#like honestly half the reason im barely using this blog is because im fucking tired

[solarpunkani]

man i hate when people are like 'writing solarpunk stories is easy unless you're a coward or stupid' like

A: writing stories is hard. writing any story is hard. and some topics/settings/character types come easier to people than others and its not because they're stupid or cowards dont be fuckin demeaning

but also

B: writing solarpunk stuff is draining as hell because you can be like 'i think this is solarpunk' and you share it and you get people coming in to 'um actually' you so hard you lose the inspiration to write anything else in that setting ever.

I wrote a solarpunk short story once and i was so happy with it and i had so many cool ideas for that world and then I posted it and someone got upset that i gave the characters cell phones. like after ~le glorious solarpunk revolution~ or whatever we wouldn't have interpersonal communication via cell phones or whatever. got upset that i mentioned there being like. a bluetooth speaker? mad that there was a speaker at a party? speakers have existed for so long and you expect them to just vanish? then i watched an argument in a group chat where someone else got upset about sheep shearing and then i started overthinking everything and yeah no i don't think i can do it

am I stupid? no. am i a coward? fuckin maybe. but mostly its just draining to wrestle a setting you're not confident in that everyone's ready to get mad about if you don't share their same vision of what that setting should look like.

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

can I ask your honest advices on something personal? so I get next to no communication from a now former friend, I had some hunch to ask a reader if said friend dislikes me and the answer came back as yes so I recently googled if ignoring someone or not reaching out to them via texts can count as them being jealous or having some dislike? yet they still send the bday present and xmas card or present as do I but I feel like its a cheap way when I know she practically lives online but I barely here from her so I dont really know what to do? we havent met in years and she makes next to no effort to seem interested in what im doing even if I try to take interest in herself as a friend it feels very one sided even when we used to meet up it would always be about her and never any follow up questions.

I know she has a disablity of some kind however the effort she puts into her other friends is vastly different. if she messages me its once in a blue moon and only to ask if I want to do a quiz, now I stopped checking my online profiles so much because like it seemed she was much more into what she got from others i dont want to feel desperate by constantly trying to fix whatever this "friendship" was supposed to be. do i ask her or do i wonder about it? if she dont tell me how am i gonna know what to do about it because many ppl been like her even when I was in school I was always dealing with ppl who pretended to care when they didnt. I didnt know any better then so it feels like ppl r just only using me if they need me for that certain point otherwise they fuck off and find "better friends" elsewhere like am i that replaceable or weird?

is this petty of me to want to ignore her back or is it mostly her behaviours towards me? the thing is I have dealt with many ppl like her and it doesnt put her in a good light it gives trying to be nice to my face but for all I know she could be chatting shit with someone about me? and shes quite popular online. hence why it feels like im always bottom of her priorities since always having to instigate a conversation felt like conversing with a brick aka it was going nowhere. I know her disability cant prevent her from being a decent person but do I just leave her? yet this whole present giving thing really isnt it for me. its giving oh I will just send her something to make it seem like she cares when she dont message or try to get in touch nor does she want to meet up. all her messages in recent years have been so short almost too blunt

does this sound like jealousy or regular dislike? sorry for rambling again but im so effing tired of these types of ppl who act like they care to have a friendship but then half ass their way out of it, it doesnt help that we moved since long ago so we cant be closer physically as friends. But I feel like my existance bothers her for some unknown reasons. as I told the tarot reader im nothing special heck im not the popular one she is if anything I would guess she was quite popular that she simply didnt need me? You would think if we was real friends she would make a bit more effort cause sometimes theres things I wanna tell her but am like wait she dont care so im not gonna bother cause she want certain replies and comments yaknow?

thanks so so much in advance if you read all of this!!! I love your blog and readings so felt comfortable to ask you for your thoughts hope you dont mind the rant there!

Honestly that’s an awful situation to be in. In my opinion, it’s not necessarily jealousy. She just doesn’t like you, point blank period.

Now, I can admit I’m the type who’s on my phone a lot but can sometimes miss people’s messages, and I’m not good with reaching out first. But that’s not a good behavior. And at least if she liked you she’d be interested when you’re talking, which is something I do. And she’d be there for you. And at least she could come around to responding eventually instead of flat out ignoring you and only contacting you when she needs you.

It seems like to me she’s keeping you around so she can have more people clinging to her and chasing her to fuel her ego. It’s more an ego thing than a genuine like. She does not like you. I’d bet she doesn’t even necessarily tolerate you. But she likes your attention.

She likes the experience of being worshipped and chased. Knowing she doesn’t have to try and you will just chase and follow her to the ends of the earth.

[sis-tafics]

12 Years of Christmas - 2016

An Our Little Secret Accompaniment

Summary: Dean finds out that sometimes it’s the little things that really, really count

Series Masterlist

12 Year’s of Christmas Masterlist

Characters: Dean, Sam, Reader, +1 more

Pairings: Dean x Reader

Prompt: Decorating the house

Word Count: 900

Warnings:language, Dean’s POV, exhausted Daddy!Dean

A/N:  Thank you so much for reading. This is for @thing-you-do-with-that-thingand @like-a-bag-of-potatoes 12 Days of Christmas Challenge. Thank you to @atc74 for looking this over and the cover aesthetic

I’m exhausted. It’s been two days of driving and I can barely fucking move, but I’m home.

It’s after midnight, I talked to Y/N about three hours ago and she was halfway through trying to get through decorating for Christmas. But Evie has been sick all week and she sounded tired and frustrated.

This is taking its toll on her. We’re trying to work it out, balance the family and hunting but it isn’t working well. Both of us are so used to each other that a few days apart, a week of worrying, kills us slowly.

So Y/N told me about four months ago she would try to stay home, let me hunt with Sam. I’d been a little more than shocked, almost all of our fights since we’ve been together have been because she loves to hunt and she didn’t want to give it up.

But I can hear it over the phone, I can see it when I’m with her how much she misses it. It’s a huge part of who she is.

And honestly? It isn’t the same without her there backing me up.

I walk through the library and see the open boxes, the tree half decorated, only one strand of lights done around the room. Fuck.

I drop my bag on the one chair, grabbing the step ladder and another strand of lights. I climb up, my sore legs protesting, but I start hanging them on the small hooks around the room, section, by section.

When that’s all done I set the box filled with ornaments on the bookshelf, digging through them, finding the bare spots on the tree and hanging them there. And it doesn’t matter where I hang stuff, it doesn’t look quite right. Y/N’s way better at this, it always looks like it should be in a magazine when she decorates.

But I get there, going through all the boxes on the ground, putting stuff where it goes and by the time I’m cleaning them up and putting them in the storage room, I can barely keep my eyes open.

I stumble down the hall to our room, and opening the door I can’t help but smile.

Y/N is out, mouth slack, snoring lightly and Evie is curled up against her, laying with her head on Y/N’s outstretched arm, the book they were reading still in her hand. I chuckle, wondering who actually passed out first.

I grab a clean t-shirt, trying to stay quiet. I’ll worry about a shower in the morning, right now I just want to get a few hours of shut eye.

“Daddy?” her small voice breaks the quiet.

I turn, holding my finger to my lips, “Shh.”

She looks around, rubbing her eyes, sitting up before looking at me again, a smile spreading across her little face “Daddy!”

I close the distance, whispering, “You gotta be quiet peanut...Mommy’s sleeping.”

Y/N looks like hell right now, like she hasn’t slept in days. She only snores when she’s dead ass tired, like week straight of no sleep tired.

Evie spins around and looks to her mom and then to me, holding her finger up to her lips, “Shh.”

I smile, nodding as I crawl on the bed, “Yeah kiddo.”

She scoots over beside me, grabbing her book from Y/N’s hand, “Story?”

My body says no, but how can I? I haven’t seen her in eight days, and the kid loves when we read. I think it’s part of the reason she talks a lot, and half the time it is like full sentences a lot.

“Alright, what are we reading?”

“Fish,” she puts the book on my stomach as she curls up under my arm. Against my chest.

“One Fish, Two Fish?” I laugh low, “Did mommy read the whole thing?”

She shakes her head back and forth, “Mommy went to sleep.”

For some reason, I feel like it was pretty mutual, “Okay then, we will just have to start it over then, won’t we?”

“Yeah!” she yawns.

I prop the book against my legs so I can turn the pages with my free hand, “Here we go...One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish- black fish, blue fish, old fish, new fish…”

I get through about four pages when I feel Y/N’s hand slide into mine, but I keep going, knowing that if I stop Evie will be wondering why. And right now, I’ve got her nodding off against me.

 I finish the book and when she doesn’t ask for it again I know she’s sound asleep. I glance over, running my thumb over Y/N’s hand. She’s watching me, a small smile on her lips, “Hey.”

“Hey sweetheart,” and I can feel it in my chest, how relieved I am to be here, to see her and Evie.

She bends down as she scoots closer, kissing my knuckles, “I’m glad you’re home.”

I nod, “Me too. I missed you guys.”

She takes a big breath, nodding, as her eyes fall shut, “I love you.”

I squeeze her hand, “I love you too sweetheart.”

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