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redstringraven · 2 months

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11 and 12

*crawls back over here after work week* >:J!!! thank you!!

(also, please excuse that this ask is visually a bit more of a mess. apparently i wrote too much for tumblr to be chill with my usual formatting. apologies. e-e;;; maybe it'll let me format it after the fact. it did not)

TMNT's 40th anniversary ask game!

11.) which version of raphael is your favorite?

like i said in the tags for the meme, it's obvious/a given that my favorite version for all the turtles is gonna be the 2003 one. but since i also said i won't stop/discourage y'all from asking anyway AND said i don't have a favorite out of the boys, i'll use this as an excuse to babble incoherently about some of the reasons i love them. it's not uncommon that i enjoy hot-headed characters. this could partly be because enneagram-wise i'm a 9, and we're the 'odd one out' when it comes to the anger/gut triad (i kind of touched on this concept in my enneagram series; apologies). so, while i often smother my own temper, i still feel it under the surface. i get being angry. anger is also often a secondary emotion--it's an emotion that comes up because you're attempting to disguise something else; "anger is easier" as some quotes may say. i find it interesting to squint and find out why we're 'angry'. what's actually going on? when it comes to '03 raph, i don't think his anger stems from any ONE thing, i think it's more a bundle and that's part of the reason it's so easily set off. a significant piece of it is probably due to things i discussed in his enneagram post: learning to recognize the world is cruel/uncaring and trying to find ways for him--and the few people he cares about--to survive. raph is also a very intense person. anger is an intense emotion. it makes sense that he'd find comfort turning to it when he otherwise can't identify or articulate what he's really feeling. and this isn't to say he's not emotionally intelligent (far from it), i just think he struggles to slow his head and heart down to put names and words to everything flooding him--and WHEN he struggles, he gets frustrated and impatient with himself, which just makes him struggle more. and i appreciate the handful of examples we get that in-series where he can't quite verbalize it, but you can still feel and see it. i think raph likes to take care of people. his brothers, master splinter, april, casey, tyler, mrs. morrison, angel--whether they're someone who he loves, or someone who can't fend for themselves, or both, he just seems to instinctually take people beneath his wing. he's still learning that vulnerability doesn't equate to weakness (you can't show weakness in a world that rejects you), and he's also still learning to harness and manage all those emotions when they turn to anger--steer them to something more productive and beneficial instead. because anger, itself, isn't inherently bad. it's what you do with it. this is something he struggles with at the beginning of the series but seems to get a better grasp of as the seasons pass. i love raph as a hot-headed character who's a marshmallow inside not because of the trope itself, but because it feels very real to me given the circumstances he grew up under, lives under, and how he views the world and how intensely he loves. he's not just there to be "the angry one" so we have that archetype on the team, there're reasons. it's both a strength and a weakness of his. one he's aware of and carries shame for. my man also has an excellent sense of humor; right up my alley. i love him very much but i've already talked a lot and should probably stop here. … also, he hates bugs and got fucking swallowed by one and proceeded to chest-burster his way out of it, like. we love to see a short-king winning and getting to reference a movie he probably loved in the process. talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular, never the same; yee-frickin'-haw indeed, sir.

12.) which version of donatello is your favorite?

copy/paste that first paragraph from the above answer here.

hilariously, like how i seem to have a pattern of enjoying hot-headed characters, i also feel like i have a pattern of loving the more quiet and compassionate ones. this also probably plays into my 9 on the enneagram, since 9s tend to be peacemakers and our place in the web allows us to better see the perspectives of others. i, also, understand the struggle that comes with not wanting to 'rock the boat' and kind of keep those i'm surrounded by happy and chill and secure. but don's also SMART. and i've been a nancy drew reading/game playing bitch since i could read. puzzle-solving… mysteries… cleverness… GIMMIE THAT SHIT.

don was my favorite as a kid, and i think that came both from the fact he was 'the purple one' (joking that was a bias was half of a joke; shut up i was like thirteen) and because he was resourceful, clever, and observant. i loved his kindness, i loved how when things seemed dire he'd usually be the one with an idea, and i probably saw a lot of myself in him whether it be in playing mediator between my siblings, or in knowing a lot of seemingly Random Shit™ about a lot of Useless Things™, or in the simple fact that he often wanted to be left alone to do the thing(s) he was really passionate about. i got a lot of flack for all the time i spent on the computer as a kid. didn't matter if i was writing or drawing or reading about topics i wanted to learn more about--you know, productive/creative/thoughtful activities--i was constantly badgered that i was addicted to it and didn't spend enough time with my family. i guess any moment that don having a weird interest in something "paid off" was validating to me in a way? as well as him not being the strongest fighter, but still being valuable in the team unit (i'm an artist who grew up in a family of athletes). i also appreciated and admired that despite his kindness, he wasn't a doormat. definitely a do-no-harm-but-take-no-shit kind of guy, and lord knows teen!hannah needed to learn to stand up for herself better. so, yeah. i think as a kid i saw a lot of myself in don. i appreciated him for existing in that way.

all that obviously still stands as an adult, the 'favoritism' has just faded away as i've grown to understand and adore the other three more.

don's pretty outstanding, man. while he's usually the route of the pacifist, it's evident that he has a clear line in the sand, and once you've crossed that line… you're gonna realize that when you fuck around, you find out. and you're gonna find out very quickly.

he'll take what little he has around him to scrap together a breathing apparatus for a lost and brain-damaged triceraton (even though the triceraton was previously an enemy), he'll spend months trying to find a cure for a bunch of strangers he barely knows, he's able to empathize with a bunch of child-like nanobots… but at the same time, he'll also blast you with your own arm-canon, drill you into a pile of mulch, trick you into going to a hornet dimension, and verbally assassinate your dignity for all that it's worth.

i love that so much of him IS grounded in creation. making things. learning and understanding. and that kindness is often one of his main driving points. i just wanna take his shoulders and shake him sometimes. in the most loving, motherly and enthusiastic of ways.

…i also firmly maintain that he's physically the strongest out of the brothers. that detail, combined with him being the least competitive out of the four, really amuses me. because i like to think that when it comes to arm wrestling, someone might challenge don because they think nerd = weak. and don's initially not interested in humoring the challenge, but his brothers are behind him like ":)))c no. no, donnie you should do it. it'll be fun!" because they all know. and don's finally just like

… e_e … fine.

and proceeds to slam the other person's arm down before they even know they've lost. his brothers stand there with gremlin smirks, impish grins, snickering, mischievous boyish giggling, and don wanders off unceremoniously to get back to a project. he's got a lot to do today but this was a nice break.

#tmnt 2003 #tmnt raphael #tmnt donatello #;letters #;meme: tmnt's 40th anniversary ask game #;hannah's meta #;donatello #;raphael #[ YES it's letting me save again so i guess it was the formatting that was making tumblr cranky ]#[ anywho THANK YOU SO MUCH =u= love an excuse to babble about the boys ]#[ love the boys keep the bois... i will have u bois ]#[ edit: LMAO yeah tumblr really doesn't want me formatting this thing xDDD ]#[ OH WELL. i tried. ]

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guppygiggles · 5 months

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((Oh shoot I was mid-ask and pushed the wrong thing and I’m not sure it sent so starting over 😅))

Anywho hello hi there I really hope you don’t mind the like spamming (and interactions in general from nsfw blogs); I just really couldn’t help myself bc I’m resonating so much with your content and tags and you seem like a genuinely lovely human with absolutely adorable artwork so I wanted to show you some appreciation 🥺💗 It immediately comes across how much you love and care for your OCs via the lore you’ve created and the utmost tender way you talk about them and the way they interact with each other ?? 😭 it’s impossible not to fall in love with them too. I also hope you’ve heard copious amount of feedback about how brilliant your writing is - so detailed, so warm, so intimate…it’s extremely flustering and endlessly endearing and I’m so grateful you share your gift with all of us on here! In particular, I’m positively fascinated with Avery’s backstory and anatomy and am loving discovering the depth of the layers of thought that you put into composing him. Excited to learn more 🥰

((((I’m also approaching my third decade of life next year and it’s always nice seeing rep for folks my age in the community who are still enjoying and exploring their relationship with this “kink”(using this term lightly bc I know everyone may not consider themselves to fall under that umbrella). I too met my partner on here, and it’s beautiful to hear that things can work out in the long run so thank you for that tidbit of reassurance 💗 sending wishes of happiness for you both!!))))

Sorry again for this long winded ramble I was just inspired and wanted to send the warm vibes I received while perusing your awesome blog back your way!!! Hope you have a lovely day 💕

-🐰

Anon... my god! 😭💙 /very positive

Crying into my tea on a Sunday morning... god, I am so touched by this, I'm just falling apart...

Let me respond to this sequentially, so I don't just get flooded with emotion (and if you've been watching how I post, you already know this is going to be long as fuck... Sorry! 🥲)

1. I am absolutely okay with NSFW blogs interacting with me, and spam interactions don't bother me at all! The only interactions I don't want are from minors and dickheads, haha. No worries on this, peach.

2. Fewer people interact with my fic than with my art, but when I tell you I treasure every single thing people say about my fic... god, there's just nothing like it. My fic is so, so close to my heart. I've been a writer much longer than I've been an artist, so I feel like I can really express myself through writing in a way I can't with art... I'm trying, but I'm not quite there yet! God, thank you so much for your kind words... I am so grateful that the warmth and love I feel when I'm writing is felt by others, too. I really try to capture the very essence of how these characters and their emotions feel in my mind and heart.

And you like the lore, too? 🥺 My long-winded rambling? My wordy expositions? God, my heart! 😭💙

3. I am so happy to know you met your partner in this community, too! I am really wishing the best for you, and yes, it absolutely can work out! My spouse and I are very different from each other, but we are still best friends after six years, and I don't see that changing any time soon.

4. I feel like this community tends to be younger, especially here on Tumblr, so it's kind of refreshing to hear from someone in the same phase of life as me. If there's anything I didn't expect, it's that I would still be exploring my feelings about tickling (and, well, intimacy as a whole) well into adulthood. It's funny how things come back around, though... I was making tickling doodles in my diary when I was just a kid, but I stopped (and, stopped drawing altogether, really) after high school. Had to work through a ton of shame, religious trauma, and just a metric fuckton of other shit, all to come right back around to doing tickling doodles again, haha! I was delighted to find that, at 30 (and with a whole lot of new experiences and context), it still makes me just as giddy now as it did then.

All of this is to say... There may be common threads throughout one's life, but we aren't really set in stone the way people think. You can absolutely discover, and rediscover, yourself and what brings you joy over and over again as you grow and have new experiences. If I can give any advice on this, it's this: Don't close yourself off. You only have this one life, so use it to experience all you can. Even if you're shy, like me... do your best to lend a kind word, an ear, or a hand as often as possible. You never know who, or what, is gonna set your soul on fire.

Anon, thank you so much for this ask... And if you ever want to chat, I'd be more than delighted. 💙

#just the sweetest fucking ask #favs #my heart #ask #🐰

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dyrewrites · 1 year

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Writer Q&A Tag Game

@rmgrey-author tagged me, because she is the best. See her answers here.

My answers under the cut.

1)What motivates you to write?

The voices in my head, they only stop when I'm writing. Honestly though, I owe all my current inspiration to the wonderful lady what tagged me for this thing. My sister has been my biggest cheerleader my entire life and even when our mother discouraged me from writing ("you can't make a living doing that, who do you think you are, Stephen King?") it was my sister who kept me going. Not her words so much as how she started writing too, and a lot of the stories she showed me looked an awful lot like mine with some things moved around. It's surprisingly motivational to have someone write fanfiction of your silly angst-driven vampire stories (to save her the embarrassment, it was just the one time she did that with my stories).

Watching he continue to write, and grow and the passion she threw into it and the sheer disregard for anything anyone said against it...that got me. I didn't have the confidence to keep going until I saw hers. And then she shared some of it with me, cheering me on again as I tried to fit the twenty year old ideas of a preteen into a cohesive plot. I wouldn't be writing at all right now if not for her.

2) A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

It's one of my own, from Weald and Wen and I can't explain why it makes me happy...but it does.

Now rising through that same gloom, Infae trills as the pungent stench of decay splinters and falls with the gorebarks of his rotten nest. That spoiled breeze lost as he rises higher, replaced by ripe fruits that tempt his tongue and hungry blossoms that lure his nose. Crawling treats beg for his grasping fingers as they click and tap against pulsing, living trees and he breathes them all in. Whispsong floods his hoary ears and the tinkling toll of fluttering leaves add to their refrain. A creaking undersong of tapping branches follows, chased by a bassline of crunch, crunch, smack as latelight scavengers emerge from their fair light homes and Infae whistles. He trills and clicks, lending his voice to the ancient hymn. These are his woods—his Weald—and with another click Infae splits the chorus and bright blue frames bounce and flash in his dark vision. Rolling from the playful snap of a thick branch, he coos at the tug from his new riders and, flapping in concert with the song of his woods...Infae remembers what it means to fly.

3) Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

Oh no, I have to be honest here. I do and I'm ashamed of it because it's the worst of all my characters. Parnamyr, from my Weald and Wen novel and the novella set in that world. He flows so easy, like a living thing speaking through me. He's fun to write, he's fun to put into situations. He's a deplorable creature that runs on gluttony, lust and narcissism...and yet, if his sister is in danger, he drops everything to aid her. He'll tear her legs off just to watch her hobble without them though, so don't go thinking it's love. She's simply his favorite toy.

4) What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

Would it be odd to say the revision stage? I adore world-building and can spend hours lost in discovery and creation. I also have fun with the actual writing, letting the words flow and the characters lead. But it's when I go back to it, to the beginning, and even though I wrote it, it feels new. So I get to read it, but I also know how it ends, I know all the twists and turns it's meant to take and have all the world-building done and then it's like a fun puzzle. A puzzle I'm designing, making sure all the pieces fit together so that the next person to hold it will be able to put it all together and see the finished picture. And the best part is, no matter how well I plan it all, no matter how perfectly I cut those pieces, the finished picture will look different to everyone who sees it.

5) What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

I would say descriptions of areas, of setting. I try not to go overboard with it, but they are my favorite thing to write and it's usually description that people compliment. So I think that's what I'm best at?

6) What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

The community as a whole really. I'm not usually a fan of communities, or socializing, at all. I'm not good at it. But here it feels comfortable, I feel like I already know everyone and the little games are just a blast.

7) A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I want to say Google Docs, as it's what I was using but I've stopped. There was the AI scare, but it was more that it slows down with large documents and I can't have that when I'm editing 150k words. Microsoft Word is what I use now (though I do need to get a real copy, mine is a trial) and its grammar checker is actually useful and knows the words I'm using (seriously, Google, wrest is a word and I hate you).

8) A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

I love all of Mar and all of Morne and my worlds are like little babies more than the characters who inhabit them are. So this is a difficult question because there is so much.

We'll go with magic system, and try to be brief. Mar's magic system comes in a few flavors in regards to practice of it, but the base is centered around the manipulation of the Lady's Breath. This is the life energy that flows through the whole of Mar and it relies less on the energy itself and more on the emotions of the one wielding it. The primary wielders in the story, that are explored anyhow, are Fyrni and they have a deeper connection to the Lady's Breath than any other. They sing to wield the magic, using a practice known as Weaving to add their own energy to that of the Lady's and their own voice to Her Song - which only they can hear through it, making them the most powerful users of this magic.

My favorite bit of Mar's magic though is that it is visible and colorful and the colors reflect the intention and emotion of the wielder. So, not only is it different for every caster, it is different every time they use it and can change mid-cast if they can't keep their emotions or intentions stable.

9) What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

I can only offer what has worked for me. When I can't write, when the characters aren't speaking clear enough or I'm not sure where to take the plot...I take notes. I look at what I've written, consider what's happened, think of what could happen (or what should) and I take notes. It doesn't matter if those notes are used, or if I throw them all out later, it's the act of writing them and thinking about things that helps work out the kinks.

It's also important to remember that first drafts are bad. Everyone's first draft is bad. They all suck. So if it's first draft, it's first draft. Don't worry about it. You're getting the story out now, you can make it make sense later. Right now, you just need to get it out.

10) Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters:

Well one of them tagged me, so =P

Those in the community here who've been amazing are getting tagged! You don't have to answer these questions, this is more because I think you're awesome.

@your-absent-father @ruinmegently @scifimagpie @scribe-cas @stesierra @palebdot @axl-ul @starbuds-and-rosedust @jgmartin @patrickrennie @ryns-ramblings @scribe-of-stories @wmlittlemore-is-writing

#writeblr #writing community #tag games #writing questions #I am probably forgetting people #I love all of you

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twiceasfrustrating · 2 years

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To Have and Hold 11

Chapter: 1/2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Major Character Death

Category: GN/M

Fandom: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!

Relationships: Diavolo/GN!MC

Characters: Diavolo, Barbatos, Main Character, Lucifer

Tags for these chapters: Not Beta Read, Yandere, Kidnapping, No Happy Ending, Restraint, Imprisonment

Summary: Love drives some people crazy and some can't stand to go without. You thought you'd found the perfect boyfriend in Diavolo, one who loved you more than anything else in the world. And, well, you weren't exactly wrong, but it turns out that he's one of the ones that can't go without…

A/N: Fucking hell! I had to do so many edits because I rearranged some chapters and switched where two major events happened.

Word Count: 1901

“My Love?” Diavolo called softly through the haze of your mind as if standing somewhere so much further away. Unfortunately for you, he was unbearably close; holding onto you as if you were precious.

You turned your head to him without actually focusing your gaze. At this point, through the sickness and jumbled thoughts in your mind, you couldn't be bothered to scream, cry, or fake a smile. Everything just felt so heavy. You weren’t sure you could even lift a teacup like you had yesterday during that forced ‘date’.

“Hm?” You hummed weakly, wondering where all the grit and tenacity inside of you had gone recently. Sure you were sick, but it was as if all the energy you had faded all at once and was nowhere near returning.

"My Love, you need to get ready. We have a surprise guest."

A… guest? As in someone besides him and Barbatos? And he was going to let you out of the room to see them? Did you, through your addled mind, dare to have hope?

"This will be uncomfortable, but bare with me."

He undid the bindings that always kept you attached to the bed only to tie your arms and legs together so you couldn't move any of your limbs. He picked you up bridal style.

"Close your eyes," he whispered with a smile across his face, as if he was excitedly waiting to show you something for your birthday.

When you didn't do it immediately, he frowned. "Would it be easier to blind you?"

That barely veiled threat was enough for you to close your eyes as he ordered.

"Good. Oh! No peeking or I really will have to blind you to eliminate that temptation," he said far too cheerfully.

You could feel the jolt from his sudden movement as he began walking. The sound of the door opening felt so foreign, as well as all the twists and turns he made. In the back of your mind, you tried to remember how many times he turned left and right, making a map of where you were in the palace behind your eyelids. Every set of stairs and even the changing sound of his footsteps was a clue you added to your inner map key. It was crude at best, but it was something. It was a possibility.

He finally stopped.

"You can open your eyes if you want."

As you did, light flooded your vision. When your vision adjusted though, you recognized the drawing room. You also recognized the chair he was standing in front of, although the seat was raised to reveal a small space inside.

"It's important we both greet our guest, although you may be uncomfortable. Forgive me for that." He kissed your temple.

“Just stay here like a good little human and try not to make too much noise.” Diavolo’s voice sounded so sweet as he spoke, but there was a clear threat behind his words. Or, perhaps everything he said sounded like a threat now.

You whimpered as he closed the lid over you, surrounding you in darkness in a very uncomfortable position. You were slumped over to fit into the small space, your head drooping down against your knees so all you could do was stare at the wood beneath you. You weren’t even able to adjust into a more comfortable position, since the bindings that dug into your skin wrapped their way around your calves, up your thighs, to your torso, and kept your arms in place. You hadn’t even been here for a full minute and you were already in pain. At least you could lie down comfortably in the stupid room.

In this place, all you could do was wait in the pitch-black darkness for something to happen. In some futile attempt to relieve your boredom, you actually started to count your fingers over and over again. It was something at the very least, even though you lost track at some point in the thousands and had to start over. Even mistakes were more interesting than nothingness.

“-very concerning.” You finally heard a faint voice through the walls around you. It’s very familiar, but you know that it isn’t Diavolo’s.

“I see. That is troubling.” That was Diavolo.

“Are you sure they haven’t reached out to you?” That voice really was familiar, but it was hard to make out properly through the walls around you, “Even an attempt would be sufficient.”

“They haven’t contacted me since our last conversation, and that was nearly a month ago.” Something shifted over you, like a great weight was just placed on top of you, “Please, take a seat.”

“I apologize, Lord Diavolo, but I only stopped by to see if you’d heard from them. I do not have time for tea today.” Lucifer! That’s who the voice belonged to.

"Don't be in such a rush. Barbatos, prepare something for Lucifer's nerves. He needs to relax."

Barbatos said something that sounded like agreement, but you couldn't quite make out the exact words.

"I apologize. We've all been concerned lately and I'm letting it show more than I should."

“No one is blaming you for being worried about them, I doubt you have anything to be worried about. If they wanted or needed your help, I’m sure they’d summon you.” There was a loud thump against the outer walls of the box you were inside of, and you could only assume Diavolo kicked it.

“We think they did. Or rather, we believe Belphie,” hearing that name made you feel like you were going to puke, “was summoned but we haven’t heard from him either...”

“Oh? Why do you think he was summoned?”

“He vanished suddenly without a word. Such an abrupt departure most likely means he was called on.”

"Belphegor is a strong demon. If he gets into any danger, I'm sure he can handle himself."

Liar!

You wanted to scream, to shout, to curse him out, but stayed silent because of Lucifer.

Salvation was right there. You knew Lucifer would help you if you asked him to, but you also knew that Diavolo wouldn't allow it. Images of Belphie's lifeless body flashed in your mind, his blood soaking into the floor and the crushing of his vertebrae abruptly cracking echoing in your ears.

You couldn't risk that happening to Lucifer too. You'd already taken the youngest sibling from his family; you couldn't take the oldest one too.

"We're going to look for them – thank you, Barbatos," Lucifer suddenly said. "I understand if you can't join us, but-"

"What kind of partner would I be if I didn't look for them?" The seat above you creaked as he shifted his weight. "Barbatos can handle everything while I'm gone. Right?"

"Please finish your paperwork before you go."

Diavolo whined. "Isn't this more important though?"

"Are you planning to leave immediately, Lucifer?" Barbatos asked.

"We're preparing today and tomorrow then leaving the next day."

"Then there is time to do what you need."

Diavolo whined louder. "I suppose. Although I should prepare too…"

"I would advise seeing Lucifer out then."

"Of course. Thank you for your time."

The weight on top of you shifted again, but this time it was in a way that relieved the pressure above you.

"I wish we were meeting under better circumstances like old times. Still, I'm glad you are all looking for them since I'm so preoccupi-" Diavolo's voice faded into the distance and you were alone again.

Your heart hammered in your throat, your limbs were numb and tired, your skin felt like it was burning up. Everything inside of you felt wrong. Screaming at you to say something before they left, but your logic kept your mouth shut.

There were a few more uncomfortable minutes of silence before blinding light poured into your little box. You closed your eyes out of reflex immediately, finding it painful to look out into the world.

“So you are still there,” Diavolo’s voice was soft as he reached out to see if you were real and not just a hallucination, “You were so quiet that I thought you had gotten out somehow. I’m happy that you were just following orders.”

You could feel his hand on you and normally you would feel utter disgust, but, at the moment, the only emotion inside of you was distraught. You broke down the moment he brushed his warm fingers against your cheek and sobbed uncontrollably. Not just in sadness, but in rage. There were no tears as you cried -- you had no more to give -- but if you could you knew they would be life fire.

“Why?” You finally managed to hiccup out through your continued and persistent sobs, “Why are you doing this to me?”

Lucifer was worried about you. They were all worried about you! And they hadn't given up yet. It was a cruel joke to give you that tiny ray of hope that you knew would never shine upon you.

“I’m not doing anything, my love. Everything happening is the result of your own actions.” You were the one that made him fall for you, you were the one that kept fighting back, and you were the one who refused to reach out for help when it was right in front of you. If only you could learn to behave yourself, he would be allowed to be kinder to you.

"You lied to him." You screamed, finding anything to break down that smug attitude of his. "You know where I am and you know about… about…." You quietly muttered Belphie's name, not feeling you had the right to even say it.

"I never lied. I only said you hadn't contacted me. That is true since I'm the one coming to you. And Belphegor could handle any danger he found himself in if you hadn't gotten him killed."

It was like twisting the knife already buried to the hilt in your heart.

"Do you have any other concerns?"

You couldn't say anything. There was no response you could give to his insane logic and half truths.

Seeing you fall so readily into compliance, he nuzzled against your neck.

"My lord," Barbatos suddenly said, making you aware of his presence, "the carrot."

"Oh, yes."

He cleared his throat. “You were so good while Lucifer was here. You deserve a reward.” His claws brushed carefully over your delicate skin until they reached the rope and sliced through like it was sewing thread. Your body fell loose the moment it was freed, even though you still couldn’t move any of it because of how numb they were, “What would you like?”

Your eyes had finally adjusted to the brightness of the room, so you opened two bloodshot orbs in Diavolo’s direction, feeling completely hollow inside at the sight of him beaming at you. If you didn’t know better, you would almost think him benevolent. It was too bad you did know better.

“Die.” It was the only request you could think of; every hateful thought and plea for freedom you had boiling to the surface in one succinct word.

"My love," he brushed a thumb over your bottom lip before forcing a soft kiss on you, "how could I do that and risk leaving you all alone?" No. He would ensure that both of you lived long enough to enjoy your new, happy life together.

#obey me #obey me fanfic #obey me diavolo #dark fic #dark obey me #to have and hold

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desultory-novice · 1 year

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Been awhile since I had seen your stuff, and I really enjoy what you’ve been coming up with! Glad to see you’re having fun

(Also, how did you start here, so to speak? I would love to be an active creator in the kirblr community, but since I just lurk and rb because I don’t have the energy/confidence to create, I just feel like an unwelcome stalker LOL. Sorry if this is too much!)

Oh, gosh, thank you so much! I'm a little impressed at how things have turned out after barely two years(?) here myself!

I don't know if my methods could ever work for anyone else as they do me, as I attribute a lot of "this" to serendipity but...

...It seems to me I really took off after opening my inbox up to doing detailed ask memes about the characters. Again, this was kind of luck on my part because I spoke very lovingly (albeit truthfully!) about a few mega popular characters, which caused two of their fandom BNFs to kindly reblog my posts, and that sent a bunch more asks for the WHOLE rest of the Kirby cast my way!

I'm sorry to say, it does take a lot of energy though. But I do get the struggle, as I'm often exhausted by life/lots of jobs. However, if you can find any sort of mental "trick" to keep yourself going, you might discover you have more energy than you think inside you!

(Me, I'm very visual, and I keep a collection of my favorite fanart on hand. If I think I've exhausted myself on a character/ran out of ideas of things to talk about, I'll browse through my personal "gallery" and it will help me to remember characters/events/interesting points.)

As to the matter of confidence, you've probably heard the whole "fake it to you make it" bit and to a degree, at least, it's true. I've had a couple of posts where I've flooded the tags with things like "OMG this is so bad and I'm so sorry!" or "I had no time to work on this and it shows~" or "if this sucks it's because life is crushing my soul and I just want to sleep for a thousand years..." annnnnd unfortunately...

...even if it's how you're feeling At The Time, those things can make people feel like they're intruding into your space by liking or reblogging it. It's like, if you're telling us something so personal and private, maybe you really only want to hear from a friend right now, and not a stranger...? What I've done is I've told myself it's okay to write out those low self-esteem thoughts elsewhere but try to let the people who are here for the art/images/videos/writing/discussions just enjoy your art/images/videos/writing/discussions.

If you've got something to get off your chest, don't feel like you have to hold it inside, but don't hold your audience captive either.

(Also, something else fun about this: if you cast out positivity, you may find that it comes back to you, and when you look again at that thing you shared, it was NOT as "awful" as you thought.)

Now, a lot of that was about "external" confidence or what you display. As for internal confidence, that's... kind of a constant struggle. We all -- and by all, I I mean even famous published creators -- have times when we think our work isn't good enough. Annnd...

...Well, it isn't always great. But the fact that something isn't great now (even if it's the absolute best we can do at the time) doesn't mean we have no skill at something! We all have to start somewhere. And sometimes "somewhere" is a piece of art or writing or theory or humorous content that only 1-2 people think is "...Eh, not bad."

My first "hit it big" piece? My "Moon's Haunted" Kirby meme? Ohhh man, I can't STAND to look at now! I redrew it a few months back and if I were to redraw it today, it'd look better still, probably. The key is that I tried (...and that I meme-posted when the game was going viral >.> ) and I think that shone through??

(...It might be silly, but there IS a Nintendo Direct tomorrow. Probably no Kirby news, as I assume Vanpool's closure will bring an end to us getting multiple Kirby titles a year, but if you really want to try and take that ^ path, you can always get up early/stay up late and ready yourself to post commentary on any news!)

That doesn't just go for art, but writing/theories/HC as well. I myself find it a little sad when someone starts on a post and then will just trail off with "...lol I dunno, didn't think about it that hard."

"Don't say that, person on the internet," I cry! Do you realize how much information is at your fingertips right now? You can google for things even if you only know it as "that thing in that one movie about the fruit." You can watch a Youtube video in 5 minutes explaining the mechanics of something you've never seen or ever hope to do before! You can even watch a Youtube playthrough of a Kirby thing you forgot instead of saying "You forgot!" Don't know how to draw cloaks? Pinterest has millions of references! Don't like Pinterest? Just google "cloaks, Pinterest" and click on the images tab and you will never have to log into that accursed site! It just takes WANTING to.

Though sometimes, I think people write that out of embarrassment? Maybe they DID think about it but they don't think anyone would be interested? Or maybe they really didn't think about X or Y but didn't want to feel like they were neglecting anybody and that something is better than nothing. Which it is, but LOVE is even more important!

...And love, especially in a fandom space, can be ~complicated~

Like I mentioned above, I'm LUCKY that my top favorite characters also come close to topping the rest of "the fandom's" list. But as I've said before, I love every character in Kirby. Even the ones-people-want-to-throw-off-a-bridge-into-a-waste-treatment-plant..

And if I'd started off my tumblr as a "The Susie Haltmann Appreciation Blog!" as opposed to my actual "Hey I'm Completely Obsessed About Marx and Magolor and I Think About Them All The Time (...but I also like the Haltmanns from a story perspective for their heartrending tragedy that hits close to home for me...) Blog" I don't know if we'd be having this conversation right now. ^^;

(It doesn't just have to be all about controversy/"discourse" related stuff either. I could have started a "Daily Sillydillo" blog and had to retire it in a month due to low levels of interaction. The concept of fandom favorites might not be very egalitarian, when every character deserves to have their story enjoyed, but sometimes, strong love can make up for the lack of eyes on a thing. Occasionally ^^)

...Anyway, you might not have the energy, at least not all the time, and confidence might be a little low right now too, but you love Kirby, right? You have passion for it? Passion can get you a lot! And also, there's a few methods of interaction that, for personal reasons, I could not choose that have done wonders for everyone else!

For example, I have some old, unhealed trauma about OCs, but there's a whole hu~ge section of Kirblr that loves OCs and, as far as I've seen (??) tries to be really supportive about them?

Lastly, I can guarantee you, you are NOT a stalker and anyone who thinks being a "quiet supportive fan" equates to being a stalker should consider moving away from thinking of themselves and/or others in that negative way. You have stalked nobody! You have only shown an active interest in others! That is a POSITIVE thing!

And on that note, you're definitely not unwelcome either! Especially if you're one of the precious, wonderful people out there who reblog lots! If you want to get your toes wet, why not test the waters and build your confidence in this space by adding some of your thoughts onto your reblogs? You could build a rep/connections that way!

TLDR, sometimes gaining an audience/a space is a magic trick that no one knows the secret to. Other times, it is the result of months and months and months of hard, lonesome persistence.

The best advice I can give you is advice I would give myself:

-Be kind if you can, if you cannot, then be understanding -Demonstrate care about your interests and those of others -Forgive yourself for being at the beginning of your journey

-Enthusiasm, sincerity, and love are warm lights in this world of ours that can, at times, seem so dim and dreary. Light a little lantern for yourself and remember to laugh loud with joy that life is also so amazingly, ridiculously magical and before you know it, others will find their way to your light to add their lantern to yours!

#Dess Ramblings #Relentless Positivity!!#...Also dare to be 'only okay!'(/awkward)#The sooner you begin (even if you trip up)#the faster you will become 'Excellent!'#But I already think you're amazing!!#Long Post

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priwenshallprevail · 8 months

Text

GETTING TO KNOW YOU.

respond to the following prompts out of character. then, tag others that you'd like to get to know a little bit better!

( Picture optional )

ROLEPLAYER NAME: Mjodvitnir , or Wraith to some.

ROLEPLAYER PRONOUNS: He/Him/They/Monster

MUSE NAME: Geoffrey Aodhán McCullum

PREFERRED COMMUNICATION: Tumblr messages, or even Discord if you'd prefer. If you want my discord, just ask. Whatever is easier for my partners.

EXPERIENCE: At the very least 20 years of experience in role playing. Back in the chatrooms of american online, or myspace. Am I showing my age yet ? I know, it's such cringe. I want to say my first three characters I ever role played was Rufus Shinra from Final Fantasy VII and two oc characters, one VtM relative , the other Werewolf. I'm wanting to say my character had been Tremere clan. Can't remember my generation I had him under, though. My werewolf was from the tribe Silver Fangs. An Ahroun if I can remember correctly.

PREFERRED ROLEPLAY TYPE: Well... absolutely everything! Dark, torturous gritty, gore-infested, action, combat, drama, comedy, angst, fast paced, slow paced, smut, fluff, one shots. I enjoy them all ! Hit me with all the above !

PET PEEVES & DEALBREAKERS: I don't have many, but the few I do hold -- are more toward general respect for your partners. Don't be a dick.

God moding/meta-ing the RP. Don't use any info your character wouldn't have the slightest clue on. Unless it was discussed on how they may have acquired it prior , or planned through other threads. What remains in a thought collective, stays in the mind. Unless your muse holds telepathy in some aspect. Then it's a different story.

Judgement of writing style. My writing is far from perfect, and I often have one hell of a time judging myself. I don't need others on top of that, adding to my horrendous insecurities. I like detailing things, from the environment, to facial expressions, or even course of actions. I sometimes hyper focus on one thing and become brief with another. I don't understand it myself, nor always catch myself doing it. I hold horrible habit of having issue with repeating a certain word when writing my own posts, and I do sometimes get carried away over different synonyms to these said words. To the point that not every definition becomes so literal. How, or when I developed this habit, I do not know. It's a tick that only happens on my own writing, never on any of my partners. I judge myself too harshly in everything, not just writing. However, if I flood you with a lot of paragraphs -- that usually just means you struck my muse in a massive way and I wish to shower you with love. That I want to engage with you at what my brain considers my best. No body ever has to match whatever length I spew out. Please remember that. Also note, that even if my muse is struck so highly for your muse. My brain can still muck it up. It's a fickle beast. But that is adhd in a nutshell.

Judgement over ships/shipping. ... This one, the more I think on it, is a big one. I have been judged on ships in the past. On several accounts, actually.. some more recent. That it has gotten me reluctant to approach anyone to ask " hey lets try to smoosh these two together ! ?" Judging someone's ship is a disgusting form of shaming someone because they didn't conform to your ideals of said characters. Judgement with narcissistic attempts to push stuff a certain way -- yeah, no. Don't do it. Also, don't try to force ships . I support McReid, but if a Reid does not ? You back the fuck off the suggestion. It's really that simple. Respect. Your. Partners. Not everything revolves around romance anyways. Plenty of other relationships they can aim for. Friendships are a beautiful thing too. I mean -- platonic is also a thing as well, you know. It can bloom just as heavenly.

Constructive feedback though is more than welcome.

PLOTS OR MEMES: Yes ! I enjoy everything you're willing to throw at me, and will happily plan entire story lines to multiple connectives we can later link if that's what you'd like.

LONG REPLIES OR SHORT REPLIES: The in-betweeners. I love doing long replies when muse hits like a freight train, but if my muse isn't as strong -- or if my brain struggles to focus. Which it does, trust me. It'll be between that short and long range, or sometimes drop short all together. I don't ever expect you to match length if you don't wish to. That is not a requirement with me. As long as you can provide me with a paragraph to work with , I'm more than game.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: This is .. .. a tricky one for me. Cause my adhd makes it hard for me to write when everyone else is up in this household. So it would be somewhere between late night and early morn, for me. Eastern time.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES: I'm honestly not sure if it's the we have similarities, or if my constant processing of what can be done to improve role play, suddenly bleeds into my own characteristics on a daily basis. Taking a bit of my characters with me every time. I'm a little withdrawn, keep a lot of my emotions on the inside, sometimes quick to become surly with forced authority types, described grumpy often , can be witty with the usual sarcastic bites -- if that accounts to anything.

Tagged by : I stolez it, but I don't remember from who. o.o;

Tagging : @fangsforhire , @coivi , @arcanescholxr , @anedendarkly , @undeadunalive , @astridnorddottir , @luposcainus

#† 𝓜emes ● dash games 」#† 𝓜emes ● Mʋƞɗɑʮ 」#『 out of character 』#Mun-Mental health awareness ;

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fionnaskyborn · 10 months

Note

🖥️,🚢,🥊,🎉,⭐,🎧 for the halo ask?

HEYA PIOTR!!! Sorry for keeping you waiting! ^^"

🖥️ - favourite AI?

Basic answer, Cortana. Honest answer, Virgil (if the combination of the Superintendent AI and Quick To Adjust counts as an answer) and Isabel. Those two are incredibly dear to me. And, of course, I can't leave out my beloved Auntie Dot. I get all in my feels about her because of how much emotion she shows for a "dumb" AI at times. It's not much, and it's very subtle wherever it *can* be seen - outside of her Firefight voicelines, anyway - but it's there, and it matters to me a lot. In a world where your class is severely stunted in the Having Feelings Of Any Kind department, especially when compared to your "smart" peers, imagine being the one urging your commander to get help despite not being... *wired* to do so. One warning is sufficient, yet you warn multiple times. Sorry, in this house we love Auntie Dot. Her firefight voicelines are also quaint and full of charm and I implore anyone reading this to give those a listen if they haven't.

🚢 - favourite UNSC ship?

Oof, this is a hard one. I'll be answering these by subclasses since that's the only way I can start singling out stuff - if you told me to pick an Ultimate Favorite Ship, we'd be here forever. Let's start with the dropships, for example. I *adore* the Albatross' design, and- oh, wait, this is about *singular* ships, isn't it. Oh, well, I won't be erasing my previous words. I am partial to the Spirit Of Fire due to it being a retrofitted colony ship. Reminds me of the Titans in Titanfall, who were used to help with terraforming planets and gathering vast amounts of crops and such before they were turned into war machines.

🥊 - who are you beating the shit out of?

Huh. Another difficult one, but in a different way. If you asked me at the very beginning of my Halo journey, my answer would've been Dr. Halsey. I've seen the light since, though. Halo is a bit of a strange case for me because if we ignore the obvious answer of Captain Ingridson and non-answers like everyone who has ever worked at ONI, there aren't many people that I can name from the top of my head I'd want to throw hands with. Maybe it's time for a re-read of some books or Halopedia pages. With that said, the final answer is Jun. And that one guy from the latest Flood short story who didn't listen to his ship AI. He's pissed me off so bad I don't even remember his name, but fuck 'im in particular.

🎉 - share your favourite character headcanon

Here's a very mundane one, and a personal favorite - Noble Six is very fond of cats.

⭐ - share your favourite piece of halo lore

I'm grateful I got this question twice because I get to discuss various things. At the risk of it being too broad of an answer, I will say that one of my favorite aspects of Halo lore is the politics of future humanity. I haven't seen a lot of people talk about the Koslovics and Friedens and the Interplanetary War in general - though, granted, before the Mythos came out in 2016, they were only mentioned on Bungie's site and the Halo timeline on Xbox.com. I'm glad Mythos gave us some names to work with, but I can't help but yearn for more pre-Human-Covenant War political lore outside of the "Innies vs the UNSC" struggle. Do not get me started on the Colonial Military Authority and how the UNSC absorbed and dismantled them and the differences in the ways the two organizations operate.

🎧 - song you associate a halo character with

My custom tag for Noble Six is "Unknown Soldier". Yes, like the Breaking Benjamin song. Six and that song go hand in hand for me.

#halo #ask/reblog games!#the halo ask game #i'll send ya some questions back shortly! :3

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wisteria-blooms · 1 year

Note

Hii!! I recently left you a comment on AO3, but I figured I'd move over here to contact you again. I just wanted to tell you that I haven't stopped thinking about your Bill fic basically all day 😅 I've really come to appreciate it more and more as I've been mulling it over. It really feels like you had all your bases covered and everything came together in a satisfying way.

I just wanted to ask you about your process for writing it. Did you map out the plot before you started writing, or did you go chapter by chapter? Also I'm just generally interested in how you came up with some of the details if you're happy to share here or dms i dont mind? (I'm SO sorry I'm fangirling a bit here 😅 It's just your perspective on old tropes is so refreshing i feel like this is what it was like in the old days of the fandom 🤩🤩🤩)

Cue that TikTok sound: "Oh my goodness, I love this question."

Okay, so I'm happy to discuss any detail so feel free to interrogate but some of them I came up on the fly and won't be able to remember why. The idea/trope was inspired by the song 18 - Anarbor. I really took these lyrics to heart lol:

So if you wanna piss off your parents Date me to scare them Show them you're all grown up If long hair and tattoos are what attract you Baby then you're in luck

At the time, I only wrote for Fred or George, but it just wouldn't make sense y'know. Bill was older, cooler, and would be so much worse (in a good way) for the plot. I'd never written a Malfoy reader before, but the Malfoys were exceptional placeholders for the snobby, uppity family. And canonically, there's bad blood between the two families, so it was perfect.

So, going in, I only anticipated this to be a 10k one shot. That's why the first two/three chapters are so short. And then the last chapter is 8k words lol. I was trying to steer away from super long and flowery paragraphs and go for sweet and succinct but it didn't work haha.

When I started, I'd only written chapter 1, 2, and tidbits of that your-room-is-flooded scene in Nice. I knew that family dynamic was always going to be a thing, so it would have to be resolved eventually. I wanted Lucius to be the hard-hitter and cause the drama, whereas Narcissa was softer, eventually accepting the situation ("BY THE WAY, ARE YOU ON BIRTH CONTROL?"). As for Draco, I know all siblings have their rough patches, so I wanted to show that he's always had a soft spot for Y/N.

I remember just writing Chapter 4 and 5 on the fly. Like, Chapter 5 (the dinner scene) was my favourite to write/re-read. I still can't believe I wrote it because I'm not great with action, dialogue, and humour. And knowing Lucius wouldn't go down without a fight, I must've... created the move-in with Fred and George, and have Bill pull away at the same time. I think this falls in love with a typical plot, like conflict #1, resolution, conflict #2, etc... (throwback to middle school English class).

The Madame Millicent book really served no purpose initially. Then, I was like, let's have Bill find it to show that Y/N can be pervy too LMAO.

Y/N's extended family was also created near the end. I think thinking of characters as caricatures really helped me. Uncle Theo was Lucius on steroids, Genevieve and Claude as Y/N and Draco on steroids, Charlotte and Clara as wispy blonde maniac pixie dream girls, etc. It also helped show that Y/N and Draco really loved and supported each other when contrasted with other family members who actually didn't care much for them.

I'm the worst with finishing a series, and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to give this a proper ending, but people leaving sweet comments, reblogging, asking to be added to the tag list really gave me that push to write a conclusion.

But yeah, if there's anything you'd like to know, please ask!! I'm so happy you enjoyed it so much and because of people like you, I end up wanting to write more hahahaha. 💓

#ask

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julesthoughts · 2 years

Text

I posted 73 times in 2022

Das sind 73 more posts als 2021!

20 posts created (27%)

53 posts reblogged (73%)

Blogs I reblogged most:

@hacked-by-jake

@incorrectnessduskwood

@twxddle

@julesisreading

@raemae17

I tagged 33 of my posts in 2022

#personal – 11 posts

#ask – 11 posts

#duskwood – 11 posts

#thank you – 11 posts

#love – 8 posts

#julesisreading – 8 posts

#<333333333 – 6 posts

#duskwood everbyte – 6 posts

#duskwood fanfiction – 5 posts

#hacked-by-jake – 5 posts

Longest Tag: 43 characters

#i'll paint your nails as dark as my soul 😈

My Top Posts in 2022:

Trap of Lies

Chapter 21

This is a dark AU collaboration started by @x3kristax3. You can find the other chapters here.

TW: Mentioning of Torture and Violence

MC POV

After ages, I was finally able to persuade Alan to leave his house. Of course, only with him, alone he would never let me go. His proximity drove me insane, and his constant advances got on my nerves. I kept telling him that I wasn't ready because of what had happened. He showed understanding, but still, it didn't stop him from trying again and again. It's been two weeks since I left Jake and honestly, I was hoping to get back to him as soon as possible. Back in his warm arms, look into his soft eyes and feel his soft lips on mine.

I shook my head slightly to break the train of thought. I couldn't think about Jake that much now, he was my weakness and weakness wasn't allowed right now. We went to the flower stand and as I was looking around, my favorite flowers caught my eye. I took a bundle and smelled them, a lump forming in my throat immediately. The memory of Jake watching me here back then came flooding back. He was a stranger and yet I felt drawn to him in a way. The corners of my mouth twitched up briefly, but I immediately put my face back to normal.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and put the flowers back as Alan wasn't going to buy them for me anyway. Alan had his back to me, and he was talking to someone, but I couldn't see who it was as he was completely hidden by Alan. I wanted to take a closer look, but suddenly I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder. I could already guess who it was, but I turned around to confirm my suspicion. In front of me was a red-haired beauty and I saw relief on her face. I put my arms around her, and she hugged me tightly to make sure I was really in front of her. I heard her sigh joyfully. The last time we saw each other was before I was kidnapped and held captive.

I wanted to detach myself from the hug, but Jessy wouldn't allow it. "MC, Jake told us everything. Everything. Would you explain to me why you are with him?” She whispered in my ear. The way she pronounced the word him sent chills down my spine.

I leaned closer to her ear and whispered, "I know what I have to do. Please be on standby, Jessy. You're the only one I trust completely." She loosened her grip, and I broke the hug. She put her hands on my cheeks and wiped my tears from my face with her thumbs. I didn't even realize that I started to cry. She gave me a compassionate smile.

"You can't let him see you cry. You can do it, I'll always have your back. You are so incredibly strong.” She took my hand while saying this.

Jessy looked so innocent and sweet, but when it came to her loved ones, she knew no bounds. When she cast her eyes on Alan, I saw pure hatred blazing in her irises. She hated this man like no other person in this world. I knew she would do anything to help me, and I was beyond grateful for that.

"Listen, I'll try to persuade him that I can meet you. I miss you and I could really use a girls day,” I sighed.

She knew that when I said girls' day, I didn't mean a normal girls' day. We wanted to catch up. I saw that Alan had finished his conversation and was approaching us. He put his arm around my waist. "Hello Jessica," he said cold as a stone.

Jessy rolled her eyes and I spoke to Alan, "Alan, I'd like to go with Jessy. She's on her way home and I haven't had a chance to meet her. I'd just like to have some girl time with her."

He took my chin in his fingers and looked deep into my eyes, scanning me. I sighed softly and my eyes softened, getting the answer I wanted. "Only if you promise to come back. I'm worried, you're not fully recovered."

He drove me crazy with his care. It was his fault that I felt so bad. Take a deep breath, MC! You have to pull yourself together if you want to reach your goal and get back to Jake. Since getting back together with Alan I've had serious problems controlling my temper. Knowing that I was pretending to love the man who put me through all the torture made me frustrated.

"Don't worry, I'm feeling pretty good today and besides, Jessy is with me,” I said shortly. I just couldn't speak long sentences with this man without losing my temper.

Out of the blue he took my face in his hands and kissed me firmly but sweetly on my lips. I kissed him back, I had to keep up my acting. I wanted this kiss to end, but Alan let the kiss deepen. What was the matter with him? I opened my eyes and saw that he was looking to the right. I followed his gaze and my heart shattered into a million pieces.

Jake stood there and his eyes were on us. He didn't even grimace, but there was pure pain in his eyes. His eyes made my heart clench painfully. Alan was really enjoying Jake's suffering and I broke the kiss abruptly. Alan glared at me, but I smiled sheepishly, "Alan, you know I'm not that fond of kissing in public." That was the truth, Jake respected my opinion and wouldn't kiss me in public.

Alan stroked my cheek, "Sorry, my feelings for you took over for a moment."

Fucking liar. I didn't understand what that was about, did he want to see Jake suffer? He didn't seem to realize I saw Jake and I took advantage of that. I kept acting the innocent woman in love with Alan. I said goodbye to Alan and when I turned around, I saw Jessy buying some flowers. She gave me a bunch of my favorite flowers and my eyes shone with joy, "Oh Jessy, that wasn't necessary. Thank you!"

On the way to the carriage, I saw Jake walking towards my father's trade business with his head bowed. He avoided my eye contact, and it broke my heart. I had broken his heart in the worst possible way. I began to have doubts as to whether he would even want me back once I had achieved my goal.

As we got into the carriage my lips started to tremble, Jessy already noticed from the outside of the carriage that I was watching Jake. She put her arm around me, and I let my head rest on her shoulder, exhausted.

"So, I'm waiting for an explanation. I know you know he was behind it all. Why are you with him?" She asked when the carriage took off.

I sighed shakily and tilted my head back. "You're right. I know it and I hate his every touch. Every time his lips touch mine it sends a shiver down my spine. But I have to go through this if I'm going to have a quiet life with Jake.” I pulled the ring out of my corset and held it in my hand, my eyes shining as I looked at it. “The question is if he even wants me back.” I spoke my thoughts out loud.

"Oh, my love, you still love him?” she asked happily. "Everyone thinks you don't love him anymore, including him. He needs to know that!"

"No!" I protested heatedly. "He mustn't be involved, do you hear me? And earlier he walked in the direction of my father's business. Something tells me that my father is helping him on the right path.”

Jessy shook her head, "Don't you want to give him at least a glimmer of hope?" She bit her lip, and I could tell immediately that she was holding back something. I ignored it.

"He doesn't need that, if I judge my parents correctly, they will have already given him hope. And if my assumption is right and my father really helps him to get back on the right path, then it would be more than wrong to involve him in it,” I said while bringing my head back to a normal position and avoiding Jessy's gaze.

See the full post

20 notes – Posted November 16, 2022

I'm trying my hand at writing especially for Duskwood Fanfictions. I post Fanfictions on Wattpad and One-Shots here on Tumblr. I'm happy to take requests, if you have a request let me know. Mainly to Duskwood please. I hope you'll like my work. Enjoy!

Wattpad:

Duskwood Fanfictions:

Duskwood - Dark Secrets

Duskwood - Who are you?

Duskwood - Loving A Criminal

Duskwood - Choose or Lose (Sequel to Who are you?)

Duskwood - Dunkle Geheimnisse (German Version of Dark Secrets)

Duskwood - One Shots

Other Stories:

The Betrayal

Tumblr Works:

One-Shots:

Unexpected Reunion (Jake x MC)

Unexpected Reunion - Part Two (Jake x MC)

Unconditional Love (Jake x MC)

Revenge of the Rotten Tomatoes (Request)

You mean like a date? (Thomas x MC)

You are under arrest (Alan x MC)

Collaborations:

Trap of Lies ( Dark AU based in the 1700s)

Rules: No bullying — No rassism — Trigger warning for sensitive topics

25 notes – Postet Oktober 11, 2022

Revenge of the Rotten Tomatoes

A/N: I was asked to turn one of my dreams into a short story. Thanks goes out to @hacked-by-jake Discord Server. The story is just bullshit my brain made up. Enjoy. :)

Words: 694

Requested from: @hacked-by-jake, @itsnotzka, @fem-moony, @julesisreading, @anabellerose96

TW: I don't now, Violence and fighting scenes. xD

I came home from work exhausted. I quickly changed and then went into the kitchen to make myself a sandwich. When I wanted to cut the tomatoes, I saw that they were already rotten, "Eww, no tomatoes today." I threw away the tomatoes and ate my sandwich. It was tasty, but the juicy tomato was missing. After I finished the sandwich, I quickly brushed my teeth and then watched some TV while I fell asleep on the couch.

I woke up early to the sound of loud banging noises. I went outside to see what was going on, the first thing I heard was panicked screams. I saw a young woman run past my house and get pierced by a green spike. She screamed, looked at me and asked for my help. I ran to her, and another green spike hit her. She kept running until she eventually fell down and stopped moving.

I wanted to run to her when a green spike grazed my arm. I turned around and couldn't believe what I saw there. I ran back into my house and opened the bin, my tomatoes! They were gone. Those out there were the tomatoes I threw away last night!

My cell phone rang, and I saw Jake's name on my display. I took the call, and I heard a panicked Jake, "MC! I hacked your laptop's camera, I saw the tomatoes leave your trash can and roll out of your house. We must do something. I'm on your doorstep, I have guns with me. Come out, we must save the world. And bring a trash bag!”

I saw that I had several notifications of breaking news that tomatoes were attacking the city. That was real! What have I done?! I hung up and stormed out the front door. He handed me one of his guns and stuffed the trash bag into his backpack. We ran out into the street and there were 6 tomatoes. They turned to us and let themselves roll towards us. Jake yelled, "Dodge!"

Why were they so big? No time to ask questions! Action is appropriate! I shot the first tomato and it popped but it healed on its own. I looked helplessly at Jake, and he shouted, "The stalks! Shoot the stalks!"

I shot the stalks and the first tomato popped and deflated like a burst balloon. The liquid spilled all over the street and I had some of its seeds stuck to my clothes. The other tomatoes got angry, and their green leaves turned into spikes and spun like a circular saw. A thousand green spikes flew at us like mad. I did an air roll and hid behind my house wall.

Jake shot one of the stalks of the tomatoes and the next tomato burst and its liquid ran like a river across the street. I did several air rolls until I was across the street and standing next to Jake. He pressed himself against the wall of the house and with one quick movement he shot the nearest stalk. "Three left," I stated, shooting for the next one.

I shot again and then again. My gun was empty, Jake nodded knowingly and fired at the last tomato. When the last tomato burst, we went to the place where the huge ones were before. There they were, my tomatoes from last night. In their original size and rottenness. Jake pulled the trash bag out of his backpack and held it open while I tossed the tomatoes into the trash bag. One of them tried to bite me, but I managed to throw it in the trash bag.

Jake tied the garbage bag shut and I stepped on the bag with all my might and crushed the tomatoes. We went home and showered after this adventure. In the evening we invited the others and we all sat together around a cozy campfire. I threw the tomatoes on the fire and let them burn there so nothing like this could ever happen again. We talked and laughed, but there was something we didn't know.

We forgot to throw away one tomato.

It was still out there...

34 notes – Posted November 20, 2022

Unexpected Reunion - Part Two

A/N: I promised a second part and here it is. If you haven't read the first part, you can find it here.

Words: 2.429

TW: Sexual Content!

"I'm so incredibly sorry, MC," he said.

I got up abruptly but didn't turn around. I balled my hands into fists and hung my head while my lips trembled. My heart was racing, was it really him? I had never heard that voice in my entire life. Who else could it be, only he had a reason to be sorry. I turned around and two metallic blue eyes looked at me. His jet-black hair hung in his face, but it didn't seem to bother him. He was wearing a black hoodie with a leather jacket, his hood pulled low over his face. His hair was blowing in the wind, he was soaked from the rain just like me. How long had he followed me that he was so wet from the rain? My heart ached as he smiled. He had fooled me for four years. I didn't return his smile, I was too hurt. His smile faded and regret flashed in his eyes.

My vision blurred, I looked into his eyes and asked, "Jake?" He nodded and I saw tears forming in his eyes. He was about to say something, but I cut him off, angry. "So, you're telling me you've been alive for four years? And it didn't occur to you to leave me any sign of life? And if it's one of your fucking riddles with an encrypted message! You know I would have kept it to myself if you had asked me to! Shit, I'm standing here in front of your grave, but you're standing in front of me!"

He took a step toward me, but I backed off. He wanted to grab my hand, but I pulled it away. "Don't touch me," I hissed. He looked down, hurt, but I wasn't done with him. "Lilly dropped the bombshell and her parents got divorced! I was in touch with your mate, he was devastated! I was devastated! Hannah blames herself for your death! Lilly wanted so badly to meet her big brother, but you didn't let her! I blamed the others for your death! Jessy is still trying to reach me until today! Do you have any idea what kind of grief your death caused?! The whole group broke! Happy Hannah no longer exists! They've already lost Richy, they accepted you as a friend! I HATE YOU!"

Jake seemed to have had enough because he yelled back. "NO! Don't you dare say you hate me! Five minutes ago, you said something else! I looked after you for four damn years," he quieted down when he realized I was letting him talk. "Alan told the FBI you were in contact with me. They wanted to arrest you, shit you just wanted to help. I had to distract them from you somehow. When I found out that Hannah was safe, I knew I had to go. Yes, I almost died. They found the hoodie because I took it off because it was unbearably warm in the mine. I made it to the exit I told you about in time. I jumped at the chance when the FBI thought I was dead. I don't know how, but they figured out I survived. So, they tried to contact you. I hacked into your laptop and blocked all ways for them to reach you. The same game with your phone. After that, I drew their attention to me. I hacked into their database and left obvious traces. So, you were no longer their target, you could live freely."

I started crying, he had sacrificed his safety for me. "But you couldn't live freely anymore." He shook his head. "You were worth it to me and still are," he said shyly. "What do you mean still?" I asked shocked. "I'm still not safe, but I made a false lead. Don't be mad at me, but with Nym-Os I always had access to your phone and also your location. As I said before, I've watched over you for four years. Took care of you. Made sure you're safe. For the last three years I have always been here with you at the cemetery." He gulped hard and a tear ran down his cheek. "It was incredibly difficult for me not to run up to you and take you in my arms. I was constantly afraid that if I approached you, I would put you in danger. I had never managed to lay a false trail that lasted longer. Now I've finally managed to do it and I swore to myself to speak to you. To explain everything to you. I hated that you fell into deep depression because of me and my actions. I can understand if you want nothing more to do with me, but I wanted to explain everything to you. I'm so incredibly sorry."

I raised my arms to interrupt him. "Stop trying to get pity from me. Thank you for the explanation, but I will never be able to forgive you. I can't thank you enough for keeping me safe, but at the same time you broke me. I wish you the best of luck in your life, you deserve only the best despite your actions. Goodbye, Jake."

He let his hands hang down and just nodded. He looked down dejectedly as I turned away from him and left the cemetery. Shivering, I buttoned up my jacket and crossed my arms across my belly. I quickly ran back to the motel as it started to rain heavily. "Why did I leave my umbrella in the car," I cursed at myself. I could already see the motel and a relieved smile spread across my face. I was looking forward to getting into my warm motel room.

"MC!" someone shouted through the rain. No, he didn't actually follow me. I picked up my pace, my teeth chattering so cold I was. I've been in the rain in the cold for far too long. "MC!!"The voice was closer, my heart started racing. It was Jake, now I could definitely confirm it. I didn't know why, but my body decided to run. "Wait please! MC!" His voice broke my heart.

I kept running but strong arms pulled me back by my hand and he turned me around. "What do you want?" I yelled at him with tears in my eyes. He didn't say anything, he cupped my face in his hands and pulled me up to him. He leaned down slightly and pressed his lips firmly to mine. This contact triggered a firework of emotions in me. I didn't hesitate and wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back. I couldn't suppress my feelings and smiled into the kiss. The kiss became feverish, we couldn't get enough of each other. The taste of his lips mixed with the rain and my salty tears.

He pushed himself against me and I backed up until I was stopped by a pillar. He pressed me firmly against the pillar and my breathing became shallower and I felt warm all of a sudden. His hands traveled up and down my waist and my hands found their way into his hair. I moaned softly as his hand slipped under my sweater. "Wait," I whispered into the kiss, pushing him slightly away from me. He looked at me in disappointment and I couldn't help but giggle. "Let's go inside, I prefer it private."

We walked into the motel and the receptionist just rolled her eyes and put her headphones back in. I pulled Jake by my hand until we got to my motel room. I turned to him, smiling, but he looked at me doubtfully. "Is something wrong?"

He shook his head, "No, but I'm sorry about what just happened down there. I didn't mean to force you into anything. I don't even know that about myself, that I'm so so so..."

I walked up to him with a genuine smile, "So wild and passionate?" He nodded silently, he continued to look at me doubtfully, but his eyes gave him away. Pure lust flashed in them. "Who says you forced me? If I remember correctly, I just returned your passion," I purred.

"I just don't want you to regret it. I want to prove to you that I really love you. I don't want you to think that I'm an asshole." Again, he looked depressed to the ground, only now do I see how sorry he was about all this. I walked up to him, cupped his chin in my fingers and looked lovingly into his eyes. "Prove it by giving yourself to me."

He didn't need to be told twice, shortly afterwards I felt his lips on mine again. I took off his leather jacket and he took off my jacket. We stumbled across the room until my legs reached the bed and he gave me a little push, so I fell onto the bed, back first. He immediately climbed onto me and slipped a leg between my legs, making me moan.

He kissed an imaginary line down my neck. When he got to the collar of my sweater he growled in frustration. He took off my sweater, I did the same and took off his hoodie. Our hands conquered each other's bodies, we didn't want to miss an inch. He kissed down on me, when he got to my waistband, he unbuttoned my jeans and slowly pulled them off me. His hands caress along my legs. He kissed my thighs, I looked down at him for a brief moment and our eyes met.

I caught my breath as I looked into his eyes, full of desire and admiration. A flash of joy shot through my whole body and the butterflies in my belly went crazy. When he pressed his lips to mine again, I helped him pull his jeans off. It wasn't long before we were lying completely naked on top of each other.

When he entered me, it was all over with me. I tilted my head back and dug my nails into his back. Every time he almost pulled out of me, I wanted to pull him back to me. Once he was fully inside me again, I didn't want to let him go. This feeling made me moan louder with each of his thrusts. I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him as close to me as possible. He brought us both to the climax and we lay on top of each other, breathing heavily.

He gave me a soft kiss and rolled off me to enclose me in his arms. My heart was beating way too fast, and I was on cloud nine. I gave him a quick kiss on his chest and inhaled his scent. His regular deep breathing made me fall into a deep sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, I was afraid to open my eyes. Afraid that Jake was gone or that it was all just a dream. But shortly afterwards I felt a hand on my cheek that gently stroked me. I couldn't help but grin and kissed his hand. "Don't stop touching me."

He kissed my forehead, and I slowly opened my eyes. There he lay looking at me lovingly with a big smile on his face. But his smile faded and so did mine. "You have to go back, don't you?" He nodded and I could see him trying to swallow the lump in his throat. I thought for a moment and then voiced my thoughts, "Take me with you."

"No, MC. That's too dangerous. I don't want to endanger you unnecessarily." I sat up abruptly and glared at him, "Who says it's your choice? I want to go with you!" We argued for ages, at one point Jake challenged me, "Give me one reason why you would want to sacrifice your safety for me?"

"Because I love you! There you have it! I love you!" He seemed speechless, doubts overcame me. "You... you don't love me?" His head snapped at me, and I forgot to breathe, pure determination in his eyes. "Don't you ever question my love for you again!" He said slowly and his voice was deep, he was angry. I swallowed hard, "Jake please. I've been without you for four years. Please don't do it to me again."

He got up abruptly and got dressed, I looked at him sadly. I guess he really didn't want me around. My lips trembled and my vision became blurry. He cupped my chin in his fingers and placed a gentle kiss on my lips, smiling cheekily. "It's nice to see you naked, but if you're going to run off with me, you'd better get dressed."

A wide smile spread across my face. I got up to get some fresh clothes when he suddenly pushed me against the wall. "I just can't control myself in your presence, we still have a few hours. We should enjoy them." I nodded and he pressed me even tighter against the wall, leaning against me from behind. I groaned as he entered me from behind. I loved his passion and how wild he got during sex. At the same time, I loved how shy he was when we talked normally.

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57 notes – Posted Oktober 20, 2022

Meine #1 des Jahres 2022

Unconditional Love

TW: Sexual Content

Words: 1,732

A/N: I tried my best at writing fluff. It's not my best work, but here it is. It was requested by @julesisreading 🧡

Before I left the gym, I checked my phone one more time. No new messages. I hated showering at the gym so I saved the shower for at home. I got in my little car and drove home. I parked in the residents' lot and entered the apartment building. I cursed myself for doing leg day today, walking up five more floors afterwards was just hell. I unlocked the door to the apartment and flopped onto the couch, groaning in exhaustion.

As my pulse and breathing calmed down again, I listened and heard the fast typing on the keyboard from the next room. He asked me not to disturb him, he had been in there for three days now and when he left the room it was only to go to the bathroom. We also didn't talk if we should meet during his walk to the bathroom. I'd like to know what he was doing in there, but he said it was just because of his work. He worked for the FBI now, but he's never been this busy.

It was pretty late at night so I made myself something to eat and sat on the couch and watched the live stream from the Aurora. My favorite band performed there today, but unfortunately I couldn't be there. I lay down on the sofa and fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning I was covered with a pillow under my head. A bottle of water sat on the living room table with a small note, "I love you."

Even if he was distant at the moment because of his work, he always left his love for me. He knew I loved those little gestures. I didn't need huge bouquets of roses or any chocolates. I was grateful that he had put the pillow under my head otherwise I would have a stiff neck now.

I noticed that I was still wearing my gym clothes. "Ew, that's gross," I said in disgust, sprinting to the bathroom. I wrapped myself in a towel and as I exited the bathroom I noticed that it was unusually quiet in here. I walked slowly and quietly into the bedroom and a love-struck grin crept onto my lips. Jake lay in bed asleep, he didn't even get to cover himself up, he was so tired.

I quietly opened the closet and quickly dug out some clothes. I tucked Jake in and placed a light kiss on his forehead. He didn't notice any of this and went on sleeping. I giggled softly when I saw him snuggling into the blanket. I slipped quietly into the bathroom and got dressed, I made two toasts and drank a coffee. After that I brushed my teeth. Shortly thereafter, my cell phone rang and I internally cursed not to have put it on silent.

I quickly ran to my phone and when I read the name, I growled, "Phil."

I took the call, "What do you want Phil?"

He chuckled, "Why are you in such a bad mood? You know I could have gotten a seat for you last night."

"Phil," I said firmly, feeling a presence behind me. This name literally summoned him. "Thanks for the offer, but I know you would want me to work for you if I had accepted the offer. And we all know you don't need any help."

"Who says that?" he asked in his flirty voice.

"I'll say that. I've been watching you, you're anything but overwhelmed at work. You're rather underwhelmed, you just want me there to let the female guests flirt with you more. And you want to use me to brag. "

"And who says that?" he asked a bit annoyed.

"You, drunk," I giggled into the phone. I felt two arms wrap around my waist and try to possess me like I was being taken away from him. He kissed my neck and let me exhale heavily. I tried to stifle a groan as he ran a hand over my breast.

I tried to hang up but he kept me on the phone. That was probably my punishment for accepting the call in the first place. But I didn't let such a punishment escape me. I enjoyed his touch and closed my eyes as he smiled at my neck since I wasn't wearing a bra. He twisted and tugged at my nipples, almost making me mewl.

His hand slipped under my top, exposing one of my breasts. He stood in front of me and closed his mouth around my nipple and his tongue drove my nipple mad. He crouched down a bit because I was a bit smaller than him. He looked me in the eyes from below and my breath caught. I threw my head back. It was only seconds, but it was wonderful to finally feel his contact again.

I was about to groan when Phil's voice snapped me out of my ecstasy, "It was a pity you weren't there, the others missed you too. It's a real pity you live on another continent."

"I thought it was a pity too," I immediately put my hand to my mouth. I sounded totally horny and my voice was deep with lust.

Jake smiled and nibbled on my nipple and I squeaked softly. "Everything ok?" asked Phil.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine. I... um... I have to... hang up now." My breathing quickened as his hands slid to my waistband.

"Okay? Goodbye."

Without saying goodbye, I hung up and glared at the man in front of me. He got up and I knew he just wanted to play. I immediately put on a frustrated face as he covered my breast in my top again.

"Jake! You can't do that," I whined.

"Watch me," he said walking back to his office. I laughed mockingly and he immediately stopped. He didn't move. The game can begin. I grinned cheekily, but when he turned around I put on a disappointed expression.

"Oh, don't worry about me. Go back to your cave." He scanned me from head to toe, trying to find a flaw in my changed behavior.

Inside I laughed evilly. I knew how high the risk is that he will either get mad at me after my next sentence or if he will pounce on me and show me his love.

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68 notes – Posted November 6, 2022

Hol dir deinen Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 →

#tumblr2022 #Mein Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 #Dein Tumblr-Jahresrückblick #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #not even a whole year

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vampireninjabunnies-blog · 2 years

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What's Your Role In The Tragic Play

Tagged by @inafieldofdaisies and@madparadoxum to do this uquiz https://uquiz.com/quiz/y7ORUH/whats-your-role-in-the-tragic-play

Esther Seed

sweet supporting character

i wanna be your grandma so bad, please let me pinch your face and knit you a sweater. you're most likely the best friend of the protagonist, and there's some possible overlap between you and the narrator. you're sweet and try very hard to be selfless. you watch the ones you love descend into darkness, and make every effort to help them through it all. it's not enough. you keep trying to make it enough. you provide comic relief, a listening ear, a hug, advice── any method of support you can think of. your own personal tragedy isn't documented. sometimes you wish it was, even though you're the one who ensures it is not. you want people to care for you the way you do for others. but you refuse to ask for it, so you wait for others to read between the lines. they usually don't. at least you're the one who gets to survive the tragedy. no matter how many times you beg to trade places, it is always you at the end, sitting at someone else's grave.

Micheal Shea

misunderstood villain

prepare for an onslaught of both the most dehumanizing and hateful takes, and flood of thirst comments. you are chronically misunderstood. whether or not you're actually evil is debatable. you may be acting out for revenge, to defend someone you love, or even just to protect yourself. you're a pretty jaded person. you don't trust or even really like most people. maybe you did at one point. but that part of you is gone, and you don't go a single day without grieving it. you think a lot about what your life could have been. you're stuck in the past. you're angry and maybe you don't even want to be, but this is the only way you can see to survive. you're open, but less in a trusting way and more like a wound. you don't like to let people see you, but the hurt spills out of you before you can stop it. you're impulsive, even as you try hard to plan and prepare. maybe someday your side of the story will finally be heard. until then, you can convince yourself that being hated is safer anyway.

Rajesh Cohen and Jim Richards

desperate narrator

this story is a cycle, and you're spinning around it like a hamster in a ball being tormented by a cat. you know how this story ends. after all, you've told it a thousand times. but you try to change it every time. you love the people in this story more than anything. so watching them fall victim to the narrative breaks you in a way you can't begin to describe. but all you can do is tell the story── their story── with tears in your eyes. you're prone to anxiety and feelings of helplessness. you have so much love in your heart, and for once you wish it would change something. it didn't. it doesn't. it won't. but you refuse to stop telling the story. and you refuse to stop loving the people in it. in this way, no one is stronger than you. you just wish being strong hurt less.

Anna and Selena

unassuming extra

you had maybe 3 lines but you will forever own my heart. you play a very minor role, one often forgotten about (not by me tho bby, i'll love you forever). however, your significance in the story is pretty big. something about you propels the story forward in a way no one else can do. you tend to blend into the background, and you probably like it that way. you want a simple life, free from the drama of the main characters. unfortunately, your story is almost always cut short. your role is usually a death that kickstarts the plot. going unnoticed did not save you, but it probably did bring you some peace of mind.

Deputy Carey Rorke

bold protagonist

you're the star of the show, baby! and boy does that come with a lot of emotional turmoil. you have a seemingly endless supply of determination. whether you have a lot of goals, or one big one, you're constantly working towards it. you're pretty restless, and struggle with imposter syndrome and generally feeling like you should be doing more. your insecurity might not be immediately obvious to others, however, as you come across as very strong and bold. vulnerability is not your strong suit, and that's likely to be your downfall. if only you had just let people in, and asked for help... well, maybe this was always gonna be a tragedy.

#oc:esther seed #oc:micheal shea #oc:jim richards #oc:deputy rorke #oc: rajesh cohen #oc:anna stevens #selena faith seed #far cry 5 oc #oc quiz

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tacetnix · 5 months

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[SONG_MEME]::Tagged()

Task: "Share at least five songs that remind you of your muse." Requester: @hexenjagd // thank you my friend! I'm gonna be slowly getting through the backlog of kindness ;v;

01. Liars - VOX TUNED D.E.D. ---- Heavy. Industrial. Oppressive. Unrelenting.

"I...... can't get be-tter I....... want the best, though If I'm... running out, of lifetime You should just say, so"

02. Unlike Pluto - HOLLOW ---- For all of the things that Mary feels about herself, comprehending the worth she has in the eyes of others is a tragic null. She cannot comprehend that others desire her presence, for that's what she was taught. Only time can help those scars heal, but on some level, it will always be a surprise to her.

"Disappointment echos in my brain Anyone would really go insane Empty hands promised me everything But gave me nothing in the end"

03. 65daysofstatic - UNDER THE SUMMS ---- A very simple intro, almost boring for the first minute. Instrumental throughout. Not a single word. Melancholic but ramping up in intensity. Eventually, guitars kick in, and there's this underlying sense of urgency, panic, but it's firmly calm and collected. Controlled. Contained. I keep coming back to this one.

04. grandson - WELCOME TO PARADISE ---- No matter how terrible reality is, no matter how easily her own human life can be severed... she will attempt to aid those who show her that they are deserving of care. She will wrap herself in steel and magic and try to face the world... but for now, she offers you a shelter. It's an illusion, and it is a stopgap and she knows this... But it can make it just that little bit more bearable, no?

"Conversation with my echo Take a hit and then I let go Everything will be okay"

05. ANTAGONIZER - STATIC ---- Unrelenting once again. Move with instinct, let the thoughts flow, let them guide you. Paranoia, Overthinking, Anxiety. They flourish, they overwhelm. Like how surging rapids and floods threaten to flush all before them away... guide them. Direct them. Build the dam and build the byways and build the channels that let the thoughts flow as you will them.

"The softest damage Etched in your soul The quiet terror of losing all your control I’m chasing rabbits, Into black holes I am unraveling into the unknown"

// And that's my five for the time being!! Thanks again to Cat for tagging me in this and I'm going to put out a 'please steal this from me and @ me when you do it, because I love seeing how you guys think about your characters too!'

#The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known | Tagged #A Wayward Catalyst | Dash Quiz #Thoughts on a Scientist | Musings

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lovecanbesostrange · 3 years

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Welcome to another installment of random RRCAU fic, from the big, big universe that lives on the Ruby Lucas Harem Discord, because konako got that one random ask that time. (ask us about the insane College AU now, I dare you, we have answers you don’t even want)

So, if you follow that, have another scene. But this one is, heavy, because it’s all about the big dramatic death around the end of the second year. konako made me cry with the short snippet, so I will now repay that favor with the aftermath in a bit of a long form.

(this is towards the end of Ruby’s sophomore year at college, Granny has just died)

Ruby felt numb. If she could even call it feeling. But it’s either this or crying. And this is more helpful to get through tasks on auto-pilot. Sometimes there was the anger, now like an old friend. But it’s snapping at her friends, pounding the sandbag at the gym, running like mad on the field (Coach is a human after all, didn’t even make her do laps after clearly running the wrong plays). The last few days were a hazy blur. Food, hugging, a bit of sport, people, asking for an assignment extension.

And the phone call with Anita.

She was numb during that, too. And it was for the best. They both knew Granny wanted to be cremated. Just like her husband. But Ruby knew that she also wanted her ashes to be scattered like his. And Anita had said no. She had made arrangements for the urn to be buried. A small service and a burial. Ruby had said she’d be there.

“Whatever.”

A response Ruby knew well.

Regina and Mary Margaret had brought her to the airport. She was using up Regina’s miles again. But she didn’t argue. When she landed she thought she’d get herself to the trailer park somehow, maybe a car rental. Ruby hadn’t thought about that. There was something though. And yes, there was, Mary Margaret had told her - Eva was already waiting at the exit.

Another hug. Long. Warm. Welcoming. It brought Ruby out of the haze a bit, so new tears fell. Tears for Granny. Dead. The last bit of happy memories tied to that place her mind kept insisting on calling home.

“... you can sleep in Mary’s room and I’ll take you to the airport day after tomorrow of course.” Eva already had it planned out, telling her in the car. “Ruby? Is that all okay with you?” Ruby tore off her gaze from the scenery outside, pulling her head away from the glass of the passenger’s window.

“Can we go to the Terrace?” Suddenly the name sounded hollow. “I’d like to get a couple of things.” Maybe she would be too late. Maybe Anita had thrown everything out already.

“Right away?”

“If you don’t mind, please.”

“Of course not, honey.” Eva held the steering wheel with her left hand and put her right on Ruby’s knee, squeezing. Comfort. Reassurance. “Tell me what I can do and consider it done.”

The hint of a smile pulled on the corners of Ruby’s mouth. This was Eva. This had always been Eva, even when she didn’t understand it. She got things done for her.

Pulling up at the trailer park felt strange. For one it was because Ruby was sitting in a nice car. Not rushing through the side entrance on her bike. It was also because Ruby could count the times she’d been here in the almost past two years and every time she got away from it, the place seemed smaller and further away. But mostly, without Granny this was just a glorified parking lot with a bit of green.

Eva parked and waited. Ruby unfastened her seat-belt, but she couldn’t get out. She looked over. Ruby didn’t know if she wanted to go in alone. If she could. Was it better to have Eva there as back-up? Or was that disrespectful?

“I… would you… can you maybe come with me? I don’t know if…” She didn’t know if she could even step a foot inside or would crumble at the front door the way she had days ago in front of her dorm.

“I’m right behind you.” Eva smiled. The warm mom-smile.

Ruby didn’t know if Anita would be here now. She didn’t bother knocking though and didn’t need a key. Nobody needed a key to get in, when you knew the lock wasn’t working properly and all you needed to do was lift the front door at the right angle and push hard.

Ruby opened her mouth, but closed it immediately to not say hallo into the void. Everything looked mostly as expected. There were a few empty alcohol bottles stacked next to the kitchen sink, Anita had been digging in. But she still got herself together to not let them lie around. Maybe that was good. Maybe that was something to care about.

Suddenly her home - the trailer - looked depressing. More than usual. Granny wasn’t sitting outside or lying in bed. The tiny tv was not running. That specific background noise missing was a big deal. Sure, Granny had been in and out of the hospital, but the finality was felt.

Ruby breathed in, the hitch alerted Eva and she touched her on her back, steadied her. The smell. Oh the smell was home. The mix of the cheap laundry detergent, the sharp air freshener, the lingering scent of Granny mixed with Anita’s aggressive perfume. It smelt a bit different than she remembered, but that was probably herself missing from this equation for a long time now.

Slowly Ruby stepped towards the bedroom. The smell of Granny got stronger. Without thinking about it she sat down on the bed. The linens crisp and clean, waiting for someone to sleep here again. There were pills on the nightstand. The little tub with daily doses already in order. Ruby picked it up. Monday and Tuesday were empty, she looked at Wednesday and the morning was missing. Right, after that Granny had called an ambulance. Thursday’s pills were untouched. Thursday had been the last time she had seen her. Ever.

Anita hadn’t touched anything in here as far as Ruby could tell. It was a surprise. Maybe she didn’t know what to do with all the stuff. And maybe, just maybe, there was more emotional baggage inside of her and she couldn’t let go of her mother. She had never left either. She could have. She could have let Granny rot alone in here and not just disappear a few days at a time, but forever. And yet Anita had always come back. Despite everything.

Ruby put the pill box back down and grabbed the framed photo. It was Granny’s wedding picture. She had never stopped loving that man that barely had time to get to know his own daughter and who never knew that his memory lived in a granddaughter he never met at all. They were a handsome couple. This was one of three pictures she knew she wanted above all else.

Her hand was already under the bed, searching the shoe box stashed there. Yes. She opened it and was greeted with all the letters she had sent home the last two years. It felt like so little, but she knew it had meant much. Granny had taken the photos from some of these out and put them on the wall next to the tv. But the pictures Ruby was searching were underneath it all.

An old black and white photograph. More brownish actually, genuine sepia, grainy, worn on the edges. It was Granny as a child with her three older brothers. It was the only thing Ruby knew of, that even proved they once had been alive. Before that fateful accident. Three brothers and their father, all gone in one go.

This family was cursed. Mothers and daughters left. And Granny’s mother hadn’t made it much longer on her own. Maybe Granny and Ruby got along, because they skipped a generation between. Mothers and daughters gave each other plenty of resentment.

And then there was the third picture. Granny with her dear husband and a fancy new car. The red Camaro had been out of their price range, but on their anniversary they had gone to the dealership, got a long test drive out of it and made that a date. Granny had talked about that day a lot. Grandfather promised them a brighter future where they would be able to afford a car like that. Not just stealing fake moments, but creating happy ones for real.

That had never happened.

Granny had deserved more and yet life had rejected her. But she had held on. Despite her heart condition, the many losses of family members around her, the slipping into poverty. Granny had always held on. For over 80 years. Nobody had thought that would even be possible. So maybe it was okay to say goodbye now. Now that Ruby understood how Granny could look at a picture of her dead husband for hours and feel nothing but love.

Ruby put the frame into the shoe box, then her gaze fell onto the chair. Granny’s knitted cardigan hung over the back. She’d always worn that grey monstrosity, though it was unflattering even on her. Ruby got to her feet and picked it up. She buried her face in the fabric. Granny. Yes, she wanted this. The pictures, her own letters, the cardigan. It meant something.

Tears began to fall again. Ruby wasn’t numb at all. Breathing in all the memories came rushing back. Sitting on Granny’s lap during Christmas story time; teaching her the sacred lasagna recipe; listening to unimportant happenings at school; the encouraging words when Anita’s indifference turned into vile insults; daydreaming of long trips with fingers on the maps of an old atlas; sitting in front of Granny’s bed, eating something from the microwave and letting Granny catch her up on her soaps. There had been love.

Eva had been silent all this time and given Ruby space. Now she stepped closer and wrapped her up in her arms. Ruby hugged the cardigan and felt Eva kissing her on the head. This was goodbye. But she wouldn’t be alone.

The service was lovely, but what really got to Ruby was seeing people attending. She had thought she’d be there alone with Anita, maybe Eva in the back. But there were a few neighbors. Mrs. Johnson even gave her a quick hug, she had come by like once a month to do Granny’s hair for free, but really it was about the conversation. Nurse Wilcox had retired herself three years ago, but before she had worked at the doctor’s office Granny got her subscriptions from. She had seen the tiny ad in the paper and wanted to pay her respects, remembering one of her favourite patients.

A part of Ruby wanted to scream, because she knew burying the urn in the dirt was wrong. Even though Anita had picked a nice little headstone. Ruby knew this was money she couldn’t really afford to spend. But causing a scene in the cemetery was the last thing she would do. She’d rather run away and not attend at all, while more than a dozen people paid their respects.

There wasn’t much said between Ruby and Anita. Who cared about one more argument and hollow questions about their current living situations? Ruby would remember the way Eva kept holding her hand, let her ramble through incoherent memories and tugged her into Mary’s bed. (Something Ruby rejected by getting up at night to sleep in the treehouse, the cardigan close to her chest.)

And when summer came around, Ruby would clean a whole week out of her schedule. No summer class, no work, not anybody around. Maybe it was irresponsible to blow through a portion of her savings, but she found a car rental that could get her that red 1975 Chevrolet Camaro. And maybe it was called grave robbing, but she dug up Granny’s urn and put her on the passenger’s seat. A week on the road right up to the beach where Granny had scattered her husband’s ashes.

That would be Ruby’s last goodbye. When she finally could let go of the woman, who had mostly raised her. The road trip they had talked about in giggling voices.

Turning into the parking lot was hard. And just when Ruby doubted she could scatter these ashes alone, she spotted Regina waiting for her. She had send so many texts to her friends and called to let them know she was okay, that Regina knew when she would arrive at her destination. Regina, who had been there when Ruby had last spoken to Granny. Fitting. Granny’s final blessing.

#OUaT #I mean it is fanfic - in free form - and for a limited number of people... I could explain it all to you!#Ruby Lucas #let me flood that character tag to show my love for this character (I can't stop hurting)#konako #she has to be tagged because it's all her fault anyway #RRCAU #(the football AU where we surprised ourselves when it was about football that one time)#the trigger warning here would be major character death - even though the content warning needs to read grief+memories

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