#life happened and its so busy my interest has changed so much huhu

[weyheyjxlya]

０４． Ｏｕｔ ｏｆ Ｃｈａｒａｃｔｅｒ

𝒀𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝑩𝒂𝒄𝒌

*•.¸♡ synopsis ♡¸.•*

You came to watch the Schweiden Adlers vs. MSBY Jackals with your childhood best friend Yachi and the squad. First-year squad. And that includes Tsukishima Kei. That tall, blonde, gorgeous, salty, and once was yours but you got to let go four years ago. With hearts thumping loud and thoughts screaming out on its own. “I miss you. I’ve missed you to the point that I can’t breathe. I miss you, please be back” These words are just waiting to be spoken like some kind of soulmates telepathy. Will they be able to say it? Will they still be able to fulfill that promise? or…

*•.¸♡ warning: manga spoilers! | curses

*•.¸♡ reminder: every chapter has its own music to listen to. just click the lyrics  which is the first quoted paragraph right after the banner. listen to it while reading the chapter if you want to. after this au is done, I'll compile all songs and create its own playlist in Spotify that you can listen to.

m.list | 03 | 04 | 05

“No matter where you are You'll always have my heart No matter where you are I'll love you from afar”

"and I refuse to drink with anyone who doesn't appreciate Kahlua and milk" Tsukishima exclaimed "Stingyshima," you mumbled thUd pshshshshshshhh Suddenly, the sound of magazine dropping startled the four as Tsukishima dropped his pamphlet due to the shock that the person that he didn't see nor hear for the past four years was now in front of him breathing and still, ever so lovely. His heart sung a lullaby as the sight in front of him tug his heartstrings. His ears rung as he heard your voice like it’s some sweet melody. He felt his blood rush through his veins as he registers your image through his brain. You've changed. Physically but not wholly because he hoped that you're still the same person that he fell in love with. You looked happier. He knows that you're a renowned writer now and now achieving the dream that you've discussed with him over the time that you're together. You looked blooming. With no hesitation, he fell in love with you over again. "Ahh, It's Y/N, she's here. Finally, you're here. I've missed you love." he thought to himself sweetly. "But you looked so fine right now. Maybe you've got someone greater right now. Damn, he's so lucky. Maybe I just don't dwell in your life anymore." he realizes as sadness pooled his heart suddenly from the thought that there's no more hope of loving you again anymore. His inferiority complex got its way again. ~~ "Uhm, earth to our Stingyshimaaa" you've jokingly said as you tried to keep things natural. You and Yachi waved your hands to him in unison whilst Yamaguchi's helping Tsukishima with his dropped business. Tsukishima pretended as if nothing happened as he fixed his posture as soon as he took the pamphlet from Yamaguchi's hand and adjusted his eyeglasses as he continued to dwell himself into the pamphlet. "Oh, you're back," Tsukishima uttered calmly but his stomach's lurching from the thought that he can never feel your hold again. 

Everything's kinda uncomfortable because you're not in the same class with your childhood best friend Yachi. But no, you've decided to be strong, like headstrong! "I'M AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN!" you kept on to yourself to the point that it's starting to be your daily mantra from now on. So you fixed yourself, your posture, and you got rid of that uncomfortable state of yours and have started to look around the class and just started observing.

From:  You

To:  Yacchan  (｡♡‿♡｡)

Subject:  Separated

Why are we separated Yacchan?? (-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩___-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩)

~~~

From: You

To:   Y/N-chan  (｡♡‿♡｡)

Subject:   Re: Separated

I don't even know but any guys over there? (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

~~~

From:  You

To:  Yacchan  (｡♡‿♡｡)

Subject:  Simp

Hmm I see one. And he's beside me. 

He lookin sooo fineee...  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (ﾟοﾟ人))

~~~

From: You

To:   Y/N-chan  (｡♡‿♡｡)

Subject:   Re: Simp

⊙.☉

Chattering voices flooded, arms linking its way to another, utensils clacking, and bentos making its sounds around the room, you felt uncomfortable again. "Urgh" you exclaimed to yourself as loneliness and sun rays kept making its way onto you. "Huh?" suddenly, heat crept its way onto your ears and cheek as this tall and blonde guy that you're talking about with Yachi opened his book and slouched his body onto the table with a book in his hand as he swiftly blocked the sunrays that have been annoying the hell out of you since earlier. "Tsuki!! let's eat lunch!!" the green-headed boy exclaimed as he happily approached and invited this unknown specie. "Shut up Yamaguchi" he swiftly shut him down. harsh geesh. "Gomen Tsuki!!" he apologizes "But may I ask? aren't you hot from that sunray that's been hitting you? how long have you been sitting there? Do you want to transfer at my seat?" he continuously asked "Nah, I'm focusing here and sunlight directly produces my body's vitamin d requirement. So just shut up." You silently giggled upon his response to who is it? Oh, Yamaguchi. It's so damn good but you're thankful. Thankful for his wonderful action for you. "Wait? is it really for me?" you stuttered, suddenly waking yourself up from daydreaming. "Nah, hahaha maybe that's just a usual setting for him way back junior high" you reasoned out as you thought that this wonderful boy's actions aren't for someone like you. So you just kept on observing people, but despite taking back your wonderful thoughts about him. Still, this so-called Tsukishima piqued your interest and started doting your attention to him.

Classes started fine and good. You got comfortable with people inside your class. You didn't encounter any problems because you are indeed an independent woman! You can carry yourself in all kinds of situations because that's how adaptable you are. You're adaptable to situations because of your environment and how you're supposed to be like that. Everything's normal until you came on par with somebody. Everybody in your class is scared of how heated your rivalry is when class recitations are starting. It's known among teachers and students. L/N Y/N who excel supremely in studies and does crazy stuff to get by. On the contrary, Tsukishima Kei who's calm, goes by the principles. and doesn't give a fight. Doesn't give a fight. Most frequently, Tsukishima, your rival always admits his defeat as he doesn't put up much effort as he always says that he cannot overpower you that has superior intelligence than him who just read and goes by the principles.

"Come! Sit here Y/N-chan!! Yachan!!" Yamaguchi shouted over the chattering sound around the gymnasium while pointing over the bench where Tsukishima is sitting. While settling down the bleachers and preparing for the match that's about to start in about 20 minutes. You felt your phone vibrating.

"Oh gotta go down for a while. Omi-kun just texted me and I'll surprise him from the back and wish him good luck for the game," you told Yachi excitedly "Omi-kun? Do you mean Sakusa Kiyoomi?" Yachi asked and you nodded excitedly "OMG, HOW COME?? AND OMI-KUN? THAT GERMAPHOBE? YOU GOT TO BE CLOSE WITH HIM?" Yachi asked shockingly and she cannot believe whom you're acquainted with.

slap

"YAMAGUCHI! Do you have any beer left there? May I take a little sip? Oh, Hitoka-san, you love museums, right? I can get you discounts for its admission fees. Even for its events and else. I can get it for you. You can even take Y/L/N-san with you. I'll be working there next year anyway." Tsukishima halted with the sound of a pamphlet closing combined with a clap from the sound of his hands clashing together.

*•.¸♡ a/n: ahck one week with no update huhu sorry minna-san!! got caught up with exam and job applications. gomen. will do my best for the next one. n e way, love my experiments with this chapter. i did two generations of texting. first is by email and next is the modern one. that's a cool experience, I would say haha. so ya, thank you minna!!  it's tomorrow huhu  (╥﹏╥)

*•.¸♡ taglist ♡¸.•*  @maviiiiic @differentballooncollection @keikink​ @kodzu-ken​ @soleil-sole (will still tag u hehe :3)

[morningpages-louise]

November 01 - Setting intentions for November, looking back at 2018 so far, and Reminders and affirmations of life.

it's fucking november. what the fuck. this month, no this year, it went by so fast. i literally say that every year tho. we all do. why is that? the worst part is, most of us, including me, go by it without being mindful. without appreciating the things happening before us. we just kind of let these moments slide right through us. we forget to be mindful. we forget to take a breath, look around and appreciate. appreciate all that we have. appreciate this moment right here which will never ever be replicated. instead, we thinkin about what's lacking. we think about what could make these moments better. we bring in negativity into an otherwise perfect moment. it's annoying as hell but we all do it, we do it unconsciously. this negativity should not and will not rule over our lives. that's why this November, I VOW TO BE MORE MINDFUL--take deeper breathes. take things slower. not overthink every single fucking situation and just allowing each moment to pass. i really want to spend less time infront of my screen too. engaging in mindless social media which is so damn bad i dont know why im sucked into it so much :( but yeah. i just want to go back to the basics. slow down. appreciate. and cherish these last 2 months that I have left. because i will never have these months left. appreciate and take into grattitude.

i would also really like to just look at this year that went by because it's almost coming to a close. 2 months. you know what i find myself being so busy but I must never forget who i am and who my values are and what i value and why i took up all these opportunities in the first place -- for growth, to develop myself, to step out of my comfort zone and become more of the person who i am bound to be, whoever that is. sometimes i really feel like im being sucked in the system. it's like i forget the reason why i decided to do this work in the first place. and it's so damn important to never lose that. never lose that meaning and that reason and that drive that pushed us to try this new thing out in the first place. so damn important. huhu i feel like im on my flow. i love it when these moments come. work starts to be on autodrive and my mind is clearer, and i feel more motivated to work and all. but yes, it's november 2 now. i started writing this november 1.  I feel like when i started this term, i had a grip on my life. i had so much free time. i had a routine set in motion, but then it felt at times like i was just doing certain things for that tick on my planner, which is one of the reasons i stopped using my green bulletjournal. and i was just setting myself up to do so many things -- listen to the news, meditate, write, yoga, and all that stuff and the reality is, as simple as these tasks may be, i just didn't have the time to do most of the stuff and i wanted to do it out of impulse and not out of force, although i do know that that force is what makes certain tasks habits but you get what i mean. so yeah ive completely gotten rid of that way of living. now, it's just me and a black empty canvas and i kind of just choose how i go about my day. the things i want to do more of are

--> Find more time to Read. god, it's been so hard to slip in a quick 30 minutes or even a goddamn chapter :( i get so anxious man gud. so even if i do find a little hole for me to do what i love doing so much, i get an anxious feeling in the back of my mind which is annoying as hell.

--> Indulge in creative projects. no, not write for the sake of my damn internship and shit but create projects that give me joy. i feel like its so important to find time to do these things because being creative is a sort of portal to your soul. it taps into your consciousness and what interests you, what aspects fascinate you and all that stuff. for me, i'd really love to create more personal videos about important moments in my life. i've only done one video about my birthday but it felt so damn great to be honest. the next one i would like to do would be a video about my unit because that unit i hold so close to my heart man. so many memories. so many moments. so many people whove spent a certain amount of time at one point of their lives. im really obsessed with memories. i love saving them. i love keeping them and organizing them so i can look through them from time to time. yup i guess im floating. that's the song im listening to now. it's awesome. it feels like im stuck in a particular moment. held within time. that kind of stuff. god writing feels so good. it gives me a fucking high. makes me tap into my consciousness and check in on how im feeling. okay anyways getting a bit off track.

--> spend more time appreciating things and being in the moment rather than on social media. cmon guys, it's practically the last 60 days of 2018 and im gonna spend it attached to my goddamn phone? nuh-uh. the time for living should be now. the time for being aware and savoring every little moments and creating memories and cherishing them and just taking moments to feel goddamn alive you know. make this year worth something.

but honestly, it's hard to really look back at this year and see the growth that has transcended over the course of the few months. it's hard to look back because im living in it right now and i don't know. right now, it doesn't really feel like much has changed. it doesn't really feel like ive grown. or ive changed or ive bloomed which was literally this year's motto dba. that's why my peg for the whole year was a sunflower, inspired by tylor the creator's album sunflowers or whatever it was called. i still feel the same. i have felt like im the same person for so long to be honest. it never really feels like ive changed, but i bet i have. i just fail to see it. but honestly in terms of headspace, i can honestly say that i feel like im in a better place. im more at peace with certain aspects of my thoughts. ofcourse, i don't think we can ever really be fully at peace with ourselves, but in some way i feel like ive mended certain parts. i'm not in so much pain anymore. when i started the year, i had just broken up with my boyfriend of almost three years. ofcourse i still think about him every now and then, how can you not honestly especially when you spend so much time with a person like that, and it does still pain me when he chats with me to ask something or when i see him because i get a little hope extinguished in me of us getting back together even though i know in the end, despite everything, that we're better off apart. we're better off not together. because it was getting so bad. there was no fire. there was nothing. i felt like i was just forcing myself at times to like him. i didnt even look forward to seeing him whenever i came back from Manila, and that's not a good sign at all. so yeah, i know the most annoying advice ever is when people say time heals. it's so frustrating because you can't really do anyhing but let time heal you and well, it's true. it sucks but its so true. in time, you will just hurt less. there will be a time when his name comes up and it doesn't hurt so much or your thoughts don't start jumping up into nostalgic memories of the both of you. strangers again. it sucks but its the reality, i guess. i knw we shouldn't be together. we weren't a good match no matter how much nstalgia tells you otherwise. but i really really really hope to become good friends with him atleast. not be so fucking scared whenever im about to see him. not feel like i have to drink a whole fucking liter of beer before i see him. because in all honestly, he was such a good friend. so caring and so kind and he always tried to make a positive situation out of something so negative. his optimism sometimes annoyed the shit out of me especially when we were together because it's not as easy to just say like oh don't think about it like that. life is so much more complicated than that. its' a lot more complex. hay i really miss talking to him. he was such a good person to just let everything out to. i miss that the most. but it's okay. i have this morning thoughts now dba? to let everything out and just dump my thoughts and whats been circulating nonstop in my mind. cge anyways, what else. i feel healed. i feel like my headspace is better. well--i also feel like ive gotten better with regards to my connections. i love how this year, ive added new people to my circle. my favorite part. i love how this year has opened me to meeting more people. it has also let me become closer to my existing relationships. made it stronger and that makes me so happy. probably the most important thing i learned this year was the importance of connections, and that no man is an island. no matter how introverted we may be, we can't survive without having connected with other people. i really just want to have more of those throughout my life--genuine connections. where i can be myself and they can be themselves. and where we actually enjoy each others companies. not lackluster, shallow relationships that never seem to go beyond a certain level you know. i want deep, loving, intimate connections. i wish to find a tribe of people where i feel supported and everything. my life goal. but yeah im happy ive opened myself up to meeting new people. probably the biggest development of this year is well the fact that i now have an internship-say what? and or a company ive been following for quite some time nonetheless, mad travel. this whole year i feel like ive been trying to get a job and now i finally have found the time to do so and it makes me happy :) atleast. i know i am capable of gainig jobs and putting myself out there. i feel more confident applying for my jobs and my resue is looking fine. and although my internship is actually sort of a source of stress and anxiety these days, i shouldnt take it so goddamn seriously because in 2-3 years i will just look back at these moments and it wont even matter. what mattered is i did my best. i shouldnt take my work so seriously gyud. that's why i hate turning down friends or turning down invitations for my fucking work because in the end we all fucking die. in the end whatever titles we may have at the moment wont even fucking matter you know. we all die in the end so just live unapologetically and bear yourself to the world. that's so damn difficult and i feel like we take life so damn seriously. we really need to loosen up and have fun and not overthink every single fucking thing. why are we all so damn anxious? it makes me so angry like goddamn get it together. we have lost the true essence and meaning of our lives. we have forgotten why we are here in the first place. to love. to feel. to experience. to learn and most of all, to enjoy. okay that's my ted talk. goodbye and sayonarra.