#like I've had no desire at all ever since i left tumblr back in 2018 or so

[adhdfuelednightmare]

In other news ever since coming back to this godforsaken site I've come to realize that no, my unhealthy attachments to fictional characters has not gone away with age, but it has merely laid dormant until I found new fictional characters to obsess over

[toumakibangs]

Oh when I woke up tonight I said I've gotta make somebody love me (and now I know that is you, you're lucky lucky)

SERVICE NOTE: Here we are with the last prompts of the TouMaki Month! I’m so very sorry for the delay, but I went long with writing because of work issues and after that I’ve been without internet for a while (still am, technically)! If you’re reading this, it means that he last fics have been queued and they’re being uploaded as we speak: a post every two hours, from 3pm to 5am, CEST time. My advice is to check the blog if you don’t want to miss any, because if you’re going to browse the tags (‘toumaki month 2018’ and ‘toumaki’), Tumblr will only show you three posts per blog.

Anyway, at 7am CEST time we’ll upload a recap post featuring ALL the entries to the Month, so you can browse them more easily (I’m also saving the final Goodbyes and Thank You-s for then).

My apologies again for the wobbly schedule and I hope you’ll enjoy these last fireworks!

Prompt: “Things you said on the phone at 4am”

Jules’ Notes: Did somebody say ‘Paradise Kiss’? Not an AU, but whenever I think about Makishima’s life in London I feel influenced by that manga. So, if you’re familiar with it, you might recognize a certain situation… but I’m positive it will end differently for Maki-chan! ;)

Toudou’s phone blasts off in the middle of the night, and it’s only halfway through the fifth ring that Toudou sees it’s freakin’ 4am in the morning. Right after that, Hana, for the adjacent room, proceeds to remind him just how late 4am in the morning is for the average person. Caught between sleep and the literal wake-up-call, he has barely the time to mentally chastise himself for always forgetting to put his phone on vibration mode before he sees the caller’s ID. It’s Makishima. Who is the reason Toudou always forgets to put his phone on vibration mode. They have an hard enough time just trying to keep in touch, lately, it would be absolutely unthinkable, in Toudou’s list of values, to miss a call from Makishima or let a text or a mail unattended. Even if Makishima never calls after 9.30pm (Tokyo time), not to disrupt Toudou’s sleeping schedule. And even if he insisted Toudou didn’t have to reply to his messages right away, that was the whole point of leaving them, to give Toudou the chance to answer when he was more comfortable.

But Makishima is clearly calling him right now, in the middle of the night, and the ringtone has been going on for so long that it can’t be a mistake. Why would he do that, if not for a huge emergency?! If not for something very serious!? Like, an accident, or breaking up with Toudou over this long-distance-relationship that is clearly more effort than it’s worth?!

Hana solicits him again (this time by slamming her platforms towards the wall they share, by the sound of it) and Toudou answers the call out of reflex. The picture of Makishima that is associated to his contact switches to the black screen, but Toudou’s ears fill with a well-known, much beloved, totally missed voice.

- Jinpachi!!!

It’s not, Toudou notices, the tone of voice of someone that is going to announce a tragedy, but he kind of feels too drowsy, still, to trust his own judgement.

- M-Maki-chan..?

- I’ve sold it, Jinpachi, I’ve done it! I’m sorry, I know it’s late as fuck back home but I had to tell you!!! I’ve sold it!

Even half-asleep, he doesn’t miss the affectionate way Makishima addressed Japan and called it home. A few months ago, he wouldn’t have. It puts a smile on Toudou’s lips and calms his racing heart more than the rest of Makishima’s words. That, so far, still hold too little meaning for him to make something of them.

- …w-what are you talking about?

- My dress, Jinpachi! One of the pieces I’ve left at some boutiques! It has been sold!

It’s something they’ve been talking about, recently: Makishima still helps his brother with his brand but lately, with the complicity of a few classmates, he has started developing his own side-brand, and Ren encouraged him to put a label on his creations and try to propose them to some few, selected underground shops among his own. So far, the experiment hadn’t given much results. Although it was to be expected, since unique pieces were more difficult to place than mass-produced ones that could be made available in every size, it still was a little disheartening for a wannabe designer to hear, day after day, that nobody wanted your stuff. Until today. When, apparently, right before closing time someone had walked into an indie store looking for Ren’s Design novelties and purchased a whole outfit labelled Spider’s Web.

Makishima’s first sale as an independent designer.

- That’s AMAZING! Oh my god Maki-chan I’m so happy!!! Are you happy?!

He hears a loud chuckle at the other end of the phone, along with the clinking of glasses and a whooping noise that sounds too much like Ren partying on his own in their tiny kitchen.

- K’ha! Of course I’m happy! It’s a real sale, Jinpachi! I mean, in a real shop! Somebody walked in, tried my dress and liked it so much that they decided to buy it! And they picked the accessorizes too! I mean, isn’t it amazing!?

What’s amazing, in Toudou’s opinion, is his boyfriend’s absolute marvel at a gesture that is at the very base of his dream profession, and he jokes about it lightly.

- Isn’t it what you’ve always worked so hard to achieve, though? People buying your stuff?

- Yeah, but you don’t understand: I’ve sewn things for Ren that have been sold, I’ve even suggested him some designs that he’s managed to turn into something desirable, but people never really liked my clothes enough to buy them! I mean, this is real!  They’ve given me the money they made from the sale! I am currently drinking the fruits of my labour!

Toudou would like to hug and kiss him senseless. To congratulate and celebrate him, of course, but mostly because right now Makishima is too adorable for words.

- Drink them to the last drop, then, tiger. You’ve earned it.

- I did. I mean, I really did. It’s unbelievable.

There’s a pause, and Toudou hears him gulp down something, most probably expensive beer, if he knows him and Ren. Then there is a sigh, and when he resumes speaking Makishima sounds more sober than earlier.

- What if it’s real, Jinpachi? What if this is the real thing?

The subtext is clear: what if it turns out this is not a scam, and all my efforts pay off, and my future starts to take a definite direction, and it’s a route that doesn’t involve Japan, at least not in the short term? What if I make it, and my dreams come true? What happens to the rest?

Toudou exhales loudly, failing to hide a chuckle. Because despite the untold questions, he can’t help but feel enthusiastic at his boyfriend’s success.

- This is the real thing, Yuu. Which means that you were right all along, and that you don’t have to stop now, but work harder than ever. Strike while the iron is hot, or what is it than they say in London: go get your rightful place among all the professionals that populate those streets!

- …you make it sound so easy.

- I know what you’re capable of, and I believe in you. I’m proud of you: congratulations on your sale.

He hears Makishima swallow.

- I… I wanted to tell you right away. As soon as I knew it. T-They called me and the only thing I thought about beside my own exhilaration was ‘I have to tell Jinpachi’.

Toudou sniffs, and dries his eyes with the back of his hand.

- T-Thank you. I’m very h-happy to hear that.

- …I love you?

Makishima never says the words first. He always reciprocates them wholeheartedly, but he doesn’t say them first, usually.

- I love you too. I… I wished I was there to celebrate with you.

There’s a pause and Toudou knows Makishima is worrying his bottom lip and pinching the bridge of his nose.

- M-Me too, Jinpachi. Honestly.

They don’t say anything for a while, merely breathing into the phone and listening to each other. Toudou puts his own device on the pillow and lays down himself: like this, if he keeps his eyes closed, it almost feels like they’re beside each other.

- …sorry for waking you up? I mean, what time is it on your side, 4 am?

- Twenty past four, right this instant.

- Go to sleep, Jinpachi.

Toudou yawns.

- Talk me into it: what are you having for dinner? Going out to celebrate?

- K’ha! No, not at all: we’ve ordered take out, I’ve been craving spring rolls for a while. And Ren keeps handing me beer that I swear I don’t know where it’s going.

- You’re drinking it, Yuu. I can hear you swallowing and you’ve been doing that for a while.

- You’re lying.

- I’m not and you’re going to get drunk.

- And doesn’t that bother you?

Toudou whines.

- It does, but it’s not like I can stop you from here, can I?! At least I know you’re home and you’re safe.

- I’m not safe, my brother is totally irresponsible.

There’s an indignant exclamation in the background, followed by a thud, and Toudou knows Ren has thrown Makishima a slipper: he chuckles.

- Love that you’re so lively…

The commotion is followed by silence, as if Makishima locked himself into another room.

- Where are you, now?

- Bedroom.

- Me too.

- Yeah, I guessed as much.

- …tell me about the dress you sold.

Makishima knows Toudou doesn’t really care for the details of the outfit, but he does understand that asking Makishima to talk about his work is the easiest way to get to hear his voice for a long period of time. It’s a game that Makishima plays willingly, and he knows he’s going to lose Toudou before he arrives to the description of the matching hat and fake suspenders, but he doesn’t care. The breathing on the other end quiets down and stabilizes at the shoes, but he rattles on in a low reassuring tone and then stays silent, listening to the faint murmurs coming from the other end of the line.

It almost feels like Toudou is sleeping beside him.

He doesn’t hang up for a long time.