#just ugh im always so bothered by fellow white leftists who've clearly put up some stupid barrier in their brain..

[criminal-sen]

Bc I've noticed smth about ppl - specifically white, usually cis - in this country and it's that The Perfect Leftist isn't a state they all remain in. Bc you're not perfect, you're not even acceptable, you - on account of the privilege you were born with and the country you're living in - are always going to be part of the problem. And unless you rise up and *makes some vague hand gesture* yknow... Defeat Capitalism?? You're just gonna have to deal with the shitty way that makes you feel. And so you wake up every day feeling angry and helpless and, depending on how you're doing in your personal life, that can all build up and become too much to cope with. So I'm never particularly surprised when folks fall into nihilism or comfortable liberalism or - even worse imo - do a shitty lil 180, like oh maybe they DO deserve more than this and um. my brain has invented a combination of like.. Gollum voice and the dark side from Star Wars.. to represent them turning to right wing extremism:3

I honestly don't know how common the last option is, I just know that I've seen it happen to a handful of ppl I used to be friends with. And ofc I didn't do that, but I did become a nihilist in all but name for a very long time - like I would straight-up tell ppl I didn't do politics. And it's because my white cis (in denial but hey that's still kinda cis) ass had my brains broken by the horrors of post 9/11 atrocities, and the realization that I - a person who'd been told by adults all my life I was SO fucking smart and special - couldn't stop it with my special main character powers. And I'm REALLY not being nice to myself here lmfao.. like there was other shit going on, unaddressed mental health issues, substance abuse, terrible relationship with my family.. but yah the result was the same. And I guess I just wonder how many other ppl go into leftism with that same individualistic Special Guy approach, only to do surprised Pikachu face when their entire ego goes thru a meat grinder

I like to think if I'd had the barest minimum of a support network back then, maybe I would've picked myself up and continued, humbled but still determined? I mean, I'm trying to get back in it now (social anxiety tho like wtf how am I supposed to do anything when talking is SO fucking hard, like it's really no surprise I started drinking back in the day) but I'm lucky on account of the fact that my ego has already been meat grindered:3

Tldr: being a leftist is hard and largely unrewarding, yet there's lots to do once you learn to cope with The Horrors, and there IS rewarding work out there, it's just on a smaller scale than the grand 'Defeat Capitalism' shit. Also vote:3 bc that can be baby's first step at shaking the individualistic 'it has to align with what I want perfectly or else I feel yucky and I dont wanna' brainworms we've all been ingrained with

So fucking irritated with political shit rn. I'm irritated with liberals ofc - like there's not a moment in my entire adult life where I'm not - but I'm just as irritated with all the leftists who think election time is a good opportunity to bluster and scream about how much they hate liberals (specifically Biden and/or Kamala) and how they're actually worse (??????) than the GOP bc at least GOP is honest about their hate. I'm bringing this tired shit up cuz my partner clicked on a YouTube video last night where this white cis 20something guy was making all these points with the smug confidence of someone who knows they'll be safe no matter how bad things get for the rest of us

Like wow cool, you're gonna sit here and make fun of 'vote blue no matter who' without even trying to pretend you have a secret third option. Just wild. It's so fucking wild. Idgaf how many little factoids you pull out, you're openly proclaiming that your idea of activism is to sit back and do nothing because voting makes you feel icky. Oh and make sure you look and act properly leftist - don't eat meat, don't buy fancy new clothes, always have some leftist book you're currently reading so everyone knows how smart you are, make sure you are Consuming Correctly bc thats the real activism amiright guys???? and haha omfg I'm remembering why I get fed up with these ppl so easily