#kaylin's400writingchallenge

[valkyriesryde]

Midnight Visitor

JUNE - THE LONE KIWI

Pairing: Avengers x OC Samantha Thompson, Bucky Barnes x OC Samantha Thompson (eventually...)

Summary: Samantha stumbles into a disheveled Steve and finds a monster in the dark that needs taming. 

Word Count: 1264

Warnings: PTSD (and talks about it), swearing, angst?, fluff?

A/N: This is also for @a-mess-of-fandoms​​ ‘s 400 writing challenge the prompt is bolded! Congrats again hun! there is also another author’s note at the end that adds some explaining and context to what she’s talking about that I would appreciate it if people read that bless. ENJOY

Masterlist

~~~~

He’s shaking, but he’s sweating. Too hot. Need to take off layers. Head leaning against the glass too feel some sort of cold.

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” it still rings in his ears.

“I DON’T NEED YOU!” like gun fire that makes him retreat back into himself. Arm held against his chest so it can’t hurt anyone.

There’s muffled voices outside that break through the cloud he’s hidden himself in.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing - nothing, you should be in bed.”

“So should you...Steve?”

“Yea?”

“He doesn’t mean it...whatever he said.”

“I know.”

“Go to bed Steve, he’ll be okay.”

“You should too, he just needs to be alone.”

He winces at the voices, at the memory from a mere ten minutes ago that flashes across his mind. A disheveled Steve, scared almost, small like before.

“GET OUT STEVE!” the words cut into him and he lets out a sob, his chest hurting from holding his breath. It doesn’t sound like him but it is, he knows it is. It’s like he’s just looking back at himself, like he’s no longer a part of his being, he’s left his body, watching himself yell and cry and push away Steve and anyone else that tried to come near him when he got like this. He didn’t want to. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to stop.

Until Steve nodded dimly and walked out the door. And Bucky slid down the glass wall, curled into a ball pressed into the corner of the room and squeezed his eyes shut. He deserved this.

Until the door inched open again, after footsteps walked down the hallway. It opened then closed but he didn’t dare look at it, he couldn’t stand the look off hurt on Steve’s face.

“Just let me be Steve,” he whimpered out, an attempt at being strong but it failed dismily and slapped him in the face, you’re not okay you fool.

“What if I’m not Steve?” Sammy, she didn’t deserve to see him like this. She didn’t deserve to be the victim of his rage.

“Go away.” He opened his eyes and stared a hole into the glass. Through the reflection he could see her, standing by the door, not even a step in.

“No.” His eyebrows knitted down and his arm tightened around his knees, his metal fist clenched against his ribcage. “Either I sit on this side of the door or the other. It’s up to you.”

He stayed silent and glared at her reflection. Watched it slide down the door and rest her head against the door. “I’ll pick for you.”

She closed her eyes. He watched her chest move up and down steadily and calmly. She shouldn’t be calm, her guard shouldn’t be down. Bucky glanced down at his hand, black laced with gold and then suddenly silver and dripping with red. He gasped and blinked, the red back to gold and the silver gone black, catching the light of the moon on his forearm.

A deep breath in. Just in case she was watching him, so she couldn’t see how unstable he was. He’s not sure how long it’s been now. She won’t say anything, she’s not moving. She’s just sitting there, picking at a loose thread in her sweatpants.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” His words are venom, he’s sick of the unwanted attention. Spit it out and leave me alone. He wants to tell her. Never to her though.

“Why would I do that?”

“It’s what they all do. Say something inspiring that should be on a stupid poster with a fucking cat,” then fuck off.

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

Silent again and Bucky can’t take it anymore. Why isn’t she saying anything?! She usually never shuts up and not she’s just sitting there picking at a loose thread? Two more minutes pass and Bucky’s toes have stopped tapping.

“Why are you here?” He finally looks at her to find her eyes already on him with a small smile that he can’t return.

“Because if the roles were reversed I wouldn’t want to be alone...no matter what I said.” Samantha stretches her legs out in front of her and shrugs her shoulders. “I might not be able to talk about it, might not be able to understand some of it. It’s not like I was ever a prisoner of war, I don’t get bullets shot at me every other week or have nightmares every other night.” She stands up and walks over to stand across from Bucky’s curled figure, sliding down the side of the dresser across from him. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you go through it alone because when you can’t look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark.”

Bucky clenched his fist, and sucked in a breath, he nodded his head slightly but didn’t look at her as her words settled in his mind and he furrowed his eyebrows. The moon continued to light up the dark room, almost as if it was looking for her as it glowed around her.

“You forget the PTSD,” he muttered.

“What?”

“You listed everything but post traumatic stress disorder. I have that too…”

“Oh I know...I listed things I don’t have in common with you Bucky.” Bucky is shocked for a second. He doesn’t believe it and then he’s telling himself off for assuming and not believing her. Why would she lie to him? She wouldn’t. “I don’t get nightmares like you and only rarely will I get flashbacks,” he watches her twiddle her thumbs and avoid his eye like he had before, eyes drawn to the window and the moon. “But it’s the reason why I prefer elevators to stairs. It’s why I can’t be any higher than the tenth floor of a building without someone with me. Or why my stomach drops when a truck goes past or the wind gets really strong. When before I used to have no problem flying but any sort of turbulence now and my skin crawls and I can’t breathe. It’s a miracle I made it here to be honest,” she breathes out a laugh that sounds more like a huff and leans her chin on her knees and holds out her hand for Bucky.

His position almost mirrors hers if it weren’t for the arm he kept tucked away from her but he reaches out with his flesh hand and their fingers brush against each other, lightly holding onto to one another like a safety net, though not quite sure yet.

“You don’t have to tell-”

“I thought you wanted me to talk?”

“Normally people just tell me it’ll be okay and this will pass, they don’t normally talk about their own traumatic experiences.”

“Hey Bucky...it’ll be okay, this will pass.” Samantha sticks her tongue out slightly and Bucky and he can’t keep the slight smile from breaking out.

The pair sit there together, fingers holding fingers for a few minutes. It’s quiet, peaceful. Bucky’s anxiety has lowered tremendously from where it was when she entered until she holds out her other hand. He gulps down and his fingers twitch against his side. She holds out one finger and slowly Bucky reaches out his metal appendage and his forefinger curls around hers. Bucky doesn’t look at her, his eyes are locked on the mix of metal and flesh even though small. She’s not afraid, not afraid of him, not afraid of what’s going on in his head, not afraid of the damage he’s done or capable of doing.

~~~~~

OKAY So for context, as we know Samantha is a New Zealander but more than that she’s from Christchurch as am I. This time of year is really weird for me and I wanted to put that into this character because it really is a stable part of a person of her (my?) age who grew up in Christchurch. SO this past Saturday was the nine year anniversary of the Christchurch earthquake which literally destroyed my city. And yea, PTSD is a massive thing here because of it even if its undiagnosed or ignored, anxieties run high at this time of year. Some of the stuff she (Samantha) talks about are things that myself and my friends go through and I wanted to shed some light on that and since this series is about enabling me to explore and experiment with characters and styles I figured it was the perfect opportunity. I don’t really know want I’m saying but if you have any questions or want to chat about it then hmu and im more than happy to chat. ANYWAY THANKS FOR READING I APPRECIATE IT GREATLY LOVE YOU ALL BAI

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