#let's cry laugh and get emotional and crazy together

[personasintro]

You might've noticed by now but I started reposting Mh. Rereading it after a while brings a lot of memories & I hope you guys can take this opportunity to reread the story until 58 is posted :) please give each part lots of love and support ♡

[deathbxnny]

hey I need you SO BAD to do like an arcane reaction where they’re drunk and what they do/say while it and btw I love your writing

What Arcane characters are like when drunk. | Vi, Caitlyn, Jinx, Ekko, Sevika x Gn!Reader

So this may have become a little too angsty for some of them, so uh... don't mind me-

Also, thank you so much! I'm glad you love my writing. It means a lot to me!<33

Content: Alcohol obviously, some potential heavy angst, Pit fighter Vi, established romantic relationships, some toxic behavior, this has been written by someone who has never drank a sip of alcohol in their life so I'm sorry if this is unrealistic, sfw

Reader has no set pronouns.

((Not fully proofread))

》VI

Her being drunk wasn't unusual, and in fact, it has become the norm for her at this point. It was the only way for her to numb the agony she was going through every day, and there was no stopping the cycle she was in. If she wasn't drunk, then she was fighting. But even the line that was drawn between those two states she was constantly in was becoming blurry and unintelligible. Things were getting out of hand, and so was her aggression towards everything that moved, anything that cared for her.

But at least you were still here with her, trying your best to keep her together and intact when she refused to be.

She can be cruel and unfocused whilst drunk, often either yelling or punching things to express her frustrations, and yet she never dared hurt you. You were the only light she had left, and she'd be damned if she snuffed you out, too. But this doesn't mean that she can control her words at times. She says things she regrets all the time, insults that cut deep or accusations that made no sense were common. Yet you stayed, you always stayed.

A part of her knows you deserve better, but until Jinx showed up, she refused to wane off the bottle that kept her even partially functioning daily. In a different life, she'd put the bottle down, however, and just finally hug you instead.

》CAITLYN

She doesn't drink much, and when she does, it's in strict moderation. She has a reputation to keep up and can't let her sharp senses falter at any time, especially once she becomes the commander of Piltover. But when it's just the two of you attempting to relax after an impossibly stressful day, the alcohol helps her relax and become more open with her troubles. Her grief had manifested into an uncontrollable force she shyed away from every speaking on, but in drunken moments like these, she'll allow herself to find melancholy in your arms, her flushed face pressed into your shoulder as she did so.

She may cry or laugh of the worries of the day, maybe break down from the guilt and frustrations, let the anger quell over but only still hesitantly even with her judgment clouded. This is a very rare state to see her in after the loss of her mother, and she trusts you to keep this vulnerable part of her safe and sound in your heart behind locked lips.

With that said, knowing how emotional she can get whilst drunk, she tries avoiding drinking too much during functions in case things get too much out of hand. She'd rather not make a fool of herself infront of everyone after all.

》JINX

She doesn't typically drink. But the few times she does with you at her side, she somehow becomes extremely calm and lazy. She'll practically lay in the chair she was sitting in, eyes squinting at a far away point on the wall, whilst she seemingly contemplates life. Most would think that the alcohol would enable her crazy tendencies even more, but alas, it simply turns her mostly docile.

I say mostly, as she usually mentally comes up with the craziest plans instead, all of which are questionably more unethical than the last. She'll eventually lose herself in those thoughts and become either unresponsive or mutter the silliest, incomprehensible things known to man. And there is certainly no in-between.

With that said, she will probably eventually snap out of it and begin rapidly speaking about all these thoughts to you without a single care in the world. Drunk Jinx is somehow less miserable and yet absolutely doesn't like the feeling of it afterward. Sure, it makes her mind stop thinking about her issues and past, but it still feels wrong, hence why it's rare to see her drunk.

Her terrible hangovers alone also cause her to stay away from alcohol in general. It's definitely not worth that pain to her.

》EKKO

Another person who doesn't drink often at all, albeit out of his responsibility as a leader. He has to be a good role model for everyone and only drinks when the occasion calls for it, like a festival or get together with friends and you. That's when he lets loose a little and allows himself to drink more than he probably should, resulting in a very clingy and loving Ekko.

His alcohol tolerance is embarrassingly low, and he always tells himself that he should know better than to down so many glasses at once... yet it's hard to keep count after about 2 and a half of them. Or so he'd say after he sobers up in the morning, much to your amusement. During the time he's fully hammered, though, he'll always have a hand in you and slur his words rather heavily, whilst he practically near proclaims his love for you for everyone to hear. This often results in you having to slap a hand over his mouth before he embarrasses himself further... which is somehow he hates.

He gets teased by the others all the time for it and glares when they mock his loving tone of voice that he only uses when he's in that impaired state with you. This alone makes him abstain from even a singular drop of alcohol... until the next festival roles around and he forgets to keep count again.

But hey, maybe he'll remember next time because you sure as hell won't remind him.

》SEVIKA

She drinks at bars all the time with you, although it's rare to see her ever get completely drunk. She has an extremely high tolerance to alcohol and it shows when there is barely a difference in her behavior. The only thing that may indicate something influencing her would be a slight slur in her voice and her being unwilling to get up or move around much at all. She'll just want to relax and play poker in peace, even if it starts getting hard to see the cards after a while.

Another way to tell that she may be getting drunk is by her sudden overprotectiveness. Sure, it was always there and never left, despite you being able to handle yourself alone. But when she's drunk, anyone that looks at you for too long in a way she doesn't like will either be punched in the face or yelled at to keep it moving.

She also definitely always denys being drunk or even tipsy when you ask her. Whether out of pride or stubbornness, you'll never know, but she will never admit to it. It doesn't matter if she denies it whilst being unable to walk straight either.

[sturnioz]

⌗︙— virgin!matt eating pussy for the first time !

☆ . . . matt doesn't understand what he's doing as he stares at your glistening folds, listening to your instructions as his hands grip the fleshy meat of your thighs, giving you a quick nod before leaning in to take a hesitant lick.

he jumps when he hears the noise that slips out of your lips, his body tensing as your knees knock together behind his head, caging him in between.

your taste lingers on his tongue, and he rubs his lips together thoughtfully — he isn't sure on how to explain it, but he sure as hell wasn't going to vocally admit how fucking sweet you tasted, not wanting to feel more embarrassed that he already is.

he leans in again to take a few more experimental licks before relaxing himself into it, his tongue pushing between your folds and slurping up your arousal that gushes from your entrance.

"that's it, matt... r-right there." your gasps of pleasure urge him on, and he buries himself deep, allowing himself to do what he thinks is right and his chest soars with pride when he hears you moan loudly.

your hands rest on the top of his head, holding the tufts of his hair carefully, not pulling and tugging him as you're worried you'll scare him away — but matt's not going anywhere.

matt feels glued in place as he devours your pussy messily, a mess of his spit and drool, and quiet moans slip from his lips at the addicting taste that covers his tongue.

he can't seriously get enough of you, his grip tightening on your thighs as he pulls you closer to his face despite you already being as close as possible. he wants you to lock your legs around his head to hold him in — to hold him there for eternity if he was allowed.

he still doesn't fully understand what he's doing, and there's a tinge of worry and panic in the back of his mind at not making you feel good, but the way you're reacting to him eating your cunt and toying your clit with his tongue, he knows he's doing something.. and it makes him feel like he's going crazy.

"why do you fuckin' taste so good..." matt murmurs with a whimper to himself, his fingers digging into the flesh of your skin as the sudden urge to cry hits him.

why does he feel so emotional being in between your legs? devouring you as if it's his last fucking meal? why has he never done this before? why didn't he do it sooner?

matt jerks back in surprise when his tongue dips into your hole and your pussy clenches at the sensation, more arousal dripping to the bedsheets below and his eyes flit up to you when you gasp.

"can.. can you do that?"

his eyebrows knit together in confusion. "do what?"

your gaze meets his, "fuck me with your tongue?"

the shock is evident on his expression as he asks, "i can — i can do that?"

matt knows you're not laughing at him, but he can't help but feel a little embarrassed and shy as you cover your mouth to stifle your amusement. he decides not to question it further as he focusses his attention back to your weeping cunt and he pokes out his tongue, lapping around your entrance before hesitantly pushing in.

his tongue doesn't go as far as he imagines his cock would — which makes his hips twitch against the bed at the thought — but feeling the warmth of your walls squeezing around his tongue has him moaning out loud, and he laps up as much as your slick as he possibly can.

you're moving too much for him to concentrate, and he's worried he's doing something wrong or making you uncomfortable. he glances up at you for a brief moment to see the expression on your face; your eyes are shut tightly, eyebrows pulled together in pleasure, mouth dropped open as sinful sounds rip from the back of your throat.

it lets him know that there's nothing wrong — in fact, he's doing really fucking good.

matt can't help but whine softly at your pleasurable state, and he wraps his lips around your clit to suck instead, remembering how you reacted when he did it a few minutes ago. he grunts when you leg hits the side of his head with force and he decides to hold them down, pressing them both to the mattress as he circles his wet muscle around your clit.

"oh! oh fuck — matt... 'm gonna cum," you pant heavily, your chest heaving with breathless moans. "matty... 'm gonna cum — you're gonna make me cum—"

"wanna make you cum," matt's words come out muffled against your pussy. "please, baby — let me make you cum."

feeling your body seize up in his hold and let out the most prettiest noises has matt moaning in your pussy, continuing to lick and suck at your clit like a starved animal. you're trembling around him, and the grip you have on his hair is tightening, leaving a dull ache on his skull but he takes no notices as he holds your shaking legs down, devouring every last drop of cum that you give him.

your body jolts when he doesn't stop riding your through your high, and his grip is too strong for you to free yourself and it results in you hitting the top of his head, pathetic sobs spilling from your lips as you beg him to stop from how sensitive you are.

"i wan' more," matt mouths on your pussy, his tongue licking a wet stripe through your folds and you suck in a sharp breathe. "i wan' more — need more, i need it. don' make me stop... please, give me one more."

© sturnioz

[roosterforme]

Yours Truly, Bradley Bradshaw Part 22 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: It's terrifying to realize you don't know if Bradley is safe. As the lonely days stretch on and on, you try to savor the notes from him. Once the final two envelopes have been opened, you know you need the real thing.

Warnings: Angst, fluff, adult language, romantic as hell Bradley, 18+

Length: 2600 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female teacher!Reader

Check out my masterlist for more! Yours Truly, Bradley Bradshaw masterlist

Other than your car, everything you owned was inside Bradley's house. Over the last few weeks, Natasha helped you load up his Bronco and make a few trips down, but she looked at you like you were crazy when you told her you were going to leave most things packed up for now.

"Why?" she asked, leaning on a stack of boxes in the living room. "Even if he gets stationed in Norfolk, you'll finish out your school year here before he sells the house."

But you didn't want him to sell his house. You loved it here. Being in his living space was the closest thing to being with him when he was deployed, and you didn't think it was fair that he might have to give this up. What would Edith do without Bradley to help her? What would Bradley do in a different state without his best friend? No, you simply couldn't unpack, just in case, but you also couldn't accept Virginia with any finality until you were explicitly told it was happening.

"I just wish I could talk to him," you whispered.

"Soon," Nat replied, and you jumped, surprised to find you weren't alone in your thoughts. "I just moved a million boxes. I deserve a trip to the wine bar, and so do you. Bradley will be back soon enough."

"Nine days. Not soon enough." 

It was nine days until he was supposed to get back to Norfolk. On Valentine's Day. Then right after that, it was Career Day at your school. You had been holding onto a few of the envelopes and gift cards from him, trying to make them last, but you were almost out. You needed the real thing again.

Natasha groaned. "You are so in love with him, it's kind of gross. Let's go drink wine, and I'll tell you more tales from before the mustache."

You took one more look at the few unopened letters lined up on the coffee table before grabbing the gift card for the wine bar. But even southern California looked gloomy on the drive up. The wine was good, but you were just tired. Natasha told you all about how she tried to give Bradley the call sign Chicken Man, and you laughed at the idea of that emblazoned along the side of his jet. She also seemed to be able to tell just how melancholy you were.

"You're doing great," she told you, setting down her wine glass. "You're counting down the hours until you can talk to Bradley again. Vanessa would have probably been too busy with her water bottles to remember to pick him up from the airport. There's a reason why it's hard, and it's because he loves you as much as you love him."

You did your best to keep it together after that, but there was a lump in your throat, holding back your emotions, and when you got back home, you started crying on the couch. Big, fat tears rolled down your cheeks, blurring your vision, but you knew which envelope you were reaching for.

Open me when you've had a bad day

As you tore into the envelope, you realized there was another envelope inside it. The second envelope said Take me to The Bayside Florist and give me to someone who works there.

"What is this, Bradley?" you whispered out loud, reaching for your phone to see if the shop was still open this late on a Saturday. Your heart skipped a beat when you realized they closed in an hour, and you grabbed the envelope along with your phone and keys and ran out to your car.

In a matter of minutes, you parked in front of an adorable flower shop with The Bayside Florist in pink lettering on the awning. You felt a little silly taking the envelope inside, but when you were greeted by an older woman with a warm smile, you started to hand it to her.

"This might sound odd, but my boyfriend is deployed, and he left me this envelope," you said with a laugh. "Apparently I was supposed to bring it here?"

The woman adjusted her glasses as a smile found her lips. "Oh, yes. I remember him. Tall? With a mustache? Handsome?"

You bit your lip to keep from making an embarrassing noise. "Yeah, that sounds just like him."

She nodded and opened the envelope, humming in agreement with whatever she read inside. "I have something for you. Wait right here." 

Then she disappeared through a doorway, and you walked around the inside of the shop, examining the arrangements and enjoying the scent of so many types of flowers mingling together. You weren't quite sure what Bradley had up his sleeve from thousands of miles away, but you were almost positive it was about to make your day so much better.

"Special delivery from your boyfriend."

Startled, you spun around to see a stunning bouquet of flowers in every color on the counter, complete with an envelope tucked in amidst the blooms. "That's for me?" you whispered.

"From your boyfriend," she confirmed.

You stifled a whimper as you reached for the flowers. "Am I supposed to pay for this?"

"He already did."

Tears stung your eyes as you pulled the envelope that said Gorgeous from between two roses. It was written in his handwriting. You thought you should read it in the privacy of your own car, so you thanked the woman and then headed back outside. Once you were sitting behind the steering wheel, you set the flowers aside in favor of the note.

Gorgeous,

I never want you to have a bad day, but I really hate that you're having one when I'm not with you. If I could be anywhere in the world right now, I'd choose to be next to you. Will you write about your day in your journal so we can talk about it later? I can't wait to talk about everything with you. I love you.

Bradley

Now that the tears started, you just let yourself cry.

--------------------------

Constantly wondering if your boyfriend was even okay was taking a toll on you. Your classroom was supposed to be your safe haven right now. Your place of comfort. Your refuge. But a few days before Bradley was supposed to get back into Norfolk, you were short and snippy with your class. You didn't mean to be, but it was happening anyway.

"Just sit down," you told Oliver, voice taking on a sharp, scolding edge that was usually never there. All eighteen of your kids sat with their backs straight in their seats and their hands folded on their desks like they were worried you were going to start yelling. This was never how you wanted to conduct your class. These kids were really well behaved for the most part, and you wanted them to have a lot of fun mixed in with their school lessons.

You turned away from them to try to catch your breath. The past few nights had been filled with restless sleep and a pain in your heart that wouldn't go away until you knew Bradley was safe. You cleared your throat, trying so hard to figure out what you wanted to say for your social studies lesson, but you couldn't shake your mind free from the anxiety you were feeling.

Picturing the flowers that you put in a Miller High Life pitcher you found in the kitchen after Bradley didn't appear to own a vase made you smile enough that you were able to turn around again.

"I need everyone to open their textbook to page eighty-seven." The only sound was pages rustling as you added, "And I promise I'll make this a fun unit for us."

When you finally left work that afternoon, you decided to let yourself open the last envelope from Bradley. It had been in your tote bag for a few days, just waiting for the right moment. Open me when you really want some coffee. You could clearly use the extra caffeine today, so you tore into the envelope as you walked across the parking lot. Just like before, there was an envelope inside the first envelope. 

Take me to Starbucks and give me to someone who works there.

Now you were smiling. You got to go to another place of business with an envelope like an absolute lunatic, and you were really looking forward to it. You stopped at the Starbucks closest to your school, and when you handed the envelope to the girl who tried to take your order, she raised one eyebrow.

"Your guess is as good as mine. I think it's kind of a treasure hunt of sorts from my boyfriend who is deployed," you told her with a shrug. 

Then you watched her open the envelope and remove a note along with a gift card. Her eyes skimmed the text, and her face transformed into the sappiest smile. "Oh my god," she said, looking back up at you. "I wish someone loved me this much," she muttered and then turned away from you, reaching for the biggest cup and a Sharpie.

You waited awkwardly for a few minutes while she made your drink. You could tell it was your favorite drink. Bradley somehow ordered your favorite drink for you to enjoy. Warmth filled your body, and you accepted the cup from her. "Thanks," you murmured as she paid using the gift card, and that's when you realized she had written something on the cup.

Gorgeous, I love you. I can't wait to come home. Bradley

"Does he have a brother?"

You looked up at the girl who made your coffee. "What?" you asked, taking the note and the gift card from her. 

"Does your boyfriend have a brother? Because that note is the sweetest thing I've ever seen."

You shook your head, but you were smiling. "No. No brother. Sorry. Thanks for making my coffee."

As you walked outside you read the note, already feeling calmer at the sight of his hand writing. 

Dear Starbucks Employee,

The beautiful woman who handed you this envelope is my girlfriend. I am desperately in love with her, and I would be there with her if I could, but I'm fucking deployed, if you can believe it. Please make her favorite drink for her, and if you wouldn't mind, please write 'Gorgeous, I love you. I can't wait to come home. Bradley' on the cup? Thank you so much.

He had scrawled your favorite drink to your exact specifications below that, and it even tasted perfect. You spent the ride back to Coronado planning out your upcoming Monday. If Bradley arrived back to Virginia on time, you'd be hearing from him by then. Every fiber of your being was hoping he'd call and tell you to pick him up in San Diego, but if he had to stay in Norfolk, you'd take a day off from work to fly out and see him. You had to. You wouldn't be able to go an extra minute without him now. You wanted to hug him and kiss him and give him a blowjob. You needed to feel his hands on your body and listen to his voice while you ran your fingers along his scars. 

Monday couldn't get here fast enough.

-----------------------------

The only thing Bradley wanted to do right now was get his phone in his fucking hands, but he thought that if he brought it up again, someone would tell him the thing had been mysteriously misplaced. He already asked for it three times. He'd been dropped back in Norfolk by air transport, and after a short debrief with a national security team, he would hopefully be allowed to be on his way.

"Lieutenant Bradshaw. This way."

He was led into a medical facility first where his bruises and strained neck were examined and the findings were documented. When he realized he got caught up in a dog fighting scenario with the other aviators, he had been more angry than anything else. Didn't these people know he had a perfect girlfriend to get back home to? Did they even care? He made it out mostly unscathed and back to the carrier deck safely, if not a little sore. The one thing that made him almost laugh was the fact that Cyclone would undoubtedly see his medical report, and there was a good chance Admiral Walker would hear from him again.

After the medical consultation, he was led into a debriefing room where he really didn't have much to say about the mission. It had been successful, sure, but he wasn't going to be allowed to discuss it with anyone after this, so he just stuck to answering the questions he was asked.

Then finally, he was given his phone and left on his own. Of course it was nearly dead when he turned it on, but it should be good enough to reach you. Talking to you would come as his top priority before figuring out how he was getting home, but that was a close second. His heart pounded in anticipation of hearing your voice after so many weeks.

It was barely six in the morning in San Diego. Maybe you were up and getting ready for work, but maybe you were still sleeping. It didn't matter. He needed you to know he was coming home. He tapped on your photo, pulling up your contact information as the warm sun and cold Virginia air hit his skin at the same time, and he shivered as soon as the phone stopped ringing. Your voice in his ear was his reward. 

"Bradley!"

"Gorgeous," he sighed, suddenly so exhausted, he could barely stand. One word from you, and all he wanted to do was curl up on his couch with his head on your lap and let you take care of everything.

"Bradley!" You shrieked this time, and he smiled.

"Baby, I'm coming home."

"For good?" you asked, voice soft with an edge of concern that he wanted nothing more than to ease away. "Or just long enough to pack some things and head back to Norfolk?"

He hoisted his duffle onto his shoulder and started walking. "I'm coming home for good. Coming home to you."

---------------------------------

He's safe and he's coming home! I'm working on mapping out the remaining chapters of this story, so if there's something you want to read about, hit me up. Thanks @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 23

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[harmoonix]

𝕎𝕚𝕝𝕕

(Astrology Observations)

~ I wanna get wild with you

Loca contigo hoy ~

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🐯 - Taurus Risings/Sun/Moon, these natives have it good when it comes to spending their own monies, they'll always spend it on things that make them happy, spoil yourself queen/king!!

🐯 - Libra Placements especially Sun/Moon/Venus/Chiron/Ascendant can fall under the "people pleaser" energy because their literal energy is "to unite people", they need to think at themselves for a bit too

🐯 - Scorpio/Pisces/Libra/Taurus/Capricorn Moons aspecting Pluto have an romantic dark energy, their energy is lovely but when is aspecting Pluto it can transform into "dark romance"

🐯 - Gemini Moons (Moon at 3°. 15° 27°) degrees, these natives have such a sweet voice 🤭, their laughter is infectious!! Always the loudest people in the room

🐯 - You want someone to cheer you up when you feel bad? Search for a Sagittarius Mercury, I swear they gonna cheer you up with their good humour too, crying and laughing in the same time 😭

🐯 - Aries/Cancer and Virgo Moons can get quite defensive when they're in a conflict, and is that they won't pick sides and will stay on their own terms. Period

🐯 - Moon in the 9th/12th house, babe I know your path in this world is to be spiritual/to connect with the universe/god but try to enjoy life in the same way as well, don't focus only on these

🐯 - Sun or Moon conjunct/opposite/square Lilith , their rebellious nature can easily get criticized by others that's why you need to be yourself and to know yourself more than everyone, in this way you don't give a shit about their criticism

🐯 - Leo Moons/Venus/Risings, they can be really outgoing when you start to know them better, these natives know how to enjoy life 100%

🐯 - Sun/Leo in your 5th/7th or in 8th house, these natives know how to make sure their partner is taken, they'll talk about their partners to everyone

🐯 - Jupiter square/opposite/conjunct Lilith, can make someone to have a high libido, a high sexual drive, someone attractive yet very sexual

🐯 - Asteroid Vesta (4) can aslo tell about how you want to have your first sex experience (1st time sex)

Vesta in Air Signs > They want to communicate during the first act, to have a good time together, try to communicate with them and let them know e everything is gonna alright

Vesta in Earth Signs > They want to feel safe/secured during the first act, make them feel safe/like at home, they enjoy soft kisses/touch

Vesta in Fire Signs > They want to have full passion, want feel satisfied to 100%,they want to be seduced at the first act, they can act crazy but they're just enjoying it

Vesta in Water Signs > During the first act these natives want to feel close to their partners, emotional and physical, they want to feel attached and loved in the same time during the first act

🐯 - The 9th house not only represents the ancestors but it is all that you are going to receive in your current life because of the actions from your past lives (look for the 9H sign)

🐯 - Uranus in the 7th house can predict an unconventional or unpredictable marriage/spouse/relationship. Someone you thought you wouldn't be in a relationship with!

🐯 - Venus in the 11th house natives can end up dating their friends, friends to lovers or sometimes enemies to lovers kind of thing if Venus is aspecting Pluto or Saturn

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I wanna get wild with you

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🐯 - Lilith harshly aspecting Sun/Moon/Ascendant or Chiron can feel like everyone is judging or criticizing them, this placement can be draining sometimes

🐯 - Moon sextile or trine Pluto gives an intense emotional nature to the native, they can feel things more deep than others. They can be exposed to their feelings around family or partners

🐯 - Sagittarius in your 12H/8H/ or in your 4H can indicate a mix of backgrounds when it comes to ethnicity/nationality/ancestors

🐯 - Jupiter/Sagittarius in the 8th house are lucky when it comes to sex life/money (esp other people's money) and legacy/inheritance

🐯 - Pisces Uranus Generation energy can fight with energy attacks from other people, is like bad people come in your safe space and take your energy, protect yourself!!

🐯 - Saturn at 0 degrees is considered a critical degree in astrology. It symbolizes a point of intense energy and potential. This position marks the beginning of a new cycle, offering opportunities for growth and evolution for native (I feel it 😭)

🐯 - Aries Venus/Lilith/Mars duro duro duro, they take everything as a competition and they want to win 10/10, they're so bold so hot in the same time

🐯 - Mars aspecting Lilith (h12) or (h13) can make men specifically defensive towards you if you reject them or like if you give signs you're not interested, they get mad 🙄 they be acting like we are the last humans on earth ..

🐯 - Libra or Leo ASC in your solar return chart can indicate a lot of focus on yourself that year, nurture yourself to the 100%. There is a possibility to enter in a relationship as well

🐯 - Scorpio Venus / Venus in 8 H everything is fun til they met toxic people, esp toxic partners, those people can ruin you and we don't that in our energy. as my friend says "Never be afraid to hit that block button"

🐯 - Aquarius Sun/Moon/Rising/Venus, what they won't tell you about these is how sacrificial and humanitarian these people are, they love helping and often can sacrifice themselves for others

🐯 - A very heavy Neptune in your chart, can show addiction/dependency go to sort of things in life, these addictions can be from everything

🐯 - Mercury in the 5th / Gemini in the 5H can show multiple talents/being attracted to multiple things at once

🐯 - Heavy Air Elements in your chart can make you attracted to music 🎵 🎶 sounds / your ears and sense of hearing can be highly evolved

🐯 - Pluto aspecting the ascendant/midheaven gives villain arc vibes, like the person can have a bad "reputation" possibly coming from other people hate, but they're generally villainized for nothing

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No lo puedo negar, en mis sueños estás

Este juego me vuelve a atrapar

─────────────────────

🐯 - Juno aspecting Saturn, the native can definitely be looking for someone mature/long relationship (Juno at 10°. 22° too)

🐯 - Neptune conjunct Juno in the birth chart natives, you may feel spiritually and psychically connected to your partner or crave a spiritually connected relationship. You can lose yourself in the pursuit of a marriage or partnership and you may project your ideals and hopes onto a partner and then try to make your dreams and illusions real.

🐯 - Juno in the 12th house or Pisces (12°, 24°) can end up in karmic relationship field, the karma chose the people to teach in this life I guess, sometimes It can turn up for your partner to be an enemy too (enemy to lovers. NOT romanticizing this 😭😭)

🐯 - Cancer or Moon in the 2nd house in someone's birth chart can indicate they love their mom's cooking/food prepared by mom

🐯 - Mars in Sagittarius/ in the 9H (9° 21°) these natives are so cute when they try to talking ew language, especially their accent, 100/10...

🐯 - Venus aspecting Mercury/Sun/Moon natives need to wear jewelery more often like, c'mon a ring here, a necklace there. Your skin shines when you wear necklace babes 💅🏼💅🏼 (tested and approved)

🐯 - Mars aspecting Mercury or those planets in the same house can make the native to talk in a more harsh way than others, they can also talk very fast in the same time

🐯 - When someone has their 9th house sign the same as your sun or moon sign, you can learn a lot things from eachother ex: Y has Scorpio in their 9th house and you're a Scorpio Sun

🐯 - Gemini Venus (Venus at 3°, 15°, 27° degrees), Possibly one of the most social places for Venus, they love flirting at every chance they have, and they're so funny to have around idk their vibe is amazing

Harmoonix 🧡🧡🧡🧡

[yuff7e]

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ tanjiro, inosuke, & zenitsu bf headcanons !! gender neutral reader

the cuties song -> www.spotify.com

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅ tanjiro !!

- literally the cutest ever.

- he’s soso respectful and genuine

- if you want a boy that will genuinely listen to you and how you feel about certain things, get a tanjiro.

- he deserves sm love and he’d definitely put you in his top priorities while also making sure you weren’t getting hurt in the process !!

- he’s a big fan of physical touch, so if you’re also training to be a hashira don’t be surprised when everytime he passes you he brushes his hand up against yours. (HES SO CUTE IMA EAT HIM)

- WILL defend you.

- like if someone’s talking bad about you he’s walking right up to them with no fear

- of course, he isn’t aggressive so he would handle the situation calmly

- “why are you saying that about [name]-sama? did they do something to you?”

- will purposely choose you each time they get to pick who they want to train with, and will get a little jelly if u don’t pick him

- but it’s fine !! as long as he sees you happy he’s happy.

- you’re one of the people he trusts with nezuko during the daytime, and will let you carry her box if you ask

- he enjoys seeing you and his sister spending time together, he feels like you’re genuinely apart of his family

- he finds comfort in you when he’s missing his family, and isn’t ashamed to cry or show his true emotions infront of you

- he likes it when you hang out with inosuke and zenitsu too, but gets a little embarrassed if they act weird.

- like, if zenitsu starts flirting with you or inosuke starts screaming like a grizzly bear

- he knows you wouldn’t judge him though, he just wishes his friends acted cooler around you !! because … you’re so cool !!

- “i want to be with you forever, [name]-chan.”

—

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅ inosuke !!

- ohh boy, you got this man’s attention.

- if you seriously got him to like you and date you, you’re the one and you don’t have a choice

- you’re definitely his top priority besides defeating muzan

- like genuinely you’re right up there, you’re over his basic needs like eating and sleeping

- he can get a little flustered if you’re a fan of physical touch and decide to touch him in front of tanjiro or zenitsu

- but he secretly loves it, although he’d never tell you that !! (just kidding, he absolutely would but would make you swear to never tell anyone)

- WILL flex infront of you during training, especially his arm and back muscles. since he’s so flexible he’d show that off too

- “hey babe check this out!” (cue him spinning on his head, crashing into 4 different hashiras and getting in trouble)

- he’d have those moments where he’d just stare at you and gawk, not even in a weird way but genuinely just because he likes you so much

- like you’re so attractive !! and nice !! and… amazing !!

- if you were as flexible and strong as him just know he’d be picking you and training everyday and not hold back

- like he’d throw you over his head and if you lost he’d laugh at you, but if you win and knock him over your head he’d be head over heels

- he loves it when you beat him, which sounds crazy considering the fact inosuke is a pretty sore loser .. but when it comes to you and seeing how strong you are he’s so impressed

- that was one of the main reasons he started to like you

- you’re basically his idol, and that MEANS SOMETHIMG BRO !!!! RAAHGG !!

- i think his love language would be gift giving, hes definitely showing up to the demon corps with a pretty rock he found and putting it on your nightstand and wait for you to notice

- “inosuke! did you get me this?”

- “no”

—

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅ zenitsu !!

- such a flirt we already know this

- but, he’s also extremely respectful

- he has pretty bad self control but if he genuinely likes you and who you are instead of just what you look like he’s actually a great guy

- he’s the definition of if he wanted to he would

- like, if you’re sad he’d get you 3 bouquets of roses and the other 3 would be outside because he couldn’t carry them all

- “zenitsuu!! you didn’t have to do that!!”

- “if it’s for my lady/man i’d do anything!!”

- his love language is love in any form

- physical touch, gift giving, words of affirmation

- but omg does this boy needs words of affirmation

- there’s a big part of him that feels unworthy of your love, like - you seriously love him? no way.

- will wake up with a HUGE smile on his face every morning with you being the first thing on his mind

- would beg to share a room with you alone, not for anything weird (although zenitsu is lowkey so weird) he genuinely doesn’t want his friends to see you sleeping (╥﹏╥)

- he gets so jelly over every single thing, like - why do inosuke and tanjiro get to see you sleeping?! in your purest form!! ahhhhh!!

- would pick you every time during training and if you pick someone else he’s begging you to train with him until you finally give in and train with him

- if not and you’re adamant on training with somebody else he’s giving that person a death stare the whole time, no exceptions

- unless you tell him to stop, he’ll try - but he can’t help himself… you’re just so amazing

- he always talks to you about yalls future together and will actually get emotional as he speaks, holding onto your hands as he speaks about how yall are going to have 5 kids and a big house

- “i love you so much [name]-chan!!! i want you to marry me!!!”

—

yay that’s it !! thx for reading guys :3 i might do the other hashiras next, but if anyone has any demon slayer requests PLEASE send them in, demon slayer is one of my biggest interests right now and i will go OFF while writing for you guys !! send em in !!

REQUESTS : OPEN

[cozage]

Omg what the heck 2k!?! I’m so happy for you like I remember when you started this blog some time ago, and you blew up fast 😭 also that era when you got shadow banned. I wanted to request the monster trio with option 1. So how about a meeting their S/O after the 2 year gap but they ended on argument so now what would they say after not seeing them for two years.

A/N:😭😭i forgot about the shadowbanned era omg. I almost stopped writing completely then. That was a CRAZY time. Thank you for reminding me of that LOL 

Characters: gn reader x Sanji, Zoro, Luffy Total word count: 750

A Postponed Apology

Sanji

“My love! You’re safe!” Sanji tackled you, both of you falling to the ground entangled in one another. 

He pushed back the hair from your face and covered you with kisses in between his words. “You’re here! I missed you so much!”

“Sanji,” you laughed, trying to push him off. “You’re smothering me!”

“I’ll smother you forever!” He pressed his head against your chest, humming pleasantly as he listened to your heartbeat. “I’ll never leave your side ever again!”

Your fingers ran through his hair as tears filled your eyes. You hadn’t expected this reunion to go so smoothly. You had expected Sanji to never speak to you again, maybe even come back with a new crew member recruit. You wouldn’t have blamed him, not after all the horrible things you said to him. 

“You’re not mad?” you whispered softly, afraid your voice would betray you. 

“Why would I be mad?” he asked, still listening to your heart beat in your chest. “I’m just grateful you’re okay.”

“But our fight…” Tears spilled out of the corner of your eyes and down your cheeks.

“Our fight?” he asked, clearly confused. He pulled his head away from your chest to look you in the eyes, and you could see his soul shatter at the fact he was making you cry. 

“Do you mean the one from two years ago?” he asked. “Darling, don’t even worry about that. All that matters is that we are here together now, and I’m never letting you go again.”

Zoro

It took your eyes a second to adjust to the darkened room, but Zoro’s voice rang out. 

“So, you’re the second one to arrive, huh?”

You hadn’t expected Zoro to be there. He was always getting so lost, you had assumed it would be anyone but him. 

“Nobody else is here yet?” you asked, joining him at the bar. 

“Just you and me.”

Silence filled the air, the heaviness of your last conversation still weighing on your shoulders. 

“Zoro-”

“Don’t apologize,” he said. “It was two years ago. It’s not a big deal.”

“No.” You shook your head, finally turning to look at him. “I should’ve never said those things. If I had known-”

“But you didn’t know.” He sighed, picking his beer up and taking a long drink. “Are you still upset about it? Do you even remember what we were fighting about?”

“Well no, but-”

“Then it doesn’t matter. We’re together now. Let’s make up for lost time instead, okay?”

You smiled, relieved at his words. He had never been one to hold a grudge. 

“Okay.”

Luffy

You kept your distance from Luffy until everyone went to sleep. It had been a long day full of emotions, and he was busy enough with his captain duties. The last thing you wanted to do was inconvenience him any further. 

“Sanji!” Luffy called, entering the kitchen. “I’m-oh! Hey!”

Your heart quickened at his voice. You weren’t ready to face him yet. Even if you knew you had to. 

“Hey Luffy,” you whispered. “Sanji went to bed, but he made this ice cream sundae. You want it?”

Luffy’s mouth grew into a big smile, his eyes growing wide. He grabbed a spoon and slid into the booth next to you. “You’re the best! You know that, right?” 

You gave an awkward laugh. “I guess we need to talk, huh?”

Luffy looked at you, a blank and confused look on his face. “Talk about what?”

It was hard to look at him, but you forced yourself to. “Our last conversation?”

He was trying to remember, you could see his brain going into overdrive as he recalled your last moments together on Sabaody. Finally, he shrugged and shoveled a scoop of ice cream into his mouth. 

“I don’t remember our last conversation,” he admitted. 

You raised an eyebrow. “The fight? Because if you want to break up-”

“Why would I want to break up with you?” Luffy asked. “That’s the last thing I want.”

“Well, I said some pretty harsh things, Lu.”

He knitted his eyebrows in concentration, trying to remember. For a minute you watched him, and you could’ve sworn steam was coming out of his ears. But he shook his head. “Sorry, I don't remember that at all.”

You laughed. You should be surprised or offended. But that was just Luffy. “So we’re good?” you asked.

“Of course,” he said, offering you a bite. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

[hoonvrs]

ENHA AND THEIR PARTNER PRIVILEGES

req for 1k event!

PROMPT enha and the types of partner privileges they’d give their s/o

PAIRING enha x gnr

GENRE est. relationship, fluff

WARNINGS swearing, delusions

W. COUNT 0.6k

S. NOTE i loved writing this omg

LEE HEESEUNG

( going into his bedroom unannounced )

ever since hee got his own bedroom everything changed

god forbid any of the members go into his room without asking first

even if they go in to tell him something they have to knock first

so imagine the shock on their face when they saw you one day just go in

no knocking, no nothing

and hee didn’t even get mad?? didn’t even bring it up to you

made all the members (especially niki) sulk cause why could you go in whenever you please whilst they couldn’t 

PARK JONGSEONG

( touching his guitar set )

the way jay is protective over his guitars you’d think he birthed them himself 

one of the members could simply breath next them and he starts losing his shit

can’t even be near it cause “what if you trip and fall into it”

next thing you know here’s jay trying to teach you guitar

you didn’t even know he acted like that until the members made it seem like you killed someone when you randomly took it out of the case one day

they all told you how he acts whenever they go near it

cue the offended gasp when they find out jay has never acted that way with you 

SIM JAEYUN

( sleep together )

as much as jake is a physically affectionate person

he hates sharing a bed 

he’s just always preferred sleeping without having fight someone over his own blanket

but with you he insists to sleep together

he’s even kicked out niki one too many times out of his bed

and even if you do sometimes (read: most of the time) end up stealing the blanket, he uses that as an excuse to cuddle you for warmth

PARK SUNGHOON

( ruffle/touch his hair )

one of hoons biggest pet peeve is when someone touches his hair

and if someone even so much as comes near his hair once he’s styled it

be ready to deal with a pissed off sunghoon

the amount of arguments he’s had with the other members over this is crazy

so, when you decided to on day ruffle his hair in front of the boys after they watched him spend 15 minutes on it, they were prepared for an argument

surprise surprise he just laughs at your antics leaving the boys offended because “what happened to bros before hoes”

KIM SUNWOO

( be physically affectionate )

as much as jake is physically affectionate with everyone, sunoo isn’t

he’s always been someone to be a little uncomfortable with any show of physical touch

thus, never initiating it 

cue the members pouting as soon as they see sunoo run to give you a hug

all start complaining how he never hugs them, or even returns their own hugs

confuses you a little cause sunoo has never not been affectionate with you, even before your relationship

YANG JUNGWON

( cry in front of you )

as the leader of enhypen, jungwon has always believed he has to be the pillar of the group

or where he basically never shows when anything is bothering/upsets him to his members 

as much as all the members keep reassuring him that it’s okay to cry in front of them

you’d never catch yang jungwon dead crying

except you apparently

to you, jungwon had always seemed to be secure with his emotions, and maybe the members are jealous who knows

NISHIMURA RIKI

( babying him )

no matter how many times niki will insist he’s ‘mature’

he’ll always be your baby

doesn’t matter if you’re older or younger than him

boy doesn’t even let the members baby him as the maknae

they could simply call him a cute nickname and suddenly he becomes defensive

everyone was shocked to find out he willingly lets you call him ‘baby duck’ after ranting to the whole nation that he is a puma

perm taglist @mesopret @tnyhees ​@haknom @shinsou-rii @redm4ri @lacimolela @llama-lyna @chiyuv @lazysmushi @flwoie @kocokookie @kyexvly

[marksmelodies]

nct dreams reactions to meeting your baby who looks just like their dad for the first time

—————————————————————————

dad nct dream x fem reader

warnings: suggestive, mentions of sex and pregnancy

minors dni

note: i went crazy on jaemins part bc he’s so girl dad coded

—————————————————————————

mark:

“they’re here” mark looks at you

today was the day jae was going to meet some of his uncles, getting yourself situated on the couch holding your baby, mark let the guys in, immediately they all stand around in awe at the sight of yours and marks child

“woah he looks just like mark” chenle says

“well isn’t he the cutest thing ” jaemin gasps

“you wanna hold him?” you look to chenle as he seems completely indulged at the baby in front of him

“yeah of course” he says as you stand up handing him your child

“hi jae it’s your coolest uncle chenle, im gonna spoil you so much” he smiles as the baby looks up at him with his big brown eyes that look exactly like his fathers

“yeah right he’s going to love me more” haechan whines

one by one the boys carefully pass jae around

“mark your genes are strong, hes literally your spitting image” jeno says

“yeah man that’s my mini me” mark laughs

as the boys all get the chance to hold him you place jae in his crib, not long after he starts crying, mark picks him up slightly rocking him side to side calming him down

“isn’t he already the best dad ever” you say to the guys

“i remember meeting mark when we were kids and now he’s all grown up and a dad” jaemin says

“yeah man it’s really emotional seeing you two start a family together, it’s beautiful really” renjun states

“i still claim the credit of setting you two up so technically you all should be thanking me” haechan laughs

“oh shut up i would’ve ended up with her whether you were there or not haechan” mark jokes

you and mark look at your baby in awe

“we did good” he whispers as he kisses your head

“yeah we really did”

renjun:

after buckling your baby boy into his car seat you walk to the passenger side getting into the car “all set” renjun asks before leaving the driveway

you and renjun were going to introduce the guys to Chaoxiang, as you pull into the parking spot you get chaoxiang out of his seat before placing the binki into his mouth

“babe you have everything?” you ask renjun who’s carrying the baby bag

“yeah we’re all good” he says heading to the dorm, a few seconds after knocking an excited mark opens the door

“hey come in, we blocked off apart of the room and baby proofed it” he says leading you to the area

“thank you guys” you say as you place the baby carrier onto the counter

renjun taking chaoxiang out of his carrier caused him to cry due to the sudden movements but renjun quickly calmed him

“oh my god he’s adorable” they say in unison as renjun gives the baby to mark

“he’s definitely renjuns kid” mark laughs

“he has all of his dads features” you say

“even the eyebrows are the same” jisung laughs

as the boys are all talking to renjun about fatherhood mark sits down next to you

“i bet this month has been rough on the both of you” he says

“yeah it’s definitely a big change but i wouldn’t have it any other way” you sigh

“you have a beautiful family y/n i cant wait to watch it grow” mark says

“thank you mark”

renjun walks up to you giving you a quick kiss

“they’re already asking when we’re trying for another one” renjun laughs

“oh god i don’t even want to think about being pregnant again for the next 3 years at least” you laugh

“you’re doing such a good job mama, i’m proud of how strong you’ve been” he gives you another kiss

“thank you jun, you’ve been so helpful and supportive throughout all of this, i love you so much”

“i love you more sweet girl”

jeno:

you were currently at the dorms watching a movie with your boyfriend and his members

as the movie plays as jeno lays next to you rubbing your pregnant belly, feel yourself getting thirsty, looking over to jeno his eyes are focused on the screen

“i’m going to get some water” you say getting up and walking to the kitchen, chenle was standing by the microwave making popcorn as you tip toe around him to get a cup from the cabinet

chenle was facing you as you put ice into your cup, all of a sudden you feel liquid tricking down your leg and onto the kitchen floor

“oh my god” you lock eyes with chenle

“my water just broke” you say as chenle eyes go wide noticing the pile of liquid on the floor

“JENO” chenle yells on the top of his lungs

jeno quickly gets up from the couch walking into the kitchen, he knows exactly what happened by the look on both yours and chenles faces “ baby we need to go to the hospital” he says walking into his room quickly grabbing the bag you packed for when you went into labor

the boys are now up from their spots in the living room standing around the kitchen anxiously

“i’m sorry clean it up” you say looking at the liquid that’s still on the floor, grabbing some paper towels

“are you kidding y/n don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault, don’t worry about it” renjun says grabbing the towels out of your hands

“alright i think i got everything, let’s go meet our babygirl” jeno says to you as you head to the hospital

after hours and hours of painful contractions it was finally time to push, jeno standing right beside you as you squeezed his hand with every push

“you’re doing so good one more big push for me” the nurse says

finally the cries of your babygirl are heard as she enters the world

you look up to jeno crying as he smiles wider than you’ve ever seen, tears rolling down his face as well “you did such a good job, i’m so proud of you” he pushes the lose hair sticking to your sweaty forehead out of your face, placing a kiss to your head

the nurse looks at your baby in her arms and then to jeno and then at you“oh she looks just like her dad” the nurse smiles and handing the baby off you you “here she is mama you’re beautiful babygirl” the nurse says

“she’s so tiny” you stare at her in awe as tears continue to stream down your face

after spending one on one time with your daughter you give her to jeno as he takes her small frame into his arms “hi baby it’s your daddy, i can’t believe you’re finally here, you look so much like me” jeno giggles

after resting for a while the boys came to visit shortly, all standing in the hotel room looking at the baby in your arms

“jeno she has your nose” jaemin smiles

“and your eyes” chenle adds

“she has your lips and eyebrows too” renjun says studying the baby’s face

“she’s so incredibly beautiful, just like her dad” you say looking up at jeno as he kisses your lips

the guys get a chance to hold her, they all feel an overwhelming sense of love for her

“you’re already so loved” mark whispers to her

“we all promise to protect you sweet girl” jaemin says once the baby is in his arms

chenle takes the baby into his arms as he looks at her and all of her beauty, trying to blink the tears forming into his eyes he quickly hands the baby back to you before walking away wiping his tears

“awe chenle why are you crying” the boys tease him, he takes a minute wiping his eyes that are now red “ she’s just so precious, im so happy to be her uncle” he scoffs and shakes his head at himself for being so emotional

“she already loves you so much” you say to chenle as you and jeno try to hold in your tears

“you guys are going to be amazing parents” they all say

“such a beautiful family, im so happy for you both” haechan says

haechan:

“hey sweet girl” haechan says as he holds his baby in his arms as she looks up at her dad with big eyes

“what time are the guys coming over” you ask your husband

“they should be here anytime now” haechan says

the doorbell rings and the boys pile through the door waiting to meet their niece, haechan walks in either the baby as they all coo at the sight of her

“wow shes gorgeous” renjun whispers

“just like her mama” haechan places a kiss to your lips

“she looks a lot like me though” haechan stands proud

“yeah she does, she’s literally your twin” mark laughs

you all let them hold her and talk to her while you and haechan sit on the couch together

“we should let them come over more often, free babysitting” he jokes

“all jokes aside im really proud of you and everything you’ve done for our family, i love you” he says kissing your temple

“thank you babe that means a lot”

you continue talking to the guys as they finally hand your baby back to you

“i’m gonna feed her” you look to haechan before going into the nursery, as you finish up you hear the guys talking about you

“she’s incredible honestly, i could never have gone through what she did and the fact that i didn’t hear her complain about the pain she was in once, she’s literally the strongest woman i know” you husbands voice echos through the house

“she’s such a good mom already, you found a good one haechan im really happy for you and your new family” mark says

you walk out of the room acting obvious to the conversation you overheard as you burp your daughter

“hey love i can do that, why don’t you get some rest” haechan says taking the baby from you as he puts her over his shoulder patting her back

“okay yeah i think ill lay down for a few, i love you ” you say going in for a kiss

as you lay down in your bedroom your mind begins to wonder how lucky you are for such an amazing husband, you knew no matter what life brought to you, as long as you were with him everything will be okay

jaemin:

jaemin sits on the couch with his toddler on his lap watching cartoons

“layla baby come get dressed your uncles are coming over to see you and your sister” you yell to your daughter

“coming mommy” she says running to her room

once you dress layla, brush her teeth and style her hair you let her play in her room making your way to you newest addition to your family min-jun changing and feeding her, you speed walk to the kitchen to clean up the breakfast table and do the dishes before you can get yourself get ready, as you approach the table all the dishes have been cleared and the table has been wiped down, looking to the kitchen you see jaemin scrubbing the dishes in the sink

walking over to him you hug him from behind

“everyday you remind me of all the reasons i married you, thanks for cleaning up babe” you say leaning your forehead against his back as you take in a deep breath, he wipes his hands dry before turning around engulfing you into a hug “ you don’t have to thank me, you’re not responsible for doing everything around here” he kisses your lips

“oh i would so have sex with you right now if i could” you say laughing

“those days of having alone time are long gone” he jokes

“yeah i love my little cockblockers though” you say as layla comes running into the kitchen

you and jaemin look at each other trying not to laugh

“speaking of the devil” jaemin says picking her up ticking her stomach causing her to laugh

“i got it from here babe go get ready” jaemin says, you nod walking into you and your husbands shared room

taking a shower, getting dressed, styling your hair and doing your makeup all the span of 25 minutes is a new power you attained since becoming a mom

“layla come in mommy and daddy’s room really quick” you say as jaemin joins you walking to the bedroom

you both sit on the bed with her as she looks up at the two of you

“mommy am i in trouble” she asks

“of course not sweetheart, daddy and i wanted to talk to you really quick before your uncles get here”

“now you know mommy just had your sister a little over two months ago” jaemin asks

“yup” she smiles

“well your uncles haven’t met her yet they are going come over today to meet her” he continues

“even though their attention might be on your sister that doesn’t mean that they don’t love you just as much, the same goes for mommy and i, today we have to make sure your uncles are careful with your sister because she’s not a big girl like you are yet, she needs a little more help from us” jaemin says

“okay but will daddy and uncle haechan still play dolls with me” she asks

“of course honey, we wouldn’t miss it for the world” jaemin says kissing her head before letting her run off

you lay your head on your husbands chest for a moment taking a deep breath

“you were made to be a dad, it comes so naturally to you” you say kissing his lips

“i can say the same about you, you’re the best mommy i know”

you latch your lips onto jaemins as you stratal his hips, jaemins hands immediately going to your side and your ass

“fuck baby” he hisses as you grind yourself onto his clothed dick

“i want you so bad ” you moan as you nibble on his ear

“what’s up- oh shit” haechan says bursting through your bedroom door

“jesus christ” jaemin says as you two practically jump off eachother

“who the fuck let you in” jaemin says trying to palm the boner in his pants

“my sweet angel layla” haechan laughs

“i thought we told her not to open the door” you say looking to jaemin

“yeah for strangers, sadly this idiot isn’t a stranger” he says

“daddy uncle haechan is here” layla says running into jaemin arms as he picks her up

“yeah baby i can see that, why don’t you, mommy and uncle haechan go wait for the others to arrive, daddy has to take care of something real quick” he says as she runs off again, jaemin stares at you and then at haechan letting out a deep sigh before rolling his eyes heading into the bathroom

you cant help but laugh as you bring haechan to see min-jun

“she’s beautiful” haechan says staring at her

“yet again another mini jaemin” you say laughing

“she looks exactly like him” he says

“you said the same thing about layla” you chuckle

hearing a knock on the door you open it as the rest of the dreamies come flooding in

“uncle jeno” layla runs up to him as he picks her up, after layla says hello to all of her uncles they follow you into the nursery

“layla let’s go play in your room” haechan says

“oh my god i feel like i’m looking at jaemin” chenle says as he hold your daughter

the guys pass around your daughter as jaemin comes into the room

“how come every baby she pushes out looks exactly like you” mark laughs

“my genes are strong what can i say” jaemin shrugs his shoulders

haechan appears in the doorway of the nursery

“i wouldn’t be surprised if next week jaemin comes into practice saying y/n is pregnant again, i walked into them nearly making baby number three today”

“someone should definitely babysit tonight” jaemin says as he wraps his arms around you

“oh stop it” you say smacking his arm

“daddy” layla yells from her room

“coming princess” he yells back before leaving the nursery

“i pray everyday that min-jun doesn’t turn out to be another daddy’s girl” you laugh

the boys stay for dinner as layla sits between haechan and jeno, you excuse yourself early to feed min-jun, jaemin walks into the room as you’re feeding her

“my mom said she’ll watch layla tonight” he says excitedly

“why?” you ask

“i told her we desperately needed some alone time and she offered to take her for tonight”

“jaemin you seriously just admitted to your mother that you want to have sex” you say disgusted

“i mean you are my wife i don’t see what the problem is”

“geez you’re too open and honest sometimes” you sigh “ i mean if layla wants to sleep over there then that’s fine i guess ” you say

returning back to the table you hear jaemin asking layla about the sleepover

“a sleepover with grandma?!” she says excitedly

“yes sweetheart after dinner we can go pack your bag”

“yay i’m so excited” she says

“oh me too” jaemin laughs as the guys just stare at the both of you

“he’s absolutely ridiculous” you roll your eyes

“baby number three let go” haechan jokes

“oh don’t worry he’ll be wrapping it” you say loud enough for jaemin to hear as the guys nearly joke on their food

the boys all say their goodbyes to your girls as they head out

“oh thank god min-jun is asleep and layla almost packed” jaemin says walking back into the living room

“ i’ll drop layla off at your moms” jeno says

“really, that would be so nice of you” you say hugging him

“yeah no problem, enjoy your alone time” he says smirking as he pats jaemin on the back

“layla are you almost done picking out what plushie you want to bring” you husband yells

she comes out of the room with her big backpack on

“uncle jeno is going to take you to grandmas okay” you say your goodbyes as jeno carries her out of the house

closing the door you take a deep breath

“let’s go run a bath sweetheart, i’ll bring the baby monitor” jaemin says

as you lay in the bath together, jaemins arms wrapped around your waist “i didn’t know i genuinely needed this tonight but i definitely did, thanks babe” you say

“just wait till we get into bed, i’ll be giving you something else you definitely need” he says kissing your neck

chenle:

backstage after the performance you text chenle to come meet you in the hallway of the dressing room he walks out kissing both you and his son jiahao

“good job today lele you did amazing” you kiss him once more

“oh my goodness what does his shirt say” chenle notices your sons shirt

you hold jiahao up so that chenle can read what is printed onto the shirt

“you think you’re cool? well my dad is zhong chenle” he reads aloud

“haha i love it babe” he laughs taking jiahao from you kissing your lips

“let’s go see your uncles huh?” he says bringing you and your son into the dressing room

“oh my god”

“he so cute”

“let me hold him”

the boys all yell from inside the room

“calm down you’re gonna scare him” chenle rolls his eyes, handing his son off to renjun, the boys all take a good look at him

“chenle hes your carbon copy” renjun laughs

“yeah he’s got your big head” haechan says

“yeah chenle had the easy part in the making of him yet here he is, after being inside of me for nine months looking exactly like his daddy” you joke

“and you love it” chenle kisses you head

“yeah i do” you nod

“gosh he’s so cute” jisung says looking down at the boy

“of course he his he’s my kid” chenle jokes as jisung rolls his eyes

“sit down my love, rest for a little” chenle says to you, chenle joins you on the couch

“i’m so proud of our little family” he says as you rest your head on his shoulder

“i am too lele, thank you for being such a good dad ”

“i’m only half as good as you are babymama” you slap his arm playfully

“i hate when you call me that”

“i know” he chuckles

jisung

you and jisung were laying comfortably together on the couch until your daughter ha-yun started crying from her crib

standing up you walk over to her taking her out of her bed, sitting back onto the couch with jisung you take the binky out of her mouth as you pull your shirt down replacing it with your nipple

jisung smiles at the two of you as he places his arm around your shoulder

“i love my girls” he says pressing a kiss to your temple, once you finish feeding your daughter you pass her to jisung so that he can burp her

“i think the boys should be here anytime soon” he says getting up placing the baby over his shoulder as he pats her back

you get up and head to the bathroom making yourself look a little more presentable

“babe” you hear jisung yell across the house

“what” you yell back

“ha-yun threw up all over me and the boys are on their way up can you take her for a second” he says

you can’t help but to laugh a little bit

“yeah i got her go get cleaned up”

as the boys arrive you open the door for them telling them that your daughter is in her crib as

they all stand around her

“you can pick her up and hold her if you want” say sitting back on the couch

jeno picks her up rocking her back and forth

“holy shit it’s literally a girl version of jisung” haechan says looking at your daughter

“speaking of jisung where is he?” chenle asks

“ha-yun threw up on him right before you guys got here” you say chuckling

“good girl” chenle coos at your daughter slightly shaking her foot

“i heard that” jisung says walking back from the bedroom

“she’s so adorable” renjun says

“she’s jisungs twin” you respond

“i cant believe our little jisung is a dad now” mark says

“he’s all grown up” he adds

“i still remember the day jisung called me freaking out about him knocking y/n up” chenle laughs

“i wasn’t freaking out” jisung defends himself

“i’m pretty sure you were, i didn’t even get the chance to say hello before you were like ““ holy shit i got my girlfriend pregnant”” chenle uncontrollably laughs

“yeah well it doesn’t matter now i have my beautiful girls, my lovely little family” he kisses you

“you guys really did make a cute baby i cant lie” renjun says

“thank you” you smile

“i still refuse to believe my little innocent jisung helped make this baby” haechan jokes

“innocent is crazy, how do you think babies are made haechan” jisung laughs

“ew i really don’t want to think about you two doing it” chenle makes a face

“you corrupted him y/n” haechan laughs

“guilty as charged” you say kissing him once again

“i have a feeling that this is one of many babies to come into the park family” jaemin laughs

“we’re already talking about trying for another one next year” you say half joking half not

“geeze jisung, make sure to put a ring on it before the next one at least” renjun laughs

“y’all are gonna be real busy” haechan makes a grossed out face

mark hits his shoulder

“shut up dude you’re so annoying”

“i meant busy with two babies” haechan defended himself

“no you didn’t” chenle laughs

“enough about our sex life” jisung says

“you all will understand one day when you meet the one” you smile to jisung

—————————————————————————

hope you enjoyed, this was so fun to write!!

[bbokarimenu]

Little Sunshine

pairing: idol dad Lee Felix x fem reader!

genre: fluff

warnings: none

an: Felix’s soft, loving energy inspired this wholesome family moment. I hope you enjoyed! ❤️

Masterlist

The warm morning sun streamed through the curtains as the gentle hum of life outside our apartment created a serene backdrop. I stirred in bed, feeling the comforting weight of Felix’s arm draped over me. His soft breathing was rhythmic and peaceful, a rare sight considering his packed schedule.

In the adjacent room, a tiny giggle broke the silence, followed by a series of babbling sounds. I smiled to myself, already knowing what was about to happen. Sure enough, the baby monitor crackled to life with our daughter’s voice.

“Dada! Mama!”

Felix stirred beside me, his eyes fluttering open. He looked at me with his signature sleepy smile, the one that always melted my heart. “Good morning, love.”

“Morning,” I whispered, leaning over to kiss his forehead.

Our daughter’s babbling grew louder, interspersed with little knocks on her crib railing. Felix chuckled. “Looks like our little sunshine is ready to start the day.”

“She’s definitely your daughter,” I teased. “So full of energy, even in the morning.”

Felix sat up, running a hand through his tousled hair. “Well, let’s not keep her waiting.” He stood and stretched, his oversized hoodie falling past his hips, making him look adorably domestic.

As we walked into the nursery, our daughter, Ellie, bounced in her crib, her chubby hands reaching out for Felix. “Dada!”

“There’s my girl!” Felix cooed, scooping her up and peppering her face with kisses. Her laughter was infectious, filling the room with pure joy.

Breakfast was a chaotic symphony of Ellie’s excited squeals, Felix’s playful antics, and the clinking of plates. Felix had insisted on making pancakes, his specialty.

“Look, Ellie,” he said, holding up a pancake shaped like a star. “Daddy made you a star, just like you are!”

Ellie clapped her hands, her tiny face lighting up. “Star!”

I laughed, shaking my head. “You’re spoiling her, Felix.”

“She deserves it,” he said, winking at me before turning back to flip another pancake.

As we sat at the table, Ellie happily munched on her pancake while Felix leaned over, feeding me bites of his own creation.

“Good?” he asked, his freckles dancing as he grinned.

“Delicious,” I replied, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

Ellie watched us with wide eyes before mimicking the gesture, leaning over to plant a wet kiss on Felix’s cheek. “Dada!”

Felix laughed, his heart visibly melting. “You’re too cute, Ellie. You’re going to make Daddy cry.”

The day was filled with simple joys: a trip to the park where Ellie toddled around, holding tightly to Felix’s hand, and an impromptu picnic where Felix showed Ellie how to pick flowers.

As the afternoon sun began to dip, we returned home, exhausted but happy. Ellie was clinging to Felix, her tiny head resting on his shoulder as she fought to stay awake.

“Looks like someone’s ready for a nap,” I said, smiling at the sight.

Felix nodded, his voice soft. “She’s getting heavier, isn’t she? Our little girl is growing up too fast.”

I placed a hand on his arm. “She’s still our baby, Felix. She always will be.”

After putting Ellie down for her nap, Felix and I found ourselves on the couch, tangled together under a cozy blanket. The TV played softly in the background, but neither of us paid much attention.

“Thank you,” I said, breaking the comfortable silence.

He looked at me, confused. “For what?”

“For being such an amazing dad,” I said, my voice thick with emotion. “I know your schedule is crazy, and you’re always so busy, but you still make time for us. For her.”

Felix’s eyes softened, and he reached out to cup my face. “You and Ellie are my everything,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “No matter how busy I get, you two will always come first.”

I leaned into his touch, tears threatening to spill. “I love you, Felix.”

He pulled me closer, his lips brushing against mine in a tender kiss. “I love you more.”

Later that evening, as we prepared for bed, Felix sat on the floor of Ellie’s nursery, softly humming a lullaby while she clung to his finger. Her eyelids drooped, and I leaned against the doorframe, watching the scene with a full heart.

He caught me watching and smiled. “Caught me serenading our little princess?”

“She’s lucky to have you,” I said, stepping into the room and sitting beside him.

“We’re lucky to have her,” he replied, brushing a strand of hair from Ellie’s face.

In that moment, surrounded by the quiet love of our little family, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Life with Felix wasn’t always easy, but it was always full of love.

And that was more than enough.

[slytherinshua]

⇅　A-Z BOYFRIEND HEADCANONS　( 得能勇志 )

genre fluff , headcanons , yushi x reader   cw mention of marriage (in like a future type of way) , fighting (nothing extreme) , jealousy , crying , not proofread & probably messy at points   wc 1679   request yes   note first time trying a fluff alphabet and honestly these are really fun !! i may do more for some other idols (although i did skip x cause it was giving me too many difficulties lmao)   net @kstrucknet @chrimatanet

A ﾐ AFFECTION

yushi is fairly affectionate with you. he chose you and he always wants to remind you of that. you can see his fondness for you in his eyes or the gentle way he holds you. he doesn’t need to say much for you to feel his affection, but he will tell you on occasion as well.

B ﾐ BEFORE DATING

yushi most likely started out as your friend before dating. he doesn’t like to rush into things, and he would want to feel sure about who he chooses to date before he does it. knowing that he works well with you and loves spending time with you would quickly grow into romantic feelings. 

C ﾐ CONFESSION

he would tell you how he feels simply and straight forward, and then let you decide what to do with the information. he’s ready to face rejection but he’s also hopeful. but the last thing he wants to do is put any kind of pressure on you, so he’s a bit cautious and careful with his confession. his heart would of course be racing like crazy anticipating what you’ll say in response, but he doesn’t let it show on his face how nervous he is. 

D ﾐ DATES

he’s a really good planner and would make sure to plan time for dates just as often as you do. he saves the fancier dates for more special occasions, like your birthday or anniversary, though. weekly dates would be more casual, like dinner and a movie, or just a game night. but he always makes sure that there’s some activity to enjoy together, because he really values quality time with you. 

E ﾐ EYE CONTACT

eye contact is important to yushi. not to say he stares at you often, but he’ll always find your eyes in a crowded room or subconsciously look for that subtle contact. your eyes relax him. he can never survive staring contests, though. he’ll crack up immediately. but natural eye contact could last for longer, and he may even zone out while staring at you on occasion </3

F ﾐ FIGHTS

fights with yushi are rare because he’s very grounded and level-headed. he’d much rather talk through any problems than let it lead to an argument. he tries to take into account your emotions and feelings without compromising his own, but sometimes it can be difficult. you both know what is most important for your relationship, and ultimately don’t let petty arguments come between you both. fights could be a bit more common in the evening when you’re both tired, but yushi will never let it go unresolved for the morning. he hates sleeping mad at you. 

G ﾐ GIGGLES

you are always making yushi laugh, more than anyone else. mostly because your humours match up perfectly. he’ll laugh when you’re intentionally trying to make him laugh, but he’ll also giggle at random things you do that he finds cute. his laughter always comes from a place of affection.

H ﾐ HUGS

he’s a casual hugger. if you’re cuddling on the couch, it would most likely just be holding hands or resting your head on his shoulder rather than his arms wrapped around your body. just a little bit of physical touch is enough to satisfy him. he’ll hold you tightly if that’s what you want/need though.

I ﾐ I LOVE YOU

i love you’s are saved for sentimental or romantic moments. he may slip them into a conversation at times, but they aren’t a set of words he uses lightly. to him, they hold a lot of weight and meaning, and he really wants you to know that when he says it, he really means it.

J ﾐ JEALOUSY

he doesn’t get jealous often, but when he does, the feeling surprises him. he’s perfectly fine with the other guys spending time with you, whether it be playing games, eating together, or just talking. but what does strike a nerve with him is seeing any of them hug you or especially if sakuya or ryo tries to rest their head on your lap. he’ll push them away from you in an instant. his jealousy is rare but strong, only because you mean so much to him. 

K ﾐ KISSES

yushi loves kisses!! whether giving or receiving he doesn’t care. he loves the ticklish feeling of you peppering kisses all over his face. he loves the butterflies that grow in his stomach when you kiss him deeply, hands tangled in his hair. he loves kissing your hand as a silent way to say thank you, and he loves when you kiss his cheek in the middle of a conversation. 

L ﾐ LOVE LANGUAGE

his love languages are quality time and acts of service. due to his busy schedule, it’s often hard to spend quality time with you and he hates that :( but he tries to make it up by doing as much as he can for you. he tries to make sure he’s taking away stress from your life rather than adding to it. whether it be doing small chores or simple tasks for you, he makes sure he’s contributing positively to your life as a way to tell you that he loves you.

M ﾐ MARRIAGE

marriage isn’t something he's thought about often because he’s still very young. but he does definitely see himself getting married in the future. when the time is right and you’re both in the right phases of your life, that’s when he would most likely tie the knot. he looks forward to spending the rest of his life with you as husband and wife, but he isn’t in a rush. he likes to enjoy your current relationship as it is first. 

N ﾐ NICKNAMES

his nicknames or pet names for you would probably just be variations of your name. common pet names like baby or love don’t feel exclusive enough. during cute or casual moments, he’d call you a nickname. during more romantic or serious moments, he’d just call you by your name. there’s a certain intimacy and closeness that comes with it, and he likes that. 

O ﾐ OBSESSION

he’s obsessed with your heart. he values how other people act and care for people around them. he’s never met someone more thoughtful and caring than you, and it's one of the main things he admires about you.

P ﾐ PDA

he hates pda, especially around the other boys cause they’ll definitely tease him. he might hold your hand but that’s the most he’ll do to be honest. he’d rather save the romantic gestures and words for when there’s no one else to watch, because they’re just for you and you alone.

Q ﾐ QUESTIONS

he wants to know everything about you, especially in the beginning of your relationship. he’s like a curious cat about you, eager to find out what’s most important to you and all your habits. there’s a big sense of satisfaction once he can see that you love and value him as much as your other most favourite things. 

R ﾐ ROUTINE

yushi and you have created routines together like eating dinner together whenever you can, doing your skincare together, or even morning kisses before work. the simple structure is almost necessary amidst both your busy lives. it’s a small sense of calm and something to look forward to.

S ﾐ SENTIMENTAL

i think he looks forward to the future more than reminiscing about the past. he finds it cute to think about your moments together as just friends or in the beginning of your relationship, but he doesn’t miss it too much. he values the connection that you’ve built from all the time you’ve spent together, and the present moment is more precious to him than past memories.

T ﾐ TEARS

he doesn’t really cry often. he’s just not super emotional in that way. he also finds it a bit embarrassing to cry in front of other people, the same way he doesn’t like pda. you may be the exception to that, but seeing yushi cry would still be rare even for you. when he needs comfort, you’re the first person he will go to, though.

U ﾐ UNDERSTANDING

yushi tries hard to understand everything about you as best he can. your feelings, emotions, situations. but there is a lot of communication to get to that point of understanding. it's not immediate to him from just a glance what you’re feeling, so he would more likely ask you.

V ﾐ VULNERABLE

he’s very vulnerable with the people he trusts completely, and you are definitely one of them. he’d never keep secrets from you and would confide in you for advice or comfort if he needs it. he’s more guarded with people he doesn’t trust, so he often keeps things to himself, but he’s like an open book with you.

W ﾐ WHOLE

yushi definitely feels complete when he’s with you. like a missing puzzle piece, everything fits into place when you are together. he can certainly function without you, but there’s always a little piece of him that only you can bring out. he’s never more comfortable than when he is with you, and you know exactly how to put his mind and body at ease. he’s at his best with you.

Y ﾐ YEARNING

he only realizes how much he misses you once he’s back in your arms. he’s so focused on whatever he’s doing for work that his emotions wouldn’t even have a chance to distract or overwhelm him. you may cross his mind throughout the day of course, but he only vocalises how much he missed you in person when you’re no longer apart. 

Z ﾐ ZZZ

napping together may as well count as quality time for yushi. he gets tired and needs his sleep, but he’ll sleep better if you’re next to him <3 since it's rare to get multiple hours free to spend with you, he at least wants to feel close to you while he rests. he’s extra cuddly when tired. the type to nuzzle his head into the crook of your neck. somewhere close enough to smell your soap or shampoo since he loves those scents.

nct wish taglist (bolded could not be tagged): @kangtaehyunzzz,, @eternalgyu,, @lexeees,, @nyukyusnz,, @planetkiimchi,,

@haecien,, @talkingsaxy,, @thesunsfullmoon,, @hursheys,, @mjupis,,

@lilly-cherry7,, @kpopandbookschild

[webslingingslasher]

hii!! can you do one where situationship!peter like yells at trouble or something along those lines or is like embarrassed to be seen w her (i jsut wanna read something angsty 😭😭)

no rush ofc!! hope u had a good new years 🎀

added these two asks together <3

what do u think that frat!peter would do if he made trouble cry, like it was his fault

-----

when peter got a congratulatory clap on his shoulder with a 'heard you got cuffed up. good for you, man.' he brushed it off. peter had a good guess on why someone made that connection, he's been a little handsy with you at parties, and on campus. it's a natural thought.

when peter got nudged by a member of another frat, and a 'congrats, bro. she's a hottie.' he felt confused.

the third time it happened, while at his own house, peter finally asked what was up. 'where did you hear that?' a punch to his arm, 'your chick. she's telling everyone you're her boyfriend.'

and that? it made his blood boil.

'she's lying, i'm not dating anyone.' the brother's eyebrows raised, 'oh. i mean, i guess she told ja-' peter spoke up louder, 'she's a fucking liar.' the brother leaves it alone.

peter was almost pacing his floor while waiting for you. you've brought it up a thousand times, he's made his opinion very clear, and yet you're going behind his back and telling everyone he's the one thing he's not.

you don't notice his distaste, reaching out for a kiss you're dodged. peter wants to scoff at your pout, no wonder you feel sad, your boyfriend refused your touch.

'anything you wanna tell me, trouble?'

you're immediately taken back by his tone. 'anything that might get back to me?' you have a sinking feeling you know what it's about, you didn't know it would be whispered about, but you should've.

but, you won't put your foot in your mouth yet. 'i don't think so.' peter lets out a dry laugh, 'no? there's nothing that you did that makes you look fucking crazy?'

you swallow hard, is that what he thought of you? if so, he's wrong. 'i'm not crazy.' peter throws his hands up, 'really? okay, let's see if we can figure this one out together. i'm not your boyfriend, but apparently you're telling people i am. is that supposed to make you look sane?'

it's downright mean. 'you're being very condescending right now, peter. i don't like it.' peter's loud with his next sentence. 'just how i don't like being called your fucking boyfriend?'

your world comes crashing down. how could he be so brutal with such ease. it's so harsh you can't swallow back your emotions.

tears blot at your eyes while your lower lip trembles. 'is the idea of being with me that bad?' peter feels as crushed as you look. once it starts you can't stop, and to break down in front of peter, after he just called you fucking crazy, makes you dehumanize yourself.

you huff small breaths and try to wipe away the tears as they fall. you struggle to say your words without pausing to gasp. 'you didn't even... ask why.' it brings a new wave, he's being silent and you think it's over and final and you didn't get a chance to plead your case.

'i need... to leave.' you can't breathe, you can't even feel your feet when you move. you don't make it far because peter's in front of you and using his chest to back you up.

'alright, alright. just stop crying, okay?' peter doesn't know what to do because he's never actually made a girl cry that hard, or at least in his face, making him aware of his actions and how he could've tried to approach this in a calm way.

'you hate me,' you gasp, 'and you think i'm crazy,' another gasp, but this time you're scooped into his hold. 'stop. please, stop. please stop crying.' peter thinks if he squeezes you hard enough he could piece the parts he ruined back together.

'i'm sorry. i'm so sorry.' peter doesn't know what he wanted, but it wasn't a pleading apology coughed out between sobs. fuck, he was mean, wasn't he? 'stop it, trouble. just breathe, alright? it's done, okay?'

oh, peter's shit at this. you cry even harder, 'i know we are. i'm so sorry, i'll tell everyone i made it up and... and you-'

'we're not done. the conversation is done. just please stop fucking crying.' peter can't stress it enough because he feels so guilty he's about to start crying in solidarity.

'no! not until, not until you hear-'

'i'm not going to listen to anything until you can say three words without holding your breath.' it's useless, 'i think i'm dying.' you don't know how, but you're held even tighter to his chest, 'you're not dying. you're upset because i said mean things.'

you're able to take a deep breath, it feels good. 'you did.' peter can finally relax, you're not on the verge of passing out anymore. 'i know. i was really mean, wasn't i?'

'yeah.' fuck, he really, really hates how miserable he made you. peter cares about you, it's the one thing he makes sure to tell you, but he doesn't think you talk to the people you care about that way.

'i promise i'm not crazy, i just-'

'you're not crazy and i should've never said that.' you try to keep your face tilted down when peter pulled back, but he was adamant on having you look at him.

'i'm so sorry, okay? i was caught off guard by all these comments today and i took it out on you. you're right, i should've asked why. but i didn't, and i'm sorry.'

'jackson ruth got all weird and touchy at his party last week and i just blurted out that you were my boyfriend so he'd leave me alone and i swear i didn't mean for him to have it spread.'

you hate that you made him ashamed, maybe you said that part out loud too because you think you saw something break inside his eyes.

peter softly cups your face, any stray droplets cleared with a brush of his thumbs under your eyes. 'i'm not ashamed of you, i'd never be ashamed of you. you're my baby.'

hook, line, and sinker.

'you are always allowed to use my name if you need to, i promise. i was a dick and i made you cry and now i feel like shit that i made you feel like shit, and now i feel even shitter because i'm somehow making this about me.'

you wrap your hands around his, you'd rather him keep his hold. you feel special. 'do you mean it?' peter nods softly, he leans down for a kiss. it's warming, your chest blossoms wide.

if you were fucking crazy, hypothetically, you'd claim the accusation boldly when he says 'on everything i love.'

[sillysowa]

BOYFRIEND HOBIE BROWN HCS

PARTS: (1) (2)

fluff, slightly suggestive, angst

If you’re a spider person and Hobie hasn’t seen you for a long time, he runs at you like he’s going to hug you, only to duck down, grab you by your legs and flip you over his shoulder, shouting to Gwen and the others that there’s a villain on the loose.

Probably throws shit at you to get your attention—straw and gum wrappers, small rocks, maybe even food. He’s not a complete hooligan but he loves fucking with you. Adding to that, he totally throws pebbles at your window to get your attention when he comes over.

An absolute menace at catching things in his mouth. If you ever open up a bag of gummies, small chips, or literally anything bite sized, he instantly hollers at you to toss one up in the air saying he can absolutely catch it in his mouth no matter what—its the truth.

Loves being around people who are outspoken and speak their truth because It’s so refreshing for him. Likes to sit back and smile as you chew someones ear off (probably Miguel). He absolutely gets your attention the moment a pushy girl flirts with him just to watch the show.

Does your hair for you. I just know Hobie knows what he’s doing. Puts punk-style accessories in it.

Grabs your sleeve or hands when you’re both laughing your asses off because if he falls down he’s taking you with him.

I think he’s as touchy as he is because he’s so fucking touch starved. He’s kind of nervous to initiate intimacy with you when you first date because he doesn’t want to fuck it up or seem weird,

“I can’t remember the last time I felt like this…” He had whispered after your first time together, gently rubbing his hands up and down your back as you laid with him.

Makes you pinky promise you’ll be safe whenever you two have to be away from each other. He absolutely swears by and he holds eye contact with you the entire time, scanning you over like there’s some way he can protect you just by his gaze. If you’re a reckless fighter, Hobie understands how dangerous your missions could be. He himself is a messy, crazy, fighter. He trusts you, but he can’t stomach the thought of you getting hurt, that’s why he values something as simple as a pinky promise,

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Tried to not worry you with his emotional struggles at the start of your relationship but that didn’t last long—you were adamant that he could lean on you the same way you lean on him,

“I can hear you crying, Hobie.” You’d said in the dark night as Hobie gently cried beside you, turning to face you with a broken and defeated look on his face.

“M’sorry...didn’t mean to wake you…” He instantly softened, letting you hold him in your sweet embrace. He closed his teary eyes and nuzzled his face into your neck as you whispered to him,

“Don’t be sorry, Hobes…I’m always here for you no matter what you’re going through…”

—

@ohxx @luxxtuxx @fatenpara @hobesbf @defnot-bri

[exactlyyoungchaos]

Loss of my life.

(ex) husband Simon X f!Reader

Part 2.

CW: divorce, hurt, angst, mentions of emotional cheating, trauma. let me know if I missed any, enjoy!!!!

(Don't mind the mistakes.)

If you know it in one glimpse, it's legendary

You and I go from one kiss to gettin married

Still alive, killing time at the cemetery

Nobody prepares you for something like this. What do you do when someone you loved more than your own life, rips apart your soul in pieces? What do you do when the one person you trusted your heart with, leaves you to gather scraps of whatever is left of it?

It's been months since that day. The day you found out that the man you love loved someone else. You moved out the next day, he didn't try and stop you, didn't try to argue or make you stay, he just stood in the corner and watched as you packed up your whole life in a suitcase and left.

When your lawyer served him divorce papers, he didn't hesitate. he signed it immediately as if he was trying to get rid of you, or maybe he was. you don't know, you don't know anything anymore.

When you were young, you were scared to be in relationships because the idea of trusting somebody with everything and giving them the power to hurt you was ridiculous. you always thought love was a sham, just something for romance books and movies.

it was when you met Simon you realized it was all real. the chemical reaction inside your brain that makes you want to stay with someone forever. Laughing at their stupid jokes, waking up next to them, love them was all real. Or maybe it wasn't.

now all you recall, was how you almost had it all. how it all just slipped from your hands without warning.

maybe it was your fault. maybe you weren't enough. maybe you didn't know how to love properly, maybe you were unlovable.

maybe, maybe, maybe.......

Or perhaps it was a sign that a prophecy in your name had already been written. you are not meant for love, you were sent here to be alone, to be betrayed by whoever you trust, to be unworthy. so others would know what not to be.

You sat on the bed of your new apartment, looking at your wedding ring that was still on your finger. you couldn't get yourself to take it off. your heart wasn't ready to accept what your brain already knew.

You couldn't cry anymore, your tears were gone, and all that was left was a deep ache of loss in your chest.

Why? Why did he do this to you? why did he make those vows when he never meant to keep them? you wanted answers, that you knew you'd never get.

If your parents saw you in this state, they would be ashamed of you. you're ashamed of yourself. you can't eat, you can't get out of your bed, because something counterfeits dead.

The house you once called home is haunted by the ghost of lies and deceit. How long has it been going on? how many times did you lay with him in your bed and he wished it was her instead of you?

You were driving yourself crazy. Day by day you were losing your sanity as you combed through your whole life trying to find where it all went wrong.

you've been getting calls from your friends, and messages that you keep ignoring. What were you going to tell them? They bought his lies too.

He said forever and you bought it.

And the worst part is, you miss him. You miss your life, how it used to be filled with laughter, love, and light with him. How he used to hold you when you broke down. How he caressed you when you were in pain, how he made love to you.

Now you're sitting in a cold, dark, and empty apartment on another continent, you don't know who to call and ask for help.

All of your things remind you of him. Do you throw all of the things you built together or keep it? you were tired, mending your gashes on your own. He dealt a final blow and left you to deal with it.

And he doesn't care. He's already with her. he already replaced you. Nothing you two had was real.

But then why do you feel like dying? Why was it that you can't feel anything anymore? Is this how it will always be? Will you ever be okay enough to want to live?

all of these were very big questions you weren't ready to ask yet, or maybe you never will be.

you needed a distraction and you needed it fast.

you picked up your phone for the first time in the day and went straight to the one person you knew who could give you a reprieve from yourself.

Laswell.

You felt numb as you dialed her number as if a switch had been turned off in your brain. She picked up on the third ring.

"Sparrow,"

She still called you by your code name. Your first team that you were assigned to as a rookie medic gave it to you.

"I need a job," is all you said.

AN: SOOOOO!! DID WE LIKE IT? THOTS? I might have shed a tear or two writing this. don't mind me.

@ssc7514 @rrtxcmt

If you want to be tagged in the next part do tell me.

Until next time sugarplums.

ALI-💋💋💋

[kingofpopmj]

You Know, Love Is All We Need

Summary: The Jackson Family roll out in full force to take part in the recording of We Are The World. Michael feels helpless as his wife isn’t welcome by all his loved ones.

Pairing: Michael Jackson x Reader!

Warning: FAMILY DRAMA, ARGUING AND CURSING

Requested: yes

*Michael’s POV*

“Babe, I’m serious.” She whined, throwing herself back onto the bed.

“Y/N, baby, you can’t just not go. You’re my wife. My whole family is going to be there. I’d like for you to be with me.” I grabbed her hands, pulling her up to face me. “You’re the best part of me. I can’t do it without you.”

“Michael, your family hates me.” Her voice was sad and she looked at me with pleading eyes.

“That’s not true.” She pursed her lips at me, crossing her arms and a hint of glossiness filling her eyes. “No, please don’t cry.”

“It’s always a fight. I’m exhausted.” Her head hung low and I couldn’t think of anything else to do but hold her.

“I’m sorry. My mother loves you and that’s the most important thing— she’s crazy about you. I know my dad is rough, but he doesn’t hate you. My brothers lose their minds over you, they love having you around. My sisters—”

“You know it isn’t them. They’re great. It’s Latoya. She always—”

“I know. I know.” I cut her off before she went any further. I didn’t want her to break down like the last time. “I’ve spoken to her about it. She’s not going to be an issue anymore. I promise.”

“She always attacks me.” She sounded defeated and all I could do was comfort her. “I can’t take much more of it. It feels like it’s getting worse, like when we all went to the studio together. I thought it would be a nice bonding moment, but…” She drifted off, burying her face deeper into my chest.

“Michael! You made it!” Latoya cheered, she jumped up from where she was sitting with my brothers.

“Hey!” It was then I fully walked into the room, holding Y/N’s hand as she followed right behind me.

“Oh, you brought her.” Latoya rolled her eyes in a huff, turning away from us without another word.

“My wife? Yes, I brought my wife.” I spat back, beyond irritated with my sister’s sudden attitude. “She’s a musician. She was invited.”

“Yeah, she’s even giving Michael some nice competition, ain’t that right sister?” Marlon hopped up, hugging us both. “It’s great to see you.”

“If it isn’t one of my favorite Jackson’s.” Y/N laughed, sharing her secret handshake with my brother.

“Well, the rest of us are excited.” Tito spoke up, pulling my wife into a hug, then patting me on the back. “Toya is just jealous. The only reason she’s here is because she’s related to us crazy handsome and extremely talented fellas.” He said it loud enough for her to hear, but all she did was cross her arms.

“T, that’s not nice.” My wife whispered, shaking her head like she was scolding a child.

“It’s the damn truth. If she focused on her career as much has she focused on having that stick up her butt, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” Tito was blunt, the words were a bit harsh, but he’s right. “Y/N, you’re family and the way she— it don’t sit right with me. I want you to know we— you’re part of this family, you’re a special part and we…”

“We love you.” Jermaine sang, finishing the sentence his brother was becoming too emotional to finish.

“I love you guys too.”

I squeezed my eyes shut at the memory, kissing her forehead before speaking again. “I know and I’m sorry. We discussed it. She’s looking forward to seeing us so she can apologize in person.” My wife raised her eyebrow at me. “She’s just having trouble— I think having a new sister-in-law has been tough on her.”

“Okay. I guess if your whole family will be there it’ll be fun, but if something happens I’m leaving. I’m serious. I don’t want anymore problems.”

“We. If something happens we will leave. I’ll be your knight in shining armor. I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

“I know you won’t.”

*Y/N’s POV*

We arrived at The Jackson home right on time, everything was business as usual— just enjoying one anothers company. There was loud music and mountains of delicious food. We made our way around the party, greeting everyone and watching the kids running around the yard. It was fun. So far, tonight felt like it wouldn’t be so bad.

“How are you doing?” Michael whispered near my ear.

“Good, thank you for talking me into coming. I’m having fun.” I dragged my thumb across his bottom lip before stretching up to my tippy toes and kissing his lovely lips.

“Ew. Do you have to do that where we can all see you?” Of course. I didn’t need to look to know Latoya had arrived. “It’s disgusting. You can’t wait until your home to maul—”

“Shut up Latoya.” Michael rolled his eyes, pulling me deeper into his chest.

She opened her mouth to say something else, but Michael simply stared her down— like he was daring her to say something else. By the way her mouth snapped shut, it was clear she wasn’t expecting that. They stared at each other a little longer before finally she walked off.

“I seriously don’t understand what’s up with her.” He muttered. “She’s really pissing me off.”

“I have no idea, but I rather not hang around to find out. Don’t let her get to you babe. Maybe we should—”

“You want to go already? We can.” He gave me a sweet smile of approval, showing me he had my back and understood.

“No! You can’t leave! Come on! We’re gonna play some games.” Janet cheered, running over to the cabinet and grabbing about a dozen glass bottles. “Well, you gonna stand there like two dimwits or are you gonna help me?”

“I think we could stay longer!” I giggled, skipping over to help my sister-in-law. “Come on dork get to stepping.” I tickled his side before running outside and onto the deck. Michael didn’t waste any time chasing after me, eventually tackling me in the grass.

“You’re being bad now?” He spoke breathlessly, struggling to get a grip on my wrists as I wiggled beneath him. “You’re going to pay for that.”

“What are you going to do? Spank me?” I whispered as low as possible, but I could tell by the way he froze on spot that he heard me loud and clear.

“Oh great they’re going to fornicate right in front of us now. Just what I want to see.” Latoya again, isn’t she lovely?

“I wish.” Michael mumbled, getting to his feet and helping me to mine. “To be continued…” he laughed.

“Most definitely. I mean if you’re up for it… we can slip away to the bathroom for a quick—” there was no way I’d actually do it under his parents roof, but I still enjoyed teasing him.

“Shhh. Don’t.” His hands pressed against my mouth and he silently begged me to stop teasing him. “You’re going to drive me crazy.”

“Finally, she needs a muzzle.” Latoya yelled, then laughed way too loud at her own joke. Michael’s hands fell to his sides and he just stared at her as the area grew quiet. The tension between the siblings growing rapidly.

“Gosh, you know, I knew your voice was irritating, but your laugh makes me want to rip my ears off.” My husband scoffed, standing his ground again.

“Woah, Mike what’s got your undies in a twist? Trouble in paradise?” She questioned, sipping from her drink. “Marriage isn’t for everyone.” She sang, that comment got everyone’s attention. I knew Michael was going to lose it on her.

“No way! I forgot you’re an expert on marriage. Tell me how’s the husband? Oh wait, you don’t have one. Last time I checked no one is lining up to make you a wife.” Michael said confidently, his hand finding mine and happily guiding me away from her.

“Oh shit! Little brother is cold today!” Jackie clapped proudly. “Stone cold!”

“You got told!” Randy shouted, pointing his finger directly in Latoya’s face as she failed to push him away.

We were in the middle of a game of darts when Jermaine and Randy started yelling at the TV.

“Michael! Your wife is on the television looking lovely.” Randy winked, making finger guns with his hands.

“She always looks lovely you goon.” Michael said slinging his arm around my shoulders.

“Why didn’t you tell us! We would’ve turned it on sooner! I love this show!” Rebbie jumped up, trying to find the button to turn up the volume.

“Ah! It’s Funny or Die! It’s so funny! Y/N! I can’t believe you were on.” Janet cheered. “Beth is hilarious.”

“I completely forgot it was going to be on today.” I said truthfully. “We don’t have to watch it.”

“The hell we don’t! We’re watching it!”

“Why are we acting like this is groundbreaking? She’s not helping achieve world peace.” Latoya snapped. “It doesn’t take a damn rocket scientist to sit on a couch and answer questions.”

“Yeah, I don’t remember anyone begging to ask you any questions, you fool.” Jackie cracked, waving her off.

“I’ve done interviews!” She snapped back.

“That no one watches, which is why it probably happened once— maybe. I doubt it” Randy laughed, throwing his head back. “Most likely in your dreams. That’s the only place you’re a big deal.”

“Shhh! I can’t hear it.” Janet shouted.

Welcome to tonight’s Funny or Die on Comedy Central with special guest Mrs. Y/N Jackson!

*Beth Littleford’s voice*

“So, Mrs. Jackson, you are married to one of the most influential artists of our lifetime— you’ve married into The Royal Family of entertainment. Why did you do that to yourself?”

“I’m not sure I understand that question.” A smile on my face as I stared at her waiting for an explanation.

“Well, that’s a lot of star power, I’d imagine a lot of diva behavior goes on behind the scenes. Who do you hate the most? If presented the opportunity, which Jackson would you to send off to an abandoned island?”

“There’s actually no diva behavior. They’re all very kind and down to earth. They’ve handled all of the fame with such grace, they’re amazing people. I’m very lucky. I love being a part of the family.”

“You’re a bad liar Mrs. Jackson. Okay, back to your husband. He’s incredibly handsome, you’re stunning— very beautiful. My question is, of the two of you, who spends more time looking in the mirror?” She was so good at keeping a straight face that it became more difficult for me to do the same.

“We—” I turned my head to take a breath and bite back the laughter trying to escape. “I don’t feel we spend much time doing that—”

“Mrs. Jackson, if we’re going to do this I’m going to need you to stop bullshitting me.” She said it in a professional voice and I immediately broke. “Okay, get it together, I’ll try this again, you and your husband are very successful musicians. What I’d like to know is, who’s better? Be honest. Your answer will stay between us.” She nodded towards me, snapping her finger in the air, signaling the camera to obnoxiously zoom in on my face.

“Oh, that’s easy. My husband of course. He is so out of my league. His talent is unbelievable, unfathomable, unreachable. He’s one of a kind. I’m a huge fan of his work. He’s incredible. He’s so— he’s everything. The music he creates, his process, his stage presence, everything— he takes my breath away.”

“That’s a lie.” Beth shot out, turning her back to me and looking into the camera. “I guess we will never know the truth. Y/N appears to be devoted to dodging the questions we all want answers to. There’s no other way to say it folks, she sucks.” She concluded with a shrug and I bursted out laughing behind her.

“At the end of the day I had to ask Y/N for one final encore.” Beth spoke as the screen cut to a clip of us walking through a garden, until cutting back to the interview room.

“In 1985, you participated in We Are The World, which brought together some of the top performers of our day..… and Latoya Jackson.” Immediately, I buried my face in my hands, desperately trying to hold in my laughter. “The thing everyone wants to know, what I need to ask you.” I shook my head, dropping my hands and smiling at her. “Bear with me.” I nodded, sitting up straight, awaiting her question. “What the hell was Dan Aykroyd doing there?”

“Beth—” I couldn’t finish my answer without giggling. “Beth.” I crossed my legs, attempting to compose myself once again. “That’s my sister-in-law you’re talking about.”

“Yes.” She answered simply.

“You know, The entire Jackson family is talented. It’s in their DNA, Latoya is unique—”

“Unique as in the talent skipped her?” She interrupted me, clicking her pen and scribbling down notes.

“That’s not— all the Jackson’s are very talented and Latoya is gifted in her own right.” I crossed my legs and gave her a tight lipped smile.

“You know, when you say that, I almost believe you.” Beth said with a straight face. That time the laughter escaped my mouth before I could stop it, I leaned forward into the vacant couch cushions beside me.

“You’re so bad.” I said breathlessly as I shook my head playfully.

“So, back to Dan Aykroyd, what the hell was he contributing?”

“Dan, I’m not sure. I think he was just there to be a part of the moment.”

The room filled with laughter as we watched the skit together. Jackie gave me a thumbs up, he was laughing so hard he couldn’t catch his breath. Tito had knocked over his drink, pounding on the table in front of him. It felt good— like home. I truly loved this crazy family. Michael slipped behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing the side of my head before resting his chin on my shoulder.

“For the record, you’re the one that’s out of my league.” He started. “You’re perfect.”

I hummed leaning back into his embrace as he swayed as back and forth. Our peace was cut short quickly by a loud screech.

“It’s not funny! This isn’t funny at all! Stop! Stop laughing!” Latoya shouted. She pointed her finger in my face. “How dare you! You made a joke of me!”

“Latoya, I didn’t make a joke of you.” My hold around Michael’s forearms tightened at the sudden outburst— which quickly had everyone’s attention.

“Do not yell at my wife.” Michael’s voice boomed, low and harsh— it was made me nervous. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. “I’m not playing with you Latoya.”

“Who the fuck do you think you are!” She’s in my face now. Great.

“Latoya, back off! This is ridiculous.” Michael held his hand out, pushing her away from me as he moved me to his side.

“I don’t give a shit! I’ll rip all the hair out of your damn head!” Her threat didn’t bother me, it wasn’t until she attempted to swing at me that I felt angry.

“I give a shit!” Michael reacted swiftly blocking her arm, pushing me behind him and shielding me. “You aren’t touching my wife!” Janet and Jermaine were on their feet now, holding their sister back. As much as I wanted to lash out I trusted my husband. It wouldn’t help for me to start screaming too, so I was more than happy to let him handle it.

“She’s been your wife for like a day.”

“It’s been two years!” Michael in between us, pushing her back again by her shoulders. “What the hell is your problem? Grow up!”

“My problem is that your wife is a fucking bitch!” She said loudly, it echoed through the house and everyone sat there quietly.

“Don’t fucking call her that!” Michael yelled, the air becoming thicker by the second. “If you think I’m—”

“That’s enough. The three of you come with me.” Katherine spoke, her tone was clear, she wasn’t asking.

Michael slid his hand across my lower back, resting it on my hip and pulling me closer to him. The walk was short and silent. Katherine opened the double doors leading to the library, pointing for us to enter. She slammed the door behind her once we all settled in.

“Now, I don’t know what the issue is and I don’t care. First off, you will not call anyone anything but their given name.” She pointed at her daughter. “And what in gods name has gotten into you making a scene like that in front of your young nephews, nieces and cousins?”

“Mom—” Latoya shot up from her seat with a wild energy.

“Did I say you could speak?” Katherine stopped her immediately, Latoya shrugged, sitting back down with a huff. “This has gone on long enough. I’ve tried to give you the space to figure it out yourselves, but it’s clear that isn’t happening. We aren’t leaving this room until we are all on the same page. Now, you may speak.”

“She’s rude and disrespectful. She laughed at me on national television.”

“No, she didn’t and I suggest you adjust your tone. I’m your mother. You need to speak to me with some respect.”

“Y/N—” Latoya shouted again.

“She spoke up for you and you know it. Which is more for you than I would’ve done if I were her. Latoya you’ve had it out for Y/N since Michael first brought her home to meet us.”

“No, I haven’t!”

“Latoya.” Michael cut in. When Latoya met her baby brother’s eyes she felt something tug at her heart and any lies she had prepared vanished.

“This is stupid.” She sat there pouting and all I could do was watch, because what the hell is wrong with her?

“Well, I have all day.” Katherine grinned. “This is your problem Latoya. The longer you take to spit it out the longer we will sit here.”

“You’ve always been rude to Y/N and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of fighting with you, but if you insist on continuing to act like this, then so be it. I can match your attitude because there’s no way in hell I’m going to let you or anyone else treat my wife like this.” Michael ranted, taking a deep breath. “She’s my wife. She makes me happy. She’s been nothing but respectful to you. She doesn’t deserve this. Latoya, we can only argue for so long until eventually our relationship becomes nonexistent— you’re my sister, but you’re crossing lines that are hurting our bond— things you’ve done, it’s beyond repair. And, honestly I’m slowly making my peace with that— not having any kind of relationship with you.”

“Little brother.” Latoya choked out, glossy eyes filled with pain. I felt awful. I never thought I’d hear Michael say anything like that.

“That’s how I feel. It bothered me so much because I didn’t understand why, but I’ve reached a point where I don’t care what your excuse is. I’m fed up. Mom, I’m sorry, but this isn’t fair to Y/N and I’m not going to make her sit through it any longer. I’m taking her home.” He rose to his feet, guiding me towards the door.

“Alright, baby boy. I understand.” I could tell she was disappointed in her daughter, but she looked at her son with such pride that it didn’t feel all that bad. “Go on. I love you, both of you. Come here honey.” She kissed my cheek and hugged me tightly. I loved her hugs. “I’m sorry about all of this. You’re a good girl.”

“Love you. It’s— no apologies necessary. See you soon mama.” Michael walked us out of the house quick like it was on fire. “Shouldn’t we say bye to everyone else?” He didn’t answer, not right away at least. He stopped walking halfway down the driveway, leaning forward and kissing me repeatedly.

“I’m sorry.” Kiss. “I love you.” Kiss. “I’m so sorry.” Kiss. “You’re.” Kiss. “The.” Kiss. “Most.” Kiss. “Amazing.” Kiss. “Woman.” Kiss. “Ever.” Kiss. “I don’t know how I tricked you into marrying me.”

“You didn’t trick me. And, it’s not your fault. None of this is you’re fault.”

“It’s my insane sister.”

“Exactly, it’s not your fault. It’s her— hopefully it’ll get better at some point.”

“You really think so?”

“I’m hopeful. It has to work out eventually.”

“I pray that you’re right.”

“I usually am, but until then I have you. And, you make a super sexy bodyguard.”

“You think so? Maybe I’ll switch professions so I could guard this lovely body every second of every day.” His flirtatious smile, causing my chest to tingle.

“I love you.” Kiss. “Most.” Kiss. “Perfect.” Kiss. “Man.” Kiss. “Ever.”

*Michael’s POV*

The pain of last nights events felt insignificant, waking up next to my beautiful wife, everything seemed to melt away. This, right here was all that mattered. Bliss.

“You always watch me sleep?” I watched her mumble through a sleepy smile.

“You always fake sleep?”

“I like lying next to you. Your bed head is cute.”

“You sleeping naked is cute.” I rolled onto of her, pushing her body deeper into the mattress.

“Are you trying to keep me in bed all day?”

“Yes.” My hips sunk in between her legs as I heard her sweet moan. The door bell rang before I could remove the sheet that was wrapped around her. “They’ll go away.” The bell rang again.

“It doesn’t sound like they’re leaving.”

“Well, then, they can wait. I only need two hours with you.”

“Two hours!” She laughed, the bell sounding two more times. “What are you planning to do to me?”

“Everything. I’m going to—” the bell rang again interrupting me. “Whoever is out there is about to get run over.”

“Relax. Just go check. You’re so grumpy.” She waved me off to go answer the door. I threw on a shirt and found some pants to wear.

“I’m grumpy because some jerk is ringing my doorbell while I’m trying to get handsy with my wife. Who wakes up this early to cockblock?” I heard her giggle as I left the room and ran down the stairs.

The doorbell continued vibrating the walls even when I unlocked the door and yanked it open.

“What the…” I was at a loss. I didn’t thinking my sister showing up was a possibility at all— just like I didn’t expect seeing her face to make me so angry.

“Hi brother.”

“Latoya, what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you— both of you. If that’s okay? I want to apologize.”

“That’s not a good idea. Really, I don’t have the energy to deal with you today and I’m not comfortable letting you anywhere near my wife.”

“Please. I— look I wrote a letter. I figured you guys probably wouldn’t want to see me. I just needed to try, you know?” She held out an envelope and a big bouquet of flowers. “I’m so sorry. Please take it. Or I can leave it on your doormat if you don’t want to look at it just yet. These are for Y/N.”

“Alright.” I let out a deep breath and accepted what she brought. I figured the longer I fight her the longer she’d stay and I really didn’t want that.

“I’m sorry I hurt you little brother and I’m sorry for acting that way towards Y/N… I had no reason— no right.” She stepped back as I remained silent. I wasn’t ready to talk to her, so every word out her mouth felt meaningless to me. “Well, I’ll be going now.” I watched blankly as she turned away from me.

“Who was it?” My wife inquired as she descended the stairs. “My favorite flowers! Babe, you didn’t have to do this.”

“Actually, I didn’t. It was… um…”

“What’s wrong?”

“Latoya. She was just here.”

“Very funny.”

“I’m serious. She brought all this for us and wrote you a letter.”

“Where is she?” She took the envelope from my hands, her fingers gliding across my sister’s handwriting.

“I didn’t let her in. I kind of made her leave.”

“Michael!” She pushed past me, running out the door in her robe. She didn’t even care that she was barefoot. I watched from our doorstep as Y/N knocked on my sister’s car window— I had no doubt in my mind that she was inviting her inside. They walked in and Y/N asked her to wait in the living room for us.

“I didn’t think you’d want to see her. I thought I was protecting you.”

“I know and I appreciate it, but she’s still your sister. She’s trying to make amends the least we could do is hear her out. She came all this way, I don’t think she’d do that just to argue.”

“You’re too good.” This woman is full of surprises. I held her hand as we walked off to join my sister, sitting across from her.

“I was jealous.” Latoya said, fiddling with her acrylic nails as she thought of what to say next. “Y/N, it felt like everyone welcomed you so easily. You were considered family overnight, which is beautiful because you’re with Michael, but it made me scared. It’s not an excuse. It’s not a good one. It’s just— I’m trying to explain. It all happened so fast.” I sensed my wife tense up and I hoped this was going somewhere that wouldn’t end in tears. “I didn’t know Y/N very well, then I started seeing less and less of my baby brother. Instead of getting to know you, I blamed you for taking him from me, which obviously isn’t the case and my behavior led to neither of you feeling comfortable around me. It was difficult to accept that I was to blame. And, I don’t know, Michael it feels like you’ve always needed me and suddenly you didn’t anymore. You found someone that’s a great fit and you didn’t need to lean on your big sister anymore, which is great, but I guess it happened faster than I expected. It’s no secret that the Jackson men haven’t had the best luck in their marriages, but Michael is different. I was afraid of someone using him or hurting him. I think I convinced myself I was standing up for you by being a total ass to Y/N. I don’t know. I was so focused on protecting Michael that I didn’t even allow myself to get to know the new Mrs. Jackson and I should’ve. Y/N, I wish I had the relationship with you that my siblings have, but by the time I realized that I’d done too much damage. I didn’t deserve to know you and I knew that. I just really, completely screwed everything up. Baby brother, you and I were the closest and I didn’t realize that my protectiveness over you had transformed into something so ugly. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I wish I could undo it all because you didn’t deserve it.” She sounded sincere, her hands intertwined in front of her chest as if she was begging for us to understand.

“That makes sense. It’s natural to feel protective as an older sibling. I love that Michael has so many people looking out for him.” Y/N spoke softly, leaning forward. “You’re a great sister and you thought— your actions were wrong, but I believe that it came from a good place. It just got a little lost in translation. I appreciate your apology and I’m hopeful that we can move on from this.”

“Really? Y/N, I’m so sorry. I’ve been a total bitch to you—”

“It’s okay. It’ll be okay. We can get through it.”

“I was so awful to you. I regret it. I regret all of it. I’d want nothing more than to make it up to you. Can I— is there a chance I could make up for this? It’d mean the world to me, but I understand if you don’t want that.”

“I’d love that.” I was in shock when my wife stood up, holding her arms out to hug my sister. It was gladly accepted. They hugged tight, crying into each other’s embrace.

“Thank you.” Latoya cried, it was a moment of healing for all of us and I was so grateful for it.

“Alright, quick hogging my wife.” I teased, when they broke apart I took Y/N’s place. “I’m happy you’re done being a pain in the ass.”

“I am. I promise.” We let go of each other with a new found sense of relief.

“Do you want to stay for a bit? I was going to make some brunch.” My wife offered. “You like crepes right?”

“Yes! I’d love to.” My sister responded and Y/N went off to the kitchen, leaving us alone.

“Thank you for hearing me out.” She seemed nervous again with my wife’s absence. “Thank you for the second chance. I won’t screw up again I promise.”

“Don’t thank me. It’s all her.” I nodded towards the direction my wife disappeared into. “She has this thing where she’s incapable of holding a grudge and family is very important to her. She’s been really patient waiting for you to come around.”

“She’s great. I mean it. I don’t know how she dealt with me being so… I can’t believe I behaved that way. She accepted my apology, but after everything I wouldn’t have blamed her if she never wanted to see me again.”

“It’s not in her nature to hold onto anger. She kept me from shaking some sense into you a few times too. I’m glad it didn’t come to that and you came around on your own. Or, as Tito would say, got the stick removed from up your butt.”

“He’s always saying the weirdest stuff.”

“I think I’m used to it because I feel like he makes great points. Don’t tell him I said this, but he’s kind of a genius.” Our laughter echoed through the room and I slowly felt myself letting go of the anger. It would take time, but I knew things would get better and eventually it’d feel normal.

“I’m proud of you. I’m glad you found someone who takes such good care of you. She’s perfect for you. She’s a nice addition to our family.”

“She is.”

“So, little brother, how’d you lock her down? She’s so much cooler than you.” Her voice softened as she tried to lighten the mood.

“I have no idea.” I shrugged, talking lazy steps toward the kitchen as my sister followed from beside me. “She’s way out of my league.”

“I’m glad you said it.”

“Shut up. Your voice is still annoying.” I joked, she punched my arm softly, then joined my wife by the stove and tried to help the best she could.

[cjlouwho]

You're a Piece of My Soul I Can't Let Go

10.5k; read below or on ao3; tags: presumed dead (no actual major character death), angst, hurt/comfort, anxiety, panic, flashbacks, smut, witness protection, secret service

Buck didn't cry at the funeral.

It's not that he wasn't sad. He was heartbroken beyond repair.

The tears simply wouldn't fall.

He didn't show much emotional at all. Didn't listen to the speeches people gave. Didn't react when someone would give him a hug or a pat on the back. Didn't care about the words of encouragement by people who had no clue what it felt like to lose someone.

“Time will heal.”

“He's an angel now.”

“God needed him more.”

“Life goes on.”

“Hold yourself together for him.”

It was all bullshit.

The burial wasn't much different. He sat, unmoving, from his chair in the front row. Held out his hands when he presented with the folded flag. Heard the sniffs and cries from the people around him, but he remained stoic.

Nothing about this felt right.

There was a reception afterward at Bobby and Athena's place. Buck, wanting nothing to do with the limo that was reserved for family, had driven his Jeep to the cemetery.

He told Bobby he'd meet them at their place. Let Bobby wrap him in another hug before he left.

He didn't go to Bobby's.

Didn't want to talk to all those people. He had no desire to hear them laugh as they told stories about Tommy. They'd never know him like he did.

He went home instead. Back to the place he and Tommy shared.

It was Tommy's house, originally. Then Buck had moved in only five months into them dating. It seemed crazy at the time, but it worked. They were engaged two months later, married six months after that.

Four months of marriage. That's all they'd gotten. The ring around Buck's finger still felt new, and it was already over.

Seventeen months total. The best seventeen months of Buck's life.

And it was all gone.

Buck walked into the house that screamed Tommy, Tommy, Tommy everywhere he looked. There was the couch they had picked out together. The lamp that Tommy had knocked off the table twice, yet somehow never broke. The kitchen where they realized they were far too old to be having sex on a countertop. The clock on the wall that played obnoxious music every hour that Buck hated but Tommy loved, so it was only ever on if Buck had to work and Tommy was at home.

His houseplants he killed regularly.

The TV they splurged on because Tommy both loved watching movies and loved watching Buck watch movies.

The bedroom, two nightstands. One side almost empty because all Buck needed was a lamp and a spot for his phone at night. The other side with a lamp, charger, reading glasses, chapstick, and a glass of water that now had a thin film of dust covering the top.

Buck toed off his shoes and walked to the bed, lying down. He pulled his phone from his pocket and silenced it before setting it on his nightstand. He didn't want to be bothered. Maddie could see his location, would know he was fine. That was enough.

He curled onto his side, facing Tommy's side of the bed. He tugged at Tommy's pillow, moving it so it rested lengthwise against his body. He snuggled it tightly. Closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of Tommy's shampoo and cologne, still fresh on the pillowcase.

He fell into a dreamless sleep.

Nothing about this felt right.

“What's the matter?” Tommy asked immediately upon entering the kitchen. Buck had his eyebrows drawn tightly together as he stared at a can of coconut milk. That was never a good sign.

“I got the wrong thing,” Buck pouted. “I was supposed to get coconut cream and I picked up the milk.”

“I'm guessing they're not interchangeable?”

Buck gave him a look that asked the question, “Are you crazy?” without saying a word.

“Right.” Tommy began searching the room for his keys, “I will go get you your coconut cream.”

“No, I can get it,” Buck put the can down and headed for the stove. “I'll let Bobby know dinner will be a little late,” he said, switching off a couple of the burners, “and then-”

Buck was cut off by Tommy wrapping his arms around his waist, pressing a kiss to his temple. “You keep cooking,” he insisted, “I'll get the cream.”

Buck smiled softly, leaning further into Tommy's touch. “You sure?”

“I'm sure.”

Buck turned his head for a kiss on the lips before Tommy unraveled himself from him.

“Keys?” Tommy asked.

“Coffee table.”

“Right! Thank you. Love you, Babe. Be right back.”

“Love you too.”

Three days was all the bereavement pay a city employee was allotted after the death of a family member. Bobby had managed to space out Buck's shifts enough to give him seven days before he had to dip into his vacation time.

It didn't matter anyway. He hadn't used his vacation days in a long time. Had been saving them for a long roadtrip with...

It didn't matter. He didn't need those vacation days anymore.

A part of him had thought about going back to work. He had gotten dressed and everything. Had his keys and was headed out the door. He couldn't seem to make it past the doorframe.

He typed a simple text to Bobby, taking vacation day, silenced his phone and got back into bed. Bed, bathroom, kitchen, bed, bathroom, kitchen, the same path for the next week.

People would come to the door, knock and knock and knock, but he made no effort to let them in.

When they'd text, he'd respond so they knew he was alive, but also knew to leave him alone.

I need some time, he'd text them, please let me have time to myself.

That worked for a while, until Eddie decided to screw it all and use the spare key he had to let himself in.

“Buck?” he called out as he gently opened the front door. “Buck, you here?”

He walked into the dark house, all the curtains drawn and not a single light on. After peeking into the kitchen and living room, he made his way to the bedroom. The door was cracked, so he nudged it open until he could see Buck lying on the bed, facing away from the door.

He was under the covers, cuddling a pillow close to him.

“Buck?” Eddie whispered.

He waited a few seconds and was just about to head out to the living room until Buck woke up, when he heard a, “Hm?”

“You awake?”

“I'm not a sleep talker,” Buck muttered grumpily. He turned just enough to look at Eddie. “Why're you here?”

“To check on you.”

Buck folded himself back over the pillow, closing his eyes. “Told you I'm fine.”

“Yeah... don't really believe you, bud.” Eddie walked over to the other side of the bed so he could face Buck. Sunlight peeked through the curtains enough for Eddie to see that, surprisingly, Buck didn't look like he'd been crying.

He just looked tired. Staying in bed for two weeks could do that to a person.

“Come on, Buck,” Eddie said, “let's go out to the living room. Get you something to eat.”

“Already ate,” Buck mumbled into the pillow.

“When?”

Buck sighed. “What time is it?”

“Three o'clock in the afternoon.”

“What day is it?”

“Thursday.”

Reluctantly, Buck sat up in bed, sending a glare to Eddie. “I ate at one.”

Eddie crossed his arms. “On what day?”

God, Buck hated when he got all parental with him. Made him feel like a child. “Wednesday.”

“Up,” Eddie demanded, snapping his fingers. “Now.”

Buck was too tired to fight him. He knew the quicker he went along, ate whatever Eddie wanted him to eat, talked about whatever Eddie wanted him to talk about, he could get him out of his house.

He pulled the covers off of him and got out of bed, scooting his feet as he walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch.

Eddie couldn't help but noticed how much weight Buck had lost over the last couple of weeks. It made him feel awful for waiting so long to force himself into Buck's home. He was trying to be respectful. Trying to give Buck the space he kept requesting. He'd get those texts from Buck every time he knocked on the door, and he'd leave because he was asked to. That's what they'd all been doing. He knew now that was a mistake.

“I don't wanna eat much,” Buck said, staring straight ahead at the TV.

“I already ordered some wonton soup from China Wok. It'll be here in a minute.” Eddie sat on the other end of the couch. “Talk to me, Buck. Please.”

“About?”

“Anything.”

Buck's eyes scanned the living room. Dead flowers were scattered around, all sent somewhere between the day after Tommy's body was found up until a few days ago. Buck had managed to bring them into the house, just so no one called in a wellness check on him, but he didn't bother with keeping them alive.

What was the point? They'd die eventually anyway.

“I haven't dreamt since he... since they... you know.”

Eddie was thrown off guard by the admission, expecting it to be harder for Buck to confide in him. “None at all?”

He shook his head. “Nope. Used to. Used to have a lot of dreams. Not anymore.”

“Buck, I know what it's like to-”

“Don't,” Buck interrupted, looking at Eddie for the first time since they sat down. “Please, I- I've gotten so many 'I know what you're going through' texts from people and it doesn't help.”

Eddie nodded. “I understand.”

Buck turned his attention down to his hands, thumbs twiddling together nervously. “Can I- Can I tell you something really dumb?”

“Sure!” Eddie exclaimed, trying to lighten the mood a bit. “I love hearing dumb things.”

Buck managed a small smile. It faded faster than it had appeared. “I- Sometimes it doesn't feel, um, feel real to me. Like, I don't believe he's gone. That, um, that feeling that you get when someone has- when they've died. I- I don't have that.”

“Accepting it's happened is one of the hardest things to do, Buck. That's normal.”

“I haven't even cried,” Buck admitted. “Not since the day I was told he... he was gone.”

“That's normal too.”

Eddie didn't understand. Buck knew he wouldn't. “I don't know,” he breathed out, more to himself than to Eddie.

“Don't know what?”

The doorbell rang, pulling them out of their discussion. Buck was grateful. He didn't feel like talking anymore.

“Ready to eat?” Eddie asked, clapping his hands together as he got up and headed for the door.

“Mhm,” Buck lied. He leaned his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. He just needed to get through this meal, then Eddie would leave, and he could go back to bed.

He needed to get back to bed.

“It doesn't make any sense to me. At all.”

“You're not letting this go anytime soon, are you?”

“They didn't end up together in the end, Evan! Why'd they even say the movie was a romantic comedy? What's the point?”

Buck reached over and took Tommy's hand from where it rested on the center console. “I think they did it on purpose,” he surmised, “to spite you.”

“I agree, those bastards.”

“If it makes you feel any better,” Buck gave Tommy's hand a squeeze, “they are fictional, so you know, they didn't really mind that they weren't together in the end.”

“Hm.” Tommy thought for a moment before shaking his head. “No, that doesn't make me feel any better at all.”

Buck shrugged. “I tried.”

“They had everything planned, Evan,” Tommy said, continuing his rant. “They had their whole future planned and they threw it all away in the end? Ugh, I can't.”

“Maybe it was to show that she found herself, you know, without him. That's not a bad thing.”

“It's not a bad thing at all, if I'm properly warned that that's what the movie is going to be about. It is a bad thing when you call the movie a romantic comedy.”

“Is there someone we should be writing a strongly worded letter to?” Buck asked, a cheeky grin on his face.

Tommy shot a meaningless glare in his direction. “You joke now, but I wasn't the only one crying in the theater.”

“Who said I was joking?” Buck asked. “I- I love a strongly worded letter. We can whip out some paper and a pen the second we get home.”

Buck could feel Tommy's body start to relax. His face softened as he stole another glance at Buck before turning back to the road. “I love that you're my husband.”

Buck brought Tommy's hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. “I love that you're mine.”

Buck stared down at his wedding band. It had been a month now. A month since he'd last seen Tommy. A month and five days since their last date.

“Buck... Buck?”

Buck looked up to Hen watching him from across the truck. They were on their way to a call. Some small fire in the middle of nowhere with no people around. It'd be an easy call. Buck was grateful for that. This would be his fourth shift back at work, although it was his first full 24-hour one.

“Yeah?” he asked, ignoring the fact that Chimney and Eddie were giving him side glances as well.

“You good?”

He'd be angry at the question if anyone else had asked. He knew his temper was shorter than it ever used to be. Knew even the smallest things could set him off. He often had to force himself to stay calm. Take some deep breaths and count to ten before responding to someone.

He didn't have to do that with Hen though. Her voice was soothing to him. A calm against the stormy sea that was his mind.

Buck nodded. “I'm good.”

“You want in?”

He paused, dumbfounded. He had no idea what she was talking about. “In on what?”

“We're placing bets on what caused the fire,” Chimney explained. “I said kids smoking in the woods.”

“I'm going with the sun beating down on a glass bottle.” Eddie looked proud of his choice.

“Old fashioned illegal campfire for me.” Hen smiled softly at Buck. “You?”

“Oh, um, nah. I- I'm good.”

“Oh come on,” Eddie reached over and nudged Buck's knee. “Take a guess.”

Buck took a deep breath. Thought for a moment. “Fireworks, I- yeah. Fireworks.”

“In the middle of the day?” Chimney questioned.

Hen shrugged. “Wouldn't be the first time. Okay, Cap,” she said, fiddling with her headset, “what about you?”

Buck phased back out as Bobby made his guess. He tugged at his ring, twirling it around and around on his finger. He thought about the inscription on the inside. One Four Three. Had to force himself out of that memory before he could even start to get into it.

It all felt like too much. Too overwhelming. He needed to get himself together.

He sat up straight and cleared his throat.

He could do this. He could get through this shift. Get home. Get into bed. Stay there for forty-eight hours before he'd have to pretend again.

...He didn't even care that he won the bet.

“I've tried calling him like five times,” Buck said. He was sitting on the couch, his leg bouncing nervously up and down, Bobby and Athena sitting across from him. “I- I'm sorry about dinner, guys-”

“Don't even think about it,” Athena interrupted. “Bobby, you having any luck?”

Bobby shook his head. “I've texted him a few times but they're not going through.”

“Something's wrong. He wouldn't... Something's wrong. His location isn't on anymore either.”

“Okay.” Athena pulled out her phone. “Where did you say he was going?”

“Ralph's. He was just getting me some coconut cream for my recipe. I- I said I'd go but he insisted. That was over two hours ago. I, um, I should drive there and check.” He went to get up but Athena held out a hand to stop him.

“I'll go,” she said. “You and Bobby stay. Let me know if he shows up. I've got my badge and everything out in the car, so I can ask around at the store if I can't find him. His phone probably died and they were out of the right stuff at Ralph's, so he went somewhere else.”

“Yeah. Yeah, maybe,” Buck replied, but he could see the look Athena gave Bobby out of the corner of his eye.

He knew nothing in his life was ever that simple.

He stumbled upon the video by accident. He was looking for a picture of a recipe that Maddie had asked for when his finger hit the wrong thumbnail and the video began to play.

It was one he took without Tommy knowing. A rare rainy day in Los Angeles gave them the opportunity to relax at home instead of run errands or make plans.

Buck was splayed out on the couch, head on the armrest and his legs on Tommy's lap. Tommy had a crossword over Buck's legs, staring at it with an intensity usually reserved for flying into dangerous situations.

“If twenty-one across is evergreen, then eighteen down can't be carpet.”

“I thought you said eighteen down had to be carpet?” Buck asked off camera.

“It does, Evan,” Tommy placed the pen between his teeth. “It really does.”

“Then evergreen is wrong.”

Tommy shook his head. “Nope. It's gotta be evergreen.”

“We've been going over this for almost an hour now, Tommy,” Buck said, huffing out a laugh. “Give it up.”

“I've never been this close to finishing a Sunday crossword!” Tommy whined, the smile on his face betraying the seriousness of his voice. “If I give up now, I'll never forgive myself.”

“If you give up now I'll let you blow me as a consolation prize,” Buck offered cheekily.

Tommy gasped, glancing at Buck with a look of betrayal. “Sabotage!” he exclaimed. “I have to finish this, babe, or my name isn't Thomas Andrew Kinard!”

“Your name isn't Thomas Andrew Kinard,” Buck replied, the video shaking with his laughter. “It's Buckley-Kinard.”

Tommy froze. He clicked his pen closed and tossed it, along with the paper, on the coffee table. He turned to Evan, his eyes darkening, “About that consolation prize?”

Buck found himself smiling as the video ended. He'd taken it only three weeks after their wedding. The video wasn't even old, but it felt like a lifetime ago.

Suddenly, the living room felt cold. Buck's spot on the couch now uncomfortable. The silence a stark contrast to all the life in that memory. For two months now he'd had nothing but silence in his home, besides the far too occasional visits from his friends and family. It wasn't the same though. It wasn't the same as having Tommy.

The smile on Buck's face faded. He got up and headed to the bedroom to lie down.

Maddie would have to get that recipe another day.

“We're all set to clear out here,” Bobby said over the radio. “Great work everyone.”

The call had been a big one. A four alarm fire that required the assistance of multiple stations.

“This is Firefighter Pilot Kinard of Harbor Station for Firefighter Buckley of 118, over,” Tommy's voice came over the radio. He had been providing assistance from the chopper, now hovering above them as he set to head back.

Buck glanced around at the rest of the 118, all stopping what they were doing to watch him and listen in. “Go for Buckley.”

“Looking for confirmation on a code one-four-three.”

“One-four-three confirmed and returned.”

“Excellent. Returning to Harbor Station.”

“What the hell is a one-four-three?” Chimney asked once the sounds from the chopper were off in the distance.

Eddie rolled his eyes. “It's their way of saying 'I love you' after a big call.”

Buck smiled. “We usually text it to each other,” he explained, a blush rising on his cheeks, “just to let the other know we're alright. Guess he couldn't get to his phone.”

Hen put a hand to her stomach. “That's so preciously sickening I might throw up.”

“Okay, okay, come on guys,” Bobby said, waving the group toward the truck, “give Buck a break-”

“Thank you, Cap.”

“-for now. We can make fun of him on the way back to the station.”

“Hey!”

It was the longest, most grueling shift Buck had had since he could remember. He had only managed a couple hours of sleep, and that was often in fifteen minute increments. The worst part was the majority of calls were from people being stupid. Accidents that could have been prevented had a single person with half a brain been anywhere around.

All Buck wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep.

Which is why he was not so pleasantly surprised when he pulled up to Maddie's car in his driveway.

She greeted him at the door with a hug, and he faked a smile as he hugged back. “Why're you here?” he asked, trying to sound polite.

“Well, you've been working so hard lately, I figured I'd come over and help with the housecleaning.”

“Oh, uh, um, thanks.” The overwhelming smell of cleaning supplies made him feel a bit lightheaded as he walked further into the house, dropping his duffel on the dining room table. “It looks great in here.”

That wasn't a lie. She had made the place spotless. He wasn't a messy person himself but he couldn't deny he'd let certain things, like mopping and dusting, go over the past few months.

“It's the least I could do,” she replied. “I won't stay long, Howie texted me about how busy you guys were. Needed an excuse to see you though. It's... It's been a while.”

Two and a half weeks, to be exact. No fault of Maddie's either. She'd make plans with him, and he'd cancel last minute.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, running a hand through his hair. “I've been, uh, trying to get things back in order. I'm just- I'm still kind of...”

“It's okay,” she assured him. “Really. I understand.”

“Let me, um, let me go put my jacket up,” he said, tugging at it, “and we'll talk for a little bit before you go.” He didn't want to. No desire for small talk, or talk of any kind, but he couldn't kick her out of the house after all she'd done for him.

She smiled. “Okay. That sounds good.”

He headed to his bedroom, but stopped dead in his tracks when he reached the doorway.

“Did you... Did you wash my sheets?”

“I did,” Maddie replied, coming up behind him. Her voice was far too nonchalant for the blinding rage that was slowly seeping up inside him.

“All of them? Like, the pillowcases too?”

“Uh, yeah? Why would I only wash some of your sheets, Buck?”

Buck hurried over to the far side of the bed, throwing the comforter and sheets back to get to Tommy's pillow.

He didn't care if he looked like a crazy person. He brought the pillow up to his face and took a deep breath in.

It smelled like Gain.

It made him want to throw up.

“Buck, what's wrong?” She was clearly worried, standing uncomfortably in the doorway.

“I didn't ask you to do this, Maddie,” he said angrily, tossing the pillow back on the bed. “I- I didn't ask you to do any of this.”

“I know. I just wanted to help. Buck, I'm sorry if I-”

“I need you to leave.”

“Buck-”

“Leave!”

She stood firmly in place. “I'm not leaving until you tell me what I did wrong.”

“I- I, everyone keeps trying to help me,” he huffed, “and I don't want it! I don't want Eddie coming over for dinner! I don't want Hen taking me out for drinks! I don't want Chimney taking me to a movie! I don't want Bobby texting me every damn day! And I don't want you to be my maid!”

“We're just trying to help you, Evan-”

“Don't call me that!” He spewed.

He was breathing heavily. The stinging in his eyes surprised him. It'd been so long since he had last cried. He didn't particularly feel like crying right now, but apparently his body did. He groaned, sitting down on Tommy's side of the bed and staring out the window. He brought Tommy's pillow to his chest, and began to sob.

Maddie was by his side in seconds, wrapping her arms around him and enveloping him in a hug. 'I'm so sorry, Buck. I'm so sorry.” She was crying too. Buck could feel her tears wetting his shirt. He wasn't even sure why she was apologizing. She didn't have anything to be sorry for. If anything, he should be apologizing for snapping at her so harshly.

If he could speak, he would have told her as much. Would have told her that his head was a jumbled mess that he couldn't seem to clear. That nothing about this felt real. That he felt like Tommy was still there, somewhere, with them.

That it'd been four months since he'd had a dream. How he missed dreaming. They were always so vivid, him and Tommy, living their lives together.

Now, there was just darkness. An endless abyss of black every time he closed his eyes.

He'd tell her how his memories haunted him. The dreams may not exist, but the memories would appear out of nowhere at the worst times. They'd plague him. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't escape them.

He wasn't sure how much time passed before he was able to find his voice. Before he was able to bring himself out of Maddie's embrace. He kept a tight hold on the pillow, fingers messing with a pulled thread at the edge. “It s- smelled like him,” he said, his lip still trembling. “I'd... I'd wash everything else but, um, I- I couldn't wash this.”

“Oh, Buck, I'm so sorry. I didn't-”

“I know. It's okay. I- I know you were trying to help. It's okay.”

“Do you still have some of his cologne?”

Buck nodded and Maddie got up to go into the bathroom.

“Where?” she asked.

“Far sink, open the cabinet, black bottle.”

She returned a few seconds later with a bottle in hand, held out for Buck to see. “This one?”

“Mhm.”

“Want me to spray it?”

He laid the pillow out flat and Maddie sprayed it a couple of times.

“I really miss him, Maddie,” Buck admitted quietly, inhaling the scent of his cologne as it passed through the air.

“I know, Buck. I know.”

“Bobby, it's been twenty-four hours of nothing. I'm freaking out.”

Bobby hadn't left Buck since he'd arrived the day before. Athena had worked all night putting out alerts for Tommy and his vehicle, but hadn't gotten anywhere.

He and Buck had left two different times to go driving around. The rest of the 118 had gone searching as well, going to places he frequented, driving down any and every back road they could find.

Nothing.

Now, back at the house to rest for a minute, and make sure Tommy hadn't come back home, Buck was in a full blown panic.

“I know, Buck, but we're all doing everything we can,” Bobby replied, leading Buck to the couch. “Athena's got officers searching the whole city for his car. He'll be found.”

“But what if-”

“No,” Bobby sat on the edge of the coffee table so he could face Buck, “you're not gonna think like that, Buck.”

“Bobby,” his voice was pleading and his eyes red. “You know s- something's wrong. H- He wouldn't do this. You know that.”

Bobby sighed. He opened his mouth to speak, unsure of what he could even say, when the doorbell rang.

Buck's heart started pounding right away. Athena wouldn't ring the doorbell. She'd knock. So would anyone from the 118, except Eddie. Eddie would come right on in.

He was shaking as he got up and walked to the door, Bobby close behind him.

“Detective John Farrow,” a man introduced the second Buck opened the door. “Are you Evan Buckley-Kinard?”

Buck nodded. “I- Yes. I- I am.”

“Mr. Buckley-Kinard, I'm sorry to inform you...”

The sound of the detective's voice was replaced by a ringing in Buck's ears. He felt dizzy. His vision blurred. The last thing he remembered was Bobby catching him as he fell.

Agreeing to lunch at Maddie's with his parents was a mistake. He knew that from the moment he said yes. He'd been working on controlling his temper. Not overreacting at the small things.

There was still more work to be done.

“So,” Margaret began, everyone settled at the table. Maddie looked up to see her eyes on Buck. The look Margaret was giving him already made her want to scream. “There's really no easy way to say this, Evan-”

“Then maybe you shouldn't say it,” Maddie suggested. Chimney placed a hand on her back, rubbing gently to try and ease the tension.

Buck remained quiet, eyes directed toward his mother with an unreadable expression on his face.

“I'm simply asking,” Margaret continued, “if you've, you know, gotten back out there any?”

“Margaret,” Phillip warned under his breath. Maddie knew that if their dad wasn't even on their mom's side, this was never going to end civilly.

Maddie swore Buck's eyes went dark. “Buck-” Maddie started, but he cut her off.

“You're not seriously asking me if I'm dating six months after my husband died, are you, Mom?”

“Not dating, but getting back out into the world. I- I've heard so much about you staying holed up in your house, only leaving to go to work, and that worries me, Evan.”

“Stop calling me, Evan,” Buck demanded.

Margaret raised her hands in surrender. “I'm sorry,” she said, and she meant it. The name sometimes slipped out without her realizing it. She had been warned that the name triggered Buck in a way it never had before. Even though others had used it on occasion before, Evan had become Tommy's name for him. And with him gone, Buck didn't want to hear it from anyone. “I'm sorry, Buck. I just don't want to see you wasting away. It's hard for a mother to see her child suffer like this.”

“Were you over Daniel's death in six months?” Buck asked bitterly. “Were you back out there? Cause I seem to remember it being about thirty years before you even mentioned his name. And you only did that once Maddie told me about him.”

Tears filled Maddie's eyes. “Buck,” she spoke softly. She desperately wanted this conversation to end.

“That's not fair, Buck,” Margaret answered, her voice shaking. “Daniel was my child.”

“And Tommy was my husband!” Buck slammed his napkin on the table, rising to his feet. “We had planned a future together! We were saving up for a house, we were planning on having kids, we talked about what we'd do when we retired! Hell, we planned weekly grocery shopping trips together! All these things got ripped out from under me, and I'm supposed to just get back out there? Are you crazy?”

“Hey,” Phillip stood across from him, “that's too far. Your mother wasn't trying to be malicious.”

Buck shook his head, then began to head for the door. “This was a mistake. I- I'm gonna go.”

“Buck, wait-” Maddie went to get up, but Chimney placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Let me,” he said, walking out after Buck.

“Wait a minute, Buck!” Chimney jogged a few steps to catch up to him.

Buck stopped at his Jeep, hand on the door handle. “I'm not going back in.”

“Wasn't gonna ask you to. Just want to make sure you're okay.”

Buck let out a humorless laugh, turning back to Chimney. “Well, apparently I only stay holed up in my house except to go to work, so you tell me if I'm okay.”

“Maddie didn't say it like that to them, Buck, please don't be mad at her. She's worried about you. We all are.”

Buck scoffed. “Just leave me alone for tonight,” he said, getting into his Jeep. “I'll see you at work on Friday.”

“He flashed the ring three times today,” Eddie said, scooting back into the bench. After work they'd all met Tommy at the bar for a few drinks before heading home.

“Four,” Hen corrected.

“Nope.” Chimney took a sip of his beer. “Five.”

Tommy grinned at Buck. “Really? Five times? Can't say I blame them, I do have a hot fiancé.”

“Oh, my guy was not flirting,” Chimney stated. “Buck asked him if he liked the way the ring shimmered in the sunlight.”

“Mhm,” Hen agreed. “My girl wasn't flirting either. Buck noticed she had an ultrasonic ring cleaner in her bathroom and asked if she was happy with her purchase because, and I quote, 'I just got engaged and I want to make sure my ring stays perfect forever.'”

“Okay, guys,” Buck said with a groan, “we get it. I'm lame.”

“I don't think it's lame.” Tommy rested his hand on Buck's knee. “I think it's adorable. I love that you're excited to get married.”

A blush rose on Buck's cheeks. “I am excited,” he agreed, leaning in for a kiss. “Very excited.”

“Before this gets pg-13,” Eddie interrupted, “the two men I had were definitely flirting, but they both got the hint after the first 'fiancé' was thrown out there. Buck threw in two more for good measure. The other person- not flirting.”

“What about you?” Hen asked Tommy. “Did you get any offers you had to turn down today?”

“Well, I was thousands of feet in the air for both of the calls I went on, so any prospects would have had to look at me through some really good binoculars and then steal a radio to tell me they were into me, so no. No offers.”

“The guy in the bathroom definitely flirted with you like ten minutes ago, Dude,” Eddie said with a laugh.

“What?” Tommy asked incredulously. “No he didn't.”

“He for sure did. Man was jacked and he was asking for your workout routine.”

“He said he wanted to switch things up!” Tommy exclaimed.

Eddie snorted. “Oh, he definitely wanted to switch things up.”

“What? Who is this man?” Buck eyes darted around the bar. “Where is he?”

“Don't worry about it Buck,” Eddie reassured him. “Tommy didn't even realize it. Gave the guy a five minute rundown of how he gets the perfect squat. Your man only has eyes for you.”

Buck settled back into his seat, leaning into Tommy's side as Tommy pulled him closer and pressed a kiss to his temple. “That's true,” he whispered into Buck's ear.

Buck rested his head on Tommy's shoulder, ignoring the teasing gag sounds that came from the others around them.

If it were possible, he'd stay like this forever.

He should have expected this.

It should have happened sooner, if he were being honest.

He was lucky to go seven months without a call that hit too close to home.

There had been a hit and run. The car that was hit had flipped twice, landed right side up, and immediately burst into flames.

The man in the driver's seat never stood a chance.

Buck was okay while they hurried to get out the flames. He'd ignored the glances from the rest of the team, ignored Bobby's suggestion to stay by the engine, ignored the thoughts in the back of his head telling him to sit this one out.

It wasn't until the fire was out and he saw the man's body, burnt so severely he looked more like a halloween decoration than a human, that Buck lost it.

No matter how much he wanted to look away, his eyes were fixed on the body. His heart rate was speeding up quickly, each breath short and sharp and painful.

He hadn't even realized that tears were falling down his face. Or that he was letting out little noises similar to a dog's whine. He had his helmet in his hand, shaking so much it was vibrating against his leg.

Buck didn't even notice the bystanders watching him, some of them whispering, others pulling out their phones.

It felt like hours, but Bobby was in front of him within seconds. “We're gonna walk away, Buck,” he said calmly but firmly, planting a hand on his shoulder. “We're gonna walk away and go sit behind the engine. Come on.”

Buck let Bobby guide him to a quite spot behind the fire truck, sitting on the curb. Bobby took his helmet from him and tossed it somewhere, then sat down beside him.

“I'm sorry,” Buck breathed out, wiping over his face with his hand.

“You don't ever have to apologize for being human, Buck.”

“I don't know how to do this,” he confessed through sobs. “I don't- I don't know how to keep g- going.”

“The path through grief isn't linear,” Bobby explained. “Hell, it's not really much of a path you get through at all. More like a loop.”

“So this is... This is m- my forever?” He asked, voice rising in despair.

“No. Not exactly. You do learn how to manage it better over time, but it takes time, Buck. And it takes letting the people around you help you, instead of pushing them away.”

“I don't mean to,” Buck said as he began to calm down. “It just takes so much energy. Everything is exhausting. Talking to people is- is so exhausting.”

“I know. Buck, you've seen grief. It's been around you since you were a baby. I'm not saying there's any right or wrong way to grieve, but I think you know how dangerous it is to lose yourself in it.” Bobby put his arm around him, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “No one expects you to be exactly who you were before you lost Tommy. I'll never be the same person I was, Eddie won't be the same person he was, Chimney won't be who he was before losing his brother, I could go on and on. But we- I need you to realize you're still here, you're still breathing, and Tommy wouldn't want you to disappear.”

Buck nodded, a new wave of tears taking over him.

Bobby pulled him close and let him cry.

“How many kids do you want?”

Buck and Tommy were sat on the front porch steps watching the sunset behind the trees across the street.

“Uh,” Tommy paused, caught off guard. “I don't know. Haven't really thought about it.”

Buck shrugged. “We've talked about wanting kids, but we've never talked about how many we want.”

“Hm. Two sounds nice. Kinda close together so they can grow up with each other. You?”

“Two's good,” he agreed. “But we'd need a bigger house.”

“Oh, for sure. This one barely fits the two of us.”

“And I'd like for us to be married a while first. Settled, you know?”

Tommy raised his eyebrows. “You proposing?”

“Ha! Like this? No.” Buck took Tommy's hand in his and they settled into a comfortable silence. After a couple minutes, Buck squeezed Tommy's hand to get his attention. “I have, um, I've been thinking about it though. Um, about proposing,” he said, staring deep into Tommy's eyes to see what kind of response he'd get. When Tommy appeared surprised, Buck panicked a bit. “Is that, um, is- is that weird? To be thinking about it so soon?”

“What? Oh, God, no, Evan. I,” he laughed, “I've actually been thinking about it too. For a while now.”

Buck looked as shocked as the night Tommy first kissed him. “Really?”

“Really. I've been googling rings, looking for the perfect one. Kept trying to talk myself out of it because I wasn't sure if you'd think it was too fast but-”

Tommy's words were cut off by Buck's mouth on his, so forceful it nearly toppled them both over.

“Oh! Mmm,” Tommy moaned into the kiss, resting his hand at the base of Buck's neck.

“Yes,” Buck said, dazed as he pulled back far enough to speak.

“What?”

“Yes.”

“Bu- Evan, I didn't ask yet. Not the- I don't have a ring.”

“I don't care, Tommy. Yes. I'm saying yes. Yes?”

It took Tommy's mouth a second to catch up with his brain, but once it did he was nodding, his eyes filling with tears. “Yes. Of course, yes,” he replied, both of them laughing giddily before crashing their lips back together.

Everyone except for Hen was upstairs relaxing between calls. Bobby and Buck were at the table, planning out next week's meals. Eddie was fixing himself a cup of coffee. Chimney was on the couch, reading a book.

“We're all going out for beers after our shift,” Eddie said, glancing at Buck. “You in?”

Buck nodded. “Yeah, I'm in.”

He'd been trying lately. Trying to do things other than work and sleep. He'd gone to the zoo with Jee a couple times over the past month. He'd gone to Bobby's for dinner. Watched a game at Eddie's place. Met Maddie and Chimney for brunch. He'd even gone over to Hen's one night when she was home alone and they'd gotten hammered while discussing their various traumas.

Every one of these occasions had ended with him in his car, or a cab, sobbing uncontrollably.

But he was trying.

Hen walked up the stairs, a worried expression on her face. “What's up with you?” Chimney asked, first to notice.

“Uh... Buck?”

“Yeah?”

“There's a... a secret service agent here for you.”

All eyes were on her now.

A... a what?”

Before Hen could get in another word, a man in a suit walked up behind her.

Buck stood, recognizing the man right away. It was the same man who had come to his door to let him know about Tommy. His heart sunk. How could this possibly get worse?

“Detective Farrow?”

“Mr. Buckley-Kinard,” he greeted. “It's actually Special Agent Farrow, but you can all me John.”

“I- I don't-”

“I know this is a bit odd,” he continued, “and was not something I actually wanted to do. I was going to hold off until you were home, but he refused to wait another minute.”

“I- what are you talking about? Who?”

The sound of footsteps coming up the stairs interrupted whatever John was about to reply.

Suddenly there was a very familiar, very alive Tommy standing in front of them, smiling brightly at the sight of Buck. “Hi, Evan.”

“Holy shit.” The words escaped Chimney's mouth without him realizing.

Hen followed right after with an, “Oh my God.”

Eddie felt his coffee cup slip from his hand and shatter against the countertop. No one even noticed.

Bobby was standing right beside Buck, thankfully, because he had to quickly reach out and grab onto him before he fell to the ground. He managed to whip a chair around and get Buck seated as he stared, mouth agape, at his husband.

His alive husband.

His breathing husband.

His not-buried-in-the-cemetery husband.

“Evan,” Tommy stepped forward, but Buck held his arm out to stop him.

“What the hell is going on?”

Tommy was confused. Buck sounded angry, and scared. He looked around at all the other faces staring back at him. “Why... Why do you all look like you've seen a ghost?” he asked.

Chimney walked up to Tommy, poking him on the shoulder. “Because you're dead. At least, you're supposed to be.”

Tommy raised his eyebrows. “I'm what?” He turned to John. “Why would they think that?”

John cleared his throat, eyes gazing downward. “There's a lot we need to discuss, Mr. Buckley-Kinard.”

“Why would they think I was dead?” Tommy repeated, angry now.

“Because that's what we were told,” Hen answered.

Tommy stepped closer to John. “You told them I was dead?”

“We couldn't risk anyone knowing-”

“You told my husband I was dead?!”

“-that you were alive. It would have put everyone-”

“And you lied to me to keep me there?!”

“-in danger. It was easier this way.”

“That was not the deal!”

“Everyone shut up!” Buck's voice rang out over the station. He got out of his seat, Bobby keeping a hand near his back until he was sure Buck was steady.

Buck cautiously moved toward Tommy, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “You- You're really here?”

All of the anger Tommy had for John fell away as he looked into Buck's eyes. He nodded. “I'm here. I'm so sorry, Buck, I didn't-”

Buck shook his head, “I- I don't care right now.” He brought a hand up to Tommy's chest. Felt the thump-thump-thump of his heart. The firmness of his chest. He felt up until he reached Tommy's collarbone, poking ever so slightly out from his shirt. Felt the warmth of his skin. The slight dip that led up to his neck that Buck always loved to linger on when they were alone in bed. He felt the roughness of a two day old beard as he felt up his neck and toward his jawbone. “My God.” The words were hushed, breathed out through trembling lips and red-rimmed eyes. He pressed their lips together so quickly, so urgently, that Tommy didn't even have time to register it. He moaned into the kiss, finally reaching out and wrapping his arms around Buck's waist, finding their home at the base of his back.

“Let's give them a minute,” Bobby said, gesturing for everyone to head downstairs.

“I need to brief them,” John replied, earning him a glare from everyone else in the room.

“We're giving them a minute,” Bobby demanded.

John didn't try to protest any further. He simply followed the others downstairs, allowing Buck and Tommy time to reconnect.

“I didn't know,” Tommy began, he and Buck seated on the couch. “I was never told that you thought I was dead.”

“I am so confused, Tommy, I don't... I'm not even sure if this is real, to be honest. Am I dreaming? I haven't... I haven't had a dream since you died. Is that what this is?”

Tommy shook his head. “It's not a dream, Evan.”

“Then what the hell happened?” Buck asked, going from anxious to frustrated, “Cause I'm kinda pissed.”

Tommy scooted closer to Buck, cautiously holding out his hands for Buck to take. There was hesitation, but Buck gave in.

“The night I went to the grocery store, I saw something. I, it was a murder.”

Buck's eyes widened. “A what?”

“Yeah, I know. When I was leaving the store, I went out the back way to avoid all the traffic at the main entrance. It was getting dark, and when I passed by the dumpsters out back I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I- this guy had shot another man. I got a good look at him, and he got a good look at me too, but he ran. I got out of the car, called 911, and tried to help the other guy, but he was dead.”

“I... My brain feels like it's about to explode, Tommy. I don't understand how this leads to me planning your funeral.”

Tears came to Tommy's eyes at the thought. He continued, “The police came first, and they were asking for descriptions and any information I had. Then, the FBI shows up, and the CIA, and suddenly I'm surrounded by agents from every agency that goes by initials. This guy, whoever I saw, was apparently a hitman. A good one. Like, ties to Russia and shit. Anyway, I'm being tossed into a van and told my life's in danger because this guy saw me.”

“This sounds like a really bad cop thriller, Tommy.”

Tommy let out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, I know, believe me. But these agents are telling me that I need protection, this man has killed for less before, blah blah blah. They said he'd killed an entire family because the mom had witnessed one of his hits.”

Buck scoffed. “Apparently he's not that good if he keeps getting caught.”

“Evan,” Tommy said, eyes pleading, “they showed me crime scene pictures of what this man had done. Told me he'd do the same to you if I went home. It was... It was horrific.”

“They wouldn't even let you call me? Tell me you were okay? I was- I went through hell these past eight months.”

“They took my phone, said anything electronic was a risk. Said if I declined protection, if I went home to you, I was basically signing your death certificate. But I told them- I told them that I had to let you know something and they said to write you a letter. I wrote one every week. They said they'd deliver it to you.”

“They did not deliver any letters.”

“Yeah, I'm getting that now. Evan, I swear I had no idea they were going to tell you I was dead. No idea.” Tommy clung onto Buck's hands tighter, and Buck couldn't ignore the pang in his chest at having Tommy in front of him. Alive. With him. Beside him. Holding him.

“I believe you.” He was being honest. He did believe Tommy. He knew Tommy would do anything to keep him safe. He also knew Tommy would never agree to making Buck feel the way he had felt for the last eight months. “I am just... I am so confused right now. This all sounds so crazy and over- overwhelming, Tommy. And I really wanna punch that John guy, whoever the fuck he is. And I want-” he cleared his throat, eyes red with unshed tears. “I wanna go home, Tommy.”

Unable to hold himself back any longer, he leaned into Tommy. They met each other halfway, their foreheads pressed together. Buck reached up and cupped Tommy's cheeks, brushing his thumbs against the rough stubble. They closed their eyes and breathed each other in. Buck whispered, “Can we go home?”

John wanted to sit with them and go over everything before they left, but the boiling over rage from the both of them was evident, so he made a plan to speak with them the next day.

After brief hugs and hello's, along with endless apologies to everyone at the 118, Tommy and Buck left.

The ride home was oddly, but comfortably, quiet. Neither were totally sure what to say. Tommy had basically been a prisoner in a safe house for eight months until the FBI found this hitman. Buck had been living in a prison of his own, thinking the love of his life had been burned and buried.

“Home sweet home,” Buck said as they pulled into the driveway. He let go of Tommy's hand long enough for them to get out of the car.

They were interlaced once again as soon as Tommy walked around the Jeep.

Buck needed the touch. Needed to stay connected to Tommy somehow, so he didn't wake up from whatever dream he was in. If this wasn't reality, he wanted to stay wherever it was for the rest of his life.

They walked into the house slowly, Buck a step ahead of Tommy, leading the way.

Once the door was shut behind them, Tommy began looking around.

Everything was... the same. Besides a few of his houseplants being gone, but they never stood a chance in the first place.

Tommy stepped in front of Buck, gave his hand a squeeze before letting go, and continued further into the house.

Buck's body ached at the loss of Tommy's touch, but he let him go. Knew this was overwhelming for him too.

“You kept all my stuff,” Tommy noted, moving into the living room.

“Of course I did.”

“Even though you thought I was-”

“A part of me didn't believe it. I kept telling people that something felt wrong. Everyone said I was in denial; that I'd move on when I was ready.”

“God, this is so fucked up.” Tommy turned to face Buck. The space between them felt as though they might as well be a thousand miles apart. “It's okay if you're mad,” he said. “I understand.”

“I- I am mad,” Buck admitted. He moved closer to Tommy. Everything still felt so surreal. He wasn't even sure if this was actually happening right now. “I don't think I'm mad at you though. I- I'm mad at them.”

“Who?”

There were so many to choose from. “Everyone who took you away from me.”

Tommy nodded. “I'm mad at them too. They wasted eight damn months of my life. Our life.”

Buck cleared any remaining distance between them. He brought his hands to Tommy's waist slowly, dragging his hands up and down his sides, feeling the defined muscles that rested just beneath his shirt.

Tommy sunk into the touch. He watched Buck as he stared at his body. Looked over every inch of him to make sure Tommy wasn't a figment of his imagination.

Tommy brought a hand to Buck's chin, gently tilting his head up until their eyes met. “Can I kiss you?” he asked softly.

Buck sucked in a breath. “Please.”

Tommy brought their lips together gently, both of their bodies shaking with the need to be closer. Feel more.

Buck fisted Tommy's shirt in his hands, pushed their bodies as close as they could go with how they were standing.

Tommy brought his hands to the nape of Buck's neck as the kiss deepened. Their tongues met with a moan, teeth clashing together before Buck pulled back just far enough speak against Tommy's lips. “I don't want to be mad right now,” he whispered like a secret.

Tommy kissed him again. “What do you want?” he asked.

Buck slowly raised Tommy's shirt, just enough to get his hands underneath. He scratched his fingernails down Tommy's abs, causing Tommy to suck in a sharp breath. Chills covered his body.

Buck kissed Tommy's lips, then his cheek, this nipped at his jawline until he reached his ear. “I wanna to fuck you,” he answered.

They clumsily stumbled into the bedroom, stripping themselves of their clothes before falling onto the bed. “You've been working out a lot,” Buck noted between kisses, hands roaming over Tommy's body.

Tommy pressed himself against Buck, their cocks rubbing together, eliciting a groan from them both.

“There was quite literally nothing else to do,” Tommy replied.

Their bodies moved together so perfectly. Just like always. Like they had never been apart at all.

Tommy sucked on Buck's bottom lip, listening to the stunted gasps that escaped him with every thrust.

“You're so fucking beautiful,” Tommy said breathlessly. He bit at a spot on Buck's neck, Buck's hands tangling in Tommy's hair and tugging firmly.

“Tom- Tommy,” he whimpered out. “You gotta. I wanna- You gotta stop,” he managed to get out.

Tommy whined, but stopped his movements. The sound earned him a laugh from Buck. He caressed Tommy's cheek until he looked at him. “Wanna fuck you, remember? Not gonna last long if- if you keep going.”

Tommy nodded. He was seconds away from coming himself. It was easy to get lost in the feeling with Buck. Easy to lose control.

With one swift movement, Buck flipped them so he was on top. He may not have been working out as much as Tommy over the last few months, but he did have a lot of sessions with a punching bag recently, and right now he felt ready to take on the world.

Buck ran his hand over Tommy's chest, let his fingernails drag over his nipple, Tommy arching into the touch. He felt over every ab, traced Tommy's scar, moved down to his stomach. It was all so torturously slow, but so fucking wonderful.

He kissed his way down Tommy's body, stopping at his cock. He stared up at Tommy with heavy lidded eyes as he spit, letting the drool drip down from his mouth onto the head of Tommy's dick. “The first time I touched myself,” Buck said, finally taking Tommy's cock in his hand, dragging his hand up and down leisurely as Tommy's eyes fluttered shut, “after... you know.”

“Mhm.” Tommy managed to open his eyes again, trying to focus on Buck and his words instead of the warm, wet hand gliding over him.

“I had to stop. I tried to- to touch myself the way you always touched me, but I- I couldn't do it.”

“Oh God, Evan.” Tommy fucked himself into Buck's tight fist. He brought their lips together sloppily. “Wanna touch you like that again.”

Buck nodded. “You will,” he promised. “But not right now. Right now I need to be in you.”

“Please.”

Buck let go of Tommy long enough to reach into the bedside table and grab the lube. He put some on, Tommy spreading his legs as Buck reached down and slowly began inserting his finger.

“Ah,” Tommy gasped. He reached up and pulled Buck down for another kiss as Buck slowly pumped his finger in and out.

“You're so tight,” Buck panted into Tommy's mouth.

“Been a while.” Tommy began to grind down against Buck's finger, moaning loudly when it hit the perfect spot.

“Shit,” Buck whined. “You haven't... You didn't?”

“A finger or two.” Tommy planted his feet on the bed, getting better leverage to work himself up and down on Buck. “A- Another, Evan, please.”

Buck obliged, adding another finger along the first, eliciting a string of curses from Tommy.

“Fuck, fuck, fucking shit! It was never the same,” he added quickly, going back to the conversation. “Didn't- God, didn't feel like this. Evan, more!”

Buck silenced a moan with his mouth as he added a third finger, grinding his cock against Tommy's thigh. He knew he wasn't gonna last long. Knew Tommy wouldn't either. It didn't matter though. They had plenty of time to make up for what was lost.

“I- I'm ready. Just... I need-”

“I know.” Another kiss and Buck slipped his fingers out of Tommy. Tommy grabbed the lube from the side of the bed and tossed it in Buck's direction, getting a laugh out of him.

Soon enough, Buck had Tommy's legs on his shoulders and his cock was slowly, slowly, so fucking slowly, entering Tommy.

They stared into each others eyes, Tommy slack-jawed with tiny, breathy grunts escaping him every time Buck inched closer.

After what felt like an eternity, Buck bottomed out. He stilled, breathing heavily. “I gotta. Just. I need a second.”

“S'okay.” Tommy reached out and grabbed for Buck's hands, which were currently gripping Tommy's thighs. “S'okay,” he repeated.

A few seconds later, Buck began to move.

Slowly at first, letting Tommy get used to the feeling again. Hell, letting him get used to the feeling again.

“Ev- ah- Evan?”

“Yeah?”

“I- ah- I. I need-”

“What? What do- do you need?”

“Oh shit!" Tommy yelled as Buck snapped his hips forward. "Fuck me, Evan!”

That was all Buck needed to hear. He pushed himself up slightly, to get a better position, and began moving faster, faster, faster, harder, harder, harder. Each thrust pulled a new sound out of Tommy. Low, guttural groans.

The sound of their skin slapping together, the feeling of the sweat covering their bodies, the heat between them, the desperation over all they thought they'd lost.

It was too much.

“Evan, I- I'm gonna come.” He'd never been able to come untouched before. Always needed a hand on his cock to get there. Not this time though. He came with a sound so loud, Buck was sure the neighbors at the other end of the street could hear.

Tommy's legs dropped off of Buck's shoulders, but he quickly wrapped them around his back to make sure he didn't go anywhere.

“Tommy,” Buck gasped, each movement now with far less rhythm. “Tommy, i- is this real?”

Tommy pulled Buck closer, his fingernails digging into Buck's back. He moaned as Buck drove in deeper. “It's- I'm real,” he managed to breathe out. “I'm here, Evan.”

Buck groaned loudly, mouth pressed close to Tommy's ear, coming deep inside him. After a couple lighter, gentler thrusts, Buck stopped. He practically dropped all his body weight on top of Tommy. Tommy kept his legs wrapped tightly around him. Neither could seem to let the other go just yet.

Buck hid his head into Tommy's neck. “I missed you so much,” he whimpered out, both men trying to catch their breath. Tommy could feel the wetness of Buck's tears on his neck. “God, I- I missed you.”

Tommy brought his hands to Buck's head, carding his fingers through his hair. “I missed you every damn second of every damn day,” he replied.

After they cleaned up, Buck curled back into Tommy, intertwining their bodies at every point he could manage. Tommy wrapped Buck into his arms, and Buck laid his head on Tommy's chest. They laid in silence for a while, allowing themselves to feel and be felt for the first time in so long.

Buck was the first to break the silence, letting the words fall out like a secret admission. “John came to the house the day after you went missing. They... They said your car had been in an accident. That you, um, that it had caught on fire w- with you inside.”

Tommy's body stiffened underneath him. “Baby, if... if I'd known-”

“I know,” Buck assured him. He ran his hand up and down over Tommy's chest until he relaxed again. “I know it wasn't you.”

“I'm gonna ask John if he still has my letters,” Tommy said.

“You really wrote me letters?” Buck asked, stealing a glance up at Tommy.

“Mhm. I'm sure they all thought I was an absolute idiot, especially seeing as it was all a lie, but yeah, every week.”

Buck pressed a kiss to Tommy's pec before lying back down. “I hope they exist somewhere. I'd love to read them.”

“They were really fucking depressing. Turns out I don't handle being without you very well.”

“Oh, you should've seen me.” Buck traced circle patterns along Tommy's chest. “This was the first month I started trying. Trying to get back out and do things with people... I'm glad I don't have to try anymore.”

“That's probably something we should talk about, especially with our jobs.” He snuggled further under the covers, wrapping Buck even tighter in his arms. “Not tonight though.”

“No, not tonight,” Buck agreed.

They still had a lot to talk about. A lot of things that had to be sorted. Questions that needed answers. Issues that would need to be resolved.

But, for tonight, the only thing they needed was each other.

Each other, and the first good night's sleep for them both since the day Tommy disappeared.

That night, once sleep took over, Buck dreamt.