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crookedherringcolorclod · 6 months ago

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Chin Up, No Guilt in the Club. (Amaya’s Pansexual Awakening, I mean Oneshot)

A/N: Finally finished with my last one-shot for a very belated pride month! Amaya’s one shot was the hardest among her sisters since I had to tackle different topics and I hope I did it justice!

P.S: there's an interesting fact about Akemi in this one-shot! 🏳️‍⚧️ 👀

TW: Religious Guilt, Catholic Guilt, and Internalized Homophobia.

“I believed there was a god once...”

“At least… I used to…”

That was the only thing Amaya could utter to Asa and Akemi when it was her turn to tell them what had happened to her after all those years apart from them both. Pouring out your feelings to your sisters who you assumed long were dead for almost a century was difficult, to say the least. Could you even blame yourself when both you and your sisters grew up to become complete strangers to each other? To the point, you can’t recognize them anymore even if they were standing right in front of you.

No, you wouldn’t.

So yes, so what if it was something she’d rather suppress those memories than let herself remember more than she wanted about that god-forsaken village? Amaya wanted more than anything to just forget it ever happened, more than anything she only wanted to live as normally as possible away from anything that could remind her of her past.

To move on from the madness, from the screams that continue to haunt her, and from the ghosts of those who dared to point fingers at her out of fear of being the next poor soul sent to trial.

Was that too much to ask?

It shouldn’t be.

Yet Amaya finds herself hearing their whispers echo in the back of her head, weighing her back down to the cold and colder depths below.

Back to where her very existence was a shameful thing, her feelings included.

“What should I do…? I don’t know what to do…”

Looking over her shoulder, Akemi’s brow arches up in confusion, “What are you blabbing about?” she asks her youngest sister who decides to plop herself on her bedroom floor, sulking as she wraps her inky hair around her head in a sort of makeshift cocoon. “Hey, are you listening to me? Amaya?” Akemi calls out as she waves her book in front of her face, “You’re going to get fined by the library if you don’t return this on time.”

The youngest of the triplets stares blankly into Akemi’s eyes through her curtain of hair, still as a toppled mannequin after a fall, “… Paying the lateness fee is starting to sound good right now…,” Amaya groaned out her reply as she waved the book away with her hand, turning her back to face her. “As if, are you going to tell me why you’re acting like this?” Akemi pressed on a bit too harshly than she had initially planned to say as she slowly peeled the dark strands away from her sister’s much paler face, pursing her thin lips in return, still not talking.

Akemi let out a deep sigh, taking another deep breath, “… I’m worried about you, surely you know that.” she said softly, clasping her sister’s hand gently. “You can talk to me about anything, what kind of sister would I be if I didn’t?” Akemi smiles, squeezing Amaya’s hand firmly enough not to hurt her as she slowly burrows into herself.

Frowning deeper, Amaya looks over at her sister’s hand over hers, eyes staring deeper into nothing.

“… Promise me, promise me you won’t tell anyone about this,” Amaya whispers under her breath, eyes darting to meet her sister’s eyes, “I didn’t want to tell anyone about this. Not yet at least.” she shakes her head dejectedly. “Why not?” Akemi asks, tilting her head to the side, birdlike, “Whatever it could be, it can never be that bad, especially from you- “

“Kemi. I can’t. Not. Now.” Amaya gritted out through her teeth.

“Just stop... please.”

A minute seems to pass over them, and another.

Amaya wonders if time would stop for right now.

Leave her in the misery she had created.

At least, until a memory sparks in her mind and forcefully yanks her out of the pit of shame.

Amaya closes her eyes, trying to focus on the texture of the wooden floor against her cheek to bring her back to reality.

She relents, sighing when she squeezes Akemi’s hand in return, apologetic.

“Tomorrow... I’ll tell you tomorrow.” Amaya sighed as she found the will to get up from the floor, snatching the book from Akemi’s hand, “Can you leave me alone for a bit? I need to clear my head”. Akemi could only give her sister an incredulous look, not moving an inch. “Ok, that’s all right, we can talk about it tomorrow.” She breathed out when finally getting up from the bed, still slightly surprised by… what just happened.

“Anyways, get some sleep, it’s getting late after all.” Akemi nods to the clock on the bedside table as she makes her way to the door. “Yeah… um, sorry for blowing up on you. Goodnight, Kemi” Amaya muttered profusely as she bowed her head slightly, blind to how her sister’s gaze softened.

“Goodnight, Aya.”

“Hm, so this is where you run off to,” Akemi noted out loud as she inspected a bookshelf at random.

“One of many places, yes.” Amaya nodded as they kept walking down one section of the library, their shoes being one of many white noises filling an already quiet building. “Their selections have a lot of works from authors that I haven’t heard about.” The dark-haired vampire laughs quietly as she traces the books under her fingers, feeling the different textures of their spines as she walks past them. “The other libraries were a bit too busy for my tastes, so this has been a good change of pace for me. It's so quiet I can hear myself think.”

Akemi hums in response, her gaze never leaving the never-ending array of color-coded volumes, “So, about last night. What was it that you wanted to talk about?” she asks casually as her eyes catch Amaya bristle slightly at her words.

“Um, yes actually… it’s rather embarrassing.” Amaya chuckled, rubbing the back of her neck as she looked around her almost as if she was lost. “Well, I’m listening, what’s the secret,” Akemi tilts her head, leaning in as her sister gestures for her to come closer.

“You see…I’ve been meeting someone, and I want you to meet them as well.” Amaya whispered as Akemi could hear the clear excitement in her little sister’s voice when she shared the news.

Which is a good thing, Akemi knew that. Who wouldn’t want their sister to find happiness with someone you have yet to meet?

Except… well…

The world seemed to halt as Amaya uttered those words into her ear.

Because what?

How?

Since when?

Maybe Akemi could be overreacting, just a little.

Maybe she’s not-

“Hey, are you listening to me? Hello? Earth to Akemi?” The blonde was snapped away from her thoughts spiraling out of control to find Amaya staring at her with a confused look on her face as her mouth slowly quirked up with an amused grin. “Of course, I was listening, what made you think otherwise?” Akemi refuted quickly, tossing her hair back to retain her composure. “Yeah, yeah I know, your face said it all.” Amaya snickered to herself, receiving a playful jab at her arm in retaliation.

“Ahem, anyway, so who’s the lucky guy or guys? Sorry, my throat.” Akemi coughs into her hand to stifle the loud noise. “Um... well... they should be here around here by now.” Amaya frowns at the thought as she digs through her coat pocket, “Hold on, I’ll try calling them first, they usually don’t read texts.” She murmurs as she scans for the exit, “I’ll be right back, so wait for me here.”

“Sure, I’ll try to find him while you’re at it, I guess? Good luck.” Akemi shrugs her shoulders as her sister runs out of her sight, leaving her alone with books, books, and even more questions about who Amaya could be meeting. “Well, guess it wouldn’t hurt to try and look around, gods below, there are more sections on this floor than I thought,” Akemi muttered to herself, already feeling more out of place if she dared to talk above a whisper.

The deafening silence would have been far too much for Akemi if it weren't for the sounds of soft nearby footfalls muffled by the carpeted floor, and the hushed whispers of humans as they flipped to the next page of their books to ease the rattling in her head.

Was this truly supposed to be a nice change of pace? This level of quiet?

Amaya truly was something.

Feeling restless, Akemi battles against the temptation to plop her behind on the floor after standing for what feels like ages while waiting for her sister to return, she finds herself staring straight ahead.

That is until she found someone nearby in the corner of her eye.

Standing a few shelves away from her was a tall stranger still dressed in an overcoat that draped over most of his frame which let the blonde vampire move on and put her entire focus on their face.

What surprised Akemi was not the fact that the stranger’s face was, well, there.

No, that wasn’t it.

Shockingly, despite the fact they and other people were in a library, the stranger was talking to someone on the phone.

It couldn’t just be a coincidence, right?

The blonde vampire’s eyes widened in realization, the gears in her head turning rapidly before she could process what might happen next. “Ah! Kemi, there you are!” Fate seems to love playing pranks on Akemi as an all too familiar voice calls out to her to reveal who else but Amaya making a beeline back to her.

Like the blissfully unaware target she is.

Why? It's because the stranger is now looking at them both. Or in this case, Amaya.

“Yuki, you’re here too.” The stranger smiles warmly at her, eyes crinkling at the edges.

Amaya, no, Yuki in this situation, turns her head towards the sound of another voice calling after her river-blue eyes lighting up at the sight of the mysterious stranger. “Reo, hey.” The raven-haired vampire waved shyly, her cheeks flushing a dusty shade of red, “I didn’t keep you waiting, did I?”

“No, I just got here,” Reo replies cooly as they tuck their phone back into their pocket. “Great, that’s great. This may seem kind of sudden but I… um… well…” Amaya looked over at her sister nervously who did nothing but motion her to continue, pushing her deeper into another web of lies that was impossible to detangle from. Not exactly surprising coming from her older sister.

‘Come on, use that imagination of yours. You made it this far.’ Akemi thinks to herself as she watches the nervous wreck trying to come up with another lie to cover another lie.

“She’s… my pen pal! Came all the way from America to see me.” Akemi couldn’t help but snicker at what Amaya blurted out, stifling it as best as she could. “That’s sweet of her. Your name is Kemi, right?” Reo reached their hand out, causing Amaya to stifle a laugh. Perhaps it was karma for picking on her. Either way, Akemi would take it with as much grace as she could just for her.

“My name’s Kaitlyn. Kemi is a nickname Yu-chan gave me since it’s too hard to pronounce.” Akemi joked teasingly as she stretched out her hand for Reo to shake to which they complied. “Nice meeting you too, it's nice seeing more of your friends, Yuki.” Reo greets her politely, retracting his hand from Akemi’s almost immediately, a subtle gesture she appreciates.

It would have been too awkward if she unintentionally ruined Amaya’s chance of scoring a date before it could even happen.

Oh. Wait.

A date?

The devious thought sparked a good idea in Akemi’s head.

“So, when did you guys meet? You two seem close.” Akemi asks excitedly as she inspects Reo’s face, she would already know her sister would be left tongue-tied at the sudden question. “Oh, we happened to visit the same library, and just when I thought I could find the volume I was reading, Yuki just bumped into my life. With the exact volume I was searching for, in her hand this whole time.” The human then points to Amaya who lets out a dramatic gasp before she swats at them playfully as she tries to refute him.

In other words, they looked cute together and Akemi approved.

Giggling at their banter, the blonde decided to keep her cards close, waiting for her sister to make a move before she dared interfere. It was Amaya’s moment, after all, not her’s. “Oh right, you said you wanted to tell me something, right?” Amaya hummed in question, hands clasped excitedly, looking at the human with expectant eyes, “So, what was it you wanted to tell me?”. Akemi tried to suppress a grin on her face as Reo’s composure started cracking at the seams as they looked at her sister with widened eyes and a heart pounding loud enough to reach either of their ears.

Akemi hoped Amaya wouldn’t turn a deaf ear, not now.

Thankfully, for everyone’s sake, it didn’t take long for Reo to finally yield, “I guess I should have told you last time.” they chuckled as they dragged their hand down their face, the fond look in their eyes very much visible for anyone to see as they met Amaya’s again, “Well, better say it now and hold my peace, right?”

“Well, you see…”

“There’s a nice bar that I thought we could try together, care to join me over drinks? If you want to, of course.”

Amaya’s eyes widened, and her mouth gapped open as she tried to collect herself.

“S… Sure! I’d love to.” Amaya cupped her face with her hand, feeling the sudden warmth of her cheeks now spreading like wildfire across her face. She could only pray that her entire face wasn’t a bright shade of red. “Really?” an astonished look crosses Reo’s face, “Yes! Spending time with you is just… nice.” Amaya quietly laughed as she looked around to see if she interrupted anyone.

“And… I like you, isn’t that reason enough?”

Reo finds his hand back to his mouth as they try to contain his excitement, yet the mirth in their eyes remains clear enough for Amaya to see. “So, um, are you free this Saturday?” Reo asked as Amaya nodded, “Yeah, I’m free on that day.” she replied, tucking a hair behind her ear.

“So, do you want to… Wait, where did your friend go? “

Taken aback by the sudden question Amaya immediately looked around to realize Akemi was nowhere to be found. “I’ll check if she texted me where she went, hold on.” she curses to herself as she fetches her phone from her coat pocket. Relief floods her senses as the screen lights up with new messages.

‘Had to leave early. Reiji called me about something important.’

‘It was also too awkward for me to stay with you being all sappy. Lol.’

‘Have fun 😉.’

“Oh, she texted me she’s alright.” Amaya chimed, tucking her phone back, “That’s a relief, she seems like a good friend.” Reo notes, extending his hand toward her.

“Yeah, she means a lot to me.”

“So should I pick black or blue?”

Akemi looked over the novel she was reading peacefully, in her bedroom on a Friday evening, “A hello would have sufficed.” She teases her very anxious sister who waves two dresses in front of her face. “Well, you’re the expert, come on, just please help me.” Amaya pleaded as she jumped for the soft mattress below, hiding her face, “I can’t face my date like this!” she wailed dramatically, voice muffled under the pristine covers.

“Was your attempt at makeup that bad?” Akemi questions as she peels Amaya off her sheets to inspect the damage she probably caused on her face, “Hm, it could have been worse if you asked me.” She shrugged at the uneven eyeliner and oversaturated blush across her cheeks. The bright neon pink was a sight for sore eyes.

The dark-haired vampire could only tilt her head back and groan, “It is that bad. I knew it!” Akemi only rolled her eyes as she pushed her off the bed, “Go and wash your face first while I review your picks. Careful with my makeup pouch, it’s on the sink.”

Amaya hollered out, “You’re the best!” as she sprinted to her bathroom. Sighing, Akemi inspects the two dresses.

“Okay, what do we have here…” The blonde mumbles as she rubs the different fabrics between her fingers and raises the dresses over her head, “This looks promising enough, getting rid of that one.” Akemi hummed as she tossed the black dress aside. “I’m back!” Amaya chimed in, face washed and prepped with her precious makeup bag in a handful of products that were worth several of her monthly allowances poured into it.

Not a step closer to the bed Amaya found herself ambushed by her clothes shielding her eyes, “Try this on, you’ll blend in too much with the dark if you wear black” The youngest could only huff as she stomped her way behind the dressing screen to change.

Eventually, Amaya stepped out of the screen with a twirl, “As expected on the expert of fashion, you know what’s best for me.” She exclaims, arms up in the air, beaming with newfound confidence. “… but can I at least try something from your closet? For more choices?” Akemi’s face only soured at the idea, “You’re only lucky enough to borrow a pair of heels I regret buying. Permanently.”

“Fair enough.” Amaya shrugged, before sitting herself across from her sister as she fished out her makeup. “I’ll try doing your makeup first. A practice round before the real thing.” Akemi explains as she pumps her foundation on a new sponge, “Close your eyes first.”.

With no reason to rebel, Amaya closed her eyes and pursed her lips “Hey, I just wanted to say ACK-” She yelped unexpectedly at the cold foundation tapped repeatedly against her skin, “What the hell was that?!” Amaya tried to scoot away from the sponge only to be pulled back by firm hands on her shoulders. “Don’t be so dramatic, it’s supposed to give you a dewy look.” Akemi rolled her eyes, fanning her hand at her sister’s face.

“Where did you even hear that?”

“YouTube turned out to be… not as bad as I thought.”

“Honestly, thank you for helping me with everything.” Amaya’s eyes lowered before closing them, eventually relaxing, “It's just… I would have held my peace with Reo if it wasn’t for your help.” Akemi frowned slightly as she got her eyeliner, “You would have regretted it, yes.” It was the bitter truth they both knew.

Reigning in her feelings, Akemi shakes the eyeliner pen harder, “Besides, this is your first date, isn’t it?” she asks Amaya, motioning her hands to close her eyes again, “Who knows? He might want to be your boyfriend.”

Amaya’s eyes open wide as the smile suddenly drops from her face; she looks at Akemi as if she has just grown a second head.

“… Oh shit, that’s right, I forgot to tell you about… well Reo.” Akemi raises her brow, confused by her sister’s sudden change in demeanor, “Why? I already met the guy, he’s nice, and treats you well too.” Amaya pursed her lips together into a thin line before letting out a sigh as she sat down on her sister’s bed with a serious look looming over her face.

“Reo doesn’t identify as a man… or a woman either, Akemi.”

Oh.

Oh dear.

So that was the problem.

Akemi stares at her sister, a thoughtful look spread across her face, “… Is that so?” she asked, rather surprised at the revelation. Amaya nodded, “They felt safe enough to tell… well… I don't know how to say it other than I just enjoy being with them. I was happy I knew, and still am.”

“That’s good to hear.” The blonde smiled.

“Yeah… dumb that I forgot, it was why I only told you about him since you’re… you two are... similar.” Amaya motioned to the hidden section of Akemi’s closet with guilt weighing her chest.

There, an ordinary-looking box hidden deep and under the ends of her longer dresses, slightly agape.

The same box that contained a distant past she had buried since setting foot in the Sakamaki manor.

A secret that she’d rather die than tell any of those brothers.

“… You still remember what I told you before,” Akemi whispered, arms crossed together as she stared at her sister, already finished and very pleased with the work she did with her sister’s eyes. “I mean, it was hard not to remember something like that.” Amaya gave her a bittersweet smile, absentmindedly fiddling with the soft fabric of her dress, “Didn’t you like those clothes? You always seemed more confident when you wore them.”

Sighing, Akemi took her mirror, “Well that’s in the past, nothing more. Come on, have a look, tell me if you like it or not.”

The dark-haired vampire looked over at her sister and dropped her questions to look in the mirror.

It was different this time.

Instead of a mistake or a monster.

Amaya’s eyes only met her reflection

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