#let's examine the style! the choices about how to tell the story!

[fictionadventurer]

In my continuing quest to learn more about Laura Ingalls Wilder as a writer beyond the Little House books, one of the most surprising things I've learned is that apparently she wrote a small collection of cutesy poems about nature fairies.

They were originally published in a children's column in the San Francisco Bulletin in 1915, and are apparently about a couple of fairy characters who paint flowers and bring dewdrops and bring about other natural phenomena. This post goes into more detail about the poems, and the interesting blend of practicality and whimsy that goes into her presentation of fairies.

It also provides one of the poems.

And this quote about the importance of giving children fairy tales that's almost Chestertonian.

Wilder explained why she preferred such magical images of natural processes in a column for the Missouri Ruralist called “Look for Fairies Now.” She argued that children needed tales of fairies to help them see beyond the surface and to use their imaginations. In the olden days, she explained, farmers left some of their harvest for the Little People who “worked hard in the ground to help the farmer grow his crops.” Perhaps this idea was just superstition, she continued, “but I leave it to you if it has not been proved true that where the ‘Little People’ of the soil are not fed the crops are poor. We call them different names now, nitrogen and humus and all the rest of it, but I always have preferred to think of them as fairy folk who must be treated right.

On the one hand, this feels like just another example of how it was apparently a requirement for female authors of a certain era to write cute nature fairy poems. But with the context of the quote, it's also surprisingly fitting for who she is as an author.

[inkgobwin]

Monday 8th January 2024 - Let's Talk About... The Makeover in Marry My Husband (TvN).

Or Can adaptations stop making weird/bad style choices for their characters?

The ongoing adaptation of Marry My Husband by TvN has recently appeared in my explore and for you pages, which tells me that once again my information is known to these conglomerates "benevolently" trying to suit my tastes and that I had something new to avoid disappointment. I must say that I loved the romantic revenge webtoon comic of the same name, and after finishing the series was looking forward to an adaptation of the source material. However, after looking at other adaptations of webtoons, perhaps some stories are best left untouched on the phone screen and not live action.

Regardless, the comic has been adapted to the small screen and is now airing so as I saw my beloved protagonist grace my phone once more, I noticed something that bugged me. I am talking about the clothing, and how it's possible to lose things in adaptation.

I will speak on some key themes but try to avoid elements of the plot unless unavoidable.

A significant turning point in the webtoon happens as the main protagonist, Jiwon, has a makeover that culminates in a confrontation at a get together. The makeover is a common plot device, it signifies transformation of personality, the confidence of the inside is now reflected by the change of the person's outside. The live action drama follows this formula but, in my opinion, there is a flaw in their handling of this scene, the flaw is the styling of Jiwon.

At this point in the story, Jiwon is having to come to terms with her circumstance, (SPOILER)

she has reincarnated into her younger self with the knowledge that she will die at the hands of her husband and her supposed best friend, she adapts quickly but she is still brand new to this. However, by making beneficial and rewarding choices is able to accrue confidence. Among the first choice is befriending a younger colleague who invites her out and leads to the makeover.

In the webtoon comic, there is deliberate emphasis placed on the youth of Jiwon reliving her 20's and the older Jiwon, which is necessary since there isn't many visual markers that mark the older Jiwon to be significantly older than her 20 year old counterpart. The makeover understands this and places Jiwon in a white flowy blouse with blue jeans, contacts and curls her long brown hair to give volume to her typically straight hair. It's a markedly different character that exudes a vibrant light energy that suits big statement earrings.

The show on the other hand makes a bold decision, Jiwon's makeover ends up like this:

Spot Jiwon. Yeah, whoever made this choice needs to be fired. That might be harsh but this drastic change in source material needs to be examined and dismantled. (BTW: Jiwon is the right most female character in the screen grab.)

The original scenario has the characters dressed down and casual, in the adaptation, somehow everybody is formal but they're attending different occasions. Sumin (left most female character) is attending a formal work party, JiHye (middle of the three female characters) is in a casual jumper and Jiwon decided that she's going to wear a bold glamorous dress, perhaps she's going to the Oscars? This is bad. Inexcusably bad on the part of the stylist. At the very least, even with the changes to a more formal restaurant setting, their level of formality should match one another. Even if Jiwon is meant to stand out, it is possible to do that without putting her in a dress that is far too formal and daring for this scenario.

I'll address several of my grievances in bullets:

Jiwon would not have the confidence to wear a dress as daring as the one in the show. The scene ends with her running in tears away from the restaurant, she may be more confident than she was before but at this point in time, she is still vulnerable and hasn't found the support she'll later receive.

Jiwon and Sumin are rivals despite being best friends, they are meant to look similar to one another. As a result, Jiwon's makeover is meant to mimic Sumin's general style. A focal point of this arc is the statement earrings that are ugly on the protagonist but suit Sumin. Jiwon adopting Sumin's style, her flowy outfits, curled hair and earrings are used in part to demonstrate that Jiwon now understands the game that Sumin's played and can use it to her advantage. Choosing to differentiate the way they're dressed takes away from the visual storytelling of the webtoon.

The Hair. I'm sorry but even if I love a good short hair moment, this ain't it! As I highlighted before, Jiwon and Sumin are meant to look somewhat similar, their hairstyle is meant to draw comparison seeing as they both have long brown hair. Jiwon changes her style as the webtoon progresses and keeps the volume but doesn't always have it curled whereas Sumin tends to always have big statement curls. Cutting Jiwon's hair is a mistake, it's too strong and makes her look too mature, SHE'S IN HER 20'S. Putting her in a gown with a statement bob doesn't always make you look old but in this instance the immediate visual reads as OLDER woman. Sidepoint - Having a woman who is seeking revenge chop her hair into a bob is a cliche and when the source material allows for you to creatively overcome this, choosing the bob is a crime. IT IS A CRIME!

In my humble opinion, this was a missed opportunity that someone in production should have looked into. I joked that someone should be fired for this but this may not have been their call, it might have been budget, or the changes in script that forces changes like this. However, I think that in terms of adaptation, they should have someone who loves the source material so much that they can preserve the visual aesthetic of the webtoon and help it translate to the small screen. Who knows? All I know is... I hate that fuck ass bob.

(For real though, I hope that this adaptation goes well and all the best to the actors in the drama, they are gorgeous.)

[lizhly-writes]

for the recent ask game: 1, 7, 19, 22, 36 :), 55, 73?

(sorry, these are just such interesting questions, i did try to limit myself i promise)

ahahahaaaa okay

1. Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

truly i'd like to say that i enjoy writing multi-chaptered fics more. my ambition is grand! alas: my writing stamina is weak. i'm more prone to comfortably writing 500 words and cutting it off there. nobody resents this more than me.

so i suppose it's accurate to say i prefer writing oneshots and resent the fact that i prefer i writing oneshots.

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

so for multi-POV works of fiction, i essentially switch when i get bored, or when i can't figure out where to go next. if i'm bored, then the next character should be more interesting; if i can't figure out where to go next, then i probably don't have a good grasp on at least one of the characters and need to get inside that character's head to do an examination.

for single POVs? it'll just be whoever I've decided will be the Main Character!!!

19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

...boringly enough, it's kim dokja. if you don't include characters, i'm afraid to say that everything is very, very even.

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

hmm. so i don't think i'll ever write anything that will require me to put a Dead Dove: Do Not Eat warning on it. any particular tropes themselves, i probably wouldn't shy away from at least implying, but it's incredibly unlikely that i would -- or even could! -- go far enough to say "YEAH I REALLY MEAN IT THERE'S A DEAD DOVE IN HERE", you know?

maybe the dove will be sleeping. maybe you will think the dove is dead but actually, surprise, it was alive the whole time. it is really hard for me to mean it enough to tell you this kind of thing, you know? i don't have the stomach for it.

36. How do you write kissing scenes?

I was WONDERING what the smiley face was for.

sometimes unromantically (i have described a kiss as tasting like spit more than once), but usually quite abstractly. there are some details thrown in - soft lips, warm mouths, hot tongues, this kind of thing. but am i describing what any of those are actually DOING? eh. not necessarily. does it work? who knows? not many of the kiss scenes i've written have actually made it out into the wild, i don't get much feedback on them.

sometimes i just go 'they kissed' and then i write about the panic that happens after that.

55. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

currently, it's my oc, yang haoran. i don't really have a favorite when it comes to fandom. for some reason, i haven't gotten quite the same joy out of breaking someone else's character in half, you know?

it's probably him because i definitely had some of y'all who enjoyed the story he's in and said some nice things about it. if i hadn't, it's unlikely i would have written him for long enough that i like him this much ahaha

73. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

this is frankly a bit hard because i'm not terribly self aware about my own writing. i would have to say that often times, i don't let tension last long. in longer works, it's unlikely i can stay serious for very long; there's likely going to be a one-liner or joke that's popping up.

i'm also pretty fond of using repetition, often times in the same sentence, to smooth things out or to really hammer in a joke. i REALLY like using hyphens. I have a tendency to start paragraphs with ellipses (thanks, orv), and this certain way of structuring sentences (THANKS ORV) like so:

"This type of phrasing, I'm told it's incorrect", instead of "I'm told this type of phrasing is incorrect."

send me an ask!

[bearbleps]

I "took off the goggles" the other day when I went to the wine section at the supermarket (Note: I don't normally drink or buy wine).

And let me tell you, I nearly went insane. I mean not just from a leisurely stroll through the wine section, but actually being in the moment and allowing my senses to be bombarded by all that is ***the wine aisle***. I examined all the sorts of styles/colors - looking at an entire row at a sharp angle and seing a pretty gradient of dark red/light red/pink/orange/yellow/gold - inspecting individual bottles, contemplating their art design, font and word choices, and reading the copy on the back describing either the flavor and aromas of the wine or the company itself.

Did you know there is a wine called 19 Crimes? On the back, it explains that in late 18th century Britain, there were 19 crimes "punishable by transportation" which meant the convicts were shipped off to a a penal colony in Australia. "This wine celebrates the rules they broke and the culture they built."

Stripping away any pretense or past knowledge, I had to take stock of where I was and what I was reading.

- I was in a grocery store in America

- This bottle of wine was from Australia, the complete opposite side of the globe.

- The text on the bottle completely avoids talking about the flavor or aromas of the wine itself

- Instead it gave me a small snippet of world history, claiming that convicts colonizing another continent should be celebrated.

- The bottle was $8.99 USD

- There were roughly 200 other bottles of wine surrounding me - any of which could similarly blindside me like this wine just did.

What were the crimes? (or rules as they lightly put it) What culture did the convicts build? This wine just became homework.

After doing some research on the history of 19 Crimes, I discovered they partnered with Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart for 2 new wines. And each bottle of wine is meant to be scanned with a phone using an AR app which pulls up more information on the flavor profile of the wine and the story of the featured convict on the label. I also learned that the convict colony in question became Sydney and its surrounding areas. I read about the hardships they faced in the early years, common amongst other nascent colonies across the globe: how they struggled to use the land efficiently to grow/hunt food and subsequently faced food shortages, how the native population didn't exactly like the colonizers being there, how periodically disease would ravage the colonist and native populations alike, how uprisings, rebellions, takeovers, and declarations shaped the burgeoning political and economic landscape of the new society.

And this fucking wine bottle was telling me that should be celebrated. Obviously I hold no harsh feelings against current Sydney and I have no strong feelings towards Australians one way or the other. It was just the way that the history was presented in such a way that didn't sit well with me. It only raised more questions. Is sending criminals to a foreign land an effective punishment strategy? What, if any, are the effects of the origins of a colony on the trajectory of that new society? By focusing on struggles of the convicts who "beat the odds and overcame adversity to become folk heroes" as the 19 Crimes website puts it, is this a form of Aboriginal erasure? Is it just coincidence that many of the stories featured by each edition of wine were about convicts who later emmigtted to the US? How does the inclusion of the Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart wines affect the message of the brand? It quickly became too much for me to handle.

Sorry if this addition has a more critical tone than the originally intended tone of "whimsical joy" or whatever. But if you wear the goggles all the time like me, you have to be careful not to blind yourself taking them off willy-nilly. Because to me, what also lies on the fringes of vision besides the simplistic pleasantries of everyday life, are these bizarre and confounding takes on the human experience, glossed over and packaged up nicely to sell you something.

On a lighter + adjacent note i love dis tweet + these QRTs of it ^_^... literally...

[videoproductioncompanyindia]

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[zorilleerrant]

The trouble with getting people to read comics canon, instead of fanworks, is that, well. If someone only reads fanfic, then, yeah, sure, a lot of comics fans are going to have a low opinion of them, and maybe occasionally harass them or leave negative comments on whatever they create, but for the most part, it's easy to ignore those people. Someone saying, "you must read this," "you're a bad person for not reading that," "you shouldn't be allowed to exercise your creative impulses until you meet this arbitrary threshold," like that's obviously patently ridiculous.

But once you start reading comics, those same people start getting personal. They'll start telling you to die over liking or disliking the wrong thing, calling you slurs over interpreting something differently than they did. Quizzing you on the most minute details of something you never claimed to have read. Their comments will go from short aggressive statements to long diatribes nitpicking every single thing you did wrong, and they'll think they're helping when they do this. They'll sound, somehow, even more condescending when they say all of these things.

And it's not just the gatekeepers, either. There's a sense of community in fandom, but it's the kind where the different cliques sit at different tables, and the "I only like fanon" table is pretty warm and welcoming, and not too concerned with how anyone spends their time. The more you get into canon, even before you hit the people who read (and hate) every single comic, you start reaching tables where most of what people say is "you're a bad person for not including this character" and "you're a bad person for not having an in depth understanding of that character when you do write them." This interpretation of a character or plot or world is right, that one is wrong. These are the types of fics you can write, and those ones are bad. You're stupid if you want to examine xyz.

When fandom is fandom (and not a contest), most people are cool with someone knowing or not knowing a fic. If someone hasn't heard of something popular, people get excited to share it. When someone knows something really obscure, people get excited to hear about it. And, generally, if you like something other people don't, then kink tomato. And if you don't like something they do? Ah, don't like, don't read, room for everyone with every kind of taste.

But when you get into the canon, there's all kinds of unwritten rules. No one accepts some particular story as canon, and there's an established explanation for that other thing so you're not allowed to wonder about it. Here's a bunch of contradictory plot points, but these are the right ones. This character is important, and you must care about them. This other one isn't, so you can't. This is how this character is, it isn't how they were before, but it is now, and that's more important. If you're not up to date, fuck you.

And even when people aren't trying to tell you what to think and how to feel and which things you have to acknowledge, there's still the loneliness of consensus pervading everything. If you love some extremely popular arc of some extremely popular title, great. Maybe you feel vindicated that your favorite story won some awards. But then there's something else that won awards, got huge critical acclaim, has tons of fans. And you thought it was mediocre, or even terrible. Do people go, okay, to each their own, and let up? No, they snidely explain why you're wrong, actually, and then pressure you into reading more of the same style of content.

In fandom, if you dislike a particular author, you just find a new one. Even for the same character, it's usually pretty easy to find an author with style, content, and tone you like, that you think is good, or even great. For really minor characters it can be an issue, but for major characters, or tropes, or settings, or whatever, there's choices. If you want to read ongoings there's a single person writing the character you like, regardless of how much you enjoy their writing. A single artist no matter how much you want to look at that art. And, worse, it's one person writing half of comics at any given time, so it's not like you can just turn to a different character, either. You just have to put up with him until he gets usurped.

In fandom, when you don't like some super popular work, people nod and move on. They don't care that you didn't read that fic, or you don't follow that other artist, or you don't agree with some headcanon that went viral. Once you start reading comics, you can't just skip the ones you don't like, because people will start going wait, you read comics but you didn't read that one? Suddenly you're expected to know everything that ever happened to any character in any comic, or get people leaving you threatening notes.

Because it's not just "read any comic ever," it's "read one comic now, it's easy." And then it's, "I only expect you to know the basics, the really famous stories." And then it's, "I don't see why you can't read through the main canon. No one's asking you to read all the crossovers." And then it's, "I just think if you write a character you should be familiar with them. Why haven't you read all of their appearances? Just main series, nothing drastic." And then it's, "why don't you know this very famous AU? Why don't you know this popular crossover? Why don't you know this retelling, this reimagining, this possible future?" Very quickly, "just read one comic" turns into "read every single comic I've read and none of the ones I haven't, or I'll leave you nasty messages." Plus, you know, you better agree with what each comic meant to each individual person who interacts that way.

Is it any wonder people just want to stay away from all that?

[nayablog2]

Carefully examine the novetel Denny Ja 2: A secret love

NOVETEL DENNY JA 2: A secret love is an essay poem written by Indonesian famous writer, Denny Ja. This essay poem is a sequel to the previous essay poem entitled Novetel Denny JA: Hidden Secret. In this essay poem, Denny JA presents a love story full of mystery and intrigue that will make the reader fixed on every page. In examining this essay poem, we will carefully review the various aspects that exist in this story. From an interesting plot, a strong character, to the features of the language style used by Denny JA in delivering this story. Let's explore deeper. First of all, let's discuss the plot of this essay poem. The plot of the novetel Denny Ja 2: The secret love is very interesting and full of surprises. This story tells the story of a young woman named Sarah who was involved in a complicated love triangle. He fell in love with a man named Rafa, but apparently Rafa also had a relationship with his own best friend, Lisa. The love story of this triangle became more complex when Sarah discovered that Rafa also had a relationship with another woman named Maya. How does Sarah face this complicated love? Who would be chosen between Rafa, Lisa, and Maya? All of these questions will be answered in this essay poem that makes the reader continue to want to continue reading. In addition to interesting plots, the characters in this essay poem are also very strong. Sarah is described as a woman who is intelligent, strong, and full of ambitions. He is not only trapped in the problem of love, but also must face various other conflicts in his life. Rafa, Lisa, and Maya are also described quite in detail, so that the reader can feel the emotions and conflicts they experience. The style of language used by Denny Ja in this essay poem also deserves praise. He uses simple but striking language, so that makes this story easy to understand and easy to read. He also uses a variety of different styles of language, such as detailed descriptions, live dialogue, and monologues in the minds of its characters. NOVETEL DENNY JA 2: A secret love also presents an interesting theme, which is about complicated love and difficult to understand. Through this story, Denny Ja invites the reader to reflect and question what exactly is the meaning of true love. Is love only about strong feelings or anything else to consider? In his conclusion, novetel Denny Ja 2: A secret love is an essay poem that should be considered. Denny Ja succeeded in creating an entertaining work but also invited the reader to think. Interesting plots, strong characters, and good style of language making this essay poem deserve high appreciation. For lovers of essay poetry, especially those who like romantic stories with interesting twist, Denny Ja 2 novetel: A secret love is the right choice. This essay poem will invite the reader to be involved in a complicated love story but full of valuable lessons.

Check more:

[its-just-a-game-games]

Devlog 1: Building blocks

For this first devlog I thought I'd focus less on the game's current state (since it's pretty unremarkable at the moment), and instead talk about how this project came to be and what decisions about the fundamental building blocks were made and why. According to Google Keep, I made the first note with the tag "vampire" on 30 October:

I don't want to spoil any lore right now and will probably write a whole devlog discussing it and my relationship to lore in general, so let's just say that I spent the first week or so doing mostly research.

My first instinct was to make a visual novel or a text adventure, as these are genres I play and enjoy somewhat frequently. Then I remembered Some Sword, Some Play, and decided to go for a CYOA-style interactive fiction thing. I had played around in Twine before, and after some tests decided to go with its SugarCube format, because it seemed to have less automatic formatting etc. The default save system is also neat.

Why vampires? Idk, they’re cool I guess? I’m probably not the only one who’s had a fascination with vampires for a good chunk of their life. Interestingly, I haven’t been that stuck to any specific vampire media, other than Castlevania and, recently, VtM: Bloodlines. With this project I want to examine one aspect that is very present in most vampire stories, but, to my knowledge, isn’t explored that often. And even if it has been, this will be my take on it, so at least I will find it valuable.

I suppose I need to talk about the story now, since that's probably what most people have come here for. I have the main "purpose" of the narrative figured out and have some kind of a macrostructure in my head, which are usually the first things I establish when starting to write. I've also come up with the main characters and decided to begin the story kind of like a dating sim, obviously without any stats or gameplay loops. I’m pretty set on the intro and what happens after the first big choice, but I’ve been having trouble with introducing supernatural elements in a natural (heh) way. After all, I’d like to maintain a sense of “realism”, and I doubt most people would go on a second date with somebody who’s telling them with a straight face how they need to drink your blood to keep themselves sane.

I think that's all for today, I've got no clue how often I'll be posting these but see you then.

[italkinreblogtags]

I think it’s great that so much of the pokespe fandom collectively agrees on Green as a mentor, but I want to examine his mentoring style, since I feel like this is overlooked. (And also because I have nothing better to do with my limited free time than post about my blorbo)

I’ll start with Green’s own mentors since it can say a lot about his teaching later on. First off, it’s kind of clear that his two “mentors” growing up aren’t… great? Sure I have to speculate how Oak raised his grandson but given how Green acts at 7 and what he says in FRLG, it’s difficult to believe Oak was a good example of a role model. And then there’s Chuck. Despite how Green feels toward Chuck in GSC, the guy still dunked Green’s head in water within ten seconds of meeting him and probably scared the living daylights out of him lol. Regardless, I don’t think it’s a reach to think Green might emulate the style of Oak and Chuck’s teaching, especially since he respects them.

To get into canon, I’ll go over each of Green’s “students”: the camper (I think his name is Evan), Yellow, and Silver. With Evan, one of the first things Green tells him is exactly what he learned from Chuck: that a trainer has to train themselves first and foremost. In addition, Green doesn’t hesitate to make this clearly pokemonless and young child go into the power plant to get his pokemon back. However, I find it interesting that Green doesn’t yell at the kid, and keeps his cool even when the kid puts him in mortal danger by announcing his relations to Agatha. I guess Green yells through the pokedex but I wouldn’t call it the same as Chuck yelling at kid Green in the GSC flashback. I don’t think Green is a bad mentor here, not at all, but his style was reminiscent of the tough love he was trained with.

I don’t have much to say with Yellow as his other student. Green obviously had different expectations for Yellow than Evan given Yellow was tasked with finding Red, so he doesn’t even try teaching her much at first. What little teaching is shown after still feels on the harsh side. I do like how he doesn’t force her to evolve her pokemon for strength, even if he disagrees with the choice, and trains her to make the most of her decision.

Silver is a different story. I really love the moments Green has with Silver in FRLG, but if you read closely what he says to Silver during the Giovanni scene, it’s… not really what Silver needs to hear. I can’t reread that scene and think Green would be a great mentor for Silver at that very moment, but the important part is that he tries. He tries to be there for Silver and tries to include him in the group. Green is 16, he’s not going to get everything right. I headcanon him as a mentor a lot, but he’s by no means perfect and beloved by his mentees 100% of the time. I think he’d offer Silver his place to crash at, but he’s not going to be on call to make sure Silver is fed and comfortable and not having mental breakdowns. He’s always been more of the person who expects Silver or any of his mentees to take care of themselves, whether or not they can. And looking at the FRLG conversation again, Green is more likely to say “get over it and do what you need to do” than “let it out and move on” in most contexts. He’s obviously changed a bit by HGSS and even more by XY, but that doesn’t have anything to do with my point of his mentoring before he’s an adult.

Basically, I am not saying he’s a bad mentor, but that he’s a particular type of mentor, influenced by the way he was taught and raised. I’m probably yelling into the void and reading too much into it, and I highly doubt Kusaka thought about this when writing Green, but oh well I can’t help the brain worms. 

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Pregnant!Female!Reader) pt. 14

Hannibal reads too much into Max's attempt to reconcile and cult girl revisits her past.

@wisesandwichshark @pearlstiare

Trigger warnings: discussions of death, abandonment, military casualties, emotional abuse

You soon returned to the opera knowing you had nothing to hide. Hannibal selected for you an off-white maternity gown so form-fitting it was practically painted on. He wanted everyone to see that you, his queen, empress and goddess, were carrying his child.

It only took that evening for the whole dynamic to change. Suddenly, you were an expectant new mother. Imogen had been a massive hit, you were planning to go again.

You were affixing your heavy cubic zirconia earrings when you heard a knock at the door. You hesitated, but hurried down the stairs when you saw who it was.

"Max?" You said, upon opening the door. He stood there awkwardly, holding a bouquet of flowers. "Hi?"

"Hey, [F/N]." Max greeted, eyes darting nervously around the porch. "I just came around to apologize in person. I'm sorry I was such a chauvinist prick."

You leaned against the door. "Oh?"

"You were right." He continued. "I don't know what it's like to carry a baby, and, unless something goes very wrong, I never will."

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that." You smiled.

"Anyway, these are for you." He said, handing the bouquet over. "They're chrysanthemums."

"Thank you, Max." You said, accepting the flowers.

"Archie and I-" He scratched the back of his head. "We thought that, maybe, if you'd still have us, that we'd name the baby Chrysanthemum. With your permission, of course."

"Like the picture book?" Your face lit up. "With the little mouse girl?"

Max nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, exactly."

You hugged the bouquet into your chest and considered it again. You looked back at Hannibal, who hadn't looked up from his expectant fathers' website for a second all day. He surrounded himself with books about child psychology, attachment theory, developmental behavior patterns and somehow found himself on a tangent about institutionalized misogyny in medicine.

"I'm sorry, Max." You said, sincerely. "I really do appreciate you coming down here and apologizing, but-"

Max put his hands up and gave you a disarming smile. "I understand. Plans change."

"I just really want to stress that it's not you." You assured him. "I've kind of... really grown to like the idea of being a parent. And I think that was Hannibal's plan all along, too."

"I believe a congratulations is in order, then." His voice turned up in delight. "I'm very happy for you. Both of you."

You clutched the bouquet to your chest. "Thank you."

"Well, I'd better get going." He stepped backwards down the stairs. "I've got three pints of Ben and Jerry's in the backseat and Archie'll have my head if I come home and they've melted."

"Max, wait." You stopped him before he could get down the driveway.

"Hm?"

You leaned against the threshold and smiled warmly. "Don't be a stranger, okay?"

Max returned the smile. "Of course not."

You waved goodbye and shut the door. You hurried to the kitchen to put the flowers in water before you had to go.

"Who was that, love?" Hannibal asked, half-heartedly. He was still very fixated on his research.

"Max Thomas-Park." You answered, unwrapping the flowers from the decorative plastic.

Hannibal looked up from his computer, but left the room silent for you to fill.

"He wanted to make amends." You explained. You walked across the room to the china cabinet and selected a vase big enough to hold the ornate bouquet. "Brought flowers and everything."

"Chrysanthemums?" He asked, sniffing the air.

"I see your sense of smell is coming back." You commented.

"Interesting selection." He narrowed his eyes on the bouquet.

"Well, he said that was what he wanted to name the kid." You offered. "It was a cute pitch, not gonna lie."

Hannibal shut his laptop and examined the bouquet up close. "If he wanted to express regret, he would have done better to bring you blue or purple hyacinths."

"Well, like I said." You made a point to project a little more. "He said he wanted to name his daughter chrysanthemum."

"Mums are given to show sympathy for those in mourning." Hannibal continued, clearly having his own conversation.

"Hannibal-"

"I think your cousin got her hooks in him and he's planning to--" He cut himself off, lest he speak the unthinkable into reality. "That's why he brought mourning flowers."

"Max Thomas-Park is conspiring with Anna to kill our unborn baby?" You said, flatly, to emphasize how insane he sounded.

Hannibal held a bloom between his fingers and looked closely at it. "It's the kind of hint I would leave. For courtesy's sake."

"I think looking at parenting blogs all day has made you a little paranoid." You observed, knowing full well that an overprotective husband and soon-to-be father of your child was not a bad problem to have. Nevertheless, you shut the laptop and touched his cheek. "Come on. We're going to be late for the opera."

You heaved yourself into the passenger's seat of the car, feeling the seat give beneath your heavy frame. Every time you got into the car, you remembered that you needed to shop for a car seat. The thought just as soon left your mind every time. 

“We need to look for a car seat.” You said as Hannibal shut the door, hoping that he’d remember. 

“I mean,” Hannibal blurted out, still lost in his own conversation. “Max is a cultured and well-educated man. He has to know the implications of his flowers.” 

You huffed, dreading to think that paranoid delusion was symptomatic of his parenting style. “Right. The twenty-seven year old data analyst who graduated with a finance MBA from UChicago is also proficient in the outdated and frivolous language of flowers.” 

“In Italy, mums are only given as comfort for loss.” Hannibal said with undeserved conviction. “Exclusively, [F/N].” 

You rolled your eyes and typed something up on your phone. You raised your eyebrows, feeling a bit proud of yourself for what you found. 

“In Korea, y’know, the country that Max’s family is from,” You corrected. “The chrysanthemum is a symbol of friendship.” 

Hannibal tensed up for a moment, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. It was as if he were trying to break himself out of a trance. “...I’m sorry, darling.” 

“I know you’re scared.” You stared at his profile, trying to make out an expression. “I’m also... pretty scared. But you can’t take it out on a guy who has nothing to do with it.” 

“I am scared.” He affirmed, but the way in which he did was a telltale sign that he wasn’t giving you the full story. 

“Of?” You raised your eyebrow. “Finish the sentence, Hannibal.” 

"I need to keep our baby safe." He answered. "And I cannot in good conscience let her come into the world knowing that someone wants to hurt her. To hurt you."

You sighed. "Hannibal, are you seriously still worried about Anna?"

"Don't underestimate the role privilege and entitlement plays in the decision to commit acts of violence." He enunciated carefully. "You of all people should know that."

"Anna has cultivated such a perfect victim image to project outwardly that even a hint of proactive violence would shatter it." You explained. "She's the poor girl who has things done to her. Her evil cousin ruined her marriage. Her evil cousin destroyed her career. And she's the innocent victim in all of it."

"Logically, I know that you can speak on her behavior with more authority than I." Hannibal admitted.

"No shit." You scoffed. "I had to live with her."

"Can we at least entertain the idea that she has something planned?" He pleaded.

"I'm surprised at you." You said. "You never really struck me as the overly-cautious type."

Hannibal shook his head. "With my own life, I'm willing to gamble. But not when it's you. And not when it's Imogen."

You tensed up. His admitted willingness to put himself in danger unlocked a core memory you had buried deep down. The only thing you knew about your own father was that he was willing to put himself in danger. To go overseas and die for fuck-all instead of live for the child he selfishly created then abandoned. He chose to give his life for oil. You didn't choose to grow up without a father and your mother didn't choose to raise a child without a partner. He made that choice for you.

"Now what are you not telling me?" Hannibal broke you out of your trance. "I know that look, [F/N]."

"Nothing." You shook your head. "You should really not plan on dying anytime soon."

"I promise you, I am not going anywhere." His voice softened. "Least of all, to Iraq."

"Okay, you're a pretty good therapist but you never told me you could read minds." You threw your hands up in defeat. "Are you a psychiatrist or are you Loki?"

"As fun as being the god of mischief would be," Hannibal smiled to himself. "I just happen to have a steel-trap memory and an admittedly quite obsessive fixation on the mental health of the mother of my child."

"I swear to god I never told you about him." You denied. "Not even in passing."

"You didn't have to." He assured you. "Beatrice did."

You were surprised for a fraction of a second until the information sat in your head long enough to realize it wasn’t surprising in the slightest. Beatrice took every opportunity she got to brag about her son's sacrifices. She never once mentioned the sacrifices he forced upon you. Only that her son was a hero.

"Did you get the 'don't believe anything [F/N] has to say about my son' speech?" Your voice flattened in complete non-surprise.

"It was a prepared speech?" Hannibal chuckled. "Pity. I thought I was special."

"She gave it to my first boyfriend." You rolled your eyes. "We were, like, fifteen."

"The root of your psychological issues becomes clearer every time we talk about Beatrice." He commented under his breath.

"I know." You conceded.

He pulled into the parking lot, turned the car off and placed his hand over yours.

"Your father was a coward." He said, bluntly. It was nice to hear what had been echoing in the back of your head out loud for once. "I know no country to serve. No god to glorify. I promise, you have the whole of me. My mind, body and soul belongs to you and our child."

You squeezed his hand. "I couldn't ask for anything else."

[radiosandrecordings]

Been thinking recently about queer theory in audio, specifically in regards to intimacy and how different identities have different needs and how this interacts with the medium. 

The big examples, and the one I see most frequently talked about, are kissing noises, usually in regards to some of the Big Podcasts, TMA and Penumbra (It doesn’t really seem to come up in a lot of the other big podcasts - TAZ is a TTRPG, not an audio drama, W359 has no romance, there’s kissing in The Bright Sessions but it doesn’t seem to be that big anymore)

Here you’ve got to examine both what purpose the kissing serves, and what it actually sounds like, and to do that you have to take in to account the context of the show, the soundscape at large + the directing style, etc etc. Penumbra is easiest because it has what I would consider to be not a realistic audio style, but not an unrealistic one either. It doesn’t care about how you’re hearing this, there’s no framing device, so spatial awareness isn’t really done with rigidity - You can hear people talking, you can hear the THEIA talking to Juno, you can hear Rita over whatever she uses to communicate with Juno etc. I think S1 is best to examine here because S2 doesn’t really focus on romance, but S1 is primarily a noir romance, with all the heaviness and passion that that entails. When Juno and Peter are kissing you can hear it, and there’s a reason for that outside of genre convention too. Sophie Takagi Kaner specifically wanted the kissing to be very in-your-face (or. ear.) because they wanted the queerness, and specifically in this case the sexuality aspect, to be something unavoidable. The first arc ends with two queer people making out and you can’t avoid it, and that’s the intent! The genius of it though is that it’s also made to be plot relevant - This is Peter using his sexuality as a distraction, he’s sexy and he knows it and he’s about to escape into the night like the thief on a mission he is. And it doesn’t sound wrong in the soundscape, the whole show up to that point as been quite over the top, so this doesn’t sound out of place. The combination of dialogue, sounds, and Juno’s noir detective monologuing over the scene make it work.

Now take something like TMA. TMA also features a queer couple, but the big difference is that you do not hear anything intimate going on beyond a hug. And yes, part of this has been said on the director’s behalf to be because they just couldn’t get the kissing to sound good on audio, but whether it was the intention or not, another key difference is the fact that one of the two characters is ace. And it adds this really nice layer of like, schrodinger's kissing to the character. Because we’re told in regards to sex that he “Doesn’t. Like, at all.” but we’re never given any indication on his opinions on kissing and that’s fine! It isn’t that kind of story. Penumbra S1 I would argue is a romance, but TMA, even when it has the main character in a romantic relationship in S5, is not a romance because the horror and tragedy take far more priority. So I think one could argue that his aceness is shown through the fact that he’s never shown kissing his boyfriend, and that he can absolutely be read as kiss-averse, or maybe just kiss-sometimes, or maybe he’s fine with kissing and it’s just all off-audio, that’s the interpretable part of it. I’ve seen some bizarre takes in the past year saying that the creators of TMA are homophobic, even, for making this directing choice (Because ah, yes, let’s tell the bi man writing a m/m relationship that he’s doing it wrong) when I just don’t think people take the time to consider that A) Audio is hard to work with tone-wise and if they couldn’t get it to sound good, then they couldn’t get it to sound good B) not every queer person needs to be represented in the same way. Penumbra’s overt sexuality is it’s way of doing that, and intentional or not TMA’s protagonist’s lack-of is shown in a lack of those moments. 

If people are looking for audio dramas on the spicier side though, apparently there is a market for explicit audio drama? I’m not quite sure how it works but props to those people for finding out how to do that. I know Dreamboy uses third person narrating but I think there is some genuine audio drama with sex stuff out there, and Good For Them. But also, when a relationship is shown without those aspects, that can be just as revolutionary and queer too, as much as we live in a heteronormative world, part of heteronormativity is amatonormativity, so different media can be important in their stances for different reasons, they can co-exist and one does not automatically become bad by juxtaposing the other. 

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Invisible Pain ~ Part 2

MAIN MASTERLIST

Tony Stark x Reader

Word Count: 1,860ish

Summary: You struggle shopping for a dress.

Notes: this is Part 2 to my other story Invisible Pain. Please read it before reading this. This is based on an experience I had last week. I literally had a panic attack in the dressing room.

“Are you getting a new dress for Tony’s party on Friday?” Natasha asked as you and her finished working out together.

“I don’t know,” you responded. “You?”

“Yeah. Want to go together later?”

“Sounds great.”

It had been a few months since the team found out about your rheumatoid arthritis. They had all been extremely supportive and caring, as well as overprotective. It took you tattling to Fury to get Tony and Steve to let you train again. Not to mention Bruce’s constant check ups and blood tests. Tony had even upgraded your watch to make it easier on himself and Bruce to track everything.

During the time since your illness came out, you and Tony had also become an official couple. To no one’s real surprise. He was so sweet and understanding about your illness, and had truly read everything he could on the subject. You in turn were caring and understanding about his struggles with PTSD, like you had been when you were friends.

“Hey honey,” Tony greeted coming into your shared room as you were trying to get undressed. “Need help?”

“Yeah,” you sighed. “You mind helping me undress? I’m struggling to get my shirt off.”

“Sure thing.” Tony came over and began taking your shirt off. “Are your shoulders bugging you today?”

“Yeah. I tried not to use them too much in training today, but I couldn’t help it.”

Tony shook it head slightly and clicked his tongue in disapproval. “You need to be more careful.”

“It’s just my shoulders today, Tony. And I took some meds before you came it. I’ll be fine.”

He sighed as he finished taking your shirt off for you, pressing a kiss to your bare shoulder. “Do you need help in the shower?”

“I’ll be fine, Tony.” 

“You sure? Cause I can be of some help.”

“Maybe tonight.” You leaned in and gave him a small kiss. “I have to hurry so I can meet up with Nat. We’re going dress shopping for the party on Friday.”

“Oh? Need help?”

“Nope.”

“Will you send me a picture?”

“I’d rather not. I’m trying to see how speechless I can leave the great billionaire, playboy.” You walked into the bathroom with a wink, shutting the door behind you.

~~~

“How about this one?” Natasha wondered, holding up a dress.

“Sure, why not?” You replied, adding the dress to the growing pile in your arms. With your shoulders already aching, the rest of your arms were slowly following. “I think that I’m ready to go try them on now. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to hold all these.”

“Okay. I’ll meet you in the fitting rooms. I’m just going to take one more look around before I start trying some on.”

You nodded before heading to the fitting room. Entering one, you laid the dresses out of the bench along the wall. You locked the door before trying to undress yourself. You sucked in a breath and winced as your shoulders screamed at you to not take your shirt off. Biting down on your bottom lip, you pulled your shirt over your head anyway. 

Slightly panting in relief, your head feel back and your eyes closes. You were trying to mentally cope with the pain. Taking another deep breath in, and slowly letting it out, you looked down at the dress on top. You lifted it so that you could see the back, revealing a long zipper. You sighed, upset at yourself for not noticing it sooner.

Because of your arthritis, you were unable to reach your back. So you wouldn’t be able to zip up the dress. You lifted it up and looked it over, sighing once again. The dress wouldn’t be able to be slipped over your head either. Putting the dress to the side, you began going over the other dresses in the pile, finding the same issue with them as well. Leaning back against the wall, you slid down it and buried your face in your hands. Why couldn’t you like a dress with a zipper on the side? Or, the bigger question, why do you have to have arthritis? 

You began to silently cry and panic slightly. How were you ever going to get a dress and surprise Tony? How were you ever going to be able to go dress shopping alone? There was a slight buzz on your wrist and you knew FRIDAY was sending information on your condition to Bruce and Tony, but you didn’t care at the moment. 

You don’t know how long you were sitting on the floor like that before you were interrupted.

“Hey, in there,” Natasha called, knocking on the locked door. “How’s it going?”

“Umm, it’s fine,” you replied, not sounding very convincing.

“Yeah? Find anything yet?”

“Not yet… uh, nothing’s fitting or looking good.”

“Really? Why don’t you show me? Maybe your mind is deceiving you.”

“Thanks, Nat, but I’m good. I think I’m just going to get dressed and go home. I’ll just wear something I already have.”

“Are you sure? I can go grab someth—“

“I’m good, Nat. Really. If you found something, go buy it and I’ll meet you out front.”

“…Okay. Meet you out front.”

~~~

It was painful getting your clothes back on. You could tell that Natasha knew that something was wrong, but wasn’t willing to push you about it. You went straight to your room, locking yourself in the connecting bathroom. You quickly swallowed down some medicine before putting some arthritis rub on your shoulders. Taking a few deep breaths, you tried to touch your hands together behind your back. On hand was going over a shoulder, the other was trying from the lower part of your back. Checking in the mirror, you could see that there was about 5 inches separating your hands from meeting. Tears trickled down your cheeks as you tried to push yourself to make them meet. 

“Honey?” Tony’s voice came from the other side of the door, with a slight knock. “Are you okay? FRIDAY’s sending Bruce and I some readings.” Instead of answering, you just let out a strangled sob. “Sweetheart? I’m coming in, okay?” FRIDAY unlocked the door and Tony quickly came in and pulled you into his arms. “What’s going on?”

“I—I can’t—I couldn’t—“

“Hold on, honey, you’re panicking.” He lifted you up so that you were sitting on the counter, and he cupped your face. “Just breathe, Y/N. Just breathe. I’m right here. And when you’re ready, you can tell me what’s going on.”

“I-I couldn’t find a dress.”

“Okay, that’s fine. You can wear something you already have.”

“No.” You shook your head slightly. “I couldn’t find a dress I could put on myself.”

“Oh.” Tony nodded, finally understanding.

“And I just wanted to look nice and surprise you.”

“Honey, you always look nice. Even when you’re dusty and have blood on you after a fight, you’re always the most beautiful person to me.”

“I just wanted to surprise you and I can’t even dress myself!” You slammed a fist against the counter.

“Woah! Honey!” He quickly grabbed your hand and pressed small kisses to it. “Please don’t hurt yourself.”

“Why does it matter? I’m useless anyway, or I will be, sooner than we all want to admit.”

“Stop right there!” Tony held your face so that you had to look at him. “You are not useless, nor will you ever be. Yes, you have your struggles. But you are a fighter and have proven that you aren’t one to give up. Why now?”

“I’m just so tired of it, Tony… I just want to not feel this way anymore… I want to be able to dress myself and not have my joints screaming in pain every time I move. I want to be able to have sex with you and be able to enjoy every single second of it… I want to consider the possibility of maybe having kids, without my joints telling me no… I want to be normal.”

Tony chuckled, rubbing his thumbs against your cheeks. “Honey, there is no such thing as normal. And that is okay. It hurts me to know that you are struggling through all this and that there is so little I can do. But, I will be by your side through whatever you need. You need me to brush your hair and wash your body? I’m there. You need me to make the bed or help you dress? I’m there. You need me to do all the work during sex? I got you. I am here for you, even when the time comes that you may be wheelchair bound. I am not leaving and Bruce and I will not stop trying to find something that eases your pain.”

“I love you, Tony.”

“Love you too.” He pressed a soft kiss on your lips. “Now, how about we go dress shopping again and you let me enjoy helping you into a dress, okay?”

“Okay.”

~~~

Dress shopping with Tony was actually enjoyable. It helped that he was treating you like a queen the whole time. He helped you into each dress, occasionally pressing gentle kisses onto your exposed skin. He praised you in each dress, telling you how gorgeous you looked but that it was up to you whether or not you got the dress. None of the dresses though were calling to you, which wasn’t making you feel much better. 

“I have one more idea,” Tony said after you had just said no to the last dress in your fitting room. He quickly unzipped you. “I’ll be right back.”

He rushed out of the small room, leaving you confused. You cringed at you got out of the dress and put it back on the hanger. Hugging your mid section, you stood there, nervously waiting for Tony to return. When he did, he came back with a dress that wasn’t exactly on your list of choices.

“Tony, I don’t know,” you told him, shaking your head a little. 

“I know it’s usually not your style, but could you just try it on. For me?” 

He knew very well that you had a hard time saying no when he used his big brown eyes and asked like that. 

You sighed, “Fine.”

Tony was way too excited to get you into that dress. You let him, just wanting to make him happy, as he was just trying to do with you. You tried not look in the mirror at all as Tony helped you into the dress. 

“Done,” he said softly after getting you all zipped up.

You took a deep breath and finally examined yourself in the mirror. You were shocked. Yes, you would have never picked this dress out for yourself, but it was perfect. You looked at Tony in the mirror, who was silent.

“It’s perfect, Tony,” you said softly. “Absolutely perfect.”

He carefully wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his chin on your shoulder. He smirked as he made eye contact with you in the mirror.

“No,” he responded at the same volume. “You’re perfect.”

Notes: Again, every experiences arthritis differently. This is just a sample on how I feel it. Thank you for reading and your support! If you enjoyed this please check out these:

My Superhero - Steve Rogers x Reader

Purple - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Here’s a sneak peak of more of my work to come:

2 - Out Of Time: Morgan Stark x Mom!Reader x Dad!Tony Stark

3 - Avengers x Teen!Reader

4 - Out Of Time: Uncle!Steve Rogers x Niece!Morgan Stark

5 - Tony Stark x Reader

6 - Bucky Barnes x Plus Size!Reader

7 - Sam Wilson x Reader

8 - Bucky Barnes x Patella Alta!Reader

9 - Tony Stark x Autistic!Reader

10 - Tony Stark x Reader

I also have more arthritis/autoimmune disease fics to come as well. So follow me to read more!

[ac3id]

The Artist and His Majesty| 18+

𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝓉𝒾𝓈𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓂𝒶𝒿𝑒𝓈𝓉𝓎 0 / 5 | fantasy au. 

chapter i , chapter ii

pairings: yandere! emperor! shigaraki x female! reader.

warnings: [series] dubcon, exhibitionism, size difference, degradation, masturbation, bondage, reader is also kind of delusional, death, violence (not on reader). (there are more but i can’t think right now.]

↪ for chapter 0: none !!

summary: you come to the big city in hopes of starting your career as an artist but things take a shocking turn when you’re recruited as the court painter for the royal palace.

↪ for chapter 0: a strange man approaches you, offering to buy your painting to which you oblige. little do you know that it kicks of a series of unfortunate events ending with you being trapped in shigaraki tomura’s clutches forever.

wordcount. 

a/n: finally !! i started this series. high-key inspired by these two dresses in my wardrobe and @ana-list‘s this  drawing ! seriously it’s literally everything. also thank you once again for proof reading this @the-grimm-writer ! 

taglist: @shigaraki-is-my-master, @deathmemeiverse, @n4dhii, @bat-eclecticwolfbouquet-love, @mstssister, @nereida19, @prince-zukohere [dm to be added/ removed.]

“That’s a beautiful painting,” a rough, scruffy voice calls out, jerking you away from your daydreams. Your grip around the color canvas resting in your arms tightens as you glance behind your shoulder to see a well-built man standing right behind you. He’s tall and a lot older than you, he has short grey hair which falls right before his eyebrows along beautiful, matching grey eyes. A cigar hangs lazily from his lips as he occasionally huffs on it, blowing clouds of smoke out his mouth. He’s dressed in expensive robes, a choice of style only people better off could afford. You can’t help exachaning a covetous glance between his expensive suit and your sloppy, knee-length, light green dress. “Thank you.” you murmur shoving him an appreciative look, hoping he’d leave you alone. When you come to the city to complete your studies in art, you mother, father, family and friends had warned you about men like these. Rich, snobby men who liked to lure in young, naive girls. Whispering praises of how they are the most unique on the planet so they pull their guard down form them to take advantage of the helpless beings. 

“Can I take a better look? It’s the Emperor, is it not? Your painting. ” You hesitate before turning back to him. Not a lot of people had seen the King to be. He lived humbly in his castle, trying his best to not indulge in the affairs of the common people. “ Yes,” you hold up the slightly small canvas (courtesy of you being broke the entire week and not being able to save up to buy a bigger canvas). To even get an idea of Shigaraki Tomura, you had to go through many people. Not a lot of people had seen his face, he had always kept it hidden under a mask. No one knew why he did so but the many conspiracy throes suggested it was something to do with his personal grief.

 You had heard many stories about him. Some made him look like a spoiled brat with a demeaning, ignorant personality who didn’t care for others and as the rumors said: self destructive habits which lead him to tear the skin of his own neck down whenever he got anxious or frustrated. 

Others portrayed him as a strong, confident man and a reliable leader who cared for his comrades. You did not know which one of the two personas brought him your attention but you couldn’t complain. Tomura had caught you under a spell, and despite never meeting him (and knowing full well you never would), you were still ready to sacrifice your life for him. He was your King even before he had taken his crown, to you he looked like a shining bright light ready to enlighten you. To you, he was a god. And as years passed by, he grew from a caterpillar into a cocoon which was ready to burst open as a butterfly into the beautiful, mysterious world. And it was happening today, Prince Tomura Shigaraki’s Coronation ceremony. After the passing of All For One, it was his turn to take the crown and fulfill his duty as the ruler of the nation

 The entire city was busy, bustling with people. Families, friends and everyone in between gathered around the huge castle walls as they waited for the ceremony to begin. They waited patiently, filled with excitement and joy as they waited to catch a glimpse of the new great King. You were among them. You had come down to the centre of the city with your friends, waiting alongside many to catch a glimpse of the new ruler. The painting which nestled in your hand was something you were hoping to sell today, to a shop or anyone who wants to have it. It was a beautiful painting which had taken you several days to complete, and dare you say it, you were quite proud of it. From all the things you had heard about Tomura, you had managed to sketch him decently. Long white, wavy hair reaching till his shoulder, skin white as snow. He sat proudly on his throne wearing a cape with his vermillion eyes peering through your soul. His face was scarcely detailed as you did not have much idea about it but he still looked ethereal. With little scars running both his eyes and a comparatively larger one on his right. Chapped lips with even more scars running over them wildly, he was not conventionally attractive. No one would call him a pretty boy yet there was something more, something alluring which attracted  you to him. His beauty was rare, not in the grasp of many but if it was grasped and held close to the heart, it was hard to let go off. And you found him attractive, very attractive. 

The man took a good look at your painting, examining it carefully and for a second you really thought he had seen the mysterious Prince. “It’s quite similar to him,” he sends you a friendly grin and you notice a tooth from his front missing, leaving an uncomfortable gap. “Have you seen him before?” he asked and you shake your head, no. He gives you an amused expression, “I must say, you are very talented, miss…?” you complete your name with a nervous smile. “And you are?” you ask. 

You realised that you were getting a little too comfortable with the stranger and it could be a really bad decision but you can’t help but give him the benefit of the doubt as he behaves like a gentleman you can find yourself to trust. “Kagero Okuta but I like to go by Giran,” he says with a lop-sided grin. Giran, you’ve heard the name before but cannot recall where and how. It sounds so familiar but you just can’t grasp it, he looked wealthy so you assumed he was a Noble and that made you even more curious as to why he was speaking to you.

 “What are you planning to do with that painting?” he asks, diving a closer look and admiring its features. “I must say, you’ve got it quite accurate but,” you stiffen, your hands growing cold as your heartbeat picks up. You realized your painting must have some complications, drawing a man you had never seen before purely out of your interpretation was a hard and a bold task to do. But to have someone who had actually seen the King for himself pinpoint your mistakes sent a rush of anxiety through your veins.

 “He’s not that bony.” He completes and you gulp nervously, looking down at your painting in disappointment. Your eyes are filled with disappointment,  all of the time and effort you spent making the piece all for it go in vain just because you missed a small detail. Giran notices your remorse and speaks up, “But that’s quite alright. He looked just like that until a while ago,” he hadn’t meant to offend or hurt you. He still believed your painting was the most beautiful thing he had seen all day.

 “What do you mean?” you ponder, giving him a perplexed look. He leans  in closer to you as if to tell a secret, “let’s say the King has been working out behind closed doors.” you blink in confusion. It was a strange thing to say, exactly how well did this man know the Emperor? Who was it that you were talking? 

“Who are you?” you can’t help but question, bewildered by such a character. Giran says nothing. He just stares at you with his lips curled into a snappy smirk, holding his cigar between his lips. He was not going to tell you anything. Without wasting time, he quickly changes the topic. “What are you going to do with that painting?” he repeats, his voice growing impatient.

 “I am planning to sell it,” you feel a bit taken back. The friendly aura which had Giran had now disappeared for a reason you could not conclude. “Sell it? To whom?” the intruding nature of his tone starts to make you uncomfortable, there’s nothing more you want to do other than get far away from him. Yet you still find yourself answering him, “To anyone who wants it.” he hums at your response, his eyes holding a mocking glint. “Wouldn’t you like to give it to the Emperor himself?” you frown, was he mocking you? 

“That’s well...impossible.” you reply, stretching your neck awkwardly. “To you, maybe.” 

You stop yourself from rolling your eyes, this man was really testing your patience. A part of you tells you to ignore him and walk away but as he reaches into his coat and pulls out a bag of coins worth much more than you could ever earn in a month, he has you hooked yet again. 

“Hey, let me buy that painting, would yer’?” 

.

..

..

“What is the problem now?” Giran takes a seat around the round table. It was late after the Coronation ceremony and the Royal palace was already facing problems. Giran was disappointed but definitely not surprised. After all, he was their personal problem solver and broker. “It’s not that big of a deal.” A curt and hard reply cut him off.

 “It actually is, Shigaraki Tomura.” a voice speaks, coming from a man dressed in a black suit with a long, flowy robe covering his entire body. He stands taller than the other two men in the as his head is replaced with a wisp of smoke. He was none other than the trusted and talented magician of the Royal family. With eccentric features and an ability to wield strange magic, nobody knew where he came from. There were many rumors about him; that he was once a normal, handsome man cursed by a witch that turned him into a hideous monster or he simply was a ghost. “What is it, Kurogiri?” Giran rephrases his question, directing it to the other man. “We need a new painter,-” 

“Servant.” Shigaraki corrected. He stood in front of the giant windows glancing over his city as his men talked about hiring a new painter for the castle. He couldn’t care less about such tedious tasks, he had his focus set on greater things like expanding his territory, taking back stolen land. 

“What happened to Mr. Kyo?” Giran asked, Shigaraki rolled his eyes at the mention of the name and clicked his tongue, “His Majesty eliminated him.” Giran stops himself from laughing out loud. He was certain once Shigaraki would take over the throne incidents like so would double the instant. But he was expecting it to happen so soon. “And why was that?” 

“He was breathing too loud, like you are right now.” 

A cold silence broke over the room as Giran counted his breath. Kurogiri looked nervously at Shigaraki who still had his back turned to them. The longer the pause grew, the dreadful the atmosphere became. Shigaraki’s threat strung the air loud and clear and Giran was afraid to speak again. “What we are asking for is that-,” Kurogiri started in a calm, slow tone easing the tension in the room. “-we need a new court painter. Do you have any names?” 

The murderous sent in the air magically disappeared as a grin stretched across Giran’s face. 

“Aren’t you in luck?” He says, running a hand through his hair before taking a puff out of his cigar. “Does that mean you know someone?” Kurogiri questioned. Giran hummed, “You see, I met this beautiful painter today. She’s extremely talented and I know for a fact she will love working for the castle.” 

“What’s the name?” growing impatient, Shigaraki asks. “Oh, it was,” Giran pauses for a moment to recall. 

“Ah yes, Y/N L/N.” 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 299: No Chains Left

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “and then AFO broke out all of the inmates from six other prisons and took a nap. well anyways, here’s the hospital angst.” Kacchan woke up two days later and was all, “WAIT BUT HOW ARE DEKU AND TODOROKI AND ALL OF THE OTHER CHARACTERS EXCEPT IIDA DOING” and then we cut to Shouto’s room where the other U.A. kids were sitting around being Mutually Traumatized and giving each other moral support and such. Everyone was alll, “...”, and then the rest of the Todofam showed up, INCLUDING POSSIBLY REI?! which, omg. The chapter ended with Kacchan STOMPING THROUGH THE HALLS all “WHADDYA MEAN DEKU HASN’T WOKEN UP YET”, dragging along Satou and Mineta behind him, fueled by the power of ALL OF THE FUCKS HE NOW GIVES. He gives so many fucks now you guys. This boy cares so much he can probably deduct it on his taxes.

Today on BnHA: SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO GIVE A LOT OF FUCKS, the story cuts abruptly to Hawks, freshly recovering from his near-death experience, and pondering the threads that have weaved the tapestry of his life and led him to this moment. Basically he grew up in poverty with his Jerk Dad and Jerk Mom until his dad got arrested one day and his mom sent him off to go Find Money Or Something, and so he rescued a busload of people and found himself a new career. Back in the present day, Hawks and Jeanist ride around town in Jeanist’s Jamborghini having awkward encounters with civilians in a country on the brink of social collapse, and visiting Hawks’s mother’s home. Hawks is all “I know from an outsider’s perspective it must look like my life currently sucks, but now that the HPSC is gone, my public image is shot, and my parents are finally out of my life, I’m actually feeling SURPRISINGLY GOOD.” Anyway so he’s gonna go meet up with Endeavor now, and p.s. this chapter was fucking fantastic though, damn.

oh my god?? is this Hawks narration?? something about him growing up watching the heroes on TV and thinking of them as fictional characters

okay I scrolled down a little bit more to see the rest of that “Keigo” panel, and wow

this is basically a shed. poor boy definitely grew up rough. let me tell you guys, I came in here ready for some BakuDeku shenanigans; I was not prepared for Hawks Flashback Angst. I AM HERE FOR IT, but also wow I gotta brace myself now lol

HELLO MISTER HAWKS’S JERK DAD, SIR

BnHA sure does have an array of Jerk Dads, doesn’t it. makes me appreciate characters like Masaru and JirouDad all the more for bucking the trend

anyway. so Horikoshi, you really thought that one itty bitty chapter of hospital catharsis would be enough to calm us all before you went right back to showing us child abuse huh. my god man can we rest

BABY HAWKS

swear to god this kid can’t be more than five or six, and yet he has this completely blank look on his face even with his dad looming over him being all threatening and shit. like he’s shut down his emotions to protect himself. imagine what has to happen to a child for him to have learned this at such a young age. fuck

AND MEANWHILE THIS GUY

don’t mingle with humans?? not “other” humans, just humans?? what is this implying here?? and also holy shit Hawks definitely didn’t inherit his looks from his dad orz

then again he doesn’t really bear much of a resemblance to his strung-out mom here either

omg omg omg. and this child is basically trapped here in this environment with these two people. this explains a SHITLOAD about Hawks’s personality though you guys. his ability to completely separate his real thoughts from the face he presents to the outside world. his pragmatic approach to analyzing and solving problems. his layers of emotional walls. turns out almost none of that came from the HPSC training -- that was all learned hands-on in his own personal do-or-die survival nightmare childhood!! oh, boy

and small wonder then that he latched on to Endeavor so strongly if he really is the one who brought down his dad and inadvertently saved him from this. also, just putting this out there, I know people are always talking about him and Dabi being foils, and I think it’s very interesting how Touya grew up in a household where he saw firsthand the dark side of hero society, and so ended up becoming a villain in order to bring it down. whereas young Keigo had almost the exact opposite experience, growing up experiencing the dark side of villain society and becoming a hero in order to bring about a world where no one else has to experience that. just. both of them are so determined not to become their fathers. some interesting parallels there

so Hawks was sort of an accident after his parents had “thanks for helping me not get caught after I killed that guy” sex, and now this little boy is growing up in squalor and being beaten by his father for things like Sitting In The Wrong Out-Of-The-Way Corner Trying Not To Be A Bother To Anybody. holy fuck. this is so rough to read through you guys

wait so does Jerk Dad have a an eyeball manipulation quirk?? because he doesn’t have the wings like his son, but wth are these things??

this presumably also means that Keigo has never been to school or anything either. he basically doesn’t exist. he thinks heroes are fictional characters, he doesn’t realize that they’re real people. these are people who could help him if he could escape and find them, but he doesn’t know, and they don’t know about him

OH MY GOD HE’S JUST SITTING IN HIS CORNER HUGGLING HIS ENDEAVOR PLUSH OH MY GOD

how could this child possibly have an anti-fandom when he’s done NOTHING WRONG HIS ENTIRE LIFE. huh. just explain that to me. lol I mean I’m not looking to pick a fight with anyone, but also, MAYBE I AM, idk?? this kid has gotten me all riled up lmao

anyways, Protect Keigo 2021, and thank you Horikoshi for these three very terrible pages. I am pleased to inform you that you’ve effectively gotten your point across and you may now commence saving this kid already

YAY

oh no, Keigo’s dumbass jerk dad tried to steal a car and the popo nabbed his ass and now his mom can’t just sit around neglecting her VERY YOUNG SON all day long, oh horrors. sorry lady my tiny violin is on backorder. just imagine that I’m playing a very sarcastic song on it for you

anyway so what are you gonna do now, abandon him? I can hardly imagine he’d be worse off, if anything it might be a near-instant improvement

LMAO HE’S ALL “WAIT WHAT ENDEAVOR’S A REAL FUCKING DUDE?!”

AND THEY SAY THAT A HERO CAN SAVE US~~~~ I’M NOT GONNA STAND HERE AND WAAAAAIT~~~~~ I’LL HOLD ONTO THE WINGS OF THE EAGLES, WATCH AS WE ALL FLY AWAAAAAAY~~~~

lol what a randomly pivotal moment in his young life. TIME TO GO MAKE THESE MEMES INTO DREAMS YOUNG ONE

anyway so his mom freaked out and grabbed him and they wound up at a train station with her TELLING HIM TO GO GET HER SOME MONEY, oh my god. SURE MOM LEMME JUST WALTZ RIGHT ON DOWN TO THE “JOBS FOR FIVE-YEAR-OLDS” STORE AND TELL THEM I NEED SOME CASH. ffff manifesting someone to come help him in 3... 2...

...

SIGH, JUST GO RESCUE THE PEOPLE FROM THE BUS, KEIGO. is this the outfit he was wearing when that happened?? it must be, right?? I can’t imagine them surviving more than a couple days out here unless this starts getting REALLY dark in a way I know that even Horikoshi won’t explore, so yeah. cut to the HPSC now please. never thought we’d be glad to see them. I mean sure, it may be an “out of the frying pan...” case, but good god

THANK YOU!!

and I guess it was his mom’s eyeball quirk then. anyway, whatever, see you again never, hopefully. lol oh man. thaaaat, was upsetting. need to center myself here for a sec. NAMASTE

OH YAY THE PRESENT

so we cut from Baby Hawks Angst straight to Present Day Hawks Angst, huh. not that this exhausted and traumatized lil lad isn’t still a baby to me too, I’ll have you know

BEST JEANIST, ALWAYS WITH THE JOKES

“WHEW, THOUGHT YOU DIED ON ME FOR A SEC THERE KID.” lmao. Caleb will no doubt ruin this by making his word choice all stiffly formal as usual, so I’m just going to treasure this “WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT, I’M FRESH OUT OF FUCKS” version of Jeanist while I can

look at him, driving his Jeanistmobile

again, is it any wonder Kacchan was bitching about Endeavor’s dinky little car when he was used to riding around town in style like this. anyone else staring at this panel trying to figure out how this car is somehow secretly made of jeans

NOOOOO

FUCK YOU DABI LMAO. PUTTING THESE VOICE ACTORS OUT OF A JOB ONE BY ONE

anyway so Jeanist is all “GOOD THING IT’S THE FUTURE AND WE’RE SO GOOD AT MEDICAL SCIENCE” to handwave how Hawks went from one step shy of being a very handsome corpse, to sitting around texting Jeanist in a car all of two days later

OH MY GOD, AND FINALLY AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS

wait a minute. I’m so confused lmfao. soooo, was Hawks all “anyway, here’s Jeanist’s dead body, you can examine it but please don’t look at him too closely and also I’m gonna need that back unharmed.” how tf did you pull that off lmao

(ETA: also isn’t this technically confirmation of the ol’ Noumu Jeanist theory lol. I’m gonna go ahead and say it is.)

NO BUT PLEASE, CONTINUE. I unironically love reading Horikoshi’s overly convoluted “SEE IT’S NOT A PLOT HOLE” explanations

lkldslfk so wait, you’re telling me Hawks convinced Dabi and the League to put Jeanist’s body in storage, and basically just hoped they wouldn’t use him for any experiments until he could put his plan into action and have the HPSC’s people break in and find and revive him?? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG. A FOOLPROOF PLAN IF I’VE EVER HEARD ONE

fff this man really asked Jeanist to risk it all to prop up his little cover story, and Jeanist was all “sure why not” omfg. anyways, thanks for recapping all of this out loud for no particular reason in your car conversation you two

LMAO NOW WHAT

TROUBLE YOU SAY? GOOD THING THE NEW NUMBER ONE HERO IS ON THE JOB THEN

okay no it’s just some random thugs strolling around terrorizing the downtown. fuck ‘em. so Jeanist is making short work of them now

uh oh

won’t come? not can’t, but won’t?? what???

WOW

well I guess that makes the local heroes A BUNCH OF SHITHEADS now doesn’t it?? jesus

and okay, serious question, if the cops are spread too thin and the heroes have literally walked out on the job, what exactly is stopping everyone from deciding to use their quirks to defend themselves, legal or not? nothing, as far as I can tell. society just got a hell of a lot more chaotic

anyway so this is an interesting panel here

man, Dabi really did pull it off, didn’t he. well anyway so here’s that better world all of the villains were wanting, you guys! isn’t it so great?? everyone’s terrified and angry and losing hope and society is inches away from collapsing into total anarchy! but hey, at least we exposed the number one hero as a hypocrite

anyway so what are these guys up to

fucking hell, he’s visiting his mom. I really wasn’t prepared to commit this much emotional energy towards reading this chapter today. BUT VERY WELL, WE PRESS ON

?? wait she’s not there?

is this supposed to explain how Dabi knew who Hawks really was? except that there’s the little matter of how he even know where to find his mother in the first place. feels like we’re still missing something there, but oh well

OH MY GOD

RHA I TAKE BACK EVERY WORD I EVER SPOKE AGAINST YOU. YOU ARE A SCANLATION GROUP FILLED WITH ANGELS LMAO. I WILL TAKE THIS PANEL IN MY HANDS, AND TREASURE IT AND KEEP IT SAFE

ANYWAY, BECAUSE MY TIRED BIRD SON’S LIFE SUCKED SO MUCH ALREADY, IT TURNS OUT HE’S ACTUALLY PLEASED WITH THIS NEW TURN OF EVENTS LOL HOW ABOUT THAT

GOOD FOR YOU BBY. YOU GO OUT THERE AND BE YOUR OWN PERSON

and in all seriousness, I love that identity he chooses -- chooses, because it actually is him making a choice now, possibly for the very first time in his life -- is “guy who helps people”, though. it really is nothing short of miraculous that he held on to that kind of optimism and desire to do good even with everything he’s been through. there were so many times he could have chosen to turn his back on the world in retaliation for the way it treated him. but he didn’t!! and here he is now, finally free, and what he wants to do with the rest of his life now is simply to help others. anyway please excuse me for a moment, I need to go find some sort of basket or a big vase to put all of my fresh new Hawks Feels in, pardonne-moi

YEAH BOIIIIII

“FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS, MISTER JEANIST, WHERE DID YOU FIND YOUSELF THAT SWEETASS CAR.” hey, all I’m saying is if this boy’s wings really aren’t growing back, he’s gonna need to find himself a new means of transportation y’know?

oh my god you guys it’s a flashback to his mom buying him the Endeavor plushie when he was like two because, and I quote, ALL MIGHT WAS TOO EXPENSIVE

oh my god oh my god. my boy out here with a new lease on life finding hope in the darkest of times

wasn’t your throat supposed to be all fucked up lmao. Horikoshi was suddenly all “oh shit the VAs are gonna be pissed at me if I keep this up huh”

“that’s why Bubaigawara was such a great guy” motherfucker IT IS A TERRIBLE DAY FOR RAIN. FORECAST SAID NOTHING ABOUT THIS

:’)

yes ma’am. yes indeed. confirmed, I really will straight up fight some motherfuckers for this child. well not really, but YOU KEEP YOUR DISCOURSE OFF MY LAWN AND OUT OF MY BLOG YOU HEAR. THIS IS A HAWKS-FRIENDLY SPACE. WE RESPECT TAKAMI KEIGO IN THESE STREETS

and he’s saying (or is he thinking?? what a weirdly shaped speech bubble this is) that even if what Dabi said about the Todoroki household is true, “I’m not sure it’s the same now.” which happens to be ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. man this whole chapter really is all about saying “fuck the past” and moving forward and I am living for it

SON!!!!

“the first step is at my beginning” fklkjlk. what an iconic fucking line??

AND HIS WINGS!!!! THEY ACTUALLY ARE GROWING BACK AHHHHHHH. “PUT A RAINCHECK ON THAT CAR, JEANIST-SAN.” THE HAWKSMOBILE CAN WAIT, RIGHT NOW HE HAS TO GO INSERT HIMSELF BACK INTO THE TODODRAMA WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT

you guys. I came here ready for some BAKUDEKU HOSPITAL ANGST, and I got DIDDLY SHIT of that, and none of my other kids were even in this chapter, but!!! ASK ME IF I CARE LMAO omg. because bird son is hanging with his new best friend, and he’s out here Finding Himself and picking up the pieces and putting them back together stronger than ever because RESILIENCE HAS A NAME, AND IT’S SPELLED H-A-W-K-S, and you guys. profound, my love for this child. holy shit. hey google, play Silence by Marshmello

[rantrambles]

Ever get so upset you make a Tumblr account to vent?

I haven’t even listened to The Penumbra Podcast yet but it’s on my list because it’s insanely popular and the cosplays I’ve seen are hot as hell (A+ to all the cosplayers I’ve seen you’ve done great work). Now, with the recent news surrounding the podcast, I’ll wait till it’s done if I ever do get into it. I’m Asian and part of the LGBT community but I’m not nonbinary so I can’t say much about the trans represention in the art but I wanted to add my two cents on the matter as a person of color and someone examining the situation from the outside. Also, before I get deeply into it, I’m not the only person of color with opinions on this matter so if people have their own frustrations and criticism with the racism in The Penumbra Podcast and/or the new artist they hired, definitely listen to them too. These are my own personal opinions, and I’m sure other people will disagree and that’s fine. We’re all going to have different views on this so bear that in mind. Also, feel free to correct me or add anything if I’ve missed some information. Here’s a great breakdown of the whole situation for those that don’t know what happened. Finally, I was very hesitant to post this, but I felt it was important because I make a statement at the end on how race should be presented in a podcast format so if you are interested in making a podcast and want to have a diverse range of characters, please skip to the end to read those thoughts.

I’ll start off by saying, I’m not even that upset with the new artist that The Penumbra Podcast hired. I know that statement alone is controversial but I don't personally know them, and I’m not going to judge who they are as a person by a few pieces of art they’ve made. They are the least of the problems that I have here. Since the announcement and the backlash, I’ve been scrolling through the artist’s Instagram account and I can tell why people find the designs offensive, but I’m also comparing the designs to the artist’s other work, and I honestly believe that’s just their style. They’ve exaggerated the features of just about every character they’ve made, regardless of race or gender. From what I’ve seen the sharp angles and overly round curves in the anatomy that make some of the character’s features more jarring are how they prefer to draw. I’m sure they’re capable of drawing more realistic proportions but for the most part they’re art aims to call attention, be bold, and create distinguished features. Not inherently a bad thing on its own.

And yeah I’d understand the issue if this were a scenario where the artist heard how these characters acted in the podcast and thought “hey, obviously this character is a black woman because they are super strong and therefore must have big muscles, no other woman could look like that” or “hey, this character has to be Asian because they act super seductive sometimes better draw them as such.” But from my understanding the race was already decided by previous official artists and a general description of the characters were already generated by the audience, similar to how The Magnus Archives leaned towards drawing scrawny Jon with black, greying hair and dark skin. The new artists couldn’t really change those features even if those features aren’t described in canon because a depiction that strayed too far from popular fandom interpretation would make the character’s unrecognizable to the fanbase. 

I think the reason this became such a big issue for most people is because the new Penumbra artist used their exaggerated art style when making these characters and people of color and nonbinary folks already see themselves drawn as these exaggerated caricatures all the time (with those images being used to further discriminate against them). I’m sure the artist didn’t mean for their art to be offensive, but that of course doesn’t change how it was received. 

According to some, the poses and expressions the artists chose did not fully represent the characters entirely and only served to further perpetuate harmful stereotypes, and I’ll have to take their word for it because I still haven’t listened to the podcast so I have no idea how the characters act. But again much of the criticism is based on the one line-up and doing a deeper dive into the artist’s work I managed to find artwork that was much less offensive. Here some art where Vespa is depicted in a non-violent pose and one where Vespa is in a threatening pose but not an overly violent one. Here is Peter drawn in a non-seductive pose. Hopefully, the artist truly does keep the criticisms in mind as they work on the new official art. I’m just not the type of person that wants to get the pitchforks out and cause this particular person to lose a job they seemed really excited about over their old character line-up, especially when that person is also part of a marginalized group.

Again, that’s just my opinion on that particular artist. Those who are offended by their art are still valid in how they feel, and the artist should absolutely take their criticism to heart to better how they represent the characters.

What I’m more upset about is that I think The Penumbra Podcast should never have released official art for their characters in the first place and that’s their mistake that they refuse to own up about. They have made it clear that the story was never meant to portray characters of colors, a fact emphasized by the fact they hired mostly white actors from the start. They only started releasing art of the characters to get a profit. And the thing is they know what they did was wrong. All I had to do was search Penumbra Podcast racism and there is a note on their website saying that they archived some old official art.

“We have discontinued all Penumbra merchandise that uses the original character designs, and in the meantime, any profits on the sales of that merchandise will go to the For The Gworls project. We also realize that the depiction of these characters as POC, while not appropriate for us to use in our marketing and merchandise, has nonetheless become personally meaningful to many POC listeners. For that reason, and because we do not wish to distance ourselves from our mistake, we are keeping these images on our website for archival purposes. Though we do want to make it clear that many of the main/featured voice actors are white and that we did not write the characters to represent any specific POC experience, you are, as always, free to imagine these characters in any way that you like.”

I went to their shop and they still sell posters and pins with the character’s faces on them, but they are donating it to a good cause so hopefully that stays the same. However, I still find it a little uncomfortable that they are still selling character merch and have plans to continue selling character merch. They have no right to dissuade the fans that already found representation in the characters, but they also have no right to profit off the representation that was built, regardless if they made the story. 

Let’s compare this to another piece of popular media. I love Avatar the Last Airbender and, I liked the ATLA voice actors just fine but there should have been more people of color doing voice acting behind the screen too. The voice actors for that show were mainly white too, however, the creators knew that they would be making poc characters. That’s what makes the difference. Did they still choose to go with mostly white voice actors? Yes. Could they have done better and pay more people of color? Also yes. But I’m not as furious at them because they did their research on the cultures they were basing the ATLA world off of and intentionally gave us a show where Asians could see characters that looked like them represented on the screen. The Penumbra Podcast did not do any of that. Again, they openly admitted that it was never their intention to make the character’s people of color when they made the podcast so that goes to show no research was made to properly represent specific cultures. The color of the character’s skin in their official designs therefore became more of aesthetic choice rather than representation, and it wasn’t even their aesthetic choice to begin with!

Race isn’t a color you can just throw onto the character because you feel like it. So I want this to be a lesson to anyone that wants to make a podcast: if you want to include poc characters please do some research into the cultures you plan to represent the way you would with any other form of media. Just because the audience can’t see the characters and just because it’s harder to smoothly introduce the character’s appearance doesn’t mean you’re allowed to be lazy on how you present the characters. Do research before you start writing the first episode and take the time to hire poc actors. Hiring poc actors is actually the least that can be done to show representation. Also, since the audience cannot visually see the race of the characters on a podcast and it can’t typically be described the way you would in a book, you’ll have to be creative. It’s not my job to say how, but my suggestions would be, before the fans come up with their own image of the character, you need to establish race in the first few episodes or release character profiles on a website so that the fans know you canonically intended the characters to be of a certain race even if you aren’t able to mention it in the actual podcast. If you are unwilling to do any of these then the best route is to avoid stating race at all and allow the audience to build their own representation into your form of media. However, once this happens, you are not allowed to profit off popular fan interpretations. You lose all rights to create official art or images of the characters. You cannot use “we have a diverse cast of characters” when you market your story. It doesn’t matter whether you created the content or not, you did not create the representation for those minority groups.

It’s one thing for fans to build their own inclusivity into a form of art like a podcast, but it’s another thing for the creators who never worked to make the representation happen to take advantage of the representation that the listeners built for themselves. Thank you for attending my TedTalk.

[akshstudios]

The Lily Of Bangtan | Kim Namjoon

[ pairing ] rm × you (fem!reader)

Three: Kim Namjoon, Baek Nari And The Engagement Party

[ series ] [ matters of the heart in the mafia series ] this story is the first part of the matters of the heart in the mafia series.

[ previous ] [ masterlist ] [ next ]

[ genre ] mafia au × arranged marriage au × bestfriend's brother au × strangers to lovers au ( angst × fluff )

[ rating ] mature-rated

[ warning ] a wannabe steamy kiss scene. jealousy flared by insecurity. drinking. talking about death and deceased loved ones. swear words. calling others rude names.

[ author's forenote ] your name is baek nari. i've changed the name of the installments because I realised that having it named as series name: part one, part two and the like is a little lazy and counter-productive on my part and i've changed the names for all of the other installments too. I've listed the series masterlist above.

Three: Kim Namjoon, Baek Nari And The Engagement Party

[ chapter summary ] the engagement party and the preparations for the event itself.

"What do you think, Na?”

Madam Kim asks you as you examine yourself in the huge mirror set in front of you. You were in a showroom boutique, shopping for your engagement gown.

“It’s a little too—” The older lady looked at you expectantly, “much.” You finish, not knowing how to say the dress was flashy and not at all your style without hurting her feelings. The dress that you were wearing was her choice. It looked gorgeous when it was on the rack but when you wore it, you just seemed to have ruined it.

“Okay, what do you like and don’t like about it?” The sales assistant who had been appointed to help you, pries, “Do you like the color?”

“Yes, I like the color…” You take a breath, “But I don’t like anything else.”

“Do you have a specific style in mind?”

“I do, but I’m not sure if it’s.. appropriate for—” You say, shooting a glance at the lady standing behind you, listening closely.

“Oh honey, you are the Don’s daughter-in-law,” She assures you, giving a light chuckle, “If you want it, it’s appropriate,” She shrugs, “Now tell us, what were you thinking?”

“Jangmi and I were talking last night,” You start, smiling a little when Madam Kim rolls her eyes playfully. You and your best friend had spent the better part of yesterday and night looking at your options for a dress and you had some ideas.

“I was thinking something a little sexier,” You say, elaborating your ideas, “You know, maybe a thigh slit or a little more cleavage, or a figure hugging gown?” The sales assistant smiled, listening attentively as you described further about the kinds of dresses you’ve liked in the past and what you were comfortable wearing. When you finished, she grinned.

“I think I know the perfect dress for you,” She said and rushed away to get the dress. She drags out a filled rack of clothes to you, grinning excitedly. “These are your options,” She gestured to the rack, “You can take a look and see what you like,” She says, “But, I personally think this is what you are looking for.”

She pulls out a gorgeous gown with intricate detailing all over the bodice and skirt. Madam Kim lets out a tiny gasp at the beautiful piece of clothing and looks at you to watch your reaction. The gown was probably one of the more dramatic and fancier kinds of dresses you’ve seen.

“Can I try it on?” You ask tracing the material with your hand. The sales assistant nodded excitedly and quickly dragged you to change into the dress.

The fitting was expectedly little off, you might need to fix it to fit you right but the color looked beautiful against your skin. There was a thigh high slit and with the right fitting, the bodice would cinch in and the skirt would to show off your curves and your shoulders would be on display for the on-lookers. There was an overskirt which mimicked a ball-gown look and it only added to the gown’s grandeur.

It was a beautiful gown nevertheless, extravagant and subtly sexy.

“You look heavenly, dear.” Madam Kim said in awe, “Namu’s lucky to have you as his wife.”

You smile shyly, “Thank you,”

“We’ll take this one,” Madam Kim tells the excited staff, “Have it ready by next week and we’ll send someone over to pick it up.”

“Yes, ma'am.” She nods, “Would you like to look at the shoes we have?”

After getting your measurements taken and buying a few pairs of shoes to match your dress and a few other things, you and Madam Kim were out of the place.

“Where do you want to have lunch, sweetheart?” Madam Kim asks, when you are finally in the car with your purchases, “Is there something you are craving?”

“There’s a fusion place that serves amazing food,” You say, starting the car. You had requested to not get chauffeured on your shopping trip. You had picked her up in the morning and had driven her around the city. “Would you like to go there, ommo-nim?”

“Fusion place?”

“Yeah,” You nod, driving out of the parking lot, ignoring the cars that followed you. You had specifically requested to not get chauffeured, not without bodyguards, so you really did get what you asked for. “The chef trained in traditional Korean cuisine and now he serves them with a more modern, more western take. I enjoyed the food last time I ate there.”

“Do you eat there often?” She enquires and you indulge her in the conversation.

“Not very often,” You shake your head, “We take our foreign clients there. If they are adventurous, they enjoy more traditional flavours and if they are picky, something there usually satisfies them.”

Madam Kim nods in understanding, “Have Namu and you been talking?” She asks, taking a glance at you, “I know you haven’t really met again after the dinner, but I hope he at least has your number and that you are talking and getting to know—”

You keep quiet, your mind wondering at the last encounter you had with him; him pushing you against a wall, talking nonchalantly about taking you against it, his kisses and his ridiculous deep voice.

Even days after the incident, it still flared a sort of thirst within you. You had let your mind and hands wander away that night and let shame take over the next morning, but the thirst hadn’t vanished, merely subsided for a short while.

Madam Kim takes your silence as a no, and clicks her tongue in disappointment. “He hasn’t, has he?” She sighed, “I don’t get what is wrong with him?” She shakes her head, “I hope he is not hurting you with his actions, sweetheart. He’s just a shy boy,” You give an understanding nod, though you disagreed with what she was saying. The man wasn’t shy, not in the least. Your last interaction was evidence to that. He was just an asshole who wants to make sure you know what you are signing up for.

“Please take care of him, Nari. I know he isn’t a charming prince and his actions aren’t exactly swoonworthy, but he’s not a bad man.” Madam Kim tells you sincerely, “A little slow in the matters of heart, but he knows what’s expected of him and he will try his best to be the best husband for you—”

“I understand, ommo-nim.” You smile tightly, “I will try to be a good wife for him too.” You cut her off, as politely as you could, masking it with sincerity.

You didn’t want to have the conversation of him being a good husband to you. Being a husband was duty to him and you didn’t want him to be duty bound to you. You wanted him to do things for you, care for you, be with you because he loved you or at least because he felt something for you in his cold heart.

Madam Kim smiled at your words, but stayed silent from then on till you reached the restaurant. You wondered if she picked up on your discomfort at the subject or if she just felt heard and had gotten busy with her own thoughts. You had reached your destination, gotten a table at the open terrace that overlooked the city and had ordered for the food. It was then, Madam Kim picked up the conversation again.

“I get scared sometimes you know,” She said, making you perk up curiously. What could possibly scare Madam Kim, the strongest woman you know? “What would happen if we died suddenly? Joonhyung and I?” You blink confused at the sudden remark.

“Ommo-nim, I think you are worrying for no reason!” You laugh lightly, trying to ease the air. “I’m sure the two of you will live a long, healthy and lively life!”

“You can’t be so sure about that, Nari-yah,” She pats your cheek, “You never know with life and death, and with the kind of life we live, it wouldn’t be a surprise if we are killed.” She laughs, almost carelessly and cheerfully. You wonder if the carelessness was something she had grown accustomed to.

Living in constant fear for your and your loved ones’ lives must do something to you.

She had been married into Bangtan against her wish, decades ago from a perfectly law-abiding, poor family. Her family had a run-in with Bangtan and had been blackmailed into helping them commit crimes. Madam Kim, then twenty year old, had put up a fight and ultimately led to the goons getting captured by the police.

The goons were out within hours though, but the former Don found out about her and was impressed with her courage and skills in being able to put his son and his other men behind bars, in a country where the police were basically Bangtan’s uniformed goons.

He asked for her hand in marriage to his son and her parents accepted, because they had no choice. Madam and Don hated each other in the beginning apparently, so much that they didn’t consummate their marriage on the wedding night. It was blasphemy at that time and it had caused a whole issue for them.

Not many knew the intricate details of their early years of marriage but you knew the first few years were very hostile. Your father said if anyone saw them then, they’d never dream that they’d be this happy, in love and with two kids years down the line. They never pretended to even tolerate each other, until the Don brought home a new born baby girl, Saera.

The new born had apparently marked a new start or change in their relationship, while they didn’t have their own child yet, the Don had basically adopted the newborn when he picked her up. The newborn had brought them closer as a couple and eventually led to them falling in love, as hopelessly as they are now. They had Namjoon and Jangmi later of course, but Saera was their first child.

The Don and Madam’s love story was something that’s often told and repeated to all the young girls of Bangtan, so that they expect a mafia prince that’s chosen by the Don, to come and swoop them off their feet.

It was a fantasy of course, not everyone was lucky. You would be one of the unlucky ones. But it served its purpose well. It gave young women hope in the culture of arranged marriages, in the beautiful lie that everyone found love and in the sand-grain sized chance that you will find love in your partner even in the deepest ocean of hatred you held for them.

“Bangtan will go on of course,” She chuckles, “All of us could die and yet, Bangtan would remain strong. Everyone would be fine too.. but what about our kids?” You stayed quiet, knowing she had more to say. “Who will look after Kook-ie? Will he return to the dark place he was in when he lost his parents? How will Jimin and Tae feel about being orphaned again?” She continued, her eyes looking far away at the cityline. “Will Hoseok choose violence to remedy his sorrow? Will Yoongi grow more quiet and far apart from the others? Will Namu cry and wreck everything nice in his life? Will Jin be strong enough to hold everything together? Who will look after my darling Jangmi?” She laughs lightly, exhaling loudly. “Saera will do fine, I think.” She looks at you, eyes glassy. “Can you believe it? My most clingy child who refused to let go of my skirt for years into her teens is the one who barely needs me now..”

“Ommo-nim, you know that’s not how it is.” You try to console her.

But it didn’t seem like Madam Kim was listening. “Saera doesn’t need me when I’m alive, forget after my death.”

“Unnie loves you and Abeo-ji.” You state firmly. You knew she did, just as much she was loved by them. “She’s just.. angry and… hurt. Not only at you, but at everything. Life hasn’t been fair to her and she’s just trying to navigate through it quietly.”

“I know she’s hurt and angry at the world and I hope she’s angry at us too.. We failed her,” Madam Kim replies, “Not only as parents but as the Don and Madam.”

“Ommo-nim, it’s not your fault.” You are firm as you hold her hand across the table. “You couldn’t have stopped him. We know Youngho oppa was headstrong and he did what he did because he was a selfless man who loved his friend. It wasn’t your fault.”

Madam Kim was looking away now, eyes filled with guilt and shame. Everyone could tell her a million times that what happened wasn’t their fault, it was the way of life for Bangtan and Youngho was happy doing what he did, but it didn’t change the fact that one careless decision on their part had ruined a young woman and her child’s life.

“The food’s here,” Madam Kim clears her throat, discreetly pulling out a handkerchief to wipe her tears and smile brightly at you. The food and a conversation diversion had been served. “It looks delicious, Nari-yah. Tell me, which is your favourite?”

The engagement party was at the city's Grand Hyatt hotel, one of the nation’s most expensive venues. You had arrived at the venue early in the morning to get ready because you had to outshine the luxurious decorations and at the same time, not look like a christmas tree.

You had arrived with your family and had settled into your suite for the day. You had spent your time till the glam team arrived, eating your stress away and watching reruns of Running Man and taking full advantage of the exquisite jacuzzi situation your suite had.

Once they arrived though, everything was a haze.

There were at least three people working on your hair and make-up, two working on your nails, two fixing your engagement dress, taking care of your shoes, jewelry and a photographer in the back who was trying to make everything look as gorgeous as possible for a frame.

When your mother-in-law arrived at your suite, you were more or less done for the day. Your make-up was flawlessly done, your hair perfectly curled and set to show off your uncovered shoulders.

“What do you think, Nari-ssi?” Haera, the make-up artist asked, watching you inspect your look in the hand-held mirror.

“You did a fantastic job, Haera-ssi.” You smile at her in appreciation. “I would’ve never thought I could possibly look this pretty.”

“Make-up only accentuates what’s already there, young miss.” She says good-naturedly, “But, I’ll take the compliment.”

“Shall we get you into the dress?” Sungah asks and you nod, it was about time. You had been stuck to this chair for hours now. You stood up, dropped the robe you were wearing and put on the dress with help from them.

The dress fits you like a glove, the time of the seamstress coming to you to get the fit right is finally worth it. With the proper fitting, you really couldn’t ignore how stunning you actually looked.

There was none of your softness pudding out, instead all settling into pretty curves. The thigh-slit showing off your freshly-waxed, smooth leg and the bodice cinching and skirt flaring to make you feel as gorgeous as you looked.

“Omo! Did an angel come to visit us today?” You hear the giddy voice of Madam Kim and you turn to her and blush shyly, not being able to stop yourself from giggling.

“What do you think of ommo-nim?” You ask, twirling around in your spot, the overskirt train following you.

“An angel for sure!” She laughed, hugging you. “You look so beautiful, sweetheart!” You giggle out a thank you, “Where’s Sook?” She asked, looking around for your mother.

You wanted to be honest and say that you didn’t know and that you didn’t care where she went as long as she didn’t disturb you but refrained for the sake of putting up a front, “She’s probably with Appa or out socializing, ommo-nim. Both of us are in our high spirits and it gets exhausting, so she must be out somewhere relaxing.”

“Oh I understand, sweetie,” She shakes her head sympathetically, “Marriages and everything related to it is always stressful. I wish I could run away from all the weddings and the aftermath I’m supposed to handle too.”

In Bangtan, the marriages were handled by the Don and Madam. The Don began the process by announcing and getting the couple engaged and from there it’s all Madam’s job —the wedding preparations, the bride and everything after the wedding till the couple’s death. Their well-being as a couple was the Madam’s responsibility, making sure that they are happy, making sure that the women are not abused, their kids are well looked after and all.

“But I’m not here to vent,” She gives a mischievous look, “I’m here to deliver something.” You look at her curiously. She opens up the dark blue velvet box in her hands. The box held a beautiful diamond necklace, with matching earrings and a bracelet to complete the set.

“What do you think?” She asks, ignoring the gasps and mutters of appreciation from the others in the room.

“It’s gorgeous, ommo-nim.” You say and she smiles proudly.

“I’m glad you like it,” She grins teasingly, “—and I think it’ll look even more gorgeous if you wear it.”

Your engagement party was simultaneously the most boring and eventful party for you in a long time.

The party started officially with your families joining the guests in the party hall. You walked in with your father, arms linked with his and a bright, happy smile plastered over your face. You greeted a few familiar faces, your uncles, aunts and a few cousins.

You were escorted to the Kims who were at the center of the party, surrounded by the Elites and Jang Yeojin, Jin’s wife. All of them looked particularly good in their suits, but your eyes still managed to stay stuck to Namjoon.

It was a black-tie event, so you were expecting his suit to make an appearance but what you didn’t expect was him to look as good as he did. The dark suit made him look so much more authoritative and intimidating. His hair is slicked back and his sharp eyes roaming over your body hotly.

There’s a part of you that revels in the lustful way his eyes are eating you up but the larger part of you that’s not used to blatant attention from a made-man is flustered, making you blush which brings a smirk to his face.

You talk to the others present, pointedly ignoring him and his teasing smile. The Elites congratulate you and compliment you, giggling and cackling like five-year olds over an inside joke you didn’t understand, but you knew whatever it was, it was directed at Namjoon. He only rolled his eyes at them.

How they were Bangtan’s most capable and scariest was beyond you sometimes.

“Your necklace is pretty, noona.” Jungkook smirks, looking exaggeratedly interested in the jewelry.

“Thank.. you, Kook.” You huff out a little laugh, “I didn’t think I’d be getting compliments over jewelry from you.” You tilt your head, “Are you interested in jewelry all of a sudden?”

“Diamonds, noona.” He smiles wider, a cheeky lilt to his voice. “I’m really into diamonds these days.” The Elites snickered around you and Namjoon ignored them pointedly. Yeojin grinned and you wondered if she understood —she probably didn’t, no one understands Elites’ inside jokes but themselves and you just stayed quiet, wondering what they were finding so funny in diamond jewelry.

You knew there was more to it. There was more to whatever conversation all of you were having, but you weren’t included in the secret. You wanted to investigate but Hoseok was standing away from you and you knew you couldn’t bully the answer out of them if they were all together.

You stayed silent instead, carefully watching and listening to whatever they were saying and engaging them in their jokes and mafia gossip. Your scrutiny was cut short when it was announced it was time for the ring ceremony.

It took them minutes to get you and Namjoon at the center of the attention, with your parents by you. Jimin had grabbed the mic and was hosting the event, guiding and announcing what was happening.

You don’t remember what exactly he was saying, except that he was funny and you giggled endlessly at his little jokes and finally, when you were out of breath and happy, he announced it was time for the ring ceremony.

In a matter of seconds, the spotlight shined on the two of you.

Your heart pounds then, standing in front of Namjoon. You take a deep breath, holding it in as you raise your hand, palm-side down to him. You notice how his large, warm hands dwarf yours, as he holds them delicately, slipping a ring on your ring finger, treating your hand in the most soft way possible.

A round of loud applause and cheers broke out, startling you slightly. You smile, exhaling the breath you held.

It is done, now you are half-married to Kim Namjoon. You gaze up at Namjoon, who smiles sweetly, dimples on display and brings up your hand to his lips and presses a kiss over your knuckles.

You knew it was for a show, it was for the audience, it was for his parents and it was everything and for everyone but you. It was him playing a role, it was an act, it was not real but your traitor of a heart still fluttered and you blushed in betrayal.

You pulled yourself together, face still too red to act like nothing happened but you managed to link your arm around his as you thank and smile at everyone who were congratulating you and Namjoon.

Many of the Bangtan’s members came up to the two of you, congratulating and blessing you to have a happy marriage and of course, sons. If you were scowling at the words, you didn’t show it. You smiled amicably instead.

When it looked like everyone had congratulated you, you were left to your own devices. Namjoon excuses himself and your female cousins hound you the minute he walks away. You sigh as you sit on the couch, giving your legs the much needed rest.

“My legs hurt,” You pout to yourself, “When can I go home?”

“Not anytime soon,” Yeri pats your shoulder sympathetically, “There’s still a dance, dinner and the afterparty,”

“I’m tired,” You sigh, craving a drink. “Can you get me a drink, Yeri?” The younger girl nods happily and goes away with another cousin of yours. You recline back on the couch a little unceremoniously, pout still visible on your face.

“My my, Nari,” Jaein, your cousin giggles, looking at you with bright eyes. “RM can’t take his eyes off you, can he?” She shoves her elbow up your arm teasingly. You roll your eyes, wincing.

“He’s so smitten,” She gushes looking over her shoulder to him, “What did you ever do to him?” She asks, “Share your secrets with us, oh great one.”

You laugh and shrug, looking around to find yourself meeting gazes with the man. He was talking to someone, but his eyes wandered occasionally to you. You lock gazes but look away before you can stare. Yeri had come back with a flute of champagne for you. You thank her, taking a sip of the drink. You wanted something stronger but you weren’t going to complain.

The conversation was lively amidst you as you talked about everything and everyone; people’s hideous fashion sense and the obnoxious Bangtan members. You were so engrossed in the gossip that you didn’t notice Namjoon coming up to your little group.

“Can I have my beautiful fiancé back?” Namjoon asks no one in particular, smiling.

A chorus of yes, of course was heard and your cousins ditched you, murmuring congratulations and byes. You roll your eyes at their squeaky tone and scared demeanor. They can barely have a conversation with this man and you are supposed to marry him and have his kids.

You scoot a little away to let him sit beside you. You wanted to be petty and take up the whole couch but you didn’t want to do that in public where the whole of Bangtan was gawking at you two. He smiles, sitting unnecessarily close to you. His body is so close to yours that your shoulders and thighs are touching with how stretched out he is sitting.

You focus on your nearly empty drink, looking around to see if a staff was serving more. You feel awkward sitting next to him, without picking a fight or talking to him but you weren’t in the mood to start a conversation. If he started it, maybe you’d indulge him but you weren’t gonna rack your brain for a conversation starter. It wasn't worth it.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” He asks, probably feeling suffocated by the awkwardness that was lingering in the air between you.

“If I ignore the fact that I’m getting married,” You turn and smile at him, “—then, I’m having a splendid time.”

It’s almost comical how you can see his expression harden, from a happy, relaxed to a slightly miffed, irritated one. You knew you were being a jerk now, he only wanted to chat with you but you couldn’t stop yourself from saying something snide. He’s about to say something when Jihyo’s voice is heard.

“Namjoon oppa,” She draws femininely, playing with her hair. You roll your eyes, the hatred you held for her physically impossible to contain. “Nari,” She greets you, more as an afterthought.

“Jihyo,” You don’t even bother with a courteous nod.

“You look.. nice.” She says, her smile fake as she looks at you, checking you out from head to toe.

“Thank you, Jihyo.” You say, your tone is sickly sweet, “You don’t look that bad either.”

Her expression changes for a second before she gathers herself with a smile and asks, “Has anyone asked you for a dance yet?” She asks, looking around for someone. She doesn’t stop to listen to your reply, instead continues, “I’m so sorry that they haven’t!” She pouts in fake pity, “I’m sure it’s because Namjoon oppa’s here and not because you are not worth it,” You are this close to verbally ripping her apart when she turns her happy smile towards Namjoon and asks, “Can I have your dance? You can’t dance with Nari, of course, so dance with me?”

You are so sure that Namjoon would say no, that he’d stick up for his fiancé, stick up for you but no, the jerk agrees and stalks away for a dance with Jihyo and you are left fuming.

Engagement parties aren’t thrown for every Bangtan couple, only the high-profile ones get it and that too if and only if they requested it. In your case, it was more a necessity than a request. With these engagement parties came a lot more Bangtan customs that were simply a headache. Like this one for example, the newly engaged couple couldn’t dance with each other before getting married because it brought bad luck, but the two have to dance.

The first dance with any engaged couple is considered an honour, so you knew Jihyo snagging the next Don’s first dance is a step-up in the competition you had going on against her. It was childish and stupid, but you had this rivalry going on for so long that it felt insulting to be the first one to let it go. She wasn’t backing down, so why would you?

You couldn’t show her up with anyone, even if you tried. Who as a dance partner could be more of a catch than the next Don himself? You are begrudgingly admitting your defeat and cursing Namjoon for accepting her offer. If only he hadn’t accepted her offer and went to dance with any other girl in the party. It was also because you were his fiancé that no one has gathered up their courage to ask you for a dance.

It would’ve probably helped if you were nice to him before but you were a jerk and he was only repaying your behaviour by siding with your rival. You roll your eyes, maybe it’s time to find Namjoon’s rival and dance with him. You are busy plotting a murder or murders when you hear the Don.

“Nari-yah,” You turn to him, masking a happy expression, “Can I have the honour of your first dance?”

“With you, Abeo-ji?”

The Don was smiling widely at you, while you gaped at him. You knew the Don didn’t dance with anyone but the Madam. It wasn’t a rule but something he just stuck to. He started the dance with the Madam and she’s the only one he ever danced with.

“Yes,” He nods, extending an arm to you, “Don’t you worry, I’m not a bad dancer and I promise I won’t ruin your dress.” You chuckle.

“The honour’s mine, Abeo-ji,” You smile, feeling grateful and taking his arm and walking to the center of the dance floor. The dance hadn’t begun mainly because you weren’t on stage yet.

Once the two of you were on the floor, with your respective partners, the music began. It was a soft, melodious piano composition and as you began to dance you had to admit you were having fun. The Don was a very good dancer, he wasn’t swift and firm in his moves but more relaxed and gracious as he led you through the whole song.

When the song nearly ended, he smiled at you, “You don’t have to worry about Jihyo, Nari-yah.” You wince at being caught.

“Am I obvious?” You shoot him a guilty smile, “I don’t like her.” You don’t bother hiding the truth from him. Jangmi shared your feelings and you knew she expressed them to her dad more often than not.

“She’ll get married soon enough” He says like it’s a trivial matter, which for him it probably is, “—and as for my son, he’s only yours.” He says firmly, you nod in response. “You will never have to fight with anyone for his attention. He’s just trying to be nice to Jihyo, okay?”

That wasn’t true. Namjoon was pissed at you and rightfully so. You were hell bent on getting on his nerves, talking about the marriage being an inconvenience at every turn when he was only trying to be accomodating and to make this easy on the two of you. He was just letting you know that if you didn’t cooperate with him, he could have his pick of the litter and you would be left in the dust.

It was subtle, but you got it.

He clicks his tongue, when you don’t reply, as if he was trying to convince you to quit it and you were being adamant. “Why are women so stubborn?” He sighs to himself, “Okay, I’ll help you.” He says and you are pulled back into the conversation from your reverie, “All of the Elites minus my son will dance with you,” He mutters, looking around for them.

You are like his daughter and he’ll be damned if he didn’t try to help you win whatever you had going with Jihyo. He knew it was petty rivalry and that it didn’t matter much, but really, there wasn’t much in Bangtan to entertain young ladies, so such competition was the major drama.

You were his daughter-in-law and the Kims didn’t lose to anyone. He would make sure that you not only win this but also let others know not to mess with you. You were the next Madam and they will have to learn to respect and fear you, even in trivial matters.

“Abeo-ji—” You try to stop him, feeling embarrassingly small at your childishness.

“Sh,” He shushed you, “I know you women always have a point to prove when it comes to other women and your man. So just take it and don’t let her show you down.”

You nod and let out a sigh. “Yes, Abeo-ji.” He smiles, muttering out a good.

“Abu-nim,” Jin grins at you, “I’ll take Nari from here,” The Don gives a firm nod, handing you over to him.

“You know what to do and—” He nods, “Take care of my daughter-in-law.”

“Yes,” He grins and pulls you back on the dance floor. “Come on, Nari. I need to flex my superior dancing skills.” You roll your eyes at him, but let him drag you around for a dance. He dances with you, entertaining you with his jokes. He was charming and handsome.

Truly a great man but wasted on the likes of Yeojin.

Just as the song came to an end, the next Elite had walked up to you. Suga gave you a small smile, holding out his hand, and in a soft tone said, "Grant me the honour of your next dance?"

When you had shot him an incredulous look, he only says, “You are the woman of the hour, of course, all of us are frothing at the mouth to dance with you.”

"Of course they are,"

After dancing with Suga, who was surprisingly chatty and gentle, you were handed over to Taehyung. You and Taehyung were friends, being the same age as him and Jimin.

When you were younger, all four of you, often being tagged along by Jungkook got into all sorts of trouble and were quite the havoc till you finished school and you went separate ways into college and Bangtan.

There was a time you could read him like a book, but over the years the soft boy had grown hard and now, he was mostly a stranger with the familiar boxy smile. You wondered if Jangmi knew that V was a different man from Taehyung but you didn’t dwell on it much as Jimin whisked you away.

“Hello, next Madam Kim.” Jimin greets you, placing a hand on your waist, holding your other hand up.

“Hello to you too, Park.” You greet him back, mimicking his tone. “Great job organizing this event,” You smile, appreciatively looking around the place. “It’s beautiful.”

He chuckles, “Well, a beautiful event for a beautiful couple,” He says, “Don’t worry, Nari-yah, I promise I won’t make Jihyo’s party as great as this one,” You gasp dramatically, “We can’t let her win this game, right?” He grins mischievously and you swat at his shoulder, making him double with laughter.

“Am I that obvious?” You ask, “Why does everyone know of this?” You wonder if you are really that obvious that everyone seems to know of your situation with Jihyo. Also, why are these scary men into your petty interactions with a fellow mob-woman, surely they have better things to do?

“Hm..” He thinks over, lips jutting in a pout, looking up like he was thinking over, “You are not exactly obvious.. but everyone already does know of your rivalry with Jihyo.”

“How—”

“I mean, think about it,” He says, twirling you around, “You two are of the same age, have the looks, the status and the riches. You two were at one point, equally eligible to be the next Madam Kim. I think you are better —don’t have me killed, please.” He looks at you with puppy-like eyes and you giggle, he shoots you a smile. “People are bound to compare and have you compete against each other.” He continued, “And thank goodness for us, you two naturally took to the competition and put up with it for so long. Every party and gala, we wait for you two to interact and see where this leads to —a slap or drink-pouring or a swordfight or a wrestling match.” He gasps exaggeratedly and you roll your eyes.

“No really,” He says, “You two make up a great percentage of the Bangtan gossip.”

“Too bad, it’s gonna end soon.” You smile pitifully.

“Too bad it is.” He grins, not very unhappy about it. “Jungkook’s next.” He says and you are pushed to Jungkook.

“Hello again, Lily noona.” He says, dramatically bowing and extending a hand for you to accept his offer. “Dance with me?”

“Of course, Jungkook-ssi,” You take his hand, grinning.

“Namjoon Hyung is looking at us, you know.” He says, when you sway with him, trying not to trip on your dress.

“Is he?” You comment making it sound off-handed but not so subtly look at Namjoon who is standing just around the dancefloor with a group of people.

Jungkook grins, “He doesn’t look too pleased,”

“That can’t be helped,” You snap, then muttering quietly. “He shouldn’t have picked Jihyo over me,”

“Oh my god, Noona!” Jungkook can’t stop himself from laughing, “Were you always like this?”

“Shut up and dance, Kookie.”

After Jungkook, it was Hoseok’s turn. He smiles as you settle your hand on his shoulders.

“Look at our little Lily, winning this competition of life against Jihyo,” Hoseok grins, as he turns you around to music. He was the last one to dance with you and honestly you couldn’t be more glad. Once you were done, you hoped to get out and get some fresh air. The air inside was mildly killing you.

“So petty, Nari-ssi,” He snickered, as you shot him a shocked look. “So fucking petty,”

“Hoseok, the bitch told me no one asked me to dance because I wasn’t worth it!” You scoff, “I’ll be damned if I let her win this petty competition after that. Also, Abeo-ji offered to make you dance with me, I didn’t ask for it.”

“But you accepted it nevertheless?” You nod shamelessly and he laughs.

“She’s lost the competition now,” He says, “We’ve made quite the statement. Actually, I think the Don did.”

You had to agree that a statement was made, it was subtle but it was effective. A statement to any other woman throwing themselves at RM, they might steal off a dance with him or maybe hours of his day, but he was yours and you were the next Madam Kim.

Normally you’d scrunch your face at the title, but today it felt good to have that at the back of your mind. It gives you confidence and strength. When the dance was done, you thanked him and quickly excused yourself to get out of the party hall, but your mother caught you on the way out.

“Now, where are you off to?” She asked, looking condescendingly at you. You look around startled at her rude addressal. What did you do now?

“To the restroom?” You say, “Do you want to join me?” You don’t know why you are asking her to join you, but you do and to your surprise she accepts. You curse at yourself, you were only being polite since you were out among other made-men.

“Let’s go then,” You want to smack yourself but you don’t, instead leading her out to the restroom.

“I didn’t come here to chit chat with you,” She says the minute you are alone, she closes the door behind you.

“I figured as much,” You breathe out, looking at the mirror.

“Do you know about the ring you are wearing right now?” She asks and you raise a brow.

“This one?” You raise your hand up and show your engagement ring. She nods and you shrug.

It was an emerald cut diamond, with a band of smaller stones around the diamond itself and the band, with pretty detailing. It was beautiful, but not your style.

“It’s a family heirloom!” She says, “The former Don’s father gave it to his mother when she bore him a son!” You nod, examining the ring on your finger. You wonder where she mined that information from. You knew the Kims weren’t the kind to engage in talks regarding jewelry, so this must’ve come from the other guests at the party.

“Do you know what that means?” She asks and you are aware of where this conversation is going. Only your mother could hear a story about a ring, find enough information on it and make up a whole reason for why you were receiving it.

“That I bear Namjoon a son too?” You take a wild guess.

“Yes—”

“What the actual fuck?” You scoff, “You do know that’s not how baby’s sex is determined right? I’m not the one in charge—” You stop yourself, “Actually, no. I’m done. I’ll see you next week or whenever.”

“Shouldn’t you be inside enjoying the party?” You close your eyes the second you recognize the deep, rich timbre of his voice. You weren’t even allowed a minute of peace in this world. You were out on the balcony, enjoying some alone time after all the hustle-bustle of the day. The air was chilly but peaceful.

“And shouldn’t you be inside enjoying Jihyo drooling all over you?” You snap, not turning to look at him. You sound jealous, even to yourself.

“You don’t have to be jealous of her, my darling.” You hear the happy lilt to his voice and the increasing volume as he nears you. Your stomach flutters at the nickname, but you choose to ignore it.

“I’m not jealous,”

“I’m a loyal man,” Namjoon comes closer to you, leaning against the railing using his hands, “I would never stray away from you.”

“I am not jealous,” You repeat firmly.

“It certainly felt like it, with how you were throwing daggers at her with your eyes,” He teases and you whip your face to him.

“Be glad it wasn’t her I was throwing from the tenth floor,” You mutter and he laughs. A deep, warm laugh. Probably the first time in your presence and your heart warmed at the sight.

“I am,” He says, “—that would’ve been very hard to explain to Cappo Shim,”

“Hard?” You turn to him in mock shock, “I’m sure Abeo-ji would’ve handled it all for me.”

“Oh yes, he would have.” He says, “He’d have helped you throw her if you’d asked. You are his favourite after all.”

“That I am,” You say, making a motion of flipping you hair and he laughs.

“I knew diamonds would look fantastic on you,” He says out of the blue and you look at him. “You were the first thing to come to my mind when I saw them,” He smiles softly, eyes grazing your shoulders and looks at your eyes again. “They fit you well,”

“You choose them?” Your shock is very visible, in your voice and your face. Were all made-man into jewelry or was this an Elite-only trait?

“I brought it home from my trip to Belgium,” He says softly, his voice low.

“Belgium?” You ask and he nods, “Did you like it?”

“Belgium?” He looks at you, tilting his head, “I didn’t get to enjoy it much. I was there to sign a consignment for Bangtan. We had a stop at Antwerp and I wanted to see the diamond market there, and I thought of you when I saw this..”

He touches the necklace, trailing his finger delicately over the gemstones, leaving behind goosebumps on your skin.

“Why diamonds?” You ask dumbly, all your strength melting away at the proximity of his body to yours.

“Diamonds are a woman's best friend, right?” He raised a brow, a little smile on his lips.

“I prefer rubies,” You say.

“Noted,” He simply smiles, moving closer to you. He places his hands on the railing either side of you, effectively trapping you. He drops his head to your shoulder, nuzzling you. You feel the goosebumps rising on your skin, but as his warmth as he slots his body against yours. He was warm and you let him be.

“Why are we getting married, Namjoon?” You ask when a few minutes have passed. “You know nothing about me,”

“Not true,” He pulls away, looking petulant like a child accused of something wrongly. “I know your birthday, I know your parents, I know Bangtan, I know where you live, where you work.”

“You know that’s not what I meant—”

He presses a finger to your lips, “Now, I also know you prefer rubies over diamonds, I know a lot about you.”

You scoff, challenging him. “What do I know about you then?”

“You know my birthday, you know my favourite flowers are lilies, whites ones. You know my sister, my parents, my friends, Bangtan. You know what I do for a living, you know where I operate from, you know so much about me.”

“I don’t know what you like for breakfast, how you like your coffee, if you even drink coffee, what your favourite color is, I don’t know your drinking habits, your sleeping habits.. I don’t know if you snore, if you cuddle, if you hog the blankets. I don’t know—” You are cut off again.

Namjoon was as impatient as you initially thought.

“I like sweet things for breakfast, I like my coffee milky and sweet, my favourite colour is green,”

“Again,” You huff, “Not what—”

“You will never know everything about me, darling. But we have our future to learn all about each other.” He sounds sincere, as he looks at you with softer eyes.

“You can know everything but later,” He ground out, pushing himself closer to you, “Now, I need to kiss you,” His voice drops lower getting all whispery towards the end and you are arching up your face to let him kiss you.

Namjoon smiles a little, seeing you so willing and brushes his lips against yours. His lips are soft and steady against yours, sweet as he runs his tongue over them. You are barely aware of your surroundings, his warm hands and scent taking you away to a different plane. You place your hands on his firm chest, barely aware of his viciously beating heart under your palm, stroking unconsciously, while his hand rested on your waist and other cupped your face, tilting it up for better reach.

He takes a few licks at your lips, pushing you up and letting you go quickly and you are slightly panicking. Did he not like it? Did you do something wrong? What happened? Were you kissing him wrong? Were you being too eager? Not eager enough?

Namjoon pulls away, mutters out a little fuck at your wide doe eyes looking up at him and crashes his lips onto yours, roughly this time. Your squeak barely has the chance to be out, when he pushes his tongue into you, lapping at you. His hands that previously held you so softly, were now hot against your waist, noticeably inching down to your ass and the other holding your bare thigh.

You gasp into the kiss, when he harshly grabs your butt, stumbling to link your arms around his neck and into his hair. He sucks on your tongue, your lips bringing out little moans and pants from you that he excitedly drank up. Your hands are holding him desperately, as his body is flush against yours and you are running out of breath. He gives you one last squeeze and lets you go.

He pulls away all too quickly, holding you in case you were too dizzy from all his action. He smirks at you looking disoriented, tucks your hair behind your ears. He chuckles lightly, at your blushy, lightheaded gaze and pulls you into a hug, one last time.

“Let's go inside,” He pressed a kiss to your shoulder, “They might be wondering where we are, we don't wanna give them any ideas.” he whispers in your ears, sending a pleasant shiver up your body. He smirks, presses a kiss to your cheek, wraps his hand around yours and pulls you inside.

[ next ] Four: Months Leading Up To The Wedding Of The Century

[ author's endnote ] completely unedited. I'll look over it again tomorrow. the makeout scene needs a little bit of cleaning up but for now, please let me know what you think! edit: I've edited it again, I'm not satisfied but I guess this will have to do now. if you have any questions, anything even anything random to say or just a quick hello, my asks and dms are always open. your thoughts and feedbacks motivates me more than the hearts —though hearts and reblogs are nice too. hope all of you are doing well, lots of love and take care.

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2021, September 27.