#just so frustrated and upset and i wish i didn't have to take stupid medication since i was 11!!!! because it literally helps but ruins your

[cowardlycowboys]

gonna bash my brains in fuck my stupid baka life GOODNIGHT NEW YORK

[pbandjesse]

Today didn't go exactly as planned but it was a really good day. This was a nice little vacation. I didn't spend to much money and i feel really happy. Im sitting in my hotel relaxing and enjoying my night. Im really looking forward to going home though. I miss my cat and my apartment and my boyfriend.

I slept really well last night. I woke up with the sun and I was so cozy with my feather pillows abd blankets. I stayed in bed until 830. Playing on my phone. Being comfy. It was really nice.

I got up and got washed. My makeup looked great. I felt really cute. It was a bit colder today but it was still beautiful. I had breakfast in the hotel's restaurant. I listened to my podcast and just wanted a chill morning.

I got my backpack and headed out into the world. I tried to walk out of the parking lot from the back side and i got turned around and while the veiws were beautiful I was annoyed with myself for going the wrong way.

I walked up to a local park that has a small museum on the property. But it was closed. Thats okay. I kept walking. Then I decided I would go to the Garden of the World. A private park that is set up to emulate different cultural landscapes. Cool.

I walked up to a 711 to make it easier for a lyft to find me. And I got there in less then 15 minutes. California is funny. It would have taken me 2 hours to walk to this place but it was a less then 15 minute drive. Everywhere has been like that. Its bizzare.

But we get out there and its closed. Until 1. Okay im bummed but its fine. Not a huge deal. I walked around that area and found a neat little store and got myself a hair clip that I have had on my wish list for a while. And I got Jess a present. I still had like a half hour until I needed to be at the meeting thing. So I walked.

I ended up finding a really awesome Portuguese cafe and I got their signature pastry which was essentially a warm baked pudding. Almost like a creme brullee. It was great. When I was done I called a car and headed to the meeting.

The gps got confused and me and my driver had some trouble finding the building. But we did it and I was on time. The lady at the front desk wasnt very nice to me. I told her what I was there for. Who I was supposed to meet. And she just said. I dont know what that is is who that is. And i tried to show her my itinerary and she snapped at me. And I was about to get upset but someone leaned over the wall and figured out what was going on and solved the problem. Thank you nice lady.

The meeting was funny. When they asked me to do it they said it would be about 10 to 15 people. And that was fine. But when I got there today it was only one person. Well the one person and the person running the meeting. I don't know what happened but it was funny to me. Like I still had a good time and it was nice to talk to them both butt they spent $300 a night for this hotel for me. And they flew me across the country. And it was only one person. We could have done this over Skype guys. Like I'm not going to turn down what has been a really nice couple days but it was just pretty funny.

I told you my story. I told him about my art and my history. Medication and trials and errors. Insurance issues and finding a doctor. All the scary parts that go around being a patient. Even though it was only the one person I was talking to I really hope that my story can be impactful enough that she will really understand when she's out trying to get doctors to carry this medication and to prescribe it to people that it's a big deal. And financially it's a lot. That just because it works doesn't mean that everyone can take it. It's not just about filling a prescription with this kind of thing. There's a lot that goes into it.

But it was a really nice hour. I was there until about 1 and then I went to call the car and head to my next thing. It was funny while I was sitting outside waiting for the car a guy walked past me and told me it was too cold for me to be sitting out there. And I'm not going to deny it wasn't chilly. But it was still about 55°. It was funny people were walking around and basically winter coats. And I had a sweater and a jacket on. I didn't even have double tights on! It was beautiful. Californians art week.

I took the lift up to the Thousand Oaks Mall. According to the internet there is a branch of the California Art Museum there. Cool. I decided to just wander the mall for a while first. It's a nice small. Have an indoor and outdoor apart. Lots of pretty fountains. I walked around the Disney Store and I'll look for new shoes. Because the shoes I wore are killing my feet. They will not be travel shoes ever again. I didn't have any luck with shoes but I was enjoying just walking around. And then finally I found the branch of the museum. Was to galleries. Except they were closed for a private event. Awesome. I was pretty dejected. This was now the third thing I had been to today that was closed. I went and sat down and called James. I just needed to talk out my feelings because I was feeling stupid.

He made me feel better though. I think I was starting to feel like other people were going to think I wasted my trip. Like I didn't go to the beach and I didn't see a ton of things. But I don't actually feel bad. I had a great time. I walked around. I cried at mountains. I bought little Trinkets and got to see a bunch of antique stores. I decided while we we're talkin that I would go back to the gardens of the world. It said it would be open to the public again at 1. And it was about 2:30. So that's what I did.

First though I decided to buy myself a present. I know it's just a couple days after my birthday and I said I would stop by myself things but I was a little upset and I bought myself a stuffed lion from the Japanese store. And I love him so much. He's so soft and he's slightly under-filled. He's just perfect. So I don't feel bad about my purchase at all. He's great. His name is Daniel.

Once I bought my lion I wandered out of the mall in search of the Goodwill that I read was on the other side of the mom. I did find it. It was a pretty good Goodwill but I didn't find anything I wanted. I was mostly looking at shoes anyway. There was a very cute bear shaped rocking horse and a small Hello Kitty car for toddlers. But I wanted to get to the gardens. And they were only open till 5. I didn't know how big they were and I didn't want to feel rushed so I called a car.

This is the first time ever I had that was chatty. He was really nice and asked me all about my life story. And we talked all the way until we got to the gardens and then dropped me off. It was nice.

The gardens were beautiful. Free to the public. Privately owned by an elderly couple. They had apparently owned a travel agency and when they sold it they decided to take their millions of dollars and open this 44-acre public garden. It was amazing. Completely privately funded.

I wasn't sure if I was allowed to take pictures. There are a couple signs that said stuff about like photographers and that you need a permit but I wasn't sure if they were talking about like pictures of people like wedding photos and then I saw one sign that said something about cell phones but I was confused so I only took a couple pictures on the down low. Just in case. It was mostly empty. A couple small groups besides me. I walked the whole ground and it was beautiful. There was a section that look like an English garden and one that looks like an Italian Villa with Italian cypresses in a fountain. Lots of fountains. Each little cultural section had a water feature. The Japanese pagoda was really pretty and it was just so nice. I walked it twice. The first time around just kind of sneaking pictures of my Furby and enjoying the quiet. It was a little cooler and clouds were rolling in but it was still very nice. I got to see a lemon growing on a tree for the first time in my entire life. That was really cool. And then I found a volunteer. He was a really nice guy. I asked him to tell me all about the gardens and he did and then I told him where I was from and got to tell him about ships and he turned out to be a volunteer at the Reagan Library. So that was cool meeting another Museum professional. And so I walked it one more time and really enjoyed myself. And then I headed out. I wanted to see what else I could do with my day.

When I had left from the gardens the first time I had made a left. So this time I made a right I walked and walked and then I was just too tired to walk anymore. And I really lucked out because as soon as I call the car it started to drizzle. And then it started to rain. Thankfully I was right next to a Starbucks and they had an umbrella outside so I didn't get all wet. And my driver was very fast. But I got in the car and it started pouring.

I have the car take me up to the Target. And the rain had started to Peter out by then. But it went into Target and I found some sneakers. They have memory foam insoles. And they're very comfy. I also got a juice that is fine but kind of grassy tasting. And then we just walked around the shopping center. I went and all the little stores. Enjoyed the scenery. I was kind of on the top of a hill and I could see the mountains on all the sides and it was just so pretty. I don't know what it is about the mountains here but they make me want to cry when I stare at them for too long. I just find them so beautiful. It's different than the ocean which causes a different reaction in me. If I had another day I would probably try to get out to one of the mountains again like I did last time I was here. But It's okay that I didn't do that this time. I'm a little too sore from all the other walking I did to get lost in the mountains where I can't call a car when I run out of steam.

I just had to get something to eat and was a little frustrated because I couldn't find just like a grilled cheese sandwich anywhere. But I ended up at a brewery in the shopping center that was really cool on the inside. I liked the big silver Brewing machine things. And the food was good. My waitress was really nice. And I just listen to my podcast and enjoyed myself.

It was really running out of steam though. I thought the food would help but it didn't pick me up as much as I was hoping. I was a little disappointed in myself because I had tried to find the postcards or something to give as gifts to people. And I just completely failed. I couldn't find anywhere that sold anything like that. Thousand Oaks isn't really a tourist destinations they only have anyting. And so I kind of wandered around the shops longer to try to see if I can find anything similar to that. But I didn't have any luck. I'm hoping maybe tomorrow at the airport I can find a couple things but I'm not holding out hope. Because I have assumed it's going to be incredibly expensive if I can find anything at all. We'll see. I was trying not to be too hard on myself though. No one's going to be mad at me. Even though I'm afraid that they will be.

But like I said I was getting really tired. I went back to the Target one more time just to see if I can maybe find any California type stuff there but like I said Thousand Oaks isn't really a tourist place so no luck. I tried on a sweater and then I just decided it was time to go back to the hotel. I caught a car and then I got back and I was very happy to be here.

I ran a bath and I'm packed my bag. Started packing my actual suitcase bag. I might have to use both backpacks. I haven't exactly figured out that part yet. But I'm not that concerned. My bath was really nice. I got a bloody nose while I was in there but it wasn't too bad. Mostly just surprised me. Put away things and put my outfit out for tomorrow. I packed what I could. Put all my receipts in one bag. And now I'm just kind of sitting here and watching videos. I'm going to go to sleep soon though. I'm really tired and I got to wake up early to get the ride to the airport. They're coming to pick me up at I think 8:15. My flight is in two parts. I think I'm flying to Chicago and then from Chicago to Baltimore. I'm not positive it's Chicago though. Wherever it is I have an hour and a half there so I get to at least get a snack if not dinner. It's going to be a long day though. I don't get back to Baltimore until about 10 p.m. and then I work Friday morning at 9 at ships. So that's like a whole thing. Pussy town Much sleep I can get on the airplane but I'm not holding out hope. I hope you guys all have a great night. Wish me luck tomorrow. It's going to be a long travel day. I'm really excited to be in the same city as my boyfriend and my cat. Though I am a little sad I missed the snow storm today I'm glad that it's not going to affect my flight tomorrow. I hope it's just a really nice day. Sleep well everyone.