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rexxdjarin · 2 years ago

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jjseouxjeje UL SKKC IM SOBBING

I absolutely adore writing Rex’s POV. it’s one of my favorite things to write by a long shot. The nightmare made me cry a lot while writing it bc i felt so deeply for him. I was so scared for him😭😭 he’s extremely traumatized more than his conscious mind wants to admit and so it’s manifesting in his dreams. I felt so bad.

But of course Reader (and you’re totally right. She IS Mari. I wrote this part of the fic before Mari was officially created, but this is essentially her story with him) was there for him every step of the way. That’s her man and gods she loves him more than words can ever describe. It’s in her every action, every commitment she’ll ever have for the rest of her life. She is like cosmically bound by her love for this man and every single thing he stands for.

One could even say…that the force brought them together. (*hint hint* *nudge nudge* this is relevant and important later)

And of course……they’re very slutty for each other hehehehehe😂💙 they do love each other so very very much and I’m so glad you see it and that it’s coming through in my writing 🥺🥺🥺

Captain's Log: Chapter 4

Trauma

Series Summary: The galaxy is in turmoil. The Republic has fallen, giving rise to the sinister reign of the totalitarian Empire, led by the insidious Emperor Palpatine. The millions of valiant clone troopers of the former Grand Army of the Republic are now blindly sworn, against their will, to protect a regime they once sought to destroy. After being saved from a terrible fate by his former-Jedi ally and close friend, Ahsoka Tano, seasoned veteran CT-7567 Clone Captain Rex remains loyal to the pillars of Democracy, freedom and truth that shaped the former Galactic Republic. We follow him now struggling to deal with the personal aftereffects of survival and finding his place in the galaxy alongside the only person he has left. You. The love of his life.

[previous] [next] part of Captain's Log series post on ao3

Pairing: Captain Rex x Fem!Reader (she/her pronouns used) Word Count: 8.6k Series Rating: Explicit (18+ only, Minors DO NOT INTERACT) Chapter Summary: No one should ever have to see what Rex has seen. Hell Rex wishes he could stop seeing it every time he closes his eyes. Are there any truths in living nightmares? What else but love can rescue the wretched? Rex doesn't know where else to turn but to trust in his love for his brothers and his love for you. Maybe that's where he'll find some direction... Chapter Warnings: PTSD, Nightmares, Reliving Trauma, War Trauma, Twinge of Survivor's Guilt, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Major Character Loss, Mentions of Dead Bodies, References to Canon Plot, Explicit Sexual Content, Smut, Sex (p in v), Little Breed*ng Kink, Minor C*m Play, Language

“On your left, Sir!”

“Defensive formations!”

“We’ve got men down. Man down! Man down!”

Blaster fire rang out all around. Colors blinding my vision. It’s dark. I can’t see a fucking thing. I feel them all around me on all sides. Friendlies. My men. My brothers. We’re running defensive maneuvers, Fives to my left, Jesse to my right.

I’m shouting orders, but the adrenaline pumping blood into my ears is preventing me from hearing much else but my own thoughts. The colorful clouded smoke clears and before me are lofted piles of thousands and thousands of dead clankers. Higher than I can see the tops of. We press forward, marching through the dark landscape like we’ve done hundreds of times before.

Why does this feel different?

“Enemy’s ahead, boss. We’ve lost 3 platoons. No back up. Just us.” Fives spoke, his face spreading into that wide, determined smirk I remembered whenever I thought of him.

How could he be beside me? He’s dead. Fives is dead.

Jesse let out a snort beside me. “We’ve done better with less. Charge forward. Take ‘em out. We’ll be home by morning. Rex ole boy can go see his girl.” He elbowed me, raising his brows suggestively at me.

Jesse? Jesse’s dead too…

“Stop playing around Jess... Focus.” Someone behind us spoke. The General. He winked at me before pushing past us and igniting his lightsaber. He pointed us forward and we took off, blasters screaming into the clouded black fog disguising our enemies before us.

Suddenly, the scene changed. The piles around us started falling. Pieces of metal clanked beside us, exploding into oblivion onto the surface. As the piles fell, new ones rose to take their place. The sky-high mounds now taking the shape of Geonosian bugs, their gurgling blaster sounds filling my ears again for first the time in years.

Fives dropped in a blood curdling scream, gripping my arm hard enough to tear my pauldron clean off. “Captain! The General! The General!” I whipped around to go back for him and was instantly blocked by a flash of red light. Glowing like a lightsaber blade. Fives’ screams faded behind it. I backed up into Jesse who was muttering under his breath something I could just barely make out.

“Good soldiers follow orders. Good soldiers follow orders. Good soldiers follow orders.”

I froze, unable to move my limbs to stop him. In one swift move, he lifted his blaster and fired at the General’s position.

“Jesse no!! This isn’t you!!“ I screamed, trying desperately to move myself between them.

“Terminate the Jedi. Or you’re in violation of order 66 and a traitor.” Jesse shouted, pulling out a second pistol and aiming it at me. My limbs moved me forward against my will, shouldering past Jesse and into view of Anakin, standing his ground with Ahsoka and General Kenobi in tow. Before I could think, before I could speak, Jesse fired at them, striking Ahsoka’s shoulder and knocking her down.

“Jesse!!! No!!!” I screamed, my own blaster lifting and firing at them too. I couldn’t control it.

That’s when I realized the piles. The piles now were Jedi. Thousands and thousands of Jedi. The masses growing and growing every time Jesse opened fire. Brown Jedi robes ignited what looked like funeral pyres into flames. The stench of fire and death filling the air and finally revealing where the big black fog shrouding the surface was coming from.

I finally freed myself from the looming grasp over me in time to reach Anakin, who stopped me in my tracks with the force. Ahsoka and General Kenobi were slumped behind him. I couldn’t tell if they were alive or dead. And Anakin himself didn’t look right. His eyes were dark, yellow pupils piercing through the fog between us. The space between he and I flashed with the same red glowing light that stopped me from getting to Fives.

“You were a good soldier, Rex. But you didn’t follow orders…” He boomed, the sound of his voice ricocheting around me and sending the burning piles crashing down between us. The red light broke, but now there were bodies. So many bodies. Too many bodies to get through to reach him.

“General Skywalker! Skywalker!!” I screamed, the sound turning to ashes in my throat and I started coughing. The booming sound of his voice surrounded me again, this time sounding like he was talking through a mask, dark and metallic.

“You can’t help me, Rex. No one can.”

“Anakin!!!” I shouted one final time, lurching forward into the falling bodies and shoving them aside trying to reach them. The sound of pressurized, labored breathing filled the air and no matter how fast I moved, I never got any closer. I shoved body after body out of my way, my muscles screaming to stop. Finally, I looked down and nearly got sick.

The bodies beneath me were no longer covered in the brown robes of a Jedi. But instead covered in plastoid. White plastoid, battle worn and hand-painted in hundreds of different colors and patterns. Colors I would always know by heart. Blue. Yellow. Gray. Green. Red.

Brothers. They were all brothers.

I looked across the barren burning landscape at millions and millions of smoldering piles, each one toppling over with the weight of my brothers’ corpses.

I gripped the chest piece of the closest brother to me and tore off his helmet. Yellow paint. Eyes closed. Scarred temple. Cody. He coughed, opening his eyes to look up at mine. “The nightmare was real. It was always there. The master plan. It’s what we were bred for.” He croaked, twisting his fist into the black clone uniform around my neck.

“Good soldiers follow orders. Long live…the Emperor…Good soldiers follow orders….For the Republic. For our freedom…For…our…brothers…” He gasped, fading into his imminent death in my arms.

“No….Cody….no!! Stop it!!! NO!” I screamed, pushing his body away from me back into the pile. I covered my face in my heads and fell to my knees, crushing the plastoid of whatever one of my brothers laid dead underneath me. All I could feel was loss, despair, grief and death. All I could hear was my own screaming.

I jolted bolt upright and nearly slammed my head on the top bunk. My chest was pounding, my hands gripping the sheets so tight my knuckles were white. Beads of sweat slid down my bare chest, my body so hot I felt like I had come down with something. I blinked my eyes open, the soft light of the ship’s living quarters immediately alerting me that it was a dream. It was just a dream. A nightmare. Worse than I’d ever had before. My fists were shaking uncontrollably, trying to steady myself back into reality. I panted, trying to catch my breath. Slow, deep breath in, hard exhale out. Over and over until my chest stops pounding.

Suddenly, I felt her. Gentle hands running soothing circles on my upper back and her other arm snaking its way around my bicep. “Rex…baby…what? What is it? You were screaming.” Her light, breathy whisper reaching my ears like the most beautiful lullaby I’d ever heard. I kept trying to slow my breathing, listening to the reassuring sound of her voice calling to me.

“A dream…it was just a dream…” I muttered, lifting my bicep that screamed in pain like I actually had just lived through that battle. “A nightmare.” I sighed, turning to the comfort of her figure beside me. I rested my trembling hand on hers and ran my fingertips along her knuckles. She was real. I could feel her. For once she wasn’t a dream.

“Sounded horrible my love. Do you…” she paused, scooting her body into mine to rest her chin on my shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it? About what happened?” Her sweet innocent eyes looked up at me with the most concern I’d ever seen. She shouldn’t have to hear about this stuff. No one should have to see what I’ve seen.

“I don’t…know where to start.” I sighed, knowing full well that she wouldn’t stop until I let it out. I didn’t like talking about this part of my job with anyone, but especially not with her. She wanted to understand. I knew she wanted to help. For the first time in my life, I was willing to admit I needed it. I had no one else to go to. My brothers are, at best, gone and, at worst, enslaved to work for the enemy. I didn’t have Kix around to heal my wounds. The ones outside or inside. She’s all I’ve got.

She slowly brought her body behind me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and guiding me back into her embrace. She leaned into my pillow, pulling me down on top of her and allowing my head to rest on the curves of her chest. She breathed deeply, so soft and slow and steady. What I wouldn’t give to have her hold me like this every time I slept. Her palm slid down my chest, resting it above my still racing heart, while her other hand laced around my right hand. “Just breathe, ok? Be with me. You’re alright.” She cooed, leaning down to place a kiss to my forehead.

“It was a nightmare…” I started, tightening my hold on her hand. “You know I’ve had those before. But this one…this was something else…something darker.” I shuddered remembering the horrifying yellow in the General’s eyes. I’d never forget it.

“Tell me. We’ll talk it through…” She urged, her hand on my heart absentmindedly tracing delicate circles onto my skin.

“The boys and I were fighting…Fives was there. And Jesse. And the General…” I closed my eyes, swallowing thickly as my ears began to ring with the haunting sound of Fives’ frightening scream. I’d only ever actually heard that sound once before and it wasn’t a memory I ever wanted to relive. “But every time we fought the enemy changed. The piles of dead were different things. Droids then bugs and then…Jedi…” I felt her hands stop.

“Jedi?” She repeated in a timid whisper. She knew. She saw what happened on Coruscant. She knew what we’d done. Even if I didn’t, everyone else did. They had to.

“Jedi. Millions of ‘em. Just…dead.” I gulped, the shaking returning to my hands as I remembered that bit wasn’t just in my head. That happened. It really happened.

“Did you..” she asked, pausing as she waited breathlessly for my answer.

“No. Not in the dream and not in real life either. It’s important to me that you know that. I didn’t kill my Jedi. I won’t ever.” I balled both my fists up in anger. Ahsoka removing that chip gave me the freedom to make that choice. Maker knows I might be the only clone alive who had that right. And it made me angry. More angry than I’ve ever felt. More angry than I could ever remember having the ability to feel. Uninhibited anger. Maybe without the chip that emotion was finally unlocked. I guess if this is how Prime felt all the time I could see why they wanted to suppress this in us.

“I know you wouldn’t. I know you. But I don’t understand. Why the Jedi? How could someone create all of you…give you life only to use you like this…it’s not just unfair...it’s cruel.” She whimpered, tears slowly falling down her face and dripping onto my shoulders.

“I…I don’t know. I don’t know anything about fairness. Don’t think I ever did. I haven’t really known freedom until now. Not until Ahsoka gave it to me.” I muttered, speaking out loud the truth I’d deep down always known. We were used. We were in a lot of ways enslaved. I thought back to that altercation with Slick all those years ago. He couldn’t have known about the chips or about the order. But he wasn’t wrong. We didn’t have freedom. We didn’t have choice. While what we were fighting for was under noble pretenses, we weren’t asked if this was something we wanted. We were just lined up and sent out. The irony of being treated no differently than the droids we hated so much…It killed me that I couldn’t see it. Not until it was too late for us.

“Well…whoever did this…whoever created you and manipulated you all was no friend to the Jedi and certainly had no regard for human life. I can think of only one person. Though if what I think is true…then the entire galaxy was being manipulated from the start. From the very second you were created, Rex.” She explained, pausing briefly before her voice dropped to a deathly quiet whisper. “Palpatine is a dictator.”

“He gave the order. Which means he was the one who killed Fives to hide the truth. I’d imagine he’s taken the senate by now, right?” I asked, truly afraid of what the answer might be.

“Yes. He’s essentially dissolved the senate. Taken away democracy. If you could’ve seen the look on Padmé’s face…she was heartbroken.” She replied, removing her hand from mine probably to wipe away tears.

I shifted nervously. Talking about Padmé just made me think about Anakin. Whatever happened before the Order was given was pretty blurry in my brain. But I distinctly remember Ahsoka having a bad feeling. Maybe she sensed what was coming somehow. Or…maybe the General being in my dream was an omen or something. I knew Anakin. Better than almost everyone. Like Ahsoka, he would’ve died rather than hurt us clones. Maybe Ahsoka was going to look for him. If anyone could survive in unmitigated chaos, he could.

“Cyare, did Padmé hear from General Skywalker the last time you saw her?” I asked cautiously, unsure if she knew anything about their relationship. I doubt anyone knew as much as I did.

“N-not that I was aware of. I didn’t ask. She did seem worried about him. She always worried about him.” She drifted off. “Was she…worried about him the way I worried about you?” She asked.

I bit the inside of my cheek, my entire body freezing. This was my most closely guarded secret. Next to my own of course. Anakin would kill me if I told anyone. But stars he was likely dead anyway. Someone would have to break it to Padmé. Since there was no way I was going without her, I guess she’d have to know too.

“Yes. Just like us.” I responded, my gut twisting a little as I thought about having to explain to Padmé that her husband was killed by his own brainwashed men.

“…I knew it.” She chuckled softly. “They weren’t exactly subtle if you paid attention.”

“I don’t think the General was ever good at that.” I laughed, remembering all the times he was bouncing around excitedly just seconds before she’d answer one of their secret holocalls. “I’d like to think he lived. Though he didn’t seem right in my dream either..” I sighed out, remembering his words and the weird metallic breathing. I decided right then and there to keep that part of my dream to myself. It was too disturbing and way too dark to tell anyone. You can’t help me, no one can. That wasn’t the Anakin I knew.

“You’ve...been through a lot these last few days. It’s going to take a lot of time to get past. Anytime you need, you can talk to me about it. The more you talk things through, the better you’ll feel. I know it’s hard, baby.” She muttered, reaching down to hug me tightly.

I patted her hand and tipped my chin up to kiss her gently. “I’d like that. As long as it doesn’t weigh you down too much.”

“I’ll be fine. It’s too heavy a burden for you to carry by yourself anymore, Rex.” She whispered, looking into my eyes from above me. Fuck she’s so pretty. She looked tired. She must’ve stayed up all night watching me to make sure I slept. I didn’t deserve something this good. She deserved something better than well…whatever I was now. Don’t think I’d be considered a hero. Not even sure I’m considered a person on most systems.

Can you still be called a hero if you lose everything you fought for? If you couldn’t save everyone you fought for?

I sighed, my chest feeling hollow and my mind swimming with questions I might never get the answers to. I had to keep moving. If I’m moving, I’m not useless. If I’m going somewhere, I’m still on a mission. Even if it’s just for myself and my brothers’ memories. If I am still breathing, I’ll keep fighting.

“You’ve got the ship headed to the coordinates I programmed right?” I asked, pulling myself up to a sitting position and tossing my legs over the side of the bed.

“Mhm. Saleucami. You kept muttering something about Cut. Who’s Cut? The whole planet’s farmers. How do you know any farmers?” She joked, tossing a pillow at me gently.

“Cut Lawquane. He’s a brother. A deserter. But still my brother. Saved my life once. Helped him protect his family.” I explained, rubbing my hand over the faded scar on my chest. “That’s where I got this. Nasty blaster shot. Watched over me when I almost died.” I chuckled, remembering the looks on his little kids’ faces when they realized their Dad’s face was one of millions out there. Cute little things.

Little did she know that had I not almost died on that mission I might have never had the courage to ask her out. Might have never thought about having something, someone for myself. Cut would be blown away that I’d let my guard down, that I’d gone off book enough to have a girl of my own. I kinda hope he likes her. That he approves. That he’s proud of me. Looking for my brother’s approval? Ha. Stars- who even am I anymore?

Maybe Cut could make some sense of things. Maybe he knew something we could do. I can’t just sit here knowing that he’s out there with that chip still in his head. At the very least, I’d have to warn him about it. Help him remove it. I won’t be able to live with myself if I let another brother die. Someone I can actually help this time.

“What do you mean by family?” She asked, tipping her head at me curiously. She crawled next to me and sat on the edge of the bed, grabbing the closest item of clothing to her, my red fatigues, and throwing it on her. How is it she looks so good in everything? Especially my clothes…

I shook my thoughts away, “he has 2 kids. Not sure if they’re adopted or if they’re…his.” I responded, both of their innocent faces imprinted in my brain more than I had realized up until now. I had never asked. I guess it didn’t matter. Cut managed to do the bravest thing I’d ever seen one of my brothers do. Choose. His family might not be by blood, but it was the family he chose. The life he wanted for himself. He did the unthinkable, defied orders and went out on his own of his own free will. At the time, I thought it was selfish, reckless and traitorous. But now? Hell maybe he was the smartest one of all of us. He had what the rest of us never knew. Freedom.

“So he’s not a soldier? Did he defect?” She asked, reading between the lines the longer I paused to think.

“Technically, yes. Almost reported him when I woke up there after the injury. But those two little ones changed everything for me. He was their Father. I couldn’t take that away from them. Made me rethink a lot of things…” I drifted off, finally turning to look into her eyes. I hope she knew what I meant.

“Oh. I have a lot to thank him for then I suppose.” She laughed, her eyes twinkling as a smile grew across her face. She knew. She always knew exactly how to read me. That was a skill not many had. At least not many who weren’t my batch mates. Even my men struggled most of the time.

“Best way we can thank him is to make sure the chip doesn’t affect him or harm his family in any way. I owe him that. With what I know, we can help him.” I looked down at where my fists were tightening unconsciously on my thigh.

“Is that something you can do? How…how did Ahsoka do it?” She asked, gently working at my fingers to loosen the tension in my fists and taking my hand in hers. She stroked the bare skin on the back of my hands lovingly, drawing my attention away from the anger.

“We used the med bay on one of the republic ships. If we get to any medical station we should be able to do it ourselves. If we have to. Though, I don’t think Cut has anything like that anywhere near him. Otherwise, I would never have stayed there to begin with.” I bit my lower lip in thought. Where could we go that we wouldn’t be noticed? “We’ll probably have to look for somewhere safe. Where no one asks questions.”

“It’ll probably have to be off world. I hope his family will be ok with him gone for a bit.” She responded, her tone almost scolding, like she knew this was a lot to ask of someone. I knew it was. But better him be gone for a little bit to fix this than let it kill him or the people he loves.

“Let’s research places we can go. Old republic medical stations. Maybe something decommissioned. So long as it still functions.” I thought out loud. No way the Empire’s had time to focus on stragglers or outliers.

“It’s already added to the mission log.” She replied, kissing my cheek to seal the deal. “I think we just found something helpful we can do, Rex.“ She slowly slid herself onto my lap, looping her arms over my shoulders. “I know nothing will stop you from protecting people. It’s one of the things I love most about you.”

I tipped my chin up, desperate for more of her. To fill my senses with nothing but the sweet, safe distraction of her. The heavy feeling weighing down every part of my soul felt just a little bit more bearable with her beside me. I brought a cautious hand up to her face and brushed her very messy hair behind her ears.

“I’m so glad you’re here with me.” I answered, watching the expression in her tired eyes turn from concern to affection in a heartbeat. “I’ve got a lot to keep fighting for huh?”

She grinned, running her thumb down the ages old scar on my chin. “I think no matter what happens, you’ll never give up fighting. And while you’re out there saving people, I’ll be here to protect you.” Her eyes blazed with passionate intensity, a fierce loyalty that wasn’t ingrained in her without question like mine and my brothers. This type of undying loyalty was of her own choosing. She chose me. I had to do my best to honor that choice. I more than anyone know the value of that. Her independence, her emotions guiding her to make decisions she knew in her heart were right, I admired everything about her. She had a type of strength I held in the highest regard. Her ability to love, which wasn’t a weakness in the slightest. It made her intentions clear and every action she took powerful. She was a fighter, too. I love her more than she’d ever know. Maybe more than any clone even knew was possible for guys like us.

“You’re cute when you get all fired up, ya know…” I laughed, tipping my head back to look her up and down, drowning in my clothes. What few possessions I had covering the only thing that truly was mine and mine alone. “I reckon you’re even more dangerous than I am.”

“You bet your ass, I am.” She retorted, spinning off my lap and onto the floor below, drawing her fingers in a practiced aim at a poster on the wall. “Bang. They’re dead.”

“Not if you’re shooting with your eyes closed like you just did…” I scoffed, getting up to follow her. I reached into my pile of clothes to grab one of my pistols, switching it to stun before handing it to her. “Here…try mine.”

She looked at me in surprise. I had always tried my best to keep my duty separate from my time with her. Armor off, helmet down, weapons away. None of that mattered now. My duty was to keep us alive and I’d have to tap into a side she didn’t ever see to do that.

She felt the weight of it in her hand, turning it over a few times to get a feel for it. “Are you sure I can handle this? I know it’s…special to you.” Her big eyes blinked up at me, determined to impress, but wisely knowing there’s a learning curve to this sort of thing.

“It is special. That’s why I’m teaching you how to use it.” The words fell out of my mouth a lot smoother than I expected. Maker that probably sounded so dumb.

She blushed, averting her eyes as a wide smile spread across her face. Guess it wasn’t that dumb. She motioned silently for me to follow and held it up with both hands, aiming the end toward a tattered poster of Aurra Sing hanging on the wall. “Come on then. Help me.”

I stepped behind her, pressing my bare chest against her shoulder blades. The fabric of my fatigues spilled over her shoulders and collected in baggy drapes under her arms, which would make her stance heavier than usual. The oversized top covered her entire torso, but not enough of her bottom half that I couldn’t feel how it swelled against my center. Just ignore it. You’ll never focus if you think about that. Cmon. Just like helping shiny’s. Totally not thinking about putting my face between her cheeks. She elbowed me gently, feeling me pause behind her.

“Uh…ahem…sorry. Ok so…just put the weight in your shoulders, not your arms. Like this…” I reached my arms around hers and rolled her shoulders more upright, her chest and chin lifting up to follow.

“Oh that feels better. I feel stronger. Like I can see a little better too.” She squealed with excitement. This was definitely not like training shinys.

“Right yeah. Ok now focus. Both eyes open. Exhale and fire. Pretty simple really.” I let go of my grip on her hands and backed away.

Bang bang bang

Three shots.

And she made every. single. one.

The old poster slid to the floor, the stun blasts singeing the page to bits. I knew she was clever and smart, but I didn’t know she knew her way around a blaster too. Maker how did she always manage to impress, to make me feel almost unworthy of her? “You played me…” I chuckled, stepping forward to grab her hips possessively and pulling her back into my chest.

“Did you really think I could be with the best soldier in the galaxy without having at least a little talent myself?” She turned to meet my face, laughing as her mouth spread into a wry smile. Her gaze flicked from my eyes to my lips, dropped open in surprise, and back. Slowly, she rolled her hips back, her bare ass pushing up against my center.

“Hmm I think you just wanted to grind this ass on me. Tease me a little.” I whispered urgently in her ear, burying my head into her neck. My palms slid underneath my shirt and up her sides slowly, her skin erupting in goosebumps at my touch. “You are very talented though. Full of surprises.” I breathed out slowly, placing a needy kiss to her skin and maneuvering her hips against the growing need in my tented bottoms.

“Mmm not the only thing I want to be full of, Rex.” Her arm wrapped around the back of my neck, pulling our bodies together as close as we could get. I hummed my approval and ran my palm across her lower tummy, holding her firmly in place as I rolled my stiffening cock against her perfectly round ass. I dragged my other rough hand along the soft skin of her chest, my fingers curling around her beautifully full breast and kneading gently. I pressed myself against her, my body melding with hers like muscle memory. Every touch a reminder that maybe my body was actually capable of bringing pleasure and delight. Like maybe I was made for more than just destruction.

“Filled you so good last night and you still need more? Can’t get enough of me hmm?” I traced my tongue along her collar bone, earning a quiet sigh and something unintelligible from her open mouth. “Love those pretty noises you make, cyare, but I can’t hear you…” I laughed, squeezing the flesh of her breast tighter in my hand.

“Never enough, Rex. Want more.” She whimpered, reaching back to grip my side as I pushed her into me harder. She writhed against me, her full ass brushing against me and her desperate pleas for more of me made my cock swell with the same need she was feeling. I was pent up for a month. I could give her more. So much more. I latched my lips to her neck and sucked hard, pulling and nipping marks into the skin. I laved over the mark with my tongue, passing over the spot slowly a few times. Both my hands gripped her hip bones, driving her center back into the shallow snap of my hips.

I walked us toward the wall she’d just shot at, kissing further up her neck and under her jaw as I tugged my shirt up over her head and onto the floor. She trembled at my touch and I looked down at her bare chest, watching her breathe faster in anticipation. Having this much of an effect on her was intoxicating and I couldn’t help but smile as I reminded myself that she’s all mine. All for me. I just want to spread her before me and fill her like last night. Fill her and make us feel whole again.

Gently, I pressed between her shoulder blades, her back arching pushing her tits against the wall. I smirked, wanting nothing more than to just rip my bottoms off and plow into her right now. “Spread ‘em. Get nice and open for me, cyar’ika.” I growled, stepping back to rest my hands on her waist. She looked back at me with a debauched grin, her eyes blown wide with desire.

A wicked sexy grin crossed her face, “Sir, yes, Sir.” she teased with an excited giggle. Slowly, her thighs parted, tipping her body forward to rest on the wall and present her dripping cunt to me. She looked back at me through hooded eyes, challenging me silently to take her just like this. I gulped, feeling a surge of arousal pump my cock even larger somehow. This view was the closest thing to a gift I’ve ever gotten in all my life and I made a mental note to snap a few pictures from this angle someday. Maker - I knew what she meant about it not being enough. I could fuck her a thousand times like this and I still would be driven mad by the image of her like this in my mind. Open and desperate and waiting for me.

With my two ungloved palms, I gripped at the flesh of her ass, kneading it roughly in my hands as I spread her open before me. I looked up at her; her hair falling all over her face, her eyes silently begging for me when her mouth couldn’t form words, her neck and collarbones littered with messy love-bites I’d marked her with. Unapologetically and proudly wearing all the signs I’d claimed her for maybe the first time without worrying about someone finding out. It was so kriffing hot it made my usually clear head spin and my chest ache with adoration. Between her legs was slick with arousal, the tiniest little scratches littered the insides of her thighs from where I’d gripped her yesterday. I was all over her. Everywhere. She was mine. And I wanted more of her. To make up for lost time maybe.

I brought my open palm down on her raised bottom with a slap. She let out a gasp, probably still a little sore from taking it so intensely the night before. “You look so fucking pretty like this. My pretty girl. You want to be filled up huh? Want to feel my cock stretch you out?” I groaned, sliding my still clothed bulge against her.

“Mhm,” she let out with a desperate whine. “No teasing please. Want you now. Please, Rex.”

Maker- every time she calls me by name like that. My name. My real chosen name. I feel safety. I feel known. I feel loved. My calculated, trained patience is gone, knowing nothing but her voice calling my name in my ears and my cock pumping with a thick arousal I cannot ignore. Cannot deny her.

“Cyar’ika…fuck. Keep calling my name like that. I’ll give you anything.” I confessed, running an eager hand along the waistband of my underwear and sliding them off in one rushed movement. I tipped my head back and exhaled in relief as my achingly hard cock released itself from the restraining fabric it was in. I grasped myself in hand, my thumb running over the slit to spread pearls of wet precum around the tip. Pumping my first over it a few times, I met her hungry gaze, eyes twinkling with aroused excitement and bottom lip pulled beneath her teeth. Kark the look in her eyes. So needy for it.

“Want you so bad, Rex. Please give me your cock. Please.” Her begging was just a ruse. A tease. She was working me up even more. And she knew it. Knew just how to play me. I could almost feel her hands on my pulse point, feeling how every sound she made sent my heart racing and that adrenaline I knew all too well rushing through my ears.

“Since you asked so nicely…” Without another thought, I reached my hand between her thighs and swiped gently along her folds, coating my fingers with the wet mess. She moaned loudly at the contact, scratching against the ship’s metal walls for any kind of stability. Her core was dripping and hot, tempting me to explore her further with just my hands. Feel how her walls flutter at my touch and hear her voice calling nothing but my name. But I couldn’t hold out much longer. Not when she felt like this.

I stepped impossibly closer to her backside, settling my hips just beneath her opening. I could feel her heat beckoning me inside her, that perfect pussy calling me carnally, sounding just as sweet and soothing as her voice did. I coaxed my slickly coated hand down my cock. My eyes rolled back. Stars above…I’m not gonna last 5 minutes.

With my chest pressed to her back, I dipped my head down beside hers, watching as she leaned in for a desperate kiss. My hand slid up the curve of her spine, and across her narrow shoulders which made her seem tiny and almost fragile beneath my looming figure. I trailed delicate fingertips up the length of her arm until I curled my fingers around hers. I caressed her with my broad thumb, a gesture I hoped was affectionate enough to signal how grateful I was to be here holding any part of her.

My forehead dipped to her shoulder, leaving slow, sloppy kisses along her clavicle. Her sighs got louder, mewling desperately each time I swirled my tongue along her simmering skin. My lower torso rubbed against her ass, grinding our soft skin together deliciously. I was thrusting into nothing, hovering my weeping cock close enough to her open center to feel the heat, but not entering yet. Just torturing myself. Agonizingly slowing down the pace to make this last even just a few seconds longer. My lips dragged against her neck, teeth nipping to keep my devouring lust for her at bay.

“Do you even know the things I want to do to you?” I whispered, kissing the juncture where her jaw met her neck. She shivered, the involuntary movement making her center finally roll against my cock beneath her. I let out a choked gasp, her slick folds making contact with me sending shockwaves through my limbs. With one finger, I turned her face toward mine and held my lips within inches of hers. She looked up into my eyes, her expression nothing but submission to her desire for me. I let out raspy, harsh breaths as the silent permission in her stare wrapped its greedy grip around my lungs.

“The way you make my blood boil, my hands shake, my chest burn.” I nuzzled my nose against her cheek. Her lips parted, jaw dropping open to let me in and give me what I wanted. My lips connected with hers, tongue slipping inside to taste hers. We shifted in tandem, lips meeting and parting in an erratic rhythm. Stars exploding, nebulas consuming entire planets couldn’t feel this overwhelming and good. I pulled away and felt a satisfied smile break across my face. With my lips close enough to brush hers with every word, I muttered, “I want to fuck you until all you can remember is how I feel inside you.”

With that, my hips snapped up, pressing my far too overstimulated cock in a space that was waiting for it. Perfectly too tight and beautifully receptive all at once. I prodded forward, knowing that every inch deeper was closer to home.

“Oh, Rex..” she whimpered, her jaw slack as her mouth dropped open in pleasure. Most beautiful sight in the galaxy. Had to be. She pushed back against me, easing herself down onto me for more.

“Look at you, pretty girl. Taking me so well.” I praised, sinking myself deeper and grunting as the pounding walls closed in around me. Blood rushed from everywhere in my body to exactly where my cock wedged firmly inside her. Overwhelming surges of heat passed over me, making my body slick with sweat. My cock leaped in excitement as she contracted around me.

“Wanted this. Just like this. Filling me up…my Rex.” She leaned back toward me, capturing my lips with hers.

I pulled out slowly, tip still resting just inside her opening. My hands flew back down to her ass, leaning my torso away from her to get a better view of my length disappearing between her cheeks. “Mesh’la…Want to bury myself in you. Got a great view back here.” I chuckled, pressing myself forward into her again and watching as she split open to sheath my cock inside her.

She smiled, all too happy to have me embedded in her core like this. “Deeper. As deep as you can go. I can take it.”

“I know you can. My strong girl. You want it like this, hmm?” I rested one hand on her shoulder, pulling her down as I shoved up into her. Her walls nearly resisted me, squelching sounds filling the room as I made space.

“Y-yes, Rex. Mmmm right there.” She moaned, her pretty voice breathy and breaking. Her eyes fluttered closed, getting lost in the feeling of my body connecting with hers. I repeated the movement, pounding my hip bones against the bouncing flesh of her ass. Each thrust so delightfully satisfying it was almost painful. I groaned as my tip hit her back wall, bottoming out and making her face contort in a small yelp. Her thighs were shaking from the intense contact, muscles desperately wanting to relax to take more of me.

Pleasure swirled through my core; an unending wave of bliss creeping closer to crashing. I was getting close. Way too close for having just started. But kark who could help it with a sight like this? I leaned into her, the beads of sweat on my bare chest running down as I moved to encompass her body with mine. My hips snapped faster, increasing the impassioned throbbing of my cock against her grounding walls. That feeling of home was back. Familiar, blissful and comforting. And it was building, lifting me higher and higher the tighter she gripped me inside her.

I curled my arm around her waist, pulling her off the wall to reach her swollen clit. She waited so patiently to be touched here, restraint far stronger than mine. I found the sensitive bud, gently manipulating it between two fingers. She cried out, tipping her head back to rest on my shoulder.

“I know you like that. I can feel how much you love it when I touch you.“ I rubbed faster, in time with my thrusts, relishing in the way she mewled and spasmed beneath me. She had an insane effect on me no matter what she did, but I had the same effect on her. That was a more powerful feeling that filled me with more pride than any battle I’d ever won. To have someone give themselves to me, to completely give in to how I overwhelm them. It was intoxicating. It always was. No matter how many times we did this.

I took in a deep breath, the scent of her filling my senses and sending ripples down my spine. I could feel myself faltering, my hips erratically snapping, desperately pressing into her for more. I wanted her closer, to be pulled deeper somehow, to almost melt us into one. I circled her clit faster, hearing her scream in pleasure as I worked to get her to where I was already. Stars I want to cum so bad.

“Rex -fuck- Rex, look at me. I-I want to look at you when I cum again. Please.” She begged, her moans breaking up her sentence. She pushed back off the wall, arching her back to press against me. I wrapped my arms around her torso, the change in position angling my cock so deep inside her I nearly choked. Our standing position made her too tight to handle and the slow burn of pressure that was building ignite like an explosion. White hot pleasure spread from my core to the tips of my fingers, my brain short circuiting and eyes rolling back in my head. Her delicate hand found the side of my cheek, her thumb tracing down the tightness of my jaw.

The pads of her fingers pressed away any remaining tension left in my body. The stress from the events of the last few days, the pain from the injuries I sustained surviving the crash, the anxiety from such a vivid nightmare, the ominous guilt gnawing at my heart…all gone in an instant. Big, bright, beautiful eyes met mine with fondness. A brave affection that could literally scare away anything I had left to fear. This was what I was searching for. This is what I needed to heal. The look in her eyes, the way that I feel was worth surviving for.

I grabbed her face with my palm and pulled her into a harsh, sincere kiss. I watched her expression change as the overwhelming feeling of pleasure took her. Her brows furrowed, knitting together as she focused on nothing but the shockwave jolting its way through her body. The spasming of her walls gripped me tighter, my thrusts faltering as she forced me to stay inside to the hilt. She contracted around me, and I felt myself topple, the head of my cock careening into the perfect spot.

“Mesh’la I’m fucking you full of me. Gonna cum..” I hissed between gritted teeth, holding out just long enough to get the words out before I broke. “Cum with me, my perfect girl.” I whispered against her skin; my words strained as I released the first pulsating wave inside her. My hands found her clit again, rolling tight circles on the sensitive bud. Tears rolled down her cheeks, the sensation overwhelming her so hard she cried.

“Rex, Rex, Rex.” She whimpered between desperate choking moans. Her hips slid down against me a final time and she writhed uncontrollably in my arms, hands flying down to where mine held her steady. She closed in around me so tight, hitting her climax so hard that her fingers dug into the strained muscles of my arms.

“Good girl. Good fucking girl, I’ve got you. Fuck that’s so perfect. Just what I -gah- just how I wanted.” My eyes screwed shut again, another white-hot pass rolling from the back of my neck to the tip of my cock. I shot another thick ribbon inside her and gasped as it sucked the life out of me. She was blubbering underneath me, muttering cute little curse words as she rocked herself up and down riding out the feeling. Normally, I’d have fainted from overstimulation like this. But I didn’t want this to end. I didn’t care. The longer this went on, the better I’d feel.

“Oh yeah see? I’m very- mmm ahhh-“ she sighed out, smiling as she sunk down on me again. “Very talented.”

I brushed the hair from her eyes and kissed her again. “Yes, you are. You have no idea.” I grumbled, unable to form words to explain how grateful I was that she could wipe my mind clean of what I was feeling. Even for just a little while.

“I think I have….some idea….” She finished with a yelp, hissing in a mixture of delight and pain as I slid out of her sloppily. She looked down, feeling the incredible amount of spend mixed inside her dripping out of her opening. Stars that’s hot. She spun around in my arms, so I could get a better look at it. I gazed up at her with an impressed smirk, my eyes quickly falling back to her center. Each overtired, fucked out spasm of her opening spilling more of us out of her.

“Mmmm someday I’m putting that in you and keeping it there. Filling you up with it and hoping it sticks.” I breathed out, like maybe saying it out loud would make it possible. Hell I didn’t even know if it was. I could ask Cut. He’d know. That’d be quite the conversation. Especially considering how I behaved last time.

She looked at me playfully, biting her bottom lip. “I hope you do. But then I wouldn’t get to taste…” She ran her fingers through it, collecting and bringing it to her mouth. Both lips parted to suck her fingers into her mouth and lick them clean of the mess we made.

“Filthy…what am I gonna do with you?” I remarked, hungrily pulling her naked body against mine.

She rolled her eyes, wrapping both arms around my neck and letting me lift her off her feet. “Just love me. I don’t need anything else.”

“That’s just that post-nut haze talking…” I teased, my hands grasping at the small of her back.

She tossed her head back and laughed, “it’s the truth and you know it.”

I knew. It was still hard to believe after all these years. But I knew. She was here with me when being with a renegade clone was like the most dangerous thing in the galaxy. I didn’t like the idea of her having to risk her life to be with me, but I can’t say I didn’t understand the sentiment. Because of course I did. I knew it all too well. I just never thought in a million years, that someone would risk everything for me. And now in the span of just a few hours, two nat-born beings did. For me. And as if reading my mind, like she always seemed to be able to, she pulled back to look at my face.

“I’d die for you.” She whispered, her hand stroking my cheekbone in delicate contrast to her fierce words. I knew what that meant. I was made to know sacrifice. To die for a cause was our entire reason for being. But never had any clone known someone willing to lay down their natural born life for theirs. For a clone’s life. Not out of duty or for the greater good, but because their clone life had meaning and value to them. To be loved as an equal was dedication to a cause higher than any that could be mandated by duty or orders. To be loved like this was a devotion I had only known amongst my brothers, my blood. My vode. Love like this…well we didn’t really have a single word for it. All I could think of to say, from the deepest depths of my subconscious was a phrase I’d never said in all my life.

“Kar’taylir darasuum.” To know in your heart? To hold in your heart? To know is to love. Something like that.

“You’ve never said that before…” She blinked, looking at me with a knowing smirk.

“So you know what it means?”

“You’ve never said that before while awake. But you talk an awful lot in your sleep…I did a lot of research. I even asked Fox once. He told me he was going to make fun of you for it.” She laughed, sighing deeply before continuing “it’s the only thing that ever seemed to soothe your nightmares, love. I pieced it together.”

I guess I remembered more Mando’a than I thought. I pulled her into my chest and hugged her tightly.

There weren’t enough words in the galaxy to express how grateful I was to have her. To not be alone right now. To not be…dead right now. Every time she spoke to me she found another way to break through this awful, gut wrenching guilt I feel. I wasn’t ok, I won’t be for a long while. But as long as I have her and as long as she’d have me, I knew I could be. Eventually. Holding on to her was to hold the smallest sliver of hope I had left. Maybe she could help me train it. To help it grow past the twisted dark knot of pain tangled inside me. I catch on quick. Always have.

Before I could speak and confess everything I was feeling, the ship started beeping, signaling our drop out of hyperspace. I nodded at her and motioned for her to get things together. I swallowed hard and put my feelings to the side, like I always did before the start of a new mission. Cut was out there and he needed me. He needed us. That chip could destroy everything he held dear, like it almost did me. And I won’t let that happen. He’s got what I’ve got. Someone to live for. And I won’t be burying anymore of my brothers today. Or ever.

Notes: I am formally apologizing to our beautiful sweet Rex for the shitty nightmare he had to have for the plot. I cried (I be crying a lot lol) thinking about him reliving battles and loss this traumatically. Hopefully our reader girly being here for him will continue making him feel better, safe and loved.

#comment reblog #thanks for reading💙#captain rex #captain rex x reader #wip captains log #captains log tag #captain rex smut #captain rex x f!reader #captains log #rexxdjarin

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