#kinda scary ngl exposing myself on the internet but if somehow someone needed to hear this then i guess is cool if it helps people

[confusedspaceotter]

Daily avatrice analysis (day 6)

day1 day2 day3 day4 day5 day6 day7 day8 day9

*takes a deep breath* Oh god here we go

Ep 8 pt 2

Edit: originally I basically told the internt my life story but I've decided to create a separate post instead: here's the link

Now on the the actual analysis itself now that we are done being emotional

Here we have avatrcie reading each other's minds

Well more like Bea understood that if she wanted to help Ava figure out what she really wanted to say 

The best way to do it is to directly ask her

And here the little smirk from our dearest Avatrice captain Camila

Girl knows what she’s doing

Also if she had read sister Melanie’s entry does that mean Camila also knows French??

Well at least fluent enough the read the entry 

Damn  is Camila our secret multilingual queen??

Anway moving on 

Most people think that the moment Camila handed the journal to Bea, she took one look at it and she immediately knew Camila was trying to encourage her to come out to Ava?

I actually think here is where she found out sister Melanie is gay

Assuming Bea didn’t flip though the entry off camera 

Here we can see that she flip to another page then answer Ava, telling her Sister Melanie is gay

Meaning this information was not on the page where Camila left it open for Bea 

And this is a moment Bea realised what Camila is trying to encourage her to do

Look at how she took a breath before she said Lesbich

I think this is where Bea started to see herself in Sister Melanie’s shoes 

(Kinda like how when I see this scene and feel oh shit this is me)

And also I think that since she is putting herself in the story, it is remind her how she was treated as well

 That why at the end of the entry 

When she read the line “I felt unbound.Unburdened.I felt finally myself.”

You can see her voice cracking subtly 

Because this is what she secretly wants too

To feel unbound by her parents

Unburdened of the responsibilities in life

(In her case is whatever she was forced to be as a daughter of diplomats)

And to feel herself 

Just Beatrice 

And that’s just fucking relatable

Here you can see Bea trying to salvage whatever composure she had left but then Ava basically asks if she is okay and she just couldn’t hold it in anymore

Bea then kinda got “mad” at Ava

But is more like a defense mechanism

I bet she had this kind of conversation about her sexuality before and it definitely did not end well

So everything this topic came up she got defensive about it 

Which is understandable 

Bea’s I’m sorry is more about her feeling bad for her sudden outburst of emotions and sorry that Ava was there to witness it 

But I think she feel sorry that she is essentially coming to her because she view her sexuality as a burden rather than just part of her 

And Ava’s I’m sorry is her feeling bad seeing Bea crying plus I feel think those nuns at the orphanage would often made her apologize for something that’s not her fault so it could be a reflexive response 

And here’s comes one of the best lines in the show 

Along with this fucking smile 

The pain and sadness in her eyes turned into feeling grateful and full of love the moment she saw Ava

This right there ladies and gentlemen 

Is where Bea had her oh shit I’m in love moment 

Because hearing Ava’s response she realized she finally met the one person who would be happy for who she is 

And will embrace her fully 

And they say Avatrice is queer baiting smh 

Here we can see local gay nun gets accepted once and decide to ride of die with them

Not but seriously no way in hell that “us” means us here

I’m certain is just Bea’s fear that’s stopping her from saying me

And the “you mean that?” By Ava?

Baby girl get genuine care for once and she is hooked 

But it doesn’t stop the voiced in her head telling her this is not real she is lying so Ava asked for confirmation 

Which Bea will gladly replied with “you know I do”

Finally we have the not kiss scene

My thoughts on this can be summarized by this gif:

we move on to ep 9 tmr

btw i was thinking taking a short break after i'm done with s1 cause i have actual deadlines this week soooo

stay tuned for more:)

day7