#like bitch i DO NOT want to retell their love story yet again when ms miller had already done that shit!!!!

[magaprima]

Part 2 Episode 3 Thoughts (5/5)

When Sabrina and Nick are sealing the doors and banishing his familiar, and Lilith appears behind them and says ‘Ms Spellman. Mr Scratch, I presume. May I see you in my office?’, it’s one of the moments, like in the sports hall, where she looks genuinely like the teacher. Like when she first took on the role of Ms Wardwell, she was so fake, she looked so unnatural in the role, in the office, it was clear she was trying to blend and failing miserably and didn’t know what the hell to do to be a mortal school teacher. But by this point, she’s been there several months and you can just tell. She acts so natural in the role, she is the Principal here. Even the way she has come over to the two of them, and you can see the other students watching, she looks like a teacher who is being the dance chaperone and has followed two students making trouble in the halls. Despite resenting being made to stay in this role, she’s excelling at it.

Also the fact that there are students behind her looking on, you get the vibe Sabrina and Nick’s whole chaotic moment with the werewolf has been noticed, and that is entirely the reason Lilith has left the dance. She’s actually legitmately doing the job of limiting witch damage control, and both Nick and Sabrina look so sheepish at being caught. This whole scene is such a small moment but I love it. Especially Lilith’s polite teacher smile at the end that says there’s no option to refuse; they have to got to her office. 

Then we cut to her office and Nick pacing and ranting, but the whole camera angle and the way Lilith is stood behind the giant leather chair behind her giant desk, gives all foreshadowing for the fact she will become Queen. She looks like a woman stood at her throne while her subjects speak. I do love a  bit of cinematographic foreshadowing. 

The way Lilith is subtly nodding at Nick’s whole retelling, and there’s a lot of eye flickers to the side as if she’s thinking about something, I think could imply that the cougar story she tells is true, even if the whole ‘my former high priest’ isn’t. I genuinely feel Lilith has seen something that makes her think Nick’s story is not a surprise or even unique. Or possibly it’s her previous experience with Stolas that she’s thinking of; his constant prodding at her, making her doubt herself, questioning things...either way, Lilith definitely has experiences, either personally or by association, that made Nick’s story unsurprising for her. Which makes me wonder; familiars are meant to be loyal entirely to their witch, but Nick’s familiar goes against his wishes, and Stolas fully betrays Lilith, so how loyal are really. Is the reason Sabrina has such a bond with Salem because her calling for him was about equals; they’re meant to be loyal to each other. It’s not a one way street.

Also the way Nick tells the story to Lilith too, the way he leans forward, speaking directly to her, he clearly trusts her just as Sabrina does. Whether Lilith likes it or not, whether she realises it or not, the woman clearly gives off a mentor vibe that means all these young folk keep running to her, even the mortal ones. 

But back to the cougar story, and my belief that it’s a genuine story Lilith is telling and not a fabrication. The way she adds ‘a cougar’ as an after-thought, it’s too certain, too well-remembered. It’s not like she’s said ‘oh someone had a wolf familiar’ or, ‘I remember someone having a girlfriend and their familiar didn’t like it’, she hasn’t just plucked things out of the air (such as she did when she was explaining to Sabrina why she’d been spying on her in the Exorcism episode). This is more confident, sure, no back-pedalling. I fully believe the cougar thing happened to someone Lilith knew....but who? Perhaps he was genuinely a High Priest, even if not her High Priest as she claims? Or maybe a warlock she knew centuries ago? I just feel this is a hint that Lilith has known other people intimately besides the Dark Lord and before her time in Greendale, but yet again they were lost to her. Maybe the friend was the High Priest’s wife? Or was Lilith the one who set the wheels in motion for it to happen? Because she doesn’t exactly speak with upset about it. Was this another task the Dark Lord set her? Or was it something she did for her own reasons?

I mean she says the familiar was infected in such a way that there’s an emphasis on the word ‘infected’ that makes me suspicious about the cause behind this story, like maybe there was some outer influence. I mean if you can make a love spell you can make a jealousy one....but alas, this is another one of those instances where we get hint of backstory but never learn anymore. 

But when she says ‘rabid with jealousy’ she looks at Sabrina, which reminds us that Lilith does feel jealously towards Sabrina currently, because the Dark Lord wants her to be his Herald. At the end of the previous episode, Lilith literally says ‘I’ll be damned, Stolas, before I let Sabrina become his herald’, so there is a strong jealousy vibe at the moment. Which makes me think when she says ‘You have to put that bitch down’, that Lilith might be thinking about a certain half-witch and her own situation, as we know attacking and killing Sabrina does become an active plan for Lilith briefly in the near future. It’s definitely an oddly vicious thing to say if she was only thinking of Nick and his familiar....

And then we get a totally different, calm, relaxed vibe when she’s back at the cottage with Adam 2.0. We pan through the flames, reminding us of Lilith’s hellish origins even as we see her in this domestic moment. Now in the last episode, Lilith was made to kneel before the Dark Lord and clean his feet, and here someone is doing that for her; Adam 2.0 is massaging her feet, he’s on the floor while she’s in the chair. In this dynamic she isn’t being forced to serve and to kneel, but being pampered and allowed to have the literal higher position. 

“I must admit I never imagined the evening playing out like this”

Lilith literally started her time with Adam 2.0 with planning to kill him and get rid of him quickly and within the space of a few hours, that has totally flipped. Like we have had a total 180 here already, which goes to show, as MG said, Lilith has no defence for kindness and understanding which is all he has shown her in the short time she’s known him. 

However when he asks how she originally saw it ending and she says ‘would you believe me if I said in a mass murder?’, Adam doesn’t laugh like ‘haha yeah right, what a lark, Mary’, he looks up, he tenses, so much so that he squeezes her foot, hurting it. I find this an odd reaction. Why would he react so seriously to ‘Mary’ joking about a mass murder? Is he that much of a goody-goody that even joking about murder makes him tense? Or is it something more than that? Is there more to Mary than meets the eye (I always say it was odd and not safe/professional/etc for her to put off calling the doctor for the girl/Lilith until the morning and taking her back to her cottage. And when Lilith starts speaking with a demonic voice, Mary doesn’t look confused, she looks like ‘oh shit’ and backs away calmly...so I don’t know?)? Or is there more to Adam than meets the eye? I don’t know; it’s one of the two, I feel. 

“A girl could get used to this”

Lilith genuinely means this, she’s even looking at Adam fondly. I think she’s remembering not only what she had asked for from the original Adam, but how it was in the beginning with Lucifer. She’s remembering a gentler, nicer time. A more affectionate time. Before blood and betrayals and abuse. And remember, a part of her is still that girl created in the Garden, that never goes away, no more than Sabrina’s mortal heritage will never go away now that she’s signed the Book, and that part is tempted into this calm normalcy. And it’s the first true respect and affection she’s experienced in millennia. 

She watches Adam intensely as he kisses her feet, and you just know she’s thinking of the reverse, of when she was washing the Dark Lord’s feet, and how that was demanded of her, to humble her. And here Adam is pampering her feet as a way to show his love and affection. It’s the first time ever she’s been receiving and she can’t turn her eyes away. And when he says ‘the Goddess you are’, she really doesn’t take her eyes off him. She’s drawn in, fascinated, and the thought of anyone calling her a Goddess appeals to her so much--

And that’s precisely when Stolas cuts in. He can see what’s happening. He can see the affect the foot massage, the Goddess treatment, is having, that it has the potential to make Lilith question things, remember her own power and question the Dark Lord, and Stolas is the Dark Lord’s lackey and spy...so he breaks the moment.

“I don’t think your bird likes me”

I love that Adam tunes into that easily. It’s what made me wonder if Adam was something more than mere mortal, that he knew more of what was really going on, but as far as we know or have seen in the series so far, he was just a plain, old mortal, who apparently knows when animals don’t like him.

“You never mind Stolas. You just keep doing what you’re doing”

But Lilith ignores her familiar, ignores whatever he said, dismisses Adam’s concerns and returns the focus on her, on the two of them, and as she watches him, you can just see how much this simple act is making Lilith rethink things, considering her position, especially in relation to the Dark Lord as it would be all too easy and tempting for her to start drawing parallels. I think this is the first glimpse of Lilith shifting her perspective a little. 

[darkestwings]

Shelf-History Tag!

I have been attempting to be more active in the book blogging community lately, but I'm pretty bad at talking to people (I get nervous lol) so I thought I'd do something fun, like make my own little book tag. Hence the Shelf-History Tag!

❀ This tag is for those books that came to you in an unusual, interesting, funny, or sweet way. Pick 5 (or more if you want) books from your shelf and tell us the story of how you came to own that book. If you're a public library user and don't really own any books, you can still participate. Just tell us the most interesting/funny/sweet ways you came to find a particular library book.

Tag your posts #ShelfHistory so I can see them all!

When you're finished, tag 5 (or more) readers whose Shelf-History you'd like to know about! This one can easily be done on any blogging/vlogging platform so feel free to tag cross-platform if you really want to. ❀

I'll go first as an example and also just because I want to play too:

Book 1:  Jane Austen: Seven Novels + Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

I received these two as a gift from the pastor's secretary at the church I used to work at (but before I worked there). They are both beautiful volumes, but especially the gilded Seven Novels collection. I was in high school, so this was about 10 years ago) and had never read Jane Austen before and Ms. Judy highly recommended them. I wasn't sold so she went out and bought them for me and asked only that I give them a chance. They have sweet little inscriptions in them and I will definitely cherish these for a long, long time.

Book 2:  The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale

My copy of The Goose Girl was purchased from the Scholastic Book Fair back in middle school. I bought it because the cover was beautiful and the title was interesting. (And because I always bought tons of books from the book fair lol) I took it home and read it right away and it totally swept me up. It was my first fairytale retelling novel and I was totally hooked. At the time I wasn't reading very much, I was really struggling with everything, and this book got me into reading again. The Goose Girl will always have a special place in my heart, and I hope I can hold on to this particular copy until it falls apart and then some.

Book 3:  A Certain Slant of Light by Laura Whitcomb

Did you ever own a book that you had no idea how you got it or why you have it? One day I was rearranging my books and I found one that I didn't remember reading (this was back when I had a lot less books). I read the back and it didn't ring any bells at all. Despite this, it was clearly my book, since it was on my shelves. Over the years I have unhauled it at least twice, and yet somehow it always winds up back on my shelf. That's not me being cute. I mean I literally don't know how it winds up back on the shelf. I put it in the box of books to get rid of and it just doesn't get rid. I guess I figure I'm supposed to own this book...

Book 4:  The Tenth Power by Kate Constable

This is my only Advanced Reader Copy. Oh lucky me, I got an ARC, right? Wrong. I ordered the hardcover version of this book online and received the ARC anyway. It wasn't a huge deal, but it bothered me slightly because hardbacks are expensive and because it didn't match the others from the series that I had. So I wrote to the seller and they offered to send me the copy I actually ordered and I could do with the ARC whatever I wished. Well lo, and behold, two weeks later, here comes a book in the mail. But is it the hardback copy that I ordered? No, bitch, it's ANOTHER ARC copy! At this point I just gave up. It was both too funny and too dumb to care about any longer.

Book 5:  It Happened This Way

I don't know where or how I got this book, but I've had it since I was about 2 years old. The thing that makes this book truly special to me is that it's the book my mom used to teach me to read. The best I can figure, she found it at a garage sale or got it from one of the classrooms she used to interpret in before I was born. I don't know how I've managed to hold on to it all these years, but I still look through it every so often and love it so much. My favorite story in it is the story of Mark Park (who the kids called Mark Park Walk in the Dark). It will probably always make me smile.

Alrighty those are my Shelf History picks. Not the most interesting stories, but I'm betting that some of y'all have some really fascinating ones!

I’m tagging:  @books-and-cookies, @books-cupcakes, @flamingmirrorbookish, @bookwormungandr, & @omgreading :) But feel free to give it a go even if you aren't tagged!

[ranwritesstuff]

Belladonna Edison’s Journal No. 1

I heard that the love of my life is dead.

Emmy was murdered, they said. I heard of how brutal it was when the police driver relayed it to me in his squad car. I couldn’t do anything then but cry and wonder about the why’s and the who’s.

He was such a good man, kind-hearted, loving, accepting, compassionate, and beautiful - absolutely beautiful. Why would anyone harm him when he’s done them no wrong?

“Maybe I could try helping you with remembering anything that I can about possible suspects, officer.” I offer, trying to hide my grief behind a big, helpful smile.

“We would still need your statement, Ms. Edison, when we-“the officer started but I interjected quickly with a “how about I start now so we can finish early?”

I did not wait for his reply and started my retelling of our love story in the hopes that I may find something that could help in the investigation.

“I first met Emery Coen in the autumn of ’09. I saw him in a Halloween party that’s oh! What do you know?” I craned my neck to look behind us. “That’s where the party was held!”

The police officer glared at me through the rear view mirror. I guess he didn’t like the way I giggled. Emmy liked it though, that’s why I love him. He accepted and loved me when no one did.

“Anyways, I was dressed as a horror movie victim. I was sitting alone on one of the couches there and that’s when I saw him.” I took a moment (or maybe more) to smile at the memory. It made me feel turquoise, happy tendrils of color going through my body.

“Emmy was gorgeous, his light halo of hair was gelled down, a three piece suit hugged his muscular body. His laugh was just so cute but then it turned..“ I twisted my mouth, ”…weird. He was looking around every once and a while and I swear I would’ve done anything to make him laugh again. I would’ve killed the one that made him stop laughing like he did. But it came to me that it must have been because I haven’t introduced myself yet.

“So, I went and walked over to introduce myself. His friends all tried to be friendly but I didn’t care about them. I cared about how he was holding hands with–Aine.” I spat out the name like it was the most vile thing in the world, and she was.

“I thought that she was my friend! But she looked right through me like that was the first time she saw me. Whatever!” I was raising my voice maybe a bit too much but she tried to harm my Emmy.

“Her death grip on my Emmy’s hand was hurting him. He looked so uncomfortable; I wanted to just take him away from everyone. Maybe it was her, Officer. Maybe she just couldn’t take that Emmy loves me, not her. Stricken with so much grief on losing him, she murdered him so that no one else can have him.”

The officer just hummed at the road in front of him. “Maybe you could’ve been a greeeaaaat detective.” I’m still not sure but I think he sassed me. Silence ballooned between us after his /little/ comment and it was awhile before I even took a breath. “If there was such a thing as forever, Emmy and I would’ve started earlier if Tera wasn’t there when I confessed.”

I stared blankly out of the window for a while, it was such a shame that Tera had to go sooner than I originally planned. I would give anything to have her friendship back. I would still give absolutely everything to have Emmy back though.

The officer cleared his throat and I snapped back to reality.

“Ms. Edison, are you alright back there?” his annoying, gritty voice was laced with concern. {wow}

“Yes, shall I continue my story?” he replied with an uninterested hum but I know  that deep in his vested chest that he cared about what I had to say. “Morning light looks really pretty when light sheets of rain go through it. Like there are little rainbows everywhere you look and you know! It just makes everything seem much more special. But in reality nothing is and everything you did, everything you were proud of would just be gone-be just one big mistake. That’s how it felt.

“I saw Tera and Emmy together that August morning in 2014. They looked so content just being in each other’s company.” I sighed wearily and looked out the little town slowly rolling outside the squad car. It was too sunny for me. The nauseating hue was offending my very being. Nothing should be this bright when Emmy’s not here. Heck, I don’t think that anything has been dull ever since he’s been gone. Not even hospital gowns and bleached sheets. Everything is so sharp and crisp nowadays, don’t you agree, doctor? “I wanted-I wanted.” I didn’t even realize then that I was crying until I felt my throat constricted and dry. I swallowed to relieve my throat and continued on, “I wanted to- to be her so much. I wanted to be the-the re-receiving end of a gaze as-as-as loving as his. I did-didn’t want to be just the obsidian blue he sees me as. I wanted him to be as blue as his eyes are for me. I wanted him to hold my han-hand as carefully as he held hers. I wanted so much… "But I’m not Te-Tera and no matter what I do I would never be the great person she was nor the best friend she was to me even after my confession.” “What happened when you confessed, Ms. Edison?” the Officer did care after all, however I was so shocked then that I gaped at him before closing my mouth and properly answering him. “Well, I went to their booth and-and tried to get Emery to at least /remember/ me. But he kept on moving away and denying that he had even seen me before and called me /insane/.” I spat out bitterly. “Then I did the only thing I thought that would get through him.” I paused for breath. “I confessed my love for him.” The static white started to calm down behind my eyes. Just a calm, unmoving snowy white remained to cool my heart. “I lost control when I saw red bleed out to a fine pink. Not just the neon pink that wants to get your attention, it was the blood-in-water hue that could awaken monsters inside anyone. Do you know what I’m talking about, Officer?” He didn’t answer me again as the radio comm crackled into life for the nth time but that annoying voice was for him. I can’t remember what it was exactly that the other officer on the other end of the comm said but it was something about the transportation of a criminal? I don’t want to focus on that though. The silence was suffocating and I just let it brew for awhile. Just to get his full attention back. “I got kicked out of that Starbucks. I still do regret getting kicked out but it’s fine since there are better coffee shops out there. Although, it’s getting annoying that they’re starting to take over my little hometown with how many stores there are. There’s even one where they have a drive-thru! Who needs a drive-thru for a coffee shop?” I try to “lighten” the mood. “Well, there are people who are too busy to go down from their vehicle to go and get coffee.” the Officer explained. I think he was trying to entertain me to keep me away from our previous topic. He must’ve gotten what I meant. That would actually be impressive since no one ever got what I mean when I tell them about my emotions. Doctor, I hope that you could get it too. It’ll be easier for me to tell you what you want if you actually understand me. I let out a little puff of amusement and he laughed awkwardly. “Do you know what blue means, Officer?” “Well, it could mean a lot of things for different people like how it’s serenity or peace or even sadness in different flowers. It just depends on what kind you are.” “Well, for me it means love.” “Would you care to explain, Ms. Edison?” “My mom used to explain it to me when I was a kid like–I think so just because the clear sky is blue. If the sky is blue, it means that there’s no storm-no conflict. It means everyone is happy. No one is malcontent, no one is selfish, that everyone is given what they need and not what they want.” I wanted to smile, I really did but my mouth just wasn’t cooperating and the static was coming back up. “When I asked her what she would symbolize herself as when I was in high school, she answered ‘the sea’. She told me since I was the sky, and the sea reflects the sky and she feels whatever I’m feeling; it was the perfect match. I wonder if she also felt that pink run through her veins when I felt it. "It wouldn’t have mattered even then though. She’s already resting in heaven in a well-deserved vacation with the saints. "You know, after the confession, I never felt blue again for a few months. I didn’t understand how he could’ve smiled like he did when he got the daffodils I sent him but not when I was actually talking to him. "I couldn’t even dream normally. The colors were all distorted and nothing moved realistically. It was like seeing a colorful but colorblind shadow puppet show. I kept on feeling static white with splashes of reddish hues and violet purple blurbs that came to life too. It was like Emmy shattered my mind and it just bled to my body.” My hands were fists on my lap as I recollected the nightmares I went through after the confession. Luckily, I didn’t have to do it alone, Doctor. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t my promise to her. Thank her if she does go and visit because by the time I think I’m finished with this assignment, I wouldn’t be wearing just marigolds on my hair. “Tera tried to help me even after me almost hurting her. She’s such a kind, compassionate person. I don’t think I can do anything to pay back my favor. If that even was a favor.” By that, I meant that she came to me when I was still blaming her so bad, I almost did something…unfortunate for both sides. But you know what, Tera continues to be a role-model for me. Even if I hated her at first, I’m glad I didn’t act on my first instinct. She might be the last person I would betray but I’ve already failed on that one so what about a few more secrets? Well, she told me that she also had a crush on Emery a looong, long time ago. That there wasn’t anyone on the planet that wouldn’t have fell for his charms except if you were a “cold-hearted bitch”. She got over it and if she could do it, maybe /I/ could do it too. I was always obsidian but never blue. I couldn’t get to that right shade that would be the very meaning of love. Maybe it’s not in the color spectrum that I see? I maybe blind to the very thing that I need and want the most. This means that I don’t even have the right capacity to even do a very basic human skill. I can’t feel blue. I felt pink but never red. I never had the patience to end where and when I needed something to end. I don’t have a hobby. I never liked the program I went to in college, I didn’t have the patience to even take a bath for too long but for the first time in a long time, I really wanted him to stay with me. Red filled my very being and made me feel alive.