#just to be clear I'm not saying revealing = bad I am mostly saying. whoever was in charge has a VERY different-

[gayvampcentral]

indescribable emotion of “this game is really fun but I heavily disagree with 90% of all character design choices”

[pearl484-blog]

Adrien has a few anger responses that he reveals in the show. Here is a list from minor response to major of what I've seen (I've been rewatching Season 1 to practice my French, so you may notice a lot of examples from there).

If you commit a minor offense that he feels is mostly harmless but either a) is serious enough he feels he can't stay quiet, or b) you repeat it enough, he'll privately confront you about it. He does this most obviously in Cameleon, and with Nino in Rocketeer, but he also does this in Anansi as Chat. Unfortunately, Chat's version -unlike Adrien's "gentle but serious approach"- is a bit too lighthearted so Ladybug doesn't realize Adrien is being serious and keeps pushing on his insecurities.

This is a polite tactic- going somewhere alone with someone who has hurt you so you can gently tell them that that wasn't right away from prying eyes. The private setting prevents them from being publicly humiliated by you saying that -no matter how gently you say it, it's still a rebuke and impolite- and it prevents you from being seen as a bad guy because no one can see your rebuke.

However, you cannot do it often or people will catch on, and this is not acceptable unless you are in some way a leader/mentor/Guardian to the person you're doing this with, and it can be stressful as it's very close and may turn into a confrontation -which is Bad.

Chat's version tries to mix this with humor to further soften the blow, which undercuts the "I'm being very sincere with you because this is serious" undertone these things have. (I personally headcanon that Chat thinks Ladybug is emotionally fragile on some level and tries to protect her both from her fear of failure and his "out of control" feelings)

2. The glare. Adrien gives whoever he's not happy with a dirty look or a look that makes it clear he's uncomfortable. He either does not believe that this is a big enough deal to protest and make a scene, or does not believe that saying something will change this behavoir, either because he said something before and was ignored, or he does not have faith that the person he's dealing with will change that behavoir.

The most common example is Adrien's non-verbal "please stop touching me"s with Chloe. He pulls away, looks uncomfortable, and gives every possible non-verbal sign of "I do not like this". However, it can be seen as late as Risk when Adrien is clearly non-verbally saying "I do not like this. I am miserable." Say what you will about Adrien not verbally complaining very often, but non-verbally, he is very vocal.

Granted, this is a kids' show that's animated so it's exaggerated, but he does use it a lot. In this vein, I've heard they had to cut down on a bit of animation with Adrien after season 1, and if so, then it's probably safe to say that if they hadn’t, he'd be EXTREMELY expressive non-verbally.

It's probably a good way for him to vent his uncomfortable feelings in a way he can frame as accidental. Shame it's easy for those who don't want to listen to say they don’t see it.

As a side note, my favorite instance is when he gives Gamer a death glare for threatening Marinette. He can't really say anything, because it's useless and probably do more harm than good, but gosh, he sure makes it clear he is mad.

3. The complaint. At this point, Adrien is not happy, and he trusts the person he's talking to enough to believe that if he explains that he's unhappy, the behavoir will change. This is less soft then the gentle call out, and can be public. He doesn't seem to like it in Season 1, but he can jump to it if he feels an offense is great enough (Kung Food, he thinks Chloe is being racist asking a Chinese chef to make her sushi) However, as seasons progress, he'll snap to this more often, more quickly. The important part is that they are clearly for the recipient to hear and generally and do not hold a malicious undertone. He's not upset yet. He's just unhappy.

4. The mutinous muttering. At this point, Adrien is starting to get genuinely mad. His volume is getting lower, and he's starting to get sarcastic, sometimes mean spirited. He's already warned you several times to stop, and now he's giving up on that happening. He doesn't seem to care at this point if he's heard or not, and he usually tries to leave after he's finished his mutiny.

5. Evasion: Adrien likes to leave and avoid when he's upset. If he thinks things can't be patched up, he'll make himself scarce. This can be done physically and emotionally.

6. Agression: When sufficiently angered, Chat tends to destroy or attempt to destroy whatever is most convienent. He does not appear to have any kind of rational thought when doing this and justifies this afterwards. This is expected because duh, anger, but it is often in a way that damages his goals.

Note: it takes A LOT to get him here, but once he's at this point, he seems to have no coping skills. During and after. Gabriel probably uses this to justify his comments of Adrien being too emotional. Adrien seems aware of this as his temper before this takes a lot of time and repeated incidents before he snaps, and he USUALLY tries to leave and avoid once he's trjly starting to get mad.

How do you think Adrien’s anger would come out if he wasn’t Cat Noir? Like when you look at it, we only really get to see Cat Noir as his anger outlet. I can’t remember him ever releasing his anger as Adrien. He just stews. So once his father is out of the picture and he doesn’t model anymore I wonder how his anger will present. Passive aggression? I doubt he’d be outright violent as Adrien- it’s just easier to do as Chat Noir because he’s a fighter/hero. But maybe sassier like he was with Scarabella or Ladybug in Season 1? Or would he just grow a bunch of pent up anger that risks turning into bitterness/resentment?

You are right about that, he does tend to use Chat Noir as an outlet for that. I'm gonna go with pent-up anger turning to bitterness/resentment, making his personality a little more similar to Felix's (though still not to that level).

[ravenadottir]

I am wanting to write a love story about Lucas and mc but I have never written anything before. Any advice?

hi there!

thank you so much for this ask, it's so cool you want my advice 🥺

alright, about writing lucas in a love story scenario... and a few other tips about him as a character.

just a reminder: these are not restrictive, it's just suggestions. you don't have to write him as a certain trope or in a certain type of story just because i said it fits him.

◌ story tropes that would fit with him perfectly: enemies-to-lovers, friends-to-lovers, friends with benefits that turns into love, meet cute that they agree on just sex but it turns into love (long but i don't have a name for it lol).

◌ tropes that fit him really well: jealousy, soft or hard dom!lucas, afraid of falling in love, afraid of commitment, "playboy" with a heart of gold.

◌ lucas has many layers to be explored, so i would definitely write him as a stereotype at first, so you can have a clear outline of how to work his depths later.

for example: his entrance could imply he's a stuck up, and later on he reveals he's afraid of first impressions because he's terrible at them, "i always look boastful but it's really not the case... most of the times anyway."

◌ he loves teasing whoever he likes/loves.

◌ sarcasm is of the essence, he doesn't live without it.

◌ his love language is to banter with someone. it's also a turn-on.

◌ definitely make him hesitant to trust your main character on a romantic level.

◌ trusting of friendships at first.

◌ lucas' mind travels miles at times, most of those it goes to a bad place of insecurity and sense of not deserving good things, so i would explore that.

◌ romantically speaking he's very dedicated... who am i kidding, he's dedicated in every aspect of a relationship. he's the type to fall into it so deep he might lose the sense of what it means to be with someone.

◌ the type to like space and time to himself. it doesn't mean he would push your main character away, just that sometimes he needs time by himself to think.

◌ loves travelling and sharing those places with someone special.

◌ he definitely has a found family he trusts and relies on more than his actual parents.

◌ he's an older brother to henrik so he would feel too vulnerable to confide in him, still, he would do it because lucas trusts that boy so much.

◌ dialogues with him (at least when i write him) get lengthy because he likes everything on the table, he hates misunderstandings and unspoken feelings, so you might have fun with that.

◌ direct language, objective words and clean conversations. it's not him being cold... it's mostly about how he hates wasting time with flourishing when you can actually have a real conversation.

◌ immediately he affirms your main character can be honest with him at all times. he would rather have the hard and cold truth than imagining what's going on "which can get so much worse in my head".

◌ during dialogues (again, how i write him) he doesn't move his legs much, i mostly focus on his hands and wrists. when he's nervous he fiddles a lot with his watch and necklace.

◌ his presence is really important during the dialogues because it's so imposing. he's the type of person that commands the room without saying anything. for instance, when he walks into a room he never turns his back to close the door, he does it behind his own back.

◌ a song that reminds me of him so much: play with fire, by sam yinnesz feat. yacht money. these lyrics i believe mostly express his personality in a nutshell, especially about how vindictive he can be if someone crosses him.

◌ a song that sets the tone of how he acts on *clears throat* certain circumstances: 강박 (red lights), by bang chan and hyunjin. the lyrics REALLY tell you everything you need to know how he feels when he's in love with someone.

◌ lucas' masterlist (individual posts) ◌

i write him in every ask i receive here so if you're looking for specific situations i'm pretty sure you'll find it here lol

i think that's it. there's lots of headcanon lists on his masterlist (the link above) where you can find a lot of different prompts. there's also a really long character sheet i wrote for him here.

also, so sorry anon! i put this on queue on accident, before finishing the tips. they continue down here!

● when you write anything remotely long it's important to have an outline, basically a list of things you want to happen in your story (events, dialogues, situations, encounters, new characters and when those events happen).

● when you have an idea of what you want to do i highly advise you to have a plan for each chapter. you don't have to know exactly what's gonna happen but it's nice to have a guide made by you at the beginning. that guide can come in handy if you hit a block.

● starting a chapter. don't worry about how you're gonna hook your reader to stay reading. plenty of people always say it's important that the first page is perfect, or even the first sentence. DON'T LISTEN TO THAT, it's not real and it adds way more pressure into your creative process. you'll know what sentence to start with when you finish editing the chapter and what direction it's going.

● worry about the consistency in the characters' actions and personality, those are essential for a good story. mostly of what i call bad or lazy writing are based on the way the author didn't keep up with what they presented on the first few chapters.

● one thing i do the most is ask myself "would real people talk like this, or divulge information like this?" and if the answer is 'no' i rarely use it.

● info dump is necessary, otherwise how are you gonna inform your reader about certain things? the one advice about this is to take your time and not rush with it. dialogues can be the key to your story, more than narration. when hitting a wall on what to do, keep this in mind "if this conversation was between two real people, would they talk like this? or ask things in this way?" and if the answer is no, you should change it, because it sounds more like you're conveying information and that can be distracting to the reader.

● some mistakes made in writing break the immersion, such as the author telling instead of showing. i want to take conclusions on my own instead of having them handed to me by the author.

example: mary was angry at her brother because he broke her toy and demanded explanations.

instead, try "mary walked into the room with wide eyes after hearing a thud, her fingers hidden in a fist as she looked down on the floor, a small part of what she knew was from her favorite toy. she almost stepped on the remaining pieces when advancing towards her brother, cheeks reddening with each step. before she could stop herself, mary growled intensely, pulling her brother's shirt with a wild motion of her hand. "why did you do that?!" she said, staring at him pointedly.

the first one should be your outline, not your dialogue.

● writing is subjective, what is good for me might not be good for you, so even though technique is important, feeling comes neck and neck with it.

● research, research, research! whatever you want to talk about, whether is a place, clothes, mannerisms, a certain culture, never guess! doing research is a huge part of writing and in my opinion really fun.

● any time you think you're done with a chapter but there's a little doubt on the back of your head, leave it alone for a couple of days. work on other things and then come back and revise it. because while you're constantly reading the same thing sometimes it means you're losing track of what you want to happen there and it makes editing impossible.

● word count means nothing. it doesn't matter if you have a long or short word count, if the story is concise and good nobody cares about how lengthy or brief it is.

● stay true to what you like. sometimes you might catch yourself thinking you didn't do a good job because your story might not have as many hits as you would hope. IF YOU WERE HAPPY ABOUT IT WHEN IT WAS ON YOUR DOCS WHY WOULD THAT CHANGE AFTER IT WAS POSTED? numbers don't mean quality.

[loveisneurotic]

Kaguya-sama Blind Reaction/Analysis: S1E1

Hello everyone, this is my blog which I am currently using to react to and analyze Kaguya-sama: Love Is War much more seriously than I should analyze any romcom.

I have only seen the first episode of the anime, which this post shall explore using far too many words. If I'm feeling particularly motivated, I may read the manga as well.

My analysis will contain spoilers. If you're thinking of watching this show and haven't seen it yet, I recommend you at least go check out the first episode yourself before reading any further. I don't know what the rest of the show is like, but what I've seen so far has been both entertaining and thought-provoking.

I'm going in mostly blind, but not entirely blind. There are a few images of the anime and manga that I have been exposed to, although without the attached context. Due to cultural osmosis and the sheer popularity of this work, perhaps that was almost inevitable.

Figure 1.1.1: Why did this guy write an essay about a single episode of an ongoing romcom?

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War

Season 1 Episode 1

I Will Make You Invite Me to a Movie / Kaguya Wants to Be Stopped / Kaguya Wants It

Power dynamics in relationships

Figure 1.1.2: Immediately, the mangaka's tastes become clear.

I heard a saying once that really stuck with me: "The partner who cares the least has all of the power."

In the world of dating, I often sincerely believed this saying. You may yearn for someone's affection, but the other person need not give it to you until they are willing and ready. No matter how much you want it, you can't make someone more interested in you, unless you resort to being roundabout, such as adding some mystery and intrigue to your courtship. But is that excessive?

I once felt a potential lover slipping through my grasp, and before I knew it, I found myself chasing after them. As I was yearning for their attention, I felt as if I'd lost my dignity. It was humiliating. Painful. Was it just that they weren't the right person for me? Or was I not funny enough? Not charismatic enough? Not interesting enough? Too clingy? Too talkative? Should I have been more distant and given them more space? Did I seem too weak? Too eager? How should I have maximized my desirability? Regardless, I had surely lost. Perhaps they wanted the satisfaction and validation of conquering me. Playing me for a fool and asserting their superiority by being so distant. Isn't that right? Or is that just insecurity speaking? At what point is it ideal to cut one's losses and walk away?

If someone desperately wants the object of their affection to desire them, does that make them pathetic? Does it make them a loser? If you show more vulnerability and desire than the other person, does that truly make you the weak one in a relationship?

These questions plague our two protagonists and seem to be a driving force behind the main conflict. Since I have also grappled with how much to reveal my own feelings of desire, I find Kaguya-sama: Love Is War to be a particularly fascinating show.

Desire without action

Figure 1.1.3: Our protagonists are gifted with impressively high academic intelligence paired with impressively low emotional intelligence.

The show wastes no time in introducing us to our two main protagonists. Kaguya was born into a family of high stature (and says "ara ara" frequently enough to power a small country of weebs), whereas Shirogane is a "commoner" (Kaguya's word, not mine) who worked hard to reach the pinnacle of the student body. Like timid schoolchildren, they're crushing on each other, and yet they refuse to admit it due to their pride. Instead, they focus on getting their "opponent" to confess their love first.

What stuck out to me immediately is how they both have different ideas of what their relationship would be like. Shirogane envisions Kaguya as blushing, shy, and conventionally cute, whereas Kaguya (thankfully) envisions herself taking absolute dominance over Shirogane (which plenty of people should see coming as a character trait after the anime's very first scene). The bad news about this is that their two fantasies are at odds. The good news about this is that the mangaka has fantastic taste -- you can learn a lot about a storyteller based on the characterization of a love interest or lead character of the author's preferred gender.

In the event that the two of them become an actual couple, I wonder how on Earth they'll reach a compromise as to how they'll treat each other. Perhaps they will have to figure that out before they can even get that intimate.

I appreciate that we get to see both of their perspectives. It hammers home how everyone has a different truth in regards to what they desire and what they experience, and the show does not hold back when it comes to showing just how different these truths can be -- such as a certain lunch-themed sequence that I will talk about later. This works to great dramatic and comedic effect.

That said, when you spend your time fantasizing about what could happen instead of actually taking action, time is not so friendly to you.

Half a year passes.

Figure 1.1.4: Two geniuses dedicate their pride to wasting their life and energy.

Immediately, I got the impression that whoever wrote this segment of the story knows what they're doing. This is too real. And by "too real", I mean I very much appreciate the realism. How many of us have waited for ages (or for eternity) to confess our feelings to a specific someone?

This is the curse of having a crush and being incapable of acting on it. It's also why I hate having crushes.

Manufacturing affection in others, AKA the extraction of vulnerability

Figure 1.1.5: A plan is devised to weaponize jealousy in the name of affection.

To express your truest feelings means being vulnerable. That implies taking a risk and feeling responsible for any potential consequences of rejection, as well as putting our dignity on the line. It would be so much easier for the object of our affection to make themselves vulnerable instead. So instead of being direct and honest, we act indirect. We drop hints. We act suggestively, but not explicitly. We may even place them in situations where we think they are more likely to confess. If they don't pick up on it, we can pretend we didn't mean anything by it. That way, we don't have to risk our dignity. We can just wait for them to make the move.

It sucks.

Incidentally, it sucks even more when both you and your love interest are thinking that way.

It sucks infinitely more when both you and your love interest are COMMITTED to thinking that way.

Someone has to break the deadlock, whether that's immediately or eventually.

If this show isn't one of those romcoms where the status quo never changes ever (judging by the quality of writing, I have faith that it isn't), then at some point, either Shirogane or Kaguya is going to have to be explicit about how they really feel. And it's going to feel scarier to them than anything else they've ever done.

It's gonna be great.

If we could all grow up and live in environments where it's safe and encouraged for all of us to be honest about how we feel and what we want, surely love would be much less painful for so many people.

Chaos theory

Figure 1.1.6: If your prospective lover won't protect you, then your friend definitely will.

Chika is the ideal wild card and agent of chaos in this arena of love.

From a writing perspective, Chika is immensely useful. The mangaka probably could have gotten by without a third character in the mix, but she serves as a catalyst and an unknown element, able to create unpredictability and subversion of expectations. For a comedy-oriented story, this is invaluable.

Blissfully unaware of the mental turmoil that plagues our two lovesick dorks, she is able to unintentionally invalidate whatever schemes that Kaguya or Shirogane spent so much mental energy on, which adds extra comedy and tension for the audience. She is also an effective vehicle for Kaguya's jealousy and projection, as seen in the lunchbox scene which I have so graciously foreshadowed.

Figure 1.1.7: We have confirmed visual on an unidentified fourth person. Chekhov would love this. From their posture, I wonder if they'll be a gloomy character?

Misunderstandings and assumptions

I've heard that most interpersonal conflicts in life emerge from misunderstandings. In the absence of communication, assumptions are born and give rise to misunderstandings.

You may know where I'm going with this. Let's talk about the lunchbox sequence.

Figure 1.1.8 (not pictured because tumblr wishes to deny me of my image spam): Kaguya is too prideful to admit she thinks that a couple is doing something cute.

Figure 1.1.9: Pride is considered a sin for a reason.

From a writing perspective, I was impressed by the lack of romantic intentions in Shirogane in this whole sequence. Not once did he try to get Kaguya to show vulnerability to him. Instead, Kaguya is the only one spinning the situation in a romantic way, while Shirogane's driving force is the misunderstanding that Kaguya is looking down on him for what he eats. Because of this misunderstanding, Shirogane doubles down and makes his food even better, making the situation even more complicated and more stressful for Kaguya. This was definitely my favorite comedy sequence from the first episode.

I appreciate that the show has demonstrated the ability to create these scenarios where one of the characters doesn't even have love on their mind, but there are still romantic thoughts coming from the other character which drives the drama. It gives me a lot of faith in the variety this show will have to offer, and makes me excited to watch more.

When it comes to comedy rooted in misunderstandings, it is important to have miscommunication or lack of communication. In order to resolve a misunderstanding, you need to talk about it. For a pairing as dysfunctional as Kaguya and Shirogane, expecting healthy communication sounds highly unreasonable, which makes them prime material for a whole world of misunderstandings.

Misunderstandings are rooted in assumptions about what the other person meant when they said something or made a certain gesture or expression. When Kaguya glared at Shirogane and his food, he didn't even think to ask "What's the matter?" He just made an assumption about how she felt. I wonder if trying to understand Kaguya's feelings would be considered a sign of weakness by Shirogane?

A prerequisite to initiating an emotional conversation is the desire to understand or be understood by the other person -- assuming that your assumptions haven't already built a narrative for you. It is far easier to make assumptions than it is to attempt any sort of understanding.

In the end, Shirogane fled, unwilling to confront or attempt to understand the intense and passive-aggressive Kaguya. Kaguya feels that she cannot directly ask to try his lunch, so perhaps this is the closest she can get to initiating such a conversation with him at this time. Despite their mind games where they imagine the reactions of their opponent, they still have a lot of difficulty understanding each other.

I am curious to see if this prospective couple's communication skills and emotional intelligence will improve over the course of the story.

The burden of potential romance

Figure 1.1.10: Even the infallible genius Kaguya succumbs to superficial jealousy. It's "mind over matter" versus "matter over mind". That's how the saying goes, right?

Chika is a free spirit, able to ask Shirogane for whatever she wants without being neurotic. That is the power of not being bounded by a crush. Kaguya, who lacks that degree of freedom, briefly loathes her for experiencing something that Kaguya cannot ask for. It's amazing how much someone's feelings for a friend can change without a single word being spoken between them. All it takes is an action, unintentional or not, combined with the raw strength of insecurity. Just as quickly, the status quo can return back to normal too, with the act of properly making up.

To Chika, asking for food from someone doesn't mean anything at all, whereas with Kaguya, it is an admission of defeat. In that sense, a relationship that will only ever be platonic brings peace of mind, whereas a relationship that can be potentially romantic brings leagues upon leagues of anxiety if the outcome is of great concern.

Love is neurotic.

Is love worth the pain? For some people, it is not. For others, the reward is immense -- but only if you can make sure your relationship with this person doesn't end up being a nightmare for your emotional health.

Love and self-identity

The final scene of the episode surprised me in a good way. It's a brief departure from the comedy, and reveals a more heartfelt side of the show.

Kaguya's servant asks her an insightful question. It is substantially more insightful than I would expect from any romcom: "If you fell in love some day, would you wait for that person to confess their love, like now? Or would you confess your love?" I found myself immediately curious to hear Kaguya's answer, since I knew it would be highly informative about her character.

"If that time comes, I would consider the risk of someone stealing him first and come to the one rational conclusion." Even in the realm of love, Kaguya seems precise and calculating. It's as if she hesitates to give a straight answer, but then she confirms: "Of course I would go."

Figure 1.1.11: "Please understand."

It is not embarrassment or rejection that Kaguya fears; it is the absolute destruction of her identity and sense of self. Kaguya is the daughter of a family that practically runs the country. In her mind, everyone yearns for her and wishes to serve her. Turning that around and reaching out to another person to express her own desire would be a direct contradiction of that. It is probably a similar situation for Shirogane, where the infallible self-image he has built up is being put at risk during his romantic duels against Kaguya.

Kaguya clearly feels trapped. She and Shirogane see each other as threats to be conquered, but in reality, they both share a mutual enemy that is much more imposing and insidious: their own simultaneous disgust at the idea of vulnerability.

Their freedom is dominated by their insecurities, and so, even despite their impressive stature, they are still very human. Their upbringing that has lead them to become so accomplished may be more of a curse than a blessing, due to the resulting pride and self-image they likely feel pressured to uphold.

It is hard to cast aside a lie that you have bought into for your whole life.

If our two protagonists wish to have a chance of establishing a healthy romantic relationship, they have a lot of their own demons to overcome first. If they cannot set aside their pride and reach mutual understanding, they have no hope.

Until then, they will both remain trapped in a hell of their own design, however tragically comedic it may be.

My hopes for this story's future

I can tell that the mangaka, unlike far too many writers all over the world, actually seems to have a solid understanding of romance and the conflict that arises within. I've watched too many anime that place huge focus on the "will they or won't they" crap which never runs any deeper than one or both of the characters being too embarrassed to just say what they're thinking, without any sort of convincing mental blocker. In that case, it's clearly just manufactured drama which is designed to pad out the story and waste your time rather than pose interesting questions and themes. In the case of Kaguya and Shirogane, the two of them have substantial communication issues which are depicted in a comedic yet mature way, which I have found engaging.

I very much hope that the show will more deeply explore the themes and questions surrounding the ideas of vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and superiority within relationships. Kaguya and Shirogane have been set up to be great vehicles for such exploration, and I hope the mangaka can capitalize on that, especially if our protagonists can confront these issues directly.

My impression is that the ending will make or break this story. If the mangaka can pull it off well, I can already believe the payoff will be hugely satisfying.

Of course, in order to get to that point, we'll have to see a certain something. It has to do with the most sacred word amongst romcom enthusiasts: "progress". Indeed, after spending chapters upon chapters watching two characters bumble around amidst the same exact status quo, those little signs of advancements in a relationship are highly rewarding.

Underneath all of their aggression, if we can see Kaguya and Shirogane slowly open up to each other and realize the benefits of vulnerability, I think we could witness something really beautiful and really emotionally cathartic.

I've still only seen one episode, but I believe the mangaka has laid a fantastic groundwork for a series and can do a great job developing upon what I've seen so far. On that note, I will surpass our prideful protagonists by opening my heart to this story and entrusting it with my vulnerability, believing it can deliver satisfying development and resolution. You can do it!

Closing thoughts

I did not expect to write so much about a single episode of an ANIME of all things, but here we are. If only I could conjure this kind of power back when I actually needed it in high school English class!

The first episode alone is already so rich with characterization and themes that I managed to find quite a lot to talk about. Given how much I found myself relating to the characters and some of their situations, it's clear to me how this show became so popular. Not only are the animation, direction, and writing excellent, but also many people can probably relate to love feeling like a battlefield.

I do not want to believe in the idea of winners and losers in relationships. That idea creeps into my head whenever I'm having trouble keeping the interest of a new date, and I find myself wondering where those thoughts even come from. Lately, I have been reflecting on the way I relate to other people. Perhaps I've started experiencing this show at a time in my life when I most needed it, and that's why I felt driven to write such a large analysis.

This show poses some very interesting questions about romance that I do not actually know the answer to at the time of writing. I do not know yet how much the show is actually going to explore these themes. Regardless, I appreciate how this show is helping me reflect, and I am curious to see if and how the mangaka will answer some of the questions brought about by the story's themes.

This is a show that I'll most likely have to pace myself with. There was so much to process in this first episode alone. If I went any faster, I'm not sure if I'd even catch all of the details and character moments. I'm excited to move onto the second episode soon.

A highly subjective footnote about my cultured tastes

I'm glad that Kaguya is a sadistic dom with a gentle and vulnerable side, solely on the basis of that being my favorite personality type in a love interest. It also helps that it makes Kaguya's fantasies that much funnier with Shirogane acting so out of character. I feel like this show was made for me.

What was I writing about again? Oh yeah, writing a gigantic wall of text about an anime romcom. Somehow, I spent an entire day on this essay. Hopefully someone got a kick out of it.

[orange-waterfalls]

The Deal

Illinois x gender neutral!reader

@lawfluff-evil ty for the prompt

A/N: It got to be way too long so I split it into two parts lol. Rated T for cursing. Second part will be posted soon, probably.

Word Count: 1.9k

Part 2

"Oh hey, sorry if you fell in love with me. They always do…" and just like that, Illinois saunters out of the cave, leaving you with a rock and a banana. Cocky bastard you think. You look at the items in your hands, wondering what the hell you're supposed to do now. Some dust must have made its way to your nose because you sneeze. The rock turns to dust revealing a diamond inside. You gape, inspecting it for a moment before turning to the banana. You did get them from the same place…

You peel it.

Lo and behold, it's not just a banana, it's a golden banana. You ponder leaving and keeping all the treasure for yourself. Well, he didn't do anymore than you. Besides, he's the one who left you. You decide against it because, sadly, deep down, you're a good person. You run towards the exit, where Illinois went, hoping to catch up with him. You're far behind him, it seems, because you don't find him even after you exit the cave, where you find Mark. His suit is tattered and dirty and he's panting like he was just running for his life. Which… he was… technically. He looks up at you and glares.

"Thanks a lot, buddy, where the hell were you while I was getting chased by a sentient Boulder?!" He yells. You hold up the diamond and the gold. He raised his eyebrows.

"Forget everything bad I've ever said about you," he laughs and limps over to you. You wince at the sight and start to feel bad. "Where'd you find this?" You point to the cave. He laughs.

"We'll be rich! At least something good came out of the heist!" You furrow your eyebrows. Mark notices this and his smile falters a bit. "What's wrong?"

"I want to find someone," you say.

"You met them in there?" He asks. You nod. "Did he come out this way?" You nod again. Mark sighs. "Well… you brought this back… I guess it's the least I can do." You smile and throw your arms around him. He laughs and hugs you back. "Alright, don't get all mushy on me, now." He pulls back. "What does he look like?" You stare at Mark for a minute. He looks behind him, not knowing exactly what's happening. You bring your hand up and point to him. He points to himself. "He looks like me?" You nod. Mark crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Well, if he looks like me, how is he so special?" You tap your leg for a moment before answering.

"You know Indiana Jones?" You ask. Mark nods. You raise your eyebrows, expecting him to connect what you were saying. Mark laughs.

"He's Indiana Jones? Aw, are you a fan? Is that why you wanna see him again?" He teases. You glare at him and punch his arm. "Ah! Sorry sorry!" He stops laughing. "So, what's his name?" You pause, knowing what he's going to say as soon as you tell him, and he waits for your answer. You mumble incoherently. "Sorry?" He cups a hand around his ear and leans towards you. You take a deep breath.

"His name's Illinois…" you say. There's silence for a moment before Mark bursts out laughing. You almost start laughing too, but keep your composure.

"Illinois? Really?! Did he pick it himself?" He asks. You break and laugh as well. You both stand and laugh like idiots for a minute before stopping.

"So, uh… where exactly are we?" You ask. Mark shrugs.

"Something happened at the car… I think we teleported… somehow…" you punch the bridge of your nose.

"What even is today…" you sigh, annoyed. Mark chuckles and pats your shoulder.

"I know, I know," He consoles, Well, we should try to find society. Maybe we'll find your new boyfriend on the way" he teases. You scoff.

"One thing that I'm absolutely sure of is that he is not into me," you cross your arms.

"How do you know?" Mark asks. You clear your throat as you mimic Illinois' accent.

"Oh, and uh, sorry if you fell in love with me. Heh, they always do," you roll your eyes after you finish. Mark giggles.

"Oh no! He said that to you?" He asks sympathetically. You nod and sigh. He grabs your arm. "I am so sorry. But, if he doesn't like you, why do you what to find him?"

"Well, I wanted to return this diamond since he's the one who found the rock it was in," you explain. Mark stares at you like you're a crazy person. He takes a deep breath.

"That is uncharacteristically noble of you and I think we shouldn't," he says quickly. You gape at him.

"Mark!" You say accusingly.

"Well, he's the one who left before he found out! And he seems like a dick!" Mark sets his hands on his hips.

"He is a dick," you mumble angrily.

"Exactly! So… we can just… keep them! And sell them! And then we can be rich! Right? Wasn't that the purpose of robbing a museum in the first place?" He tries to convince you to keep the treasure. You sigh.

"No, Mark, we are good people…" you pause and Mark stares at you blankly. You start again. "We are… relatively fair people," he raised an eyebrow at you. You groan. "Ok we fucking suck. But this feels right! It's the right thing to do! Please, buddy? Pal? Friend?" You beg.

"Ugh, fine," Mark groans, "but I will use this against you at a later time." You smile and hug him. He tries not to, but grins and hugs you back. "So, which way should we go?" He asks.

"Oh, no, no, no," you chuckle, "you're not throwing this one onto me. You decide this time, sir."

"Oh. Uh… alright…" he rubs the back of his neck and looks around for a minute. "Uh… this way!" He points to the right of you, where there's a forest. You look at him weirdly, but follow him anyway. You two walk through the forest until you find a trail that leads you to a small village. You go up to a person.

"Excuse me, but, where are we?"

"Tijuana," the woman says. You feel like you've heard that before, but…

"Let me rephrase, what country are we in?"

"Mèxico," she answers. You turn to Mark.

"Mexico, Mark. We're in Mexico." You say.

"That's awesome. That's wonderful. That's great." He laughs, an angry tone in his voice. How the hell are we in Mexico?!" He yells. A couple people turn their heads, looking at him strangely. You set a hand on his shoulder.

"Easy, buddy. It's alright." You see a flash of red and look to the side of you. You see wheels as well. Your eyes widen. You walk to the car and see that it's the same one you used to escape from the museum. "Mark." You call.

"What?" He snaps.

"I found the car," You state. His eyes widen as he runs over to you.

"Holy shit, thank God" he sighs.

"So, I think it'd be about a two hour drive back to L.A., but we would need more gas…" you comment. You turn to the people that have gathered to see what you're doing. "Hi, um, is there… is there a gas station around?" A boy goes inside one of the houses and brings back a can of gas. You raise your eyebrows. "Oh, no, we couldn't-" He pushes it towards you.

"Tomas! Tomas*!" He pressures. You turn to Mark, who shrugs his shoulders. You hesitantly take the can from the boy.

"Gracias**," you thank. The boy nods and smiles.

"Oh, uh have you guys seen a guy? Looks kinda like me but with a hat?" Mark asks the people.

"Sí***, he went to the bar," A man explains and points to said bar. You and Mark walk over. You go inside and see that the only people inside are Illinois and the bartender. It makes sense, it's still pretty early. Illinois notices you and smirks.

"Well, look who came back?" He teases. "Miss me too much?" You stare at him, unamused.

"No." You say angrily.

"Sure you didn't." He chuckles. "Look, bud, i already said I was sorry if you fell in love with me. I also already said I was married to the adventure." He explains. Mark leans over to you.

"I'm not gonna lie, he is suave," Mark admits. You punch his arm. "Ow!" He whines.

"I didn't come back because I love you." You say, which is… partially true… but mostly false. "I can back because that rock you left me turned into this," Mark holds up the large diamond. Illinois' smile falls a bit. "And that banana I got wasn't a banana," you hold up your gold. Illinois looks at you two before regaining his composure standing up from the bar stool.

"Well, since that rock was found by me, you can hand it over here, partner," he holds his hand out for the diamond. Mark doesn't move. Illinois looks at his hand and back at Mark.

"Well… they were the one who actually found out it was a diamond… you, you cocky bitch, left. I feel like they deserve to keep it." He states. You look at him, smiling. He could be a dick, but he was still your best friend. Illinois blinks and scoffs.

"Oh, is that so? And who might you be?" He asks, putting his hands on his hips.

"I'm their best friend," he claims, "and I think they deserve this more than you do." You look at Illinois, worried. You didn't know if he was violent or not. He didn't seem like it, but you can't just assume. He squints at Mark, and then laughs.

"Ain't you a lucky one?" He turns and says to you, "That's some friend you got here. Tell you what, we'll go on another adventure. We'll split whatever treasure we find, but whoever finds treasure first gets to keep the diamond as well." He suggests. You look at him. He's arrogant. He knows he's gonna win. So do you. You could just walk away and keep the diamond, but you do want to spend time with him. Get to know him better. You're already in love, might as well ride the train till it stops. You take a deep breath.

"Alright," you agree, "let's do it." You reach out to shake hands. Mark stops you.

"You sure about this?" He asks, "We can just… go home. Head back to base. We don't even have to keep the treasure, we can just leave." You knit your eyebrows. He turns fully towards you and puts his hands on your shoulders. "I don't want you to get hurt. Please." Your eyes soften and you smile at him. You put your hands on his shoulders.

"I'm pretty smart, Mark, and I can take care of myself. I'll be fine." You try to convince him. He still looks worried. You hand him the golden banana. "Either way, we'll still have this." He smiles.

"Yeah… alright. Sure," he finally gives in, "but you better not die on me." He warns. You nod. You turn to Illinois, who still has his hand out for you to take. You shake it.

"Deal." You agree. He smirks.

"Let's get going."

---

*Take it! Take it!

**Thank you

***Yes

Pardon my Spanish, I'm on my second year lol

[kinkymagnus]

thoughts on alec? since this is mainly a magnus blog i guess i'm curious.

kfjlkfgjd thanks for resending sorry tumblr’s a bitch ily

eh i feel like generally i talk mostly about magnus bc Every Other Blog (not literally obviously but like, in general) talks about Only Alec just like…..24/7

so while i like him fine, he’s like, mostly Magnus’s Love Interest on my blog lghjflgkhjfgh but honestly just generally while i do like him i honestly don’t find him that….interesting, individually, i guess? i mean he’s not quite boring, but he’s not a character i really relate to

so the reason i don’t really write alec-centric stuff is like. 1. i just don’t find him as interesting (although i’ve had a few ideas, they’ll likely never be published thanks to…) 2. Spite

aka the alec stans suck. the Alec Stans™ to be clear, the ones who suck, not everyone who likes alec. but like, yeah

anyway let’s not just talk salt and me being petty, despite alec being not my fave i can afford to answer one (1) ask without my entire blog crumbling down and revealing i’ve been an alec stan this whole time without me even knowing it

ok so alec headcanons i guess

1. alec was a chatty kid. not what you’d think, right? but then like, he was taking care of izzy, bc she’s his baby sister and Protective, and jace wasn’t really the type to listen to him. like, ever. alec would suddenly realize jace hadn’t been listening the whole time pretty much every time he tried to have a conversation with him or talk about things he was interested in, even when he listened when jace talked about his latest crush or whatever he was interested in. alec started abruptly going quiet before his sentence was finished, and jace didn’t seem to notice or was just like oh good you’re finally done talking, here’s what i was gonna say. eventually alec gives up. he still talks to izzy but she’s so little it’s a lot slower paced and he usually pays more attention to her than what he wants to say bc Baby Sister. by the time izzy’s old enough to like, properly, hold a conversation (she is also pretty chatty) alec’s already gone a lot quieter. by the time we see him, he basically doesn’t initiate conversation on things he’s interested in that aren’t work-related. he does still sometimes talk to izzy, but it’s hard to get the words out and get everything sounding right, so he gets annoyed with himself. it doesn’t come as easy anymore.

and not to show my magnus stan roots but magnus is kind of similar, albeit way less clear cut, he tends to ramble and talk a lot about his special interests only to shut himself up when he realizes he’s definitely boring whoever he’s talking to (he isn’t, necessarily, but after enough times being told to shut up when you get excited you believe everyone wants you to shut up.) and then he was trying to keep up the whole classy unaffected stylish “def not an adorkable disaster bi nerd, i am dangerous deadly unaffected lothario man who has never even heard of star trek or whatever” facade, and rambling about whatever interested him didn’t really fit that. so he retreated more into himself, too. he did have his friends to talk to, but catarina is so busy and he doesn’t want to bother her and raphael doesn’t want to hear his foolish old dad ramble on, does he, and ragnor–he’d always put up with magnus’s babble, and listened, but magnus felt like he was boring him and then ragnor was–well.

anyway so to united these, then, they met each other. and it takes a while, but they get comfortable with each other. magnus goes on a long ramble about a potion he’s been trying to get just right and then cuts himself off, embarrassed, and apologizes for probably boring alec, and alec’s like what? no, that was really interesting, i was listening, can you explain the thing with the mandrake root? and magnus is like…oh.. (also side note: magnus is incredibly cute when rambling about things he’s interested in, he waves his hands a lot and his eyes are all excited and warm and he’s so lively, and clearly passionate, that it’s engaging and pulls you in. like a really good professor. and sometimes he starts talking about something way above most people’s heads without realizing how Smart he is, but if you ask him to clarify he’s like, totally non-condescending and explains it in creative and understandable way????? sorry im in love with adhd magnus thanks to someone anyway)

and then vice versa, alec slowly feels more comfortable talking about things that interest him, like a book he’s been reading and how it’s so fucking stupid the heroine went for the “blonde bad boy” when he’s such a dick to her, or whatever, like it starts as an angry rant about something but before he can cut himself off he realizes magnus is listening. like, actually listening. and like, if it’s appropriate, magnus will ask questions, engage in what alec’s talking about, and alec finds himself getting better at putting to words what he means and magnus is never mean about it, always patient and understanding

2. as a kid alec read romance novels. cheesy shitty fun romance novels. especially the ones that are like, written by women (or better, queer people, but that’s later) and aren’t weird? you know what i mean? and he loved them. romance was something young alec dreamed of a lot, even if he tried to ignore how he preferred tall, dark, and handsome to the main character, or the kind man the heroine fell in love with to the heroine herself. he hid trashy romance novels like most teen boys his age (including jace) hid porn magazines or whatever. he eventually maybe found some queer lit, but he didn’t dare to bring those back to the institute, instead choosing to go to the library the few times he had free time to sneak out (aka when he wasn’t working, sleeping, training, or watching izzy and jaces’ backs when they snuck out to clubs and shit.

also: 3. also i stand by the fact that alec wasn’t in denial about being gay. he wasn’t repressed, he knew exactly what he wanted and who he was, he just didn’t think it was possible for him to be with a man and be happy. 

4. alec isn’t a sweet innocent baby boy!!!! he’s seen porn, he knows how sex works, he’s masturbated, and honestly i know the show said otherwise but i find it hard to believe he never once fooled around even a little bit. just a little bit. no actual dating? not hard to believe at all. even being a “virgin” despite how outdated and terrible the concept is, not unbelievable. plenty of “normal” people reach college-age without ever having had sex, let alone shadowhunters raised to be demon-fighting soldiers. but like. look. he has the Energy. alec….Alec Fucks. also just something about the whole like, his siblings are always sneaking off to clubs and he follows them to watch their backs (is this canon or just common fanon? i honestly don’t remember) just screams to me hey, he may or may not have made out with an adventurous seelie or a mundane with eyes. or maybe a blowjob or a handjob, who knows. i’m JUST SAYING. i know this isn’t canon but i don’t care. alec lightwood has seen a dick

5. alec is ridiculously protective of people he loves. especially family (both in the sense of literal family like izzy, and family in the sense of “making your own family” like magnus) like he’d kill for them, he’d die for them, he’d live forever for them,

6. alec can and will become immortal for magnus. and not just literally only for magnus, for himself as well–like he doesn’t have to spend the rest of his life being a tool for the clave, he can work for better relations between downworlders and shadowhunters, and like accords that aren’t shitty, and he can be more than just another soldier or even head of the institute, he can be more and have time to actually spend time on himself, like it doesn’t have to be training-work-protect his siblings-sleep-training, and then one day he gets married and has kids and dies. he can actually experience the world, do things he enjoys, spend time with his husband, and most of all, he can spend the rest of his life with magnus bane, the love of his life, his husband, someone he loves so much. he can make sure magnus’s heart doesn’t get broken again by falling in love only to lose him. they get their happy ending, you know???? we stan

7. alec would be a great dad i dont know what to tell you he just would be 

8. one of the first kinks alec realized he really had like. with magnus. was office sex. yes im a slut what about it

this is bc he was minding his own business, doing paperwork at his desk, and magnus maybe sent a flirty text and alec was like mm i want to fuck him right now. and then he was staring at his desk thinking mm i want to bend him over this desk, sweep all this paper off the desk and rip off his clothes, take off his panties last and then lick his pussy until he’s begging for me to fuck him then press his chest down against the desk and fuck him until he screams. maybe i could tie his wrists behind his back with a tie. like i’m his boss? oh my god magnus in a secretary outfit. shit. he gets no work done that day. it’s just a rabbit hole of one thought to another until he’s like. sitting there hard and unable to focus on his work bc the mental image of magnus bent over in a skirt over his desk keeps playing his mind and he doesn’t want to do this paperwork he’d much rather be doing his husband.

9. alec loves making out with magnus on the couch like they’re just chilling and watching a movie and cuddling and alec loves to pull magnus into his arms and just make out. like literally not even “this ends in sex and gets hot and heavy” literally just magnus in his arms. and they kiss a lot. it’s soft and warm and relaxing tbh

10. magnus!!! and alec!!! cuddling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they both love it!!!!!! they’re both lowkey touch-starved!!!!!!

11. alec’s a dom top and that’s that my dudes