#k this is gonna be p negative AND self deprecating so liek don't read if you get triggered by this
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#k this is gonna be p negative AND self deprecating so liek don't read if you get triggered by this#or idk don't read at all lmao#uh not to be me on main but#with the sulli thing lately and death punching me right in the face#and just realizing people jsut...... leave. jsut#one day they just. aren't here anymore#they aren't in this world anymore and just. you won't see them ever again#people you wanted to spend a lot of time. people you wanted them to see you do certain stuff wont be able to#well that got me thinking#is there someone that cares that much about me#is there someone that just..... would be this sad if something happened to me#like . i start thinking about a world without my faves and i just break down because theyre the only thing i'm sure i have#when a friend literally wrote me a suicide message i broke down because i couldnt imagine a world withkut her#but like#is there someone that feels that way about me?#i think i wont ever be able to believe there is someone#because my dad used to say i was the most important thing to him. i was his entire world according to him#and yet he still decided to abandon me. he still chose another person over his dear daughter#so like. it doesnt matter how much a person tells me i am important to them that they will never leave#i dont think i'll ever be able to believe it bc my dad used to say the same and he still chose someone else#even tho my dad claimed to love me so much; even tho he used to claim without me life wouldnt make sense; without me he wouldnt be happy#he still chose other things over me#he always had some kind of excuse everytime i had something or everytime my mom said he could visit me on his own#he never could because he always had something more important to do or his bf just didnt let him and#even tho i never was his priority he still claimed i was the most important thing to him#and i wasn't. i know i wasn't#so like. how am i supposed to believe someone else saying i am important to them i am a priority to them if i wasnt for my dad#i wasnt the most important thing to my dad. the man who was supposed to love me no matter what. defend me no matter what#jo talks
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