’re getting coffee first and then we will just sit in the park for a little while” Jaehyun heard the voices of Yuta And Johnny in the background. But it was Doyoung who was actually speaking to him instead. “Mark recommended this place because he’s been here before” Doyoung added towards his already explanation of what they were going to do. But Jaehyun didn’t really care about coffee, neither did he care about Mark’s love for the particular coffee.

Yet, his feet followed behind the others slowly. Just walking with them as Doyoung used his senses to get to the right place, sometimes muttering small directions to himself that Mark had given him before they left. Jaehyun didn’t realize it, but it actually did him well to be outside. His body finally got fresh air, and the way that he had to actually take care of himself before coming here, was something that his body secretly was very grateful for.  

The walk was longer than expected but no one complained, the others seemed to be talking about eating pancakes after they had sat in the park for a little while and Jaehyun just hummed as a sign that he didn’t really care what they did. As long as he could be in silence or didn’t have to be the one making decisions. 

Once the four of them had gotten coffee, they all headed towards the park and looked for a bench to sit on, seeing the grass was still a little too wet to sit on. “I will ask if we can sit there,” Jaehyun said as he mentioned towards two people who were seated on a bigger bench, a bench that the four of them could still sit on with the couple, even if it was slightly awkward. Jaehyun said those words, just to be away from his worrying friends for a little while even if he didn’t care that they didn’t have a spot to sit at.

He approached the couple from behind but decided to go towards them more so that they could see him while he was asking them the question. His head for once hadn’t been hanging low as he was feeling relieved for a couple of seconds. As soon as he was in front of the couple, he let out a soft sigh. “Excuse me,” he said first as he looked at the couple, but hadn’t realized how it was you in front of him until he heard your hum.

His eyes met yours and immediately the following words he wanted to say got stuck in his throat. They were forgotten and instead he nearly spilled out the three words that he had always wanted to say to you. Before that could happen, his three friends were already by his side. 

Jaehyun had dreaded so much to say the words, he had always wanted to say the words before and now they were on the tip of his tongue as well. It would be better for him that he could say the words: maybe it would be a step towards getting rid of the heavy heart, maybe it would end the process of mourning he had gone through. 

No one spoke for a couple of seconds, it was awfully quiet aside from the surrounding people around you having small talks or children already playing with each other. It was as if everyone was waiting for either you or Jaehyun to speak up: after all, it was you two playing a starring role in the story.

⠀ ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴏɴʟʏ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪ ᴄᴀɴ ᴅᴏ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ ɪꜱ ⠀ ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴀᴘᴘɪɴᴇꜱꜱ, ꜱᴏ ɪ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴅᴏ ꜱᴏ

The silence seemed to continue for a little while as you and Jaehyun looked at each other, eyes intense but yet his seemed more broken than yours were. In your eyes, he could see the happiness which your boyfriend made you feel. 

Johnny, Yuta, and Doyoung seemed to get slightly uncomfortable in the silence, just like your boyfriend. Although neither you or Jaehyun noticed that because of the immersion you two felt. It nearly seemed as if it was just the two of you in the world, the rest disappeared into the background. 

“Jaehyun” 

The words made his eyes shift to your boyfriend for a second even though it was you who had said his name. He had missed the way you would say his name, and had missed the way your voice sounded in general. But your voice got him back to the real world: a world where you weren’t his and he wasn’t yours. 

The switch in his mind was unexpected but suddenly it was as if all of the cracks in his heart started to slowly puzzle themselves back together. It didn’t make his heart less broken but at least some pieces still managed to mend themselves at that moment. A smile appeared on his lips, the first smile in all of those months. A heart-wrenching smile that still held the genuine feelings he had for you, directed straight towards you. Right before he turned away from the person that used to be his life, he offered the last one and only thing he could do for you.

“Goodbye y/n, I hope you can forever be happy”

[shadowofthelamp]

It had started as just a way to document the ghosts without taking up space on his computer.

SKULKER:

Ghost hunter. Collects rare and unusual things, usually ghosts. Flame hair. I still can’t believe he’s got a girlfriend. Bad at insults. Lots of weapons, and always upgrading himself. True form is a little blob.

Threat level: 4-5, depending on what he’s got in his suit.

He added a picture Sam had taken of the hunter sticking his tongue out in a moment of childishness before hitting ‘post’.

All of them had his commentary on them. (Ember: Pop diva who hates her music taste being insulted. Box Ghost: Anything not square, aka almost everything.)

The blog had originally been meant to just be for him, but Tucker suggested adding tips for humans to deal with them, and after that, it had just gone viral.

Johnny 13: Stay about 50 feet away and you’ll be fine. His bad luck and bad attitude can only extend so far.

Desiree: Don’t make a wish near her. Guys especially be careful- she’s less likely to lash out at girls.

Kitty: Don’t flirt with Johnny 13 in front of her, and compliment her.

Lunch Lady: Try not to have a salad around her- and say your favorite meal is meatloaf.

Danny Phantom: Just be nice to him. He doesn’t want to hurt anybody.

The blog, ghostsofamitypark, had gone from having zero followers to 100 in a week, and the number just kept growing. Asks started pouring in.

“The tips on Ember saved my friend from getting burned!”

“I never knew that Kitty liked compliments- she actually offered me some honest makeup tips, and I look great now!”

“Can you help me get Phantom’s attention? He’s a total hottie…” (Danny was pretty sure that one was Paulina, but considering he got the same question about fifteen times with various spellings and grasps of grammar, it was a common query.)

Tucker thought it was great. Sam used the new popularity to slip in posts about environmentalism.

And Danny? Danny just tried to keep the blog running as normal, until Valerie (karatekickass) asked who was running it.

“they know a lot about the ghosts- who are they? they have to be someone who knows them all. theres a clear bias for some ghosts, which makes no sense. can we trust them?”

To that, Danny made a simple post asking if anyone cared.

To his surprise, he got 27 'c'mon tell us who you are!’ asks.

“you’re funny and you’ve helped me a lot dude”

“you know a ton about ghosts- are you one?”

“I always kinda figured that you were getting help from that one tech ghost- technilude or something?”

When Danny Phantom took a selfie while holding up a scrap of paper with 'ghostsofamitypark’ written on it, and used it to reply to one of the 'who are you’ asks, his notifications were buried in 'OH MY GOD’s and his inbox was blown up with an avalanche of questions about himself and if he’d ever consider dating a human.

Sam grinned, pinching Danny’s red cheek as he scrolled past another ten 'you’re so cute for a ghost’ asks.

“Try to remember us little people from the top.”