#like i assumed it'd just stop but nooooo i'm afraid of telling my mom that i haven't applied for a job bc [horrors that are unrealistic]

[elytrafemme]

to be entirely candid july was such an insane month for me mental health wise. like i have been to therapy for YEARS and i am only just uncovering that i have the severe fear/guilt that if i am not productive i will be abandoned, and that i have OCD-like 'episodes' (?) that have sent me into psychosis in the past that i just assumed were... normal. and then also realizing that i was like massively fucked with during my senior year in such an insidious way that i never fully got until last month, as i otherwise blamed myself. and that's just a sliver of it? like. shit. psychodynamics really works man. also pro tip don't evade telling your therapist information just because you think it's "normal" if it feels bad because you might just end up saying something that in hindsight is a really unheard of experience