#just thinking about this raises my cortisol and gives me a lump in my throat

[shalom-iamcominghome]

This past class, my class was at a shul for touring.

They had a torah scroll they saved from the nazis. It was over two hundred years old at the time, discarded by the nazis in a huge pile of similar scrolls. Miraculously, it was saved - still usable. And they use it still. Children read from it now, mostly, when it's time for them to declare they will live a jewish life.

With or without permission and approval, the people of israel live and will live jewish lives.

[iamthestrangerinmoscow]

could you elaborate on how T has revealed that some gender stereotypes are actually true for a lot of people?

Okay so before I try to give an explanation, I wanna give a caveat that by ‘stereotypes are true’ I don’t mean it applies to every single high-testosterone or high-estrogen individual - it means that there is a statistically significant difference between the two. Example: high-T people are taller than high-E people. Statistically it is true, but in practice you can easily find a cis non-intersex woman who is taller than an average cis non-intersex men.

Basically the consensus of modern science is that sex hormones do not influence an adult’s gender identity or sexual orientation, but they do influence their patterns of thinking and behavior. That’s the stuff I was skeptical about. I know hormones shape some parts of our brains during development in the womb, but I didn’t believe that testosterone equals less crying or more visually-focused attraction, for example. Well, I changed my mind.

It’s not that surprising to me, to be honest, especially after I took endocrinology as an elective and learned that hormones and neurotransmitters are constantly in interaction. There are some straight forward examples of this (CRH increases ACTH, ACTH increases cortisol, cortisol decreases CRH and ACTH) and there are some more complicated (testosterone and oxytocin aren’t friends so testosterone levels are lower in fathers who just started taking care of a baby). And yes sometimes hormones influence things such as emotions and thought processes and behavior.

Going back to the examples I gave in the second paragraph. I haven’t cried once since I’ve started T. I’ve felt sad or angry, I’ve had meltdowns, I was overwhelmed, etc - but not once in those four months have tears dropped down my face. I used to cry all the time, once a week at least. Hell, I cried twice the week I started T! It used to be so easy. Now whenever I feel a strong emotion, I get the usual ‘symptoms’ - my breathing changes, there’s a lump in my throat, etc - but no tears come out of my eyes. And I doubt it’s because stereotypes tell me ‘men don’t cry’. They told me that pre-T and I’d still cry (and then feel terrible about it cause fuck that saying).

The likely explanation? Testosterone interact with cortisol, the stress hormone - it changes its pattern of secretion and generally lowers it somewhat. That’s probably why many trans guys begin to feel ‘more chill’ on T. And since a specific pattern of cortisol is one of the things that causes emotional tears, high testosterone makes you less likely to cry. Does that mean we should shame men for crying? Fuck no! However it explains, in part, where the stereotype comes from - why crying began to be associated with women, I mean.

The second example, visually-based attraction. It is a stereotype that men care more about looks than anything else. Porn use statistics seem to confirm that. Some trans guys say their sexual orientation changed on T, and while I don’t think it has that much to do with the hormone, I do think the quality of attraction really changes. I used to not care about looks at all. And I used to be a very infrequent porn user. Now I catch myself staring at women on the streets (and men... but women more often tbh) and I have to stop myself from going on pornhub every other day. And it’s something that happened in a span of 2-3 months. 

I’ll be honest, I don’t know what kind of hormone interaction leads to this. Based on what I’ve read, I think it’s because sexual attraction becomes more... separate? Like High-E people tend to experience sexual and romantic attraction at the same time, and since looks are less important in romantic attraction, a certain personality or status of a person becomes a more important factor. And high-T people have more of a delay before they start paying attention to romantic attraction, so the sexual feelings (for which appearance is more important) dominate. 

Also it is absolutely true that T increases sex drive. It does. Very strongly. I already had a high sex drive to begin with, now it is literally hard to handle sometimes. So yes, high-T people do tend to care more about sex. Our brains and bodies are telling us to and it is not a bad thing. We hsould just teach boys and men how to handle it well (and not be assaulter and rapists, goddamned it). 

Testosterone also raises dopamine. High-T people are more passionate, more obsessive, more likely to be risk-takers or addicts, etc - all because of this connection. I feel it too. I am more confident now, as in I am more likely to risk something if I anticipate a reward. It allowed me to finally break through a lot of elements of my social anxiety. It isn’t true that T increases violence, but since most crimes are crimes of passion, I think it explains at least in part why the overwhelming majority of murderers and rapists are cis men. Again, not excusing this behavior at all - it just makes sense.

Like I’ve said testosterone isn’t friends with oxytocin, so now that I am on T I’m somehow even less interested in social behavior my brain sees as not rewarding. I used to crave ‘being normal’, as in, socializing with strangers and whatnot - now I don’t fucking care. I still value my family and friends very much, but my brain doesn’t reward me for making new connections, for example. And it is a subtle thing, but it is noticeable. 

I can go on for a long time, but what I want people who read this to take away from my reply is - don’t dismiss scientific knowledge because it seems sexist or whatever. I’ve made this mistake and I was wrong. The way we interpret data very well can be influenced by sexism and stereotypes, but we can’t automatically reject something because it fits a stereotype. Hormones do influence thoughts, feelings and behavior! It’s a fact of biology. It doesn’t mean bad behavior should be allowed or encouraged. It doesn’t mean we should enforce stereotypes and punish people for not following them. No. Absolutely not.

What it does mean is that high-T people and high-E people (generalizing for like 95% of our population, we can say cis men and cis women) are different! It’s a statistical difference, so it doesn’t apply to all men or all women, but it is a difference! And it’s okay! Men cry less than women not just because they are taught not to do it. Women love socializing and making new connection not just because they are taught to do it. Biological difference between sexes is a real thing. It’s not black and white (nothing in biology is black and white) but it is a thing.

And while anecdotal evidence is generally not real evidence, in my case, my own experience allowed me to look at data with less of a bias, and I’m glad I did, because this shit is fascinating and we should study it more.