#just to make an eventual comfort/conclusion more gratifying

[e1igius]

it feels like , the world is about to end , eventually , in some tragic and unweilding way --- that the end of the world is approaching and he has no way of stopping it. as if one of these days , if the trigger isn't pulled fast enough , if the governments don't start helping him out. this world won't even make it to it's own end at the hands of climate change , no --- it'll be lost far before it can even get there. it's the reminder that he cannot in face , make enough of a difference to mean anything. that just one man trying to take on the entirety of the world won't in the end actually contribute to anything more than the death of himself. he can feel as his joints and bones no longer work in the manner they were intended to , he very fondly remembers back to when they did. he hadn't realized that , over ten years later --- he'd be doing the same thing , and that , as he remembers , he wouldn't have the strength he needed to continue anymore.

he tries to make up for it of course , if he's not working he's in the gym , or making sure he gets enough food to power through the energy he's burning. no more energy drinks and nicotine fueling his way through missions. though the addiction to both wanes and weaves like the waves over moon tied oceans. trying to make his body last long enough always seeming in perfect contradiction to the vices he indulged in , though the liquor wasn't the only vice that often kept him up at night. keeping a gun in the nightstand was not , an act of self defense. nor was it some sort of comforting presence , more so a reminder that if he was in fact , not actively improving the world by removing others. he could also just , quite quickly , remove himself from that very same equation. the thought had become so common place , that the retelling of the lie of why it sat there , always loaded was more of a song on whiskey lips than it was a lie. the barrel finding its way in his throat was... more than a little common place. and yet the bullet never quite seemed to reach it's home between the base of his skull and the function of the rest of his brain.

no , it's his vices that keep his heart beating more often than not. if one were to ask the texan he'd say that it was the lust of it all ; though a simple examination might lead to a more accurate conclusion of attempting to fill a hole with no bottom , a waterless well , of loneliness and replace it instead with compassion had lacked the man's entire existence. a roster of women often circled through his bed , though never at the same time , and rarely with close intimacy... and thoughout this , it was not them that huckleberry was worried about being one of his vices. no that title in fact belonged to sawyer bardot , the metal singer that had , in some strange fashion. managed to wrangle herself into the very fabric he held so dearly close to his chest. sewn her name in place and refused to grant leniency , no it was as if god had made a soulmate , and then demanded that it would be impossible for them to be.

she was , in all reality - the only relationship that the thirty-two year old had ever held , in which he could say he was genuinely cared for with no other motive present. sawyer had no need for him , if it was male attention she craved... it was everywhere , something huck often had to help battle. sawyer benefitted in no way from keeping him around , her bandmates weren't the fondest of the man spending time with the young girl in her early twenties , and he had no connections to her industry. no matter what she wanted , it would require moving the moon itself for him to be able to grant her any sort of wish when it came to her career... not that he wouldn't have attempted the quest. he wasn't even , really a sort of love interest , it's not like she gained sexual pleasure from their relationship. huck didn't ( often ) buy her lavish gifts , or gratify her in any way and yet... she existed , as if her presence was an endless reminder that , people are meant to find people... and maybe , she was just meant to be here in his life.

it was the only rational conclusion that could manifest in a tired brain at four int he morning when she speaks. her words tight across her lips , as if coming across as punishment. i just want you to be happy ... her words hung in the air like nails across a chalkboard. and he certainly does not think that he's felt that emotion in years. not really , though --- if he's honest. she seems to be actively making quite a large dent in that statement. the smiles and laughter she manages to bring out int he man are genuine , her level of love and affection towards him allowing walls to be brought down... as if , existing around a person as genuinely giving as the siren weren't addicting enough. he's formed a rather unhealthy attachment to the young woman , and one he hates to admit aloud , ever...

but her statement still hangs in the air , and as he comes to reality , there's a small realization that he has not been paying attention to the rest of the conversation for quite a while. it happens at times , his brain will simply shut off all sort of incoming traffic , no signals will make their ways from the eyes to the receptors that categorize them into received actions thus prompting any sort of response. no huckleberry's been just staring at nothing for who knows how long , it's a wonder that sawyer doesn't think he's insane , though her statement regarding happiness certainly does make slightly more sense now. even her method of approach seems , as if she knows him too well. as if she knows , that his salvation rests in the palm of her hands , and that he'll follow where they lead. jump as high and far as she needs him to , just to spend another moment with her...

❝ i'm happy , ❞ the words leave his lips and there's a feverish desire for them to be true , ❝ i just scored morgan wallen tickets in houston , why wouldn't i be. ❞ the gentle water-cooler talk feels so rehearsed it's plastic. blue eyes find hers , as if the lie weren't as clear as black ink soaked in blood to the raven haired girl. he shrugs a little , and pretends to go back to looking at his phone , because ---- sure maybe that's the direction he'd been staring in when she noticed , the goal was , to just play it off for now... ❝ and you're here. ❞ that second statement... feels a little more true.

@metalsiren sent , "i just want you to be happy ... "

[mssirey]

More SuperReign Knights AU!! (A follow up to this)

The rains had mercifully held off for the summer games, but were not so gracious as their duel—called a draw the day before to keep them from taking the whole fairgrounds down around them—resumed in the training yard. There was no ceremonial garb to be concerned with and after the sun had been on their skin all morning, the rain was almost welcome. 

The singing of their blades was momentarily drowned out by calls to clear out—lessons abandoned around them—and the disgruntled shouts of curses at any god that might listen as hungover knights stumbled for shelter. But all it took was one glance while their swords locked to know that Kara had no interest in postponing the conclusion of their duel. 

The challenge that always managed to define them—both the tie that connected them and the bounds of what they were—reared its head in the fires she saw in Kara’s eyes, just as it had shaped her words the night before. Sam could still feel the imprint of Kara’s weight in her lap; the way her knees caught against the outsides of Sam’s legs; the way she relaxed back; the smell of her hair—it refused to leave her, but she couldn’t find a hint of its meaning, or its mirror, in Kara. 

The other knight wasn’t as graceful as Sam knew her to be capable of—her parries sloppy, her timing off by a hair—but Sam was too sluggish to press that advantage, the night’s ale lingering enough in her system to dull her reflexes. But they fell into step, following the familiar dance between them, the ring of their blades clashing joined by the patter of rain on soft soil. 

As the skies grew darker and the rain came down in sheets, they were left without witnesses—no one to judge a victor—and still they continued. Sam tried to steer Kara towards a slick stretch of mud, swinging in a wide arch—allowed herself to be predictable, easily avoidable if Kara stepped correctly—and then a turn of her grip would allow her to follow with more aggression, push the other knight back, direct her to where her footing would be compromised. 

Kara was sharper than Sam gave her credit, already noting the shift in the terrain—a lesson both J’onn and Alex had been sure to drill into her and the others in her class—and she knew to disengage, to take stock of their surroundings. “You’re going to have to do better than that,” she called as she put a few paces between them, competing with the shower to make her voice carry across the yard. 

Just as Sam felt the water running down her neck and beneath her leathers, Kara’s short hair was getting flattened, falling over her eyes. A quick swipe pushed it back in a messy sweep and still more rain coaxed it forward again. They were both blinking, adjusting to the rivulets that streaked their faces, each testing their grips with a few easy swings, knowing that it was only a matter of time before it was hard to keep a handle on their blades. 

The rain was hard enough to distort the image of Kara, and perhaps that was for the best as her tunic clung to her abs beneath the line of where her leather chest guard cut off. It had never been quite so distracting and Sam couldn’t bring herself to examine the interest her eyes showed. 

“You can forfeit here,” she offered, a laugh forced from her lungs to cover how the words had teetered on her tongue, nearly tumbling from her lips to die in the gathering mud. “I wouldn’t hold it against you.

“Never!”

It was always the same. Kara never chose to back down, and it had been thrilling to have someone who wanted to cross blades, who took every chance to stand opposite her despite the names she had been given—Black Reign the one that had stuck, shortened eventually to Reign. Most young knights feared her, would bow out of duels or take early falls to avoid truly testing her, but not Kara. 

Kara. The golden knight of high noble birth, who could have easily chosen to be a knight in name only, but who instead stood fiercely behind the codes she upheld. The woman who was bright in spirit and wit; who could turn a room with both action and song; who was greeted by everyone, but also took the time to greet in turn—even those whose voices were lost in the crowd or those who struggled to get anyone to meet their eye. 

Kara was the one who sought Sam, relentless and insistent, and through her Sam found it easier to hold her blade proudly. She enjoyed the rivalry they shared, but somewhere along the line it had become something different… or perhaps she wanted it to and instead it remained just that. She couldn’t decipher it, couldn’t understand it. 

And so Sam leaned into what she knew. She strode forward to close the distance between them, boots already feeling the suction of fresh mud, careful to watch the turn of Kara’s grip and the shift of her weight, to check which foot was planted. 

“Come on, Sam, don’t hold back!” 

Only Kara could demand something so boldly and genuinely want it. It was foolish, brash, but also welcome. 

Sam let the fire caged in her chest bleed into her arm, dropped her grip to the one hand and swung, hard enough to crack bone through armor. She trusted Kara to know how to handle it, her heart rising with the shriek of her blade dragging down the length of Kara’s as the angle directed her momentum away from the other knight.

Kara shouldered her to the side, tried to unbalance her, to find an opening after her aggression, but her own footing made quick maneuvers tricky. They danced apart, righted their stances and then circled, each watchful for any slip. 

Sam’s blade was longer and heavier, and she knew the bones in Kara’s hands and forearms would feel the sting of each clash, until numbness reached her shoulder. If she could keep Kara at a distance, keep her on the defensive, it would only be a matter of time before she couldn’t hold her arm up. 

But Kara knew that as well as she did, knew to not let her control the pace. So to provoke Sam meant she was studying, gauging how steady her blade was in the rain and how fast her swing. She needed to know the windows of opportunity, and Sam couldn’t let her learn them. 

Sam charged, put her body behind her blade and caught the twist of Kara’s grin--a brief glimpse as she was sidestepped--the revelry at her full effort setting her heart out of rhythm. She couldn’t understand what joy Kara got out of it, but that smile made her knees unsteady. 

They continued, going even with what Kara redirected and what she avoided, each stumbling and slipping more and more as the earth soaked up the rain, until Kara found the opening she was looking for. 

Sam got too close and the pommel of Kara’s sword came down on her hand, wrenched her blade from her, and if she had been steady enough to get away, Sam would have lost. But favor turned, and Sam swept her feet out from under her, gratified by the wet impact as Kara’s back hit the ground. 

Sam kicked her sword from her grip and took advantage of the knight’s struggle for breath, getting over her and pinning her arms. 

“You look good on your back.” 

Sam said it in the spirit of competition, but the hitch of Kara’s breath and the flutter of her lashes brought the possible meaning into glaring focus, the realization painted in broad strokes across her skin. A splatter of mud touched Kara’s cheek and Sam released her wrist to gently brush it away, her gloved thumb lingering after, hovering, drawn by a yet unnamed force towards parted lips. 

Sam’s hand sank into the mud by Kara’s head, braced as she felt the pull of her own heart, the gravity that called her towards the other knight. The rain added the barest gleam to Kara’s lips, enough to keep her gaze trained and narrowed in. 

She watched as Kara’s lips moved, formed around words she didn’t speak, tried to guess what she might say—if it would be a remark about how she should move from where she straddled the other knight. She hoped that wasn't what Kara wanted, but the peek of tongue she witnessed kept her from truly considering the consequences. 

Sam leaned down, only to pause, her breath heavy as it shuddered from her lungs. Her cheeks burned hot, the rain on her neck not enough to cool her. She didn’t catch Kara’s fingers as they slipped into her leathers, at the opening for her arms, but the tug overcame the last of her hesitation, and she let herself fall into the cushion of those lips, to taste the heat that scorched its way through her skull and licked down her spine.

There was no reason to be found. No question to be answered. Sam knew how to follow instinct, how to let her body move for her, and so when her mind sought haven in the comfort of the other woman’s presence, her tongue pressed for what it wanted, drank deeply as Kara met her with just as much desire, a groan spilling into her mouth. 

A boom of thunder drew them apart, laughing and breathy. 

“This isn’t defeat,” Kara panted, and then her face pinched into that endearingly regretful expression she got when she tripped over her own tongue, her ears bright red. 

Sam exhaled a laugh. “It never is with you,” she noted with a shake of her head.

[hillbillyoracle]

Daily Spiritual Habits That Took My Practice to the Next Level

I’ve really been trying to strengthen my spiritual practice into something more regular these past few months. As I’m trying to prepare myself eventual chaplaincy training, it’s forced me to identify what really adds to my spiritual practice and what just distracts me. 

Here are the habits that have really restored my spiritual life over the past few months. My hope in talking about them is to help you evaluate what practices are your spiritual pillars in your life. 

Prayer

Prayer is something I wind up doing everyday. I usually pray to my goddess and my spirits. I also regularly pray to my ancestors. I used to use some pagan prayers I memorized but I haven’t lately. I might go back to it for morning and evening prayers. 

On a mundane side, this lowers my stress quite a bit. Prayer reminds me I have folks looking out for me. I’m not going it alone. Which helps me feel less helpless and more connected to the world at large. On the spiritual side, this helps strengthen my ability to communicate with those beings - a skill I’m definitely still working on. While my goddess comes in loud and clear, I’m still learning to listen for my ancestors and other spirits. 

It’s so practically and spiritually helpful, I don’t tend to forget this one. I’m still getting comfortable praying in my own style which I don’t think enough people talk about. I don’t like praying out loud unless I’m leading a ceremony or circle and I’ve come to accept that. I don’t think it’s any less powerful because in many ways it’s more me. 

If you haven’t liked praying in the past, switch it up. Prayer beads, ancient hymns, modern poetry, freestyle, out loud, in your head - it’s all valid. 

Offerings

I usually put out a stick of incense and some water most days on our home hearth altar. I miss some days but it’s deeply gratifying for me so it’s right below prayer for me. 

Offerings just help me feel closer to the spirits I work with. In the same way, when you invite friends over and cook for them you tend to feel closer to them - it’s like that for spirits. I like “having them over” and my prayers feel like they’re received a little better when I make it clear my relationship is reciprocal. 

They’re also just so distinctly different from what I did when I was raised Christian so it helps me feel like I’m actively participating in my own separate path. They really do help fill me up spiritually. 

Journaling

Journaling is something I do at least once a week but often more. I focus on shadow work journaling but I’m opening up to other forms too. It’s just such a needed way to process what I’m going through in a way that doesn’t overburden my support system. It’s not that I can’t talk to people in my life about stuff, it’s that they’ve got stuff going on in their lives and I want to take things that I properly can’t figure out on my own to them. It’s a good faith effort so to speak. 

This goes for spirits too. My goddess works with thousands of people all over the world and she’s got plans of her own. I only really want to go to her with the stuff I really need her help with. Since she’s a goddess of sovereignty, I think it helps me feel like I can stand on my own and I think she’s grown to trust me with more work as I’ve gotten more emotionally independent. 

Journaling really has been key with that. Your brain is for having ideas, not for storing them. And I get kind of “emotionally backed up” if I don’t journal regularly so this is a practice that has stayed. 

Tarot

I’m kind of in a tarot slump at the moment but I still find it a useful tool. Instead of drawing cards, I’ll sometimes just use a card as a point of focus to center my journaling or prayers. Tarot is more than a divination system to me, it’s a way to understand life. 

I find myself relating my experiences back to tarot cards and using the system as a whole to work out what the best course of action might be. If I’m feeling stuck, I think about what reversed card best embodies my situation and then think about what clues the upright card might give for breaking through. 

There’s really not a day that goes by where I don’t interact with the tarot in some way but it’s not always in the form of divination. So it’s stayed now that I better understand the place it holds in my practice - it’s a tool, not a performance.  

Study

I’m embarrassed to say it but properly studying is pretty new to me at the moment. I’m still learning how to do it well. I’m really lucky I have cool friends who can point me in the right direction and the internet is so full of great resources. 

Right now I’m working on studying the myths of my goddess more. I’m working my way through a reading list to know her more fully. I’m still new to it but it really has helped. I feel more grounded in my relationship with her. I feel closer. 

There really is a form of intimacy that comes from studying the lore deeply that you can’t necessarily get from unverified personal gnosis alone. I see this becoming a real solid pillar for me going forward.

Conclusion

I think it’s worth evaluating what small forms of practice you get the most out of. It’s really helped me cut down on shoulding myself and I reframe it as I want to do this and I can. This isn’t all I do, to be clear. It’s because of these things that I’ve had the knowledge and the energy to pursue my interest in traditional witchcraft more and get hands on practice casting spells. It’s made learning new forms of energy work way easier and helps me when I need to act as a spiritual intercessor for others. These practices are my foundation that allow the rest of my practice to flourish. 

What are some of yours?

[kiruuuuu]

Thank you for both your kind words as well as that wonderful mental image, anon 💝 :) I’m hella excited you enjoy this ship as well, so I hope you like reading about Blackbeard slowly going mad! (Rating T, BB sure loves rambling, ~4.8 words) - this contains references to underage sex!

.

Goyo is slowly but surely driving him insane.

The man is a fucking enigma. He might as well wear a question mark as his face because it’d tell Blackbeard just as much about his current mood or thoughts or expectations or hopes or fears as his actual face does (though he’s glad Goyo’s face is his actual face, seeing as it’s quite nice to look at, which isn’t to imply he’d like Goyo any less if he had no face, but it’d make kissing him a lot more complicated).

When he met him, Blackbeard thought him to be one of those quiet, cool guys who are just good at their job, and when they’re not at their job, they phase from existence because their job is all they are. Which is fine with Blackbeard. Some of his colleagues are like that: when anyone asks them about their hobbies, they’re hard pressed to come up with a reply since work isn’t a hobby, and neither is preparing for work.

But the moment Goyo first opened his mouth, Blackbeard realised his first impression couldn’t have been more wrong, because he sounds calm and sophisticated and confident and it instantly throws him off kilter. No, this isn’t some genius, this is one of those dudes who can’t take a joke, who think themselves better than everybody else, who react to things they deem profane not with honest opinions but rather thinly-veiled condescension, and they’re the worst. They’re the ones with whom Blackbeard has never gotten along, seeing as he was never sure whether they kept him around to secretly make fun of him, or out of misplaced pity, or to become more popular, or because they’re too awkward to be openly rude.

They’re the ones he can’t read. They never laugh along. They quietly sit next to him until someone calls on them and then they effortlessly trump him with whatever they have to say.

He justified his own actions with the excuse of ‘at least I’m being sincere’ for the longest time. He doesn’t like them, and so he shows it, meaning everyone knows where they’re at. After he’s declared his dislike, some kind of arrangement is made, and they never have to speak to each other again (only he had trouble keeping away because it is kinda gratifying to watch them squirm in discomfort) – and clearly, it’s better than putting up a front made up of false niceties and fake smiles which doesn’t hold up for a second longer as soon as they’re not in the same room anymore.

These days, he’s come to a different conclusion. They simply worried him.

Some of them bested him in various disciplines, causing him to push himself harder because he didn’t want to be left behind and because he can’t let someone he doesn’t like overtake him. Their indifference towards him left him insecure since he’s a people pleaser at heart, wants to be loved and admired by everybody and simply had absolutely no fucking clue how he could get them to like him. And he always thought this sentiment was universal: everyone wants to be popular, don’t they? All humans want to be liked. Only these specific people’s very existence threatened this world view. They didn’t want to be liked by everybody. So what did it mean that they got to the same place as Blackbeard, when he obeyed all the rules and played all the games? Conventions exist for a reason, and shouldn’t be ignored like that.

So yes. Goyo was one of those.

Except he wasn’t. Thermite found him hilarious. Pulse developed a sudden interest in Goyo’s field of expertise. Ash invited him out for drinks. Valkyrie appreciated his earnest nature (and really, what the hell?). The only one with whom Goyo pointedly didn’t interact was Blackbeard.

And they kept going on about how friendly he was, and how well he fit in, and Blackbeard didn’t understand. Stared hard at this mystery of a man and just didn’t understand. Goyo wasn’t stand-offish. He obeyed some rules and played most games, just not Blackbeard's favourite ones, and neither did he let him provoke him, which deprived Blackbeard of the satisfaction of making him uncomfortable as well. What the fuck was he supposed to do with that?

But there was another problem. He’s gay.

It’s a can of worms he’d prefer not to open – if his mind was a house, then he’d shoved all of… that down the stairs into the basement, never to be seen again, collecting dust and sitting untouched. (It’s only recently that he’s begun clearing some of it out, airing it, finding use for it in the living room or somewhere else.) And whenever he learnt that anyone in his vague vicinity was gay, the door slammed open and something yelled at him really loudly the two words which would haunt him for a few weeks:

WHAT IF.

Dumb. Useless.

Disruptive, even, it’s not like he’d do anything, it’s not like the guy would do anything, it’s unlikely to be a topic between them, and still he wonders what it’d be like to kiss whoever was unfortunate enough to haunt Blackbeard for a while. This happens with everyone. Intrusive thoughts he can’t for the life of him control. They do fade the longer he knows the person, fortunately, but in the beginning, whenever the name is mentioned, his brain flashes him a question à la what would it feel like to hug him. Never has he acted on it, nor has he confessed this to anyone, which… likely made it worse, alright, now he knows it, but as a terrified navy officer, his main concern wasn’t whether he might regret neglecting that unwanted basement in his head later in life.

He made a point of never joking about it. Not he himself, at least. Not about this. If anyone ever noticed, they didn’t mention it to him.

In any case, there was the fact that Goyo was there and not going to go away any time soon, and he was gay, and really handsome. The tingly kind of handsome. The car crash kind, making it impossible to look away, with his stupid beard and the weird, sexual way he sits, and how he twirls his pens around without even realising. His smile is…

Blackbeard didn’t want to label him with anything past handsome, not pretty or attractive or (god forbid) hot, because it fell too well in line with the WHAT IF still regularly being screamed at him, despite the weeks they’ve spent as acquaintances already, and for some reason, this time, it doesn’t go away.

With other colleagues, it vanished very quickly, but Goyo? Goyo starts appearing in his dreams. Just once or twice, really, nothing compromising, a few words exchanged or a laugh (and he’s seen him laugh in Valkyrie’s presence, and dear fucking lord), but it has an uncomfortable side effect.

His brain convinces him he has some kind of claim on him. Nothing insane, not like he thinks Goyo owes him anything, and yet… He knows Goyo is single, so he should appreciate any offer he gets, and Blackbeard is certain Goyo would prefer if they got along better anyway, and besides, Blackbeard is a catch, right? He’s good-looking, funny, skilled, forthright, adventurous – nothing to scoff at. Surely it’s enough to warrant a try.

And when he’s instantly shot down, he realises that he can’t read this man at all.

.

Unfortunately for both of them, it’s a recurring theme in their interactions. Even after a while, even after Blackbeard has noticed Goyo’s lips thinning when he disapproves of something, or that his ‘yeah it’s fine’ is sometimes nothing more than a passive-aggressive ‘I’d prefer something else’, even then he doesn’t know the source of it. Because Goyo just doesn’t fucking talk to him.

The basics are there.

Not only that, the basics are great and Blackbeard is fully aware of it: both of them are putting effort into their relationship. He once heard it’s the single most important aspect of anything meant to last, and his prior relationships seem to support this claim – and hands down, both of them are committed to this. There’s not a single day without any type of contact, whether it’s texting, a short call, or meeting up, Goyo keeps track of what he likes to eat and cooks accordingly, Blackbeard brings small gifts, they pay each other compliments which are heartfelt and earnest, and they compromise on how they spend their time together. They’re comfortable around each other. He looks forward to seeing him every day that he does.

And there’s the whole… other stuff. All of which leaves Blackbeard flustered whenever he even thinks about it, and he’ll say this much: Goyo is infinitely more passionate than he would’ve expected. Generous, too. And really, really good.

That said, this is where the ‘but’ comes in (and no, he’s not referring to the fun part anymore).

Goyo can’t fucking communicate. It’s driving Blackbeard up the walls. He’s totally incapable of putting his emotions into words, which makes no sense at all. Once they started dating and Goyo opened up more, the complaints began, and honestly? Blackbeard was delighted. Because Goyo didn’t just nag, he pointed out aspects which bothered him in a constructive way and either suggested a solution or appreciated it when Blackbeard corrected it himself – or he was satisfied with a compromise. Maybe not always satisfied, there are still unresolved issues like him being inept to show up on time, ever, and insisting he’s in the right, but even then he doesn’t make a big fuss over it. Banter, yes. Some teasing. Remarks delivered with a grin. Tongue-in-cheek comments. Blackbeard does exactly the same, so he respects it.

In the past, it’s happened a few times that his current girlfriend was unhappy about something but didn’t mention it, not really, not to the point where Blackbeard would’ve realised it to be as serious as it turned out to be. Instead, her dissatisfaction grew and grew, in one instance accompanied by contempt, and eventually came an outburst he couldn’t have prevented if he tried, seeing as he knew nothing about it. Having a partner this vocal about problems is refreshing.

But there are certain topics Goyo doesn’t mention. Or moments where he simply clams up. It’s impossible to tell when it’ll happen or why, but now and then Goyo gets utterly lost in his own thoughts (or at least that’s what Blackbeard thinks is happening), and then he either loses the thread of their conversation entirely, or takes forever to reply. Blackbeard gets incredibly antsy whenever he receives no reaction, so his boyfriend doing it to him is twice as bad. He’s aware Goyo lives inside his head a lot of the time, sure, and as a result, almost everything he says is well thought through and genuine (at least the non-sarcastic bits), but for him, it’s difficult to deal with nonetheless. He often panics during those pauses and wonders whether he’s done something wrong and Goyo is currently trying to work out how to break it to him.

And when it comes to Goyo’s feelings, he’s a lost cause. Blackbeard doesn’t doubt for a second that Goyo spends a good portion of his time analysing himself and introspecting, it’s just… he doesn’t seem to be very good at it.

That, or he also has a basement full of dusty, forgotten, pushed-away objects.

Goyo thinks himself ‘sociable enough’. It’s how he himself expressed it. Blackbeard begs to differ, and strongly so: Goyo hardly ever seeks out other people, regularly turns down invitations as well and is awfully quiet in groups, not to mention he takes forever to warm up to people (and there’s the not-so-small matter about his lack of punctuality too). Blackbeard finds his behaviour quite rude a lot of the time and is pretty sure the others only give Goyo the benefit of the doubt to be nice.

He says of himself that he’s not very demanding, only to keep demanding things of Blackbeard. More touching. More housework. Less gym time. No shaving. More spontaneity (and he seems to overlook the obvious irony in telling someone to be spontaneous).

This is another thing: he keeps disrupting Blackbeard's daily schedule without feeling a shred of guilt over it. Calling at inopportune times, trying to keep him in bed in the morning, suddenly wanting to eat lunch a specific place, changing plans they made weeks ago a few minutes before leaving. It’s like he’s testing Blackbeard's patience and adaptability.

And the worst thing of all is simultaneously also the best thing: Blackbeard really, really, really likes him.

If he were a dog, his tail wouldn’t stop wagging for a second in Goyo’s presence. His brain fills with exclamation marks any time he sees him. Any compliments Goyo has ever paid him play on repeat, his smile is the last image Blackbeard sees before he goes to sleep, and he’s the first person he texts whenever anything happens. He has no idea what caused Goyo’s change of heart, what made him give Blackbeard a chance, but he’s endlessly grateful it happened. The fluttering in his stomach still hasn’t stopped when they’re spending quality time together, and his heart thumps twice as fast whenever they kiss. It’s the worst crush of his life and he doesn’t even know how it developed.

When he wants to be, Goyo is exceedingly witty, charming, supportive, empathetic, patient, loving, trusting. They’ve had a long conversation about sexuality which corrected some of the preconceptions Blackbeard still held, and at no point did he feel patronised, alienated, or uncomfortable. It’s probably what keeps them together: the knowledge they respect and trust each other. Goyo knows he’d never knowingly hurt his feelings, and he believes the same of Goyo. Jealousy is no topic between them, and boundaries are regularly drawn, re-drawn, negotiated, accepted. (Though not nearly as often as Blackbeard would’ve liked. He’s aware Goyo can feel suffocated sometimes and would prefer them to talk it out properly, but it’s one of the topics Goyo usually deflects.)

.

With how communicative Blackbeard is, he’s suffered from the lack of outside feedback on their relationship. Asking for advice is out of the question as no one else knows he’s dating anyone, and not being able to gush about the way Goyo sometimes wraps himself around him when they’re watching something on his bed kills him a little inside. He wants to share it all, the good and the bad, seeks reassurance on everything he’s doing and desires normality. A state where he can throw in ‘oh yes, my boyfriend mentioned it the other day’ without earning any kind of odd reaction. A world where the others ask him about how Goyo is doing, and whether they’ve been to this restaurant yet, and so on.

He knows that he himself is the only obstacle in this, but his track record in Rainbow hasn’t been the best and he’s worried the girls will call him out on hitting on them with no intention of starting a relationship. Which wouldn’t actually be far off the mark, unfortunately. Valkyrie is his best bet since they’re thick as thieves, but she’s been side-eyeing him for a while already and he’s pretty sure she suspects something. He hates when she can go ‘I told you so’ and be right about it.

Regardless, he’s going to explode if he can’t talk about Goyo to someone soon, and Vigil will certainly not want to hear about how ticklish his Mexican colleague is.

.

“Meghan, I need to tell you something”, he blurts out, startling his best friend and nearly causing her to drop her beer. They’re on Buck’s balcony, holding on to cans as if they were their lifeline to what little bit of their sanity is left after everyone heard Maverick suggest bodyshots earlier (only half jokingly), and then Castle murdered everyone by showing off photos of his newly adopted puppy. Even Blackbeard was squealing like a little girl. He really should look into adopting a dog himself. He wonders whether Goyo likes dogs.

“Don’t tell me you want to join Sanaa on her odyssey”, Valkyrie interrupts his thoughts, looking worried. “They’re all trying to deter her for a reason, we don’t need you encouraging -”

“What are you talking about?”, he interrupts her, aghast, and once her words have sunk in, he repeats: “No, really, what are you talking about? That sounds amazing. I wanna be a part of it. Where is she going?”

“Craig.”

Odd. Goyo sounds almost the same whenever he’s displeased. Blackbeard should text him about the dog later. “Yes. Where was I?”

“You made a vague threat.”

He blinks at her for a moment, mind blank. Goyo has said before that alcohol causes his brain to misfire, and he’s beginning to believe it. “Oh. Yes. Meghan, I’m dating someone. And don’t be smug, okay? I can’t deal with smug right now.”

Valkyrie’s lips twitch in amusement. “Would you like supportive? That’s great! I’m so happy for you! I hope it’s going wonderful, you really deserve it!”

“You’re the worst”, he informs her, prompting a laugh.

“It’s been a while already, hasn’t it?” He nods. He supposes it’s obvious to anyone who knows him well enough, and Valkyrie certainly does. After all, he can’t stop smiling on some days and must look like a lunatic. Maybe he should send a nice text first so Goyo knows he thought of him. “I figured. How is it going and why is it César?”

He chokes on his beer. She doesn’t even have the grace to look guilty while he’s busy coughing his lungs out, and when he makes an inquisitive sound, she even smirks. It was bad enough to learn that Smoke and Mute found out about their relationship (and he’s still not entirely sure about whether they found out on their own or Goyo helped a bit), and now it turns out Valkyrie knew all along?

“Don’t worry, no one else knows. But neither of you were very subtle about it to me. You kept asking about him, he kept asking about you… plus you’ve been really nice to him recently.”

Oh. He asked about Blackbeard? This is relevant information. He opens his mouth to inquire some more, but Valkyrie adds casually: “And he at least is openly gay. Very open. Remember how he mentioned his male ex-fiancé on the first day? He really didn’t allow for any ambiguity.”

And hold up. Blackbeard's brain struggles to process what it just heard. Wait.

Wait what.

.

There are two cans cooking on the stove.

Blackbeard is failing to grasp reality right now. He dumbly stares at the two unlabelled metal cans sitting in boiling water and doesn’t understand what’s happening. He doesn’t understand much of what’s going on at the moment anyway, and he’s fairly sure it’s not just the alcohol’s fault. The water bubbles happily around the objects, and time and space are collapsing around him.

“Hey, Bee”, comes a familiar voice from behind him and he’s embraced in a tight hug, lips planting themselves on his shoulder a few times before he’s released again. “You’re back early.”

“Jack’s apartment flooded. A few went with him to help, but Meghan dropped me off here. The hell are you making? Tin-flavoured soup?”

Goyo laughs and though the sound would normally flood him with endorphins, right now he just eyes the other man with a frown. “No, it’s dulce de leche.”

Blackbeard tries and fails to put the delicious caramel-like substance in any relation to what’s happening before him, though he does file something away for later perusal: he should ask Goyo to speak more Spanish around him. He might be onto something there. “How?”

“Sweetened condensed milk. When you boil it long enough, it turns into gooey ambrosia. You mentioned how you were looking for new ideas for ice cream – swirl this into anything and blow everyone’s minds.”

Oh. That does sound delicious, and the fact that Goyo is staying up late to do him a favour is also heartwarming, but the question burning on Blackbeard's tongue will not sit idly for a second longer. He asks: “Why did you never tell me of your ex-fiancé?”

Goyo, checking out the timer next to the pot, responds with another question without lifting his gaze: “Oh. Which one?”

He can’t be serious. Blackbeard waits, fully expecting him to be joking, but he seems genuinely surprised at Blackbeard's dumbstruck expression when he finally does look up. “I’ve had a turbulent past involving a few poor decisions”, he admits and something tells Blackbeard there’s a good possibility this is a massive understatement. “Is that a problem?”

Is it? He’s not entirely sure. The fact that he had to hear about it from Valkyrie might be one, and then there’s his crumbling impression of Goyo as someone largely sensible. He comes across as well-mannered, composed, logical – though Blackbeard has noticed most of these waver over time. The deeper he dives, the more of the iceberg he sees. “You just… seemed like someone who has his life together”, he says weakly. Goyo has friends and family who care about him, is comfortable in his own skin, good at his job.

His words are mulled over for a while with pursed lips, until Goyo decides: “I suppose I do. Except for my love life.”

“You did say at one point that all relationships you had were long, meaningful and deep. So I figured…”

“My relationships were mostly great, yes. Anything that doesn’t fall into that category, well”, and Goyo makes an uncertain hand gesture which, once again, fills Blackbeard with a sense of foreboding dread as it screams understatement. “I did start out by paying a guy to fuck me.”

Blackbeard has no clue how to react, and so he chooses to stare at his boyfriend in horror.

“Yeah. Life was tough where I grew up. This super hot straight dude caught wind of me being a reliable source of cigarettes and asked me about it. I convinced him to fuck me for smokes – which I was buying with my allowance money, I think.”

“Allowance”, Blackbeard echoes stupidly. “Wait, how old were you?”

“I think fifteen, why does it matter, Bee?”

“How old was the dude?!”

“Early twenties? Thinking about it, he really should’ve handled his finances better.”

Blackbeard is in shock. “So… he took advantage of you. Lightly said.” Very lightly.

To his utter disbelief, Goyo simply frowns and shakes his head. “What? No. It was my idea. I had to talk him into it.”

“Yeah but – you were a minor. He was an adult, he shouldn’t have -”

“Did you miss the part where he not only sold his body for some cigs but also let a teenager get the better of him? What about that makes it seem like he’d fell any reasonable decisions in his life?”

“Did you report him? Did he get arrested?” He can’t wrap his head around why Goyo seems so calm talking about this.

“Huh? Not for sleeping with me, no. He was a thieving piece of shit though, so he did end up in jail.”

“Stop defending him, do you really think he did nothing wrong?”

Goyo eyes him curiously. “Do you think that he did?”

And of course. Of course he does, it’s not just personal opinion with this kind of shit, it’s a fact that an adult exploited Goyo and how does he not see it? How can he view it any other way? Blackbeard has trouble putting his outrage in words, so he attempts a different angle: “Are you saying you’d be alright with someone else who’s twenty sleeping with a teenager who’s -”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Generally, of course not. But we’re talking about me here. I know what happened. I can assess it from my point of view.”

“But you were too young -”

“You don’t get to rewrite my past”, Goyo interrupts him sharply and so Blackbeard shuts up, dissatisfied. Next to them, the kitchen timer erupts into frantic beeping, prompting Goyo to turn the heat off, pluck the cans out of the pot with a pair of tongs and put them on a wire rack to cool.

Meanwhile, Blackbeard tries to decide whether all this changes how he sees the man before him. He’s not sure.

“Laws are in place for a reason and I’d be the first one to tell any teenager not to do what I did”, Goyo continues, directed at the slightly steaming metal. “But what I did happened and it was what I really wanted at the time. We do stupid things when we’re young. You don’t get to judge me for it. Only I can, and I’m not.”

It’s hard to relate. Blackbeard wouldn’t say he grew up sheltered, but certainly privileged, and though there’s plenty of stuff he did which he’d advise against, there’s none he’d defend like this. Except Goyo might be explaining instead of defending. He refuses to condemn while still being aware of the shady circumstances.

“Look, Bee, no one got hurt. Quite the opposite. Let’s leave it at that and go to bed, hm?” Goyo kisses him briefly before exiting the kitchen, already pulling his shirt over his head and exposing his toned back in the process. The sight awakens a strong urge to touch, but not in a sexual way – Blackbeard is filled with a comfortable sense of belonging instead. He knows what Goyo’s smooth skin feels like and that he’s free to caress it as much as he wants. It’s one of his favourite perks of any relationship: being allowed to show physical affection.

A little lost and still dazed from their previous topic, he trails after his lover and watches Goyo strip down to his underwear in the bedroom. “I wasn’t planning on going to sleep immediately”, he says, knowing full well he’ll climb in after Goyo regardless.

“We don’t have to sleep.”

Blackbeard stares at him blankly, thoughts continuously trying to process their conversation.

“I’ll read a bit and you can text some people. You told Meghan about us, didn’t you? She sent me a single message an hour ago which just said good luck.”

It seems this would be all Goyo has to say on the matter of his sexual past for now, and Blackbeard belatedly realises that he avoided mentioning his ex-fiancé (ex-fiancés??) entirely, so he should prepare for a similar talk in the near future. It’s become a habit of theirs which he genuinely doesn’t like – they address a topic, argue, and then drop it without a satisfying conclusion, without being on the same page. Most of the time, it ends up merely postponing the issue as it inevitably comes up again, though he does suppose there’s some merit in being able to think it through on his own before tackling it again. Both of them can be quite stubborn, and a break to sort their thoughts (and in Blackbeard's case, engage some outside advice) is beneficial.

So maybe it’s not so bad to not ruin the night with something they’ll ultimately refuse to agree on, and instead cuddle in bed.

Goyo becomes a temporary magnet in these instances, impossible to pry off, and Blackbeard has no choice but to hold him tight and bask in his body heat. Not like he’d want anything other than exactly this.

“Was it scary?”, Goyo mutters into his hair while stroking his back. They’ll separate soon and wind down in their own way before sleeping, but right now they just enjoy each other’s presence.

“She already knew I’m bi. She likes you and I trust her. Why would it be scary?”

“Still. It’s fine if it was.”

Blackbeard is silent for a minute. “A bit”, he admits and feels Goyo’s lips stretch into a smile.

“I’m glad it seemed to have gone well. And I’m proud of you.”

And this, this is why Blackbeard basically fawns over this bastard all day in his head. His heart throbs and he pulls Goyo even closer, relieved that the prior revelations apparently don’t make a difference between them. Goyo is right, the past can’t be changed, but neither does it need to dictate the present. “It did go well, she said you’d be good for me on the way here. She also mentioned you asking about me.”

Goyo chuckles. “You know, the first thing I ever asked about you was whether you’ve got a wife.”

And it’s a relief to hear that not only Blackbeard used to be terrible at reading him.

[justimajin]

His First Love ⟨Part 9⟩

➸ Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

➸ Genre: Angst, Fluff, Mystery

↳ Vampire AU, Reincarnation AU

➸ Words: 2.8k

➸ Warnings: some graphic descriptions of blood

➸ Summary: Each night, its the same dream; drenching tears, specks of blood and a heart torn in half. Each night, you wake up trembling and filled with the fear of how crystal-clear the nightmares were, more and more endless questions ready to spur from you. The biggest question however, was always left unanswered - who was the man that never ceased the opportunity to appear in them?

➸ Moodboard Prologue Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8(M) Part 9 Part 10

The crisp, cold is the first thing that greets you awake, your body freezing from being submerged in the snow for too long. Your eyes flicker open and they immediately land on the warm red spilling out of your chest and you cover it with a gasp, the attempt not being enough to close the gaping wound. Your vision blurs when you look around you, the fallen corpses of soldiers and your beloved ones surrounding you.

The scene shatters you on the inside, watching the horrific memory unfold once again but it all crashes down instantly when your eyes lock onto his.

“Y/N?” He whispers to the wind, long gashes seeping red from his own wounds, but he continues to search around him, his eyes rapidly moving in concern.

“Y/N, w-where are you?” His voice cracks, before he falls down onto his knees and harsh sobs escape from his coarse throat.

“Y/N…” He chokes out, fisting the bloodied snow in his hands with the racing agony running through his veins and you want to scream.

You want to speak, you want to say anything that could be of comfort to him, but the wound in your chest only grows bigger at the sight before you and you realize you have been silenced from doing anything. Chained to the fate of reality and utterly helpless as you watch Yoongi in front of you.

A smirk is seen in the shadows.

His face is covered, but the smirk is completely characteristic of one the Prince would hold, and your eyes widen when he paces slowly towards Yoongi, the very sword he carries tainted with the blood of your decreased brother and dearest friend.

Yoongi continues to weep and the Prince advances towards the vulnerable, heartbroken man.  

Your breath quickens and your torn heart pulses, gripping the snow to move yourself forward – but you are simply too late when the Prince raises his arm and brings down his sword onto Yoongi and you let out a piercing scream at the splatter of blood.

“Yoongi!” You yell out, breathing at an alarming rate when the sudden jolt you make awakens the man lying down beside you. He instantly wakes up, only to be met with you in tears and shaking profusely.

“Y/N, what happened?” He groggily asks, slowly inching towards you amongst blinking the sleep out of his eyes as you clutch the sheets near you in an attempt to stop trembling. Yoongi notices you that you don’t try to look at him, so he instead brings you into his arms and soothes you with his voice so you can calm down.

“I-I saw the Prince and h-he killed-“ You inhale sharply, “He killed you Yoongi.” Your voice breaks and he holds you tighter, cradling your form when his brows furrow in concern at the mention of the painful past you shared.

“I’m okay Y/N, I’m right here.” He whispers and you cling onto him, desperately not wanting to lose him like how he had once lost you.

His voice pulls you in and calms down your senses, easing and relaxing you as you close your eyes in relief. You place your head against his chest, forgetting about everything you had witnessed in your dream because he was here with you now, and that was all that mattered.

Soft tapping is heard against the door, with Sun’s voice coming through from the wooden door.

“Hurry and get changed both of you, we have urgent matters to discuss.” And with that the faint sound of her heels against the floor diminishes as you and Yoongi separate from each other. You quickly pull on your shirt and jeans, shivering from the cool temperature of the room but Yoongi hands you the leather jacket he had been wearing previously and instantly you’re gratified of its warmth encasing you.

Sun eventually re-enters the room once you’ve finished, sitting down with a grim look painted on her face and you oddly surprised to see her appear so serious. You and Yoongi sit down directly in front of her, surrounding the spiraling table before you.

“How do you feel?” She questions, well aware that you had finally recovered your missing memories.

“I feel like…” Your eyes drift to Yoongi, to which he reciprocates the contact, “I’ve found my answers.”

Sun smiles, a smile full of relief and you can’t help but gaze at her when she does so, the smile striking a bit of familiarity from within you.

The smiles quickly fades however, when Sun brings up a new matter for discussion between the three of you.  

“Y/N.” She states, “We also had another purpose with retaining your memories.”

You furrow your brows at the response, but she continues, “Y/N, you aren’t the only person who was able to come back.”

Instantly your eyes widen, an uncomfortable feeling being to stir in the pit of your stomach.

“W-what do you mean?” You whisper, dreading if in fact, he could have been possibly reincarnated.

Sun simply nods, confirming your suspicions, “Indeed, the Prince is back Y/N.”

Silence follows her words and echoes in the room, not a single pin drop left to be heard. Your eyes meet Yoongi’s, which only display a growing flare within them, one that was filled with guilt but intermingled with pure rage boiling on the surface.

“Those vampires after you weren’t a mere coincidence, they were looking for you.” Sun says.

“The Prince sent them.” Yoongi states and you stiffen, the battle from the past being dragged down into the present.

“He’s still after you, but now,” Yoongi heavily sighs, “We don’t know if we can stop him.” Yoongi says and you hold a questioning look in your eyes before he turns to you.  

“He’s gotten what he wanted Y/N, to be immortal and a monster like me.” Yoongi says, the dark look in his eyes ceasing to disappear.

“The Prince…is a vampire.” Sun quietly whispers, but your eyes widen in fear at the new information being presented to you – knowing the results of it were not going to be pretty in any shape or form.

The very person, who had caused the death of your loved ones, taken you away from Yoongi by killing you right in front of his eyes, and had Yoongi suffer for years on end in search of you, was back.

And stronger.

You clench your fists, “We need to find him. I’ll do whatever it takes.” You state, but Yoongi aggressively shakes his head at your conclusion.

“NO!” He abruptly says, to your own surprise when he points a finger towards you, “The purpose of bringing you here was to protect you, not make you fight.”

“But he’s looking for me, I can help to find him.” You argue back, but Yoongi grinds his teeth, his long canines being showcased in the process.

He shakes his head again, “You’re human. That means you can’t be protected.” He states, his tone firm and unwavering in the least.  

“I can defend myself Yoongi, I-“

“Y/N please,” Yoongi says, his voice reaching a much softer tone as if the words spilling out from him were too painful for him to say, “I’ve lost you once already…I can’t lose you again.” He quietly whispers but his words cause your eyes to gloss over and you don’t protest, biting your lip in response.

“Fine. I won’t fight.” You say and Yoongi turns to you with hopeful eyes, “But at least let me help in finding him.” Yoongi’s lips set in a firm line and for a moment he simply just holds your gaze, before he lets out a sigh and nods, turning to Sun to begin discussing plans of finding him.

Because it seemed at last, the Prince was meant to be found.

You cautiously turn around and do a double take, following along with Sun’s delicate steps – who decided it would be best for the common good to discard her heels for the day and instead adorn a dark hoodie, sweatpants and sneakers, the exact same as your own attire. It grants you the ability to perfectly blend in with your surroundings and remain undetected as you wait for the arrival of the expected person.

“You don’t know?” You ask, Sun nodding to confirm but Yoongi frowns at the question.

“We haven’t been able to locate him, it seems like he’s become accustomed to his powers far too quickly for out liking and already learnt how to go undetected by other vampires.” Sun concludes but you let out a defeated sigh with the knowledge of the new information.

“It’s been so long that it’s possible he’s been reincarnated into a new form, opposed to how you were still able to retain some of your features from your past self.” Yoongi states.

“If anything, the Prince is really good at hiding things…” Sun lets out with a low sigh.

“But we do have some…interesting information.” Yoongi says, turning a hand in his jacket to bring out a familiar photograph that makes you appalled on its appearance.

“Jungkook?” Sun look at you in surprise, like she hadn’t been expecting you to recognize the picture, but Yoongi nods to confirm your suspicions.

“You know him?” Sun questions and you nod.

“He’s one of my closest friends…” You whisper, but the lingering feeling doesn’t leave you alone from his previous actions, the scripture he was reading being all too familiar to the words written in your notebook.

“Y/N, he was seen talking to the vampires that attacked you.” Sun brings up hastily and your eyes widen.

“Before I found you, I tracked them down and saw him leave right when they advanced on you. I needed to protect you first, but I had gotten a good look on his face.” Yoongi says and you take a deep breath, fully comprehending the sinking feeling of losing a friend.

You and Sun patiently wait among the darkness; Sun’s elongated teeth and razor-sharp nails displayed in case of any immediate danger arising. Much to Yoongi’s protest, it was decided that you would be able to go alongside them but only if Sun was to remain by your side at all times in case something were to happen. You ended up obliging, not knowing how to describe the constant lingering feeling that the Prince could be anywhere around you and how it was impossible to brush such a feeling off.

However, you had other things to worry about now.

Your feet constantly shuffle back and forth, biting your lips in a silent prayer that your suspicions are not confirmed, for as Jungkook was your friend first and foremost before anything.

Sun notices the subtle tension in your shoulders and faintly smiles, “Always worrying about your friends…” She quietly whispers, but your ears pick up on it and a nostalgic smile is placed on her features. The persistent feeling of familiarity still doesn’t leave you, but her words do encourage you to ask.  

“Sun, I’ve been meaning to ask…do I know you?” You can’t place your finger on it, but it was something that has been bothering you.

Sun looks far into the darkness, “You know, when I first met Yoongi, it wasn’t hard for me to understand his pain.”

“Losing someone you love Y/N, is a terrible feeling for a person to go through. Even if that person happens to be from a different background compared to you.” 

Sun smiles remorsefully but you widen your eyes at the recollection.

“Suran…” You whisper, blinking your eyes in disbelief when the tears begin to slowly form.

“It’s been a while Y/N.” She says, her eyes sharing the same reflection as your own and soon you’re pulling her into a long overdue hug, the last memory of her falling into the snow contained firmly inside your mind. She laughs while hugging you, “Can’t say I was the same when you popped by my office that day.”

“So you knew? This whole time?”

“I did, but I wanted you to first meet Yoongi before anything else because getting your memories back was our top priority.”

You nod, opening your lips to continue but you hear a quiet rustle and stiffen in position. Sun stands in front of you, her red eyes carefully observing everything and locking onto to Yoongi’s – who was cautiously trailing after Jungkook.

He has his large ear phones in, blasting the music to the max and playing with his keys subtly in his hands. Dressed in his casual hoodie with the hood covering over his long black bangs, you can’t protest about how undeniably it is Jungkook’s signature attitude and look, the Prince’s nature not cruelly screaming out to you like it did when you had watched him taint his sword with the blood of others.

But you are still wary when Jungkook jams the keys into his door, the soft click being sound as he enters the house. Sun immediately gestures for you to slip into the window you were hiding next to, and swiftly moves to lock the front door when Jungkook enters his kitchen. You wait for him to walk into the living room and his eyes immediately widen but Yoongi is quick to cover his mouth and immobilize his arms behind his back in response.

“Scream and I’ll break your neck.” Yoongi whispers into his ears, the shaking fright being evident in Jungkook’s eyes before Yoongi leads him to sit down on the couch – directly across from you. Yoongi gives him a sharp glare, as if warning him not to make a sound when he releases his hand, still keeping one on Jungkook’s arms.

“Y/N?” Jungkook questions, “What’s going on?”

You deeply sigh, “Jungkook, answer me truthfully,” You state, looking him in the eyes, “What do you know about the vampires that attacked me?”

A part of you is praying deep inside, praying that he would continue to look at you in confusion as to what was going on and remain within that innocent, friendly image you had painted inside your head.

The image crumbles.

His eyes immediately narrow down before he stops gnawing on his lip, breaking the eye contact he was once sharing with you. He stiffens underneath Yoongi’s hold, letting out a low chuckle.

“So you finally remembered huh?” His response causes your heart to sink, your suspicions narrowing down but a part of you was still wishing it wasn’t true.

“It’s only the beginning, more will come but in higher amounts. He won’t stop until he has you.” His voice causes shivers in your spine, being fully aware of who he was referring to.

“What does he want with me?”

Jungkook looks up but not at you, instead he tilts his head to meet Yoongi’s eyes which were glowing a bright red.

“Revenge.” Jungkook whispers and Yoongi’s hold on him tightens.

“R-revenge? But he’s a vampire now, he’s gotten what he’s wanted.” You say, frustrated with how much fear your voice was filled with, but Jungkook shakes his head.

“Do you think the Prince was ever one to forgive?” You’re able to retort but the glass window behind you suddenly breaks and you duck for cover when the pieces shoot out.

The familiar men that had attacked you before making there way inside, now adorning various healed gashes and wounds from their fight against Yoongi, but they weren’t after you this time.

Jungkook swiftly loosens himself from Yoongi’s hold, surprising Yoongi himself, as he breaks the lock on the front door and runs – the men chasing after him relentlessly. He leaves you completely startled with the whole situation and it further drives into your mind that the Prince’s vampires had been listening onto you, seemingly being a step ahead in your plan.

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, LIA! You’ve been accepted for the role of CAESAR. Admin Jen: I simply can’t express how happy I am that you’ll be holding on to our beloved Chiko, Lia. There’s this singular quality to the muse that you bring to him; a magnetism that is so essential to Chiko as a character yet very distinct to your portrayal of him at the same time -- and I honestly can’t get enough of it. It comes together with everything else you’ve captured in a way that only leaves us wanting more and more, and since it can really be no other way when it comes to the glorious Caesar, it makes us all the more appreciative of your lovely take on him! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Lia

Age | 21

Preferred Pronouns | She/Her

Activity Level | I would say a 6/10. I’m a fulltime student, but I’m pretty good about getting my replies… eventually. I also try to actively plot as much as possible.

Timezone | EST

How did you find the rp?  | The wonderful RP tag.

Current/Past RP Accounts | Provide any current or past roleplay accounts that you think best showcase your writing! This is OPTIONAL.

IN CHARACTER

Character | Caesar / Tamura Chiko

What drew you to this character? | Julius Caesar is someone I’ve always been fascinated by, in art, literature, and as a historical figure. He was a man who put all of his faith in his own ability to be great— and many may even argue that it was this pride that led to his own assassination. But no one can deny Caesar of the immense impact he had on the world. He was successful at being immortalized, just as he believed he would. I honestly was super excited to hear we would be getting a Julius Caesar, and although I was initially too intimidated to apply, I finally decided to go for it. There is something about Chiko and how deeply he believes in himself that I was drawn to. I also love how his personality is more nuanced than I anticipated. Occasional gentleness is not something I had expected from a Julius Caesar figure, but in my eyes, that makes him that much more incredible. Chiko is a force— and he isn’t volatile or prone to depravity like many who roam the streets of Verona. He wants power but not solely for the sake of just having it. He wants influence. His interest in the mobs has more to do with his potential influence and what he has to offer to them. There is no one really quite like him in Verona— and I am very much interested in seeing how his presence will affect everyone.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

1. CHIKO FT. THE MOBS— As of now, Chiko is merely feeling out the mobs, he hasn’t yet determined whether either would be of any interest to him. He isn’t interested in joining persay, as he has already loaned his soul to one man, and does not plan on doing so again anytime soon. He wants the mobs to take interest in him, to recognize his own brilliance and how easily they could profit off his potential. But I am very much interested to see how exactly Verona will react to his arrival, and whether they will be intrigued or threaten by his rather extreme ambition.

2. CHIKO FT. INVESTMENTS— I want Chiko to began investing his money in different places, and to potentially have different alliances with all sorts of people. When you’re as brilliant as him, you don’t limit yourself to a single pursuit, and instead spread your ambitions into multiple roots. He may have lost his money once but he’s very much capable of flipping his money into various sources.

3. CHIKO FT. THE DRUMS— The fire never quite left him, he only restrains it, for the sake of himself and the world around him. I wonder what would happened if someone sent Chiko over the edge (This has only happened once before, so it would it something drastic for this to occur). But I would love to explore his inner darkness. This is something that I believe the mob would ultimately benefit from as well.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Of course.

IN DEPTH

In-Character Para Sample:

(translations are at the bottom)

1. He determined his mother had never truly loved him and how could he blame her? You have those eyes— those fryktelig*, ondskap* eyes. O-Oh my poor beautiful boy, she would slur into his feeble body, the thick scent of vodka practically radiating off of her. It is because of his parents that he cannot stand the smell of liquor. This drew nothing but alarm from him at 6 years old, but as they grew older, they hadn’t a choice but to acknowledge it. Chiko was the product of a volatile mixture— his father, Kono Noburu, was a hitman for the Yamaguchi-gumi* clan and an attack dog to the clan’s kumicho, Kenichi Shinoda, just as his own father was to Shinoda’s own father, and so on. His mother, Katrine Bjorklund, was the daughter of the Norwegian mafia boss, Svein Bjorklund, and his Swedish-born wife, Elisabeth Bjorklund. The pair of them had crossed paths when the Bjorklund’s found themselves in Japan for business, a week long fling that had not been meant to amount to anything more. A few months later, a very pregnant Katrine would arrive at Kono’s doorstep, and from that day on, the two had been forcibly linked.

2. How selfish Chiko had been for wanting a sibling— a tactless desire from which no good could come. A union more chaotic did not exist, not since the marriage of Hera and Zeus. Katrine, who had shown little interest in the union, did not spend a moment with Kono in which she was not terrified. He was everything like her father, and though Kono had done everything in his capacity to make Katrine more at ease, nothing truly came of it. She could no longer stand the sight of him and eventually, he would return these sentiments— only overcoming their differences when they made love. Though it was never love being reciprocated, but a concoction of anger, terror, and disgust— which in the  Noburu household, made for a gratifying mixture.

3. Do you know the most moronic mistake I ever made was, segare*? their father demanded as if the 11-year old Chiko were somehow capable of drawing such a conclusion. Falling for a whore. Not a woman, but a whore. I fall into her trap each and every foolish time when all she’s ever done is offer me falsehoods. Whores are always acceptable for fucking, but seeing them as something more is when you’ll run into some trouble. So I beg of you, segare, do not taint our lineage further with the blood of a whore. Learn from your father’s mistakes. I am not sure how much more our blood can withstand. He appreciated the moments in which his father spoke candidly with them, as this was the closest thing to parental bonding that they would ever get. Though he would grow to resent and denounce his father’s misogynistic tirades against his mother, the effects of such teachings had their lasting effects. His sweeping mistrust of man would make his lovers few, and his affections fickle, as well as the prioritization of his own ambitions overall. 4 . You were the most beautiful baby I laid eyes on, min blomst*, his mother crooned to him one day. To think something so beautiful could come from such desolation. It was a mockery— why would Kono and I deserve such a beautiful boy when only ruin would become of him? Just as his father’s drunken denunciations had etched themselves into his brain, his mother sullen tirades would stick with him as well. Especially as he grew older, and began to liken his father more and more. There were times where her eyes would gloss over and she would attempt to “extract the demons from inside of him,” or so she’d explained after attempting to claw his eyes out. When he woke up short of breath, with a pillow plastered against his face, is when he officially began sleeping with his door locked. It has been this way since he was 16 years old.

5. He was freshly 17 when it happened. 17 years old and forced to face the depravity that permeated through every inch of his being. Chiko had never seen a dead body before, but it was not the body that exasperated so, but circumstances of his death. It was the fact that his father looked upon them and their mother absent of any and all remorse. He had been purposeful in his decision to kill the man in their house, Kono’s own way of sending some sort of message to Katrine. It was the fact that Katrine had betrayed their father, and continued to do so time and time again. He could not have cared less about what she spent doing in her pastime, but he could not overlook her absence of loyalty. And so he damned their name. He damned the gods and the universe and all who he felt were responsible for his being born. He had not asked for this life— but he would no longer allow his parents’ corruption to devour him so. He was gone that very night, without as so much as leaving a letter.

6. “You,” Chiko says in a low growl, his eyes in the direction of his bloodied, wreaking father. For once— his father was silent— quieted by Chiko’s rage burning throughout his body. “I will never be as cruel as you. Even if it means I bottle it away and lock it without a key. You didn’t have to do it in front of her. Even she did not deserve that.” He turned slowly to his mother, disappointedly, but without sympathy. She clutched at legs almost pleadingly, but he shook her away. “I could care less about what you do in your free time— you are my mother, and I could never pass judgment for something like that. But I can never respect a person who betrays their family. That, I can never forgive.” He looked between the both of them— disgusted by how self-involved they were, to the point where they forsook their own potential and ambitions. “How pitiful the pair of you are. You ruined each other. But you will not ruin me. I will not waste my potential as you two have. They will remember me, but not by your names. I am a product of you two, but I will not be tainted by your depravity. So have at each other all you want. That is no longer my concern.” He looked at them disappointedly, before making his way to the stairs, careful not to step in the pooling blood.

Extras:

***Just a drabble from the perspective of a lover***

You were permitted snapshots of his brilliance, acquired in bits and pieces, but still, he kept you at a comfortable distance. Comfortable for him, that is. For you— it was never enough. A moment with Chiko is never enough. He’s someone who allows minimal viewers into his inner workings, making him all the more enticing. But the spontaneity of it all— the sudden bursts of passion are what keep you around. Seldom people exist who so skillfully render their own passion into the framework of another. Creativity surges through your flesh, and you are reminded of what it is like to be someone’s muse with each continuous eruption of pleasure. How exhilarating it was being left at the discretion of Chiko’s brilliance. The living canvas in which he enacted his hopes and dreams, his deepest desires. You believed in each and everyone, and truthfully speaking— how could you not? With him, all horizons felt closer, the distance between you and the stars felt lesser.

****some drabbles involving their parents***

It is from your father that you learn PRIDE. Refuse to accept anything less than immortalization, he tells you time and time again. Refuse to settle for anything less than greatness. It is that very pride that guides you in your pursuits and for that you are thankful. Nevermind that it was your father who was always the source of such pride. It was your father’s own superior blood he spoke so highly of. He assured you that you would be fine, despite the blood of a traitorous whore pervading through your veins. But he neglects to teach you the horrors of pride in excess, and how dangerous the world becomes when one wallows in their own excess. It is from him you gather your FURY, a demon you’ve been taming since your youth, dreading the chaos that would potentially ensue. You’ve always hated purposeless chaos. You know what you are capable of, you know of the depravity that is nestled between your skin and bones. Your own greatness becomes less of a pursuit and more of an ultimatum for yourself. The path was always singular for you— your own immortalization or dying trying.                        

                   “I could be well moved if I were as you.                         If I could pray to move, prayers would move me.                                But I am constant as the Northern Star,                      Of whose true fixed and resting quality                              There is no fellow in the firmament.                   The skies are painted with unnumbered sparks;                      They are all fire, and every one doth shine;                              But there’s but one in all doth hold his place."        

     —Julius Caesar, right before his assassination, William Shakespeare

It is from your mother you learn TENDERNESS. You were her greatest accomplishment, her most exquisite creation. Beauty illuminated her horizons, her worldview merely a concoction of her own distorted realities. Chiko with his plush hair and lofty cheekbones had been nothing short of perfection, and for this reason alone, he earned her fickle devotions. Though their outward beauty remains intact, Chiko’s features would be bound to darken, to sharpen, the resemblance almost uncanny. They were every part their father, but they would develop their mother’s HEDONISM, the pursuit of her own realities in which Kono did not exist, as she clawed for his ruin time and time again. Katrine would often get this look about her, identical to the look she would give to their father, and Chiko knew that her devotion had met its limits. But the devastation was not shown, his shield of ALOOFNESS practically impenetrable.                    

                 “A coward dies a thousand times before his death,                              but the valiant taste of death but once.                  It seems to me most strange that men should fear,       seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come.”                                      —Julius Caesar, William Shakespeare

It is from both parents you inherit AMBITION. Both Kono and Katrine clawed for domination, the struggle for power ultimately driving their son and world away. They prioritized their own ambitions over their own child— and it is for that reason Chiko will never have children. Selfish people are better off without kids. That way, their priorities can continue to be aligned with them and them alone.

Translations & Info for various words used: fryktelig= horrible; ondskap = evil; Yamaguchi-gumi = the name of a notorious yakuza clan; kumicho = the Japanese equivalent of a mafia boss; segare = my son; min blomst = my flower;

[circuitlover]

Neon Genesis Evangelion: The End of Analysis

Is this a ridiculously naval-gazing post about Evangelion? Yes. Is it an accurate assessment of the franchise as a whole? I have no idea. I tackled this as an unknown initially, starting the series with zero contexts beyond the usual recommendation of “you should watch this.” Which is part of the reason why I’ve been a little hesitant about even broaching this subject to begin with. I’m so removed from the zeitgeist, both in terms of not being a regular anime viewer, as well as it being long past Evangelion’s relevance as a franchise, that it seems everybody already has their opinion on Evangelion all figured out. So at least indulge me, as I scramble around for something.

‘The End of Evangelion’ is a certainly a gratifying conclusion, as we finally get to see much of what was being concealed behind the veil (well, as much as one could reasonably hope for). It also reminds us of some long-standing questions. Why do the Evangelion possess such a bizarre tendency to be ill suited for battle? How do NERV’s continue to run unabated from governing bodies? What exactly is the mystery surrounding the origin of the ‘Geofront’? These were all broad strokes of why I felt unsatisfied by the original conclusion (the hastily arranged make good of the final few episodes of the series), and though I don’t expect every minor detail to be answered about such a multi-faceted world, I still feel these were questions pertinent enough to have been resolved in some fashion. Now I’m a little more aware of the troubled events leading up to that ending and it’s quite admirable that they managed to deliver something, despite the haphazard nature of those final two episodes.

 It’s clear that End of Evangelion intends to underline the original series from the start, dropping us back at the critical juncture where episode 24 had left us. Even if one could feasibly state that we reach the same point after the events of EOE, I’d argue that we inhabit a vastly different headspace by the time we reach it here. It’s not difficult to surmise what happens between the gaps left between the final two episodes, though everything is lent much more credence here, now that we are left to witness the macabre reality of what the entire series has been building towards. NERV headquarters is finally attacked by SEELE, and with this, we finally see the bloody climax. Now free to depict the attack in full detail, the opening half is certainly full of action and excess, though far from mindless, with only the most unflinching of viewers (or those divorced from its context) likely to derive any sort of baseless enjoyment from these scenes. The various lingering shots of deaths sit uncomfortably here, but nonetheless punctuate the finality of it all. If anyone could have accused the series of taking a wholly unexpected (and saccharine) turn towards it’s finale, then EOE is it’s biting rebuttal.  As cold as the NERV headquarters is, with almost everything bad that has occurred almost exclusively originating from within it’s walls, it’s still disconcerting to see such a familiar setting being callously destroyed in a matter of minutes, along with it’s inhabitants. The conflict has essentially existed as a faceless one; both the audience and Evangelion’s protagonists seldom knew what they’re truly been up against. It’s a war being played out by the pawns, and here we see the severity first-hand.

 As their headquarters are crumbling, so are the pilots. Shinji is in no fit state, evidenced by his own bemusement over his actions towards a comatose Asuka. It may be shocking, and his actions are far from admirable, but given the context, it’s hardly surprising. After all, his confidence had been built up; only to be meticulously broken the instant Kaworu reared his head. This compounded with his earlier apprehensions after Toji’s departure, his various disingenuous, failed, and otherwise doomed relationships leaves his mental state in tatters. I personally don’t like Shinji, but then again, it’s quite clear to see that you’re not really supposed to. Even without Hideki Anno’s spiteful intent of wanting to deconstruct the typical shonen hero propelling Shinji’s arc, it’s quite safe to assume that anyone who had any lingering empathy for Shinji will almost certainly have abandoned such notions at this point. The Shinji we were first introduced to, awkward, unlikeable, with an overriding sense of hate and self-loathing, has now given way to complete apathy. “I’m so fucked up” seems to ring more an acknowledgement, than it does a realization.

 Like Shinji, Asuka too has succumbed to her trauma, but on a much more literal scale, being broken in both mind and body. They are two characters that are seemingly analogous to one another. But again, first appearances can be deceiving, as by the point of Asuka’s introduction, we are already keenly aware of Shinji’s nature. He openly laments his position; Meanwhile, Asuka is brash and outspoken, embracing her identity as a designated hero, rather than cowering behind it. How they choose to define themselves is different, but the underlying reasons are gradually revealed to quite similar. Both driven by an inherent self-loathing, we witness the pair at varying levels of despondency, though rarely at the same time. In fact, for as consistent as emotional turmoil is through NGE, it is rarely overt, leaving most characters to wallow in their own abject misery. Almost everything operates on a certain level on duplicity, some of which, admittedly, isn’t apparent upon first viewing.

 Rei is ostensibly disconnected from the very beginning, though that makes the act of attempting to interpret the character, quite difficult. Very little is revealed about her, and most of the development is concerned with what she is, rather than what she does. Her role is pivotal to the overall narrative, and the themes being explored, as she is, by design, a doll that emotes. Which I guess is where her appeal lies. The mystery intrinsic to the character is never completely done away with, even at the very end. And the case could be made if the third incarnation of ‘Rei’ is even the same character that we’d become accustomed to, as her eventual rejection of instrumentality is a stark contrast to the cold pragmatist that bookended the TV series.

 The (quite literal) congratulatory nature of the series conclusion was always conspicuous in its inclusion. Evangelion had never been a work that had an interest in servicing its audience, at least in terms of a ‘happy’ ending. Which isn’t to say that wasn’t a possibility, but the tonal dissonance in which it was delivered never quite rang true. As an audience, we were conditioned to cautiously enjoy any brief respites afforded to our characters, as more often than not, it was simply a prelude to the turmoil that was soon to be heaped upon them. All of which (keeping with tradition), means the course correcting of EOE ups the stakes by an order of magnitude. The imminent attack is at the worst possible time, with each pilot being indisposed. The first big sequence, the assault on NERV, is a veritable massacre. Everyone’s fates are conclusively played out, whilst the Evangelion units become the focal point. 01 is promptly captured, whilst 02 (along with Asuka) is sunk to the bottom of the lake. This leaves Misato to attempt to galvanize an unstable Shinji. It’s kind of galling to see Shinji act so despondently in the face of her imminent death, though his selfishness probably obscures that fact until it’s too late. For me, Katsuragi is probably the most well meaning of the entire cast, but tragically, is someone woefully inept of providing the emotional support that others around her need. Her own weaknesses are clear to see, and although many of her problems are often emphasized for comic affect, she is still one of the few who straddles the line between her duties and profession life, perhaps the most convincingly. Like most other characters, she serves as juxtaposition to Shinji’s own conflict, and highlights how everyone is dealing with their own issues, just with varying levels of inadequacy. Her final actions echo her previous (failed) attempt at comforting Shinji, with her own loneliness giving way to fleeting intimacy.

Everything hits a crescendo once the Evangelion finally make their appearance, quite literally. Asuka awakens, and with it, her centrepiece battle takes place. I’m sure that it isn’t really something that I need to go into exacting detail about, because the following scene is enduring all by itself. Though it is notable as a culmination of the various elements all coming together; music, animation, along with the story. This is where EOE leverage’s its theatrical status for all its worth, eschewing the patchwork TV production in favour of something grander.  The actions scenes are often impressive and horrifying in equal measure, and there is probably no greater proof than here. Asuka’s death is certainly disturbing, and much of that is down to how they chose to portray that violence. For me, it recalled earlier moments, where the eldritch abomination like nature of the Evangelion had been evoked. These moments give the audience a brief pause for thought, where much is suggested of how horrifying their (The Evangelion) unshackled nature truly is. The unease, which these moments produce, suggests that something is terribly untoward. Most of which is conveyed in how we (the audience) see others react, gleaning what we can from cutaway shots of onlookers recoiling in horror. If recollections of Unit O1’s previous ‘feast’ already served to perturb, then this surely toys with our imagination yet further. We only see Unit 02 itself being devoured, and now knowing what we do about the distinctly human aspect of the Evangelion, the horror of Asuka’s fate here, trapped inside, now inhabits an altogether more unsettling space. The series ending, try as I might to appreciate it, was never going to suffice. It was nice to see Shinji’s own paradigm being settled, but I felt like it would have been more effective with a little more of that ambiguity stripped away. For as much as Neon Genesis Evangelion likes to steep itself in duplicity, this is where it’s felt like it was something of a compromise. The inner turmoil was my key takeaway from the work as a whole; it forms the crux of every relationship, and dictates the course of every action. It’s a lonely show, something that if not apparent from the get-go, slowly permeates throughout the narrative. Shinji is an initially an awkward character to relate to, bumbling his way through his scenes, though much of this weak nature is revealed to be a product of his environment. The world in which this all takes place is irreparably damaged, and even if the true extent of the second impact isn’t made expressly clear, it becomes quite apparent that humanity lives on in its own self-inflicted dystopia. It is this inherent contradiction that defines nearly every relationship, as each is unwilling (or unable) to acknowledge their true feelings. It is ultimately a self-destructive existence for the likes of Shinji, who permeates multiple meanings to his interactions with people, the paradoxical nature of which is explored in the conflict that defines the multiple endings and interpretations. Shinji is our proxy, but even so, it can be difficult to empathize with him. A hero he may be, but it’s more by designation than by design. It’s a role, which he consistently questions, as he exhibits almost none of the values we typically associate with someone tasked with such a mammoth task. He ostensibly comes of age throughout the series, gradually gaining some semblance of self-worth, though it a precarious act as he constantly seeks assurance from his father, and later anyone (which becomes something that Asuka resents him for). No character is treated like a proverbial puppet more than Shinji. In fact, it is SEELE themselves, who objective turns out to ultimately “break” Shinji, rendering his ego to naught. For all intents and purposes, it could be argued that the whole world is literally against him, at least by his own perceptions. His relationship is Asuka is extremely strained, initially showing hints of affection, with their hilariously depressing kiss encapsulates this dichotomy; Neither the circumstances (nor the characters) allowing for anything to take place. Even the slight reprieve offered in the finale (Asuka’s acknowledgement amidst the fallout) is obfuscated by the context in which it’s delivered.

Shinji’s journey dictates the ending, first, in the original series, where his perspective colours the ambiguity from which we see the fallout. Thematically this works (and I can see why some may prefer the agency it gives the audience), though I feel that the abstract nature of this ending, robs it of some emotional resonance. This conclusion is also hampered (at least for me) in how abrupt it is, with certain story threads left dangling. In my opinion, ‘End of Evangelion’ lives up to it’s billing as it gives a much more balanced and subjective conclusion, where we see first-hand “The Human Instrumentality Project” in effect. I was suitably invested to the point where I wished to see how the end was reached, and of course, see something that wasn’t cobbled together with recycled animation or slight of hand. I can certainly appreciate the original ending as a companion piece, which serves as a more personal and intimate resolution. But the fact remains, a lot of the fascination surely lays with how incomplete this all feels, with each finale, seemingly answering as many questions as they create. That said, I find that both endings offer up a surprisingly optimistic message. The original may be more overtly upbeat, but I think that EOE’s is lent more credence by virtue of the horror that precedes it. The life affirming message is delivered in the most tragic of circumstances, and I perhaps find that most heartening of all. By no means does ‘End of Evangelion’ end on a positive note, but I think it’s enough that it carries the promise of one. The somber sentiment may be more prevalent for some, though my rebuttal would point to the fact that, for as depraved and unethical the means may be, everyone ultimately wants to be happy. There is something to be said about the apparent theology that makes up a large part of Evangelion, and even if it has no real implication beyond the aesthetic (those initial warnings from long-time fans that, yes, a lot of the pseudo Christian imagery is window dressing at best. ), I still feel that its prominence casts a large shadow over proceedings. If nothing else, it certainly lends a morbid atmosphere to the show. When one starts to take this aspect into closer consideration, it’s easy to see why theory regarding Evangelion has become so prevalent. One of the constants throughout is the titular Evangelion. Though they remain a focal part, their function, both narratively and thematically, are constantly shifting. Initially agents of change, they are presented as a mysterious, if helpful force. Gradually this is peeled back, as various allusions are made to what they actually are. Throughout, we see how their pilots are affected by their experiences in their cockpits. Shinji is continually drawn and repulsed by the idea of piloting his Evangelion, seeing it as a means to forge something meaningful, whilst at the time, also aware of how dependant he becomes of his new role. Rei is driven by a sense of twisted duty, one that routinely sees her sacrificing herself (needlessly) for the cause. And Asuka perceives her role as raison d'être to obfuscate her own past, this being both a strength and a weakness. For better or worse, the Evangelion define them, and as the story progresses, we see that this takes on altogether more sinister connotations.  When viewed as an allegory, I think Evangelion holds multiple meanings, depending on what part is being referred to, or indeed who is viewing it. My initial impressions were pretty much taking it at face value, though I think the misdirection of the opening is a deliberate ploy for the most part. I’ve read that some take it as a deconstruction of the very genre it inhabits, though not having much experience with that myself, I choose to focus solely on the emotional aspects. Indeed, the psychological (and philosophical) strands become much more prominent as the series progresses, as it steadily veers into becoming a wholly oblique affair. Humanity may live on, but in spite of itself; something which is made abundantly clear, throughout.

Though its message initially seems quite muddled, I still feel it one that still manages to remain pertinent. I certainly can’t fault it for ambition. And there is something to be said about a piece of work that I simultaneously feel, is one of the most bleak and uplifting things I have witnessed, flawed or otherwise. I appreciate the themes that it chooses to explore. I like the characters, even in spite of everyone being contemptible in some glaring way. And in that respect, this series is nothing, if not a parade of characters struggling to deal with their emotions. But maybe that’s why I like it amidst all the abstract craziness; it retains a very human message.

[mysunfreckle]

Not that kind of morning after

Claqueleroy, Modern AU, Fluff, 1.1k

Fauntleroy doesn’t remember right away when they wake, it takes them a moment.

When they do remember the whole of last night, it is immediately painfully obvious that they are tucked into their duvet on their own. They roll over and open their eyes.

The smile that jumps to their lips warms them both inside and out.

Claquesous is leaning against the headboard, all the way to one side of the bed. He’s maskless, his long hair messy and sleep-tousled, and Fauntleroy has never seen him look so…dressed down. Sous is not dressy like Montparnasse, but he is always very put together. Right now he looks nearly the complete opposite. They’ve never seen him barefoot, for a start.

He’s still in his T-shirt from last night, but he’s wearing some pyjama bottoms he took out of the pile of clean laundry that Fauntleroy thinks belong to Brujon. And he’s reading a paperback that looks awfully familiar.

“Did you raid my bookcase?” they mutter affectionately.

Claquesous glances down at them, one corner of his mouth moving into a slight smile. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

Fauntleroy wonders how long he’s been awake himself. It’s a usual joke among the Patron-Minette that Claquesous never sleeps. They let themself roll onto their stomach, getting to lie a little closer to him and making it very clear they don’t intend to go anywhere any time soon.

For a moment the near-smile grows a little wider and then Claquesous quietly looks back at his book.

Fauntleroy watches him read for a moment, trying to remember another time they’ve seen him this unguarded. They don’t think they have. Not while he was sober anyway. They want to quietly watch him forever. But they also really want attention.

“Are you enjoying my vampires?” they ask, grinning half into their pillow. They’ve heard Sous speak rather disparagingly of modern fantasy several times.

He hums vaguely, turning a page before dropping his hand on his thigh again.

“Let me guess,” they tease. “You like the bloody parts.”

He smirks, dark eyes darting to their face for a moment. “I’ll give you my review at the end,” he says and he goes back to reading.

Despite everything. Despite the grin on their lips and the fuzzy happiness lingering all around them, Fauntleroy feels a single touch of uncertainty pressing down on the back of their mind. Claquesous is right here. He stayed up with them half the night, talking in between kisses. He slept beside them in their bed. He didn’t even leave after waking up what must be hours before they did, judging from how much he has read already.

They shouldn’t be feeling this way.

Last night he had pretty much said that they could have whatever they wanted, as long as they asked for it. He wants to be with them, but they need to tell him how.

That really shouldn’t be so hard.

Fauntleroy takes in a small, steadying breath. “Sous, could I borrow your hand for a bit?”

Claquesous looks at them again and silently holds out the hand that isn’t holding his book for them to take. Fauntleroy takes it, reaching up without otherwise changing their position, and places his hand on the back of their neck. Asking doesn’t always have to be with words.

For a moment Claquesous does not move at all, keeping his hand still even when Fauntleroy has removed their own, but then he very carefully scratches at the nape of their neck.

Fauntleroy did mean to make a pleased noise in response, to show him this is exactly what they wanted, they did not mean for it to sound quite so much like purring.

Claquesous snorts softly, but it’s a kind, amused sound. His eyes flit back to his page again, but his fingers scratch softly upwards from Fauntleroy’s neck to the back of their head, where he absent-mindedly ruffles and smooths their hair by turns. Exactly what they wanted.

Fauntleroy lets their eyes close, silently enjoying themself. They know that insecurity will come back, feelings like that aren’t beaten so easily, but this is more than enough to chase it away for now. When they peer through their lashes at Claquesous he looks wonderfully content.

They have nearly drifted back off to sleep, when his hand slides a little further down and his fingers begin raking gently up and down their back. Vague feelings of recognition call Fauntleroy back awake and they smile drowsily at the memory. There are no discernible shapes in Claquesous’ stroking now. No squares or triangles. Only swirling patterns that are interrupted briefly whenever he needs to turn a page. Maybe, Fauntleroy thinks vaguely, feeling the warmth of his hand through the fabric of their shirt, maybe they began to fall in love with him as long ago as that.

That thought makes them lie very still for a second, but startling as it is, Fauntleroy is too comfortable to let it shake them. Instead they turn it over in their mind a couple times, smiling into their pillow when Claquesous hand slides into their hair again. For someone who doesn’t touch people much he sure is good at it.

Suddenly, loud and disagreeable, there is a burst of approaching noise out in the hallway. It’s the unmistakable sound of Brujon arriving home, but Fauntleroy does not realise the racket is actually coming closer until it’s already too late.

“Faun, weren’t you going to ma—” Brujon freezes on the doorstep, eyes shocked and wide as he stares at Claquesous.

Claquesous looks back at him silently, not offering a single explanation, and Fauntleroy can just see the edge of his slightly annoyed expression. They’re none too pleased about the disturbance themself either.

They raise their head just enough to meet Brujon’s eyes. He is gaping slightly and, astonishingly, still here.

“Brujon,” Fauntleroy says slowly and he blinks.

Their roommate seems to genuinely need a moment to remember how to speak. “…yes?” he says eventually.

“Go. Away,” Fauntleroy says with emphasis.

Brujon has never complied with an order to get out of their room faster. He practically trips over the threshold, backing hastily out of the room. He doesn’t even slam the door when he pulls it shut.

“Well,” Claquesous hums, turning back to his book. “That was entertaining.”

“Hm,” Fauntleroy breathes amusedly, letting their head fall back onto the pillow and making a gratified sound when Claquesous resumes the gentle head scratches. It also means that as soon as Brujon recovers enough to remember how to text, absolutely everybody will know. They’re not sure if that’s going to be an advantage or an annoyance. They also decide not to mention it to Claquesous. Just in case he hadn’t drawn the conclusion yet himself and feels inclined to go take Brujon’s phone off him. Because that would mean no more fingers tangled in their hair. And as far as Fauntleroy is concerned the two of them could stay here like this for ever.

[archergabriella]

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[curtisbauer1993]

“Allah’s intercession” and “My own Suffering (mind)”

(Quran 6:17) “If Allah touch thee with affliction, there is none that can relieve therefrom save Him, and if He touch thee with good fortune (there is none that can impair it); for He is Able to do all things.”

(Quran 14: 24-26) “Have you not considered how Allah presents an example, [making] a good word like a good tree, whose root is firmly fixed and its branches [high] in the sky? It produces its fruit all the time, by permission of its Lord. And Allah presents examples for the people that perhaps they will be reminded. And the example of a bad word is like a bad tree, uprooted from the surface of the earth, not having any stability.”

(By the Will of Allah) Through this Parable of converting to Judaism after Catholic (High School), eventually Reverting into Islam (Inshallah); my heart and mind (still today) overflow with tears of both joy and anguish when Allah guides my thoughts into that of Jewish life, and Holocaust Memoriam. (Mashallah) My heart became mended (after age 21) closely to those whom suffered and perished in Jewish Poland, having relatives left behind from Jaslo Poland, located a couple kilometers (away) from the Auschwitz concentration camp. Through God's revelation, my mind became "torn" for many years, having planned on learning the Hebrew language and Migrating (alone) to Israel (procured with Diasporic migration/birth documents, such is an Israeli policy concerning a (the) referendum of immigration approval), seeking a life (God willing) for my future Wife and Children, until the Will of Allah guided me into Islamic practice and total submission unto Him, seeking guidance from the words and teaching of our Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). The extent of my Jewish identity, as Allah acts through us on Heaven and on Earth, was as much (meditatively) humbling, as it was, strikingly obvious (to myself) and painful. I would often partake to ongoing social Discords, such as drinking (at the local pub), or exploring greater Calgary (city center) while (gradually) assembling a photography portfolio, through use of my iPhone, to be displayed on Instagram. During this time, I was also studying IT (Administrative Computer Services) at CDI College, north Calgary. My Diasporic Jewish identity fastened itself to my interpersonal speculations (of life and society) as a gradual onset, when interpreting my own emotions and (intuitively rational) thought patterns (entirely by the will of Allah). The proceeding months/years after confirming my (religious) faith, I seemed to gradually strengthen myself into recognizing the “Echoes” of European (Holocaust) Jewish life through the processes of our Society (both locally and globally) and (through a means of social and cultural interpretation when conveying value in (of) advertisement and public conversation) our Media outlets. Much of the information available online regarding Jewish identity and the Holocaust had inferred to me that there was a (thoughtfully) “distinct” separation between Behaviours and Rationalizations within our Community (society). This (imaginary) theme (schematic) of “inclinations” concerning “prehistoric” behaviours had (perfectly) woven a web of structure into the way I’d began receiving the meaning behind what/why people performed their mannerisms (in an attempt to rationalize social popularity and (rational) order of customary political standpoints/hierarchies), sparing any technical detail, of (my) assertions during public discourse (events such as drinking at the bar) or what was displayed/discussed on the Local News (for example, as a deduction of “tonalities” (referentially), concluding a state of (group dominated) hierarchy and social (majority) standards. Through every conceivable controversy (presented to me in my life, by the will of Allah), I began to psychologically deduct the (specific) scenario into a median (set of) values regarding impressionable states of ongoing “culture” (states of ignorance towards Humanitarian values, history, and/or distinct “rationale” which leads (one) to the speculation that (generalized, practiced) Racism is acceptable (culturally), under the decree that Sinful acts are (were) “naturalized” as a normality of successive gain (wealth/stability of person) throughout Human History).

(In a sense of interpretation) Through the Will of Allah, I became a “one man army”, when approaching any (given) social strata (group dissertation); deducted from the aforementioned development of Schizophrenia, during that time period. While I found myself more inherent in (of) “exuding” a sense of Humanitarian (emotionally striving) values, tangential to whomever/whatever I was interacting with (hence the previously mentioned, acquired sense of “Echo”, rationalizing a platitude of influential Jewish (cultural) Diaspora and pre-modern history). As a retrospective, I found myself (now, looking at the years passed until now) more complacent with (minor) Sins [For Minor Sins, consult a local/online Islamic resource], as a function of social confluence (interaction) between Myself and Others (all by the will of Allah). My daily pursuit of social/historical Ideology led me farther astray from Abrahamic Worship (Judaism/Christianity/Islam), and closer toward the (Path) of an awarded (Shaytan, by the Will of Allah) desire to gain insight by calculating (racial) themes within the “spectacles” (People, Media, Internet) of our Global Modernization (society). I became an ideological (inwardly social) “extremist” in (of) a sense, such as that I was spending a great junction of (time) and emotional material (thoughtfully) judging people for their inherent sense of (group latent) prejudice (ability to commit social Hypocrisy), through engaging (boastfully) in conversation and (or) observing interaction in my environment. As time passed, (again) through the proceeding year(s), I was led farther away from (Worship) The Straight Path of Abraham (as a prime example of Human conduct, by the will of our Creator), and into the “Fray” of Sinful gain (sexually motivated desire). A great deal of my early 20’s had been (thoughtfully) spent gratifying (thinking of) those (of) whom I thought were of (the) Righteous “belief system” concerning Hierarchy of Social strata (equivocal to their sense of Jewish identity, whether or not engaged in a realistic sense of (their own sense of) “Jewishness”, by deducting (of their person) an “ongoing” rate of Humanitarian stewardship, when concluding social material such as Political Discussion, and (or) opinions of culture (people of significant influence (politicians and celebrities). By the Grace of God, much of my foregoing (extroverting socially interaction and discussion) had been inwardly (intuitively) motivated, thus leading to a general sense of “ease” when having spent time with Family and Friends. (concerning) A story for another (liturgical) memoir (By the Grace of what Allah has allowed me to speak of), are the periods of time (concluding my sense of Jewish identity) spanning from 2017 to (presently) 2020, where God (Allah) revealed His intention to me (suddenly, leading to a discontinuation of all social interaction), that which lead to a Great Span of Conflicting (mental) torment, eventually supplementing His will in (of) conclusiveness towards the Straight Path of Worship and (my) Islamic (study) practice.

Through Allah, to this day (holding firmly to daily Salat prayers) I've learned a special meaning behind the (Salat) verse, concluding: "Oh Allah, send Prayers upon Muhammad and the Followers of Muhammad; Just as you send Prayers upon Abraham and the followers of Abraham. Oh Allah, send prayers upon Muhammad and upon the Family of Muhammad; Just as you sent prayers upon Ibrahim (Abraham) and upon the Family of Abraham". Through my life of living disobediently of (Christian) religion, with awareness of the Lord Almighty, eventually to seek Worship (of God) and (Jewish) Identity through conversion into Judaism, Allah has shown me the power of His intercession within this (a single persons) lifetime. Abraham took a covenant with His (our) Lord after a certain revelation from God (Allah), thus establishing the House of Worship (Ka'bah) which remains today as a Law (Covenant) of Pilgrimage, transcendent among those of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), Jesus (Messiah), and latter periods of Worship created (by the will of God) among Us. By reverting to Islam, I have found comfort and (complete) satisfaction in the Worship of God (Allah), through following (understanding) the teaching and actions of Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him). We are all the Sons of Adam, as Allah willed the First Man into existence, originally (as a settled destination) through the Gardens of Perpetual Bliss (Heaven), eventually creating Sin (divine will) through the Fault of Adam by allowing Him to negotiate with Shaytan (Allah's will unto Humans), thus leading God (Allah) to send both Shaytan (Satan, of the Jinn) and Adam (with Eve) unto Earth, as a means of Separation, Repentance, and a (determined) time of Living (Death). Such is the faculty of our Lives (through Allah) before death, suffering through a trial of Sin (inevitable temptation) before the Day of Judgement (upon Death). When I think wholefully of those who worship God (Allah), I think of my Brothers and Sisters (Sons and Daughters of Adam) who practice Christianity and Judaism, and am reminded about the (separation/portion of) my Daily Salat (prayer) conducted (by) between asking God for salvation for both the Followers and Family of Abraham, and Muhammad (peace be upon them) . Now that I (myself) have been led to the Straight Path of Islam (As was Abraham, through all aforementioned religions), I have found myself (Mashallah, Allah has Willed it) praying for both Muslims (followers of our Prophet Muhammad) and all those on Earth who worship God Alone (Catholics/Jews, countless other Monotheistic religions, by the will of Allah).

I know (now) that this life is a Trial, and that God's eternal plan for Us (living through Him) is the original settling place of Adam (in creation before settling unto Earth), which is Heaven (Jannah). Only Allah can determine the events which unfold in our lives, and all belief of Other Human beings (friends/family) is through the Mindfulness (thinking of) and Worship of God, alone. Allah is exactly Who He needs to Be in This Lifetime, and (our) His desire is to grant Us (through Him) Jannah (Heaven) unto the Hereafter, eternally. Mashallah, I hope you enjoyed this memoir of personal revelation through Allah (our Lord), and I hope (Inshallah, if Allah wills it) that you find some comfort in your own Parables as a recollection of life on Earth (through God). Mashallah, and peace be upon you!

(Quran 14: 24-30) “Have you not considered how Allah presents an example, [making] a good word like a good tree, whose root is firmly fixed and its branches [high] in the sky? It produces its fruit all the time, by permission of its Lord. And Allah presents examples for the people that perhaps they will be reminded. And the example of a bad word is like a bad tree, uprooted from the surface of the earth, not having any stability. Allah keeps firm those who believe, with the firm word, in worldly life and in the Hereafter. And Allah sends astray the wrongdoers. And Allah does what He wills. Have you not considered those who exchanged the favor of Allah for disbelief and settled their people [in] the home of ruin? [It is] Hell, which they will [enter to] burn, and wretched is the settlement. And they have attributed to Allah equals to mislead [people] from His way. Say, "Enjoy yourselves, for indeed, your destination is the Fire."

(Quran 14:22) “And Satan will say when the matter has been concluded, "Indeed, Allah had promised you the promise of truth. And I promised you, but I betrayed you. But I had no authority over you except that I invited you, and you responded to me. So do not blame me; but blame yourselves. I cannot be called to your aid, nor can you be called to my aid. Indeed, I deny your association of me [with Allah] before. Indeed, for the wrongdoers is a painful punishment."

[maneaterwithtail]

Panda thoughts

We’re now in a Quantum state with the characterization of Panda on We Bare Bears. You could very easily change it so that he’s learning about his sexuality or gender identity or something. This is the type pf character and time/situation that tends to attract people to lionize a character in a form of identity. Sometimes this can be good, after all I’m promoting the comic that basically recast and frames the Fryman family as a combination of both stand-in and actual trans Folk or as bisexual or homosexual. When a character ultimately speaks to a group reinterpreting them for that purpose is another form of enjoying art 

However part and parcel of the entire slash phenomenon is in many ways a kind of sexism.As soon as someone is a man and they in any way leave the check list of traits that we very rigidly and commonly defined as heterosexual or masculine than they must be gay or queer in some way Now interpretation is always going to be differing line for some people. For me when a work has aspect that does it seem as if gay characters exist or even being considered. Because by defining that boundary you can indicate that you understand how each is supposed to work. We bare Bears is definitely a show where gay people could exist. We often see same sex pairings which may be friends or may actually be dates. Of course it’s set in San Francisco and I think everybody knows that bear is often slang for a type of gay man by now.  OK KO is the same with two subtle but rather explicit male/male relationships (Lord Boxman and Professor Venomous, Nick Army and Joff, possibly Brandon and Real Magic Skeleton)  As such though I’d have put money on Gar being gay he really seems into Carol/KO’s mom.  No need to reinterpret characters being gay if speculation or be open to the idea. Panda in particular has always given off two contrary aspects which works for a comedy character. He’s incredibly thirsty for female companionship and romance and even has some retrograde and selfish ideas about what it is to be a woman and wanting to have one for his very own. . At the same time he often shows interest and is very very often put in scenarios in which he’s more or less easily inferred as being sexually gratifying or romantically pursued or entangled with a male character. At first this was Grizz later this was Charlie.

The overall idea of Charlie and Panda getting together as a couple definitely has some appeal. In the fact that a lot of the things that we associate with a romance, namely attaining emotional maturity, interaction, and learning to cross boundaries are very much a part of pandas experience when he’s interacting with Charlie. However at the exact same time I feel in order to make this subtext happen people are often ignoring the full context of it. Would we really be comfortable with the idea- if we’re all being gender-blind or not being limited by gender assumptions- with a romantic pursuer that constantly violate someone’s personal space keeps on insisting on intimate forms of address at the person’s constant denial who often never wants to be intimate or physically near the person? Panda has a lot of anxieties that Charlie attacks. This is fun to see because it creates drama and Conflict for us as well comedy. But does this necessarily mean that the best person for panda is Charlie?  

In some ways I much prefer the idea that Charlie is certainly someone who’s helping Panda expand but he’s not necessarily going to be his romantic love interest. I like the idea ultimately that Panda’s Journey has been about becoming a full-fledged full rounded person. Someone who can appreciate a romantic partner and all that that entails as well as being seen fulfilling someone else’s needs. More importantly a lot of the Romantic elements that people Champion as being indicative of Panda’s deep down attraction to Charlie kind of bother me in the context in which they are presented in the show and then taken out in order to share among the fans

In Charlie’s Foot Panda does not want to be associated with Charlie at all. The only time he starts to reciprocate is when he’s been drugged out of his mind and been forced by his brothers in order to do so. It’s kind of off-putting because it’s implied that someone can be effectively harassing the person physically and emotionally they have to break down and eventually accept what’s happened. If Panda was a girl and Charlie was doing this I imagine that a great deal of fans would feel deeply uncomfortable by the subtext implied 

I’m uncomfortable with the subtext implied by fan interpretations of Charlie effectively getting through to Panda as a romantic interest. Panda is straight. It’s as simple as that so far. Maybe he is bisexual or gay or maybe his sexuality is fluid. All of these are things that I can advocate and if they end up going there in the show I’m going to be interested. But I feel as if in fan presentation there’s this overall belief that there only way that Panda can actually Advance is if he’s ultimately going to turn out to be gay and especially gay for Charlie

This feels off-putting because Panda shows not just a disinterest in male contact but repulsion towards male contact outside of very specific areas. More importantly I think we kind of crossed this kind of subject matter several times in the show with the encounter of Tom and the number of times he’s had to interact with Charlie, Grizz, or be seen as “Cute.” He started to get out of his shell, yes, but it seems weird to say that the only way that he can ultimately grow up is if he decides to date dudes. He effectively ended up dating with Tom and that didn’t solve any of his problems his relationship with him in fact that highlighted a lot of the problems he already had

Effectively Charlie is fulfilling the role that often a love interest or pseudo love interest does in stories. He’s effectively affecting pandas character growth helping him become more empathic and see the world in a different light.   

The one time he accepted Charlie’s advances sober was preceded by “ I’m just too tired to fight you off anymore.” Does that seem really all that romantic or respectful or a positive message? That said, the idea in fan circles is given a lot of good use. I love how one fan artist has had kids for them and their characterization

 and they have this really great comic where they have both kids talk to buy both parents and they explain how they ultimately ended up together.

(reference)

That all said I often feel as if people re-characterize Charlie so he’s just a manic pixie dream girl there to enable male loves male scenarios. He’s missing a lot of his full characterization just so that that way he can be romantic love interest and given the changes that this demands of Panda’s core characterization, motives, goals, and progress that also bothers me I really do like some of the effort that’s been put into Panlie idea. So I’m in this weird place where I really like the fan idea but I’m not sure if I ever wanted to become Canon because it feels off to validate or say that that’s appropriate behavior. A lot of this came to head for me and some of the on Tumblr reaction to Summer Love. Panda’s actually been advancing in terms of his lovelorn character traits. For one he’s can actually seem to expand Beyond just Manga and Anime. If anything his relationship with Amanda felt more appropriate. Yes he did a lot of the Romantic pining and projecting but in some ways a lot of this was based on him putting in actual effort and other things. The fact that he’s able to finally get it and the conclusion of how things are supposed to be and appreciate that someone else has their own aims in life to live shows genuine maturity on his part. More importantly compared to most of his other attempts where it was like, “pretty girl I want to have her” here he saw someone whom he had potential connection with and connected her plights with his.

 He often didn’t seem to want to do something for someone he acted to do something to get someone. By contrast and comparison hei returning of Amanda’s phone, while of course involving some selfishness, is ultimately about fulfilling her. it’s why he doesn’t try to push any further when he realizes that she’s going her separate way. Unlike the manga who he’s been imitating he actually doesn’t force her to stay or choose him. So overall this is just me thinking out loud about characterization and reception. What are your thoughts?

[tehstripe]

2. Dear _______, - Dave/Rose Newspaper Columnist AU

I finally finished the second fic for my challenge! The prompt was “newspaper advice columnists who passive-aggressively diss one another in their advice au,” found in this AU list. Also this thing is a small monster that I will probably cross-post to AO3 after... a bit of editing and coding.

(Also keep an eye out I have a second fic to post tonight.)

Dear Tentacled Therapist,

Recently, my boyfriend has been acting strangely. He keeps asking about my schedule and when I'll be home. At first I assumed he was just asking so that he could work on planning dates, but whenever I ask him about his schedule, he gets very cagey and won't tell me exactly what he's doing. If I ever demand what he is doing, he tells me he is hanging out with "friends."

Is he cheating on me, or am I just reading into things? I want to confront him, but I don't want to ruin the relationship over something silly...

Sincerely, Am I Just Paranoid?

Dear Mx. Paranoid?

There are one of three options here.

The first is, naturally, the most boring. He is cheating on you. His so-called "friends" are in fact a short-hand for his elicit lover.

For your sake, I hope this is not the case, though I am sure it would be gratifying to know that your suspicions were at least somewhat justified. I would recommend actually talking to some of his friends in order to confirm the story that he is telling you. Is he truly hanging out with them, or is he just using them as a convenient excuse to ditch you?

A few caveats. First, even if his friends back up his story, they may be lying. You can test this by asking a few of them what they were up to and seeing if their stories match. If possible, I would recommend talking to some of their significant others, who will more likely be sympathetic to your cause.

If you do not know enough of his friends in order to ask them what they were up to on June 6th at 11:00 PM, consider that you may not be deep enough into this relationship to be too concerned about ruining it. Cut your losses and run. Even if he is not cheating on you, I cannot think of much good that will come from having a boyfriend who, early in the relationship, demands to know where you will be without properly reciprocating.

Naturally, if you do discover that your man is cheating on him, there is only one possible solution. You must sacrifice his body to Zathog the Great Old One. If he is pleased with your sacrifice, then he may grant you the ability to travel through both time and space, which is undeniably a much better thing to be in possession of than a cheating boyfriend.

Ah! But we must not overlook the other possibilities. You may also be in a situation pulled straight from a "Romantic Comedy," as the lay people refer to them, where you are led to believe your beau is cheating on you, when in truth, he is attempting to set up a beautiful surprise for you that only shows how much he loves you. Perhaps there is even a big diamond ring in your future?

Ah, but Miss Therapist, you may proclaim. However will I know whether or not I have found myself within the confines of a "Romantic Comedy"? The answer is simple. Look around you, at the people you surround yourself with. Do you have a gay best friend who gladly accepts the lofty title of "sassy"? Do you have a well-meaning girl friend (who you, mistakenly, call a "girlfriend" despite the fact that the two of you are straight) who is hapless, cute (but not as cute as you), and pursuing her own relationship off to the periphery of your existence? Are there any older women in your life who give you expressions that imply they have seen it all?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then congratulations! You are most likely a fictional character within a film that will be affectionately dubbed a "Chick Flick." On the bright side, you are undoubtedly being played by an attractive celebrity, so that is one important consolation prize to the unfortunate fact that you are not actually real.

You can also check this with his friends, of course.

The final, and frankly, most likely option is that he is planning his own ritualistic sacrifice to Zathog. He is most likely planning to sacrifice you. Get the jump on him. Forgo love and earthly attachments and become the space-and-time travelling god you were always destined to be.

I hope this helps.

Sincerely, The Tentacled Therapist

Dear DJ Strider,

I'm trying to think of what I should get my girlfriend for our two-year anniversary. She's honestly the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I want to make it special for her. Any ideas?

-- Two Years of Devotion

dear 2y devotion

okay my dude my buddy my pal

listen to this thing that you are asking me. really listen to it. take the page you are reading right now and hold it up to your ear all gentle like and let it whisper into your ear.

"i want to do something special" cool thats great thats a general thing that everybody who is not a douche wants to do for their significant other but think about this for a sec.

you went to an advice column for this shit. and dont get me wrong my advice column is unequivocally the best advice column cause unlike some columnists im not gonna suggest you throw your girlfriend to sh'blugh the tentacle horror from beyond the veil but

you gave me nothing to go on man

how do i make that special

like give me some details to go off of

you love this girl right tell me something about her

or i guess since its too late to tell me about her because this is a delayed conversation that gets publicly written and published in a magazine think about the kind of shit that she likes

like you probably already know the kind of shit that she likes if youre really as into her as you say

does your girl like flowers? get her some flowers does your girl like horses? get her a horse does your girl like sports? get her a sport

and like that goes for activities too if youve decided to date an adrenaline junkie take her to an amusement park or go skydiving or something

or even just crack open a bottle of fancy wine or whatever

shit is special if you make it special dude and if i tell you exactly what to do that ruins the whole idea of it being special

anyway good luck hope you dont bomb it

-- dj strider

Dear Tentacled Therapist,

I'm a mother of a beautiful girl who is currently in the second grade. She constantly comes home complaining of a boy bothering her in class. I have gone to her teacher to try and figure out what we can do to make her feel more comfortable at school, but the teacher simply said that the boy probably had a crush and told me that this was a normal peer interaction among children their age.

While I understand that many children do not know how to properly express their emotions or their feelings, I can't help but feel suspicious of this determination. My daughter has said that this boy has pulled her hair and pushed her down on the playground. I don't care what the teacher says - that is NOT the behavior of somebody with a crush.

Sincerely, Concerned Mother

Dear Miss Concerned,

You have every right to be concerned. However, the teacher is right. That boy almost certainly does have a crush.

You see, Miss Concerned, in all my years of giving advice and viewing the world from my lofty place above it, I have come to the conclusion that a man in love becomes the stupidist and most brute-ish thing imaginable. This starts from a very young age, and though the man may be able to temper his natural instincts upon growing older and even produce the occasional bouquet of flowers, this is natural. Why, even at my decidedly unspecified age, I sometimes encounter men who show their undying affection for me by "vagueing" me, as I understand is the modern parlance, in their own personal advice columns.

(By the by, Mr. Strider, everybody knows that my column has more regular readers than yours does.)

That said, this behavior is unacceptable. Were this a fully grown man, of course, I would say that you should toss him to the Old One of your choice as an offering of appeasement for not destroying our planet eons ago, but this is still just a second grade boy. Foolish and brutish as he may be, I will never condone child sacrifice. Instead, focus on the teacher.

Tell her that you don't care if this boy has a crush - it is unacceptable that your daughter is being made to feel unsafe and unhappy in a place of learning, which should be open to her. Children do not learn or grow well in environments they are uncomfortable in. If this boy is making her uncomfortable then, whatever his reasons for doing that may be, he needs to be talked to and he needs to be stopped. That is the long and short of it. If the teacher seems unwilling to help, take it to the principal. If the principal is equally reluctant, then pitch a fit and give some of your fellow parents a reason to outrage. Make the local news. Cause a national movement for little boys to stop pulling little girl's hair in an attempt to flirt. Eventually, the teacher will have to give in. Or at the very least, pressure from social media will get her fired for showing such painful neglect at her job.

Once that happens, naturally, you may sacrifice her to the Old One of your choosing.

I hope that these words bring you comfort and wisdom. You sound like you are a good and caring mother.

-- The Tentacled Therapist

Dear DJ Strider,

I have a crush on a guy, but I don't know how to get his attention. What can I do to get him to notice me?

-- Crushing in California

dear crushinator

well first off let me tell you what NOT to do

the thing that you definitely dont do is call this guy out for vagueing you on your very public advice column especially if youre going to pretend that youre a cool dark mistress of the night who ritually sacrifices people to the tentacled gods of your nightmares i mean okay i guess i should specify that you will definitely get noticed but not in the way that you want despite that saying there is such a thing as bad attention especially when youre attempting to woo a guy

anyways i guess it really depends on the kind of guy youre looking at what do you know about this dude is he into video games?? go take a picture of yourself with a controller in your mouth and accidentally send it to him then hell know for sure that youre a gamer gurl and hell ask to play some fresh games with you and then you have an in (make sure youre actually okay at video games though maybe)

is he into sports??? go dress yourself as a ball

or wear a jersey with his favorite team on it or something

just get a conversation started honestly or if youre already in the conversation zone you can start dropping mad innuendos left and right maybe put on some nice clothes or bat your eyelashes a bit you know just do something special

and again dont call him out on "vagueing" you or hell just continue to talk smack about you to his huge avid fanbase and then youll just be sad and embarrassed

hope that helps

-- dj strider

Dear Tentacled Therapist,

I'm a high school student and there's a few people who keep bothering me on social media. They aren't bullying me or anything, but they keep mentioning me in posts and responding to all of my statuses. It's getting kind of annoying. What should I do?

Sincerely, I just want some peace and quiet on my FB Feed!

Dear FB Feeder,

Truly, now you understand the trials and tribulations that I myself face on a near daily basis. I do not know you or your body of work, but clearly within the realm of your school, you must be somewhat famous.

Now, I do not know the gender or sexual orientation of these bothering people you mention, but I would hazard a guess that at least one or two of them are interested in pursuing you romantically, but due to having the emotional maturity of a teenager, they do not know how to pursue you in a way that is not hugely annoying.

I am sure you would like to hear that this behavior will naturally fade over time as said teenagers grow and mature into proper young adults, but I am saddened to inform you that often this is not the case. Why, one can even become a semi-professional advice columnist and yet still resort to calling out their crushes in a public space. Therefore, you will need to take some actions in order to ease your own annoyance at the situation.

The easiest option would, of course, be to block them, but I do not claim to be an expert on the delicate social balance of your high school. Perhaps blocking these individuals would be a social faux pas from which you could never recover. In that case, many websites (and I suspect this mysterious "FB" is among them) have a way to block people from showing up on your feed. This may not solve the problem, but may fix some of the annoyance.

You could also try talking to them. Tell them that their constant attention is annoying and unflattering. If they are trying to impress you, then they will back off. If they are trying to get to you, then they are bullying you, and you can report them to the adult of your choice.

Naturally there is always the option of throwing them to the Beasts Below, who quite enjoy annoying human souls.

I hope this helps.

-- The Tentacled Therapist

Dear Disc Jockey Strider,

I have a quandary. You see, there is a particular rival of me who seems to, as of late, decided to take it upon himself to mention me in nearly every single public answer he grants to his purported legion of devoted fans. I am beginning to think that perhaps there is something more to his constant mentions of me. Is this a cry for help? Could it be that the adviser, in this case, should become the advisee?

Sincerely, An Anonymous, but Concerned, Reader

dear anonymous tentacle therapist,

yeah haha nice try

--- dj strider

dear tentacle mistress of the night,

hey so i have this problem and that problem is primarily the fact that theres this creepy advice columnist whos constantly up in my grill and i think shes gotta be in love with me

i mean i also have a problem in that im just drowning in so many fans that i cant barely see straight but thats one hundred percent beside the point

whats my plan of action here do i let her down gently or what

sincerely, a super cool dude with a better advice column than this

Dear Your Advice Column Is Not Better,

It certainly sounds like you have quite the conundrum but I must wonder. Is it her that is in love with you? Or might you be projecting somewhat? After all, it seems to me that you might have been the one who started it. If her responses, as you claim, indicate that she is clearly in love with you, then I am afraid that by your same logic you must simply be head over heels.

In that case, I would not recommend letting her down gently. Not because of her feelings - oh no. I doubt that she has feelings one way or the other about whether or not you actually get the guts to ask her out. No, I would highly recommend that you not let her down gently because, based on what I have inferred from you in this very anonymous and mysterious question, I worry for the implications on your psyche should you make the decision to try and turn this girl down before you have ever confessed your feelings.

No, my professional recommendation is that you suck it up and you go to her and you ask her out. She will likely turn you down, of course. I understand that she has high standards. But if you continue to keep your feelings pent up, it will only hurt you and those around you. Besides, if you do not give it a shot, then you will never know what could come from it. You never know. You might just be surprised by what she says, if you go about it the right way.

Also, I do know for a fact that you have her number.

Your move, Strider.

-- The Tentacled Therapist

Dear DJ Strider,

I was wondering, what's your advice for what to do on a first date? I just met this really pretty girl and we've been flirting a lot, and she agreed to go out with me. But now I have to actually think of a good date idea! What should I do?

Also, since it is a first date, I don't know THAT much about her, since I know that's usually what you tell people who come to you for relationship advice. I mean, that's what the first date is for, right?

Sincerely, Nervous First Timer

dear nervous,

okay yeah for once you got a situation in which im not gonna come over and sit your ass down about actually knowing your girlfriends interests because hey news flash shes not your girlfriend

yet

dont worry my man i will come up with a plan to fully woo this girl and you will then have a girlfriend and then maybe even a wife

just send me a wedding invite okay

actually this goes for everyone if i ever land you a wife or a husband or a gender non specific spouse send me a fuckin wedding invite i probably wont go but i might and i give you permission to advertise to all of your friends and family that you might have a minor local celebrity attending your big special day

but yeah first dates

first off you probably want to do something with a specific end time or else youre gonna end up trapped in a moment of like is it time to end this? do i wanna be the one who has to say i have to go? if nothing else give yourself an excuse to leave at a specific time like you gotta meet a friend or catch a bus

the other thing is that you gotta make sure you leave time to actually you know. talk.

i know seeing a movie seems really tempting and yeah movie dates can be fun but consider what youre actually doing on that date

youre staring at a screen while sitting next to somebody who is a borderline stranger and maybe enjoying a baller flick but are you really advancing that relationship at all?

nah

so yeah generally something like a lunch or a dinner can be pretty good but it can be tricky and awkward if you dont know what youre gonna talk about like what if you start talking and realize you got nothing in common that you actually care about

so thats either good for a second date or if youre like an awesome conversationalist who is always confident that youre able to keep a conversation going no matter who youre talking to

so its usually a good idea to do something thats a little more focused

if you do know anything about her then you can bring her to an event you know she might like

maybe a museum or something? aquarium? zoo? i guess a sport game could work but as i understand it there are drones that come around and demand that you kiss for the crowd so maybe thats not the best idea

anyways just make sure its something for you guys to talk about other than your own awkward burgeoning romance

anyways in the end the important thing is just be yourself dude

i can say from recent personal experience that being yourself works wonders and if it doesnt work wonders then that probably means that the relationship wasnt gonna work well anyways

just make sure you dont dump all your biggest darkest secrets on the first date though or else you dont give your nosy date anything to come back for the next time

but actually that maybe only works if your date is trying to pretend she is a therapist

anyways good luck dude hopefully that gave you some good ideas

-- dj strider

Dear Tentacled Therapist,

I'm in a kind of new relationship and it is going great! This guy is great and I could really see it going places. We've been going steady for about a month and a half now, but he's seemed really hesitant about telling other people about us. He won't list himself as being in a relationship on social media, and though some of our mutual friends obviously know, I don't know how vocal he's been about it with the other people in his life.

Now, we are gay, but he's also really openly gay to everybody that he knows, so I don't think that's a big part of it. Everybody knows he likes guys, so the fact that he's dating me shouldn't be that big of a deal. So what's going on? Does he just really value his privacy or is he planning to dump me soon? What signs should I be looking out for. (I need to know when it is appropriate to plan my tentacled sacrifice after all. :P)

Sincerely, Are We Dating Or What?

Dear Schrodinger's Boyfriend,

I'm afraid that going public with a relationship is always a tricky thing, regardless of whether or not the status of your sexuality is broadcast to the entire world. There are many, many reasons that your boyfriend may not want to go public with you. I will, of course, get the obvious out of the way. He may be possessed by one of the Old Ones, in which case, they are notoriously shy about their relationships. They have lived for millenia, so they feel no reason to rush through things. Be patient with them, and it will pay off in a major way.

Now, there is the (admittedly slim) chance that your beau is but a normal human man, with all of the normal lovable foibles of human men. If this is the case, I can see a few options.

The first is the one that I think you are the most scared of - he's Just Not That Into You. Either he is cheating on you (or perhaps you are the one he is cheating with?) or he has plans to end the relationship soon. I cannot predict which of these it is, but if you have mutual friends who know, it may not be a bad idea to ask one of them for their input on the situation. Naturally, if either of these is the case, offer his body up for possession by an Old One. You will have the same problem, but rest assured that the Old One will be faithful and loyal to you up until the point it decides to use your flesh organs as part of an important summoning ritual.

The second option is simply that he is shy or cautious. Maybe, despite being openly gay, he is still somewhat embarrassed by a relationship. Perhaps he has relatives who would harass you if they knew who you were.

Or perhaps he has been burned by rushing into a public relationship in the past.

Perhaps he was, once upon a time, with another boy who he went public with too soon. Perhaps the pressure of the relationship made him feel like he had to perform that relationship to an extent that felt unnatural to him. Perhaps he didn't like how it felt, having something so new, personal, and delicate being handed out to the world at large.

I don't know the type of people who might like to look at your boyfriend's life, but it is also entirely possible that he would not want them to know of any relationship of his, simply because they will find a way to butt their noses in and ruin it. An overbearing mother, perhaps? Nosy friends? A needy ex, who will proceed to harass you as soon as your name is out there as being his "Facebook Official" beau.

Needless to say, there are many reasons that he could want to refrain from making your relationship public that actually have very little to do with your relationship. In fact, it could even be a sign that he values your relationship. He values what you have so much that he doesn't want to share what you have with the rest of the world and thus risk losing it.

Though, of course, he could be cheating. It is possible that I am injecting some of my own thought processes too heavily into this answer. I do not truly know your boyfriend, so I cannot say for sure what his thoughts are. The best thing I can really advise you do is... ask.

Good luck.

-- The Tentacled Therapist

Dear DJ Strider,

I think that two of my friends have hooked up, but I'm not sure. They used to be really annoying to each other, and our other friends and I always joked that they were flirting, but I at least never actually meant it. But now they don't bother each other as much and they're just kind of... calm together. And there are a lot of times that the two of them are pretty obviously missing from group get togethers.

So... were they actually flirting?? Are they dating now?? What if they break up? That will just make them even more annoying!

Sincerely, Kind of Grossed Out

dear kind of

yeah your friends are definitely banging now and yeah they probably were always actually flirting but they might not have been aware of it

see sometimes if you are an asshole you dont know how to express affection apart from acting like an extra asshole to the people that you like and usually this is a self correcting feature since like youll drive away all of the people you like so they dont have to put your extra asshole-ness the real kicker comes when you end up crushing on somebody who can actually match your punches and act like an equally big asshole in return

its a very delicate dance honestly and you should just be glad that you got to view it in its natural habitat if only youd caught it on camera you could have sold that shit to discovery channel and got richard attenborough to dub over it with his cool nature documentary voice and here we see the assholes in their elaborate mating ritual though it may look like a fight to outsiders they are actually both getting really turned on by it and are gonna fuck vigorously in a month or two

anyways yeah its gonna suck if they break up but honestly what break up doesnt suck

i dont think the way that the flirting process happens really dictates how much a break up process is going to suck and from personal experience probably theyd be less annoying broken up than theyd be together since theyd just avoid each other which is a whole other kinda stress but yeah

i guess what im trying to say is yes your friends are definitely boning down embrace it and congratulate them or something also make sure that none of them are in charge of any advice columns

-- dj strider

Dear Tentacled Therapist,

Hello, I Am A Long Time Reader, First Time Writer

I Was Simply Wondering How One Would Hypothetically Go About Wooing An Advice Columnist That They Thought Was Very Clever And Humorous

This Is A Hypothetical Scenario Of Course I Was Just Wondering

Sincerely, A Fan

Dear Cooling Unit,

Honestly, I stared at this letter for quite a while, wondering how to answer it. I would have guessed that this was written by DJ Strider, in fact, if I didn't know for a fact that he would never put enough effort into writing something to press the shift button that often.

Regardless, I am sure that now is about the point where I am supposed to tell you how to woo me. This is where you expect me to say that the worst way to woo me is to slyly reference me in your public column for the whole world to see. Honestly, that is a technique that I would not have expected to work on paper, but it must have its merits.

At any rate, I suspect that technique would not work on most advice columnists, so I suppose I will simply continue under the assumption that this is the Very General And Hypothetical Advice that you assured me you were asking for.

My simple advice is thus: treat wooing them like you would any other person. If you do not know them in real life or do not have an easy way to contact them other than through their advice column, then pursuing a relationship is inadvisable. They will treat you as yet another fan, and I can say from personal experience that I am not terribly interested in dating fans.

"Fans," you see, tend to put you up on a pedestal. They take a look at you and think that you have hung the moon, which means that the only way for their opinion of you to go is down. Having a healthy, normal outlook on your strengths and weaknesses as a partner is down-grading their image of you, which means that no matter what, you will become a disappointment to them. The moment you mess up in front of somebody who idolizes you, it will feel like a betrayal to them, because you don't match the perfect image they have built in their head.

No, I would be far more interested in pursuing somebody who is my equal, through and through, and I suspect the same is true of most other hypothetical advice columnists. If you do find one who is excited by the fact you are a fan, they are undoubtedly an egotistical narcissist who wants to hear about how they hung the moon. While I do not deny that hearing of my moon-hanging exploits is quite the enjoyable experience for me, it is not a solid foundation for a relationship. If you find such a columnist who wants to build a relationship on that, might I recommend putting a sample of their blood into a summoning circle to bring about a personal curse on their house and home?

At any rate, any advice that is seeking out this particular advice columnist's interest will, sadly, be too little too late. Against all odds, I happen to be taken with somebody else.

-- The Tentacled Therapist

Dear DJ Strider,

I kind of pissed my girlfriend off. How do I get back on her good side?

Sincerely, In the Dog House

dear i hope thats not a petplay reference holy shit,

okay see this is why people need to provide me more details about their problems like look at me i write long and heartfelt messages to all of you

like i really inject my soul into these answers make sure theyre multi paragraph endeavors and what do you give me?

"oh yeah my girlfriends pissed" like what do you want me to do with that theres so many factors at play here about how to get back on her good side or even if such a feat is possible cause trust me there are ways to get on a bad side permanently and for all i know you have done something worthy of the permanent bad side

like did you fucking go out and cheat on her?? if so then go ahead and dump yourself she doesnt deserve to put up with you

if you just like forgot to wash the dishes that one time or something???? yeah thats probably an offense you can recover from and im hoping that youre talking about something like that over the cheating because i am not a pro cheating advice column ill have you know

im a respectable advice column with family values and also a decent and healthy amount of respect for all romantic partners

anyways if you did something like forget an anniversary then that depends entirely on the girl and how long youve been together and how badly you forgot it

if it is a make up-able offense though what you do to get on her good side is......... also dependent on some awesome details that you didnt fucking give me

like my dude did you put effort into this question at all

did you just decide to mass produce this so that you could send it to multiple advice bogs? actually im gonna ask around and see if anybody else i know got it

anyways its a shit question put more effort in next time

some general shit you can do is obviously like buy her something that she likes take her on a special date to a place that she likes or try and do the thing you screwed up the first time but dont screw it up this time

but mostly just apologize

though i kinda hope you did that already because if you didnt even think to toss a lil im sorry in between the time you sent this and the time it took me to process it and actually respond then im sorry you might be beyond help

oh yeah that said one way to get on a girlfriends good side is to be a super famous advice columnist because then whatever you write will be public and apparently your girlfriend could be into public apologies like i dont know you didnt give me enough to work with

but i guess this is to say uh

sorry for joking about the thing you were right youre always right everybody should go to the best advice column ever the tentacled therapist for all of your best advice needs

(that was not a paid advertisement btw but i cant say that it was done entirely by choice)

((but no really im joshing you dont tell tt but her advice is actually pretty sound. even some of the ritual sacrifice stuff is kinda reasonable when you think about it. she usually only recommends it to assholes that deserve it its not just a blanket ritual since thatd have no meaning))

anyways good luck i guess?

like good luck if you arent a douchebag and i guess if you ARE a douchebag then good luck to your girlfriend i hope she dumps you and goes on to clearer waters

Dear Tentacled Therapist,

I'm thinking of proposing soon. What are your thoughts on a public proposal? On the one hand, it's kind of romantic getting to share a special moment with a lot of other people... but on the other hand, it does kind of trap the other person into saying yes because they don't want to seem like a jerk in front of a lot of other people. What do you think is the way to go with this one?

Sincerely, Nervous Proposer

Dear Nervous Proposition,

Whether or not a public proposal is a good idea depends entirely on the person that you are proposing to.

By this point, I would hope that you had some sort of idea about what the person you are proposing to might like as far as public proposals. Are they easily embarrassed by attention, or do they soak it up like they are plants who desperately need all available sunlight for photosynthesis? How keen are they on things such as surprise birthday parties? Have you ever thrown them a surprise birthday party? Perhaps, before considering marriage, you should throw them a surprise birthday party. You cannot truly know a person until you have seen their reaction to such a fiasco.

I would also recommend that the two of you have discussed the topic of marriage before you even consider popping the question to your prospective fiance. I wouldn't propose until the two of you consider yourselves to be - and I apologize for my use of this cliché - "engaged to be engaged." Make sure that your partner is planning on the prospect of a marriage with you.

You might even consider doing two proposals - one more subdued, in private, just to make sure that they say yes. Then you can propose that you have a big surprise that the two of you get to share with everybody else, and you get to propose a second time without any of the stress.

Now, personally, public proposals are not my style, and anybody dating me would know better than to do such a proposal. But.

That is assuming that they can beat me to the punch. ;)

I wish you luck in your endeavors, and I am sorry there was no good place for sacrifices to the Old Ones in this week's column.

Sincerely, The Tentacled Therapist

Dear DJ Strider,

Who should I pick to be my Maid of Honor? I have two really good friends. One I am closer to, and I know she'll probably pick me to be her maid of honor... but the other one is a LOT better at planning shit out. I know that if I pick her, my wedding will be run like a well-oiled machine, but I also don't want to upset my other friend. Then again, the friend who's good at planning might be offended that I chose the closer friend, and be frustrated when she has to deal with her bad planning as a bridesmaid.

So... who do I pick? It feels like I lose no matter what.

Sincerely, Fretting Fiance

dear ff

yo i fucking hear you on this shit weddings are the most stressful thing that has ever been invented by man

i mean man in the generic sense btw not the male human sense though i guess it might have also been made by a male human? idk i should ask about the history of weddings later maybe

anyways its all politics dont let anybody tell you any different

like you gotta be oh so careful with your seating placements at the reception or ol grandma berthas gonna tear the eyes out of uncle jimmy and we cant risk getting that blood all over the table cloths or else were gonna have to pay a really big fee to the table cloth company we hired and were already gonna be broke because of the honeymoon

and yeah we gotta make sure that shellys the bridesmaid second from the left because otherwise shell block out kelly in all the wedding pictures and kelly will pitch a fit

anyways i guess the easiest thing to do is going to just be to talk to them

you could always offer to split the honor between the two of them too if your planny friend is as good as planning as you say i bet you can come up with a good way to work 2 maids of honor into the ceremony

also uh i guess this is a good a time as any to make a lil announcement guys

so after april rolls around im not gonna be dj strider anymore

better get ready to start making your pleas for help out to dj lalonde

-- the artist formerly known as dj strider

[vainenpoika]

attempted fic the first

I don't own anything belonging to J.K.Rowling and associates thereof. I also have no idea what I'm doing, and may yet regret making this available to the public.

in which the longbottoms and potters Go Way Back (read: fealty oath going back literal centuries), and so madam augusta is Immensely Narked Off when dumbledore dares to place harry with someone else and won't even arrange for playdates. clearly the only acceptable response is to raise neville on stories of potter/longbottom comradelyness and send him off to hogwarts with strict orders to invite harry over at the earliest opportunity. so when they meet on the train, neville recognizes him straight away but respects his decision to not use his last name for now - maybe he wants to make an especially dramatic entrance, that's almost traditional for pureblood heirs anyway. heavens know malfoy will be trying something similar, though plainly his discretion is not nearly up to the same standards. really, barging in like that and insulting everyone, has the boy no tact? what has his mother been teaching him? neville hardcore channels his grandmother to gratifying effect. malfoy makes himself scarce. having thus boosted his confidence, neville is actually almost expecting gryffindor, only to find himself in hufflepuff after all (the sorting hat approved of his loyalty). harry remembers what malfoy said about hufflepuff and duffers, but he also remembers neville making a right fool of him on the train, and asks the hat to put him with the badgers; the hat sees a kid following a friend and allows it. hermione was already sorted gryffindor, we'll see how that goes for her. ron weasley winds up in ravenclaw, shocking most everyone but especially his brothers. malfoy stays in slytherin. i'm sure there are other people we care about, they remain canonical until further notice.

wait, what? i thought you just didn't like formalities, i never would have thought - this is an actual problem. well. you may wish to sit down for this. comfortable? right. well, i have good and bad news for you. good news: congratulations, you're a lord! that means you get respect, extra priveliges, and even a certain amount of governmental power. bad news: i regret to inform you that you are a lord. that means you have responsibilities, and you havent been taught how to handle them. worse news: you are the last of your line, which means that i have no idea who, if anyone, has been acting as your regent. this is worrisome, especially considering it should have been their job to keep you informed and prepared. chances are that you do have one, owing to the fact that the economy has yet to outright collapse, but that they don't even close to have your interests at heart. with me so far?     i think so?     good, because i really don't know how i could have made it simpler. now, our families have been friends for a rather long time, meaning that i am honor-bound to aid you in times of need. this qualifies, though i don't expect you to take my word for it.     why wouldn’t i?     you've known me for one whole week, i could be out to steal your fortune for all you know, i would be remiss in my duty if i allowed you to trust me on one week's acquaintance so just let me do the honorable will you? and find yourself outside sources as well, i shan't have you learning all of this from one probably biased source!     this is really important to you, huh.     ... yes. on which note, lesson one: honor is important, not just for you personally but for your house. minor infractions might be forgiven but never forgotten; major infractions and you end up like the malfoys.     huh?     lord malfoy broke his oath to the king of france once a couple of centuries back, and his children had to sell everything and move to england before anyone would trust them with literally anything. they still bear the shame of it even now, and it's only in the past couple of generations that they started regaining some of the honor they might have had. you do not want to do that to your descendants.     um. yeah. how do i not do that?     simple version: do not break your given word. if you anticipate any difficulty keeping a promise, then do not make the promise. your family's oaths and alliances are something you should definitely look into, and soon, but there's also a decade's worth of general knowledge that you're missing, and some of that is urgent. family magic and honor are tied to each other, but i have no idea how sensitive to that kind of thing you may be, so if you happen to get a really bad feeling about a particular course of action, i'd look into it very closely before making a move.     oookay? is that something that's likely to happen?     it varies from person to person. don't worry about it unless it happens, just don't discount it out of hand if it does.     okay, i guess. so wait, if you have to help me out, does that mean i should be doing stuff for you too?     if i go to war, you would have to go with me, i think, and you can't try to cause me serious harm outside of extenuating circumstances, but that's not likely to come up very soon. again, this is the kind of thing you shouldn't just take on faith, so do your own research when you get the chance. alright?     ... yeah. this is kind of a lot to take in, though.     fair. i can't think of anything that really can't wait, so we could pick this up again tomorrow?     um, okay. and, er, thanks.     yeah. want to work on the herbology essay?

it's actually ron who ends up crying in a bathroom on halloween, and neville is the one who notices. harry's still the one to insist on going after him, though. when they get to the bathroom, they find ron behind a makeshift barricade that's holding up pretty well, actually, looks like he managed to magically reinforce it, but his wand is in splinters on the floor. harry jumps on the troll's back, then neville uses a chunk of stone to break its skull. ron is fucking traumatized, but also rather grateful. when the professors show up, ron is like, 'i was just taking a leak, prof', to which mcgonagall replies that this is a girl's loo, weasley, try again. (it's myrtle's loo, to be precise. this may become relevant. don't ask me how the troll got there tho) when it's all settled, the hufflepuff duo get a shitton of points and a lecture; ravenclaw in general gets an antibullying seminar and a lot more supervision, which will come in handy when luna shows up next year. ron gets a new wand, paid for out of the bullies' pocket money, and some new friends. in gryffindor, alone among jocks, hermione granger feels rather melancholy. not to worry, though, pretty soon she'll be playing chess and studying with ron in the library. it will be a longstanding joke in their year that the hat accidentally put hermione in ron's place and was too embarrassed to correct itself when he showed up.

    so. what now?     i figured we might start by answering any questions you've come up with?     um, ok. i have a list, actually.     good thought.     right. so, ah, you mentioned a regent?     yes, that is one of my own more urgent questions. whoever they are, they certainly haven't been doing their duty by you.     so how would i find out who it is?     hm. do you know who your solicitor is?     ... i have a solicitor?     okay, i should have expected that response. the answer is probably, unless your regent is actively sabotaging your house. i'd suggest writing to gringotts and seeing who they have on file. if anyone knows what's going on with your estate, the solicitor should. if not, get a new one and have them find out soonest.     right. ok, write to gringotts, then write to solicitor if available, and if they can't help then find someone who will. got it.     ... are you actually taking notes on this?     well, yes? i mean, you're taking the time to teach me what i should have already known, the least i can do is pay attention and learn quickly, right?     that... you bring honor to your house.     okay, i haven't gotten that far in my reading. what precisely does that mean, and how should i be responding?

malfoy eventually works up the nerve to apologize to harry for getting off on the wrong foot (as they've both been avoiding further antagonism) and offer an invitation to his house for the holidays, to which harry looks shifty until neville steps up and says he's already got a prior engagement, thanks, but perhaps malfoy would be up for attending the longbottom's annual yule ball? and malfoy is a bit embarrassed because yeah he should've guessed the longbottoms would've claimed first dibs on the potter, but that's a bit overshadowed by being the first malfoy invited to longbottom manor in a longass time. like, pre-immigration-to-the-isles ass time. he accepts with alacrity and runs off to write his mother. (harry asks if neville really meant it and is nearly smothered in the hug that follows. the latest longbottom is quickly coming to the conclusion that the potter needs all the hugs he can get)

    wait, so when you said that 'our houses are friends', did you actually mean something more along the lines of 'your house pays fealty to mine'? because that is what i am seeing here.     are you just now looking that up?!     peace! i thought it was the usual mutual aid alliance. i started with the more recent records, but they just say that of course our houses always act together, what more do you expect from longbottoms and potters? i've only just now gotten far enough back to figure out how we got that way, is all.     fair. yes, your ancestors did swear to mine. standard oath for that period, protection for service and mutual good faith. it doesn't really come up in daily life, just when one or the other of us gets into some sort of trouble. i'll get you a look at our family chronicles over holiday, if you like?     cool. but, er, it says something about renewal of oaths?     not until i'm confident you know exactly what you're doing. you've enough people trying to take advantage of you, i'll not add to that list. bit difficult to take appropriate revenge on myself, you see.     well. i wouldn't want to make trouble, i suppose. so remind me what devil's snare has to do with purple sponge mold again?     they're symbiotic, see; the snare needs the dark to survive, while the mold grows faster when watered with blood...

so hufflepuff house in general is more-or-less rule-abiding, but they are still teenagers and dumbledore's little speech about the third floor and death is a fucking challenge. they held a whole house meeting about it and set up their own rules, 'nobody below third year' and 'this shouldn't need saying but Share Your Findings!', and 'anyone who disobeys will be turned in to the professors, yes, bartely, that means prefects too'. because they know the younger years will unionize if they aren't included in some way, they're mapping it out on one of the walls, having bribed the weasley twins to come up with ink the professors couldn't see. by the end of the year and quirrel's little game, hufflepuff house has it pretty much figured out - the whole thing is a trap, designed to match an intruder's skill level and let them in, with just enough trouble to dispel suspicion, but not out. luckily for hufflepuff, it's designed for a single intruder, not a group. only the potions challenge seems to have taken that into account, such that if you aren't prepared only one person can get past at all. but they have most of the permutations mapped, and when harry's little squad realizes what's up, it's a hufflepuff prefect they go to. they end up making extra barriers around the area, spirit wards as well as physical - turns out ron is Real Good at Walls these days - rather than going in after, but we still get a nice dramatic scene - maybe harry helped cast one of the wards and he uses that link? maybe it's in a dream the next night? - and quirrel is still thoroughly gone.

everyone passes their exams, more or less, and then it's time to negotiate living arrangements. harry, being now old enough to have some say in the matter, uses that fealty oath to be like 'actually neville is the boss of me, headmaster, not you, and neville's gran is the boss of him, so i'll be staying with her for the holidays kthxbai', at which point dumbledore is forced to disclose the whole blood ward business rather ahead of schedule, to which madam augusta is Even More Narked, but that's when neville steps up and asks if the wards are bound to the house or to the family, because if it's the house then he's going with harry and if it's the family then they're all coming with him, so there. nobody is quite sure how to explain to the Young Longbottom that the dursleys are grown adults with no obligation to listen to him, not least because technically he will someday outrank everybody present and has no obligation to listen to any of them, but dumbledore admits that it is the house actually, so he gets to go negotiate the dursleys into letting yet another preteen cohabitate with them. in the background somewhere, ron and hermione have made arrangements to spend a week or two at each others' houses. it'll be fun. harry promises to write malfoy over the summer, having graduated to awkward-but-vaguely-friendly acquaintances. we'll see how that goes.

ron has a Supremely Awkward summer at home with his gryffindor family, and finds himself ducking into percy's room more than once for a bit of peace and quiet (percy tolerates this in exchange for a good word in penelope's ear) and avoiding the twins wherever possible. he has a great time at hermione's though, picks up a few words of french, and arthur at least enjoys hermione's return visit. they quietly agree that most future summer visits should be at her house.

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, LIA! You’ve been accepted for the role of CAESAR. Admin Minnie: You blew me away with this app, Lia. I loved the vision you have for them and the prose that so perfectly fits the character; but more than anything, I was drawn to the level of detail and thought that was so clearly put into Chiko. Not only did it speak volumes of your passion for Chiko, but I could see clearly see how Chiko came to become a legend. The small headcanons, the translated phrases — all of it made Chiko so real to me as I read your application. I can’t wait to have my heart broken and troubled by your Chiko on the dash! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Lia

Age | 21

Preferred Pronouns | She/Her

Activity Level | I would say a 6/10. I’m a fulltime student, but I’m pretty good about getting my replies… eventually. I also try to actively plot as much as possible.

Timezone | EST

IN CHARACTER

Character | Caesar / Tamura Chiko

What drew you to this character? | Julius Caesar is someone I’ve always been fascinated by, in art, literature, and as a historical figure. He was a man who put all of his faith in his own ability to be great— and many may even argue that it was this pride that led to his own assassination. But no one can deny Caesar of the immense impact he had on the world. He was successful at being immortalized, just as he believed he would. I honestly was super excited to hear we would be getting a Julius Caesar, and although I was initially too intimidated to apply, I finally decided to go for it. There is something about Chiko and how deeply he believes in himself that I was drawn to. I also love how his personality is more nuanced than I anticipated. Occasional gentleness is not something I had expected from a Julius Caesar figure, but in my eyes, that makes him that much more incredible. Chiko is a force— and he isn’t volatile or prone to depravity like many who roam the streets of Verona. He wants power but not solely for the sake of just having it. He wants influence. His interest in the mobs has more to do with his potential influence and what he has to offer to them. There is no one really quite like him in Verona— and I am very much interested in seeing how his presence will affect everyone.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

1. CHIKO FT. THE MOBS— As of now, Chiko is merely feeling out the mobs, he hasn’t yet determined whether either would be of any interest to him. He isn’t interested in joining persay, as he has already loaned his soul to one man, and does not plan on doing so again anytime soon. He wants the mobs to take interest in him, to recognize his own brilliance and how easily they could profit off his potential. But I am very much interested to see how exactly Verona will react to his arrival, and whether they will be intrigued or threaten by his rather extreme ambition.

2. CHIKO FT. INVESTMENTS— I want Chiko to began investing his money in different places, and to potentially have different alliances with all sorts of people. When you’re as brilliant as him, you don’t limit yourself to a single pursuit, and instead spread your ambitions into multiple roots. He may have lost his money once but he’s very much capable of flipping his money into various sources.

3. CHIKO FT. THE DRUMS— The fire never quite left him, he only restrains it, for the sake of himself and the world around him. I wonder what would happened if someone sent Chiko over the edge (This has only happened once before, so it would it something drastic for this to occur). But I would love to explore his inner darkness. This is something that I believe the mob would ultimately benefit from as well.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Of course.

IN DEPTH

In-Character Para Sample:

(translations are at the bottom)

1. He determined his mother had never truly loved him and how could he blame her? You have those eyes— those fryktelig*, ondskap* eyes. O-Oh my poor beautiful boy, she would slur into his feeble body, the thick scent of vodka practically radiating off of her. It is because of his parents that he cannot stand the smell of liquor. This drew nothing but alarm from him at 6 years old, but as they grew older, they hadn’t a choice but to acknowledge it. Chiko was the product of a volatile mixture— his father, Kono Noburu, was a hitman for the Yamaguchi-gumi* clan and an attack dog to the clan’s kumicho, Kenichi Shinoda, just as his own father was to Shinoda’s own father, and so on. His mother, Katrine Bjorklund, was the daughter of the Norwegian mafia boss, Svein Bjorklund, and his Swedish-born wife, Elisabeth Bjorklund. The pair of them had crossed paths when the Bjorklund’s found themselves in Japan for business, a week long fling that had not been meant to amount to anything more. A few months later, a very pregnant Katrine would arrive at Kono’s doorstep, and from that day on, the two had been forcibly linked.

2. How selfish Chiko had been for wanting a sibling— a tactless desire from which no good could come. A union more chaotic did not exist, not since the marriage of Hera and Zeus. Katrine, who had shown little interest in the union, did not spend a moment with Kono in which she was not terrified. He was everything like her father, and though Kono had done everything in his capacity to make Katrine more at ease, nothing truly came of it. She could no longer stand the sight of him and eventually, he would return these sentiments— only overcoming their differences when they made love. Though it was never love being reciprocated, but a concoction of anger, terror, and disgust— which in the  Noburu household, made for a gratifying mixture.

3. Do you know the most moronic mistake I ever made was, segare*? their father demanded as if the 11-year old Chiko were somehow capable of drawing such a conclusion. Falling for a whore. Not a woman, but a whore. I fall into her trap each and every foolish time when all she’s ever done is offer me falsehoods. Whores are always acceptable for fucking, but seeing them as something more is when you’ll run into some trouble. So I beg of you, segare, do not taint our lineage further with the blood of a whore. Learn from your father’s mistakes. I am not sure how much more our blood can withstand. He appreciated the moments in which his father spoke candidly with them, as this was the closest thing to parental bonding that they would ever get. Though he would grow to resent and denounce his father’s misogynistic tirades against his mother, the effects of such teachings had their lasting effects. His sweeping mistrust of man would make his lovers few, and his affections fickle, as well as the prioritization of his own ambitions overall. 4 . You were the most beautiful baby I laid eyes on, min blomst*, his mother crooned to him one day. To think something so beautiful could come from such desolation. It was a mockery— why would Kono and I deserve such a beautiful boy when only ruin would become of him? Just as his father’s drunken denunciations had etched themselves into his brain, his mother sullen tirades would stick with him as well. Especially as he grew older, and began to liken his father more and more. There were times where her eyes would gloss over and she would attempt to “extract the demons from inside of him,” or so she’d explained after attempting to claw his eyes out. When he woke up short of breath, with a pillow plastered against his face, is when he officially began sleeping with his door locked. It has been this way since he was 16 years old.

5. He was freshly 17 when it happened. 17 years old and forced to face the depravity that permeated through every inch of his being. Chiko had never seen a dead body before, but it was not the body that exasperated so, but circumstances of his death. It was the fact that his father looked upon them and their mother absent of any and all remorse. He had been purposeful in his decision to kill the man in their house, Kono’s own way of sending some sort of message to Katrine. It was the fact that Katrine had betrayed their father, and continued to do so time and time again. He could not have cared less about what she spent doing in her pastime, but he could not overlook her absence of loyalty. And so he damned their name. He damned the gods and the universe and all who he felt were responsible for his being born. He had not asked for this life— but he would no longer allow his parents’ corruption to devour him so. He was gone that very night, without as so much as leaving a letter.

6. “You,” Chiko says in a low growl, his eyes in the direction of his bloodied, wreaking father. For once— his father was silent— quieted by Chiko’s rage burning throughout his body. “I will never be as cruel as you. Even if it means I bottle it away and lock it without a key. You didn’t have to do it in front of her. Even she did not deserve that.” He turned slowly to his mother, disappointedly, but without sympathy. She clutched at legs almost pleadingly, but he shook her away. “I could care less about what you do in your free time— you are my mother, and I could never pass judgment for something like that. But I can never respect a person who betrays their family. That, I can never forgive.” He looked between the both of them— disgusted by how self-involved they were, to the point where they forsook their own potential and ambitions. “How pitiful the pair of you are. You ruined each other. But you will not ruin me. I will not waste my potential as you two have. They will remember me, but not by your names. I am a product of you two, but I will not be tainted by your depravity. So have at each other all you want. That is no longer my concern.” He looked at them disappointedly, before making his way to the stairs, careful not to step in the pooling blood.

Translations & Info for various words used: fryktelig= horrible; ondskap = evil; Yamaguchi-gumi = the name of a notorious yakuza clan; kumicho = the Japanese equivalent of a mafia boss; segare = my son; min blomst = my flower

Extras:

***Just a drabble from the perspective of a lover***

You were permitted snapshots of his brilliance, acquired in bits and pieces, but still, he kept you at a comfortable distance. Comfortable for him, that is. For you— it was never enough. A moment with Chiko is never enough. He’s someone who allows minimal viewers into his inner workings, making him all the more enticing. But the spontaneity of it all— the sudden bursts of passion are what keep you around. Seldom people exist who so skillfully render their own passion into the framework of another. Creativity surges through your flesh, and you are reminded of what it is like to be someone’s muse with each continuous eruption of pleasure. How exhilarating it was being left at the discretion of Chiko’s brilliance. The living canvas in which he enacted his hopes and dreams, his deepest desires. You believed in each and everyone, and truthfully speaking— how could you not? With him, all horizons felt closer, the distance between you and the stars felt lesser.

****some drabbles involving their parents***

It is from your father that you learn PRIDE. Refuse to accept anything less than immortalization, he tells you time and time again. Refuse to settle for anything less than greatness. It is that very pride that guides you in your pursuits and for that you are thankful. Nevermind that it was your father who was always the source of such pride. It was your father’s own superior blood he spoke so highly of. He assured you that you would be fine, despite the blood of a traitorous whore pervading through your veins. But he neglects to teach you the horrors of pride in excess, and how dangerous the world becomes when one wallows in their own excess. It is from him you gather your FURY, a demon you’ve been taming since your youth, dreading the chaos that would potentially ensue. You’ve always hated purposeless chaos. You know what you are capable of, you know of the depravity that is nestled between your skin and bones. Your own greatness becomes less of a pursuit and more of an ultimatum for yourself. The path was always singular for you— your own immortalization or dying trying.                        

                   “I could be well moved if I were as you.                         If I could pray to move, prayers would move me.                                But I am constant as the Northern Star,                      Of whose true fixed and resting quality                              There is no fellow in the firmament.                   The skies are painted with unnumbered sparks;                      They are all fire, and every one doth shine;                              But there’s but one in all doth hold his place."        

     —Julius Caesar, right before his assassination, William Shakespeare

It is from your mother you learn TENDERNESS. You were her greatest accomplishment, her most exquisite creation. Beauty illuminated her horizons, her worldview merely a concoction of her own distorted realities. Chiko with his plush hair and lofty cheekbones had been nothing short of perfection, and for this reason alone, he earned her fickle devotions. Though their outward beauty remains intact, Chiko’s features would be bound to darken, to sharpen, the resemblance almost uncanny. They were every part their father, but they would develop their mother’s HEDONISM, the pursuit of her own realities in which Kono did not exist, as she clawed for his ruin time and time again. Katrine would often get this look about her, identical to the look she would give to their father, and Chiko knew that her devotion had met its limits. But the devastation was not shown, his shield of ALOOFNESS practically impenetrable.                    

                 “A coward dies a thousand times before his death,                              but the valiant taste of death but once.                  It seems to me most strange that men should fear,        seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come.”                                      —Julius Caesar, William Shakespeare

It is from both parents you inherit AMBITION. Both Kono and Katrine clawed for domination, the struggle for power ultimately driving their son and world away. They prioritized their own ambitions over their own child— and it is for that reason Chiko will never have children. Selfish people are better off without kids. That way, their priorities can continue to be aligned with them and them alone.

[recentanimenews]

Bookshelf Briefs 9/24/18

Anonymous Noise, Vol. 10 | By Ryoko Fukuyama | Viz Media – Finally, the concerts are going well. Seeing the band actually being fantastic and getting the audiences going is a joy to watch. That said, though, this is still primarily a romance manga. Yuzu manages to confess, but Nino’s just not that into him—she still is in love with Momo. That said, she’s upset about hurting Yuzu, and (in the best scene in the book) opens up to Miou about it. This allows Miou to finally put aside her own demons and admit that she’s in love with Haruyoshi, though he admittedly connects a lot of the dots there in his own favor. That said, Black Kitty absolutely just tore it up. Can In No Hurry top them? This is still one of the better potboiler shoujo manga out there. – Sean Gaffney

As Miss Beelzebub Likes, Vol. 3 | By Matoba | Yen Press -The shotacon I grumped about last time is noticeably absent from this volume (it’s even lampshaded), and I’m not sure that’s the reason I liked it more, but it’ll do. Frankly, I want to see Beelzebub and Mullin get together. I know I will be very, very frustrated as this series goes on, but I’m sorry, they’re just too cute! I’m not quite as fond of the other romance in this book, mostly as I just don’t like Astaroth all that much, and I feel that Sargatanas could do better. There’s also some amusing humor here, including a swimsuit-buying chapter filled with a lot of jokes and fanservice. This series is never going to be anything but froth, but the froth is tasty, and I enjoy it way more than I expected. – Sean Gaffney

Astra: Lost in Space, Vol. 4 | By Kenta Shinohara | Viz Media – There’s a new character introduced at the start of this volume, who was in cryostasis from her own spaceship wreck. At first I thought she’d be a villain character, but it actually turns out that she’s there to be the viewpoint character, as the rest of our cast are getting further and further away from that as we learn their big secret. It certainly explains why they were all mysteriously in that accident—not so mysterious. I feel bad for Aries, who ends up being the only one with a parental figure who wasn’t awful. I’ve no idea where this will end up, but we do get another (amusing) pairing happening here, so my guess is it will wrap soon. – Sean Gaffney

Barakamon, Vol. 16 | By Satsuki Yoshino | Yen Press – To my surprise, Handa actually seems to be getting legitimate students for his school, as well as taking inspiration from his father to do some awesome calligraphy and also worry about Naru. That said, this is Hiroshi’s book. He graduates, and despite Rina’s attempts to confess he goes off to Tokyo single as he’s a bit clueless, but also apparently not really all that into Rina, so it’s probably for the best. There’s lots of nice relaxing stuff about Hiroshi growing up and standing on his own, and it really does feel as if the manga is quietly coming to a close at this point. I’m not sure if it will have a “real” ending per se, but as long as it turns out nice, relaxing volumes like this I’m still reading happily. – Sean Gaffney

Escape Journey, Vol. 1 | By Ogeretsu Tanaka | SuBLime – Naoto Hisami and Taichi Hase dated in their first year of high school, but were better as friends than as a couple and eventually broke up after harsh words were exchanged. Now reunited in their first year of university, they try to be friends but eventually fall back into the same unhealthy pattern. At first, things are consensual, but Naoto wants there to be more to their relationship than just sex. He rents a DVD to watch together, but after Taichi sees a text from a girl on Naoto’s phone, he gets jealous and ends up sexually assaulting Naoto. Are there any kind of ramifications for his actions? No, reader, there are not. For some reason, Naoto takes part of the blame and then it’s all glossed over. I like broken characters, and their relationship dynamics are interesting, but I don’t think I can read any more of this. – Michelle Smith

The Girl from the Other Side: Siúil, a Rún, Vol. 5 | By Nagabe| Seven Seas – I hadn’t really thought that this series could get any creepier and darker, but way to prove me wrong, Girl from the Other Side. Shiva’s aunt may not be “dead” in a normal sense, but as a character she certainly is. I felt some empathy for her plot-related backstory, as she’s presented with a choice that has no good options. There’s also a brutal fight between Teacher and two guards who have been cursed, which would be quite nasty if the art weren’t so abstract. And so Teacher and Shiva are on the run, and hoping that a different village will make things slightly more relaxing. I’m pretty sure it won’t, but I am interested in seeing how this finally ends—is there any way it can end happily? – Sean Gaffney

Interviews with Monster Girls, Vol. 6 | By Petos | Kodansha Comics – It’s been over a year since the last volume of this, and since then the anime has made its impression. This may be why all of a sudden the relationship (or rather lack thereof) between Tetsuo and Sakie really comes to the fore here, and there’s much less focus on the girls. Not that I’m complaining—the author is really good at writing sexual tension, and by the end of the volume you will be screaming for these two to just screw already. The other major focus of this book is Yoko, Tetsuo’s niece, and her zashiki-warashi, who turns out to possibly be in Yoko’s head all along? Or not? If I were to take one monster girl manga to a desert island, it would be this one. – Sean Gaffney

My Brother’s Husband, Vol. 2 | By Gengoroh Tagame | Pantheon Books – I am still thrilled that My Brother’s Husband was released in English. The second half or the series may be even better than the first, perhaps in part because it had such a strong foundation upon which to build. Yaichi remains the most well-developed character—understandably as his growth as a person is a major focus of the series—but more is revealed about Mike as well, and through him Yaichi’s brother Ryoji. The story is beautifully structured with ending scenes paralleling those from the beginning, showing how much Yaichi has matured in such a short period of time, confronting and overcoming the homophobia he hadn’t at first realized he had internalized. My Brother’s Husband is not a subtle manga, but it is a legitimately moving one. By realistically portraying how prejudice and discrimination directly impact the characters’ lives and deeply inform their relationships, Tagame’s message of love is made abundantly clear. – Ash Brown

My Brother’s Husband, Vol. 2 | By Gengoroh Tagame | Pantheon Books – Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just over here sniffling because one dude told another dude “You’re family, Mike” and then later they hugged. It’s true that at times the revelations Taichi has about homosexuality fall squarely in “no crap, dude” territory, but at least he’s having them. (It’s especially gratifying that he refuses to indulge the homophobia of Kana’s teacher, as well.) He gradually realizes that not only has he become completely comfortable in Mike’s presence, but Mike has become so important over the course of his three-week visit that Yaichi is starting to envision the Canadian being a real part of their lives going forward. I liked the implication that Yaichi and Kana will visit Canada someday and Yaichi will get the opportunity to be the tourist, learning about a part of Ryoji’s life he’s unfamiliar with. This was a really touching conclusion. Highly recommended. – Michelle Smith

By: Ash Brown

[pamphletstoinspire]

Looking for Answers – Explore What The Catholic Church Really Teaches – Part 35

CONCLUSION

There it is – the truth about Catholic beliefs and practices. This is the truth which brings the author of this story and millions of people into the Catholic fold year after year… The truth which explains why Newman, Chesterton, Knox, Brownson, Maritain, Mann, Swinnerton, Muggeridge and a host of other world-famous intellectuals choose to embrace the Catholic Faith. This is the truth which inspired the following confession by renowned scientist, John Deering – a confession which expresses in eloquent fashion the fundamental motivation of every Catholic convert, be he famous or unknown:

"I was born and raised in an atmosphere of proud, agnostic intellectualism. My father, a medical doctor by profession, was a disciple of Schopenhauer and Freud, and my mother was an ardent disciple of my father. My own favorite dish as a youth was Voltaire. Thus by the time I reached manhood, I was quite thoroughly baptized in the pseudo-religious cult of humanism. I preferred to call it humanism because, unlike the blunt Voltaire, I could never profess publicly to being an out and out atheist, even though there really isn't much distinction between the two.

"Being of a curious, speculative turn of mind, with strong leanings toward the more challenging fields of dialectics (Ed. Note: the art or practice of logical discussion as employed in investigating the truth of a theory or opinion), I eventually took up the study of metaphysics – the science of the fundamental causes and processes of things. This subject intrigued me, indeed obsessed me, as no other subject had before. Here, I told myself, was the science of sciences. Here was the supreme test of my personal philosophy. If God exists, I told myself, metaphysics would reveal Him. Either I would be justified in my quasi-atheism or I would be compelled in conscience to abandon it completely.

"Then the inevitable happened. I came face-to-face with the proposition, proved by all the principles of logic, that God does indeed exist. The evidence was so abundant as to be incontrovertible. Just as sure as two and two make four, God not only exists, HE IS existence. To argue the point would have been tantamount to arguing against all reality!

"Toppled at last from the vainglorious perch of agnosticism, I immediately set about making another intellectual assent – this time up the great imposing structure of Christian theology. I procured a Bible and spent every free moment absorbed in its sacred content. I had established the existence of God in my mind; now I must know something of the nature, the personality, of God. The Bible, I figured would give me a clue.

"Much of what I read in the Bible was vague. I was not, after all, familiar with the customs and language idioms of the ancient Jews who wrote the Bible, but I could grasp the central theme. Quite obviously, the central theme of the Bible portrayed God not only as an Omnipotent, All-Intelligent Spiritual Being, but as the Essence of Love, Essence of Justice and Essence of Mercy.

"In other words, God is pre-eminently a personal Being. And Jesus Christ was God personified, come into the world not only to make atonement for the sin of Adam, but to reassert His Sovereignty, elaborate on His Laws and illuminate with brighter light the pathway to heavenly immortality. And the torchbearer of this light was His Church, founded on the Apostles. Endowed with the authority of God, and imbued with the Holy Spirit of God, His Church was given the holy task of perpetuating His ministry of salvation after His return to Heaven.

"There was the divine plan of redemption, life's real purpose, brought into clear and beautiful focus by the Author of the plan - God Himself. There, in brief, is man's only real hope for happiness and security.

"Only one thing remained to be solved. God's Church – where amidst the vast galaxy of the world's churches was God's true Church to be found? Then I recalled something Christ said: Seek and ye shall find… Knock and it will be opened unto you. Inspired by these words of divine wisdom, I embarked on the search. I I undertook an extensive study of comparative religion, concentrating on the Christian religions. Since the other religions rejected the divinity of Christ, they naturally were in default.

"With painstaking impartiality I held every Christian church up to the light of Scripture, logic and history, checking and double checking lest I overlook some small but significant piece of evidence. Three years of this meticulous checking, then I found the object of my search. I finished with one name superimposed in great bold letters on my conscience – Catholic.

"On every ground I found the claims of the Catholic religion valid and altogether irresistible. The Catholic Church is the oldest Christian church, I determined; therefore, She is the original Christian Church, the one Church founded, constituted and sanctioned by Jesus Christ Himself.

"I had no other recourse in conscience but to embrace the Catholic Faith. And now I must testify that it satisfies my mind, solaces my heart and gratifies my soul. My blessed Catholic Faith fills my soul with a peace and a sense of security I had never before thought possible.

"Now that I am in the Catholic Church I have a much clearer picture of its true image. I see in all Her vitals the Image of Christ. In the reception of Her sacraments I feel His comforting hand; in Her pronouncements I hear His authoritative, cogent voice; in Her manifold worldwide charities I see His love and compassion; in the way She is harassed and vilified I see His agony and humility on Calvary; in Her worship I feel His Spirit girding my soul.

"This compels my obedience. All else is shifting sand."

This series of stories was written by Paul Whitcomb a Protestant who converted to Catholicism. Tomorrow he concludes the series by reviewing the ages of the various denomination of religious churches that exist today.