#just think humans have a tendency to leap before they look and... I'd like to spend more time really trying to weigh what might be lost | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wonwoonlight · 3 years ago

Text

Hi, Wonwoo | Jeon Wonwoo

➝ Wonwoo x fem!Reader

➝ word count: 7400~ words.

➝ slice of life // strangers to lovers // slow-paced romance

➝ inspired by: The Reason Why I Thought I'd Die - Mika Nakashima, and this was actually requested by anon ^^ also, The Only Exception by Paramore. Was listening to Chaeng's cover of it on youtube while i was working on this and i just realized it fits haha

➝ warning: some cursing, food, Wonwoo is v alone D:, that's about it i think? lmk if there's more.

A/N: hi, guys! been so long since i posted a long one? frankly, I've been working on this since somewhere during May and the plan was to finish it and post it on Wonwoo's birthday. but well, there was certain conditions that didnt allow me to write and...here we are ^^ honestly, I am not too sure about this fic because it's very... slice of life? i guess? there's nothing really exciting going on, i feel like. but anyway! i'm pretty happy w how this turns out and i hope you like it too.

The reason why I thought I'd die is because my shoelace got undone

And I'm not good at connecting things together, the same goes with human relationships

Wonwoo has gotten so many shits by engaging in human interactions that he completely believes there’s really no one out there that he can lean on, let alone trust.

From his fucked-up parents, schoolmates who always said shit about him because of them, to teachers who did nothing to stop them, Wonwoo basically has no one in his side. He did, once, a friend who ended up betraying his trust for a show.

Wonwoo doesn’t wish to think about him ever again.

After that, Wonwoo has decided once is enough. There’s no need to risk his trust once more only to be broken later on because it’s such a waste of his time and energy. It might seem like a big leap after meeting a bad friend once, but Wonwoo would rather not take a risk.

There are exactly 2 things in his life that Wonwoo’s grateful for: being a part of broken family is rough, but Wonwoo’s thankful at least he’s an only child so he can just leave once he’s old enough without having to worry about a sibling that he has to take on.

Next, he’s also grateful that he knows better than to follow the steps of his alcoholic father nor his mother who’s practically a con. Despite seeing them and their shitty tendencies for about half of his life, Wonwoo’s grateful his moral stays intact even though his faith in humanity doesn’t.

Today, the list gets an addition after years of staying still.

Wonwoo’s grateful that he finally has enough money to move from the basement he has resided for years since he ran away from home—a very humble place that he was able to rent out of the little money he had managed to save up from working part time here and there once he’s in high school.

That said, Wonwoo’s been living there for at least 6 years now; he couldn’t afford a better place during university even though he’s earned a lot more than before because he had to pay for university stuffs despite his scholarship. Even so, Wonwoo doesn’t look back once he finds a much better place with a fairly cheap rent even though it’s a little far off the city.

Anything’s better than this hellhole that always reminds him of his pathetic life, than this place that brings back memories of his parents because they’re the only reason he’s living in that basement to begin with.

Wonwoo lets out a scoff at the thought; living is such a big word. He does not live, Wonwoo just survives—not live. But it’s okay because he doesn’t see why he should get out of his way to live. He’s just going to continue surviving until his body gives up, no catch whatsoever. It’s a little empty, but he has decided it’s better than temporary happiness with future disappointment looming over him after some time.

Wonwoo looks up at the building in front of him with a full backpack and a medium carrier in tow, there aren’t much stuffs to move because he doesn’t have a lot to begin with. The only thing he has moved first prior to the final moving day is his blanket and two worn-out paddings because they would take a lot of space in his bag if he didn’t move them first.

He walks up the stairs, because the building doesn’t have an elevator and his place is just on the 5th floor. He’d just consider this a work out and be done with it. Wonwoo doesn’t have the luxury of complaining, after all.

“Hello,” a soft voice calls to him when he’s looking through his backpack for his key.

Wonwoo wordlessly stares and assumes you’re his new neighbor, not that it matters. He has no plan on making friends or even acquaintances with anyone here. Why should he? You just happen to stay in the same building, that’s it.

“Are you the new neighbor?” you ask again, still smiling despite Wonwoo’s silence. So, he nods out of courtesy as he continues to rummage through his bag for his key. “I live two doors next to yours, don’t hesitate to knock if you ever need help, okay?”

Another silence.

You leave after telling him your name, already knowing he won’t give yours. Once he comes in and settles on his mattress, Wonwoo wonders when was the last time someone has ever told him it’s nice to meet him.

It’s been two weeks since Wonwoo moves to this building and he has caught you five more times since that first encounter. You never miss to greet him a ‘hi’ accompanied with a smile even though Wonwoo never answers back.

Wonwoo isn’t sure what about your smile that always makes his days a little more bearable.

The sixth time Wonwoo sees you, it’s because your knocking on his door wakes him up from his nap on a weekend.

“Hi, I’m sorry to bother you.” Your smile is a little different this time, he notices, a little embarrassed and hesitant compared to your sweet, confident smile you usually use to greet him. “But… can you help me? My sink is leaking a little and I’m not sure how to fix it. I usually ask Mr. Kim down the hall but he’s out of town and, uh, yeah.”

Wonwoo still doesn’t say anything, but he’s not an asshole and the old basement he’s used to live in has taught him how to fix leaking sinks more than he would��ve liked. So, he just silently walks away to get some tools he thinks he’d need and then puts on his shoes before he wordlessly stands in front of you, giving you a silent sign that he’s going to help.

There’s no loss in helping someone who’s genuinely smiled at him more than anyone ever does.

You just kind of fidget as he goes to fix the leak on your sink, but Wonwoo realizes it’s not the same uncomfortable way people usually do in his presence. You’re just a little awkward and somewhat unsure; there’s no sign of you feeling uncomfortable.

When Wonwoo’s done, he tries the sink a few more time to make sure the leaking has stopped and then nods at you once he’s sure all is good.

“Thank you so much.” There goes your usual smile, Wonwoo notes to himself. “I… uhh…”

He looks at you in question, wondering if there are other problems that need fixing.

“I… just finished cooking earlier and I think I made too much so, uhh, would you like to eat some? Or maybe take some with you? As a thank you and apology for bothering you?”

Wonwoo blinks, the corner of lips lifting in the slightest at the way you’re flustered for no reason at all. He immediately coughs to cover it, though, probably the most sound you’ve ever heard from.

You seem to get that Wonwoo’s about to reject, so you quickly turn away to get another plate and move some of the fried rice from your pan to the plate and hand it to him.

“Just… put the plate in front of my door when you’re done, okay?” you tell him.

When he gets back to his apartment, Wonwoo puts down the plate on the small table where he usually eats at. He simply stares at the fried rice in front of him, your smile and your words of gratitude ringing through his mind. As if on cue, his stomach starts to rumble out of hunger.

He sighs before he finally gives in to his hunger. Wonwoo doesn’t want to owe anyone anything, but you did say this is your way of saying thank you because he’s helped fixing your sink. He’ll just take your kindness this one time and move on from it.

Why should he starve himself when there’s a perfectly cooked meal in front of him?

Once he’s done with his food, it is only then that Wonwoo tries to remember when was the last time he’s eaten a homecooked meal.

He can’t.

The next time he sees you, Wonwoo has just got back from his grocery shopping. You’re looking at the box in front of you, biting your lip as you ponder silently to yourself. Wonwoo assumes you’re thinking about how to carry the big box in front of you full of baking supplies. He knows those weight a lot from a part time job he did once upon a time.

You turn to him when you realize someone’s beside you. He thinks you’ll say something about the heavy weight in front of you, maybe hint at him to help you with it. But you just let out a ‘Hi’ with a smile before proceeding to pick it up yourself and walk with the heavy load with wobbling legs.

Wonwoo doesn’t even realize he’s caught up with you, doesn’t know what pushes him to tap your shoulder and holds out his arm to take the box from you.

You stare at him, confused, but Wonwoo simply takes it from you and hands you his much lighter grocery bag.

“Oh—oh, thank you,” you say, and Wonwoo can tell you feel bad for making him do this. “I ordered these online and I forgot to think about carrying them upstairs.”

The walk up has been a bit awkward for you, but Wonwoo guesses it’s because you, much like any other people, feel the need to fill silence. He doesn’t see the need to do so, he’s just going to consider this as an extra exercise and leave it there. Plus, you do live in the same floor, anyway.

And, if he’s being completely honest, he still feels the need to give you something back for making him eat a proper homecooked meal after so long.

“I can take it inside,” you smile again at him, the same sweet smile he’s already used to now. He wonders what makes you never stop smiling at him despite his consistency of never returning them. “Thank you…”

“Wonwoo,” he says, surprising not only you but also himself.

You give him another smile, something close to a grin, a bigger one than before. “Thank you, Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo has never heard someone say his name with so much gentleness until right now.

A few days later, he opens his door only to find a paper bag hung on his door knob from the outside. He opens it to find a plastic container with breads in it, a yellow post-it plastered on top.

Wonwoo doesn’t.

Hi, Wonwoo!

Thank you for helping me the other day.

I purposely baked a lot so I can give you some ^^

Take this as a token of gratefulness?

You can give me back the container when you’re finished :D

p.s. I hope you like chocolate?

He doesn’t like anything sweet in general.

Not until he eats the bread filled with chocolate later that afternoon during his lunch break and many more after that.

For whatever reason, you have made this a habit that Wonwoo isn’t sure what to make of.

At least once a week you’d knock on his door and give him food, telling him you made too much once again. And twice a week, you’d leave the product of your baking on his door with different post-its on top of the container.

It’s the most someone has taken care of him and he doesn’t know what to do.

But he does know those post-its always lift the corner of his lips even a little and reading them becomes a therapeutic action he does everyday. He keeps them all neatly in his little notebook, gluing them with a tape. He’d randomly open a page to see which one of your writing would greet him that day before he ready himself for bed.

All of your memo starts the same, with a ‘Hi, Wonwoo!’ and it’s kind of crazy that Wonwoo can imagine your smile and your voice everytime he reads them. He frowns as he wonders if you do this to other people, too.

Hi, Wonwoo!

This one’s not chocolate but sugar :D

though I still don’t know if you like chocolate?

anyway, I hope you enjoy these

bc theyre experimental ;;

He shakes himself at the thought.

What on earth did he let himself into?

The first time your smile doesn’t comfort Wonwoo is when he finds you drenched from head to toe as he goes out to put his trash bag in front of his door so he doesn’t forget to throw them away tomorrow.

It’s been raining hard since earlier and your condition only proves that further. He accidentally catches your eyes, but you just forcefully smile at him as you pass by.

He sees your step halting as the thunder roars loudly anad you visibly flinch. From where he’s at, he can see the way your palms are balling into fists.

Before he knows it, he’s standing in front of you, not knowing what to say nor what to do. He can safely assume why your body reacts that way earlier and, if anything, the lightning that bursts through the night once again only proves his theory right when you step closer to him out of reflex.

“Do you…” he hesitantly says, letting his body work first and think later. Maybe it’s the amount of time you’ve shown genuine interest in him, or the way you treat him kindly without hoping anything in return. Whatever it is, seeing you like this tugs something within him. “Should I accompany you until the rain stops?”

You sniff slightly, both from the cold and your fear of thunder. “Please?”

He quickly locks his door then follows you to your place. You tell him to sit down while you go wash up, your voice the smallest he has ever heard you speak. You’ve asked him to turn on the heater earlier, so he does exactly that before settling awkwardly on the sofa.

Why did he even offer to stay with you? What could he even do to comfort you?

Wonwoo groans from the inside, what does he even know about comfort? Didn’t he promise himself he’s not going to waste his time engaging in this... human relationships ever again?

Sure, you’ve been kind to him more than anyone ever has—even more than the guy Wonwoo used to call friend before, but that doesn’t mean it’s a green light to let you into his life.

Who knows if you’re kind to everyone and he’s just one of many? Who knows if he’s just a charity case to you? His heart aches a little at the thought, but he figures if you’re really treating him like a charity case, at least you’re not using him for anything.

He sighs at the realization and rubs his face with his palms. What the fuck is wrong with him, thinking about a girl he barely knows just because she’s been giving him food?

“I’m sorry to drag you into this,” your voice breaks his chain of thoughts, and Wonwoo automatically turns to where you’re at; your hair still wet from the shower and you’re wearing a long pajama pants with a sweater that’s probably a size too big for you. “I just… I don’t have a good relationship with thunder.”

Wonwoo simply nods—because what else is he supposed to say? Is he supposed to ask why?

“I’ll just… dry my hair first,” you say again, opening the door next to the bathroom to get into your room.

Your place is more or less identical as his; the kitchen near the front door, and then next to it is the door to the bathroom, then there’s another door that leads to the bedroom. Other than your room, Wonwoo can see everything from where he’s sitting at in the supposedly living room.

He hears the faint sound of hairdryer, wondering once again what is he doing here. If he thinks about it, it is really pretentious of him to ask if you want his company. He has never even really spoken to you before this, only nods of acknowledgements and a few ‘thank you’ on the rare days that you catch him putting the paper bag with your plastic container in it on your doorknob.

But there’s just something about your defeated smile earlier that pulls the string of his heart; something that he hasn’t felt in so long. Wonwoo doesn’t think he has the right to pity others when his own life isn’t grand to say the least. He barely even has his life together—only getting by. Yet when he sees your state earlier, he can’t help but feel like he wants to do something to help.

He snickers inwardly at the thought; he doesn’t even have any plan to better his life and he wants to help you?What a joke.

“Hi Wonwoo,” your usual greeting calls him, once again pulling him out of his thought. “Thank you for offering to stay with me.”

“Um, yeah,” he exclaims dumbly. What the fuck is he supposed to say in this situation? He doesn’t think there’s ever a time in his life where he’s comforting other people, let alone having other people comfort him. Jeon Wonwoo has little to no reference whatsoever.

You seem to get it, though. Because you don’t look annoyed, at least not to his eyes. For reasons that Wonwoo doesn’t understand, you don’t seem to be bothered by his inability to engage in a conversation; which is a first because everyone always gets annoyed and that’s how he has managed to keep them out of his life.

But not you, apparently.

“I’m… I’ve always been scared of thunder,” you say again, breaking the silence. “I’m not even sure how I come into it, but they just scare me so much that I’d always need someone with me during rainstorms.”

“Uh,” he starts hesitantly after he clears his throat. “What… do you usually do about it?”

You seem like you’re hesitant to tell him, so Wonwoo stays silent and hope you get that he doesn’t mind if you don’t want to tell him. “I try to distract myself. But as long as there’s someone beside me, it’s enough comfort even if the fear is still there. So, thank you, really. You being here is already comforting me.”

His throat tightens at your words, Wonwoo’s been called a lot of names before, has been told a lot of things to the point where he’s immune to insults from years of receiving them unprovoked. But no one has ever told him he’s their comfort and he has never expected to be called as such, too.

Even right now, Wonwoo’s doing nothing but sit beside you in silence. It doesn’t make sense that you’re thanking him for comforting you.

“I know you probably think you haven’t done anything,” you say as if you can read his mind. “But trust me when I say your presence brings comfort to me more than you’d imagine.”

Wonwoo doesn’t trust you, but he pretends to nod in understanding because there’s a gentle smile in your face as you look at him in the eyes.

The rain is still falling hard outside and he can still feel the chilly air despite the heater, and yet, Wonwoo feels warm inside.

No one ever smiles at him as warmly as you do.

When Wonwoo comes to, it’s morning and the rain hasn’t stopped—they’re just drizzle, though, making the atmosphere a little cold but pleasingly so. He cracks his neck a little, his back also hurting from sleeping while sitting down. Did he fall asleep on the sofa?

“Good morning?” a voice calls to him from the side. “I’m sorry for making you stay the night. But thank you for staying with me.”

Wonwoo turns to the voice and finds you looking at him with a hesitant smile and… is that a hint of red your cheeks? He rubs the sleep away from his eyes, he must’ve just imagined it.

He stands up, figuring it’s okay now and he can go back to his place. Thank God it’s weekend.

“Would…” you stop him from walking to the door. “Would it be okay if you stay and have breakfast with me? I’ve made some already.”

Wonwoo glances at the plates on the table, a stack of pancakes visible from where he’s at. Wonwoo is a pretty simple man, he does what he likes and not do what he doesn’t like. Right now, he doesn’t like the way you’re fidgeting, as if afraid he’ll say no.

So Wonwoo nods and sits down next to you on the small dining table. He’s surprised to find himself answering your questions about his job and whatnots, small talks that he usually avoids but now doesn’t have the heart to because you don’t seem like you’re asking just for the sake of it.

He’s also surprised to find himself enjoying this time he shares with you. He’s found out that you work in a bakery, hence why you often bake and give him some because he ‘looks like someone who’ll appreciate it’. He’s also found that you’re bad at eating spicy food despite liking them with all your heart, that you play with your thumbs when you’re nervous, and that your lips jut forward when you’re too deep in thought.

It all happens so naturally to the point where he doesn’t even realize it’s a routine for you to knock on his door and bring food to have dinner in his place and for him to go look for you when the rain starts falling a little too hard.

He doesn’t realize that his gaze often stays a few seconds too long when looking at you, that his skin tingles everytime you’re close to him, that he has started to mirror your smile everytime you give him one.

“Why do you not smile?” you’ve asked one day after eating with him a few more times, assuming you’re now close enough not to offend him.

Wonwoo shrugs, stirring the instant noodle in front of him. “Just not used to it, I guess.”

By now, you’ve probably sensed he is all by himself, that he doesn’t have anyone with him and there’s a reason why he was skeptical about letting you in at the beginning. Thankfully, you never ask about it and never bring it up. Wonwoo’d like to think it’s your way of accepting that part of him.

You frown at his answer, unsure how to reply to that. “Well, get used to it.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to see you smile?”

Your words make his heart skips a beat, a feeling that he’s very unfamiliar with, but Wonwoo brushes it away and chooses not to dwell on it. He forces his lips to go up even though his eyes are blank, and you laugh at his forced smile. “Not like that!”

“That’s the best I can do.” He shrugs again nonchalantly before he digs in to his bowl. You’ve stayed silent at that, and when Wonwoo looks up at you again, you’re staring at him with something close to determination. “What?”

“I’ll make it my mission to make you smile,” you say very seriously, crossing your arms in front of your chest as if to make a point that you’re not playing around. “Maybe even laugh.”

Wonwoo lets out an incredulous scoff at that, not believing you’d take it so seriously. It’s not one that makes you feel bad, though, just enough to let you know he’s amused.

“Oh?” you exclaim with an excited grin. “See? That’s close to a smile already. I will succeed, I’m telling you.”

And you do, barely two weeks later, because how can he not smile when you profusely apologize to the point where you’re close to tears for falling into him on the stairs?

You’ve been too deep in your thoughts that you miss a step and, when you realize what’s happening, it’s way too late to catch your balance. Thankfully, Wonwoo’s on the right place in the right time, having just come in from work when he catches you blankly going down the stairs.

He’s just watched, wondering if he can catch your attention without doing anything. But when he notices your foot misses its hold, he’s quick to catch you in his embrace so he’d take the fall (though that’s exaggerating because he’s able to catch his balance with you in his arms). It has taken you a few seconds to realize what’s happened, hastily pulling away from him with panic as you make sure he’s fine.

You apologize over and over again, almost crying that Wonwoo has to calm you down and tell you all is fine. And he really is fine, because it’s not like he falls down, he just braces your weight and he manages not to fall backwards doing so.

What’s not fine, though, is the way he’s started to crave being in your proximity. It takes you almost falling down the stairs that he has no choice but pull you into his arms to realize he doesn’t simply enjoy your friendship. It only takes him that few seconds of closeness to keep him up at night, wondering how it feels to have you close to him everyday and night.

After that, you’ve started to use it as an excuse to eat with him practically everyday except for the days where he works late or you’re too tired from work. You’ve told him it’s your way of easing your guilt and you honestly say it gets lonely to eat by yourself now that you know Wonwoo’s just a few doors away, ready to accompany you.

He doesn’t say it, but he feels the loneliness too now if he’s eating by himself. And that’s not something that Wonwoo knows how to handle because he’s always been alone but never lonely. He’s always thought he’s content with himself, that he’s sick of other people and does not want to risk them wasting his time ever again. But now that he has you with him, he realizes that he never feels lonely because these people never really matter to him, hence the lack of affection or even emotion.

But you do. You matter too much and Wonwoo doesn’t know what he’d do if you suddenly walk out of his life like the handful figures in his life always do.

For the first time in his life, Wonwoo finds himself hoping someone would stay in his life.

“Wonwoo?” you call hesitantly as the guy stares off into space. “Wonwoo, are you okay?”

He’s been ignoring you for quite some time now and, even though you know Wonwoo tends to be quiet, you can tell this isn’t his usual silence. He’s agitated, his body is somewhat tense and his eyes are a little unfocused.

Since the moment you knock on his door to ask if you should order pizza because you’re not in the mood to cook, Wonwoo’s been a little off. You immediately ask if he’d like to be alone, because you know despite the way you’ve managed to close the gap between you and him, Wonwoo’s not there yet when it comes to talking about his feelings.

But Wonwoo has shaken his head and then proceeds to tell you that he, in fact, doesn’t want to be alone. That’s probably the most he has ever bared his feelings to you.

So, you stay.

Even though you might not understand completely and he might not even tell you what’s going on, you stay there just like the way he did before on that fateful night when the rain refused to stop and the thunder kept on striking.

You look at him worriedly, something that he misses because he’s too deep in his thought.

“Should we go outside?” you propose out of nowhere. “Get some snacks then walk around Han River or just the park nearby?”

Wonwoo looks at you with something that is close to confusion, which is something that he’s already used to by now because you often make him do things he never thought he would. The only reason he follows them through is because it’s you.

“It’s a beautiful night,” you shrug, your eyes go to the window as if to make a point and he follows your sight. “And we’ve never gone out, have we? Let’s go outside.”

Thirty minutes later, you’re sitting on a park nearby, sipping canned beers because Han River is actually too far away and you’re just sprouting it to convince Wonwoo to go outside. He hasn’t told you what’s happened, but you happily accept his silence as you whine about work in hope it will distract him even a little.

Wonwoo looks at you from the side, finally smiling a little because he can see what you’re trying to do now. No one has ever cared enough to do this to him before, and it’s not like he has ever let anyone get close enough to do this for him. His heart warms at the way you’re animatedly talking about some of your regulars at the bakery.

“I saw my father today,” he blurts out at last, and he can feel your surprised stare from the side even though he’s looking forward, gaze lost in the empty park. “He… came to my work place, though I don’t know how he found out where I work. Made a scene and asked for money.”

The tight smile in his face is one that you’ve never seen before, one that tells he’s in disbelief and he’s not the least bit amused. “The security actually had to call the police because he refused to leave.”

You reach for his shoulder, your thumb caressing the skin there through his hoodie in hope it will calm him down a little. “How are you feeling?”

Wonwoo looks down on his hands, all sorts of thoughts going through his mind. He’s always thought he’s indifferent regarding his parents, which is why he immediately left the house once he’s of legal age and saved enough money. He’s always thought he doesn’t have any sentiment towards them for him to hate them, he just wants to leave and be done with it.

But today has proved him wrong. He’s not sure if it’s the years he has spent not seeing his parents, or if it’s nothing but a shock reaction, but the sight of his father has brought him into distraught. What if he appears again? What if his dad shows up here and you realize you don’t want to be associated with someone like Wonwoo who has a lot of baggage behind him?

“I… don’t know,” Wonwoo answers truthfully, a sigh passes through his lips.

Jeon Wonwoo has never been good with emotions, mainly because he’s used to the void inside his heart and he’s unfamiliar with the concept of feeling…practically anything. The few stuffs that he’s familiar with are maybe annoyance, because his co-worker is nowhere near competent, thus Wonwoo ends up taking his share of works because their tasks are eventually linked to one another; or maybe frustration, because sometimes he just wants to go home quick and eat dinner with you but the meeting drags on.

And maybe… the tingling inside his chest everytime you smile up at him, or the way his inside churns everytime your finger brushes his.

“Mmm, let me rephrase that, then,” you say, your feet swinging slightly. “How did you feel when he showed up?”

“Mostly annoyed,” he says after a while, looking back down at you. “And then a little disoriented, because even though I’ve always known he’s a shitty person, I’d never thought he’d go out of his way to find me just to ask for money.”

You simply hum at his answer, still swinging your legs back and forth as you contemplate. Wonwoo takes this time to look at you carefully, he’s close enough to count the number of eyelashes if he wants, close enough to finally notice there’s a tiny mole near your lips.

Close enough to wonder what it would be like if your lips are against his.

“Are you not mad?” you cut off his thought with a question instead, and Wonwoo can feel his neck getting warm from embarrassment as if you’ve caught what he’s thinking. He takes a glance of your lips one more time before looking away, a second too long that he hopes you don’t notice.

Wonwoo’s silent for a while before he answers. This is the moment, he realizes. Wonwoo never talks about his family to you because he knows most people say stuffs like families are important, that blood relations are the strongest of them all, and that no matter what, family is family.

He thinks it’s utter bullshit to let people walk all over you just because you’re blood related; but he’s seen the way you fondly talk about your family though it isn’t often. He notices the gleam in your eyes and your happy grin when you say your brother is stupid because he randomly sends you meme with no context whatsoever, notices the way you replay videos of your niece who’s learning how to talk over and over again.

In short, you love your family with all your heart while his is not even functional in the tiniest bit. There would be differences in the way you and him see family, and Wonwoo’s afraid it would affect the relat—whatever’s going on between the two of you. He doesn’t want to ruin it; doesn’t want to lose you over something like this—or anything, for that matter.

A difference in principles isn’t as easily settled as difference in opinions. Wonwoo has never talked about his family not only because he doesn’t care about them enough to talk about them.; he has never talked about them because he doesn’t want to risk losing you.

“Not really… no,” he finally manages to let out. He’d have to face this hurdle sooner or later, might as well do it now while you’ve brought up the topic. “I… don’t care enough about my parents to be angry. For me, what happened was just some sort of a nuisance. But I guess it’s been long since I actually saw him and I was just kind of… distraught.”

Wonwoo braces himself for the family advices, readies himself for disappointment because there’s just no way someone as family-oriented as you are would get what he’s saying.

But you look up to him instead, pondering about something silently before you scoot closer and gently lays your head in his shoulder. Wonwoo tenses a little at the gesture, but doesn’t take long to relax once you put one of your hands on his arm and stroke the material of his hoodie in hope he’d let go of the tension.

He wonders if you’re trying to calm him down before dropping the bomb.

“I don’t love my family because they’re my family, you know?” you say carefully, and you can feel Wonwoo trying to take a look at your face in surprise. “I love my family because they’re good people, because they take care of me and I can tell they love me even though they annoy me sometimes.”

Wonwoo shifts a little in his seat, making you lean a little closer with the top of your head brushing the side of his neck.

He likes this. He likes this a lot.

“So, even though I…have never experienced it myself, I kind of get where you’re coming,” you continue. “I wouldn’t want to be with my family too if they didn’t treat me well. I get that you’re not giving them a free pass to walk over you just because they’re your family—your own parents at that, and I think… I think you’re so strong to be able to do that.”

This time, Wonwoo actually pulls away to see you with his own eyes; to see if you’re just saying it to comfort him even though he knows you’re not that kind of person. You let him be, staring back into his eyes as he searches your face.

When you’re certain Wonwoo’s not going to answer immediately, you dare yourself to reach up your hand and cup his cheek. He flinches a little, not used to the feeling of something so delicate against his skin. He wills himself to stay still, holds back the desire to close his eyes and lean in to your touch.

“You’ve… worked really hard, you know that, right?” you start again, this time without concealing your gaze elsewhere as you will yourself to keep on meeting his eyes. “I can only imagine how hard it must be for you; how lonely, too.”

He’s not really sure what prompts the stinging feeling in his eyes, not sure why his throat tightens and he tries his best to blink back the tears.

“I hate to imagine the amount of time you’ve spent by yourself, Woo.” His heart clenches a little at the nickname, one that slips out from time to time. There were times when he wanted to ask why do you call him Wonwoo sometimes and Woo at others, but he quickly set the question aside just in case it’d make you stop calling him that.

“And I know you’re used to it—that you’re… fine being alone. But I also know it was a rough way to get there. And even though I’m not aware how it came to that, I’m sure you must’ve been so strong to be able to get here by yourself. It’s not an easy feat, Woo. Not everyone can go through whatever you did all alone.”

Wonwoo takes a deep breath, somehow able to blink back the tears even though the knot in his throat is still there. He might not have a lot of experiences with people, but he knows what to expect when this type of topic is brought up. But, of course, you’re you and Wonwoo should’ve known you’d once again prove that you’re never what he expects you to be.

He has expected you telling him to try and talk his father; that he’s still family, after all. He has expected you to tell him to try to open up, that his tendency to keep to himself isn’t good for himself and he needs to go out more.

But this? It has never crossed his mind that anyone would say he’s strong. Maybe pitiful, assumptions of his life being tragic and miserable when people somehow find out he’s alone with no family or friends.

“Thank you,” you whisper through the silence enveloping the both of you, Wonwoo much too overwhelmed to reply.

“For what?” he whispers back, now letting himself bask in the feeling of your palm against his cheek.

“For hanging in there and making it here,” you smile softly, your thumb caresses the apple of his cheek. For a moment there, Wonwoo is convinced all the stars in the night sky are reflected in your eyes. There’s absolutely no way that someone—you are looking at him like he’s the only thing that matters in the whole world, as if he’s someone to be treasured with everything that you’ve got. His mind must be playing tricks on him, what does he know about the way someone looks at another? “For coming into my life.”

In his whole life, Wonwoo firmly believes he was just one of those outcasted people meant to live his life alone. He has never expected anyone to come by and make his life better, has never tried to find that someone either. He has accepted that he��s going to live his life that way because what else could he do, anyway?

But of course, you happen. You step into his life and slowly turn the gears the other way, not to change his way of living—survivingto fit yours but to teach him how to live even a little. A change just enough to let him know that there is happiness he can find in little things like your smile, or your breads, or the dinner you share together even when you barely share words because you both are too tired.

That his life does not have to be so dim, after all, and he doesn’t need to achieve something big to be happy.

Wonwoo never aims for happiness; sometimes he laughs at the occasion TV shows he happens to catch on boring days, sometimes he’d smile at the stray cats he sees on the side of the street as he pats them softly on the head, sometimes he’d be amused at the words from the book he’s currently reading. That’s about his relationship with happiness before. He hasn’t expected to be happy and he’s never sought it himself.

Obviously, that, too, changes once you’ve made your way in. Wonwoo often finds himself smiling at the thought of you, often opens his notebook full of your post-its to cheer him up during particularly bad nights, often waits for you to knock on his door and ask him to eat dinner together.

Most importantly, Wonwoo often stares at your selfie in his phone that you have taken as a joke through his locked lock screen. He figures you must’ve thought he’d delete it immediately once he’s found the picture. But he also figures you’d have no way of knowing he still keeps that picture in his phone and finds himself smiling when he opens his gallery justto take a look at your smile during random times.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks instead, his voice so deep and so small—barely even a whisper.

The words startle not only you but Wonwoo himself. For a second there, he wonders where did the courage come from. But, then again, it has been a very emotional night for him. He’s overwhelmed with all sorts of feelings and this is probably the most Wonwoo ever has to deal with them.

Thus, he’s probably not right in the head.

But you give him a small nod and, before he knows it, he’s already leaning forward to meet your lips. Wonwoo has never felt so warm inside, has never thought it was possible to feel content to this extend—or at all. But that’s what he’s feeling right now and, as if he’s not dysfunctional enough already, he can feel the circuits of his brain going out when your fingers move from his cheek to the side of his neck, and finally settling on his shoulders after trailing fire down his skin in the most pleasant way imaginable.

The kiss feels both so quick and so long; his arms have somehow wounded themselves around your waist and when you pull apart, you immediately dive into his neck to hide your embarrassment just so you can avoid his inspecting eyes. Unexpectedly, the sound of his laughter rings through the empty park and you softly hit his chest even though you can feel that Wonwoo’s neck also getting warm from embarrassment.

“Don’t laugh!” you mumble in his hold, your voice muffled by the material of his hoodie.

“Didn’t you say it was your mission to make me laugh?” he jokingly reminds you, and then winces a little when you pinch him by the waist to shut him up.

He wants to say that it’s him that should thank you; that it’s him who should be thanking you for coming into his life despite his initial skepticism, for always smiling at him even though he didn’t even return them back at first, for taking care of him with the gentlest heart.

For being you in his life.

But as much as he’s learned that it’s okay to express himself to you, it’s still not something he can voice just yet. So Wonwoo tightens his hold on you a little, and somehow you understand that it’s his way of telling you to look up—which you immediately do.

Wonwoo drops another gentle kiss on your lips once your eyes meet his, hoping you’d get everything he’s trying to say and that he’ll try his best to start voicing his feelings towards you. He’d like to think the way you smile into the kiss is your way of saying that you understand.

That you’ll wait until he gets there.

There’s a shy smile on your face when he opens his eyes again, your lips and his still brushing in the faintest.

Wonwoo is grateful he has you in his life.

The reason why I thought I'd die is because I hadn't met you yet.

And if people like you can exist in this world, then maybe I like it a little after all.

And if people like you are living in this world, then maybe it’s alright to hope a little too.

1K notes · View notes