#just thought we'd share our recs

[anotherkindofmindpod]

The AKOM Holiday Shopping Guide!

Here are some items we enjoyed this year, great choices for yourself or that Special Beatle Person in your life.

The Lost Weekend A Love Story (DVD, Blu-Ray, Streaming) 🥤 The McCartney Legacy by Allan Kozinn and Adrian Sinclair (Hardback and audio book!) 🐏

The Fifth Beatle (10th Anniversary edition) by Vivek Tiwary 🍏 Living the Beatles Legend: The Untold Story of Mal Evans by Kenneth Womack ⏰

Now and Then, new Beatles single!! 📀

The Lyrics: 1956 to Present by Paul McCartney and Paul Muldoon (now in Paperback) 🎁 Eyes of the Storm by Paul McCartney 📸

Related AKOM podcasts: Reclaimed Weekend AKOM Talks w/ May Pang Frankensongs! AKOM Talks w/ Adrian Sinclair and Allan Kozinn The Fifth Beatle AKOM Talks w/ Vivek Tiwary The Mal Evans Story AKOM Talks w/ Ken Womack Eleanor Rigby: (The Lyrics podcast) Now and Then Reactions (IamtheEggpod)

[borzoibabe]

hey, who remembers this shitshow from two years ago?: https://www.tumblr.com/borzoibabe/665024812393119744/here-is-her-vet-bill-of-this-i-have-paid-1889

tl;dr 2 years ago my dog and i had to flee for our lives from domestic abuse, and we're now learning the physical damage my dog sustained is much worse than we'd previously thought. she's back in the ER again to treat her aspiration pneumonia - going on her second overnight now - and once she's home, we're going to start exploring longer term options to prevent any more flare ups.

thankfully i was much more financially prepared this time around than i was back then, but so far i'm down $9100 and that number is likely going to keep rising. i am asking for anything, anything at all, to help us keep our heads afloat, especially as we start exploring surgical options after she recovers. donations are appreciated more than i can ever express. even more than that, just sharing our story means the world to me. please, please help us out. she's only 3. she doesn't deserve to live this way.

i have a gofundme, or if you'd prefer to donate more directly, i have paypal (paypal.me/rileyskennedy), venmo (@rileym_) or cashapp ($rileyy9). if you read this far, thank you so much. please spread the word. thank you. 💖💖💖💖💖💖

[mi6-cafe]

It's Appreciation August!

We’re exhausted, you’re exhausted, Fest is done. We know you all are wrapping up masterposts and excitedly waiting for the the final HQ memo, so this month, we are just asking you to appreciate the fandom!

This month, we want you to continue your excellent commenting and reblogging. There's so much goodness in the Fest tag that everyone created. Throughout the month, we will be posting the recs and shout outs that you all put in the Fest Wrap-Up survey. We want to keep this celebration of Bond going.

Speaking of the survey...

Fest Wrap-Up Survey

We really enjoyed this new Fest format (inspired by your feedback in previous years) and we want to hear your thoughts! This survey is our way to hear what you liked, what you found confusing, what you can't wait to do again next year. Your feedback is extra important this year since so much changed.

Also, it's how we collect your masterposts to share and how you enter your name in the prize drawing. You have until August 7th to fill out the survey.

>>Survey here!<<

Post-Fest hang out

What: Come hang out with Cas and Lin in discord after Fest concludes! We'd love to chat about the cool things you all did during Fest this year, how much we loved the different Fest characters, and anything else Cafe related.

Also, we really enjoyed the quiplash game Ruggsie hosted the other night so we are very likely to play some more while we chat.

When: Saturday Aug 3rd at 10pm ET (After readalong ends.) It's on the Fest events calendar as well.

More social events?

We have loved all the movies, game nights, even TTRPGs that happened during Fest this year and we hope to see more of them throughout the year! To help make that happen...

If you want to host a game night, a watch party, a special readalong, or any other events, let us know and we'll add it to the calendar!! (Either the watch party or the Cafe one, both linked at the end of this post.)

To help willing hosts know what to show, if there are any movies you missed or wish people would host, or any specific games you'd like to play please say so in the replies of this post!

The Saturday Cafe: August 10th, 24th

Come join us in the fandom Slack or Discord as we write, draw, sprint, plot, brainstorm, cheerlead, and generally have a good time trying to get things done together. If you’d like an invite to the Slack or Discord, go ahead and message @castillon02 or @spiritofcamelot!

Long Fic Readalong, Saturdays at 9pm ET

Join us in the Discord while we read a fic together. We are reading Bond'n'Roll by CMDAK. We will be picking up on Saturday with chapter 16!

We’d love to see you there. You are welcome to listen if you don’t or can’t read aloud!     When: Saturdays at 9pm eastern/6pm Pacific. Where: We’ll be reading on discord in the readalongs channel. (Invite to discord here)

Please join us to read, to just hang out and listen, and to generally enjoy a good story together!

Weekly events:

WIP Wednesday: You can post an excerpt of your WIP on our post or make your own post and mention the @mi6-cafe. Either way it’s a fun way to show people what you’re working on, Bond fandom or otherwise.

Weekly Bond movies: Hosted by womble every Sunday at 8am Pacific time, join us in Discord to watch one of the Bond movies. Keep an eye on the watch party calendar linked below for updates.

Want to host your own event in the Discord or elsewhere? Let us know about it so we can add it to the calendars!

Calendars

Watch Party Calendar MI6 Cafe Calendar   If you need help adding these calendars to your personal one, check out this post.

[k-s-morgan]

Hello!

Just wanted to share with you a few songs that remind me of your masterpieces 🥰

First and foremost I want to tell you that WHGTB is my favorite work among all Tommary fandom that I have read all the time and I read a lot. I cherish it and looking forward to reread it once memories fade away a bit 😅

The song that really remind me of it is ‘If I killed some for you’ by Alec Benjamin, literally sends WHGTB vibes all the way!

And as for ATLWETD, omg so excited for this one! I already crave for the drama and angst it brings! I think Beth Crowley’s ‘In the end’ very much fits it perfectly, you should listen to it!! Hope it will give some inspiration too 😊

Hi! Thank you for these recs, I've never heard any of these songs before and I really loved them!

The WHGTB one definitely perfectly reflects Tom and his way of thinking. I don't even know which memorable moments to pick because almost every line fits!

I'm sorry that I did this The blood is on my hands I stare at my reflection I don't know who I am

This really illustrates the duality of thoughts and feelings Tom had regarding his own personality. He never felt regret over hurting or killing anyone, but he felt it through the prism of his intense love for Harry. Harry mattered more to him than anything or anyone in the world: Tom craved his love and approval and he dreaded his disappointment. Trying to change in order to become someone who Harry wouldn't feel torn about loving re-defined Tom to the point where sometimes it was difficult to assess him as his own person. Harry set his roots in him very deeply.

Just let me explain No, I wouldn't tell you lies I know you'll understand If you let me stay the night

This is another passage that echoes what Tom was thinking so often. That if Harry just stayed, just let him explain, everything would be fine. Only they saw too many things way too differently, so Tom miscalculated more than once.

You have to understand that The one I killed is me Changing what I was For what you wanted me to be I followed your direction Did everything you asked I hope that makes you happy 'Cause there's just no turning back

There is nothing to even add here, it's 100% Tom and his thoughts.

And I'm so excited that you're enjoying ATLWETD! The song you mentioned fits extremely well, I'm kind of amazed. This part:

I saw you and recognized right from the start We're both ruined, with matching insatiable hearts And I knew that, one day, we'd take this too far

Could be a summary of the story. And this

My misgivings fade into nothing When I touch your skin and Feel your heart beat next to mine I'm not living if I don't have you at my side

Is a wonderful image of the future, where Tom and Harry's relationship will become more intimate. Like in WHGTB, they see things so differently, but their love for each other will drown out everything else.

I can tell that we're going to destroy one another Our twin flames could ignite the whole world For each other … Separated, at opposite ends of the Earth Is it fated, the way my path leads back to yours? Though I hate it, I've never desired something more Yes, I hate it But you leave me desperate for more

Yep, absolutely :D A good prediction for the future. The desperate hate that will always be a part of their many-layered bond.

I don't want to stay away from you So I won't even try You say you will stay away from me We both know that's a lie

And this part, too. Both Tom and Harry will be so certain that they can stay away from each other, but every time, their will-will crumble, and eventually, even they won't be able to pretend.

Thank you for sharing these songs and for your wonderful ask, I love seeing such fantastic recs, they are incredibly inspiring!

[female-buckets]

This is a women's basketball blog. A WBBB. So basketball is one priority of this blog. And women's sports is another priority.

I think women's sports are a good thing. Surprise! lol

We need women's sports because sports are not just about sports. They're about all of the rest of us too. We grow up with sports heroes even if we never plan on getting anywhere near a D3 roster. We're all doing our own things, but we're all inspired by these athletes. A lot of the insight they share with us is universal. It's good stuff.

And it's really good stuff if we're lucky enough to grow up with female sports heroes. I'm one of the lucky ones. I grew up with the 2003-2006 Seattle Storm. I saw them win their first championship live. I had LJ and Sue and Betty Lennox and Vodichkova. But LJ and Sue... I took a special shine to them. I knew I could never be LJ, but maybe I could be Sue. I had Sue's jersey and matching Storm shorts and a Storm scrunchy. I wore a ponytail every day. I wanted to be a WNBA player. I played girls' rec league from age 8 to 11. Over my three year career I scored 6 points, had about 20 shot attempts, and had at least 200 steals. And I had the time of my life. But there was no middle school girls' JV squad so that ended my basketball career. By that age, I understood that I wasn't going to the WNBA. I just wanted to keep having fun.

But now I'm seeing people argue that separate women's and men's sport categories only matter at the elite competitive level. At lower levels, sports should be integrated because that is the most inclusive solution.

Well. That's clearly bullshit.

My middle school did have a boys JV basketball squad. Just no JV squad for girls. I could've tried out for the boys JV. But I'm sure it would've been the same result as my girls' varsity tryout. I was not one of the top 12 female basketball players at my middle school. And I was not better than the top 24 male basketball players at my middle school. But I knew these guys. They were good guys and we'd play 3x3 during lunch. I actually improved a lot the summer before 6th grade. Like, I could actually shoot! I knew there was just that one varsity team and I knew it would be hard to make it. But I thought... maybe if I work hard? So I worked hard over the summer. I entered sixth grade as like the 15th ranked female basketball player at my middle school. Close! Anyway, they only had one spot open on the girls' varsity team and the 5'10" girl got it.

I ended up doing JV soccer instead. Most of the JV soccer team was girls like me who wanted to play basketball. We could've gathered a few more girls and demanded our Title IX right to JV basketball. The boys had one so legally the school was obligated to provide one for us. But we were 11 year olds who didn't know anything about Title IX or demanding things from adults. So that was that. I had fun in soccer. But at that point, I'd been obsessed with basketball for a quarter of my lifetime. Soccer wasn't the game I wanted to play.

Half the girls in varsity basketball played on the same AAU team. So they had some real basketball going on. If there was a JV team, we could've learned a lot from them. And once the AAU girls graduated, we could've filled in and ensured the longevity of the school team. A year after the season I tried out, the AAU girls graduated and the coach moved to a different town. The varsity basketball team died and was replaced with volleyball. Then the soccer team dropped JV. So by 8th grade, there were only two girls' sports teams at my middle school. Varsity volleyball and varsity soccer. Sports kept failing me while my male peers had every opportunity available to them.

The marginalization of women in sports does not start at the elite competitive level. It starts with institutions neglecting to provide opportunities for girls to safely explore the sports they want to play. If you integrate girls and boys sports opportunities, you exclude girls from exploring sports.

But if I was playing 3x3 at lunch with boys, then what's the problem with integrated youth basketball? The problem is I was getting beat up. They weren't trying to beat me up. They were just stronger than me. I still had fun playing with them. I was born a scrappy aggressive crazy physical defender. They liked playing with me because I kept them on their toes. But ultimately, it wasn't very safe. There was no mean-spirited contact. Just the natural collisions that happen in basketball. I prided myself on my aggressive defense and I never backed down from collisions. But those collisions with the boys hit different. A few of them were pretty bad. And the boys involved in those bad collisions felt terrible.

It didn't make me want to play casual 3x3 lunch ball with girls. It just gave me personal data confirming that seriously competing with boys was not the safest. The safest place for me to compete in full-contact 100% effort 5x5 was a girls' basketball team. But instead I had to jog around the soccer field while varsity girls' basketball evaporated.

There is no WNBA without girls' 8 year old rec leagues and middle school girls' JV. It's all connected. A web of women and girls' at every level competing safely against each other in a full-contact sport. That's how sports work.

Providing team sports for girls is extremely important for social development, self-confidence, leadership skills, and interpersonal skills.

If you think society benefits more from removing these opportunities than providing them, don't call yourself a women's sports fan.

[unminecraftsyourfic]

Meet The Mods

We're Happy To Have You~

This is an extension of our introduction post for Unminecrafts Your Fic that goes over the mods helping to run this blog as well as a couple details you might find interesting about this blog.

First and foremost, we'll usually be avoiding "first page fics". What this means is that usually we'll be avoiding fics with the most kudos are their tags since those fics already get a lot of attention and we'd like to share some of that attention with smaller and newer fics. We will make exceptions for fics that are requested though! I.e. we'd usually avoid fics like Shells In The Foam or Passerine unless requested.

Secondly, this blog is centered around positivity. While we will be "reviewing" fics as mentioned in our pinned post we won't be rating them. Reviews are just extended recommendations. They'll often include spoilers and our personal thoughts about the fics, but the primary aim is to provide positivity and compliments for these authors.

Third, we don't review unfinished fics. We will recommend them happily and talk about them as in progress pieces, but fics that are in progress will be clearly noted as such considering we can't talk about them as a finished work. Works that become boundary breaking will have their recommendation immediately removed the moment the mods become aware of it. Discontinued fics fall under the same category as unfinished and will be noted with the tag #UYFdiscontinuedorinprogress.

Now, on with the Mods

Mod Tommy Pronouns: Any Neo's Tag Specialization: discduo, bitterduo, awesamfam, rocketduo, souptrio, superhero aus, space aus, and will handle the fics with dark/serious/or potentially triggering topics most of the time, About: Hey! Mod Tommy here. I'll focus on anything with hefty amounts of angst! I'll probably tend to keep any reviews short and sweet, but if you need something to read that makes you go "Woah, that was fucked up" I'm your guy!

Mod Ranboo Pronouns: she/her Tag Specialization: crimebois, angelduo, octopusduo, dadbur, mer aus, fairy tale aus, kristin content, About: Hello hello! It's Mod Ranboo :D I'm really excited to help give writers the positive attention they all deserve! I plan on using my English degree to the fullest extent to point out all the amazing things people create! I'll be focusing on anything angst with a happy ending, and especially things like mer aus and fairy tale retellings! Side note UNFRIDGE THINE MUMZA!

Mod Tubbo Pronouns: Genderfluid, stick to She/They/He Tag Specialization: bedrock bros, alliumduo, benchtrio, winged tommy, familiar tommy, grian content, fae aus, foster aus, About: Your friendly Mod Tubbo here! As is indicative of my name I'm here to help inspire chaos, but also action. A lot of longer form rec and review posts are going to be mine. I adore requests so if you have a specific fic you'd like me to take a look at feel free to send it in as an ask! I love bullying Tommy, love turning him into nonhuman species, and the more unhinged your plot ideas the better.

Mod Purpled Pronouns: They/Them Tag Specialization: Paranormal and ghost aus, mystery fics, werewolf aus About: Hello, mod Purpled here o7 I adore fics centered around a mystery waiting to be solved, especially if it's paranormal or supernatural related. Small town horror or magic with a sense of dread or longing? Sign me up. I want to share what makes fics so enjoyable, and help uncover some absolute bangers that are often overlooked.

[hp-fearfest]

Hey Spooks and Spectres! In lieu of a countdown to the release of our prompts on September 15th, we thought we'd rec some spooky fanworks to get your ectoplasm flowing! We asked our early bird participants to rec us their favorite horror works when they signed up, and now we're sharing them with you here!

Inside These Walls by @jackvbriefs [M | 5.6k]

Summary: The year before Draco moves to Los Angeles, Harry Potter disappears. Draco doesn't mean to find him. He's just doing his job.

🦇👻🎃, Your FearFest Mods

[borathae]

~Chapter 25~ Jesus Christ and i thought the last chapter was a rollercoasterride. When Jungkook said "you are the love of my life" now that...broke me. No joke I literally got chills when jungkook said that, like i am not joking. Also "No darling, i mean y/n" aaaah there it is again 👀 Also forehead kithes, yes.

🖤 Strangers - FLETCHER

When oc & kook started talking it just felt so real. Like how people that had such a special bond can become strangers again. Like when you were SO FUCKING close with someone you could talk about everything and now you don't even know how to start a conversation. "The way we ended it, you know it makes me sick how two people once could be so in love, now we never talk. [...] and I hate that I hurt you. What I know right now, I wish I knew then. [...] We started out as strangers, now we're strangers again."

🖤 No Right To Love You - Rhys Lewis

Jungkook knowing and acknowledging he fucked up, to the point where he feels like he doesn't even deserve ocs love anymore. "To jump was my decision, I've only got myself to blame. 'Cause I have no right to love you when I chose to walk away. I have no right to miss you when I didn't wanna stay and I have no right to need you. And I knew what my heart was gonna lose. I have no right to love you but I do. I still do."

🖤 Mirrors - Justin Timberlake

This one is just so fitting. Especially with the part where jk was really opening up about what oc really means to him and that he lowkey only sees a future with her. Like she really showed him what love feels like. "I don't wanna lose you now, I'm lookin' right at the other half of me. The vacancy that sat in my heart is a space that now you hold." Alsoooo when he said that once he realised all that, he just had to come back, there was no other option. "Show me how to fight for now and I'll tell you, baby, it was easy comin' back here to you once I figured it out. You were right here all along." And then the part of the song where it literally goes "you are, you are the love of my life" over and over again 💔 Also this line: "So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone." Jungkook is evolving.

🖤 What We Had - Sody

This would have fit the last chapter so much but I just discovered this song and I think this also kinda represents what Jungkook feels about the whole OC x Hobi situation. We see he's bettering himself in that he's trying to walk away from the situation and deal with his emotions alone instead of exploding in ocs face bc that is toxic. And he's very open about his feelings, communication is key in a healthy relationship. But still, he is jealous bc he loves oc and therefore obviously doesn't want to imagine her with another man. "I know I'm being selfish and I've got no right but I can't help thinking about you tonight. And I don't wanna say it 'cause I know it's bad but I don't want somebody having what we had. I know I'm being stupid but I just can't stop thinking that you're with somebody and I'm not." Also this part: "I've still got the pictures from the memories that we once made, can't seem to let them go, I thought that we'd grow old. Down to see you happy but I don't want to see you happy without me."

🖤 I Hate You, Don't Leave Me - Demi Lovato

I feel like this represents oc's feelings really well, like the way she's torn between wanting him back and struggling to forgive him. "I hate you, don't leave me. 'Cause I love when you kiss me. I'm in pieces, you complete me. But I can't back down, no, I can't deny that I'm staying now 'cause I can't decide, confused and scared." The song even talks about the physical touch part with which oc is struggling as well, wanting to be held by kook but at the same time being scared of what his touch ignites in her. "I hate you, don't leave me. I feel like I can't breathe. Just hold me, don't touch me." Also the ending of this chapter really felt like oc was trying to make sure that jk knows that she needs him and that it's definitely not fully over eventhough she's so torn. "I admit, I'm in and out of my head. [...] Just hear me out before you run away 'cause I can't take this pain, no. [...] Been abandoned, and I'm scared now. I can't handle another fall out, I'm fragile."

🖤 Side of My Heart - Katelyn Tarver

Same as with the song before. Oc struggling with her feelings. "Half of me wants to come over and spill every thought that's inside of my head. Half of me wants to unlearn every turn that would take to get into your bed. One foot on the gas, one foot on the brakes. One out the door and one trying to stay. [...] I can start telling myself once we get through the mess, we'll be stronger for it. But then I start thinking that if I was stronger, I wouldn't put up with your shit. One minute I'm sad, the next I feel crazy." And this "I need you all the way here or all the way gone", how oc got angry for a sec when jk told her he's leaving again.

Sorry these are getting longer everytime, I'm invested haha 😢✌

Okay first of all never apologize for your song recs getting long! Please I love them so much, you could sent in a whole novel and I would read every single letter of it 🥺💜  

 Strangers - FLETCHER

Okay first of all that song has such JKMusic vibes, which just adds a whole level of flavour to it omfg 🤧 Also no joke this is literally so them ommgmg. Like when the reader is all like “help why is it so weird talking to him? what happened?” that song could play in the background omfg 🤧😔 but also omfg this line “No time's the right time to reach out but here I go [...] all the things we said and couldn't take back, swear I never meant it, and I hate that I hurt you.” is so Jungkook and him struggling to reach out to here for months 😔

No Right To Love You - Rhys Lewis

I don’t even know what part to quote because the whole entire song is basically Jungkook in this chapter. Holy shit :( I am acHING HAHAHHAH you don’t even know how many times I listened to that song while I was writing this chapter. And then you go and rec it and I am just like 😩 we are sharing a braincell anonie 😔

Mirrors - Justin Timberlake

I don’t know what I should add here anonie. Your description and the lyrics you chose are literally perfect. There is nothing to add here other than :(( I am bIG SAD :(( 

What We Had - Sody

YES OMFG! First of all I 100% agree with you that this also fits perfectly with chapter 24 😔 also lisTEN HOW DO YOU FIND SONGS THAT JUST FIT SO 

R I G H T???

Like I am literally blown away, it’s freaking amazing and I am :( Also omfg this part “I've still got the pictures from the memories that we once made, can't seem to let them go.” if that isn’t them both realising that they both carried a part of the other with them. OC with the half-finished tattoo and the polaroid and JK with the finished drawing :( I am soBBING

I Hate You, Don't Leave Me - Demi Lovato

😭😭😭 anonie lisTEN I AM GOING TO SMOOCH YOU hfhdshfh your description, the parts you quoted I am just wOw I couldn’t have said it better. Fuck you saying “ she wants to be held by kook but at the same time being scared of what his touch ignites in her.” I am ACHING 😭😭 aLSO THIS PART “Been abandoned, and I'm scared now. I can't handle another fall out.” if that isn’t her being all scared of giving in I am :(

Side of My Heart - Katelyn Tarver

This song is so beautiful omg, I teared up hahahah hELP lisTEN I am :( this shows her struggle so well, like especially that part “I need you all the way here or all the way gone [...] I want you to go and I want you to stay.” this made me think of when they were all like “guess that’s it then, the end of our relationship” and yet neither one of them stood up and left because deep down they both didn’t want their relationship to end. I am a broKEN WOMAN 😭

Thank you so much anonie, listening to those songs literally just made my day. I mean lol they did tug at my heartstrings, but it was a good kinda tug 🤧 seriously I appreciate you so much, I love you lots my lovely anonie 🥺💜💕

[xerox-candybar]

Fırst of all, @dauntless-sakura, I think you are awesome for setting and sticking to boundaries and for showing good sense despite the unhelpful adults around you. I wish I had your good sense and bravery at that age! Thank you so much for sharing your experience and your insight into this.

i definitely internalized this idea that when men push boundaries, they should get sympathy - or worse, rewarded - as if they were doing something brave and admirable. I wanna say that sometimes the most brave and admirable thing you can do is respect the wishes of others + accept you can't have what you want all the time, but that is literally the bare minimum that you should do and we do not deserve cookies for doing the bare minimum.

i had a really difficult time breaking up with my first boyfriend, because knowing how/why to end relationships is also a skill you develop over time. at 17, i knew it was theoretically possible to fall out of love with someone, but i'd yet to experience it yet so i had trouble believing i would heal (if that makes sense.) the guy and i "stayed friends" so we broke up and got back together several times over the course of 2-3 years.

after we broke up, he did some odd things that i recognize now as beginning boundary pushing. he was in college out of state and i was still a senior in hs. it was a given that we'd meet up any time he came home for breaks. He was only 2-3 hours away so he visited for most of them.

he had a habit of just SHOWING UP AT MY HOUSE expecting me to drop everything, rather than engaging with my attempts to make plans as though he needed demonstrative proof of how important he was. (ex: "if you would like to hang out during your winter break, I am free Jan 10 weekend. Jan 17 i have a school trip, and I need Sunday night to rest and do homework.") he came over Sun night when i explicitly stated that i needed time for self care. likewise he went silent for months and suddenly started calling me again during spring midterms, in the middle of the night.

when he came home for the summer, I told him I didn't want to hang out with him. it was really difficult to be honest because it felt like i didn't have a right to ask what i was asking. I felt like no adult in my life would back me up if i said "i do not want to be friends my ex, or see him. Certainly not right now - possibly ever again." even with all that aforementioned evidence and more. the conversation was awful and terrible and I started by making polite excuses ("I'll be busy with work this summer. I won't have a lot of time to hang out") and either he didn't get the picture or he felt entitled to interrogate me about my entire summer itinerary but it ended in a fight (over AIM because I am old.)

things got super weird, like parents trying to get involved (i got a $100 gift certificate as a graduation gift from ex's mom, with a card talking about how "nice" i was and the word "nice" writ in large, passive aggressive letters & underlined 3 times). he printed out our chat logs and shared them with people who all thought i was a bitch, apparently. (i did not keep the gift card. I split it and gave it to the two teachers who wrote my college rec letters. It felt like dumping a body)

I dunno, man. i'm not saying all this to be bitter but I am saying that to underscore how disappointing adults can be.

most of my relationships with men have ended in a similar way. I've asked them not to contact me or asked for space, and suddenly that's when they decide they love me / want me to meet their parents / to pick out furniture together etc etc blech. And this pattern of behavior is doubly bad because the more it propogates, the more it incentives people to dramatic action like breaking up and/or play 'hard to get' even if they know (or at least recognize on some level) they should be doing something more responsible like actually putting work into their relationship. And the more we see it hape

Unfortunately sometimes hearing the word "no" makes people think they are at the climax of a love story when... Like... That's a fictional trope you are allowed to enjoy, but only if you can separate fantasy from reality. You certainly cannot inflict it on other people.

valentine’s day is coming up and I’d like to share a story with you from back when I was in seventh grade.

okay, so there was a boy in my grade who we’ll call Jack. (that’s not his real name, because of privacy reasons.) Jack was more-or-less the stereotypical middle school jock. arrogant, athletic, rich, white, and as far as I’m aware, cishet. he’s nice enough in class, the teachers like him, and several people found him attractive.

now, I shared two classes with this guy. math and gym. we’d always kind of operated in separate circles, he had his friends, I had mine, we rarely interacted unless we had to.

until one day, in gym class, he asked me out.

I’m not sure, to this day, if it was a prank (I wasn’t exactly the most well-liked person in the school) or if he was being serious. nevertheless, I said no.

Jack didn’t like that. he asked again. I said no. and again. I said no. he tried to hug me while the teacher’s back was turned, after I asked him to leave me alone. the girls in the class just laughed when I turned to them for help and said it was cute. they thought I was just playing hard-to-get, as girls my age were ‘expected’ to do.

eventually I ended up in the girls’ bathroom, the one place I knew he couldn’t go.

my (male) gym teacher eventually yelled at me to get out and come back to class. he also said it was just petty teasing and that I shouldn’t worry about it and just ignore him. even my mother said that it was just ‘boys being boys’ and that I should be ‘flattered’ that he ‘liked’ me.

I still think about that to this day. I’d heard about ‘no means no’ and harassment, and catcalling, and boys forcing themselves on girls, but that day was the first time I experienced a little sliver of what that was like. and it felt horrible. nobody took me seriously when I tried to tell them, he wouldn’t leave me alone until I physically had to leave the area, and my own fucking mother said that I should be grateful.

(this is also the guy I later decked in the face after he made fun of me for being autistic. I have no regrets. none. sorry not sorry.)

so please, please, PLEASE I beg you, do NOT force yourself on people. do NOT treat patriarchal and objectification-culture as a cute joke. when we say no, we mean NO. and this doesn’t only go for girls. it can happen to men and non-binary people too. we are NOT playing coy, or just being hard-to-get. your constant asking and pestering will get you a cold shoulder at best, or, more realistically, a swift kick in the stomach. if you want to ask someone out, ask them ONCE. not twice, not ‘a few times until they relent’, not an extra “are you sure”. and if they say no, leave them the FUCK alone.

you don’t get to push us around.. we are not your romance playthings. we do not owe you SHIT.

(if I see radfems/misandrists interacting with this post, it’s a block on sight. this is not a male-hating post, this is a victims-of-all-genders-supporting post.)