#leonette loves yellow okay

[she-wolf-of-highgarden]

I think where I have a hard time with Arya and Sansa’s relationship is that Martin gives Sansa a defense mechanism where she doesn’t look back at things. And I���m not saying Arya is terribly self-reflective, but he allows her to have more than he does with Sansa. 

Your little sister was hiding in the woods for three days? Don’t think about it. 

Your little sister is missing after the brutal purging of your household? Don’t think about it. In fact, forget to ask about her.  

The last thing (that the readers know) you said to your little sister was how much you disliked her and how you thought she should be dead? Don’t think about it. 

That lack of reflection can make it hard, especially when you compare the two. Arya thinks about her sister. Arya misses her sister. Arya gets:

“Arya sipped at her tankard cautiously, between spoonfuls of pie still warm from the oven. Her father sometimes let them have a cup of beer, she remembered. Sansa used to make a face at the taste and say that wine was ever so much finer, but Arya had liked it well enough. It made her sad to think of Sansa and her father.” - Arya II, ACoK

“When she thought of seeing Robb's face again Arya had to bite her lip. And I want to see Jon too, and Bran and Rickon, and Mother. Even Sansa . . . I'll kiss her and beg her pardons like a proper lady, she'll like that.” - Arya VII, ACoK (she shows she’s willing to change her behavior if only for a little while to make her sister happy)

“So the singer played for her, so soft and sad that Arya only heard snatches of the words, though the tune was half-familiar. Sansa would know it, I bet. Her sister had known all the songs, and she could even play a little, and sing so sweetly. All I could ever do was shout the words.” - Arya IV, ASoS

“Needle was Robb and Bran and Rickon, her mother and her father, even Sansa. Needle was Winterfell's grey walls, and the laughter of its people. Needle was the summer snows, Old Nan's stories, the heart tree with its red leaves and scary face, the warm earthy smell of the glass gardens, the sound of the north wind rattling the shutters of her room. Needle was Jon Snow's smile. He used to mess my hair and call me "little sister," she remembered, and suddenly there were tears in her eyes.” - Arya II, AFfC

And I’m not pretending that Arya doesn’t have some not nice things to say about her sister. She does. But Martin balances it better with her than with Sansa. And part of that is the defense mechanism and part of that is that Arya insults Sansa’s interests which is not okay, but she never actually calls Sansa herself stupid. Martin, however, does have Sansa insult Arya herself. Not just her interests or friends (which she does but in fairness Arya does that to her too so it kind of evens out), just Arya herself. 

“She treasured every chance to spend time with him, few as they were. The only thing that scared her about today was Arya. Arya had a way of ruining everything. You never knew what she would do.” - Sansa I, AGoT

“What could you want to see?" Sansa said, annoyed. She had been thrilled by the invitation, and her stupid sister was going to ruin everything, just as she'd feared. "It's all just fields and farms and holdfasts.” - Sansa I, AGoT

“The kitchen yielded no lemon cakes, but they did find half of a cold strawberry pie, and that was almost as good. They ate it on the tower steps, giggling and gossiping and sharing secrets, and Sansa went to bed that night feeling almost as wicked as Arya.” - Sansa III, AGoT

“Hodor!" Sansa yelled. "You ought to marry Hodor, you're just like him, stupid and hairy and ugly!" She wrenched away from her sister's hand, stormed into her bedchamber, and barred the door behind her.” - Sansa III, AGoT

“It was for love," Sansa said in a rush. "Father wouldn't even give me leave to say farewell." She was the good girl, the obedient girl, but she had felt as wicked as Arya that morning, sneaking away from Septa Mordane, defying her lord father. She had never done anything so willful before, and she would never have done it then if she hadn't loved Joffrey as much as she did.” - Sansa IV, AGoT

Arya ruins everything , Arya is wicked, Arya is stupid. 

And do we have good points that come from Sansa? Sure. But there are still moments where Martin will kind of take away from the moment which is a problem when you have only a few moments. 

For example in ASoS we get:

“Lady Leonette gave her lessons on the high harp, and Lady Janna shared all the choice gossip. Merry Crane always had an amusing story, and little Lady Bulwer reminded her of Arya, though not so fierce.” - Sansa II, ASoS 

which is followed by 

“Sister. Sansa had once dreamt of having a sister like Margaery; beautiful and gentle, with all the world's graces at her command. Arya had been entirely unsatisfactory as sisters went. How can I let my sister marry Joffrey? she thought, and suddenly her eyes were full of tears.” - Sansa II, ASoS

That’s kind of rough. Yet after this we do get a nice moment between the girls. 

“She scooped up a handful of snow and squeezed it between her fingers. Heavy and wet, the snow packed easily. Sansa began to make snowballs, shaping and smoothing them until they were round and white and perfect. She remembered a summer's snow in Winterfell when Arya and Bran had ambushed her as she emerged from the keep one morning. They'd each had a dozen snowballs to hand, and she'd had none. Bran had been perched on the roof of the covered bridge, out of reach, but Sansa had chased Arya through the stables and around the kitchen until both of them were breathless. She might even have caught her, but she'd slipped on some ice. Her sister came back to see if she was hurt. When she said she wasn't, Arya hit her in the face with another snowball, but Sansa grabbed her leg and pulled her down and was rubbing snow in her hair when Jory came along and pulled them apart, laughing.” - Sansa VII, ASoS

And we know from Arya (and that Alyane chapter in TWoW should it ever come out) that there were nice moments between the girls, even after the Trident. I mean Sansa does confide in Arya. 

“Suddenly Arya knew where she had seen those dogs before. The night of the tourney at King's Landing, all the knights had hung their shields outside their pavilions. "That one belongs to the Hound's brother," Sansa had confided when they passed the black dogs on the yellow field. "He's even bigger than Hodor, you'll see. They call him the Mountain That Rides.” - Arya V, ACok 

And Sansa even tells Arya about Jeyne Poole’s crush on Beric Donderrion or at least it is implied. 

“Dondarrion? Beric Dondarrion had been handsome; Sansa's friend Jeyne had fallen in love with him. Even Jeyne Poole was not so blind as to think this man was fair.” - Arya VI, ASoS

“She told me." It all seemed so long ago. "Her friend Jeyne Poole fell in love with your Lord Beric.” - Arya VII, ASoS

So they obviously talked. We just don’t really get to see it. And its important to note that we get it from Arya. Sansa doesn’t usually think about it or mention it. Because that is her whole deal. In order to protect herself, she just doesn’t deal with things. 

Does that mean she is unsympathetic? No. The poor girl deserves sympathy. What it does mean is that is difficult to show what she feels about her sister because she doesn’t think about her sister. Arya thinks about Sansa more because Martin gave her a different defense mechanism. We can point to places where Arya thinks positively of Sansa and it is harder to do that with Sansa. Is it because Sansa is awful? No. It’s because Martin decided that her defense mechanism was to just not think about upsetting things and so she doesn’t think about Arya the way Arya thinks about her.

I would also point out that I think part of the problem is Martin is iffy at writing female familial relations in general. It gets better as the books go on, but still. Your  telling me we couldn’t get one scene with Cat and one of her daughters? Really? Martin doesn’t really show us female familial relations in general, you have a few instances of it, but its rare. We dont even get a scene where Cersei is alone with Myrcella. We know for a fact that Sansa and Arya have good moments, but Martin doesn’t show it in real time and that is kind of annoying.