#kim Seungmin angst

[daengtokki]

I check your blog an unhealthy amount of times to see if there is a deity update which is kinda ironic considering the first time I seen it on my Tumblr I was like wth serial killer seungmin??? and I scrolled past it but it kept showing up so I had to read it, and boy I'm so glad I did, like the character development??? and the way he treats her??? ughhhh its so good

Thank you, apple (〃' ^ '〃)♡

I do wish more people would give it a chance, or that more people would see it. I know I probably get annoying talking about it, but it’s been rough getting part 7 finished and posted when each chapter seems to get less and less interaction.

Honestly, thank you so much for the sweet message, cause it’s been a crappy day for my brain.

Maybe we can convince someone else to give it a shot…

DEITY masterlist

[dazed--xx]

🦋Paper Hearts🦋

Summary: Pictures I'm living through for now, Trying to remember all the good times. Our life was cutting through so loud; Memories are playing in my dull mind. I hate this part, paper hearts And I'll hold a piece of yours; Don't think I would just forget about it……Hoping that you won't forget about it

Member: Seungmin x Reader

T/W: Break Ups, arguments crying, heartbreak, ANGST��, swearing, yelling, sad ending, slight shoving nothing too crazy, some emotional manipulation, problem avoidance, denial, (subtle mention to woojin via blacked out photo he existed people he was in the group once)

Word Count: 2.3K

Remember the way you made me feel, Such young love but Something in me knew that it was real; Frozen in my head….

You stared at the ground, the room felt smaller as Seungmin glared at you. “You think you're so perfect? You're overbearing. You nag me at all hours of the day and I can't stans it anymore” He growls harshly. You felt minuscule under his gaze. “All I was saying was you could prioritize our relationship a little bit more, Min…I can't wait around for you forever…” you state breathlessly. Tears threatened to fall as your eyes remained on your lap. “You're being selfish, Y/N if you can't handle that I'm busy then maybe this relationship is too much for you….” He threatens with a scowl. “You're right” you let out breathlessly as you nod in agreement, throwing him off guard. He hadn't expected you to agree, he stares at you in utter shock and disbelief. He struggles to find something to say, he watches in horror as you lift yourself from your spot on the couch and make your way to the door.

“W-Wait..” his call is cut off by the sound of the door closing behind you. He sighs breathlessly as everything replays in his mind. His heart cracks at the harsh words he had spit at you replaying in his mind. This can't be happening….He couldn't just let this happen.…he rushes out of the door after you. His legs move quickly as he sees the elevator door closing behind you, he slams his finger on the elevator button rapidly. His hand shakes at his side as tears build in his eyes. Once the second elevators door opens he's greeted with a bright eyed Felix and Jeongin with their manager stood behind them.

“Hey, sorry we have a schedule come up. You can't go anywhere…” Felix states patting his shoulder. Seungmins heart fell into his gut. “N-No, I-I'll be fast. I need to go…” He stammered trying to go around them to get on the elevator. Their manager stands in front of of him with his arms crossed “Unless it will be less than 5 minutes, I can't let you go. We have to leave for Japan in 45 minutes…so go pack.” He states firmly. Seungmin tries once again to get into the elevator but relents when he see that their manager will not budge. He stomps to his room and tries to call you. Dammit….he thinks to himself when the call goes unanswered. He texts you hoping you will reply and things would be okay.

As you walked home, you allowed the tears to stream down your cheeks. It's over….you think in disbelief. These past 5 years turned to nothing in a matter of minutes. You felt so stupid for caring. Seungmin had changed, he grew and realized who he truly was and you didn't fit in anymore. While you still saw each other every day, you rarely ever stopped fighting; Either due to your ‘nagging’ or his tirades. You remembered when things were different. When Seungmin seemed to love you unconditionally. You're pulled out of your thoughts by your phone's ringtone. Pulling the device out of your pocket, you're greeted with Seungmins contact with a sigh; you press the decking button.

You unlock your door and trudge your way through your apartment. The darkness oddly comforting as you make your way to your bedroom and lay on your bed. You sob as you release all your pent up anger and hurt. Your body trembles as you drift off to a restless slumber.

Pictures I'm living through for now, trying to remember all the good times…Our life was cutting through so loud; Memories are playing in my dull mind. I hate this part, paper hearts and I'll hold a piece of yours….Don't think I would just forget about it; Hoping that you won't forget about it….

You had realized your relationship with Seungmin had ended long before your argument with him the other day. It was when you both had first begun to hit a snag in your relationship. You both still loved each other but, it was clear you no longer could see eye to eye. Everything you did seemed to annoy Seungmin. And his lack of time and busy schedule began to affect you more and more as Stray Kids’ popularity grew. So, while Seungmin was in Japan; you decided to pack up the memories of your time with Seungmon and return them to his dorm. Trying to make this break up as clean as possible.

So here you sat, on the ground as you stared at the photos that mocked you. Your heart shattered on the floor as the memories sat in front of you, replayed in your mind. Picking one picture up, you give yourself a sad smile as a younger version of you and your ex smiled back at you. His members littering the frame The day you guys had made things official.

Stray kids had just debuted and had a small album release party. You sat sandwiched between the clubs couch cushion and Seungmin. A blush decorated your cheeks as Seungmin placed a soft kiss on your cheek. A shy smile forming on your lips as butterflies fluttered in your stomach. “Smile!” a staff member exclaimed excitedly as Jisung jumped on the back of the couch and Felix laid across you and Seungmin’s laps. Chan sat on the opposite side of Seungmin with his arms pinning Hyunjin to Minho in a big hug. Jeongin sat on the floor with a blacked out faced person beside him. As a flash blinded you for a moment.

You sighed wiping your tears as you place the picture in the box as you lift another one. Your fingers trace over the photo outlining your beaming boyfriend as he, Jeongin and you were celebrating their first win.

“I never thought a simple hunk of metal would cause so much chaos” Jeongin joked as he stared at the trophy. Seungmin sniffled as he snatches the trophy from the maknae. “We practically died for this…” Seungmin states with astonishment. You beamed at the pair proudly. “I can't believe I saw Minho-oppa cry.” you joke, Seungmin chuckles “he cried when Jyp kicked him out of the group.” you rolled your eyes with a giggle “If I recall correctly you broke down in tears and needed a moment when he was eliminated.” you counter “but that was on t.v for me this was in person!” you stare at the trophy. A large M on the small head of the little statue. “I mean you guys deserved this anyway, Miroh is a good song. And Stay have been fighting for this” You state matter of factly. The boys nod proudly. “Ugh I need a picture” Jeongin groans as he pulls his phone out. Seungmin holds the trophy up with a surprised look as you pose with a peace sign and a smile.

Your thoughts are cut off by an influx of calls and messages on your phone. You place the rest of the photos in the box as you go to check your notifications. You see the flurry of missed calls and texts from Seungmin. You wince as you delete them, still not being able to find it in yourself to block him. Though you would never admit it to anyone, you kept up with Seungmin’s activities. You have seen the photos and videos of him from Japan. As proud and happy as you were for Seungmin, it hurt. It hurt to see him completely fine despite your last conversation.

Though he constantly called and texted you, the last time you had checked them; you were utterly disappointed with the contents. They were overly nonchalant, never once addressing your argument nor the subsequent breakup. He acted like nothing ever happened, which infuriated you. He was completely unaffected, riding the wave of stardom. So, you stopped reading them, you refused to listen to his cheerful voicemails and completely went silent as he spent his time in Japan. Finishing packing his things you close the box and place it in your car. Once you reach the dorms you leave the box with one of the managers that stayed behind to keep an eye on the dorm. You felt a heavy sting in your heart as you drive home.

Everything is gray under these skies, wet mascara. Hiding every cloud under a smile; When there's cameras. and I just can't reach out to tell you. That I always wonder what you're up to….

Seungmin’s hands shake as he tries to call you again. These past few weeks have been agony. He was able to fake a smile when with the fans or on stage but, as he sat in his hotel room all he could do was break down in tears and sobs. You hadn't spoken to him in weeks….All he could look forward to was being able to finally see you again. He'd do anything to fix this, he'd never gone this long without one of your calls or texts while he was on a tour. It made him nauseous, he couldn't handle the memory of your last conversation so, he ignored it. He knows your relationship was stronger than being able to be destroyed by a few select words he didn't mean.

Even as time went on and his calls and texts remained unanswered, he felt in his heart that once he was able to see you everything would fall back into place. He just needed to get through this flight and he'd be with you again. He'd hear your beautiful voice and see your bright smile shining at him again and things would be perfect again.

Seungmin felt butterflies in his stomach as he made his way through Incheon International. He felt an excited buzz through his body as he sat in the van making his way to the dorm. Everyone stretches and drops their bags in their rooms as they all rush to get some much-needed rest. Seungmin halts as he notices an unfamiliar box seated on his bed. He stares at it with confusion as he pulls it open. His legs felt numb as he examined the contents. His heart cracking with every gifts and picture he had pulled out of the box, clothes you've accumulated of his over the past 5 years. No…This isn't happening…He thinks to himself as he shakes his head. He calls you in a panic. Your phone goes straight to voicemail, desperation fills him as he quickly rushes out of the dorm.

I live through pictures as if I was right there by your side. But you'll be good without me and if I could just give it some time…..I'll be alright

You were sitting on your couch watching the finale of ‘My Demon’ as you heard rapid knocks at your door. Pausing the show, you stare at your door confused making your way over. Staring through the peephole you see Seungmin standing there. Opening the door slightly with a heavy sight and roll of your eyes; you stare at him through the gap. “Can I help you, sir?” you question sarcastically. “Y/N…” Seungmin breathes out with relief as his eyes scan your face. He tries to shove the door open more, trying to get a better view of you. His heart cracking slightly when it doesn't budge. “Why are you here, Seungmin?” you question, your eyes focused on the ground. “I-I wanted to see you…” He trails “W-Why is there a box of my stuff in my room? Y/N, what's going on? Why won't you let me in?” he asks in denial. His eyebrows scrunched together in confusion as he tries to open the door again.

“Because…” you respond stoically “Seungmin, we aren't together anymore.” you fight back tears as you speak. Seungmin stares at you in disbelief. “N-No…come on. Let's just talk about this….” he pleads. You shake your head in response.

“Y/N, please….” his voice is small and pleading as he shoves on the door as hard as he can, forcing it open. His hands encase your face as he tries to get you to look at him. “Seungmin…” you sigh, your eyes focused on the ground. You hear a cry erupt from his throat, “No! Please…just—just look at me, please” he begs as he places his forehead on yours. “I love you. Please don't break up with me…I'm sorry…”

“Min, don't lie to yourself…”

He stares at you in horror as you continue to refuse to meet his eyes “I'm not…”

“You are…you don't love me. You're just used to me…but you're annoyed with my presence”

“Baby, no…” his voice is just above a whisper “I swear I love you. I love you more than anything. I don't want to lose you” He cries wrapping his arms around your waist as you continue to stare at the ground. “Look at me please!” he urges. Your eyes finally meet his and god, does Seungmin wish they hadn't. Your gaze is filled with heartbreak and disappointment. He took a step back for a moment letting his arms fall to his sides as you stared daggers at him. “Leave Seungmin….now,” you demand. He shakes his head taking hold of your hand. “Please don't make me…I'm sorry for what I said that day. Please, I didn't mean it…i can prioritize our relationship. I'll do whatever you want! Please stay with me…” He pleads with tear filled eyes. His nose a bright red.

You shake your head in response “I can't…”

“Please, I love you…you’re everything to me. D-Don’t do this…”

You close your eyes as you slowly shove Seungmin out of your apartment. Ignoring his pleas as he grips your hand tightly. “Please…baby please” He cries one more time as he's finally outside. You shake your head “I'm sorry, Min. I love you, I do but I need to love myself again…everything was too much and I just can't handle it. Please leave…I won't be changing my mind. It's over Seungmin…” you state sadly as you close the door.

Goodbye love, you flew right by love

⏪|⏸️|⏩

Taglist: @yangbbokari @havenwithleeknow

[seungly]

seven .

KIM SEUNGMIN

Drunk Babble - ( f, d )

★ Too Late - ( a, tw, d )

A Chance - ( f, d )

After a Day Out - ( f, r )

★ An Ugly Crier - ( a, r )

Voices of Doubt - ( f, a, r )

Your Eyes;  one | two - ( f, d )

★ Kiss It Better - ( f, s)

★ Afternoon Study - ( f, d )

[thebangtancloud]

hiii can I get 13. Am I really just a friend? 14. I never thought I'd be the one to hurt you. and 15. I miss you. with seungmin please?

"I can do better than that guy." ~ Kim Seungmin

"Am I really just a friend?" + "I never thought I'd be the one to hurt you." + "I miss you."

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers

Summary: Seungmin cannot handle another day of you avoiding him, even if he has to swallow his pride and apologize for somewhat rejecting you.

🤍

"You will not pretend that you did not just see my text, (Y/n)."

Startled, you looked around nervously, shushing him with wild hands.

"You're at my workplace, Seungmin!"

"Why are you avoiding me?"

With wide eyes, you took a hold of Seungmin's arm and pulled him into the nearest vacant staff room, gently shutting the door and latching it.

"People can't see you here, Seungmin! Why did you come here?"

"You're avoiding me!"

He stood tall over you with a deep frown. With a swift movement, he grabbed your phone from your hand and opened it, holding it up for you to read.

Seungmin: I miss you. Please call me back.

"Okay..." you trailed off, having read his message already but not knowing how to respond.

"Is that all you have to say? Do you not miss me too?"

He looked desperate, to say the least. He didn't let go of your phone, instead, slipping it into his pocket before taking your hand in his.

"(Y/n)," he murmured, making you face him completely. "Can you please stop ignoring me?"

"I'm not ignoring you, Seungmin," you huffed, slipping your hand out of his and turning to face the door.

"I just... I just need some time, I suppose."

You heard him sigh deeply. "You said you were okay?"

"Do you really think I'd be okay?" you questioned him with a frown. "Are you sure about that?"

"So you lied to me?" Seungmin asked you. "That night, you told me we would be okay, that we were okay. You lied to me?"

"What did you expect me to do then?" You yelled out, exasperated and embarrassed. "Just pretend as though you didn't just tell me that you saw me like your sister?"

"I didn't know what else to say, (Y/n)!" He exclaimed defensively, staying silent for a moment as though he was trying to sort out his thoughts.

"I figured it would hurt you lesser than saying that you're my friend. I mean, I really didn't want to friend-zone you."

"Right," you laughed dryly. "But you did sister-zone me."

"That's not as bad," he offered weakly. "Or at least that's what I thought that night."

"Seungmin," you breathed out deeply, building up the courage to look him in the eye. "Imagine you like someone and they say they think of you as their brother. How would that make you feel?"

"I would..." Seungmin trailed off, looking around the dimly lit room aimlessly. "I guess it is quite bad."

"And how would you react if someone tells you that? Especially someone that you like?"

"I wouldn't be able to face them for a while," Seungmin's voice dropped to a whisper.

"So you can understand me now, yeah?" You spoke out, taking a proper look at the sheepish expression on his face.

"I'm sorry, (Y/n)," he murmured, taking a step closer to you. His heart dropped when you took two steps away instead.

"I really am," he admitted. "I just... I didn't really know how to respond to... your confession that night."

"I'm already embarrassed, Seungmin," you shakily spoke, letting your gaze fall to your shoes. "You don't need to remind me about what happened that night."

"Can I... can we talk for a bit?" He hesitantly asked you. "I promise it won't take too long. I just... I don't want to lose you, you know?"

"Look," you shook your head wearily. "You won't lose me, Seungmin. I told you this before as well. I just need a little time to... get over it, I guess."

"Just hear me out," he insisted, looking around the confined space of the staff room and noticing a few foldable chairs near a desk in the corner.

Seungmin walked towards it, taking two of them in his hands and bringing them back to where you were, opening them up and dusting them lightly so that you wouldn't have to dirty your clothes.

"Sit," he gestured towards the chair. "Let's talk, please."

You hesitated for a moment, eyes trained on the chairs and then trailing up to meet his desperate gaze.

"I have to get back to work soon," you pointed out, walking forward with timid steps and sitting down on one of the metal chairs.

"I won't keep you too long," Seunmin promised. "I just need you to know what I truly feel."

A good minute of tense silence passed before Seungmin cleared his throat.

"We've been friends for a while now..." he began, "and to be completely honest, that's all I thought you were to me. A friend. Even when we'd hang out together with everyone, I didn't really feel all that different, the way I suppose you felt."

"I-" you squeaked, covering your face briefly before moving to stand up. "Look, I don't have time for-"

"-wait," he caught your wrist before you could stand. "Just... give me a chance to talk, please."

"Can you at least try not to embarrass me any more than I already am?"

"Oh god," he nodded twice. "Okay. Sorry."

When you sat back down, Seungmin pulled his chair to face you better, trying to keep a safe distance yet not intending to be too far away from you.

"I kind of knew that you liked me," he whispered, carefully watching your expression. "I guess the boys already knew. And they told me. But I didn't believe them, of course. I thought it couldn't be possible for you to like me in that sense."

Your lips pursed into a tight line.

"Wow."

"Look, (Y/n), all I need you to know is that I began to see you from a different perspective - in a different sense, but that wasn't too long ago. It was just a few weeks before you confessed your feelings to me and you have to give me the benefit of doubt. I panicked. I suddenly understood that it was way too real - unlike how I saw it all in my head."

"Like...what? What - how did you see me?"

Seungmin pulled out your phone that he had slipped into his pocket, pressing the button to reveal your lock screen.

"This guy," he pointed to your colleague that was in the picture - with three other people that you had gone on an excursion with.

"He likes you, right?"

"Uh..." you blinked, confused. "I think so, yes."

"He asked you out on a date, right?"

"Yeah," you nodded. "To the beach."

"You remember when you told me this?" Seungmin asked you.

Your eyebrows furrowed together in thought.

"I guess two or three weeks ago? When we were eating?"

"Right. I remember the way you seemed sad when telling me this, and it was surprising to know that I knew why you were sad. It's because you don't like the beach. You don't like the feel of the sand in between your toes and you hate stepping on shells or random branches, let alone going into the water."

"...okay," you blinked slowly. "So?"

"It made me angry that this guy didn't know that about you. He's been working with you for so long, he's been your friend, but he didn't know this about you. It made me...upset. Partly because he didn't even bother asking you if you'd like to go to the beach, but also because I didn't know why I got angry. I kept thinking, if I can know something like this about you, then why does he not know? It made me think - like... this thought flashed across my mind for a split of a second, maybe I can do so much better than that guy."

Seungmin took a moment to just... breathe. He avoided your eye expertly, hands flat on his thighs and his spine so straight it looked rather uncomfortable.

"Seungmin," you called out, your heart skipping a beat when he looked at you directly without any hesitation.

"Are you... I mean - am I really just a friend to you?"

The man inhaled sharply, raising a hand to wipe the sweat that was forming at the edge of his eyebrow.

"Because..." you continued, "friends don't think that way about each other."

"I don't think you're just a friend to me, (Y/n)," he finally admitted.

"As I told you, I started seeing you differently after that day. It made me nervous, especially when the boys would tease me with you. I thought it was a mere crush that would go away but then you told me that you've liked me for so many months now and all of a sudden... it felt so real yet...not? Am I making sense?"

You swallowed the painful lump in your throat, smoothening out your skirt and stalling for time to think of a response.

"Look... my mind is a mess right now. I have so many things to say but I don't know if I'm making sense," Seungmin murmured, clearing his throat once more before looking back at you.

"I'm sorry for that night, (Y/n). I just... I was so scared about everything and at the same time, I still couldn't forget about that guy, I don't know what came over me but I made a really stupid move by naming the urge to protect you from that guy - a brotherly affection. Maybe at that moment, I might've felt like I wanted to protect you, but I didn't want to say that you were only a friend, so the next best thing was to say that I saw you as my sister. Ugh, that's so horrible," Seungmin groaned loudly.

"I never thought I'd be the one to hurt you," he then said. "I wanted to protect you from this guy, I didn't want this guy to hurt you and in the quest of doing that, I ended up hurting you the most. Which makes me feel horrible. I've been wanting to apologize, to let you know that I... that I... um. That, yeah. That I'm sorry for that night."

"Seungmin," you called his name gently. "Thank you for telling me this."

"It's no problem at all," he brushed it off easily. "Like I said, I need you to know the truth."

"I never ended up going with that guy," you mumbled under your breath. "Because when I told you about him, you immediately asked me to go to the bookstore with you that evening. Ironically, I thought that I deserved better too and that maybe you could be better than that guy ever could."

"I could," he confirmed, immediately looking away and wiping the sweat over his upper lip with the back of his hand.

"I thought my feelings for you were a mere crush too, Seungmin," you admitted softly. "But the way you reacted that day, all because of the fact that I was upset about this guy not knowing that I don't like the beach, it really just made me fall so much harder for you."

"I know." For the first time that afternoon, Seungmin smiled. A light uplift to the corners of his lips made his eyes squint slightly. "You told me this already."

"Wow," you breathed out shakily, feeling weirdly exhausted and spent. "So... do you like me, or not?"

"I guess I do," he slowly confessed. "It's all too new for me, (Y/n), I hope you get me. I've only recently understood my feelings - which are quite messy for that matter - and I might need some time to... you know."

"Yeah," you nodded. "I understand."

"I just need you to know that I won't be going anywhere. And my feelings towards you won't change. Because these four days have been torturous, to say the least. I couldn't bear not talking to you, not being with you. So in a way, this little break or whatever it was... was sort of a benefit to me, I guess."

"Alright, Seungmin," you chuckled lightheartedly. "I get you."

"I'm sorry again, (Y/n)," he murmured in regret, finally reaching out to take a hold of your hand. "I don't see you as my sister or anything, in case you didn't figure that out already. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay," you laughed at the pout on his face. "I get you, Seungmin. Thank you for being so honest with me."

"It's no problem at all," he said again. "Now, you better get going. I've kept you from your work, I hope you don't get into any trouble."

"Even if I do, I suppose it wouldn't be too bad."

"Are you done with your lunch break?"

You shook your head slightly.

"Then would you like to have lunch with me?"

.

.

.

.

.

Request 3/30 :) Go ahead and request soon before all the spots are taken!

Permanent Taglist: @hopestastic , @joondiary , @0xnna0 , @cuteipat , @koalasandcuddles , @bangrauhl13 , @blissedjoon , @underratedbitch-number13 , @tinyoonsblog , @itachi-chi @sparkyprotectionsquad @scuzmunkie, @uno7

Stray Kids Masterlist

[charmercharm3r]

Toxic

KSM

Masterlist

wc: 9.9k

Synopsis: Someone should’ve taken the alcohol away, now his phone won’t stop blowing up with your name.

warnings: smut, dom!seungmin, explicit sexual content, sorta reader x minho somewhere in there, shower sex (a couple times -ish), slight breeding kink, lots of alcohol, dirty talk lol, lmk if I missed anything!

Part 6 of my 8 part series based off the album, “It Was Good Until It Wasn’t” by Kehlani, where each member of Stray Kids will have a song dedicated to them and whatever toxic relationship I can come up with.

-

Seungmin was stoic— he always was. He was the rock in high tide that never seemed to drift, and it was something you always loved about him. No matter what, he held you down and continued to do so through your increasing reckless behavior.

Until it got to the point that he just couldn’t. The independence, the late— drunk— nights, the crowd lining up at your feet that wished to be the one in your bed instead of Seungmin, it became too much.

He never held it against you. No, if anything, he enjoyed the attention you got when you’d down another shot and leave all the lightweights in awe. He loved watching you be your most free self when the alcohol finally coursed through your veins and made you forget all the worries of the daytime. There was nothing he loved more than seeing you in your element.

However, somewhere along the line, it was also the last straw and he couldn’t bear the crushing weight of the attention anymore. The possessiveness he felt overtook his usually logical senses and made him lash out in the worst way possible. Jealousy, envy, the need to prove you wrong– it got the best of him.

On a night where he’d driven the two of you to your usual late night spot, coincidentally the same bar you’d met at all those months ago, he’d let you have your fun again and blow off some steam. But in the midst of the same fun that he encouraged you to have, you became forgetful and neglected interacting with him. He knew you weren’t flirting with the bartender, but that bartender had always had the biggest crush on you. For a while, he just watched.

“Let me get you something I think you’ll like,” the bartender, Minho, said as he side-eyed Seungmin next to you. You were leaning your elbows on the counter, nonchalantly twisting your hair between your fingers.

Without looking at him, you whispered in your boyfriend’s ear, “think if I flirt hard enough, he’ll give us the drinks for free?” 

The question made Seungmin clench his teeth in annoyance. He knew this is what you always did, and Minho always gave you the drinks for free in the end. You. Just you. Seungmin still had to pay for his own. But the statement had him almost keeling over in anger because before, he thought you were just unaware of your charm. Now, he realized you’d been doing it on purpose all along.

“Why don’t you stay and find out? I’m going home,” Seungmin downed the last of his glass and placed it upside down on the counter with a thud, causing you to look up at him as he stood. Shrugging on his coat, he took the car keys from your purse.

“What? You’re wanting to leave? I thought you wanted to go out tonight?” You stood with him, draping your own coat over your arm to follow him. Instead of letting you take his hand like he knew he should’ve, Seungmin pushed you back down into your seat by your shoulder without a glance. Confused, you rested your hand on his that lingered on your shoulder. “Seung? What’s wrong?”

He’d never been this outrightly mad at you before, so cold you started to worry despite the alcohol that made your head dizzy. He knew that if he looked at you, he’d cave and remember that it was just for the free drinks, you didn’t actually like the stupid bartender. But as usual, he had to be stubborn and prove his point. So he shrugged you away from him and left you there.

Ultimately, taking the car keys meant taking your house keys as well. Thankfully, you had enough cash on you for an Uber home. But that wasn’t before you had a few more angry shots of tequila to drown out the sadness that followed your boyfriend’s sudden leave. Minho kept you company, of course, seeing you sad and alone. Nothing went further than talking with the bartender, explaining briefly what happened and letting Minho pour you another drink. You also let him hold your hair back when you threw up in the bar’s restroom, and wipe away the residue, and hold you when you started to sob because you were upset that your boyfriend was mad and had no idea why. That was a wake up call for you, immediately ordering the early morning ride home to find out.

Seungmin didn’t sleep. As soon as he’d gotten into the car, the guilt of leaving you drunk and alone crowded his thoughts more than the anger did. He sat in the parking lot for almost an hour, hoping to see you outside and coming home. But when you didn’t, he left. He drove home so fast that everything looked like a blur. By the time he’d cleaned himself up and sat in bed, it was almost 3:30 in the morning and you still weren’t home. In order to keep himself occupied, he began cleaning the house, keeping his phone on the ringer in case you called.

You almost fell asleep in the Uber, on the verge of knocking out as you rolled up to your apartment. It took you a good chunk of time to get yourself into the elevator and to your front door. You only needed to knock once before your boyfriend opened the door, hair wet and pajamas on. As soon as you saw his face, you fell into his arms and cried.

“I– I don’t know what I did. I don’t know,” was the most coherent sentence you said for a solid fifteen minutes. All Seungmin could do was hold you, let you get out all of your tipsy emotions. He rubbed your back, wiped your tears, but the smell of alcohol overpowered any sympathy he felt.

Crocodile tears, he told himself as your sobs started to simmer down.

“We’ll talk about it in the morning,” was what he said.

“No, we’ll talk about it now.”

“You’re drunk.”

“I’m sober enough to know that you left me. Alone. With no way home.” You were definitely sober. The look of anger on your face let him know that he royally fucked up. But still, he stood his ground.

Walking over to the fridge, he grabbed a bottle of water and handed it to you over the kitchen island where you sat. He didn’t move, just staring at the empty sink as he tried to think of words to justify why he’d done it. “You got here in one piece, didn’t you?” It was a stupid thing to say. But that stupid bartender with his stupid free drinks and his stupid dumb jokes that made you laugh, it made Seungmin dumber than any of that.

You weren’t one to scream and shout, opting for the silent treatment instead. So you looked at your boyfriend because lack of response was always the best way to get the truth from someone. The silence always made him uncomfortable, specifically in times where you should be scolding him.

“He just wouldn’t shut up. It’s like I wasn’t even there and he just kept bringing you drinks. Was I invisible or something? You sure as hell didn’t seem to care if I was there or not–”

“That’s why you left? Because you were jealous?” You laughed mockingly. Hiding your hands in your face, you continued to so that he didn’t see how hurt you were. Tears were quickly wiped by your palm as delirious laughter filled the apartment. “You’re a real piece of fucking work, you know that?”

“Me?” He shot back, “I don’t flirt with bartenders for free drinks. Right in front of you, at that!”

“You could have told me you wanted me to stop. But no, you left me there instead. And still haven’t apologized.”

“I don’t need to apologize when I haven’t done anything wrong.” He held himself together as long as he could. But you could always see right through him, no matter how strong on the outside he seemed. His throat contracted, chest stuttered to breathe, eyes slightly glazed over. There was no winning this fight.

No more tears left, you took the water bottle and drank, slamming it onto the counter and walking to the bedroom. Seungmin watched as you left without another word, jumping when you slammed the door and left him alone.

Anger no longer consumed him, just the same underlying guilt he felt when he waited for you in that parking lot. Stoic, rock-like, Seungmin didn’t shed a single tear as he took his temporary place on the couch for the night.

He woke up early the next morning, constantly checking the bedroom door to see when you’d come out. But as the day dragged on and you didn’t emerge to even grab something to eat, he got worried. You’d never ignored him for this long, let alone gone without your usual morning coffee that the two of you shared. So when four o’clock rolled around, he decided to see what you were up to.

He found your shared bed neatly made, closet closed, nothing out of the ordinary. But upon further inspection, your side of the dresser was empty, your nightstand was bare, and a small suitcase was tucked under the bed. He heard you shuffling in the ensuite bathroom, the sink running loudly. Then he heard sniffles, almost completely drowned out when the shower began to run, too. Seungmin couldn’t stop himself from leaning against the door to listen, just hear your painful cries that were all because of him.

It felt like hours that you’d stood under the hot water, getting out any leftover emotions before having to face your ignorant partner again and tell him you were leaving him– not that he’d care.

Too lost in your own head, you didn’t hear the bathroom door open, or hear him strip his clothes off and join you in the shower. It wasn’t until you felt his hands gently slip around your waist did you notice his presence. You didn’t speak. He didn’t speak. No words were exchanged as he pulled you tighter to his chest, brushing your hair away from your face as he kissed the crook of your neck. You thanked the heavens that the water washed away any remnants of your sadness before he could see it.

He doesn’t know why he did what he did, why he left you last night. All he did know was that he couldn’t bear listening to you cry anymore.

Emotional. Heart-leading. Reckless. Slightly selfish. Do now, think later. Fall fast, fall hard. One hundred percent.

Those were the words that Seungmin thought of as he found your shaking hand and interlaced your fingers, spinning you to finally face him. When you didn’t look up, he brought his knuckles under your chin and made your eyes meet. Cheeks puffy and eyes red, you held your gaze on him. Seungmin felt weak, starting to fall victim to the spell that wrapped him around your finger in the first place. He began to feel like you were so far away from him even though your hand squeezed his. Your fingertips ran lightly over the centerline of his abdomen, trailing over his collar bones until they reached the underside of his jaw to tip his head down. The warm water suddenly felt all too hot as you slicked half his bangs back with your wet hand.

You wanted to see him. See if there was any feeling of love left for you behind his stone cold eyes. When he bent down to kiss you, there was something that told you he still did, only it was different. Thankfully, you were quick to adapt. Change was an old friend, feeling an unfamiliar fervor behind his lips was welcomed by yours, venom laced.

The kiss deepened, he unlocked his hands to bring both of them to your hips while yours kept his head trapped. Seungmin let himself grip the fatty skin of your ass, kneading it as he became painfully aware of his aching boner. He gently turned the two of you so that your back was against the shower wall, hiking one of your legs up by the underside of your knee. You only broke the kiss to hold on to his shoulders for balance, feeling him dip his head into your neck again and nibbling on your warm skin.

Two fingers ran through your folds, wet from the water but sticky with arousal. It was easy for Seungmin to slick the essence around as he played with your cunt, just circling your entrance. Your grip moved to the back of his hair, pulling it and enticing him to continue. The harshness of your nails against his scalp ripped a moan from his throat, vibrating against you. The sound of him made your hips buck into his hand.

“Seung, please,” you begged, tugging his hair harder and hips stuttering.

“As you wish.” It was slightly from a place of spite, but he pushed his fingers into you anyways. Your head fell back upon feeling the stretch, grinding your clit into his palm. Seungmin didn’t move, letting you fuck yourself on his hand while he just enjoyed the way you moaned. It was his intention to leave marks along your neck and chest, claim you and make sure everyone knew who you belonged to.

He felt your walls fluttering and pulsing tighter, ripping his hand away as soon as he felt you about to tip over. “What the fu–”

He cut off your complaints by crashing his mouth to yours, grabbing your other leg and lifting you to support your body against the shower wall. As his tongue roamed and your ankles locked behind his back, you reached between your bodies to align his cock with your needy hole. As quickly as the situation escalated, Seungmin dropped you slightly to slide in. The water was nowhere near how warm you felt around him, pussy throbbing from your first denied orgasm.

Seungmin let his head fall against your chest, listening to your heart beating erratically. You pushed back the hair that fell wet against his forehead as he steadied his breathing. Time stopped, relishing in the feeling of you and never wanting to let go. But he reminded himself of last night, how badly he treated you and how he needed to do so much to make up for it.

For only the second time since joining you in the shower, he raised his head and looked into your eyes, pulling his hips back before slowly pushing in. He kept his eyes trained on yours as he continued to take you, gently and at a snail’s pace. Seungmin hoped that you could look past his ignorance and see just how sorry he was, he hoped you could feel everything that he felt in the way that held your stare and grinded into you. For a moment, he thought you did when your hand found his cheek again, luring him in for another kiss.

It soon became a sloppy, uncoordinated kiss, getting steamier the longer that Seungmin stayed buried inside you. The urge to find your high started to become too much, making you encourage him to move faster. So he used the handle on your hips to pull you back and slam you into him again. He was entranced by the sight of your two bodies connecting, drunk on the sound of your skins slapping. The closer he got to his high, the shallower his thrusts became.

“Fuck– just like that. Don’t stop!” You whined, pressing your chest tighter against him as you held on for dear life.

The quick thrusts pressed the top side of his cock into your clit. He planted another kiss to the corner of your mouth, keeping his cheek against yours as your orgasm took over your body. Shuddering and pulling him impossibly closer, your ankles pinned his hips into your cunt, completely sheathing him as you writhed. The deepness and pulsing of your slick walls around him was enough for Seungmin to follow, releasing deep into you with a groan.

The feeling of his cheek on yours was your favorite, an intimate thing without feeling sexual despite him still lodged inside. Your entire body felt amplified, every little touch like electricity. But that also meant that your mind was racing, initial plan being side railed because you actually got railed.

But you couldn’t let go of him. Instead of pushing him away and walking out of the shower, you rubbed your cheek against his, feeling so airy and weightless.

Seungmin lived for the feeling of your skin, soft and delicate. He began to grow flaccid, sure that his cum wouldn’t seep out because of how far in you he was. As gentle as he could, he lowered you to the ground. You kept your arms around his neck as he held up your body weight, letting you nuzzle into him. The two of you stayed like this for a while, in each other’s arms. 

The events of the night before replayed in your head, eventually breaking you from your euphoria to let go. You reached for the bottle of shampoo, leading him to stand under the water while you poured it into your hands and lathered it up. He leaned his head back, letting the warm water run down his face. You weren’t sure what to make of it, how could someone as beautiful as him be so cold to you one second, then worship the ground you walk on the next?

You were still stuck in your own head as he kneeled onto the ground, letting you shampoo his hair. As you massaged the product into his scalp, Seungmin closed his eyes and hummed.

“I’m sorry,” it came out as more of a whisper than he intended. He wanted to make a show of his apology, wanted to do anything it took to make you see the sorrow in his heart.

When you didn’t respond, hands still in his hair, he opened his eyes and continued, “I never meant to hurt you.” You couldn’t bring yourself to speak. The only way you acknowledged his words was with a slight nod of your head.

He was never one to apologize. Neither were you. The way he was literally on his knees before you, eyes boring into yours that wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of contact, it melted your heart to continue the way you did.

You rinsed the shampoo from his hair, let him wash your own then linger in another soapy few moments as you washed each other’s tired bodies. He followed you out of the shower and towel dried you first, then himself, watching you get dressed in the clothes you had neatly folded on the closed toilet lid. Wordlessly, you exited the bathroom, leaving him to bask in his steaming regrets.

When the thudding of your suitcase being plopped onto the bed echoed through the bedroom, Seungmin rushed out to see you pulling out an article of clothing and tossing it onto the mattress. It was his flannel, the cream and brown one that he wore around the house and on lazy days you spent at cafes together. The same one you stole from him because you loved the way it smelt just like him.

Still just a towel wrapped around his waist, Seungmin’s heart began to speed up as you zipped the suitcase closed. He watched as you lifted and placed it onto the ground, sitting on the bed to slip your socks on. “What are you doing?” He said, throat dry.

You didn’t look at him, stepping into your house slippers. “Gonna spend some time at a friend’s.”

He followed as you walked into the living room and placed your suitcase next to the door, “for how long?”

“I don’t know, Seung.” The nickname made his heart clench. Stepping into your shoes, you dropped your hands to your sides and looked at him with saddened eyes, “don’t call me.”

As you opened the door and rolled your suitcase into the hallway, a sudden realization hit him. “Wait!” He called out. As much as he felt like crying, begging you to stay and fight for you to see how much he loved you, he couldn’t. Wordlessly, unemotionally, you turned around to face him again, hand still on the doorknob to close. “Was that breakup sex?”

You searched his face, looking for any sign that he wanted you to deny his question. With a tired sigh and somber expression, you tilted your head at him, “yes.” You left without another word, closing the door on him and his emotions that he refused to show you.

There was a slight echo in the apartment, ringing in his ears as he whispered to no one but himself, “I love you.”

It had only been a month since you left, unable to shake the feeling that you’d messed up. It was a mistake he made, a mistake you made, a small hiccup that a cup of water couldn’t fix. But when water turns to wine, there isn't enough wine in the world that could drown you of your longing for him. You’d hoped to accomplish something in your time away from him, maybe pick up a new hobby or find out something new about yourself so that when you did find the courage to call him, you’d be bringing something to the relationship that could benefit the both of you.

But apparently, in the month you’d been apart, he found something new of his own. A new someone that ticked a hell of a lot more boxes than you ever did– according to Minho. Seungmin was bringing this new someone around to your date spots, the same bar you’d frequented together. Minho had mentioned that he’d still sit in his usual seat and let this new girl sit in yours. The bartender was the constant that you needed, a friend who didn’t seem to want to be more than a shoulder to lean on. He always was when you were with Seungmin, even more now that you’re not.

“It’s my fault. I can’t blame him,” you muttered, leaning back into Minho’s couch. It was a frequent thing now, going over to his place to hang out, talk like normal people. What would Seungmin say if he saw you now? He’d be pissed out of his mind, for sure. Probably call you a slut and say he’d known all along you wanted him just as badly as he clearly wanted you.

“You can. I know I do. What kind of asshole leaves their drunk girlfriend alone at a bar? And take her house keys?!” Minho walked back into the living room from the kitchen with two shots of tequila– Don Julio bottle almost completely finished– handing you one while he sat on the floor in front of you.

Immediately you brought it to your nose to smell, running a hand through your hair while criss crossing your legs. “I probably shouldn’t have drank so much. I feel like a borderlining alcoholic.”

“I think you’re self aware enough to show that you’re not an alcoholic,” he laughed, flicking his own hair out of his eyes. You’d never really noticed how clean he is– clean looking. He seemed as though he took care of himself and appreciated dressing up, something that most men lacked.

“You’re just saying that ‘cus you’d be out of a job if it weren’t for me.”

Minho smirked into his glass, not looking away from your eyes. “You’re right,” he smiled. The fitted black shirt he wore tightened as his muscles flexed, probably on purpose, but that didn’t mean he looked any less attractive. “Still a shitty tipper, though,” he mumbled.

“What was that? I don’t tip you well enough?” You stuck a foot out to nudge his bent knee jokingly. “Maybe you should step up your mixture game then, hm?” You downed the shot, not caring to appreciate the taste but rather hoping that it could make you light enough to not care about how Minho was now inching towards you.

He placed his full glass on the coffee table, sitting on his knees and planting his hands onto either side of your crossed legs, caging you in. “Or you could make it up to me.” He looked up at you, lightly running his tongue over his lips as his eyes trailed down to yours. You couldn’t help but feel intrigued, sort of flattered that he couldn’t stop staring. It was obvious that he’d stare when you were in a relationship, but never pushed that boundary out of respect. Now that you weren’t, you had to give him credit for going after what he wanted.

Setting your empty glass down as well, you leaned forward, just inches away from his face now. You could smell his cologne, clean and musky with a hint of booze. Dropping your head slightly, you asked, “how so?”

Minho reached a gentle hand up, fingertips tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and caressing your cheek. He looked so delectable on his knees before you. You suppose you had a thing for it, a weird thing that made you feel like you had all the power in the world.

“Can I kiss you?” Without falter, you pressed your lips into his. The kiss was soft, supple as the two of you got used to the feeling of one another. His lips were oh so pillowy, movements unrushed as he adjusted to your tempo. As easy as it felt kissing him, it also was so easy to let yourself get lost in it. Minho cupped your jaw tighter, pulling you deeper as he started to stand. Without breaking the kiss, he moved to lay your body lengthwise with the couch and hover over you. He didn’t run his tongue across your mouth until your fingers tangled in his hair and tugged. You granted him entrance, the alcohol taking its course through your body and doing just as you’d hoped. With all inhibitions lowered, you let one hand trail down the back of his shoulder, stopping at his lower back to pull his body down into you.

There was no particular fight for dominance, just your two tongues gliding and dancing around each other. He continued to let you set the pace, slotting his knee between your legs to lean back onto and grab your face with both hands. You, getting needier and needier by the second, grinded your hips into his limb, hoping to get some sort of friction. You moaned into the kiss and continued to run your hands all over his body. But the more you tried to remedy the aching in your core, the further Minho pulled his knee away. Eventually, he broke from the kiss all together while you whined.

“Need you,” you murmured, staring at his bitten lips.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Minho said, not angrily or anything that suggested he was upset. “I don’t want our first time to be because you want to get revenge on your ex.” He leaned down to peck your lips again, quickly getting up from the couch and grabbing your and his shot glasses, leaving you confused and horny.

“What?” You said softly to yourself, sitting up and shaking your head. After a moment of composing your breath, you followed Minho into the kitchen. He stood with his back against the counter, sipping a bottle of water. “I don’t get it. You kissed me.”

“No, I asked to kiss you. You kissed me.” He didn’t turn to you, nonchalantly carding through his now messy hair.

“I still don’t get it.” Truly, you didn’t. He was the one to invite you over tonight. He was the one to suggest drinking. He was the one that kept handing you the alcohol. He was the one that suggested kissing in the first place. And now he was the one that didn’t want to take it further. Your mind was running amuck while he refused to look at you.

“Like I said, I don’t want our first time to be becau–”

“I heard you. That’s what I don’t understand.”

Now he spun, crushing the empty bottle and tossing it carelessly in the sink while his eyes stayed focused on you. The look he gave you suddenly made you nervous, it was the most serious you’d ever seen him. The usual playful and flirty Minho you knew wasn’t the man standing in front of you. “No, of course you don’t. You only understand when guys treat you like an object.”

His words took you aback, flinching at the specific term he used, “object.” You knew your worth. You knew the attention you got, in fact you used it to your advantage. Isn’t that how you always got free drinks from Minho in the first place?

“What are you–”

“He treats you like shit. Always did. And I had to sit there and watch him do it. Do you have any idea how hard it is to watch the person you love be talked down to and left stranded in such a vulnerable position?” It took you a moment to process his words, whereas he seemed to catch himself the second he’d stopped talking. It stunned you, to say the least. Minho had dropped an atomic bomb on you, unsure of how to deal with the fallout.

“Minho–”

“Forget I said anything. Just… please go.” His request stung, your throat closed and tears pricked behind your eyes.

The thought of another person leaving you, it made you retort, “okay. But making me leave right now– drunk and sad and vulnerable… You’re no better than him. Especially not after that shit show of a confession.” Minho didn’t look away from you as you walked away, grabbing your bag and coat and slamming the door on the way out.

You’d barely made it onto the sidewalk before you let the tears fall. Except now, you weren’t sure what exactly you were crying over. Seungmin? Minho? The fact that everyone seems to think of you as no more than a magnet for men who wanted a good fuck? You’d gotten maybe five minutes down the street before your legs went numb, brain overriding with shame.

Everyone that you’d thought to be close to all thought the same thing, just another reckless girl using her body as a cry for help. Maybe Seungmin thought he could be your savior, Minho sure seemed to. At least your ex boyfriend was more upfront about his jealousy, whereas Minho used your “self objectification” against you. So you stumbled onto your butt, sitting on the cold concrete curb with just a thin jacket to shield you from the late night air.

The tears fell quietly, everything in you refusing to waste the energy. You don’t know what you were thinking when you pulled out your phone and typed in the number you knew by pure muscle memory. You sent multiple texts, teetering along the lines of just keyboard smashes and single full words that could only be the outcome of the alcohol. It just so happened that you’d also left all your common sense behind at Minho’s place, because the one coherent sentence that you sent was, “i mizs yo.”

And then, your phone rang. “Y/N? Are you drunk? It’s late,” his voice echoed in the speaker, groggy.

“Seung?” It came out more like a choke, throat burning as you gulped for air.

“Are you okay? Where are you?”

You looked around, unable to pinpoint your location. “I– I don’t know.”

“O– okay. Just stay put. I’ll find you.” He hung up before you could respond, shakily dropping your phone into your lap as you realized what you’d just done.

Seungmin threw his covers off, feet slipping into his house slippers and grabbing the first jacket he saw. Just as he was slinging it over his shoulders, the bed moved. “Seungmin? What’re you doing? Come back to bed,” a girl’s voice called out.

The woman he’d been seeing in your absence sat up and rubbed her eyes at the sudden light being turned on. He didn’t bother glancing at her or giving her the chance to adjust, “you need to leave. I won’t be gone long, but you need to be out of here by the time I get back.” Seungmin didn’t say another word to her as he grabbed his wallet, phone, and keys and left.

He pulled out the phone’s tracking app and found your contact, starting the directions to start his search. Upon starting the map, he sent you a quick text saying he’d be there in ten minutes and not to move a muscle. You– still drunk and still unable to think of anything but how tingly your face felt– didn’t see it.

You were trying your hardest to stay awake when footsteps padded loudly down the sidewalk. Seungmin had called your name, getting your attention for a second before you tried to stand and fell into the pavement again. 

“Woah, woah. Slow down. Are you hurt? Why are you out here alone?” He bombarded you with questions, but the last one struck a nerve. The alcohol gave you both confidence and mood swings.

“You’re asking me why I’m drunk and alone?” You rolled your eyes at him, lingering in silence for a split second. Seungmin gulped, but the nerves died down when you clumsily linked your arm through his and dragged him to start walking.

“Where are we going?” He asked.

“Home.”

“Home is the other way.”

“Home is where I say home is.”

He was right, his apartment– your previous one– was in the opposite direction. But you turned the corner and rounded the block just to get back on track. Seungmin didn’t protest, still too stunned at himself for even being in the same vicinity as you again.

Everything he’d built for himself, the peace of being alone, turning the apartment into his safe haven, the relationship with the girl that he’d just ruined by kicking her out in the middle of the night, all probably turned into dust because he’d given in to your drunk texts. And for what? Because he just couldn’t resist.

Extremely selfish. Problematic. Narcissistic. Self serving. Needy. Fragile. Soft. Bending but never breaking. Caring. Hopeful. Too good for the cruel world. Golden.

More words that flowed through Seungmin’s head as you held tightly onto his arm, letting him act as a crutch while you tried not to face plant into the floor. And as he led you into the apartment, you held him back in the doorway. You didn’t say a single word, just staring up at him with round and glazed over eyes. Oh, how badly he wanted to kiss you, but everything about the pleading look you had told him not to. Instead, he led you to the bedroom. He’d completely forgotten about the girl until he opened the door, relieved to see no one there. However, there was a note left on the bedside table, which you’d not seemed to notice as you stumbled towards the bed.

Seungmin let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, watching you drunkenly undress yourself down to your undergarments. However, you stopped just as you were about to climb under the covers, shirt and pants pooled at your feet. You leaned into the pillow and inhaled deeply. “She was here,” you slurred.

His brain raced, not sure what to say or how you’d react. So he just said, “yes.”

To his surprise, you shrugged, tossing the comforter over the pillow and trudging towards him. Amidst your clambering around the room, searching for a blanket, you muttered as you pushed past your ex boyfriend and looked him dead in the eye, “I made out with Minho.” Seungmin didn’t speak as you pushed past him, flabbergasted at your admittance.

He just watched as you laid yourself out on the couch in just your underwear and panties, spreading the blanket over you and fluffing the throw pillow. Even through the aching in his chest, Seungmin managed to push the coffee table away from the couch as you laid your head down. Before you could fully get comfortable, he’d ran back into the bedroom to grab two more blankets and his pillow to lay on the floor beside you. Your eyes threatened to shut, drowsiness finally catching up. Just as the darkness started to over take you, you found yourself spilling more of what had happened.

“I liked kissing him. He told me he loved me. Also said you were a shit boyfriend.” Seungmin sat still at your side, taking in all the information. “Said I was an object. Sai–” you hiccuped, “said really nice things to me, too. B– but I was just r– reeeeeaaaally h– horny. And mad at you. M— missed you a lot, Seung.”

Seungmin raised a hand to your hair, pushing it out of your face, “did you, now?”

You nodded, cupping your hand over his before he could pull away, nuzzling deeper into his palm. “Mhm. He’s not you. She isn’t me,” another hiccup, “I’m not me without you.”

“You won’t remember this in the morning,” he whispered, only half hoping his prediction was correct. Another part of him wished that you were saying this sober. But no amount of money or alcohol could have put your pride aside enough for you to, him either. He’d never admit how badly he wished you would have stayed and talked things through.

“Remind me.” Your head lulled back, sleep wanting to overtake your senses. But you fought it, wanting to get your thoughts out before sobriety caused you to cower away again. “She smells like s– shit. You c– could’ve let someone who smelled better sleep in m– my bed.”

There was no denying it, it is your bed. Just before you could fully succumb to the darkness, Seungmin placed a soft kiss to your forehead. “Just keeping it warm for you,” he tucked you tighter under the blanket and laid himself down, peering up to watch as you drifted off.

Seungmin didn’t sleep much, he was an earlier riser anyways so the two hours he’d gotten on the floor was enough. He’d made himself hot water for some pour-over coffee and a little extra for tea when you’d wake up. Then he watched the sunrise on the balcony and decided to make some breakfast as well. Now that you were here, whether you did it because you really missed him or not, he was going to treat you the way he should’ve done in the first place. It was like he was planning your first date all over again with how nervous he felt waiting for you to open your eyes. Every time you stirred, Seungmin thought how unprepared he was to speak to you.

Thankfully, you didn’t get up until around 10 a.m. By then, the hot water was cold and he had to reheat it in the kettle, warm up the eggs and pop the toast back in the toaster to serve it to you with a couple aspirin. You were wide awake, but laid staring at the ceiling for about five minutes before you worked up the courage to face your ex boyfriend again.

When you rubbed the sleep from your eyes and sat up, the blanket fell to reveal your mostly naked body. You scrambled to cover yourself, hearing soft laughter coming from over the back of the couch. Seungmin sat at the island counter, sipping on another cup of coffee. He didn’t want to say it, but he was amused by how shy you were despite having seen you naked hundreds of times before.

“I’m so sorry about last night,” you groggily mumbled, combing your hair down as best as you could. He just smiled and shook his head, picking up the plate of food and mug and bringing it over to you. As you took it, he seated himself on the floor again, blankets and pillows from last night still laid out. It smelled wonderful, a hangover and pounding headache having no effect on your sudden hunger. Bringing the piece of toast to your mouth, you noticed his sleeping place from last night. “Did you sleep on the floor?”

Seungmin nodded, “didn’t really wanna leave you alone again.” Your conversation with him from the night before came flooding back, blush creeping over your cheeks as you also remembered the events with Minho. He saw your change of expression, but chose to ignore it.

“I meant it,” you said, popping the aspirin in your mouth and swallowing it dry. He cocked his head in confusion. “She really did smell like shit. You could’ve at least gotten her a better perfume.” Seungmin was still walking on eggshells, unsure of how to react until you started laughing. He let himself joke with you, toppling over in happiness just because you were laughing with him again.

But as the laughter died down, Seungmin looked down into his lap and thought of how he’d approach the impending elephant in the room. “So you remember last night, then?” He said quietly.

“Every word.”

“Did you really mean it?”

“Drunk words are sober thoughts, aren’t they?” You placed the now empty plate of food onto the open couch cushion. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“I’ll always take care of you.” A fond smile warped across his face, still so helplessly in love with the idea of you. “I missed you, too.” The way he stared up at you made it so hard not to pull him in right then and there. But the longer your eyes lingered on his, the more the need to touch him, to feel him, drown in his scent grew stronger. To keep the reins on a little longer, you opted to just reach out and hold his chin under your finger, thumb extending and brushing over his plump lips. His eyelashes fanned his cheeks, breath stuttering slightly before letting out a deep sigh.

You pulled your hand back, breaking him from his few moments of peace. “Can I use the shower?” Seungmin found it hard to answer you, caught off guard so he just nodded rapidly. You patted his hair as you stood, enjoying the way he watched you like a lost puppy. As you approached the doorway, you stopped and turned to face him again. “Aren’t you coming?”

Seungmin had never moved so fast in his life.

But in contrast to how quickly he followed you into the same bathroom you’d spent your last few moments together in, you made sure he took his time to undress just for your viewing pleasure. You slowly lifted his shirt above his head, turning on the shower as he dropped his shorts next. Still just clad in your underwear and bra, you let him strip them both off of you and climb under the water together. Seungmin moved you under the water first, making sure to get all of your hair and body wet before pouring some shampoo into his palm. It was comfortable, the silence that surrounded the two of you. He rubbed the product around until it became foamy, telling you to hold up your hair so he could reach both the underside and the top. Your eyes closed as he massaged your scalp, so gently that you hummed. How sweet you sounded, relaxed under his touch.

When he was done, Seungmin removed the shower head and held it closer to your head, rinsing away any leftover residue. His fingers rubbed tighter into your skin, making you lean harder into his touch and hum even louder. He smiled, but felt himself starting to raise a chub. The effect you had on him was unfair even though you had no idea of it at the moment.

Once your hair was rinsed, he toyed with the idea of lowering the shower head. He watched your face, still not paying any attention to anything other than the warmth of the water. So he crept lower and focused the jet streams over the tops of your breasts, smiling to himself when your nipples started to perk up. Seungmin kept going, holding the water closer to your left nipple and twisting the shower head to increase the pressure. It spurted out larger streams of water, directly hitting your sensitive skin. Your head fell back, biting your lip lightly at the stimulation. He gave the same attention to your other breast before lowering ever further.

Your mind was starting to become hazy and overrun at the same time, unsure of what to do as he guided your back against the shower wall again. He hiked your leg up the same way, only this time the shower head was still in his hand and just barely missing your bundle of nerves. His head tipped back, taunting you as he opened his mouth to speak. “What do you want, pup?”

A whimper fell from your lips, searching for his hand to guide the jet stream to where you wanted it. But he resisted, “use your words.”

“Make me cum,” you opened your eyes and pleaded, “please.”

“You always ask so nicely in the mornings.” With your leg draped over the crook of his elbow, Seungmin pressed the water into your clit. Your nails clawed at his biceps and shoulders, head hitting the wall as you struggled to keep your eyes locked on him. The water was significantly stronger than when he used it on your breasts, but just barely hitting your core to slowly build up your high.

Your hips bucked up searching for the water every time he moved it, pulling the stream away just to watch you chase it. Seungmin lived to tease you, loving the way your body reacted when you didn’t get what you wanted. God knows you did in every other aspect of your relationship. You versus the shower head was no different.

The knot in your stomach was building quickly, not entirely used to the sensation the hard pressure of the water gave you. But Seungmin was unrelenting, constantly pulling back so that as soon as you got further worked up you’d lose it almost instantly. “No more teasing, please,” you begged and gripped onto his hand that held the water source.

“Beg more, pup. How badly do you want to cum?” His hand slid down to your ass, pulling you forward by the flesh.

“So fucking bad. Need you, Seung,”

“Did you say that to him also?” You were taken aback by the question, knowing exactly what he was talking about. You also knew that lying to him would only bite you in the ass later.

So you answered honestly, “yeah. But you had another girl in my bed.”

He pressed the stream into your clit roughly, holding it steady and causing the one leg you balanced on to shake. Your nails raked across any bit of skin it came across and left red marks in their stride.

Seungmin watched you writhe and attempt to catch your release. “You left me.” He started to pull away when you caught his hand, forcing him to stay put.

“You left me, too,” you grit through your teeth, pushing the water harder into you and holding onto him for dear life. Hunger took over your body, jerking into the stream as he watched with a devious grin on his face.

He was angry, rightfully so. You’d taken so much from him over the course of your relationship, walking out of him after that night was just icing on the cake to him. Seungmin hated that he wanted to wait for you, which only made him want to leash the next girl that showed him any interest out of hope that it’d erase you from his mind. But it only made him feel worse. He looked for you in her, looked for glimpses of what he used to have.

Even so, Seungmin wanted nothing more than to please you.

He could’ve overpowered you easily, but let you continue to work yourself closer and closer to your high everytime you guided the faucet in his hand along your pussy, clenching around nothing. He loved seeing the look on your face as you came, contorted and lost in bliss. So as the knot in your gut started to break he ordered you to keep your eyes open, stay looking at him as you came. Doing as he said, you forced yourself to lock onto his smug smirk, the way he stared down at you so condescendingly. And the knot finally snapped, much stronger than you’d expected and made you screw your eyes shut. The one thing you did manage to do was call out his name.

The handle on your ass held you steady as your body shook, eventually hanging the shower head back up, turning it off, and letting you drop your weight into him. His hand stroked your hair back as you breathed into his chest, leg still propped up on his arm. You were only given a brief moment of rest before you were being lifted by your other leg and carried out of the shower. Seungmin walked you out of the bathroom and plopped you down still soaking wet.

“Seung, the bed!” You exclaimed, trying to sit up so your hair didn’t drench the sheets. He tugged you towards him by your ankles, sending you sliding along the mattress.

“You just take whatever you want, pup,” he forcefully pushed your legs up by the underside of your thighs, hooking them over his shoulders and bending over you. “Just don’t know when to give back, do you? Don’t you see I need you too?” He squinted a bit at you, biting the inside of his cheek.

His body warmth spread all around you, engulfing you until–

“I can still smell her.” You practically spit in his face, rubbing in his not-so-infidelity. Your legs closed, clamping your ankles around his head and tugging him in so your lips brushed his. “Like cheap, rotten perfume. Just how you like it, right Seung?”

How quickly you turned the gun back at him, barrel full and ready to be fired.

“Maybe you should run back to your bartender then. I’ll send you back to him full of cum.” He grabbed the base of his cock and aligned it with your entrance. Your pussy throbbed, needing his touch more than anything as arousal seeped out of you.

“If you don’t kiss me right now, I just might.” The threat pulled a growl-like moan from his chest, crashing his lips into you as he pushed the blunt head of his cock past your folds. Feeling him stretch you out had you moaning into his mouth to which he swallowed each and every one. He filled you with little to no resistance, burying himself to the hilt in an instant. Gently, he pulled out and slammed himself back into you, slowly making a statement. It was possessive, how badly he wanted to claim you and make sure everyone knew who’s name you had written across your heart– even though his words said otherwise.

Seungmin could’ve easily gone without muttering another word about the bartender for as long as he lived, but the part of him that wanted to wipe the man off the face of the earth was also the same part that wanted to see you crash and burn. He wanted you to need him so badly that he’d use go to any lengths to get you to see that.

His hips continued to pull slowly only to hammer you into the mattress, keeping this steady pace. Your hands searched for something– anything to hold on to, finding solace along his wrists that were pinned on either side of your head. For a second, Seungmin paused, debating on if he were to give in and take your hands in his. He wanted to, but was it too intimate too fast? How watery and begging your eyes looked up at him, he malfunctioned and leaned in to kiss you instead. Physical touch was always something you loved, especially in these high tension moments, but that was also something you only got when you deserved it. And Seungmin didn’t think you earned it quite yet.

As he left quick, constant kisses to your lips, just enjoying the feeling of your skin, he stayed buried inside and dropped your right leg from off his shoulder, moving to straddle it instead. He left you with one long and sensual kiss before pushing off you, leaving you shivering from the sudden rush of cold air. However his hands didn’t leave you for very long. Seungmin harshly grabbed the sides of your hips, pushing them hard into the mattress while he stayed put, dragging his cock along your walls again. When he let them go, the bed springs shoved you up again, filling you.

You whined as his pelvis rubbed languidly against your clit, still swollen and raw. A wicked smirk played along his lips, loving how easily you caved to his liking. He did it again, bruising grips on your hip bones made you almost melt into the bed until you were sprung back to life with his cock splitting you in two. Your moans echoed off the walls, morning sun filling the room and making your hazy vision of the man over you look that much more angelic. Tears brimmed your eyes from how badly you wanted to stay focused on him, but the way he kept emptying and stuffing you made your head fuzzy.

“Look at you, pup. Bet he couldn’t get you dumb and crying like this. You just loved being filled with cock, hm?” Seungmin shuffled and sat higher, lifting your hips off the bed and slamming you up into him, mewls filling the space.

You were almost completely incoherent, but the mention of the other man snapped you back to reality. “Wouldn't you like to know. You’ve gotten used to her faking her orgasms, haven’t you? Don’t remember what it’s like to really make a woman cum.” Your backtalk was something new for the both of you. Brattiness wasn’t typically in your nature, but it triggered something in him. He let your left leg drop from his shoulder to rest over his thigh, tightening his hands around you and letting the primitive need to fuck take over his senses.

Seungmin pounded into you at a bone crushing pace, skin slapping skin bouncing off the walls. “So selfish,” he grunted, “already made you cum once, now you’re trying to rile me up to fuck you harder. Could’ve just said please.” His head tipped back, eyes shutting. You warm walls wrapped around him, hearing you mumble his name over and over like a prayer, he didn’t need much else to tip over the edge.

But you kept running your mouth, finding his arms again and leaving crescent marks into his skin. “You didn’t make me cum, the shower did. Try harder, pup.” At that point, you were already so close to another orgasm, the top of his cock gliding along your clit every time he thrusted into you.

He dropped you back onto the bed, palms of his hands digging into you to keep you pinned in place as his pounding turned into shallow, quick hammers. The new form had you locking your hands around his arms tighter, crying out in pleasure as the scooting motion rocked your brain into the next morning. Your mouth dropped, forming an “O” shape. Seungmin mockingly laughed at your face, leaning over and gathering saliva under his tongue. Messily, he spit into your gaping mouth, following by leaning over and sliding his tongue across yours to spread the foreign liquid. Your lips closed around the muscle, attempting to hold onto whatever control you had left. But when you let go and he pulled away, the string of saliva that connected the two of you had your eyes crossing and rolling back.

“That’s right, cum all over my cock. Remember who fucks you like this, dumb and greedy. My dirty little pup.” His words were enough to send you head first into the tidal wave that was your orgasm, powerful and making your vision go white. Your nails scraped his wrists, drawing the smallest bit of blood as your body convulsed.

Your cunt clenched impossibly tight around him, keeping his cock lodged deep inside as your walls pulsed and fluttered erratically. Watching you shudder and moan, Seungmin was so close. When you finally came back to earth, he moved to settle between both legs again, wrapping them around his waist. His hands ran smoothly up your body, caressing your back and pulling you up slightly so you were chest to chest. You felt limp, unable to move now that your body was buzzing and light.

With your own shaky hands, you wrapped them around his neck, pulling him by the hair to press your cheek into his. You were about to relax into him when his hips gently pulled out again, making you clench in overstimulation. “Just a little more,” he cooed, keeping you as close to him as possible.

Through the buzz, you managed to dreamily whisper, “are you gonna breed me, Seung? Fill me with your pups, fuck me full of them?”

“Fuck–” He turned his head and gently bit your earlobe, groaning deeply as he sloppily chased his high.

“Do it. Make me yours. Stuff me like I know you want to.” A few more stuttering, deep thrusts and he stilled, moaning out, cock pulsating as he unloaded heavy and thick spurts of cum into you. You could feel the warm sperm coating the inside of your walls, humming while the two of you caught your breaths.

He didn’t let go of you, in fact, he held you tighter. But as the tension fell comfortably again, you began to come to terms of what had just occurred. “You better burn these sheets, Kim Seungmin,” you teased, brushing his hair back as he laid his head on your chest.

“As you wish,” he mumbled, leaving gentle, sleepy kisses along your skin.

It was silent, just listening to one another’s breathing and steadying heartbeats. Your mind still raced of all the things the two of you needed to talk about, but hoped that it would come in time and not ruin the sweet moment of peace. Everything was just so perfect, not a care in the world. Sleep threatened to overtake him this time, eyes fluttering gently as he nuzzled deeper into you. The delirium etched into the words he spoke, “only toxic women enjoy tequila.”

You laughed, kissing his wet hair and wrapping your legs snugger around him. “You love it.”

“Please don’t let me go again.” You almost didn’t catch his words, how quietly he said them.

Your heart wrenched, twisting and making you feel almost nauseous. Unwrapping your arms and pulling his face up to look at him, you pecked his lips. “That damned Don Julio,” you tickled his nose with yours softly, letting him lay back down with a heavy heart. “Made me a fool for you.”

-

A/N: phew... kinda forgot about this series for a good minute but finally part 6!!! maybe the idea got kinda lost in the plot,,, but the smut is what most people read for anyways lol.

Enjoy! Feed back is always appreciated :3

[sweetrabbit]

i don't care if i am a fool, i am a fool in love

pairings: Kim Seungmin x gn! Reader (Yang Jeongin x gn! Reader)

genre: angst, fluff?, love triangle, unrequited, high school au, the one that got away (?)

synopsis: he’s nothing but a fool for falling for someone who would never fall for him.

warning/s: non that i know of, just some straight up rejection

a/n: the letter part is inspired by my friend! also sorry if its short or bad or feels a little bit lacking ^^*

“you are a fool, Kim Seungmin.” Minho muttered as he watched the younger man pathetically fawn over Ln Yn.

just the genuine smile that displayed across their face when Yang Jeongin offered them the hand picked daisies, it was the sparkle in their eyes and the way the pink on their cheeks made them look somewhat cuter.

Seungmin didn’t even know it was possible at this point to fall deeper in love with them. “i don’t care if i am a fool, i am a fool in love.”

“you are making a mistake wasting your time on someone who’s fancying your best friend.” Hyunjin warned, he’d pity Seungmin, years and years of admiration but it’s been closed off since he’d laid his eyes on them.

Seungmin was well aware of the sneaky lovesick glances Yn and Jeongin would spare at each other across the hallways and during lunch. Seungmin would fake gag at how in love they are, hiding the fact that he’d do anything in the world for Yn to graze their fingers across his cheek when he’d been exhausted from studying all night.

he and Jeongin were similar in many factors, they were both smart, sweet, fawned over by many and most of all, they were both so in love with Ln Yn, who wouldn’t be if we were being honest? Yn was popular, everyday there was another love letter slipped into their locker, at this point you could consider the whole school had confessed their love for them.

and through the many things they have in common, they also have differences, that being Jeongin was faster at stealing Yn’s heart.

it seemed the moment Jeongin had his braces removed he’d grown confident, still a shy boy even once you compliment him from time to time. But he’s grown, and from a young boy, he was now a young man just from a blink of an eye.

and how could Seungmin break what the two of them had? they both seemed so happy and it would be just so cruel and selfish of him to just take that away. 

“guys i think i’m gonna ask Yn out for prom!” the corner of Jeongin’s mouth was spread to make a big happy smile, his cheeks bright red and so were his ears. “you got this bud, i’m sure they’ll say yes.” Han cheered, patting Jeongin’s shoulders. 

and while the rest of his hyung’s congratulated and teased the boy, Seungmin watched from afar with a proud smile, a pan of pain hit him at the same time “i’m gonna go get coffee.” he got up from his chair before leaving, Hyunjin watched as his figure retreated from the group, a sigh leaving his plump lips.

————— ୨୧ —————

Familiar steps echoed throughout the hallway as Seungmin pressed buttons on the vending machine, cash in hand. “Why did you follow me, Hyunjin?” 

“Seungmin, this isn’t healthy anymore.” 

“and what do you want me to do about it? why do you care so much anyway?” he muttered while taking a sip off the cold beverage in his hand.

“i hope you know it isn’t easy watching you hopelessly admire Yn, it’s like watching you beat yourself up–it’s so sad.” Seungmin’s eyes rolls at Hyunjin’s statement

“I’m not here for a stupid lecture, Hyunjin. This is my situation to deal with, so just lay off okay?” the two boys were getting furious at one another. 

“you’re so stubborn, Min.” was the last thing Hyunjin said before walking away, hands buried deep in his pocket. Seungmin could only groan ‘he can be so annoying sometimes’

And the tension was thick when he had returned to the cafeteria, his pout was visible and Hyunjin’s side eye was noticed by half the group. 

‘what happened whilst Seungmin went to get coffee? Was his americano not iced? Had he seen a cockroach on the way? Who got both Hwang Hyunjin and Kim Seungmin’s panties in a bunch?’ the boy’s around would think, meanwhile Jeongin was too immersed in planning out his ‘promposal’, he wanted it to be perfect but he couldn’t do it himself.

————— ୨୧ —————

Seungmin spent daylights and dark nights trying to think of a way to lose feelings for Yn, and maybe it took the day of promposal for Seungmin to figure it out.

he watched Yn and Jeongin giggle happily at one another and maybe that’s all he needed. closure.

he watched Yn’s bright smile at Jeongin thinking of the perfect words to say to them on the night of prom.

————— ୨୧ —————

“Yn, I’d like to talk with you after the dance.” Seungmin said in a no chalant manner. Yn was scared, what could he possibly want to talk about? had he found out they were the one who spilled his coffee the night before the exams? “oh okay.” 

After the slow dance, Seungmin finally steals them away from Yang Jeongin’s grip, and maybe this would be the only time he’d be able to steal them for himself.

As the moonlight casted an everlasting glow Seungmin had limited time to admire with a small smile, a deep breath interrupts the silence between the two.

“Yn, you have no need to accept, respond, reciprocate or stay after this, I just want you to know that I’ve loved you since the day Jeongin introduced you to us. I’m not sure when I found out but I know it was the way he spoke about you with so much appreciation, the way he described how you made him feel and when I finally met you, you were and still are ethereal. I grew jealous of how in love you both were, yearning for the same. And I know you don’t feel the same and that’s okay, I just wish you both the best in life and you are free to read this letter after the prom or throw it away, I just wish we can still stay as friends after this.” a sad smile and look in his features, but it was very genuine, Yn only mirroring his expression.

“Thank you for being honest with me Seungmin; I’m sorry I can’t return your feelings but I accept them.” was all Yn said and was all he needed to hear as they grabbed the paper from his hands. 

and they hugged, only for comfort and encouragement. 

walking back to the dance floor, Yn’s smile grew wide at the sight of Jeongin waiting for them with his hands wide.

————— ୨୧ —————

comfortably in their pyjamas was Yn, reminiscing the night and the events that followed. 

grabbing the paper they held onto when going home and opening the now slightly crumpled paper, Seungmin’s neat handwriting all over it.

  my dear beloved Yn,

if you’re reading this, i probably came honest with my feelings the day before and i wish nothing but happiness for you.

there was really going to be nothing going for us and I knew that. It wasn't going to be ‘us’ but ‘you and me’. the you, the artwork hung up on the museum wall painted with so much emotion and desire, me as the observer who read your backstory, eagerness to know more about you, the observer who admired you. I could only hope the painter will take great care of you as he must’ve painted you with so much love and significance.

and I love you, I love every little detail about you, but I am nothing but Kim Seungmin, your friend from the grade above you. the friend who is so hopelessly in love with you.

sitting by you everyday feels like a dream yet so much like a nightmare. you’re so close with a bright smile but the gap is filled by Yang Jeongin, your one true love.

I couldn't compete with him, not when you looked at him as if he held the world in his hands. not when I've spent months pinning after you just for you to love Jeongin equally for years. 

it won’t be my place, not ever, to be your home, the one who will hold you when you’ve been wounded, it will be Jeongin. 

I wish you both the happiest relationship and best of luck in life. i will always love you, and maybe i will grow to learn how to fall out of love for you, and by then I hope you’ve learnt to love Jeongin with your whole entire heart. Please take care of each other. I hope your spark for one another will only glow brighter as you grow older together.

Yn, the one who seemed to effortlessly look perfect everyday. I hope your reciprocation for Jeongin’s feelings lead you both to the best happily ever after ever, the success you both deserve. Your love for each other will only grow, this is just the start and I will always be happy and proud for the both of you.

Thank you for reading this letter, Yn. 

  - sincerely, Kim Seungmin, the fool who fell in love

Yn read it with full emotion, overwhelmed by the words on the letter. Wishing best of luck for Seungmin and happiness, besides he did deserve it.

-

taglist: @hwaranghae @i2abella

[straykats]

[11:39pm / kim seungmin]

tw: blades/daggers just something that's been sitting in my drafts for yonks so i thought i'd clear it out

“You’re a dangerous one, y/n,” he says, as he holds the blade over your heart.

It was too dark to see anything clearly other than the cold sheen of metal below your chin, the moonlight shining mournfully through your window.

The blood in your veins ran cold, your body frozen beneath Seungmin's.

Gulping, you control your breathing as you raise your eyes to where his should be. "Anyone else would say different, given the situation."

You feel him tense above you, hear the shaky inhale.

It takes everything in you not to move as Seungmin slowly lowers the knife, the sharp point threatening to break through layers of fabric and skin should you inhale too much. He leans in, until the hilt is touching his chest and his lips next to your ear.

"To capture someone's heart is far better a way to destroy it than to simply stab it," he says, and his words are but a hushed breath, heating up the side of your face.

[jisungs-tummy]

Silent Cry

Seungmin x reader

Genre: comfort? angsty themes

Warnings: Reader has depression and gets overwhelmed easily, mentions of self-loathing, medication, and bottling up feelings

WC: 0.8k

SONG TO LISTEN TO: Silent Cry

Suffering from depression was nothing fun. Your condition had been getting worse lately and you had been slowly isolating yourself from everyone

After another exhausting day of school pretending to be fine, smiling and laughing as if nothing was wrong, you were so tired and ready to give up. Your friends didn’t see anything wrong with you. But Seungmin did. He could tell you weren’t as okay as you said you were. After all, he was your best friend.

Your eyes had run dry from having cried yourself to sleep for the past week. You had become so very tired. Nothing was working to help you. Nothing seemed to soothe your aching soul. You couldn’t even pinpoint what it was that was bringing you down. Other than your constant self-loathing, nothing out of the ordinary seemed to be the cause of your pain. Maybe you needed a med-change. Nothing you took made you feel any different. 

Everyday was the same. Sometimes you wished you weren’t such a coward, otherwise you would have probably ended this pathetic life and could finally be free from this pain. 

You were curled up in your bed, feeling numb. Nothing was fun anymore. Nothing felt worth it. You couldn’t even remember what true happiness felt like.

Seungmin could see through you and your facade. He had known you pretty well, considering he had been your best friend since sophomore year of highschool. He had been the one person who you let get close to you. Close enough to see the real you. 

Seungmin had been trying to talk to you, but you wouldn’t return his texts and would decline his calls. He knew about your depression and negative thoughts. He knew how you were bottling it all up and he knew how exhausting that was for you. He knew about it all. And in all honesty, he was worried. He didn’t want you to be hurting on your own. He didn’t want you to cry all by yourself.

 Sometimes he would even feel angry that you wouldn’t think about him when you felt this way. He would always be there for you, and always told you as much. But you would never go to him when you needed help. He couldn’t blame you, though. He knows how hard it is to think about getting help when you feel like you don’t deserve it and you’re so focused on how awful you feel.

You heard your front door open downstairs, lifting your head up at the noise. Then footsteps towards your room.

“YN?” a faint knock on the door and a familiar voice calling your name. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” you respond softly.

His heart ached at your pitiful form. The light from your eyes had dimmed significantly and you had dark circles under your eyes. He came to sit on your bed with you, looking at you with warm and caring eyes. “Hey, what’s been going on?”

You wouldn’t meet his gaze. You were afraid the moment you locked eyes with him you would break down.

So you shrug, staring at the ceiling and feigning ignorance. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Of course, there was no lying to Seungmin. He knew you much too well.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s totally fine. Just know that I’ll always be here, okay?” He placed his hand over yours and your heart broke at his sincerity. You finally meet his gaze and all the walls you had put up came crumbling down. 

“Seungminnie…” you sniffled, allowing the tears to fall. 

He pulled you into his arms, rubbing your back gently as you began to sob. The bottle you had been pushing everything in had finally shattered, and all that was left was your aching heart. “When you lose strength, I’ll hold you. Just lean on me. I won’t let you go.’ You bury your face in his chest. “It’s okay.. Just let it go..”

Oh, Seungmin. He always made you feel so safe in his arms. His mere scent alone soothed you. You were thankful to have a friend like him. 

No matter how much you hated yourself, he always made you feel so loved. Seungmin would be there for you whenever you needed him. In your darkest times, he would always find you. “Don’t hide from me, okay? You know I love you. It hurts to see you hurting alone.”You nod, holding onto him tighter, as if he could slip through your fingers at any moment.“Whenever you need me, YN. Whenever you’re hurting, you can always come to me. Please don’t think you’ll be a burden.”He kisses the top of your head, continuing to hold you and keep you safe even after you had ended up falling asleep, completely exhausted from spilling so many tears.“You’ll be okay. I’m here.”

[seungmoroll]

Distress | Kim Seungmin

Word count: 3.8k

Genre: angst, fluff, halloween au

Warnings: mentions of emotional abuse

Requested: yes

A/N: happy halloween everyone! here’s a little halloween au! and to @cookieschu​ who had kindly requested this, I hope you enjoy it!

“Seung-“your sentence gets cut off before you can finish it.

“I told you Y/n. I told you time after time and you still ignored me.” Seungmin had gotten up from his spot next to you on the couch, hands on his waist as annoyance grows on his face.

“C’mon Seung, you can’t be that mad about this.” You and Seungmin were in the middle of a cuddle session, when you received a message on your phone, and he happened to see what it said. Which is why you’re having this, what you deemed as unnecessary, conversation for the nth time.

“Yes, I can Y/n!” You try to ignore the pain you feel as Seungmin raises his voice at you. You hated the fact that he called you by your name, and not sweetheart like he usually did. From your position on the couch, you silently take in the sight of Seungmin angrily running his fingers through his hair.

“How many times do I have to tell you, he’s a good person.” The person that was the topic of your conversation was your ex. Your relationship didn’t end in good terms, and Seungmin was there for you to pick up the pieces, but you couldn’t hate your ex. Your ex had problems dealing with his mental health, which is why you two broke up in the first place. So sometimes he’d call you in the middle of a breakdown, and you would go to him to check up on him.

“No, he’s not Y/n. He’s using you because he knows you’ll come running the second he calls.” Slightly rolling your eyes, you can’t but find his exaggeration ridiculous.

“He needs me Seungmin,” you try to explain to him. He scoffs at your statement.

“What he needs is attention, and that’s what you’re giving him.” You were growing slightly annoyed with the tone Seungmin was talking in. There was no need for him to sound harsh with you.

“So that’s it? I can’t see him anymore? What if he’s hurt?” That was the reason why you always went to him. You couldn’t live with yourself if something bad happened to him when he had called you for help.

“Yes, Y/n! You know I love you because of how caring you are, but this is too much. Don’t you see how much this is affecting me and you and our relationship?”

“I just don’t see why this bothers you so much.” You knew exactly why it bothered him. Seungmin hated your ex. Hated the way he treated you and hated the way you cried tears for him.

“Because it feels like you’re putting him before me, and don’t you see that you’re becoming so stressed out because of him?” You didn’t know that that was how Seungmin had felt, but you had to stand your ground.

“But I can’t just leave him to be alone like that when he needs someone.” At this point, you too had started raising your voice. The last thing you wanted to do was cause for Seungmin to become even more angered, but your emotions were starting to come out.

“Then find someone to help him. He needs professional help, Y/n. I know you want to help fix him, but you can’t.”

“You don’t even know what you’re talking about. You don’t know him like I do.” Once you had finished your sentence, you knew you had made a big mistake.

“Oh? I don’t know him? Are we talking about the same guy that had you crying on my shoulder every other week when you guys were still dating? The same guy that emotionally abused you?” The fact that Seungmin had the audacity to even bring up such topics had you shocked. You didn’t like being reminded of your painful past, and you knew that Seungmin knew that.

“Don’t bring that up.”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Seungmin starts making his way to the front door, “You know what? I really can’t deal with this right now.” Getting up from your position on the couch, you quickly move your body in attempt to stop Seungmin from leaving. You didn’t want to go to bed that night knowing that you two were in the middle of an argument.

“You can’t leave Seungmin.”

Pushing past you, he says, “Watch me.”

It’s been a few days since you’ve last spoke to Seungmin and it’s killing you. He refuses to answer any of your calls and texts. You were so desperate to talk to him that you even sent him an email, but of course you got no response. He doesn’t even bother to address you in the group chat that you have with the other boys, speaking of which, the only person who knows about your fight with Seungmin is Hyunjin, and he said that this whole thing was going to blow over in a day because, “Seungmin always comes running back to you.” Well, Hyunjin was obviously wrong. It’s really unfortunate too because tomorrow night you and the boys were going to this haunted house, and you and Seungmin were going to dress up as Cosmo and Wanda from the Fairy Oddparents, well at least that’s what you agreed on a week ago. However, now you’re not too sure.

Later on that night, you texted Seungmin again, asking if the two of you were still doing a couples costume, and of course you get no response. Tossing your phone aside, you get ready to go to sleep, hoping that you’ll hear something from Seungmin soon.

The next morning when you check your phone, you see the group chat blowing up your phone, talking about how they’re excited for tonight, however, there was still no response from Seungmin. Huffing, you decided to not let this ruin your mood for the day and went off happily to enjoy your day before getting to hang out with your favorite boys.

Getting your costume put together didn’t take too long for you. The only problem was the pink hair, but you managed to figure that out with a pink wig. Once you were done checking your complete outfit in the mirror, you heard your doorbell ring. Checking your phone, you saw that a minute ago the boys said they were 5 minutes away from your house; confused, you went to go see who it was. After checking through the peephole, you unlock the door to see Seungmin, green hair and fairy wings, in front of you. Quietly you let him in. The two of you awkwardly stand by the doorway as you wait for Chan and the others to arrive. You had forgotten that they were supposed to pick you and Seungmin up at your house, so this moment is a bit awkward due to circumstances.

Clearing your throat, “You look good by the way.” Instead of actually responding to you, he gives you a tight-lipped smile and nod, leaving the two of you in silence yet again. Luckily for the both of you, you get a message saying that the others are there. When you reach the cars, the boys teasingly ooh at you guys.

“Aw look at the cute couple,” Changbin says sticking his head out the car window with a smirk, and in return receives a light punch on the arm from Seungmin.

“Have you guys taken a picture together yet?” Hyunjin asks. You shake your head no, and then swiftly Hyunjin ushers the two of you to stand close to each other. You and Seungmin awkwardly stand next to each as Hyunjin takes your pictures, “C’mon guys, you don’t look very coupley.” Sending a short glare towards Minho, you hook your arm around Seungmin’s and lean closer to him. You can feel Seungmin hesitate before he leans closer to you.

“Kiss! Kiss!” Oh how you wanted to hit Jisung right now. Slowly looking up, you can see the annoyance in Seungmin’s eyes, but they soften as you plant your lips on his cheek. You hold the position for who knows how long before Jeongin comes running out of the car, “Don’t forget about me!” That’s right, did you forget to mention that Jeongin was your Timmy Turner. Everyone laughs as Jeongin comes barging into the pictures. The group ends up taking a group photo with the camera propped on top of the car, and eventually you guys make your way to the haunted house.

The group was split into two cars, Chan driving one with you, Seungmin, Jeongin, and Hyunjin while the rest were in Minho’s car. The ride to the house was nice, even if you and Seungmin didn’t talk. Though you’re sure Chan knows something is wrong because when you guys make eye contact through the review mirror, he gives you a questioning look, which you choose to ignore.

When you guys arrive at the haunted house, there’s already a line outside, but thankfully it’s not long. Once you’ve lined up, you hear the worker yell out that the maximum they allow inside at a time is four, which causes for you guys to groan. “Great now we got to split up.”

“I wanna go with Jeonginnie,” Hyunjin says as he clings onto Jeongin, who tries to escape from him. You see a smirk form on Minho’s face, meaning that he’s up to no good, “I’ll go with those two brats.

“There’s no way I’m going with Jisung, so I’m going with them.”

“I didn’t want to go with you anyways. I wanted to go with Chan hyung and Felix.” Jisung sticks his tongue out towards Changbin, while Changbin rolls his eyes at his antics.

Clapping his hands together, “Welp, I guess that settles it. I guess I’m going with Felix and Jisung.” Which only meant that you would be going with Seungmin.

Not wanting to argue and seem suspicious, you reluctantly agree to go into the haunted house with Seungmin. Once you guys reach the front of the line, you watch as the first group, Changbin, Jeongin, Minho and Hyunjin, walk into the haunted house, shutting out the conversation the others were having. After you can no longer see their silhouettes, the grass underneath your feet become interesting, but you feel the silent presence of Seungmin, right next to you, and then all of a sudden, a high-pitched scream causes for you to shift your attention towards the house.

“Alright, next group, you’re up.” The worker calls out to you guys. Cheers of excitement escapes from Jisung and Felix as they walk up to the doorway, with Chan following behind them, leaving you behind in silence with Seungmin. Taking more interest in your phone, you go through snapchat and see that Minho has posted on his story. Clicking on it, a video of Minho scaring Hyunjin and making him collapse plays on your screen. A light chuckle sounds from beside you, and taking a peek, you see Seungmin quickly tear his gaze away. Not bothering to say anything, you put your phone away as the worker approaches the two of you.

“You guys ready?

You hear Seungmin mumble, “Yeah, ready to get this over with,” as he proceeds to the doorway on his own as you roll your eyes at his remark.

Upon entering the house, you are surrounded by darkness, with only a sliver of light in front of you. You try to stay close to Seungmin without being too close. The theme of this haunted house was a prison filled with murderers and serial killers, so as you and Seungmin walked down a hallway, you are met with the sight of prison cells, some were occupied, while others seemed empty. Once you were about to pass what you thought was a dark and empty cell, a body rushed out, arms reaching out in attempt to grab you, which makes you jump, slightly bumping into Seungmin. Instead of saying anything, he makes sure you’re steady on your feet, and then continues the trek down the hall as you mumble a low thank you. You do your best to ignore the names and insults the “criminals” throw at you while the two of you pass by and try to put on a brave front as the shaking of the cell bars louden along with their voices. 

Once the two of you make your way out of that area, you reach another hallway, and at the end of the hallway is bright room. Curious the two of you enter, and you finally realized with the room you had just entered was: the execution room. On the other side of the glass panel that was in front of you was a man strapped down to the execution table. He seemed to be unconscious, that is until another man walks into the room, then he started to aggressively shake and rattle his restraints. The new man sits down in the chair next to the other man and makes quick eye contact with you, giving you what you would call the creepiest smile ever. Then suddenly he smashes a button which cause for the restrained man to start seizing; he was getting electrocuted. Once the man was deemed “dead”, the executor left the room, turning off the light, but what happened next had you screaming. The light to the room flickered back on, but there was no longer a body on the table. The lights had flickered off as you had tried to take a closer look into the room, and once the light flickered on again, the man who was supposed to be dead was now in front of you. This caused for both you and Seungmin to jump back, and your scream finally escaped.

You and Seungmin had quickly exited the room, with you clutching onto your chest. ‘I need to get out of here,’ you thought to yourself. Taking a peek at Seungmin, you had checked to see of there was any sense of fright on his face. Unlike you, he seemed calm, maybe a little bit pissed off, “C’mon let’s get out of here.”

The pair of you were finally in the last part of the haunted house when you suddenly felt a hand grab onto your ankle, and the next thing you knew you were on the ground, screaming for your life. You’re too scared and busy screaming that you don’t even feel a pair of arms wrap around you. You can barely hear the reassuring voice telling you, “Sweetheart, you’re okay. It’s okay, I’m right here,” through your loud screams. When your screams finally subdue, another presence comes up running from behind you, scaring you even more, which forces Seungmin to shift you away from the person. You barely register Seungmin letting you go as he pushes away the worker, “Dude, back off.” The worker leaves as Seungmin returns to you, placing an arm around your waist, “Let’s go Y/n. It’s going to be okay, I’m here.” Shakily, you manage to get back on your feet and you instantly clutch onto Seungmin, hiding your face in his chest while he guides the two of you out.

“Yo, did you guys hear that lou scre-“Jisung cuts off his question when he sees your quivering figure in Seungmin’s arm as the two of you exit the house. You can’t see it, but a look of concern is present on all of their faces.

Seungmin gives the seven boys a look before focusing his attention back to you. “Sweetheart? Look, we’re out of the house, it’s okay now.” You don’t bother to look up, and snuggle even more into his chest, loving the feeling of his hand that’s petting your head. As you focus on Seungmin’s heartbeat, you hear him explain to the boys what happened inside the house.

“Oh crap, they did that? That’s kind of messed up. Are you okay Y/n?” Instead of responding to Chan’s question, you give Seungmin’s waist a squeeze. Taking the action as a signal to speak for you, Seungmin says, “I think they’ll be fine. They just need to get away from here.”

“Yeah for sure. Do you guys want me to take you back home?” You felt bad for ruining the rest of the plans that you had with the boys, but all you wanted to do right now was be back home in the comfort of Seungmin’s embrace. Nodding your head against Seungmin’s chest, you hear Chan say, “Alright, let’s get going.”

For the entire ride back to your house, you refused to let go of Seungmin’s hand. Both you and Seungmin didn’t speak to anyone in the car, instead, you two were in your own bubble with you focusing on his thumb that gently rubbed your hand, while he rested his head on top of yours.

Later on that night, after you and Seungmin were dropped off at your house, Seungmin made you take off your costume and ran you a bath. Sitting there in the bathtub, you did your best to not think of the earlier events, but instead you thought of the wonderful feeling you felt when you were finally back in Seungmin’s arms. Once you had finished your bath and dressed in your pajamas, you followed the sound that came from your kitchen. Upon your arrival, you had sat at the kitchen island, watching the back of Seungmin’s figure as he made a cup of tea for the two of you. Zero words have been exchanged between the two of you ever since you guys left the haunted house, and honestly, all you wanted was to lay in bed, snuggled up with Seungmin by your side, but the both of you knew that you had to sort things out before you could proceed with the night. 

Once the cup of teas was ready, Seungmin turned around and set your mug in front of you, silently motioning for you to take a sip. Warmth fills you from the inside as you take a sip from your mug, and you can’t help, but feel Seungmin’s stare on you as you enjoy your drink. Setting the mug back into the kitchen island, you make eye contact with Seungmin. As you break the eye contact, Seungmin says, “We should talk.”

    Nodding in agreement, you sit and wait for Seungmin to start. “I’m sorry that I’ve been the worst boyfriend in the world. I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you like that. It’s just that I hate seeing you tire and stress yourself over this guy when he doesn’t deserve the kindness you give him, but I know that you just want him to get better, and I can’t hate you for being you. For being someone that wants everyone to be happy.”

Getting up from your seated position, you walk over to stand in front of Seungmin. Gently placing both of your hands on his face, you force him to look you in the eyes as you say to him, “You are not the worst boyfriend in the world, if anything I’m the worst partner in the world, and I should be the one apologizing, not you. I’m sorry that I’ve made you so stressed out, and I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you. I-“Closing your eyes, it takes you a moment to process your thoughts, and as you do so, Seungmin tenderly places a hand on top of yours. Letting you know that you can take your time.

“I know that he’s hurt me so many times and I know that it broke you to see me broken like that, and you have all the right to hate him as much as you do, but I can’t help but want to fix him. Because maybe then…maybe then he won’t be the person that hurt me anymore.” You believe that the guy that you loved was in him somewhere, but he’s been consumed by a monster that only ever hurt you, and you just want the old him back. However, over the span of days where you received silence from Seungmin, you’ve been thinking, and you know Seungmin is right. You can’t fix your ex. He doesn’t need you; he just needs to know that you’ll be at his beck and call, and that’s not fair to Seungmin. It’s not fair to the relationship that Seungmin tried so hard for, and that’s why last night you texted your ex; telling him to never contact you anymore and that if he comes looking for you, you’ll have people there to protect you. Then you finally hit the ‘block’ button, cutting the final thread to your suffering.

Finally opening your eyes again, you are met with the sight of Seungmin’s beautiful eyes, filled with so much love that makes you want to give him the world. “I cut off all ties with him.” Pulling you into a warm embrace, you take a deep breath and let the scent of Seungmin fill up your nose. Even if you’re standing in the middle of your kitchen at home, you will always call your place in his arms home.

“I’m so proud of you,” Seungmin mumbles into the top of your head. Suddenly a thought pops into your mind, causing for you to separate from Seungmin and hit him in the chest.

Rubbing the pain away, “Ow! What was that for?”

Crossing your arms and huffing, turning your face away from him, “That’s for depriving me of Seungmin cuddles for almost a week.”

Chuckling at your behavior, he opens his arms up, “Well then come here so I can give you all the Seungmin cuddles in the world.”

“No.”

Your response causes for Seungmin to stop processing for a second, before you add, “Not until we put on Scary Godmother and we’ve gotten a big bowl of popcorn.”

Smiling, “Fine, you get the popcorn and I’ll get the movie started.” His response causes for you to rush to get the popcorn started, and by the time its done, and you make your way to the living room, Seungmin is already sitting on the couch, waiting for you to fill the empty space in his arms. Happiness spreads from within you as you settle down in his arms.

Not 30 minutes into the movie, Seungmin looks down at you, only to see your sleeping figure. All that he can think to himself is that he’s the luckiest person in the world.

A/N: I wasn’t planning on it, but should I write a prequel to this? let me know what you guys think. 

[daengtokki]

hi!!! i love the way you write about reader and seungmins intimacy in the deity series. i was wondering for the requests leading up to minnie’s birthday, you could do a little oneshot or blurb about a first kiss between seungmin and reader??? doesn’t have to be related to the deity series at all hehe i just love your writing :)

Thank you anon! Here's a previous first kiss oneshot I did a while back, but I'm happy to write another one! We already know sk!Seungmin/reader's first actual kiss, so I was originally going to do something completely different. Instead, I decided to elaborate on their real first kiss, because it's actually quite important. I can't quite fluff it up, but...

serial killer!Kim Seungmin/afab reader

wc: ~860

rating: um....fluff? dark fluff? angsty fluff... (contains: DEITY themes; sex, death, murder, language, etc)

the difference between these two headers is something

Day 4 of Seungmin's birthday oneshot countdown!

“Hey, sweetheart…look at me,” he runs a soft thumb across your brow, and wipes away a stray tear running down your temple. Seungmin freezes, and the air catches in his throat. “Open your eyes,” he whispers.

It's been a long time since a lifeless body made him feel anything except relief and calm. Right now, his head is exploding with thoughts—it feels like a storm rolling in, slow and terrifying. The low rumble of thunder, and the flashes of light revealing the nighttime things you're not supposed to see...there here are so many parts of Seungmin's mind that he doesn't want to see.

He pulls at your chin until your lips part to listen for the movement of air. Still nothing. “Fuck.” The shakiness of his voice surprises him.

Who the hell are you, and why are you doing this to him? Dying in his bed without his permission. Seungmin doesn't have the time for this, nor the knowledge on how to fix it, but he has no choice. He has to either fix this or face the idea of gathering you up and finding somewhere to dispose of you. For a moment he imagines himself finding his phone and dialing 112, talking to a dispatcher... "I think I accidentally killed the person I was just fucking."

Shut up, he says to himself, but allows a nervous laugh to escape.

He climbs off of you and collapses onto his pillows, but his eyes don’t leave your still body

Why can't he just do that? Disposing of the body is the most important part of his job, so he's gotten very good at it. Looking at you, though...your soft, innocent face, your naked body, the scratch he left on your cheek. Something about rolling you up in his blanket and never seeing any of it ever again makes him want to scream. In some hidden part of his misfiring brain, a little connection is made without him realizing. He looks around at the dark room and sees a few pieces of the clothing he and you both ripped from your body.

Why can't he take it back?

He’s up again and walking on unsteady legs, still weak from the exertion

Is he shaky from the sex, or from fear? Both? The condom is ripped off and tossed to the side as he hunts for his sweatpants and pulls them up each leg.

Seungmin climbs onto the bed again and straddles your waist. Your cheeks are still flushed, and your lips, also still very alive looking, stay ever so slightly parted.

He listens carefully, and watches for the slightest movement in your chest.

he prides himself on his control, but sometimes he does lose himself in the moment

Your neck is still perfect and beautiful—not a single scratch or mark from his savage hands. He runs a soft finger from your jaw to the hollow of your throat, hoping to feel a slow pulse. Nothing. He looks at your lips...“Hey,” he moves a piece of hair away from your damp forehead, places his lips against yours for the very first time, and he fills your lungs with air.

Still so warm, and even softer in your impossibly relaxed state. Once...twice. He pulls away ever so slightly and looks at your closed eyes, not completely closed. He can see the whites of them just beneath your eyelashes from this angle. One more deep breath into you, and then he decides it's probably hopeless; why would any of what's inside of him help you come back? He wipes his thumb over your lips and closes them, but returns one more time for a selfish kiss. Seungmin take your lower lip between his and licks, tastes, and drags his teeth over the skin as he releases you and falls back onto the pillows.

“you see that, Daengmo?” he says, and points its face toward you, “I still can’t do anything right.”

He licks his lips and tries to get more of what he just took from you, but there's nothing left, and he can't make himself return to you for another taste. He's not very good at owning up to his mistakes, especially the big ones.

The bed moves, and Seungmin feels his heart beat against his ribs. He watches, frozen, as your fingers curl around the sheets...and you grip them, so fiercely your knuckles turn white. You don't make a sound, but the steady rise of your chest finally makes him move. He does it as slowly and softly as possible. Hands hover above your face, and he doesn't dare lay a finger on you. Not yet. Before he can think again, your eyes open, and you gasp and cough like you're ridding yourself of something poisonous. He doesn't have to touch you, because you come to him. Seungmin grabs you as you sit up and holds you steady as you gasp for air, but you don't want him. You push back.

Seungmin’s grip tightens on your shoulder, and he lets you fall back on the bed

He's seen plenty of terrified faces, but nothing like yours, because it goes right through him. There is no pleasure in the fear he's created in you.

“No…no, stop”

“I’m not going to hurt you…I promise”

His runs his palm down the cold, clammy skin on your chest, and then back up in a hopeful attempt to soothe something in you.

"Seungmin?"

"I'm sorry"

[moonlit-han]

one-shots         ↠ giddy for you [college au, fairly new relationship au; fluff, romance]         ↠ you can’t learn that from books [friends-to-lovers, college au; suggestive, fluff]         ↠ lavender [soulmate au, fantasy; fluff]         ↠ the warmth of your words [best friend!seungmin au; angst, fluff]

drabbles/scenarios         ↠ i don’t want to be friends [fluff, best friends to lovers]         ↠ “I always want to kiss you” [fluff, friends to lovers]         ↠ just a sip [coffee (boba) shop au; fluff]

timestamps         ↠ 02:37 pm [fluff]

updated: september 4, 2021 | stray kids masterlist  |  works in progress

[charmercharm3r]

Ghost of You

KSM

Masterlist

wc: 1.2k

Synopsis: no amount of alcohol could erase your scent from his memory.

warnings: none, just angst and sadness

-

Your arms wrapped around his neck, white sheets flowing over your warm bodies that tangled together. It was all too hot, though neither of you minded. Seungmin muted his phone for the sole reason of being able to spend every possible second wrapped up in you. There hadn’t been many days he got to spend in bed with you next to him, he did all he could to cherish these moments.

Moments where the midday sunlight filled your studio apartment bedroom. Your parents hated it, did everything they could to talk you out of moving in with the boyfriend you’d only just started dating. But you resisted, proclaiming your love for him for the first time in front of both Seungmin and your parents. It was straight out of a bad romance movie, but the actions behind it still made his stomach flutter.

Moments where he watched you sip your afternoon coffee from across the kitchen counter wearing only his button up shirt and your makeup lingering from the night before. The hidden messiness of someone so clean and pure on the outside was what initially attracted him to you. Unraveling the layers to you, picking them apart until he knew you better than you knew yourself. Yet, there was so much he still had to learn.

Moments where he’d find you sitting on the floor of the bathroom with tears running down your face out of frustration, whether it be work, emotional distress, or whatever feelings were just being bottled up too long. He’d sit with you, sometimes on the closed toilet seat and keep you between his legs so you could lean your upper body into him, sometimes behind you against the wall and just hold you so you could sob without judgement— though he’d never do that. You always knew he’d be there to put the pieces back together.

Moments fleeting all to quickly for either of you to realize they could be your last. Three glasses of wine and a few supple kisses later, you were held against his chest and arms loosely wrapped around his thin waist. Seungmin pressed his cheek into the top of your head as he pulled you tighter to him, arms firmly around your neck. There was no music, there didn’t need to be. The open window allowed for the sounds of cars passing by and whatever chatter came from the strangers that walked past your building. He told you to hold onto him and stand on his feet, let him guide you. Of course, you being you, told him no because you were afraid you’d be too heavy. Seungmin being Seungmin, he found a way to ease your worries by simply cutting off your protests and lifting you over his shoulder without hesitation.

That’s how he got you to dance with him the first time, slowly and quietly in the middle of your beloved studio apartment. You didn’t need to focus to hear his heart beat, pace quickening as you gripped harder to him. “I love that your heart still gets nervous around me,” you said softly, hiding your smile in his chest. “I can’t help it,” he replied and kissed into your hair, taking in your scent. You’d always smelled like peonies, sweet and floral and so intoxicating.

Seungmin was right to live in the moment, he savored them the way a food critic would at a five star restaurant. However, some moments weren’t worth living in. That night was particularly bad for you, Seungmin thought it wasn’t something he couldn’t handle. He did what he always did, let you vent, cry, scream, then hold you until you felt even remotely better. There was nothing that seemed different in terms of the way you acted after you’d finally calmed down. You’d asked him to go to the store and get some ice cream for the two of you to share. This was the first time he’d left you alone after an episode, albeit reluctantly.

He should’ve known there was something off. You always wanted to cuddle in bed after crying, even in sadness you never missed an opportunity to love on him. It bothered Seungmin, the nonchalantness of your words followed by you getting yourself a glass of water to rehydrate. That was something he always did for you. Still, he did what you asked of him, leaving for what couldn’t have been more than thirty minutes. When he returned home, you were nowhere to be found.

Everything you owned was still in place, still exactly how you’d left it. There were no clothes missing from the closet, no suitcase left half packed, your toothbrush still next to his in the bathroom. Your lipstick still stained your favorite coffee cup on the counter, every pair of shoes still at the door except one. Your keys hung on it’s hook next to the entrance, meaning you weren’t coming back. Out of thin air with no warning, every part of you was still here, shoved in Seungmin’s face, yet entirely gone.

No one knew what happened, or no one would tell him. Your parents cut off all contact with Seungmin a couple months after your disappearance, refusing to answer any questions about you. It killed him, the emptiness you left in the single room that was once engulfed with you and him. He couldn’t escape even if he tried, he had nowhere to run, no one’s arms to fall into the way you’d always fall into his. Heart wrenching, lung deflating, limb numbing sadness was all Seungmin could feel.

It had been over a year. He’d refused to touch any of your things. His friends being supportive, came to retrieve it for him to deliver back to your parents. Although, there were some things he wouldn’t let them touch. Such as your clothes in the closet space next to his or your jewelry box on the dresser.

This deep into a downward spiral, Seungmin could only think of one thing that could bring back the feeling of you. That’s how he ended up with copious amount of alcohol, bottle upon bottle littering the tiny table you used to eat at together. He stood in the middle of the room, head dizzy and heart pounding so loud in his chest. He hadn’t let himself cry, not since your parents stopped answering his calls. Of course he was angry, how could he not be? There was a space in his heart that he didn’t know he needed to be filled with you— only you.

Seungmin wrapped his empty arms around himself, attempting to holding together what few pieces of himself you’d managed to not take with you. Hot tears pricked at his eyes, immediately falling when he closed them, letting himself break. He didn’t let out any noise as his body uncontrollably began to sway, the way he’d taught you all that time ago. Seungmin pulled tighter at his shirt, hoping to feel your hands on his body again. If he held his breath long enough he could feel the weight of your feet on his, he could feel your head on his chest listening to his rapid heartbeat. If he just held his breath long enough…

-

A/N: I wrote this on a 6 hour car ride and on my phone… hopefully it’s decent enough until I can sit at my computer to keep going with my longer wips heheheh

10/10 recommend listening to “Ghost of You” by 5sos if you haven’t already! It’s a work of art.

Feedback is always appreciated!!!

-momo < 3

[straykats]

[11:09pm]

it was wrong. so awfully wrong, yet you couldn't help but lean against the wall, your ears drinking in the broken voice.

because it was beautiful. so tragically beautiful, like all the great melancholic things of the world.

you recognised the voice. but more than that, you recognised the heartbreak, the hurt, the pain and the grief. it danced on top of the chords; quavers holding hands, trying not to part from one another. the minor chords, graced by the majors and the diminished chords.

seungmin's voice was like cold moonlight, breaking across the uneven waters of a colder lake.

your breath came out in shudders, the emotions finally reaching into you, finally tugging at your heart strings.

the final chord rang out, followed by a soft exhale that carried its own weight.

[moonlit-han]

you can’t learn that from books ↠ kim seungmin

genre: friends-to-lovers, college au word count: 2.4k warnings: suggestive as hell, swearing request: yes (anon) a/n: I hope this lives up to your expectations for passionate kissing with Seungmin, anon! It turned out a lot longer than I expected. Enjoy a study session of a different kind~

✧ masterlist in bio ✧

You hurried along the walkway to the library, your shoulders hunched against the fine mist that was covering every inch of you, and your things, that it could get to. Sighing in relief, you yanked the main door open. It was so nice and warm, and most importantly, dry. After slithering out of your raincoat, you passed a hand through your hair, trying to soak up the clinging moisture with your sleeve. You grinned as you spotted Seungmin sitting by the windows, hunched over his notebook and occasionally chewing on his pencil.

Right after class on Friday, Seungmin had asked you to study with him and you’d gladly agreed. You were really quite excited to study with him, since you needed help editing an essay and Seungmin’s meticulous nature would be a welcome benefit.

You sat next to him in two out of your three Literature classes, and talked incessantly with each other. Well, more like talked, whispered, wrote notes, drew hilariously bad pictures, and even perfected the two-people-stare-at-each-other-and-suddenly-they’re-telepathic form of communication. Your professors had resigned themselves to the fact that you would quietly giggle in the corner together no matter what. However, you still managed to come up with the right answers and take surprisingly detailed notes.

Seungmin made classes that you already enjoyed even better—it was like he could magically brighten a room with just a smile. And, he flirted shamelessly with you, making it painfully clear that he had a crush on you. You’d kind of glaze over whenever he smiled at you, and more than once, he’d had to wave his hand in front of your face to get your attention. Those were not your finest moments, and included much spluttering, blushing, and shakily constructed bravado.

This was all because you had had just as intense feelings for him as he did for you. In short, you were sunk for Kim Seungmin—absolutely smitten.

Surprisingly, there were fewer people in the library than you’d expect on a rainy day. Not that this was a bad thing, though. As you approached the table Seungmin had chosen, he looked up, his eyes sparkling with a smile.

“Hey, Y/N,” he chirped. “Wet enough out there for you?”

“You’ve no idea,” you said, sighing dramatically. “It’s like mist can get through anything. I feel like a drowned rat and it’s not even raining properly.”

“At least it’s warm in here, though, right?” Seungmin said, pulling his bag up onto the table.

You grumbled in agreement, pulling out the chair across from Seungmin and slumping into it. He just watched as you extracted your laptop and several books from your bag.

“So, what’s up?” Seungmin rested his chin in his hands. “Didn’t you want to work on an essay or something?”

“Yeah, let me pull it up.” you said, relieved he’d brought it up, so you wouldn’t have to go through the awkwardness of asking for help.

Seungmin was patient and kind as he helped you edit your paper. He let you learn from experience and through thorough examination of what you were trying to convey, rather than just telling you what to write. It was a good system, and you were pleased with how the paper was turning out. The entire time, you were keenly aware of Seungmin’s presence next to you: the warmth of his arm as it brushed against yours when he went to type something, the resonance of his voice, the way he stared intently at you while you were rambling about what you wrote. You tried to ignore the warm feeling growing inside you, but couldn’t—it was just so damn distracting.

Once you were done, you went to roam among the shelves as Seungmin tried to complete a few paragraphs on an essay of his own. The library was quiet, the smell of the books and the glue used in their bindings a calm counterpoint to the frenetic energy of students researching and writing. You liked the muffled silence of the library, and you imagined you could feel the combined knowledge of thousands of books surrounding you like a cocoon.

You leaned against a bookshelf, opening a book of Korean mythology, specifically on tricksters. After a while, you felt a presence behind you and a light touch on your shoulder. You nearly jumped out of your skin with surprise.

“Sorry, Y/N,” Seungmin said sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to startle you so much.” He kept his hand on your shoulder, though.

“It’s okay,” you said softly, not daring to move with Seungmin so close.

“Is that a good book?” he said, now resting his chin on your shoulder. You weren’t quite sure what to do with him so close, but, then again, you weren’t complaining. Suddenly, you felt like someone had shaken you up like a fizzy drink and that you’d burst from the bubbles of excitement now careening through your body. Trying to calm your pounding heart, you nodded, turning your head slightly.

The brush of Seungmin’s lips against your cheek was so light that you weren’t sure it had really happened, that is, until he kissed your cheek again a little closer to your mouth. You smiled and turned, Seungmin’s hands resting solidly on your shoulders as you held the book of mythology in front of your chest as if it could somehow stop what was already in motion. Seungmin looked down at you, his expression open and completely honest. You could almost read his feelings in his eyes as you saw them flick down to your lips and back up to meet yours.

“Um, can I put the book down?” you asked, causing Seungmin to chuckle and let you go.

“Yeah. Ooops, didn’t think about that before—” Seungmin stopped himself, a blush creeping up his face.

You placed the book back on the shelf, careful to return it to its proper place. “Before?” you prompted with what might have been a smirk, stepping close to him again.

“Before doing this,” Seungmin murmured, and leaned in to kiss you.

It was a fleeting kiss, tender and sweet, just a brief brush of lips together. Even so, you felt like a jolt of electricity passed through your body and gasped a little at the contact. Reaching up, you twined your arms around Seungmin’s neck, completely forgetting that you were in the middle of the library. You couldn’t help yourself—this was exactly what you’d dreamed of in the small hours of the morning.

Seungmin drew back slightly, whispering, “I like you so much, Y/N. Is this … May I ….” He let out a shaky breath, a question in his eyes, and you pressed your lips to his as an answer. He gently moved his mouth against yours, catching at your lips over and over, sighing happily as you hesitantly ran your fingers through the soft hair at the nape of his neck. Seungmin moved one hand to between your shoulder blades, while the other cupped your cheek—his hands were surprisingly soft and you could practically feel the tenderness flowing from him. You swiped your tongue along the crease of his lips, smiling as he opened to you immediately. Each of you eagerly explored the other’s mouth, feeling, tasting, savoring.

By now, you were sharing breaths as you kissed. You knotted your fingers in his hair more firmly and he moaned, roughly pulling you to his chest. Every place your bodies met felt like it was on fire, as if just one more point of contact would surely make you blaze up like a bonfire. With a gasp, Seungmin reeled back from you, his cheeks flushed and his hair cutely mussed.

“Woah,” he breathed, running a hand through his hair to try to straighten it. You put a hand to your cheek, trying to keep your composure. “I wasn’t expecting that,” Seungmin continued. “Um, we probably shouldn’t make-out like that in the library.”

“We could go back to my apartment, if you want,” you suggested as you caught your breath. You couldn’t quite believe you’d just said that so boldly, but now that that ship had sailed …  “My roommate isn’t going to be back until Sunday night—she had to go home for the weekend.”

Seungmin’s eyes widened and he nodded. “I— Could we? Even if we just watch a movie and cuddle.” His voice trailed off, the implication of what you might do instead hanging in the air between you.

“Yes, definitely,” you said, and took his hand. “Let’s grab our stuff and go before someone comes over here.”

Twenty long and tension-filled, not to mention wet—it was actually raining now—minutes later, you opened the door to your apartment and ushered Seungmin inside to your living room. You both dropped your belongings onto the floor and stripped off your raincoats as fast as you could, not caring how eager you seemed. As soon as he’d kicked off his shoes, too, you pulled Seungmin toward you, crushing your lips to his. You hooked your fingers into his belt loops as Seungmin cupped your face, one hand at your neck. His kisses were addictive, like if you mixed the slowness of hot caramel with the effervescence of sparkling water. You wondered how you’d ever survived without them.

After a moment, Seungmin broke your kiss. His pupils were blown wide with desire, and you knew yours were, too.

“Y/N, are you sure?” he asked. “Do you want to do this? I only want to if you do.” His tone was serious, and you felt a swell of emotion at how earnest he was. (That would definitely be twenty points to the Future Boyfriend tally. Not that you’d actually made one …).

“Yes,” you breathed as you stood on tip-toe to kiss Seungmin again. You could kiss him more slowly now, and lingered at the corner of his mouth, teasing as you then switched to bite at his lower lip.

Suddenly, you were against the door with Seungmin’s arms braced on either side of your head. You let out a surprised “Oh,” liking the confidence radiating off of Seungmin. His mouth met yours once more before he kissed along your jaw and down your neck, pressing kiss after kiss to the sensitive skin. You leaned your head back, exposing more of your neck for him, and moaned as Seungmin stopped to suckle where the curve of your shoulder began. Your breathing quickened as you felt the heat of his body against yours, and you held onto his hips to steady yourself.

“Min, oh my god,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady. It was quite difficult as Seungmin now drew down the collar of your shirt to kiss across your shoulder. You hadn’t even realized how good that might feel.

You wanted to be closer to him, wanted to feel the extent of his desire. Reaching up to grab ahold his wrists, you ducked your head to kiss Seungmin again. He smiled against your mouth. You placed Seungmin’s hands on your waist, then began to walk forward as you continued kissing him. He almost stumbled, catching himself as he was still holding onto your hips. Finally understanding, Seungmin moved backward into the room, trying to navigate around a chair and a lamp, until he bumped into the coffee table.

“Ouch,” he muttered, frowning, but went back to kissing you all the same. You giggled and kissed him more thoroughly as an apology for any pain he felt. At last, you reached the couch and Seungmin sat heavily, drawing you down with him.

You knelt above Seungmin’s lap, holding onto his shoulders for balance. “Are you comfortable?” you asked, not wanting to hurt him. He nodded.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” Seungmin said in wonder as he gazed up at you. You looked away, shy at the compliment. He reached up to stroke your cheek with a finger. “No, Y/N, you really are.”

You sat back on Seungmin’s knees, covering his hand with yours. “You are, too, you know,” you murmured, then leaned forward to kiss his cheek. “And you have my heart.”

You shifted a little so you were closer to Seungmin on his lap and you felt a slight, hard pressure under you. You settled yourself more squarely on him, grinning as he let out an involuntary groan. As Seungmin moved his hands to your hips—nearly to your bottom—you kissed up his neck and, feeling bold, nibbled at his ear a bit. A shot of excitement coursed through you when his slipped his hands under your shirt—his hands were smooth and warm against your skin.

You nuzzled Seungmin’s neck as he asked, “Is this okay?”

“Yes, your hands feel good,” you said, then brought your lips to his, combing your fingers through his hair.

Seungmin slowly ran his hands up and down your back, leaving little tingling lines all over your skin. You still couldn’t believe you were doing this, but, then again, you and Seungmin had been very obviously courting for months now. He continued to caress your skin, moving steadily upward, until his fingers found the clasp of your bra. You sucked in a breath, drawing back from Seungmin.

“Not yet, please,” you murmured, looking down and away.

“Of course,” Seungmin responded, immediately withdrawing his hands from your back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

You smiled. “Min, no, don’t worry. I didn’t mean never—just not in this moment.”

“Okay. Just tell me if you want to stop or do something differently or anything, okay Y/N?” Seungmin gently threaded his fingers through your hair as he spoke.

“Same goes for you, Min,” you said, leaning into his touch, and he nodded. You enjoyed the feeling of your hair being finger-combed for a while longer. “You can hold me again, you know,” you said, and leaned forward to ghost your lips over his.

Seungmin chuckled and returned to rubbing small circles over the planes of your shoulder blades before slipping his hands back under the hem of your shirt. You sighed against his mouth, and Seungmin pulled you closer, tipping his chin up as you were above him. You could feel Seungmin’s heart racing as you ran your hands over his chest and shoulders, even as your kisses remained languorous.

You gently ground your hips against Seungmin’s, feeling that the hard pressure underneath you was no longer slight. Seungmin groaned low in his throat and kissed you with renewed vigor, continuing to explore the shape of your body with his hands. His hands were now dancing across your belly, your sides, all your curves. Your tongues fought for dominance as you tried to learn each and every part of each other. Feeling as if you’d melt from kissing Seungmin, you let yourself get lost in the feeling of him.

Seungmin pressed his hips up to yours, seeking some sort of friction, which caused the deep well of heat inside you to grow. You rocked back and forth a little over his lap. You cupped Seungmin’s face with your hands, kissing him hard, and pressed yourself against him as closely as you could. Even though he looked at you like you were the most precious, delicate treasure, Seungmin’s grip on you was firm. You shivered at the sensation of his hands digging into the skin of your hips, just under the waistband of your jeans.

You wanted—no, needed—more now.

You drank hungrily at Seungmin’s mouth, your kisses becoming more heated, even desperate. It felt like little bolts of lightning flitted between you. His lips were warm and soft, yet firm and insistent on yours.

“God, oh Seungmin,” you moaned as he sucked and bit at your neck again. “That feels so good. Shit. Please,” you breathed, “more. You can do more—I want you to. I want you.” As you spoke, your heart was pounding so hard that you were sure Seungmin would be able to hear it. Self-consciousness be damned, you pulled at your shirt and, suddenly, you were sitting on Kim Seungmin’s lap in just your bra and jeans.

Seungmin was a little stunned at how needy you’d become and a hard knot of pressure built below his stomach as he was, yet again, amazed by your beauty. He couldn’t deny that he was just as eager as you—he had, after all, wanted this for longer than he cared to admit.

“Anything for you,” he promised, moving his hands to your back again, then kissed across your collarbone before dipping his head lower.

[straykats]

this isn’t out of sympathy, not anymore

pairing: kim seungmin x reader

wordcount: 3.4k

warnings: none

a/n: requested! originally an enemies to lovers request, but idk if this ending count as exactly “lovers” yet? this is so long overdue i’m so sorry. and the title sucks too rip :(

On a Sunday morning, one would normally enjoy the pleasures of sleeping in; of the sounds of birds outside and morning traffic below. They would wake up late, have what could be considered a brunch, and sit down with a book and a cup of coffee

But that wasn’t how things were for you.

The clattering of pots and pans could be heard, followed by the familiar ticking of the stove.

“Damn it.” With a groan, you roll to the other side and try to block out the sound with a pillow, your mind chasing for a dream long lost. You soon come to the acceptance that it was futile to try and fall back asleep. 

This was not the ideal start to the week.

It had been just over a week since Seungmin moved into the flat with you, and it had proven to be an odd sort of hell, fueled by the mutual dislike for one another. 

“What are you doing? It’s barely 9am.” You poke your head out of the doorway, squinting at the sun reflecting off the white walls of the apartment. 

Seungmin turns at the sound of your voice - something about him strikes you as odd - and glares. “Making breakfast, obviously.”

Any worry immediately leaves your system. “Jeesh, I was just asking!” He ticked you off - you didn’t even know why. It had always been like that since you first met him in school. “No need to glare.”

“Idiot, you were the one glaring at me first.” He rolls his eyes and turns back around. 

Oh, he had mistaken your sensitivity to the light as disgust. He wasn’t too wrong, but it hadn’t been your intention. “Yeah, well you can blame the sun. Can’t you do that-” You jut your chin out in his general direction. “-later?”

“Some of us have a lot of work to do, y/n. We don’t all get to sleep in.”

You deadpan. “Seungmin, you do this every morning.”

He throws his hands up, and you spare a thought for how funny it’d be if the spatula flew from his hand. “I’m a morning person. Sorry.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

The two of you barely speak another word to each other for the rest of the day. Maybe it was because Seungmin was locked in his room the entire time, but you weren’t too sure that anything would be different if he hadn’t been locked in his room. 

When you had put up the advertisement looking for a flatmate (for rent was not cheap), there had been only a few people who had been interested. It was weeks into the academic year, and most people were already settled. Of the four who had contacted you, you had chosen Seungmin, who unfortunately but surprisingly seemed the most tolerable. In hindsight, you thought, it might have been because you felt more comfortable with him. Yeah, you guys didn’t get along, but you knew him, and the people around him. It was a safe choice.

Come dinner time, and you had still not seen Seungmin. Thinking about it… had he even had lunch?

You were aware that he had some major music assignment coming up, worth almost half his grade. He had even bothered to ask you about his composition, to listen to a rough audio file and see how it was, and you had tried to be civil and rational in your answers. Nothing too rude (it wasn’t a bad composition; being rude to Seungmin just came as a habit) but nothing too nice. You’d like to think that your feedback had been objective. 

Dinner was nothing fancy - it rarely ever was. You had before you a bowl of rice and eggs, your laptop playing your favourite show. As if he had sensed your earlier thoughts about him, Seungmin comes out of his room. You glance at him - his hair is tousled, brows furrowed and glasses askew.

“So, were you sleeping or working all day?” 

When he gives you the weakest glare in the history of glares, you realise what it was that had struck you as strange that morning. His complexion was paler than usual, and you noticed the redness high on his cheeks now. 

Stupidly, you dismiss it. Seungmin was old enough to take care of himself. Right?

Nope.

You jump when something shatters against the kitchen floor.

“What are you- Seungmin, what the hell?!”

On the floor, patterned shards of what had once been a cup were splayed out. The boy in question stood with a hand against the counter and another against his head. 

“Sorry, dizzy spell,” he murmurs. You could barely hear him, for he spoke so quietly. 

“Just- Just go lay down or something. I’ll clean up.”

The shattering had made you hyper-aware of Seungmin - the way he carried himself now, the way his eyes were barely open, his brows furrowed and hands shaking slightly. It was like the sound had cleared your head or slapped you in the face, telling you to wake up and pay attention!!!

“Oh, so you aren’t a complete-” He cuts off abruptly with a groan, holding his head. 

“Well at least I’m not stupid enough to force myself to work until i’m… like that.” You eye him with raised brows, but your spirits weren’t really onboard with teasing him. Watching him as he leaves, you start to worry about how unwell he actually was - surely a night’s rest would help, right? 

It takes you only a few minutes to clean up the shards - thankfully, the cup had broken into decently sized pieces. There were only a few small ones laying around, but they were quickly collected with a dustpan. 

In a stroke of sympathy, you go to Seungmin’s room. He was normally very on-top of his health, and as much as you hated to admit it, it scared you to see him like this. 

But when you get to his door, you hesitate. You couldn’t really go barging in, could you? Not that you were planning to be barbaric about it, or come in demanding answers or anything. Instead, you put your ear to the door. If he was still up, typing or scribbling away, you’d bust in and force him to rest.

Not that you cared too much. As his flatmate, it was probably your job to take him to the doctors - or the hospital - if something were to happen. You’d be the one dealing with the trouble and all, and it was easier to prevent it, right? 

The evening progresses into night, a sombre silence filling the flat. It must have been around midnight when you heard Seungmin’s door open. You froze in your bed, pausing the music playing through your earphones. He must be going to eat, you realise. He hadn’t eaten dinner and had instead gone straight to bed. 

Silently, you leave your bed and watch from your doorway as he peers into the fridge. The yellow light from the fridge was the only thing that lit up the kitchen.

“You need to rest, not mess up both your sleep schedule and your meal times.”

“Has anyone ever told you that sick people need to eat too?” He reaches into the fridge and pulls out two eggs. It isn’t until he takes out a pan that you move in. 

“You like them scrambled, right?” Taking the eggs from his hand, you crack the eggs into the pan. “Go make your ramyun.”

“Why… are you cooking my eggs for me? And how do you know I like my eggs scrambled?”

“Scrambled for ramyun, sunny side up for rice.” You shoot him a grin. “You’re a simple being, Kim Seungmin.”

You stayed in the kitchen while Seungmin ate. You busied yourself with washing the pan, and then getting yourself a glass of water. These tasks were completed rather quickly, and you were left to lean awkwardly against the counter while Seungmin finished his meal. Would it be strange to go to your room and get your phone? Probably.

Seungmin speaks up, breaking the awkward tension. “You can go back to sleep, you know. I’ll be fine.” 

“I wasn’t sleeping before.” 

“You should have been.”

“I could say the same back to you.” 

Seungmin looks at you over his noodles but doesn’t reply.

“Well, go to sleep when you’re done eating. Don’t stay up late. I will call Hyunjin and make him tie you to the bed if I need to.”

You turn and make your way to your room, trying not to laugh at Seungmin choking on his noodles. 

“You don’t even have his number!”

-

The phrase “disappointed but not surprised” seemed very applicable to the scene you saw at two in the morning. It snapped you right out of your half-asleep state.

“This idiot-”

Seungmin was slumped over in his chair, his head resting on his arm. One of his earphones dangling off the side of the table, the other end plugged into his laptop. The bowl of ramyun sat to the side, chopsticks carefully balanced on top.

Making your way closer, you shake him awake gently. It was almost shocking how warm his arm was, even through his clothes - you were a little cold, for it was the middle of the night. 

“Seungmin. Seungmin, wake up.” Upon hearing a disgruntled sound come from him, you prod him again. “You’re an idiot, you know that? Why are you sleeping out here, and why did you start doing work again?!”

“Thought I could-” he clears his throat, eyes half open as he sits up. “Thought I could do some work while I ate… Must have fallen asleep.”

“No shit, genius.” You grab his laptop in one hand, being sure not to shut the lid incase you delete any of his work. Using your other, you shake his shoulder again. “Come on, you’re already unwell. Stop forcing your body.”

You walk a few steps towards his room before turning back. Seungmin was still in the chair, hunched back and arms dangling between his legs. His eyes were closed, head nodding as he tried to keep it up. 

With a defeated sigh, you put his laptop on his desk before coming back out for him. “Come on, up you get…”

You grab onto his arm and almost sigh at the warmth it radiates. Another hand was on his back to help guide him to his room.

It hits you as you pull the cover back on his bed that… well, you’d never been inside his room. Sure, you’ve stood at the door to bicker, but never had you gone inside. You hadn’t really ever had much physical contact with him either.

You make your escape with a mumble about getting medicine. He’s in his bed when you come back, laying straight and facing the ceiling like Snow White.

“Here, take these,” you say gently, bending down to help him up with one hand. You feel a bit bad, to have made him lay down only to get back up. Handing him the painkillers, you watch as he washes them down with a gulp of water. “Gosh, one minute we’re arguing and the next, I’m your mother…”

Handing you back the glass without a word, he slides back down under the covers. Having placed the glass down on his bedside table, you stay there for a while and look at the pictures he had hung on the wall. You recognised some people - Hyunjin, for one, and another boy with fox-like eyes that you had seen once or twice. You recognised some of the seniors in school too - the ones who had been in a band with Seungmin. 

At the sound of rustling, you look over to see that Seungmin had turned onto his side and was looking at you.

“Amazed that I have friends?”

“I- no, I never thought that you were a friendless loner. I just… I mean, I guess it’s my fault,” you admit sheepishly. “I just never really considered your social circle to seem so… wholesome?”

He laughs lightly, keeping his eyes on you. He looked tired, and his hair fell across his forehead. Cute, you thought, and then quickly snap your head around to look at the photos again. 

Cute? Well, you had never considered him ugly before. He wasn’t - he was fairly good looking, and it used to annoy you when the kids at school wouldn’t stop talking about the honey-vocaled Seungmin… But he did have a good voice, you has to admit. And he was fairly smart and very passionate about music. But he was annoying. Yes, he was annoying. Too annoying. He wakes up too early, you could never deal with that.

It doesn’t take long for him to speak up again.

“You know, I read a story once.” 

You hesitate, having only just settled your mind. Was this an invitation to engage in conversation? To stay? Or just an attempt at breaking the awkward silence? Instead of replying, you take a seat on the floor, leaning against the bedside table. Seungmin takes the silence as a sign to continue. 

“There was a prince, and he was sick, and the servant girl never left his side even though he had been a cruel prince. She tended to him night after night, prepared his bath, changed his sweat-drenched sheets.” you crinkle your nose at that, and Seungmin laughs. “But when he was better, everything went back to normal.”

“Did he ever thank her?”

Seungmin shook his head. “He was a prince, afterall. No need for him to thank a servant for doing what they were supposed to do.” He sees you tense. “Don’t worry, y/n, I’m no prince, and you’re no servant.”

“Then you better do your own dishes tomorrow morning,” you joke.

“Ah, no sympathy for the sick?” He pouts weakly. His eyes are closed and his voice is softer. You become conscious of your movements. Subtle, nothing too quick or too loud.

The room is dimly lit. The cool moonlight came from the window, and on the opposite end came the kitchen light, slipping past the door left ajar.

Seungmin speaks up after a while of silence. “You know you can go, right? I don’t need your presence to bore me to sleep.”

You can’t help but let out a smile at his words - an effort to be himself, you realise, but there seemed no real annoyance behind the words. 

“Well, you might not need the boredom, but you need to sleep.”

“Touche.”

It takes a while, and you find yourself nodding in and out of sleep. When your head suddenly hits the edge of his mattress, you decide it was finally time to reutnr to your own room.

Your legs are numb, jumping with pins and needles, but you hobble out of Seungmin’s bedroom with only one look back at him, who was sleeping soundly.

-

It was strange to find yourself the first one awake. The flat seemed oddly empty, and you kind of missed the smell of fried eggs and cooked rice. You open the curtains in the main living area, letting sunlight flood into the flat. 

It was Monday. A new morning, a new week, a new beginning.

You look around the flat - things really have changed since Seungmin moved in. Signs of his occupance were everywhere - a guitar pick laying on the coffee table, a hoodie on the couch. His bowl of ramyun, unwashed and left in the sink.

Ah, right. Last night. 

Butterflies seemed trapped inside your body as you walked towards Seungmin’s room. Why were you nervous? Surem you don’t normally go to his room to wake him up, but he was sick, right? It was just…  a friendly gesture, right?

Friendly. The word struck an odd chord within you. 

Knocking tentatively on his door with one hand, you lean in close.

“Seungmin, are you up?”

There’s a hum, muffled by the wooden door. You turn the knob and peer in. It’s dark, sunlight peeking out from behind a closed curtain. You can see Seungmin, curled up under his blanket. It was pulled up to his chin. 

“How’re you feeling?”

He lets out a positive sounding hum. You don’t push him further. 

“Well, I’m going to make breakfast… do you want any?”

Seungmin sits up, his eyes still closed. You watch as he takes a deep breath. “Yes, please.” 

As he starts to pull the covers off himself, you close the door.

Quickly scanning the fridge, you take out some fish and green leaves. It doesn’t take long to cook up a simple meal of pan fried fish and boiled greens. Instant rice is out fresh from the microwave and you’re doing the dishes when Seungmin emerges from his room.

“What happened to me having to do my own dishes?” He asks, as he takes a seat behind the counter. He eyes the fish and boiled vegetables, taking in a deep breath.

“Sympathy for the sick, or something like that,” you say with a shrug. “Half of these were from cooking just then, anyways.”

“Smells good.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” 

You glance over at Seungmin as he turns his eyes to the clock. He did look better - his cheeks were still a little flushed, but he seemed better. He was moving better too, not as sluggish as yesterday. He looked like he had attempted to brush down his hair, but a tuft at the back still stood up. You hide your smile, turning back to the dishes.

“Hey, thanks, by the way.”

“Hmm?”

“For last night. Taking care of me.”

With warm cheeks, you stack the last of the dishes aside to dry. “Again, sympathy for the sick or whatever.”

“Y/n.” 

Turning at your name, you find him looking very intently at you. 

“I’m serious. Thank you.”

You gulp, and the only thing that calms you a little is the realisation that his cheeks aren’t pink from feeling unwell anymore. 

“Yeah, I know,” you say softly. 

He looks up at you, and you awkwardly fiddle with the towel hanging off the cupboard doors under the sink. It was undeniable that something had changed after last night - the dyanmic between the two of you were different now, and you weren’t too sure how you felt about it.

“Okay. Cool. Can I eat?”

The question catches you off guard, strangely, but you nod and take out plates. “I- I was going to just fry an egg for you, but i decided you probably need a change after last night.” part of your brain was panicking - but why? “We had fish, so I thought hey, why not, right? This probably isn’t much of a better meal, but-”

“It looks great, y/n. Thanks.” He takes a bite and chews thoughtfully. “By the way, you don’t…” Seungmin clears his throat. “Do you actually have Hyunjin’s number?”

You give him a sweet smile, clasping your hands behind your back. “You’ll never know, will you?”

You don’t, but the slight twitch of his eye and subtle pout are worth it.

Shaking his head, he looks back at his food. He seemed very concentrated on separating a single grain of rice. “I’m just asking, jeesh. It’s an innocent question.”

“Innocent. Right. Anyways, I need to get ready to go. Class starts in a bit.”

You make your way to your room and change, gathering laptop and notebooks. When you exit, Seungmin’s at the sink, washing his plate.

“Don’t strain yourself while I’m gone, okay? Actually, just sleep while I’m gone,” you say from the hallway as you put your shoes on. 

Seungmin’s head pops around the corner suddenly, and you see him take a deep breath.

“What time do you finish?”

“... 12:30, why?”

Having finished with your shoes, you sling your bag over your shoulder.

“Do you- Can I-” He cuts off and swallows thickly. “Lunch? Can I treat you to lunch?”

Your eyes widen, and you freeze.

“As a thank you, obviously,” he adds, but it’s only half convincing.

“I told you, it’s fine. Sympathy for the sick, right?” You joke, trying to ease your nerves.

He manages a small quirk of the lips. “C’mon, let me treat you. And don’t say yes out of sympathy.”

Well, things were different now, right?

“Sure, why not.”

You could see his shoulder relax, a strand of hair falling into his face as he exhales. “Great. I’ll… I’ll meet you at the front of your building then?”

When you give him a nod, you can see him trying to keep in a smile.

“See you later, then.” He pops back behind the wall, and you hear from the kitchen, “Have a good day!”

Letting out a small laugh, you ignore the buzz in your veins as you open the door.

“It’s a date, Kim Seungmin!”