#life hack is sexualizing chores so I actually do them

[natalunasans]

for the headcanon asks: the Master and all numbers. :3

prompts at: http://natalunasans.tumblr.com/post/163632792706/

OK so, for my version of S!M…

Something this character is truly proud of.getting along with Ten, and being trusted and needed by them.also, pretty much any cat anywhere in the universe is drawn to befriend him and he is proud of this, as anyone would be. ;)

Who they want to please the most. the doctor of course. mainly Ten. other versions… not so much (he always wants to make a good impression, though)he also eventually starts to learn to have friends… there’s Bill, there will be Donna… maybe others. he will want to make his friends happy, because that’s part of having friends.

Who depends on them. also Ten. they can’t sleep right without his dreamleading. they’re also less lost and chaotic with him there… as long as he doesn’t make things worse by hurting them. he’s slowly learning not to.Bill did depend on him while she was stuck in the Mondasian cyber-hospital, and at least he managed to keep her safe (see fix-it fic), which is more than Twelve did… she’s off on her own now, in London, but they still visit sometimes.

What they would do if they had one month to live. exactly what he’s doing now, because that could any time be true. hang out with Ten, invent stuff, eat good food, read, do music … just trying to have a life. 

A cherished personal belonging.his gallifreyan tools: fob-watch (that he’s hacked to display the web of time since his time-sense is broken), his laser screwdriver that he finally got working again.his key to Ten’s TARDIS, which he wears around his neck always, it’s a symbol that the doctor finally accepts him and trusts him, as himself.

Something they lost, but would love to have backhis TARDIS. he does actually get her back, but i haven’t written that story yet, only the one after it (oops)

This character’s favorite characterzombies. he always identifies with the zombies in those shows and movies because he’s not supposed to be alive either. he likes either the stories where the zombies are the antagonists (he roots for them anyway) or those few where the zombies are protagonists like In The Flesh.

What kind of car they would drive.i know nothing about cars, but he would… and he’d choose something red and fast and expensive.

What calms them when they are upset.being sat on by purring cats, loud music, tactile stims like fidgeting with TARDIS key or his fobwatch or clothing textures. deep pressure (sometimes Ten’s hugs but could also be heavy blankets).

How they deal with pain.that could be a novel… maybe it already is.first resort is doing something to take his mind off it (music or electronics or other hobbies)if it gets bad enough, but before it gets too bad, he can ask Ten to do telepathic pain control.after he gets his TARDIS back, he can go in the zero room because his own TARDIS can help him more than Ten’s can… or is willing to.sometimes he has to take medications but he hates the side effects and it doesn’t work as well as telepathic pain control.sometimes there is nothing to be done and he just has to hide and wait it out. if his body shuts down, he may sleep it off.

This character’s favorite piece or pieces of clothing.anything soft. hoodies, scarves, worn jeans, broken-in boots… usually black, grey, red colours.

How they sleep.not much… but basically when his body shuts down he sleeps wherever and whenever.

What kind of parent they would be.TERRIBLE HORRIBLE NOGOOD VERYBAD please do not give this person a kid (to be fair, this is the same i would answer about myself too)

How they did in schoolreally really well, but never quite matching the amount of effort he put in (opposite to the doctor, who managed to goof off and still succeed)

What cologne or perfume they would usenone, now, because chemical sensitivities, but he used to in other times and other lives. he kind of misses smelling good.

Their sexualityaromantic or wtf-romantic, probably demi and bi i guess(?)

What they’d sing at karaokeanything loud. probably those songs from LotTL (voodoo child, i can’t decide, etc.) for old times’ sake… maybe something from placebo or the pogues

Special talents they havegenius-level at telepathy and engineering, good at music, pretty good at art/handcrafts. very good at organising/tidying (which gets a workout because of the doctor’s infinite chaos & hoarding)

When they feel safestcurled up in bed with the doctor behind him and the doctor does the whole-body hug thing…it kinda hurts (because neuropathic pain) but it feels very very safe

Household chore they hate the mostcooking (he’s terrible at it; he never learned)

Their fondest childhood memoryhim and the doctor running around in his father’s lands on Gallifrey, innocent and free, when the whole universe was in their future.

How they spend their money.presents & hobby supplies

What kind of alcohol they drinkwhiskey? idk much about alcohol, but he would. even though it only works on Gallifreyans if they will their body to react appropriately to it, of course sometimes he would will his body to get drunk.

What they wish they could change about themselveshe has a lot of confusions still about identity. he doesn’t like the idea of having changed his habits, even though he’s happier now that he’s not trying to hurt people (especially the doctor) all the time. he has also turned all his ambitions of control towards trying to manage chronic pain but that’s still kind of embarrassing because he still has a lot of internalised ableism to figure out. basically he misses being a normal villain because it was simpler and neater than being a person. trying to be a person is very messy. it’s not that he wants to go back, because he’s all about adapting and moving on… but this new reality is just… still a bit strange.

What other people wish they could change about themMOOD-SWINGS.probably that whole amorality thing… some people probably wish he could change his past, but that’s silly. there’s reasons we have rules about that…

[writecraft]

Story and Character Set 4

Heartlines~ So this is about a very gay group of kids who find themselves, get hurt, fall in love and recover (not in this order). Touches a lot on transphobia, homophobia, racism, and the like. Main character is Benji, but I plan on having a few chapters in different characters POV. 

 Benji Einhorn~ Trans boy who has just begun his transition. (For the first few chapters he deadnames himself as he hasn’t picked a new name yet, but everyone he meets at the youth center calls him “Einhorn”, “dude”, “man”, or “B”. His parents consistently deadname him when they appear) Benji is a serious student who wants to develop apps and video games. He is a tech genius. He loves to write code and has successful hacked into several high end security systems when he gets bored. His parents want him to go to Harvard to major in business (he is a senior in high school), all while basically waiting to get married and be super heteronormative and terrible. Benji stumbles across the LGBT Youth Group that meets in a sketchy part of town as seeing a poster for it being torn down at his ritzy school. There he meets several people he knew his parents would never approve of, finds himself and falls in love with not one, but two people. (18 years old)

Anita Caldera~ Anita is a partially Deaf, a trans girl and the best lounge singer the city has to offer. She is one of the oldest of the attendees at the LGBT Youth Group, and is actually more of a volunteer. She helps run the organization as well as working at several other of the Youth Center’s organizations. She is a high school drop out who lives on tips and with the help of her roommate/best friend/boyfriend Luis. She likes to help people and prove people wrong. Her adoptive father is the current mayor of the city, but she became emancipated under circumstances that most of the city is unaware of. (18 years old)

Luis Duke-Banks~ Luis is the son of a heroin junkie and dead beat dad who was adopted by Mr. Colin Banks when he was 10 years old. He is currently in his first year of college for his degree in English Literature. He wants to be a high school student in the inner city where he grew up. Luis’ family has been involved at the Youth Center for years,and it basically a second home to him.  Luis runs several groups a week for kids whose parents are addicts or alcoholics. He works at the campus library and is a bartender on the weekends. He lives with Anita, who he met at the LGBT Youth Group when they were both 13 (bi and ready to try), and tries to avoid (not really) his many siblings. (19 years old)

Bridgit Grossman~ 30ish year old lesbian who lives with her wife of three years and their two dogs, Bridgit runs the LGBT Youth Group. She has a degree in psychology with a minor in gender studies that led her down this path and she loves it. She runs several other youth groups at the center, as well as working for a non profit group that provides therapy to underprivileged students in the inner city. Overall good lady, helps Benji meet up with people in the group who can help him out.

Oliver Snipp~ Has been coming to the Youth group since he was 6 years old. Knew he was a boy at a very young age and his parents have always encouraged him to express himself. His parents died when he was 11, and he was sent to live with his parents. Becomes fast friends with Benji. He loves video games and track, one of the fastest kids in the state. He is hyperactive and loves to talk, but is also a great listener. (17 years old)

Christopher “Topher” Mendoza~ His parents are famous journalists who met while volunteering at the Youth Center for various organizations. His father is bisexual and his mother is trans. He himself is straight and cis, but goes to lots of meetings for the LGBT group to talk to kids about how his parents are well adjusted queer people. He and Benji actually go to school together, and Topher was the one who was putting up the signs for the club at the school. Topher becomes Benji’s lifeline during school and they are good friends. (18 years old)

Silver Frank~Her and Benji grew up down the street from each other and have known each other for years. Silver is the first person outside of the Youth Group that knows he is trans. She is loud, funny and wants to be a vet when she grows up. She really just wants her friend to be happy. (17 years old)

 Demetri Lupei-Banks~ The oldest adopted son of Colin Banks, Demetri is happy-go-luck man who just got his first job in social work. He was 11 when he was adopted by Colin after his parents were murdered. He loves being an older sibling and would spend every day with his kid siblings if he could. Demetri is very open about his sexuality as bisexual and talks at the Youth Center a lot. He has been described as “terminally optimistic” by Luis. (24 years old)

Simon Banks~The youngest adopted son of Colin and Eve Banks (Eve had not been married to Colin when he adopted Demetri or Luis). Simon is one of the most grumpy kids on the planet. The only person he really likes is Demetri, and even then he acts like its a chore to be around him. He acts very mature for his age, but this is mostly because he has surrounded by so many people older than him. He was adopted as an infant, but Colin and Eve make sure he is properly educated about his Arabian culture. (9 years old)

Satomi “Tommi” Maki-Banks~ The only girl of the Banks family, Tommi is Autistic and often does not speak. She was adopted by the Banks when she was 13, and has never really revealed what happened to her before that. She is currently in school studying biochemistry, and she won a scholarship for her fencing abilities. Tommi loves her family and is usually very cheerful when she is with them. 

Kory Anderson~ Anita’s ex-girlfriend and current best girl friend, Kory loves to get people involved in the community. She is vegetarian and is occasionally the kind of person who would guilt you into not eating meat. She is bubbly and kind, and is currently working on becoming the first trans model. She is currently dating Aaron Rao, and boy does she think he’s cute. (19 years old)

Aaron Rao~Luis’ ex-boyfriend and current best guy friend. Aaron is an ex-junkie who has a young daughter that changed his life. He works as a mechanic and is so in love Kory its disgusting. He actually introduced Luis and Anita at a party one time. He is rough and sarcastic with a heart of gold. (20 years old)

Colin and Eve Banks~ Colin Banks grew up in the wrong part of town when his parents were killed when he was 4. He grew up being bounced from foster home to foster home. He was eventually taken in by a kind older man who pointed him the right direction. He taught Colin how to channel his anger into something constructive, like volunteering and kick boxing. He went to college for business and started several small business in the city that took off quickly. He gives to charities just about every chance he gets and is considered one of the better people in a terrible city. Eve grew up in the slums as well, but did not get so lucky as Colin. She put herself through community college, and worked her way to the top of the fashion industry in the city. They met in their 30′s and felt an immediate connection. Colin and Eve love their children very much, but would often like to sleep in more than they do. (Colin is 54 and Eve is 55)

Henry and Daphne Einhorn~Henry and Daphne are very flighty people. They do a lot of things out of a need to be at the top of the social pyramid. They often leave Benji home by himself, especially as he gets older. They come from a long line of old money, and are very traditional. Not the easiest people to get along with. Nice is different than good. (Both of them are 48)

Orion Calloway~ Mayor of the city and Anita’s adoptive father. He is very posh, rather prim man. He has been mayor for quite some time, but before that he ran many restaurants and nigh clubs. His mother was a Polish immigrant during WWII and he has become wealthy in a way to honor her memory. He donates money to the Youth Center every month, and is a part of many other charities. He adopted Anita when she was 11, before she began her transition. He himself is a gay man while a large “family” of others like him. However, Anita’s coming out drove a wedge between them for some reason, and she moved out when she was 17. Orion keeps an eye on her when possible. (Says he is 52, is actually 56)

There are a lot of minor characters in here as well. There are some very nasty people who crop up that I don’t really feel like writing about yet, but these are the main players. Some of this stuff gets heavy, but this is my favorite idea right now.

[razorblade-eyes]

Turning Menopausal Depression Into a Positive Experience

When we think of menopause, we imagine we will experience all the symptoms that our mothers told us about: the hot flashes, the extra weight around the waistline and the crazy erratic mood swings.

Yet how many of you associate depression with menopause? I definitely didn’t.

When my periods started to become irregular, I found myself fatigued more than usual, and definitely a little more snappy with the children. I knew my hormones were in flux, yet I thought I was actually doing quite well and holding it all together.

I definitely had the blues though. But, as I had experienced an emotional year with some family struggles, untimely deaths and then relocating to a new country, I still didn’t associate these stresses and feelings of sadness with depression.

My marriage was starting to suffer. At some point, my husband pulled me aside and asked me: Were we doing OK? Was I OK?

Without me realizing it, my blues had creeped deeper and deeper inside of me and had taken over my whole self: I really was very unhappy. I felt lonely and isolated, and had no desire to achieve the greatness I had once set out to do.

One of the things that struck me was watching my youngest boy. You see, he is like me in every way (with the exception of our gender): he takes on life with a sense of joy and wonderment, likes to live out each day to the fullest, and loves to experience adventures with people. All these traits that we once shared seemed lost to me; my youthful outlook on life had dwindled to the point where I felt dead inside.

Depression is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign that you were trying to be strong too long. — Sigmund Freud

We Don’t Have to Do It Alone

After my doctor diagnosed me with both perimenopause and depression, I went into a period of feeling ashamed.

How had I let myself become so depressed? I took on this responsibility fully.

How could I do this to my family? I felt a deep sense of guilt.

How could I have risked my marriage falling apart? I felt a failure as a wife.

This went on for a period of time until I decided to turn this whole situation around. I couldn’t let my depression take over my life like this: it was impacting all of those I loved, and I felt like it was ruining all our lives.

I started taking a course of medication and talking to my friends about what I was going through. I felt a sense of huge relief when I did — nobody judged me, everybody wanted to support me.

Additionally, I started making changes to my daily structure so that I no longer felt overwhelmed and also had a lighter schedule in case I was having a particularly bad day. All of a sudden the small changes I introduced were making a huge impact, a positive impact, where previously there seemed to be no end in sight.

Depression can consume us to the point of isolation and selfishness.

I realized that I didn’t want depression to own me; I wanted to have some control over it. This is not an easy task, I may add, but the will to live my life fully again gave me the determination to try all strategies.

I knew that I was normal and that I wasn’t a failure. Depression does not discriminate and can consume anybody. The simple truth is that we all have our problems. We are human, after all, and by sharing our troubles and taking positive action, we can reduce the unwarranted shame that depression hangs over us, and start to make a positive impact in our well-being.

As women, it is in our nature to be resilient. We avoid complaining, and do not want to be judged for it. This can leave us feeling like we are the only ones suffering, shameful about being depressed, and believing that nobody would understand what we are experiencing.

Why Do We Get Depressed During Menopause?

Depression can leave us feeling so isolated, yet the reality is much different: statistics show us that one-fifth of the population will have an episode of depression during their lifetime, and that women are twice as likely to be affected. Furthermore, there is evidence that perimenopause represents another period of vulnerability for women, with African Americans twice as likely to have depressive symptoms [2].

We are looking at a twofold problem here, as both physical and external factors are at play. On a hormonal standpoint, variability in estradiol levels and rising FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) levels during menopause increase the likelihood of depression [1].

Decrease in estrogen levels has also been associated with the mental health issues that women experience during this period, as there is evidence that estrogen has some mood-enhancing benefits. Moreover, the drop in estrogen can also lead to hot flashes that disturb sleep, which can in turn cause anxiety, fears, mood swings, and ultimately depression [2].

The external factors that may also impact women during this period cannot be ignored. We cannot blame our hormones for everything, and stress, body image, sexuality, infertility, or aging can all — alone or in combination — be at the root of emotional distress. Determining the cause and extent of your “menopause blues” is important, as is looking at all aspects of your life to see where you can lower your stress and make different choices that will allow you to maintain a feeling of calmness or equilibrium [3].

Nutrition, sleep, exercise, stress management and social support are different self-care options you can look at, as is receiving medical help that may include antidepressants, talk therapy such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Interpersonal Psychotherapy (IPT).

What I Did to Remain Positive During Depression

In order for me to get through menopause and deal with my depression, I used a strategy called  “notice and name” which I learned and adapted from my experience as a Precision Nutrition graduate. Whenever I was hit with a depressed mood, I would notice the signs and name them, with no judgement and no shame.

As I became adept at recognizing the circumstances that could trigger a depressed mood, I then made small changes in both my daily life and my mindset to try to stop the despair and sadness taking hold of me.

I now break my daily tasks down into small manageable chunks so that I don’t feel overwhelmed. If I can’t get through all the tasks I have assigned myself, I just do them the next day, rather than stress myself out to get them completed.

Another strategy is to make time for my family. Each day, I turn off my phone at 3:30 p.m. and don’t check it again until 9:30 p.m. at night when the children go to bed, and then I only look at it for 30 minutes.

I also plan my week so that it always contains a day fully dedicated to the things I want to do outside of work, chores or family obligations — making space for this “me time” is one of the luxuries for working for myself!

Using these strategies has allowed me to manage my stress so that the periods where I feel depressed are fewer and farther between. If and when depression takes hold to the point where I know my quality of existence is compromised, I let it happen. I tell my family what is happening and keep the dialogue flowing. I let them know when I need to be alone, when I need help, and when I need support.

This has proved to be a source of relief for me, knowing that I have a team of people behind me who love me and want me to be better.

I have also started to turn my thought process around, to try to focus on the positive aspects of what menopause really means to me.

I know that for many women, the end of menopause can be a liberating experience — let’s face it: no more menstrual periods or cramps to deal with! (My periods have been so heavy and irregular during menopause that I cannot plan for them, so the idea of being free of them is very exciting!)

My mood swings and depression are so unpredictable, as my hormones continue to be in flux, that knowing this phase isn’t going to last forever, and that these symptoms will start to subside when I am postmenopausal, gives me the strength to continue to push through each day.

Conclusions from a 4-year study at the University of Pennsylvania established that while the depressive symptoms increased as women entered menopause, they also decreased when women were postmenopausal [4]. This gives us ladies a glimmer of hope for the passing of the menopause period.

I now see this time of my life as a huge wake-up call, a chance to make decisions that are going to have a positive impact on my life and that of my family.

I still live with depression, and will likely continue to suffer for the next few years. What this means for me is that I have to be very aware of the factors that can impact my mental health on a daily basis. Understanding that depression does not define me and shouldn’t be stigmatized is part of the solution too, which is why I made the decision to openly discuss my issues — it has been, truly, a freeing experience.

Seeing menopause as a new beginning, the second half of my life is ready to be lived fully. So let the party start — soon!

References

Menopausal Symptoms and Their Management, Department of Obstetrics & Gynecology, University of Colorado School of Medicine http://ift.tt/2ydFOjL

Is Menopause Causing Your Mood Swings, Depression or Anxiety?, Cleveland Clinic Health Essentials http://ift.tt/2ttE7gL

Depression & Menopause, The North American Menopause Society http://ift.tt/2yYTbZ1

Hormones and Menopausal Status as Predictors of Depression in Women In Transition to Menopause, University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, Philadelphia. http://ift.tt/2gYKBmg

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