#like don getting fucked by some guy tracks so much but they wouldn't go there

[shakebelton]

mad men is top 5 shows of all time but it's also simultaneously true that they fumbled a big share of plotlines and character arcs. like the show is Good but also soooo many things are not what they should've been, it's hilarious. like how can you be wrong but still good so much. i for one cannot believe that they didn't have a gay guy hit on don or don sleep with some guy. there were so many possibilities with his gay+homophobic+ally slay

Admittedly, a very funny part of Mad Men is that all the gay characters have absolutely horrible taste in their office crushes. Sal you’re gonna pine over a lighter from Just Ken? Bob Benson is gonna risk his career and possibly life by hitting on PETE CAMPBELL?!? Truly the work of a straight male showrunner. Except for Ginsberg who was like “Peggy I’m gonna level with you I’m having a mental breakdown and also I think I want to fuck early-70s peak sexy Stan may I PLEASE have a panic attack on your couch”. That one has taste and also really speaks to the community experience

[ficjoelispunk]

Ch 12 - CIA

You can find all the chapters available here.

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A/N: Hey guys, here’s one more chapter. Unfortunately this one is not revised - but I wanted to post it anyway, because it’s been some time since the last chapter - so possibly at the time of the translation some grammatical error may have happened. I apologize in advance. I hope you like it. ❤️

Music indication for this chapter: Bite the Hand - Boygenius

Murphy accompanied the Escobar family. Before boarding he called you telling you that they were on their way to Germany. The negotiations with Germany were difficult. You had to ask Crosby for help, but even he didn't get much. German immigration was liberal, due to its turbulent history.

And while Murphy was on a trip. Centra Spike managed to track Fernando Duque.

"He used the credit card, here, and here in these restaurants" Edward showed on the map to Javier "and look at this" he reached a paper, delivering it to Javier "I checked the database, there was a complaint this morning. He's a fugitive"

"Why?" Javier evaluated the file.

"The wife made a complaint of theft and kidnapping," Edward added.

"He is running away, and took his son. He's only 14 years old. Fuck!"

Javier was cornered. What should he do? He didn't know.

His phone rang. It was late. He expected it to be you.

"Peña"

"Javier" the voice of Don Berna "any news from our friend?"

Javier was silent.

“Peña?”

"Not yet"

He hung up the phone.

Javier reached the report with the information that Edward had recorded. He pressed the cigarette on the ashtray.

You didn't talk to each other, and Javier hasn't seen you since the day you found out about Don Berna. But now, there was no way to avoid it. And honestly, Javier would use the first excuse to talk to you.

Javier dialed the number of his extension in Bogotá on the phone. He heard his voice announcing your name.

"It's me, Peña"

He heard you sigh.

"How can I help you, Agent Peña"

He knew your way of defending yourself by exercising formality with him.

"Is everything okay over there?" Javier asked.

You were silent for a few minutes.

"Do you need something?"

Javier lowered his head. He closed his eyes.

"I think Fernando Duque is on the run, and took his son"

What did that mean? Now he decided to work respecting all the bureaucracy he has always criticized? Ok. You were a professional. You couldn't let the feelings affect your work.

"Okay. What do you need me to do? If he is so desperate, maybe he will agree to collaborate in exchange for protection"

Javier loved the way you had vision, and he didn't need to explain himself to you. And how professional you were, even hating him, doing your job.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I thought, I..." he hesitates "maybe I know where he is"

You wanted to ask why he is calling you and not Don Berna, providing the information to the Los Pepes. Or, which informant he was fucking to get this information. But you needed to do your job.

"Ok. I'll fill out the forms. Do you want me to apply to get him out of the country?"

"If he agrees to collaborate, do you think we can do it?"

"I can try"

"Yeah, shure”

"Ok."

"Hey"

"Yes?"

"Thank you"

"I'm just doing my job"

"Yeah”

"Agent Peña?"

“Yes?"

"How did you get this information?"

Javier knew you knew how he had gotten this information. But he also knew that you needed to explain on the form, to document. So your question wasn't stupid. But intelligent. Since the call could eventually be used later against you.

"An informant knows his wife. I was lucky."

"Okay. Good luck"

***

You didn't sleep, you were working in 3 different time zones. The USA, Colombia and Germany.

Murphy called you as soon as he landed.

"I need more time," you said, "they don't want to cooperate with us"

"Okay, what are we going to do?"

"I don't know" you sighed, biting your lips "Don't let them leave the airport, if they leave we're fucked. In a way to search their suitcase, Pablo wouldn't let them travel without money... improvise"

"Okay, I'll find a way to hold them here, do what you can"

You hung up and snorted, slipping your body on the chair. Your head would explode.

Murphy followed your idea and really, Pablo sent a lot of money with his family. And immigration barred the family's entry.

***

Javier found Fernando Duque. The man was in a state of shock. He begged for help.

"We don't work for free, I need your full cooperation"

"I collaborate with you, I do whatever you want, but get us out of Colombia. Immediately, I can't have contact with the police, Los Pepes has people working for them from the police, I need to leave the country"

"Do we have a deal?" Javier asks.

Ferrando Duque nodded.

"Do what I say. And start by hiding the car you stole from your wife"

It turns out that Fernando Duque was right. Los Pepes had informants inside the police. And they found out that Javier Peña was protecting Pablo Escobar's lawyer.

Los Pepes, had a very active and helpful contact inside the embassy, was the guy from the CIA superintendence, who arrived along with Messina and Crosby in Bogotá.

When Javier went to the cafeteria at Don Berna's request, to meet. He finds Bill Stechner in his place.

"Agent Peña, I don't think Don Berna will come today"

Javier's stomach feels the cold adrenaline being radiated through the rest of his body.

He hesitates. Observe the place, sit in the chair in front of the CIA agent.

"What is that?"

"Just a friendly conversation" he takes a dramatic break "you are leaving very dangerous people, angry Javier"

Javier is silent, looking at nothing, with his chin slightly tilted forward. Javier's usual petulant basic posture.

And he continues.

"I'm in a difficult situation because I was the one who suggested your name to them, since you have a good relationship with the Ambassador's assistant, having access to valuable information" this last part Bill spoke with malice.

Javier drastically turns his head to face Bill, frowning, the marked wrinkle of a closed face for years, now becoming more exposed.

"I don't know if you know what I do, but I want you to know that I defend the interests of our country in the long term, and I'm here to ensure that the right people are still alive when Escobar is shot in the head. So do yourself and your girl a favor, and don't complicate things. You know what they can do with her."

Javier faces Bill in silence. He gets up ready to finish that siege and leave when Bill speaks again.

"These people usually make decisions with a hot head. This can lead to terrible ideas like killing a federal agent and taking your girl as a prize. In fact, they found the lawyer, even without your help, so..."

Javier leaves the cafeteria. The head thinking a thousand possibilities. But the main one was to call you and know if you were okay, first.

You answered, as soon as you called. Javier was silent, with his hand resting on his forehead, breathing only now, listening to his voice, knowing that you were fine.

"I can hear you breathing, I know it's you, Agent Peña"

"Hi. Yeah... It's me" his voice cracked.

You noticed. There was a silence. You hesitated to worry, but you were stronger than you.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm fine. Are you okay?"

You frowned.

"Javi, it's late, what's going on?"

You knew Javier, the nuances of your tone of voice. You didn't have to be looking at him to know when something was happening.

"Nothing. Please, just..." he hesitated "be careful, do not go out alone, be accompanied or escorted, and do not trust anyone"

Your breathing started to get irregular.

"You're scaring me. Where are you? Do you need help? What's going on?"

Javier didn't want to scare you but there weren't many means.

"Be safe. I'll call you later."

"Javi..."

He hung up.

Shit.

He drive to the address where he had found Fernando Duque. And it was too late. He found the body of the man and his son, inside the trunk of the woman's stolen car, with a message:

"Cortecia de Los Pepes"

Javier was blinded with anger and distrust. Who was the informant of Los Pepes? Who was working for them from inside the base? Who knew that you and he were close? Who could put you at risk? Delivering a man who had a direct connection with Pablo and could be the biggest asset you would have in months. A name shone in his head. Trujillo.

He drive to the base, and framed Trujillo putting him against the car outside, in front of other agents who accompanied Trujillo to the exit of the base.

"Did you follow me to the fucking hotel? Huh?" Javier had his forearm on his colleague's neck. "Did you tell to Berna?"

"Deja me"

Javier stuck to the collar of Trujillo's uniform and pushed him again against the car.

"You tell me, you asshole!"

Trujillo pushed Javier.

"¿Qué pasa?" One of the other agents tried to separate the two.

"Nada, todo está bien, vayan al frente" Trujillo said.

There was a silence. Peña's irregular breathing.

"¿Qué pasa, Peña?" Trujillo asked. "Are you going to act like an American?"

Peña stared at him.

"Did you see what they did to his son?" The image of the teenager folded in the trunk with a bullet in the head.

He couldn't help but think about what they could do to you. He immediately remembered when he met Helena. Javier was panting.

"How many families did Pablo Escobar destroy Peña? Do you know? You don't decide who lives or who dies."

"You don't know what's at stake here, it's not just a matter of catching Pablo Escobar anymore..."

"Peña, we crossed a line a long time ago, there is no turning back"

Javier closed his eyes. Hands on the waist. He struggled to pull himself together.

***

You don't remember how many calls you made overnight. There were hours of negotiations, together with the Ambassador, with Germany. They used all the legal breaches, and diplomacy so that the Escobar family's landing authorization was not granted.

And finally you managed to convince the immigration that you could not receive them. For legal political reasons, the family would have to make the trip back to Colombia.

Murphy was present with the family all the time. Not together. But close. And that's good.

At the exit of the airport already in Colombian lands, if Murphy were not together, they would have attacked the family at the entrance to the airport.

Murphy saw a suspicious car approaching. But he protected Escobar's wife, mother and children.

The federal police took the family under protection. That was an asset. With Pablo's family in the care of the government, he could not be more unarmed.

But like every action, he would have a reaction. Pablo would not make it cheap that the family was not accepted in another country.

One hundred lbs of explosives. The equivalent of a bomb in an F-16. Dozens of dead. Hundreds of injured. Among them, many children. He implanted the dynamites in a mall near the beginning of classes.

Pablo continues to build his fame with terrorism. But now he had gone too far. Everyone was angry. A guy with no limits, he had crossed the limits. Pablo's time was running out.

You had barely landed in Medellin, and you were already being summoned to a new meeting with the colonel, the agents, Centra Spike.

There was only time for you to leave some files on your desk, and go to the meeting room.

Javier stopped you in the hallway.

"I'm late," you said, trying to deviate from him.

"We are going to the same place" Javier mirrored your steps in front of him.

You stopped. You closed your eyes, trying not to explode, throwing your head back.

"What do you want, Agent Peña? No drug trafficker friend available?"

Peña stares at you and tilts his head.

"I need to talk to you. It's fast, and it's important, meet me in the file room tonight."

You snorted, smiling ironically.

"Absolutely not"

"Afraid of not being able to resist? I miss you too."

You half closed your eyes to him. How could he keep making jokes?

"Stop treating me as if I were obsessed with you"

He held your arm before you entered the room.

"It's important. I need you to go"

You didn't answer and entered the room. Javier rolled his eyes. Stubborn.

As soon as everyone was organized, Colonel Martinez began to explain the reason for the meeting.

"The situation with Escobar is about to burst," Colonel, began.

"Actually, it's already burst" you didn't contain yourself. "Sorry, I thought... loudly" you closed your eyes. Trying to organize your head and tongue, you had been out of your mind for days. No sleep.

Javier tried to hold back the laughter.

"Continuing. Our information suggests that their support has been reduced to only a few loyal sicarians"

"Fewer sicaries, fewer conversations to track" Edward scored "we stapled the Lawyer's phone, but I don't think he's answering"

You looked at Javier. He didn't move, he just looked at you back.

"It was Los Pepes, they killed the family and him" Colonel Martinez informed, throwing photos of the crime scene on the table in front of you.

You blinked. Skeptic. Reaching out some photos.

"Is this his son?" Your eyes were horrified.

The colonel just nodded to you.

"Jesus fucking Christ, he was just a child..." you leaned against the chair. Eyes closed. Crossing your arms.

Javier knew you couldn't take it anymore.

"I would like to say that, I know that someone is in contact with Los Pepes. Although that makes me disgusted. I can't do much. But it will be a Colombian policeman next to Escobar's body when this comes to an end. And not just any vigilante. That's all. Thank you very much"

You were immobilised for a while processing the information. What had happened? Javier asked for protection for Fernando Duque, what did he do that even the guy's mother was stabbed?! Jesus.

You went after him.

"Hey?" you called.

Running in a jump, in the hallway, your held his arm.

"Not here" he murmured.

"What happened?"

"Tonight" he said without stopping walking. Wide steps making you run to reach it.

You held his arm. Javier stopped just out of respect, since you were a feather next to him.

"What?" He turned around, abruptly making you get into the middle of him.

"Jesus!" you exclaimed. He held your waist giving you balance.

He snapped his eyes.

"File room" he reinforced. And he walked away.

Shit! You lost all the cards in this game. Years having the answer on the tip of the tongue, so that now I can't even breathe properly.

Peña talked to Murphy about what was to come, but Steve would be next to his partner. Protecting yourself, of course. But he got it. For him, if at the end of all this, Pablo was over, everything was fine.

"I need to protect her," Peña said as he stared at nothing, and brought the cigarette.

"As long as she doesn't leave here without being escorted, she is not in danger"

"It's not safe here, that Stechner son of a bitch, he could take her to them himself, and she wouldn't even know"

"You need to tell her, Javi. Everything. Tell her they're blackmailing you. Maybe we can get a transfer to her in time..."

"No" Javier interrupted him "she needs to be here, here I can protect her, here I know where she is, who she is with, here she is safe"

Murphy felt the tension in Javier's voice. He rubbed his fingers in his eyes.

"Right. But she needs to know, she needs to know who to trust"

You spent the day trying to unaccumulate the work. But it was a lot of paperwork. With the attacks you simply had to, at least, two more people to do your job, and it was just you.

Your trip to Bogotá messed up your flow of services and activities. And honestly you weren't at your best performance.

You were sad. You had to hear Javier speak while he was lying in your bed how much he wanted you. To then find out and make millions of assumptions about his involvement with Don Berna.

All the information came to you first. All of them. What if eventually he was getting involved with you to have knowledge, access? What if he was actually just using you?

In Bogotá you searched for the files of the rescue operations. Javier mentioned that an informant gave access to one of the laboratories that you were supposed to be in. What if Javier had made an exchange between you and an information? Oh! You couldn't tell, it was torturous, you couldn't trust Javier Peña. In no one. You couldn't know when he was telling the truth or when he was joking and manipulating people's feelings.

You were angry. Trying to derail your thoughts from the tracks that always led to him. Trying to get a hint of self-respect. But you couldn't stop thinking about your bodies together. You felt ridiculous. It was painful. It hurt to have to build a hatred on top of something you wanted.

Now you were walking towards the file room. You hesitated four times on the way. Stopping, taking a deep breath. Trying to think. Trying to understand if it was correct. What kind of lie were you aware of yourself? That I was only going because I needed to know what happened to Fernando Duque's family? What did he do by opening his mouth and handing over someone he asked for protection to Los Pepes?!

You walked so fast that you thought you were running. Your belly twisted with anxiety, anticipation. It was as if you had swallowed gravity and your organs danced inside you.

I hate this man.

You opened the door.

"I'm here"

You heard Javier's voice, coming from the back of the room.

He was sitting at the table, a few months ago he fucked you there. You blinked trying to move the sexual memory away by making your body squirm.

You kept a safe distance from him.

"You send Murphy to travel, what did he do that deserved the trip more than I did?"

You gave a forced smile.

"He is not an informant of a paramilitary group"

Javier steaked his eyes, lowered his head, and nodded. He deserved that.

"I thought you wouldn't come..." he moved his hands, without looking at you.

"I wasn't going" you took a break, Javier stared at you "but, I don't know… I'm here now, what do you want?"

Javier was silent, he seemed to feel some pain. A painful discomfort.

You were getting bothered by Javier with this victimistic behavior. Sad. He's not like that.

Why did you come here? To watch him stare at his feet? What was the plan? Absorb the blame and say goodbye?

"What do you want, Javier?" You repeated, the rudest tone of voice.

He looked at you.

"Something happened"

"Yeah, a lot of things happened. You asked for protection for a family and they were found dead by the group you work for"

He hesitated.

"It's complicated"

"Really?" You asked ironically.

You sigh. Blinking impatiently.

He gets up. And you automatically take a step back.

"What? Are you afraid of me now?"

"Yes, I'm afraid of you" you watched Javier lose the ground with your words.

"I would never do you anything to hurt you, you know that. Never"

"How will I know?" You crossed your arms, a frustrated attempt to protect yourself in some way "how will I know that you won't give me to a bunch of terrorists?"

Javier runs his fingers over his face and sighs.

It would be so much easier if you hadn't succumbed to him. If you hadn't tasted it. If he removed everything he said. If he kept neglecting you. If he continued with the behavior he had for months ignoring you and hurting you little by little.

"Ok. I didn't come here for that. Tell me at once what's going on. Are you hurt? Something like that?"

He frowns disappointed by your ridiculous assumption.

"No..."

"So what is it?"

Javier wanted time with you. Take advantage of the fact that it was just you. He wanted to curl up as much as possible. He wanted to smell you. Take his eyes on you. He didn't want to lose you. But you don't lose what you've never had.

"I went to meet Don Berna" he hesitated looking at you, you closed your eyes, turning your back on him, he continued "I went to warn you that I would no longer be part of it..."

"Oh, shure, and he let you go out as if you were best friends, good and understanding drug traffickers... Peña, I'm not an idiot! What do you think? Does that fix things? What's your problem?"

Javier kept calm. He spoke quietly and peacefully with you. The timbre of voice you loved, and hated at the same intensity.

"You're right. He didn't accept, instead he asked me to track Fernando Duque as a last help"

You laughed ironically throwing your head back.

"And you did it, like a good sicario" you said, Javier took a step towards you, you retreated. He clenched his teeth "and then handed over the whole family..."

"No" he shook his head nervously, turned his back and hit his hand on a box of files that were on the table.

You've been taking steps backwards.

"I'm sorry, I..." Javier turned to you "shit!"

"Why did you call me?"

"I wasn't going to deliver it, I was going to protect it, but they found it first"

"How did you get into this shit?"

Javier was silent. He closed his eyes. He would like it to be a rhetorical question.

"When you disappeared. Don Bern came to me. He told me that if I helped him with the information he would release you"

You stopped breathing.

"What?" It was another whisper that came out of your mouth. It was more for you than for Javier.

You let go of your arms. You leaned on the shelf behind you, your cold hands passing through your forehead.

Javier saw you turning pale. Your lips are always red ivory, losing their color. It looked like you were going to pass out.

"Are you okay?" Javier asked for fear of getting closer and you having a breakdown with him.

"Mhmmm" you closed your eyes "just... give me a second. It's hot here"

Javier moved, picking up a chair.

"Here" he put next to you, "sit here, I'll get some water"

You sat down.

"No," you murmured, "I don't need water"

In fact, you just couldn't breathe.

Is that why? Did Javier get involved with drug traffickers to be able to save you? Bullshit. It couldn't be real. Javier only thinks of one person, and that person is himself. It couldn't be true.

"Keep going" you said. Trying to straighten your posture on the chair, but everything turned very fast.

Javier bent down in front of you.

"Are you okay?"

”Yeah, Kees going..."

"Well, so... he lied. He intended to continue with you until I accepted to continue helping the Cartel of Cali and Montecassino, to kill Pablo with the services of the Castaño brothers. But we managed to rescue you. But they continued to threaten their safety. They said you could be caught. But in the end, I also liked to see the hitmen and Pablo hide in fear like rats"

It was a lot of information for you.

"After that morning, I met Don Berna, he said that if I met Fernando Duque, he would leave us alone. So I went after Fernando, I found him. He agreed to collaborate. I kept him hidden. I didn't inform Don Berna. But then things got worse"

You were breathing irregularly. A fear settling in your spine.

"What happened?"

Javier looked away. He got up. The hands on the waist, the weight of the body changing from one leg to the other.

"Javi?"

You called him that, made him look directly at you. Javier passed his hands over his forehead.

"When I met Fernando, he told me that he could not be taken to the police because there were informants inside the police who passed information to Los Pepes"

"Yes, you."

"No"

"No?" You were confused.

"I thought I was the only one. But I'm not."

You frowned.

"What is that? A kind of virus? Have you infected other agents? Are we being observed here inside the battalion? So can someone come into my room and kill me while I'm sleeping?"

In a way you were right. As always. If it weren't for him, Trujillo wouldn't have met Don Berna. And he would have no contact with the Castaño brothers. He would preserve the boy, he had no need to know about Trujillo, he would not be able to kill you.

"No, you don't take that risk. What matters is that they reported that I found Fernando, and Los Pepes killed him, and the family"

You support your elbows on your knees.

"There's more..."

You looked at Javier, amazed.

"Jesus, Javi... what did you do?"

Javier broke with your sadness. The way words come out of your mouth.

"Bill Stechner"

"The CIA superintendent" you knew who he was.

"Yes. He works for the Castaño brothers"

Your mouth opened in shock.

"What?" You got up, perplexed.

"He heard about the request you made to protect Fernando Duque, of course. He heard that I didn't give the information to Don Berna. They would kill me." Javier took a break. Your hands were in your mouth. "And kill you"

Your eyes snapmed. You blinked with no reaction. The eyes are blurry. Some tears running meaningless.

Javier continued

"They think you passed the information to me"

"Why would they think something like that?"

Javier frowned, disappointed that you didn't understand.

"People know..."

You couldn't reason.

"They know what?" Your voice failed

He pointed at you and him several times.

"We"

"It doesn't exist" you made the movement of quotation marks with your finger "we"

Javier leaned back. Turning his back on you, leaning on the table, without looking at you.

"It doesn't matter. They know I'm involved with you. For you. They would use you to get to me. They've done that before. It doesn't matter. The fact is that Bill Stechner knows. He know I provided the information to Don Berna. And that I actively participated in all the Los Pepes attacks"

You closed your eyes. You was feeling sick. You was getting sick. You bent down hugging your knees, hiding Javier's face.

"Shit!" You murmured.

You couldn't think. You couldn't exist. Were you a masochist? Resisting the impulses of flying on top of Javier and punching his teeth. To curse him and leave. For dragging you into that hole.

Javier walks up to you, bends down and puts his hands on your shoulders.

"Listen..." Javier murmured hoarse and low.

He puts his hands on your arms that squeeze around you, pulling for you to look at him. He sees your red eyes. You don't know if you cry with anger or sadness. That's what he's going to pieces. You didn't deserve to go through this.

When you look at Javier, the face of a dog that fell from the moving truck. You pull your arm to yourself.

Javier continues.

"You need to prepare for problems. This is going to overflow. And these people won't accept that I stop. If they attack you because of what I did, in here, protect yourself. You didn't know anything. Do you understand?"

You agreed, nodding your head. Wiping the tears.

"I'm so stupid, how could I get here?"

"It's my fault. This is all my fault. I should never have approached you. If something happens outside of here, I'll go to hell after you, do you understand? I won't let anything happen to you."

You shake your head in disbelief. You get up. Javier also gets up. Watching you walk meaningless.

You turn to him, and push him, clapping your hands on his chest.

"I hate you"

You push him again.

"I hate you, your son..."

You were going to push him again, but Javi holds your arm.

"Do you know what that means?" You were trying to snap him. "I'm going to lose my job, I was kidnapped, I can die..."

"No..." Javier held your fists.

"You ruined everything good that exists in my life"

"I know, cariño"

"Shut up"

Javier pulls you to him. And it holds you in a hug. You kick at the beginning. Cursing him as much as your can. Struggling to get rid of him. But he surrenders.

"Let me go" you're crying, wetting his shirt.

Javier holds you with one arm involving your waist, and the other holding your head against his chest.

"I asked you Javi, I tried to let you know..."

Javier had his lips on the top of your head.

"I know, sweetheart, I'm sorry."

You are hugging for a while. Your brain throbbing in your head. The smell of Javier stunning you. It even seemed safe there. Everything that was happening was his fault, but he did it, at first, in an attempt to save you.

That wasn't fair. With neither of you. You were his hell. And he was your hell. Everything about you just hurt each other. You also couldn't imagine how it was for him, thinking of being responsible for a kidnapping. See innocent people dying in attacks, in the middle of the crossfire.

You couldn't imagine what the consciousness of Javier's head was like.

"I’m sorry, babe. I never wanted to harm you. Forgive me for the times I acted like an asshole with you, I just wanted to protect you" Javier murmurs over your head, while he rubs his nose on your forehead.

You walk away to look at Javier.

"We can get out of this clean"

Javier smiles, he can't believe it. Releasing the air through the mouth. You could always make him feel better, after all

"You heard Martinez today, if we catch Pablo, it's over. All this is over. And we can leave. Clean"

Javier is silent. Thoughtful.

You let go of his hug.

"Think about it before making any other stupid decision"

You take a few steps back. You was going to turn around when Javier holds your hand.

"Wait"

The warmth of his hand on your skin radiates a shiver all over your body. You observe where your skins meet. Looking so right. But being so wrong.

He pulls you back close to him. You take reluctant steps. Javier's eyes have never been as attentive and careful as they are today. Studying your face. The other hand rises on your cheek, your thumb wiping the tear in the corner of your eye.

"Everything I said that day. It's true. I would never use you. Never. Hate me, blame me, curse me, but please never doubt how I feel for you, and how I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose, do you believe me? Please, I need to know that you believe in me."

You felt your heart soften. The feeling was dubious. You hated Javier. But you wish you could hug him and say that everything would be fine.

You lower your head. Hold his hand more firmly. Your hand goes up to his face, holding his cheek. Javier closes his eyes to your touch.

"Javi, in the end, everyone got a little out of line here. Thank you for going after me. I'm grateful for that. But that's all" your voice fails.

That's not all.

Javier is still holding you.

"Wait" he swallows dry, "you didn't answer me"

"I believe in you. Even if it wasn't true, I always believe in you"

He doesn't want to let you go. You face each other, the two sunk into each other's eyes.

You suffer. He sees it. He suffers. You see.

"Just..." he hesitates. The eyes going down to your lips.

You shake your head when he's getting close to you. Your chest burns.

"You're going to make me suffer" you murmured a little too panting, your eyes filling with tears.

Javier approaches, and kisses your forehead. Time-consuming. Breathing you. Recording your smell.

And then let you go.

TAG: @harriedandharassed

[fuck-customers]

(tw ableism, racism)

i never complained about this guy on here but i finally talked to the store lead about this awful guy i work with! said guy, we'll call him don which of course isnt his actual name, is so annoying. for the record, i helped train him, so its not like he's been here for long time. less than a year. anyway, don thinks he's smarter and better than everyone else. he knows everything and everyone else is wrong if they disagree with what he's saying. he's always talking about people behind their backs, and complaining about how no one does their job right, but i guess he does. he's also always spewing some bs about "you should work for satisfaction not money" (girl why are you here then? you hate this job) and "if you really want something you'll get it because you'll do anything for it" and other classist bullshit.

he'll complain about two of our coworkers specifically, who we'll call gina and ben. gina is an older woman, and don is always talking about how she leaves the register to make coffee every hour (gas station, coffee is made every two hours or as needed) and is always away doing something even if there's a line. he also has made some weird comments about the old men who come in and talk to her. he talks about ben the most though, saying he doesnt do anything, he's always disappearing (which, yeah, he does sometimes, but usually i can track him down because i know what he's doing) and calling off (which he used to do, but now he calls off only occasionally, and is definitely not the worst offender in terms of calling off all the time). its also worth noting that ben and gina have been here for years, through multiple managers and store leads and rounds of employees. now, when don and i are at the register, don is usually occupied with stocking cigarettes and the other nicotine products up there, and its nice to have that stuff done, but that means i am the only one ringing people out. even if theres a line. so if someone else leaves him alone at the register, its a problem, but if he leaves me alone, its fine. another thing about ben he doesnt like is his tattoos. ben is a young guy with a ton of tattoos, including face tattoos, and some piercings. don doesn't like that. he was talking about this the other day to me, and he was saying how "businesss shouldn't hire people with tattoos, i wouldn't" (when I told the store lead he said "but there are professionals with tattoos?"), and first off, this is a gas station honey. what i said to don was, "I don't know, I still think those people deserve to eat." he replies, "I don't." i don't know what to say to that.

he also doesn't like me I don't think. we were talking about stuff we have to do, and got on the topic of outside trash, and I said, "Yeah, if I could do outside trash I would, but because of my hand I can't lift the pump trash lids." i have an ongoing issue with my left hand that we think is tendonitis but we aren't sure, and basically i can't put any pressure on any part of my thumb/that part of my palm. to lift the pump trash lids, you have to push inward on the sides with your palm and lift up. obviously i cant do that. but i can lift propane tanks because that's mostly on my fingers. he tells me, "man, i wish i had a brace i could just put in when i didn't want to do something."

my man the other day i sat down on the floor to look for something and i thought it was healed but as soon as i leaned on it i fell because of how much it hurt. I've tried to do pump trash with it, it made it worse.

going back in time, he said something to me that i didn't think much of at the time. he looked up and saod "that's who you remind me of!" and said my voice sounded like his ex girlfriend's. at first i was like okay. whatever. but he mentioned it again later in a way that infuriated me and im about to tell you why.

so, he was going off about "how you should only eat between these times of the day" (directed at me because i mentioned my breakfast that morning? my dude i get up at six for this shift.) and then going off about circadian rhythms and how theres a single set one (which is not true!) and i mentioned that one if the symptoms of adhd is having a circadian rhythm thats out of sync (he knows i have adhd). and then he starts going off about how "no its not, tell me that when its in a medical book" (girl? maybe look at one that isnt outdated) and then that adhd is overdiagnosed (untrue and also a googleable statistic) and pretty much implying that i was just saying i had it to be special and not have to do things, which infuriated me because thats what everyone says about it and what ive been told my whole life, to the point my mom literally had to threaten several schools with legal action because they would not follow my IEP, and then when i said "hey, I'm the one living with this, you aren't," he said "kelly! kelly! you sound so much like her! you're just kelly to me!"

obviously that's kind of a fucked up thing to say.

some other things i hate about this man is that he gets really aggressive when he's frustrated. one day he started slamming things down as he was stocking. he even does it in front of customers! also, as a cherry on top, he was talking to our coworker, and found out she had a lot of black friends, and called her a [n word] lover.

i also know that im not the only person who has problems with him. literally no one likes him. he's always complaining that someone else isnt doing their job right and "if *I* were the manager" and stuff like that. it might be worth mentioning that i only complained because someone suggested i do. i was just going to tough it out for a while since im going back to school soon and will only be dealing with him once a month

one of my coworkers gave me her number if i ever wanted to talk about it, and the store lead said he would try to talk to him (without mentioning me), and this definitely wasn't okay for him to be doing, so we'll see how this goes. also, i think the store lead kept me in the office talking with him (about school and the pandemic and other stuff) for an hour ish so that i wouldn't have to deal with him, since don leaves after an hour of me being there during the week (but we have six hours together on the weekend) so that was nice.

sorry for the long ask. tldr this guys just an all around asshole who doesnt shut up and thinks he's superior to everyone else but my other coworkers are nice people