#kyle is a chubby chaser

[clubcuhnty]

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

Temporary Fix! || skirt chaser!Johnny

Rating: E Words: 4.1K~ CW: smut smut smut, a bit of BAD dirty talking, oral sex (m!receiving), protected piv sex, breath play (if you squint), praise kink (lots of 'that's it' + 1 'good girl'). Tags: afab!reader, fat/chubby!reader, you/your pronouns, one-night stand but more like one-week stand. Summary: Johnny's a dog who can't keep it in his pants. a/n: this is for my chubby gals and also for my @crashtestbunny because I wanted her to be able to read this and not have the previous cheating plot in place.

The thing about soldiers… Is that they tend to have lovers. As in, for as long as they stay deployed in a country, they’re bound to get themselves a toy they can have a shag with. Sometimes it’s prostitutes. Sometimes it’s regular women.

This is a lot more common for enlisted soldiers in the Army. The types that get deployed for 9 to 18 months at a time when they're very young, fighting in a war that keeps them far away from home for so long that they “can’t help” but seek affection from local women.

But that’s not to mean Special Forces soldiers, especially those kept on ‘stand by’, always ready for a quick deployment that, at most, lasts a month or two, don’t do it. They do.

John Alistair MacTavish is a grown man, not one of those young lads of 18, recently out basic, who need a whole to bury their cock in or else they'll die. But you wouldn’t think that, seeing as he's constantly seeking out action on the side.

He goes on and on about how childish those stupid recruits are, about some of his old mates who'd shag anything that walks... Only to then leave base with his team to end up at some bar or club in civvy clothes, find a nice bird or bloke (he’s not picky) and go home with them.

A hypocrite, any normal person would call him, a womanizer, a skirt chaser, a player... He’s not above calling himself that. But sometimes he just needs to decompress! That's his excuse anyway. Decompressing. Letting out pent-up aggression. Orgasms are great stress-relievers...

And as useful as his fist is, he’s not a sixteen-year-old anymore, rubbing one out in his bathroom during a quick shower. That just doesn’t cut it anymore. If he has the option to shag someone, why wouldn’t he?

Now that he’s in the 141, the philandering just gets much worse. Whenever they have downtime on a foreign location somewhere, a night free before they return to England, or a night before they get the go-ahead to go on a mission, what have you… He’s out getting himself a shag.

And, worse of all, he brings Gaz along. 

Gaz doesn’t have the same issue, unlike Johnny, he can actually contain himself. Maybe that makes Gaz a bit bad too, because he knows that Soap has a tendency to chase like they owe him money... And he still enables him. He still goes out with his mate and they both get wasted and laid without a care. 

Maybe Gaz doesn’t think it’s his place to intervene, or maybe he just doesn’t care enough to.

Camaraderie and all.

That’s how they ended up in a club downtown, flashing lights all around them, loud reggaeton playing through the speakers, men and women around them with more skin on display than they had covered rubbing their bodies, sipping drinks, spilling them over each other… Oh, the wonders of a Colombian night club.

They saw you before you saw them. Kyle tapping at Johnny’s shoulder as their eyes perused the space individually, then, he drew the Scot’s eyes to you, standing with your friends, laughing, drinking, softly swaying to the music. 

Soft curves in a copper-colored dress that left little to the imagination, clinging tight to a round ass and a thick belly, the hem constantly pulled down by your hands, as it insisted on rolling up, up, up, exposing more of your smooth thighs than you wanted it to. 

It didn’t stop you from still rolling your hips to the music, however, turning the fixing of your dress a near impossible task, repetitive, useless, and maddening, Sisyphus-and-his-stone.

Turning to each other, the two sergeants hands shot to the middle of their bodies, a quick rock-paper-scissors ensuing… which Johnny won.

And that’s how you ended up turning around to the sight of a foreigner with the broadest shoulders, thickest arms and pecs, and bluest eyes you’ve ever seen… As well as a mohawk, something you didn’t often see on… anyone, really.

He was a soldier, you could tell, even out of uniform. Not your first time seeing one, this being a city with a military base attached, and certainly not your last time being approached by one.

Oh, how soldiers seem to love fat women. You’ve experienced your fair few, many of them assuming your weight would equal desperation for love and affection, which would result in you accepting a rushed wedding for the sole purpose of getting him out of the barracks. 

But you’re not desperate. Other than for a good lay, maybe.

“Erm… Hola.” The soldier in front of you says, blue eyes locked on your face for a surprisingly respectful amount of time considering the sinful cleavage that this dress and your bra give you. 

His Spanish has the thickest accent you’ve ever heard, meaning he’s not American… But his pronunciation is off, so he’s clearly an English speaker. Though he’s not English either, you can tell.

“I speak English. Hi.” You told him, watching as he let out a little sigh of relief. Then, the corner of his mouth popped up in a dirty little smirk. 

“Well, tha’ makes it easier. Hi.” He replied. “I saw ye from over there… Was wonderin’ if I can buy ye a drink?” He offered. Only then did he allow his blue eyes to slither down, down, down, trailing every inch of your exposed skin down to the black ankle booties you’re wearing, thick, square heels to prevent your hamstrings from feeling the pain of stilettos the next morning.

“Why?” You decided to ask him with a cocked brow, forcing his eyes to shoot upward to meet your face again, locking onto yours with a surprised expression.

“Why, what, pretty thing?” He replied, his own brows, thick, straight, rising up to meet his hairline. He’s confused, his eyes blinking a bit. His intentions had been clear as day. Obvious enough for you to pick up on, but you’re playing dumb, or maybe hard to get. 

“Why do you wanna buy me a drink?” You asked him as you dipped your head to the side, your eyes slowly trailing over every inch of his handsome face. Those blue eyes of his are locked on you, pupils slightly dilated, hands hanging off his hips, fingers looped onto the belt loops of his jeans.

“Because you’re proper beautiful.” He replied. Your cocked brow and unimpressed glances up and down, cause him to continue. “And I’d love to take you home, find out what you’ve got on under that dress, and make sure your neighbors hate you from today onward.”

His words are crude, his voice loud and crass, disregarding the public space you’re in, the fact that there are others around, not just your friends, but complete strangers too. Maybe he’s hoping they won’t understand English. But they do. Hell, your girlfriends look at you and exchange coy looks with you, before them, and you, break into a fit of giggles.

He looks at them, noticing they caught what he said, even through the loud music, but then looks at you again. “So? What do you say?” His brogue is getting easier and easier to listen to with every word he says.

Rolling your head to the side, your squint your eyes at him and then shrug. “Do you have to buy me a drink for that?” You challenge him, your eyes snapping back and forth between his own, almost taunting him with your inquiry.

“Not if you don’t want to.” He tells you, eyes lit ablaze and a smirk on his lips.

So, you simply grab him by the arm, bid farewell to your friends, with a wave, and grab your clutch from the table, before dragging him out of the club.

Johnny was expecting a flat, a home, maybe even a university dorm room considering your age. What a surprise it came to him to find you taking him up to a hotel. Not that he’d complain when he noticed the large king-sized bed and the large view, providing a beautiful view of the illuminated city of Cartagena.

His hands were on your broad hips before you even got to closing the door, his mouth clashing onto yours as he pushed you against the wall by the door, calloused hands already sliding over the slinky fabric of your silky dress, tugging it up, so they could slip underneath.

His tongue pushed into your mouth, wet and drooling, saliva traded between your mouths as his strong fingers caught hold of a greedy handful of your ass, digging into the supple flesh and groaning in delight at just the feeling of you at his fingertips.

Your own hands already slid up and around his torso, feeling him up through the fabric of his t-shirt, before sliding down to pull the navy blue fabric out of its tuck into his jeans, rolling it up to expose a strong, bulky body covered in a generous amount of body hair.

Your lips broke apart for a moment, only long enough for you to take off his shirt, tossing it onto an armchair in the corner, and for him to unzip the side-zipper of your dress, taking it off you too.

Then, he grabbed you around the thighs, causing you to shriek, as he bounded for the bed, dropping you so hard onto it you almost swore you’d bounce off. Still wearing his jeans, he slotted himself between your parted thighs, his body bending over yours.

His stubble scratched your neck as he kissed you all over, licking stripes of your skin as his hands pulled off your boots, unfastened your bra… They were surprisingly nimble for such a hulking man. “Fuck, you’re beautiful.” Johnny cooed as he let his eyes run down your body.

He dragged his mouth down from your neck, across you clavicle, over one of your breasts, and caught your nipple between his teeth, beginning to suck on it, noticing how you hissed a bit, leaning back on your elbows as he did so.

One of his hands caught your other breast, grabbing and carefully kneading it between his fingers, as his eyes shot up to your face, blue irises beneath a pair of dark eyelashes, fluttering slowly as his pupils blew out from how horny he was. His other hand found your black panties and pulled them aside, (more so ripped them with how aggressive he pulled on them), the rough and calloused pads of his fingers catching your lips immediately and beginning to slide up and down, running over your slit.

The moment his cracked fingertips grazed your clit, you whined, your legs spreading apart even more, your body jumping a bit. “Fuck…” You grumbled under your breath, your eyes locked on his face and the way he eagerly played with your nipple. 

“Relax.” Johnny told you once he let go of your nipple. Then, he rolled his tongue around in his mouth, collecting some saliva, before letting it drip onto your slit, his fingers catching it and spreading it quickly as he resumed playing with your clit, hand craning in order to push a finger inside.

“Oh fuck…” You moaned softly, hips bucking up against his hand, following his ministrations as he pushed a second finger inside of you and hooked them up to graze your g-spot, pumping them in and out, the rugged feel of his cracked fingertips drawing a surprisingly pleasant sensation of pleasure from the depths of your soul.

His other hand moved away from your breasts in order to undo his belt, leaving it to hang around his waist as he also undid his jeans, sliding them and his boxer briefs down one-handed, in order to allow his cock to spring free.

Your eyes lock onto it as he continues fingering you, a bit sloppy and rough, his palm pressed to your clit and his fingers constantly drawing a ‘come hither’ motion inside your wet walls.

His cock is stubby, shorter than some of the men you’ve been with, but so thick you can’t help but wonder just how he’ll make it fit inside of you, and how straining the stretch of it will be. It’s heavy too, uncut, hanging down even while already full-mast, too heavy to spring back against his belly button. His balls are heavy too, full, round and strained as he continues to play with you, watching your reactions to his touch.

“You like what you see, huh?” He asks you, noticing the way your eyes don’t slip far from his cock before returning to it, watching it lay against one of your smooth thighs, the ruddy color and constant twitching only bringing more attention it as it rubs against your skin, dripping pre-cum over your stretch marks.

“Mhm…” You reply softly as your hand reaches down to tug at it, carefully wrapping around it and drawing it up and down over his length, only letting go to cup his taut balls and fondle them a few times.

“Tha’s it…” He murmurs and hisses under his breath as he looks you right in the eyes. “Wanna be good f’r me?” He coos at you, and you nod in reply as you bite your lip. “How about you get on your knees and let me see how you suck me off, hm?”

Nodding, you untangle yourself from around him, his fingers slipping out of you, as you took your spot on the floor, the soldier having been caring enough to toss a pillow from the bed onto the floor to cushion your knees.

He sits on the edge of the bed, strong, muscular thighs spread open, as you sunk your mouth onto him, without so much as a second’s worth of hesitation. The stretch as you tried to swallow as much of him as you can tugged at the corners of your mouth, making them feel a bit sore, your jaw already protesting at the size of him. But that doesn’t stop you.

You start lapping at the underside of his cock eagerly, wetting him as much as possible to make sure you could continue taking him down your throat. The sounds he was making were sinful, low groans and grunts, hissing through his teeth, one hand carefully fisting the bed covers.

He carefully gathered your hair away from your face, gripping it one handed. “Tha’s it… Greedy thign you are, wanna take all of my fat cock in your mouth, hm?” He goaded a bit as he looked down at you between his legs.

Any other time, any other place, any other man, you’d already be pulling off him, getting dressed, telling him to fuck off… But something in this soldier’s voice, in his accent, the growl behind his voice, the spark in his eyes… 

Maybe you are just desperate for a good lay with the thickest cock you’ve ever seen… But you don’t complain. You simply nod at him and bobbed your head even more enthusiastically, lips struggling to glide up and down his length, spread open sinfully to accommodate his size.

“Tha’s a good girl…” He praises, his free hand coming to grip you at the back of your neck, tugging you slowly, forward, to make you swallow more of him down into your throat, making you gag and sputter on his length, sloppily drooling around the size of him, saliva drooling down your chin and onto the carpeted floor of your hotel room.

“Pretty fucking thing… Gonna make that make-up run, hm?” He offers as he pulled you off and back onto his cock, moving your head for you. “Show some attention to that pretty pussy of yours, go on.” He demands, causing you to nod.

One of your hands found your wet slit between your legs, sliding two fingers inside, which felt like not nearly enough after having had his own, and considering the fat cock that would soon replace them, but you’d make do. 

“Both hands, don’t be coy now.” He added. Your eyes widen, already anticipating the loss of balance that’d come from the lack of support from your free hand holding you up on the bed. But you do as you’re told, trying your best to keep a perch on your knees as your other hand starts slowly padding at your clit, rolling circles with it.

When you inevitably lose balance, as you knew you would, the soldier simply pulls you forward against him, making you bury your nose against his pelvis, swallowing his cock in its entiry, causing you to choke and gag, trying to catch a breath through your nose. He, in turn, lets out a loud groan of delight, eyes rolling back, as he feels the warm wetness of your throat.

“Keep your hands where they are.” He demands of you, preventing you from trying to pull away and find balance again with your hands on the bed or the floor or his thighs. You can barely do much more than nod against his hip.

He hooks a leg over your shoulder, pinning you close to him, while his hips begin to rock into your mouth, blindly and sloppily, making you gag more and more, more saliva slipping down from your parted lips, making a mess of him and yourself. “Tha’s it… yeah… just what I fuckin’ needed… Such a good girl f’r me…” He grunts as his hand swipes your hair out of your face as it slips from his grip.

“You like this?” He asks you as he abuses your mouth and your throat, while you sputter and try to fruitlessly breathe between each thrust of his into your throat. Nodding pathetically, mouth to full to speak, you whimper against him, making him shiver and shudder. “Of course you do… greedy fuckin’ mouth…”

He only pulls you off him after another couple of minutes, which felt like an eternity, allowing you to catch your breath only for long enough for him to pull you onto the bed, bending you over at the hips, presenting your round ass to him.

“Mmmmm, look at you…” He grunts out as he ruts his cock between your ass cheeks while tugging your head back at the scalp, causing your back to arch ever so slightly, your tits still pressed against the bed covers. “Round fuckin’ arse… Gonna love see it jiggle f’r me…”

He lets go of you again for a moment only to paw at your ass cheeks with one hand, while the other blindly looks for his wallet in his jeans. “Find me a condom, will ye?” He asks as he tosses the leather wallet next to your head, while he steps out of his jeans, underwear and boots, finally.

While looking for the little clip pocket containing them, you spot his military identification very briefly. It makes you realize you didn’t even ask him his name… Nor did he ask for yours. A green and white striped card titled ‘British Army’, with the name ‘John MacTavish’ and some extra info you don’t really pay attention to. John. That’s his name…

Once you pass him one of the silver wrappers, Johnny rips it open and puts on the slick condom quickly, barely waiting a moment before slipping himself inside of you, down to the hilt in one swift motion. You find yourself squirming against the bed covers with a whine, while he groans loudly behind you.

Although the stretch was still wildly bigger than any other man you’ve been with before, it didn’t feel as uncomfortable as you expected it too… probably because you were wetter and more eager than you expected.

He starts rutting inside of you immediately, huffing through clenched teeth as his big hands grip your ass cheeks and keep you spread open. His fingers dig deeply onto your extra fat, squeezing and kneading it, his blue eyes glued to the way your puffy lips part and stretch to swallow him whole. “Beautiful fuckin’ sight…”

“Fuck… Just like that… Don’t stop…” You beg him and whine loudly, fisting the white bed covers and digging your nails into them, your face resting on them sideways, sliding back and forth with each thrust of his.

You’re sure the hotel staff is going to have a field day washing the duvet, your make-up already staining the white fluffy fabric, sliding down with the sweat, and dragging across with each motion of your head.

You can barely speak or think, moaning in turn with him, each thrust of his causing you to croon and whimper in delight, his fat cock hitting you at every possible angle and rubbing every inch of your walls, the veins dragging against your g-spot, the condom barely there.

“Yeah… ye like tha’? Huh? Ye like it?” He coos at you, already slightly out of breath, hips barelling against your plump ass, making it jiggle as he bounces himself off them.

“Oh, fuck yes…!” You whine loudly. His hands slide up to find your hip, pushing you down against the mattress so he can shift more of his weight onto you, pumping at a downward angle, causing you to shriek desperately.

“Oh yeah…” Johnny grunts and starts huffing atop you, leaning all his weight atop of you as he pounds his hips against yours, his breath ragged against your shoulder and hair. “Fuck… Yer cunts feels so fuckin’ good…” He murmurs in your ear, his thick accent becoming.

“Oh, God…” You whimper, shuddering beneath him, feeling the familiar knot tightening in your stomach, each of his strong thrusts rattling every fiber of your being. “John…”

“Oh… tha’s it… Moan my name…” He orders as one of his hands suddenly shoots up and grips you by the back of the neck. “Moan my name…” He insists as he throws his hips down onto yours.

“John!” You call out, doing as you’re told, panting for air as he pushes your face harder into the mattress, slowing his thrusts down and bottoming out inside you each time at a slower pace.

Good thing he did too… Because the knot in your stomach only tightens more and more and more, and then snaps, making you cry out loudly with a choked moan that gets half-caught in your throat as your walls suddenly clamp down around him, tightening the grip on his fat shaft.

“Oh fuck…” Johnny grunts and picks up the pace again, grasp your hip as hard as his hands can, a bruising grip that’ll definitely leave a mark, as he pounds into your weeping cunt again and again and again…

He finally comes, losing his balance and landing on his elbows and forearms on either side of your body, his chest against your back, out of breath, as much as you, even though you feel like you barely did anything other than take him.

“Fuck… I needed that…” He grumbles under his breath as he speaks against your shoulder blade, before leaning up and biting at your earlobe. “That feel good f’r ye?” He whispers in your ear, an earnest question, receiving a little nod from you. “Good…”

Slowly, he pulled himself up, slipping his softening cock from you and rolling the condom off. “So… how long are ye and yer friends stayin’ here?” He asks you nonchalantly while tying off the condom.

“Are you trying to make small talk…?” You ask him, surprised that you can even find a voice or string together a coherent sentence in the aftermath of that. You try your best to drag yourself up and over onto the bed, and once you succeed, you look at him languidly.

“No. I have a reason to ask.” He assures you as he tosses the condom into the paper bin under the desk in the corner, before shuffling back over to you on the bed, lying lazily next to you, an arm behind his head, the other on his stomach.

“Four more days.” You tell him, and he nods at the reveal of information. You roll your head to the side to look at him, both of your bodies sweaty and sticky, your make-up undoubtedly a mess, not that he shows it in the way he looks at you… And even if he did, he’d likely only show pride at making you look like that.

“Well… I’m comin’ to pay ye a visit every night until then.” He tells you, before wrapping his free arm around you, pulling you close. “I plan on gettin’ that tight cunny wrapped around my cock fer as long as I can.”

yes, this is a repost of the original "Temporary Fix." but without the cheating :)

[bloogers-boogers]

Au where Kyle finds out he’s a chubby chaser and is dismissive of WHO is he attracted to, instead chasing after Clyde, Lisa Burger and Henrietta.

Eventually he manages to get a date with Clyde (his first choice) and Stan warned him that if he keeps repressing his feelings he is going to hurt himself the most. Kyle acts indifferent to what Stan says trying to ignore Stan’s indirect suggestion cause Stan actually knows who he actually want’s.

Anyways, Kyle takes Clyde to casa bonita in hopes to keep his mind distracted and believes Clyde would like it, however Clyde complains about literally everything (mostly the service) so it was plain awful. And cuts things off after.

His second option was Lisa Burger reason why she was his second option is because she’s a brunette and he has thing for them. So he asked her out.

However she was too into makeup, diets and magazines; nonstop talking about any recent trend. It had Kyle bored after 10 minutes talking about Ariana grande.

He then goes after Henrietta, it was quite a chase for her (which he kinda likes; cause the previous attempts were easy bait and he prefers a challenge over something being handed to him) so after successfully managing to get a date with her, he immediately rushes to prepare everything having a exciting feeling in his stomach cause he feels there’s a connection between them and that it could actually work out. But during that he stumbles across Cartman while coming out from walmart.

Cartman’s messy hair stood out, his pjs still on as if he didn’t bother changing into his casual wear to go pick up some groceries. He had sandles with socks on, he couldn’t help but look at him dumbly as Cartman dismissively walks pass him to get inside the store. He gulp’s as seeing him made time go slower and feeling completely nauseous every time he’s around.

He curses himself and goes straight home.

His date with Henrietta went pretty well, and actually managed to keep it going for two weeks. Though Henrietta had her moments “goth” there was a lot of her she hid from her fellow goth friends. She was into musicals, pop music, comedy and like the drums.

However this wasn’t enough for his heart to stop aching every time he hang out with his friends, the times he spent with Cartman. And he knew deeply inside why he felt that way but he wasn’t planning to admit it anytime soon.

Though, during the period of him dating Henrietta he found his feelings stronger and difficult to manage as he always somehow ended in some mess with Cartman. He’d sometimes prioritize answering Cartman’s call over his girlfriend, he’d pick Cartman’s side over choosing to go on a date with her. Even in his thoughts Cartman hogged everything.

He’d find himself sometimes awaiting a reaction from Cartman the times he “unintentionally” shoved his relationship on to him. He liked annoying Cartman for being single but he also craved the attention from him.

He dumped Henrietta after two months cause he wasn’t feeling it anymore and went after Clyde AGAIN.

During this period Kenny admitted wanting to pursue Henrietta and asked if it was cool for him if he did; he genuinely didn’t care and he shrugged in response which concerned Kenny. Kenny gave him a talk about being more honest and open when it comes to his feelings, however Kyle took this as aim for his real romantic interest.

He had enough that both his closest friends have gave him “the talk” and then comes Butters to add to the pile doing the same exact shit after he caught him watching Cartman tackle Stan while playing football.

Unlike Kenny and Stan, Butters was the most direct, shamelessly adding that “Eric could reciprocate your feelings if you were more honest, Kyle” as if Cartman had any better choices? Of course he’d accept him, no one else would dare ask Cartman out.

So he thought.

And it’s a whole ass drama from there jsjsjs

[cartmandollie]

panderverse kyle making fun of his cartman for being fat when he isn’t in that universe confirms the ‘chubby chaser’ hc to me personally. dunno about you guys.

[gay-internship]

I hate the term chubby chaser. Like no im not “chasing” or “fetishizing”, i am attracted to fat ppl. Find them physically attractive just like kyle is attracted to skinny ppl.

[kennymcwhoremickbitches]

I love how Kyle still likes Heidi even though she's she super fat now. The only fault he sees with her is that she ACTS like Cartman and not with her adopting his Buddha belly.

[hxlgapataki]

CHUBBY CHASER KYLE

CHUBBY CHASER KYLE

CHUBBY CHASER KYLE

KYLE LOVING CARTMANS FLUFF AAGH

[mmmthornton]

Drag Queen Cartman / Established Adult Kyman Thoughts

Cartman was made for managing a "brand" as a performer online. Kyle.....isn't. But that's fine, he's not the one signing autographs or booking appearances. Eventually however, someone finds Kyle's socials and fans start to speculate.

Kyle wakes up one morning to Cartman looking more serious than he's ever seen him. He shoots up in bed. "Eric? What's wrong? Did someone die?!"

"Kyle.....I need to confront you about something."

"Wh-okay?"

Cartman pulls out his phone. "Babe......you have a problem. You photograph like a straight guy."

"I don't know what that means."

"It MEANS, Kahl, that every image on the ENTIRE internet of you looks like THIS -"

"-and now every single drag queen in EXISTENCE is making FUN OF ME for being married to a CHASER."

"...'Chubby' or otherwise?"

"Fuck you."

Kyle puts his head in his hand and sighs. "Babe, I don't know what you want me to do. Do you want me to, uh, take...gayer...selfies?"

"Well that would be a GOOD START and I'm glad you're on board. Now, you wake up and put on your sluttiest shorts and I'll meet you downstairs. I've got a selection of latte foam art I want your opinion on, we should be able to change your brand from 'bland white dude' to 'definitely at least bicurious' before noon."

">:("

[katoimarun]

when he thought that he liked heidi she was actually chubby too

wow, i can’t believe it’s canon that kyle is weak for chubby boys, all clyde and cartman had to do was whine a little and kyle does it

[parti-pooper]

Does your average kyman fan tend to see kyle as a chubby chaser?

I’m not so sure, since I’ve seen a lot of Kyman fan-artists and fan-writers reduce Cartman’s chub and make him lose weight . Which would suggest that, no, they don’t envision Kyle as a Chubby Chaser. And I feel like most others fans imagine that Kyle likes Cartman regardless of his chub rather than because of or despite it, as in it doesn’t even factor into whether he finds him attractive or his decision to love him. I would say it’s a very small percentage of the fandom that’s like Hot Take: Kyle’s a Chubby Chaser, actually.

That’s just me guessing, though, and only from what I’ve personally seen, which isn’t everything. So I wouldn’t trust my speculation as The GospelTM. That said, why don’t we put it to a vote? People who are into Chubby Chaser Kyle, reblog or reply and comment “yay!” People who aren’t into Chubby Chaser Kyle, reblog or reply and comment “nay.” That should give us a more accurate picture. I hope people will vote! I think it’d be interesting; you’ve raised an intriguing topic, Anon. OvO

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

Temporary Fix. || cheater!Johnny

Rating: E + TABOO Words: 5K with the bonus (this one got away from me, I'm sorry) CW: cheating (on Johnny's part, Reader doesn't know), smut smut smut, a bit of BAD dirty talking, oral sex (m!receiving), protected piv sex, breath play (if you squint), praise kink (lots of 'that's it' + 1 'good girl'). Tags: afab!reader, fat/chubby!reader, you/your pronouns, one-night stand but more like one-week stand. Summary: Johnny's a dog who cheats on his girlfriend, unbeknowst to reader. a/n: this is for my chubby gals and also for my @/☠️ anon, who motivated this with a DM of hers (spot the DM at the bottom of the post).

The thing about soldiers… Is that they tend to have lovers. As in, for as long as they stay deployed in a country, they’re bound to get themselves a toy they can have a shag with. Sometimes it’s prostitutes. Sometimes it’s regular women.

Even those who have a family, a wife, a partner of any kind, waiting for them at home do it. It’s an open secret. Your buddy might be cheating on his wife… And you might know your friend’s wife, hell, your wife might be great friends with his wife. But you’ll never tell her. All things considered, she might already know and be turning a blind eye.

This is a lot more common for enlisted soldiers in the Army. The types that get deployed for 9 to 18 months at a time, fighting in a way that keeps them far away from home for so long that they “can’t help” but seek affection on the side.

But that’s not to mean Special Forces soldiers, especially those kept on ‘stand by’, always ready for a quick deployment that, at most, lasts a month or two, don’t do it. They do.

John Alistair MacTavish has a bird at home. He does. He really does. But you wouldn’t think that, seeing as he cheats on her as often as he breathes.

He goes on and on about his bird every chance he gets, has phone and video calls with her whenever he has the time, coos at her as she talks about her day, tells her how much he misses her…

Only to end the call and leave base with his team to end up at some bar or club in civvy clothes, find a nice bird or bloke (he’s not picky) and go home with them.

A dog, any normal person would call him, a womanizer, a skirt chaser, a player, a cheater.

He’s not above calling himself that. He knows it’s wrong. That doesn’t mean he’s stopping. Hell, that doesn’t mean he even feels guilty. He doesn’t.

It’s not that his girl back home is bad in bed, or boring, or that he feels trapped or… It’s simply that he has an itch that he wants scratched… 

And as useful as his fist is, he’s not a sixteen-year-old anymore, rubbing one out in his bathroom during a quick shower. That just doesn’t cut it anymore. If he has the option to shag someone, why wouldn’t he?

Now that he’s in the 141, the philandering just gets much worse. Whenever they have downtime on a foreign location somewhere, a night free before they return to England, a night before they get the go-ahead to go on a mission, what have you… He’s out getting himself a shag.

And, worse of all, he brings Gaz along. 

Gaz doesn’t have the same issue, he’s not got a partner at home, so he can do all of this with a clear conscience. Maybe that makes Gaz a bit bad too, because he knows that Soap has someone at home, and he still goes out with his mate and they both get wasted and laid without a care. 

Maybe Gaz doesn’t think it’s his place to intervene, or maybe he just doesn’t care enough to.

Camaraderie and all.

That’s how they ended up in a club downtown, flashing lights all around them, loud reggaeton playing through the speakers, men and women around them with more skin on display than they had covered rubbing their bodies, sipping drinks, spilling them over each other… Oh, the wonders of a Colombian night club.

They saw you before you saw them. Kyle tapping at Johnny’s shoulder as their eyes perused the space individually, then, he drew the Scot’s eyes to you, standing with your friends, laughing, drinking, softly swaying to the music. 

Soft curves in a copper-colored dress that left little to the imagination, clinging tight to a round ass and a thick belly, the hem constantly pulled down by your hands, as it insisted on rolling up, up, up, exposing more of your smooth thighs than you wanted it to. 

It didn’t stop you from still rolling your hips to the music, however, turning the fixing of your dress a near impossible task, repetitive, useless, and maddening, Sisyphus-and-his-stone.

Turning to each other, the two sergeants hands shot to the middle of their bodies, a quick rock-paper-scissors ensuing… which Johnny won.

And that’s how you ended up turning around to the sight of a foreigner with the broadest shoulders, thickest arms and pecs, and bluest eyes you’ve ever seen… As well as a mohawk, something you didn’t often see on… anyone, really.

He was a soldier, you could tell, even out of uniform. Not your first time seeing one, this being a city with a military base attached, and certainly not your last time being approached by one.

Oh, how soldiers seem to love fat women. You’ve experienced your fair few, many of them assuming your weight would equal desperation for love and affection, which would result in you accepting a rushed wedding for the sole purpose of getting him out of the barracks. 

But you’re not desperate. Other than for a good lay, maybe.

“Erm… Hola.” The soldier in front of you says, blue eyes locked on your face for a surprisingly respectful amount of time considering the sinful cleavage that this dress and your bra give you. 

His Spanish has the thickest accent you’ve ever heard, meaning he’s not American… But his pronunciation is off, so he’s clearly an English speaker. Though he’s not English either, you can tell.

“I speak English. Hi.” You told him, watching as he let out a little sigh of relief. Then, the corner of his mouth popped up in a dirty little smirk. 

“Well, tha’ makes it easier. Hi.” He replied. “I saw ye from over there… Was wonderin’ if I can buy ye a drink?” He offered. Only then did he allow his blue eyes to slither down, down, down, trailing every inch of your exposed skin down to the black ankle booties you’re wearing, thick, square heels to prevent your hamstrings from feeling the pain of stilettos the next morning.

“Why?” You decided to ask him with a cocked brow, forcing his eyes to shoot upward to meet your face again, locking onto yours with a surprised expression.

“Why, what, pretty thing?” He replied, his own brows, thick, straight, rising up to meet his hairline. He’s confused, his eyes blinking a bit. His intentions had been clear as day. Obvious enough for you to pick up on, but you’re playing dumb, or maybe hard to get. 

“Why do you wanna buy me a drink?” You asked him as you dipped your head to the side, your eyes slowly trailing over every inch of his handsome face. Those blue eyes of his are locked on you, pupils slightly dilated, hands hanging off his hips, fingers looped onto the belt loops of his jeans.

“Because you’re proper beautiful.” He replied. Your cocked brow and unimpressed glances up and down, cause him to continue. “And I’d love to take you home, find out what you’ve got on under that dress, and make sure your neighbors hate you from today onward.”

His words are crude, his voice loud and crass, disregarding the public space you’re in, the fact that there are others around, not just your friends, but complete strangers too. Maybe he’s hoping they won’t understand English. But they do. Hell, your girlfriends look at you and exchange coy looks with you, before them, and you, break into a fit of giggles.

He looks at them, noticing they caught what he said, even through the loud music, but then looks at you again. “So? What do you say?” His brogue is getting easier and easier to listen to with every word he says.

Rolling your head to the side, your squint your eyes at him and then shrug. “Do you have to buy me a drink for that?” You challenge him, your eyes snapping back and forth between his own, almost taunting him with your inquiry.

“Not if you don’t want to.” He tells you, eyes lit ablaze and a smirk on his lips.

So, you simply grab him by the arm, bid farewell to your friends, with a wave, and grab your clutch from the table, before dragging him out of the club.

Johnny was expecting a flat, a home, maybe even a university dorm room considering your age. What a surprise it came to him to find you taking him up to a hotel. Not that he’d complain when he noticed the large king-sized bed and the large view, providing a beautiful view of the illuminated city of Cartagena.

His hands were on your broad hips before you even got to closing the door, his mouth clashing onto yours as he pushed you against the wall by the door, calloused hands already sliding over the slinky fabric of your silky dress, tugging it up, so they could slip underneath.

His tongue pushed into your mouth, wet and drooling, saliva traded between your mouths as his strong fingers caught hold of a greedy handful of your ass, digging into the supple flesh and groaning in delight at just the feeling of you at his fingertips.

Your own hands already slid up and around his torso, feeling him up through the fabric of his t-shirt, before sliding down to pull the navy blue fabric out of its tuck into his jeans, rolling it up to expose a strong, bulky body covered in a generous amount of body hair.

Your lips broke apart for a moment, only long enough for you to take off his shirt, tossing it onto an armchair in the corner, and for him to unzip the side-zipper of your dress, taking it off you too.

Then, he grabbed you around the thighs, causing you to shriek, as he bounded for the bed, dropping you so hard onto it you almost swore you’d bounce off. Still wearing his jeans, he slotted himself between your parted thighs, his body bending over yours.

His stubble scratched your neck as he kissed you all over, licking stripes of your skin as his hands pulled off your boots, unfastened your bra… They were surprisingly nimble for such a hulking man. “Fuck, you’re beautiful.” Johnny cooed as he let his eyes run down your body.

He dragged his mouth down from your neck, across you clavicle, over one of your breasts, and caught your nipple between his teeth, beginning to suck on it, noticing how you hissed a bit, leaning back on your elbows as he did so.

One of his hands caught your other breast, grabbing and carefully kneading it between his fingers, as his eyes shot up to your face, blue irises beneath a pair of dark eyelashes, fluttering slowly as his pupils blew out from how horny he was. His other hand found your black panties and pulled them aside, (more so ripped them with how aggressive he pulled on them), the rough and calloused pads of his fingers catching your lips immediately and beginning to slide up and down, running over your slit.

The moment his cracked fingertips grazed your clit, you whined, your legs spreading apart even more, your body jumping a bit. “Fuck…” You grumbled under your breath, your eyes locked on his face and the way he eagerly played with your nipple. 

“Relax.” Johnny told you once he let go of your nipple. Then, he rolled his tongue around in his mouth, collecting some saliva, before letting it drip onto your slit, his fingers catching it and spreading it quickly as he resumed playing with your clit, hand craning in order to push a finger inside.

“Oh fuck…” You moaned softly, hips bucking up against his hand, following his ministrations as he pushed a second finger inside of you and hooked them up to graze your g-spot, pumping them in and out, the rugged feel of his cracked fingertips drawing a surprisingly pleasant sensation of pleasure from the depths of your soul.

His other hand moved away from your breasts in order to undo his belt, leaving it to hang around his waist as he also undid his jeans, sliding them and his boxer briefs down one-handed, in order to allow his cock to spring free.

Your eyes lock onto it as he continues fingering you, a bit sloppy and rough, his palm pressed to your clit and his fingers constantly drawing a ‘come hither’ motion inside your wet walls.

His cock is stubby, shorter than some of the men you’ve been with, but so thick you can’t help but wonder just how he’ll make it fit inside of you, and how straining the stretch of it will be. It’s heavy too, uncut, hanging down even while already full-mast, too heavy to spring back against his belly button. His balls are heavy too, full, round and strained as he continues to play with you, watching your reactions to his touch.

“You like what you see, huh?” He asks you, noticing the way your eyes don’t slip far from his cock before returning to it, watching it lay against one of your smooth thighs, the ruddy color and constant twitching only bringing more attention it as it rubs against your skin, dripping pre-cum over your stretch marks.

“Mhm…” You reply softly as your hand reaches down to tug at it, carefully wrapping around it and drawing it up and down over his length, only letting go to cup his taut balls and fondle them a few times.

“Tha’s it…” He murmurs and hisses under his breath as he looks you right in the eyes. “Wanna be good f’r me?” He coos at you, and you nod in reply as you bite your lip. “How about you get on your knees and let me see how you suck me off, hm?”

Nodding, you untangle yourself from around him, his fingers slipping out of you, as you took your spot on the floor, the soldier having been caring enough to toss a pillow from the bed onto the floor to cushion your knees.

He sits on the edge of the bed, strong, muscular thighs spread open, as you sunk your mouth onto him, without so much as a second’s worth of hesitation. The stretch as you tried to swallow as much of him as you can tugged at the corners of your mouth, making them feel a bit sore, your jaw already protesting at the size of him. But that doesn’t stop you.

You start lapping at the underside of his cock eagerly, wetting him as much as possible to make sure you could continue taking him down your throat. The sounds he was making were sinful, low groans and grunts, hissing through his teeth, one hand carefully fisting the bed covers.

He carefully gathered your hair away from your face, gripping it one handed. “Tha’s it… Greedy thign you are, wanna take all of my fat cock in your mouth, hm?” He goaded a bit as he looked down at you between his legs.

Any other time, any other place, any other man, you’d already be pulling off him, getting dressed, telling him to fuck off… But something in this soldier’s voice, in his accent, the growl behind his voice, the spark in his eyes… 

Maybe you are just desperate for a good lay with the thickest cock you’ve ever seen… But you don’t complain. You simply nod at him and bobbed your head even more enthusiastically, lips struggling to glide up and down his length, spread open sinfully to accommodate his size.

“Tha’s a good girl…” He praises, his free hand coming to grip you at the back of your neck, tugging you slowly, forward, to make you swallow more of him down into your throat, making you gag and sputter on his length, sloppily drooling around the size of him, saliva drooling down your chin and onto the carpeted floor of your hotel room.

“Pretty fucking thing… Gonna make that make-up run, hm?” He offers as he pulled you off and back onto his cock, moving your head for you. “Show some attention to that pretty pussy of yours, go on.” He demands, causing you to nod.

One of your hands found your wet slit between your legs, sliding two fingers inside, which felt like not nearly enough after having had his own, and considering the fat cock that would soon replace them, but you’d make do. 

“Both hands, don’t be coy now.” He added. Your eyes widen, already anticipating the loss of balance that’d come from the lack of support from your free hand holding you up on the bed. But you do as you’re told, trying your best to keep a perch on your knees as your other hand starts slowly padding at your clit, rolling circles with it.

When you inevitably lose balance, as you knew you would, the soldier simply pulls you forward against him, making you bury your nose against his pelvis, swallowing his cock in its entiry, causing you to choke and gag, trying to catch a breath through your nose. He, in turn, lets out a loud groan of delight, eyes rolling back, as he feels the warm wetness of your throat.

“Keep your hands where they are.” He demands of you, preventing you from trying to pull away and find balance again with your hands on the bed or the floor or his thighs. You can barely do much more than nod against his hip.

He hooks a leg over your shoulder, pinning you close to him, while his hips begin to rock into your mouth, blindly and sloppily, making you gag more and more, more saliva slipping down from your parted lips, making a mess of him and yourself. “Tha’s it… yeah… just what I fuckin’ needed… Such a good girl f’r me…” He grunts as his hand swipes your hair out of your face as it slips from his grip.

“You like this?” He asks you as he abuses your mouth and your throat, while you sputter and try to fruitlessly breathe between each thrust of his into your throat. Nodding pathetically, mouth to full to speak, you whimper against him, making him shiver and shudder. “Of course you do… greedy fuckin’ mouth…”

He only pulls you off him after another couple of minutes, which felt like an eternity, allowing you to catch your breath only for long enough for him to pull you onto the bed, bending you over at the hips, presenting your round ass to him.

“Mmmmm, look at you…” He grunts out as he ruts his cock between your ass cheeks while tugging your head back at the scalp, causing your back to arch ever so slightly, your tits still pressed against the bed covers. “Round fuckin’ arse… Gonna love see it jiggle f’r me…”

He lets go of you again for a moment only to paw at your ass cheeks with one hand, while the other blindly looks for his wallet in his jeans. “Find me a condom, will ye?” He asks as he tosses the leather wallet next to your head, while he steps out of his jeans, underwear and boots, finally.

While looking for the little clip pocket containing them, you spot his military identification very briefly. It makes you realize you didn’t even ask him his name… Nor did he ask for yours. A green and white striped card titled ‘British Army’, with the name ‘John MacTavish’ and some extra info you don’t really pay attention to. John. That’s his name…

Once you pass him one of the silver wrappers, Johnny rips it open and puts on the slick condom quickly, barely waiting a moment before slipping himself inside of you, down to the hilt in one swift motion. You find yourself squirming against the bed covers with a whine, while he groans loudly behind you.

Although the stretch was still wildly bigger than any other man you’ve been with before, it didn’t feel as uncomfortable as you expected it too… probably because you were wetter and more eager than you expected.

He starts rutting inside of you immediately, huffing through clenched teeth as his big hands grip your ass cheeks and keep you spread open. His fingers dig deeply onto your extra fat, squeezing and kneading it, his blue eyes glued to the way your puffy lips part and stretch to swallow him whole. “Beautiful fuckin’ sight…”

“Fuck… Just like that… Don’t stop…” You beg him and whine loudly, fisting the white bed covers and digging your nails into them, your face resting on them sideways, sliding back and forth with each thrust of his.

You’re sure the hotel staff is going to have a field day washing the duvet, your make-up already staining the white fluffy fabric, sliding down with the sweat, and dragging across with each motion of your head.

You can barely speak or think, moaning in turn with him, each thrust of his causing you to croon and whimper in delight, his fat cock hitting you at every possible angle and rubbing every inch of your walls, the veins dragging against your g-spot, the condom barely there.

“Yeah… ye like tha’? Huh? Ye like it?” He coos at you, already slightly out of breath, hips barelling against your plump ass, making it jiggle as he bounces himself off them.

“Oh, fuck yes…!” You whine loudly. His hands slide up to find your hip, pushing you down against the mattress so he can shift more of his weight onto you, pumping at a downward angle, causing you to shriek desperately.

“Oh yeah…” Johnny grunts and starts huffing atop you, leaning all his weight atop of you as he pounds his hips against yours, his breath ragged against your shoulder and hair. “Fuck… Yer cunts feels so fuckin’ good…” He murmurs in your ear, his thick accent becoming.

“Oh, God…” You whimper, shuddering beneath him, feeling the familiar knot tightening in your stomach, each of his strong thrusts rattling every fiber of your being. “John…”

“Oh… tha’s it… Moan my name…” He orders as one of his hands suddenly shoots up and grips you by the back of the neck. “Moan my name…” He insists as he throws his hips down onto yours.

“John!” You call out, doing as you’re told, panting for air as he pushes your face harder into the mattress, slowing his thrusts down and bottoming out inside you each time at a slower pace.

Good thing he did too… Because the knot in your stomach only tightens more and more and more, and then snaps, making you cry out loudly with a choked moan that gets half-caught in your throat as your walls suddenly clamp down around him, tightening the grip on his fat shaft.

“Oh fuck…” Johnny grunts and picks up the pace again, grasp your hip as hard as his hands can, a bruising grip that’ll definitely leave a mark, as he pounds into your weeping cunt again and again and again…

He finally comes, losing his balance and landing on his elbows and forearms on either side of your body, his chest against your back, out of breath, as much as you, even though you feel like you barely did anything other than take him.

“Fuck… I needed that…” He grumbles under his breath as he speaks against your shoulder blade, before leaning up and biting at your earlobe. “That feel good f’r ye?” He whispers in your ear, an earnest question, receiving a little nod from you. “Good…”

Slowly, he pulled himself up, slipping his softening cock from you and rolling the condom off. “So… how long are ye and yer friends stayin’ here?” He asks you nonchalantly while tying off the condom.

“Are you trying to make small talk…?” You ask him, surprised that you can even find a voice or string together a coherent sentence in the aftermath of that. You try your best to drag yourself up and over onto the bed, and once you succeed, you look at him languidly.

“No. I have a reason to ask.” He assures you as he tosses the condom into the paper bin under the desk in the corner, before shuffling back over to you on the bed, lying lazily next to you, an arm behind his head, the other on his stomach.

“Four more days.” You tell him, and he nods at the reveal of information. You roll your head to the side to look at him, both of your bodies sweaty and sticky, your make-up undoubtedly a mess, not that he shows it in the way he looks at you… And even if he did, he’d likely only show pride at making you look like that.

“Well… I’m comin’ to pay ye a visit every night until then.” He tells you, before wrapping his free arm around you, pulling you close. “I plan on gettin’ that tight cunny wrapped around my cock fer as long as I can.”

Bonus:

cw: phone infidelity (Johnny's gf calls Johnny while he's fucking reader), lying, cheating, and reader is also not a good person.

It’s the dawn of your last day in Cartagena. And, as promised, Johnny has come to see you for the last four nights, fucking you well into the early hours of the morning, before disappearing while you sleep it off in the morning.

Your friends have been so excited for you this whole time, making you tell and retell all your sexual escapades with him, as you sightsee, go to the beach, go shopping, go out for lunch and dinner…

Meanwhile, Gaz already knows of what Soap's been up to... as do Price and Ghost. Kinda hard to miss the way he disappears every night and comes back every morning, with a smug smile on his lips and the signature walk of someone that just got laid. Ghost even took to calling Johnny 'the town bicycle'™️ every morning, not that Soap minds it.

And you definitely should be sleeping… It’s about to be 6 A.M. after all, your flight due to departing at 1 P.M., your bag already packed in the corner other for the dress Johnny stripped off you when he arrived, and the clothes you prepped for the flight. 

But it’s your last night here. Your last night with this British man - Scottish you recently found out - you’ll never see again. How could you spend it any other way other than getting your guts rearranged and your thighs so sore that you’ll undoubtedly be wobbling past airport security and into your flight?

Just as he’s rutting desperately against you, murmuring about how good you feel underneath him, eyes locked on the way your breasts and stomach jiggle with each furious thrust of his hips, a phone’s ringtone comes from somewhere on the floor.

It’s a cheerful little tune, one that immediately makes his face harden into a grimace. “Fuck.” Johnny grunts atop you. “Don’t move. Don’t move…” He tells you before he rushes off to find his phone. 

You assume it’s work. After all, he sun is already rising in the horizon. Isn’t that when work tends to start for soldiers? You find the idea of it dreadful, waking up so early, to work out?

But the realization washes over you when his voice becomes affectionate and sweet, calling whoever is on the other side ‘baby’. Johnny presses the phone to his ear, before rushing back onto the bed, slotting himself between your thighs. 

Before you can say anything, maybe protest at what he’s doing, he’s back inside you, one of his palms clamping over your mouth as he throws his hips against yours.

“I just got up actually… Am at the gym.” Johnny lies as he pounds into you, a great excuse as to what he sounds out of breath. “Oh yeah… hip thrusts, love.” He continues speaking, his eyes locked onto you.

“Mhm… Definitely…” He grunts out. “Let me put you on speaker so I can keep going.” He adds and quickly does so, setting the phone next to your head on the bed.

“I miss you, Johnny…” A woman’s voice, sugary sweet and soft, comes from the speakers, right next to your ear. An accent similar to his, but less rugged, a bit more polished. 

“I know, love… Miss you too…” Johnny says above you, eyes locked on yours as he grunts a bit and presses his hips harder into yours. “Can’t wait to finish here and go back to you…”

You don’t know what it is… You should be disgusted. You should be bucking him off, yelling at him, exposing him to this girlfriend as a cheater… But the way he looks at you, the way his cock throbs inside you, the way this feels, so forbidden and wrong… You can’t help but like it.

“What are you up to now, baby?” Johnny asks as he continues rutting against you, eyes lowering to watch the way your cunt swallows his fat cock.

“I’m about to have lunch, that’s why I called early, going with Anna and Delilah for work, just wanted to say a quick hello!” Johnny’s girlfriend says.

Johnny grunts when your walls flutter around him, tightening around him, a sign you were close to your limit. “Oh… fuck…” He grumbles and pants. 

“You okay, love?” Johnny’s girlfriend asks, concerned, when she hears the way he sounds. “You’re not injuring yourself, are you? Am I distracting you?”

“No, no, baby…” Johnny grunts. “I just… love you so much!” He tells her, his face screwed into an expression of pure delight, eyes rolling a bit and eyelids fluttering as he feels you continue to squeeze around you. “Yeah… I love you and miss you… so… so much… God…”

“I miss you too, Johnny!” She says, naively, as her boyfriend lets out a grunt under his breath and comes inside of you, blowing a load inside the condom as he rests his head against your chest.

[bloogers-boogers]

I truly believe Kyle is a chubby chaser, the episode were he supposedly started ‘realizing’ (i still don’t believe he actually liked her like that) his feelings for Heidi she was already gaining weight, a chubby girl.

He’s into smart girls (rebecca) thats for a fact, cute (nichole; she’s smart but she was a new girl when Kyle asked her out so he didn’t know her like that), someone he can protect/help (Leslie) and lastly he’s shown to not care about a girl’s weight unlike *cough cough* Butters im still not over what he said to lisa boi got no filter (atleast he was honest ig)💀

Heidi had all those qualities! (Smart, cute, need protection/help and~ chubby)

You know who’s also smart? Cartman (he can be stupid and very ignorant in many things, but boi got brains when he sets a goal in mind)

Cute? Cartman (As much as we hate to admit it, the boy got that charming look, he literally manipulated chutulu with his ‘cuteness’)

Need of protection/help? Cartman (boy is messed up as it is, It’s obvious he needs help but he also needs someone to guide him in the right path/ be the one to give him that push for change (I’d say a ‘light push', but it’s gonna be a rough ride being fr here), but most importantly also someone he’ll actually listen; Kyle. Believe it or not Cartman does listen to Kyle and he also is the first Cartman looks firstly for reassurance (like in gluten free and in jewpacabra). Cartman never takes Kyle's word for granted.

We’ve seen Kyle protect him from snooki, save his ass by being frozen and drowned. (Kyle has a weak spot every time he sees a vulnerable Eric Cartman).

Chubby? Cartman (we all know he’s from a heavier scale than the rest of the boys but we’re shown Kyle doesn’t seem to care about that superficial stuff)

You cannot tell me most of the kids in that school aren’t shallow they literally have a table that separates the ugly kids from them. But Kyle has been shown to look into more in the depths of a person (getting to know them) things like that than superficial. Like the times the boys were complimenting the girls photoshop pictures and Kyle mentions about Annies eyes being beautiful while the others were talking about their physics.

These are all things Kyle is seen interested in a girl for what I gathered watching the show.

And we return to what i mean when I say Kyle is/possibly could be a chubby chaser. Theirs a trait about kids resembling their parents in some ways

Stan got addiction problems like his dad, he got them image/ego issues too, he actually kinda resembles Randy alot in the deep learning/ post covid episode/specials when it comes to his relationship with Wendy or his pessimistic attitude. I only conclude from this is that Wendy is Stan's 'Sharon' an Stan is Wendy's 'Randy'.

And it confirms for me with the last episode of season 26 when Randy calls Sharon cause he's just a wreck with out her, just like in the post covid special good ending Stan and Wendy meet up and seem to have a sorta thing still going on (she isn't even with that Darwin guy either, atleast he wasn't shown).

He’s very emotional and cares deeply for things that matter to him, he definitely got that from his mother (the school shooting ep we’re shown how emotionally wrecked sharon was bc of it but no one else seemed to care not even Stan himself, and just like with the whales no one else seem to care BUT Stan and that pissed him off)

Also, let's not shrug off the fact that Randy and Sharon marital problems have been a thing since the early seasons. There was points when they divorced/seperated two times (three house, assburgers episode), points were their marriage was on breaking points like with the shakeweight episode or times when we taught it'll be finally over between the two (when Randy was sent to jail) and in post covid good ending he's shown to still be apart of Stan's life and I wouldn't be surprised if both actually kept it together for this exact consistency.

Matt and Trey have a thing to keep adult parings with an interesting dynamics, it isn't all sweet and sugar coated, they tend to show these issues in many other marriages of sp aswell.

Like Kenny's parents (abusive alcoholics/ argue all the time), Butters (closeted man/ sad pyscho wife/ strict parents), Cartman's (single crack whore mom/ deadbeat absent dad (decease now)/ lonely and financially struggling while raising a psycho kid) and even Kyle's (asshole dad/ overbearing mother/ have intimacy issues).

Kenny, he resembles his parents, yes he does. The fact that he likes to get high (frustrated and gets angry/doesn't care, once his already influenced deep in it; cat piss, sexual healing ep) We've seen he's willing to push his friends aside when his already lost into that type of crap or cares little of what his family would go through once he technically kills himself for some 'great' orgasm or being giving a blow job (these are reasons for his curse ofcourse cause he knows he'll come back, but still, his addiction and attitude are still the same throughout the show) and is a porn addict (the magazines, and sexual knowledge he knows for his age).

We've seen these qualities in both his parents.

They don't care being seen drinking or taking crack, like Kenny who doesn't care to be seen by his friends getting high with cat piss. They're very oblivious/don't care about the worries their children go through when they get into it, Kenny doesn't care. I mean c'mon, once he was done with the cat piss he didn't learn his lesson there he straight up went to get high with some flowers infront of his already relieved friends back to square one getting them concerned again.

I suppose we could say he got addiction problems just like Stan, but in a different way. Stan's more of a genetic thing because of his family history/ depression. Kenny on the other side is more of the shitty household he lives in, a copping mechanism.

And Cartman resembles his mom in the artistic side. We're shown that both Liane and Cartman love to sing, Liane also likes to paint. Cartman is more of a photography lover, drawing, singing, song writer, instruments (violin, harmonica) these are all artistic qualities.

Liane is manipulative with the magic of pampering and food. Cartman is manipulative with a sugarcoating voice and has skill on knowing what would get somebody convinced.

And I have a suspicion that Jack Tenorman was some narcissistic lying bastard okay? If he cheated on his wife and was willing to lie about his true identity to his sad desperate son who just wanted to know who his dad was just for a broncos game, then he ain't good.

I'm gonna mention these, just cause these are the few couples I recall being shown in the show.

Tweeks; they're coffee addicts/ seem to be caring and understanding (sorta). (He's very emotional/caring, and a very stressful/nervous kid because of his anxiety/coffee addiction)

Tuckers; they got that same 'I don't give a fuck' attitude literally flipping themselves off at the table. (Craig definitely resembles his dad the most, and in post covid his appearance aswell)

Blacks; they're chill people don't seem to want to get into much trouble. (Tolkien doesn't like to get into conflicts he'd rather chill on the sidelines)

Donovans; dad is passive, while his mother was a little overbearing. (Clyde can be passive/emotional on times but they're times he goes overboard like in the stick of truth game)

Now, with that said, it's Kyle's turn. We've been countless times reminded how Kyle resembles his mother the most. But when it comes to Gerald were only told that he looks like him. Atleast I don't recall anything else.

Kyle's parents are very opened when it comes to talking, experimenting. Have you seen how Sheila always ready to talk to Kyle about things he doesn't know? Or how comfortable she is talking to Gerald freely, that even Gerald had admitted to her that he likes to watch porn on his computer? How Gerald let Sheila have her way with chef (chef aid ep.)

It's shown their relationship is the strongest/ got their shit together among the four main parents. But ofcourse it's not perfect.

Gerald has this fear of pissing off Sheila, and Sheila well, as much as she's a good mother. She's overbearing and can go all crazy.

Qualities Kyle has. He fears his mom's wrath but also is the most similar to her.

He isn't like his dad who's some manipulative asshole behind his wife's back. Kyle's caring and wants what's right but has a temper so he kinda goes overboard and messes up sometimes.

This is were I come to the conclusion, that he may resemble Gerald in the fact that his in love with someone many wouldn't choose.

Like in the ups episode there was a ongoing joke that 'damn someone was willing to do it with Kyle's mom' type of joke.

Kyle's mom is overweight so the joke could be mostly aim from there, but if you think of it clearly. Many are afraid of pissing her off because of her 'bitchy' attitude. And she also has a past of being well, from Jersey.

Now. She's overweight in both that time and now, and I wouldn't be surprised that in the times we're she lived in jersey she was a complete bitch by the picture were shown in a jersey thing episode. She seem disastrous back then.

So meeting Gerald changed her. Gerald fell in love even when she was like that; a 'jersey monster'. They moved to South park and got away from that place, and Sheila has mellowed down from those jersey genes. I have no doubt he probably found that personality hot and thrilling at the time, he probably likes that sorta thing tbh. I feel like Gerald was a dweeb back in those college years, focusing on his carrier and stuff, taking things serious, being very uptight in a sense. Something I feel Sheila would be interested in, someone different, opposite of her. Cause we know she didn’t like that jersey in her but she couldn’t help it and being around other jersey folks just worsen her so it was inevitable for Gerald to stand out from the crowd. He was different. And for Gerald she was different; probably not the type of girl he’d pictured himself being with, yet still did.

(I also hc Sheila not being Jewish she was Christian until she met Gerald and got a wider view/ got closer to the religion falling in love with it.)

Being drawn to each other like opposite magnets.

And well, that redhead with brunette theory going on if u know you know;)

I feel I can resemble this with Kyle and Cartman. Cartman is disastrous, he’s a mess. And somehow Kyle's drawn to it, Cartman is a person not many would choose but I feel Kyle would. He’ll fall in love with both crazy Cartman and redeemed Cartman, cause i genuinely cant see anyone else help Cartman actually change for the better that isn’t Kyle (atleast to get a good ending for all main 4).

Cartman has also been shown to be in a mixture of being confused/ conflicted on what to believe when it comes to religion; switching between Chatolic, Christianity and Judaism it's been like that through the course of the show. Out of the four it's him and Kyle who are only shown to question their religion/ beliefs. It kinda feels like the show is trying to imply something?

And i also don’t picture their relationship to be all cute, it’s a well balanced relationship between healthy and toxic. If that makes sense?

Kinda like Gerald and Sheila’s, they’re not perfect but they balance each other out and yet even with those imperfections they’re still so in love with each other.

They also make a good dynamic.

Qualities i see a kyman relationship being.

Its funny to see Sheila being a bitch just like it’s funny to see Kyle be all pissy. Gerald is an manipulative ass? Guess who’s also a way worse manipulative asshole, yet still funny af and brings humor to the show? Cartman

It's funny to see Gerald be scared shitless of his wife just as funny when we see how scared Cartman is to actually piss Kyle off.

Kyle and Cartman are the perfect mixture of both.

But in personalities; Kyle his mother and Cartman Kyle's dad. Atleast relationship wise and how I feel the pairing dynamics work.

Cartman being Kyle's "Gerald" and Kyle being Cartman's "Sheila".

Technically the main dads (main fours) are the boys insight of what could be of their future partners, atleast that's how I view both Randy and Gerald's similarity on to Stan and Kyle (who are the main boys): both best friends, have a respective partner (Sharon, Sheila) along their side and fathers (Stan and Shelley, Kyle and Ike).

Post covid good ending gave me some more fuel to this about how Kyle only had TWO children; one boy being the eldest and a little sibling while Cartman had three instead of going full on stealing Cartman's past family. Gerald also had two children Kyle was the eldest son a boy and had a little sibling and I have no doubt if Stan were to get with Wendy they'll have two children aswell; their first born being a girl too like Shelley and a little brother like Stan.

Anyways my mind is kinda on a brainrot rn I need help, this ship is gonna end me

I just don’t see a good all flowers and rainbows actual healthy relationship in south park universe. Not only isn’t it realistic but it isn’t the type of dynamic i believe matt and trey would aim for.

If it isn’t either good/ but kinda chaotic sometimes or it’s nothing but down bad toxic/ bland/ has no real attachment to the characters.

Even creek has had their fair share of course they’re not toxic but like in the buda box theres some small ups and downs yk. I feel like some personal space would be the issue here cause Craig seems to not always want to deal with tweek's shit. But yk that’s just Craig not knowing how to establish it. (Yet their relationship has no affect in the course of the show/ main four dynamic)

Stendy relationship has communication issues. (Has no affect in the sidelines)

Clybe relationship has more of a complicated label. Bebe using Clyde for shoes or Clyde being an uncaring asshole using ai for convos. (Has no effect in the show/ main four)

Kennys relationships are only seem to last little but kinda okay until Kenny wants to escalate things further while the girl’s completely oblivious about it. (Has no effect in the sidelines/ use as a joke)

I think butters relationship with Charlotte is fine until Butters misogynistic side comes out. (No affect in the sidelines)

Heiman relationship was a toxic relationship. (Did have an affect on the show/ main four dynamic; Kyle) there was a lot of shifts in Cartman's personality that it was just painful to keep watching for both Heidi and Cartman.

Kyman relationship wouldn’t be just a neat-o relationship, i see it being very flexible in that aspect and I don’t see it changing their dynamic between the two or the main four. Cartman also wouldn’t change for the sake of keeping a relationship he’d actually change for good reasons. Having someone who already knows him wont make him feel like he’s cornered or forced to change/lie about being a good person, but being around a good influence (kinda) in his life could shape him in different ways. Healthy in a sense.

Their relationship could be use in a humorous way and a serious one!

[southparkyimagines]

Top 10 chubby chasers, please?

I’m only doing 7 cuz I can only really think of 7 oops

7. Kyle - He’s just doesn’t care my guy. 

6. Token - He’s also doesn’t care much, but is a bit more biased to people who are a bit heavier.

5. Kenny - He’s honestly just chasing anything.

4. Bebe - She thinks it’s a cute trait.

3. Butters - He likes hugs a bit more if they’re a bit squishier.

2. Clyde - He won’t admit it, though.

1. Cartman - Are you surprised? Considering how highly he thinks of himself, he’s totally into anyone who looks any way like him.

[maddiesplaybills]

Hi friends!

Me again with a new batch of audio masters from my arsenal. I’m definitely willing to gift these to anyone who asks nicely, so send me a message if you’re interested in any of the following:

Groundhog Day  06/14/17 eve Cast: Andy Karl (Phil Connors), Barrett Doss (Rita Hanson), Rebecca Faulkenberry (Nancy), John Sanders (Ned Ryerson), Andrew Call (Gus/Billy the Bartender), Raymond J Lee (Ralph), Michael Fatica (Chubby Man), Heather Ayers (Mrs. Lancaster), Katy Geraghty (Debbie), Gerard Canonico (Fred), Sean Montgomery (Sheriff), William Parry (Jenson), Jordan Grubb (u/s The Hot Dog Seller), Vishal Vaidya (Larry), Joseph Medeiros (Deputy/Mr. Cleveland), Rheaume Crenshaw (Doris), Travis Waldschmidt (Jeff), Kevin Bernard (u/s Buster), Taylor Iman Jones (Lady Storm Chaser), Jenna Rubaii (Joelle/Doctor), Tari Kelly (Piano Teacher/Mrs. Cleveland)

Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812 06/15/17 Cast: Josh Groban (Pierre), Denée Benton (Natasha), Brittain Ashford (Sonya), Gelsey Bell (Mary/Maidservant/Opera Singer), Nicholas Belton (Andrey/Bolkonsky), Azudi Onyejekwe (u/s Dolokhov), Amber Gray (Helene), Grace McLean (Marya D), Paul Pinto (Balaga/Servant/Opera Singer), Lucas Steele (Anatole), Ensemble: Sumayya Ali, Courtney Bassett, Josh Canfield, Kennedy Caughell, Ken Clark, Erica Dorfer, Lulu Fall, Ashley Pérez Flanagan, Alex Gibson, Billy Joe Kiessling, Blaine Alden Krauss, Reed Luplau, Brandt Martinez, Andrew Mayer, Mary Page Nance, Pearl Rhein, Heath Saunders, Cathryn Wake, Katrina Yaukey, Lauren Zakrin

Miss Saigon 06/16/17 Cast: Jon Jon Briones (The Engineer), Eva Noblezada (Kim), Alistair Brammer (Chris), Katie Rose Clarke (Ellen), Nicholas Christopher (John), Devin Ilaw (Thuy), Rachelle Ann Go (Gigi)

Come From Away 06/17/17 mat Cast: Petrina Bromley (Bonnie & others), Geno Carr (Oz & others), Jenn Colella (Beverley/Annette & others), Joel Hatch (Claude & others), Josh Breckenridge (u/s Bob & others), Kendra Kassebaum (Janice & others), Chad Kimball (Kevin T/Garth & others), Lee MacDougall (Nick/Doug & others), Caesar Samayoa (Kevin J/Ali & others), Q. Smith (Hannah & others), Astrid Van Wieren (Beulah & others), Sharon Wheatley (Diane & others)

Anastasia 06/17/17 eve Cast: Nicole Scimeca (Little Anastasia), Mary Beth Peil (Dowager Empress) Caroline O’Connor (Countess Lily), Ramin Karimloo (Gleb), Derek Klena (Dmitry), John Bolton (Vlad), Christy Altomare (Anya), Ensemble: Zach Adkins, Lauren Blackman, Sissy Bell, Kyle Brown, Janet Dickinson, Constantine Germanacos, Wes Hart, Ken Krugman, Dustin Layton, Shina Ann Morris, James A Pierce III, Molly Rushing, Kristen Smith Davis, Allison Walsh

Bandstand 06/18/17 Cast: Jonathan Shew (u/s Donny Novitski), Laura Osnes (Julia Trojan), Beth Leavel (Mrs. June Adams), James Nathan Hopkins (Jimmy Campbell), Brandon J. Ellis (Davy Zlatic), Alex Bender (Nick Radel), Geoff Packard (Wayne Wright), Joe Carroll (Johnny Simpson), Ensemble: Mary Callahan, Max Clayton, Andrea Dotto, Ryan Kasprzak, Andrew Leggieri, Erica Mansfield, Morgan Marcell, Drew McVety, Kevyn Morrow, Jessica Lea Patty, Keven Quillon, Ryan Vandenboom, Jaime Verazin 

[themisadventuresofcando]

Meet and Screech

Walking down another snow-covered sidewalk in the small mountain town of South Park was a young couple. A boy with his hands stuck in his orange parka pockets and a girl in a dark blue coat clutching his arm and shivering, “Jesus Christ, Ken! Why is your stupid town so cold?!”

“How should I know, babe? Oh, maybe because we're in the mountains?” he chuckled sarcastically.

“Hey! I’m the sarcastic one in this relationship! If you're just gonna steal my role like that I might as well turn around right now and let you meet your dumb friends for me!” the young girl ranted releasing his arm to gesture around violently and ending with her gloved hands on her hips, pouting up at her boyfriend.

He snickered, “Come on Snow Bunny, stop looking for excuses to leave,” he threw his arm around her shoulders and hugged her close.

“I am NOT looking for- what in God’s name is that sound?” she interrupted yet another rant when she heard the loud sound of some native animals mating call.

“Oh, that’s just Cartman. He’s probably insulting Kyle again,” Kenny dismissed.

“That’s a person?!” she questioned with wide eyes. Wait, did he say insulting? She went quiet and turned her head to focus on just what the annoying screech was saying.

“EW!!! Kyle, I knew you were dirty Jew but I didn’t take you for a chubby chaser!! Don’t you know how dirty and smelly her fat rolls are?! Or are you into that kinda thing?” Cartman mocked loudly.

The girl's mouth fell open and she turned her head to stare in disbelief at her boyfriend. He didn’t seem at all shocked at the deplorable things coming out of the bully’s mouth but she could not understand how that could be considered normal. Sure, she was snappy and insulted her friends but she never actually meant it and she certainly didn’t insult people like THAT. She was so shocked by the toxic boy she missed the response to his mocking and only heard the boy’s continuing insults.

“FUCK YOU!!! YOU FAT PIECE OF SHIT!!! KYLE CONTROL YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!” the boy was now screaming and, coming closer, she could clearly make out that he was on the heavier side himself. Glancing around she saw just who he was insulting: another boy in orange and green and … her sister. Who had angry tears in her eyes. Fuck no.

She lunged at the fat boy from behind and tightened her thin arms around his meaty neck in a headlock, “Who the FUCK do you think your are fatass?!”

“H-help! K-Kyle-” he choked out reaching for the startled teen.

Ignoring the shocked looks around her the teenaged girl unwound one arm and socked him in the stomach, “NO! Don’t ask for help! Apologize! Apologize to my sister RIGHT NOW!”

“I’m s-sorry!! L-let go!” he flailed his arms around as she dropped him face first in the snow causing Kyle to burst into a fit of laughter.

“Oh, and next time you talk about someone's weight take a look in the mirror,” she snapped walking back over to Ken who was now doubled over laughing at the obese pig's expense. She glanced over at her now grinning sister, “You good?”

The larger girl nodded vigorously and opened her mouth to respond but was cut off, “Who the FUCK is THIS Bitch?!” Cartman’s demand cut off both Kyle and Kenny’s laughter and earning a whole new round of glares as he coughed in the snow.

“What the hell did I miss?” asked a new arrival.

“THIS CRAZY BITCH-”

“HEY STAN,“ Kenny shouted over the now rising Cartman, “Remember when I said I was gonna introduce you guys to my girlfriend when school started?” he tugged his girlfriend in front of him, “This is her, my lovely Carmen. Babe, the one you tackled is Eric Cartman, the one in the green hat is Kyle Broflovski, and the one in blue is Stan Marsh,” motioning to each boy in turn.

“Hey,” Carmen waved awkwardly

”WHY THE FUCK-” “ANYWAY,” Kyle shouted over Cartman, “This is my girlfriend and apparently Kenny’s girlfriend’s sister, Olivia.”

“Yup!” Olivia responded, “Dee’s the best twin ever. Don’t worry though, she isn’t normally that violent. As long as you don’t piss her off she’s just really sarcastic and a pretty big smartass.”

“HEY-”

“Shush, you know it’s true,” Kenny whispered after wrapping his arms around her face to muffle her protests and plopping his chin on her head.

“Oh, and Uh n-nice to uh,  m-meet you?” Olivia mumbled quickly losing her confidence and ducking her head.

“LET ME TALK!” Cartman screamed red in the face.

“Hey, if I get a sister like THAT, then I am totally marrying you,” Kyle smirked down at Olivia. He searched in his pockets at her wide-eyed look trying to cheer her up, “I think I have- Yes! Here ya go,” he presented her with a ring pop he pulled from his pocket. The girl ripped the wrapper off and slid the candy onto her finger.

The girl went red and clamped her hand over her mouth to muffle a squeal, “I’m getting married!!” she whipped around and yanked her sister away from Kenny showing off the red candy ring, “Did you hear? I’m gonna get married and your gonna be my maid of honor and, of course, Cartman’s not invited-” Olivia continued to babble.

Carmen looked at Kyle, “Look what you did,” she mumbled shaking her head.

“I’m even more confused now,” Stan replied, “What happened?’

“THIS BITCH,” Cartman pointed at Olivia, “INSULTED ME AND GOT HER PSYCHO SISTER TO JUMP ME AND NOW THEY’VE BRAINWASHED KENNY AND KYLE INTO THINKING THERE SOMETHING ATTRACTIVE ABOUT THEM!!”

Stan nodded slowly, “So, what actually happened?” he questioned as the bus rolled up.

“Cartman was being Cartman. Carmen put him in his place,” Kenny replied grabbing his girlfriend’s hand, dragging her away from her sister’s wedding plans and onto the bus, “Come on Snow Bunny, don’t want to be late for your first day in Hell.” ,

“Yes I do,” She mumbled lacing their fingers together as they sat.

Kyle was quick to follow, “He’s right Sunshine,” he beckoned, gently grabbing her hand and ushering her on to the bus.

They all filed onto the bus with a still confused Stan, a babbling Olivia and a screaming Cartman much to the confusion of everyone else on the bus.