#like i get it if you dont like it. but god were those two bound by fate from day 1

[fishpiracy]

i keep thinking about a post i saw before even meeting franky saying he was forgiven too quickly or that frobin doesnt really make sense. insane ass fucking takes.

[mysicklove]

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆

DAY 22: A/B/O

With: Isagi Yoichi

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Omega/bottom Isagi, Top/Alpha/Gn reader, omegaverse stuff (slick, claiming, scenting, etc.), isagi is in heat, readers pp could be read as strap or dick, marking/biting, slight blood, possesive behavior, instincts and stuff, isagi lowkey being feral

A/N: i like this one. and dont ask me why i know so much about a/b/o dynamics.'

Isagi was completely fine with being an omega. Sure, in the beginning he thought it may affect his soccer career, but as he grew and matured, he realized that it wasn't a problem anymore. Scent blockers and suppressants were a gift from the gods, and key factor of how he went pro. Without them he didn't know where he would be.

But, it led to an addiction. Constantly hiding his scent, hoping people may mistake him for being a beta so he doesn't have to deal with the slander omegas get on the field. And without heats he doesn't have to miss practice. Hence, every morning he puts a scent blocker sticker on his neck and wrist, and the second he feels a little amiss, he pops a heat suppressant. And he lived fine.

Except then you came into his life. An alpha. 

Heats are supposed to be spent with you. His body was begging him to spend it with someone, but he shuts it down immediately. Its unhealthy, and he knows it. A doctor has reminded him for years now, but he brushed it aside. 

The two of you had fought about it for about a year now. It was damaging his body, but he was too deep in his soccer career to sacrifice those multiple weeks of the year. You couldn't force him to do it, but every time you saw him pop that pill, and instinctual dread flooded your veins.

He hasn't had a real heat in five years. More than twice longer than what is considered “unhealthy” for an omega. It means when he finally does fall into it, its bound to be painful, and long lasting. Not only that, but his instincts are supposed to be heightened more than usual, so he doesn't know what he will say or do once he goes into it again.

But you finally convinced him spend it with you. He has been hinting for months now that he wanted you to mark him, but when he finally bluntly asked you to claim him, you said you would only do it during his heat. He agreed with much hesitancy.

It's a dread to think about, and honestly he is a little scared. But he promised you he would do it. He (very reluctantly) called off two weeks from soccer practice during off season, when he felt his pre-heat begin to creep up on him. 

So, here he is. Going to have his first heat in five years. 

The two of you stayed at his place. It was probably better to be at a spot he is comfortable with after all. The days before it weren't too bad, you forced him to put away the scent blockers for a couple of days, so the house smelled strongly of him. He went out of his way to scent as many things as possible, growing anxious as the days went by. He also built a nest on the space next to his bed, covered in blankets, pillows, and too many items from your dirty hamper. He was antsy during this time, finding himself clinging to you, and following you around the house. It was cute honestly, watching him have a slight pout while he grips onto your hand.

His body temperature started to pick up by the third day of his preheat. He started wearing less clothing, and you hand fed frozen fruit to him, hoping to cool him off just a little. He tosses and turns in the night, whining out for you to hold him, comfort him, make the strange feeling stop. It was so confusing and he hated it.

And finally after four days, he experienced his first heat since he was a teenager. It was in the middle of the night, the two of you in his nest, and you were fast asleep when he awoke. Every inch of his body ached, and he was panting. Sweat dripped down his temple, and he could feel slick stain his boxers. It made him groan in frustration, but he couldn't do anything about it because he was so horny.

Everything in him screamed for him to get filled, and as quickly as possible. He doesn't even think about it, tearing off his shirt and boxers. His now naked body trembles and he pants into the back of his hand, before turning to your sleeping form. He quickly finds himself scampering over to you, shaking you awake.

You turn to him with a groan, eyes blinking in the darkness to try to adjust themselves. “Yoichi?” You question, voice hoarse from sleep.

He basically tackles you, collapsing his entire body onto yours, and burying his face into your neck, scenting it quickly and desperately. “It’s h-here–dont know what to do. H-Help. Hurts. It hurts. Make it stop!”

You snap awake in an instant, resting your hand on the back of his head. He straddles your leg, beginning to hump at it. You croon at him, the sound low and comforting, hoping to calm him down just slightly. “What do you need me to do, Yoichi?”

He shakes his head back and forth in your neck. “I don't know! J-Just touch me. Please, alpha!” 

You cup the back of his head, letting him rest in your neck, while you reach to grab his toy bag the two of you packed just a couple days earlier. You flick on the lamp on your nightstand and he glances at the bag in your hand, letting out a small growl and nipping at your skin.

You flinch, and he continues to growl, low, not threatening, but annoyed. “Don't want the toys. Touch me,” Isagi hisses, grinding his cock onto your leg.

“Feisty omega,” You murmur, setting the bag on the other side of the nest, and moving to reach behind him.

He gulps at the words, feeling bad already. His hormones are all out of wack, and he can't seem to think straight. He nuzzles into your neck and purrs, lifting his hips up to meet your fingers. 

You use a finger to prod at his entrance, eyes slightly widening at the feeling. “Wow love, you are so wet. You're dripping all over your legs and the pillows,” You murmur in astonishment, dragging your finger around the hole.

He whines in embarrassment, cheeks flushed from his heat, and now from humilation. “D-Dont know why. I woke up and it hasn't stopped,” he complains, voice low and gruff. You continue to pet his hair, trying to comfort him.

You hum in response, pressing your other finger into his hole. He shivers at the feeling, clinging onto you in the darkness. When it slips in easier than usual, you prod another one, finding it just as easy to slip in. “Fuck Yoichi, you’re just begging to be fucked aren’t you. Taking it so easy.”

His back is arched by now, pressing into the fingers that are now scissoring him. “More. ‘ts not enough. Please, please. I need more, alpha!” He cries, both sides of him now leaking. His face is flushed, and his whole body feels like its on fire.

You shush his mewls, letting out a soothing scent and he moans into your neck. “Alright, alright. I’m going to make you feel good, relax,” you whisper, trying to pull yourself a way for minute to prepare yourself. He doesn't let you go far, arms wrapping around your entire body, breathing into your skin. The scent seems to make him feel grounded, and it's what he desperately needs right now.

“Here, lay down for me,” You encourage, trying to pull him off just for a second so that you can line yourself up with him. He doesnt seem to listen, shaking his head and panting. Sweat beads at his temples, and he's already beginning to beg again, but you push him to the bed, pinning his hands up for a moment while you press the tip into him.

He groans at the feeling, already borderline oversensitive. “Hold me. Please. Hold me, ‘s hot. I can't–”

You kiss his neck, pressing further inside of him, and his eyes widen, gasping at the feeling. His nails dig into your back and you try not to hiss out, continuing forward till you bottom out in him. Slick continues to leak out and onto the nest, but you don't say anything, afraid of embarrassing him.

But you couldnt help but notice the way his back arches, and the wet feeling now on the both of your stomachs. His breaths are shaky and his hold on you is weak. It gives you a chance to pull away for a second, glancing at the cum spread between the two of you. 

He covers his face with his hand, blushing profusely. “I'm sorry. Don't know what happened. J-Just felt…really good,” He warbles, not daring to look at you, but feeling himself begin to grow hard again. 

You giggle at him, planting a soft kiss to his lips. “S’alright. So cute, Yoichi. Wanna take a break then?”

His eyes are back onto you in an instant, wide and panicking. “N-No! You can't stop, please keep going!” He begs, lifting his hips to grind his cock on your stomach in a plea.

You know it's the heat talking, so you don't dare to tease him, afraid of pissing him off. So you abide by your omegas command.

“Fuckkkk,” He breathes, eyes rolling back when you start to pick up the pace. You grip at the back of his head, pulling him into a kiss, and thrusting forward. His legs wrap around your waist, and he wraps his arms around you, pulling you impossibly closer. Your thrusts are hard, short, and make a lewd slapping noise from the skin to skin contact. 

Isagi pulls away from the kiss, eyes cloudy, and mouth slightly swollen from the attention. “Alpha. Alpha. Alpha. Alpha,” He chants, mewling at every thrust, while slick drips down his thigh.. 

You kiss his cheek, humming to him in question. “Right here. I'm here. Doing so well. Such a pretty omega,” You coo in response, and the effects are immediate. He purrs at your voice, nuzzling into your neck and scenting you with a small fucked out grin.

“Mark me.”

You pause your movements, eyes flashing to his blue ones. He whines at the interruption, grabbing at your hips to pull you in closer. “Right now? It's so early,” You reason, growing dizzy off his warm scent.

It turns sour in an instant. “Y-You dont want me?”

He was being unreasonable, but that was the heat talking. His brain wasn't in the right place, and the second you didn't agree, it hurt. Way more than it should have. Tears prick at his eyes, and he begins to push you away, feeling gross with himself.

You don't let him go far, releasing a calming scent, and crooning to him. “Not what I meant. Relax, omega. It's okay, you're okay. I'll mark you, will that make you feel better?”

He clings onto you immediately, scent light again. “Please please please. Wanna be yours. Your omega. Please bite me!” 

You groan, grabbing his hips and forcing him back down onto the length. He gasps, trembling, but now baring his neck to you. 

“You're going to be the death of me, Yoichi,” You sigh, not liking how much control he has over you. Between the scent and his lewd words, which would never come out of his mouth if he wasn't in heat, it was hard to stay present in the moment.

“Please please please,” he cries, grabbing your hair  and forcing you toward his very own neck. You glance at him one last time, looking at his glassy eyes, and flushed cheeks. He nods at you, a whine slipping past his lips. 

You take one last deep breath, inhaling your lovers intoxicating scent and bury your teeth into his neck. He yelps, gripping onto your hair as tears drip down his cheeks. But his back arches, and hes cumming again from the action. His head spins as he feels your tongue lick at the wound, crooning out apologies for the pain.

Your thrusts have slowed down slightly, but they are deeper, harder. After cumming two times Isagi feels himself grow tired, weaker, but every cell in his body is screaming at him to go again and again. Till he passes out, if he must. 

“You alright? My omega…All mine,” You whisper, brushing away his sweaty bangs. He feels light headed, absolutely amazed at the feeling of being claimed after all this time and your words, but frustrated from your bare neck. It's not fair.

A possessive nature takes over him, and he lets out a small growl. You raise your eyebrows at him, confused by the sudden aggression. He was always pretty temperamental, but you granted his wish, and were fucking him, what more could he need?

A pair of canines dig into your neck before you could even process his movements. It makes you wince, hissing out and shivering as you feel his tongue lick over the wound. “N-No warning?” You half complain, not minding the feeling of being marked by him.

He doesnt seem to be listening, heat clouding all coherent thoughts. “My alpha. Mhmmm. Mine, mine, mine.”

“Possessive little thing. S-Supposed to be my line,” You laugh at him lightly, and he pulls away for the first time tonight, maneuvering you until he is sitting on your lap, and beginning to raise himself up and down. Two hands fall on your stomach to help steady himself as he begins to grind on the length, head falling backward as he pants at the ceiling.

His movements are frantic, desperate even, as if he was afraid he would never get a chance to cum again. His own cum on his stomach is beginning to dry up, but he doesn't seem to mind. His cock flops back and forth at his movements, and sweat drips down his neck. His whole body seems to be a pinkish shade, covered in sweat. It makes you slightly worried, but knowing him, if you force him to stop so that you can check on him, he may try to kill you.

He cums again without much warning, his fingers curling up and eyes rolling backward. The stream is weaker, dripping pathetically down his cock. His whole body trembles and he collapses forward onto you, pawing at you to hold him again.

You grab water from the nightstand and basically force it down his throat, the excess dripping down his chin and onto your chest. He gulps it down without much complaint, staring at you with lidded eyes the entirety of it. “Lets take a break,” You mumble, caressing his cheek and wiping away the water.

He purrs into your touch, and realigns himself up again, a drunken smile on his face. “Not a chance, alpha,” Isagi says, sinking onto the length to try to chase his fourth orgasm that night. 

The two of you get little sleep, and you awoke to him grinding on your leg, and biting at your ear, begging you to make him feel good again, full again. But even in your exhausted state, you didn't mind too much, because how could you say no to your precious omega? 

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[cupidjyu]

the sweetener you are

hyunjae x reader (idea from the anon who requested childhood friends to lovers!)

summary: when a mysterious man moves into the apartment next door, you realize that he’s your childhood best friend who’s disappeared for years. he changed, his life seeming to have soured. but you could just be his sweetener, the one to make him smile again

genre: best friends to lovers, and boy-next-door sorta thing, hurt/comfort for him because he deserves the world, nightmares, healing, one bed trope, youre forced to move in with him hahaha am i evil, back hugs, he acts "drunk" when tired (dont ask why, it was just an excuse to write him being clingy), hes flirty ish and teasing, hes shirtless for like one second (BECAUSE.), sleepy love confessions, kissing, is there tension? i can't tell myself, “sweetheart” good god notes: school started so expect much much less after this... so see you in a bit 🥲🥲but hope u enjoy!!! this is literally just yumi who needs to stop writing long interpretations of their love for hyunjae in the form of fics + song inspo! word count: 12.7k

You coughed. You choked. And then you glared straight at Younghoon who was staring back in complete alarm. Setting the unfinished glass down on the counter with a loud clink, you clenched your jaw with unspoken curse words that threatened to escape your lips.

“This tastes like dirt,” You garbled out. Rushing over to one of your cupboards, you pulled out one of those small sugar packets that you liked to swipe from those cute coffee shops. If it was free, why not take a few? Ripping the paper open, you poured it into the drink that didn’t even look like it belonged on this planet. It was both… green and yellowish-blue at the same time.

Younghoon gasped, slapping a hand over his mouth dramatically. “That’s not healthy!”

“But it tastes so bad,” You whined. “It needs a sweetener.”

He glared, dragging his hand all the way down his jaw in an unattractive way. “It’s an herbal drink. It’s meant to taste bad. Think of all the health benefits you could’ve gotten out of that without the sugar.”

“You made this?” You scrunched up your face in disgust.

“No, I–” He laughed nervously. “My mom did. I promised her I would finish it.”

You narrowed your eyes. “And you couldn’t because it tasted so bad. So you’re making me finish it.”

He gave you a pained smile as he stepped away. “I– who said that?”

“Why’re we even friends?” You questioned before jabbing a finger at the door. “Get out.”

Younghoon pouted but he eventually obliged, opening the apartment door. “You still owe me money for that overpriced tiny piece of cake by the way.”

“It tasted good!” You shot back.

“It did not.” He sighed. “It’s just you with your horrible sweet tooth. Don’t even– hey…” You noticed him peeking out of your door and into the hallway. And then he leaned back in, searching your face with wonder. “Someone’s moving in next door.”

You brightened with interest at that, practically jumping off where you were sitting on the kitchen counter. Bounding over to the door, you poked your head out under Younghoon’s, just like they did in the cartoons. Squinting your eyes, all you could see was a tall man with a cap on that covered most of his face. 

“Who’s that?” Younghoon said, slightly too loud for your liking.

With a groan, you elbowed him in the ribs. “Shh…how would I know? Though... he does look better than that old dude who constantly yelled at those courtroom TV shows like he was the judge.” It was like the apartment next to yours was cursed. Magic wasn’t real here. Or at least, in this world. But you still believed that a witch had strolled by and casually placed a hex on Apt 245 for the fun of it. For the time that you’ve been here, you’ve seen about five people move in there. And they were never happy. 

Once, there were two parents who had to deal with multiple children who would not stop crying. You hadn’t slept a wink the whole time they were there. They did receive a noise complaint though. Another time, there was a teenager who couldn’t even properly pay off the rent. He didn’t have a job. But he could somehow afford the loudest speaker where he would play the most gut-wrenching, saddest music ever. He got evicted.

But this man… well–he looked decent. Really. No evident curse here. Or at least, yet. When he turned around, you could see that he was very tall and… broad. Apparently, that was the first thing you noticed. He also seemed to pick up the moving boxes with ease and when he had stepped just the slightest to the side, you could see the impossibly perfect slope of his nose. Also a very odd thing to notice.

Younghoon grasped your arm, pulling you back into your own apartment.

“Don’t fall in love.”

You gaped at him. “What? I don’t even know who he is.”

He raised an eyebrow. “But he’s tall. And broad. And has a nice nose. I know you. I know your type.”

Shit.

“You do know me,” You mumbled sheepishly. “But still!” You poked him harshly. “I won’t fall in love. I probably won’t even see him for like– a month. Or he’s going to be cursed and moved out like the others. Don’t worry.”

Your friend narrowed his eyes in skepticism but he eventually nodded. “As long as you don’t bump into him tomorrow or something.”

You laughed, rolling your eyes. “Of course. I won’t fall in love.”

You didn’t fall in love. You fell onto the floor.

And you also happened to bump into him the next day ironically enough.

If only—if only—you decided to pick up your mail yesterday like you were supposed to, this wouldn’t have happened. And by this, you meant being distracted by a cup that rolled out of your new neighbor’s door and then walking straight into his chest. 

You squeaked in horror. “I’m sorry!” And then you stepped backwards, tripped on your badly-timed untied shoelace, and ended up on the floor in the middle of the hallway.

When you looked up, there was a pretty hand that reached out to help you up. Taking it with burning cheeks, you could finally see what this man looked like up close and without a cap.

And you would have expected maybe one of those boy-next-door romantic moments where you would fall into his arms and start dating the next day. Oh, and also kiss and eventually get married. But no, you—

“Hyunjae?”

The man—Hyunjae—gaped at you with comically wide eyes. 

“Y/n,” He breathed out.

As long-lost childhood friends, the most sensible thing to do was ask how he was. But you often defied expectations, positively or negatively, and so instead you lunged forward, wrapping your arms around his waist and pulling him into a tight hug.

Hyunjae, whom you’ve known since you were just young kids, has been your best friend for as long as you could remember. He used to be on the elementary school track team while you… were on the bleachers trying to tell the difference between subtraction and addition. But luckily, Hyunjae was both a smart and kind kid and so he had stopped in the middle of his running to sit with you and teach what your teacher couldn’t do properly.

He was always one year older, always more mature and experienced. But he tended to throw that away just for you and join in on playing games with you when he should’ve been studying for an exam. But he did so to cheer you up. He was sweet like that and you adored spending your afternoons after school with him.

The two of you even got to experience those dreadful high school years together, except there was always that haunting realization—that he would eventually graduate first. But he always reassured you.

“It’s just one year, silly,” He joked, pulling you into a side hug, one that perfectly portrayed his understanding of your worries. “I’ll text and call you all the time. Promise.”

Promises were often broken and this wasn’t any different. For when he had left for college, he never contacted you ever again. You had tried to reach out, but he never responded. And so, for your whole college term, you never saw Lee Hyunjae, your supposed “best friend,” ever again.

And you should have been mad—no, furious to see him again. You should have pushed him away and went on with your life while skillfully avoiding him. But just the simple sight of him brought back all those fond memories–baking cupcakes, falling asleep together just after screaming over a horror movie, holding each other when life just gets too much... And so you found yourself buried into his chest, holding him tightly.

“Hyunjae,” You whispered again, shutting your eyes in both contentment and fear of him pushing you away again. 

But you felt two hands snake around your middle, hugging you back. There were a million questions running through your mind at that moment, wondering why he had disappeared but welcomed you so easily. But you set them aside, choosing to just melt into his still familiar embrace.

Finally though, you managed to pull away, looking at him with a fond smile. He smiled back. He had grown even more handsome than before. He managed to become taller, broader, and more charming all at once. His features were sharp, more mature. Something about him–the way he was dressed in a literal suit–really portrayed to you that he really was an adult now, as opposed to the teenager who procrastinated on science projects.

“How are you?” He smiled, almost too polite for your liking. You could see the way he stood, awkwardly and with fidgeting hands. And that was when it all hit you like a truck.

Your eyebrows suddenly furrowed, your lips pulled into a scowl, and your eyes narrowed as you stepped forward. “How am I? No. How could you–” You banged a fist on his firm chest. “–leave me–” Another punch. “–like that–” He stepped back in growing alarm. “–and act all polite and uneasy as if we weren’t best friends for years?” Both of your fists lingered on his chest, your strength growing weak from frustration. 

“Y/n, I–” He winced.

“Actually, I hate you.” You glared. But your words differentiated from your actions when your hand came to smooth down his crumpled tie. “I don’t want to see you ever again. You’re an absolute asshole and I–” But your eyes met with his, his gaze amused and soft. And then you sniffled, looking down at the ground, the urge to cry suddenly overcoming you.

Hyunjae laughed quietly. “I’m sorry. If you would allow me to explain?”

“Great,” You grumbled. “Then do so. Since you’ve owed me an explanation after all these years.”

He glanced at his watch. “I have work. Tomorrow, maybe? Trust me.”

You looked at him in bewilderment. “Work? But you haven’t even unpacked yet.” You eyed his apartment with the door open. There were multiple boxes strewn about, some not even open yet.

“Emergencies,” He sighed. That was when you noticed just how exhausted he looked. “I have to go.”

“Oh,” You stuttered. “Okay. I– good luck?”

Hyunjae smiled, pinching your cheek just like he had done all those years ago. He seemed to be completely unfazed over the fact that you just punched him in anger. “Thank you.” And he was locking the door behind him and heading for the elevator. But just as he was walking away, you felt the need to call something out. Just a few words.

“Hyunjae?” You said.

He turned around, tilting his head. You never knew just how well work attire suited him. He looked almost… attractive. But god, what were you thinking?

“I missed you.”

He smiled but he never quite gave you a response as the elevator ding had interrupted him. Instead, he just gave you a small wave. 

It was odd. Awkward. But one step at a time, you figured. It’s been years after all.

The next day, as promised, he had shown up to your door. This time, since it was the weekend, he was wearing a simple white shirt. One that still never failed to accentuate his broad shoulders.

But initially, you thought it was Younghoon and not a guy who you haven’t seen for multiple years. So you may or may not have opened the door with your hair like a bird’s nest and your sleepwear on that… wasn’t meant for the general public to see. Apparently, Hyunjae fits in the general public category now. Best friend? No, you hate him.

Kind of.

Not really.

Stumbling to the door, you flung it open, your eyes barely open. Immediately, you were met with the sight of just. Long legs. Not very helpful.

“Who–” And then you looked up, only to meet Hyunjae’s eyes. Choking on your spit, you straightened up. “Hello,” You blurted out in a monotone voice.

He raised an eyebrow and tilted his chin down with amusement. “And who’s the uneasy one now?”

“Sorry, I…” Your eyes trailed down to what you were wearing. With an internal gasp, you stepped backward. “I’m going to– change.”

He widened his eyes and then his gaze also traveled down. His cheeks were oddly red and he cleared his throat, looking away.

You cringed and shut the door in his face before he could even say anything.

Now in proper clothes that were for the general public, you opened the door again. He was still standing there with that same smile. The same kind, caring one he always regarded you with even when you were just kids.

“Where should we talk?” You asked. 

His eyes glanced over to his own door. “My place?” He offered quietly. “I have unpacking to do.”

You stared at him silently. And then you nodded with an excited smile. “I can help.” 

“Oh no,” He laughed softly. “You don’t have to. I’m fine on my–”

“You don’t look fine,” You interrupted. And without thinking, your hand came up to cup his cheek, turning him to face you. “You look tired.”

He stared at you wordlessly before sighing. “I guess I am.”

“So let me help.” You grinned. “I’m using my vacation days from work right now anyway.”

He could only mutter a shy “okay” as he opened the door for you to enter. Looking around, you found that the only things that he had unpacked lacked much of any personality. He took out the necessities and a bunch of… work. Papers, a computer, work suits and the like.

“You seem busy,” You remarked as you walked over to the box labeled “decorations” only for there to literally be one single plant that looked like it needed to be watered. In fact, it was on the brink of death. Immediately, your face was contorting in worry and you turned to where he was just standing at the entrance with an embarrassed expression. “What… happened to your initial dream?”

He approached you and peered into the box. “What dream?”

“The one where you wanted to have a place full of pretty plants.”

“Yeah well,” He laughed bitterly. “Circumstances change aspirations.”

You gulped nervously at his change of tone. Something was bothering him. Something, in particular, caused him to move here. You led him to the couch and sat next to him.

“So what is it? Why did you cut everyone off and– disappear?” You asked cautiously.

He looked at you for a long minute like he was trying to figure out a response for himself. And finally, he just sighed in defeat.

“Problems.”

“Like what?” You prodded.

“A lot. And I wouldn’t want to lay them all on you.” He gave you a weak smile. You regarded him with a soft look in your eyes, searching his face for any sort of answer. All you could see was a flame that had long been put out.

“Then tell me one.”

“One?” He bit his lip nervously. “One…”

“Just one,” You said gently.

“Like the one where the place I used to work at didn’t treat me right? That they refused to give me anything?” He mumbled, his voice trailing off with embarrassment. “So I moved here so that I could get away? That one?” 

You froze at his words. You processed them and that was when it began to make sense. He wasn’t going to work yesterday. He was going to an interview. His computer was open to job openings and the papers weren’t reports. They were resumes.

“Hyunjae,” You whispered. But he was already distancing himself, standing up from the couch. You gazed at him with concern as you stood up, only for him to take a step backward.

“Why are you…” You frowned. “It’s okay, you know. Did you think I would look at you any differently?”

His jaw clenched. “Well, I did cut you off because I didn’t want to worry you. You always told me I would be successful, the best. So how exactly could I face you after they…”

“That’s not your fault. And I’m sorry for putting that on you,” You mustered, stepping closer. This time, he didn’t step away. He allowed you to do anything. He let you trail a hand down to his wrist, holding it gently. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me more. I’m sorry.”

He watched you with slight surprise, and with his lips pulled into a straight line, he whispered a small, “I should be the one who’s sorry.”

You shook your head with a smile. “Don’t be.”

He stayed silent at that, simply studying your features. You could tell he still wanted to apologize. But then the corner of his lips lifted slightly. “You grew up.” His tone was gentle, so kind, just like you’ve always known. It was a little quieter than before though, more closed off as if he was afraid–scared of what you would think of him.

You laughed bashfully. “And so did you.” Your hand trailed up to his shoulder. “Did you start working out?”

He smirked. “Why, do you like my progress?”

You snorted. “Could improve.”

He scoffed yet he only looked at you with fondness. The two of you simply stood there, in the midst of his empty apartment, just staring at each other. And then you giggled. He laughed as well before reaching forward and pulling you into his arms, squeezing you so tight that you felt the air leave your lungs.

“Ah–” You choked. “Hyunjae. You’re killing me.”

“I’m showing you my newfound strength,” He joked, stepping away. You were about to refute but instead, you felt your gaze wandering to his arms. Since when were they so toned and–

“Very funny,” You weakly replied. Escaping from his persisting soft gaze, you stepped away and approached the various boxes. “What can I help you with?”

Hyunjae didn’t have much. Apparently, all those large boxes contained about three small things. 

“I overestimated,” He replied with a sheepish smile when you asked.

Most of his things were put away yet when you looked around, the apartment was void of any joy or charm. The only boxes that were left were his clothes which he claimed he could do another day. After putting away his single cup and plate–that’s all he had apparently–you turned around only to see that he was crouched, bending towards that same plant that you pointed out. Its leaves were drooping and the stem wilting, as his fingers gently prodded at it. When you looked closely, you could see a melancholy look on his face, a small frown tugging on his lips.

It was true, that Hyunjae had many dreams when he was younger. That was normal for many people. But to witness it all dissipate before your sight, no sign of light behind his eyes, you couldn’t help but feel your heart clench.

Walking over, you crouched down next to him. He gave you a forced smile.

“Kind of sad,” He remarked with a disappointed sigh. “I bought it only for me to fail to take care of it.”

“You can always buy another one.”

“Mhm,” He hummed dully. “Sure.” 

You watched him wordlessly, observing the way his gaze fell when one of the leaves broke off. Shaking your head, you suddenly stood up.

“Let’s go out.”

He looked up at you in surprise. “What?”

“I’ll be your tour guide of the town,” You joked. “I know everything.”

Standing up with you, he stole a glance at his phone. “I can’t.”

“Why?” You pouted.

“I’m waiting for my result from the interview.”

You sighed and took his wrist in yours, pulling him to the door. “You need to get your mind off that for a second.”

“But–”

“Please?” You looked up at him, even batting your eyelashes. “Just for a moment?” You also exaggerated a pout.

He blinked in shock, his eyes trailing over your expression. “What are you doing?”

“Making you feel bad. Is it working?” You held back a grin.

He huffed out a laugh. “Definitely. Fine, just for a moment.”

You grinned and you were already pulling on your shoes and bounding out the door, leaving Hyunjae to smile to himself.

“This is a convenience store.” You pointed at it with a bright smile.

He rolled his eyes. “I know what a convenience store is.”

You laughed and led him to the next block before abruptly stopping. “This is the karaoke bar,” You said, pointing at the nearby building.

“Fun,” He muttered.

“We should go one day.” You smiled. “Actually no.” You scowled. “I got drunk there once and I think they banned me because I was dancing on the tables.”

Hyunjae turned to you in slight shock. “You? Drunk?”

“What?” You widened your eyes in surprise. “What is it?”

“I just… you always said that you hated the taste of alcohol,” He replied in wonder.

“Times change.” You grinned, nudging his shoulder. He gave you a small smile back.

Then, you led him to your favorite spot. The central park in the middle of town. It was a beautiful day out, the sky bright and blue. You loved to sit at one of the benches, watching birds fly by or kids play happily on the playground. 

“Wait here.” You patted the seat. And then you were running off, nowhere to be seen. Hyunjae simply sat there, observing the calm atmosphere. When you came back, you were holding a stick of cotton candy in your hand. It was large, almost covering your whole face. Hyunjae chuckled, taking it from you so you wouldn’t trip on the ground.

“Aren’t we too old for this?” He questioned.

You shook your head. “I still love it.”

He took a bite and turned to look at you with furrowed eyebrows. “It’s so sweet.”

“That’s why it’s good!” You stared at him like he was the craziest man alive.

“It’s because you’ve always had a sweet tooth.” He frowned, gently placing it back in your hands. 

“Fine,” You scoffed. “If that’s how you treat your best friend.” And you were taking a bite on the opposite side. When you pulled it away from your face, you were startled by a loud laugh. From Hyunjae, specifically. Turning to him with wide eyes, you could even see him smiling.

It was not like the other smiles that you’ve seen so far. Those ones were small, lacking much of any emotion. But this one was wide, full with amusement and happiness.

“Wha– oh,” You huffed, realizing that there was cotton candy on your nose. Hyunjae laughed even louder and suddenly he was leaning in to gently wipe it off with his finger.

“Cutie,” He whispered fondly, his other hand gently cupping the side of your face.

Your heart stuttered at the word. “Wh-what?”

He gulped, pulling away like he was burned. “Oh, I…”

You quickly recovered, instead scooching even closer to him so that your shoulders were touching. “You think I’m cute? Even when I’m all grown up?”

“Always.”

“I missed your smile,” You stated as the two of you were walking back to the apartment complex.

You had expected him to point out that he had smiled other times before. But instead, he gazed at you with soft eyes.

“I did too. It’s been a while since I’ve felt so happy,” He said. “All thanks to you.”

“Of course!” You beamed, looping an arm with his before pulling him closer. “You can always count on me.”

He didn’t respond this time. But his expression said it all. Thank you, thank you, thank you, was all you could see in his dark brown eyes. Smiling, you bumped your body playfully against his.

“Are you busy tomorrow?” You asked.

Again, you found yourself in his apartment the next day. Apparently, he had just gotten back from running and he needed to take a shower. So, you were looking through his boxes full of clothes. You sorted through them, folding them until you came across a hoodie. You didn’t recognize it, but the fabric of it was so… soft and warm. Your hands held onto it, contemplating what it would feel like if you just–

The door to the bathroom creaked open. You gasped and shoved it behind you, greatly hoping that he didn’t notice you staring at it longingly. But alas, you just had to have slow reflexes at this moment.

“Do you like it?” He asked. “Put it on.” 

You laughed awkwardly, turning to face him, only for your protests to come stuttering to a stop. Your eyes trailed down from his damp hair to his… whole torso. His bare torso. He was shirtless. Right out of the shower, water droplets sitting prettily on his collarbones, traveling all the way down to his chest and his– he definitely works out. 

“Oh,” You breathed out, your cheeks flushing red as you frantically looked away. This was not how you expected to reunite with your best friend after so long. 

“Sorry,” He replied, his voice low. “My shirt’s in there.”

You nodded, refusing to look up. It was quiet for a moment, too quiet that you contemplated just shoving his clothes into his hands while dutifully avoiding the sight of his bare chest. 

But then he was right beside you and he smelled so, so good as he leaned over you, his hand gently grasping your waist. To take a shirt. Very unnecessary but it still left you inhaling sharply. Feeling yourself go dizzy as you stood there, eyes trained on the ground, and every single muscle in all of human anatomy completely rigid until you were sure he was properly dressed.

Taking a peek, you were met with his teasing smile.

“Everything okay?”

“Yes,” You mustered.

“You were staring weren’t you?” He leaned even closer, his eyes searching yours with amusement. His hand gently lifted your chin up, making you swallow thickly at the way he was gazing at you with a small smirk. 

“I wasn’t,” You whispered shakily.

“Hm,” He hummed. “You look a little flushed though.”

“It was nothing,” You shoved him away, feeling like your face was on fire. “You shouldn’t just walk around like that. It’s…”

“Mhm.” He only continued to smile wider. “Whatever you say.”

You groaned, abruptly turning away to hide your reddening cheeks. But then your eyes landed back on that same hoodie.

“I know that look on your face,” He teased, picking it up. “You like it.”

“I don’t.”

“Okay,” He simply replied, shrugging and turning around. You were just about to question his suspiciously short response when out of nowhere, he whipped back around and pulled the hoodie over you. Immediately, you were encompassed in warmth and– did he always smell this good? And why was he staring at you so softly with that stupid fond smile and why was your heart beating a mile a minute and–

“Hyunjae,” You groaned. “What was that for?”

But he stayed silent, simply examining you wearing his clothes. You tilted your head.

“Do I look good?”

His breath hitched and now it was him with reddening cheeks as he backed away. You stifled a laugh as you stepped forward, cornering him against the edge of the kitchen counter.

“And I know that look on your face,” You teased back. “You like it.”

His eyes fluttered, almost like he was fighting the urge to look over your body once again. He inhaled deeply and then he straightened, leaning over you this time. With a subtle smile, he whispered something that left shivers down your spine.

“I love it.”

Oh my god. You treaded backwards, suddenly feeling conscious of everything. His eyes on you–all over you–the way the shirt clung to his body, the rushing thought of the fact that you saw him without it on just a few minutes ago–everything came over you like a bucket of ice water.

“I–” With wide eyes, he only continued to approach you, the scent of his shampoo overcoming you quickly. You couldn’t come up with a comeback anymore. At first, you thought that this was just friendly banter, the type that you guys would do in the school cafeteria. But this–this was something different. With the way he was looking at you with darkening eyes, you weren’t quite sure this was that “friendly banter” thing anymore.

“Shut up,” You blurted out as you pulled the hoodie off you and thrust it into his chest.

“Why?” He grinned. “I like this game.”

You raised your eyebrows. “What game is this exactly?”

“The game of making the other person flustered.” 

You stood there for a moment, thinking. You couldn’t quite come up with a verbal comeback. So you could instead…

Taking a step forward, you hooked a hand around the back of his neck, letting your touch linger there for a moment. A stuttering breath was caught thickly in his throat as he looked down at you in bafflement.

And then you let your fingertips trail around, down his neck, across his collarbone, slightly pulling down the hem of his shirt and stopping just at his chest where you could feel his heart thump erratically.

Your trace on his skin left sparks flying in your heart and when you had looked up, you knew that Hyunjae was experiencing the same thing.

He was looking down at you, completely speechless and his eyes round in shock. You smiled in triumph, leaning close to one of his reddening ears.

“Then I win.”

And you were heading for the door. But just as you turned around, you could see Hyunjae who was still leaning against the counter, cheeks now red as he stared down at the ground. You giggled, closing the door behind you.

The next time you saw Hyunjae, unsurprisingly, he looked exhausted again. In fact, he didn’t even recognize you at first with how he was gazing off into space rather than unlocking his own door.

“Come over tonight,” You offered.

He raised an eyebrow. “To do what?”

You choked. “Not that. Movie night!” You winked, patting his shoulder before leaving for the grocery store. You made sure to mentally add popcorn to your list.

And so, when it was pitch dark at night, you had opened your door to Hyunjae, fidgeting nervously at the entrance. You laughed, grabbing his wrist and pulling him in.

“Don’t be nervous.” You grinned. “It’s just me.”

As you set up the movie, you couldn’t help but notice Hyunjae looking around your apartment. He seemed to be taking in all of your decorations, and the fact that you had more than one cup and plate. You smiled.

“We can go shopping if you want,” You spoke up. “For your apartment.”

He glanced at you in shock. But he eventually nodded with a small smile, that same one you noticed that he often forced when he was tired and down.

Now sitting on the couch, side-by-side but never quite touching, the two of you watched a movie. It was a comfortable silence and whenever you would glance at Hyunjae, he would notice and turn his attention back to you. And every time you would make eye contact, you made sure to give him a bright smile, one that showed him that “I’m always here for you.”

"Staring?" He teased.

"In fact I am," You replied. "Forget the movie, you're the award-winning feature."

He laughed again. The same bright one at the park.

"I didn't take you to be such a flirter," He remarked.

"I'm not," You refuted. "You really are amazing."

He gave you a smile that wasn't so convincing. "If you say so."

Near the resolution of the film, you found yourself scooching over to him, letting your shoulders touch. But that wasn’t exactly enough, so you lifted his arm so that you could rest your head on his chest, his body warmth easily spreading to yours.

“What are you doing?” He muttered.

For a second, you thought he might actually be annoyed. But, when you looked up, you could see his softening eyes and the slight blush on his cheeks. You huffed in amusement and you only persisted, snuggling close to his chest. Eventually, he gave up on the whole tough act and he let his arm wrap around you, rubbing your arm in up-and-down motions.

You didn’t notice that you had fallen asleep.

Though you did briefly remember two… moments. One of them was him cautiously bringing you to your bed. The other being a warm hand softly caressing your cheek.

You woke up alone. Good! Who else did you expect? Rubbing your eyes, there was a constant sound ringing in your ears. The doorbell, you groaned. Stumbling to the door, you were hoping maybe… Hyunjae? But instead, it was your landlord. You furrowed your eyebrows in concern.

She sighed, shaking her head.

“Bad news.”

When it was Hyunjae this time who had invited you over, you were pleasantly surprised. Opening the door, you could see him sitting at the table, staring intently at his computer.

Tilting your head, you were about to ask what he was looking at. But then he suddenly jumped up, the chair almost falling over. There was a bright smile on his face as he rushed over to you.

“Hyunjae?” You looked at him in confusion.

“I got the job,” He exclaimed. “I got it.”

“You did?” You gasped. “That’s so– that’s amazing! Congratul–” You inhaled sharply when you felt two hands grasp onto your waist. And suddenly, your whole world shifted once you realized that he was literally picking you up and twirling you around. You laughed shyly as you allowed him to, watching fondly at the way he smiled so, so freely.

Once he had slowed down, there was an impending thought in the back of your mind that appeared from all of the adrenaline. He could put you down and you could lean in and maybe… maybe– press your lips to his as an extra cheer. Mentally slapping yourself, you felt your cheeks grow hot. Again, what were you thinking?

His hands were still on your waist, the both of you out of breath. You smiled, giggling softly. He smiled back, his eyes bright and sparkling.

“I’m proud of you,” You finally said.

“It’s all thanks to you,” He replied.

“Hm, well,” You huffed. “Guess who lost their apartment.”

He gaped at you. “What?”

“Not permanently,” You groaned. “But there’s been a technical problem that has to be investigated and fixed. So I can’t stay there for the meantime.”

He looked at you, deep in thought. And then his hands tightened on your waist. “Then stay here with me.”

Now it was your turn to gawk at him. “What?”

“Please.” He smiled. “I owe you.”

You blushed. “I didn’t do much.”

“You did.” He walked forward, nearly caging you against the wall. “Everything. You’ve helped me get this job.” Another step forward. “I’m indebted to you.”

“H-hyunjae,” You stuttered, trying your best to avoid stealing a glance at his lips.

“Just temporarily.”

You made a mental pro and con list. Pros–He was your childhood best friend meaning that he knew you best. Cons–what if things changed? What if you… fell? And you didn’t mean physically.

With a hesitant sigh in defeat, you responded quietly. 

“Temporarily.”

When you and Hyunjae had art class together, you learned a little bit more about him. He was always the one who enjoyed the sketching, the outlining with the black pen, and shading in grey. You, on the other hand, were the one who would color in between those lines with vibrant colors, brightening the picture into something truly complete. 

That was how you complimented each other. People often painted him out to be cold and blunt, but you always saw past that. It was always you who thought that he was the sweetest person you’ve ever met–the one who took care of you when you were sick and who pulled you away from passing cars.

Just like one of those art projects, you began to liven up his apartment with your own things. Of course, you didn’t bring everything, but the simple pieces of your toothbrush next to his and your coat hung up on the rack, were enough to make the puzzle feel just complete.

Soon enough, the evening came which brought the dilemma of where you would sleep.

“The couch,” Hyunjae spoke up, walking out of the bathroom again, with damp hair. But at least he was fully clothed this time. Still, that vision was practically ingrained into your mind.

“You’re right.” You nodded in agreement. “I’ll–”

“Not you,” He huffed. “Me.”

“Oh,” You breathed out. Abruptly you stood up in defiance. “No!” You blurted out. “That’s rude.”

He looked at you entirely unimpressed. “I’m being a good host. A gentleman.”

“Exactly.” You scowled. “You’re going to make me feel like I’m intruding. And look who invited me in the first place?”

He sighed, glancing at the bedroom door. “There’s only one bed.”

“Then we’ll share,” You replied, completely sure of yourself. Hyunjae didn’t respond so you lifted your chin high and walked past him and into the bedroom as odd as it may sound. However, in the corner of your eye, you could see that his ears were slightly red.

You may have underestimated the sheer awkwardness. Just a bit. Maybe a lot.

The two of you stood on either side of the bed, facing each other, contemplating the fact that this would be the first time you would be sleeping together. Actually, it wasn’t really awkward per se. It was more… hilarious. You pursed your lips, trying to stifle your laughter, while Hyunjae’s cheeks were puffed out in embarrassment.

Again, as the bolder one, you climbed under the sheets first. Still, Hyunjae was just standing, hesitating. You squinted up at him through the darkness. 

Even under the dim lighting, you could see that his cheeks were incredibly flushed. 

“I think I’ll just go back to the–” He couldn’t even finish his sentence because you were grabbing onto his hand and pulling him down into bed. He didn’t really protest though as you could sense him slowly melting into the warmth of it.

The lamp was off now and you were both succumbed to darkness. It was silent, only the sound of Hyunjae’s calm breathing. You weren’t exactly tired right now. You knew that it would take you a while to fall asleep. But that was fine! You would just wait until he fell asleep first.

Except, when you turned on your side to face him, you could see him staring back, big, round doe eyes on you. So, scratch that. And now you were cold which you weren’t used to. Your apartment was usually the perfect temperature, but this one left you shivering all over.

Unconsciously, you began to shift closer to his body. He’s always been the warm one. That used to be your strategy to not freeze to death when the two of you would walk down the winter festival together.

Suddenly though, you felt an arm across your waist and steady breathing on the side of your neck.

“Hm?” You hummed in confusion, wondering if the chest against your shoulder was just a hallucination. 

But then he replied in a quiet, lower voice.

“Is this okay?” He whispered.

Oh, this was more than okay. You were familiar with his embrace. But to feel it just moments before you fell asleep brought a sudden bout of tranquility.

“Perfect.” You smiled to yourself, curling up to his body in which he held you closer in response. It was warm, comforting, just perfect. It didn’t take you a while to fall asleep anymore. 

When you awoke, you were slightly—no, very confused about why it was still dark out. You were pretty sure the room should be bright with natural light from the sun. Or maybe you’ve just gone crazy. But that was when you glanced at the time. It was still the middle of the night.

When you turned to your side, that was also when you realized that it was Hyunjae who had woken you up. Unknowingly at that. His arm was still around your waist but this time, his hold was almost painfully tight. If you looked closely, you could see that his eyes were screwed shut, his eyebrows twitching with small stuttering breaths escaping him.

But, you’ve always heard the saying that you weren’t supposed to wake someone up from a nightmare. So you hesitated, keeping your hands close to yourself, worriedly watching. At some point, he jolted awake by himself.

Now, his breathing was even faster and he had shot up, looking around frantically. Blinking your eyes sleepily, you turned on the nearby light and sat up with him.

“Hyunjae?” You whispered, looking him over in concern.

He turned to you in a growing distraught state and he widened his eyes. “Are you–”

“It’s just me,” You muttered. “Bad dream?”

Hyunjae froze for a moment but he slowly nodded. And usually, it was you who initiated the hugs. But this time, he was the one who lunged forward, holding you close to his chest. His hands grasped onto you tightly as he buried his nose into your neck.

With the way he was holding you so tightly, so… desperately, you wondered if this had happened before. But still, you allowed him to just hold you close, your own arms coming around to gently pat his back.

You didn’t know when, but he eventually pulled away. He refused to look you in the eye and so you brought a gentle hand to the side of his face, coaxing him to face you.

“How long has this been going on for?” You frowned.

He shut his eyes. “A while.”

Your heart clenched at his quiet response. For the past few days, you had thought he was feeling better, less exhausted. But behind the bedroom door, it must be different.

“Do you… want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know…” He trailed off.

“You don’t have to tell me–”

“...what they’re about.”

“Oh,” You breathed. “The nightmares?”

He nodded with tired eyes. “But while I was gone–away from you–people I’ve loved, everything I’ve cherished seemed to disappear before my eyes. It wasn’t just work it was… a lot.” His voice was quiet, hard to hear but it was loud enough that you could hear each and every heart-twisting emotion.

You stayed silent, your hand finding his to stroke the back of it soothingly.

“I felt hopeless.” He frowned. “I guess those nightmares felt like I was reliving that all over again.”

He didn’t say anything after that. You watched him cautiously, wondering what exactly to do. But then you felt his hand tighten on yours slightly and that was your cue to shift even closer.

He glanced at you with an ashamed expression that only made the pit in your stomach drop even more. Slowly, slow enough so that he could back away if he wanted to, you wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close against you. Almost instantly, he was breathing out a low sigh of relief as he nuzzled even further into your embrace.

“You’re not alone anymore,” You whispered. “And… thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”

He didn’t say anything, but when he held you back, it was a perfect answer. The two of you stayed like that, in the dead of night, just holding each other until you began to feel drowsy from his warmth. It wasn’t the first time that you’ve done so. The only difference was that it was always you who needed that extra piece of comfort. It was never Hyunjae. Seeing him open up was different but something that you were most grateful for.

“I never replied to you the day we met in the hallway,” He spoke, interrupting your thoughts. 

You pondered for a moment, recalling the memory. “When I said that I missed you?”

He nodded. “I didn’t reply because I was afraid you would still be mad at me for leaving you so abruptly.”

You smiled softly and shook your head, your hand coming up to the back of his head to stroke his hair soothingly. His eyes widened slightly in shock but he quickly melted into your touch. “I was angry at first.”

He laughed quietly, though his voice was watery with unfallen tears.

“But now I’m not,” You whispered. “I promise. I’m just happy to see you again.”

He pulled away to look up at you, searching your face to make sure that you were telling the truth. When you only gazed back with utmost sincerity, he let a small smile tug on his lips.

“I missed you,” He had finally replied, answering your statement from before. “More than you know. It was hard without you.”

Your gaze softened once you noticed the sparkle of a few tears in his eyes and when he blinked, your sleeve was immediately coming up to pat his cheek, drying the ones that had broken free.

“I missed you too,” You responded and gently, you were pulling him back into bed. And this time, without hesitation, he was hooking both of his arms around you, tightening you into his chest.

“...so much,” He muttered sleepily. “I missed you so much.”

“You have me now.”

“Always.” And you felt his hand grasp yours, guiding it to where his heart was, thumping in a soothing rhythm. “In here.”

You were the first one to wake up. It seemed that Hyunjae’s nightmare and tears had left him too exhausted to even notice you unwrapping yourself from his protective embrace. And so, you took it as your duty to cook something decent for him to wake up to.

Except maybe Hyunjae did notice because he opened the door shortly after. You probably should have placed a pillow in his arms before you left. He walked out and you had to stop yourself from cooing because that would be a little bit… weird. But you couldn’t help it because the sight of his hair tousled and messy, his eyes barely opened and puffy from the tears, and his lips pouted adorably, left you smiling with endearment.

“Morning sleepyhead.” You grinned, turning the stove on. 

He didn’t say anything. Instead, he shuffled over to where you were standing behind the kitchen counter. 

You tilted your head in amusement, wondering how he managed to navigate with his eyes barely open. “Are you feeling better?”

Again, still no response. You watched as he circled the counter, positioning himself behind you. And then you gasped quietly once you registered the strong arms that enveloped your waist, pulling you into a warm hug, your back now pressed up against his chest. You could even feel his nose nuzzling into the back of your neck, breathing deeply.

You simply just froze, unable to do anything. Once you realized he wasn’t going to move anytime soon, you turned the stove off and simply allowed him to hug you to his heart’s content. He let out a sleepy hum. Or was it a whine?

“You’re clingy in the morning,” You mused.

“Mhm.” Even his morning voice was cute.

And when you said sleepy, you meant it. Literally–you were pretty sure he fell asleep while back-hugging you in the middle of the kitchen. You practically had to hold on to the counter to brace his weight and when you stole a glance over your shoulder, you had to stifle a laugh. His cheek was smushed into your shoulder and his eyes shut in content.

“O–kay,” You heaved, forcing your body to turn around. And still, he would have almost collapsed into you if you hadn’t planted your hands on his shoulders to hold him up. His head lolled to the side as he peeked an eye open to look at you drowsily.

You chuckled and your hand came up to his hair to ruffle it. Immediately, he was leaning into your touch and when your hand traveled down to cup his cheek, he was nuzzling into it like a puppy.

“I missed you,” He slurred, his voice huskier than usual.

“Mm, you said that already,” You hummed teasingly, a smile threatening to spread across your lips. “Hyunjae.”

“Hm?” He smiled lazily.

“You’re acting drunk and it’s like–” You glanced at the clock. “Seven in the morning.”

“And what about it? I missed you,” He grumbled, an adorable frown on his lips.

“Ah,” You sighed, shaking your head. “Go splash water on your face, you dummy. Then you’ll wake up properly.”

He still didn’t budge. And so, using every single ounce of your strength, you had to carry him all the way to the bathroom as he was still clinging onto you like a koala.

After a few minutes, with the sound of the bathroom sink splashing in the background, you finally managed to start cooking something. But then the door clicked open and you looked up. Hyunjae, his eyes finally open, was blushing so hard that you couldn’t even conceal your laugh anymore.

“Missed me?” You remarked.

He winced in response, his cheeks continuing to flame red.

“I don’t know what got into me,” He muttered, refusing to look you in the eye.

You beckoned him over and he finally looked up at you shyly.

“It was cute,” You teased. “You’re cute when you’re sleepy.”

“And what else?” He quickly recovered.

Your breath hitched. Ah, you thought. There he was. The usual Hyunjae when he was fully awake. The one who loved to tease you until you were blushing and hiding your face. 

“Don’t do this again,” You groaned.

“Do what?”

“That.”

“You’ll have to elaborate on that, sweetheart.”

You raised an eyebrow at the nickname, completely unfazed. But when your eyes traveled down, that was when you realized just how close he was. He continued to lean forward until he was caging you against the counter, both of his hands on either side of you. It wasn’t the flirting that got you, it was his body encompassing you so, so effortlessly, making you feel smaller than you really were. 

He chuckled. “Cat got your tongue?”

Oh, this is definitely how best friends act. You were one hundred percent sure about that. 

He smirked, tilting his chin down, as his hand traveled from the edge of the counter down to your hip. 

Fifty percent. 

His eyes wandering elsewhere–somewhere along the lines of your lips.

One percent.

“The breakfast is going to burn,” You stuttered.

He simply licked his lips, his gaze fixated on yours.

“I can always try something else.”

You were screwed.

The first day of Hyunjae’s new job was the very last day of your brief vacation from work. With a sigh, you scrolled through the shows and movies, only for you to ultimately turn off the TV in boredom. You weren’t going to beat around the bush and refuse to admit that you felt lonely without him. Of course, you saw him in the morning, already dressed in a suit (that fit amazingly on him, dare you add), but it was only for a short moment.

He still had nightmares but they were becoming less and less frequent. Sometimes, when they happened, you would just pull him closer and he would immediately relax with a small sigh, almost like you had the superpower to eliminate his night terrors.

And sleeping together never was awkward again. In fact, you adequately enjoyed it–his arms around you and vice versa. Did best friends regularly cuddle at night and gaze at each other for so long that your heartbeat started to speed up? That… you weren’t quite sure about.

Yawning, you found yourself lying down, spreading across the couch. You didn’t even do much today yet your eyes still threatened to shut close.

At some point, you blinked your eyelids open once you heard the door unlocking. Sitting up, you smiled softly at the sight of Hyunjae opening the door. His tie was already loose and his hair was blown up from the wind. Squinting your eyes, you then noticed that he was practically stumbling into the entrance, almost like all of his coordination had dissipated. 

His eyes were droopy and his lips pouted from what you would guess to be exhaustion. Everyone’s first day of work was like that. You watched as he set down his work bag and walked over to you, very… very slowly.

“How was work?” You questioned, looking up at him.

And just like last time, he didn’t respond. Silently, he leaned forward and literally–very literally–laid on top of you. His body weight pulled you back down to lie on the couch and his arms were snaking around you as his legs tangled with yours. Speechless, you felt as he nuzzled back into your neck, just like he’s begun to do so often now.

“You look gorgeous today,” He whispered, his voice very oddly slurred.

Your breath hitched. “Are you drunk?”

He looked up at that and you practically choked on air once you realized how close his face was to yours. And then he smiled languidly and shook his head.

“Are you sure?” You searched him for any sign–red cheeks, the scent of the alcoholic drink–yet you couldn’t find any. 

“I’m just tired,” He mumbled, planting his face back into the crook of your neck.

“Okay,” You laughed. Gently, your hand came up to his broad back to rub it in circles, the material of the suit rough and honestly quite unsatisfying. But still, you persisted once you felt his tense muscles slowly soften. Slowly though, you came to a stop. “Hyunjae.”

“Hm?” He hummed.

“You need to take a shower,” You huffed. “C’mon.” With all of your power, you pushed him up and off you. Again, his head tilted to the side with a tired smile. You laughed and shoved him until he finally obliged and went off to the bathroom.

Meanwhile, you were left there, contemplating his strange behavior. He never acted this clingy before. Not even for the years that you’ve known him. It was only after that particular night that he started to… do this.

When he was done showering, he stepped out. You had hoped that he would be more awake now, but it seemed he was even drowsier than before–too tired to even dry his own hair. With a click of your tongue, you motioned him over to sit down. Like a puppy, his eyes brightened at the sight of you as he obediently followed.

“You’ll catch a cold,” You ridiculed with a worried frown.

After finding a towel, you stepped in between his legs. Carefully, you began to dry his damp hair, marveling at the way his hair curled up after a shower. You rubbed his scalp, making your way around and behind his ears. When you peeked at his expression, you stifled a laugh at the way he basically fell asleep under your touch.

Once you deemed his hair dry enough, you were about to walk away but instead, he abruptly stood up, swaying slightly. And then he fell forward, pulling you into a warm embrace.

You smiled fondly. “Tired?”

It seems that when Hyunjae was tired, he never answered any of your questions, funnily enough. A lot of his answers were just “I missed you” or a small hum. But this… this answer was different. It was spoken so quietly, so softly yet it perfectly resonated through your ears. 

“I love you.”

Before you could even say anything or really do anything, he was reluctantly pulling away and heading to the bedroom. Your lips parted as your eyes fixated on absolutely nothing. Just– space. Your whole body had gone rigid as you simply stood there, processing his words. You couldn’t even blink. 

Best friends… say that too, don’t they?

It started to become a pattern for the whole first week of his new job. When he was actually fully awake, he told you that the work was demanding yet he never looked so happy and content. Sometimes, you wondered what his past work was like, but you never prodded.

But, because the work was just so demanding, every single day, from Monday to Friday, he came home exhausted. And any person would expect him to just head straight for bed. But like you said, it was a pattern, a usual thing, that he would cling on to you. Apparently, something had shifted in him. Originally, when you saw him exhausted, he would become closed off. But after… that night, he acted almost intoxicated. Not on a drink. But simply off being tired.

You found it endearing actually. His voice was always quieter and he often stumbled over his words this way. His eyes were dazed and soft on yours and he also became ten times heavier as he liked to lay all of his weight on you when he pulled you into a hug. He constantly just seemed to be in a completely different mindset–one that was very… loving and… yeah– different.

He liked to say things too. Slurred and quiet, but he still very clearly said them. You could never figure out if he meant them or if he was just tired and rambling things for the fun of it.

He said “I misssed you” a lot. Occasionally, he would blurt out that you looked pretty or beautiful. Or, it would be a small “hi” accompanied by a shy smile. Sometimes, if he was too tired to say much, he would just giggle over nothing in particular. But… there was one specific phrase that he would say out of the blue.

“I love you.”

That one always left you perplexed. It could be a… platonic thing to say, right? Where did the word “love” come from? You didn’t think much of it, but you couldn’t help but feel some sort of spark of light in the very depths of your heart.

It was weird, really. An out-of-this-world, alien-like thing for a best friend to say. The words I, love, and you arranged in that particular order were never syllables Hyunjae ever let fall from his lips. He never spent any particular ounce of breath to say them. 

Yet now he did.

For some odd reason.

But again, he was just tired. Surely.

And just like before, the pattern started all over again. The week was coming to a close so maybe you wouldn’t hear those words again after this. But you didn’t really mind altogether. With a tired sigh, you walked out of the room, now changed out of your work clothes and into something more comfortable.

Right on cue, the main door was unlocking, and once again, the pattern began to unweave itself. He would walk in, with the occasional misstep and stumble. And like usual, he looked tired. Though, you envied his ability to still look… attractive. And then he would look up, search for a particular someone, and do that stupidly lazy smile–the one where his eyes weren’t focused on anything but you.

“What are you doing here?” He giggled–he giggled now, apparently.

You eyed him, completely apathetic. “You let me stay here temporarily, remember?”

He blinked at you with an adorable pout. And then he nodded. “You’re right.” He smiled. “Aren’t you smart?” He pinched your cheek. 

Scowling, you wrestled his hands off. And for the first time this week, you finally decided to question his bizarre behavior.

“Why are you acting like this?” You whined, holding him up by his arms so he wouldn’t fall over you like he had done the day before.

“Because I missed you,” He grumbled, his eyes struggling to stay open. “Now let me–”

“Agh,” You groaned. But still, your hands fell to your sides as you let him wrap his arms around your torso, bringing you close to his chest. Whatever made him happy, was your motive. And totally not, I secretly enjoy this.

It was quiet for a few moments, just the sound of his slow breathing against your earlobe. For a minute, you worried that he had fallen asleep already, but he spoke again.

“Have I mentioned how uncomfortable this suit is?” He mumbled. “It’s very hot and–”

You didn’t even say anything. With a sigh–one that wasn’t particularly annoyed, but more… doting–you stepped away. He stared at you in both drowsiness and slight confusion, but his eyes slowly widened once he realized that you were taking off the jacket for him. Gently, you pulled it off his shoulders and down his arms, your eyebrows slightly furrowed in concentration.

He was quiet, simply watching as your fingers grasped his tie, unloosening it with a sharp pull, causing him to lurch forward, his lips startlingly close to yours. 

“Interesting,” He teasingly remarked, but his voice was still slurred.

“Shut up,” You snapped yet there was no malice behind your tone.

Your hands then came up to his collar, unbuttoning the first few buttons to reveal slightly past his collarbones which… you’ve already accidentally witnessed before. With a friendly pat on his shoulder, you deemed him undressed enough. He slowly turned his gaze to you and your breath hitched at the sight– his work attire now loose with his hair slightly messy… ah. Not to mention, his tilted head and sleepy expression that only made things worse.

Clearing your throat, feeling your cheeks burn, you scrambled off somewhere to shove a change of clothes into his hands and left abruptly, your heart thumping. Soon enough–you didn’t know when because you were busy contemplating all of your feelings and the meaning of life–he walked into the bedroom. Undoing the made bed, you motioned him to climb in. Obediently, he followed and you pulled the blankets over him.

“Y/n,” He muttered, grasping your wrist before you could walk away.

“Hm?”

“...love you,” He whispered.

Again, he was just rambling. He was just saying things. He had stumbled over his words and his voice was quiet, so that meant that he didn’t mean it. He didn’t mean any of it. It was all fake–

“I love you,” He repeated—clearer, louder this time without an inch of hesitation. And this time, he was looking straight up at you, his cheeks slightly pink, flushed.

Maybe it was more real than you had thought.

The first week was over, meaning Hyunjae was more situated at work and most importantly, less exhausted. On the first day of his new, non-intoxicated-on-fatigue persona, he had simply greeted you and strolled past. You wouldn’t admit it fully to him but that simple interaction that did better fit what you guys were–best friends–left you feeling empty inside.

But it was fine. It was just a one-week thing.

Until it wasn’t.

The next day, the pattern appeared again, but it wasn’t… like before.

He was fully awake this time yet he still–

“Hyunjae?” You stammered. The arms wrapped around your waist tightened further as he stood behind you, hooking his chin over your shoulder, and breathing out a low sigh. And now that he was newly… conscious, he did more. His hands began to wander over you in soothing shapes and he pressed his chest further against your back.

“Just stay here with me.” 

You could see his soft smile in the corner of your eye. With a bothered huff, you glanced back at him, only for you to inhale sharply at how close he actually was and how… nice his cologne smelt. Oh, and his hands were still wandering.

“I thought you only acted like this when you’re tired?”

He shook his head, shifting even closer, his warmth encompassing you comfortingly.

“Do you want to know something about me?”

“I know a lot about you,” You joked.

But he was quiet, a serious silence befalling the two of you. You gulped and whispered a small “what is it?”

You could hear him huff out in amusement, his hands never failing to leave your waist. “While I was away–when I was at my lowest–I thought of someone all those years.”

And for some reason, you knew exactly what the answer was. 

But still, your voice tremored. “Who?”

A squeeze on your waist.

“You.”

Shutting your eyes, you breathed out a shaky sigh and looked down to where he was still hugging you from behind. Your heart was thumping and you were sure he could hear you. And even if he could make out the pounding, he never budged once. Not once did he stop tightening his arms around you and not once did he cease to bury his nose somewhere into your skin, leaving shivers down your spine.

With your heartbeat practically reaching your ears, you nudged him and turned around so that now, you were facing him. Without his dazed, sleepy look, it was just his soft eyes and the slightest tug of his lips, an endeared smile. Without his exhaustion that often left him sluggish, it was just his firm, stronger arms that held you so easily.

“Hyunjae,” You whispered. 

“Sweetheart,” He replied, his voice gentle and content. And before, you wouldn’t have paid a single ounce of attention to that nickname because it just seemed like how best friends would fool around. But now… things were different and you weren’t sure how exactly. And so the name sweetheart now left your cheeks flushing.

You swallowed thickly, your breath shortening. “Do you know how much you confuse me?”

His smile only grew. “Elaborate on that.” A pause. “Sweetheart.”

You sighed, biting your lip with mortification. “That. The nickname.”

“Sweetheart? You never said you didn’t like it, I can stop if you want—“

“Don’t!” You rushed to say. You blushed more once you realized he was teasing you again, his eyes glinting with amusement. “Not just the nickname. Everything.”

“Like what?” He stepped closer if that was even possible.

You gazed up at him and you were sure you looked frustrated right now, judging by his fond smile. He always said you looked cute when mad.

“You say that you miss me all the time.”

“Because I do.” He dipped his head lower to look at you with those foolish, puppy-like eyes. “I think of you whenever I’m at work.”

“But,” You exhaled shakily. “Do you realize that you say something else?” 

You were sure he wasn’t aware. He didn’t seem to be in the right state of mind whenever he was exhausted. So maybe, he would just stare at you in utter confusion, deny it, and this whole… feeling fiasco would be done and dealt with. But then—

“That I love you?”

Your lips parted in surprise and you peered up at him, wondering if he was just taking a wild guess. But no, the soft, genuine look on his face said it all.

“You… knew?” You stuttered.

“Of course I did,” He chuckled softly. “And I meant every single one.”

Eyebrows furrowing, you stepped backward from shock. As you avoided his eyes, you missed the nervousness and the unsureness that flitted across his face. But, just that one step away left chills down your body–as if being away from Hyunjae and his embrace wasn’t even natural anymore.

And so you stepped forward again. Immediately, you could hear a low sigh of relief escape Hyunjae’s lips and feel his hands snake back around your waist protectively. You weren’t sure what expression was on his face though, as you were very adamant on staring directly at his tie–his chest. You knew that he could still see your reddening cheeks, but you still preferred not to look him in the eye. 

“That,” He said quietly. “You’re also quite confusing too.”

“Wh-what?” 

“Stepping away and stepping back,” He spoke softly. “Looking me in the eye but refusing to when I say that I love you.” One of his hands left your waist to gently guide your chin up. “So look at me now.” 

“I…” You trailed off, feeling yourself go weak just from his soft, loving gaze.

“And one more thing.” He tilted his head teasingly.

A pause. A great moment of silence.

“You don’t say it but you show it.”

“Hyunjae,” You breathed out, your heart beating like a loud, intense drum.

“I wasn’t completely unaware.” He smirked. His hand had already left your chin and found its place back to your waist, yet you found yourself staring straight into his dark eyes, stuck in a trance. “I know that you dried my hair with a towel–that you even undressed me. I know that you took care of me.”

You did do that all on your own accord, simply because you thought that you were being a perfectly good friend. But now that you thought about it–you didn’t have to. You could have easily pushed him off, and told him to do everything on his own but you didn’t. And it was all because you–

“So tell me then,” He whispered, his voice quiet–only for you to hear, almost like he wanted you all to himself. “What are we?”

You held your breath, your cheeks growing hot. Your hands rested on his chest and you could feel his heart pound, exactly like yours. He felt the same, you realized. With a shaky sigh, you gazed up at him.

“What do you want us to be?”

He hummed, a soft smile on his lips. “What do I want?” 

He slightly reworded your question and you wondered why. But you nodded, your eyes studying his features. His handsome features. They were sharp when you had met him in that hallway. But his keen eyes, the angle of his eyebrows, his perpetual frown–they were just soft, soft on you. No longer was there a frown, but just an affectionate smile.

“What do you want?” You repeated his question, your voice hushed to a whisper.

He leaned in, his gaze warm and gentle, his eyes wandering over each and every detail of your face.

“I want to love you.”

You had expected to inhale sharply, gasp maybe–but no. Because everything made sense to you now. His kind words, his soft and fleeting touches across your body, it all pointed to one thing. And so, instead, you smiled shyly.

“Then love me.”

And just like that, his grip on your hips tightened and he turned you around so that your back was facing the door. He was walking you backward until you felt the hard surface against your shoulder blades and he was leaning down, close enough that if he inched further, he would be kissing you. But he didn’t–not yet.

“May I?” He muttered, looking over you with slight concern. 

You nodded, embarrassingly with a bit too eagerness. He laughed softly and then he was fitting his lips against yours as your eyes fluttered closed. The press of it was gentle and tender as he tilted your chin up and angled himself so that it was more comfortable. The kiss was unlike any that you’ve experienced before. It was like the tension that had built up before had completely broken down, as you allowed yourself to just fall.

Fall, physically, almost because you felt your knees go weak, with only the door behind you to hold you up. But his hand traveled back down to your waist, hooking you in against his body, keeping you steady as he muffled a groan against your lips. You couldn’t hear anything but his breathing and the thumping of your own heart. 

All you could think of was him–how he could so easily change from rough to soft, how he could push forward so quickly but pull away so easily to allow you a gasp of breath, and how he could make your heart pound yet lull it into a steady rhythm of love. He kissed like he could devour you, but if you decided to peek an eye open, you would see his adorably furrowed eyebrows and his flushed cheeks, showing that he wasn’t anything like that.

He was just a man who needed a bit of a sweetener in his life.

With a quiet noise, he pulled away. Immediately, his eyes searched over your features, making sure that you were okay and that he didn’t do too much. But, when you gave him a smile, your eyes flitting nervously, he grinned and leaned in to grant you another soft kiss.

“How long?” You laughed shyly.

“I came to the realization when you tried to cheer me up whenever I was tired. But I think I’ve already felt this way for a while.” He replied. He pinched your cheek again. “All those dates and extra care that you gave me…very cute thing to do.”

Your eyes went wide. “You… noticed?”

“I notice a lot of things, sweetheart,” He teased. “Like how you’re grabbing onto my suit to pull me into a kiss right now.”

“O-oh,” You stammered, letting go of his crumpled collar. “I didn’t realize I–”

He shook his head and before you could finish your sentence, he was cupping your cheek–something that he’s never done before–and guiding you back to his lips. And this time, his tongue swiped against your lip, making you gasp quietly.

“You taste like candy.” His gaze fixated on your lips.

“I didn’t know you could…” You had to stop for a second to catch your breath. And it wasn’t just because of his exceptional kissing, but it was the beat of your heart, of all of your love. “...you could kiss like that.”

“What can I say?” He tilted his head with a teasing look. “I guess I have a sweet tooth.”

“Trust me on this,” Younghoon whined. “I followed the instructions to the very dot. They’ll taste good. Promise.”

You eyed him skeptically but still, you picked up one of the cookies that he had baked. They looked a little… off, but it should be fine. Taking a bite, you took note of the odd texture, and then the taste started to register on your tongue.

You coughed. You choked. And then you threw the cookie back on the plate. 

“Bitter,” You gagged. “It’s so bitter.”

“What?” He cried. “Are you kidding me–”

Your eyes lit up once you remembered your boyfriend who was sitting next to you on the couch. He was busy on his computer, doing some sort of work report but you ignored that, turning to him and grasping his collar tightly. You pulled him in, pressing your lips to his, causing him to let out a small “mmph” in surprise.

But almost instantly, he turned into jelly from your touch, a smile growing on his lips as his eyes fluttered close. He had tried to deepen it desperately but you pulled away shortly after, leaving him to chase after your lips adorably.

Younghoon gawked. “I’m right here.”

“So?” You shrugged, smiling innocently. “At least he tastes sweet.”

“Oh my god,” Younghoon mumbled, getting up to throw the cookies into the garbage can. 

Meanwhile, Hyunjae was staring at you in a daze, his cheeks flushed. But, he quickly recovered and he was quick to pounce on you, pressing kisses all over you once Younghoon had left.

“A warning next time would be great.”

He was now hovering over you on the couch, caging you under his arms and his computer long forgotten. The position left you flushing but it was also the perfect one to knee him in the stomach.

He winced in pain. "What was that for?"

"A warning, you said," You mocked. "When literally yesterday you kissed me up against a wall in your own workplace."

"That's an exception." He smirked. "You liked it, didn't you?"

"I..." You blushed, remembering the way he had kissed you so fervently, dressed in that suit and tie, the thrill of getting caught still running through your veins. "It was alright."

"Sure, sweetheart," He whispered in a teasing tone. He looked annoying handsome like this, with that amused smile that contrasted his soft, loving gaze. "Then I'll make sure you like this one."

Oh, how you despised him.

And then his lips were on yours again, swallowing up any shy noises that threatened to escape you. But just before he did, he had whispered three quiet words against your lips.

"I love you."

And how you loved him too.

[reasaph]

"I don't believe in God, but I believe that your my savior."

Soshiro Hoshina x fem suicidal reader!

Summary: (name), a person who has no beliefs, no reason and will to live gets hospitalized after another attempt. There, she meets Soshiro Hoshina and has looked forward to waking another morning since.

TW: reader is mentally unstable, mentions of unhealthy eating routine, Injuries, Theres prob more

The title come from the song "sailor song" by Gigi perez!

Part 3!

You don't know how long you've been staring, not moving an inch, completely drilled to your place, feet rooted deep in the ground, limbs not daring to flinch. Hoshina was the first to regain composure and control the vast swirl of rigged emotions inside the interior of his heart, clearing his throat to rid of the lump thats been keeping his larynx silent. His action made you made you land back to earth in reciprocation, it splashed a fresh pail full of water on you, enough to awoke your self consciousness. You know the throb in your chest isn't normal, it's not the usual butchering ache that makes you wanna rip yourself apart, but rather a throbbing feeling of longing that has planted itself in the depths of your ribs. Thats the effect he has on you, you feel like chipping off one by one the atoms that form you as a whole and offer it to him as a token of your affection— no, love, a token of your love. It isnt so bad as you thought, atleast not yet. The optimistic feeling society calls love has taken you hostage at gunpoint with Hoshina Soshiro as the bullet, and your willing to take it anytime, welcome him to the bone.

"Ya alright? Snap out of it dummy." he flicked you on the forehead, disturbing the bundle of nerves underneath your skin, it hurts in all honesty. It hurts enough to make you exclaim audibly, you dont think he Added That nuch pressure when, maybe hes just really strong.

"Ow! What was that for?" You soothe the irritated skin, it stung and turned into a reddish hue.

"Aren't ya gonna treat me today? Lets go." Hoshina regrets his action, yet he doesn't want to admit it. He wants to apologize but he doesn't want to face that he's the reason of your pain.

"Just dont order the whole cafeteria." You shrug it off like its nothing, you dont mind. Because your bound to be hurt by him one way or another as long as you feel such a thing for him. But you dont mind, call it masochistic, if you will, but you dont mind if he's the reason of your pain.

As you two waited in line, disposable trays In hand, Hoshina cant help the weird obligation to just keep yapping to keep you here, to keep you entertained. He keeps talking and cracking jokes in fear that you'd get tired of his company, but that was just what he thinks. You could listen to his voice on a broken record, replaying itself numerous times like a mantra, like a chant, saying the same things aan your ear drums will consider itself blessed to hear such a soothing melody. You would heed every note in the soprano of his sounds if he gave you such a privilege.

"Have ya tasted their pancakes? They're delicious." Hoshina blurts out things randomly, no difference here. He's never actually tried the sweet fluff before. He's just desperate to keep talking, to hear your response, the soprano of your voice, the sweet sound of your larynx.

"No, but I'll take your word on it." It's gotten to the point where you'll take his word in anything. If Hoshina says the sky is a green hue, You wont see the sky In the same blue color starting then. You trust him and his silver tongue, you believe if his taste buds find something pleasurable to eat then it is, consider it a controversial opinion.

"Really? Gee, now I'll be responsible if ya dont like it." Again, he absolutely dles not know shit about what the pancakes tasted like. And Hoshina did not know you would take him seriously on that.

"I'll kill you if they taste like shit." You say those words so tenderly, Hoshina almost forgot they were meant to curse him.

The line kept moving forward, step sy step, the two of you inching towards the array of edibles displayed behind glass covers. The scent came rushing into your nostrils, so much you probably guess what's pleasurable to the tongue and whats not. When you two were finally the person in front and all had already llef, you went ahead and took your order of choice, as did Hoshina. The person who tended to the both of you was very nice, not the typical grumpy bitch you'd meet behind the counter. You dont know why but you were more used to that type of service, to that particular ttreatment, to being frowned and looked down upon even though your of an equal human being. The two of you got your food, payed and was excused out of the line so those behind you can have their chance to order what they wish.

"I dont see a table that's empty." So you guys venture further in search of a flat surface free for the taking. The whole cafeteria is oddly full to the brim, patients, visitors and doctors occupied every seat.

"Over there! Although its a bit in the corner." Hoshina was nudging to a disclosed table, its funny, the table resided in a cramped corner, no wonder no one seated on it. The table was left alone in result, no one living up to its purpose.

"I could care less, lets go." You went ahead infront of him, pushing through the compressed crowds, struggling to get past. Hoshina followed behind you, right behind your back. He thinks you look strong at this point of view, your spine stood up straight even when clearing a path. Hoshina just followed in your shadow, he doesn't mind at all, he doesn't mind if you'll take him as your counterpart behind.

Hoshina places down his tray on the flat surface and takes a seat, you reciprocate and sat on the opposite side of him. A particularly cramped space, but it would do. You dont care where, as long as its with him. Hoshina could invite you to the depths of the overwhelming oceans, the tightest room with only less than a meter of width, the very mantle of the earth and you would show up with smiles and a bouqet.You don't know how long you've been staring, not moving an inch, completely drilled to your place, feet rooted deep in the ground, limbs not daring to flinch. Hoshina was the first to regain composure and control the vast swirl of rigged emotions inside the interior of his heart, clearing his throat to rid of the lump thats been keeping his larynx silent. His action made you made you land back to earth in reciprocation, it splashed a fresh pail full of water on you, enough to awoke your self consciousness. You know the throb in your chest isn't normal, it's not the usual butchering ache that makes you wanna rip yourself apart, but rather a throbbing feeling of longing that has planted itself in the depths of your ribs. Thats the effect he has on you, you feel like chipping off one by one the atoms that form you as a whole and offer it to him as a token of your affection— no, love, a token of your love. It isnt so bad as you thought, atleast not yet. The optimistic feeling society calls love has taken you hostage at gunpoint with Hoshina Soshiro as the bullet, and your willing to take it anytime, welcome him to the bone.

"Ya alright? Snap out of it dummy." he flicked you on the forehead, disturbing the bundle of nerves underneath your skin, it hurts in all honesty. It hurts enough to make you exclaim audibly, you dont think he Added That nuch pressure when, maybe hes just really strong.

"Ow! What was that for?" You soothe the irritated skin, it stung and turned into a reddish hue.

"Aren't ya gonna treat me today? Lets go." Hoshina regrets his action, yet he doesn't want to admit it. He wants to apologize but he doesn't want to face that he's the reason of your pain.

"Just dont order the whole cafeteria." You shrug it off like its nothing, you dont mind. Because your bound to be hurt by him one way or another as long as you feel such a thing for him. But you dont mind, call it masochistic, if you will, but you dont mind if he's the reason of your pain.

As you two waited in line, disposable trays In hand, Hoshina cant help the weird obligation to just keep yapping to keep you here, to keep you entertained. He keeps talking and cracking jokes in fear that you'd get tired of his company, but that was just what he thinks. You could listen to his voice on a  broken record, replaying itself numerous times like a mantra, like a chant, saying the same things aan your ear drums will consider itself blessed to hear such a soothing melody. You would heed every note in the soprano of his sounds if he gave you such a privilege.

"Have ya tasted their pancakes? They're delicious." Hoshina blurts out things randomly, no difference here. He's never actually tried the sweet fluff before. He's just desperate to keep talking, to hear your response, the soprano of your voice, the sweet sound of your larynx.

"No, but I'll take your word on it." It's gotten to the point where you'll take his word in anything. If Hoshina says the sky is a green hue, You wont see the sky In the same blue color starting then. You trust him and his silver tongue, you believe if his taste buds find something pleasurable to eat then it is, consider it a controversial opinion.

"Really? Gee, now I'll be responsible if ya dont like it." Again, he absolutely dles not know shit about what the pancakes tasted like. And Hoshina did not know you would take him seriously on that.

"I'll kill you if they taste like shit." You say those words so tenderly, Hoshina almost forgot they were meant to curse him.

The line kept moving forward, step sy step, the two of you inching towards the array of edibles displayed behind glass covers. The scent came rushing into your nostrils, so much you probably guess what's pleasurable to the tongue and whats not. When you two were finally the person in front and all had already llef, you went ahead and took your order of choice, as did Hoshina. The person who tended to the both of you was very nice, not the typical grumpy bitch you'd meet behind the counter. You dont know why but you were more used to that type of service, to that particular ttreatment, to being frowned and looked down upon even though your of an equal human being. The two of you got your food, payed and was excused out of the line so those behind you can have their chance to order what they wish.

"I dont see a table that's empty." So you guys venture further in search of a flat surface free for the taking. The whole cafeteria is oddly full to the brim, patients, visitors and doctors occupied every seat.

"Over there! Although its a bit in the corner." Hoshina was nudging to a disclosed table, its funny, the table resided in a cramped corner, no wonder no one seated on it. The table was left alone in result, no one living up to its purpose.

"I could care less, lets go." You went ahead infront of him, pushing through the compressed crowds, struggling to get past. Hoshina followed behind you, right behind your back. He thinks you look strong at this point of view, your spine stood up straight even when clearing a path. Hoshina just followed in your shadow, he doesn't mind at all, he doesn't mind if you'll take him as your counterpart behind. He's subtly reminded about his injuries during this escapedes, being squished between figures of hard muscle, causing him to feel a sting as Hoshina  swims through this mob.

Hoshina places down his tray on the flat surface and takes a seat, body still fuming with pain, while you reciprocate and sat on the opposite side of him. A particularly cramped space, but it would do. You dont care where, as long as its with him. Hoshina could invite you to the depths of the overwhelming oceans, the tightest room with only less than a meter of width, the very mantle of the earth and you would show up with smiles and a bouqet. The scent of the freshly cooked food was enough to rip a gluttural sound from the depths of your stomach, a plead to be fed. So you indulged in its selfish wishes and took a bite, inching the utensil closer.

"It's yummy." Which is very unexpected for a hospital. One would never guess that such a decent delicacy comes from a public hospital, of all places.

"Rightt?! Told ya." Hoshina boasted like an ignorant student who had just solved a hard question, not yet on their curriculum. With his fangs poking out while he oh so joyfully grins. Although, he, himself had never tried those.

You nodded, spoon still nestled in your mouth, trying to dramatically savor the taste. You trust Hoshina, be it with trivial things or life changing decisions that could very much decide your fate. "What about yours?" You ask, glancing down at his platter.

Hoshina hasn't yet moved a spectrum on his platter, a little to occupied watching your retort as if you were blessed with a golden tongue. He chomped on his piece of toast the moment he could.

"Are you sure your okay with just that?" You ask, concern lacing the arcs of your tone of voice. All that laid on his disposable platter was a piece of toast, bacon and egg. You recall reminding him not to go overboard with the stacking of food onto his plate as because it was your wallet taking the damage, but your not sure if this serves as a balanced meal.

"Yer talking like an old grandma." Hoshina points his spoon directly to your face, not enough to make contact. You unexpectedly remember the times in which you'd not eat breakfast at all, doing nothing but rotting in the four corners of your room, ignoring the hollow emptiness of your stomach.

"Shut it and eat." And that the both of you did. The bustling noise of your surroundings never seemed to disturb Hoshina, it's not like he's not disturbed by the way every time he tries to speak, his voice gets washed away by the huge sound cloud of the whole room, but as long as his voice reaches the brim of your ears, it's enough for him.

Time passes, conversation topics were being thrown here and there, the food home to your plate was half finished and his was gone practically, all that remained was microsopic crumbs on the plate. You take small, miniature portions so you don't accidentally vomit right then and there, now you're halfway through finishing it all. The food was overwhelming now, the taste is now all too plain simply because you've eaten your fill, it's a bad habit you've developed during your not so pleasant days. Getting tired of eating too quickly. Hoshina talked to you all meal long, pointing out the most random things and it somewhat assisted you.

You were midway in shoving another spoonful of food into your mouth and straight down your esophagus when Hoshina asked something that abled you to choke on your own air.

"(Name), why are you here?" He has his eyes wide open, scarlet hues in full blossom as red as the blood that circulates in your veins, the same scarlet hues has it's vision etched onto the very essence of your being. "Here at this hospital, I mean." Hoshina tilted his head and placed both his elbows on the table.

You hesitate to state the truth, afraid he would resent you, afraid that he'd be disgusted like any other. You dread that if you do tell him, you would be taken of the right to dwell on his presence. You dread that he won't look at you with the same eyes, you fear that he wouldn't want to lay eyes your appearance ever again.

"I fell down the stairs, very badly" A brief pause. You pause to give yourself time to think of another reason to further back up your excuse. "Fainted and broke a few bones haha—"

Hoshina stayed silent, staring at your face a bit too long to your liking, it was as if he was analyzing the truth from your expression alone.

"Your turn to tell, it's not fair for me!" You genuinely wanted to know the reason why the man was covered in bandages like a walking Egyptian mummy coming to haunt modern civilization. But besides that, you wanted to get him to talk again, just silence was as loud as it can possibly get, so by asking a question, he'd have to speak.

Hoshina looked deep in the cocoons of his mind as well, humming to himself which only made you more anticipated for what he has to share. So much to the point you wouldn't be surprised whether his next words to be 'I fight kaiju for a living! Ya get the gist.' Hoshina merely grins, opening his mouth to speak.

"I fight kaiju for a living! Ya get the gist." Scratch that, the word 'surprised' would be underwhelming it, simply to say you were baffled, eyes open wide like saucers, mouth left agape. You anticipated something extraordinary, yes, but no way could you have guesses your guess was no work of fiction.

Hoshina is somewhat pleased at your reaction, crossing his arms and grinning cheshire. He decided he'll add more spice to the mix. "Did I also mention my position? Vice-captain of the third division." The sight compares with a child boasting to his peers about a new trinket he's gotten.

It's the truth, no way he'd joke about something that serious. You weren't one to take interest in anything kaiju related, you deemed all of it unnecessary in your life. Hoshina is telling the truth, the man sitting across from you is the same man who governs the Third division. You're too deep into this conversation that the rest of your food on the platter is long forgotten.

Now, you question whether or not you should talk to him more formally.

You feel so stupid now. "Isn't that like— an important thing? Are you sure you're okay with me knowing..?"

"Yer talking like I'm a superhero with a hidden identity, it's not something I hide. Plus I can trust you." Trust, hoshina trusts you. And you just lost privilege of that trust just a moment ago. Telling him that big of a lie, leaving him in the blue. You feel unworthy of his trust, the moment you've decided to throw words seeping opposite of truth.

＊┈┈┈┈＊┈┈┈┈＊┈┈┈┈

Moments later, you two get up and have a scroll at the backyard of the whole hospital, meant for a breath of fresh air for patients. Outside the hospital, away from the artificial smells, away from the blinding white. You don't know why you agreed to this idea, as well as Hoshina doesn't get why he suggested it. Not for more than half an hour, you two are anchored on a bench, scars already stinging and limbs already spent.

The breeze was comforting, the green grass was warming. Hoshina had his head tilted up high, soaking in the sight of the oddly living blue hue of the sky. He had never seen it this vividly, it was always a more muted tone in his view. He could only guess it was because of your presence with him. You, with your head hung low. He wonders if it'll continue to be this colorful even if you're not beside him anymore.

"I'm getting discharged in 2 days actually."

Your head snapped in his direction. The only word that could describe the crinkle on your features was disappointment. But then again, you had no right, the decision was not yours to make. You simply had no say in this.

"Hm, right. That's nice. Congratulations."

Nothing can guarantee whether you'll get the chance to be with him again. The light in your life was once again about to dim, the room would once more become pitch black. You wish you'd be given a lifetime, but such is reality. Your time with your savior has been short lived. In two days, you'll lose something dear and there's nothing you could do about it.

You truly believe Soshiro Hoshina is the man who's meant to save you from this gruesome way of living, but now he's departing from you.

[chasingfictions]

btw these are just some of the yellowjackets dynamics btw. To Me.

tainat are two cousins who are best friends they vanish every family holiday to go "take a walk" aka get fucking blazed down the block from their aunt's house

vanlottie are like okay. you are my master i am your disciple no you are my patient i am your nurse no you are my god and i made you a god no you are my salvation and i am begging you to stay there. bottom4service top.

taishauna are like okay youre wives but it's not romantic. youre life partners but it's not romantic. youre chosen soulmates but it's not romantic but it Is but you have never fucked and even if you did it wouldnt change anything . taishauna are like okay we are common law besties we are bound to each other by something deeper than anywhere else. taishauna said what if we were teh one healthy dynamic either of us is ever going to have with anyone. they said what if we were best friends forever. they said What If We Were Best Friends Forever.

shaunajackie is homoerotic girlbesties who kill each other what more has to be said than has already been said. theyre cathy and heathcliffe and theyre both girls and what if they kissed except they WONT and thats the POINT if they could kiss they wouldnt kill each other but they have to kill each other so.

lottienat are like . this is the most complex and profound relationship two people can have to each other is if one of them is charlotte isobel matthews and the other is natalie something italian scatorccio. if you ask me to describe it in words i cant. however i Can start crying and the crying will Hurt and that will explain it. they are the same person. im cradling them in my hands. they have known each other in every lifetime. they cant fucking stand each other and they are the only people each other can stand.

mistynat are like what if two very different kind of cats got fixated on each other by accident and now they will chase each other to the ends of the earth in increasing madcap schemes mistynat is tom and jerry . mistynat is like you know that bit at the end of pride and prejudice when everyones like. lizzie and darcy??? what????? that's mistynat to the rest of the yellowjackets . mistynat is a happy awful lab accident <3 and theyre kissing <3

shaunanat is like two siblings who are trying to kill each other and would kill for each other i'd say it in more words but i dont need it

shaunalottie is like. okay we're gonna be weird about each other forever in increasingly complex and disgusting ways yes it's gay but that's just part of it. we're dismembering each other but that's also just part of it. shaunalottie is like okay ill beat you nearly to death and youll be weird about my offspring in blood cult ways. those are real things that happened.

vannat are like oh ive known you since before i can remember what words even were .

[thetoaddaddy]

thinkin about an au i was building but didn’t want to bore people with a really detailed au that they would have to read in order to understand it just for smut for my fic series that was mostly short one shots so let me drop it here

a longish explanation underneath. Cut it so you don’t gotta scroll through a big post

it be a deity au. In which the sannin and other prominent figures were well deities. Heavy influence was from japanese folklore and some games. You know how the god and goddess lists are pretty huge so it’s not totally out of reason to kinda make ur own sort of tree using the same kind of logic? Sorta like that.

But the basic rules of the universe was that gods were actual beings. And the more prayer, followers, renown, and general admiration the stronger they were. They can do what their intended tasks are. Like rain or good luck. They can roam beyond their shrine(to which they’re bound to almost like that was their real body. So if it falls into ruin so do they)

And my idea with this was basically both oro and tsuna had devout followers. And thus were pretty powerful and free roaming. Oro had more sinister vibes, a god of war and trickery. Tsuna was a goddess of healing, wisdom and prosperity. And thus they also had a lot of prayers to answer. So it was more of a mutual expectation of gods to their followers. If that makes sense. Like a balance of devotion so long as the prayers were answered. Almost like genshin? But not as complicated lmao. (And i thought of this before i played the funny anime game so dont @ me)

But in this instance jir was more of a forgotten god. Bound to his shrine up on a lonely mountain, his memory and consciousness barely in tact. With no one to feed him with basically attention and belief he’s sorta stuck in a limbo. Basically circling the drain. He doesn’t even remember what his role is like oro or tsuna do(not that it’s hard to guess lol). The only thing really keeping him from fully dying are some rather cute kitsune (sunshine boi and his parents) who at this point make sure he doesn’t accidentally fall off a cliff.

idk. I know it could be a little indulgent. Especially if all he gets is one or two people who just sorta stumble upon him. Which means he slowly remembers who he is and if ya nasty fall in love.

I like thinking outside the box when it comes to aus for our muses. And this is a bit of a mashup of various lores from various sources and our own mentally ill mind.

But I’ve always wanted to do something with it. Especially with muses who tap into the japanese folklore. Its one of those worlds where it’s not just the gods its demons too. Onis, ghosts, weird sentient hair combs with a vendetta, goblins, ghouls. All that cool interesting stuff that makes japanese folklore so cool. I see it as the classic setting, more feudal fantasy than anything modern.

[b3anieperson]

Hey everyone, this is Chapter 3 of The Letter, you can find chapters 1 and 2 here.

Warnings under the cut

Quick warning for this chapter, there are mature themes, (Yes I'm well aware that this is Fourth Wing of all things-), that may be triggering to some.

TW: Suicidal Ideation, Grieving

I don't sleep that night. I don't attend my classes, nor do I attend dinner. Hell, I wouldn't eat if it wasn't for Emek or Helena, or any of my foster siblings. Even though I did eat, I ate small, only a few bites until Emek was content that I'd eaten enough.

Lady Burnam doesn't check in, but I'm sure she knows, because I have yet to be reprimanded for skipping my studies.

All that goes through my head is Liam. I've read through my letter book six times in the last hour, skimming through the letters I've received from Liam years ago- some of the last times I had ever spoken to my brother.

Emek has been telling me what to expect- its all mainly information of what he's gotten from Xaden and Garrick- or some other rider. I'm slumped over my letter book, my hand tracing the frailed edges of the paper.

-so Xaden hit his head on the tree in the courtyard, he's okay, but Garrick and I won't stop making fun of him.

Duke Lindell is making us all go to the Reunification Festival. We have to put on these stuffy shirts, like the ones Mom used to put us in when we'd go to dinner, do you remember those? Yeah, they're a lot like those.

I wish you could come to this one, but I don't think Lady Burnam would be willing to send us all together again. I miss you, and I'll try to ask Duke Lindell if I can get a wagon to go and see you by your birthday, gods, fifteen already, you've grown up.

Did you finally cut your hair? I know Eya was pestering you about it- you know you don't have to, I know how much you love your long hair.

I don't have much more of a letter to write, but I'll expect one back soon Sloane, I love you.

-Liam

My heart drops as it reaches the end, like it's done with every letter, like it's the last time he said goodbye. But I didn't get that. I wont ever get that.

I flip several pages and find another letter, it's from Liam. I don't know when my mind decided that it would be much more useful to pocket where my brothers letters were in the book, but it did, and I couldn't be happier.

Dear Sloane,

How are you holding up? Are you still having the nightmares you had in the cart? If you are, Garrick said Eya (I'm pretty sure that's the oldest with you, right?) Anyways, he said she knew a thing or two about getting rest, what remedies to take and whatnot.

Is your town celebrating that Navarre won the war too? There's fireworks every night here in Trivainne, and though Xaden won't admit it, I know he's not sleeping well.

Just remember that you are strong, and you're gonna be okay. I promise. I'm still here, even if Mom and Dad aren't, I'm still your big brother, and you can always talk to me.

I love you so much, Sloane. Please don't forget that and do something stupid. I love you.

-Liam

'-dont forget that and do something stupid.' I scoff. Garrick and Imogen had told me the exact same thing. I want to do the stupidest thing. I want to see Liam again.

My heart pains again, and I close the book and curl up on my side, pulling the blanket over my shoulder. It all hurts. Everything. I don't think I'll ever not hurt. To think that the aches of losing Mom and Dad just started to go away.

My eyes feel heavy, and even though I know I'll only have a nightmare, at least it's bound to be about Liam. Gods, Liam. He won't be there when I cross the Parapet. He won't be there to cheer me on as I land in the flight field at Threshing.

Fuck it. I swing my legs out to the side of the bed and shove my feet into my slippers. I make the thirty feet to the door feel like it's a hundred. I push, and it gives way.

Drinn sits in the hallway, and his eyes meet mine, "Hey Sloane, are you alright?" I nod. He doesn't push, and he brings his knees to his chest as I walk past.

I make my way down the steps and across the giant commons room, and to the glass door that leads outside. The courtyard isn't nearly as large as Aretia's was, but Trinitham House has the same structure as Riorson House. East Elsum was much more different from Tyrrendor, a whole new terrain.

Walking a ways down the road, I sit down on the swing Eya and Emek set up 3 years ago for Bryn and Kahla.

We used to have a swing like this, my dad would sit me on his knee and read me a book while my mom and Liam would grab apples from the tree to use for target practice.

I stand and look at the rope that hangs from the tree that we used to dive into the pond, we just replaced it last year, it's sturdy.

I twirl the rope in my fingers while I think.

This is the only way I can see any of them again.

Mom, Dad, Liam, Fen Riorson, Mrs. Cardulo, any of them, I will give anything to see them again.

I twirl the rope once, and make a simple but sturdy slip knot. Mom taught me how to stitch, that's one thing I'll thank her for when I see her.

I step back, and breathe. My hands are shaking heavily, but I don't care, I need to see them again. My family.

Please, Malek, take me, take me like you took them.

How did this even happen? He was so fucking strong. Xaden said Deigh was strong. How does Liam Jamison Mairi die, and his dragon, a fucking dragon, die?

More importantly, how does breakable, tiny, daughter-of-a-murderous-psychopath Sorrengail, live? Or live so she could see my brother die, then get conveniently stabbed.

Fuck I swear if she lives and I see her I'll fucking stab her right then and there, no question no contest. My brother did not die for her sorry ass.

I drop the rope, and I wipe the tears that have been streaming down my face.

I will not see Liam again, until I see the face of the reason he died. If she lives. If she doesn't, well, running at first formation is always a second option.

[tobacconist]

SINGLE IS A SLUR! VIRGIN IS A SLUR! INCEL IS A SLUR!

the proper term is #selfpartnered fyi and even if you are reclaiming those words you should still be aware how hateful they are to some people. we #unisexuals are literally the most oppressed people in todays society. just because we are pure of the lord. whores envy us. btw youre literally married to everyone youve ever had sex with in the eyes of God soo... oh wait you didnt know that? when two bodies cleave together as one flesh, how can man separate what God hath joyned together? you thought that meant something else? oh sorry. youre gonna feel soooo embarrassed and annoyed in the afterlife with all of those people, stuck there together for eternity. one must try not to laugh. did you actually think that legal paperwork or temple ceremonies were the things that make a marriage official? lol. the angels and i pity you. because there are horses in heaven for the angels to ride on, and those horses do have ankles.

yes. it will be lonely. the afterlife, i mean. for me. but i have resigned myself to that, and spent most my life becoming used to it. everything fades away eventually.

but i love myself, i really do. i didnt always, but i am right now. makes it sorta hard to type. were even thinking of getting married! like, officially. we havent really got the funds together yet, but were sure we could find some church who would be willing to do it. like that one bjork song. that being said though... and dont tell him this... but i do feel that eventually i will have to leave him for another man (fr dont tell him). or even a woman! or else devote my life to the service of the church. i think he feels the same to be honest, weve known each other since infancy, so were like really intouch with eachothers feelings. were happy together for now though, and i would do anything for him.

yeah btw though about that marriage thing i cant believe more people dont know and understand this. and its doubly true if you have children together. youre bound together unto ... baptisms dont make people born! funerals dont kill people! thats just (necessary) ornamentation to those holy rites presided over by the LORD GOD himself. ie birth sex and death. blood and water. even birds know this.

my left hand is less dirty than my right.

[unicornsaures]

hi doli this is a yap pass you know the drill :333

i figure everybody needs one every once in a while

- ash

YEAH OKAY WOOHOOOO I LOVE YAP PASSES

we are up thinking about dally. again. as always. most specifically sh dally TRUTH. god i love 'taboo' hcs...but also dally and johnny's entire dynamic as it is so honestly ill start with that first because looordddd do i have THOUGHTS.

tw// sh and suicide!! im yapping about dally be warned

okay so obviously we know johnny is 'obsessive,' but i think some people forget that if we take into account what the fuck happrned, dally is equally - if not more - obsessive as johnny is. I think they both just demonstrate it differently than each other. Johnny shows it in a more straightforward, 'worshipping,' way, but dally demonstrates it in a more discreet way I guess? Its discreet until the end at least, i mean he literally killed himself for johnny🤷‍♀️

what i find interesting about their dynamic though is that it in no way could be healthy. that is mutual obsession at its FINEST and it can. NOT. end well. One dies, the other dies. One leaves, the other is ruined, if not both of them ruined. Problem with this is one of them is bound to die in every universe. Usually, if any were to die first, it would be Dally. Hell, he was close to snapping by the time johnny died anyway, i dont think he wouldve lasted long even if johnny lived. Bit the problem with this is thag if dally died first, johnny would probably feel like an empty shell of a person if you get what i mean? Like, Dally was one of the things Jonny loved, but he loved him the hardest. Johnny loved ponyboy, but in a different way than he loved Dally. And im not just talking about the fhance of romantic love either. No, im talking about idolization and putting each other on a pedestal. For johnny, this pedestal isnt fragile, it would take a lot to break. But i think for dally, hes holding johnny higher than the rest, yeah, but it doesnt take much for that pedestal to crumble.

So, back to what i said earlier, dally was one of the things johnny loved, but johnny was the only thing dally loved. Recipe for disaster. Johnny loved him and idolized him, dally thought of him as a purpose to keep going. I mean, Dally really didnt know how to handle his emotions at all and he saw himself as someone who had to protect johnny. (i know thats a big reason on why he reacted the way he did.) He thought he failed and whatnot, but that also doesnt excuse the fact they blatantly favored each other over most of the gang(exception being ponyboy, but even then i dont think johnny favored either.)

In short, dally was a mess who couldnt handle emotions and instead of figuring out his own brain and traumas, decided to take to johnny and do his best to protect him because hes like, the one person who doesnt hold a grudge against Dallas. I have hcs and whatnot about why he got drawn to johnny(like he saw himself in the kid, even if he was only a year older, but that aint canon so🤷‍♀️.)

Their dynamic fucks me up so hard and in tired of pretending they would be healthy. they wouldnt!! they would be HORRIBLE for each other!!! they would feed into each others obsession, probably get extremely jealous over each other, and they would be completely unaware about how bad they are together. Yes, they are portrayed as a duo, but dallys way of dealing with his struggles is ignoring them til he snaps. Johnnys way of dealing with his is also ignoring them until he snaps.

They both showed that they at least had suicidal thoughts and again, if someone ended up killing themself, it would br a punch to the gut for the other. This is IGNORING the constant worrying that would be going on that the other is in danger, the other may have killed themself, the other hates them, etc etc. They both demonstrated suicidal thoughts. they both demonstrates obsessive behavior. put those two togetehr and youre getting the worst of both worlds. Im not even gonna get into what woukd happen if someone DID end up killing themself because thag would be a violent circle of self hatred and guilt for whoever lived if not an immediate death. For johnny i think he would try and live on but constantly blame himself that it was his fault he died, or he would instantly follow after him. With dally, he would get mad. oh he would br a ball of anger and hate and he would snap much like he did in the movie, if not worse. I think hr would also blame himself for the reasoning AND the fact that he wasnt enough for johnny, difference being he would probably end up dying an hour after he got the news.

Alrighty, time for sh dally truth now because this man is the embodiment of self destruction and i think there is no way he wouldnt have at least TRIED it. This is partly me projecting my own problems onto characters but also i genuinely think its in his character to actually do it, yknow? Part of me thinks he would do it to seem tough, that he can handle pain and he would ise that as an excuse to keep going cause no ones stopping him. The other part of my brain is saying that he would do it as a genuine coping mechanism or the desire to feel pain.

From firsthand experience im saying..neither! Im seeing it as a way for him to get an adrenaline rush, if not for a little bit of pain/'punishment.' Most of his reckless behavior is, from what i see, the result of getting bored. He sees normal living and to him its boring. He wants to shake shit up and start problems and rven then, he gets bored of that too. Eventually, he's bound to run out of things to give him that rush of adrenaline anymore and yk. sh is just there. its new, it lets him get an 'adrenaline rush' for the time being and then he'll stop. Then he does it again, then he stops, and its a cycle until surprise surprise, it turns into a comfort more than anything!

Instead of getting an adrenaline rush for a little, it calms him down and he realizes he likes that WAY more. add in his already self destructive nature i doubt he'd see much wrong with it, too. Just as a thing he does to 'calm down.' I dont even think hed have a 'main form.' Cvtting, burning, whatever, i dont think hed use one more than the other. Whatever he can get his hands on in that moment is fair game.

I could go more into the psych of it all if i wanted but im summing it up to a subconscious need to feel pain accompanied by an addiction and a false sense of euphoria. I also have a lot of ideas about the gang finding out and either being extremely concerned or chalking jt up to 'yeah, thats dally.' because they know they wouldnt be able to do jack shit to stop him. so yeah. youre welcome for the yap

[josephtrohman]

sorry if you’ve been asked this before, would you be willing to spare some joetrick fic recs? i’m getting super back into them and the bandom so wanted to jump back in with some recs maybe!! (do you still prefer top joe? do you have any toppy patrick? if thats not your bag i don’t mind i’ll honesty take anything you think is well written atp 😁 ty!!!)

i’m sorry it’s taken me a couple days to answer this anon!!! finals got me both tweaking and sleep deprived at the same time somehow. also tho let it be known there is nothing to be sorry for at allllll omg, and there Never is, imagine my inbox as a safe warm place where i’m always here for ANYTHING. anyways, i have answered some joetrick fic recs earlier, here is the link to that post which has my crème de la crème joetrick fics, but i always have more in my back pocket!!! start with that other post’s list tho first for sure!!!! just bc they are THEE BEST. ok gonna put the rest under a break here (including my answers to ur question LOLL) :3

i truthfully have mellowed out when it comes to top/bottom preferences lol (i wonder if ur an og follower and saw my ask from like 2016 that i may have answered more intensely about preferring top joe and oh god the 'bottom patrick network' i was in way back when networks were a thing HDKDJDKDJSJ). i actually really enjoy top patrick/bottom joe in this day and age but there is like. none still. so i dont have much to offer u 💔 but im working on something and so is a fobtwt friend of mine so keep ur eyes peeled!!!

i combed my archive and found u my (very) slim pickings for toppy patrick. which imo is a disgrace and i Have contributed to this pattern of mostly bottom patrick w my fics BUT i hope to change this fact as i have a wip that’s just pwp top patrick/bottom joe maybe coming in the next several months LOLLLL (also my fobtwt friend as i mentioned). but i’ll start with the closest things i can find. i’m gonna break it down with the kind of adjacent to ur request fics First and then give a few more recs after :)

an exploration of the bounds of venus by disloyalorder. this might be the only top patrick pure joetrick smut on ao3 (that i found well-written enough to save at least <3). it’s got a heavy dose of mommy kink/mommy dom stuff so i guess if that’s not ur thing then u really will have to stay tuned for my fic ;) haha

wasted summer by terriblewritings. shoutout to the author for dropping it in my inbox!!! it has the mommy kink too and a liiiiiiittle talk of weight just in an appreciative way idk but a warning; it’s toppy patrick in the sense of dom patrick bc there’s no penetration, but it’s rly good!!! author says there might be more coming too ;3

token by gigantic. this one i found on total accident, i had been digging around on this user’s livejournal because they have two PHENOMENAL wentzman fics up (if u want those recs too lmk) but basically this one is joe on a gay sex mission lol, it is explicit but ofc when u get to the goods (aka the JOETRICK SCENE) it's all fade-to-black instead 💔 but still SOOOOO good so unbelievably well written!!!

i had it listed it in the other rec ask, but bdsm by heyginger has a brief mention of joe riding patrick (not explicit smut tho lol) AND of patrick tying joe up so it feels on the toppy patrick side for sure :)

also for good measure, though patrick is not toppy to JOE in these ones, there are two jeterick fics that feature patrick topping pete while joe does stuff to them etc just maybe to scratch a similar itch? lay your head down -- and feel the beat and two's company, three's just right both by likeasugarcube.

begging all ao3 writers to PLEASEEE write more top patrick/bottom joe joetrick fics i want to read joe get fucked like he deserves <3 ok anyways

EDITING THIS ASK FROM THREE MONTHS IN THE FUTURE TO SAY i have a top patrick joetrick fic up NAOW anon if you happen to return to this ask again anon. addicted to the way i feel when i think of you by josephtrohman aka yours truly ;3 (AND EDITING AGAIN TO SAY I HAVE A TOP PATRICK PUPPY PLAY JOETRICK FIC)

and now here r some general recs that aren’t toppy patrick related :)

my tongue is my choir by coricomille. patrick is mute (mixon is their vocalist) and it’s a wonderfully written, very sweet fic!!!

capture the phrases by rosiedoesfic. patrick has a secret admirer in the form of anonymous post it notes. so good<3

expensive mistakes by rosiedoesfic. cute little fic about the insta posts in mania era that had very joetricky captions :')

the cure to growing older by rosiedoesfic. a au fic where joe and patrick have been friends since they were little kids, a very cute growing up together type story :)

message in a bottle by bunnytrohman. a sweet lil getting together fic sent during 2ourdust. saur beautiful and the world needs more fics set in the stardust era imo!!!

take a breath (i know what's behind that door) by thesecondshow. joe checks in on/takes care of patrick right after the we liked you better fat post. really really beautifully written <3 (hai mitch if u see this)

your secret's out by the_seventh_avenger. cute lil fic, honestly hard to summarize with a lil blurb without giving everything away but love it so much!!

alpha dog by bunnytrohman. puppy play joetrick. i needn’t say more READ THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

leaving it there bc looking at my bookmark list there aren't like a TON more that i even really could rec so i'll save those for if someone else asks in another 10 months <3 lol love u anon my inbox (and dms!!! if u wanna reveal urself but no pressure) is always open to discuss these fics or ANYTHING too 💖

[harufluff]

‘was it worthless...?’ c.bg

warnings - cursing, fighting dont read if you are uncomfortable with fights

genre - angst, beomgyu x reader, established relationship,

requested - no

PART 2

'why the fuck would you do that?!'

you yelled out into the what was quiet moments ago living room. now it was filled with yelling and anger. the room as getting hotter so much that you could feel it on your skin.

'what do you mean why would I do it?! it was worthless!!'

beomgyu was never one to yell in anger. when you fought it never lasted long simply because neither of you liked fighting. you were each others best friends, why would you?

'it wasn't worthless!! it was memories of our relationship beomgyu!! you just threw it in the god damn trash can!!'

'I can do whatever I want with the fucking Polaroids! they meant nothing to me!! their just pictures that you saved for no fucking reason y/n!!'

that was the last string. after yelling for hours at each other, you were bound to break at some point. but this? this hurt like heck.

'were they really just worthless pictures for you?? because to me they were precious memories of our friendship before we started dating.'

your voice was quieter now. you could hear the rasp in your throat from all the yelling. it sounded as broken as you felt. the love of your life was yelling at you because you wanted to save something special from your relationship.

those poloriods that he threw away were from years prior to now. even from back in high school when you met. you were best friends for two years until he confessed his love for you in junior year. you were each others high school sweethearts.

but now here you are. tears just about to fall.

'maybe we weren't meant to be...'

the hot tears began to fall from your face, but you quickly realized and grabbed your phone and ran to the door of your shared apartment.

'Y/N WAIT-'

was all you heard before you left the house, leaving your boyfriend on the brink of tears.

written by harufluff | do not copy steal or repost on other websites

[adacatlovelace]

Some Morrowind thoughts now that I've gotten around to playing it

I love the dichotomy of Early Game being somewhat difficult vs becoming a god of this world shaping it to your whims. It really gives you an appreciation for when you manage to break the game becuase it doesn't just feel like making an already manageable game even easier but instead meeting that challenge the game presents you in a way that makes you feel clever. Like the game straight up feels FUCKING AWFUL until you get your stats up so you actually FEEL the difference from going from slow running and jump basically being useless to VVardenfell's fastest boy who can leap over buildings in a single bound

Speaking of breaking the game, there are an incredible amounts of ways to do so and there are PLENTY of options. Wanna raise your intellect to 60x the stat cap? You can by stacking potions. Wanna make even stronger potions? Well INT affects potion strength and there are potions that raise int. Put two and two together. Low on health/stamina/magicka? Press T as long as you aren't in a town or near enemies and save the potions for combat.

I am incredibly sad what happened to the Alteration school in later entries. Alteration let you influence the world around you including your own body. Open locks, shield yourself, lighten your carryweight, make someone elses carryweight heavier, Water Breathing, becoming jesus and walking on water, levitate, use telekinesis to increase your interaction distance (which is really helpful if you wanna grab something from a position where you are hidden and increase your jump height to ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS AMOUNTS, which combined with a high acrobatics to substantially lessen fall damage makes for the most fun way to traverse and even makes navigating Vivec City much more fun. In Skyrim however, its the most boring class of magic in the game. Yeah paralyze is really funny to cast on people, but A. Telekinesis is basically just the gravity gun from half life and rendered almost completely useless by the ability to just move things around B. Transmute is... neat I guess and can be really useful for leveling smithing but its really tedious if you have a lot of ore to transmute C. Equilibrium is great for leveling restoration but not much else since theres not a lot of situations where it would be good to trade some health for emergency mana (Its a shame its not in Oblivion as it would be a GODSEND for those born under the Atronach sign who don't regen magicka naturally) D. I can kind of see what they were going for with Oak/Stone/Iron/Ebony/Dragonflesh to give a defensive option to those who perfer wearing robes over armor but "Activate ability to temporarily receive less damage" never really feels particularly fun or interesting

Speaking of magic, it really does feel like a core part of the game and I dont think NEARLY the amount of fun I did playing Morrowind if I avoided it

Enchanting is amazing system in Morrowind. Activated Effects, Constant Effects, effects on hit allows for SO much creativity without interfering with spellcasting. After all, why ever cast levitation if you can make a ring with a constant effect of levitation you can pop on and off whenever? The answer is that it is FUCKING EXPENSIVE to have an enchanter make you one or EXTREMELY risky to make it yourself. This sounds like a bad thing but really either A. It provides a valuable money sink so you're never just hoarding a shitton of gold with nothing substantial to spend it on or B. You figure out how to substantially shift the odds in your favor. I really cannot stress how much a GOOD money sink that has substantial rewards in return really adds to keeping the player engaged. Theres doing quests and exploration for their own sake and theres doing quests and exploration while keeping in the back of your mind that there is an 80,000 gold enchantment you are slowly working for so you ALWAYS want to come out of dungeons with as much loot as possible

Spellcrafting fills a similar role, except its for your magic stats rather than your gold. You can make superpowerful spells but you need a superpowerful amount of magicka to actually cast them. This works IN TANDEM with the enchanting system as it can be a great way to boost your stats high enough to cast "Angry Ron's Penile Explosion" (Thank you for letting me name my spells)

Alchemy is kind of tedious (Which thankfully got better in Oblivion and Skyrim, UI-wise) but offers a great way to both make money and temporarily boost your stats, as well as keeping you alive. I also like the little bit of flavor of restore fatigue ingredients usually just being various foods

I've heard mixed things about the fatigue system in general but as much as I hated it early game I sort of grew to enjoy it. I've never really enjoyed "survival" type mods where you have to eat drink and sleep but I feel like the fatigue system is a really good balance between that and just normal regenerating stamina. Rather than outright say "you need to perform bodily functions regularly or suffer for it" It gives you an organic push to take a short rest between large encounters or keep a couple restore fatigue potions on you or maybe take things slowly and walk through the dungeon instead of sprinting everywhere or maybe dont jump unless you need to, all with just a little green bar that says "This is how effective you'll be at everything you do"

The "Fast travel" system is also a GREAT way of getting around thats a good middle ground between "Travel to any location on the map" and the tedium that is walking across the map and back several times over to beat a single quest. By having multiple types of travel, each with their own places they can go, it adds that small amount of required planning in quickly traveling from Point A to Point B to keep it engaging. Stilt striders can take you to landlocked towns while boats can take you to just about any town reachable by water. The mages guild will teleport you to other locations of the mages guild. Bigger cities will have more travel options while smaller towns will have few, if any. Even then you have the two intervention spells which will take you to either the nearest Imperial Cult or Temple which you can CHAIN together. Wanna reach ebonheart extremely quickly? Travel by silt strider, boat or mage guild to vivec, cast Alsimi intervention to teleport to the south end of vivec then divine intervention and BOOM. You're in ebonheart. On TOP of all these options you also have Mark and Recall. Mark will set a place and recall will take you there, which is great for both a quick option to get to your player home OR back to the area you need to return to multiple times over the course of a questline (Looking at you Morag Tong)

10. One of the first NPCs you meet is Caius Casodes. He is a high ranking member of a secret organization of spies for Uriel Septim VII called the Blades and he acts as your sort of handler for most of the main questline. He is a shirtless man in a dingy apartment, he LOVES moon sugar and skooma and basically tells you to fuck off and do the whole "open world" thing for a while multiple times to "give him time to think" which Im pretty sure just means getting blasted. 10/10 character I love him

11. Ahnassi is just a gem. Shes friendly, gives good advice and leads (As well as a discount for the best acrobatics trainer in the game) She has a former partner who's got a skooma addiction who you help and its all very sweet. As you go out of your way to perform various acts of kindness her gratitude PALPABLE and will literally offer you the clothes off her back. Just such a kind, lovable character that makes you GENUINELY wanna help her and give her gifts.

12. I dont really like Crassius Curio (part of it is just the stank of 2003-era homophobia as a character) or anyone who uses their position of power to leverage political favors in exchange for sexual/romatic favors but it is REALLY funny that he actually is the one that wrote The Lusty Argonian Maid and the guy in it is named "Crantius Colto"

Overall Thoughts: Great Game, highly recommend if you dont mind a lot of reading and a steep learning curve that suddenly plummets downward as you obtain godlike power

[fatgumsurpremacy-remastered]

In the spirit of Easter may I have some yandere content with s/o x Spy playing with egg vibrators?

Is it funny to say I’ve never used one of those?

Tw: smut, vibrators, bad French, captivity, Stockholm, inner turmoil

The sky weeped outside of your apartment, you watched the people walk though it. Rushed and wet as the sky came down.

So much for a happy Easter. You scoffed at the scene and turned back to the monotonous colors of your home. Your bed called to you from the end of your hallway but the kitchen seemed more compelling.

You trudged your way along, like a tuckered out soldier, attempting his long treck back home. Pulling open the door served you little good, as the emptiness of it all just depressed you. The door swung shut, and with small motions you made it back to the living room.

Now with nothing to do, or eat, you sat on the soft couch, to stare at the ceiling.

The pillows were kind to you today at least, the man of the hour wouldn’t be back for at least a few more and you figured you could get some rest.

You woke to the sound of Jazz.

A soft, sultry sound fluttering about you. You stayed still a moment longer, before you smelt the smell of food cooking on the stove. You followed your nose into the kitchen, half asleep, and lazy; you leaned against the entrance to the kitchen, clutching a pillow in between your hip and your hand.

You barely knew the man in front of you, save for facts that were absolutely essential.

1: He brought you here to begin with.

An aspect of your life you never thought to be changed was in a moment. You were swept from your town and back to his home quickly.

2: You had little reason to be afraid.

Aside from the obvious kidnapping, he’d posed no outward threat to you. Laying his heart on the table the moment you woke for him, and letting you stab at it.

3: He was head over heels for you.

The moment you’d settled in enough for him to love you he did. Your life from the moment he’d met you was filled with luxury items, gorgeous clothes, fancy jewelry. Paintings from across the world commissioned for you, stuffs for any project you’d wished. He’d lay them all out for you. Coming home exhausted, only to smile when you came to him to ask about his day.

“Good evening ma étolie, were you tired while I was gone?” You hummed in thought, observing his lighter tone. Playing along you decided to wrap your hands around the man’s smaller waist. He flinched before settling back down with a smug grin.

“And what’s to say I’m not still tired hmm?” He turned his head back at you, his singular curl bobbing out of place. The grey streak prominent in the brazen white light.

“I don’t think you will be too happy going straight to bed after dinner mon cher.”

“Why?” You asked, leaning forward, if only to get to the smell of your meal. With another hand he gently grabbed your chin and turned it up. “I have a very special surprise for the two of us.”

Your excitement grew throughout dinner. Whatever was good enough to keep this man up past dinner was bound to be good. And as you sat and chatted with one another, he dropped hints.

“You said you’d felt rather… drab as of recently no?”

“Yes?” You quirked a brow, lightly kicking his foot from under the table. He snorted and schooched his away.

“No, dont do that!” He pouted lightly, “You’ll get dirt on my socks.” You brightened up immediately. “Oh I’m sorry your highness, did you get those socks custom made from god?”

He rolled his eyes.

“These socks,” he continued, “we’re gifted to me from a very special friend very long ago.” He scratched the scruff developing on his chin, the slightest bit of facial hair complimenting his 5 ‘o’ clock shadow.

You let that sit with you a moment, before setting your silverware down and grabbing his hands.

“Why don’t we see that gift you’ve prepared dear?” You proposed, he closed his eyes for a moment, weighing his options before looking back up at you.

“Of course étolie.”

With no other words shared between the two of you he swept your feet from under you. A pitched squeak came from you as you were hoisted off the ground. You held onto him in fear that his arms would give but he smiled back at you.

“What, doubting my strength chérie?” He was smug and sure, somewhere deep within you, you felt you would’ve fallen for the man regardless. His blue-grey eyes were fixiated on the hallway, anticipation welling inside them.

“Are you gonna leave me waiting or are you going to tell me what you have planned?”

“So impatient, we’re nearly to the bedroom no? You can wait a moment longer.” You reached up to push his face to the side but he pulled it from reach. “Ah-ah. Don’t be like that, a surprise-“ he said opening the door with on hand, “Is a surprise.”

The bedroom was the same as it ever was. Grey curtains, with blue fixings, a grey bed, and a misty blue placard.

He set you down on the bed before striding over to the vanity the two of you shared. You attempted a peak over his shoulder, noticing him sneaking his hand into the drawers.

“Ah- ah chérie. Close your eyes, lean back and breathe for me oui?” You sat back, holstering your excitement and turning it into pure energy. You hummed a small tune, closeting your eyes and resting against the headboard as you waited for him.

It got quiet after a while, and you had an almost sinister feeling. Something that felt possesive and strong. The man was staring at you.

His eyes were burning bright red holes through your soul. You needed them out, you wanted them out, it didn’t feel right to just be sitting there waiting for him to sit.

Your racing thoughts buzzed off eight the thrum of the device pressed atop your chest.

Your breath hitched, and just as quick you eased into the mans touch.

He leaned in, holding the contraption closer to your heat. Hot breaths eased over your neck, causing the hairs on the back of your neck to stand on ease. He chuckled as you grasped onto the back of his shirt.

Your eyes were hazy, and the little light that you could see completely outlined your lover. His smile looked gentle from the mist in your eyes.

“Put it closer.” You breathily moaned, trying to pull yourself closer to him. He allowed himself to lean closer, and you involuntarily nuzzled into him. The small egg inched ever so slowly downward.

“Oh, that is not the way we ask.” He teased, bringing it back by just a smidge. Your body wrought with shivers, aching for the touch again.

It’d been… a very long time.

A longer time than you could remember.

How long had you been here, laying day in and day out. With a man you barely knew.

The vibrator met your sex, sending furious jolts of pleasure wrecking your thought process. Your hands grasped down on his wrist, he hissed a bit in the pain that the motion invoked.

“Étolie, is there an issue? You seem tense, perhaps you need to get your hands on something.” His smirk didn’t meet your eyes, his own hand bright yours to his chest. His warm chest, a feeling so surreal to you contrasted with the sudden vibrations on you.

Your toes curled as he rolled circles around the most sensitive bit of your sex. You ran your hand down his chest, attempting to stabilize your thinking.

It worked for the most part, and you wondered why. You wondered why this man you barely knew, this man who ripped you away from your past life comforted you so. His touch was familiar, as was his scent.

You’d never heard his voice before but you had felt his embrace.

You knew him, but not from any one place. He was a conglomerate of different lovers, different experiences.

His hand led yours to his pants, where he urged you to let yourself go.

And you did, after all… you’ve earned it.

[singularsoldier]

One of my biggest complaints about lesbianism on this site is that I haven’t seen a remote whisper of similar discourse surrounding gay men.

Heads up, a lot of this is ranting/venting so im probably gonna repeat stuff or not make a ton of sense in some places:

Like, a man was married with kids before realizing he’s gay. Okay, cool. You’re still gay dude. A man dates a boygirl person. Still gay who cares. He thinks a female celebrity is stunning. Duh! Look at her! But the second a lesbian is inserted into those exact scenarios, its a race to micro label and argue over what she can call herself.

Previously married with kids, dating a boygirl, thinks a male celebrity is hot, all of these are used against the lesbian identity and can be boiled down to elementary “eww you have BOY cooties” which leads into terf territory. Its a rehash of gold star lesbianism and ultimately shames lesbians who were unsure of their identity or found themselves in comphet relationships for safety/lack of support. Hell, its shaming lesbians for even thinking a random person is objectively hot bc they ID as a man.

Moving on, a similar thing happens when someone who previously ID’d as gay/lesbian realizes they’re attracted to multiple genders. Even if its just romantic for one and sexual for the other, the gay person is ultimately seen as bisexual. No further questions. The lesbian? Once again, its a race to label and argue.

This is where “bi” lesbian loses me. I don’t see anyone calling gay men bi gays for being in those previous scenarios I listed. A bi guy who only dates women and sleeps with men is bi. End of story. Not a peep about being a bi gay. I have, however, seen multiple definitions of bi lesbianism that include those exact examples. A lesbian got exposed to BOY COOTIES so now they can’t call themself a lesbian.

Or, rather, a woman only likes men romantically but since she isn’t dropping her panties for him, she’s still a lesbian. Is she only bisexual if she has sex with men? What if she only dates girls and sleeps with guys? Does that make her a bi straight? Once again, the second a woman enters the equation, everything goes out the door and we have to argue about Person Who Doesn’t Have Sex With ____. Why is being bisexual regardless of how it presents a bad thing? I haven’t seen anyone give a solid reason other than “i dont wanna be bi” or parroting some kind of terf rhetoric.

Adding to that, in a lot of the discourse, it honestly feels like bigender/multigender people are being used as a gotcha. Like I said before, a gay guy dating a boygirl is just a gay guy dating a boygirl. A lesbian dating the same person? “They identify as a boy!!! You clearly like men!!” which, ultimately, ignores the full scope of that person’s identity. They aren’t just a boy in the same way they aren’t just a girl. I guarantee no one would jump down a gay guy’s throat and say “ummm ACTUALLY she says she’s a girl so she makes you not gay”.

The same gotcha issue comes about with trans people. It’s as if saying “I’m not attracted to men” equals not calling a trans woman a woman. I only ever see terf accusations float around when a lesbian makes that statement. Never when a gay guy says he isn’t attracted to women. If your first thought when hearing that is “well they MUST be talking about trans people” then you have a problem, and anyone who actually refuses to date someone bc they’re trans is the actual exclusionist.

Gay and lesbian have a region of gender identity that falls out of bounds. A lot of people do. Yet the level of discourse over everything I mentioned is drastically different between them. God forbid a lesbian say “oh I dated a gay once but realized I wasn’t attracted to men”. They’ll get called a terf, an exclusionist, and every name under the sun. If a gay guy said the same about a woman? Two notes and its gone.

[powpowchaos]

HelLo OmGg!! I just found you but I'm legit in love w your art!!!

Is there anything you'd like to ramble about ur pirate au??? I wanna listen and eat your content up/pos/nf

Hello hello!!! Thanks sm for being interested~ Ill share some little ideas/things about this universe and AU since I dont want to go too wild with TPATMOS Comic. So ill ramble on little ideas that most likely wont show up~ So be ready for some hot spam text:

World: -The world is mostly fantasy based. If I were to make it 'accurate' to pirate history, and how they live. it wouldnt be all that fun. So the world is made up on DnD fantasy type logic. Magic, Myths, Enchantments, Curses, Gods of all kinds. All of that exist in this AU. -So its just fantasy pirate setting. Shadow's Ship: -Originally Named The Ark ( not sure if it would be renamed or kept the same ) -Shadows ship is unique even in this fantasy setting. His ship is powered by a chaos emerald that is hidden away in his quarters. -The emerald sits in the middle of something similar to an orrery. -The emerald powers his ship heavily. Such as keeping lights on, and fires going. It steers his ship without needing much wind if commanded to do so. But most importantly, the most unique thing the emerald can do is lift hip ship into the air. Air ships are just as common as sea ships, but one that can do both is rare or at least 'expensive' material wise. -Shadows Ship is large, he has his ship full to the brim with loyal crew members, it very much is like a small community. But a pirate community so its still semi rowdy. Shadow: -Hes made quite the name for himself out at sea. -Shadows main target when pirating is army ships and actually anyone brave enough to pick a fight with his ship. If they shot first- its only plight to send a reply back. -Shadow isnt fond of having his ship in the sky. the only reason he leaves the sea are for the following: 1: the ships underside needs to be cleaned. 2: avoiding a fleet of army vessels that could be an overwhelming match / rivals who teamed up and arnt worth his time. 3: secret for now.

-Shadow only ever shows mercy to those he deems worthy of it. children, the sick, and ones in mental distress. those are the ones that often get a pass. The most he does is leave them at the next island that clearly has some kind of civilization. other than that he wont lend anymore. Surprisingly the only reason he allowed sonic to stay was because he has a kid brother. -Rouge absolutely calls bullshit. Claiming shadow 'has a thing for blue' his reply if they were alone would be hinting to her being correct. Shadows ex boyfriend being a darker shade of blue with red eyes and goes by the name metal...

-shadow is 100% gay in this AU.

-Shadow has a cat that wonders the ship. Everyone adores Cathulhu. A calico little thing. Sonic: -Sonic was fished out of a ship wreak along with tails, and if it werent for them being brothers he would probably be tossed back into the wreak he was fished out from.

-Sonic being saved is rare, since shadow would toss enemies overboard and this being a rare occasion. everyone MUST be useful in some way. sonic is assigned to basically be something similar to a maid on the ship. getting the worst jobs.

-Sonic eventually starts to prove himself as useful, and having tails around improving a lot of the strange tech on board also helped sway the crew on letting the two stay.

-In the comic currently sonic has been on board for a little over 3 months. His stay is much longer than anyone else they ever fished out from the ocean. Its very much accepted that blue is here to stay.

-Sonic thinks the captain sure is handsome too bad he can be a buzzkill sometimes. Other characters: -Rouge: She actually has a bar on board. she also is the only one besides shadow who has her own quarters. Shadow says she has the larger room since she enjoys to splurge. -Omega: Hes not a robot but he is a wondering soul bound to a set of armor. I guess the best visual example would be Al from full metal alchemist lol

/// I-- Have more but ill have to keep those ramblings for after i finish drawing out the comic!

[flynnswhumpprompts]

Cathan and Noah; The Fall

Noah strained against the two holding him. His wings flared as he tried knocking them away. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS, YOU CAN'T." He screamed while watching Cathan be dragged. The god was limp and golden blood streamed down the side of his head. "LET HIM GO."

Cathan's eyes fluttered open for a brief moment. Clouded eyes looked around before sliding closed again. There wasn't an ounce of fight left in him.

"Noah stop fighting, you'll only end up getting the same punishment." One of the angels holding him, who exactly Noah can't recall, said in his ear. "He knows what he did was wrong and he did it anyways."

"NO! HE WASN'T WRONG, AREEA TRICKED HIM. PLEASE LISTEN." Noah thrashed as he tried to get free. Nothing but Cathan's limp body was on his mind, being pulled closer and closer to the edge of their heavens. Tears had started running down his face at some point, when he wasn't sure, other than they kept dripping off his chin.

Cathan's eyes opened again, looking towards Noah. Looking for him. Ever the protector as he heard his angel in distress. Those clouded eyes cleared a little as he took in what he saw. "Let`em go..." He tried to push himself up, tipping over towards the side. "Fuck-"

"Stop." Leo dug his hand into Cathan's shoulder. Wrong move.

Cathan snapped. Every ounce of strength he had left was put into getting onto his feet and getting Leo to the ground. Blood kept running down the side of his face, staining his shirt gold. He moved fast, putting Leo on his back before turning to face the two holding Noah. "I said. Let. Him. Go." That expression screamed danger, the war god pissed off.

Noah rushed forwards as soon as those hands let him go. He grabbed ahold of Cathan to keep him standing. "Cathan come on, we need to go." He glanced towards the angels standing stunned.

Cathan held on to Noah, heat and anger practically rolling off him. He wasn't healing though. Leo was likely blocking that. He was bound to crash with how heavily he was leaning onto Noah. "Lets go."

Noah glanced towards Leo, who seemed to have hit something important because he hadn't gotten up. He pulled Cathan against him and started walking. He kept Cathan from falling best he could, throwing a wing out to balance them both. His heart dropped when King stood before them. "No..."

Cathan pushed to stand more on his own. He let out a psychotic sounding laugh. "Whats your old ass gonna do to me? Huh?" His grin was feral, running on instinct more than thought.

King sighed softly. "Cathan dont make this harder than it has to, you can barely stand." They walked towards the two.

"When do I ever make things easy?" Cathan summoned his spear, standing at the ready. His whole body was unsteady, waving from side to side as he tried to support his weight.

Noah tried to grab hold of Cathan again. "King please dont, we can explain, please." He stood between the two, eyes wide. "Please, please." He held a hand out to stop him.

King looked at Noah. "I wish it were that easy Noah. I've known Cathan since he was made a god, he wouldn't do something this stupid, at least he wouldn't be caught doing it." They looked between the two, his whole expression looked pained. His face tight and body tense. "The others want him gone though, and until you have proof in their faces you cant stop them."

Cathan growled. He reach out and grabbed ahold of Noah's shoulder, trying to steady himself. "Go to hell King."

Noah turned to look at Cathan. "Cathan please, they're listening." He looked back to King. "How do I save him?"

King rubbed their face. "Honestly... get proof... Remoir would be able to draw up the memories. They'll keep sending people after him until he falls though. He's in no position to fight off anyone else." They looked at Cathan. A moment later and they'd lunged forwards and caught Cathan as he passed out again. "Carry him down."

Noah chewed his lip, brushing Cathan's hair from his face. "Can you keep them from finding him until I can prove he's innocent?" He looked up at King.

King nodded. "I'll do my best, I would suggest you hurry though." They shifted and helped Noah get a hold on the unconscious Cathan.

Noah held Cathan close. "Dont worry Cath, you'll be okay." He started for the edge, and once close enough, took that step off into the mortal world below.

Please let them survive this. Please let him survive this.

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