#just the concept of calling a therapists office to check if they're taking new patients and to set up an appointment makes me freeze up

[goatsorcery]

i haven't been able to afford therapy for years and now that im in a position to afford it i can't bring myself to find a therapist and make an appointment. i just have so much anxiety about my mental health, and about getting help for it, and i've heard so many horror stories of people having bad experiences with therapist and thats in addition to my own bad experiences with doctors where i wasn't believed or listened to about my symptoms/conditions. and on top of all that, id need a therapist thats good with/a part of the lgbt community (id need someone who isn't judgemental of the fact that im non-binary and asexual). the chances of finding someone who's close to where i live, is actually lgbt friendly, has a therapy style that would work for me, and takes my insurance seems so slim i hardly feel like trying. it sucks because i know that therapy (mostly the medication that id be able to get from seeing a therapy/psychiatrist) would help me immensely. but, on the flip side, i've been through a lot recently and ive just gotten to a point where i'm not miserable for the first time in years and honestly even one bad therapy appointment could undo all my progress