#lars is an ube roll because it kinda looks like him and he made it also he's canonically of filipino descent i'm pretty sure

[horrible-monstrosity]

steven poontangiverse continues

Lion 4: Well, technically I've already seen this one, sooooo...

nope, still lame, still includes steven sticking his big ol key into rose's giant spaceship vagina. nnf

Now I'm gonna be honest here, I have a bit of a soft spot for Lars. Just... the show seems designed to shit on him, and the fandom is incredibly happy to follow suit, declaring him the worst person ever... despite him being, at worst, just your average awkward asshole teen. He has confidence issues, tries to be cooler than he actually is, dodges work, has some actual possibly serious social anxiety (hedgehog dilemma? Does Lars need to get in the fucking robot?) He's an entirely understandable character but for some reason everyone just seems to want to fucking hate him. And it's sad. So it kinda fucking warms my heart to see him have something he's good at... and then kinda crushes it a bit to see his ube roll thrown in the dumpster. Is this good writing, or am I just turning soft?

"... and finding out my mom was a war criminal." Okay, I laughed. I don't know fucking why.

"I wish I could just force him to be happy! Oh, no, now I sound like my mother, that's definitely the problem here. Maaaaybe I should try and fix my own shit instead of outright admitting I'm trying to fix his without his consent." nvm we're back to this bullshit again Just kidnap him to a desert island again, that worked out so well the first time, right? I suppose I should count my blessings she's considering not being a psycho bitch anymore, but the... lackadaisical treatment of Sadie's rather fucked-up attitude still just... concerns me. But, uh, how dare Lars slack off at his god damn donut job and force Sadie to work more donuts?

Doug Out- did this come before Lars episode? It's missing from the piracy site I usually use. YO HO HO eh this was dumb but inoffensive i guess. I lik the part where Connie points out all the previous enemies that haven't been resolved yet and have kinda just been forgotten about blowtorches don't rip fences open you dorps Dad Indian feels emasculated because he isn't as eempowwer'd as his female family members kek

And then the actual plot kicks in I guess Sadie mom has all of Sadie's keys... I think we're starting to see where Sadie gets her fucked up side from... Mmm, yes, go on another island adventure with her boyfriend. Yes, that. mmmmmultiple people disappear in a fairly small town and it takes everyone forever to notice anything's going on...... "This was a waste of time" lol yep it was. The drawing scene would have been funny if it weren't part of an ostensibly serious plot sequence, but it is, soooo....

So the show does something magical here. It beings hinting at something... actually fairly interesting: the prospect of another human-gem hybrid like Steven, or even a gem adopted and raised by a human. In the entirety of human and gem history, you'd think there'd be more times than Greg and Rose where a gem and a human came into contact with each other, interacted with each other, even formed a family of some kind. It would be very interesting to find such a character, and interacting with them could give Steven a lot to go off of in his own search for his purpose and thus his growth as a character... ..... but then it turns out it was just a dumb incredibly forced pun on an incidental line of dialogue from however the fuck many episodes ago!!! wow how interesting compared to what steven and connie came up with!!! good write crewniverse!!!!!!

boy crystal gems maybe you should try not attacking her one at a time huh hey how about attack topaz while she's defused you STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS topaz too thicc for steven's bubble (lennyface) TOPAZ INFLATION FETISH HA HAHHAH AH AHA SHIT

... I love watching this supposedly progressive show get downright traditionalist, or whatever the fuck you wanna call it. It goes riiiiight out of its way to make Lars having an entirely normal reaction to the prospect of being reabsorbed by Topaz or being punched in the face to death by a giant musclewoman by taking this precise little pause to wave Sadie in his face before he runs for it. And this is the Sadie who beat the fuck out of a gem monster before. She's a strong independant guuuuuurl who don't need no man, so Lars better go risk his skinny weak life and limb for her while she doesn't even lift a finger. #heforshe Heck, maildude acts basically exactly the same, freaking out and being "ouhouou i'm paralyzed with fear", and... that's okay apparently. He gets to have Steven carrying him to safety. No un curr. But fuck Lars, amirite?? And the fandom just eats it up. I've seen plenty of complaining that Lars didn't... do something he was absolutely incapable of, and how he should feel guilty for not saving his big strongk independent girlfriend who kidnapped him to a desert island and wants to reshape his personaity to one she likes better. I suppose while he's being kidnapped into deep space by aliens who're entirely likely to fuck his shit right up, what he should really be angsting about is not having saved his shitty girlfriend who's down on Earth safe anyway. reeeeeeeee-- But the best comment on this I've seen has been people complaining about... Lars not showing up to the party being "another" """example""" of him """""abandoning""""" poor Sadie to the horrible fate of attending a potluck instead of facing things LIKE A MAN and I don't even know because what the fuc does he even need to save her from here. Also she could just have fucking left if it was such a fucking bother. Maybe go look for Lars like she actually fucking cared about him or something. Also, you know, the complete and utter lack of sympathy for Lars' emotional problems.

Anyway, putting that aside... This whole episode is basically an idiot plot yo-yo... There's no reason for YD to want this incredibly specific arbitrary list of people in the first place except muh plot and dumb wordplay. Everyone gets captured, Steven has this great dramatic moment where he makes the decision to do the thing, and he almost gets everyone out of there... except then they get captured again, except they don't and going after them in the first place was entirely pointless, and Steven has a second shittier hysterical big dramatic moment where he rehashes his big attention-getting reveal to Top and Aq except not lying this time. And then even though the gems stopped the ship the first time T and A just get away. this is shit. why would you write this. why The human kidnapping plot that made up most of the tension of the preceeding episodes turns out almost entirely pointless. Steven's first go-do-the-thing moment, where he steps into Topaz's dramatic light, was the one that was set up to be meaningful, to carry some sort of weight, to show Steven shouldering some sort of responsibility. It was even the one used in the bomb trailer. But the writers decided to undo, undermine and overwrite it with a scene fufilling basically the same purpose but more pathetic. ... Given the show's penchant for refusing Steven any purpose or direction, I'm half expecting this was on purpose.

Also that scene where Topaz threatened to kill mailguy and started fucking twisting his neck was... really out of place. What the fuck. Apparently Lars legit dies in the next few episodes too, even if he's brought back. What the fuck, show? Aquamarine's fucking art shift rape face as she said it didn't help either.

tldr things finally happened but it still succ