#just two beautiful men clamoring to hold another beautiful man's phone for him <3 <3 <3

[cementcornfield]

Ja'Marr Chase, triple crown winning receiver incapable of holding his own phone 💕

[dollofdeath]

Déjà Vu [9/9]

Series: Joker Game

Characters: Kaminaga/Miyoshi

Rating: G

Summary:  Four missed encounters between Kaminaga and Miyoshi and the one time they finally meet (again).

Words: 3633

Notes: Modern AU/Reincarnation AU; *slAM DUNKS MY KEYBOARD* We’ve finally reached the end?? Gosh, wow ;u; Honestly there’s so much I wanna say but I’m not really sure what except thank you guys so much for reading so far!! You can read the end notes on AO3 if you want all of my sappy crying haha but do check it out also re: the HataJitsu spinoff and also some other ideas I kinda have in mind ^^

Ch.1 | Ch.2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 | Ch. 8 | You can read this on AO3! Thank you guys so so so much for reading, I hope you enjoy~!   

☆⌒(＊＾∇゜)v

Ch. 9 - Miyoshi & Kaminaga: Finally Together

Out of all the things D-Agency prepared Miyoshi for, getting impaled by a steel beam wasn't one of them.

Certainly he'd experienced worse pains, like the soreness after swimming in the ocean with his clothes on in the dead winter's night or purposely breaking his arm for the sake of a lesson. If not for all the blood staining his white dress shirt red or how breathing became more laborious with each passing second, he could've dismissed the pressure on his chest as slight discomfort, barely even a two on a pain scale of ten. But as his extremities grew colder and his limbs became numb, his eyelids heavier and his hearing more strained, Miyoshi would've rather wanted excruciating pain than this nothingness he was slipping into.

It would have been so easy to let death come and take him right now, but he still had something left to do. His mission didn't end until Yuuki got hold of the microfilm and Miyoshi wasn't one to leave things unfinished. Smirking, he soaked his fingers in his blood, much like a child would with paint for a finger painting, and marked where the microfilm was in his collar. Satisfied with that, his arm dropped down with a lifeless thud ; it wasn't like he'd be needing it anymore anyways.

Thus, Miyoshi’s last role to play was that of a corpse -- ever still and ever calm, as if death had taken him by surprise like many of the others littered in the rubble. He leaned his head back against the wreckage, staring up at the broken ceiling of his train car. Only the holes from the crash allowed him to see the gray sky beyond the ruins that entrapped him, though even that was meaningless with everything fading away into blackness. He supposed what they said was true, that hearing was the last sense to go as one died, for the roaring, autumn winds were the only things he could make out -- his only company as he died.

There were no similarities to be had, but it was almost as if he could hear the others from D-Agency as the winds rushed passed his ears. Sentimentality was for fools, but maybe just this once he wanted to be one. In his last moments, he could picture the Cultural Society at its liveliest, where all ten of them had been together; eight like-minded men -- not necessarily friends -- brought together by an enigmatic spymaster alongside the lieutenant ordered to watch over them. Dare he say it, but it was the closest thing to a home he'd ever had. Companionship, understanding, and trust were all things that he'd only found in one person before he'd volunteered for D-Agency but now even that was long gone. Even if he'd survived his mission and went back, those days had ended years ago; all he had left now was that black, empty solitude Yuuki had warned them about and how naive it was of him to make light of it back then.

Still now, as the faces of the others faded away, one remained bright and strong -- a light as his world grew darker and darker. If Kaminaga wasn't allowed to be his first thought when confronted with disaster, then surely he could be his last. It would be a lie if Miyoshi said he'd die with no regrets for there was one last thing he wished to do, and that was to see Kaminaga one last time. If he'd known that the day Kaminaga set off for London was truly their last moment together, he would've liked to have given him a proper goodbye: "Thank you," "I love you," and "Don't catch up" because Kaminaga deserved to live a long life even if it was without him. Instead he'd told him "Don't keep me waiting," but now he supposed that he was the one keeping him waiting. Miyoshi did not believe in any higher beings, no afterlife nor samsara, but it was truly a pretty thought to think that one day they could be reunited and he could finally tell him all the things he couldn't say before.

With that one last thought in mind -- of a world where he could always see Kaminaga's grin, hear the sound of his laughter, and feel the warmth of his touch -- Miyoshi breathed his last and drifted off into an eternal rest.

Miyoshi hated dreaming of his death because not only did it leave him sleepless with the phantom pains of the steel beam piercing his chest, but they seemed to forebode bad days. He'd dreamed of the numbness that took over his body the day his cat went missing, never to be found again; he'd dreamed of the dull throbbing in his chest the day his mother had succumbed to her illness; and he'd dreamed of the heartache of his one last wish the day he broke up with Sakuma. Now he was not a superstitious person, but when he woke up Monday morning with the train crash fresh on his mind, Miyoshi braced himself for the worst.

With Jitsui already out the house, there was little to take his mind off the sinking feeling that spread throughout his stomach, but Miyoshi paid it no mind. He went about his morning routine as he usually did, applying a little more makeup than usual to cover up his eye bags, and left the house as normal. The one thing keeping him sane now was the text he received a few days ago, one that he read more times than he'd like to admit -- "i'll see u soon." And even now, he could imagine Kaminaga saying it, along with a wink and a grin. Kaminaga always kept to his word and he trusted him, and so Miyoshi kept his head high as he made his way to the train station.

Even as he walked onto the platform and saw no sign of Kaminaga yet, his steps did not falter. He'd arrived a bit early anyways and he just needed to give him some time.

Even as he walked the perimeter to make absolutely sure that he wasn't there (and he wasn't), he kept his stride. Minutes passed and the train would be here soon, but surely Kaminaga would be there.

And Miyoshi would've liked to say that he remained calm even as he saw the train approaching in the distance, but the reality was that his worry grew with each second that Kaminaga wasn't there.

But still, Miyoshi believed in Kaminaga and so he waited until the last possible minute for him. The crowd had already dispersed as the people had clamored to board the train, leaving him the only one in the area. The doors were set to close any moment now, but he hovered in the in-between of the train and the platform, surveying the area once more only to be met with nothing.

His lips curled down as he thought about Kaminaga's whereabouts, wondering if he was all right or if anything had happened to him. Perhaps he'd gotten sick and couldn't make it. Or maybe something worse had happened. Miyoshi shook that particular thought away; he couldn't afford to think like that. He reached for his phone in his pocket, the idea of texting Amari about Kaminaga looking tempting, but it was rather late for that now. He couldn't waste any more time and so he stepped onto the train completely, but not before taking one last look at the train platform. Again, he was met with nothing and he sighed as he found a seat for himself.

Though he'd expected to catch sight of him a fifth time, Miyoshi did not see Kaminaga.

Kaminaga waited one year for Miyoshi's return.

During that year, he would practice what he'd tell Miyoshi upon his arrival whenever he had the chance, wanting to weave a story for him -- one that would enrapture him, pull him in, and of course prove to him that he was the better spy as he detailed his capture, interrogation, and escape in London. He'd rehearse the exact tone of his voice, right down to the pitch, and even the gestures to accompany his words. The whole endeavor reminded him of when they were children, when he'd act things out that Miyoshi wasn't allowed to experience himself. But it seemed that all his efforts were for naught when he got news of Miyoshi's death instead of the man himself.

A train crash, Yuuki had told him in that cold voice of his, before giving him his own assignment. He was told little else about Miyoshi, only that he'd completed his mission. Just this once, Kaminaga had to hand it to him -- there was no way he could top that. Normally he'd accept his loss with the prospect of having the opportunity to beat Miyoshi another day, but there would be no next time and that made Kaminaga all the more bitter.

He wondered, as the freezing autumn air hit him once he stepped onto the rooftop, if Miyoshi felt as numb as he did now as he died, if he had any regrets, if he had any last wishes. A man such as he didn't deserve to have his life cut short like that, but he supposed it was a fitting end for someone as grandiose as Miyoshi had been ("Had been.” Kaminaga would never get used to that). He could only imagine Miyoshi laying alone in the wreckage -- bruised, battered, and bloody but somehow Kaminaga knew that he was the most beautiful being even as a corpse. Oh, the things he would give for Miyoshi to be here now. He would trade even his own life for his; the world would be uglier without Miyoshi to grace its presence.

To think, he was supposed to carry on as if Miyoshi had never existed. Kaminaga was starting to question his decision of becoming a spy for once. As he looked up now, the night sky was as black as the void in his heart with not even the stars present to illuminate it. There were no sounds to be heard, save for the phantoms of Miyoshi's voice in his head. Not even a cigarette could warm the bitter numbness he felt now. He wanted nothing more than to be with his beloved, to turn back time and protect him from whatever dangers would befall him. However, he couldn't wallow in his sorrows nor dwell on what could've been forever; if Miyoshi could see him now, he'd call him pathetic and Kaminaga couldn't have that, now could he?

And so, Kaminaga decided, if he wasn't allowed to remember Miyoshi freely, he would honor him by continuing their line of duty. While there was no meaning in trying to be the best anymore, he would do more than what was expected of him and if one day he should meet Miyoshi again -- be it in the afterlife or in another life, as foolish as it sounded -- he would tell him all about it.

Despite his new resolve, Kaminaga felt no lighter as he went back inside the building. What was waiting for him was not the one whom he longed to see but four other men who also weren't allowed to grieve for the one they'd just lost. Kaminaga couldn't fathom forcing a smile onto his face in this empty world without Miyoshi.

Kaminaga didn't mean to oversleep, but it was as if his dream -- his nightmare -- had entrapped him in a paralysis. That always seemed to be the case when he remembered the worst day of his life, a state where he was entrapped by the sorrows that weighed him down and shaken up by the things he'd never got to say. It was only when Tazaki shook him awake that he was finally able to regain his bearings and, as lethargic and hollow as he felt, he wasted no time jumping out of bed. Today was Monday, and he wouldn't keep Miyoshi waiting any longer.

In his rush, he ran into several people and nearly got hit by a car (it was his light anyways so that guy could go screw himself), but somehow he made it to the train station -- barely alive, but still kicking. As he checked the time, he continued his mad dash up the stairs and saw that the platform was empty with the train just about ready to leave. The doors were still open, but Kaminaga couldn't afford to wait around. He wasn't sure which car Miyoshi was in -- or if he was in any of them at all -- but he followed his instincts and sped off in the direction of the one closest to him, catching the doors with his bare hands before they shut completely and prying them back open.

He received glares from the other passengers, to which he bowed his head apologetically as he walked on. Behind him, the doors closed again and he took a moment to catch his breath as he surveyed the car. It wasn't too crowded, which was good, but his disappointment grew with each unfamiliar face he passed over. For a moment, he began to think that he'd probably missed Miyoshi once more, but then he looked over to the other end of the car and his breathing hitched.

For the fifth time, Kaminaga saw Miyoshi -- and this time nothing would stop him.

In the corner was Miyoshi, sitting with his head resting against the wall and his eyes closed like Sleeping Beauty awaiting her prince's kiss. As tempting as that was, however, Kaminaga wanted to greet him properly. Staring at him from where he was, Kaminaga tried to figure out what he would say to him and when it hit him, he put on his most charming smile and began walking over. Each step seemed to drag on and on and his palms became clammy; once he'd thought this feeling was nervousness, but he'd decided now that this feeling was anticipation and it only grew as he neared Miyoshi. The closer and closer he got, the better he could see the highlights in his hair, the way his golden eye shadow shimmered in the sunlight, and his red, red lips slightly parted. How he wanted to reach out and touch him, to push back his hair and get a better look at him, but he couldn't -- not just yet.

Holding onto the hand railing, Kaminaga swallowed hard as he settled in front of Miyoshi. He'd yet to open his eyes, which he figured was better for him because that way he could surprise him, the corners of his lips turning up at the thought of it. Kaminaga took a breath, opened his mouth and --

-- whatever he was going to say was cut off as the train lurched forward.

He lost his grip on the railing and his hands flew forward to break his fall, one hand slamming the wall above Miyoshi's head and the other clutching Miyoshi's shoulder; his knee landed on Miyoshi's lap, the other leg outstretched to prevent himself from falling any further. It was a little closer than Kaminaga had intended for their second first meeting, but he wasn't complaining. At this proximity, he could see the specks of red in Miyoshi's fox-like eyes as they snapped open, see the way his shoulders hunched up ever so slightly as he inhaled sharply, and the way his brows raised as he looked up at him -- the rare sight of Miyoshi caught off guard. Kaminaga wished he had his camera on him to take a picture of such a cute visage.

Miyoshi's eyes traveled up and down his body and Kaminaga stood still underneath his gaze, taking Miyoshi in as well with bated breath. As Miyoshi’s eyes returned to his face and locked onto his own pair, he reached out to touch him as if to make sure that was actually there.

"Hey," Kaminaga finally said, his voice soft.

A moment passed where Miyoshi traced the contours of his face -- over his cheek bones, lips, and nose -- with his thumb, the sensation igniting a fire within Kaminaga that he hadn't felt in years. Then Miyoshi narrowed his eyes at him, the corners crinkling, and pinched his cheek.

"Ow, what --"

"You're late," Miyoshi said, a slight shakiness in his voice but the haughtiness he was familiar with still there.

Kaminaga blinked as he let his words sink in and then chuckled, the pain from the pinch nothing compared to the happiness bubbling up inside him.

"And you're stunning."

Miyoshi rolled his eyes, but his lips quirked up nonetheless.

"Do you intend on standing like that the whole time?" Miyoshi asked, swatting the arm above him, pulling off the one on his shoulder, and taking both of his hands in his. Miyoshi's hands were just as warm as he remembered. "People are staring."

"I thought you liked it when everyone was looking at you," Kaminaga said, but he complied and took the seat next to him, their bodies angled towards each other and their knees touching.

"Yes, at me . Not the idiot hovering over me."

"Wow." Kaminaga gave an exaggerated pout. "I'm really feeling the love."

"Is that so?" Miyoshi cocked his head to the side. "That's rather disappointing, considering I haven't even shown you my love yet."

"Hm?"

Letting go of his hands, Miyoshi cupped Kaminaga's face and pulled him closer. From this angle, Kaminaga could make out each eyelash of Miyoshi's as his eyelids lowered, a bit longer than he remembered, and the dip of the bridge of Miyoshi's nose -- both of them details Kaminaga reacquainted himself with. Miyoshi paused briefly, his hot breath tickling his skin, before kissing him. Kaminaga had almost forgotten how soft Miyoshi's lips were, and his eyes fluttered closed as he lost himself in the feeling -- the feeling of sweetness, like an overdue greeting after a long goodbye. It ended far too quickly for Kaminaga's liking, though the dazed look on Miyoshi's face as he pulled away made up for it.

"...You're right, you haven't." Kaminaga said, leaning in closer. "Maybe you could try one more time?"

Miyoshi let out an exasperated sigh, but his thumbs caressed his face gently as if he were to be handled with the utmost care.

"Then listen to me and listen to me closely, okay?"

"I'm listening."

"Then, Kaminaga?" Miyoshi said, and shivers ran down Kaminaga’s spine at the sound of his name. He hadn't realized how much he missed hearing it said in Miyoshi's sweet, sensual voice.

"Yeah?"

Taking a breath, Miyoshi licked his lips before speaking again.

"I love you."

They were three simple syllables, three simple words composed of eight letters, but hearing them was the best thing Kaminaga had ever heard in any lifetime. He'd longed to hear those words ever since he could remember -- the verbal affirmation that Miyoshi cared for him, wanted him, loved him, and Kaminaga couldn't help but grin so wide that his cheeks hurt. Kaminaga placed his hands atop Miyoshi's, his fingers curling around them and reveling in that rough smooth feeling he adored.

"That's funny because, Miyoshi?"

"Yes?"

Leaning in even closer so that their faces were practically only millimeters apart, Kaminaga tilted his head and their noses brushed against each others, the warmth of Miyoshi's breath breezing against his skin, and Miyoshi watched him closely with half-lidded eyes.

"I love you, too."

Closing the distance between them, Kaminaga pressed a kiss against Miyoshi's lips and he could feel Miyoshi smile into it. Kaminaga's hand snaked around Miyoshi's waist, their legs tangling together as he held him closer. Likewise, Miyoshi's hands dropped from his face and his arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him in as he deepened the kiss -- the feeling of passion, like the demand of "don't ever leave me again" after decades spent separated from each other. Breaking apart, he rested his forehead against Miyoshi's and they gazed at each other as they caught hold of their breaths.

"If you love me," Miyoshi said after a moment, a teasing lilt in his tone. "Do you remember what you promised me?"

Of course Kaminaga did. But he wanted to have a little fun, too.

"Sounds familiar..." Kaminaga's nose scrunched up. "Jog my memory a little bit?"

Miyoshi pulled back and crossed his arms, an amused look on his face. Just as always, he could see right through his act.

"Does 'London' ring any bells?"

"Kind of." He hummed, as if pretending to think about it. "My memory's a little rusty, I'm afraid."

"That's a shame." Miyoshi turned away, puffing his chest out and holding his chin high. "I suppose I'm the better spy by default then."

Kaminaga's jaw dropped as Miyoshi's side-eyed him, that smirk of his that Kaminaga had missed so much growing on his face. Well, if he wanted to play that way, he was more than happy to oblige him.

"Actually," Kaminaga said, wrapping his arm around Miyoshi's neck. "I think it's coming back to me now."

"Oh?" Miyoshi rested his head on his shoulder and scooted closer towards him, their hands finding each other. He looked up at him with earnest, his eyes sparkling with genuine interest. "Do tell."

There was a time long ago when Kaminaga had rehearsed everything he'd tell Miyoshi about his mission in London, practicing every word and every gesture so Miyoshi could experience what he had. In this moment, however, Kaminaga found that he couldn’t recall a single thing that he’d practiced. But it was no matter, because now they had all the time in the world to catch up with each other. Not one to leave Miyoshi waiting, Kaminaga grinned and started with the first thing that came to mind.