#like bestie dean told you he wanted to do the trials so he could die wdym it’s about you

[deansmom]

It’s been years, but I still stand by this parallel, and even more so since I originally wanted it to be Sam’s little speech from 9.13. And looking back on it now without the fear of getting bombarded by Sam stans and getting death threats: the reason I connected these scenes is because Anya and Sam are similarly… I can’t think of a different word than narcissistic, but that isn’t quite the right word because that has more negative connotations, and at their core neither of them are Bad or completely devoid of empathy for others. Their default is just to assume that everything revolves around them.

Anya is very “I’m the most important person in my life” which honestly is so valid, and Sam grew up being told he was smarter than Dean, the implied message from John his whole life was that Sam was more important than Dean, and he has a lot of historical evidence to show that actually yeah, a lot of the time he genuinely was the main character - it was actually about him. But in these scenes, they’re completely projecting their own bullshit onto the person in their life who’s always been seen as a protector until they were humanized (s6 Buffy, in the context of 9.13 Dean betraying Sam with gadreel, in the context of this scene Dean coming back from purgatory).

Dean and Buffy are two sides of the same coin - they were given this legacy that they didn’t want, and given it at such a young age, and because they’re both such naturally empathetic people they’ve really internalized the Chosen One narrative.

Dean’s number one job since he was 4 years old has been to protect Sam, keep Sam safe, keep his brother alive - that was his purpose. In his head, his life had no worth outside of that. So in season 8, he sees that the trials are probably going to kill whoever does them so he’s like “great, yeah, obviously that’s me, because that’s my job. I’m supposed to keep you alive, that will kill you, so I’ll do the trials.” In season 9 when he makes the deal with gadreel (important context to remember: Sam spent all of s8 telling Dean he wants to live and make it to the other side of the trials), he’s faced with what he perceives as a failure on his end (because he’s supposed to keep Sam alive) AND he’s under the impression that Sam wants to live.

Buffy is, it’s important to remember, like 24 in season 7 and dealing with an immense amount of trauma and anger and isolation, especially with regards to her friends. She loves them, she cares about them and wants what is best for them, but she still resents them for bringing her back from the dead - which is so valid - and is struggling with a lot of guilt from those feelings. So she spends s6 & the first half of s7 grappling with the fact that her friends would do something she never thought they’d do (a crack in her trust with them), being upset that they did it, feeling like she’s in the wrong for being upset about it, and hurt because she becomes so isolated from them. So is she kinda cold in s7? Yes. Honestly, she was way nicer than I would’ve been and none of them had the emotional wherewithal or maturity to consider what she was dealing with.

But her isolating herself and shouldering all the responsibility for their safety has very little to do with them. She doesn’t think she’s better than them, she’s just like “yeah, I’m the chosen one, I’m the one with super powers, obviously I’m fighting this fight and not you guys, if you die that’ll be my fault wdym” and all of them take that very personally for reasons I will never understand lmao. To Buffy it’s: the sky is blue, grass is green, I’m the chosen one and it’s my destiny to die in battle, it’s my responsibility to protect the innocent and you guys are innocents.

Are Buffy or Dean blameless in these situations? No. They’re very flawed, traumatized people who lack the communication skills and emotional maturity to articulate any of this (not that it would’ve been received well) and unintentionally cause harm by making these decisions. But in these moments, they’re both confronted with the fact that the most important people in their lives fundamentally don’t understand who they are as people. And it’s in part because they’re both surrounded by equally traumatized people who don’t have the same level of empathy and deeply ingrained lack of value for their own life outside of serving others.

Anya is an ex demon who cares about her friends and learns to care about people in general, but ultimately she’s always her number one priority. I can give the scooby gang a little bit more grace in season 7 because they’re also young, immature and dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions and feelings and trauma that’s never unpacked or dealt with - but my heart still absolutely shatters every time I watch this scene, because it’s such a slap in the face to Buffy. She thought that they understood her at least, and then she finds out that this is what they think of her and it’s so upsetting and hurtful because she’s only ever tried to do what was best for them.

Sam was raised by an emotionally abusive parent, and a brother who never witnessed healthy emotions like… ever, and was repeatedly told by both of them that he was the most important. His default for so much of the show is very much giving “they tell me everything is not about me - but what if it is?? 👀 they said they didn’t do this to hurt me, but what if they did??” and like I said, yes, he has some canonical evidence to validate those thoughts, but the fact that he took Dean essentially telling him point blank that he wants to do the trials so his death will mean something and oh yeah, he wants to die, and turned it into “it’s because you don’t trust me” is absolutely fucking wild lmao.

And this scene just makes me so sad, because you can see the realization on Dean’s face that Sam has no idea what he’s feeling. He told him he was suicidal, and Sam’s like “actually, I think you just don’t trust me” and you can see this image Dean had of Sam in his head shatter. Because he thought if nothing else, Sam understood why Dean does any of this - and clearly, he doesn’t. And Christ, in 9.13 when Sam says that he wouldn’t do the same thing for Dean (which is a lie), it destroys Dean because it validated that feeling of his life being worthless outside of keeping Sam alive.

anyways, what I’m trying to get at is the parallel of these scenes is supposed to be Buffy and Dean realizing that they’re genuinely alone in this. It’s the realization that the people they thought knew them, don’t understand them at all.

buffy/dean parallels

“Don’t…be afraid to lead them. Whether you wanted it or not, their lives are yours. It’s only gonna get harder. Protect them, but lead them.” btvs, 7.19 “Look, we get too far down the road with this, we can’t go back… and it’ll be too late for me to jump in.” spn, 8.15

[khaleesiofalicante]

in holt's voice: Pain. That's it.

Today hasn't been the best but HEY I HAD THESE PRECIOUS BABIES TO KEEP MY COMPANY

He looked exhausted like he hadn’t slept at all.

alec...

I'm already sad and ready to murder

the baby...

David had never lost someone he loved.

this is fucking foreshadowing isn't it

But real strength was not in surviving the presence of pain. Real strength was in suviving the absence of love.

despite the chaos I'm glad to see these two interacting

The Consul leaned back in his chair and ran his hand through his beard. David had to admit, he looked damn good with it. Even if it made him seem even more intimidating than before.

yes boy YES

it's really hard not to smile right now but my camera is on and im supposed to be finding meanings of foreign words based on my own knowledge so-

JACKSON

“Max is too old for me to tell him what he is and isn’t allowed to do,” the Consul said – although he didn’t sound very happy about it.

MY TEACHER ASKED ME THE FIRST QUESTION IM LOSING MY SHIT

It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.

let's hope so

Facts and figures, babe, Max had kissed his cheek last night. Dad likes facts and figures.

deep breathes

it'll be ok

“You’ve done your research,” the Consul nodded. There was a hint of approval in his voice that made David want to do a cartwheel.

AWWWW

“I’d like to take care of the New York institute,” David said now. “Because Jace Herondale and Clary Fairchild took care of me.”

And for the first time that evening, the Consul smiled. David wanted to burst into song.

AHHHH

this is beautiful

David couldn’t help but find that endearing. He wondered what it felt like to be loved like that. He wondered what it felt like to have a father like that – a father who couldn't stop loving his child even for a moment.

A love that was endless and tireless.

Every time he was in the presence of the Lightwood-Bane family he was reminded of what he had lost and what every child deserved.

It made him sad.

But then he would remember. He would remember that Max had grown up knowing nothing but this. Max had grown up with nothing but love.

It made him happy.

alright come here let me hug you

UHUHSCUICDUH "Why do you not like me"

“I know I worry too much about Max,” the Consul said, his smile sad now. “But I can only worry now. I won’t always be there to worry over him.”

it's 9 am boy

THESE TWO REALLY BE ASKING THE TRUE QUESTIONS

"Why are you scared of me" HSUHYUKDUMKDS WELL YOU SEE-

all we can really do is replace the bad memories with happier ones...

“No,” the Consul said, and David’s heart almost stopped. “I mean, of course I care. But I don’t have to be hard on you to show you that I do. There are many ways to show people we care about them without hurting them.”

David thought of his father then. He remembered the way his father had drawn the agony rune on his wrist and promised him it was because he loved David and wanted him to be strong. The memory hurt.

Jace and Clary bestest

“I’m sorry for whatever I did to intimidate you,” the Consul apologized.

that is so alec oh my god 😭

David looked him in the eye. “You’re Alec Lightwood.”

The man looked confused. “Is that supposed to mean something?

I'm smiling so much right now because yeah

yeah I get what he's saying

David hadn’t known that boys were allowed to kiss other boys – not until he heard about Alec Lightwood’s Accords Hall kiss.

David hadn’t known fairy tales existed outside of books - not until he heard about Alec Lightwood adopting a warlock baby with Magnus Bane.

David hadn’t known love can literally change the world – not until he heard about Alec Lightwood changing the world for the man he loved.

don't make me cry during linguistics

“Well,” the Consul chuckled. “To be entirely honest, I did all of that for Magnus.”

as he should

“Everything I have ever done has always been for Magnus,” the Consul said, his voice oddly soft.

we're talking about some wall in class and im here trying not to cry

my teacher just asked why some of us have our cameras off WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY

“I don’t want to be a hero,” David confessed honestly. “I just thought if I ran away to a city full of heroes, they would protect me if someone tried to hurt me again.”

“What’s that?” the Consul frowned, pointing at his neck.

By the angel! David was going to have words with Max when he saw him again.

“Uh,” David said. “Mosquito bite.”

AHHHHHHHH MOSQUITO BITE

“Do you remember when Izzy got attacked by a demon in Edom?”

“And you drank my blood,” the Consul rolled his eyes.

“Aw,” the Dean of the Academy chuckled. “You do remember.”

poor David is stuck between them talking like this IM SCREAMING

He remembered the way Consul had blamed himself when Max had found the spoils room at the York Institute. The way he had believed he should have done better when his eldest son had been traumatized by foul rumours of the Clave.

oh honey no

There were people who got mad at themselves when things went wrong.

There were people who got mad at everyone around them when things went wrong.

While Alec Lightwood was the former, his son and David’s boyfriend, was definitely the latter.

I'm definitely both

“It wasn’t your fault,” David spoke up then. “When bad things happen to people, it’s because of the people who did those bad things. We shouldn’t atone for someone else’s sins.”

“Yeah. Stop atoning, dude,” the Dean said chuckled. “Listen to the boy.”

YES EVERYONE LISTEN TO DAVID

“And be careful,” the Consul said, his tone a little different now.

“I will keep an eye on-”

“No,” the Consul said and pointed at the hickey on David’s neck. “With Max. Be careful.”

David was pretty sure his face on fire.

OH MY GOD

IM SHAKING

“Um, we have the internet,” David pointed out.

The Consul blinked. “Right. Of course. The internet.”

yes

ao3 and Wattpad

KIDS DON'T GO ON THESE WEBSITES AT 11 JUST DO NOT

“If he gives you a hard time, don’t give up,” the man whispered like it was a secret. “You just need to weasel your way into his life.”

David chuckled. “Is that what you did?”

yup

“Yeah, and then he had the audacity to get accidentally get drunk and confess his love in the middle of the night.”

AWW SHE'S TELLING GIGI ABOUT THEIR PAST

“I did have a latte,” her mother said with a straight face.

Georgia didn’t find that funny.

I almost said "BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUNNY" before I realized that is exactly what I would've said

She knew her mother, like so many other people in her life, preferred to use humour to cope with the pain. They preferred to hide their pain away from other people.

Georgia never understood why people did that. Did they think others didn’t know what pain felt like? Everyone was in pain all the time – some kind of it at least. Everyone knew how to cope with it. So, it made more sense to share it than to carry it all by yourself.

i...I never look at it that way

Apparently, hand holding had special healing abilities at times like this.

yeah it really does

Georgia had hoped to find out herself. She had wondered so much about the baby.

tears. literal tears

It didn’t matter that Georgia had wanted to name the baby Abigail after the first iron sister. It didn’t matter that her father wanted to name the baby Jonathan to piss off Uncle Jace.

Abigail Jonathan Lightwood-Lovelace

FUCK OFF AND LET ME CRY IN PEACE

People said that poison was a coward’s weapon. But Georgia didn’t think so. It wasn’t easy to make poison. It wasn’t easy sneak it into the right place at the right time.

Whoever did this, they were not cowards. They were smart and they should be feared.

yeah, what did happen during the trial?

uh is Selena ok?

like genuinely

is she just a very heavy sleeper or...

MARYSE

Because sometimes the only comfort you needed was your mom.

yeah...

Except for random parts of the house that were incredibly organized – a sign Uncle Jace had been there

Yup.

“I’m staying in New York, mom. I’m going to help Selena and the centurions find out who did this to me,” her mother said, her words a promise. “And once I do, I’m going to strangle them with my whip.”

Yes you will

Anjali and Rafe

please be ok. please

HOW ABOUT WE DO A TRADE

ZARA'S LIFE FOR ANJALI'S 😄

ok I know that's not how it works but IM DESPERATE

her bedroom seems amazing though

Rafael gave so much shit to his dad because the other man had the habit of watching his husband sleep.

But now he sort of understood the fascination.

AWWWWW

“You do ballet?” he asked, holding up the ballet shoes.

slightly reminds me of rosa

OK WHO AM I KIDDING SHE TOTALLY DOES

the red binder

it's fucking genius

David can keep his flowers and cookies and scarves.

This, what he held in his hands right now, was the best thing anyone could ever give him. A file full of reforms to make the clave better.

IM SCREAMING

“You think I want to die and leave the Council in your cishet hands?”

YES BESTIE

“I don’t care what the Clave needs,” Rafael snapped, and Anjali momentarily looked taken aback. “I need you.”

he needs her

FUCK IT TIME TO CRY

“Bulgaria is known as the land of roses,” Rafael told her. “The Sofia Institute is built in the middle of a rose garden.”

“Oh,” Anjali’s eyes momentarily softened. “I like roses.”

you know that tiktok trend? the one which goes "listen it's a good joke it's a great joke even but i need you to stop" or smth like that?

yeah

His hand was itching to reach out and hold hers. So, he did just that. He reached out – very carefully – and took her hand in his own.

“I need you to get better, Anjali,” he whispered. “Cause I would very much like to take you there.”

HAND HOLDING

no she's not becoming a vampire

The part that was the shadowhunter – which told him she didn’t deserve to die over some angelic mishap.

The part that was the future Consul – which told him he needed Anjali on his side.

The part that was a Lightwood-Bane – which told him he should never give up fighting.

And then there was the part that was Rafael – just Rafael.

It told him he had to save his heart – no matter the consequences.

we're talking about some powerplant in geography and I'm crying over this

Anjali please please don't die

“Not everything,” Rafael told her. “I know someone who can help.”

WHO

GIVE ME A NAME

“Well, now we don’t know that for sure!” Max grinned. “Who knows what they get up to? Maybe there is someone occasional boning in the bone city.”

“How does manage to get more insufferable every time I meet him?” Jackson demanded.

i...never looked at it that way

OH JACKSON IS BECOMING A SILENT BROTHER

Max grinned widely at the other boy. “You wanna be my immortal buddy, Jack-Jack?”

OOP-

“The boys are back” he yelled, hugging David and Jackson. “Ty, our boys are back! Yas! The London Boys are back!”

THE LONDON BOYS

“Okay it’s a little disrespectful when you call her by the same name you call me,” Max pointed out.

“True,” Jackson nodded. “Irene shouldn’t be disrespected like that.”

YUYZXYSCGYZCGYUCUIZCVUH SCREAMING

"It’s hard being a celeb,” Max sighed dramatically.

“He is referring to the chaos you unleashed the last time you went there,” Jackson rolled his eyes. “People still remember you.”

“I’m memorable. It’s not my fault,” Max shrugged.

Max no more gambling bestie

“If the assassination attempt on Magnus had been successful, we wouldn’t be sitting and talking like this,” Kit pointed out. “The nephilim and downworlders would be at war.”

As they should. No one hurts Magnus

“So the target isn’t just Magnus Bane?” Jackson asked.

“Possibly,” Ty nodded. “The Consul and his husband…They are the ones who united the shadow world – with the Alliance. With their marriage. So, it’s not surprising that someone – seelie or not – wants to break it all down.”

with every line, I get closer to a breakdown

“There are people all around me to protect me from demons and crazy assassins,” Max smiled. “But you…You protect me from myself. So, don’t give me that I’m not good at protecting bullshit.”

so precious...

“Now let’s go find out which dumbass thought it would be a good idea to try and kill Magnus Fucking Bane.”

i have a few torture methods in mind

If shadowhunters couldn’t fight demons, it would put both downworlders and mundanes in danger. His father’s Clave – small as it was – did their best to keep the demons at bay. They were the only thing keeping the shadow world safe from demons.

Ikr?? Like David said earlier Alec's clave is literally the one doing the actual shadowhunting.

“Jackson is incredibly smart and perceptive. He knows what is good for him, David. He chose you to be his best friend. He has accepted that his family is gone for good and is finally focusing on his future. If this is what he wants to do and if this is who he wants to be, then you should trust that he has thought this through. He wouldn’t have chosen this life if he thought he wouldn’t be happy with it.”

TRUE

ALRIGHT WHO TF IS BEHIND ALL THIS

i just want to talk 🙂

“Great,” Max said, feeling frustrated. “So, someone created a fancy new poison just to kill my parents.”

“They did say something else,” Kit said, his tone worried. “The poison…It’s not entirely made of demonic properties.”

“Oh?” David said.

“It’s a mixture of angelic and demon properties,” Ty Blackthorn said. “And we know that-”

“Seelies,” Max whispered. “They have both angel and demon blood.”

Is anyone else scared?

GASP

WHAT IF

It's an angel and prince of hell working together?

ok that seems highly unlikely

“I don’t think you have a choice, bud,” Kit giggled. “Mina will have your head if you don’t get married. She has been working on a Pinterest board for years now.”

KIT

KIT

WHAT THE FUCK

OH MY GOD KIT

NO NO NO

HE CAN'T BE DEAD

NO FUCK NO

I'm absolutely loving all this angst so much. You said chapter 9 was the most angsty and frankly I can't wait :p

now...IF KIT AND ANJALI DIE I WILL BE VERY VERY SAD but the angst potential with Anjali though...NOPE NOPE NOPE. MY GIRL'S GONNA BE INQUISITOR I KNOW SHE WILL.

AHHHHHH THIS CHAPTER WAS A LOT LMAO.

I love how you are complaining but also thirsting for angst yall crazy.

I hope you are taking care of yourself and working on your entry for the competition!!!!!

Also the "we're talking about some wall in class" killed me lmao I laughed so hard fdhvjd.

[spn-ficfanatic]

Rewrite the Stars- Part 2

MASTERLIST - PRELUDE - PART 1 - PART 3

Summary: You (a demon) and Cas (an angel) share a forbidden love, much to Dean’s disgust. The ultimate sacrifice finally proves your loyalty to the angel in the Winchester’s eyes but by then it’s too late. When the opportunity arises for Sam to save you from a lifetime of torment he takes it, but how will Dean and Cas react to your return from hell?

A/N: Guys, even if you’re not into Castiel or Cas x Reader fics I think this is a chapter worth reading, especially if you’re a Dean girl/guy ;)

Series Characters: Reader x Castiel, Sam, Dean, Bobby, Crowley Characters this chapter: Reader, Sam, Bobby, Dean, Crowley (Where the hell is Cas??!) Words: 2858 Genre: Angst Warnings: Show-level violence

A flash of light stirred you into consciousness, though you didn’t open your eyes. Your head was lolling about while the rest of your body was gripped tightly against a warm, hard, possibly chiselled chest. What? You were still a woman!

Boots came toward you and you felt yourself being lowered gently to the ground. You were unsure if this was friend or foe so decided to play dead a little longer, but when a third man spoke you couldn’t help your eyes shoot open in surprise.

Why the heck did you picture a squirrel just now?

The 3rd man approached Sam and gave him a tight hug, before turning to Bobby and doing the same.

“Good to see you boy,” Bobby told Squirrel, who smiled broadly in response. He cleared his throat before turning back to Sam.

“So, bringing home strays Sam? From hell no less,” he asked, looking you over with curiosity. As his eyes met yours you felt a flash of resentment flow through you at the sight of this man, though the reasoning for it of course escaped you. He stared at you in shock before stepping back.

“I-is… is that…” he spluttered.

“I found her as we were getting out of there Dean, I couldn’t leave her behind.”

DEAN! The man you didn’t like for some reason had a name!

“Jesus. Um, ok, let’s just get this trial done and then we’ll figure out what to do next,” he said, turning back to Bobby. “Ready to go home?”

“Well, I’m sure as hell not staying here,” he grumbled. “No offense to you boys but I’m ready to stick my feet up with a whiskey and a book without the end of the world hanging over my head.”

“None taken, have a couple on us,” Sam told him, and you could easily hear the fondness in his voice as he spoke. You didn’t know these men anymore but you could tell they were important to each other. Were you as important to them once upon a time, you wondered?

“Alright, let's put this old man where he belongs,” Dean declared, handing a book to Sam. He nodded and read the incantation inside and as he did Bobby started to glow brightly. You squinted your eyes as the light grew brighter.

“Solvo haec phantasmata in terram, et inde ad olympum. Kah-nuh-ahm-dahr”

The light was blinding as it reached its apex, and you had to close your eyes or else risk going blind. The light dimmed behind your eyelids, and you opened them slightly to see what was happening only to find Bobby was gone. A panicked voice broke through the silence of the woods around you.

“Sam? What? What?! Talk to me! What?!”

You tried to sit up to see what was happening, and were alarmed to see the man who saved your life was now doubled over in pain. Dean was holding him up, shouting at him trying to rouse him from whatever was happening. You tried to stand and offer assistance, you wanted to help the man who helped you, but you quickly fell back to the earth with a thud when your arms were too weak to hold you up.

“Sam?” you called out in concern.

“It's okay! It's okay! It's okay, I'm fine. It's done. It's done,” Sam panted, managing a small smile of reassurance to both of you. As he slowly stood up from bended knee, a charming english accent broke the silence behind you.

“Stealing my flock Winchesters?”

Another one? Why couldn’t these men just let you rest? You were glad to be out of hell sure but at least you could heal in your cell. The pain you were experiencing now was just getting worse and you were just feeling weaker as time went on. All you wanted was to close your eyes and sleep. Or die.

“Screw you Crowley, even you know Bobby didn’t belong in hell,” Dean scolded.

“He did if I say he did. He'd inflicted untold damage on my kind. From where I sit, actually, Hell was too good for him. But no matter, what’s done is done. Can’t get him back from heaven of all places. Her on the other hand…”

“You leave her alone,” Sam hissed, still in pain. You could barely lift your head, but if you could have lifted your hand you’d at least have given him a thumbs up.

“And you care why? You never did before,” Crowley countered with a chuckle. “Oh, so you’re telling me that all anyone has to do to get in your good books is save your feathered friend? I feel like we should be besties by now in that case.”

“We’re taking her with us,” Dean told him firmly.

“Do you even know what she is?” You could hear his footsteps approach you, and gave a small cry when he kicked you hard in the back.

“Hey!” Sam shouted in anger. 

Crowley just chuckled. “Fine, have your fun. But just remember, you stole not one but two of my prisoners tonight, and I won’t let that go lightly. You know me, I tend to hold a grudge. See you around gents.”

And just like that, he was gone. You watched as Sam and Dean stood there looking confused, and you decided to break the silence.

“Well, we’re boned.”

The men drew their eyes down to you, laying on the ground and now sopping wet from the dew on the grass, and stepped over to you. Sam went to lift you but Dean gave a disgruntled huff and stepped in front of him, lifting you more roughly that you’d have liked. You still didn’t trust this “Dean” yet though, so with a view to not piss him off any more you bit your tongue to stop yourself from crying out in pain.

Those black dots started dancing in your vision again, and as you approached a sleek black car you lost your battle with consciousness.

-----------------------------------------

Red. Screaming. Burning flesh. Blood. So much blood.

You opened your eyes abruptly, holding back the urge to scream. You took a deep breath and swallowed back the bile you felt rising to your throat. You’re not in hell Y/N, you told yourself. There’s a soft mattress underneath you, and you’re covered in a blanket not made of human skin but instead wool. You knew which one you preferred, and gently rubbed the soft material over your cheek comfortingly.

You heard someone stir next to you and froze in fear. While your new digs were especially comfy, you actually had no idea where you were. You were still exceptionally sore, so a quick escape was out of the question. Keeping your head on the soft fluffy pillow, you tilted it up slightly so you could see who was in the room with you. Dean’s tired gaze stared back at you, and you squinted your eyes in annoyance. Now you wish you’d feigned sleep.

“Nightmare?” he asked with a frown. It appeared he wished you’d faked sleep a little longer also. You cleared your throat and tested your voice.

“Yer. Hell stuff.”

“Been there. Literally.”

You raised a curious eyebrow but decided to let it go for now. Now that you realised you had company you decided to try and sit up, and very gently you put your hands on the mattress and lifted yourself. Dean didn’t help, but you felt like you didn’t want it anyway.

“Where am I?” you asked curiously, finally having a proper look around. You’d have guessed a hospital were it not for the lack of windows. Everything was clean, obviously a spare room that wasn’t used.

“The bunker,” he replied, as if you were supposed to know what that meant.

“Yer um, I’m sorry. You obviously know me, and I guess I must know you but I can’t…” you trailed off, your head already hurting from the strain of it all. You brought your fingers to your face and massaged the bridge of your nose.

Dean was clearly surprised by this turn of events. “Wait, you don’t remember anything? But you called out to Sam…”

“The other guy, Bobby, he called him that. And Sam named Bobby for me. And then Bobby called you Dean. And then the English guy showed up and you called him Crowley. Other than feeling a serious resentment toward you for no apparent reason, that’s all I know.”

He raised an eyebrow at your response, and gave a small humourless smirk. “So, you hate me. But you don’t know why?”

“Well, I have a feeling you hated me first,” you replied in defence.

Dean only nodded. “Fair enough. How long was it for you? Down there I mean.”

You closed your eyes and thought about it. What you had to endure made the whole experience seem like a lifetime but you knew there was a timestamp on it.

“40 years, I think,” you told him, opening your eyes with a sigh. “Maybe longer. It’s all a bit of a blur.”

You watched him as he nodded again, deep in thought.

“You guys knew me before I went down. How long have I been gone?”

“About 5 months,” he told you, leaning forward and clasping his hands in front of him as his elbows rested on his knees. “So, it was about 50 years down there for you.”

“How-how can you be sure?” you asked nervously. How did this man know so much about it?

“Like I said… been there.”

You opened your eyes wide, and pulled the blanket up to your chin protectively. You really couldn’t figure out what to think about Dean, but confirmation that he’d been to hell didn’t exactly fill you with confidence that he was one of the good guys.

“How did I die?” you dared to ask, your voice so quiet you weren’t sure he’d hear you. 

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “You were killed saving a friend of mine.”

“You mean Sam?”

“No, no, Sam’s my brother. You haven’t seen him yet since you came up. We’ve tried to reach out to him but he’s not answering.”

You furrowed your brow as you tried to picture this man, but drew a blank. “Crowley said something about a feathered friend. Is this the man I saved? What did he mean? Do you and Sam have feathers too?”

Dean burst out laughing, but quickly covered it with a cough. You frowned in annoyance and sat your hands in your lap, now sitting at full attention despite the pain you were feeling.

“No, he’s an Angel. His name is Castiel.”

It was like a bolt of lightning hit your head when that name rolled off Dean’s tongue. You stared at him in shock as your head started to fill with images of a life before this one. A life that felt like it belonged to you, but not you at the same time. You gasped out loud and moved back without thinking, falling off the bed in the process. Dean shouted your name in alarm but you barely heard him, the images in your head kept coming and you pushed yourself against the wall holding your head. Dean jumped over the bed and knelt in front of you, looking at you with concern as your eyes filled with tears. You held the sides of your head in your hands, your fingers run through the strands of your hair, and you looked at him as you sobbed.

“Cas?” you cried, the tears falling.

Dean looked panicked. “You remember him?”

“I remember everything,” you whispered.

You held a hand to your chest, you could practically feel the blade slicing between your ribs as it went through. You felt the bile rise and quickly lifted yourself off the ground and to the adjoining bathroom, dry retching into the sink. Footsteps followed you, and you could feel a presence at your back as you spat into the basin.

“You don’t have to be here,” you told Dean coldly. You remembered now, how much he hated you, how many times he’d tried to get rid of you over the years.

“Well, tough it out princess because until you’re back in that bed I’m staying.”

“Why do you care?” you shouted angrily, spinning around too quickly and losing your footing. Before your head could hit the sink Dean jumped forward and grabbed you under your arms, lifting yourself to him and ducking his head so your arm was now around his shoulders and he was supporting you.

“Because I was wrong,” he admitted. “You saved him and got yourself killed in the process and… and I owe you for that.”

You raised your eyebrows in surprise at the confession, and let him more or less carry you to the bed. You didn’t respond, you really didn’t know how to, and as he gently sat you down you hissed in pain.

“Let me see,” he asked, lifting your shirt so it just sat under your bosom. Underneath revealed the light bandaging the brothers had done to help you heal, and he lightly rolled it off to reveal the angry wounds underneath. “You know, for a demon you’re not healing very quickly.”

“Can you please go?” you asked him quietly, all fight in you gone. You hated that you sounded like a little girl, and couldn’t help but cringe. “I just want to rest.”

Dean looked at you with pity in his eyes, but let your shirt fall. “OK, I’ll go check on Sam.”

“Is he ok?” you asked, suddenly remembering the beating he himself took when he returned Bobby to heaven.

Dean shrugged. “He’ll be fine, just needs some rest as well.”

As he started to close the door behind him you called out one last time. “I’m sorry. About Bobby. He was one of the good ones.”

He stopped in his tracks, not looking at you. You thought he was going to ignore you but in the end he replied as he closed the door the rest of the way.

“Thank you.”

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“Cas if you don’t get your stubborn feathery ass down here I’m gonna…”

“You’ll what?” Sam asked with a wry grin.

“I’ll… think of something,” Dean told him, giving up and heading to the fridge. “You’d think the man would come down here for Y/N of all people.”

Sam was sitting at the dining table, glass of water in hand as he ran a hand through his dishevelled hair.

“He hasn’t answered us since she died Dean, he probably thinks we’re lying to get him down here.”

“Well then, how do we get him here? He needs to know she’s alive!” Dean asked angrily, taking a sip of his beer before sitting down at the table also.

They’d not seen the angel for 5 months, since you’d died. He’d disappeared as soon as the light left your eyes, leaving the brothers to give you the hunter’s funeral they finally felt you deserved. He’d not resurfaced since, and it was a constant concern for Sam and Dean.

“All we can do is help her readjust, and hope that in time he’ll realise what’s happened and find his way back,” Sam shrugged, lifting himself onto his feet. “I think I’ll go check on her.”

He opened your door slightly, listening for any indication that you were sleep. However when all he could hear was laboured breathing his brow furrowed in concern. He opened the door all the way, allowing some light from the hallway to shine through, and stepped over to the mattress. It was immediately obvious you were in trouble, your hair was drenched in sweat and it sounded like you were struggling for breath. Sitting down on the mattress he felt your forehead, and he pulled it back sharply when it was apparent you had a raging fever.

“Y/N?” he called to you, tapping your cheeks lightly to try and rouse you. When your eyes didn’t even flutter he jumped up and turned on the ceiling light to get a proper look at you. You looked dead, and his heart skipped a beat.

“Dean!” he called out, racing back to you on the bed. He felt for your pulse instinctively before remembering your meat suit wouldn’t have one, but did a double take when he felt a light flutter beneath his fingers. “Uhhh… Dean?!” he called again, more urgent this time.

“What, what is it?” he asked, running into the room with gun in hand. When he saw Sam sitting on your mattress hovering over you he quickly holstered it and went over.

“What’s happening to her?”

Sam didn’t answer as he lifted your shirt, finding the bandage still unwrapped from earlier. The wounds were clearly horribly infected, and still littered your stomach. They should have healed by now, and Dean gasped at the sight.

“How is that possible?” he asked confused.

Sam turned to look at him with panic. “She’s not a demon anymore Dean, she’s human. And she’s dying.”

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PRELUDE - PART 1 - PART 3

Series and “everything” tag lists are OPEN

“Everything” taglist: @angelsandwinchesters, @grace-for-sale, @growningupgeek, @iamnotsaneatall, @nanie5, @waywardasfudge, @ronja-uebrick, @im-dead-inside05, @julzdec, @adoptdontshoppets, @big-to-beautiful