#justice for that pizza delivery guy tho

[scratterbrained]

Just watched Home Alone (properly) for the first time and oh my god. Kevin did NOT need to go that far holy shit. He found out at midday his house was going to be robbed at 9pm but instead of calling the cops instantly or speaking to literally ANYONE he straight up commit warfare???? This 8 year old could have been responsible for genuine murder but was forced to conform to a pg. he had a gun. He set up a flamethrower. He ENJOYED their pain. I don’t know whether to respect or fear him.

[luvzeyan]

Hi, I'm kind of new to asking, hope I do this right. I want a Haikyuu match-up, please. I'm a female, prefer male partner.I'm a Gemini and it kind of shows? For one I have like crazy anxiety over talking to strangers. I can't even call for pizza, thank god for online. But when I'm with friends I can't shut up? I'll order for them, call out to a boy that my friend thinks they're cute. All of it. I'm a pervert and always think 'thats what she said' but everything embarrasses me. Help me find love

a/n: hi person who requested this... you are SO alike me LMAO. me and my sister can't stop doing that's what she said jokes 💔

I ship you with...

Kuroo Tetsurou!!!

Kuroo.. is going to... bully you so bad... for being so shy...

LMAo he might force you to call the pizza delivery guys just to tease the heck out of you

But he won't take it too far ofc!

Bro if you make a 'thats what she said' joke infront of Kuroo, he'll probably laugh really really loud

He might make the perverted jokes into a bad habit tho so pls stop him, he's a scary man💔

Honestly you and Kuroo's relationship would be full of laughs and smiles

That's why he loves you so much omfg💖💖

You both would have a really fun relationship I bet, idk if you pull pranks but Kuroo would be SOOOOO into pulling pranks against his or your friends

Everyone would be totally scared of both of you lmAo

I'm pretty sure everyone knows what's going on in the world rn regarding the Justice for George Floyd or others etc.. so if you want to help out please check out this link and donate! or sign petitions if you don't have money to spare💖

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

[shioritsumi]

Fun fact: When I lived in Virginia, in the...I wanna say 3-4th grade, there was a game called Cootie Wars that was eventually banned. 

It started as a simple playground games. Boys versus girls. Girls had Cooties, and their goal was to infect the boys. Girls were expected to get creative, but even a single touch could infect. Boys had only their wits, and a single ward ability that would protect them for a single encounter. (It was wordlessly agreed that the ‘spell’ Cootie Shot would only protect a boy until the attacking girl left him, meaning you’d need to cast it again every single encounter, and it didn’t count unless you finished the spell before she touched you.) 

It started as a simple playground game. Then my friends and I got involved. We started out initially playing a Pizza Delivery company, Zippy Snappy’s Pizza. Pizza got boring, so we became Zippy Snappy’s Time News. And we did fake playground news coverage of the ‘Ongoing Cootie War’. Kids came to watch our interviews of the Cootie War generals. Teachers found it interesting. 

There were generals. There were captains. There were armies, and tactics, and spies and if they wanted a break the generals of both armies would negotiate for a break. 

However, some kids got REALLY into it and instead of tagging or infecting others, they started shoving. Kids got hurt. The generals would punish them, send them to be court martialed (usually resulting in a sentence that removed them from the game for a few days), but they inevitably came back to the game later and resumed their violent behaviors. They ruined the game, and because of them, Cootie Wars was eventually banned from our school. 

It was a good run though. About a year, full of learning and youthful military simulation. We learned to plan strategies, negotiate breaks, render judgement on our own lawbreakers and dispense justice where needed. Espionage, sabotage, it was ALL THERE. We had COURT MARTIALS that would result in ACTUAL SENTENCES. My teacher even helped us uphold them. If a guy who had been court martialed wanted to rejoin the game, the teacher would remind him before we released for recess that he’s still in prison and cannot rejoin the cootie war at the moment. My crew invented a work release program, even-if someone on suspension from the war helped the news crew, their suspension would be reduced to a single day. (We never made it easy on them, tho, since most of them were suspended from the war for being violent. Also, I was the boss and they disliked having to take orders from a girl. The Cootie Army was considerably better-conditioned to the agreements, and we never had any problems with them or their suspended soldiers.)

*le sigh* 

.....it was SO EPIC. We were 8 years old, and we invented and ran our own war to completion. When it was banned, we had one last meeting to end the war and declare peace. The Cootie War was over. The Cootie Army and the Warrior Army sent their generals out to shake hands and make peace. All in all, not a bad way to end the year. I miss it. 

[broccolitachi]

Uchiha Sister Series: Mafia AU

A/N: So, Jay from @jay-and-joy-write-naruto​ and I were chatting about a mafia AU some time ago and I wrote this lil piece. The narrator is Madara and Izuna’s sister (would you expect any less from me lol). I had a lot of fun writing this, so let me know if you guys want more. Jay and I also have a lot of other AUs, so I might drop some of that here too lol. Just let me know if you wanna see em        ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ Enjoy!

Trigger Warning/Content Warning: Death (not a lot of detail tho. Characters just die); Guns...Please let me know if there’s anything else I should tag

“You got this?”

Madara closed the folder and slid it across his desk. I seized the file before it flew off the edge of the mahogany beast and fanned myself with it, smiling.

“Have I ever not ‘got this?’ Leave it to me, brother.” I pushed the carved doors of Madara’s office open and sauntered out, weaving through the guards and other subordinates to my wing of the mansion. I grabbed my coat from my office and tossed the file on my secretary’s desk. “File that under ‘In Progress’ please. I should be back tomorrow by noon. See you then, Dana.”

A leaf blew into my face as soon as I left the estate grounds. Autumn. Perfect weather to enjoy if I wasn’t working right now. Maybe I should ask Madara about vacation days. But what was I thinking? Focus. I’m on a case. These guys were last seen at the corner of Fifth and Main, so I turned my steps that way.

“Do you happen to know where they could be now? No? Ok. No, no, nothing like that. We just need to deliver a few of their packages, that’s all. Yeah—priority mail. You know how it is. ‘Guaranteed delivery’ my ass. Well, thank you so much. Goodbye!”

I exited the dingy bar and made my way back to the main street. The bartender obviously knew more than he was letting on, but it seemed I’d have to resort to more underhanded means to find out what he was hiding. I pulled out my phone and called my secretary. “Dana? Book me a hotel near Main and Fifth, would you? One night for Liu Wen. Ha. Ha. Very funny, Dana. Don’t book the entire hotel—I just need a place to sleep tonight. And have Alfonso get the computer; I need him to order me a small pizza by 7 o’clock. Thanks, Dana.”

I halted in front of a store window to check the reflection for anyone suspicious who could have overheard me. Police, plainclothes, rival mafia, even government and corporate spies. But everyone around me seemed innocuous enough. The code should be enough to throw them off, not that many would think “pizza” stood for ��hacking” in the first place. I moved on from “checking out the dresses” and kept walking.

I pulled out my phone again once I’d settled myself in my room. Alfonso picked up immediately. “Whaddya need, boss?”

“Hey. Can you check what’s around me?”

“You’re clear, boss. There shouldn’t be any bugs or camera there—wait, hold up. Smoke alarm might have something. Let me take care of that. But what can I get you at 7 o’clock, boss?

7 o’clock, a coded conversation. “I like the third restaurant. Heard good things about it. Can you order me a small pizza from there with pepperoni by 7 o’clock?”

What any hidden microphone or stray eavesdropper would hear was a perfectly innocent pizza order. But Alfonso knew the second meaning, courtesy of the 7 o’clock code. I needed a simple hacking job to obtain information illegally.

“Alright, you got it, boss. Order a small pizza with pepperoni by 7 o’clock. Smoke alarm’s clear, by the way. You can talk freely now. Who’s the hit on?”

“Bartender from the establishment behind the Taco Bell. But I use ‘establishment’ freely. It’s more like a hole in the wall with a counter and booze. Can you search his phone for anything on our two deserters? “Sure thing, boss, just hand on a moment. Mm, yup. Found the bartender. And lookie here, I got our deserters. Barkeep texted them about a lady who was asking after them today, but it doesn’t look like either of our guys have read it yet. Want me to delete it?”

“Yes. And send the deserters a message from the bartender’s number asking them to meet him at the small cafe at the corner of Rose Avenue and 10th Street. Make sure the bartender can’t see the message.”

“...Alright, it’s done. Anything else?”

“Monitor them and make sure none of them figure out what’s happening. That’s all for this one.”

“Okey-dokey, boss.”

“Good night, Alfonso.”

“G’night, boss.”

I dialed again as soon as I hung up with Alfonso. “Hi Dana. I need you to send a message to the Rose Street Cafe and have them clear everyone out by 10 AM tomorrow. They’ll be fully reimbursed for any damages, of course. Make sure they know it’s from us. We don’t need more people getting in the way. Thanks.”

Contrary to what some people whispered on the streets, the Uchiha clan didn’t trod over the common folk like other mafia. We only killed for good reason—a threat to us, a traitor or deserter, or scum who didn’t deserve to live. We kept the streets clean of hooligans and rapists, so the common people could live in peace without violence dogging their steps. And if anyone or anything happened to get caught in the crossfire, we’d take care of that. And not in a “line them up and shoot” kind of way. The Uchiha clan paid for any damages or bills, so long as you were under our protection. A much better deal than with the other mafia.

My phone rang. “Hello? Hey, Madara, how are things?”

He dropped his facade of professional indifference and pulled his cigar out of his mouth. I heard him tapping it on his crystal ashtray. “Business as usual. Sector 5 busted a trafficking ring today—we’ll need you to negotiate things with the private investigators once you get back. That new chef still needs to get better, or he’s getting the boot. How’s your mission so far?” “Going well. I’ve located the deserters, and I’ve set them up in the Rose Street Cafe at ten tomorrow morning. Can Izuna lead a squad out there?”

My younger brother’s voice piped up. Madara’s end must be on speaker. “I’m busy tomorrow, but I can send the squad to you. Or would you rather I have one of my lieutenants take care of it?” “No, I can handle it. Have them ready at the cafe by ten. I’ll walk over, so make sure the car has room for one more.” “Got it. Anything else?”

“That’s it. See you two tomorrow. Good night.” I plugged my phone in by the bed and kicked off my boots. I put my coat on the night stand, positioning it so I could reach in and grab my gun at any point in the night. Tomorrow promised to be interesting.

I saw the black van parked outside the coffee shop as soon as I turned the corner. The men got out as soon as they saw me, and on my signal they pulled out their weapons and started firing into the cafe. Passersby screamed and ran for cover, but they needn’t have worried. We got our targets without extra bloodshed.

My earpiece buzzed. “Vehicle incoming.” The emergency responders were remarkably fast today. I’d have to check if there was anyone we forgot to bribe once I got back to the mansion. In any case, dealing with them would be a simple matter. Maybe this time I’d challenge myself and tape my mouth shut.

A civilian car pulled up in front of the cafe and two people, a man and a woman, got out. Plainclothes detectives, by the look of them. Ones that were far in over their head and without backup. How hard could this be?

As it turns out, it could be very, very hard. When I put away my lipstick and compact mirror the last people I expected to see was Hashirama Senju and you. You recognized me as soon as I saw you; I could see it in your eyes. Why did I have to get TWO cops we couldn’t pay off? The Senju family was devoted to justice for almost as long as the Uchiha have been in the underworld, and Hashirama believed too much in his childish concept of “right” and “wrong” to take our money.

And then there was you, my old schoolmate and best friend. We’d been joined at the hip when we were young, but your brother’s murder pushed you to the police force and away from me. Now we faced each other with guns at our hips instead of book bags and flower crowns. Oh, how the times have changed.

I motioned for the men to get into the car and followed them in. I saw you try to run after the van as we drove away, saw how Hashirama held you back. Well, at least I didn’t have to worry about you getting yourself killed just yet, but your presence brought with it a host of new problems. I buried my head in my hands. Things were gonna get a lot more complicated.