#like by deflect so hard i usually am slick with changing convo directions or any number of things i don't ever say im attracted to men
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jJudas
There is a strange duality in the guilt that comes from religion
It compounds on itself.
It is going to confession for the crime of loving another
feeling like a traitor.
Not just to yourself... your God... but to the other
You are judas.
The love you shared is like that forsaken kiss in the garden.
In that confessional, you realize that your lover is Jesus
and You are Judas
It shatters me: to know you is sin but to renounce you is hell.
#MyLife#Yeah#love#CreativEndeavors#written wordss#this is a rework of a draft that I had sitting in my notes app#I thought of many of the lines to this while crying and driving my car LMAO#I think it was after something to do with that one church group i won't shut up about#in the rework here I tried to be intentional with the formatting but I'm no poet#every so often i'll just drop a beyond shitty poem and then reblog a gazillion things to try and cover it from my feed#like this poem is started a couple months old and i was feeling just melancholy enough today to finish it#i've never been in love nor have i had a lover but I have been Judas all the same#Been Judas acted as a judas#tbh i think my melancholy today may have started earlier than i thought#two connected things#i thought it was the later thing that caused it but tbh i think the later thing was just the match on the kindling of the earlier thing#not that deep but for the first time in Several Months I actively pretended to be straight#i volunteer with the elderly so when i'm talking with the lady and she asks if im married i reply a lot but in it i say#no ma'am i haven't found the right man yet#like even though i interact with people who i'm closeted around regularly enough i don't usually ever deflect so hard#makes me feel fake; phony; not me#but c'est la vie baby#like by deflect so hard i usually am slick with changing convo directions or any number of things i don't ever say im attracted to men
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