#kind of yearning for this vibe rn

[waking-hell]

okay I've been completely obsessed with Movements new album and I'm about to make it everyone's problem

[wisteriagoesvroom]

📚 10 f1 fics i've loved lately 🏎️

been thinking a lot about how to organise fic recs into some sort of sensible post, 'cus there are so many (great!) pairings and (delicious!) driver combinations, not to mention so many varying styles of fic and SUPER TALENTED WRITERS!!111!!

just gonna list a bunch in no particular order, with accompanying pics, so you can get a sense of the vibes.

'cus what is f1 rpf but all about the ✨ vibes?! 🏁

p.s. people are in this community making amazing stuff for freeee!! if you liked these please leave a kudos or a comment, it makes a writer's day 🫡 

let's gooooo--

objects in the mirror by linearity (@drivestraight) charles/max. 87k words (series), rated t then e

listen. LISTEN! charles to rbr is one of the best premises ever and i will read it in like a thousand iterations. but this fic. this fic series in particular cleared my skin, made me want to cut my hair into a bob out of sheer emotion. i would be remiss not to start with this one because its impact on my f1 rpf trajectory should be studied by science. you know when a story just jumps off the page and it's so real that it becomes your canon. a kind of meteoric inevitability. plus, i almost never cry at fics. but by the time the third act of this one hit, i just went -- damn, am i rly about to tear up at a f1 rpf fanfiction rn? (yes.)

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sawtooth by nottonyharrison (@nottonyharrison) charles/max. 40k words, rated e

max as a f1 engineer? for CARLOS at FERRARI? sign me the fuckkk up. first off, awesome premise. there's always going to be something so heartwrenching about "what ifs", especially in any universe where max isn't a racer. despite the change of circumstances, just... the sheer poetry of two characters who just inexplicably find their way to each other in any universe... 🤧 also this story nails racing scenes in a way that's so visceral, i feel like a fly on the damn halo with them. and, aside from the gourmet lestappen, carlos's whole thing in this fic is joyous! spicy! he's so unapologetic and vaguely annoying! hilarious! + the swimming pool scene lives rent-free in my head.

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salt skin by peachbellini (@strawberry-daiquiris) oscar/lando. 12k words, rated e

this fic is magic. literally and figuratively. (MERMAID LANDO???? MERMAID LANDO.) the kind of story that makes you gasp and melt a little bit. and made me want to throw my phone at the writer, 'cause it's really that good. the yearning, the metaphor for all that's monstrous, a boy who is lost (and the boy who he finds, is equally so). this is just beautifully written and a little quirky and so well executed. i think i put it in my bookmarks as "what if lando was a mermaid and it was filmed by a24" or something. pearl of a story.

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hockey!! shrimp colors :) by leafmeal0ne (@ocontraire) oscar/lando. 13k words, rated t

leaf meal one. i have only known you a week but if anything were to happen to you i would wreck everyone in the room including myself. in all seriousness, anything that leaf writes is brilliant. they're one of these writers who could do a throwaway line on the label of a ketchup bottle and i will probably scream about it. the precision, the way they switch up sentence structures, the freaking darcy-level regency yearning transposed onto a contemporary sports setting. i'd rec all of leaf's sports AUs and i'll probably talk about more in a future fic rec post. BUT. the hockeyyy one my GOD. the barely restrained violence, their mutual desire, the theme of finding your place... *wails uncontrollably*

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you almost unearthly thing by anonymous max/daniel, 3.7k words, rated g

max is a governess(govern..lad?) and daniel is the mystery man at the manor. this was a response to a request i made in the kinkmeme! (if you haven't read those fics go check 'em out, there are so many great ones, and not necessarily all rated e). this is a criminally underrated little story that has my favourite repressed feelings + people dancing around each other + gothic vibes + "what the hell is wrong with y'all in this tale" combo that i really adore. it's really well written and captures the atmosphere so well.

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the so-called narrative by antimonyandthyme (@antimonyandthyme) oscar/carlos, 10k words, rated e

i'm once again asking why there are only 7 carlos/oscar works in the tag. I'M ONCE AGAIN ASKING-- *is sedated*. *jolts awake* okay but for real this is a great story. hot, fake-friendship-to-situationship which so happens is one of my favourite places to be. also hello miscommunication/they're so weird about it/they both want each other but can't express themselves for shit/insane racer boys energy.

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and silver, and samarium by pink_mink (@on-softs) george/toto, 5.2k words, rated e

i profess i am not usually the biggest fan of A/B/O (altho!! this fandom has made me go BUT ACTUALLY HM at least a few times). and this fic freaking nails it, along with the twisted power dynamics between TPs and drivers, as seen through the lens of omegaverse. this story rattles around my head like a stubborn ghoul just from the style and prose and sheer audacity alone. george kneeling at toto's knees while he's working..... ohhhhhhhhh i was this close to calling my lawyers.

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algorithm by anney (@badboy-george) charles/max, 16k words, rated e

i LOVE, LOOOOVE a sci fi concept alright. love that shit, will inhale it like moon dust with zero regrets. and what a fantastic one this one is!! the premise is that the FIA can now statistically show the compatibility of drivers on the grid and it's very pacific rim-y drift compatible, mixed with the surreal vibes of eternal sunshine or HER or some such. it should be outrageous, but it really works. that's the beauty of a great fic right there.

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trajectory of trojan asteroids by redpaint (@redpaint) nico/lewis, 3.3k words, rated g

also one of the fics i first read when i hopped on board the f1 rpf train. the pain and poignancy just gets worse the more i learn about brocedes. you know when you're like "there's no way this was reallll" and then you're like "fuck, it was so real". then you get a fic like this that just encapsulates all that rage and loss and grief and upset, set against the starry vista of endless space. *clutches tablecloth* god.

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p.s please bear in mind that these recs are entirely subjective! i enjoy loads of f1 stories but these are the ones that have especially stuck with me for some inexplicable reason.

p.p.s if your fic is on here and you want it taken off for whatever reason, i'm happy to, no questions asked 💛

BYE for now / until part 2. (i also love talking to ppl about fics so pls feel free to send an ask or hit me up in DMs or whatever.)

xoxo, -- wizz

[redisveryyummy]

Late night modern hotd music headcanons :D

Rheanyra loves Beyonce so fucking much dude

She feels like she would have one playlist and it's just called boss bitch or something

Reputation is the only Taylor Swift album she constantly listens to and evermore but we won't talk about that

Former theater kid, if you disagree argue with the wall

I am a strong believer that she is a fan of musicals/romcoms and her and her boys have a movie night where they watch their favorites and sing every song word for word

(Daemon does not participate)

ESPECIALLY MAMMA MIA

Rheanyra singing "Slipping Through My Fingers" to Jace and/or Luke has me sobbing my eyes out dude

Jace, Luke, and Joffery singing "Honey Honey" omg

JACE AND (INSERT S/O OF YOUR CHOICE PROBABLY CREGAN) SINGING "LAY YOUR LOVE ON ME" TO EACH OTHER AGHSBSUDBHD

Daemon listens to dad rock and dubstep exclusively, nothing else

Bro is literally the cbat guy

Daemon is really the kind of guy that would be like "there's this band but you probably wouldn't know it because it's so underground" and it's literally Weezer

Alicent loves her yearning music

Phoebe Bridgers, Frankie Cosmos, Laufey, Mitski, Conan Gray

Two words. BOY. GENIUS.

Her and Rheanyra have TOTALLY gone to many boy genius concerts together

folklore folklore folklore

Aegon 😐😑😐

Cbat guy 2.0

Listens to WAY to much house music

No real music taste

Whatever is on the radio, but like the radio in 2016 you know?? Or like late 2000's

1989 (Taylor's Version) he's not a monster lol

Usher (that's the only person I can think of rn lol)

Aemond only listens to classical music or weird experimental jazz because he thinks it makes him different

Activity hates on Taylor Swift for all the wrong reasons

Secretly likes her a little and is way too excited for The Tortured Poets Department

Helaena is so whimsical I love her sm <3

Very much into indie stuff with down to earth vibes

Hozier, The Crane Wives, Noah Kahn, Everybody's Worried About Owen, Bears in Trees, Maya Hawk

"Why Am I Like This" by Orla Gartland...iykyk

Jacaerys Velaryon is an Arianna Grande FAN I don't make the rules

Him, Beala, and Rheana definitely have little dance parties whenever they come over

Loves Ari and Brittany

Also enjoys country music

He gets it from his daddy 🥰

Taylor Swifts Self Title is his everything

LUCERYS VELARYON IS A THEATER KID I REPEAT LUCERYS VELARYON IS A THEATER KID

It's all his mom's fault

His playlists are all just musical soundtracks

Little Shop of Horrors, Heathers, The Falsettos, RIDE THE CYCLONE, BE MORE CHILL, Dear Evan Hansen, Hamilton

Same with the Hazbin Hotel soundtrack y'all don't even know

Luke loves "Hell is Forever"

Also bro has a HORRIBLE singing voice

Anyway I will probably have more tomorrow but that is what I got for tonight :))

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Yves ask<3

At like 2am I was listening to a playlist that had the song It's Over Isn't It from Steven Universe and I couldn't help but think a little bit about Yves. Idk if you see it but some of the lines in the song were giving me a bit of angsty Yves vibes. Like Yves not understanding why he "lost" to some random love interest like in that one Montgomery post.

Idk could be just me but I got a bit of Yves brain going on rn..

Well i mean, Yves was partially inspired by Pearl from Steven universe too, and it definitely comes with the angst fr theres some parallels between Greg and Monty; Yves FUCKING hates Montgomery's guts for stealing you away but he has no choice but to act like he actually "loves" him deep down, past Yves's monster-in-law exterior. Because Montgomery makes you happy and he knows if Yves were to express how he really feels, you would be devastated.

In his mind, the ultimate goal isn't to please himself, but to please you in life. He can't kill Montgomery or else you will feel hollow and unhappy. He cant give you an ultimatum, because even if you chose him, you would still yearn for Montgomery. Yves can't just bend reality this time, because somehow your attraction and love towards Montgomery is so strong, to break that bond is to break you too.

So he just smiles and digs his fingernails into his palm until it breaks the skin, only letting out the most blood-curling, ear-obliterating Yves-rage scream in the privacy of his home. Maybe even sticking some pins and needles into his heavily abused Montgomery voodoo doll, casting spells with obscure ingredients and ancient scripts since he would turn spiritual when facing things that he couldn't accept.

Under all that calm and collected mask is a hurricane of emotions; especially unimaginable anguish and anger. Desperately wishing that you would have preferred what Yves had. Desperately wishing you had chosen him instead.

But you nor Montgomery would know the depth of his hatred for the man who robbed Yves of his rightful position as your husband. You wouldn't know the excruciating pain he felt when you rejected him and went for someone he perceived as a lesser being. He hates him.

Yves hates, hates, hates Montgomery so much and he would torture him so gorily and cruelly, that even the devil would retch in disgust. Alas, you love that... Pathetic excuse of a man. He cannot do anything further than a couple of petty exchanges and stare at you longingly.

You wouldn't know just how much your best friend despised and loathed him, especially when he's so kind to Montgomery and claims to care about him too.

Perhaps you should listen to your husband when he says he's not at all comfortable being alone in a room with Yves. Maybe you should believe Montgomery when he says there is something very, very off about your beloved best friend.

Then again, Yves doesn't take his mask slipping off his true, ugly form lightly. Best to just pretend that nothing is happening and ignore the fact that his house increasingly smells like incense.

[gold-rhine]

How do you feel about the two big neuvi juggernauts rn, neuvifuri and wrioneuvi

tbh i'm ambivalent about both of these. im simply a dragon protection unit advocating against mistreatment.... bc for some reason ppl ooc neuvi in two wildly different directions to fit into heteronormativity stereotypes for these two ships. like with rizzley they feminize him drastically, and on the other side with furina they make like stoic uber masculine idk hot math teacher stereotype. both are super annoying tbh. let the poor dragon be, magic evolution already yassified him into french man in reincarnation, has he not suffered enough. stop gendering him so badly, hes not even human, hes a lizard.

with furina im also quite peeved how ppl will try to pretend that they loved each other for all these years (no they didn't), how furina was the one who made him love humanity (no she did not categorically), etc etc. bc i think they have very complicated relationship due to power dynamics of archon\ dragon whose power was stolen by this archon, and trying to erase it make them much less interesting. like furina straight up shut down every their argument in archon quests by going "i'm an archon, you should do as i say bc i'm the god". which she probably didn't know has vastly different implications for the dragon sovereign who sees her as false god, ruling with his power. of course now that she knows, she thinks he hates her, just as she said in her story quest. there is an interesting tension there that i think could be fun to explore bc yeah, they also have 500 years of history. they barely talked, but she knows where he would like to be at this time of day, that kind of familiarity. but i think if you wanna see their relationship explored, esp in romantic sense, you gotta start from right now, from the awkwardness and complications, instead of pretending they are already end game in love.

with rizzwolfsley i remember i saw one post that said that its like fleabag vibes, like they know they can't be together bc of Duty, and i can see it tbh, like rizzley is v feabag to me with his trauma that he pretends hes fine with, but obv a bleeding wound in his back, with sarcastic facade keeping ppl from looking too close, the nonchalant attitude covering painful tension. and as he grew up with this dagger in his back literally in prison, around petty human vices and learned to shield in irony-poisoned attitude, i can see him being drawn to neuvi, steadfast, incorruptible, powerful, but never using it for selfish reasons, fresh clear water in the midst of dark muddy swamp, larger than life, inhuman in his mercy. i can see it, the little wow, it works. the bittersweetness of yearning, awkward stolen moments, it has potential

[mavcancees]

Have you by any chance taken a look at r/dwt2 recently? I'd really like to hear your thoughts on the posts over there about Dream's interactions (or lack thereof) with the fanbse rn and the big content drought. I think you always have realistic outlooks on this stuff and it would definitely help some people on here that I know are trying not to feel too down about it. (100% /nf)

hello dashboard

this is the longest post i have ever written. remember, this is how i personally see things. you don't have to agree with all of it or at all. still, long as fuck. you have been warned

i do not use reddit and i especially don't visit spaces that are a vent melting pot. not something i want to encourage by giving it clicks

however it is a topic i do have thoughts on, of various kinds, so walk with me on this one. i believe the position is in right now is 1 - one he hates, 2 - one he was forced to be in and 3 - one he's too afraid to get out of

you can understand my second point easily, i don't think there's any argument about it. if it was up to him, the current state of his content would not be like this, not talking quality, but in the general lack of it. he had to reorganise his life around october 2022 to the point he considered quitting. that's not an easy thing, logistically an otherwise, and for dream out of all people to have even think about it, it must have been a tremendous feat to get out of that spot mentally. then he could not make usmp happen. dealing with the hate. gumball. releasing the video. these aren't things that he could predict, and did shape the timeline of content release

i don't want to say i feel a bitterness about it from him, because he's not a bitter person. but when he talks about the things that weren't, i do feel that sad yearn, the-one-that-got-away-esque vibe in the conversation. which is completely understandable, because those are his projects he put time thought money and love in. and then he gets the carpet pulled, and now we're here. i feel people forget that a bit you feel sad about all the content, imagine him. we knew about usmp for tops 3 or 4 days, he had been working on it for months. empathise with him a bit and understand this is not a place he wants to be in either

my general "critique" of him regarding the situation is the third point. i say fear, i don't exactly know if that's what it is, and just as above, i understand why it would exist yes, obviously the face reveal and meeting fans and having the parasocialism hit you in the face changes a lot. i understand, say, walking back from his "Stans" video, i understand walking back on the nsfw, i get those things. but we're a bit past that point now, where denouncing that parasocialism is turning into what i see as becoming the cc he has said he doesn't want to be

and i say this as someone that has been around for a WHILE. he has in the past spoken negatively about the path he is taking. the cc that's removed from his audience, the famous guy that has all his accounts managed, the creator with the over scripted, over hyped, removed of all spontaneous dynamic content that ends up either underdelivering, or not delivering at all. ( note here, i don't think dream will ever underdeliver. not in his dna. simply describing that general persona )

he's not there yet, at all, but he's edging close enough where people are starting to feel uneasy about it. some quietly, some in an understanding tone, others demanding and demeaning. and i feel at every step of walking down this figurative path, my first and second points ring very loudly. he doesn't really want this, he never asked for any of this. he has been forced into this position. but now he's on this weird stasis chamber of sorts, not fully in it but also doing nothing to get out ? i see the absolute love he has for music. i see how much he loves minecraft, and his fans, and the weirdness of it all. but he's alienating himself from it and not particularly putting up any sort of fight. not even raising his voice. nothing at all

no snapchats no tweets no likes no replies no streaming no casual popping into a friend's stream. and i am happy for him ! let me make that super clear ! taking time for himself, chilling, doing things in private. i'm glad he has that space now, and he's enjoying a life he very much could not have for years

but the very overwhelming, and genuinely new type of quiet makes that uneasiness i mentioned before grow exponentially. this isn't a quiet we're used to, and i have been through many. i am personally fine with it, i am not the one to demand content, i can simply do something else. but it does worry me he's kind of just taking the punches, and is taking them so much to heart he has removed himself this much from the public, in a seemingly unnecessary fashion. and here's the real issue for me on that third point, and where that worry comes from, and maybe in part curiosity ?

he's sure of what he's doing. at least it appears that way. i don't see all the puzzle pieces, and i am concerned at the picture they paint. is he scared ? is he tired ? is he waiting it out even more ? should i be concerned ? is that maybe too parasocial, or am i just so put off by the change of scenery and the lack of explanation for some of these changes ( like i said, i understand some, but others seem out of left field ) , it that it makes me reasonably worried

still. i get it

i criticize some of it, because yeah, i am selfish, i want the content creator that i have been following for five years to be, at least in part, the one i subscribed to. i want some content, any content, at all

i also understand the road to here was not the one neither of us expected it to be, and it changed him more than it changed me

i am a passive onlooker of his life, and i have no right to make demands to what he gives me access to. i only can complain as much as it is appropriate, which is vocalising my feelings of missing him, because he has given me a piece, and now i don't quite get why it's gone. previously he would have told us why, now it's dead lining

but it's his life. it's his time. it's his piece. and it's his choice. he can do with it as he pleases. i can be unhappy. i can have issues with it, i can worry. i can demand explanations. i am not entitled an answer. the second people understand that last part, they will have a much better time dealing with the quiet

i miss him, i really do. i understand why he's gone. i don't approve of how far he's taking it. but that doesn't fucking matter, because whatever the reasoning is, if he is doing it this way, it's for a reason that's enough to him. and i'd say, we have to trust him with his own life

[bridgetoesoteria]

✨Toxicity✨: What would have happened if you stayed?

Helloo. So this is going to be for anyone who feels in two minds about their decision to walk away from a situation.

Sorry in advance, the piles are so long! I really meant to be more succinct. So, grab a snack or break up the reading ahah 😅.

This can be used for any kind of situation: professional, romantic, platonic, etc. Options are left to right. Hope it resonates :)

For the collective: P.S.I took time out to do a guided meditation to connect with my intuition. So some of you may benefit from that. Some personal messages came through for me as well. So your guides probably want to connect with you too. I used a guided meditation on YouTube but feel free to do whatever resonates best with you.

Without further ado 🙇‍♀️🎩 ...

Pile 1

**TW: Substance Abuse**Off the bat: So before I even really began the reading, I was channeling Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's. So idk if that is relevant somehow. I was thinking of a lot of early 2000s songs. I feel very eager and excited. So maybe some of you left home behind to chase your dreams in someway. So, every win is a little bittersweet. Honestly, its such a vibe rn. I'm feeling chill, room is dimly lit, there's thin swirls of smoke coming from the burning sage...

4-card spread: Ace of Disks, The High Priestess, Prince of Cups, 7 of Disks. Bottom of Deck is Knight of Wands.

So, for context I'm using The Urban Tarot Deck. I feel like the imagery really helps with this pile. Its a Thoth inspired deck so the names for the cards are a little different. I read Knights as Kings and Princes as Knights.

All right, so right away I feel kind of confined. I don't think you would have had a horrible life or situation but it would not have been all that you needed. You would continue secretly dreaming of the life that you truly want. Whatever that means to you. I say this because the woman on the high priestess card looks very dreamy. Like she stole away and ran herself a bath just to have a few moments of solitude. But with the "knight of cups" right next to her--which is another card that can signify illusions, fantasies, daydreaming--it feels like she's dreaming of what could have been. And what could still be!

I always read this knight of cups as an amateur filmmaker. Someone just starting out, perhaps a little pretentious, but their intentions are in the right place. The fact that its a card that isn't fully mature, like a king of cups for instance, makes it seem tangible. So the woman isn't jumping to the ultimate end goal, but what could reasonably happen. This dream just lives in her head. Something she keeps for herself.

This is supported by the ace of disks (pentacles) and the 7 of disks. The 7 of pentacles can show patience as you wait on your investments or considering whether you invest or not. Aces are new starts. So, you would still be thinking about whatever alternative option you rejected to stay. Maybe you would know its still on the table and that's why you toy with the idea as a contingency plan. You know your growth is being stunted. Honestly for this group I think you were meant to leave. I don't think you would ever have been able to throw away this opportunity.

The king of wands is passionate and action oriented. This is how you would yearn to be. An energy like this cannot be contained. For some of you this may be referring to leaving a family dynamic or hometown behind. Right under the king is the 8 of cups reversed. With the imagery, I'm getting substance abuse problems. Maybe its common where you're from, alcoholism in particular. With it reversed, I think you would want to cut ties once and for all. Like just ghost friends, cousins, maybe even a partner. Like its the sort of thing where there may be all this lore associated with your name back home.

You will see what you could turn out like and decide to just go. For some this could relate to a job too. Maybe you see how the job consumes people around you, people lose relationships, some may get depressed, start drinking. You might have "noped" out of that and decided to carve your own path.

For those resonating with more of a family dynamic, I think you might experience some kind of loss. The kind of loss that acts as the straw that breaks the camel's back. Like I'm hearing "well, if Granny G/GG ain't here anymore, wtf am I doing here?" For others you could experience some kind of deep betrayal like a cheating spouse, a backstabbing best friend. And it will just make you go "fuck it" and choose yourself. You might not even be about all that lovey-dovey crap anyway.

Oracle Message: The oracle cards basically repeated the same message: Imposter Syndrome, Forever a Phoenix, and Emergence. Its literally what I- like look at this: "Sometimes you can't save it. Sometimes you have to take what's left and what lessons you have learned and simply just watch the rest burn to the ground." (Forever a Phoenix) The message of feeling confined comes up as well. The emergence card depicts a butterfly woman emerging from her cocoon. It's giving...I REST MY CASE.

Pile 2

Off the bat: A lot of you could be watching for an academic or professional situations. It reminds me of when I had to choose another school over my first choice. In hindsight, that was the best decision I could have made. I now can truly understand the saying "thank god for unanswered prayers." A move could be significant in someway so maybe some of you relocated or chose to stay where you are.

4-card spread: 9 of Wands, Wheel of Fortune, The Moon, The Hanged Man. Bottom of deck is The Fool.

I immediately started to feel a lot of anxiety. My chest feels kind of tight. If you hadn't left maybe you would have dealt with a lot of anxiety or panic attacks. I feel like the environment would have been stifling. A lot of major arcanas in a spread can sometimes signify stability or a lack of change. So if you are watching for a professional situation (academic counts too), you might not have progressed. This could look like never being given promotions. For others I am getting a combo of work and school like a dance academy or something. In a situation like this may always skip over you when it comes time for assigning solos. There is also a lot of romantic energy coming through but please consider how it resonates for your situation.

I also think something about remaining in whatever this is, would have caused you to doubt yourself. The moon and the wheel of fortune side by side could hint at emotional or mental instability. While I do read the wheel as a positive card, because it is something that is always turning, it can also represent a certain predictable unpredictability. The 9 of wands reinforces the message about being on guard. I think it would have been really exhausting to keep up with this toxicity indefinitely.

If this represents a romantic "third party" situation, the affair would have continued in the same way it was going. This applies regardless of which side of the third party you fall on. So if you were in a relationship with the person already, they would keep cheating. Or you would never be able to relax because you'd always be waiting for the next shoe to drop. Always on the look out for signs they're back to their old ways and never fully being able to trust them. No relationship can thrive in the those circumstances. So it would leave you frozen in this state of constant misery.

For others, if you resonate with being the person they snuck around with or if you were one of the many people they were entertaining, they would have kept that up, unfortunately. You would probably get resentful eventually. You may not even get any kind of title that would hint at some kind of significance to your relationship. They would not show the kind of effort that makes you go, "wow, they really value me and want to make this connection work". Nope, with the wheel and the fool. They would want to continue popping in and out with no thought to how it could throw you off balance. They could ghost. Your self-esteem and ability to ground yourself would really suffer.

This could also apply for situations where cheating wasn't the issue or at least it wasn't the only one. If the other person was rude, or controlling, or just awful, that would have continued. It would be you giving up parts of yourself and your peace to keep things afloat. They would still poster like they are "self-made" and like they're a great person.

Oracle Message: I haven't pulled anything yet but some of you may benefit from meditating. If this is something you have been practicing and wonder if there's any point, there is but the benefits are cumulative. So, you have to stick with it. Same with therapy, fitness journeys, or health journeys. Any kind of self-care. You just gotta be consistent. I am pulling from my affirmation cards deck. I'm going to insert a pic. "Today I am responsible" and "today I am at peace" came out together. My intentions were to read these cards as if they came out reversed. So with that in mind, you would have continued being in a lot drama and back and forth. The situation would be detrimental to your mental health and possibly physical health. Think a partner or friend that uses substances and so it makes it easier for you to get into. You might not get as much joy out of life and work would be unfulfilling. Overall, you would not experience much growth as a person.

Pile 3

Off the bat: I am getting more relationship and love energy. But if you are here for something nonromantic, just change the love stuff to fit your situation. Many of you are here for friends or significant others. For some of you, this reading may not be "that deep." Like perhaps this is just a crush that you moved on from and you're wondering what could have happened with them. Others you might have left a party and you're trying to quash the feelings of FOMO lol. Bubbles from The Powerpuff Girls could be significant for some reason.

4-card spread: 10 of Swords, Ten of Cups, Ace of Swords, King of Pentacles. Bottom of deck is 4 of Cups.

I just want to note that the king of pentacles came out sideways. So if there is a flakey or unreliable person in this situation, they would have let you down. So for some resonating with a party or a gathering, if you wanted to stay because a friend or a crush was there, they might have ended up ditching you anyway. You could have stayed and realized this person was not even available, so perhaps they came with someone else. You might have just ended up bored, in your feelings, and way too drunk.

Next, if this was someone that was breadcrumbing you or kind of one foot in, one foot out, they have the potential to really disappoint you. I say this because of the sideways king of pentacles, ten of swords, 4 of cups, and the 6 of pentacles right under the 4 of cups. So you could have ended up feeling unfulfilled emotionally or practically (e.g. quality time). This other person could be kind of cocky, especially if they have a lot of other friend or dating options.

For others of you, staying could have led to pregnancy or children in some way. So this could be a partner or spouse that you considered staying with. A few examples I am getting: Having a child with this person, staying with them and starting a family, finding out they had a child or family with someone else.

The storyline is kind of splitting at this point. Some of this could resonate or none of it, so trust your gut. There's a group of you where things would not have been that bad. This is only for people who had a decent relationship with the person. Maybe the main issue was that you both weren't mature enough or stable enough to have a baby or a super serious relationship. This pregnancy would make you two very happy and would bring you closer together. Even if you ended up co-parenting, I think it would be okay for the most part.

Now, for the other half of the storyline...it's not such a happy ending. If something told you this person was not reliable enough to have a family with, that was likely the truth. They seem like the sort of person that would seem cool to start. They would act like they are going to step up. Think coming around your family more, being present for first ultrasounds, looking at apartments with you. I do think there would still be an air of detachment though. Unfortunately, this person gives me the vibe that they would just go cold. Like they may start off seeming bored, then escalate to "no call, no show" type of behavior, culminating in them ghosting or being very hard to reach. They aren't as ready as they seem and you would be mostly on your own. Whether this means as a single parent or them letting your relationship fall apart. They could continue posting online with their friends, when you were supposed to go to an open house, or crib shopping, or having your baby shower...you get the idea.

Oracle Message: I am pulling from a non tarot deck. I will insert a picture of the cards. It would be a lot to type out in order to explain properly. 😅You could resonate with certain cards more than others. (OMG you know what I just realized. I was getting Bubbles earlier and isn't that what Summer Walker calls her baby? If you know about her and her relationship drama, that could be more confirmation.) For some of you, you could see "what could have been," reflected in one of your friend's life. Maybe they made the opposite decision than you. The cards talking about fate lead me to believe that maybe things worked out in your best interests. In hindsight, you might be able to see how you dodged a bullet. Perhaps you would have had to sacrifice your goals, boundaries, or self-love. The other person seems really messy. The first, third, and sixth card make me think that. The first card is again making me feel like they could have a group that they run with that probably isn't the best influence. Maybe they have a lot of run-ins with the law. Impulsivity and recklessness could be the norm with this person. Also, it would probably be very hard to trust this person. Specifically, it would be veryy hard to trust they will change. You could have the same conversations and just go around in circles with no results. The trust question makes me think of couples counseling and the card next to it reminds me of individual counseling. You would probably get more out of one-on-one counseling. Whatever decision you made here was the right one.

I've been considering offering personals. I would probably put a quota on certain readings just so we are all "consuming responsibly", so to say. It would also just make me feel more a little more comfy. Boundaries were the main reason I stopped doing readings for anyone besides myself. I need to have my ducks in a row so for now it's just a thought.

Anywhoo 🦉 I've got soo many more readings planned. The last one from the poll will be a classic love reading. I will probably do another poll so keep an eye out for that! 💋

~K

[willbyersenthusiast]

since i won’t shut up about Found Heaven, here’s a list of songs i think are very byler coded:

Found Heaven (the title track)

Alley Rose

The Final Fight

Miss You

Forever With Me

Eye Of The Night (kind of)

Winner (kind of)

and yk what while i’m here im gonna explain the reasons i think so;

Found Heaven:

i already explained this in a previous post (idk how to link them so have fun scrolling) but i will give a brief explanation; the song is about internalized homophobia and it’s basically conan telling his younger self it’s okay, or at least that’s how i perceive it, so i see this as a mike wheeler song. it can be will too but will is more out of the closet than mike tbf.

Alley Rose:

this one is kind of more about yearning and wanting but not before the relationship, it’s after it. they’re also kind of nervous around each other (especially mike) in season 4. the line “i waited all year at your feet like maybe you’d love me” is so them because they both waited for the other to reach out when Will moved to Lenora.

for the bridge, will is so worried about his best friend hating him because he’s gay and in love with him. “i thought if you’d ever leave me that i’d be the reason why.” and will again for the last little bit of the bridge saying “i swore hands were made for fighting, i swore eyes were made to cry, but you’re the first person that i’ve seen whose proven that might be a lie.” it’s kind of self explanatory in a way because will grew up in an abusive household. and for “don’t leave me hanging alone again.” i feel it fits both of them but also mike, because mike told will he felt like he was losing him and he wanted to be best friends again in s4

The Final Fight:

i feel like this one says how will wants to tell mike how much mike hurt him, and how he really upset him. he probably wants himself to get over mike and thinks this will help him (but it’ll just make mike confess😏 [hopefully].

Miss You:

this one makes me think of Mike telling Will how he misses him and how he felt like he “lost you or something.” and how “it’s not hawkins without you.” in season 4. and he knows he’s been a douche a little asshat (you can tell i’m a little upset with this mike lmao) but he wants “to be friends again. Best friends”

Forever With Me:

holy fucking shit this one. this song. i see this as Will yearning for Mike and wanting to be with him forever. “I ain’t sorry, though i should probably be. I think i’m gonna love you. You’re forever with me.” THIS SCREAMS WILL BYERS. “you are the reason i learned to love. Also the reason i cry” holy fucking SHIIIITTTT

Eye Of The Night:

i perceive this song as “this person haunts me. i see them everywhere and i can’t escape them” so it kind of reminds me of how they like always come back to each other? idk this one just kinda makes me think of them 💀

Winner:

this song (mainly just the pre-chorus and the chorus) makes me think of the rain fight. Will’s pov to be specific. i see it as Will saying “yeah you won you made me feel like shit, are you happy??” ykwim? OH AND THE SECOND VERSE “yet you have the nerve to miss me. how do i somehow feel guilty when you’re the one who let it get this bad” HOLY SHIT THATS LITERALLY THEIR FIGHT AT RINK-O-MANIA. like mike blaming will for not reaching out in the heat of the moment and therefore will blames himself too.

anyways that’s my little rant done GO STREAM FOUND HEAVEN ITS AMAZING AND IT HAS SUCH A DAZZLING 80S VIBE ITS MY FAVORITE THING RN GO LISTEN TO IT PLEASE ITS LIFE CHANGING

[desceros]

Got some villain songs for ya

I like the way you kiss me by Rain Paris (I also like original by artemas)

https://open.spotify.com/track/73ELg4ZxI9n5JaWZ8FSTK0?si=jqyJd9_cQVybSKRrp_1rUA

I’m not sure if I have the right vibe, but think of villain Donnie and reader’s early relationship

The Hunter and The Prey by Halocene

https://open.spotify.com/track/0M4tBto4KO9PMKSsSUR15t?si=cpa4SmhyRB6c0YHtKFYeDw

Villain Leo. Bad ending. His signature toothy grin a juxtaposition to the tears in his eyes.

You’ve said you’ve been busy, so sending you extra love and good vibes

yeah, i'm in the middle of switching industries for work rn and it's SO. so much. hahaha. i'm so crunched right now it's actually frying the fuck out of me a bit. pray to the turtle gods for me, comrades

anywho! enough whining, no one wants to hear that. we wanna talk TURTLES!

that first song (which i SWEAR i've heard a different cover of.... it's lowkey driving me insane) is, in my eyes, actually a spectacular fit for early bvau leo! the physical intimacy, the promise that it'll be without any strings (bc leo doesn't Do strings, or so he thinks), and yet the... yearning. the craving for your attention. very good. very nice. excellent vibes.

for the villain donnie au, i think it's a really good fit for the insert-chan! kind of like with bvau leo, that insert-chan is game for something physical (i mean. donnie's really annoying. but he is hot and really good in bed.), and the emotional side of it doesn't kick in until later. (donnie on the other hand... well, his switch from 'i want to put your body in a garbage bag' to 'you're mine and anyone that so much as Breathes on you wrong is going to end up in several pieces' is a instantaneous one once it happens; there's not a period where he's thinking of you sexually but Not romantically. the two are very, very intertwined.)

second song... let's see. i read it as a song where someone is fed up with the treatment of their partner ('giving you second chances' and 'thanking you to take advantage'), and standing up for themselves. i don't think that particularly fits with bvau bad end, which is a non-canon au...au where leo actually gets MORE protective of you after you get hurt, to the point where it's toxic. think like. chaining you to the bed and not letting you leave the apartment because don't you see? it's dangerous out there. everyone else wants to hurt you but me. i'll keep you safe. nothing will ever hurt you again. the only time you'll ever bleed is when my teeth are in your neck, but you like that, right? don't you beg so sweetly for it?

still a bop, though, so thanks for sharing!!! :DD

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Not really bored this time, just don't want to work on these questions my history professor has given us so allow me to procrastinate by sending you another ask. I know this pairing isn't really our focus rn but honestly I find the Jake/Neytiri/Tsu'tey thing kind of cute.

For one I totally agree with your 0 romance between Neytiri and Tsu'tey take. I think they are really close friends but could never be romantic partners.

I imagine it's Neytiri who tells Tsu'tey to wake up and realize he likes Jake. She gets tired of him grumbling about him non-stop and is finally like "For Eywa's fucking sake just kiss him already".

For some reason the thought of not just Neytiri but also Tsu'tey reacting to the realization of Jake's betrayal gets me. Like, Tsu'tey had begun to fall in love with this man, but not just any man. A man who is working for the people responsible for killing the love of his life. And after months of building trust and finally thinking that he can let this person in Jake admits to his initially less than innocent intentions. Crushing.

I think that it would take Jake and Tsu'tey longer to mate before Eywa. Not exactly sure when or if Na'vi culture even permits it, but I think they would just because now Jake is Tsu'tey's mate for life as well.

I feel like Tsu'tey would commune with Sylwanin all the time in the beginning and tell her about Jake, especially during the very start when he's just beginning to feel these emotions towards him and feels not only guilt for "betraying" Sylwanin and having feelings for a Sky Person but but also just a yearning to get her advice.

I like the idea that somehow Jake gained the nickname "American Boy" from Tsu'tey one day, probably when he made some correction to a comment Tsu'tey made and was all like "technically I'm American" and Tsu'tey latched onto it. At first it was just used to tease but now it's a fond nickname.

I picture Jake taking them on separate date nights. Neytiri and him fly on their ikrans every friday evening while Jake and Tsu'tey go for evening rides on, like, saturdays after a long week of olo'eyktan duties on Tsu'tey's part (for some reason my mind just associates this man with pa'lis even though I know he has an ikran?? Like???). I like to think that Jake never really manages to vibe with any of the pa'li for the longest time and Tsu'tey enjoys watching the struggle and so he insists on pa'li rides (plus I feel like a part of him would see ikran rides as Jake and Neytiri's "thing" and want to do something different) but after awhile Jake finds one that he just kinda clicks with and by that point pa'li rides have become his and Tsu'tey's thing. Once a month all three of them will do something together too like have dinner or go for a swim or basically whatever else they feel like doing.

Don't even get me started on when the kids come into the picture. I'm fully committed to Neteyam being a mommy's boy with Neytiri and Kiri being a daddy's girl with Jake. Lo'ak is a daddy's boy too, but with Tsu'tey. From day one I picture Lo'ak just deciding that daddy #2 is his favorite person on the planet lol. Jake pretends to be offended, but both him and Neytiri are secretly really happy that Tsu'tey is getting to experience what they're experiencing with Neteyam and Kiri respectively. When Tuk is born she goes back and forth between all three of them with seemingly no preference.

I like the idea of Tsu'tey speaking mostly Na'vi with the kids, Jake speaking mostly English with them, and Neytiri switching in-between. Due to this, it became clear very quickly which parent had more influence on which kid when they began talking. Neteyam's first word? A weird hybrid of the English and Na'vi words for "where" (Neytiri handed him over to Jake and Neteyam reached out towards her retreating form and said "where" as if to ask where she was going). Kiri's first word? "Dada" in English (Jake stepped into their tent and Kiri saw him, perked up, and cried "Dada!"). Lo'ak's first word was "no" in Na'vi (he went through this phase where whenever Tsu'tey would try and put him down or hand him to Neytiri or Jake he would cling to Tsu'tey and say "no" over and over again. If they still managed to get him into someone else's arms he'd start crying and just throw a major fit). Tuk's first word was "'Teyam", which Jake claims doesn't count for anything since it's a name but he sure wasn't saying that when Kiri said dada (they may or may not have turned this into a competition).

When the kids are younger they love it when Tsu'tey takes them on pa'li rides and Neytiri or Jake takes them on ikran rides.

Also, when they are infants Neytiri, Jake, and Tsu'tey apply the "divide and conquer" method to them. Neytiri takes Neteyam, Jake takes Kiri, and Tsu'tey takes Lo'ak. Put them all in baby slings and boom, that's one less problem to worry about. I feel like Kiri outgrows the sling first but it's anyone's guess with Neteyam and Lo'ak.

I fully support the "Norm and Max reopen Grace's school" idea I've seen along with your "language beast Norm" idea. I picture that part of the reason he opens the school is for his 50+ adopted children who he wants to introduce to English but also he just loves sharing knowledge with others. I think he would introduce new things to the school that Grace maybe hadn't considered, like his horrifyingly extensive lecture on looming on Earth as a way to bring in an important part of Omatikaya culture but also educate them on English looming terms and human looming culture.

At first both Neytiri and Tsu'tey aren't all that keen on the idea of the school reopening, but Jake is all for it and they talk about it for weeks before Tsu'tey finally brings the idea to the children of the clan. A surprising number of them (of which Norm's adopted children make up a suspicious majority) agree to give the school another shot and so Tsu'tey and Neytiri agree that letting their kids go would be a good thing.

When it comes to Spider I'm uncertain. I know Tsu'tey would side with Neytiri far more than Jake when it comes to how he sees the boy, but Neytiri lost her sister and father whereas Tsu'tey lost the love of his life so maybe Neytiri would still be the more intense of the two? Feel free to give me your thoughts on it. Part of me wishes they would adopt Spider but I think we both know that with both Tsu'tey and Neytiri in the picture that would never happen.

I love the idea of Tsu'tey and Neytiri both just being so fascinated by Lo'ak and Kiri's little eyebrows and four little fingers. Like, Lo'ak's little baby eyebrows scrunch up and they're all like: "My Jake, look at them 🥺, What does it mean?" And Jake, who sees eyebrows as completely normal is all like: "Haha oh yeah, they do that. Might want to check his diaper."

I like to imagine that when it comes time for the alphabet in Norm's little preschool section of the class Jake gets everyone on board with singing the apples and bananas song. "Okay guys, one more time! I like to ate, ate, ate, ay-ples and banay-nays!"

Norm and his boyfriend definitely babysit for them on date nights lol, and they expect the favor to be returned whenever the situation calls for it.

Tsu'tey still communes with Slywanin a lot, but now there is nothing but happiness in the stories he has to tell her.

This somehow turned into a whole Neytiri/Jake/Tsu'tey as parents thing I apologize 😂

So many things I love about this first paragraph:

First, the boredom era escalating. I love that ur the same anon every time I guess we name u Boredom Anon I'll go backtag. Any anon can feel free to be named lol.

ALSO the idea that we are all on the same thing on this blog at all times, I love that sm I was worried I was forcing you all into a nocorro era. But literally no worries hit me with anything at any time, I love it.

-EXACTLY Neytiri and Tsu'tey can be platonic soulmates.

-Tsu'tey is like THAT'S YOUR MATE and Neytiri's like "Jake has... two hands??? You can hold the other???"

-DUDE TSU'TEY LET HIM IN AFTER SYLWANIN. Jake knows that trusting him was so hard, and the betrayal Tsu'tey must've felt like he'd done to Sylwanin? Insane. Not only did he forget her and move on and fall in love again, but it was with one of the people who caused her death. Yeah Jake wasn't there but he's one of them.

-Absolutely Tsu'tey and Jake would take longer to mate before Eywa, this man does not make impulse decisions like Jake and Neytiri. He had thought through every consequence and every worse case scenario fifteen times. He's probably convinced himself if he even looks at Jake wrong he's Avatar will collapse due to some butterfly effect.

-Oh lol you hit the guilt angle too! Can you tell I'm responding to each one as I read it so my thoughts are all fresh? Sylwanin is very encouraging, to the point that she goes full in in hopes of scaring him into it like "no I bet Jake is good at sex u gotta find out" and Tsu'tey can't go back to the Spirit Tree for like a week.

-I LOVE the separate date nights, that's so cute. How did this man Jake Sully stumble into the forest and just steal Pandora's two most influential and eligible bachelors, what's next, Tonowari??? He's insane. Jake only vibing with one Pa'li is canon and sometimes Tsu'tey has someone take that Pa'li away so Jake is all fucked up.

-THE CHILDREN I'm obsessed. I love the idea of Jake pretending to be offended by Lo'ak preferring Tsu'tey. He's like "that's not your Dad, Lo'ak, I helped make you!" and Lo'ak is like "gross, get away from me." Jake is always insisting this entire operation falls apart if he isn't at the center (of the sleeping pile which is where he sleeps) and then everyone always almost unanimously pretends to vote him out of the family.

-Norm in his school, teaching all the kids to knit and telling them all Tsu'tey needs a sweater: i'm gonna ruin this man's whole career.

-I agree, I don't think we'd get Spider Sully here. I do wonder how him and Lo'ak's relationship is affected if Tsu'tey is Lo'ak's favorite parent and Tsu'tey is against Spider. I don't see Lo'ak not standing up for Spider, and I see this causing a rift between them faster than it would between Neytiri and Lo'ak just because Lo'ak's relationship with his mother is different than with his fathers. I think the issue would've been pushed sooner, and Kiri would jump rIGHT the fuck in as soon as it started.

-HOW DARE YOU ACKNOWLEDGE NORM AND HIS MADE UP BOYFRIEND RITU TO ME I'm crying real tears this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Although, you have given me a thought... Why have we never considered... Tsu'tey surviving and then HIM being Norm's boyfriend....

nEVER apologize for sending me long headcanon asks, wether they are for me to enjoy or just situations you want to to write about or expand on. It's called 'we are mindmelding get in' for a reason, we are all melding minds. I love them sm and I hope I do them justice!

[zylphiacrowley]

5 10 Songs I'm Into rn

I was tagged by both @hythlodaes and @midnightmagicks so... I'm gonna list 10 songs instead because I have so many I always want to list for these. Not tagging anyone else because my memory is bad and I don't remember who all has done it anymore, but if you haven't and you want to do it, tag me in it and tell 'em I sent you! Under a cut to save your scroll wheel.

Orion by IVEEN

I had to go back and make sure I didn't list this one the last time I was tagged in this. Good news I didn't! So now I get to link it! Beautiful harp music and IVEEN has ethereal mermaid fairy vibes.

2. Glass Piano by Kathleen

Just a vibe tbh. Also like the stuttered lyrics.

3. I Don't Wanna Talk (I Just Wanna Dance) by Glass Animals

Sometimes it be that way, don't it? Anything by Glass Animals is good tho (as long as it isn't Heatwaves... Heatwaves is a fine song I guess but it's been overplayed on the radio so that kind of ruined it for me).

4. Dh’èirich mi moch, b' fheàrr nach do dh’èirich by Julie Fowlis

I do not speak the language, but I feel like you don't have to. It's a very pretty almost bittersweet sounding song. Like reminiscing on a once happy memory that was somehow made sad but still brings you peace.

5. Technicolor Beat by O Wonder

I guess it's appropriate that a song called "Technicolor Beat" would have a really nice beat and vibe to it.

6. Heart Worth Breaking by The Midnight

Did I maybe use a line from this song for one of my Wolship things? Perhaps... I've been obsessed with The Midnight since the first time I heard them. Very much "driving through the city in the 80s, the rain hitting your windows and the neon lights illuminating the night" vibes. Also highly recommend both Shadows and Vampires (for the sexy sax solos).

7. We Keep On Running by What So Not & TOTO

I... I'm pretty sure this is What So Not and The TOTO... like Africa TOTO. I've been obsessed with it lately tho.

8. Home by Katie Turner

I found this while looking for sweet sappy love songs that evoke a sense of yearning lol. It didn't exactly work for what I was looking for at the time but it def delivers on all fronts (and I am putting a pin in it as a "maybe" for later).

9. By and Down the River by A Perfect Circle

I've been vibing with my old high school era tastes in music again lately so that includes plenty of A Perfect Circle.

10. Soil by Cosmo Sheldrake

This one is a super new release! I'm always down for some Cosmo Sheldrake. The whole album project that this song comes from is pretty good from what I've listened to so far. Also Cosmo Sheldrake is now intrinsically linked to Erenville in my brain because nature and wildlife and the fact that I had his music on repeat for hours when I was drawing him one day so there's that. :)

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

ari !! ari i hope u are doing so so amazing n vibing and living ur best life, i feel like i haven’t been interacting as much these days so i wanted to stop by n say hi!! :] and hmmm ive yet to read your best friend’s brother fic but it made me wanna think of an unrequited love between best friend!satoru and you where satoru is the one down horrendous instead (and perhaps you’re already spoken for.. mayb with sugu…. this is totally not ari-specific bait) i would love to hear your thoughts on our special little loverboy not being loved back in the ways he wants so bad )): 🫶🏼 side note if i think abt this pining bestie!gojo too much i get so sad i fear he’d never get over that crush on you even if you were already married to someone else… 💔💔💔💔

LOGAN !!!!! ^ this is me @ you rn……. i am kissing you and biting you gently <33333

I’M DOING PRETTY WELL… flowers r starting to bloom over here which is so nice !!! i’m just kind of waiting for summer ….. i have so many fic ideas that i wanna get to but not enough time :’3 not to mention my neglected tbr………

bUT overall i’m doing well!!! i hope it’s the same for you!!!!! it’s so sweet of u to drop by sniffle…. but pls don’t ever feel pressured to !! i saw that post you made a couple days ago n pls just know there’s never any pressure or obligation for you to interact often and stuff!!!! i’m always happy to speak to you whenever, so there’s never any rush <33 (i totally get it too… i’m pretty sure i have the online status thing turned off which takes off a lot of that pressure so!! i recommend doing that if you haven’t already <33)

BUT OKOK. onto the good stuff!!!! logan…. this probably doesn’t come as too much of a surprise considering the fic i posted but . i rlly love the unrequited love trope!!! >:3 i used to be the biggest sucker for hanahaki aus…. still am……. i need to write smth on it at some point bc i think it’s one of the best things ever created (and it’s perfect for toru let’s be real… the flower symbolism)….. SO. scenarios like this are very appealing to me!! and with bestie!satoru too…….. i have many thoughts >:33 let’s see how long i manage to stay coherent hehe

FIRST OF ALL. the ari specific bait…… you little weasel (affectionate) OK BUT . the fact that it’s Suguru in Particular changes a lot i think. i’ll circle back to that later tho trust 🙏

okay so. overall!! and i’d love to know your thoughts on this logan….. i firmly believe that satoru is the type to love one single person for the rest of his life. he never moves on from them. once someone has earned his love and nestled their way into his heart they’re there to stay. (and i’d argue that it’s kinda supported by canon yk… satoru hanging on to his memories of youth/suguru no matter how much time passes :’3)… so!! yeah!!! i definitely think he’d stay in love with his bestie forever, even if he knew fully well his feelings wouldn’t be returned. that’s just my take though!!!

i thinkkkk the tricky part is just. how satoru feels about it. a part of me wants to say that he handles it decently, that he’s happy just to be around you… but i think it’s also natural for him to feel a little empty about it all. bc he truly is!! a loverboy!!! deep down he yearns so badly for intimacy :(((( satoru is just such a pro at isolating himself and i think it gets worse in this kind of scenario. he loves you but does keep a certain distance i think…. to make it easier for himself and also so he doesn’t mess anything up for you. but he can never keep himself away for too long……

ok so we’re circling back to sugu now. i think satoru would handle the situation a lot better if suguru and you were together. my stsg-infested brain just can’t imagine an au where he isn’t at least a little bit in love with suguru…. and i think seeing two people he loves and trusts with all his heart be together doesn’t bother him nearly as much as it would have if you were with a random third party. there’s this One quote i like from . um….. a voice actor. of a character. in… ohshc 👉👈 AND I JUST THINK IT FITS IN THIS SCENARIO OK…….. :’3

I think Kyoya is very much in love with Tamaki and with Haruhi. He’s very much in love with the both of them. And I think it matures to a point where he would much prefer to see the both of them together than him with either one. Because they make more sense together than he makes with anybody else.

i think that’s sort of how he’d feel!!! there’s a kind of maturity there that satoru has imo. and since he’s so close to both of you, he doesn’t have to worry about being pushed out of your life (which might be his biggest worry in a scenario where you’re together with a random third party)…… so. yeah!!! would it be angsty? yes ofc. but i rlly do see satoru as a mature character, and also often selfless!!! he just respects you and your choices so much :(((

……….. what i will say. is that if you happened to get together with someone who didn’t treat you well. he would Shut That Shit Down instantly <3333 we love angry protective satoru !!!!!!!!

[amazingmsme]

Your Epic fics/drabbles GIVE ME LIFE, never stop being awesome HOLY SHITTT <3

Also from the bottom of my yearning soul — If there’s one thing I need to see, it’s Poseidon getting wrecked by his brothers lmao. In true ‘oldest and youngest team up against the middle child who totally deserves it’ fashion.

I hate love that bastard so much, he needs it.

LDKSKSJF OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH! That seriously means the world to me! The next chapter of restless til we reach home is gonna go ham! & I have 3 epic fics already written for tickletober, but I really need to try to focus on doing them in order from now on so I can get ahead for the first of the month. Rn I’m working on a sequel to the Asterios fic with him & Elpenor & it’s so cute with a ton of fun banter, I love them so much!

& I’m still always down to talk about him or Leander!

I really feel you there, I need him to get absolutely wrecked! He really does have the perfect middle sibling vibe, so Zeus & Hades must set aside their differences to put a common enemy in his place & remind him that he has the cutest lil giggles EVER! They probably sound kind of bubbly like he’s laughing underwater if they can really get him going OKAY BYE!

I love/hate him so much, so I have to take it out on him

[siriuslytproblem28]

upon finishing past lives

okay, so, as the final credits of past lives showed upon my laptop at around 4AM last night, i felt a giant urge to simply sit and write. i didn't do it right then, deciding to let the feelings and thoughts simmer for a while longer. then, i decided to read the reviews on letterboxd and came across a beautiful story. i went to bed promising myself to go back to what i wanted to write, so as not to lose momentum which is a very big motivator for me. otherwise, i'd simply let the moment slip and this is most definetely not something i wanted to happen with this beautiful piece of media.

i was opening my notes app rn and then decided to write here, for some reason. i've often been feeling the need to share some of my experiences with narrative fiction here, since i started with posting only about jegulus fics, but ended up talking about a movie or whatever. since no one reads here, it's basically my journal and my archive. i have terrible memory so i love to have all kinds of records and archives for things that moved me.

after this enormous introduction, let's talk about past lives.

i had such huge expectations after seeing one of the people in whose opinion i trust the most having loved it, and the general vibe i felt seeing the promo pics and the poster (i just don't like watching trailers for movies), that as i pressed play i was afraid it might turn to disappointment. what i wasn't expecting was the extent it actually surppassed the meeting of them, becoming most definetely my favorite movie i watched for the award season (very late in the game, i know).

something about it felt so familiar and yet so intriguing, i loved the pacing and the dialog. but especially the subtext. i've seen some reviews talking about how much they felt a lack of connection on a deeper, personal level, and my experience watching it could not have been more different.

not all parts of it clicked immediatey with me, i've later read reviews from people who immigrated to the US and realized i totally missed some details about this particular aspect, being a brazillian who never left Brazil. Though i think that, as a latina, there are some cultural aspects that i could absolutely relate to, probabbly from the perspective of a non north american and that was really interesting.

i don't wanna dwell much on the technicalities of the movie, though i believe it so beautifully shot and placed, i loved how much the scenarios add to every frame that appears on screen, the meaningfullness of the backgrounds that add to the subtext. Which is exactly the point i want to dwell on: the subtext. For me, it's one of the strongest aspects of the movie. Unfortunately, i haven't had the best experience on watching to analyze the writing properly, since i watched it via the jack sparrow way (it's not available in brazil ok) and the portuguese subs were kind of botched. Still, the content of every single conversation and it's weight was not lost on me. Though sometimes simple, it was always majestically written (and obviously i can detail better my opinions the english parts, the language i do, in fact understand without needing translation) and powerful.

i've had multiple experiences in my life with people that seem to come and go, but when i take a closer look i come to realize they have never really left. so i connected to the story sooo much, i even dreamt about of of my biggest crushes in middle school, and my first love, who i spent my whole adolescence loving and still is one of my best friends.

timing and the passing thereof, has always been a complicated thing for me to deal with. i remember writing about changes and my loathing of them from a very young age. now, in my early adult life, i find myself seeking those narratives more than i did as a kid. still kinda fearing the absence they'll leave inside me, but also yearning for the reflections they might bring.

i was around 12 years old when i watched boyhood. it was probabbly one of the first movies to ever cause me a hint of an existencial crisis. not in a way you'd expect, though. not in a "omg i need to get a career and wtf am i doing", but in a sense of how it portrayed relationships, the passing of time, etc etc.

as i grew older, focusing on the past 3 years, then came normal people and just this last january, before sunrise.

I re-read np in late 2023 as i felt the need to, when i realized i was falling really in love for the first time ever since my first love, which had a hold on me for almost 7 years (and i'm 20, that's a lot haha). i found that, somehow, it had meant even more to me the second time around.

january, this year, i caved in and watched before sunrise. i also had super high expectations but nothing could ever prepare me for what i received. it became one of my favourite movies ever, and it spoke to parts of me that i had either left uncared for.

to me, past lives came and fed that specific part. all of these pieces of media i spoke a lot on, they talk to and help me understand a feeling i've had in my heart ever since i can remember.

i always had a fascination with something i've come up with, to explain basically the foundation of everything i love, in art, in myself, in life, "the unsaid".

my definition of it, is that the unsaid lies within the dialog, the text, the spoken word, the writing itself. in media and in life. it's like subtext, but maybe even deeper. it's the look you give to your best friend across the room. it's the goodbye that gets trapped inside your throat the last time you talk to someone. it's the touch that never reaches itself out. it's the i love you you don't dare to let slip. it's the look you give someone when you stopped kissing them to just look at them. it's how your eyes light up whenever you see one of your favorite persons in the world. it's when you stop in your tracks in the middle of a party and gaze at your friends, and realize that life can be, in deed, beautiful, and how lucky you are. it also kinda relates to frances ha definition of what she looks for in a relationship, that really stuck with me.

i live for the unsaid. either be it in the art i consumme, or how i experience it in my life. it's what makes existing worth anything, personally. as past lives dialogs sm with this notion. all the scenes where hae sung and nora don't say a word to each other, their look speak millions. that reminded me of one of my favourite scenes from before sunrise, the famous booth scene. in all of the above, i sat unsable to shake a small laughter, or maybe a sly tear, in response to the volume of what was being communicated there.

i consider myself really lucky with the people i have in my life and this movie spoke to this, too. i have a childhood best friend who remains close to me, a sister, really, for over 10 years. i have another childhood friend, who was my first big crush and baby love i ever had, who i used to think i was gonna marry and have children with, to the extent i have drawings of it, still be my best friend to this day. i have friend since middle school, who i fell deeply in love with at the tender age of 13 and who remained my muse very well util my 19th year of being alive, and she was my first girlfriend, the first girl i kissed, and remains my best friend. i've also been lucky to experience such a short but beautifully loving experience with a close friend i made in college, in the latter part of 2023. i haven't really gotten over him, but it's fine, cause ever since watching before sunrise, i realized i had multiple - and i can't believe i'm refferencing tfios in the year of the lord, 2024 - infinities with. though i had grieved what seems to be the ending of our never named, never labelled, situationship, and i still feel a lot of things for him, i've become gratefull for having experience such interesting and soul touching things with him. for opening myself up for it. for admiting my feelings to him. for the leap of faith i took, even if i ended up stranded or hit by rocks at the bottom of the cliff. i'm grateful it happened, even if i still cry about it and have written many songs for him. no matter how long it'll take me to get "over" him, i'll live. and i'm happy it happened. he's become one of my favorite people in this life and this is something i don't say lightly and don't take for granted.

i think to me, the "meaning of life", is to collect this feelings and experiences that turn you into the person you are at the moment. i have no idea of who i'd be without all my influences. i've written mysel, but i was only able to, with the refferences and quotes of every friend i had, every person i loved, everyone who became my family or stopped being it. maybe it's my cancer moon and venus. but i'm really nothing more than a mosaic, a reflection of every single person present in my life (real or parassocial), a collection of words, spoken or not.

and yeah, i barelly spoke directly on past lives, but it's what i always tend to do anyways. i'm not here to make a detailed runthrough, analysis over the cinematography and the script, i might be an acting major but i lack the knowledge (or maybe just doubt i do). but this is, still, my journal, to track my experiences and thoughts. so that's what i did. and i don't think, at least right now, that this movie can really fit into aything i could try to say.

[the-official-account]

Spoons low time for Vellum playlist thoughts

This might be hard because I love Anya and Spar on a "I want to pin you to a table and direct you like a bug" kind of way, but I like vellum in a "I want to attend you lecture series and day dream about asking you out to coffee but I'm too intimidated to" kind of way, like emotionally yk?

We've gone super in depth about Spar's relationships because of the show being set in cloven heart, and it's amazing! On the contrary, a lot of Vellum's big interpersonal beats (that aren't with spar) are being hunted at but haven't taken center stage yet. So I have vibes for him but like I gotta understand what he's packing before I attempt a full dissection, if that makes sense.

The challenge is that Vellum, besides being an actual composer just has suuuuuuuch classical music vibes. I don't know that much classical music. I'm also being drawn towards Motown and Fitzgerald? Though Motown is 60s.

Anyways I have a few albums in mind:

Prelude to cora by ambrose akinmusire

Where the river goes by Wolfgang muthspeil

Can't we be friends? By Ella Fitzgerald and Louis armstrong

Bleed out by the mountain goats (??? I don't know. I'll see)

Another blue by cross legged

New long leg by dry cleaning

Look up by the altogether

I also need to go through my yearning playlists (yes plural. We're queer and I have a fuck ton of playlists) also Fleet foxes albums we're not familiar with, Motown hits cause we don't know the studio well. I'm looking for crooning and trying to avoid the pop-y feel like the plague. Pop is great. It's just not Vellum. He feels like a well placed accidental sounds.

But like. Vellum is strange, because he FEELS like a yearner but like...evolved. he feels like a man who's yearned and missed his shot (maybe it's his history with magic giving me this vibe) and has gotten used to saying "fuck it" in responce. And like. Feels like the kind of person who, maybe like Spar but in a...in a different way, would take a rejection and avoidance "in stride" as in "this deeply affects me but I respect you enough to continue to act like things are chill and normal and chill" (some of this has happened. Low spoons & low memory accesses means I can't cite my sources as well rn) but for Spar and Vellum normal looks very different. Spar's normal is energetic, and so when that's being faked it feels fundamentally different than Vellum's purposefully maintained normal which I would call not faked but forced? Anyways the distinction is crucial to the vibes of the instrumentation, cause Spar can have super upbeat bops with lyrics that are more serious, but I feel like Vellum's song are gonna be more emotionally congestive instead of presenting a contrast, and also mellow in a groovy way but not funky way.

[kaddyssammlung]

ED-related Sleep Token lyrics Part - One

I felt like collecting some lyrics that seem ED-related / eating related (biting, swallowing...)

Obvious triggerwarning for ED stuff; I have a tendency to get unhinged and graphic since I know what I'm talking about.

And also SH is also in there.

Nazareth:

“Drippin' from the open mouth”

Reminds me of how much we can want things. And also when you don't eat enough you start thinking about food all the time and maybe looking at it. There are so many accounts that have photos of food on the internet #foodp*rn. You know what I mean. It reminds me of this.

“Make her eat the tape in the bathroom mirror”

I put this in here because the word “eat” but he also says mirror. When I think about this in an ED way it makes me think about the strange relationship that I still have towards mirrors. Not just mirrors but also shop windows for example. I still constantly check what I look like. Not that I stand there for hours and compulsively check every angle but I look into them.

Jericho:

“Until I wake I dine on old encounters”

It's just weird. I mean I kind of get what he means. He means meeting Sleep, I guess but why say “I dine”. It's just weird. And also until I wake. It makes me think about other humans with ED s who only eat at nighttime. We all have our strange rhythms and doing things the same way every day gives us a sense of safety. Such eating at the exact same time of the day.

“You taste like new flesh”

Okay...I'm a vegetarian.

“Like I swallow, years beneath this bed”

Hiding with your food? I still prefer eating alone over eating with someone else. I don't feel watched anymore but I used to. As if they were watching exactly how much I ate.

I can relate to wanting to eat alone. Especially when you have “save food” that seem strange to others.

The Offering:

“You've got diamonds for teeth, my love”

Reminds me about obsessing over food and eating in general. I feel like when you don't eat much and then you do eat something you are hyper-aware of what you are doing.

“Take a bite”

Reminds me of someone trying to talk into eating something....”come on just take a bite”. That's something that never happened to me. I was very good in hiding everything.

“But I know you've got a taste”

Yes, Vessel I do. I still prefer certain foods over other foods. I have a problem with high sugary foods because when I just “take a bite” from them I loose my impulse control and have to binge on them. So no, Vessel. It's easier to “try not eat” those foods at all.

Dark Signs:

“And I hate who I have become Every time I wake up”

Waking up after having eaten way too much the day before feels horrible. Idk why that is. Maybe you don't sleep that well when your body is busy digesting so much food. And also this can cause stomach problems and everything that comes along with it. I spear you the details.

Eating the right amount of food is just so much better. I sleep well and I feel like I have a lot of energy.

Take Aim:

“And you make hate myself Make me tear my body Make me yearn for your embrace”

Please die Ana! For as long as you're here were not! You make the sound of laughter, sharpen nails seem softer – Ana's song by Silverchair.

It has the same vibes.

The ED makes me hate myself and makes me tear my body (cut not tear; at least in my case) but I still have trouble to let the ED fully go.

And yes I have cut myself out of nothing but pure self-hatred. Looking at me body, pinching the fatty parts and just hating them. I also used cut because I felt I had too much to eat.

But still I could not let go of my ED.

Give:

“I am the intake of breath so sharp and I know you better”

Just because “intake”. He could have chosen another word. He wants everything to have multiple layers. I get that.

“I wanna taste you better”

I think he means he wants to get to know someone better? It's just a weird one.

And also it makes me think about different things taste when you have not eaten them in a while.

Last year while I was kind of revisited by BED I had an allergic reaction towards chocolate. I never had something like that. I don't have allergies. It scared me so I stopped having chocolate for a long time. I feel like when you don't eat that stuff for a long time when you do eat it again, it tastes so weird. It does not even taste good. Most chocolate just tastes sweat and and also a little like cardboard for some reason. It's not good.

Gods:

“No more teeth to bite with”

Want to know what happens when you throw up a lot? Your teeth fall out and it can get so bad that you need dentures.

No I'm not there. I'm someone who never threw up that much because of my ED but rather because of my alcohol addiction. The state of my teeth? Kind of okay.